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#I’m very mad about this
madzillus · 4 months
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Everyone’s fave one brain cell duo 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹
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luckthebard · 8 months
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I don’t know why this is something we apparently need to re-explain to parts of the CR fandom every few years, but if I see one more post that implies that the way Samuel Oscar Riegel is approaching his character’s faith journey is “culturally Christian” I’m gonna McFucking lose it.
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sarcastic-clapping · 2 years
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already seeing people who clearly don’t understand that a lot of us who are upset about what happened to marwa in this episode aren’t upset about the characters’ in-universe morality but the real life misogyny and racism in the way that this plot was handled lol
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mattodore · 2 months
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somehow managed to make matthias look even more bitchy
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cotgar2 · 2 years
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Shoutout to the period of time my brain went through fist fighting 5 hyperfixations at once
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Passing over the assorted Pokémon brainrot drawings that came out of that fight
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idolomantises · 1 year
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I think I’m gonna discuss this once and hopefully never have to bring it up again. Originally I wanted to talk about it on Twitter but people are very disrespectful when it comes to mental health so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Basically, I haven’t been doing so great, mentally. Nothing bad has happened to me, I’m safe and surrounded by people I care about, and it’s been like that for months. I just, I haven’t been feeling good.
For people who do follow me on accounts like Twitter and Instagram, you may have noticed I haven’t posted anything new since January. I was struggling to feel motivated to make something for my main accounts despite having countless ideas I’d love to work on. I feel better now and do plan on getting something done in March, but that sudden lack of motivation is pretty rare for me. Art is not only my job but a big hobby for me, I just love drawing. I did get some nsfw art done at least.
I don’t know what really prompted my mental health decline, I’ve been getting a few worried messages and fanart because someone insulted my art. But that didn’t hurt me at all, it actually boosted my account and patreon.
I guess I just… got sad?
I have a really bad tendency to suppress and even ignore my trauma and feelings of guilt. And I guess one day I really sat with my thoughts and I just, lost it I guess. I have so much traumatic memories and sudden and intense feelings of self loathing, something I’ve never felt in almost a decade, that it got overwhelming. I couldn’t reassure myself, I couldn’t really talk to anyone about it because how do you confront things that happened years ago? You feel almost irrational. It’s just memories that haunt you, it’s nothing physical or tangible and yet it’s a crushing feeling of anxiety, self hatred and resentment.
I was crying almost every day, and crying so much that my eyes kept hurting long after I was done, and I could barely see my own screen. I’ve had paranoid thoughts about myself and others, thoughts I can’t get into because they’re so deeply irrational. I was feeling suicidal urges and thoughts of self harm. I don’t see myself doing it, but it’s so frequent and overwhelming it’s like I’m already planning my suicide note.
I was talking to my therapist about it, that I was starting to hate being alive. That I hated living. That I could spend the next 50 years of my life with no more conflict or trauma and I’d still be in intense misery and turmoil. They’re feelings I couldn’t really bring myself to tell friends about because what could they say? How do you calm yourself down and reassure yourself. I can’t even talk about my trauma verbally without crying. And it’s funny because sometimes minor irks started to affect me negatively. I was feeling anxious about what to draw because I didn’t want to do deal with homophobic backlash.
I went to a therapist, I talked to friends, Ive been working out more and eating better, I did everything I should do to improve my mental health and all of a sudden a single night just sitting in my room destroyed everything I was slowly building up over the past 5 years.
It’s been really difficult for me. I think also, I just felt so much guilt over not being the best person I could be. I decided to lessen my online usage, not just for my mental health but because I really wanted to work on being a better person. I want to stop hating myself and letting my trauma push me down and I want to do just be better and do better as a person. A lot of people have been very forgiving and kind to me but I don’t feel like it’s enough and I want to do more and I want to feel better about myself. I want to give everything I can to people around me. I’ve been going to therapy a lot more lately and things are getting better for me, but it’s been a very slow process.
I just want to repeat that nothing serious has happened to me. Nobody attacked me in a way that negatively affected my health. A lot of people, friends and strangers have been really nice to me these past few months. I just was doing a lot of self reflecting and unintentionally forced myself to confront a lot of my trauma. I’m saying trauma a lot. I don’t want to get into depth about what I endured because it’s my business but people who do know me know how bad things were for me. I don’t want to feel like that again. I want to feel better, and I want to do better.
Sorry for the long read. That’s just how I feel.
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undead-puppetry · 11 months
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I’ve just finished a mostly side by side reread and rewatch of His Dark Materials, and while like most stories the books are much better, I actually really love both versions of Mrs Coulter. While they both fill the same role and get mostly the same end results, they’re fairly different, but sort of mirror each other in a really interesting way.
Book Mrs Coulter is the much more charismatic of the two. She’s often described as having a very sweet and melodic voice, and having a beautiful smile, and she wins people over so quickly. She coasts through the books much easier than her tv counterpart because she has just about everyone wrapped around her little finger, completely enamoured with her. Lyra spends much more time thinking she hung the moon, Iofur Raknison thinks she’s wonderful enough to name his capital after her, and even Will logically knows she’s a bad person (when he finds her keeping Lyra in a drugged sleep), but still deep down wants to go back to her and be near her. She even personally kidnaps a number of children in Northern Lights just by being charming and seeming trustworthy.
It’s her dæmon who betrays who she really is underneath the sweet exterior. The golden monkey is a much darker presence in the books: callous and cold and always just on the verge of attacking. Being unnamed makes him feel like much more of a threat than most dæmons. He’s very representative of her: book Mrs Coulter is incredibly lacking in empathy, and is for the most part motivated by her ambitions rather than her emotions. She embraces this, and so she and her dæmon are much more of a united front.
Tv Mrs Coulter on the other hand is incredibly emotional. She plays at being detached and aloof and is desperately ashamed of her emotions, but she has them. While both versions are dedicated to the Magisterium at the start and believe their lies, she’s the one who got the much bigger serve of catholic guilt (guaranteed to Fuck You Right Up). Tv Mrs Coulter is still incredibly ambitious, but she’s also been made to feel like as a woman she’s tainted by feelings and emotions and the only way to be worth anything (like all the powerful men) is to detach herself from her humanity. But like her novel counterpart, her dæmon betrays her. He’s her humanity, and her heart, and so she treats him horribly. She hits him, kicks him, slaps his hand away because she’s denying that part of herself. The golden monkey being nameless is just another way she denies the good parts of herself. She’s able to separate from him because she rejects him.
And because of the almost inverse way you have lovely Mrs Coulter/threatening golden monkey and threatening Mrs Coulter/lovely golden monkey, they have such different approaches to things as a result.
Novel Mrs Coulter relies almost entirely on her charisma to get the job done. She charms, she lies, she puts on a performance, and people give her what she wants. Even when she’s being honest she’s still lying and manipulating, like when she meets Will in the Amber Spyglass, or when she’s later in that book trying to convince Asriel’s council that she should be allowed to stay. Asriel narrates that section and I believe he’s biased when he thinks her entire speech is a lie (he doesn’t see the value in Lyra, therefore she has no value, and therefore claiming she has value must be a lie), but she is certainly putting on a performance, playing it up and being manipulative with her love for her daughter.
Tv Mrs Coulter isn’t so detached, and her shame makes her cruel. She has to fight for much of what her novel counterpart is handed on a silver platter, and her threats are much more frequent and explicit. She can be charming and manipulative, but she’s not quite as good at it, and so she has to resort to darker measures. She tears through Jordan with her guards out of anger, chokes the nurse at Bolvangar. Novel Mrs Coulter is perfectly capable of all that (like breaking the captured witch’s fingers in a rage), but it takes more to work her up to the point where she lets the mask drop.
They both love Lyra, but with novel Mrs Coulter it’s like a tiny mustard seed of love takes root and sprouts in her cold heart to become a bigger motivation than ambition, whereas for tv Mrs Coulter it’s a force so strong she can’t deny it, as much as she tries to, and it overwhelms her. It’s also interesting to note the ‘like mother like daughter’ aspect: novel Lyra is a charismatic liar like her mother, and tv Lyra is much more emotional and often angry like her mother.
And yeah, it’s just all so interesting. You’ve got novel Mrs Coulter persuading the spectres to help her, and you’ve got tv Mrs Coulter turning off her humanity and bending them to her will. You’ve got novel Mrs Coulter lying to Metatron with her entire life, and you’ve got tv Mrs Coulter begging him to be free of her love. Both end in the same place (Lena Feldt’s dæmon being consumed, and Metatron being betrayed and destroyed), but the journeys there run just parallel and are great both ways, and even with the differences they’re in the end still strong willed mothers who love their daughters beyond anything they thought they were capable of. I love reading novel scenes like Mrs Coulter turning straight to look Lena in the eyes (through her near invisibility), and I love watching tv scenes like Mrs Coulter wondering who she could have been in our world (on the surface just as a respected member of the STEM community, but also with less of the religious shame). Both versions are So Endlessly Interesting, and this post is only a small fraction of how much I want to gush about her. No matter what universe or medium, Mrs Coulter is a force of nature and I’m completely obsessed
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waiting-so-long · 12 days
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I literally get so fucking mean when I’m overwhelmed and there’s a lot noise around (probably a sign of some undiagnosed something but alas) and I just KNOW Ghost is, or used to be, the same way
Like I imagine now, with years of training and literal torture he’s learned how to just not let it bother him for the most part.
But I’m sure there are days where he still has that same reaction.
Like now, when he’s just at home, and the sink won’t stop dripping, and his fuckass neighbor decides to mow the lawn at 9 o’clock at night on a Tuesday, y’know like a fucking psycho, and he swears the tv is still squealing despite him unplugging it from the wall completely, so when Soap calls him all excited telling him that he finally got a chance to sit down and focus on the art study he’s been working towards and he really thinks he mastered it, ghost, like ye should see how much he’s improved since the last tim-
And Simon just yells into the phone “FUCK d’ya ever take a breath?! We’ve been on the phone for 10 bloody minutes and you’ve been blabbin on the whole time! Y’think I care that ‘fungus’ blue and ‘piss’ yellow make ‘baby-shite’ green? Jesus, MacTavish. Just shut up for once, will ya!”
The guilt and regret are instantaneous, as the silence on the other line stretches on for an eternity. Simon feels his throat close up, his words ringing in his ears, the echo sounding just like his father all those years ago.
He already swears he can’t breathe, terrified if he does he’ll say something else he can never take back, but the last of his air is knocked out when Johnny’s voice comes through the phone, more quiet and gentle than Ghost ever thought possible.
“Are ye okay, Simon?”
“No.”
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stuckinapril · 1 month
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#I’m only very rarely inclined to get this intimate w my thoughts so I might as well say it NOW butttt I will never not see the dead children#In everything I do#Like legit#I’ve read up on Hind so extensively and seen so many photos of her#And I have a very healthy relationship w the popular Palestinian journalists so she’s not my blorbo or anything#But hearing that memo destroyed me bc bisan is only 23 and she seemed so vivacious#Idk like I do normal people things I can’t just pause on my life#But idk how it feels like to sit at a boba place and enjoy my pearl milk tea w my friends#While the horrors over there don’t just lurk the back of my mind. I do normal things and I’m guilty for having the luxury#And as an Iraqi girl I’m living in the literal ideal timeline#Where my mom decided to immigrate to the us and that’s why I’m here living a normal life like everyone else#It’s like in a different world if I were born in a different time it could’ve so easily been me. I’m one of the Lucky Ones idk#It’s not survivor’s guilt bc it’s not like I had to survive anything like I never had the chance to live in Iraq or anything#But like. If some things had fallen just a little differently#And I keep thinking about how I’d feel if it were happening to Iraq and people behaved the way they’re doing to Palestinians#I’d be so mad#And some people on here are dealing w assholes while bursting at the seams w grief#For losing their loved ones#This is why I’m so fucking angry at anyone who’s complicit#This was a major tangent but basically I feel weird about doing normal things now while simultaneously knowing I can’t just sit and wallow#And watch life pass by as if it’ll do anything#Misery is not a home but I’m struggling to be 100% normal#And I think that this tonal dissonance is reflecting on my blog too bc I can’t go back to just#Posting about all the other normal things I used to. Like I want to but sometimes I feel off.#Is this anything. I haven’t slept all night#I can’t just allow myself to lose interest in everything I used to like and be and just fade away but maybe it’s about accepting that this#Will also always be a part of me now. It’s that awareness that shadows everything I do#or maybe I need a therapist it’s a toss up#I’ll probably feel better once I get my day started but this was cathartic to voice I think#p
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candyheartedchy · 1 month
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So uh… I might end up with a live action f/o…
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arodabi · 11 months
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Ppl will be like: this character is implied arospec
Bro the character is literally holding the aro flag rn
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luciferthelesbian · 5 months
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Finished Invincible in a week, and I still don’t understand the hate the fandom has toward Amber. Other than… y’know, blatant racism.
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halfelven · 5 months
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i actually literally do not care if tolkien ever wrote in drafts* that elves are seven feet tall and stronger than humans bc it does not match up to his stories. like saeros being scared bc Túrin was stronger than elves and aragorn and boromir bragging about how strong men are in the snow. if legolas is stronger + taller why isn’t he digging them out? elves having lighter weapons and boats. elves not putting men in their tree houses but being okay with the hobbits bc they aren’t scared of them. why would elves need to hide if they’re stronger + have magic? why is the dragon-helm to heavy for them? why is aragorn the tallest of the company if legolas is seven feet tall? how could nienor disguise as an elf?
for one thing it’s boring to have them be both magical and also stronger but also so many of his stories just fall apart. there are entire plots that rely on elves being not as strong as Men. elves of varying heights has always been interesting to me with some reaching ten feet and some under five feet. and average elf soldier being stronger than average not soldier human is fine too but elves have super human strength is just not something that holds out against plots
like i do not care dungeons and dragons** can do whatever they want but from my encounters with folk tales elves being not as strong as Men is very on point and tolkien’s stories literally fall apart without it. not to say elves are weak. just to say aragorn is stronger + taller than legolas any way i’ve ever looked at the story. and i think elves stronger + taller and also having magic is just boring and i refuse to go by it. have all elves be seven feet tall in your stories or whatever. i will continue with my version bc i can’t make sense of tolkien’s stories without it and elves need a weakness for interesting points and to make the plot work
which is to say i don’t want to have to keep saying this in the fanfic i write you are not more right than i am and tolkien can say whatever he wants he wrote a structure into his stories i will keep in mine for Interest
*haven’t been able to pinpoint where this motion is from
**no idea if elves being taller and stronger is a thing from dnd bc i don’t know it but i see it pop up in some video games
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transtarks · 8 months
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sometimes you really just have to believe that certain things will work. like taking magnesium to sleep better. like stretching in the morning to help your body hurt less. like eating fruit in the sun. like going on a walk when you don’t feel good. like asking someone for a hug even when you feel weird about it. sometimes it helps if you just tell yourself it does.
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astarionposting · 7 months
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Kind of wish there was a dialogue option to beat this dude’s ass
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ghostiesandghoulss · 1 year
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Thinking about her (Mad Max: Fury Road 2015)
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