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sa-gt-tarrius · 2 years

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Thank you anon for oiling my brain gears……. I call this the Rattatiniest Tourneybout

Credit for the Ratattorney AU goes to @spirit-small I hope you’re ok with me posting this dvsksvsk

Maya was careful to avoid eye contact with random passerby as she sped down the courthouse hallway. Snatching a not-guilty verdict from the jaws of defeat had taken a lot out of her, and she hadn’t gotten the chance to speak with Phoenix since the verdict was handed down.

So there she was, searching for a secluded place to speak with the borrower currently perched on her shoulder. It was too dangerous to converse in the open, after all—especially with so many prying eyes around. Hidden behind Maya’s locks of hair, the man’s tiny hands gripped her robes for balance. He remained silent as Maya continued speed-walking.

A sign pointing to the courthouse bathrooms caught her eye. She turned the corner, ignoring a nearby bailiff, and shoved herself into the farthest stall from the door. It was hardly the perfect place to chat, but it was safer than anyplace else and would suffice for the moment.

“Nice job out there, Maya!” Phoenix whispered a quiet cheer into Maya’s ear. He grasped her robes to keep himself steady, which only slightly offset his excited bouncing. “I thought we were done for, but you really pulled through.”

“I don’t know how lawyers do this full-time,” Maya sighed, collapsing onto the closed toilet seat. She reached behind her ear, holding her hand flat for Phoenix to step onto. “But it’s worth it, you know? I think our client was about to cry tears of joy.”

When she retracted her hand, Phoenix stood atop it, grinning widely. His face was flushed from embarrassment and adrenaline, but his eyes glimmered with pride nonetheless. “Yeah… we did great today. Burgers to celebrate?”

“You read my mind.” Maya fumbled for her cellphone. “Maybe Edgeworth wants to come with us!”

Phoenix shook his head and laughed. “No way he wants to buy you food after losing so badly.”

“He can’t say no to this face,” Maya replied with a cheeky grin. She began punching Miles Edgeworth’s phone number into the keypad, wondering what kind of burger she should order. The phone rang twice before someone picked up. “Hey, Edgeworth! Wanna meet us in the lobby for burgers?”

“Miss Fey,” Miles hissed from the other end, ignoring her question and sounding incredibly irate all of a sudden. Perhaps he was upset about losing the trial? “Tell me… has Wright suffered any major head injuries recently?”

Maya glanced down at Phoenix, who shrugged in reply. “Uh, no,” she told Miles. “Not that I know of.”

“Then could you explain to me,” Miles continued, every word laced with fury and anger, “why I found him wandering in the open? In the lobby, no less?”

“Huh?” Maya scratched her head, as if it would help her figure out what the hell Miles was talking about. From his spot on her palm, Phoenix appeared to be just as confused as she was. He could only offer a puzzled stare. “Nick knows better than that,” Maya said slowly. “He wouldn’t—”

Miles cut her off, his words rising in pitch until his voice cracked. “Well, he did! He was almost found by Payne of all people, and I shudder to think how that could have gone!” He sucked in a sharp breath, evidently trying to calm himself down. “Come to the lobby. I have Wright with me and I’m taking you both home. Now.”

With no further fanfare or explanation, the line went dead. Miles had hung up on them. Maya stared at the phone with a puzzled expression before turning her attention back to Phoenix. “Huh? Edgeworth has… you?”

Phoenix simply shrugged again.

***

When Maya returned to the lobby, Miles was silent at first. He simply motioned for the girl to follow him to the parking lot, and although his face remained carefully blank, there was a wild panic in his eyes that betrayed how he really felt. Maya trailed him without complaint, and they stayed silent until they were in the safety of Miles’ car.

That’s when hell broke loose.

“You’ve spoken to me at length about the importance of staying hidden,” Miles growled, slamming his hands hard onto the steering wheel. “I took great care in keeping your existence a secret from the courts. I’ve overlooked countless crimes just so you can practice law!”

Maya winced at the volume. She stuck a finger into her ear and scowled. “Edgeworth, what—”

“You could have gotten Miss Fey into serious trouble, you know. You could have gotten her arrested! What happened to being careful?!”

At first, Maya had been annoyed at being yelled at for seemingly no reason, but seeing Miles in his half-angry, half-panicked state was strangely fascinating . He never once looked at her (or even in Phoenix’s general direction, although he was still hidden behind her hair). In fact, he never once looked up—his gaze was kept locked downwards, avoiding both Maya’s and Phoenix’s eyes.

How curious.

Apparently, though, Phoenix had already heard enough. He jumped off Maya’s shoulder, landing on her knee with a soft thud. “Edgeworth, what do you take me for? Of course I’m careful.” Miles flinched a bit, blinking at Phoenix with buggy eyes. Phoenix simply folded his arms and curled an eyebrow, unimpressed and annoyed with Miles’ odd behaviour. “Maya was with me all day. I wasn't by myself for a second.”

“But… We… But y—you were…” Miles devolved into incoherent sputters, glancing between Phoenix and Maya rapidly. It seemed like it was the prosecutor’s turn to be utterly confused. “B—but we were… just…”

“Edgeworth,” Maya pressed, taking advantage of the quiet to speak up. “What’s going on? Why are you being so weird?”

Miles didn’t answer her. His lips pressed into a thin line, and he once again fixed his gaze downwards. “…Is every borrower named Phoenix Wright?” he breathed, his voice strangled.

“What’s a borrower?” a faint new voice asked nervously, and to Maya’s surprise, something in Miles’ breast pocket began to shift and squirm. He wasn’t talking to Maya. He was talking to his pocket. Or at least, whatever was inside it.

Miles scowled. “What do you mean, what’s a borrower? And how do you know my name if you’re not Wright?!”

Phoenix let his arms fall limply to his sides. He climbed around the stickshift and onto Miles’ leg, cocking his head at the new presence in the car. Maya shifted around so she could face Miles fully. They both looked on with varying degrees of uncertainty.

“I—I… I’m sorry, I’m just a bit confused,” the new voice continued, stammering over its words. “Why are we at the courthouse? Did I fall asleep?”

“Edgeworth,” Phoenix said suddenly, looking rather grim. “I think you kidnapped a borrower.”

“But he’s you!” Miles shouted. It took all of Maya’s effort not to wince from the volume spike. “I’m not blind, I wouldn’t just kidnap a random borrower!”

“Let him out,” Phoenix said simply. “I’ll handle this.”

Miles tried to protest, but gave up halfway through a sputtered first word when Phoenix shot him a look. Hesitantly, he reached a hand into his pocket. He carefully gathered up a mess of blue limbs—a tiny person—and set them down in his lap. Phoenix gasped sharply, and Maya found herself gaping like a fish.

Miles wasn’t kidding—the resemblance was uncanny.

The borrower’s hair jutted backwards, seemingly sharp to the touch, and his suit was crisp and well-pressed—not to mention expertly made. But other than that, the little man fumbling for a foothold atop Miles’ leg was eerily similar to Phoenix. Even their heterochromatic eyes were identical—brown and blue, and wide as saucers.

The strange borrower didn’t fully register Phoenix’s presence until he’d accidentally stumbled and fallen forwards, collapsing into Phoenix’s chest and sending them both sprawling onto the nearby armrest. “Crap,” the man whispered apologetically, fumbling for something to hold onto. “I’m so sorry. Did I hurt you?”

Phoenix blinked rapidly, alternating his bewildered gaze between the new borrower and a rather helpless-looking Miles. “I’m fine,” he eventually settled on saying, shoving the man off his chest and rising to his feet. He paced around the spot the other man sat, gripping his forehead with his hand. “You’re… You’re a…”

“I can’t believe that stupid machine zapped another person. If the doctor wasn’t already dead, I would have killed him myself.” The borrower shakily rose to a stand, focusing more on steadying himself than anything else. “And when we get back to normal, I’m throwing that piece of junk into a volcano.”

Doctor? Machine? Maya was beginning to wonder if the borrower had hit his head at some point.

“My name is Phoenix Wright,” he continued, brushing dust off his suit and turning to face Phoenix for an introduction. He stuck his hand out and finally looked at Phoenix’s face.

“What about you? What’s your—n–ngh?!”

The man suddenly choked on his tongue, his eyes bugging out comically. It seemed that he finally realized what everyone else had already noticed. “Y—you’re me!” he shouted, pointing an accusatory finger in Phoenix’s direction. “What the hell?! You’re… y—you’re me!”

“That’s what we’ve been saying,” Maya said carefully, her face scrunched up in confusion. “Who are you? Are you a borrower, too?”

The answer to Maya’s question was the borrower promptly passing out where he stood.

#this kinda got away from me. it was supposed to be a oneshot but this is only half of what I’ve written so far #might post the rest eventually #giant/tiny #g/t #giant tiny #gt #mywriting #the rattatiniest tourneybout #I’m so proud of the name dksgksgs

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