#I’m loving all the angst we’ve gotten from this arc
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one last time
Nanami Kento/Fem!Reader
summary: you had been true to your word, your next mission had been your last. now he's following your lead.
just not in the way either of you had intended for this plan to come to fruition.
word count: 1.2k
warnings: established relationship, discussion of family planning, this is angst but not really but really, character death :(, season 2/shibuya arc spoilers,
Planning for the future was difficult and rarely done as a jujutsu sorcerer. Mainly because you never knew what challenge the next day would bring, this was why he tried his best to avoid talks of the future. He knew too many people who had planned their future yet didn’t get to see the day it came to fruition, or who had their entire plan derailed by the way their career shifted that the future they once hoped for was so out of reach it wasn’t worth trying for. He didn’t want to be like those people, didn’t want to let the one person he loved most down by not being able to deliver on a plan, so he tried not to look too far ahead. A couple months, a vague retirement goal, nothing too extravagant or detailed.
But then the plan was made, a plan that would come with specific details and milestones and events to look forward to. A plan that would change his life. A plan that he was immediately dead set on seeing to fruition because you’d asked for it.
“Kento,” you’d started, waiting until he looked up from your leg that he’s bandaging to your face to continue. You had a request to make, and he was already preparing to run to the store for more bath salts to soothe your likely aching joints. “I think this next mission will be my last one.”
That wasn’t what he was expecting. Not even close, you loved being a sorcerer, the thought of you wanting to leave doesn’t make sense. So he asks the million dollar question, trying to keep his voice level as he asks,“Why’s that?”
“Because I want it to be.” It sounds so simple, but he knows there’s more that you want to say. “We’ve been married for two years, yeah?”
“On the seventh.”
“On the seventh,” you parrot his response, a smile on your face that he loves seeing. Warm and inviting and everything that he’d fallen in love with. “We’ve been dancing around family planning, and I think I’m ready to take that step but I’ve gotta retire first.”
There they were, the plans for the future he tried not to make. But looking at you, watching as you pulled out one of his hairs that had gotten caught in the diamond ring on your finger, he knew that you’d follow through. He knew that he’d follow through for you, because all he wanted was to see you happy. And he did want it all too; the nice house, beautiful children and perhaps a dog or two to fill it - he wanted all of that with you. He was going to give that to you.
“This next mission is my last.” You repeat your earlier statement, cupping his cheeks to bring him in for a kiss. “Then I’ll be taking care of you and the house. Get all the practice I can get as a housewife.”
“We’ll need other practice as well. I hear that conception can be quite particular with timing and position.” Then he’s lifting you off the counter, being mindful of the injury to your thigh as he carried you out and to the bedroom to carefully deposit you onto the bed. “Might as well start now, right?”
You had been true to your word, your next mission had been your last.
He’d taken to tending to your clothes; finding the old picture you’d kept in your pocket a little worse for wear after years of duty providing you comfort in times of uncertainty and leaving the faded, torn, and slightly bloodstained image atop the dresser. Your clothes had also been washed and neatly tucked away into the back of the closet, you wouldn’t be needing them anymore but he couldn’t bring himself to get rid of them either. It wasn’t his decision to make, after all, and he didn’t want to bother you with details so small. Not right now.
You’d earned your rest, and he felt immense relief now that you’d been removed from the monstrosity that was being a sorcerer. The other emotions were kept at bay as he watched you sleep, gently lifting your hand to pull your engagement ring from your finger and carefully pull away the hairs that had been caught in the stone’s setting. Once again, mostly his hair due to how often you ran your fingers through his hair when you were together. Just like your hair often ended up in the grooves of his watch or stuck to the fabric of his suits - intimacy, proximity, connection. The simple yet massive things that made your marriage as strong as it was. That, and the love you had for one another.
He knew before the nightmare in Shibuya started that he’d be leaving the jujutsu world. The work wasn’t the same without you by his side and he was tired. The goal was to see Yuuji through to finding the rest of Sukuna’s fingers, and to support the boy while they worked to defuse the time bomb inside him, but he wasn’t going to make it that far. He’d be seeing you again sooner than he thought, only he wouldn’t look as pristine as you did upon your return.
And when he thinks back on the last time he saw you, how peaceful you looked as you finally got your well deserved rest, he’s happy. What once felt so far away now feels so much closer, you feel so much closer once more. Was this how you felt, when your time approached? Were you so tired yet so determined to keep pushing, desperate to see him again? Were you accepting of your situation, knowing that he’d join you eventually?
This wasn’t the future you’d tried to plan for, it was exactly the future he’d tried to avoid, but to see you standing ankle deep in the ocean in the white sundress you’d worn when you eloped was unreal. Somewhere in the back of his fading consciousness he knows it’s not, knows you’re not standing on a beach in Malaysia. If it was really you, he’d see the scar that would’ve come to live across your clavicle after your last mission. The last time he saw you was resting peacefully in your casket, and yet he obliges when you wave him over.
“I’ve been waiting for you, Kento.” He always kept you waiting. Waiting to come back to sorcery, waiting to ask you out to dinner, to be his girlfriend, to marry him. Always waiting, always patient. You should’ve ascended to sainthood instead of burrowing a hole in his heart for how patient you were.
“I’m sorry, darling. I had work to do.” Always another mission, always another report, another mentee, and other reason why he couldn’t be there. But now there’s no reason, there’s no mission, there’s no hope for his survival. And he knows as you stand in front of him, hand outstretched and seeking his, that you’re here to guide him to that rest. To welcome him back into the arms that he’d missed so dearly, to bring him home. To take your hand would be to accept the end, but could he do it? Yuuji and the others needed him; there were innocent civilians still trapped in Shibuya, there were children fighting battles that they had minimal chance to survive, to accept his end now didn’t completely feel right.
“I suppose you did.” God, how he missed your smile. To have you smiling at him like this once again was the warmth of the sun directed right at his face, it was a blessing. “But now it’s time to rest.”
Your hands were always so soft.
#nanami kento imagine#nanami kento x reader#nanami kento angst#nanami x reader#nanami x you#kento nanami x you#kento nanami imagine#kento nanami x reader#nanami kento jjk#jjk imagines#jjk angst#jjk x you#jjk fanfic#jjk x fem!reader#jjk x y/n#jjk x reader
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Hiiii it’s meeee elsie
conflicted Elsie
Look, you know as well as I do that I love TAOCC to freaking death
but like
I may have to partially step away from it after the current arcs are over.
these goofy goobers took over my life for the last three-ish months, and while I’ve had an amazing time, it’s…caused me to neglect other parts of my life, and restrict myself more than I should when it comes to how I am on this site. I’ve stated my intention to try and branch out multiple times but I never go through with it because I just…I have things to write here! I can’t! And yeah it’s fun but sometimes I get hurt even if people don’t mean to, like, I’ve gotten legitimately ill from this once or twice.
But I feel like even trying to step away a bit is somehow abandoning all of you or betraying your trusts. I want to stay friends with you guys, but my actual life and Irlsie has to come first most of the time, because I am not JUST Elsie, if that makes any sense. Elsewhere is and was always meant to be a sona for some interaction, maybe some friendos, but nothing this…involved, because I can’t put all of my social effort onto the internet because no matter what I do, the internet is not a completely genuine place, and I’ve accepted that. There are some parts of my personality I just don’t use. You don’t really ever see calm Elsie or mental illness Elsie or sappy Elsie, maybe once or twice, and that’s intentional. This is Writing Elsie’s blog, lol, but there’s other Elsie that needs to be allowed to exist outside of the internet, and I can’t neglect her or my actual life for the sake of this.
I honestly don’t know what to do here. I love these characters on a very personal level, and have poured my heart into them, and I don’t want to straight up leave them. Even only partially separating myself seems kinda pointless because I know what happens when someone gets really behind on the lore and has to be caught up on even just a day’s events to explain why Character A looks like this now or Character B is referencing this event, etc. etc.
But there’s a point where it’s not healthy anymore. Where things reach a place where I have to admit that this can’t be my entire life anymore. And I’m not entirely sure what on earth I should do about it…
If I do somewhat step back, it’ll probably be right after the vacation arc ends. i’m gonna pour my fluff loving heart and soul into that thing, don’t you worry. But you shouldn’t expect another dungeon or something like that from me unless I have a VERY good reason and a well formulated plan. Yes, I’ll probably still engage in shippery and fluff, as well as analysis, but mostly within the bounds of characters and dynamics we’ve already established, and not much farther than that. My one exception to the “after the vacation arc” rule would probably be Yelena’s arc, because of how long things in that section tend to take, for various reasons. Yelena’s arc is barely started, and stuff takes possibly days to move even a few hours in-universe. Sooooo….yeah, I wanna finish that, I’ve put too much work into it already to just stop it.
…dang this was only supposed to be a paragraph…
…pls halp, I have no idea what to do lol.
Ok. I've read over this a couple times.
First off, I'm talking to you as L here, and not Star. I am very, very proud of you for acknowledging this and understanding that this is getting unhealthy. I think it's very smart that you dont want to neglect your yourself irl and the fact you're saying this, and saying exactly what you'll be doing, I'm really proud of it.
To give you a clear answer, if it's going to help you irl then I think stepping back is smart. Especially from the trauma and angst, because that stuff hurts a LOT and it can be really, really detrimental and negatively affect irl things. What I DONT think is that it's betraying anyone. You need to be able to put yourself and your needs first in order to be your best self, and everyone understands that you can't be on tumblr 24/7 because, well, that's really really really really unhealthy and not good. I'm really glad you're telling me about this though so I, and everyone else who sees this, knows.
TAOCC is really great but there's a LOT of heavy things on here and with everything going on, it can be super weighing and really affect people irl. I can speak from experience because honestly, I'm in a similar situation. I won't speak much about that though. It's definitely addictive and can get really really unhealthy if you let it, and honestly it's not hard to let it.
I want you to do whatever you feel is best for you, no matter what that entails. Fei and Tails and Xeya and Kumo and so many others and I love you so much and do NOT want you neglecting yourself and your life irl for this- it's meant to be entertainment, not a lifestyle.
I think it's smart to finish Yelena's Arc before partially stepping back. And I think it's even smarter to not want to do another dungeon, because that whole thing was a massive angst-fest and I think it negatively affected people more than they care to admit. Shippery and fluff and minor things is a good boundary.
I'll wrap this up now, but again, I'm in full support of this decision because I want you to be at your best. You're right, you're not just Elsie. And it's not fair for you to only be Elsie when you're so much more than that. If stepping away from tumblr will help you take care of the other parts of your life that we aren't involved in or aware of, then please do so because no part of you and your life should be sacrificed for the sake of entertainment.
Again, I'm really, really proud of you for admitting this.
Please know we'll always support you and you're super important to all of us, so don't ever feel bad for putting your needs first. Irl things should always come first.
But no matter what always remember:
WE LOVE YOU SO SO SO MUCH AND YOURE SUPER IMPORTANT AND WE WANT THE BEST FOR YOUUU ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Everything I said is applicable for everyone else reading this too. Taocc is fantastic and we love it but it shouldn't completely take over your life. It's okay to take a break or step back fully if it means the best for your health and irl life. Please remember to take care of yourselves- and everything that Elsie talked about here is FANTASTIC self care. It may be hard, but it's also the best decision she can make for herself and may be the best decision for others too.
Alright- I think I covered everything. Don't ever feel like you're betraying us Elsie- it's not betrayal, it's self care. We'll still be here for you, always. Never forget that ❤️❤️❤️
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Listen I adore limoreau they're the first new ship I've had in a long time and I know the show only has 8 eps but omg they're skipping so many important things with them wtf we should've gotten to see flashbacks of their first time where's the convo after all the angst last episode we need more development and depth. I really don't think they anticipated how popular they were gonna be not as a ship but just romance in general they thought it was gonna be like the boys where 99% of the fandom could not care less about who is dating who but this is a college show and the dynamics and potential of the ships is 1000% greater than that of the boys and I LOVE the boys but it's not that show. Also although the boys doesn't kill most of its characters I think gen v is gonna be different we're loosing at least one main the finale and more in s2
okay this post kinda got away from me and i just started rambling (probably nonsense) so please forgive me if none of this makes sense and/or sounds stupid 😭
first off, anon i COMPLETELY agree with you on the first point. like, don’t get me wrong, i’ve loved and appreciated all the limoreau scenes we’ve gotten so far but right now limoreau just feels a bit….underdeveloped ig? i’m not saying that the writers need to take three seasons to get them together (that would be torture), but it feels like there are so many loose ends left with them and i don’t see how they can tie them all up in the final episode, considering it’s supposed to be a tie-in to s4 of the boys and SO MUCH SHIT is happening.
it feels as if the writers shoved in as much limoreau content as they could into the first half of the season and then were like “alright that should be enough” like???? no? we have not seen a proper conversation between jordan and marie about the state of their relationship since, what, episode 5? and they never resolved the issue of jordan being insecure about marie wanting to be with ALL of them, not just their masc self? if the kiss in tonight’s episode is the last limoreau romantic content we get, i’ll be very disappointed bc i feel like they definitely could’ve at least wrapped up that arc in less than eight episodes.
and don’t get me started on what happened during the memory wipe. the two main characters had SEX and we don’t even get to see the build-up to how and why that happened? it’s not as if marie and jordan don’t remember, bc cate literally gave them their memory back, so it kinda feels like we missed a couple steps in this episode 😭 like, yes, the kiss was super cute and soft and adorable and yes i was kicking my feet and giggling, but at the same time it felt a bit “whoa why we going so fucking fast” bc as far as WE know, they haven’t really talked about the kiss or the sex. like, i feel robbed a little bit bc this is supposed to be like THE main couple 😭
i also think you might be onto something with the writers not anticipating how popular limoreau bc the boys (while they do have some beautiful ships kimchie ily) is not exactly a ship/romance-heavy show and ig they expected the audience to take after the boys?? idk if that makes sense but 🤷🏼♀️
as for gen v having major characters killed off, i kinda agree, i kinda don’t. i think mostly bc they’ve already killed off two major characters (luke, who i am counting even though he was alive for 1 ep bc his death was a MAJOR plot twist bc he was literally being promoted as a main/lead character, and indira) and then they also killed off dr. cardosa, so i’d say the kill count is pretty high already. i think the characters most likely to die are andre or cate (or andre’s dad but idk if i’d consider him a major death.)
i think marie and jordan are probably the safest of the main characters (KNOCK ON WOOD!!!!!!) and should they survive this season (god willing!!!!) i think they will remain safe, if not safer. limoreau are the biggest draw (for newer viewers who haven’t seen the boys at least) to the show right now in my opinion. almost everyone i encounter who likes this show got into it because of jordan and marie. i got into it bc of jordan and marie. i don’t think it’d be smart of them to kill off their most popular characters (at least, i really really hope they’re smart enough NOT to do that) so (again, KNOCK ON WOOD!!!!!!!) i think they are safe.
cate could go one of three ways i think; 1, she lives and ends up going full villain/anti-hero arc (which works well with the theory that marie is gonna blow off cate’s hands so she can’t use her power); 2, she has a whole redemption arc where she sacrifices herself for the group; and 3, (this one seems the most far-fetched to me idk if they would actually go this route) cate dies and becomes a martyr or symbol of the entire supes lives matter thing or whatever it’s called. either way, cate is going to go through some deep deep shit in the finale.
ppl have been saying emma and sam kinda have death trope written all over them, but idk i just don’t see it. i could MAYBE see one of them dying, but also not bc apparently there was a scene from one of the promo trailers of emma in the woods as a prisoner and considering this hasn’t happened yet, i’m thinking maybe it could be a cliffhanger for the end of the episode into season 2? as for sam, i honestly have no idea what the writers have planned for him. personally, i think it would be cruel to kill him off after what he experienced in the woods, not to mention his brother already is dead so it’d be kinda fucked up to kill both riordan brothers but 🤷🏼♀️ anything can happen in this show
as for andre, i hate to say it, but he’s kinda useless. he’s probably the weakest supe of the group if i had to pick one and i could definitely see andre dying being used as a way to either solidify cate’s villain arc or like, shock some sense into her(?) bringing her back to the good side, idk 🤷🏼♀️ plus there’s the whole controversy with chance, so unless andre survives and they decide to recast him, i really wouldn’t be that sorry to see him go. also, i think his dad is almost for sure dying, my main question is what the hell happened to him and how did he die bc that was random as hell.
i really just hope limoreau and cate survive, they’re probably the most interesting characters in this entire show (i may be a bit biased but it’s fiiine), plus the actors are so so so great, it’d be such a shame to lose them. i’m a little ambivalent on sam and emma, but i don’t really WANT them to die, and with andre, i kinda just don’t care for reasons explained above.
honestly, i think if they kill off another main character this season, it might lessen the chances of killing off another main character in the second season (unless they add more characters to the main cast), and if they end up surviving all the main characters, someone is def getting killed in s2, idk if it’ll be both, but again, anything can happen in this universe so i guess we’ll have to see 🤷🏼♀️
#i really don’t know if ANY of this makes sense bc it’s 5am and i kinda just wrote down my thoughts#and i’m not that smart either so 😭#this was just me ranting about limoreau for a solid four to five paragraphs and then theorizing who is gonna die in the finale#gen v#gen v rambles#marie moreau#jordan li#limoreau#cate dunlap#andre anderson#emma meyer#sam riordan#dean shetty#indira shetty#luke riordan#gen v spoilers#gen v theories
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WAS THE FUNDY APOLOGY LORE GOOD?
okay so I’ve already posted this on twitter but screw it (TW: discussion of suicide)
i actually MUCH preferred that stream to the last. i know a lot of people will still be understandably frustrated that it was more cwilbur getting absolutely crushed and yelled at, but this time unlike with ceret i feel like it makes MUCH more sense with cfundy.
cfundy is a very very flawed, VERY hurt character. and we’ve seen that all through out his arc. he really is the embodiment of that quote, “the child who is not loved by the village will burn it down to feel it’s warmth.” all he’s wanted since the elections and before is for someone to care about him and stay with him, and he’s never gotten either. not consistently and reliably at least.
how he turned on cWilbur at the end there might’ve seemed out of the blue, but it absolutely follows his pattern of behaviour. at the end to the day, he’s a hurt and angry and traumatised kid lashing out at his dad, who he still believes (even if a bit misguidedly) is entirely to blame for his pain.
was how he treated cwilbur unfair to cwil with everything we know about what cwilbur’s been through? absolutely. but cfundy is bitter and angry and holds the grudge against his father from when he left anyway and he took his chance to make cwilbur, to make his dad feel just an ounce of the pain he has been feeling since he left.
it’s incredibly common for family of a suicide attempte/victim to feel anger towards that person. and this is what has come of all that hurt and rage and loneliness. a final act of spite towards his dad.
was it right? was it fair? was it good? no. but it didn’t irk me the way ceret’s anger did last stream, because it felt EARNED, narratively. it felt set up. it felt completely and crushingly in character for both of them.
the estranged father and son, cwilbur once again giving cfundy all of the too little love he has in him to give, and cfundy standing in the ruins of the village he was born in, ready to burn it all down one last time.
it’s awful, it’s unfair, but i don’t think it was another case of unnecessary angst. it’s them. i think this was true to both their characters. i’m very up for discussion though. /dsmp /rp
#c!wilbur#c!fundy#c!eret#c!eret critical#c!fundy critical#technically i guess but not as much#c!eret neg#tw suicide#dsmp analysis#dsmp meta#fizz rambles#so many ppl on twitter I’m seeing really hate this stream and I just want to defend it for a moment#c!championduo#c!traitorduo#fizz character thoughts
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Heyyyyyy hiiiiii hope your having an awesome day drinking that water getting hydrated 😗. I was wondering if you could do a Law Angst alphabet please. But only if you feel up to it and have time. If you don’t feel free to ignore or do it later here now have a cookie 🍪 because your awesome 😊
Angst Alphabet - Trafalgar Law
a/n: HI HI!!! thank you for your kind words!! I hope you are looking after yourself <333 here is the law angst! Please enjoy 🥰
A-Accident (would they blame themselves if you died in an accident?)
He would only blame himself if any of his actions led to the accident that caused your death (we’ve seen him blame himself for that very reason about Rosinantes death). If his actions weren’t directly correlated to your death in any way then he would not blame himself, though he would kick himself for not being able to help you in time. Other than that, Law is painfully aware of the harsh reality that is life.
B-Break up (How would they break up with you?)
Law would break up with you in a seemingly emotionless way. He’d mask his true feelings, while telling you a whole bunch of excuses why the two of you could no longer be together. He doesn’t believe any of them, but he’s got to do what he’s got to do.
C-Crying (how would they make you cry?)
I feel like I’ve used this one in a few other character alphabets but it really applies to Law too. He would cause you to stress and panic so much over his health and wellbeing. He’s a literal doctor. He should know to take better care of himself, but he just doesn’t seem to care about himself the same way you do. So it isn’t until you’re crying in front of him, spilling your heart out about how concerned you are for his safety that he realizes his health is important to more than just himself.
D-Death (how would they react to your death?)
My god, if Law was to lose another person that he loved, he literally would never want to let himself get close to anyone ever again. Your death would be it for Law. He’d basically be on the verge of giving up himself. What other reason does he have to go on.
E-Emotion (what is one emotion they would try to hide the most and how would they do it?)
He tries to hide every emotion. Law doesn’t like to be too open, out of fear of people using it against him or it simply being too much of a sign of weakness. So, very rarely does he let his emotions show. He also tries to divert attention away from himself in hopes that people won’t focus on him or his emotions for too long.
F-Fight (do you two ever fight? How big are the fights? What do you fight about? Etc.)
This was covered in his fluff alphabet! But here it is again:
Your fights tend to be pretty short lived resulting in forgiveness and apologies from both sides relatively quickly. He really doesn’t like to stay mad at you for too long – he’d much rather have you two on the same page.
Most fights are caused by stress and concerns of health and safety, so Law does a lot of eye rolling and using his title as a ‘doctor’ as justification that he knows what he’s doing so you just need to chill – but like I said these fights are very short lived.
G-Guilt (what is the biggest thing they feel guilty about?)
Law will never forgive himself for Rosinantes death. He will forever feel responsible for his death – it was all his fault. If only he hadn’t given that note to Vergo, then Rosinante would still be alive. He died because of Law’s incompetence (at least that’s what he tells himself).
H-Heartbreak (what would cause them pain in the relationship? How would they deal during a break-up?)
During a break-up Law would act pretty normal. He wouldn’t behave any differently until he’s left alone. Only then would he let himself go and truly feel that heartbreak.
I-Injured (how would they react if you are badly injured?)
Thanks to the doctor in him, Law is able to remain calm. He can keep his composure until he administers whatever treatment necessary. That’s not to say he isn’t worried though. He’s just capable of focusing on the injury right in front of him.
Only once he is certain that you are stable does he (or potentially his crew) go and hunt down the cause of your beating.
J-Jealousy (what do they do if they are jealous?)
When Law does get jealous (which is rarely), he gets quiet. His fists clench a little more, and his frown deepens. He also speaks less than usual (which is already pretty hard to beat). He only gives you short snippy replies until he eventually gets over it.
K-Kill (would they kill for revenge?)
Law would kill for revenge, yes. He literally wanted to kill Doflamingo as revenge for Rosinante. However, it was in Law’s plan that Kaido would be the one to kill Doflamingo (after they fought) – so I believe that is how he’d kill for revenge as well. He would devise a fool proof plan (okay maybe not fool proof, bc if the straw hats are involved who knows what could go wrong).
In short, yes. Law would kill for revenge.
L-Loss (what is their greatest loss?)
This poor man has suffered so much loss in his life that it’s actually really difficult to choose which would be his greatest loss. He lost his entire family as a young boy while also having a shortened lifespan himself. Losing his family, and the realization that he only had a few more years to live, really made him lose his will to live a good remainder of his life. Young Law literally became a pirate.
However, he did meet Rosinante (Corazon) and he gave him another reason to live. Furthermore, Rosinante actively sought out a cure for Law so that he could continue to live a long life. Basically, Rosinante became a father figure/older brother to Law. So, losing him – another ¬person he loved so dearly – would have been beyond devastating.
M-Mistake (what is the worst mistake they ever made with you?)
There was one day where he spent the entire day ignoring you. It was completely unintentional. His mind was swarming with plans and all this other information that has just come in. He got so immersed in it that he didn’t talk to you or tell you what was going on for a whole day.
N-Nightmares (how often do they have them? What are they about? How do they deal with it?)
Nightmares are one of the many reasons Law hardly ever sleeps. He’s haunted by his family’s and Rosinantes deaths. His nightmares get particularly bad around the same time each year (that is, around the time of year that they died). He wakes up trembling and on the verge of tears (but he never lets them fall). Instead of even trying to go back to sleep, he’ll make himself a nice hot cup of coffee and immerse himself in a book or work of some kind – anything to avoid going back to sleep and risking a re-run of that horrible nightmare.
O-Outrage (how and why would they get mad at you?)
Sometimes his exhaustion catches up to him and other times its all the stress building up that finally he snaps and all the emotions are too overwhelming that he just directs it to the nearest outlet, which just so happens to be you.
P-Past (what has happened in your relationship that changed the way you saw each other?)
You walked in on him absolutely breaking down over Rosinante. One evening Law retreated to his room while you and the rest of the crew were eating and drinking. He didn’t think you had noticed him leave, but soon you were following after him. You opened the door and found him breaking down in the middle of the room. You completely forgot that it was the anniversary of Rosinantes death. It was the first time you had seen him this distraught and it broke your heart.
It really cemented into your brain that no matter how tough he may look, he still suffers (probably more so than anyone). But, you were also grateful that you were able to see him like that, as it allowed him to start relying on you a little more.
Q-Quality (what is their most dangerous/toxic quality?)
His inability to openly express his emotions. Sure, now he will share with you how he is feeling, but that is with you and ONLY you. He still insists on keeping everything else bottle away from the rest of the world which is a really unhealthy way to deal with things. It’s not that you dislike being there for him, in fact, you appreciate how trusting he is with you. It’s just, what if there comes a time where you aren’t around and he’s in desperate need of someone to confide in?
R-Rejection (how would they react to you rejecting their confession (or the other way around)).
Law would wait until he was 100% certain you returned his feelings to confess to you. So, if you were to reject his confession he would be really confused for a while. He’d let it go because well, everyone has their own reasons – its not his place to tell you how you feel. All he can do is tell you how he feels and then the rest is up to you.
S-Scars (battle or self-inflicted)
He has no self-inflicted scars, and to my knowledge he has no battle scars either. But, his arm did get cut off and then reattached during the Dressrosa arc, so it actually is likely that there is a remaining scar from that (although I’m not certain).
T-Trust (have they ever broken your trust?)
Nope not at all. In fact, the only instance in which he would possibly break your trust, or lie to you, about is when he went to Punk Hazard and sent his crew to Zou. Some would assume that he wouldn’t tell you his plan out of fear of your safety, but that’s not true. He had to tell you. You taught him to be open and honest, and to trust. So that’s exactly what he did.
U-Urge (how badly do they want to see you after you guys separated?)
Law has gotten so comfortable around you that whenever you aren’t there, he gets unbearably anxious. Your presence is soothing, even if he can’t see you, even if he can only hear your voice echoing throughout the Polar Tang, it’s enough to put his mind at ease. So, if you are separated for a while… oh boy does he want to see you badly.
V-Vicious (what do they do when they lash out on you?)
He tends to yell at you. He tells you to “piss off” and that “you’re only being a nuisance right now”, despite you only wanting to help him.
W-Weak (what makes them feel weak how do they try to avoid it?)
Not being able to control things makes Law feel really weak. Weak may not be the right word, but it definitely makes him feel unprepared. He doesn’t like when things are out of his control and he can’t account for things. Which is usually why he always does extensive research and preparation before constructing a well thought out plan.
X-X-ray (what do they hate and show it most obviously?)
Well, I mean other than his obvious hatred of bread, Law also really hates when he works extremely hard on formulating a plan only for it to be completely thrown out of the window by a reckless straw hat wearing captain and his entire crew. (and somehow everything still ends up working out!!! That is the part that frustrates Law the most HAHAH).
Y-Yearn (what is one thing that they want but can’t have?)
One of the only things he’s ever really wanted was for Doflamingo to be taken down. He’s been partially successful in that sense, seeing as Doflamingo is in prison now. However, he wants more than that. He wants Doflamingo to suffer the same way he has.
Z-Zero (what do they do/say in your dying moments?)
It may seem a little out of character but… I believe Law would be borderline desperate/inconsolable. There would be a lot of clinging on to you, begging you not to leave him like everyone else he’s ever loved. He can’t handle another person leaving him, it’s too much. It’s far too much.
He wouldn’t cry (just yet), but his voice would tremble, and his hands would be shaking. His mind would be racing with all sorts of theories and possible ways he could save you. How could he possibly prevent the inevitable?
#one piece#one piece x reader#one piece headcanons#one piece imagines#trafalgar law#trafalgar d law x reader#trafalgar d. water law#angst alphabet#one piece alphabet
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vegas team 2.0 lets go !!
vegas team au 2.0 my beloved !!!
if you don’t know what the vegas team au 2.0 is, it’s an au that a couple of my twitter friends and i developed (notably, @stabbysideblog and @dreamsclock) as a post-canon version of sparrow’s vegas team au, which had c!dream, a post-revival c!wilbur, and c!quackity working together at las nevadas.
this au exists much in the same vein, but exists post-canon (and therefore, post torture from c!quackity) and adds c!sam to the crew - it’s essentially four really, really messed up people screwing things up in las nevadas and being completely AWFUL to each other. it’s a very messed up group dynamic, 50% angst 50% crack 0% fluff or healing (...unless ;) ) and it’s absolutely one of my favorite aus at the moment.
anyway, have this ficlet for the au i wrote a little bit ago that basically goes into how these four end up working together !!
tw: implied torture, unhealthy relationships (SO many unhealthy relationships), manipulation, threats, emotional distress, mental instability
When Sam first sees the two figures standing on top of the roof of Las Nevadas, the first thing that comes to his mind is oh no, I have a bad feeling about this.
The feeling is far from foreign; a "bad feeling" has been his life for the past week ever since Dream and Wilbur had disappeared from Pandora's Vault seemingly without a trace. He's tried to keep the knowledge under wraps, only telling Bad and Ant to send them on a manhunt to find the prisoner (a lost cause if he's ever seen one; the two have hunted Dream before, and all of them know that there is no way they're finding the man if he doesn't want to be found) while he and Quackity plan for the coming storm. And there will be a coming storm, he's sure - he's heard enough of Dream's desperate, deranged plans of revenge voiced in near incoherent screams through bubbling lava to think that he will come out of the cell with anything close to mercy in his heart.
Unfortunately, there's been little to nothing from the pair of fugitives running around the server, his communicator chat still buzzing with Tommy's usual shouting and Puffy's usual invitations to tea and Technoblade's usual cryptic "technoblade" messages sporadically throughout the day. It's frustratingly, maddeningly normal, and each day of waiting for the other shoe to drop only leaves him even closer to snapping completely. In a twisted, bitter sort of way, he's almost relieved at the sight of the people standing on the polished quartz roof of the casino; at least now he'll finally get some answers.
Next to him, Quackity narrows his eyes. "Nobody should know about this place," he says, lips twisting into a tight frown.
Sam shrugs, shoulders heavy and tense under netherite. "Do you think-"
"-that it's our dynamic fuckin' duo? Yeah," he breathes out, short and quick through his teeth, and his wings stretch and flutter behind him, "I think it might be."
The figures become clearer as they step closer, silhouettes dark and thrown into harsh relief against the backlighting of the sun behind them. One of them is definitely wearing armor - netherite, from the looks of it - and both are very clearly armed. Wonderful.
The taller turns towards them, gestures with a wide sweep of their arm. "Big Q!"
Sam jumps at the voice; Quackity smiles humorlessly. "Wilbur."
Wilbur turns towards the other figure - Dream, for sure then - and they seem to talk, though they are far too far away for Sam to make out anything they say. Dream seems to hand something to Wilbur, and seconds later twin dots of bluish-green arc smoothly towards the ground in front of Sam's feet. He steps back, watching from the corner of his eye as Quackity does the same, and sure enough Wilbur, and then Dream, land on the grass where their enderpearls hit the ground.
"It's been a long time, Big Q, Sam," Wilbur smiles, tight-lipped, confident, tipping his head at each of them as he says their names. He's not wearing any armor save for a crossbow - enchanted - slung loosely over his hip and a netherite sword hanging off of his belt. "How have things been?"
"Cut the crap, Wilbur." The smile stays on Quackity's face, but his eye is dark and cold and dangerous. He's changed - of course he has, you can't do what he's done in Pandora without changing, but the sight of his expression still sends a disturbed shiver down Sam's spine. "You want something."
Wilbur, to his credit, doesn't seem fazed at all. "We've been doing pretty well - I think we've made quite some progress, considering how little time it's been since we've escaped that prison - nice build, by the way, Sam." His voice is lilting, almost sincere, and he looks over at Sam with a laughing light in his eyes like they're sharing an inside joke. "It's really quite impressive - what do you think, Dream?"
Dream doesn't seem to respond; he's all decked out again, netherite covering him from head to toe, the enchanted metal plates completely dwarfing the man hidden within them. His hands clutch at a golden apple, knuckles white against the golden skin, and a plain shield is strapped over his left arm as well a hulking enchanted axe on his back. They've been busy, it seems, and Sam's teeth grind against each other; he's not sure, if it comes down to it, that this is a fight that he and Quackity can win.
"Wilbur," Quackity repeats, impatience creeping into his tone, "What do you want?"
Wilbur smiles wider; it makes Sam uneasy, like Wilbur had been waiting for this, waiting for their desperation to send them at the devil's table with paper in one hand and a pen in the other.
"You're a businessman, aren't you, Big Q? You know how business deals work - so let's talk business. I think we can come up with something agreeable, what do you think?"
Quackity huffs a short laugh- "And what's stopping me and Sam from putting a sword through your gut?"
Wilbur smiles, sharp-edged. "Well, Big Q. Resurrection magic- it's quite interesting, really. Dream was explaining it to me, you know. And here's the thing; how many lives do you think I have right now?"
What- oh. "You have all of your lives back."
"Oh, no, Sam, I'm not saying that, exactly," Wilbur waves his hand flippantly, "I'm just saying you don't know, you know? And if I were to- say, have more than one life, and you were to kill me, well," he shrugs, a thoughtful look on his face. "We were smart enough to set our beds far away from the prison, of course. It would be an awful shame if people were to find out about what the perfect, responsible Warden was allowing in his inescapable prison, wouldn't it?"
No, no, no-
"So you're blackmailing us," Quackity's eyebrows are furrowed, jaw clenched tightly. Wilbur tips his head back and laughs.
"Oh, this isn't a threat, Big Q! Just a few- let's just call them hypotheticals." He begins to pace back and forth, gait smooth and unburdened, "I'm just saying that you two are powerful right now, you know? And it's great! I love this- what was it, Las Nevadas, you're calling it? It's great. It's absolutely magnificent. I'm just saying that you might want to be careful about what people end up finding out; you know people can be about power, on this server, and it would be such a shame to see this place burned to the ground."
Quackity's wings tense, and Sam can already see the younger's mouth opening and his fingers beginning to glow white with him reaching into his inventory, and oh prime if things escalate here then they're so, so screwed-
"Business!" He shouts louder than he wants, Quackity's head snapping towards him, lips still slightly parted from the words that he never got to say, and Sam ignores him to focus his attention on Wilbur, still staring at them with a smile playing on his lips. "You said you would be willing to talk business, right, Wilbur?"
"Yes, of course! Let's talk business. What do you think, Quackity?" Wilbur pauses, looks Quackity in the eye, and the younger glares but doesn't say anything. "Oh, don't worry too much, Big Q. I honestly think that it'll be good for all of us - a mutually beneficial arrangement, if you will."
"Wilbur, just," Sam sighs, fights against the incoming headache. "Can you please just get to the point?"
"Of course, Sam," Wilbur all but chirps, "So- we have something you want, and you have something we want. I say we pool our resources- our knowledge, Dream's combat prowess, your protection and items - and make something better."
"Pool our resources- wait wait wait, you mean you want to fuckin'-"
"I don't know how much Dream has told you, but I've been dead for a pretty long time; there really isn't all that much to do in the Void, you know. I've gotten pretty bloody good at cards, if I do say so myself." Wilbur grabs Dream, ignoring the way he flinches as he slings an arm around his shoulders, "What do you say? Have room in Las Nevadas for two more, Big Q?"
Sam blinks. Prime, give him strength. "What?"
Quackity hisses quietly, "You want to help with Las Nevadas? Both of you?" Sam watches as he turns his glare from Wilbur to Dream, and oh, so that's what this is about. He points his thumb jerkily in the direction of the masked man, watching, as Dream ducks his head down, unable to back away too far with Wilbur's arm still braced behind his neck. "And why should I work with him?"
"Two in one deal, Quackity, you have both of us or nothing at all," Wilbur drawls, "Besides, I know you've wanted the power of the resurrection book - and done quite a lot to get it! I'm really very impressed. Of course, we couldn't simply give it to you, but with us on your side, there's hardly even a difference." Quackity opens his mouth, looking like he's about to protest- "And, really, it would be nice to have Dream on your side in case the Blade comes for your other eye, no?"
His mouth shuts with an audible click, one-eyed glare meeting Wilbur's all-too easy expression, before finally nodding jerkily. "Fine. As long as he doesn't cause too much trouble."
"Oh, don't worry about that," Wilbur claps Dream on the back, and he curls into himself more, arms raising up to his head. "You've done more than enough to keep him obedient."
"We'll have to write out the terms later," Quackity presses on. "Don't want either of you trying anything. I've put so much fuckin' time into this place, I'm not letting you fuck it up, you hear?"
"Of course, Big Q," Wilbur's smile is jagged, all teeth, as he holds his arm out between them. "Wouldn't have it any other way."
Quackity breathes in, out, looks over at Sam. There's a question written in the tight edge of his shoulders, in the way his wings are braced and held to his sides - are we sure about this?
Sam tips his head in a shallow nod. Do we really have a choice?
Quackity takes Wilbur's hand, shakes it. "Then welcome to the team."
Wilbur laughs, and it sounds like flames and explosions and the ground shaking beneath your feet, burns with the cold heat of smoke and ash - and Sam knows, with a bitter, searing certainty, that this is going to collapse around them in a blaze of glory, that they've all but signed their death warrants, have nothing left but to wait for the countdown timer to hit zero and blow this place up to kingdom come. Wilbur meets his eyes - dark, dead, grey like cinders and gunpowder - and he knows that the other man is thinking the same thing.
"I think this is the start to something beautiful," Wilbur says, and Sam grits his teeth as he steps into the building.
Something beautiful, indeed.
#-> vegas team au 2.0#queue <3#tw torture#tw toxic relationship#tw unhealthy relationship#tw manipulation#tw emotional distress#tw mental instability#tw threats#long post#my writing :D#my asks !!
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You know, bringing Penny back already had the risk of cheapening her death, but NO ONE having an emotional reaction whatsoever and Pietro being like “Yeah, I guess she did die lol :D” just DESTROYED the weight of her death. Just another reason I felt nothing when she died again.
The lack of reaction to Penny's resurrection will, forever and always, be a black mark on the series for me. I'm not at all surprised that she was brought back given her android status and popularity among the fandom, I can't even fault RT for restoring our original Penny perfectly given the latter (as opposed to getting a "Penny" without her personality and/or memories), but the sheer indifference to her cheating death? Not just that, but treating her return like a joke? Oh haha, silly Penny with her overenthusiastic hugs. I sure missed that bubbly girl back when our enemies manipulated our now murdered friend into killing her and that trauma kick-started the destruction of our school :)
And this trend in the fandom of going, "Just wait"? Penny suffered from it too. Massively. Like we were told to just wait to return to Oscar's mystery shopping trip, or for the reconciliation with Ozpin to start, or, now, for Emerald to undergo an actual redemption arc, the lack of reaction to Penny's return was explained away as shock (and haven't we heard that one before). Ruby will need to grapple with these emotions, it's just that she was so stunned by this turn of events! But, quite obviously, that never happened. Ruby and Penny's relationship fundamentally returned to where it had started, with Penny making comments about how she isn't allowed certain freedoms and Ruby reminding her that she's a real girl despite it all. A death and the trauma of losing a friend? Not a part of their Volume 7-8 dynamic, to the extent that the story throws them a party in the arena where Penny died — and where Yang was framed, and where the Battle of Beacon began — and not a single character has anything to say about that. The meaning that Penny's death carried in Volumes 3-5 was, in short, erased... and then Penny's entire journey of learning that she's always been real is erased too in an effort to kill her off for good. Her human body wasn't included because it was something she strove for (it wasn't), or something the group needed (it wasn't), or because it was a thematic culmination of her journey (quite the opposite), or even because it follows her inspiration (Ironwood's Tin Man would have something to say about that). It exists solely so that Penny could be murdered again, this time for good. The mad scramble to theorize that she's not really dead (again) is telling. Even the most complimentary fans, those who were quite happy with Penny becoming a human and took no issue with her story throughout 7 and 8, recognized that her death was a horrific, meaningless scene that served only to drum up shock value and give Jaune something to angst over.
I'd even go so far as to say her time as the Maiden was meaningless too. Not just in terms of her not actually doing anything with the powers and Winter ending up with them as originally planned — those two points have both been covered extensively — but in regards to the fact that the group didn't react to that either. Our formerly dead friend came back and a short time later is one of the Maidens? Neat! And that's the extent of their emotional investment in Penny's change. Neat, we've got a stronger fighter now. I just answered that ask that referenced Yang and Ren's fight and that's literally Yang's entire thought on the matter: "We have the Maiden." The Maiden is positioned as a useful tool in this war; a checkmark in the "Victories" column when your friend thinks you haven't achieved enough. But doesn't anyone care that the Maiden is Penny? It's particularly strange to me given the six years of fandom discussion surrounding Pyrrha's almost-time as a Maiden too. As someone (quite obviously lol) interested in Ozpin's character, his desire to make Pyrrha the next Fall Maiden is often viewed as one of his worst acts, supposedly taking this poor, defenseless student and manipulating her into accepting a power that will ruin her life. So much of this is conjecture and even more is an erasure of Pyrrha's agency, and the hypocrisy here is on full display when we look to the reaction to Penny's acceptance of the powers instead. No one is worried about how this power is supposedly going to ruin her life. Or drive all her friends away. Or make her a target to be murdered (again) which is precisely what happens. Or turn her into a tool for the evil men around her to abuse — even though Penny is the one who actually has storylines revolving around her agency, from Pietro building her to be Atlas' obedient weapon to Ironwood ordering her back to his side. Yet the characters don't react to this change with any of the horror we might have expected, because these views don't derive solely from fan headcanoning — we've got moments in the text too. Like Jaune convincing himself that Qrow and the others forced Pyrrha into this. Or the knee-jerk reaction to "real" magic and the horrible things it must do to you. Yet Penny walks out of that lab brimming with a foreign magic, something that Ironwood had always planned to pass onto one of this allies, a power that they know has gotten numerous people killed, and our group is just like, "Cool. Penny upgrade." Everything about Penny's Volume 7-8 journey demonstrates a lack of forethought; the authors' inability to connect what they're currently writing to what came before and what will come later. The lack of reaction to her death, the framing plotline going nowhere, a total acceptance of her as the Maiden despite complicated feelings in the past (and we can toss Yang's assumed secret about Raven in here too), the ableist and contradictory message of giving her a human body, dying again just an episode later, doing so in a way that throws Jaune back into the same situation we've seen before... none of it is emotionally fulfilling when set against the rest of RWBY.
And Emerald, as you say, is a crucial part of all that. Emerald is the one who originally orchestrated Penny's murder. We see her love for Cinder pushing her to attack Penny again just hours before she joins the group. Emerald pretends to be Penny in order to get close to Ironwood... and the only thing we get from all this is a quip about how "weird" it feels to do good. Their stories are woven together and the fact that RT doesn't seem to realize that does a huge disservice to them both. The question of, "How does Penny grow after being resurrected post-murder?" and the question of, "What will it take to redeem Emerald?" are irrevocably linked to one another... and yet neither character was given the chance to answer those questions in a fulfilling manner.
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I’m really hopeful for Sentibubbler helping to expand on Alya’s character (and hopefully Nino’s too, but I’m less certain on that). The small spoiler we’ve gotten on that front was Alya and Nino hugging, and I got the impression that Alya at least was upset, that it’s a comfort hug. Considering that the episode before this was Optigami, that a sentimonster had impersonated Nino in particular, had fooled Alya into making a grave mistake, I’m guessing that that hug is probably related to that.
With Alya, as with most side characters, we usually see her playing a supporting role, seeing her in the context of helping Marinette with her problems, especially any emotional issues. We rarely see Alya’s own struggles and thoughts on things not directly related to her concerns for Marinette.
This isn’t some unique thing in Alya’s and Marinette’s relationship, to be clear. It’s just more noticeable with her because she’s one of the more fleshed-out and important supporting characters. She DOES have a life outside of being Marinette’s friend, has her own hobbies and even a boyfriend who she loves and cares for very much. And we do see glimpses of her struggles and thoughts, though they’re brief, like in Puppeteer 2 when she looks at the statue of herself as Lady Wifi and thinks how strange it is to see herself like that, as a supervillain, with Nino recontextualizing the experience and comforting her.
Most of the characters get to express their thought processes and insecurities just within episodes where they’re akumatized, but since most of those issues are specific to the episode they take place in, it can be difficult to expand to the character as a whole, to ongoing issues they’re dealing with and their thought process as a whole. (Which does, naturally, differ based on the character in question; it’s pretty easy to infer that Marc is normally anxious and insecure about his talents, for instance).
So we’ve seen more of Alya’s character and personality, and even glimpses into her thought process, than most other characters, but not really much setup for a character arc. Many fans created character arcs for her, where she made grave missteps and only later realized she was wrong, but well... those were mostly Chameleon salt, and I think everyone knows what THOSE devolved into, especially with Alya.
But there’s been little to latch onto that’s actually in keeping with canon.
Gang of Secrets helped with that.
Most fics that came out around Gang of Secrets were based on two main plot threads that it set up: Marinette and Alya talking out the new revelation about Marinette being Ladybug, with Alya freaking out and fitting it in with all her previous knowledge, and trying to help in any way she can, and of course, the looming LadyNoir angst conflict, with Ladybug breaking the identity rule and Chat’s feeling about that.
The stuff with Marinette and Alya’s mostly been relegated to one-shots, as far as Alya’s own perspective goes. The longer fics based around Alya learning Marinette’s identity mostly have Alya helping out in other ways, like hooking up Adrienette. (I’m betting there are also some Lila takedown fics too, but I’m filtering those out as much as possible). There’s just not enough there in the initial premise of “Alya finds out Marinette’s identity” unless Alya’s doing something with it. Alya’s own feelings and revelations about Ladybug aren’t enough to sustain fics for long, not with what the show’s given us so far.
Optigami didn’t really add much to that, not yet. Both because the pressure of the hinted LadyNoir conflict is building and any emotional clash between the two leads is gonna receive more focus than stuff with supporting characters, and because, well... it’s not clear where Alya’s arc builds from here. There’s some potential setup, with Alya feeling bad about having made a call that went wrong, and Marinette trusting her anyway with even more than she did before, but it’s not clear what her thought process is gonna be as a result. We don’t know her as well as we know Adrien or Marinette, after all.
And... okay, this is probably a bigger one. But not as much changes for Marinette emotionally after Optigami, not that is easily inferred anyway. She’s gonna open up to Alya even more than she already was, but confiding in Alya like she did in Gang of Secrets already took most of that pressure off her shoulders. Letting Alya keep her Miraculous and... probably training her in Guardian stuff? Sounded like she might be doing that. Doesn’t change Marinette’s mental or emotional states much, not in a way that needs to be addressed and worked through, that causes conflict.
Most of that would be going on with Alya and Alya alone, rather than with Marinette. And since Alya’s not as major a character (she’s not the main protagonist or deuteragonist after all, despite her increased importance lately), there’s just not as much of a focus on stuff going on with Alya that doesn’t have a direct impact on one of our two main leads.
Sentibubbler looks like it might look at Alya’s feelings in more detail though, explore her emotional reactions to this kind of stress, which I think will prompt a greater understanding of her character, and, hopefully, a character arc, a trajectory that can be expanded on.
I have no illusions that she’d get as much attention as Marinette or Adrien - the story doesn’t revolve around her - but we’ve seen that other, more minor characters can get a lot of attention and have tons of character development and exploration stories thrown at them, if their deeper thoughts and feelings are explored and a clear trajectory for them is present, like with Chloe and all the fics exploring why she is the way she is, and having her grow past it into a better person.
I don’t know what overarching character arc that Alya might have, what the core of her story would be, but I’d love to find out.
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It Happened One Night: Chapter 1
T/N: Takes place after the Scandal in the British Empire arc (Chapters 17-23 of the manga).
Baker Street was full of people as usual. But in contrast to the hubbub, the entire street was enveloped in a vaguely unnatural, lonely atmosphere.
It looked like it was going to rain. That was what John H Watson thought as he walked down the street, gazing up at the heavily clouded sky.
“We should get back quickly, Sherlock.”
Saying that, he looked at the man beside him — Sherlock Holmes. Sherlock squinted and sniffed the air, as if trying to detect the smell of rain, and agreed with him.
“Right. And I also have some things here I don’t want to get drenched.”
Then Sherlock looked down at the items he was carrying. They each bore a large paper bag, stuffed to the brim with food and other sundry goods.
John furrowed his brows.
“Sherlock, haven’t you bought too many personal items? We’re even more broke than usual, you know,” he reminded.
But Sherlock wasn’t perturbed.
“They might be useless to you, John, but to me these are necessities of life. Please overlook this just once.”
“It’s no use, huh……”
It was better to avoid cigarettes at times like this, but John knew it was pointless to say that — hence instead of going on at length, he just gave a small sigh. Somehow, it felt like the bag in his arms had grown heavier.
As the two men walked on like this, they eventually drew near the flat where they lived. 221B Baker Street. This was the very place from which the great detective Sherlock Holmes, and his assistant, John H Watson, unravelled Britain’s mysteries.
However, they walked past their lodgings, not once slowing down. As they passed by, John glanced toward their flat.
There, remained the scars of appalling destruction. The building itself had retained its original structure, but the flat in which they’d lived had its windows all blown out; from what he could see through them, the walls and ceilings had been scorched to a miserable crisp.
They’d been unexpectedly drawn into the “Scandal of the British Empire” case, in which Sherlock had devised a bold strategy — blowing up their own apartment — in order to save Irene Adler.
They had achieved their goal, but at the cost of losing their home for the time being. As such, Sherlock and John, together with their landlady Miss Hudson, were staying in cheap accommodation a little ways from here until the apartment repairs were complete.
As they headed to their temporary lodgings, John’s shoulders drooped.
“Although all of us had agreed on it, in the end, it’s still tough to see the place you’ve gotten used to living in become like that.”
“Sorry about that. I had no other option back then.”
Sherlock kept his eyes forward as he apologised with sincerity. To that, John smiled gently.
“I don’t really mind — In any case, I’ve been put through many reckless situations like this before……. Oh—”
Right then, a drop of water splashed on his palm. Just as he registered that icy sensation, more raindrops came pouring down.
Sherlock looked at him.
“It arrived earlier than I thought.”
“Yeah, let’s run for it.”
Then, carrying their bags with both arms, the two men half-ran to their hotel.
When they arrived, they shook their heads slightly to rid the water from their hair, then walked past the front desk to their room.
After putting down their bags and opening the door, they found Miss Hudson standing in the doorway.
John tilted his head in confusion.
“Miss Hudson, what brings you here?”
As it would be improper for them to share a room with a lady, the two men chose to rent out a separate room despite the steep cost. Hence, John thought she would be in her own room now — why was she in theirs?
She smiled back awkwardly.
“Mr Mycroft’s here.”
“What?”
Instantly, Sherlock’s face morphed into one of displeasure. Without asking the details, he took up his shopping and walked into the room. Seated on a chair near the wall was his older brother Mycroft, looking out the window.
“……Damn you, Mycroft. Coming all the way to this hotel — what you do want?”
Distinctly uncomfortable dealing with his own elder brother, Sherlock spoke up first, his tone sour. But Mycroft simply turned to look at him, and responded without haste.
“That attitude again as always, Sherly. How about subverting my expectations sometimes and acting like a gentleman for once? Or rather, is it that you’re so frustrated by a case you forgot your manners?”
“Ugh……”
Mycroft looked around the cramped interior as he spoke, and the corners of Sherlock’s mouth twitched as he let out a groan. He didn’t regret blowing up their apartment itself, but hearing Mycroft’s calm, pointed comments forced him to remember his own helplessness back then.
“……Did you come all the way here just to make a fool of me?” he retorted, trying to defend himself. But Mycroft simply shrugged his shoulders in resignation, and got straight to the point.
“If you’re having trouble with accommodation, there’s a country house in the Cotswolds I can introduce you to.”
“……What’s this, all of a sudden?”
Country houses were often built by nobles and wealthy landowners as status symbols on their own land: it was ridiculous to suggest that someone would simply lend theirs out. Sherlock raised an eyebrow in suspicion.
“Isn’t it natural for an older brother to want to help his younger sibling in his time of need? Furthermore, although I’m sure they’d agreed to your plan, it pains me to think how Dr Watson and Miss Hudson have been caught up in it.”
“We don’t need your concern. We’ll do what we want, so just get the hell out of here.” Sherlock made a shooing motion with his hand, in a bid to chase Mycroft out, but was soon admonished by John, who’d entered the room afterward. John then calmly turned to Mycroft, seeming eager to listen.
“Do you mean that, you would be willing to lend us an apartment? Thank you very much for your offer — could you tell us more?”
Mycroft was smiling as he nodded.
“Actually, an acquaintance of mine — a noble — intends to stay in London for a week. They’re looking for someone to look after their mansion in the meantime, hence I thought it would align perfectly with your situation, Doctor.”
John nodded in understanding.
“I see. However, if that’s the case, why not ask their employees to stay behind?”
“From what I’d heard, they felt it would be a good opportunity to give their hardworking employees a vacation as well. Although if you aren’t able to accept, Doctor, they did say they would ask some of them to remain in the house……”
“In other words, if we were to take up the offer, then their employees would be able to take a break. Moreover, the three of us would be in charge of the mansion’s upkeep during our stay.”
“Not exactly,” Mycroft clarified, “They said you won’t have to concern yourselves with the maintenance and such. As long as it stays reasonably tidy, you are free to enjoy yourselves while keeping an eye on the house.”
It was a very generous offer, so generous it invited suspicion of an ulterior motive; however, since it came from Mycroft, perhaps it could be trusted. John wanted very much to accept — he couldn’t say he was entirely pleased with their current arrangement — but he knew his partner didn’t view it that simply.
As expected, Sherlock tutted in disapproval.
“This place suits us just fine: I don’t want to live in some boring mansion in the middle of nowhere. Anyway, I wouldn’t be able to take on clients when I’m away.”
Sherlock himself did harbour some guilt at making the two of them endure their present lifestyle, but following his brother’s opinion was simply anathema to him. As such, he couldn’t help but bite back in reply.
John understood that, but admonished him regardless.
“Sherlock, you shouldn’t talk to your own brother like that. Mr Mycroft was just looking out for us when he made that suggestion.”
“Pay no mind, Doctor. He’s been like this for a long time.”
Mycroft gave them a wide smile. Then, he directed a question to Miss Hudson, who had been keeping an eye on them from behind.
“We’ve heard what my little brother thinks, but how about you, Miss Hudson?”
“Eh? A-Ah~……”
Having suddenly been addressed, she responded in a faltering tone.
“Well, um…… To me, I think, it would certainly be helpful.”
In an effort to consider Sherlock’s feelings on the matter, she ended up replying in a roundabout way — but it was clear that she was in favour as well.
Mycroft turned to John.
“How about you, Doctor?”
For a moment, John was at a loss for words, but when he heard the floorboards creaking underneath his feet, he made up his mind. He looked at Sherlock as he nodded slowly.
“I think, that the country house might be more pleasant, compared to our current circumstances. Moreover, we could always receive clients via post.”
“…………”
Both of them had answered in the affirmative. Now, only Sherlock remained.
Despite the apparent obstacles being cleared, he still had his reservations. But eventually, Sherlock looked at the ceiling in resignation.
“Ah, bollocks. It would just be selfish of me to refuse at this point, now wouldn’t it? Alright. Please let us stay at that country house until the apartment is fixed.”
At that reply, Mycroft smiled in satisfaction, and Sherlock turned away to hide his frustration from those eyes.
The three of them drew up some agreements on their new living arrangements, and with that, until the flat at Baker Street was fixed, they would proceed to stay at a noble’s mansion out in the country.
Footnotes:
[1] The Cotswolds is a large hilly area to the northwest of London, further than Oxford and dotted with villages. (Wikipedia)
T/N: After the angst from the last story, I just remembered how much I love the Baker Street gang 😉
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to live for us
pairing: gratsu (gray x natsu)
genre: angst, fluff | established relationship, canon-compliant
warnings: mentioned suicide attempt, post-galuna island arc, hurt/comfort, gray needs therapy
word count: 1684
summary: Natsu and Gray finally sit down and talk about Gray's Iced Shell attempt on Galuna Island.
“We need to talk.”
Natsu looks up from the drink Mirajane set down on the table before him a few minutes ago. Gray is standing in front of him, arms crossed against his chest in an attempt to stop his hands from subconsciously removing his clothes.
It never works, but Gray is of the mind that it makes him appear more intimidating than he actually is. Of course, Natsu isn’t sure he could ever find someone who wears underwear with hearts on them intimidating.
“Finally!” Natsu cheers, forcing a smile onto his face even when it’s the last thing he wishes to do. “Back home then?”
Gray nods even as he scowls, but he turns on his heel and immediately makes his way towards Fairy Tail’s doors anyway. Natsu jumps up from his seat and waves goodbye to Lucy who is sitting at the bar with Erza.
Happy looks up at him as he stands, but Natsu only has to wave wordlessly at him before the blue cat returns to focusing on his food. Gray is already halfway across the room, not one to wait or beat around the bush for important conversations like the one they are going to have. Natsu follows after him with his signature smile stuck in place, making sure to not have anything appear out of the ordinary about this situation.
He catches a few Fairy Tail members giving them odd glances, probably due to his and Gray’s lack of fighting and loud taunting. Natsu only waves pointedly at them before they avert their gazes and return back to what they were doing beforehand.
Natsu does not try to be subtle as he sniffs the air, taking in the familiar mix of scents in the guild. Everyone in the guild has known him long enough to know about the extent of the abilities he gained through the Dragon Slayer Magic that Igneel taught him as a child. There’s no need to be secretive around his hoard anyway.
Out in the streets, trailing after Gray as he leads them home, Natsu tones down on his sniffing as best as he can. If he garners a few strange or confused looks though, he doesn’t beat himself up about it. Most of these people will write off his behavior as a weird wizard thing and continue on with their day as they give him a wide berth. There is no need to worry.
His attention is drawn back to the moment when the scents start to signal his proximity to their home. Gray reaches the front door first and unlocks it, leaving it open for Natsu behind him.
The smell of home almost knocks him off his feet as he crosses the threshold. It’s just his, Happy, and Gray’s scents here, with hints of Erza scattered all around. Albeit, Gray’s scent is a bit stale considering the fact this is his first time returning home since they came back from Galuna Island.
They escaped punishment for breaking guild rules because the master wasn’t there but Natsu would like to not switch bodies with anyone ever again. It has been a few days at this point and still, Gray has not returned home. Natsu has been waiting patiently for this moment when they will sit down and discuss what is wrong.
Gray is sitting on their bed, shoes off and hands gripping the bottom of his shirt. Natsu reaches out and stops him from stripping, eyes on Gray’s face as the man focuses back in on the moment at present.
“Thanks,” Gray mumbles sullenly, his gaze downcast.
Natsu doesn’t say anything. He merely waits.
“I know you’re mad at me, but if you could tell me why you’re mad at me, it would make my apologizing to you much easier,” Gray scrambles to say after a moment of silence has passed between them.
Natsu tilts his head to the side and inhales, tasting the nerves and fright swirling around the edges of Gray’s scent. He exhales heavily, sitting down slowly on the bed beside Gray.
He leans back and lies down, keeping his eyes on the ceiling and not the man who should have been home with him these past few days. “I’m not mad.”
Gray twists at the waist to stare at him, his shoulders a stiff line that Natsu isn’t sure he has permission to soothe just yet. “Lying won’t help.”
“I’m not mad,” Natsu repeats, relaxing as their scents begin to blend together. “I’m worried about you. You scared me back there when you were going to sacrifice yourself to restrain Lyon. You knew by doing it your way you were going to end your life and yet you tried anyway.”
The silence that befalls them then is deafening. It goes on long enough that Natsu wonders if he should be angry after all. After a few seconds of contemplation though, he decides that anger would not help him right now and waits patiently for Gray to say something.
However, the longer the silence continues, the less likely Natsu believes that to be. Gray isn’t known for talking about feelings. Not just his own, but discussing feelings in general always gives his face a pinched quality that Natsu can’t help but laugh at sometimes.
He isn’t laughing now.
“You remember what I said when I asked you if we could find a place together, right?” Natsu asks once he is certain Gray won’t say anything without more prompting.
Natsu sees Gray’s nod in the corner of his eye and grins up at the ceiling as he thinks of the memory. Gray’s eyes had gone wide with surprise, his scent expanding with the force of it and appealing to Natsu so much he barely realized how close he had been getting until Gray pushed him back with a hand on his bare chest. Natsu had leaned in again to bury his nose in Gray’s neck anyway and gulp down lungfuls of his scent, smiling as Gray threaded his fingers through his hair and asked him why.
“I told you that you were the first in the guild to be added to my hoard when we were children. That I would want you near almost always and would despise every moment that we were apart,” Natsu recalls, his smile softer at the edges now. “I told you I fell in love with you when we were teenagers and that I would like to make you my mate in the future and you accepted.”
Natsu waits again, just to see if Gray will say anything at all before he uses his last-ditch effort. “How am I going to make you my mate if you’re not there for the future?���
Gray makes a sound as if Natsu has just kicked all the air out of his chest. They have fought and sparred enough times for Natsu to know what that actually sounds like so when Gray wheezes, he sits up quickly. He reaches out and takes Gray’s hands, biting his lip as the man who is his opposite in almost everything finally begins to cry.
Natsu moves closer until he can wrap his arms around Gray, tucking his head under Natsu’s chin as he shakes. His breath hitches but Natsu only clutches him tighter, holding him securely in his arms even as Gray somehow migrates to his lap. Natsu doesn’t mind that, he just holds on and waits.
Eventually, Gray’s sobs begin to make sense. Most of what he is saying is a mantra of “I’m sorry”s and half-aborted “I didn’t mean to do that”s, but Natsu gets the gist. He shushes and rocks Gray in his arms, focusing on their scents instead of the urge to cry with his mate.
When the worst of Gray’s tears have dried up, Natsu kisses the side of his head and pulls back far enough for their gazes to meet. Gray’s eyes are red-rimmed and puffy but he isn’t avoiding Natsu’s gaze anymore and that’s definitely a start.
“I think what happened with Ur was only dragged back up at Galuna Island and you never really healed from it,” Natsu ponders aloud, tilting his head in silent question and continuing when Gray nods tiredly. “She raised you like Igneel raised me and we’ve never gotten over suddenly losing them. Have we?”
Gray has to clear his throat twice before he says, “I don’t think we’ll ever be over that.”
“No,” Natsu agrees. “We won’t.”
“I should talk to someone,” Gray murmurs, the corners of his mouth twitching with amusement when Natsu raises an unimpressed brow at him. “A professional. Mirajane has been saying I should talk to the Good Doctor who helped Elfman after…”
Natsu smiles bitterly in response. Elfman was not the only one who had to talk to the Good Doctor after Lisanna died after all. Gray knows about this, of course, but Natsu had never strived to convince him of talking to the Good Doctor until now.
“I can let them know at my next session to expect an inquiry from you?” Natsu suggests.
Gray nods, leaning in quickly to press a kiss to Natsu’s cheek. “I’m still sorry. I just didn’t know how to fix things back on Galuna Island.”
Natsu nods but knows without seeing that his smile is not as bright anymore. “I think you just have to remember that you’re not alone anymore. Neither of us is and I’ll always have your back. We’re Fairy Tail members and you’re the one who I want to spend the rest of my life with. I want us both to have long futures ahead of us.”
Gray’s cheeks flush a light pink, his scent curling with both embarrassment and quiet joy. “It will be hard, but I’ll try. If not for me or for you, then for Ur. For the life she gave me by giving up her own.”
“For Ur and Igneel,” Natsu agrees. “May they look upon us and see us happy. Together.”
“Together,” Gray assures him before he leans in and their lips meet in a soft kiss.
a/n: i forgot to post this when i first posted it on ao3, but i hope you all like this! this was written for icewhisper as part of the secret snipers exchange 2020!
#gratsu#gray x natsu#natsu x gray#fairy tail#ft#oneshot#f:ft#g:angst#g:fluff#t:oneshot#p:gray/natsu#tlfu#m: fic
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Hello! Have you read azriels pov? If so what are your thoughts?
Hi! 💕 Excuse the late reply but I took a week to read acosf and some more days to actually clear my head on this topic and come up with theories. Beware, this is a long post. Let's jump right into it. 🔎
My thoughts on the Az POV
The first thing coming to mind when I think of Azriel's POV is the fact that Az isn't in a very good place mentally right now. He's jealous, frustrated and angry. He doesn't sleep much and longs for someone while thinking it's so wrong. This only adds to his low self-esteem - he's feeling like he doesn't deserve Elain anyway, he's done "unspeakable things". He feels so low of himself that his presence taints Elain's. I feel like if we're reading his POV, we should keep this perspective in mind.
Now, when I first read the chapter, I'm not gonna lie, it felt wrong somehow. While I was hoping for the tiniest bit of elriel crumb, we got actual steam, sexual tension, and the confirmation that both are attracted to each other and Azriel thinks of Elain with longing and need. They've been exchanging glances and the occasional brush of their fingers and we clearly saw in acosf those encounters are somehow "charged". There has been something in the air for a long time. It's gotten to the point where Az seems to have forgotten Mor. (On a side note: I don't think he's ever addressed his feelings for Mor so unless he does that, I don't believe he's truly done with the Mor chapter, sadly.) The POV had all this Elriel confirmation, the steamy scene, Rhys ordering Azriel to stay away, the Gwyn scene and the regifting.
At first, I was livid with the POV because at face value it reads...not good for elriel and twisted all the softness, fateful, healthy moments into something that is pure lust and just...obsessive. Unhealthy. All of this is - intentionally - contrasted quite well with how Azriel feels in the Gwyn scenes. Yeah, I was disappointed as. hell. and feared for my ship.
Then, I came on here and talked to my friends, my mutuals, and voila - I'm definitely feeling better, safe in my bet for elriel again. As safe as it gets with us not knowing Sarah's plans 😅
The thing is, I don't believe the POV should be read at face value. We/I automatically assumed there's a romantic connection between Az and Gwyn - which might very well be set up - but in reality, we also only have a single scene they talked to each other and had an understanding, it seems. Okay. But this could also be platonic given they've known each other for months and it didn't mean anything all this time.
However what makes me hold on to my hope for elriel is the fact we have 4 books full of foreshadowing. Sarah began laying crumbs for the sisters' stories in acomaf, and since then, we had lots of moments in favor of Elriel. I feel like it wouldn't make good storytelling if all of this were thrown away with a single POV, and certainly not the instance a new side character pops up and has a understanding with one of them.
With the POV, Sarah actually set up lots of things and the plainest being: ANGST. For Heaven's sake, I was so sure elriel was going to be endgame from all we got till acosf that maybe Sarah knew and wanted to shake things up. Without angst the next book would've been boring, right? We know (and after acosf it seems even more clear) that Elain has no interest in Lucien or the mating bond whatsoever. Are we really thinking that in her story Elain will magically realize she's been silly this entire time and everyone else was right, having a mate is wonderful and she'll get together with him? Don't get me wrong, I would absolutely love them getting along and being bffs. It hurts me so much what Lucien must go through. But I just don't think Elain will get together with Lucien romantically. The bond rejection has been set up for a long while. In my opinion, there's no way the bond will be accepted. Acosf only made this clearer, but we've been also saying this before acosf.
With Gwyn as a potential love interest, sjm brought in the unexpected, and quite frankly, successfully made us (me) panic. And now I think that's what it was supposed to do. I think the Azriel POV was meant to set up the forbidden romance trope, steamy scenes between Elain and Az (the virginity comment by Nesta during acosf hasn't been for nothing y'all!), jealousy and misunderstandings.
Now, we get that steamy scene and I don't think there's anything wrong with it beyond Azriel's thoughts of how lowly he sees himself. Up until that point in Rhys' office, there wasn't anything truly problematic with the scene in terms of elriel. They are attracted to each other, and both wanted to act on it.
The Rhys conversation was what put things off at first glance. Made it seems like it was purely lust for Az. All the talk of Rhys thinking Az thinks he deserves to be Elain's mate. For the record, only a minute ago Az didn't even believe he deserved to touch her. Her presence tainted by his. For the life of me, he doesn't think he deserves to be Elain's mate. Come on. Not Az. That assumption is OOC.
He does question the mating bond between Elain and Lucien and whether the Cauldron might have been wrong. He questions how that aligns with the fate of the Archeron sisters with the Illyrian brothers. That's entirely different and valid, if you ask me.
What I will say is that the regifting was bad. It was an asshole move and I don't believe for a second that neither female would be okay with it. So why did he do what he did? He would know it to be a shitty thing to do. There are a few options here that come to my mind: 1) he enjoyed the moment with Gwyn, whether romantically or platonic, and decided to make her happy with the necklace (but then again, if Gwyn knew where it came from, I bet my ass she wouldn't have accepted it) 2) Az wants to stir shit up, kick something off - which might happen if Elain ever sees Gwyn wearing her necklace. It might give him the opportunity to speak up and talk to Elain. 3) Az isn't ready to let go of the necklace - therefore of Elain - and he can't bear to give it back. He can't let Elain go that easily. Keeping it might hurt too much, so he regifts it to Gwyn out of a hunch.
I'll leave it to you to add to this list and decide which one is the most probable option but I think we all know I'm going with 3) because it makes absolute sense to me even though it's shitty (but all of the options are tbh). Az would never give a potential love interest he's serious with a gift he's given to another female who rejected him. Duh. Gwyn also deserves better than that.
Let's sum up:
We have Azriel who's feeling shitty right now, frustrated with fate and his endless longing for mutual love. He can't have what he wants with Elain and it manifests in the bond between her and Lucien. He can't bear it, yet Elain seems to bring him back from his obsessive longing for Mor. Rhys orders Az to stay away from Elain, and unwittingly sets up the forbidden romance trope (thank you for that Rhysie). With Gwyn coming into this, it distantly seems like we have a love quartet, but also a set up for misunderstandings and jealousy. I feel like Sarah is cackling with delight because she got to us so easily with her messy Az POV. She knows what she's doing y'all.
What do I expect from the next book?
I expect forbidden lovers, and surrender. I expect misunderstandings and jealousy. I expect a rejected bond, or an Unmade bond. I expect a grand, epic arc of choice and deciding ones own fate. The themes of choice and fate even find their ways into this Azriel POV. It's Az who points them out. Again, I think Sarah knows what she's doing, and she'll give us some grand scenes and I believe elriel has the best chance to deliver them.
Could I be wrong with all of this? Sure. Could Elriel be doomed to sink with the Az POV? Maybe. All I'm saying is that we have so much foreshadowing and a grandiose set up of angst, we have an overall scheme of choice and we have a pairing that would, simply by getting together, decide their own fate against all odds. And at this point, there are lots of odds against them. If this doesn't make the perfect set up for their story, I don't know what does! 💙
Before anyone comes for me, I will say that I love Gwyn and absolutely adore Lucien. I think they're both great, so no shade for them. If you ship any of these with Elain or Azriel, go ahead and do you! This is just my opinion and I would love anyone sharing your thoughts!! It's so exciting that this fandom is alive again lol. 👌🏼😁
On another note: Thank you to @rhysanoodle, @high-lady-elains and @silver-flames for keeping me sane and providing your theories. A lot of this came from discussing with them and reading their posts. 💙
#acosf#acosf spoilers#elriel#elain archeron#azriel#elain x azriel#I guess#anti elucien#anti gwynriel#tagging correctly so y'all can avoid what you don't wanna read
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Critical Role 127 Discord Discussion
*Content warning, discussions of trauma, toxicity, toxic masculinity, implied projection, violence, strong language, etc*
*this is a conversation between two AFAB people with PTSD about Critical Role. It is a bit uncharitable at times, but try to understand that it's coming from a place of hurt and frustration. There are brief references to our own trauma, and discussions about social pressure and unsafe handling of traumatized individuals. Please note that NONE of this is directed at the Critical Role cast*
Also, sorry to any Veth fans we’ve offended, but it’s not so entertaining when you’ve had people like that in your life messing with your ability to heal in a healthy way. Sometimes the media we consume is unintentionally hurtful... as is the meta surrounding it. Please try to remember who might be reading your posts.
Sibling: (regarding a post about how Veth drew first blood in sanatorium) That's TRUE! VETH SHOT FIRST "oh wow what a cold-blooded murderer" fuck off with that lol
Me: ngl I dislike Veth at this point. She's outright toxic to Caleb in a way that makes me really uncomfortable.
Sibling: How dare she call him that when her first impulse in ANY SITUATION is to kill... and she dragged him to the hall he was abused in and condemned him for killing people as swiftly as he could.
Me: She's by far the most bloodthirsty, the whole group (but especially her) keep pushing him into situations he doesn't want to be in and then they clutch their pearls as he mops up the mess THEY pressured him into.
Sibling: I honestly wish Caddy had gone instead of Jester, but I understand why he couldn't.
Me: At EVERY TURN, even before Molly died, they pushed him and put him in dangerous situations he didn't want to be in and then they're like GASP he kills people really fast oh no!
Sibling: I mean, what I don't get is that... yeah, visually the deaths seem horrible. HE MADE SURE THEY DIED AS QUICKLY AS-AS THAT LADY FROM HITMAN WHO GETS SQUASHED IN THE GIANT PRESSER.
Me: No one else in the party gets pressured to do things they don't want to do quite like Caleb does. Maybe Caduceus, early on. But they are CONSTANTLY doing this to Caleb at every turn. Fjord is probably the only one who consistently tries to avoid doing that. Everyone else gets the whole "we'll support whatever you choose to do" treatment. Not Caleb.
Sibling: but yeah, Beau seems... okayish about it? But I wish she'd kept her mouth shut about Astrid. Why should he have to hear what someone complicit in his abuse and others' is "feewwing"? She's using him and she's using the 9.
Me: It makes me so angry, because Caleb, more than any other member of the party, really ought to be given respect for his own autonomy and wishes, ESPECIALLY with regards to his past! They don't just pressure him to do things he doesn't want to do with respect to his past (and other situations, too) but they demand that he do what they think he should while holding the motives they think he should have while doing so. It's not enough that he go after Trent, he has to police his own feelings and do it for the right reasons. Which is really disgusting because all of them are clearly chomping at the bit to kill Trent out of revenge, but Caleb's supposed to want to kill Trent for the greater good. Like seriously FUCK OFF.
Sibling: EXACTLY. HE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO MAKE HIS OWN DECISIONS. It's the expectation of: "You should feel and do these things in regards to your trauma, because doing anything else makes us uncomfortable." Don't we know that fucking feeling. You don't even have to like how you're feeling and other people still get to dictate what is and isn't acceptable. It's genuinely appalling.
Me: I think it's really gross how supportive the group is of each other when it comes to all their various problems, but with Caleb, they are constantly pressuring and challenging him and NOT IN A GOOD WAY.
Sibling: I felt Veth and Caleb's personal exchange was sweet, but I'm right back to feeling that she needs to go when they go to Nicodranas, just... just stay with your family. Bring back Taryon or something.
Me: If this last episode was proof of anything, it's that forcing Caleb to confront his past because others in the party want him to is nothing short of abusive behavior on their parts.
Sibling: Not to mention the condemnation of how he handles the thing they pressured him to do.
Me: And I have thought this even before he told Beau and Molly about Trent, because Caleb didn't want to participate in that tournament thing in Zadash that put him back on Trent's radar. And after he told them, did he ever get an apology from those who pressured him to participate in that? No.
Sibling: ... I just don't understand the 9. Caleb... It'd be like how they treated Fjord in regards to Avantika, honestly.
Me: But frankly she (Veth) has been repeatedly very cruel to him in a very casual way.
Sibling: Totally, wtf, she says she loves him but she acts like she thinks he’s an awful person- a useful awful person.
Me: And I should be clear, I've tried really, really hard to give her the benefit of the doubt, and she just keeps doing it over and over.
Sibling: Dude, same. I thought we got Nott back, and was feeling good until recently.
Me: And the thing that pisses me off most of all is that Caleb HAS made clear what HE wants at this point, and the party just... glossed over it. Caduceus said he approved of Caleb's stance, but... That doesn't mean anything if you don't actively push back against the pressure the other party members apply.
Sibling: As I've said before, I want Caduceus and Caleb to have this talk and yet I realize that he's not that kind of counselor. I don't see Ducey as an advocate... he has no idea what Caleb went through and doesn't have the skills to help him cope; he's a grief counselor, not a therapist.
Me: What Caleb needs is input from people who aren't so pushy about this. Fjord is a good choice but, like Caddy, he's shown that he won't step in and be like "how about we do what CALEB wants?"
Sibling: And... they're able to semi-acknowledge Beau's trauma but not Caleb's? Fjord honestly is the closest thing to an advocate Caleb has but he... he's also too passive. He doesn't care if Caleb does something he'll regret and also doesn't care that other people are pushing him into doing things he'll regret.
Me: Honestly this is why I was HOPING that Essek would get to know the party better, because for all his faults, Essek generally has a cool head and I think he WOULD push back against the others and say that, especially with his experience with the Assembly. I think that Essek would definitely support Caleb's perspective more than the others and he's not afraid to push back with his opinions.
Sibling: Shadowgast forever. Even if it dismays the Widojest fans, who apparently don't like shipping Caleb with people who are morally questionable. Despite the fact that Jester was willing to dupe a ton of people into putting their lives in danger for an imaginary friend.
Me: (not touching ship wars with a ten foot pole, tyvm) I think if Essek saw the way the party members were pressuring Caleb with respect to Trent in particular, he'd be a bit taken aback because he's seen how amenable to the wants of his friends Caleb is.
Sibling: Essek did what Essek wanted to and it got him into trouble. Caleb is helping other people and doing exactly what others tell him to, feeling what others want him to, trying to please them, and it's getting him into trouble. They could do with a bit of reigning in for each other.
Me: Ngl, if this mess gets Caleb killed, I'm going to lose it.
Sibling: Well, I mean... If Caleb dies at all, I'm going to lose it... especially because his blood will be on the 9's hands and I'm not sure if, like Molly, he would want to come back. Which is awful to say but I wonder if someone so... hurt wouldn't just... let it happen.
Sibling: I sort of got it from a player's perspective in regards to Ducey? The cast was bored and weren't really interested in Cad's story so they messed around and ignored him... But like, this? This is... "We need to see Caleb's story arc because we haven't yet, even though it doesn't make sense right now and we're already on a time limit"
Me: That's true... IT MAKES ME SO MAD. When they finished the spell for Veth and tricked Isharnai, Cale let her take time to think before they removed the curse. He didn't even fully understand why she needed that time but he gave it to her. And again, on Rumblecusp for Jester, he was like "here is what I can offer. What do you want me to do for you? I am here for you." AND THEY NEVER DO THE SAME THING IN TURN. WHEN IT'S HIS TURN, THE PARTY IS LIKE "HERE IS WHAT WE WANT YOU TO DO AND HOW WE WANT YOU TO FEEL ABOUT IT."
Sibling: It's true. I'd go so far as to say Caleb's self-destructive in that respect.
Me: Maybe I'm being uncharitable, but this has been going on for 127 episodes and it hasn't gotten any better! They're STILL doing this and they're not even being half as supportive about it the way they were with Jester's angst about Artagan! And Caleb is almost as young as Jester mentally!
Sibling: No, I don't think you're being uncharitable. They treat Caleb like they know what's best for him and not one has bothered to ask him- SERIOUSLY ASK HIM- "Do you want to deal with this now, later, or not at all? because it's okay if you don't want to deal with it. That's your choice."
Sibling: Can you imagine if they were as supportive to Caleb as they were to Jester about her "pedoy-creeper" imaginary friend? Meanwhile Caleb's backstory has ACTUAL TONES of sexual abuse and they're just like hahaaha, don't you want to go back to the torture prison?? You can get some anti-spy necklaces, it'll be good but don't kill anyone there even if they were complicit in your abuse...
Me: AND THEN RESPECT THAT CHOICE. They do not, DO NOT, get to clutch their pearls over Caleb killing people in the sanatorium after all this time. THEY pressured him to do this, THEY ALREADY KNEW this would be awful for him, THEY'VE ALREADY SEEN WHAT HE'S LIKE in these situations, and THEY ARE JUST AS MURDEROUS AS HE IS. When other party members kill people, it's no big deal, but when Caleb is faced with people who imprison and experiment on and torture people like him (ONLY FIVE-SIX YEARS AGO HE WAS IN THERE) and he kills them and they have the audacity to be upset as if they haven't killed dozens of other people for far weaker reasons!
Sibling: ... Actually, do you think it's a sexism thing? They're not addressing Caleb's massive elephant in the room because there's a cute gal who has mild creeper overtones in her backstory?
Me: Yes, I absolutely do. If Caleb was a cute girl, they would be far more emotionally supportive and would not be pressuring him in this way. It absolutely wouldn't happen.
Sibling: Like, they punched the crap out of Artagan, which like, cool, but what did he do to Jester? He screwed over other people and there's some mild undertones of gross manipulation when she was little. Trent canonically abused the Blumentrio when they were children and then stripped Caleb's ability to say "no" from him for 11 years...
Me: It's not just because he's a boy, but he also looks older than he is- early thirties instead of early twenties, and I'd argue that his five years on the streets barely count for mental maturity, too- so they don't give him the same kind of unabashed emotional support, because they still code him as someone "unstable/misled" who needs to be "guided/controlled," hence the constant pressuring and questioning.
Me: No, and that's the thing. The thing that hangs over this in particular. The party barely knows anything about the abuse he suffered and they, including Caleb, know almost nothing about what he endured in the asylum. I can't even imagine how horrifying it is to be there. Just think about it.
Sibling: I have, and I can empathize
Me: Every time he saw one of those guards, you know he had to think... "Did this one hurt me? Did this one? Do they know? They have to know. There's no way they don't know even if they didn't participate... I was here just a few years ago... Did one of them hurt me? Did one of them touch me? Did one of them see me?! I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER IF THEY HURT ME BUT THEM JUST BEING HERE MEANS THEY ARE HURTING PEOPLE LIKE ME." How is anyone, even someone who wasn't tortured and brainwashed as a teenager, supposed to handle that?
Sibling: I know how much it can fuck you up IRL to be abused. Can you imagine 11 years of that??? Fuck no, it was awful just the few times it happened but that was his TRAINING before it was his PRISON. And then his "friends" call him a murderer. Cold, cruel. And that's the thing... I don't know if Caleb will ever open up to anyone about it. Maybe Essek, but certainly not Veth. Veth doesn't care unless she can get something out of it.
Me: It's shocking to me that no one in the party seemed to even consider what a horrible thing it was to do to bring Caleb back there. It speaks to how little consideration they actually have for his feelings on any meaningful level.
Sibling: The only person I can think of who might have an excuse is Caddy because I don't think he's had that specific talk with Caddy. And he never will, because those characters never fucking talk.
Me: No, when they were in Rexxentrum, he clarified some things. He told them that Trent would hurt him and then apologize after the fact, and about his parents, and in Felderwin he did tell them about the experiments, and they knew that he was kept in the asylum for eleven years.
Sibling: Ugh, you're right. I mean I feel like I just don't understand the 9 right now. Caleb... It's a lot like how how they treated Fjord in regards to Avantika, honestly. In fact, I keep drawing parallels to Fjord.
Me: Yeah, that was terrible.
Sibling: It's another "ughh he's a boy he needs to deal with it" rather than "that was awful and I'm sorry" "what can we do to help" And honestly fuck that mindset.
Me: And remember; Caleb was the only one to consider that what happened with Avantika would be hard on Fjord, and even said to Beau and Nott that they needed to be supportive... and then they just ignored him.
Sibling: How dare they treat Jester, who... I'm sorry, what's her trauma again? She was stuck inside for a while... nvm, why is she being treated with more care than Caleb and Fjord, who've both had actual abusive experiences... and the answer is that they've got dicks, and that means they don’t need concern and care. They can deal with it themselves, they have to be MANLY and cope with violence, but also violence is bad and you shouldn't engage in it... "how dare you strike back at the abusers we told you to strike back at?"
Me: Yes. That is exactly it, and don't forget this: When the party first met Nott and Caleb, they assumed that Caleb was a FUCKING PREDATOR preying on Nott. Why? Because he's a homeless man in his apparent thirties, and she was small.
Sibling: Critical Role and the Assumed Nature of People w/ Penises
Me: The best thing Nott ever did for Caleb was correct the record on that bullshit.
Sibling: But again, that's Nott, not Veth. God I miss Nott.
Me: That was back when he was a surrogate for her family and her hope for becoming herself again.
Sibling: I just.... I don't understand what changed; she cared for Caleb even if it was for her own gain... why is she still manipulating him if she has nothing more to gain?
Me: It was Felderwin (when it started to change). But she's doing it now because it will make it easier for her to leave guilt free.
Sibling: Then leave... Don't hang around with a "murderer" if you're going to pretend you haven't done your fair share of slaughtering yourself- fuck, she even drew first blood in that fight, WHY?!
Me: You don't get to put someone into a position where they have to kill people and then get upset and call them a murderer when they kill people. If Veth had just shot and killed the guy in one turn, do you think she'd get that kind of reaction? No. But because it's the traumatized young man who was trained to be a murderer as a teenager, it's somehow particularly bad when he kills... when he has no choice but to do so?! Ridiculous.
Sibling: I just find it so weird that the ACTUAL murder hobo of the group is pointing at another member and calling him the murder hobo. He has killed people, he was a hobo, but the people who have truly done disgusting things over the course of the campaign is not the hobo who is a murderer. It's the Chaos Crew. Beau killed a person with acid when she had a knife readily available... and you know... could have snapped his neck to begin with... not that the party knows that but.
Me: That's what I EXPECTED Beau to do!
Sibling: The GROUP was all horrified and shocked when Caleb quickly and swiftly took out the guards of the torture dungeon but Beau let a man suffer for fucking MINUTES while acid burned out his throat and he suffocated and STILL DIDN'T DIE until she had to finish him off... and Beau killed that man near Caduceus' family, threw his head in the water.
Me: Remember when Nott killed that guard in Uthodurn?
Sibling: Veth has killed so many people when they didn't need to, but no. Using quick, lethal methods to dispatch guards (much, MUCH BETTER than burning) is too far.
Me: NONE of them are pushed back on in the same way, and none of them are pressured to act/feel a certain way, and ALSO... The party has ONLY benefited from this side of Caleb. It is the ONLY reason that Fjord, Yasha, and Jester are alive, because he went into that space to save them in the Sour Nest. It is the ONLY reason they took down Avantika as easily as they did, because he went all out in that fight. It is the ONLY reason they got Yeza out and made friends with the Dynasty, because he was willing to do something that got him scolded- SCOLDED- by the group even though it saved them and HE was the one losing out more than any other by giving up the beacon! And it is therefore the reason they were able to use their clout in the Dynasty to END THE WAR. They benefit from this headspace Caleb falls into and then condemn it at the same time. Don't want him to be that way? Stop putting him in situations where he HAS TO BE THAT WAY.
Sibling: Caleb is the glue for the M9, has saved them more times than they can count. Time, traveling and in combat, and they're still demanding he address his trauma in ways that make them comfortable. Despicable, and honestly? Toxic.
Me: And now he may fall back into the hands of his abuser because of it. I've been thinking of this ever since the peace talks that it was such a shame that Essek was the traitor because Caleb really, really could have benefited from having a true safe space in Rosohna. What a shame it is that Essek was working for THEM, and broke Caleb's trust, and now Rosohna doesn't feel like a place he can really go to anymore.
Sibling: He still can. If Essek survives, go live in your wizard tower, resummon it every single day, and live life away from both sides of the war.
Me: No, I agree. Probably the worst thing that people keep pressuring Caleb on is not revenge. It's what they keep implying he ought to do after Trent is dead. He DOESN'T WANT to be part of the government. He just wants the scourger program to stop.
Sibling: He owes the government NOTHING. It has only hurt him. He doesn't need to be forced to pick up the mess that OTHER PEOPLE CAUSED because he was affected by it.
Me: He just wanted to teach magic ffs. That breaks my heart. Like, what a terrible thing... to tell someone who already thinks he doesn't deserve to be happy, that he should spend his life in a job he DOESN'T WANT in order to fix things that PEOPLE WHO WRONGED HIM DID. Because he could cave in and do it; he hates himself, and that's the true grossness of all the pressure the party puts on Caleb. His self-loathing makes him inclined to just give in and do what they say, because his own desires will end up stifled by theirs.
Sibling: I think the thing that's weird to me though? Is that... other cast members don't... seem to see that. Even in the Talks Machina segments. Liam has expressed how profoundly damaged Caleb is and the cast, not just the party just... doesn't seem to mind? And I honestly, HONESTLY think it's sexism.
Me: Yeah, remember how sweet they were to Calianna? >_> Less trauma with actions just as bad, and yet... "CALEB WHY ARE YOU DOUBTING AND DISTRUSTING HER" - said the people who non-stop doubt and distrust Caleb.
Sibling: I do completely agree that the way the 9 have been handling Caleb's trauma is encapsulated by last week's episode... I think it: 1) Has a lot to do with sexism and 2) Has a lot to do with the cast rushing his arc before the Eiselcross arc is completed. This doesn't feel like his choice to enter his arc. This feels like his hand was forced to address trauma before he was ready and I don't think that's a great look for the 9.
Me: It makes me sad, too, because I feel like with the careless way the Nein handle Caleb's past... I just don't see any way for things to end well for Astrid and Wulf, to be honest. There's no way these buffoons won't fuck up any chance at those two being redeemed. And I'm not even crazy about the prospect of them being redeemed, but if there's any chance for it... it won't be Caleb that fucks it up. It will be the other members of the Nein, I just know it.
Sibling: No, they'll force a romance that won't be any less toxic than it was before. Because a woman needs to heal Caleb's wounds. *pukes*
Me: GOD AND THEN... Like, they all want revenge on Trent even as they pretend that Caleb shouldn't and needs to do things for the greater good, but... the thing is that if they really, really wanted justice for Caleb... Why, why, WHY are they not coordinating with the COBALT SOUL to take Trent down?! That is their ACTUAL BEST AVENUE for doing so! And Caleb would be far more safe and comfortable doing that!
Sibling: "Because the Cobalt Soul is Beau's arc and we want to do Caleb's arc"
Me: Beau gets a trial for her trauma... Caleb gets called a stone-cold murderer for being forced to confront his directly. Then stop pressuring him into direct confrontations with his trauma!
Sibling: Sexism, I'm telling you. She's a laddyyyy
Me: And more and more I'm thinking that the 8th floor of the tower is actually a really healthy thing for him to do, because it's obvious that he's never going to be able to healthily process his trauma in a way that's under his control with the Nein constantly pressuring him to confront it in dangerous, unsafe ways that he doesn't want to. It's amazing to me that they balked at the 8th floor of the tower but have no problem MAKING HIM INTERACT DIRECTLY WITH THE ASSEMBLY AND THE SANATORIUM.
Sibling: And here's my thought regarding that... He can change the tower. When he doesn't need those rooms anymore, he will change them. As he has for his friends. That's a sign of healing. It's a scar that will heal, and that he has power over.
Me: Yes, yes, exactly! And the thing about it is... It's like photos, you know? And no one can actually hurt him in that space.
Sibling: He doesn't have the power over his place of abuse. Old photos can be used to safely address old trauma... walking into the torture-prison and whining about the people you hurt in there is just...
Me: ... It reminds me of the sequence in Tales of Berseria, where they torture Velvet simply by revealing hidden knowledge about the past to her, or Tales of the Abyss, where Luke finds out he was made to do something horrible and it breaks his ego. They are literally putting Caleb into situations where something like that could happen to him every time he meets Astrid or Trent or goes to a place where he will be triggered. I mean full-on total mental breakdown.
Sibling: Honestly? that's what I am expecting and it still could happen.
Me: All it would take is some sort of reveal about those eleven years. Or that night. Or something... and he could just shatter to pieces, and they haven't seemed to have even considered that. It's unbelievable. I'm terrified of a "You destroyed the pillar that supported Akzeriuth. You committed more atrocities you can’t even fathom" moment for Caleb. ;_;
Sibling: stop, god, I can't I would literally have a meltdown like this if Caleb was forced to regress because he wouldn't regress like Beauregard... he would regress, like any abused child to being hurt again.
Me: But we don't know WHAT THEY DID TO HIM... Not fully. I mean the asylum, too, because it's not just that they could have done anything to him in that place. It's that they could have MADE HIM DO THINGS.
Sibling: They abused him, experimented on his body with residuum, and broke his mind. Why would any of that have stopped, when he was literally at Trent's summer house?
Me: And worse still, Trent has ALREADY TRIED TO CAUSE SUCH A BREAKDOWN. He tried to blue-screen Caleb repeatedly at the dinner with comments about his parents. We ALREADY KNOW that he wants to provoke some sort of breakage in Caleb, so why, WHY would you pressure Caleb to go back to that place?!
Sibling: Not to mention, (fucking IDIOTS) THAT ASTRID SENT HIM THERE. SHE WORKS WITH TRENT. SHE WANTS CALEB OUT OF THE WAY. What better way to do it than another 11 years to plan?
Me: She told him Trent wasn't there, too. :-/ Now, that still might have been true in that... he might have been called to the place, but I doubt it.
Sibling: What I want to be said... nvm, I'll actually save that for therapy lol. That's too deep and I don't wanna type that out. That's the problem with characters with trauma: what you want for them might hit too close to home LMAOAOOO. Hurts your heart, especially when it's glossed over.
Me: Caleb getting justice shouldn't necessitate his trauma being rubbed in his face 24/7.
Sibling: TRUE. Truest goddamn thing I ever heard. Especially if his choice is to be done with it.
...........
We didn’t really touch on Yasha, who has actually been a good influence on Caleb, imo, and there were other things we could have talked about that are related to this subject, but *shrug*
Anyway, this conversation mostly came from a place of hurt. It’s frustrating to see characters who claim to love a traumatized character consistently, thoughtlessly behave in ways that are hurtful to that character, and in often brazenly selfish ways. We’re not saying you can’t like characters who do that... this conversation was actually prompted by frankly hurtful posts with respect to Caleb’s mental state.
Also sorry for those who are unfamiliar with Tales of the Abyss/Tales of Berseria. Both of these video games have traumatized protagonists and both games explore their growth (or decline) as a result of that trauma, and were useful in our discussion for making my point.
.
Edit: Okay, so the first comment I got was someone saying that I’m allowed to think what I want but they don’t want to see it. If you’ve read this far, I hope you noticed that this post criticized that sort of attitude... IN THE CHARACTERS OF CR... It’s bad to pressure a person into exhibiting their trauma in a way that makes normies “comfortable,” so of course the first responder to the post decided to prove just that. I deleted that comment... but not before doing what they wanted, like people like me and characters like Caleb almost always end up doing anyway. Thanks for that. I can see why my post upset that poster. *rolls eyes*
#critrole spoilers#critical role#critrole#spoilers#critical role 127#caleb widogast#fjord stone#jester lavorre#caduceus clay#beauregard lionett#trent ikithon#essek thelyss#abuse#trauma#meta#autonomy#calianna#relevant tag removed upon request
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Shannon! I have a question for today, it might be a little broad, but how did you come up with Natia’s character? :)
AMY!!! hello! sorry that i have *just* gotten to this as my weeks have increasingly gotten insanely busy between my job starting back up, school, college stuff, and ap exam chaos as well haha! i did this at about 11pm(?) and i'll be queuing it up for the morning for you, but outside of tumblr, i've thought a lot about this question and what i really wanted to include in this question. having almost spent 10 months spent writing and developing natia to who she is today makes a whole lot of stuff move through my brain when i go back to my developing stages for her! thank you for the question (and the broadness, never fear, i absolutely love it!)
Natia's character really came from the idea of just wanting to really push myself out of the box and *out there* to see what I could do. And I will say Landslide is one of my most *out-there* projects in terms of content - I mean we have Death as a personified character, crazy Agent Mortem, all these past connections to Natia? It's chaos haha! But, I had experimented previously with a partly Polish-OC, Hazel Parker of "The Soldier of Stars", and from that, I went, well there's no centrally focused Polish OC yet that I have seen (this was back in like June-July 2020 mind you, so there probably has been Polish OCs created since this time!!) and I had always felt that the Warsaw Uprising was inherently important! I also read up on the Polish Resistance and how they were the most effective resistance group of continental Europe during the war, with ultimately the Warsaw Uprising being their last final push that did sort of end that.
Something I've really enjoyed about creating Natia's character was putting a great focus on her flaws. Now, her strengths are just as important - she is a great soldier in the field, she's highly intelligent and can make quick decisions on the fly, she withholds a lot of strength when it comes to situations where she needs to focus, she's observant, and she keeps herself fairly humble when not bursting at the seems. She doesn't let herself get stepped over very often (unless it's Mortem) and if anything she will insert herself, and show what skills she has, but she won't go overboard. She's also passionate about her country and her people and she always has something to fight for and even when she feels all hope is lost, she withholds a tiny little sliver no matter what, even if she doesn't feel it. But her flaws I feel are a massive part of her character. She's stubborn, she won't let people help her, she has trouble expressing emotion, she numbs herself more often than not to not feel the pain that she is supposed to feel, she blames everything on herself, she gets hot-headed quite easily, and grows to the point of nearly irrational at some moments in time and even will let her emotions get the best of her in times like this. But that makes up who Natia is as a character and who she is as a person in general.
But even with the strengths and flaws of her character, it makes her very much still a human being. And that was one of my main goals when creating Natia - make her human enough to make that angst HURT, but make her human enough that when you see her succeed or even the little wins here and there, you want to cheer. Because those are human moments. And I know this sort of character creation is not for everyone, but for me over the past near-year, this has been one of my favorite things about creating Natia because I've found myself able to relate to her even though I'm so vastly different from her.
I did some research on a British-Polish SOE Agent, Krystyna Skarbek otherwise known as her alias Christine Granville and I took a few liberties from this amazing woman and used it on Natia. But things such as Agent Mortem, Death/War connection and the eventual introduction of another character Solomon Campbell (who will be in Part 3), as well as the Resistance group of Part 1 and her siblings and parents, are all more of my own ideas and connections!
Something I have had a LOT of fun doing is showing that even though on the exterior Natia seems cold-hearted and dark and numb, and whatever other *cold+dark* ideas can be thought up, she is very much underneath -- not that. We can see how much evidently she cares for someone like George Luz; I mean even Joe Liebgott has pointed it out to her. She always is just trying to do her best and do what is best in the situation - no longer it is about what is good or bad anymore to her, it's about doing what's best in the situation for the time being, and I really love that aspect of her character a lot! We can see that when the war ends, she wants to live on the English coast, far away from war all alone with a dog and even a little goat in a seaside cottage. She grew so attached to the word AWOL after Joe Toye came and sat with her that night in Holland and they talked for once about something other than war. She even withheld her name, her nationality and just about everything else to keep the idea of the cold-face agent she thought she was up so the men of Easy Company don't have to know the real her. But -- was it to protect her...or to protect Easy? All these little ideas I threw in there to show that she is actually, very, compassionate in many ways, and caring and attentive and observant of the men and women she works with.
I really try to show that Natia listens when she listens to someone speak and she observes and she pays attention more than anything. And she ends up, holding information like that close to her and finding comfort in it.
My goal with Natia was to show that there can be a balance to "the bad-ass fighter" idea who fights for what she believes, but also remain human as well. We can see how much things affect her, especially the loss of friends. Of course, she doesn't show this to other people, but to use as readers, we see this and we see her occasional breakdown - and in a way, she continues living on their legacies because she listened to what they had to say. For example, Zdzich told her to not let the war overtake her, and throughout the story so far, we've see her sort of repeat this to herself in various ways. Because Zdzich meant that much to her. She's lost so much by this point in war that almost it's so sad to see that she, from what we all know of BoB, still has to go through so much, but at that point, she's fought so much, that all she can do it keep pushing on with it.
I think one of the most interesting moments from writing Natia was when the first few chapters were actually uploaded on platforms and there was someone really coming after Natia for her decisions and for this, that and the other thing (amy if i vaguely remember i think you remember who this person is as well because you clapped back at them once, and man your response was GOLD!!!). One of those things was Natia's approach with food (TW: mentions of struggling to eat with food, references of depression and struggling to eat, mental health issues relating...) and the person who commented would always be saying something about how she needs to eat, and she needs to remain strong and she needs to snap out of it with her depression and all this other stuff and to be honest, I sort of sat there for a moment like??? But there's reasons WHY she's not eating? Why she's holding back? (And of course ones I had mentioned so...) But let's move on.
Mental health was a prevalent thing in World War 2, though it was not looked upon fondly and Natia essentially does have depression as well as a border-line eating disorder. And so when the comment said that she had to snap out of it, I don't know it sort of off-put me because I have family with both those disorders and they've had treatment for it for years and you can't just snap out of it. I really tried to stress that 'the snapping-out-of-it" does not work, and the person kept firing back a bit at it, so I just moved on from it and ignored it. Natia's struggle with eating, as one can see, also comes from the heavy guilt and grief that is slowly uncovered throughout the story of what Natia has done and what has happened throughout the course of the war to her. Natia's number one thing she constantly does and has now become the focus of many character relationships with her (ie Doc Gene Roe) is the clenched fists, that she squeezes until they bleed and eventually need wrapped up by the Doc. Something she also refuses to accept she has a problem with. As we can see, acceptance is a concept she struggles with more than anything and something she will essentially have to learn to simply, accept.
That's just sort of one of the many bits of information about her character that I added, especially in society today as mental health is so important and so I just wanted to share a bit of the backlash I got from someone for it. But I guess that's life, but I'll continue to write Natia Filipska as an OC who does struggle with depression because of her life in war.
Natia's character and her story is probably one of the most complex characters and stories I've written and crafted and created and I'm just extremely happy with how she ended up coming out in the end! I'm about to go and do some writing and editing for her and it's just so exciting writing her because of all these various levels she withholds and she slowly lets uncover as the story unfolds! I just love it! OH - and we can't forget about the infamous mentions of the piano....yep that'll be coming up soon haha!! <3
THANK YOU FOR THE QUESTION AMY!!! IT MEANT SO MUCH!!!! just getting to talk about Natia a little bit and her character and what my mind set was creating her - it means so much. my mindset with her is somehow always changing and shifting as she goes through her character arc throughout the story and how her developmental shifts and it's just something i really love and enjoy more than anything!!! <3 so thank you for letting me just talk about it for a little while as well as my thoughts and opinions, it means a lot :)
#character analysis#natia filipska#agent fidel#landslide#bob fic#band of brothers#band of brothers fic#OC#band of brothers OC#thank you amy!#this was very fun to put together i will say!#tw: mentions of depression/slight eating disorder#ALL QUEUED UP !!!!
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SCK episode 46 asks!
Hi folks, below the read more you'll find a smattering of asks about this week's episode as well as a few spoilers for 47.
Good asks this week:
(under the cut)
Anonymous asked: this may be superficial of me, but why are they dressing Serkan in such ugly tops? they finally brought Eda's hair back but now this
BWAH! You're not wrong. You know what I'm wondering, if they've put him in some of those outfits because they are showing his suburban dad side? It's kind of a subtle nod to him embracing father hood and a different way of life? He's now all about running around the yard after his daughter and not about what he looks like when he's being SERKAN BOLAT, FAMOUS BUSINESS MAN and WORLD'S BEST ARCHITECT.
Also, Eda's hair, thank goodness they let that go once the flashbacks were over and we didn't need something to distinguish between then and now! Those curly bangs were not it.
Anonymous asked: They built up the Edser chemistry soooooo well throughout the episode... for that ending? Who decided to cut it there?! The scene was BEAUTIFUL I’m actually upset lol. are not we going to see any more? I’m not asking for a sex scene, I wanted to see THE moment they decided to get back together (the tattoo line doesn’t do it for me) - a few words, tears as they embrace, him walking through the door as she closes it, one passionate kiss, something! But it doesn’t feel like a cliffhanger that continues next week. I’ll be so underwhelmed when they cut to the morning after and we have to infer that they got back together overnight *sigh* if they were allowed 1 kiss only, id rather it have been here instead of ep 2
We do deserve to see how they reconcile, that should be one of the biggest moments of the season after 7 episodes of build up to it.
90% of final scenes in this show have continued uninterrupted the next week. To me there's no reason to think the next episode won't pick up right where this one left off. Crossing fingers!
Anonymous asked: It just hit me that Serkan is the “Kiraz” for Kemal - but Kemal actually missed his child’s whole 35 years 😬 this is an interesting turn of events. Also that line Serkan said about how fathers should love their child’s mother and how he didn’t have that with his own parents....but his real dad does love Aydan, more than she deserves haha.
Oh so true! Kemal really does love his mother more than she deserves! How he puts up with her, I don't know.
The parallel between Serkan/Kemal and Kiraz/Serkan is strong and I hope it gives Serkan some perspective when he starts grappling with this knowledge. I'm sure it's going to be very disconcerting for him, because while he expected to never see his father again, Alptekin is still his father. He's still the man who raised him and formed him into the man he is. Serkan still runs the company he founded and bears his name.
I don't expect any of that to change, but hopefully he can forge a separate relationship with Kemal that might fill some emotional holes that he has and bring him some peace.
None of that even contemplates how Kemal will feel, thankfully Aydan didn't willfully hide the truth from him. How awful to realize you lost 35 years.
We aren't there yet, but I wonder at what age with Kiraz learn the truth, that her dad is not an astronaut, that her parents went through hell with with cancer and plane crashes, and that her father didn't know of her existence until right before they met?
Just something to think about.
Anonymous asked: i'm so happy for hanker, don't get me wrong, and i'm also so happy we get "together" edser for so many episodes until the end, but i'm already tired of the constant "hanker improvising" comments i know i will be seeing. not that they don't improvise in some scenes, but i just know that every romantic edser scene is gonna be analyzed to hell bc ppl want to look for hanker in them. like there's no possible way that ayse, the writer ppl hate the most, could write any romantic scenes.. nope no way!
Yes, this is one of my pet peeves, I can't stand the "Edser left the chat" and all the "that's Hanker, not Edser" type conversation. it's so invasive and most of all disrespectful to not only the writers, but Hande and Kerem and all the work they pour into bringing Eda and Serkan to life.
One of the things in fandom that sets my teeth on edge is when folks take some interpretation of the character by the actor and then decide because it wasn't "scripted" (pro tip the vast majority of physical movements the actors make are "unscripted") that it must just be the actors themselves and have nothing to do with the characters. What an embarrassing and naïve assertion. Actors literal job is to take what's on the page and then translate that. So, no, OF COURSE, every look and touch is not scripted. The actors interpret how their characters would think and feel, and what they would do in given moments and then do those things.
Eda is not touching Serkan's arm just because Hande can't hold herself back from touching Kerem. Puh-lease, they are professionals. Grow up.
However, having said all that, I do think there was one scene that seemed to be very improvised this episode. The bean scene in the grocery store did feel like them just eFFing around. LOL.
andhewonherheart asked: @andhewonherheart: SCK promo department is best and worst all at the same time, cause giving away the last (cliffhanger) scene in fragman is just cruel. But based on the next week’s fragman thing happens that we we think happens *wink*
Hee! So true. The thing I'm grateful for is that in season 2 not one fragman has made me dread the episode, I think there was at least one fragman an episode from 29-37 that was hella upsetting.
As far as I'm concerned these fragmans are doing there job, making me want to watch.
I am really excited for Serkan planning how he's going to ask Eda to marry him, I wonder what Kiraz's reaction is going to be. So far she's been their very own cupid!
Anonymous asked: I didn't find it surprising that Serkan removed his tattoo as soon as Eda left. His logic is always out of sight out of mind though it doesn't work. He did the same when he broke up with her when he found out about the death of her parents. He removed all of her belongings. But their memories are too strong and enough for him to continue to remember her.
Truth! Will he ever learn that it's never going to work? He'll never be able to erase Eda, she has left an indelible mark on his soul. Let's hope he's never faced with that situation again! From here on out, he and Eda are together, a unit, and will live a long life together and in love.
Anyone have any guesses where Eda's tattoo is? Will we find out or will it remain between the characters.
Anonymous asked: I've seen some people say that Edser are getting married now way too fast and to that I just have to laugh lol. First there were complaints we don't have happy Edser and now when we do, of course there's something else. These two have had a rollercoaster of a year when they first met and a five year separation.. they've been through the dating phase, the engaged phase.. of course they'll head straight to the altar! It's not like Eda's plane proposal and that first wedding wasn't rushed either!
I'm on team head straight to the alter! No more waiting. They've had terrible luck, so they just need to tie the knot and make sure there are no easy outs.
As for people who think it's too fast, they don't even know the storyline yet, I swear there are folks who complain just because that's their personality and they're never satisfied.
Anonymous asked: From some of the spoilers of BTS pics, and the fragman we got, I was just reflecting on this season and Turk romcom dizis in general and I just wanted to say how LUCKY we are to see Edser married (again, from spoilers) and with a kid on screen for more than just 10 minute at the end of the finale. Like, it is really rare and as much as people have nitpicked on this season in general, I feel like watching these last episodes have been such a breeze after the last arc of S1.
Oh agreed, I think these episodes have been very enjoyable. The writers are giving me exactly what I want from this show. Comedy, UST, romance with a little light angst thrown in now and again. I would rewatch this season a dozen times before even thinking about watching anything from the 30s.
We are very lucky that we've got to see them as parents, and actually forming their family. We've gotten so much domestic goodness so far and we still have a ways to go. I'm very appreciative of this season and that Ayse came back, got rid of the constant ridiculous melodrama for melodrama's-sake and is telling a very human story about family and love persevering.
Anonymous asked: the last scene gave me chills for some reason. you could actually see eda fighting her head and her heart and deciding to take the step (metaphorically and physically!) towards him for good. i wanna SUE whoever decided to end it the ep there though.. it was actually cruel. also looking at the next frag.. it makes my heart soft that in the flashbacks we see serkan pushing off their wedding bc of his fears and now he can't propose and get married fast enough.. can't believe we're really getting it
I know, it's almost surreal at this point. Since we're near the end we know it's for real and won't be ruined by psychos or awful family members or terminal illness. I just hope that they give us an emotional scene when they get married, whether its just them or the whole cast is there as guests, after everything they've (we've) been through we need to see them both feeling that moment and reveling in it.
FYI - I'm out of town next weekend, so I may be slower than usual in replying to asks and in posting gifs of 47, but I'll get to it all eventually!
#Sen Çal Kapımı#Sen Cal Kapimi#Edser#sckask#sck episode discussion#edser discussion#asklizac jmo personal life#singles anonym
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I know alot of people thought this volume was Weiss time to shine but her contribution has been marginal at best. Now she's in the same situation as Blake and Yang then their arcs were ended in volume 5. This means when can we expect her to be shipped with someone and be mostly useless?
The way that Weiss was benched this season and the way her seasons-long story was just glossed over is confusing and frustrating. I was really looking forward to seeing Weiss not only interacting with her family in meaningful ways, but seeing her - the Atlas born and raised girl who’s used to how everything works there - not considering things as big of a deal as the others, being something of a celebrity, coming up with solutions only an Atlas born person might know, her having a full arc with her brother Whitley, her interacting with her team more and relying on them for strength instead of being mostly a support character. Instead, Weiss’s arc with her family not only is resolved like it’s easy, and Weiss doesn’t have to grow at all to get it, but it also barely involves Weiss’s friends at all. Also was Weiss treated like a celebrity? Or recognized by the people of Atlas or Mantle? As the very public singer-celebrity daughter of Jacques Schnee? And also, Weiss has spent the past volume acting like Ruby’s sidekick, barely doing more than throwing in some quips and taking four minutes or so to talk to her brother, and then the rest of her story in volume eight is just, being an extra fighter, making the appropriate faces when the creators want us to be shocked or sad or smug. Her last thread with Whitley and Willow has been tied off in a very unsatisfying and weird way...
And oh gosh, you’re right, this sounds really familiar.
Caution, this post isn’t super kind to B//umbleby or the characterization of Blake in particular. Bees I’m sorry if this shows up in your tags, I tried my best and used filterable tags. This is all just my personal opinion.
As soon as Blake’s arc, which was tied up in the problematic White Fang/Faunus racism plot was mostly solved in volume five, the quality of her character started going down, but there was still something there for her until they killed her abuser, and then her whole character was more or less stripped away and she was left hinting at her past in awkward dialogue, doing nothing but emoting in the proper way, occasionally patting Ruby or the others on the back, and being one half of a non-developed ship. Blake has had two moments in the past two seasons that seem to even somewhat include real fleshed out character, and that’s when she decided to trust Robyn, convincing Yang to go along with it, and now showing anger because Neo ‘killed’ Yang. Both of these are framed - and taken by the fans - as ‘bees moments’ though, so it’s still all tied up in her romance.
Now we’ve had some of the same sort of thing for Weiss. Her arc was also tied up in the problematic White Fang/Faunus racism plot (considering her family’s history that Weiss was originally trying to ‘reclaim’ despite her own racism never being fully called out and addressed in a meaningful way.) Once Weiss had broken away from her abusive father and thus at least somewhat solved her arc by volume five, then her quality of character started going down in volume six, and then she had a couple moments with her family in volumes seven and eight - although again, solved in fairly unsatisfying ways. Outside of only a couple of semi significant scenes in the Atlas arc, Weiss has been regulated to emoting in the proper ways, occasionally patting Ruby or the others on the back, and being an extra fighter in the group.
It is possible that she’s going to get some kind of romance and then kind of just... Fall into the same kind of stuck position as Blake and Yang - CRWBY won’t commit to them enough to give real confirmation or make them grow their relationship in significant ways, which means that in order to get across that their is a relationship, they keep the two mostly together, have them seem to revolve around each other and care about each other more than anyone else, and diminishing the connections the other characters have with both people in order to make Blake and Yang’s connection seem clearer. To be completely fair to CRWBY, Yang has been allowed to branch out and have real and natural interactions both with villains (taking on Salem, protesting Emerald’s involvement) and teammates (arguing with Ren, talking with Jaune, acting like Ruby is her close little sister again!) This season, Yang has started to act like her own character again, but Blake hasn’t been allowed much growth. I’d say Weiss would more likely to wind up in the ‘Blake’ position than the ‘Yang’ position as far as being allowed to grow, especially because we’re already seeing her character start to kind of falter now that they’ve tied up her arc in a messy bow, and especially if she wound up with Ruby or Jaune, who I think are the most likely romantic partners for Weiss at this time. But there’s also the possibility of them starting to force a relationship between her and literally anyone else, including any of the three boys waiting in Vacuo, or Emerald, or Marrow.
As a quick note, please keep in mind that this is all speculation for fun and it really might not amount to anything. It would be kind of funny and frustrating both if CRWBY repeated how they’ve done Blake with Weiss, but it’s possible that they’re going to give Weiss a more significant arc and growth in season nine, put more focus on her relationship with Whitley and Willow once things cool down a little after all of season eight was equal parts ‘a crisis mode’ and a ‘sit around and wait for the plot to come around’ storyline. This post is kind of running on in length pretty badly, but here are a couple of ways I think Weiss could really shine next arc.
1. Have her and Yang trapped in the void together without Ruby and Blake. I’ve talked before about how Ruby’s ‘protagonist’ framing swallows up her friend group before, and how Blake and Yang’s relationship tends to swallow up one or both of them, as well as other characters having to be a bit more diminished to try and make bee moments more significant, and I think splitting up the team between Weiss and Yang, and Blake and Ruby could make Weiss grow more significantly and have her and Yang interact meaningfully again (which we haven’t gotten since season five.) In an ideal situation, I’d personally throw Jaune into the mix as well, since I’ve started to enjoy both the concept of him and Yang as friends and the concept of him and Weiss as friends. I think it’d really speak to Weiss’s character and show growth if she made the choice to go in after Yang, since Ruby is needed more in the world immediately (because of her Silver Eyes,) Penny is needed too (because of her Maiden powers) and Blake is needed at least somewhat (since she’s the one with the connections to the reformed Faunus group and Ghira and Ilia and all.) This could add a layer to angst, with Weiss proclaiming herself the least important, but also make Weiss’s character seem much more selfless, as she’s willing to risk her life and is willing to risk being alone in the Void herself even though her whole thing is loneliness, in order to save Yang. Jaune then surprising everyone by going with Weiss, and having an emotional moment where Ruby and Blake realize they have to trust Weiss and Jaune to do this and try and force themselves to still fight and work while they wait and panic and worry... That’s some good stuff! Of course, that would unfortunately bench Weiss’s relationships with her family, but I’d still be very happy with this outcome.
2. Have Weiss go on to Vacuo and not go after Yang, but be the one to rally the people, help them all to the city, deal with Theodore, etc. If Blake and Ruby went after Yang, or Blake, Ruby, and Jaune went after Yang, or just Ruby and Jaune, I think there could be some interest there. Not quite so much for the Void Team, but for the Left Behind Team. Having Weiss have to deal with being thrown into a leadership position when she’s not a leader at heart would be really interesting. Having her trying to hold it together and not let any grief, worry, or panic take her over so she can focus on her mission would be really interesting. We could have at least one member of Team RWBY facing the consequences of their actions and taking the brunt of it, while defending their choices and trying to find a place for millions of refugees. Once again, this could play into Weiss’s themes about loneliness, and Weiss could maybe even wind up resenting her team for leaving her and knowing it’s unfair and knowing they did what they had to do, but it would still create tension when they come back. And this sort of arc could also really push and flesh out her relationship and interactions with Whitley. There’s a lot that CRWBY could do with their relationship in this sort of scenario, but I would love it if Weiss’s themes of loneliness played a part in the early episodes of the volume, with her kind of secluding herself because she doesn’t have her friends and she thinks she’s alone, but then getting closer and closer to Whitley and realizing that she’s not alone, because she has her little brother who she loves. Idk, I just think it could be really good and sweet.
So... Yeah. Those are the ways I think Weiss’s character could grow and be fleshed out. Currently, I’m not happy with how she’s been, but there’s still hope for her. However, I will laugh so hard if she gets some romance and starts being one half of a pairing. XD
#rwde#anti rwby#rwby hate#rwby bashing#anti-bumbleby#anti bb#anti bumbleby#anti bumblebee#I'm trying really hard to make sure this doesn't wind up on the bb tags#anti blake belladonna#anti blake x yang#rwby criticism
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oo I'm curious about your take on lloyd's characterization being messed with, especially since we write him pretty differently. like he's sooo cute and playful and (visually) expressive with his feelings in your style lately like he is now in the bragi era, while i tend to keep him reserved like what sam said the hagemans told him to do when he first started on the show. so like, how satisfied are you with his current personality? o:
I have to start this saying that one: I am sO sorry for how late this is I am backlogged beyond belief T-T and two: I ADORE the way you write Lloyd, he’s so good in your fics (i mean the pics are anyways but LLOYD) and you’ve successfully shot me through the heart multiple times :’D
That said! I guess it’s less of his characterization being messed with and more of it being shortchanged (and this can go for everyone) in moments that there are opportunities for a lot…more emotional development than we get. Ninjago has a knack for creating fantastic characters with solid personalities, then constantly forgetting to show those personalities exist. It’s also a show that has a bit of a tendency to fall back on broad, bare-bones character tropes when the action gets heavy, so quieter characters end up more overshadowed than not. I’m very much in the boat of believing Lloyd’s always had a solid personality — though i’ll admit to being biased gndfjgh — but since he’s a bit of a more quieter, reserved character than some the others, it’s easier to overlook. But I’m going off on a tangent here ahhHH anyways
I love his current personality!! I also adore the growth we got from him in season 8 and 9, and I think, especially for what’s going on in those seasons, that more reserved characterization is excellent. Season 8 and 9 are some of my all-time favorites, and a lot of the reason is the arc we get from Lloyd during that. Sam Vincent does an incredible job, and like I said earlier I love the reserved side of him we get! need to…remember to write from that angle more…
Moving forward in the show, though, I love how they’ve allowed him to be more playful and fun — I feel like it’s letting the parts of his personality that have been so swamped under all the stress and angst he deals with actually, like, exist, and for me personally I’m thrilled they’re letting him have that. I like that we can actually see bits of the kid from season one in Lloyd — and the return of that feels kind of like a step forward in character growth?? Lloyd starts the series as a bratty playful kid with a lot of enthusiasm and humor, a lot of which is lost and buried under the role the Green Ninja. The way I like to see it, at least, is that Lloyd gives a lot of himself to the Green Ninja when he’s aged up, and this only continues as he steps up as leader and spends a lot of time on his own. He loses a lot of the more playful side to him because he feels he has to — and to be fair for a while he does — until he hits a breaking point around season 8 and has like, a…whatever point of his life he’s in crisis.
What it boils down to is that I’m desperately hoping Lloyd got a good chunk of therapy in between s10 and s11, and came out of it a lot more comfortable being expressive and playful again until the next trauma wave hits. Either way my love for Lloyd is far enough though the roof that I’ve loved every bit of him we’ve ever gotten, but I like the idea that he’s got a visibly dynamic character arc as well XD
(also I started out writing for ninjago I began with writing Lloyd as a kid and that has neVER LEFT ME ONCE RIP)
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