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sockablock · 6 years

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Critrole RSweek Day 5: Kaylie Shorthalt & Jarrett Howarth

“So...” said Kaylie, leaning back against a rack of swords, “I heard you sold drugs to my dad.”

There was a very, very long pause. Above them, the clouds slowly rolled across the sky. The Pale Guard, absorbed in their training, filled the silence with sounds of clanging metal and heavy grunts.

“Don’t you Shorthalts have anything better to do than harass your local, friendly guard captains?”

Kaylie considered this for a moment. “No. No, not really. So, did you sell him drugs, or no?”

Jarett breathed a long, deep sigh. “Technically, no.”

“No?”

He gave another sigh. Longer, and deeper. “He didn’t buy them from me, he just gave me the money to go and get it.”

“Really? You didn’t charge him or nothing? Wha’d you get?”

“Suude.”

“You got him suude? Jarett, why would you ever do that?”

“I know, I know—“

“For free, I mean! Do you know how much I would’ve charged? Oh, Jarett, my dad’s a bloody idiot. You could have named any price, and he would’ve just paid it! Gods, have some sense. Some dignity!”

There was another long pause. In front of them, Trisha kicked her sparring partner in the chest, denting his breastplate and sending him flying into the dirt a few feet away.

“Why do you delight in my suffering?” Jarett asked.

Kaylie grinned hugely. “You’re just so fun. And really, you make it very easy.”

“You know, I’m starting to see some rather heavy familial similarities.”

She snorted. “Yeah, right. He wishes he were half as clever as me.”

“I’m glad he isn’t,” Jarett grumbled. “Then the world wouldn’t be big enough for the both of you.”

Kaylie crossed her arms and nodded. “And don’t you forget it, Howarth.”

There was another pause.

“You’re not going to ask me to buy you drugs, are you? Because I swear to the gods of you do—“

“You’ll what? Tell on me? Don’t worry, pretty-boy—“

“Pretty-boy?”

“—if I wanted drugs, I’d get them myself. But that shite rots your brain. Don’t do drugs, Jarett. That’s some free wisdom for you, from the cleverer Shorthalt.”

And then Kaylie uncrossed her arms, and began to walk away. “See you around, Howarth. Oh, and if Percival or Vex come looking, don’t tell them I was here, alright?”

He blinked. “Wait, what? Are they looking for you? Why are they looking for you? Fuck, did you break a law, what did you—“

But she had already vanished.

Jarett sighed, and rubbed at his temples. There was something about them, those Shorthalts. Maybe it was their charm. Or their easy smiles, and disarming stature. Maybe it was the way they radiated confidence and charisma like a shining sun.

But whatever it was, Jarett always ended up the same. He’d feel mildly amused, vaguely harassed, thoroughly confused, and somehow, for one reason or another, no matter what he did, criminally complicit.

Maybe he should start arresting them on sight. Or, better yet, just arrest himself and be done with it.

#critrole rsweek #critical role #cr1 spoilers #campaign 1 #kaylie shorthalt #scanlan shorthalt #jarrett howarth #jay writes #text #this was so silly #long post

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