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atlabeth · 3 years

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talking to the moon

summary: dealing with the aftermath of the worst event of your life.

pairing: sokka x fem!reader but solely platonic. stan big brother sokka

a/n: this became so much longer than i initially meant for lmao. it was just supposed to be sokka and y/n talking but then i. wrote the whole death scene and a whole backstory and. im sorry. i made myself sad while writing this

wc: 4.1k

warnings: so much angst, death, mentions of suffocation, mentions of arranged marriages, one mention of blood, one single curse i think, lots of anger and lots of sadness but some fluff at the end

based on the song “talking to the moon” by bruno mars

living in the northern water tribe wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.

as a waterbender, it should’ve been a perfect haven. a renowned master to teach her how to fight and become a master herself, a constant feeling of power being around ice and water all the time, and a comfortable life as the daughter of two important councilmembers that worked alongside chief arnook.

but the only thing y/n had come to know of this place was a complete and utter loss of freedom.

she wasn’t allowed to learn martial waterbending simply because she was a woman. master pakku wouldn’t even give her the time of day, and when she complained to her parents they cited century-long traditions and told her that was just how things were.

y/n felt comfortable being around water and ice all the time, but it’s not like the power of the moon helped her when she hardly knew anything in the first place. it was slightly easier to try and teach herself new techniques that she learned from watching master pakku and his students, but it still almost always ended in failure.

and of course, her noble heritage simply meant that she would be married off once she reached the appropriate age for the benefit of her family. yippee.

but there was one benefit that came along with being the daughter of nobles that worked closely with the chief.

princess yue.

she was without a doubt the nicest girl that y/n had ever known, and they quickly became each other’s closest friends. y/n thought that maybe she wouldn’t like her because yue was two years her senior, but it didn’t matter in her eyes. yue showed y/n a side that she never showed anyone else; the carefree, energetic, loving side. the side that told y/n fantastical stories while they rode together the waterways. the side that encouraged y/n to waterbend whenever she could and to try as hard as possible to get the martial techniques down because ‘i know you can do it!’ the side that was absolutely fascinated by her waterbending, the side that shrieked in surprise then dissolved into giggles every time y/n soaked her at the end of the session.

yue was the bright light in y/n’s boring days, and y/n was a needed reprieve from yue’s duties.

the young girls didn’t know that there was so much coming for them.

team avatar visiting y/n’s home was one of the most exciting things to happen to her. it was like a breath of fresh air in the monotony of her life, and it didn’t take too long for y/n to become friends with all of them at the celebratory dinner the night they arrived.

y/n and katara instantly struck off. as waterbenders of the same age they already had a connection, but it was only strengthened the longer they stayed. y/n had never cheered so loud when she fought against pakku.

it was impossible not to like aang. he was even younger than y/n with an infectious positive attitude and a smile always on his face. he even offered to help teach her waterbending along with katara after learning from pakku, which was a great plan until it wasn’t.

her association with sokka came from her association with yue. he was infatuated with the princess almost immediately — it wasn’t a surprise, y/n was sure every boy in the tribe had a crush on her in some form — but he was also very kind to y/n. as time went on, they developed more of a sibling-like bond and y/n loved it. she was an only child raised to the highest expectations, but she was allowed to let loose around sokka. it also helped to see him make a fool in front of himself every time her and yue were together.

things were looking up for y/n. she had three new friends that all liked her best friend, and she was actually learning a little bit more about fighting with waterbending from katara. everything was perfect.

until the fire nation attacked.

y/n had been with yue and sokka when they saw the black snow and immediately rushed back to the tribe to warn everyone. that was how a fourteen year old noble girl who barely knew how to defend herself like y/n got involved in a fight against the fire nation.

after rescuing aang from zuko and, at aang’s request, bringing the unconscious prince with them, they started traveling back to the spirit oasis. y/n sat in the back of the saddle with sokka and yue, a new friend and her oldest friend, when yue suddenly grabbed her head with a small groan. y/n looked around and the world around them had turned red as blood. something was very wrong.

“are you okay? sokka asked, reaching for her instinctively as if to protect her from whatever was hurting her.

“i.. i feel faint,” she muttered.

“i feel it too,” aang added. “the moon spirit is in trouble.”

y/n’s eyes widened as she stared back at yue, horror dancing in her eyes as she shook her head. “no, no it can’t be. yue, you know what that means—”

it wasn’t hard to catch onto the fearful tone in her voice and katara set an amicable hand on her shoulder. “what are you talking about, y/n?”

thankfully, yue took over. “i owe the moon spirit my life.”

“what do you mean?” sokka’s eyes went between y/n and yue, y/n’s worried gaze trained on yue as she explained how the moon spirit had given her life as a baby. when she was done, the water tribe siblings were staring at her in disbelief.

“if the moon spirit is in danger then we need to save it.” y/n’s voice was hardened as they got closer to the spirit oasis, stretching her fingers out to get the blood flowing again in case she needed to bend. she didn’t know very much about combat besides what katara had taught her, but hopefully it would be enough to at least aid the rest of the team.

appa slid to a stop in the spirit oasis and aang, sokka, katara, and y/n all hopped off of his back and got into battle stances. sokka took out his boomerang, aang wielded his staff, and y/n and katara got ready to bend.

“don’t bother,” zhao spat. he held up the bag with tui and positioned his fist next to it, posing the very obvious threat. y/n’s eyes widened and her hands fell the slightest bit. he wouldn’t.

it turned out that he very well would.

y/n thought that they would be safe, that yue would be safe once he released the fish after iroh’s threat, but she should’ve known a man like that would never be satisfied. just as the normal hues of the oasis had returned, zhao let out a yell and blasted the koi with fire, plunging the world into various shades of grey.

y/n let out a strangled cry as she realized what it meant, and she wanted to unleash all of her fury on zhao. she wanted to make him hurt, make him understand just what he had done. but it seemed that general iroh already had that plan as he started firebending viciously, swiftly defeating the soldiers after zhao had gotten away.

y/n felt like she was in a haze, following through with her movements but not actually there. the four of them rushed towards the water and yue soon joined them, all looking down at tui in horror. the moon spirit was gone, dead, killed.

her worst fear had come true, and she stared at yue’s blue eyes, the only thing that still had color, mouth opening and closing as she tried to think of things to say.

“there’s no hope now,” yue mourned. “it’s over now.”

“no it’s not.”

y/n watched in amazement as aang merged with the ocean spirit and left to defend her home, but it melted away once again when she joined the siblings, iroh, and yue at the front of the water.

“it’s too late. it’s dead.” katara stared at the dead fish when iroh placed it back into the water. it truly did seem like it was over. y/n felt none of the usual power she felt at night. if she tried to bend, she knew nothing would happen.

iroh seemed to notice yue as she stepped closer and he raised his eyebrows. “you have been touched by the moon spirit. some of its life is in you.”

“yes, you’re right.” yue set her jaw and y/n immediately knew what she was thinking. “it gave me life. maybe i can give it back.”

“no!” y/n and sokka cried at the same time. y/n’s voice cracked and she had to do everything she could to prevent the tears from falling. “yue, no. you don’t have to do this.”

“it’s my duty, y/n.” her kind blue eyes, an image that would haunt y/n for years to come, glistened with unshed tears as she walked over to the oasis. this time sokka grabbed her hand to try and stop her.

“i won’t let you! your father told me to protect you!” sokka usually guarded his emotions but this time the fear in his voice was obvious, and it hurt. he didn’t want to lose her. he couldn’t lose her.

“i have to do this.”

y/n wanted to scream at yue to stop, try and knock some sense into her, hold the girl that she loved back from sacrificing herself. but she just stood there, frozen, as yue hovered her hands over the dead fish. tui began to glow, and yue collapsed.

y/n rushed over to her as sokka caught her and she fell to her knees. the tears were falling, she didn’t care, her friend was gone, she was dying. y/n felt yue’s ice cold hand on her arm and she grasped it with both of her own. her and sokka were barely holding it together as they watched the girl they both loved die in their arms.

“y/n..” her voice was already faint, she was using up all of her strength just to talk to them in her final moments. “thank you for everything. never forget what you are fighting for. i will always cherish our friendship.”

a choked sob escaped y/n’s lips and she gripped yue’s hand as tightly as she could, like maybe if she didn’t let go then she would come back. she couldn’t even hear what she said to sokka, all she could hear was the pounding in her head. this couldn’t be happening.

and then she was gone. the ice cold hand in y/n’s grip was gone, the girl they were cradling was gone, and in her place was just emptiness. iroh placed the koi fish back into the water and the entire oasis filled with light, and the energy around the lake turned into yue. she was ethereal. she was a spirit. she was gone.

yue came closer and wrapped y/n in a hug, feeling more like a gentle breeze than a real person hugging her. she then kissed sokka, and a faint smile graced her lips. “goodbye, i love you both. i will always be with you.”

and with that, she was gone.

y/n couldn’t hold it in anymore. she started sobbing, tears wracking her body and making it hard to breathe. she wrapped her arms as tightly as she could around sokka, burying her head in the space between his shoulder and his neck, and he returned the hug. they were just two kids who had watched a girl they loved sacrifice herself. what else could they do but hold each other and hope to all the spirits that they would be okay?

y/n left with aang, katara, and sokka when they decided to set course for omashu. she couldn’t stay at the northern water tribe. all it served as was a constant reminder of that fateful night, the night that she had lost her best friend. she saw yue in everything, and she knew she would lose her mind if she stayed. so she asked if she could join them on their journey, and they agreed. y/n felt a constant pit of emptiness and hoped that helping the avatar would absolve some of the guilt.

it didn’t.

“this is your fault, y/n.”

the blue eyes that haunted y/n so often appeared once again, staring back at her unflinchingly. there was a certain hardness behind them, a coldness that pervaded her skin, making its way to her heart. but she couldn’t look away.

“you should’ve been able to save me.” yue’s voice, normally soft spoken and kind, reverberated throughout the endless void y/n was trapped in.

she looked beautiful, otherworldly. the fabric of her dress floated around her at the edges and her white hair, the ever present reminder of her connection to the moon, flowed down her back. yue appeared the same as she had when she sacrificed herself, and it was the way she would look forever. y/n’s heart ached for her friend, knowing that she would never live out the rest of her life, never get to be the ruler she was meant to be.

she tried to talk, but her voice wouldn’t work. her throat felt like it was closing up slowly, and her limbs might as well have been cast in concrete with how heavy they all felt. yue’s icy glare disappeared from view, but her voice was still all around her.

“you did this to me. you’re the reason i’m dead. you should’ve been able to save me.”

the words repeated thousands of times on top of each other, becoming louder and louder that it was all she could focus on. y/n was suffocating underneath it all, she couldn’t take it. she wanted to sob out how sorry she was, tell yue that her biggest regret was not being able to save her, reach out and bring her into her world again. spirits, she wanted her best friend back so badly.

“YOU SHOULD’VE BEEN ABLE TO SAVE ME.” the words echoed through her skull so loudly that she felt like it was going to crack from sheer force.

y/n eyes suddenly flew open and she lurched upwards, breathing heavily, a scream on the edge of her lips that she was barely able to bite back. she clamped her hands over her mouth until she could be sure it wouldn’t come loose, and it took even longer for her breathing to get back to normal.

it didn’t look like she had disturbed the sleep of the others, but she couldn’t stay here. she got out of her sleeping bag and rushed out of their camp, making sure she stayed light on her feet so that the others could continue to rest. momo perked up as she ran past him, and y/n shook her head and raised a finger to her lips. he seemed to get the hint and went back to sleep, and with a strained smile y/n continued out.

it was at that moment that a certain water tribe boy groggily sat up, able to catch the end of a tunic dress disappearing into the woods after he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. he thought it was katara at first but a quick glance to his side proved that his sister was still asleep. it was y/n’s spot that was empty. he immediately knew why she was gone, and he got up to follow her; there was no way he was going to leave her alone right now. sokka didn’t exactly want to be alone either.

‘you should’ve been able to save me.’ they were words that never left y/n’s mind; at this point it was a part of her conscience. the princess had never actually said the words, her last moments had been spent reassuring y/n and sokka before she faded away, but it didn’t matter. she was constantly wracked by guilt, and though sokka did a good job at hiding it, she knew he felt the same way. she wondered if he was plagued by the same nightmares she had. it was no surprise it happened tonight of all nights — today marked one month since yue died.

no. since yue had been killed.

she might’ve given her life for the moon spirit willingly, but y/n blamed zhao, that fire nation admiral, for her death. he was the one that killed the moon spirit, so he was the one that had killed her best friend. she had never felt as much rage as she had in the moment that he blasted tui with fire.

she hoped he was dead.

y/n got to the edge of the woods and stared at the night sky, the slight breeze and the ambiance around her doing little to ease her mind. she sighed and leaned back against a tree, staring at the sky in hopes it would give her some kind of answer. but all it did was make her feel even worse.

i know you’re somewhere out there somewhere far away

yue was there. the moon was there, but yue was the moon so she was there. it felt like a cruel joke, having her so close but so far away. always within her sight but never in her reach. she longed for the days when she was able to pull the princess away from her duties to engage in a snowball fight with her friends or when yue asked her to show off her waterbending with the childlike wonder she never got to show or when things were normal and her friend wasn’t the fucking moon.

i want you back, i want you back

y/n felt the familiar stings of tears behind her eyes and she slowly slid against the tree until she was sitting on the ground. she bit the inside of her cheek so hard she drew blood in an effort to stop the tears, but it didn’t matter, they fell anyways.

the empty feeling she constantly carried with her got better over time, but tonight it was just coming back with full force. she was reminded of everything that she had lost and it hurt. spirits, it hurt so much.

my neighbors think i’m crazy but they don’t understand you’re all i have, you’re all i have

she pressed the heel of her hand against her forehead and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block out her feelings, when she heard some branches snap. she opened her eyes and looked up, the corner of her lips quirking up when she saw who it was.

“hi.” her voice was faint, barely noticeable, but it was all she managed to muster.

“hi.” sokka’s eyes were sympathetic as walked over to her, silently questioning if she was okay with his presence. she nodded and scooted over to make room, and sokka slid down against the tree next to her.

they sat in comfortable silence for a while, feeling solace in the other simply being there. y/n’s eyes stayed glued to the sky, y/e/c irises reflecting the light of the stars. now that her sobbing was done, she just felt tired. traveling with the avatar was physically demanding with all the fighting and running they did, but this was mental.

she was tired of feeling worthless. tired of feeling guilty, of feeling angry, hurt, heartbroken, regretful, helpless, weak.

tui and la, she was so damn tired.

at night, when the stars light up my room i sit by myself talking to the moon trying to get to you

y/n tore her eyes away from the sky and looked at sokka. he felt the slight movement and made eye contact as well. y/n couldn’t help but think how similar his eyes were to yue’s.

“do you talk to her too?” the question came suddenly from y/n before she even knew it, and her voice was just as soft as before. “to the moon, i mean.”

sokka’s gaze turned wistful as he watched the moon and nodded. “all the time. even if i’m just talking to myself in my head, it feels like i’m talking to her as long as the moon is out. sometimes it helps. it makes me feel like she’s still here, or like she’s watching over me. other times..”

“it makes you feel worse,” y/n finished. he nodded again and she sighed heavily. “sometimes i hate it. just looking at the moon makes me want to scream or cry or yell until i can’t anymore, because i hate it for taking her away from me. and i know she had to do it, but the irrational part of me is angry at her for leaving. and then i feel guilty for caring about myself more than her when she’s the one that’s gone, and i just—”

her voice caught in her throat and the tears started to fall once more. it felt like she couldn’t even think about yue without crying and it made her feel even more weak than before.

in hopes you’re on the other side talking to me too

it hurt sokka’s heart to see her like this. yue’s death had affected both of them, spirits, it had left a hole in his heart that he was still trying to mend, but as time went on he had gotten better. but y/n had known yue for years, they had such a close bond that when sokka wanted to know advice on how to get yue to like him he came to her. and now her closest friend was gone and she had left her home and her family behind to help them on their journey.. he couldn’t imagine how she felt. but he wasn’t going to let her go through this alone.

sokka wrapped his arm around her and though she flinched at first, y/n immediately relaxed when she realized what he was doing. he was trying to comfort her by just being there, and she appreciated it immensely. y/n leaned her head against his shoulder and the two of them sat there in silence once again, watching the sky.

or am i a fool who sits alone talking to the moon

“you don’t have to feel guilty,” sokka murmured. “she doesn’t blame you for what happened and she doesn’t blame you for how you feel. i know that she’s watching over us right now.”

“you think?” he nodded and the smallest smile graced her lips. “she doesn’t blame you either. every time you hung out together she would come running back to me telling me how much fun she had and how she already felt so close to you, and how much you brightened up her days. she truly loved you, sokka.”

sokka laughed humorlessly and shook his head. “i loved her too. i didn’t think it was possible to fall for someone so quickly, but she proved me wrong.”

“she was good at that. proving people wrong.”

do you ever hear me calling?

more silence passed.

y/n opened her mouth and closed it again, trying to find the words.

“yue?” she started off timid, but her words gained more confidence as she went on. “i.. i don’t know if you can hear us. but if you can, i just want to let you know that i- that we miss you. not a day goes by where i don’t think of you, and i hope that you are watching down on us. because we love you. and we always will.”

“thank you for everything you’ve done.” sokka spoke up now. “i hope you’re at peace, yue, wherever you are.”

cause every night i’m talking to the moon still trying to get to you

y/n swore that the moon glowed a little brighter in the night sky when they finished.

she didn’t know how time passed so quickly, but her and sokka ended up falling asleep out there, his arm around her and her head on his shoulder.

and for the first time since the siege of the north, y/n slept without nightmares.

#atla fic #atla #avatar #avatar the last airbender #princess yue #song fic #blurb #sokka x reader #sokka x y/n #sokka #sokka fic #yue #writing

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