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x0x0josephinex0x0 · 5 months

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Best part, seokjin bts, mutual pining pls 🫶🏼

A/N: ok bestie this combo……I’m in love. With you and the idea. Thanks for the request, I hope you like it!!

GN! Reader x Kim Seokjin, mentions of alcohol and drinking, drunk kiss, Christmastime?? Not proofread. Sorry!!

Your eyelids flutter open gently to a room flooded with the white-gold light of morning. Everything is as you left it last night — your head is still resting on your arms at the coffee table, your purse and coat are still on the floor, a few empty bottles of various types of alcohol are still littering the counter, and Kim Seokjin is still curled up on the couch, fast asleep.

And as you look at him -- messy black hair falling over his forehead, big eyes shut, those perfect lips parted ever so slightly in a dream -- you know that no amount of alcohol could erase last night from your memory.

Nothing had happened. Nothing ever really happened between you and Seokjin, but for the past six months, all of that nothing had started to feel awfully like something. That was the earliest you could trace back the phenomena of Seokjin being the first thought in your head when you woke up, which had started as an occasional thing and had progressed into an everyday one.

Before then, Seokjin had been just another member of your friend group, a tight-knit squad of varying careers and interests who'd all been friends since college. You'd always liked him -- he was smart and kind and funny, always willing to participate in any of the antics of other members of the group and always making sure everyone was taken care of -- but it hadn't got beyond that until Christmastime.

Specifically, the Christmas Dance Battle Challenge.

This yearly tradition was one of your absolute least favorite parts of Christmas with your friends. You were decidedly not a dancer, but you played along because you saw how happy it made your other friends. The rules were simple: on December 1st, each person draws a number, and whoever draws the same number is their partner. Each number coincides with a song, which is the song the two of you have to learn the dance for by the time of the annual Christmas Eve-Eve (two days before Christmas) party. There would be a group vote after everyone had performed, and the winning pair got a prize -- usually a gift card each and a bottle of wine -- that the rest of the group had to pitch in to buy.

So, on December 1st, you had gathered. You had drawn #2 with Seokjin, and the song had been Bite Me by New Jeans. And the two of you had met up the next day to discuss "the strategy", which was what Seokjin had called it, clueing you into something you didn't realize about him: Seokjin was competitive.

"Alright," he'd said, pacing in front of you like a general in front of his troops right before battle. "This year I have it on good authority that the prize will be a gift card to my favorite restaurant, and I have to defend my winning title from last year, so this has to be good. How confident are you?"

"Uhhh..." you'd stuttered, and Seokjin had paused in front of you to flick your forehead lightly. "Ow! What was that for?"

"Now is not the time for insecurities," he'd told you. "You hold yourself back from true greatness every year, I've watched you. But you have amazing potential. And now, I will be the one who releases this butterfly from their cocoon."

He was speaking seriously, and yet there was a way that his mouth turned up at the corners that made you realize that it was mostly an act. So you'd grinned at him hesitantly, and he'd clapped. "That's the spirit! Now, I need to know your schedule so I can put together a rehearsal timeline."

You'd practiced twice a week with Seokjin, and his positive encouragement meant that your dancing skills improved markedly during that time. And you were also enjoying getting to know Seokjin, whose goofy humor and gentle teasing eased your normally-anxious mind. He calmed you, and brought out a more energetic, less timid side of you that you didn't even know existed. Being around him was as easy as breathing. In time, you even found it within you to tease him back as you learned the moves to the dance. Things were going so well.

And then, the "dress rehearsal" on December 17th.

Only a minute in to the practice, Seokjin paused the music. "I swear I didn't mess it up, Seokjin," you growled at him, "and I know, because I made a point to flick my foot specifically like you said --"

"That's not it," he complained, stopping your words with a finger. "There's not enough passion."

“Huh?” you said.

He strode over to you, stopping well inside your personal space bubble and looking down at you. “Do you think I’m handsome?” he asked you.

Your eyes had gotten wide and you’d blushed. “You -- what?”

“Answer the question,” he’d said with a half-smile and an eyebrow raised.

“Well, of course,” you’d stammered. Because he was -- tall and broad-shouldered, confident and self-assured, with that sardonic smile and those eyes that were as sweet and warm as the caramel cinnamon syrup you liked in your coffee. You’d always known he was handsome, but it wasn’t until this moment that you’d realized just how beautiful he was. He was perfect, really.

“So, why do you act like you’re scared to touch me?” he asked you, amused.

Unbeknownst to you, Seokjin was fighting to keep his very real frustration out of his voice. Because for the past month you’d been teasing him without even realizing it. He was addicted to your secret humor, admired the way you were so thoughtful and considerate to your shared group of friends, and couldn’t stop thinking about how pretty you were. He’d been feeling this way since you’d met, secretly praying every year that you’d get partnered up for the dance competition, but only this year had the prayer been answered. And while it had been thrilling so far -- Seokjin was learning there was almost no line he wouldn’t cross to hear your laugh, especially when it was because of him -- he was also discouraged at the lack of real progress. His first concern was that if he said anything to you about his feelings, you’d be too polite to turn him down, and he hated to put you in a situation like that -- but he’d started to wonder, with all the times he caught you staring, if he might have more hope than he started with.

So it was time for him to take hold of his destiny, he supposed. When he wrapped an arm around your waist, you gasped a little, and Seokjin had to grit his teeth to keep himself from becoming a giggling mess. He pulled you gently into him. “Have you ever danced with a man before?” he asked you.

Blushing furiously, you shook your head no. He nodded, lifting one of your hands in his own. “Follow my lead,” he’d said, and with your hips touching, he waltzed you around the room.

You were surprised at how quickly you were able to relax into his arms, especially because your whole body felt tingly and electric where it met with his skin. Seokjin led you through a short waltz that had the whole room spinning treacherously around you, forcing you to look at him. His eyes seemed to swallow you whole in their warmth, and there was something unspoken and magnetic in them that threatened to overwhelm you. Finally, he slowed to a stop, but didn’t let go of you. “Feel that?” he asked in a whisper, his eyes searching your face.

You swallowed hard. “Yeah.”

He let go of you then, taking a step back. The sudden distance between the two of you left you feeling a bit cold, and you shivered. “That’s the energy we need to channel,” he said, turning away from you -- because this was the only way he knew how not to kiss you when you looked at him like that.

The rest of the practice had gone smoothly, but that was the first night you dreamed of Seokjin. And the first morning you woke up thinking of him. Little did you know, he was waking up that same morning thinking of you, too.

And you’d won the dance contest, without much of a competition. “I didn’t know you had that in you,” your friends had told you. “I mean, the chemistry?”

“Thanks,” you’d said, meeting eyes with Seokjin and blushing. “I had a really good partner.”

You’d assume things would go back to normal -- back to how they were before -- but Seokjin still texted you every day, just about different things. You ended up at his apartment a couple times without any of your other friends present, all for regular friendly activities like movies and video game nights, and he’d never made a move, always the picture of manners and thoughtfulness. And you had fun together, laughing more than you’d ever laughed with anyone. But the feelings that had awakened when he was standing so near to you had only grown, resulting in every morning being flooded with memories of him -- his smile, the smell of him, even the goofy pajamas he wore on occasion when you’d come over.

You hadn’t told him anything about this for several reasons. The main one was of course that you were friends now, and whatever else existed between you, you really enjoyed being around him. The fear that all of that would evaporate like a stray bit of smoke was 90% of the reason you stayed silent.

The other 10% was that you knew if you let yourself fall for him, there was a possibility that it wouldn’t work out, and you weren’t entirely sure how you’d survive that level of heartbreak.

So you’d let it be what it was for six whole months — from December to June, you had ached for Kim Seokjin in the same way as a carefully concealed wound. Sometimes, if you moved a certain way, it hurt worse — like during movie nights when his arm extended over the back of the sofa, but never quite around your shoulders. And sometimes it was barely there, like in late hours of the night when your quiet conversations had fizzled out and you were sitting in comfortable silence together. But still it remained, becoming clear to you at some indistinguishable moment that it wasn’t ever going to go away.

And then yesterday the call had come. “Hey,” he’d said. “What are your evening plans?”

“I’m pretty open. Why?” You hated the way your heart took off at the question, but it was hard when he phrased it in such a date-like way.

“Did you use your gift card?” he asked, referring to the one you’d both won as the prize for the dance competition.

“No, I didn’t.” You waited.

“We should go there tonight,” Seokjin recommended. “I can pick you up. Is seven okay?”

The whole day had been a terrible waiting game. The hours crawled by at a sloth’s pace, refusing to show much progress no matter how often you checked your watch. You’d gotten ready at 5, and it had somehow taken you only a half hour, so you were stuck waiting for another hour and a half before the knock finally came at your apartment door.

When you opened it, your jaw dropped. He looked like a prince in a blue suit with a crisp white shirt, his hair pushed up off his forehead. He’d held out the bouquet in his hands. “Um, hello,” he said, an endearing nervousness coloring his tone. “You look…really nice.”

You’d tucked a stray hair behind your ear with a jittery hand. “Thanks,” you’d replied. “Why the flowers?”

“Oh,” he’d said, like he’d just remembered them, although he was still holding them out to you. “They’re a thank you. For helping me win.”

“You really didn’t have to,” you said, taking them from him. “I had a lot of fun with you. And I’m glad we were able to get closer because of it.”

Was that a hint of a blush on his cheeks?

But he simply smiled, offering you his arm. “Let’s go.”

And dinner had turned into drinks, which had turned into drunk Seokjin. He was similar to regular Seokjin, just louder and less filtered, and though you were tipsy yourself, you knew better than to let him try and get home on his own. Not knowing what else to do, you’d brought him back to your place, letting him down gently onto the couch.

“Hey,” he’d said in a scolding tone as you stood up to stumble into your own bed. “Why are you leaving me?”

“It’s okay,” you told him. “You’re at my place. You’re safe.”

He’d reached up, then — and on your wobbly legs it was impossible to resist his surprisingly strong grip. You fell right into his lap, your hands finding purchase on the fabric of his shirt, and he wrapped his arms around your waist. He spent only a second looking at your stunned face through hazy eyes, admiring the tint of pink the alcohol lent to your nose and cheeks and the way your brows knit so adorably in nerves and worry, before he leaned in closer and pressed a soft, slow, entirely overwhelming kiss to your lips.

You couldn’t help it. You twisted your fingers around his shirt and returned the kiss, knowing with a pang of agony that this could be the one and only chance you had. You tried to say everything you couldn’t put into words with the kiss, caressing his face with the hand not holding his shirt and finally allowing yourself to feel all the feelings you’d been hopelessly trying to ignore that grew stronger and stronger the longer your lips were locked. The kiss cemented Seokjin firmly into his position as the first person you could ever remember loving like this.

And then he was the first to pull away. He frowned. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t want to do that while drunk. Wanted it to be more…romantic. Special. But…”

“Yeah?” you’d whispered.

He’d fixed you with a bleary gaze. “If you love me, won’t you say something?”

And then he’d fallen asleep.

You watch him now — the sunlight turning his brown hair slightly auburn, the soothing rhythm of his breathing. And you know you’ll need to talk when he wakes up. But for right now, you let yourself reach across the short distance to move his waves off his face so you can see him better. “Beautiful,” you whisper.

As you let your hand drop, his hand shoots up to your wrist. “Hmm?” he hums at you, blinking awake. “What was that?”

Your heart is beating in your throat, but you know you have to ask. “What do you remember from last night?”

He closes one eye to try and focus. Then he realizes. “Oh, I am so sorry.”

You shake your head. “It’s fine.”

“No really,” he says, sitting up. “That…shouldn’t have happened the way it did.”

And you’re not sure what he means by that, but it’s almost to the point that you don’t even care anymore. So you shake your head and take your hand in his, preparing to be the boldest you’ve ever been in your life.

“Seokjin, you should know...that when you hold me, and kiss me slowly, it’s the sweetest thing.”

His jaw drops. And you continue, “I’ve felt this way forever. And all of the time we spent together has only made it worse. Because no matter what we’re doing, you’re the best part.”

You wait for him to respond, but he seems lost for words. Finally he chokes out, “you’re the sunshine of my life.”

Your face splits into a massive grin. “You want coffee, babe?” you ask him.

“You’re the only coffee I need,” he replies, looking at you like one looks at the stars — awed and reverent and overwhelmed all at once

#bts kim seokjin #kim seokjin #seokjin fluff #seokjin imagine #bts fluff #BTS imagine #the astronaut #seokjinnie #seokjin #seokjin fic #request game

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dungeons-and-dictions · 13 days

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It’s Analysis Friday about precisely why Hazbin Hotel is such a stand out.

But first - this is probably my last Hazbin Hotel-related analysis until the next season; give me asks during this long dry spell!

Why on this specific topic? Because I’m tired.

Y’all.

Listen.

I’m all for subjectivity. People can just like or dislike things regardless of quality. Heck, I know Helluva Boss is part of the Hazbin world, but it gives me too much cringe and vicarious embarrassment to handle.

(Yeah, I’m weird. I know)

But I keep hearing people say Hazbin Hotel is mid or just relying on hype.

Those are fighting words!

We are getting quality on par with Disney movies for a tv series!

That’s crazy! Let’s break it down.

Musical numbers

Talented singers play the main crew. Stephanie Beatrix plays Mirabel Madrigal, Kimiko plays Izzy, etc.

There were 2 songs per episode! And because it is truly perfect for a musical, we even get thematic reprises and callbacks!

Does anyone recall when similar things have happened in animation? MLP:FiM had a glorious episode that was ALL musical with a reprise. That’s all I have at this scale outside of Disney.

Characters

I’ve always known Vivzie to put thought into her work, and this shines through so well in Hazbin.

Lucifer’s depression is similar to my own

Angel’s gradual changes and struggles are realistic

Charlie’s breed of passion is the same as mine in my career

Alastor’s extremely manipulative yet we all love him

Velvette had one of the best formal character intros I’ve seen in a long time

Hazbin Hotel works really hard to get away from stereotypes, and dives in past superficial traits.

Also, we get things like Valentino sounding like he’s squeaking because moths squeak. We don’t need these things!

Animation

You know what else we don’t need?

Airplane arms!

Complicated dance moves!

Cute leg swishies with cuter sound effects?

Every second you see is 10+ frames traditionally. (Idk the studio’s technical details). That’s wild to add in these complicated extra details! And they flow so nicely! This level of quality for 2D (and honestly 3D too most of the time) is unheard of in the West nowadays.

And on that, western adult animated shows typically are so poorly made, especially in the art. Even the few I have seen that have okay stories to tell absolutely stink in terms of visuals and movement.

Story

Yeah, this is the biggest weakness Hazbin Hotel has, no doubt. The story is actually an incredible premise, and truly done pretty well within the awful time constraints. I think everyone is valid in saying it was far too fast! Hopefully we get more (or longer) episodes in upcoming seasons.

But at the same time, this is also the nature of musicals. If you think this is fast, don’t watch the Les Miserables musical where everyone only sings. Idk why, but singing the entire time makes everything seem like you’re in a race car on autopilot.

Don’t forget; the symbolism just drips out of the screen in this show. The fact that I could still do more analyses even now is a testament to that with all the content I have done since it aired. Vivienne goes hard on the details.

But put yourself in Vivzie’s shoes. You do the impossible, shot for the moon while hoping for maybe the top of a 5-story building, and you were offered the stars. Your project has been a part of who you are before you even went to university, and a major company gives you a way to bring it to life? Why wouldn’t you settle for this good of a deal?

Innovation

People do not bring up often enough that Vivienne broke a glass ceiling separate from that of gender. She showed that YouTube animations can be taken seriously, and even be aired.

In this age, the Saturday morning cartoon blocks I grew up with no longer exist. There were tons of great shows, and I could talk with other kids about it. Nestled within these weekends were shows that ran short pilot episodes for potential series. The last time I saw one was Adventure Time’s pilot.

It’s been a whiiiiiiile.

So having a cutesy little indie pilot animation amongst thousands on YouTube be such high quality and get a mainstream platform? Spindlehorse made history!

Moreso, Helluva Boss is also demonstrating the capacity of indie studios like never before - and what may pave the way for the future of animation too.

Out of all the animated series running on YouTube, Glitch is the only creator who does 3D that I am aware of. Even Glitch’s work has only started within the past few years, ie after Vivienne managed the impossible.

So please, stop complaining about subjective parts so much. Hazbin Hotel objectively has some of the highest craftsmanship in western animation.

We are blessed that Vivienne’s dream has come true in such a glorious manner. When I discovered her back in 2012, I couldn’t have guessed the pilot would be so successful, nor that it would change what was possible for animation!

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel analysis #analysis fridays #animation #symbolism #analysis #musical #musical show

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pinkorchidsinspring · 9 months

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I Can See You

Let's do some lyric analysis, shall we? Just for funsies, because there's absolutely no way this song has any references to queerness at all... coughs in coding girlie in the music video* (Stanzas of lyrics are labeled for reference when repeated.)

1)You brush past me in the hallway And you don't think I, I, I can see ya, do ya? I've been watchin' you for ages

Okay, so Taylor gives away right away that she has been "watchin'"/paying attention to the person this song is about. (Let's call her Cece for right now just so I don't have to keep referring to her as "the person this song is about" and so there's no arguing in the comments about who the muse of this song is.)

1)And I spend my time tryin' not to feel it

Okay maybe hypothetically if Cece is actually a Collin, maybe she doesn't want to accept that she has feelings for him because he's a mean guy, or her friends just don't like him. But if Cece is a Cece, Taylor was probably experiencing some internalized homophobia, or general fear of being interested in a girl because she doesn't want to be gay. She simply doesn't want to make her life as a country music star (at the time) any harder. No matter how much she's interested in Cece.

2)But what would you do if I went to touch you now? What would you do if they never found us out? What would you do if we never made a sound?

In this series of seemingly frantic questions, Taylor is asking Cece or Collin if they would go through with whatever (-possibly fleeting) secret relationship Taylor wants to pursue. She's asking if they would willingly hide with her, if they would willingly kiss her, and never tell.

3)'Cause I can see you waitin' down the hall from me And I could see you up against the wall with me And what would you do? Baby, if you only knew That I can see you

First off, Taylor Alison Swift, this is very Dress, False God, Gorgeous, Lover (feat. Shawn Mendes), so very sapphic what-if-I-worship-you-right-here horny of you. Anyways, in this excerpt, she's again asking if they would turn her away, or if they would follow through with it. However, by saying that she can "see" them, she alludes that she knows what their answer would be in "seeing" them. She portrays Cece or Collin as being interested in return.

4)And we kept everything professional But something's changed, it's somethin' I, I like

Here Taylor alludes that at some point she worked with this person, and something in their relationship is changing, specifically something to do with this person "brushing past her in the hallway", and "waiting down the hallway from her", away from prying eyes. In other words, this relationship is seemingly becoming anything but professional and platonic.

4)They keep watchful eyes on us So it's best that we move fast and keep quiet

By "They", I choose to interpret they as her management/PR team, because who else would want to make sure they know who Taylor is involved with and when? Why would she have to hide it from her friends and family if it was just bad boy Collin? After all her PR team has no problems linking her to problematic men like John Mayonaise, Jake Jingleballs, and Calvin Harasser. It seems like she's hiding this relationship from her management (and possibly her friends and family if they don't know she likes women yet, as she seems to be unsettled by it herself at this point in time.). So Taylor is detailing how if she has a relationship with Cece it has to be only for brief instances, and no one can know.

4)You won't believe half the things I see inside my head Wait 'til you see half the things that haven't happened yet

This is just very um... sapphic what-if-I-worship-you-right-here horny of her once again, so moving on...

5)Stanza 2 is repeated to again ask her partner if they will willingly do this with her. 6)Stanza 3 is then repeated and added to it is: That I could see you throw your jacket on the floor I could see you, make me want you even more What would you do? Baby, if you only knew That I can see you

With the Jacket being thrown on the floor, Cece or Collin obviously show interest back in a very obvious way. This blatant interest makes Taylor want them even more, and again Taylor asks Cece or Collin if they would go through it.

7)I can see you in your suit and your necktie

I like to think she added this line recently... I can't find any photos of Dianna, or Emily in a suit... but Karlie…

7)Passed me a note saying, "Meet me tonight" Then we kissed and you know I won't ever tell, yeah

This excerpt only further proves that Taylor's partner isn't hiding. Taylor is, there's some reason why Taylor's partner can be assured that she won't ever tell anyone. But yeah sure maybe bad boy Collin wants her to keep their relationship a secret.

7)And I could see you being my addiction You can see me as a secret mission Hideaway and I will start behaving myself

Taylor can get addicted to this person, and this person should see Taylor's addiction to them as a secret mission they need to pursue. If this partner starts hiding away with Taylor instead of just watching her from afar, then Taylor seems to allude that she'll stop giving her management/friends/family a reason to look closer at their "professional" relationship.

Analysis over <3

feel free to add anything you think I should add to this post in the comments :)

My other song analysis’ if you’re interested <3

#taylor swift #gay icons #gaylor swift #blondie #kaylor #gaylor #tay tay #karlie kloss #i can see you #Emily Poe #lyric analysis #hiding #speak now tv #taylor’s version #vault tracks #more like #queerest tracks #enjoy #<33333

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sourwolf-sterek32 · 2 years

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Whispers of a Ghost

Summary: You were Billy Hargrove's twin sister.

After recently being released from jail for a crime you didn't commit, your family moves to Hawkins wanting a fresh start.

However, you never imagined that your fresh start would involve monsters and alternate dimensions. But, the most surprising thing of all was finding yourself falling for popular, rich boy, Steve Harrington.

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3,2k

Warnings: language, suicidal thoughts

Previous Chapter

Chapter 18-

The Wheelers basement seemed to become your unofficial meeting spot because after you were satisfied that Max was safe for the time being, you all climbed back into Steve's Beemer and drove to the Wheeler house where Robin and Nancy were anxiously waiting.

It was decided that you'd sleep in shifts. One person always awake to watch Max, so if she got taken by Vecna than someone could grab her headphones and play the song.

You took the first watch and even after your time was up, you didn't bother waking Steve for his shift because you knew there was no way you'd be able to sleep after what just happened, so there was no point in waking him.

Max was asleep on small couch beside Lucas while you sat in the same seat you had been the night beside with Steve fast asleep next to you.

It wasn't until about halfway through the second shift that Robin shifted in her sleep, jostling the couch a little which was enough to wake Steve as he groaned and blinked his eyes open.

The lamp across the room was turned on. None of you wanting to sleep in pitch blankness after what just happened. Nobody specifically said to leave the lamp or a nightlight on, but when everyone had gotten ready for bed and none of you made a move to turn it off.

"Baby, why didn't you wake me?" Steve whispered, his voice still a little groggy as he started to wake himself up. "You need to sleep."

"Like that's going to happen." You mumbled softly, not taking your eyes off Max.

Steve sighed which then turned into a yawn as he shifted himself up into a sitting position beside you, his eyes flashing over at Max before turning his attention towards you.

"Hey." He whispered, lifting his hand and hooking his index finger under your chin, turning your head gently towards him until your eyes met his beautiful brown ones. "She's safe for now, okay? She's safe."

You nodded, "I know."

Neither of you said anything for a few minutes as you turned your attention back to Max across the room before Steve broke the silence.

"Do you really wake up most mornings wishing you could follow Billy?"

Oh, shit. You forgot you had said that in the heat of everything at the cemetery. Steve was never meant to hear that. He was never meant to know that. Nobody was.

A lie was on the tip of your tongue as you opened your mouth, but quickly closed it. You couldn't lie to him. Not anymore.

"Yes." You answered, refusing to look at him.

You didn't want to see the pity or sadness or worse, the disappoint that no doubt washed over his face.

"I just..." You trailed off, knowing you needed to at least try and explain it to him, but you had no idea how to put those feelings into actual words. "It was always been Billy and I against the world. No matter what happened, no matter how shitty life got, no matter how bad or violent dad got. We always had each other. We always had each other to lean on and I.. I know, I know Billy was an asshole to a lot of people, including you, but to me... he was my big brother. He was my entire world and when he died... I wanted to die with him."

For the longest time, Steve remained silent. You glanced over at him and he already looking at you with unshed tears in his eyes.

"Why-why did you never tell me this?" Steve asked, his voice barley above a whisper.

You shrugged, "I didn't want you to worry."

"I'm your boyfriend, Y/N. It's my job to worry about you."

"I know."

"Do you... do you still want to follow him? Do you want to die?"

You had never heard Steve's voice sound so breakable, so sad, so...helpless.

No.

That's what you should say. He didn't need to worry about you along with everything else happening right now. But, Steve Harrington could practically read you like a damn book and he'd be able to tell if you were lying.

"Sometimes."

"Jesus." Steve swore softly under his breath, rubbing his face with his hands and getting rid of the tears in his eyes.

He wasn't angry though, like you thought he would be. He just seemed... he just seemed sad and almost guilty.

Oh, God, he was blaming himself for this.

"I might feel that way, but Steve, I need you to know that I'd never... I'd never go through with it. I can't. I can't, okay? Because every time I think about it, I then think of you. I think of you and I think of Max and I think of these kids." You said, motioning to the boys asleep on the couches. "I think of Eddie. I think of my mum. I think of what Billy would have wanted for me. I think of all of that and I don't do it. I don't do it because I know how much it will hurt you guys and I couldn't bare to put you through that pain, that pain that I live with everyday because of Billy. I can't put you through that and I won't."

You were crying now. Silent tears falling down your cheeks, but you barely noticed because you were too focused on the tears currently falling down Steve's face instead.

"This... this whole time." He whispered, his voice catching in his throat. "This whole time since the mall, you've been feeling this way and I didn't even notice?"

Your heart shattered at the absolute sadness in his eyes. You leant back on the couch and grabbed his now shaking hand, lacing your fingers together.

"Steve, you didn't notice because I didn't want you to."

He just shook his head. "No, I should have noticed. You're my girlfriend, I should have noticed. I mean, I knew you had been pulling away from me and I knew you weren't okay after it all, but I should've known this. I should have been there for you. Shit, baby, I'm so sorry."

"No, no, don't apologise. You did absolutely nothing wrong."

"I'm sorry." He whispered, brushing the tears from his face with his free hand.

You didn't know what else to say, so you lifted your feet onto the couch and curled up beside him, resting your head against his shoulder. The tension in his body eased a little as he leant his head down on top of yours.

Neither of you said anything after that as you leant against each other, your hand still holding and you eventfully fell asleep before waking up to Dustin's walkie talkie going off.

"Hey, Dustin, this is Eddie the Banished. You there?"

Shit, right, Eddie was still hiding out at Reefer Ricks house and had no idea what was going on.

Carefully, you untangled yourself from Steve who was now asleep beside you before you quietly walked across the room not wanting to take the others.

"Dustin, can you hear me? Earth to Dustin." Eddie's voice continued to call through the walkie before you picked it up off the table and pressed the transmit button bringing it to your mouth.

"Hey, it's Y/N." You said softly, rubbing the sleep from your eyes.

"Princess!" He shouted happily causing you to hold the walkie away from your face at his loud voice with wince. "Hey. Um, I'm gonna need a food delivery, like, really soon, unless you want me going out into the world. Your car is still here, I can take that for a quick drive."

"No, no, no. Don't do that. Stay where you are, we'll bring you some food as soon as we can. I promise."

"Listen, um... can you pick up a six-pack? I know, it's stupid as shit, drinking right now, but a cold beer would really calm my jangled nerves."

"I'll see what I can do. You drink Corona, right?" You asked, thinking back to the nights you've spent sitting outside his trailer and drinking with him.

"Honestly, I'd drink anything right now." He answered and you nodded before realising that he couldn't see you and you lifted the walkie to your mouth.

"We'll be there soon just..." You trailed off as you looked around the room at everyone sleeping before noticing that Max was nowhere to be soon and your stomach dropped. "Eddie, I'm gonna have to call you back."

"No, don't you dare. Princess? Hey, Hargrove?" Eddie called through the walkie, but you ignored him and rushed across the room to Steve and shook his shoulders.

"Whoa, what's happening? What's wrong?" He quickly questioned, blinking his eyes open as he bolted up right on the couch.

"Max is gone."

Steve's face paled as he looked around the room and realised that you were in fact correct.

"Shit." He hissed, jumping up from the couch just as Nancy came rushing down the stairs to the basement and she must have seen the panicked look in your eyes because she quickly explained.

"Max is fine. She's upstairs with Dustin. But, she was drawing what she saw and... it's Victor Creels old house. She saw Victor Creels house. We should go and check it out, it's clearly important to Vecna."

"Is the house even still standing? It'd be so old." Steve responded, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, still trying to wake up.

"One way to find out." You said, glancing between the two of them as they nodded in agreement.

After waking the others, you all piled into the back of Nancy's wagon and went across town to where Victors old house was still standing, but had been boarded up shut and hadn't been used since his family had died inside.

It was easy enough taking off the wooden boards covering the door and breaking into the old building before you all split up and started to search for clues about Vecna. Max had her headphones on and playing the whole time, not wanting to risk anything.

For a while, you thought that this was a waste of time, but just as you were starting to give up, the lights in the house started to flicker and you all followed the lights upstairs with your flashlights before suddenly, all the lights started to glow brighter and brighter before the globes exploded and then, nothing.

Vecna was in Victor Creels house... but, not this one. He was in Victor Creels house in the Upside Down. Vecna was still in the Upside Down and yet somehow managing to kill people in your dimension. That was all the information you could figure out which just left the group of you even more confused.

How was Vecna doing this while being in the Upside Down? And if Vecna was still in the Upside Down then how the hell were you meant to kill him when you couldn't even get to him. The gate had been destroyed, there was no possible way to get to Vecna.

The following day, you all went via the grocery store after completely forgetting yesterday after going to the Creel house to grab some food for Eddie.

"Not to be a wimp, but can I sit the car? 'Cause this is gonna totally and royally suck. I can't stand to see those dull eyes of Eddie's break again. I really, really can't." Robin said from the passenger seat of Nancy's wagon.

"At least he can drink himself into feeling better." Steve joked, holding up the six-pack of Corona.

You rolled your eyes and whacked his shoulder from where you, him and Dustin were squished into the very back of the wagon... without seats or seat belts for that matter. Yeah, this was highly illegal.

"That's what my mum does." Max commented from the backseat.

"Why don't we just give it a trial?" Robin asked, turning in her seat to look at the rest of you. "'Hey, Eddie. Uh, good news first this time. We got you some Dustin-approved junk food and that six-pack you requested. Oh yeah, and we found Vecna. Only the bad news is that he's in that order, darker, much scarier dimension that we told you about and that gate's closed, so we have no way of getting to him. Like, he's entirely shut off to the us, so basically you're screwed. And, no, I know you were already screwed, but now you're doubly, triply screwed.'"

"Maybe, we don't exactly put it like that. We should sugar coat it a little." You said, not wanting to completely shatter Eddie's hope and wellbeing. "I mean, we're one step closer to finding Vecna, right? That's not a lie, so we just say that."

Everybody nodded in agreement, liking that idea a lot better.

"See, Robin? Positive spin can make all the difference." Steve said, opening a can of pringles and shoving one in his mouth.

"Oh shit." Nancy's voice suddenly said.

Your head shot towards the front of the car, not liking the tone of her voice in the slightest and your eyes widened when you saw all the Police cars and news reports out the front of Reefer Ricks house which was now completely blocked off by Police security tape and barricades.

Fuck. Did they find Eddie?

Slowly, Nancy pulled the car over on the side of the road before you all frantically climbed out wanting to see what was going on as you ducked down the side of the news van to try and get a better look.

Your Camaro was still parked in the driveway, blocked in by the barricades and had police tape wrapped right around it with all the doors open wide open and you cursed softly under your breath.

".... received a call around midnight, reporting a homicide here on the lake." The new Chief Powell said in front of the cameras.

Your stomach dropped at the words as you glanced over at the others in panic. It wasn't Eddie was it? Was he okay?

"Officer Callahan here and myself arrived first on scene. We made our way to the shore of Lover's Lake, about ten yards from that house you see behind me. It was there that we found the victim, an 18-year-old senior from Hawkins High. Patrick McKinney. His limbs... his body, it was disfigured. There was an eyewitness on the scene and we have also identified a person of interest. Eddie Munson." The Chief said, holding up a school photo of Eddie in front of the camera. "Also, we believe he has an accomplice who lives right next door to the first murder and her car was found here at this crime scene. Y/N Hargrove."

Your jaw dropped as the Chief then held up another photo and even from the distance you could tell that it was your mugshot from California.

Oh, you were so screwed.

"Oh, shit. This is not good. This is really not good." Steve whispered, his wide eyes looking over at you as you caught his gaze before looking back at the Chief.

"We encourage anyone with information to please come forward. You've got a lot of questions, and I'm going to answer as many as I can. Two o'clock at the town hall, where anyone from Hawkins community is welcome. But right now, I've got work to do, and I appreciate your understanding."

The Chief smiled at the camera before him and Officer Callahan walked off towards their cars, the news reports and crowd that had gathered by the barricade shouting questions at them, but they kept walking.

"We need to go. Like, right the fuck now." You hissed, already backing up to Nancy's car and everyone nodded in agreement as you all piled back into her car.

"Fuck, Y/N is now wanted as well!" Lucas exclaimed as Nancy turned the car around and sped off down the road in the opposite direction.

"Dustin, can you hear me? Hargrove? Anybody?" Eddie's voice suddenly called out from the walkie talkie in Dustin's backpack.

He was alive. Thank God.

Dustin frantically pulled the walkie from his backpack, "Eddie. Holy shit. Are you okay?"

"Nah, man. I'm pretty goddamn far from okay."

His voice sounded so tired and so emotional, you knew Eddie was barely holding it together.

Quickly, you held your hand out for the walkie and Dustin instantly passed it over to you.

"Eddie, it's me. Your face is all over the news and now, so is mine. They think I'm helping you. Where are you, right now?"

"Skull Rock. Do you know it?"

"Yeah, I know it. Just stay there, we're on our way." You quickly said before Steve began instructing Nancy on where to drive, knowing exactly where Skull Rock was located.

It didn't take long before Nancy pulled her car over on the side of the road. Skull Rock wasn't too far from Lover's Lake and you all piled out the car before walking through the woods, following north on Dustin's compass.

"Dude, I'm telling you, you're taking us the wrong way." Steve suddenly said, not even a few minutes after getting out the car.

"It's north. I'm positive. I checked the map." The kid said, holding up the map and compass in his hand despite Steve saying he knew the way.

"You do realise Skull Rock, it's a super popular make-out spot?"

"Yeah, so?" Dustin asked, looking over at Steve.

"Yeah, well, it wasn't popular until I made it popular. Alright? I practically invented it."

You rolled your eyes, "I hate to say it, kid, but Steve is right. He's taken me to Skull Rock many times. We're definitely walking the wrong way."

"Okay, firstly, gross. Secondly, I'm not wrong, I'm following the compass."

"You're wrong." Steve said, turning left and walking in the opposite direction, the rest of you all quickly following while Dustin asked where you were going. "Stop whining. Let's go. Trust me."

Dustin continued to whine until you pushed your way through the dense bushes and trees to find the rock formation in the middle of an opening and Steve grinned.

"Oh, boom! Bada bing, bada boom. There she is, Henderson. Skull Rock." Steve announced, holding his arms up at the rock. "In your face, man. In your stupid, cocky little face."

You chuckled softly at that, but Dustin just shook his head, staring down at the compass.

"Doesn't make sense."

"Yeah, yeah. Even with it staring you in the face, you can't admit it. You just can't admit you're wrong, you little butthead."

Suddenly, something jumped down from one of the rocks and you spun around to find Eddie now standing behind you with a grin.

"I concur. You, Dustin Henderson, are a total butthead."

Eddie took a step towards you before you rushed the remaining distance and hugged him. He seemed taken back by the sudden action. You've never hugged each other before, but he quickly recovered from his surprise and wrapped his arms around you.

"I thought you were dead, asshole." You whispered before pulling away.

"Nearly was there for a second." He admitted, smiling softly at you before his expression tightened. "I'm so sorry for getting you dragged into this. I didn't mean for you to get roped into being my murder accomplice."

You shrugged your shoulders, "it's what best friends do. Hang out, watch movies together and help murder people on the weekends." You joked, but Eddie and Steve just glared at you, not finding it funny at all. "It's not like it isn't believable though. New girl from California just realised from jail for serious assault is now helping the local murderer? Sounds believable."

"Anyone who knows the two of you would know that you guys didn't do any of this." Robin responded, but you shook your head.

"Yeah, and those people are literally just you guys. Eddie and I aren't exactly the most popular people in Hawkins to begin with."

"Well, she's not wrong." Eddie said with a shrug.

MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

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#steve harrington #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fanfiction #stranger things #stranger things fanfic #Billy Hargrove #eddie munson #Max Mayfield #joe keery #joseph quinn #dacre montgomery #sadie sink

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rosesloveletters · 9 months

Text

Happy Birthday, Erika! 🎈🥳

Just another gift set for an amazing girl — @ajokeformur-ray — whom I am lucky enough to call “sister”. I hope your birthday is magical, darling, but if not, then we’ll just have to make September even more magical to make up for it. I hope you like everything contained within this post, but if not, I am always happy to make something else. Your physical gifts will be waiting for you when you arrive in September so we can do an in-person gift exchange for the first time!! I’m SO EXCITED to see you again and to give you lots and lots of hugs🥹🫂

I love you so very much and I miss you TONS! Our holiday cannot get here fast enough!! I’m still counting down the days until you’re here with me again -- I think we’re down to only 43 days now? Damn, time moves fast... all the more reason to give you all the love while you’re here with me❤️🫂

Happiest of birthdays to you, darling. Year 26 will be kind to you (or else) 😂❤️

First, a handwritten letter from me:

Second, some fics:

Timeless // Erika x Arthur Fleck/Joker

summary: You reflect back on this past academic year and remind yourself why you chose this specific, very important path. // ‘You needed each other and you needed time; good thing, then, this love was timeless.’

THIS is the song that inspired this fic✨💜

word count: 2,110

Another year, come and gone, but it never happened as easily as it was said. You’d had to fight your way out of the dark this time, as you had so many times before, and by the time you emerged into the daylight it didn’t feel so much like a reward as it should have. They say that when one had to go to war for what they want, reaping the rewards was hardly the justice or benefit that one deserves and now you knew how true that seemed to be. It wasn’t meant to come easily to you, if that were the case, would it even have been worth doing? Perhaps you didn’t know the answer, or if you did, you were disinclined to speak it into existence, but that did not matter in the here and now. It was finished for another year. You had the time to heal, to lick your wounds and prepare yourself for the next battle. The time for self-recognition would come and when it did, hopefully you would feel whole enough to put it into words.

You sipped your coffee at the kitchen table that your lover had made you. You felt so small and insignificant during these quiet moments, but it wasn’t a bad thing – if you could only merely exist, then exist here. These four walls transcended time; the only things which grounded you to this era were the distant, grainy hum of the record player as its’ current tune twisted and wreathed about the apartment and Arthur’s warm hand over top of yours, his thumb tracing your slightly protruding knuckles.

It was calm in the aftermath, but you and your lover both knew how much and how long and how hard you had had to fight to achieve even this. This single moment that you treasured so much, would soon be tucked away in the lockbox beneath your bed of all the other times just like this one. You kept them all for a rainy day, to remind yourself of what all of this was about, but most days it seemed that the sun never shined and the rain poured down in sheets.

It was never meant to be like this. You were supposed to want this, arguably more than you wanted him because if you didn’t then how were you ever supposed to succeed? How would you show to him how important he was to you if you couldn’t even do this? Your love language was acts of service and this would be the greatest act of love you had ever given a person; it had to be perfect.

It had to be one of those fairy-tale moments that most of us spend our whole lives trying to recreate, but you had to capture this one. Your castle was crumbling to the ground and instead of relying on your prince to build it back up from the ground, you would straighten your crown and get to work. Was it even worth it anymore if you couldn’t do it alone?

“I’m proud of you,” Arthur whispered, cutting through the fog in your mind, reaching out of your hand to pull you to the surface of the water so you wouldn’t drown in the self-doubt, “you always manage to get it just right. I know you can’t see it, but I do.”

The smallest of smiles graced your lips, but his words meant more than just a simple acknowledgement. They were the reason. The reason you clung to, why you dragged yourself out of bed every morning at 5am even when you were exhausted to the point of collapse, why you sat at your desk for hours, day after day, fighting for the girl of the rest of your life who didn’t really know what she was in for, but whom you advocated for each day because she would get there. She would appreciate all this someday, even if this version of you thought about quitting every hour on the hour.

“Thank you,” you replied to him, “you see what I go through. You know that none of it is easy, but I’d put myself through hell every day for you and I wouldn’t even complain.”

The ‘not complaining’ part might not have been entirely true, but you knew he knew what you meant and the smile of acknowledgement on his face told you that he did. He saw you in the trenches every day, he brought you liters of coffee and snacks so you wouldn’t go without. He would drape a blanket around your shoulders if you seemed cold or he would bring in a box fan if you were too hot. He’d encourage you to take small breaks here or there so your eyes did not become strained from looking at your screen for long periods. His job was just as important as yours, though he would’ve argued his was much more important because, after all, your wellbeing was far more important to him than most else.

You’d had the courage to stick to your studies for yet another year, but the last several months had not been kind to you and you were holding your breath for when you might finally catch a break. You had struggled through dozens of doctors’ appointments, seeking out a clear path for recovery from your anxiety that hopefully did not include medication. You had also gotten a wicked-looking infection in your pinky toe that took a month before you saw any healing going on. As if your studies weren’t enough to deal with, everything else that had piled on to you in the last month or two almost made you collapse, but you would carry that weight if it meant you might have another chance to achieve your dream occupation.

You could hold on a little longer, but the fall was tempting, especially knowing that Arthur would always be there to catch you.

How you had managed to bring this year of university to as natural of a close seemed like you had defied all possible logic, but it was over. You finally caught up. This leg of the race was over and you could pause to catch your breath before the next one.

Despite how crazy things had gotten there at the finish line, Arthur was there for you, cheering you on from the sidelines the same way he had done every year prior to this one. While you were trying to work out the best possible method of treatment for your anxiety, when the doctors had you trying medication, Arthur let you stand in the kitchen with him and take your meds at the same time as he did. He was aware of how terrified you were to do this and he would have done everything in his power to make this easier on you. If sharing in a routine as domestic as this helped your nerves even slightly, he’d have done it in a heartbeat. He always paused, waiting until you were ready before he tilted his head back and swallowed his own pills, followed by a sip of water to wash them down.

When you were too afraid to look at your swollen, blood-blistered toe to check if it was healing properly, Arthur had guided you into your small bathroom, sat you down and taken your foot carefully in his lap to have a closer look. He cleaned and rebandaged you, offering small, murmured words of comfort while you kept your eyes on his face rather than on the injury.

He had always known exactly what to do and how to handle it, even and especially when you didn’t. This was why he was your guide and for this reason alone, you gave all that you were. You would have given him the entire world, but he did not want the world when he had his dream girl right here with him now. He wanted his talented, intelligent, steadfast, loving, considerate, sweet girl, Erika, and there would be nothing that could ever stand in his way of having you, even yourself.

The tides of self-sabotage came crashing against your shores every once in a while, but Arthur’s soothing words and presence could calm the most violent of oceans, even wading out into the open water up to his neck, because he wasn’t afraid of drowning in your love. He knew what it felt like worry you were not good enough for someone and he knew enough that he did not ever want you to feel that way too. He would do everything he could to spare you from the worst of what he felt, even if he could not save you from it, he could share the weight of that burden. He was not letting you go through this alone. It wasn’t like him to abandon anyone, least of all his most beloved one.

“I know you’ll have to do all this again in a few months’ time,” Arthur whispered to you now, “and I’ll be here. Even if it’s hard…especially if it’s hard. I’m not going anywhere; I promise you that. I love you, Erika.”

His words comforted you, blanketed your mind in a warm embrace and almost brought tears to your eyes if you’d had any left to cry. No matter how many times the world broke you, Arthur always picked up the pieces and put you back together.

He was the reason you had picked this career path anyway and you would remember it every step of the way. It could be done because you had the strength of love on your side. You would pick yourself up again, over and over, let yourself be washed out to sea, treading water until Arthur came to rescue you. He would always be there to give you his hand and guide you back to shore.

It wasn’t because he thought you couldn’t do it alone, but because he didn’t want you to do it alone. There would be plenty of times in life when you would find yourself alone, but not now, not if he could help it. He had every reason to stick around and show you how beautiful life could be, even though it rained every day in your world. If it rained, he would be your sunshine. He would be the light in your darkness and would save you from the side of yourself which threatened that you weren’t good enough for him, because you were.

He did not know how he had been lucky enough to capture a heart like yours, but he treasured your love as the greatest gift he had ever received. There was nothing he would not have done for his beloved and he was determined to show that to you as often as he could, so that you might remember on days when the sun never shined that he was there and would break through your storm clouds and let the light in.

You both missed the simpler times, when you had fallen so deeply, madly and irreversibly in love all those years ago, but what you had now was even more than you’d imagined back then. You had years on your younger selves now and much more wisdom about what you wanted and hoped for and dreamed of, but much more importantly…you had each other.

Even if you didn’t have it all figured out yet, you did not need to. You had more time and many more years with each other to do that. For now, you were safe to carry on as you were, taking it all a day at a time, sometimes even an hour at a time, because that was all you needed.

It hit you, all at once, that you would have loved him in any timeline, whether you were his Erika as you were now, or if you had been a young, Victorian girl and he a foot servant. Or perhaps you might have been a quiet girl, reading in the school cafeteria during the 80s and he a strong, independent, older student who played the part of dungeons and dragons game master on the weekends and also played guitar.

Yours and Arthurs was the kind of love that surpassed the timeline your physical forms occupied. You would always know this one as yours, but had it been another, you would have found him and loved him.

You needed that much, at least, because in order to keep going, you needed him the same way you needed air.

You needed each other and you needed time; good thing, then, this love was timeless.

Aftermath // Erika x Henry Jekyll (parental) - Mary Reilly & Edward Hyde (mentioned)

summary: By now, you are used to your parents taking a step back while you focus on your studies, but it never gets any easier. // You and your Father fall into a routine, once again, and it all begins to make a bit more sense.

word count: 1,515

In the aftermath, there was nothing except numbness. An overwhelming sense of emptiness filled you and you were uncertain how long it was going to take to recover, or even if you would be able to this time.

It had always happened this way and, even still, you worried. How could it not be anxiety-inducing to feel like you had everyone on your side at the start, then fight your way through university only to cross the finish line and feel like no one was there waiting to congratulate you. It wasn’t true, however, except that some of your most important people seemed to be nonexistent now: your parents.

You knew it wasn’t true; your parents would never abandon you. Then why did it always feel like they had done just that?

It was a part of you now, the sense of not belonging anywhere that you tried so desperately to fit in, and you were used to this. You got so overwhelmed by your studies that you isolated yourself from your loved ones until it was over and then, then, you could slowly allow yourself to return to them. You took after your Father in this way, even though he never would have wanted that for you. He wanted to serve as a guide for you throughout your studies, but he did not want you to push your family away until you felt like you deserved them.

You always deserved your Father, your Mama and your Papa, no matter the outcome for your studies or anything similar. You did not have to earn your right to them. They were always there, silently waiting in the wings until you would come to acknowledge that.

You could see the light at the end of the tunnel and even though this particular year of university had more than metaphorically kicked you in the ass, you were relieved to have made it through and were taking your time in preparing for the next one. It would be unlike any other because now you were going to have to draw on previous years’ knowledge and information to understand the upcoming one. You would be responsible for revisions of last year’s work, condensing it down to manageable, bite-sized pieces so you could rely on what you had already done to guide you through the next maze.

An overwhelming sense of dread was hitting you now and you were already fearful of what the next year might bring. The previous year had already been too much at once and you needed something to ground you and keep you focused on the future, rather than on the past.

This was why you always, always turned to your Father for help.

Once you had officially eased back into daily life with your parents by your side, you were able to reconnect with who you were. You worked alongside your Mama during the mornings, then you would find your Father camped out in his study or in the library and he would lend a hand with your studies or simply allow you to work with him in silence. Your nights were reserved for your Papa and all the delightful chaos and titillating tidbits he would bring, but for now, you needed your Father.

Your studies had to come first because your future depended on it.

For this reason did you find yourself nestled into your usual spot in the library, surrounded by a sea of papers, while your Father quietly did the same at his own workspace. You were hard at work on revisions and notetaking, keeping your head down and your eyes focused on what you were doing. If you allowed yourself to relax for even a second, you feared you would lose focus and stop entirely and your future could not afford to suffer simply because you did not feel like working right now.

Your Father peeked at you past the open books he had on his own desk. He scrawled handwritten notes in his notebook – never would he have felt comfortable writing in the margins of his beloved textbooks like your Papa so often did (he was going to find a way to end that once and for all, but we all know that Edward Hyde worked for no one except himself.)

His face softened as he regarded you from afar, taking pleasure knowing that your work ethic had come from him. He only worried that you would overwork yourself in the same ways that he had and that it would begin to take its toll in the very same way. He worried, like all good fathers did, and he wanted you to know that you were doing just fine and that you did not need to overthink yourself into a rut like he was prone to do.

“Erika,” he whispered, not wanting to disturb you, but also because he wanted to gently get your attention shifted from your studies and onto him. When you looked up from your papers, he began, “I want you to know…that I am proud of all the work that you have done. And, even more than that, I am proud of you.”

You let the words sink in and settle beneath your skin. It felt good to be complimented by your Father. It felt like all of this would be worth it, then, all the struggles and hardships and battles and cries…it meant something beyond all of that because you would never have achieved all that you had if you were not a part of who your parents were. You could not have continued to work as well as keep up with your studies if you did not have your Mama’s perseverance and determination. You could not have achieved such perfect marks and maintained lengthy hours of study if you did not have your Father’s work ethic and knack for comprehending difficult concepts. And, you could not have continued to push forward through all of the difficulty and strife had you not possessed your Papa’s stubbornness not to give up despite when perhaps any other person would have.

You were your own person, but in turn, you were made up of little pieces of who they were and that made you Erika. You were a beautiful, intelligent, strong, independent, caring, devoted and inspirational young woman and you made your parents proud every step of the way, even during times when you felt you had done the complete opposite.

“Thank you, Father,” you responded to him and you smiled, perhaps the realest one you had offered him in quite some time and this sentiment was not lost on him. Not much escaped your Father’s attention, especially when it came to his beloved daughter whom he loved more than himself.

You were his greatest work, his greatest masterpiece and the person he was most proud of in the world. He would have done anything and everything he could for you, letting you know every step of the way how proud he was of the woman you were growing into. He would be there now and forever and on your graduation day, whenever that came, he would be standing there knowing that he had seen you through this from the very beginning. It might not have seemed like much from an outsider’s perspective, but to him, it meant more than the world to witness his daughter chasing her future and, one day, it would be in the palm of her hand. He had faith in her abilities, even when she questioned whether she could do it. He always knew that if anyone could achieve this seemingly impossible dream, it was her.

There was nothing she could not do if she set her sights on it and kept persevering. It was only a matter of time before she was moving on to the next phase of her lifelong journey and he wanted to do everything in his power to stand by her and watch her reap the benefits of her hard work. He would gently remind her throughout all this that she deserved these positive things and that it might be difficult, but nothing was more worth her time than her future and for that he was proud to know she agreed.

He got up from his chair and approached her, leaning over her shoulder to assess her work. He was proud of how much she had accomplished so far and he smiled at her, making sure she knew he was pleased. You might have expected him to turn away, then, but no. He gently brought his arms around your shoulders and embraced you.

It had been a long time since he had hugged you properly and as you leaned into him, all-consumed by this sudden display of affection and emotion, you let two tears slide down your cheeks. You were happy now, right where you needed to be. Your parents had not abandoned you. They were right here, always a part of you no matter where you went and you still had so many places yet to go.

Third, a poem I wrote:

A Universal Cosmic Collision

God didn’t make us sisters because we would have been too powerful together but everything I’ve done since I met you is a love letter to the person I wanted to be whom I will never get to know — sweep me under the rug, that’s the thing about letting go: I won’t know the girl who never existed but to you I hold fast, tight-fisted, because I know a good thing when I’ve got it even if I didn’t to begin with, I’ll admit that I’m a bit overwhelmed by you. Calling someone “sister” isn’t something I’m used to, but if I was to bestow that honor upon anyone, In every lifetime, in every universal cosmic collision, you would be my most beloved one.

I never knew how much better life could be until you showed me.

I hope you like your online gifts, darling! I am so grateful to know you and to be able to celebrate you like this💗🫂 Please let me know if I can make anything else for you, dear. I love you so so so much and I cannot wait to hug you again in a little over a month! I am wishing you the very happiest of birthdays today and I hope you know that even though today is a very special day, that you make every single day of mine special just by being a part of it. I love you💗💗

#made with love :: 💛

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peanutcrow · 2 years

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request for @grimmartist of Mirabel dancing

#mirabel madrigal #encanto #disney #gifs #antonio will follow another time and camilo ones come over time in general :>#sorry for the long wait!#I specifically made gifs of the first song because everything happens so fast and I wanted to see it slowed down a bit #hope that's alright!#long post

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summerainss · 2 years

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you are in love- C.H.

A/N: Hi!! Although I have been a reader for a long time this is actually my first piece of writing. I am in love with Taylor Swift and every time I listen to this song I have these visiuals and scenes that come to my mind. Also English is not my first language so beware of some grammer mistakes. Although there might be cliches, sometimes that’s all I need. Hope you like it. I had a great time writing it:))

P.S. Gif is not mine all credits go to the owner.

Warnings: I think none, it’s just fluff.

One look, dark room

Meant just for you

I always thought those were just in the movies and novels. The moment your eyes met with your partner and you two are the only ones standing in the room. Where everything just seems to fade away. I used to dream of that kind of feelings, always wondering if that would actually happen to me. I really, really hoped it would; but deep down I had a gut feeling it was all just fiction. The idea felt amazing and impossible at the same time. Lately, I have been feeling as if maybe it’s not so impossible. For example, last night when we were at that Halloween party with Cal. The world didn’t stop when he looked at me from across the room, but I felt comfort. He didn’t have to say or mouth anything to me I just felt like he understood what I was feeling and I felt like I can hear him telling me to just hang on a for a few hours and we can just go home and be alone. Those moments were the ones that made me believe maybe it wasn’t all fiction.

Time moved too fast, you play it back Buttons on a coat, lighthearted joke No proof, not much, but you saw enough

The moments I realized I was falling in love were big moments or a specific moment to be honest. I started to slowly realize small details about him that I loved. I denied when my friends told me I was falling in love at first, because I didn’t realize I was falling for him. I knew that he was special. His stupid punchlines, how time seemed to past too fast when we were together, and how just remembering those moments would make me smile like an idiot. He didn’t do anything that was stupidly romantic or anything, but he was there for me when I need him, and I was there for him when he needed me. Somehow that was enough for me to realize that my friends could be right.

Small talk, he drives Coffee at midnight

One thing I loved doing was driving at night. Before Calum came into my life I would always do this alone. This was my time to just relax and clear my head. Everyone else was asleep and I had some alone time with the city and my music. I didn’t let any previous partners of mine to get in that space I had for myself. It all happened accidentally with Cal. I accidentally brought up the fact on drunken night. We were supposed to be getting to know each other, at least communicate with each other besides bickering. As cliché as it sounds, we decided to play twenty-one questions. I think we were at the fifteenth question or so when he asked about my favorite time of the day. I answered with night of course. I proceeded to explain the reason: “I just like being alone, I guess. It feels like everyone is asleep. I don’t need to socialize or do anything else with that matter. I can do anything I please. Everything I do is myself. It is the only time I am selfish.” That was the first time I have ever opened up to Calum. It was the first time I was real. “yeah?” was all he said. I nodded to say yes. I think I was regretting my decision to answer truthfully so I did what I thought was the easiest thing to do gulp down my drink so I couldn’t think anymore. The thing right now was that I could think but I had no filter. I needed to empty my head to enjoy this moment with him. I was ready to let go. He understood the silence as a cue for him to start talking, “what do you say we get a cup of coffee and do whatever you most like to do at night? You must have something you enjoy, as big night lover as yourself.” He offered me his hand. “I don’t want to sober up!! I don’t want to drink coffee!” I said as stubborn as a child not wanting to leave their favorite toy behind. I was sure I was whining and mumbling my words. I would be surprised if he understood any word I just said. “Come on darling, let’s just do whatever you want to do then. First, we’ll do your thing and then we can do mine. You don’t need to drink coffee I would really like you to come with me, so I don’t have to be alone. Huh, what do you say?” he nudged me. “Hmm hmm, okay but we have to for a drive. I want to listen to some good music.” He helped me get up and came to my right side. His arm is the help I needed to walk properly. My head was lightly on his chest. Soft breeze hit my face, though not too much the cold caused a shock effect. I was sobering up involuntarily. The drive was silent. Soft background music coming from the speakers of the car. Even though Calum placed me in the car and I was half passed out, all I could remember was the sensation of his hand in mine. I was drunk and brave. I didn’t have time to overthink plus I was clingy. The good thing was he let me hold his hand, he didn’t say a single word about it. Even though I could feel him smiling at me. I was too tired to actually give a reaction. That was when I actually drifted off. All I remember after that was him slowly calling out my name for me to wake up. I was more sober than. When we entered the shop, I wanted a coffee as well. He went to get our coffees as I went to find ourselves a table to sit. Fluorescent lights were too bright right now, and the leather of the booth had a weird feeling to it. I guess this was not the perfect place, but it was all we had right now. I rested my head on the kind of dirty looking table. After I realized the condition of the table I quickly took of my jacket and placed it on the table, then proceeded to rest my head on the table. Before I could drift off Calum sat next to me in the booth. I was kind of quizzical as to why he had chosen to sit next to me but as the time passed, I was thankful he did. Because when both our coffees were done, I rested my head on his chest. His arm already on the back of my part of the booth. I guess he was not surprised because all he did after that was to adjust himself to the most comfortable position. Which happened to have his arm around my shoulder and his cheek resting on the top of my head. He was smooth, every move he made was smooth except he didn’t consider one thing. I could hear his heartbeat perfectly. He couldn’t make me believe his act, but I was too kind to say something about it until the later stages of our relationship. I still joke about it when the day we met comes up. It was a perfect night though. It was the best first date I had in my whole life. It was perfect because it proved that I felt comfortable with him since the first night I met him.

The light reflects the chain on your neck He says, "Look up" And your shoulders brush No proof, one touch, but you felt enough

The first gift he gave me was one of his infamous chain necklaces. I think we were dating for about 2 months then. When we cuddled or somehow ended up close enough for me to reach his necklaces, I ended up playing with it. It became a habit quite quickly. As time passed Calum became aware of this weird habit of mine. At one of our stargazing dates he decided to gift me one of his necklaces. It was the last date we had before he was about to go away for a while. We planned on spending the night at the beach. We got ourselves some wine and food. All packed in a backpack. We also brought a lot of blankets so we wouldn’t be too cold. We watched the sunset first it was a beautiful view. Calum kept looking at me to see my reaction to the mesmerizing view. I could only pretend I didn’t notice for so long. I turned my head toward him. He was there smiling like an idiot, not even trying to hide the fact he was staring. The awkward person I am, I stuck my tongue out. It seemed as if it were the most reasonable thing to ease the tense air of adoration we felt towards each other. He just shook his head, wrapping his arms around my shoulder, pulling my head towards his stomach so he could mess up my head as if we were just two friends messing with each other. I struggled to get my head up once again. When I did, his shit eating hasn’t changed a bit. If it was possible, I would say it had gotten bigger. This time I was sure my expression matched his. I couldn’t help myself his face was just too adorable. I had a sudden urge to kiss him. It was not long nor sweet. It was a quick peck to express my feelings toward him. When I pulled away, he pulled me in for a longer kiss. Once again, it was not really sexual more affectionate I would say. Calum pulled seemed to remember something once we pulled away. His hands went to his pocket. He pulled out something I couldn’t see much. It was hidden away in his hand. “I wanted to give you something. I noticed a small habit you had of playing with my necklaces. I thought since I was going away you wouldn’t be able to play with it. Then this wonderful idea came to my mind. What if I gave you one of my favorite necklaces? You know, just so you can remember me.” He mumbled the last part. He was kind of shy about that part because we never shared this type of thing. We always joked about things we definitely were not the type of couple to be forward about our feelings. Sure, we shared them but mostly through different type of things, not direct words. I was about to cry about this thoughtful gift. He noticed my habit and decided to gift me one his most precious possessions. I felt honoured, actually I felt more than that I just wasn’t aware what that feeling was just yet. “I- umm. I don’t know what to say but thank you Cal,” I replied. My hands were still slightly covering my mouth. I grabbed the necklace from his hand to inspect it. It was my favorite one to play with too. I pulled it up to put it on. I struggled to put it on. “May I?” Calum asked. “Yes please,” I answered politely as I gave him the necklace. The sun was just setting and as I passed Cal the necklace, it flickered beautifully. I smiled at the small thing that happened and turned around so he could put it on without any trouble. The chain felt cold but in a nice kind of way. I was ready to adjust the small item’s temperature with the heat of my neck. After stars were clearly visible across the sky, we had talked about everything. Right now, we were lying down at our blanket stargazing. We made up a game as time passed by, we would make up stories about the star. A star would be a person in afterlife. Every star had a life, that meant a story to be told. That was what we did, we made up their stories. Our shoulders were brushing against each other. I could feel his chest vibrate every time he laughed. I was telling him the most unbelievable story in the game yet. It was the most absurd one, even though he tried not to question it he couldn’t help but question my last detail. His eyebrows knotted he gave me a questioning look. I could see his expression from the corner of my eye. I was not going to give in on how ridiculous it was so I kept looking up at the sky, but of course I had a limit. “You have a problem with this star’s story?” I said my eyebrows raised. “Actually, ye- OH LOOK A FALLING STAR!” he exclaimed like a little child. “What? Where? Noo, I couldn’t miss that.” I whined. Calum let out a quiet laugh, putting his arm around my shoulder and pulling me closer to him so I was closer. “Don’t worry, love. I’m sure there’ll be another one for you to miss,” he joked. “i’M SurE tHErE’lL bE ANothEr oNE fOr YoU To mIsS. Fuck off Calum.” I said partly fake annoyed. At least the mocking part helped my anger a little bit. He laughed at my reaction once again and kissed the top of my head while giving me a small squeeze. I didn’t say anything else but snuggle closer to him if that possible. [Chorus] You can hear it in the silence (silence), silence (silence), you You can feel it on the way home (way home), way home (way home), you You can see it with the lights out (lights out), lights out (lights out) You are in love, true love You are in love

We were walking back to Cal’s place after a party Ashton had. Since their houses were so close and both of us were too drunk to drive at the moment, we decided to walk would be the best option. The loud music was now gone, the small voice of his boots and my heels replacing it now replacing it. It was not awkward or anything. It was just that we were both too tired and intoxicated to speak. Still hand in hand. I had to stop for a moment which caused Calum to stop to look at me as well. “What’s wrong, love?” he questioned. He was looking some kind of sobered up now. His expression still tired but not as drunk as he was when we were about to leave the party. “It’s nothing. My heels are hurting my feet. Don’t worry, I just need to take them off,” I replied. Not even looking up, taking of my shoes. “Why don’t you hop on my back? It’s a short way anyways.” I looked at him unsure. A piggyback ride sounded amazing right now but seeing how tired he was I didn’t want to add on to that. “Are you sure? I mean you are tired as well. I don’t want to suck all your energy.” Calum just laughed. “It won’t be a problem. What are you talking about? I wouldn’t have asked you if I was too tired to carry you,” he said dismissively. A relieved smile covered my face at his reply. “Thank you, Cal.” I hopped on his back. He continued walking just as he was walking before. My hands around his neck and my head resting on top of his head. I placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. His smile once again appeared as a reaction to my previous actions. “I love you Cal” I thought. I was drunk I could’ve said it but I didn’t. I just fell asleep at his back thinking how in love I was with this wonderful man. Morning, his place Burnt toast, Sunday You keep his shirt, he keeps his word

I opened my eyes. The first I noticed was that I was in Calum’s room. I smiled at the thought of last night. He was back from his tour for two weeks. That meant we could spend two whole weeks together, alone. Our first night alone back together was splendid. My thoughts drifted off to my fantasyland, all the possible ways we could spend it… I was about to get lost in my fantasies when Duke’s cute bark brought me back to reality. I quickly picked him up and placed him on my lap. “Are you happy your dad is finally home?” I asked the dog excitedly. He barked once again. “Me too, Duke. Me too.” I placed him on the floor once again and got out of bed. I wore one of Cal’s shirt before walking towards the kitchen. Duke following my steps closely. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” I heard him curse and saw a moment later what he was cursing about. He had burnt the toast. I mean that took a special skill. How could a person even burn a toast? I laughed and his head snapped up at the noise coming from me. The kitchen was lightened up with the morning sun. He looked beautiful with sun rays lighting up his incredible smile. “This is what happens if you leave me all alone in bed,” I joked as I made my way over him to give him a sweet kiss. Both of us still had those stupid smiles on our faces. “That’s probably why, it has nothing to do with my cooking skills.” I laughed at his comment. “That must be why. I mean how could a person even burn a toast. It’s just bread.” He rolled his eyes and went over to where the coffee machine to pour both of us a cup of coffee. As soon as he was done, he offered me one of the cups. I thanked him quietly before taking a sip of my coffee. He really was here long distance was finally over for a while. He did keep his word. We were once again together, happily.

And for once, you let go Of your fears and your ghosts One step, not much, but it said enough

I realized I was in love at the beach, I admitted I was in love to myself after Ashton’s party, when was I going to tell him that? I mean he made me feel loved, I was pretty sure I made him loved as well. So, what were we waiting for, what were we afraid of? That we would make it all real? I mean, I think it passed the point of being real. We did everything except say those three words. It was simply, right? Just saying those three words was enough. It was three o’clock in the morning. I had this unreasonable courage. Once again we were cuddling while watching the newest hit show. It wasn’t even that good. It was just short and good enough to binge watch. I was playing with the necklace he was wearing. My heart was beating heavily at my thoughts. This was it, I was going to tell him. The show’s last episode was playing on the tv screen. I couldn’t keep it in anymore. “Hey Calum,” I called out his name softly, nearly in a whisper. My eyes were still on the screen. “Hmm?” he replied his focus still on the show. “You know I love you right?” I asked. This was it. It was finally out. He was either going to confess his love back, or he was going to freak out and break up with me. He stopped for a moment. He didn’t say anything. I could hear his heart starting to beat faster than moments before. His eyes were more open than before. How surprised he was clearly visible on his face. He than turned to look at me, but I was too scared to look at him, so I was still looking at the screen. “Yeah?” he asked. “Hmm hmm,” I replied as I nodded my head. I looked at him with the corner of my eye, trying to make out his reaction. He was smiling, grinning even. “Well that’s a relief, because I love you too… very much if I have to say so.” My head quickly turned his way as soon as I heard his response. Now I was smiling as well. Biggest smile I had ever had. “Good.” I mumbled before leaning in for a kiss. Well, that kiss led to other things, things that I’m sure you can guess. I only want to say one thing about it: It was the best that I had ever had.

You kiss on sidewalks You fight and you talk,

As every relationship, of course we fought. Maybe not as much as a toxic couple would but still… We had our fair share of it. The most frightening of all was the first one to be honest. It was the first fight we had so I had no idea about what was going to happen to us. That feeling uncertainty was enough for it to be the reason it was the worst of it all. It all started stupidly. The biggest peeve of mine was when somebody got in the way of my cooking. I had to have all the control in the kitchen. Even him sitting there could be distraction for me. I could work with him when it was just pancakes or something simple like that but if I was preparing a whole meal, I needed the whole kitchen to myself. That day he was kind of down. To help him as much as I can I let him sit on one of the chairs. However, he was not just sitting. He would eat from the bowl of freshly washed vegetables. I had just watched them, and it was getting really annoying. “Could you just stop?” I snapped. That was the problem probably. I wouldn’t say anything until it got really annoying and then I would snap, so he thought I was overreacting, but in reality I was acting like I was not annoyed at first. I had to work on that, showing my emotions when the emotions really started. He probably would have left the kitchen to watch some tv or YouTube long time ago. Now he was thinking I was overreacting, or I was really annoyed at him. If he wasn’t having a bad day already, he would have asked me if I was okay and we could just talk it out, but unfortunately today was not the day for that. He looked taken aback. I can’t remember much after he started yelling as well. I probably blocked that fight from my memory because I really didn’t want to remember it. After the screaming match he went to his room, and I went back to cooking. It was a good thing I was a stress baker. It really helped me cool of. Calum wasn’t there so I could just do what I need to do without any distractions. When the meal was done, and the cookies were at the oven I let out a breath and thought back to the fight. What the fuck did just happen? I was wrong and what if he didn’t want to deal with my moodiness. Fuck… I needed to talk to him. Before I knew what was happening, I was already at his bedroom door. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. When I didn’t get any answer, I just went in. He was there lying on his bed. Headphones on and his phone in his hands. “I’m sorry, I just… I don’t like when people are in way when I’m cooking. I probably should have told you that before,” I spoke as I sat on the bed next to him. His headphones were all resting on his shoulder now. “Yeah, I wouldn’t have been there if I knew. I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have yelled, it’s just today is not my day,” he said with a sigh. “I baked some cookies; we could eat them and just go and get ice cream. An ice cream sounds really good right now,” I offered with my eyebrows raised fighting off a smile. He didn’t even fight it, he smiled widely, “Yeah?” he asked, and I nodded like a child. He pulled me in for a hug. My head was buried in his chest. “Come on then. We’ll eat the cookies after our ice cream. I know the best ice cream shop here.” We than got out of the house and started walking to the shop. Walking was something we did more as time passed. It just was better. We were hand in hand. Back to our simple and happy selves. I looked at him and when he noticed my staring he looked back. I kissed him as we were walking on the sidewalk. When I pulled away his smile was still on his face. Once again, we were happy.

One night, he wakes Strange look on his face Pauses, then says "You're my best friend" And you knew what it was, he is in love

Late nights were not something uncommon in our relationship. Actually a few milestones in our relationship was during late nights. As usual we were lying in bed. A show was playing on the background. He had a rough day, so I didn’t want to wake him up. I was just scrolling through my feed when he started murmuring some words I couldn’t comprehend what it was. Only thing I could understand was that it was not a happy one. His eyebrows scrunched almost yelling some words. I was starting to get really worried, so I did what I thought was the right thing and shook him wake. He was startled at first, trying to understand his surroundings. When I saw him that upset my first instinct was to hug him. “Hey, hey it was a bad dream, it was all just a dream. You can relax now. I’m here.” I comforted as I stroked his hair. Holding his head in my chest like a fragile porcelain baby. Afraid he might break any moment. His breaths were evening out. I saw him close his and let out a big breath. “You really are my best friend, please know that I can’t lose you,” he confessed. Somehow that brought the warmest feeling in my chest and those words were more moving than the obvious three words.

And so it goes You two are dancing in a snow globe, 'round and 'round And he keeps the picture of you in his office downtown And you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars And why I've spent my whole life tryin' to put it into words

It was yet again after a party. Luke’s party to be specific. The guests were leaving slowly. As Sierra and Luke bid their goodbyes to us and disappeared into their shared bedroom, we were all alone at the living room. Remaining of the party were cups and alcohol bottles scattered everywhere. Confetti pieces covering the floor making it hard to see the hardwood floor. The one thing that made this scene perfect was the slow music coming out of the speakers. Luke had drunkenly forgot to turn it off since the music was hard to notice with blending into the background perfectly. We were in each other’s arms once again. We were both too lazy to get up but when -- song -- came up Cal was the first to get up. Holding out his hand the moment he got up. Offering me to slow dance all alone in the living room. I looked at his perfectly pink cheeks for a moment before getting up. We were both too tired to talk, plus this was so much better than talking. Pure blissful feeling I felt when I was with Calum almost never went away. It was always there; I didn’t even know how to get rid of it even if I wanted to. I was scared that one day I would have to, but that was just thinking too much. If I had to do that, it would be future me’s concern. I was too at peace to think about that. Just as my thoughts were getting too much, I saw it. The first snow of the year. It was like a sign. Everything in our relationship was like a sign. I took them as it and was grateful every day for this wonderful man that I had the chance of calling my boyfriend. “Look Cal, it’s snowing,” I said sleepily. Having a hard time keeping my eyes open. Swaying and resting my head on Calum’s shoulder was not helping as well. “Yeah, it is… Feels like we are in snow globe.” That thought amused me. Being in a snow globe all alone dancing with Calum forever. I would like that. As the song came to an end Calum pulled apart slightly. Leading us to shut down the music set and turn off the lights. And off we went to the guest room. When we were tucked in and snuggled in alright, I said one last thing before drifting off: “I love you.” The last thing I heard was an “I love you” back.

#calum hood blurbs #calum hood fluff #calum hood x reader #calum hood imagine #5sos imagine #5 seconds of summer #calum hood #5sos fluff #5sos blurbs

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stormblessed95 · 2 years

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Hi Storm. Sorry if this gets long.

I find it interesting how that anon earlier said most JKKers are Jimin biased. I don't know if that can be true. Bear with me here: I am someone who came into BTS from a pretty strange place. Back around maybe 2017/2018, I was SO sick of seeing BTS everywhere on Tumblr that I eventually had everything to do with the group blocked via tag filtering - and SPECIFICALLY Jungkook, the most annoying member of all. He had his own level of filtering above all the others because I KEPT getting him on my tumblr dash, and I was pretty irritated that all the people I had followed for videogames and stuff had overnight become kpop blogs.

Anyway, fast-forward to now... the pandemic happened, I somehow fell in love with BTS (via their choreography and dance practice videos initially but they now dominate my Spotify both as a group and as solo performers) ...and lo and behold! My bias is Jungkook, the very same person I took extra trouble to completely eradicate from my tumblr experience.

So. When watching BTS content, my eyes are naturally drawn to JK. It happens, he's my favourite, I watch him a lot. BTS official content, performances, ITS, Run BTS, but also JKs cover songs and GCFs, etc. And through my watching, I am breaking down YEARS worth of misconceptions I had about Jungkook (and BTS as a whole). I dropped everything I thought I knew about him and said 'Okay, clean slate, YOU tell me who you are, because clearly I was wrong before'. This means, I'd like to believe, that I am watching with my mind open (with a capital O) to whatever I might be presented with, no matter how far it strays from what I originally thought these boys were. Because so far, most of what I have discovered about JK/BTS has brought me nothing but joy, even if some of it was surprising.

The point of all this, and sorry again for rambling, is that I came into the fanbase with zero agenda regarding dynamics between members, but ready to accept anything. At this stage, I didn't know who Jimin was, other than the stunning one with the baby face, who I assumed was the youngest. And while I can't remember the specific moment that made me first go 'huh' with JM and JK, if you truly do watch JK with both love but also an unbiased mind, you will notice who he is always gravitating to, who he spends his time with, who he is always making up silly games with, who he has a seemingly different kind of bond with, before you even get to any of the 'big' moments.

In fact, you would have to be deluded or wilfully ignorant to hold JK as your bias and then say he dislikes JM. Or to pretend that the special dynamic he has with JM is fake/manufactured BUT does still exist between JK and somebody else in the group (only in secret!!). And that's why when I see the loudest Twitter accounts from that other ship, it doesn't shock me at all that most often their bias is not JK, but instead the other member of that ship. Because if you truly like JK, if you watch him with respect and attention, he is not lying to you about JM.

I just cant imagine being a fan who tries to discredit clearly one of the most important people in his life. Whatever the relationship is, no matter if we never get more clarity than we have now. If you're a JK bias, it is so much happier and healthier as a fan to simply believe JK instead of wandering down a labyrinth of conspiracies and #freeJK and one ship covering for another.

I don't think most Jikookers are Jimin biased; I think maybe on the whole, they are of a variety of biases, but importantly they watch original content and do the members the service of believing them when they tell us things.

What a fascinating way to have gotten into the group 🤣😂 wow. Lol I don't have the stats and it would be hard to get those stats, but I don't think you can claim one way or the other that jikookers bias one member over the other. Often times we bias at least one of these 2 because we tend to all pay a bit more attention to those we bias and their interactions. It's only natural, but it's also clear that people who bias one of the other 5 members also still will occasionally notice jikook.

For example. My husband knows all the members. He listens to their music mostly and doesn't really watch their extra content except for the occasionally things with me. Like he sat and watched part of memories with me, it was the behinds for the dance practices that he was interested in seeing. He would watch the occasionally run episode with me when he had time and because he loves me and knows it makes me happy. And he watched the online concerts with me over the past year and half. He is staunchly Hobi biased. Hobi is his favorite for sure. Lol mentions him the most during the little bits of extra content we watch together. When I mentioned a while ago that I felt like 2 of the members could possibly be in a relationship together after I binged so much content, he just looked over at me and before I could say anything else he went, "who? Jimin and Jungkook?" Lol we had never talked about it before, he didn't watch any of the big moments before that such as GCFT or rosebowl or know about anything else they have done. He literally just thought it was them based off the bits of behind content and run episodes he did see. He said "they just are aware of each other the way that I am of you and just seem like they are the closest together. I don't know, it's just a vibe they give off I guess." Sooo it's not like you have to bias them to also see it too.

My friend humors me and is learning about them with me as I slowly introduce her to songs etc. I said NOTHING about relationship statuses and what not. I sent her music videos and songs, she would listen and I would send her info over every member every so often and what they like doing outside of just the band. She fell hard for namjoon. He has stayed rock solid as her favorite and asks for weekly photos of him even though she doesn't really consider herself army yet (I'll convert her). She just likes a few of their songs and loves Joonie. I told her JK made videos and she watched his GCFs, all of them and then asked who his boyfriend was, pointing out Jimin every single time (we hadn't gotten to learning about who jimin was at that point so she didn't recognize who he was by name yet lol). Said they were cute together. People SEE it, it's just the die hard anti shipping fans or other shippers who have a hard time seeing it simply because they don't want to.

Point is, that it's easy to see there might be something there, no matter how well you know them or really who you bias. If you take what they say and do at face value, respect them, their actions and words, it's a much more peaceful life in the world of the fandom. Regardless of what their relationship status is, as long as they are happy, I am happy, and they truly do mean a lot to each other and have a special bond. That much at least is so extremely clear and should be easy to see by everyone.

#jikook #kookmin #jikook special bond #jikook relationship goals #jikook love each other #non fans who notice jikook #jikookers

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hinatas-sunshine · 4 years

Text

Synopsis: Things you do as a tradition with Kageyama, Hinata, Yamaguchi, and Tsukki before they have a game!

Genre: Fluff ✨

A/N: Thank you guys so much for continuing to read my stuff and reblogging it! It means the world to me! You guys are free to send requests if you’re reading this! Love you guys & KITHES ❤️

Kageyama:

• Listen when you became a first year manager you didn’t think you’d end up dating a player

• You were a hard working manager and did everything you could for the team from baking them good luck cookies to helping them practice anytime

• Now as a third year - you are a pro at everything you do! And your boyfriend loves seeing you invested in what he’s doing all while doing what you want too

• You still have to keep Kageyama from arguing with Hinata - and Yams will most likely freak out a little

“Kageyama- time out!”

“Hinata you too!”

• Ah yeah you and Yams were a power team in the end, One that Hinata and Kageyama would never try against

• Kageyama will always find a way to help you and show that he supports you, it’s his way of showing he cares

“Y/n do you need help?”

“No she doesn’t she has me.”

• He got a little jealous if anyone helped you because he says it’s his job

“Tobio-Kun, I got it you can get back to practice.”

“But y/n-“

“I promise I got it.”

• He will listen - especially because he always wants to play better.

• and he does! But he believes it’s because of your good luck tradition

• that being you two holding a volleyball together and him pressing his forehead against yours, taking in a deep breath before kissing your forehead and getting on that court!

“Get a room.”

“Nice one Tsukki!”

• He’s on full game mode on the court because he knows you’ll always be there watching him

• You definitely get really into the game, while your boyfriend sticks to death glares you stomp around like a mad woman freaking out - YUP HE WOULDN’T HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY!

• During time outs - if he’s getting frustrated you hold him while everyone talks through a plan it definitely calms him down so everyone lets it happen without a word

• When they take a win though he would most definitely be on his way to give you a smooch 😳

• and you would also text a picture of the boys to their senpai’d once the game is over

Daichi, Suga, Asahi: 🥺🥺🥺🥺

• The 2nd years definitely watch their games too you would know because Noya and Tanaka make kissy noises at you and Kageyama all the time

• You two end off the night by talking about the other teams and their plays while walking to his house to spend the night getting a good rest

“So you think he’s cutest setter?”

“I only said he made ONE good set!”

Hinata:

• You have been his friend since middle school!

• You never knew much about volleyball but listened when he spoke about it just to help him out and because he was cute

“Wait hold the ball like this y/n! See perfect!”

• From THAT hand contact you literally were glowing as red as a neon sign

• You two did start dating in your first year though when you ran into him in the hallway because he was running late to practice he wasn’t he just wanted to beat Kageyama

• When him and Kageyama got into a heated argument - you were there to help him practice and let’s just say your setting to him in the past payed off in the end!

• you had to pry Hinata off of Kageyama when they fought and calm him down - it was one of the only times you saw him angry

• But when things were back to normal you would watch the boys bicker endlessly back and forth - you always decided against getting caught between that so you and yachi were bff’s and ignored it unless it got out of hand

• You go to all of his games and he’s beaming with happiness!

• you also go with him to try to calm him down when he has to “go to the bathroom” but he’s actually nervous

• you almost peed your pants when Ushijima toward over both of you

“Suga he looked like he could kill me!”

• Yeah Suga had to save both you and Hinata when you would get scared of the creepers in the bathroom

• Before his games you like to help him prepare by making him work on receives until you go to the stands

• And after every point he makes sure your watching and you always are! Your standing on your seat with a fist in the air cheering.

“I need one of those.”

“One of what Noya senpai?”

“A girlfriend. 😔”

• After every winning game you’d wait for Hinata while his bouncing around and he hugs you until you can’t breathe

• Post game tradition is to get ice cream together and talk about how well he did!

You praising him always makes him so soft he’ll literally turn so red

Yamaguchi:

• You were a photographer and he met you when he was practicing alone one night and you were taking pictures of random things

• You asked if you could take some pictures of him and he was shy but said yes

• You often went to their games to get some pictures for your school and for memories

• You definitely have an ugly picture of Ukai only you and the team know of

• Don’t leave your camera unattended because you will find Tanaka, Noya and Hinata vlogs after

Tanaka: Welcome back to our channel!

Noya: I wanna hold it!

*Hinata making a 😗✌🏼 face before Noya is fumbling with the camera and shows him doing a rolling thunder*

Yamaguchi: Hey! Is that y/n’s camera!”

*the oh shits and no’s before the video ends*

• Yams takes your camera and takes pictures of you when you don’t notice

“I look like a potato!”

“You’re my potato! ❤️”

• You also have a bunch of pictures of Him and Tsukki after games when you three get dinner together

“I don’t wanna be a third wheel!”

“You won’t y/n!”

• Yes your boyfriend loves his best friend more and his best friend is snarky abt it

“Nice one Tsukki.”

• yeah the boy looked at you smirking

• it was just fun and games though, Tsukki appreciates you for caring abt Yams

• your pregame ritual is you spend as much time as you can hugging Yamaguchi - and you whispering sweet things to him

• When he steps on the court, he turns a little red hearing you scream like a mad woman

Your friends: Y/N can you calm down-

• You scream 10x’s louder as the ref gives you a dirty look

• When he feels particularly upset with himself you’re always there to reassure him that he works hard and he does everything is his power

• you also know you have to give him time but he’ll come around and you’ll give him the praise he needs

“Y/n, Daichi said he appreciates your cheering but not to anger the refs this time.”

Tsukki:

• You guys started dating after you met in your first year class

• You two sat in the back and one day you noticed the boy was miserable and not wearing his usual headphones so you offered him your backup pair - he gladly accepted

• You had both became fast friends and then lovers in no time

• You guys spent lunch with Yamaguchi and spoke about anything

• Tsukishima went away for practice camp and talked to you about everything and how Yams went off on him to which you respond:

“As he should 😗”

• You talked him out of bad moods if he had a rough day after practice - and just held his hand while you two listened to music while walking home

• Kageyama and Hinata were nice to you so you took a liking in them unlike your boyfriend

“Tsukki don’t be such a mean tutor!”

“But y/n-“

• Yeah he got jealous when you helped Kageyama figure out a problem on his worksheet so he was even more stern on Kageyama sorry Kags 😔

• He DOES NOT let you go to his games

• His pregame tradition with you is usually a song recommendation, more specifically a song that reminds you of him - he just waits for you to add it to you two’s playlist

• and he texts you after he listens to it 🥺

Tsukki: why’d you add the Jurassic Park theme song?

Y/n: it reminded me of you 😳😉☺️👉🏽👈🏽

• You also make him a bento to eat because you know he forgets to eat sometimes especially on game days

• Now it’s your time to shine! You throw on a glasses hat and hoodie and make your way to his game

• He notices you right away. How? Because that’s his hoodie dummy ❤️

“Y/n.”

“Yes? I mean... am not y/n I uh-.”

• you were a bad liar especially when it involved lying to your boyfriend

• But you didn’t understand why he didn’t want you to see him play because when you did you had sparkles in your eyes just watching him

• Tanaka definitely elbows him to make him see your starry eyes .... he turned really red

• He takes you home and you two spend the rest of your time sleeping and having a breakfast date the next morning while you chat about all the things going through you two’s heads

• and he finally allows you to go to games!

“Y/n you got here so late-“

• Yeah you were standing there in one of his jerseys and face paint ❤️

• you weren’t aloud to go anymore-

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tearsincerulean · 4 years

Text

It Was Always You

Summary: Y/n met the Winchester brothers a little over a year ago and has been riding with them since. But when complicated feelings arise, what will happen during their time together?

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Series Warnings: slow burn, fluff, smut, angst, blood, violence, torture, fighting, individual kinks. Specific warnings before each chapter.

Chapter Warnings: slow burn, fluff, smutty smut smut, fingering, public fingering, dirty talk, playfulness, drinking, dirty dancing, and a bit of a daddy kink.

Word Count: 3,764

Chapter 3:

It was a crisp autumn evening and as the three of you walked, the leaves crunched beneath your feet. You guys decided to walk the short distance to the bar, it was only about a block or two away from your motel, you all were planning on drinking a little too much tonight. You were still lost in your thoughts. Thinking about what both Sam and Dean said and how they reacted when they saw your outfit. As you ponder it, you remember how Dean had that flash of anger cross his face while Sam was staring at you and complimenting you. Maybe he was jealous? But as soon as you turned your attention to him, his mood shifted and that little moan he finally let out in front of you after eyeing you in your outfit, fuck. It was so sexy. God, you would do anything to hear him moan like that all night long.

You and Dean have always had a weird relationship, sometimes sending flirty signals but sometimes it felt like he saw you as nothing more than a little sister. Recently though, you’ve been noticing things more and more, like the way he will wet his lips and then bite them ever so subtly every so often when your around, or how his eyes have been lingering on you alot longer than usual. This sudden change in his behavior has you thinking about the past as well, to see if maybe these cues and tells have been here all along you just didn’t notice them because in your mind, he would never see you that way. Then you start to remember little things. Like how when you would wear your favorite sleeping outfit around the motel room, boy shorts and an oversized t-shirt (usually one you managed to steal from either Sam or Dean), Dean's eyes would linger on your ass and your exposed legs but would snap away the second you caught him. Or how when you would wear your fed outfit he would glance down at your chest a little too often, again looking away and acting as if nothing happened if you managed to catch him. You thought it was either because he disapproved of what you were wearing, or because he was a guy and they can’t help themselves when it comes to things like that.

All that time you have had a crush on him, the thought never crossed your mind that he could feel the same. Now you feel somewhat stupid for not noticing these things sooner, but a bit more confident in your plan to try and get some attention or even a reaction from him tonight, you have no idea how but you’ll make it up as you go. Who knows what he will do, but either way you’ll have your answer.

You are almost to the bar and you are a few feet ahead of Sam and Dean. You hear Dean smirk off to Sam, “So, you actually gonna get lucky tonight Sammy? Or are you gonna tap out early like usual and go read like the nerd you are?” You stifle a giggle when you hear Sam land a punch against Dean’s arm. “Very funny Dean. How about you man up and finally make a move on…” Now it was Dean’s turn to punch Sam. You were already at the bar door when Sam made that comment so he probably thought you were far enough away that you couldn’t hear them, so you pretended you didn’t hear anything...even though your stomach was now alive with a million butterflies fluttering about, and turned to the boys to say, “Well, we made it! Who’s ready to party?!” Both brothers flashed you a smile and you all made your way inside.

The music was loud and the bar was decently packed. You walked up to the counter and the boys went to find a table. You ordered two beers and a bottle of whiskey for the boys while ordering yourself a bottle of Malibu rum. You found out early on that shots was the way to get you drunk because A) you hated the taste of beer and B) even if you didn’t you can’t drink enough of them fast enough to actually get drunk. The bartender hands you everything along with three shot glasses and you make your way back to the boys who chose a table situated right in between the pool tables and the dance floor. You set everything down and the brothers both look up at you with dorky smiles. “You really meant it when you said you were ready to party huh?” Sam said, while smirking and raising an eyebrow at you. “Really princess, Malibu?” Dean chimes in. You fight back the butterflies and heat rising to your cheeks at the new nickname and smack his arm “Shut it Winchester, I happen to love coconut and I want to get drunk this is the quickest and easiest way!”

“Easy princess I was joking, and FYI I happen to love the taste of coconut…” Dean says while smirking and eyeing you up and down. This time though, you don’t look away, instead you decide it’s your turn to lick your lips and eye him up and down. Damn does he look good tonight. He's wearing a pair of jeans that are worn in perfectly and a tight black shirt under your favorite red flannel of his, which is now rolled up to his elbows and hugging his biceps just right. Just his forearms are enough to get you hot and bothered, their so thick and his veins are popping just right, and then his biceps….fuck, they look like they can just bust right through the flannel with enough force. Then you look up to admire his face for a split second. His stubble is the perfect length, his eyes look like shiny emeralds under the neon lights, and his lips look more kissable that ever. You realize that he noticed you checking him out and a small smirk forms on your lips, Sam completely oblivious to the exchange happening. Instead, he’s opening the whiskey and your rum and pouring the first of many rounds of shots.

“Well, here’s to the brothers who save the world and who saved my life.” You toast but before you all down your shots Dean adds, “and to the girl who saved ours.” Sam smiles then downs his shot. You and Dean both take yours without breaking eye contact with each other. You set the glass back down on the table and break the gaze. The familiar coconut taste and slight burn run through your body and you giggle “Another!” Sam shakes his head and begins pouring another round. You smile back and clap your hands excitedly causing Dean to let out a full on laugh. That sound made you want to faint, it was beautiful and music to your ears, and boy did he look adorable too. “Oh god, what did we get ourselves into Sammy?” Dean asks, still chuckling. “A fun night Winchester, just you wait…” you responded poking him in the chest, a cheeky smile playing on your face.

You and the boys took four more shots after that and then they decided to drink their beers before they got too warm. You were okay with taking a break because after the fourth shot you were feeling buzzed, six in now and you are already getting drunk. You didn’t mind though. You planned on taking a lot more, but wanted to pace yourself that way you could still somewhat execute the plan you formulated back at the motel. It was already working too, Dean was getting a bit flirtier with you, and you with him. Sam and Dean were talking about who knows what, you tuned out of the conversation a while ago, and you scanned the room, your eyes landing on the dance floor which had quite a few people on it already. You were in a small college town, so most of the girls and guys on the floor were that age, your age, you sometimes have to remind yourself, because only a year and a half ago you were in college but then your life was turned upside down thanks to a pack of werewolves and you’ve been hunting with the boys since.

You are ripped from your thoughts as a new song booms over the speakers, just then you get the idea to find a way to dirty dance with Dean, you know... some bumping, some grinding, working your curves. The outfit you're wearing and the liquor in your system gives you confidence. You bounce up and down excitedly in your seat, you turn towards Dean and put your hands on his thigh. He takes a sharp breath and looks over at you, his and Sam’s conversation immediately over because his attention is fully on you now. You muster up the biggest puppy dog eyes and the sweetest, shyest smile causing your dimple to come into full view. “Deeeaaannn… will you pleeeaaassse come dance with me?” You catch Sam smirk and shake his head out of the corner of your eye, probably egging Dean on, because if you read the comment outside the bar earlier right, Sam doesn’t think Dean has the balls to make a move on someone, and you’re really hoping that someone is you.

“Sweetheart, I… I don’t really… I’m not really good at dancing.” He stammers out.

“Please D, you won’t have to do much, trust me.” you say sticking your lower lip out and giving him your signature pouty face while moving one of your hands to rest on his bicep and keeping the other on his thigh.

He looks down at both of your hands, then back up into your pleading eyes. “You’re lucky you're cute when you pout princess.” he says with a small smile. Now you’re smiling like an idiot because not only did you get him to agree but he also used your new favorite nickname and called you cute in the process. You took one more shot of rum, because you knew you would need the liquid courage, and then you stand and practically drag Dean to the dance floor. Sam just laughs and heads to the bar to get another beer. Right when you make it to the dance floor a new song begins and a wicked smile hits your lips, it is your favorite song at the moment, and when the boys are gone you dance to it all the time. It’s the perfect song to not only swing your hips to, but the beat also gives you an excuse to bump and grind up against Dean. You lead him towards the middle of the dance floor so that you are in between all the other people who seem to have the same idea because in no time every girl on the floor is with a guy and putting on her best moves. You take a deep breath, time to put the plan into full motion.

You take Dean’s hands in your own and guide them to your hips watching as he swallows hard and his eyes seem to fill with what you can only describe as lust. You turn in his arms so that your ass is now facing his front and you start swaying your hips to the beat, his hands guiding your movements. You take a step back and brush your ass up against his front where you can feel his growing erection straining against his jeans then continue to sway your hips so that you are now brushing up against his cock. He leans in closer and slides his hands from your hips down your thighs then back up, some of his fingers now brushing the bare skin between your skirt and your cropped sweater. Your confidence is growing steadily as you sway your hips and bend over a bit more so that your ass is now grinding against his cock with each motion. Dean leans his head down and moans deep and course into your ear his breath fanning over the shoulder your sweater left exposed, sending a chill down your body and heat coursing between your legs. You’re sure your panties will be ruined by the end of the night, maybe even the end of this dance. Dean’s nose brushes up your neck and then your ear, “I know what you’re doing princess, and it’s working” he says, his voice low and gravely.

You turn to face him now, your confidence at an all time high, and wrap your arms around his neck while you continue to sway your hips back and forth. “Hmmmmm” you hum, “I’m not doing anything” you say innocently. Dean uses his hands on your hips to jerk you up against him. He grips your hips tighter, hands fully on the bare skin between your skirt and sweater now, still guiding the sway of your hips making your front now grind up against his cock. He leans back down, his lips brushing against your ear, “I didn’t go with Sammy to get food sweetheart, I heard you in the shower. Heard you touching yourself, heard those pretty little moans leave those innocent lips, and I heard you all but scream my name when you came.” You choke in a breath as heat rushes to your face. “I.. I… um….”

Dean’s hands suddenly slide down and grope your ass and he lets out the sexiest moan you have ever heard. “Shhh. Don’t worry sweetheart. I’ve wanted you from the moment Sam and I met you, but I didn’t think you’d ever feel the same. Then after the vamp hunt and what happened on the way back to the motel, I decided to stay and try to talk to you after your shower. Then I heard you, and fuck y/n, it took everything I had not to walk into that bathroom and make all your dirty fantasies come true right then and there. So I waited, and then as if my cock wasn’t hard enough, you came out in nothing but a towel and started teasing me in front of Sam, thinking I wouldn’t notice, but then I thought, maybe you wanted me to notice. Then this outfit…” He leans in even closer, and deeply moans while raking his hands up and down your body then returning them back to your ass. “I wanted to bend you over right then and there when I saw it. Your ass looks so fucking good and it hugs your hips just right. Your bra is just barely showing but showing enough for me to imagine what the whole outfit underneath could look like. You look so cute and innocent but also so fucking sexy princess.” You clench your legs together because your pussy was now throbbing. “I saw how confident it made you, and decided to let you take the lead tonight and see if you would finally tell me how bad you want me.” he finishes saying while nibbling on your ear. Thank god he’s holding you up by your hips because your legs are turning to jelly at his words and the gruffness of his voice. A new song starts to play, but it’s still one that you and everyone around you can grind to.

“Fuuuccckkk Dean.” you moan as he turns you around so that your ass is now grinding against his cock again, a bit faster due to the new song’s beat. He leans back down but this time he begins kissing and nibbling your exposed shoulder and up your neck. “Tell me babygirl, tell me how bad you want me, that I’ve all you been thinking about. Tell me that is the reason you dressed up the way you did and why you dragged me out to this dance floor. Tell me how many times you’ve imagined grinding up against my cock while my hands roam your body.” he growls in your ear. You’re panting now and your panties are soaked through. Dean’s hands are now exploring your body as promised and you let your head fall back against his shoulder as you continue to grind against him. “Ohh Dean,” you moan, “I want you, I’ve wanted you for so long. This…” you gesture to your outfit, “and everything underneath it, it’s all for you. I wanted to see if you felt the same way so I figured I would try to get your attention…” you gasp as his hand suddenly snakes under your skirt moving your panties to the side to feel just how wet you are for him.

“Oh, you got it baby, and fuuuccckkk…” he moans sliding one and then two fingers into your dripping pussy. Your eyes quickly scan the dancefloor to see if anyone is looking but everyone is too wrapped up in their own dirty world. Dean slowly pumps his fingers in and out, curling just right to hit your g-spot, all the while his other hand is still guiding your hips to move so it looks like you guys are still somewhat dancing. The buildup from the night's events is causing you to reach your orgasm a lot quicker that usual until, “Oh god. Daddy.. Don’t stop… please....” you choke out not meaning to let the daddy card slip just yet, but your high is taking over and you couldn’t help it, it just felt so right. All you can think of right now is letting the coil in your stomach snap while trying your damnedest to keep quiet, thanking the heavens the music is so loud right now. He turns you around so that you’re facing him again, somehow managing to keep his fingers in you while doing so and begins to pump faster, his fingers hitting your g-spot every stroke and his palm rubbing your clit with each thrust in. Your legs start to shake and you lean in close to Dean, your forehead resting on his shoulder. “Fuck. Daddy.. I’m… I….” He leans in low, biting your ear then growling low, “Yeah princess, cum all over daddy’s fingers. I wanna taste how sweet your pussy is.”

And with that you let go, Dean covering your moans by pressing his lips to yours in a crushing kiss. And it was euphoric. He tasted like mint and whiskey and his tongue was dancing around yours as your body shook while he milked out your orgasm. As you were coming down from your high your body went limp and if it weren’t for Dean’s hands holding you in place, one by your hip and the other by your pussy, you would’ve probably turned into a puddle on the floor. You broke the kiss, your lungs screaming for air, and Dean placed his forehead against yours. He gently removed his fingers and resituated your underwear and skirt before pulling his fingers up to his mouth and licking them clean of your glistening juices. “Mhmhm princess, you taste better than I imagined, and boy are you good enough to eat.” he said, licking his lips and letting a wicked grin settle on his face.

The song faded out and since your legs still felt like jelly, Dean helped you off of the dance floor and back to your table where Sam was now sitting with a pretty, young blonde named Jenna...Jenny....something like that, you were too sex drunk and drunk drunk to remember. Dean sat down and helped you settle in next to him. He slung an arm over your shoulder and pulled you in close, Sam smirked, “It’s about damn time you two.” You and Dean looked at each other and giggled, you lined up the shot glasses and poured another round, “to a night off the Winchester way, getting drunk and getting lucky!” the boys busted up laughing and soon you joined in. You guys took the round of shots, and then another. The boys finally caught up to the level of drunk you were at. Somehow all four of you made it to the dance floor and were having a blast, you grinding on Dean and the blonde on Sam while you all tried to drunkenly sing along to every song that came on.

You didn’t even notice that it was nearing ‪2 a.m.‬ until the bartender yelled out last call. With that, Sam decided he was going to head back with the cute blonde, “don’t wait up guys, but for the love of everything holy, don’t do anything in my bed!” he drunkenly yelled across the bar as he was leaving. “No promises Sammy, technically it’s my bed too!” you yelled back, earning a chuckle from Dean. You turned to him and the look that crossed his face could’ve made you weak in the knees. “Well princess, looks like we have the room to ourselves, and I never got my desert after we ate…” You blushed “Well Winchester, you did say I was good enough to eat.” you quipped back.

Dean growled and then without warning he bent down, threw you over his shoulder, and walked out of the bar back into the crisp autumn air. You started giggling which earned you a swat on the ass, you couldn’t help but moan from the shock wave it sent through you. “Babygirl, if you keep making those noises we won’t make it back to the motel.” Dean said, playfully biting your thigh and then slapping your ass once more for good measure, before setting you down. “Keep it in your pants until we are behind closed doors D, we already did it in public once tonight, we don’t need to push our luck.” you say while stumbling beside him. “Fine, but we’re never gonna make it there with how slow your walking, climb on.” Dean bends down so you can climb on his back, you wrap your legs around him and nustle your face into his neck. His musk making your panties wetter and wetter. “I knew you wanted me to ride you tonight, but this isn’t what I expected.” Dean laughed as he started off for the hotel. “You know, that smart mouth is gonna get you in some trouble... besides I want you to do more than ride me sweetheart. But, you have to wait. Closed doors and all. Your words, not mine.” A breathy moan was all you could muster in response as you imagined all the things Dean was going to do to you and you to him once you made it back to the room.

To be continued...

@akshi8278

Part 1 (Top)

Part 2 (Bottom)

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angelanimedesaray · 3 years

Text

Through the Looking Glass Chapter 9: April

AN: I’m getting ahead of the question now and stating that in this world, AOT isn’t an anime (Poor souls). So no, the Reader isn’t going to become omnipotent to Levi’s life/world.

They did not binge this in one day. The first round, for sure they did, but it was a little broken up in spurts. For the sake of brevity, considering this was already going to be a long chapter, I cut out all the flickering back and forth and just focused on their Movie Nights and them watching the show.

It might feel a weird mix of rushed and long, because they’re watching the entirety of Your Lie In April, but I wasn’t going to transcribe the whole show, so there’s a lot of summarizing and cutting things out and highlighting certain pieces, but its still long because there’s a LOT to cover.

Also because of how emotional this chapter is actually going to be, I want to just remind...that Levi is like, mid teens, and hasn’t gone through much of the stuff that adult Levi has been through, so in my mind, that justifies a bit more of a REACTION for some of this stuff. But he’s still Levi, and he’s still going to be reserved and such, just...not as controlled as Adult Levi.

This whole chapter is like one big lead up to the next chapter, funnily enough. XD

Also got to listen to “Constellation” by Far Out feat. Karra on repeat writing this. It felt so fitting!

I’m putting quotes from Your Lie in April in italics with quotes and an indent like this, so its clear that they came from the show. Levi’s thoughts/memories will just be in italics, no indention .

Characters: Levi, Reader

Pairing: (Eventual Levi x Reader)

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR “YOUR LIE IN APRIL”, Angst, FEELINGS, Language

Word Count: 10994

<----Previous Chapter Masterlist Next Chapter---->

*Levi’s POV*

At long last, Y/N was finally going to show him those movie, show things she kept talking about. He knew plays and acting and putting on an act, but the concept of a show that was saved so you could watch it whenever you wanted without having to make people do it over and over was novel to him.

Boisterously proclaiming that it was going to be a “Movie Night” day, she’d grabbed his hand and dragged him after her like she’d used to do when they were young, despite his protests. To be fair, he didn’t try too hard to wiggle away, either, letting her pull him along to the living room as she fussed and tried to decide what they were going to watch.

After all of her attempts to explain what a movie or TV show was, she decided that the best way to explain it to him was just to show him, though she still had to stop and explain the type of show they were watching.

“Okay, so what I’m showing you right now, is actually called an anime. It’s a type of animation from a country called Japan, and it’s made from computers or hand drawn. They draw the story, picture by picture, and put it together to make the characters and such move, with actors doing their voices and recording it in time with the pictures, sound effects like bells and wind also being saved, background music, so on and so forth,” she explained as she cut up pieces of paper and layered them on top of each other, pulling out a pencil and drawing a circle on each page, moving its position slightly each time. “See, if you do it frame by frame, and then move it really fast, it's like the ball is bouncing--animation, and anime, works off the same concept, except they’re drawing everything,” she continued to explain, grabbing the bottom page and then letting the papers rapidly spring free, causing Levi to see the ball she drew appear to move along the page, even though he knew it was a bunch of individual drawings going by rapidly.

“They draw a solid background that doesn’t move, and then they add another layer on top that you can see through like glass, but they draw the moving parts on that layer, so it looks like they’re in the solid background and they’re walking and whatnot. It’s really cool--makes me wish I could draw,” she continued, putting aside the papers she’d used for her demonstration and picking up the controller so she could get them started, gesturing for Levi to take a seat on the couch. “I haven’t seen this one yet, but a friend recommended I watch it cause I love music, and I play the piano, and she said it was a really good coming of age story. I’m a little wary cause she said she wanted my reaction to the end, but she usually suggests stuff I love, so I’m gonna trust it,” she continued to babble as the screen lit up with colors and pictures like a computer screen, most of it nonsensical to Levi as she shifted rapidly past most of it looking for the specific show.

She stopped on something extremely colorful, blues and yellows and pinks and reds in vibrant color with four drawn people lying in what looked like the sky, and she abruptly turned to face him. “Are you okay with having to read what they say? The original is in a different language, so it’ll have subtitles at the bottom translating what they say. There are other versions where they redid the speaking parts in different languages, but I really like listening to the original--I feel like it really gets the emotions across because it's so well done.”

Levi hesitated for a moment, contemplating her offer of putting it in a language they understood or keeping the original and having to read what they were saying. Eventually, he just shrugged. “Whichever you want.”

“Subtitles it is,” she said, turning back to the TV and messing with a few things before she finally started the show, coming over to sit by him on the couch. He was sitting normally, his ankle propped up on his leg with one arm resting against the back of the couch, the other lying casually in his lap. Y/N, however, sat directly beside him, his arm behind her shoulders and her side pressed slightly against his, causing Levi to glance at her, mind flashing back to how she’d sat at the piano with him not too long ago. She wasn’t even glancing at him, though, gradually relaxing next to him like a kitten curling up to get warm, her eyes fixed on the colorful display that was now on the TV.

Turning his attention back to the TV, Levi studied the images in front of him, a cheerful bit of piano music fluttering towards them as vibrant and colorful images of a girl chasing a black cat moved seamlessly across the screen, much smoother than the quickly drawn bouncing ball Y/N had put together to describe what they would be watching.

If she was trying to sneak a peak of his reaction, she would catch his eyes had widened at the vibrant colors and amazing detail, the realistic sounds that came through and made him want to check and see if the piano behind them was being played, or there were people hiding somewhere making the character’s voices and singing the song as the scene suddenly shifted to what Y/N described to him as an intro, a quick prologue of sorts that set the tone of the show. Thankfully, however, she’d already explained to him that the sounds were done beforehand, recorded and somehow stored so it would be repeated to the images on the screen as they watched.

It was a little...outside his realm of understanding, how it all worked, and he had the sneaking suspicion he’d just have to accept that it just was and he needed to sit back and try to enjoy it. That was how a show was supposed to work, right? And that was exactly what Y/N seemed to be doing.

As she had warned him, the characters were speaking an entirely different language, so Levi couldn’t understand what was being said on its own. Thankfully, there were the subtitles to translate, Levi’s gaze flickering between reading the small letters to looking at the colorful screen to see what was happening, trying not to get too caught up in the details he didn’t understand, like the games the kids were playing, and how different the environment was even to what he saw in Y/N’s world.

At least the basic stuff he could easily make sense of--the main character was obviously the quiet and reserved, black haired, blue eyed pianist Kousei, and the characters were around Levi and Y/N’s age. The point of the story wasn’t clear yet, but she’d explained this was going to be episodic--it would be played like chapters in a novel, stopping at the end of a chapter before they would have to start the next one. So it might be a while before he started catching that. Right now, they were meeting characters, finding out their relationship to one another and getting hints at the history between them all.

Like the fact that Kousei lived alone because his father was absent, and his mother was deceased. She’d succumbed to illness when he was still young. That alone had the stirrings of empathy settling in Levi’s chest for the main character. He couldn’t relate to the abuse, but the desire to make her better, that somehow he could do something to make her feel better did resonate. It made him listen to their conversations a bit more, since he already had a foothold and something relatable.

Once he started drawing comparisons to the story unfolding in front of him, he couldn’t stop noticing them.

“The moment I met him, my life changed. Everything I saw, heard, and felt. All the scenery around me started to take on color. The whole world began to sparkle.”

A world of monotone, devoid of color, until he meets a certain vibrant youth who brings a sudden rush of color and life into the world around her, dragging Kousei in by the hand--as if he could ever resist the force of nature she was.

Hm. He wondered who that reminded him of.

He didn’t even notice when the “chapter” ended and the next started, his gaze flickering subtly towards Y/N on the couch beside him, appearing just as taken by the story as he already was.

However, this new chapter did bring about new questions, and was a bit closer to his grasp of understanding after watching Y/N play music for so long.

“Do you ever do competitions?” Levi asked as the characters walked around the competition and the history Kousei had at this specific building was teased, easily able to see that there was a piano on the stage despite it being a violin competition. Surely if there were competitions for violins, there were for pianos?

She shook her head, chewing slightly on her lower lip as she answered him. “No way--I play piano for myself and a few people. I’m not looking to make a career of it or become famous for it. Not to mention, I don’t think I’m cut out for competitions. There’s a lot of pressure, and they’re really strict about playing the pieces exactly how they were originally written. I want to play the piano how I feel, and that’s not always by paying attention to how it's written on the sheet.”

“And violins? What are they like?” he asked. He hadn’t seen or heard a violin yet, and was curious to hear what they would sound like.

“They’re a string instrument--portable, small. Really beautiful, too--they’re my second favorite instrument. They usually pair wonderfully with pianos--I’m pretty sure it’s common for a piano to accompany a violin in shows and competitions.”

Levi hushed with his questions again as the scenes playing out on the TV continued to unfold and the first violin performer took the stage, Levi hearing the light and lively music of the violin for the first time, the same song being performed over and over by the nondescript and nameless musicians on the stage in the show.

Beside him, Y/N was slowly tilting her head side to side as she listened to the music being played, eyes fixed on the screen. She must have felt almost in her element watching this, while Levi felt a bit more like Tsubaki, not understanding a lot of the names and such that were being thrown around by the characters in discussion, but still there to enjoy it nonetheless. When Kousei was tapping his fingers on the armchair to the piano music, Levi’s gaze flickered to Y/N to see if she was doing something similar, since she seemed focused on the music as well. It wasn’t as precise as Kousei, maybe she wasn’t playing every note in her head, but her fingers were lightly tapping against her legs like she wanted to be playing the keys on the piano.

Then came Kaori’s first performance.

Watching, Levi felt a familiarity in the girl’s intensity, once again reminded of the girl sitting next to him, who seemed to throw herself into every aspect of life around her--at least compared to him. There was a tension in the air, a feeling that this was going to be much different than the music they’d been hearing up until this point. Even Y/N had stilled next to him, eyes riveted to the girl on the screen.

The first notes were shocking. After listening to Y/N play the piano for so long, even his unprofessional, inexperienced ear could hear the shift in the sound, and how rich and deep it suddenly was. Beside him, Y/N shifted into a more upright position, eyes suddenly lighting up and sparkling as she leaned forward, her breath catching. The ripple through the audience wasn’t just in the show, but in reality, as the two of them on the couch suddenly focused entirely on Kaori’s performance.

The girl’s eyes flashed on screen, and the music suddenly leapt to life before them, making his own heart seem to pound a little faster, the sounds pleasant and uplifting to his ears, making him restless in a good way. It sounded similar to when Y/N played the piano with him that one day, not necessarily in skill, but in the life and emotion that was in it.

Like Y/N, Kaori was pouring herself into her playing, she shone brightly through in the piece, made like it was pulling back a curtain to reveal a part of her soul. Kousei even said as much, stating that Kaori was making the piece hers and hers alone.

The performance ended, and Y/N suddenly grabbed his arm with a squeal. “That was awesome! I’m going to have to find a recording of that!” she said breathlessly. Her excitement was infectious, and almost prompted Levi towards a smile as they slowly settled back onto the couch, the story progressing in front of them.

She was such a stark contrast to the black haired youth in front of her, the whirlwind to his reserved personality, but even she would show flashes of vulnerability, for his eyes only, it seemed. And he did what he could to hide what he could in order to protect her, without her ever knowing, probably.

Wait, was he still thinking about Kaori and Kousei?

Levi shook his head, focusing back on what was happening, reading Kousei’s contemplations about how he could still hear the refrain of the music Kaori played in the competition he witnessed, over and over.

Levi’s fingers tapped slightly against the back of the couch and in his lap, barely tapping out the melodies for the song they’d played on the piano the other day, music he heard even when he was alone with his thoughts in his own world, still able to feel her fingers aligned with his, guiding him through each key. He’d find himself tapping them out in rare moments of idleness, like he was still clinging to the memory of the sound even if he didn’t have a piano in his world.

Y/N shifted entirely back to her relaxed position against Levi’s side, head brushing briefly against his shoulder and making his skin tingle where the brief contact had been, his stomach squirming.

Kaori dragged poor Kousei around everywhere, usually into situations far out of his comfort zone, and far more aggressively than a certain someone sitting beside him. However, it seemed like more often then not, those situations were wonderful places that he wouldn’t have found or experienced on his own.

She brought color to his monochrome life.

Where he was hidden in shadows, she was cast in light, and she didn’t hesitate to pull him into the sun.

”I know you’re broken and beat up, but I want you. I choose you. I want you here.”

The beginning chapters seemed to fly by quickly, with Kaori pushing Kousei more and more, and beside Levi, Y/N seemed to be slowly wiggling closer to him. Was it intentional? Did she realize she was doing it? He did--he seemed hypersensitive to every motion, yet he didn’t pull away, didn’t even twitch. He stayed still, like sudden movement might frighten her away as easily as a stray cat.

As intriguing as the events on the screen were--and he was taking in the information, such as how Kousei used to have a black cat, how he couldn’t hear the sound of the piano after his mother died and quit piano directly afterwards, important stuff like that--Levi’s thoughts kept wandering as he watched.

He thought of how beautiful the trees with the pink petals were, how breathtaking every scene with them was, and how prominently they seemed to feature in every scene that had something meaningful going on. Y/N called them cherry blossom trees. He wanted to see one. What would it look like? What would the scene be if he stood under one with her?

Before he knew it, Kaori had cornered Kousei into accompanying her on the piano, and they were rushing towards another performance. Anticipation stirred in the air between him and Y/N, both of them wondering how this piece would sound, considering Kousei had already been framed as a child prodigy on the piano, and they knew Kaori was breathtaking. What would it sound like when they played together? Levi worried about how it would turn out, how Kousei seemed to be unraveling in front of them just before they went up on stage.

Before Kaori gave him a literal smack to get him out of his own head.

As lighthearted and carefree as she seemed to be, every now and then, she would drop these little petals of wisdom.

Levi’s gaze flickered to Y/N again.

Her eyes would shift from a sparkle that almost seemed naive to a depth he hadn’t expected to see, and she’d say something that seemed beyond her years.

“Go on a journey. A man away from home need feel no shame.”

“Natural. Bizarre. It’s like this girl herself is the journey with no clear destination.”

“You’re Freedom Itself.”

The couple took the stage. The song started out slow, sensual, peaceful. It reminded him slightly of the song Y/N taught him.

Before, predictably, Kaori brought her wild, fast paced playing back, bringing liveliness to the performance. It started beautifully, but just as the music seemed to portray some kind of descent, Kousei lost sense of the notes, the sound distorted even for them, listening, as if they were Kousei, only able to faintly hear Kaori while the rest sounded muffled, strangled out by water. When they were allowed to hear the sound again, it was off, it sounded harsh and jarring, out of sync. Not at all pleasant.

Considering the earlier mentioned problems, he should have known this wasn’t going to be a perfect and completely enjoyable performance. It was grating, and while he understood the emotional significance of seeing Kousei give up halfway through, his ears were a little grateful by that point.

The surprise was seeing Kaori stop as well. He’d thought perhaps something would urge Kousei to start playing again, but he hadn’t expected Kaori to stop in the process. Beside him, Y/N seemed to be biting on her thumbnail, her brows furrowed as she watched the screen in concern, a frown on her face, leg shifting restlessly around on the couch as she suddenly curled closer to Levi, directly against his side, oblivious to the surprised look he shot her because she was so focused with what was happening on the screen.

“Maybe there’s only a dark road up ahead. But you still have to believe and keep going. Believe that the stars will light your path, even a little bit.”

Kaori began to play again, the sound of just the violin playing on its own sounding lonely and out of place, especially when he knew there should be a piano playing with it. All they needed was for Kousei to play again. Would he? No excuses, Kaori needed his support, and Levi found himself silently judging Kousei, mentally pushing him to help her, to play, because that was what she needed from him.

”So what was it that you saw in me?”

“But you have me! Look up, and look at me. Look at me.”

Kousei starting to play again was a relief, even if it wasn’t quite right at first. After a bit of inner reflection, some time where they spent listening to the underwater sounds, it all faded away, and a soft scene of a mother and son filled the screen. The mother’s softly sung lullaby was soothing, and as it shifted to a scene of the sky, Levi’s eyes widened at the brilliant beauty it was, the range of color, of blues and whites and even some purples and pinks. How it sparkled and shimmered, stirring up emotions he didn’t know he’d buried somewhere inside him as he suddenly felt small again, curled up in a nest of soft warmth, staring out a small window up towards the sky high above him for the first time, gazing in wonder at the stars and moon that glittered high above him.

Words from one of the many times Y/N had played the piano for him drifted to his mind. How she had perceived her music had struck some kind of chord with him, even if he wasn’t saying anything--even when he realized he had no words to describe what he was feeling listening to her play that single song. He remembered how she’d told him that the point, what made music with her time, was how it could communicate what couldn’t be said with mere words.

The music shifted, and Kousei finally began to play, and the sound was enrapturing. There were no words--it could only be felt, what was happening between the boy at the piano and the girl with the violin.

Could he find a violin in his world? Could he learn to play it, so he could play with Y/N like Kousei played with Kaori? Would they manage to produce something similar, something wonderful like that? What would it feel like? What would the sound between them be? What would it say?

”I can hear your sound.”

So caught up in his thoughts, in the raw emotion and the music that had just enraptured them both, Levi was caught off guard when the mood took another shift.

He tensed, hand gripping the back of the couch a little harder as the sound faded away into an echo as Kaori suddenly collapsed. The hairs on the back of his neck seemed to raise, warning him of something incoming, even though there was no physical threat. He had a bad feeling, suddenly, seeing Kaori’s paler form in the hospital, seeing Kousei’s disbelieving look, the way all of her face wasn’t visible during certain key answers. It put dread inside him over what was happening with her, where this would go. A brief moment of happiness...but what did it mean in the long run? What did it matter, if it was going to be ripped so harshly away, anyway?

“It was everything to you, and you’re trying to rip that away by force. As if you were plucking off your limbs. That’s why it hurts too much for you to bear.”

“Do you think you’ll be able to forget? No, not a chance. Because you and I are living for that moment.”

“I won’t forget. I won’t forget, even if I die.”

“Thank you.”

The mood of the show mellowed drastically, far more serious notes seeping into the air around them as Kousei and those around him were faced with far more serious matters than who liked who, and music competitions. The competitions seemed to be fading into the background, a mere backdrop to the true story.

Ah…

He might be seeing it now.

There was more to this tale than just playing in competitions.

And he had the feeling he was going to be facing some...difficult scenes. Not the kind of gristly scenes of the everyday Underground. The personal, emotional kind. He was already getting flashes of past events, old emotions stirring this early on. What would come next? How deep was this show going to dig to bring out emotions or thoughts he didn’t even know he was keeping buried?

Y/N shifted again, now blatantly sidled up beside him, head leaning slightly to the side, coming to rest very lightly on his shoulder. Levi stilled, pulled entirely from his thoughts, both of them seeming to hold the position to see what the other would do.

She didn’t pull away.

Neither did he.

Her head leaned a little more heavily against his shoulder, and she got more comfortable in her position next to him. Levi relaxed, letting her do as she pleased, silently grateful for the companionable warmth her presence beside him seemed to be offering him, allowing the scarier thoughts to temporarily be soothed and chased away. It helped that the story was shifting towards the more light-hearted as well, as Kaori and Kousei began to prepare for a piano competition.

“Before your fingers touch the keys, you must determine in your mind how you’re going to play it. Why do you play the piano? Is it for your sake? For someone else’s sake? How do you want to play this piece?”

Levi turned his head slightly to look at Y/N, curiosity stirred up in his mind as Kaori grilled Kousei for his mental imagery while he played. “What about you? What do you think of when you play the piano?” he asked her.

“Hm?” she asked, pulled for the first time out of the show as she turned slightly to meet his gaze, surprised by the inquiry. “I...don’t know. It depends on the moment. Usually it’s memories, though. Certain songs make me think of certain people, usually memories with that person. Maybe something I want to do or say to them? I haven’t thought of that much before...usually I just...do it. And I tend to get lost in what I’m doing, too. I guess that’s part of the reason why I haven’t thought of it much before.”

Levi continued to look at her even as she turned her attention back to the show, barely holding back a question that bubbled up inside him.

Have you ever thought of me?

She was teaching him to play the piano, right? What would his mental imagery be when he played?

While Levi got his quick question in and mulled over his own thoughts once more, the mood shifted to something more serious in the show again.

Kaori was worried she was being too pushy, that Kousei might resent him for forcing him into the position he was in, now. That she was being too hard on him. And something that they said resonated with him, because of recent events.

“You’re suffering because of me. I’m sorry.”

Levi saw Y/N in front of him in his mind’s eye. Her eyes were downcast, lips pressed together, shoulders slightly hunched, and she was on the verge of tears after his barbed words expressing how shitty this situation was for him, how it teased him with what he could never have. Did she blame herself, for him being pulled into her world, always around her for a brief while before he was kicked back?

But again, she’d been right. Even if it was brief, that didn’t mean the time he spent here with her was worthless. It still meant something to him, and it still brought him some comfort and, oddly enough, a sense of security. From the very first time they’d met, she’d provided him with somewhere he could truly feel safe and cared for.

“It was you who swept away all the dust. For sweeping away the dust that had collected on my body...thank you. For encountering me.”

The more hints the story dropped about Kaori’s health, the more worried Levi became about the turn this story might take. He was bracing for impact, a small frown on his face as he saw the pile of medicine Kaori was carrying around with her at the competition. Kousei’s musical rivals didn’t register so much with him in the previous two chapters, because he was still so focused on what was happening with Kousei and Kaori.

Y/N had gotten up at one point by now to get a drink, bringing back a water for him to sip on as they continued the story, time passing by without either of their knowledge of just how long they’d been sitting here. Even Levi, usually so much more active, was content to sit here and watch, hardly noticing his inactivity as he drank up every scene, every word, some ringing out through his mind, others falling into place as narrative importance, worry and elation and nostalgia, as well as so much more, all stirred together inside him, Y/N curled up like a kitten at his side, his arm still leaning against the back of the couch, his hand resting softly on her shoulder.

However, while he and Y/N were falling into a position of ease, the story seemed to be starting to shift more to the relationship between Kousei and his mother, and what happened to her. Kaori was getting worse, it seemed, and they were digging into a relationship that felt, in certain ways, similar to what Levi had gone through, and not too long ago, either, now that he was forced to look at it. It made him...uncomfortable, to say the least, but he wasn’t saying anything--he needed to see where this story was headed, with how invested he was at this point. And even if it got personal, he thought he might be able to sit and endure it all the same.

”My mom’s coming from the hospital to see me perform...so you see, in order to make Mom well again, in order to make her happy, I’m gonna play my very best as a gift!”

The first hit actually made him flinch. It was slight, but it was there, and Y/N might have caught it--he wasn’t expecting it, not from the tone, or what had just been discussed, or the way the scene changed so rapidly from the cheers of the audience after little Kousei finished playing his best for his mother to the slap across his face from the ailing woman. He suddenly felt tense, his hand still on Y/N’s shoulder and his expression suddenly unreadable as the hits kept coming, making something dark and angry well up inside him as Kousei was hit hard enough to draw blood against a backdrop of the abuse he’d been suffering the entire time.

Perhaps Y/N hadn’t caught it, because she was flinching as well, and her reaction was far more open on her face, eyes watering with near-tears, a slight shake in her body, and the occasional, shaking breath.

”All I wanted was for you to get better. All I wanted was for you to be happy. And yet...I wish you would just die.”

“That was the last time I said anything to my mom.”

Levi’s grip tightened on Y/N’s shoulder, but neither of them said a word, a grimness in the air as they continued to watch the story in front of them that had started so colorful but was taking a darker turn rather quickly.

Levi scowled slightly at the switch to such an upbeat little song at the sudden end of the chapter, which would be followed by another upbeat song at the beginning of the next.

“These ‘intros’ and ‘outros’ are deceptively cheerful,” Levi criticized.

“What’s a good story without some struggle?” Y/N replied, though she briefly untangled herself from her position at Levi’s side and wiggled off the couch. “Though, I think I’m going to go grab some tissues. I’m starting to think there’s going to be some really sad or heartfelt stuff coming up. Tell me when it’s back on if I’m still missing!” she added before darting away, leaving Levi to sigh quietly to himself and look up at the ceiling, keeping track of the show in front of him as he waited for her to run off and come back with a colorful box, squirming back into place beside him and letting his hand return to her shoulder as she placed the box next to her on the couch, sighing contently.

“The show must go on!” she insisted, face devoid of the strong emotion they’d been sharing just a few moments ago. She settled next to him with a soft sigh, the sight of Kousei struggling at the piano returning where the previous chapter left off.

They watched him struggle against the ghost of his mother, trying to force himself to play through it, to play even though he couldn’t hear, even as the sound grated on them. Watched as he slowly gave up, until he stopped entirely before the song was even over, just like he had with Kaori.

Part of him had expected Kousei to have some kind of revelation just before he quit and push through, but he’d really stopped. Now it just remained to be seen if he could start again. Of course, after his performance with Kaori, they knew he was disqualified. But would he find a reason to play anyway, like she had?

”Even the you that’s here inside me, won’t let me give up. That day, I wonder. What did you play for?”

Levi felt the ghost of her fingers on his again, unaware that he was tapping the keys against the skin of her shoulder at the memory.

Once more, the sound changed as Kousei found his reason to play. The girl who’d changed his world from monotone to color, who dragged him into a whirlwind of life without giving him the chance to think twice about it.

“Just one person matters to me. Only you matter. Thank you...Will it reach her? I hope it reaches her.”

”Your hidden emotions. The you that you’ve never known. The piano drags out everything…”

Levi’s gaze once more was unfocused on the screen as he was swept away in a sea of his own thoughts, thinking back to the times he’d listened to Y/N play. What had he been hearing those days? What would he hear in her playing in the future? If he put enough effort into learning to play as she tried to teach him...could it help him communicate some of the things he struggled to say? It was at least worth giving it a shot.

And he would be sure to pay closer attention in the future to see what he could hear, what he may not be aware of.

The pacing lulled into something more relaxed once more, a brief reprieve after the emotions that were just thrown at them, allowing him and Y/N to talk a bit more, both of them keeping one eye on the subtitles even as they made little comments about what they’d heard so far. The unspoken love triangle? Maybe it was a triangle. The romantic feelings were crisscrossed and all over the place between this group of friends. They commented on their observations about Kousei and Kaori, what they thought was going to become of the two as they watched, whether Kaori or Tsubaki would end up the one with him in the future.

Music was another thing they talked about, obviously. How they wanted to hear Kousei and Kaori play together again--and were excited they had the chance to with the upcoming concert. Y/N also expressed how she loved Chopin pieces, and as a result was happy about how many Chopin pieces were in the show so far and was hoping to hear more. She also mentioned that Love’s Sorrow, the song they were working on now for the concert, was a beautiful piece--mournful, obviously, but beautiful. She even offered to help him learn it when he got more used to the piano if he wanted to.

Levi was a little distracted, though, by the further warning signs that something was going to happen to Kaori. In the same stroke that he contemplated how she had a skill for seeing the beauty in the world, like Y/N tended to do for him, she said something ominous that further solidified a growing suspicion that Levi was keeping in mind.

“You know, I’m not always going to be around to help you.”

As worried about Kaori as that line made Levi for the context of the show, it also reminded him of his own situation with Y/N. He helped when he could, but he was absent so often...and it worked both ways. He was perfectly capable of taking care of himself when he was on his own, but Y/N he worried about. What if something serious happened when he wasn’t around to help her? Would she be all right? Would she be able to take care of herself until he could be here to help her?

It was another line that resonated with him, another one that was going to burn in his mind and make him brood over their situation. This show was rife with them, and it had his emotions all over the place, despite his outward calm posture.

He had no way of knowing just how strongly the next chapter was going to hit him.

He was as riled up as Kousei after hearing that smart mouthed kid claim that the music Kaori made was just disastrous noise. If he’d ever heard someone say that about the music Y/N played, he was liable to sock them in the mouth. Honestly, after that comment, he’d thought that the focus was going to be on Kaori again, even with all the recent focus on Kousei’s mother. That misconception was quickly fixed, though, when the chapter began with a flashback to Kousei’s mother and how he became a pianist, further reinforced when Kousei started to play and they were given the first glimpses into his thought process, and what his new mentor--his mother’s old friend--was thinking.

Kousei’s mother’s favorite song, Kousei’s lullaby.

”Would she have played it like this?”

Kousei was curled up against the wall in the darkness of a room with no one else, knees pulled up to his chest, head buried, trying to shut out the world, the woman who’d known and been close to Kousei’s mother finding him in the darkness as Kousei cried out for his mother, for someone to help him, save him. Levi tensed, going completely still beside Y/N with his gaze riveted on the scene in front of him.

”That son of ours is about to bid you a last farewell.”

”Will it reach her?”

Levi’s jaw clenched, his teeth grinding together as he attempted to keep a lid on the emotions that were trying to rise inside him again.

“After I’m gone, what’s going to become of Kousei? Will he be able to earn a living?”

There was a pressure on his chest making it impossible to breathe and a forceful pain in his throat that was pushing right at the back, like there was something stuck there that wanted to come out but couldn’t, because he wouldn’t let it no matter how much it pushed.

”What a terrible mother. There’s nothing I can leave that boy...”

His breathing ground to a halt except for the barest, shaking whisper through his nose.

“I wish I could’ve stayed with him longer...Will my treasure ever find happiness?”

Eyes fixed on the screen, Levi suddenly felt the overwhelming need to bolt, could feel his fingers and legs twitch like he was about to without warning, but the music was reaching a crescendo, and he thought maybe, just maybe, he might be able to make it through this, even as the pain in his throat and the pressure on his chest seemed to grow more crushing, more painful, so much harder to contain.

”Do you think it reached my mom? The way I played my very best? Do you think it reached Mom?”

“You two are connected, aren’t you? Of course it reached her.”

Kousei broke on screen, and Levi suddenly realized he wasn’t going to make it to the end of the episode. He needed to bolt now or he might shatter.

Levi tapped Y/N on the shoulder to get her to move, not daring to look at her and possible see her a crying mess already at the emotional scene. He gave a brief, “I need to take a shit,” that he managed to get out in a steady voice past the pain in his throat by some miracle, and then stood up, the brief statement her only warning to shift before his movement accidentally dumped her on the ground. He didn’t run to the bathroom, that would be too much of a tell. Instead, he got up calmly and made his way to the bathroom, not hurrying his step until he was out of sight and already halfway up the stairs.

By the time he reached the bathroom, he couldn’t hold it back any further, safely locked behind the bathroom door with the water in the sink running seconds before he finally choked on the feeling in his throat and chest. A strangled sound left him, and he leaned over the sink, trying to catch his breath even as his body tried to make him sob. His breaths hitched painfully, a slight shake in his hands before they clenched the edge of the sink, shoulders hunched and teeth grinding painfully as a soft whine escaped his rigid body.

Y/N was waiting for him. He couldn’t stay up here forever, but he at least had to get ahold of himself before he headed back down there. Out of stubborn determination, Levi tried to gulp in air and steady his breath and hands. Once he had a strong enough hold of his breathing, he cupped his hands under the water and splashed some of it onto his face to help calm himself down.

Only when he felt his composure had returned, Levi dried off his face and hands, then carefully made his way back downstairs, well-aware that the chapter wasn’t even over, and there were still several chapters left--nine, according to Y/N.

A lot could happen in nine chapters.

Levi calmly returned to his seat on the couch, Y/N giving him a quizzical, examining look before she resumed the position they’d been in before resuming the show in the exact spot he’d left--thankfully, it was after Kousei’s breakdown, so he wouldn’t have to see any of that again.

That didn’t, however, mean that he was in the clear. No, now that they had put a neat little bow on Kousei’s struggle with his mental image of his mother, they were moving on to the one who had been concerning Levi since one of the first few episodes.

”There’s an ever present sorrow hanging over Arima’s music...Then it’s a demon’s path he must walk. His growth is spurred by sorrow. If he walks that path, he might have to lose someone to move forward.”

Kaori was in the hospital again, and Levi felt the uneasiness and dread about the direction this show was taking grow substantially. Especially as Kousei ran inside the room and saw Kaori in the exact position his mother had been in. The way this show was starting to dig at some subconscious and deeply buried pains and fears of his that he would rather keep far from the front of his mind, but it kept plodding on, and he felt far too invested now to just leave it where it was. The curiosity and need to know what happened next would eat away at him if he asked Y/N to stop it there--plus, asking that might tip her off that something about it was upsetting him, considering at this point he couldn’t claim he was bored with it.

”You’re gonna be fine, right?”

“I can see you again, right?”

“You won’t leave me like my mom did, right?”

At this point, the focus on Tsubaki and Kousei’s relationship was a much needed break from the reality and darker questions being asked with Kaori and Kousei right now, questions that he had asked himself from time to time regarding Y/N, questions and concerns he didn’t want to think about for his own sanity. What was happening with Tsubaki was more lighthearted, less grim, even if it was confusing and brought up even more questions to ask himself. After all, Tsubaki was being faced with the question of how she felt about Kousei--the boy who had been her friend since they were little, who she was falling in love with no matter how much she tried to deny it, who she had always been beside and wanted to be beside forever.

It made him wonder. He and Y/N were friends--had been for years now. She was there for him during his darkest moments, and he’d been there for some of her scariest moments. Yes, they were friends, but...was it starting to go deeper than that? Did he feel closer to her, somehow?

Her hands had felt warm against his when they played the piano together, pressed against one another with his arms around each other so they wouldn’t get in each other’s way. His skin had tingled where she touched him when she’d taken care of and cleaned him up after that fight. He felt comfortable sitting beside her now, with her leaning against him, her head on his shoulder, despite how borderline intimate it felt.

Had she felt something similar? They hadn’t really looked at each other in these moments--they’d been avoiding looking at each other whenever something like that happened, so he had no idea. Was she aware of just how comfortable he was around her? How different that was for him? Did she have any clue how important she was becoming to him, how big a part of his life she had gradually become despite the very real distance and difference between their two worlds.

This entire time he’d been drawing similarities between them and Kousei and Kaori, when perhaps the comparison should have been with Tsubaki and Kousei.

It sure as hell might make him feel better, considering he was rather sure she had a terminal illness. After growing up in the Underground and with the experiences he had so far, fatal illnesses were something he could spot, especially when there were as many warning signs as there were for Kaori. She only seemed to be getting worse--he was pretty sure she’d been told she was going to die, even though there was no audio for the moment to confirm it. Since the first episode, Kaori had been centered on making an impression, about living on in the memories and hearts of others--she was clearly afraid of disappearing without a trace after she was gone.

Still, amid all the aching and pain, there was still flashes of hope as Kaori struggled against her illness, and more moments that made him think about the relationship between himself and the girl next to him--more damn connections between them and Kousei and Kaori, which did nothing to sooth his nerves and fears he didn’t even know he had.

“Why are the sounds you make so beautiful I think I’m going to cry?”

“That devotion you showed. Her heart had turned grey, and you gave it color.”

Had he managed to give her what she gave him? He felt like he didn’t have anything to give, coming from the dreadful world he did. She was always the one bringing color into his life, had he ever brought color to hers? Would he ever be able to? His world, his life, was ugly and dark and probably tragic. What could he offer her out of that?

”Did I reach him?”

“You don’t have the time to see me.”

“It’s not about time--I want to see you.”

The chapter started so calmly--discussion about the next round of the competition, Kaori continuing her struggle to get better, Tsubaki finally admitting her feelings for Kousei in a way. Levi even made a quip about how Watari and Kaori really needed to stop dragging him along as the awkward extra in their group, practically rubbing it in his face even if it was unintentional. There was even another moment of resonance with something Tsubaki said to Kousei.

“So you won’t lose your way, so you won’t have regrets, I’ll stay by your side forever.”

Still, he should have seen it coming. It shouldn’t have surprised him, considering he was well aware of the cruel shittiness of the world, even if Y/N wasn’t. All this time he’d spent bracing himself with the hints of just how bad Kaori’s illness was, the ominous lines of hers. All the lightheartedness and self-discovery of the past several episodes came crashing down with the emergency with Kaori as, from what Levi could see even though they clearly had far more advanced medicine that Levi knew nothing about, Kaori had some kind of close call, a brush with death, right in front of Kousei. And then with the damn cat getting hit and dying literally moments later, Kousei having to wash the blood off of his hands and breaking down in the wake of everything that was happening. He shouldn’t have been surprised, but it still ached to see it.

And there were two chapters left. Realistically, he doubted that Kaori was going to recover in two chapters after all this time. By now, he was certain that she was going to die by the end of the story.

She wasn’t even gone yet, and Kousei had already given up. Levi had seen plenty of people reach that point. No fight left, no will to move. Kousei was right back in the position he’d been in at the start, the impending loss of Kaori the final nail in his coffin, his breaking point.

“Why does it have to end up this way? I can’t...go on. No more...I can’t try anymore.”

He hadn’t hit his breaking point--he hoped he never reached that point. But he was sure even he had one, even if he wasn’t sure where his limit was.

Levi blinked at the white fluttering from the sky on screen. A novel sight he couldn’t ignore or just accept. Snow, Kaori called it.

So that was what it looked like. One of the many things he’d heard about but hadn’t seen…

“Have you seen snow before, Levi? Since you live Underground,” Y/N suddenly asked from where she was curled up into his side, head turned to look at him curiously. Levi shook his head no, and she hummed. “You’ll have to show up some time in the winter so I can show you all kinds of awesome things you can do when it snows. It’s cold, but it’s fun. And everything looks so clean and pure...my favorite things are the trees encapsulated in ice,” she said with a wistful sigh, eventually quieting down as the scene on the screen continued to develop.

Maybe one day. But he would have to come through not only when it was winter, but on a day that there was snow, and he had no control over when he blipped over into her world.

Blipped, blip...her word for when Levi flickered into and out of her world. Clearly, it had caught on even in his mind.

“The people I care about keep leaving me...I’m going to be left all alone.”

Inwardly, Levi felt himself flinch, and that desire to bolt was trying to rear its head again, the desire for her to shut it off and spare him these comments that kept digging into the darker corners of himself, the weakness he kept hidden away for no one to see.

“But you have me. But you have me.”

For the first time, Levi felt Y/N’s hand give his little squeeze on his knee as Kaori repeated her sentiment to Kousei.

Perhaps the feelings were mutual. Maybe he wasn’t the only one drowning in emotions on the inside and drawing parallels while they watched this show, if she was giving him a little squeeze after those words. After he registered that he had felt it, and he hadn’t imagined it, he gave her shoulder a small squeeze in return.

“I’m going to struggle as hard as I can. Struggle, struggle, struggle, like there’s no tomorrow.”

“You gave me this desire to cling to the time that I spent with you. Aren’t you going to struggle to? We’re so good at struggling.”

Hell if that wasn’t the story of his life so far, right there.

Collectively, the two of them held their breath, watching as, after Kousei declared how useless it was for him to even try to play in the state he was in right now, Kaori got to her feet on her own, and the sound of the violin softly flickered towards them from the screen. It was like the music was from a dream, her imaginary violin ethereal, Kaori lit up by a flurry of snow as she played to a crescendo and smiled at Kousei.

“See, miracles can happen just like that.”

Shaking, legs trembling, sweating, collapsed into Kousei’s arms with a breathless laugh, clinging to him like a source of comfort. It wasn’t her reciting of the things she knew about Kousei, or what she wished she knew, that drew a response from him, but her heartfelt pleas with Kousei as he held her in her arms.

“I’m scared. I’m scared! Don’t leave me all alone!”

That was why it was familiar. That was how Y/N had held him when…

And perhaps the reason he’d lashed out when he’d found out about how fleeting this world was for him had been because…

Levi shifted, and it was only when Y/N started to pull away did he realize he’d been shifting to get up and walk away, to bolt. When she fixed him with that questioning look again, not-yet-spilled tears in her eyes from the emotion of the scene, her hand still fisted in his shirt, it brought him back to what was happening in the present, and he shook his head as if to dismiss the movement as he sat back down, relieved when the scene changed again.

Considering it was going to the competition and Kaori’s surgery at the same time, he doubted he was going to get much of a reprieve before the emotions hit again. Kousei was still a mess, though it was a miracle he’d at least shown up to the competition, but even watching him was worrisome, wondering if he was going to break at the piano again after all this progress he’d made throughout the show, everyone watching in concern in the show and on the couch.

“I made you remember something you don’t want to remember…”

“I won’t forget, even if I die…”

“You can just forget about it all, like you’ve pressed the reset button…”

“I guess maybe we never should've met, huh?”

Levi had to close his eyes for a moment after that one, sucking in a sharp breath. It was like it had come right out of his denial of their entire situation, how angry he’d been, the pain it had caused, how for a few moments, he’d felt like it would have been better if he could forget it all, if they had never met, because then he wouldn’t know about what he could never have. His heart ached painfully, the words reverberating not in his mind, but in his bones as the pain in his throat already seemed to be returning.

He opened his eyes, and on screen, Kousei started to break down again, face in his hands, on the brink of tears seated at the piano, on stage in front of everyone once again.

Tsubaki sneezed, and after a few moments of reflecting, after realizing how many people he knew were there...Kousei finally began to play, the notes reverberating deep inside his chest in a full, resonating sound. Something about it made him nostalgic, but also so...it was so…

“Bursting with such mournful color.”

The chapter suddenly came to an end mid performance, which startled Levi--especially when Y/N darted forward so suddenly to grab the remote and quickly jump to the next one, immediately snapping back into his side, clutching to his clothes like her life depended on it, curled into a ball as he realized for the first time that tissue box was suddenly right in front of her, easily accessible.

The last episode.

Considering the set-up, neither of them were going to get through this last part unscathed emotionally.

It started from the beginning of the piece this time, the commentary being made by the onlookers and Kousei different this time, centered entirely on Kousei after the very beginning. Levi and Y/N were both enraptured by the performance though, holding to one another on the couch with gazes fixed forward, completely still, even their breathing slight as they paid full attention to every word, and let the music pull them in deeper into the emotional symphony Kousei was creating with just the piano.

“I’m so scared...Somebody…”

“But you have me.”

“I’m not alone. From the moment that we meet someone else, none of us can ever be alone. We’re all connected.”

Levi’s grip tightened slightly on Y/N’s shoulder again, and he felt her grip tighten in return.

“Don’t leave me all alone.”

“Dummy, you have me.”

“Inside me...you exist.”

Y/N nuzzled into his side like a cat, and he thought he felt his shirt starting to get damp. He ignored it, keeping his grip on her firm and steady, staying still beneath her as he stared stalwartly at the screen, even as the emotions were starting to stir violently around inside him.

”No way am I going to leave you all alone. Reach her. Reach her. Reach her. Reach her.”

The scenery changed entirely, like Kousei was playing in the sky amid a shower of colors, floating around like leaves that autumn day when he and Y/N had jumped into the piles and sent them scattering into the air. Kaori’s whispered ‘Thank you’ as Kousei carried her back down the stairs sent a shiver down his spine, especially when Kousei of the present reacted, and turned his head to see Kaori materializing beside him, violin in hand.

Beside him, there was suddenly a whine from Y/N, and a rather large sniffle, as well as that damp feeling on his clothes starting to spread. She trembled slightly beneath his arm and hand, and he realized she was starting to cry rather heavily, her face partially buried in his side.

The music was jarring, disorienting, suddenly intense and tragic as Kousei closed his eyes, barely holding back tears.

Oh.

Oh, shit.

And there it was.

Kaori’s rich violin playing joined into Kousei’s suddenly mournful and tragic playing, and Levi realized that they were witnessing the last time the two would get to play together. It couldn’t happen again in body, but at least in spirit. Words weren’t needed for this moment. Nothing was said between the characters on the screen, and not a word was spoken between Levi and Y/N. She was continuing to cry into his side, with Levi starting to semi-awkwardly rub her shoulder to try and comfort her even as his own heart seemed to be pounding painfully at the sight in front of him, every note piercing him deeper than he thought possible with the raw emotion behind and pure weight of this single moment. All there was at this moment in time, was him, Y/N, and the music being created on the stage in front of them between Kaori and Kousei, one last time.

A sob broke past Y/N’s control as the colorful day turned into a rich night, and Kaori stopped playing. Levi held his breath, watching as transfixed on the scene as Kousei was transfixed on Kaori, the music softening for the briefest moment before it started to turn slow, mournful, and tragic again.

”Wait...please don’t go!”

As Kousei started to beg Kaori to do all of these things with him again, good and bad, Levi felt the pressure on his chest return, the burn in his eyes and the clench in his jaw, the pain in his throat. Memories of his own were flickering before his eyes in place of what Kousei begged of Kaori.

A small hand offering a still-warm roll. A splash of cool water to the face with shrieks and giggles filling the air. The security of being able to lean comfortably against a warm back with the sun shining down from above, hands gripping his legs and his arms wrapped around the girl who carried him home on her back. The cool taste of ice cream as they leaned against the brick store. A gentle hand rubbing soft circles on his back as he slipped in and out of lucid thought in his feverish state. The sound of hope amid darkness that they managed to create together despite his crude piano playing. Her hand even now clenched tightly in his shirt seeking comfort, like when he’d led her home in the dark through the desert.

His hand was stretched out before him, pulled along by the girl that suddenly disappeared when he closed his eyes. He tried to reach a little further, as if his fingertips could press past some veil between his world and hers, so he could reach her even for another moment. The warmth and the softness of the comfort she wrapped him in evaporated into smoke between his fingers, disappearing in translucent curls, leaving him with nothing to hold, the weight of her presence suddenly disappearing.

What if one day he didn’t come back?

What if one day it all just...ended? Without any warning? The only sign that he would never return the passage of time and gradual loss of hope?

“Don’t go, don’t go, please don’t go, please don’t leave me behind!”

Y/N was sobbing openly into his side now, but she didn’t move to stop the show--she kept watching it. Levi was unaware of the fact that his hand was shaking against her shoulder, all of his effort on keeping the emotions bottled inside him as he watched Kaori disappear before Kousei’s eyes in a flurry of petals, swept away by an indifferent wind.

The rest of the last chapter seemed to pass by in a blur, Levi spending most of that time trying to work his way down from the emotions that scene had stirred up in him, glancing over at Y/N to see a collection of tissues around her while her gaze remained fixed forward, still a blubbering mess over the events that were unfolding on screen. Shards of Kaori’s letter made it through to Levi, certain fragments sticking with him in the moment, others slowly settling in likely to make an impact on him later.

“I want Kousei to play the piano for me!”

He understood that sentiment. He loved listening to Y/N play for him, it was one of the many reasons why he brought it up so often. Sure, it was nice she was trying to teach him to play, but the true moment of enjoyment for him was when she played for him.

“Isn’t it funny how the most unforgettable scenes can be so trivial?”

“None of it was trivial.”

No, none of it was. From playing card games in her room to playing tag on the playground, or eating frozen treats on the steps while they played simple games with their hands. Every little moment was one Levi kept stored away, a secret trove of memories just for him and her, something bright and...something that the Underground couldn’t corrupt, because it couldn’t reach or touch this world or the girl at his side.

“Was I able to live inside your heart? Do you think you’ll remember me at least a little? You better not hit reset. Don’t forget me, okay? That’s a promise, okay? I’m glad it’s you, after all.”

Like Y/N said, just because the moments were fleeting, didn’t mean they didn’t matter. Even if they stopped one day, for whatever reason...at least he would have everything that had come before, the memories, the moments that nothing could take away. He didn’t think she would want him to try and forget, anyway. And a part of him wouldn’t want her to forget him, either. Unlike everything else in his life so far, he wanted this good thing to last, one way or another.

“Will I reach you? I hope I can reach you.”

This time, when his mind procured the image of his hand outstretched in front of him, trying to catch the disappearing back of the girl in front of him, fingers finding nothing but air, he let his hand squeeze slightly against Y/N’s shoulder once more, reminding himself she was right here in his arms right now, and not to take that for granted. Maybe sometimes she’d be out of reach, but right now, she was right here. She wasn’t always out of reach. He’d just have to make each moment he was here count for something.

Thankfully, she already seemed pretty good at making that happen, so he felt like he wouldn’t have to worry about it too much. She was always taking him by the hand to have him run with her wherever she wanted to go and explore, and so far, she hadn’t made him regret following her on her little adventures.

She made his life colorful.

“Thank you for being my friend, Levi.”

“I’m the one who should be thanking you.”

Next Chapter---->

Levi Tags: @clary-quinn @humanitys-hottestsoldier @whalerus @sunny-flo @thirstyforsometea

Through The Looking Glass Tags: @artist-bby @kaz2y5-pie @tartheyes @super-peace-fangirl @huntersbunker @nefelimalfoy @soft-levi-girl-blog @honeygivemeachainsaw @regalillegal @sugas-daddy7 @cathyannecookie @chaoticshepardplaid @roayaloveslife @sanrioclit

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chaerincore · 3 years

Text

home team, part i (2018)

in which AJ gets injured during their inkigayo stage & wants the others to continue without him; sakura unexpectedly leans on the shoulder of a stranger.

warning(s): descriptions of an ankle injury (sprain), mental and physical pain, jaehyun making an important decision before conversing with the members, arguing, crying, stress, angst angst angst so if any of these themes make you uncomfortable/are a trigger for you, please do not read!!

notes: i’m not a performer, so i did do some research on the type of injury AJ has before i even sat down to write this. i’m no expert in medicine either so if i need to make a specific correction please don’t hesitate to let me know i can fix it! UNEDITED. gif credits go to owner!

tags: @skzfairies [send me a request in my asks to join!]

after sakura finished texting yunho for the first time and talking to her members about it, everything had shifted.

it was the landing. and for some reason, the landing for a big part in the choreography for winter is coming was the one thing jaehyun couldn’t seem to ever get right in rehearsals until he got on stage, and he always ended up just fine, so the problem was always dismissed.

it wasn’t a dangerous landing, but it became dangerous because jaehyun wasn’t able to perfect it during rehearsals, and it ended up not being given a second glance because he stuck the landing safely every time they did a pre-recording and performance of it.

maybe it was chance, maybe it was luck, but today the only luck AJ had was that he didn’t end up breaking his ankle.

they were at inkigayo the day that everything turned sideways, and it was the 1:30 mark of the song when AJ injured himself. he had a transitional stunt (of sorts) where he had to vault over sakura in order to get to the center in time for the chorus. it wasn’t that neither of them were moving quick enough, the transition happens so fast that jaehyun had often struggled to stick the landing properly, and moved too soon to where that he sprained his ankle.

once jaehyun stumbled slightly after landing, sakura automatically knew he was hurt, and it wasn’t long before hyewon and eunwoo knew it too. the three subtly aided their leader when possible, but the second the camera stopped filming them at the end, jaehyun was immediately leaning against eunwoo for help with applying less weight to the injury.

the moment they got backstage, eunwoo got help from one of their staff members with getting AJ back to their waiting room. a fuss wasn’t made about it, but to sakura, everything happened so quickly. she felt the sounds outside of what was occurring had turned into white noise to her.

there was no piece of doubt in her brain about whether it was her fault or not, it was more about what could they do differently next time to keep it from happening.

sakura didn’t realize she was thinking too much until hyewon gently pulled her from her thoughts, telling her that her knuckles where turning white from cleaning her fists too hard while they waited with eunwoo outside the waiting room to hear about what had happened.

another ten minutes passed before their manager had finally let them in, giving them a sympathetic look that sakura couldn’t quite understand.

“so, he strained his ankle pretty bad from that transition, it’s safe to say that he won’t be healed anytime during the rest of promotions.” she explained, gesturing to AJ with the phone she held in her hand. “he also said that he’ll go on a hiatus to heal and recover from not only this incident but his other medical issues. so with that in mind, we just spoke and decided that you three will continue without him, and hyewon will be the temporary leader until he returns.”

sakura felt her heart ache and break into a million pieces at those words while their manager left to get a statement prepared.

why didn’t he talk to his own members first?

shouldn’t they have a say in this, too?

“what do you mean you decided to make us continue without you?” hyewon asked in gradually forming disbelief, summarizing the younger rapper’s spoken words he shared with their manager, turning into a question because she, herself, thought she wasn’t hearing it properly.

“sometimes, the leader has to make an executive decision that they know will be best for everyone else on their team—”

“we know that, but jaehyun this is something we should’ve gathered and discussed no matter what.” hyewon politely interrupted, the volume of her voice hadn’t increased nor decreased, but the clear and present vexation she had was something that the others found foreign and unsettling.

hyewon was battling between the boiling frustration, worry, and sadness inside of her, but she knew that for the sake of the other two members, she had to keep her composure. now wasn’t the time to raise her voice, there was no current time or place for it.

“i get you’re the leader and you know i respect that, but this is absolutely insane. we go on that stage together as four.” hyewon continued, the tone of her voice growing with stress, as she kept her focus locked on the man who was sitting while keeping the ice he was given just minutes ago on his ankle. “it’s always been that way and always will be. any executive decision that involves one of us not participating in any of the work we do, even if it’s a serious injury, needs to be discussed amongst all four of us before you jump to a decision for us.”

“i think i’m speaking for eunwoo and sakura when i say it, but at this point, this isn’t about boosting our image to the public, it’s about teamwork.” the woman added, watching as jaehyun looked over at the two youngest members, who nodded quietly in agreement as they sat on the couch next to where jaehyun was icing his ankle.

“as the dance leader, i’d like to mention that this isn’t just an important lesson to remind ourselves how crucial it is to communicate with each other.” sakura spoke up, at first, her voice was quiet with the uncertainty of whether anyone would listen, but once she got everyone’s attention, she continued on with her point, and her tone was at a comfortably raised volume.

“it’s also one thing if you get injured on stage and have the strength to keep going, of course that’s a professional move.” she went on, “but it’s another if you’re pushing yourself too much and the pain is unbearable, that’s at a point where ‘doing it to be professional’ no longer matters, and if you can move, you should get off the stage and trust that i can adjust the formations and spacing as we go.” sakura explained, “i’m not saying this just goes to AJ, but to everyone. i’ve been dancing in group numbers long enough to know how to save a routine at the last second, you aren’t letting anyone down by knowing when it’s too much for you to continue.”

“it’s going to be difficult, and i can definitely make the appropriate changes. we’re a small group as it is, but now that we’re down one member for a few weeks there’s more space on the stage to fill. understand that the choreography might be a little bit more trickier despite it being similar to the original.” sakura explained carefully, feeling satisfied as hyewon and eunwoo nodded their heads in understanding. the serious side of her passion for dancing had shone through. she’d only choreographed a cover dance, but she already had a lot of ideas for the current choreography, whether it was brand new or revised.

she took her position as the dance leader seriously, like it was a reward for all her years that she’d been dancing for… so she embraced her position with pride.

“and hyung, we better see you resting, hyewon will take care of us just fine, she’ll do your role justice.” eunwoo said, trying to reassure AJ the best that he could. it was more than obvious that despite feeling confident the others could do just fine without him, he was still worried about them and if they’d be as fine as his brain was telling him.

“whenever you’re ready for us, we’ll be ready for you.” hyewon joined in, “only come back when you feel ready, mentally and physically.”

if sakura couldn’t feel stress, she’d be the most happy human on the planet. but right now, nothing could beat the overwhelming emotion of fear as she thought about being relied on for saving the choreography in two days. why was she so confident about being able to do it? she’s never even choreographed one of their own songs yet!

she had excused herself to go to the bathroom after things were no longer heated amongst her and her members, leaning against one of the bathroom sinks as she fought her emotions. her eyes stung in pain from holding in her tears as she covered her face in her hands, ignoring one of the bathroom stall doors that had just opened up.

“is everything okay?”

#CORE4 #kpop au #kpop coed group #kpop imagines #kpop extra member #kpop ocs #ateez au

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hp-imagines-07 · 4 years

Text

Who Better Than The Love Of My Life?

Sirius Black x Fem!Ravenclaw!Reader

Universe: Harry Potter; The Marauders era

Type: lil angst but really fluff

Summary: being Sirius' best friend isn't easy, but it just get worse when [y/n] fall for him and keeps thinking if they could ever be more then just friends...

Request: YES|no - "Hey sweets! I was wondering if you could do a young!Sirius X reader with 14, 21, 10, 41 please? If possible, could you put y/n in Ravenclaw? Thanks so much for creating such lovely reading material ❤️" @approved-by-dentists | Thank you so much for all the love and i'm so sorry it took so long...

Prompts:

10 - "I can't do THIS anymore."

14 - "Why are you awake?" "I could ask you the same."

21 - "When was the last time that you slept?"

41 - "We never were just friends, and you know it." "I know it, but you deserve someone better than me."

Warnings: cursing, kiss maybe and a lot of arguments.....

Song: xxx

Word Count: 4.5K

Posted: 2nd of September 2020

A/N: i am so proud of how it ended, i thought that it wouldn't be as good as i wanted it to be, but i fell for sirius and i don't wan to get up anymore, so yeah (don't forget to read the bonus........) and thats a daffodil if you don't know

My Others Accounts: @imagines-07 (Principal Account) | @mcu-imagines-07 (Marvel Comics Universe) | @stit-imagines-07 (Stranger Things & IT) | @obx-imagines-07 (Outer Banks) | @cm-imagines-07 (Criminal Minds)

MY MASTERLIST

"Why Potions Class is so hard?" You said and sighed, while dropping your head at your book, making Remus just roll his eyes at the way that you were being as dramatic as Sirius. Oh, this boy was so tired of you two making such a scene by nothing.

"It's not that hard. You just have to pay attention!" Remus said the last part a little louder and everyone at the library looked at the two of you, Moony just smiled trying to act normal and pretend that he wasn't feeling his cheeks becoming warmer by being embarrassed.

"I am paying attention, but I just can't understand." You said already giving up and closing your book. Anything was supposed to be so hard to understand, you're a Ravenclaw, you thought that you would understand everything and explain it to the others just like everyone else from the same house as yours, not the other way...

Remus opened his mouth to answer you and probably make you continue to study anyway, but before he could say anything, a pair of hands covered his mouth and another one covered your eyes, while Peter just sat at the other side of the table with a bored expression by Sirius and James' idea.

"Who am I?" A voice asked behind you, but it was obvious that it was Sirius trying to use a deeper voice and you would have rolled your eyes if it wasn't for his hands stopping you.

"I don't know, probably Wormtail..." You said and heard someone sitting at the chair between you and Remus and you just knew that it was Prongs, and Sirius sighed behind you. He took his hands out of your eyes, letting you see again the not so lightly library and your friends rolling their eyes to Sirius' reaction. It was obvious that you were trying to mess with him, and looked like you got it.

"You knew that it was me." Padfoot said while sitting at the chair at your right. You smiled at him and Sirius felt his knees going weak with your beautiful and radiant smile.

Moony asked something to all of you and before you knew, your Potions' book had been already forgotten and you five were chatting about one of the unbelievable gossips going around Hogwarts.

"You really think that this girl is pregnant?" James asked with furrowed eyebrows, looking at you, that just giggled at him and the rest of the Marauders by believing at all of those rumours. But you were too focused on James and Peter arguing if it's true or not, that you didn't notice Sirius bringing his chair closer to yours and putting his arm around your shoulders.

It felt natural, it was like his arm was supposed to be around your shoulders every moment, it was like you were made for it... Sirius' touch was warm against your cold skin and his scent was the best one.

You tried to act normal because he does it - and a lot of other things that are related to physical touch - a lot of times, but since the girls noticed the different way you acted and asked for you if you had feelings about Padfoot a few weeks ago five to be more specific, you couldn't help but also notice that recently you were feeling weird things around him... All the cliche feeling that you had read so many times at a few of your favourite books like butterflies at your stomach, cold and sweaty hands, loud and fast heartbeat, dry throat, warm and red cheeks... You were starting to feel so much of those stupid feelings that you started to involuntary act weird when he's that close to you.

And it all would feel just normal and ordinary if he felt it too when you were together, but how could you know if he felt anything?

Before you could stop yourself from daydreaming about it, your mind takes you to a universe where you and Sirius were together, where he felt the same about you and you or he had the guts to tell each other about your true feelings - doesn't matter who did first... At this universe, you could call Sirius yours, you didn't need to hide any of those stupid feelings around anyone. Flashes of his arms around your waist, while your back is pressed against his chest, with tangled legs at the grass, just looking at the sky full of stars, passed through your mind, just like the ones where you could feel his body next to yours, with his arm around your shoulder, while flirting with you in front of some boy that was trying to take you to his dorm... You could even feel his kisses on your neck, cheek, lips or anywhere else.

Moments where he called you his girlfriend, and you called him your boyfriend.

"[y/n]?" You blinked a few times and shook your head to send all of your unintentional thoughts to the back of your mind - where they should stay and never get out -, with the hand that was passing in front of your eyes, trying to get your attention.

As you looked around, you noticed that all of your friends were staring at you with confused expressions and all of his foreheads frowned. "What are you thinking about, sunshine?" Padfoot asked you and you turned your head to his direction, feeling various goosebumps going up and down your body with his strong gaze focused on you and no one else - something inside of you even could tell that if someone fell in front of you, he wouldn't even flinch his eyes from yours. The way his arm around your shoulders made his face stay so close to yours, caused you the neediest to kiss him at this exact moment, with all of your friends watching, in the middle of the silent library...

But you knew that it would be worse for you. He didn't feel that same way about you, he just sees you as his best friend and nothing more than this. And if your heartbeat wasn't so loud and strong in your ears, you would be able to listen to the way your heart started to break in various pieces just with your thoughts.

You couldn't stay here any second more, you just needed to be able to breathe and organize your mind, you just needed to be alone, you just needed to cry without anyone seeing, you just needed to freak out by yourself while hugging your pillow from your favourite muggle band... You had to be far from anyone, especially Sirius Black.

So, you got up from your seat as fast as you could without passing out, and just ran out of the library as fast as your legs could take you and with everyone looking at you by the sound that your chair did when you got up, the sound of your shoes frenetically tapping against the floor, the voices of your friends calling for you and the fact that you left everything behind (being one of the people that most care books to anywhere you go).

You just stopped when your eyes met the entrance of the Forbidden Forest and then you finally noticed the way that you ran all around Hogwarts to be away from your own best friend. 'What's wrong with me?'

You took this time to breathe a little bit, then started to walk inside the forest. You had been here plenty of times before, just walking around and feeling the cold wind with the all the shadows from the trees, both hitting your body in harmony and union. This never felt so great as now. You feet started to drag you through the trees and as the first shadow got to you, you felt your tense body become way more relaxed. Your thoughts that were running around your head making you go crazy, were completely forgotten, until-

"[y/n]! Wait!" The known voice coming from behind you followed by several footsteps, made you stop on your tracks and turn around, seeing the last person you wanted to see at the moment. "What happened there?" Sirius asked and he felt his heart ache with the vision of your red face with tears running down your face.

"I'm sorry, Pads. I can't talk right now..." You whispered and you even thought that he would be able to listen to your weak and low voice, but you noticed that he had heard you when he just shook his head and tried to walk closer to you, completely ignoring what you just said, because he knows how you always try to hide what you are feeling to anyone. "Please, just leave me alone."

Black took a heavy breath so he could try to control his thoughts and try to connect them to his body, so he wouldn't do something that his heart was screaming at him to do. Sirius' mind was telling him to just go away and let you have the space you were asking for, but his heart was saying that he should go there and hug you, just hold you and confess his feelings to you... But he couldn't.

"Can you just tell me what's wrong? I want to help you!"

"It's nothing, Sirius." He felt his heart ache by how you just called him. "Just let me be." Your voice was starting to raise with your anger by him not listening to you, and you knew pretty well that the unique one more stubborn than you, it's him.

"I won't just walk away. I won't let you alone right now." Padfoot whispered with a weak voice. All he ever wanted to do was to help you, but you never let him do anything for you, like right now.

"Why?" You screamed.

"Because I love you!" He screamed back and your eyes just watered more than before. Your lip started to shake, your eyes were burning more than ever, your throat became a huge knot, you felt your nose becoming warmer, and the tears starting to run down your already wet face.

"See?" You screamed back, with your voice ruined by the run and all the crying. "That's the problem. I can't do THIS anymore." Your heart was burning, aching, breaking... everything together, but you couldn't pay attention to it right now.

"What are you talking about?" Sirius just started to scream with you, he couldn't understand what was happening and what got you so upset. And if you weren't with a broken heart, a stubborn Sirius and crying, you could've had noticed how his strong accent got so hot at this sentence.

"Me and you." Your voice failed and you couldn't feel more embarrassed to confess your feeling for him in this way. "I'm sorry. I just can't be around you anymore." And you left.

Sirius' eyelids wouldn't close for anything in this world.

He was feeling so tired, but he was trying to sleep since '9:28 PM', by his clock. He turned around again and looked again at the clock beside his bed.

'2:52 AM'

An involuntary groan got out of his throat, while he turned to the other side of the bed, probably for the thousandth time this night. But it didn't matter what he did to sleep - he tried everything literally everything - but nothing seemed to word. So he gave up.

Carefully and without doing a single noise, he got out of his bed and started to draggle himself downstairs. As he got to the common room, he saw that anyone was there, but even with all this 'homey' and warm feeling coming from the couch in front of the little fire, Sirius couldn't catch himself to sit there and watch the different ways the fire can be, just like the other nights.

His feet started to take him out of there, and it even seemed like he was in some kind of a trance, because he just noticed where he was when his eyes saw one of the secret passages to Hogsmeade. But this was one of the most far from the Gryffindor Tower, it's on the other side of the castle. Yeah, looked like he walked all the way here.

His eyes flinched away from the door of the passage as he heard a few light footsteps, or he thought he heard because Sirius looked at everywhere around him and everything he saw was the dark corridors of Hogwarts. And then, he focused on the portrait in front of him, it was a beautiful flower, a daffodil, your favourite.

"Pads, what are you doing? Why are you awake?" A voice came from behind Sirius and, if he didn't know the voice, he would've cursed himself by having forgotten his wand at his dorm.

"I could ask you the same, Prongs." Black turned around and saw his best friend, actually just his face and neck, the rest was covered by his invisible coat. But he noticed the fingers of his right hand holding the map, explaining what he was doing here, at the same moment as Padfoot, at this hour.

"I got anxious about the match against Ravenclaw next week." James said and dropped his head a little bit to the side, silently asking for his best friend the same question, but Sirius just rolled his eyes as an answer. And that was when James noticed the dark bags under Sirius' eyes. "Wow, mate. When was the last time you slept?" Prongs asked and even chuckled a bit, but stopped at the second he saw that Sirius wasn't laughing with him. And by Black's guilty facial expression, he knew pretty well the answer to his question. "Wait, you're telling me you haven't slept since the fight you had with [y/n]?"

"Of course, James! I'm in love with her, how do you want to sleep knowing that I was the one who caused her pain?" Padfoot said a little bit louder, which made James shush him and sight.

"But it's been a week." Potter whispered to his best friend and letting pass the first time that Sirius told him that he loved anyone, with a face full of concern and sympathy.

"So what?"

"You have to talk to her, mate." James just shook his head while giving his advice to Sirius. But both of them knew that that was the thought that was haunting him by the past days.

"No, I don't." Sirius answered and Prongs felt like he could kill his best friend right now (but if he did it, Sirius would never talk to her). "And she doesn't want to talk to me, anyway." Pads finished and it was James' time to roll his eyes by the childish of Black.

"But you love her!" James said louder than he should and looked around to see if any professors or prefects were around to catch the two of them out of bed at this time. But as Sirius opened his mouth to fight with him about it, Potter didn't lose even a second to interrupt any bullshit that was going to come out of Black's mouth. "And don't even try to deny it, because you just said it."

Padfoot sighed, defeated and said the first thing that came on his mind. "But that's why I'm struggling!" His head was starting to hurt by the intense argument and he knew what was coming next. Sirius knew James was right about everything.

"So talk to her! You won't struggle anymore."

James' words have been passing around Sirius mind since the day he first said them, three days ago.

'So talk to her! You won't struggle anymore.'

Black has been wanting to talk to you since then, but he doesn't seem to be able to create the courage to go and talk to you. And he couldn't feel more stupid. He's the unique one from the hole Black family to be sorted into Gryffindor, and the Sorting Hat doesn't make mistakes, does it?

Well, he would have time to think about it at detention.

Sirius opened the door, seeing an empty Transfiguration classroom 'perfect, more time alone with my fucking stupid thoughts' and saw Professor McGonagall writing something in a few papers while sitting at her desk. "Hey, Minnie." Sirius said and the professor looked at him with a hard glare by the nickname.

"Hello, Mr Black." She said and pointed at one of the tables, silently saying to Sirius sit. "We'll just wait a second until the other student gets here, so I'll tell you both what to do." Sirius frowned his eyebrows with her sentence.

"There's someone else coming today? Who would it be, Minnie?" He asked and by the look she gave him, Sirius knew that she wouldn't tell him who it was. "Well, what they did to have to pleasure to spend two hours with me?" The professor just looked at the door, probably thinking that it would make the lucky person walk through it, but it didn't actually happen.

"She shouldn't have stayed until too late studying at the library." That was that Minerva said and her gaze still didn't flinch from the door. As Sirius was looking at the professor, he got too lost on the thoughts of how she could wear the same clothes every day - like, does she has a lot of clothes that look the same, or does she wash the same cloth every day and wear those at the next day? - that he just noticed that the door had opened and the person had walked in already when McGonagall moved. "You're finally here, Mrs. [y/l/n]."

Wait-

"I'm so sorry, Minnie. A first-year stopped me on the way here, he was lost and needed help to find our common room, but it's kinda far from here..." Your soft voice echoed through the almost empty classroom. They were pretty sure that you would start to babble about the reason you were late, but when the professor pointed to the chair next to Sirius, you stopped to talk. Maybe it was because you knew that explaining yourself wouldn't be something really important for McGonagall, or it was because you noticed Sirius.

His eyelids were swollen, with dark and deep bags under his eyes, his hair messier then the usual, a paler look on his face, but he was still so handsome.

A knot formed at your throat with the sight of him so close to you - because those days you were avoiding him, but you still noticed him from afar - and you gulped it while taking deep breaths. You were refusing yourself to cry alone at your dorm, you wouldn't cry or show any weakness near to anyone else that could notice and comment about it. You sat at the chair beside Sirius, but your eyes didn't flinch to any single part of him.

"So, you two stay here, I have more things to take care of, and I'll be right back." Minerva said and started to walk out of the class. Sirius looked at you and your confused expression (was so cute) matched with his, but before the professor went out of the classroom, she looked behind and saw the two of you looking at her. "Just do a few essays, I don't know. Just don't make anything that could give you more detentions." And then she left. But not before locking the door behind her.

"Great." You whispered with your voice full of sarcasm and you hoped that Sirius haven't heard you.

"[y/n]." Sirius called your name and looked at you, that was taking your things out of your backpack. He wasn't surprised that you would finish the essays you weren't able to finish the day before, but you were surprised with the way your name rolled easily against his tongue and lips. You even had to think about something else so your body wouldn't get shivers all around it. "Can we talk?" He asked and you continued to ignore him. But Sirius doesn't give up easily. "I really need to talk to you, sunshine." Sirius tried to grab your attention again with the nickname he used to call you before all of the chaos that you created.

"Detention is not to talk, Sirius." You whispered and he just huffed at your words, he knew you were going to say some bullshit to try to not talk to him about whatever you were feeling, but he really needed to have this conversation with you, even if he was the only one talking and you listening. "We're supposed to do essays or whatever, but not to talk." Your sassy tone was better than Sirius had ever seen it and if it wasn't for him in another situation, he would be so proud of you learning all he taught you over the years being friends. "If you want to talk, look me at any other place at school, I don't care."

"That's the point! I can't find you anywhere." Sirius was starting to get mad at the way you weren't listening to him or even caring about what he wanted/needed to say to you. "And I'm gonna talk, even if you don't say anything" He said and got up from his chair, that fell back with the abruptly that Sirius got out of it and did a horrible noise at the before quiet classroom, but his harsh movements grabbed your attention and you finally looked at him. "Can't you see that I feel the same way about you?" He said loudly and it almost looked like the whole air was taken away from your lungs.

But you needed to be sure about what feelings he was talking about, you couldn't just act because of a sentence that could have multiple ways to be understood, but you just wanted one of them. "You don't even know how I feel, how can you feel the same?"

"So, tell me." Sirius said softly and stared hard at your eyes, you even though he could see your hole soul from the stare he was giving you and your body trembled under his gaze. "Tell me how you feel."

You don't even know why, how, when or anything, but you just got up and stared back at him, with angry tears starting to blur your vision - sometimes you just wanted to end the way you were so sensible, even about little arguments like this one. "You wanna know how I feel?" You asked at him, with a frowned forehead and closed hands to try to control yourself and not cry in front of him again. "Well, I fell for you." Your voice wasn't on the way you had dreamed that it would be while saying those exact words to Sirius, but you found out you don't have any control over the future so, what can you do? "I fell so hard, that I didn't know who I was anymore. All I cared was about you and the way I could make you happy if we were together. But we never were." Your voice started harsh but it was becoming softer with the seconds you talked. "And it broke me."

"We were never just friends and you know it." Sirius said you felt your heart ache. You knew his words were true, he knew his words were true, your friends knew his words were true, fuck, the hole Hogwarts knew his words were true, and that's what hurt the most. Because even if you were never just friends, whatever the two of you were, never passed from it. You were friends, always.

"I know it, but it was always like this, and neither way you deserve someone better than me." Your voice becomes just a little whisper that no one would be able to hear if it wasn't for the empty class. But Sirius ignored your words and walked to you before you could think of anything else or try to walk away from him, his hands were holding your hips and you couldn't move away from his chest pressed against yours (even if you actually wanted to).

"So, enlighten me." Sirius whispered and his breathe was hitting against your face, with his lips brushing against yours while he talked. "Who better than the love of my life?" His smirk was so big, but you couldn't focus on his beautiful teeth, all you were looking at was his grey eyes. Sirius got afraid that you would walk away from him or break his heart as he had broken yours, but he knew you were going anywhere when you smiled at him, giggling at his words.

Your hands went to the back of his neck and brought his face closer to yours, selling your lips in the most passionate kiss you had ever thought and Sirius could just dream of. You didn't need words to show for each other how you were happy in the arms of each other. It was even being hard to kiss with the smile that fought to appear on your face - by being finally able to run your hands through his soft hair - and on his - by holding your body so close to him that all the times he needed someone to hold him like this, were filled.

Neither of you knew how long you were kissing but you were becoming exhausted with your lungs screaming for you to stop, but you didn't want to, so you just broke the kiss. You were both breathing heavily, but your arms, legs, hands or anything else moved. You and Sirius stayed like this, with your foreheads together, your hands lost on his hair and his arms around your waist, just feeling each other this close, for a while. But you didn't care.

You finally had him. You could call him, yours and he could call you, his.

☀︎︎☀︎︎☀︎︎☀︎︎☀︎︎

+ bonus:

McGonagall, James, Remus, Peter, Lily, Alice and Marlene were watching by the magic mug that Minerva left at the classroom, so they could see what was happening.

"Are they going to kiss?" James asked, for what felt like the millionth time, when Sirius got closer to [y/n] and everyone shushed him, seeing Sirius walk forward and kiss you.

They all cheered seeing them kissing and when they got apart smiling, they all knew the plan had worked. Marlene was even crying for her friend that finally told Padfoot about her feelings and James couldn't stop smiling while looking at his friends happier than ever together.

"I can't believe your plan worked, Minnie." Lily said and everyone nodded at the professor, that was smiling just like them.

"As I already told you, I'm pretty good at getting couples together..." Minerva said and winked at the students that laughed at her and looked at their friends again through the magic spot on the Black Lake that gave them a perfect vision of what was happening on the classroom.

They were so proud that their friends and students we together and happy.

☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾

Taglist:

@cheapglitter @weasleysmuch @missmulti @writtenbypics @littlemaladaptivedaydreamer @dralf0yy @buff-bork @rd155 @seppys-return-to-madness @luciferedits @old-soul-young-mind @pxtrickhxckstettxr @sleep-i-ness @marauderswhisperer @liberty01 @gweaslvy @weasleytwins-41 @siriuslysirius07 @turtlepad @ilovewinter101 @monimillion @simonsbluee @smokey102 @yourlevanter @aberette13 @yourbloodyqueen @loverboyreid @eeshea @susceptible-but-siriusexual

133 notes · View notes

vintagedolan · 4 years

Text

mixtape | track one

| masterlist | faceclaims | playlist |

Six. There were six different lines, tiny plastic tubes that hung down from the side of the bed, making the shape of a U in the air. Too many, but still, one less than yesterday.

“Is it alive?”

“No.”

“Is it a vegetable?”

“That’s oddly specific.”

“But is it a vegetable though?”

“No.”

“Aw shit.”

Indiana looked up from her hands then, brows furrowing at the small figure who had huddled herself under the thin cotton covers. You’d think, with how expensive hospital bills were that they could at least afford a real fucking blanket for their patients. Especially the kids.

“C’mon now, watch the language.” She said. It was a half-hearted reprimand at best.

“You told me I could curse!”

“I told you that you could curse about your meds, there’s a difference.”

“Bullshit. I should be able to curse about anything I want to.”

“Bekah.” It was her mom voice – an instinct.

“Indiana.” The younger girl mimicked the tone as best she could.

There was a beat of silence then – well, as silent as a hospital room ever could get, that is. The monotonous song of machinery beeps, the muffled car horns outside on the streets, and nurses footsteps outside never truly faded.

“If the nurses hear you cursing in here they’re gonna say I’m a bad influence.” It was almost time for rounds and meds, 7pm on the dot - they’d be there any minute.

“Speak of the devil,” Bekah grumbled, eyes flitting to the door that was swinging open, the nurse bumping against it, her cart hitting the walls right on schedule.

“Hi miss Bekah, how’re we feeling this evening?”

“Shi-“

Indiana threw her a look, the kind she imagined her mom would give if she were there. Bekah sunk back into the pillow, rolling her eyes.

“-very. Shivery. It’s cold in here.”

She earned a thumbs up for that one and a wink that made her smile.

The nurse – Jennifer, Indiana realized – was as sweet as ever. She was one of the nicer ones, always let things slide, always let her stay 30 minutes after visiting hours if she really wanted to.

“That’s probably just the meds from earlier darling, they always make you a bit chilly.”

“Can’t wait to take more.” Bekah sighed, wiggling up in the bed and moving her shirt down, her collarbone prominent under her dark skin. Next to it sat a small bulge, surrounded by medical tape, two small tubes peeking out from underneath. They’d done a good job at making it subtle, unnoticeable if you weren’t looking for it – Indiana’s mom’s port had never looked like that. She wondered if it was because the technology had improved in four years, or if they were just more careful about it when the patient was young.

Because it’s okay for an adult to have cancer, but a kid? That’s where we draw the fuckin’ line.

“Is it food?”

“What?” Jennifer asked, quirking an eyebrow as she continued to hang the bags on the IV pole.

“None of your business. Indiana, is it a food?”

“Now now,” Jennifer tutted.

“No, it’s not a food.” Indiana sighed, knowing better than to try and keep Bekah’s attitude in check. That was a battle she’d lose before it began. “Keep trying.”

She paused while the nurse took her time in getting her meds set and ready, attaching them to her port. She didn’t even flinch at the needle, the brown skin of her forehead as smooth and perfect as ever, not a worry line in sight. The game picked up as soon as Jennifer walked back out of the room.

“Is it something you- something you wear?” That was always the first sign that the meds entered her system – the ‘brain fog’ as she called it. Bekah sucked in a deep breath, her seemingly tiny chest rising up as she tried to settle herself.

Indiana’s eyes flickered over to the IV bag – the clear liquid looked harmless enough as it dripped down. She knew it was anything but – just Bekah’s hair was enough to attest to that. She wore it in a wrap mostly these days, but she’d seen what was underneath. Her beautiful curls had started to fall out only a few weeks prior, and it was only a matter of time before they were gone completely. If she had to guess from what she’d seen when she fixed the knot of her wrap, the last of it would be gone after today.

“Yes, it’s something you wear.”

“So it’s clothes.”

“Not necessarily. You wear other things,” she explained, scooting her chair a bit closer to the bedside, reaching a hand out.

In the three years that Indiana had known Bekah, she was always amazed at how strong she was. It had impressed her from the first time she’d mustered up the courage to sign up for the volunteer program at the hospital two blocks away from her college apartment. Bekah was twelve then, a spunky young girl with big headphones over her ears and thick rubber bracelets on her thin wrists.

“Stop looking at me like that,” was what she’d chosen as an introduction. She’d looked up at Indiana with accusatory eyes, wide and dark and annoyed in the middle of the overly colorful pediatric wing hallway.

“Like what?”

“Like I have cancer. Don’t treat me like I’m sick and I won’t act like it. Capeesh?”

She’d only been able to swallow and nod, somewhat embarrassed but mostly just in awe.

So, when Indiana got matched with her as her ‘buddy’, she tried her hardest to do as she’d agreed to. Or at least, she did her best to be subtle about it. She could sneak in her moments of worry at times like this, when Bekah’s eyes were scrunched closed and she didn’t bat away the hand holding hers.

“Damn. The BBJ is not making me feel very BB esque today,” she grumbled, breathing deep in through her nose. Indiana’s other hand inched towards the bedpan resting on the table – the nausea usually kicked in right about now, and her deep breathing was always a tell that her stomach was churning. BBJ stood for ‘Bad Bitch Juice’ which was just the fun term for chemo that Bekah had come up with during one of her rotations a few years back. The nurses hated it, gave Indiana dirty looks when she let her say it around them.

“Bed pan at the ready,” Indiana reassured her, making sure it was in reach in case it got to be too much.

“Just keep playing the game, it’ll distract me. What do I know so far?”

“It’s not alive, it’s not a vegetable or a food, you can wear it but it’s not clothes.”

“Makeup?”

Indiana shook her head, doing everything to avoid reacting to the way Bekah was squeezing her hand. It was so tight that she felt her bones were probably touching each other in a way they weren’t meant to.

“Shoes?”

“No.”

“Do you wear it on your head?”

“I mean… technically?”

“That’s a cop out answer.”

“Don’t dwell on it, just keep going.”

She saw it coming before it happened – the turn of Bekah’s face, the way her body jolted just barely. It’s a good thing it wasn’t her first time, or she wouldn’t have gotten the bedpan under her fast enough to catch her vomit. She held her breath, tried not to listen to the sounds of retching so she didn’t get sick herself, holding steady until Bekah’s stomach was empty and she’s laid back against the pillows, exhausted. Indiana followed the motions, got up and walked to the bathroom, dumped the contents down the toilet and flushed it, left the plastic basin on the floor for the nurses to get later and washed her hands. By the time she made it back to the side of the bed, Bekah’s eyes were closed.

There were three marked stages of a chemo session with Bekah: the ‘this doesn’t affect me’ phase, the puke phase, and finally, the sleep phase, which seemed to be fast approaching. Even with her eyes closed she felt Indiana join her at her bedside, and she sighed in defeat.

“What was it? I don’t wanna ask more questions.”

“Earrings.”

“That’s two things, you cheated.”

She could have argued, but you just don’t argue with a kid with cancer if you don’t have to. It’s an unspoken rule.

“You’re right. You win.”

Bekah seemed content enough with that, but her eyebrows scrunched up again like they always did when she was focusing.

“Where do you get earrings in your teeth?”

“Huh?”

“Earrings in teeth… there was a guy… yesterday… earrings.”

Indiana just held her hand as she rambled, drifting off as she turned her head into her pillow. Not that she knew personally, but she’d never seen anyone be comfortable during a chemo treatment. But there was a peace that took over when their body decided that it was too much to handle in the realm of consciousness and they drifted off into their dreams.

So she was happy to look at the bed after she picked up her backpack and see that Bekah’s was asleep. She closed the door on her way out, moved to the nurse’s desk to sign out like she always did. The nurses always smiled at her, sitting back there in their colorful scrubs and big headbands. This time, it was Valentina who beamed up at her.

“Indiana, honey, how’s school going?”

“It’s going.” It’s killing me. “Just one semester left to go!”

“Don’t you overwork yourself now, we need you around here,” she threw a wink with her long lashes, opening her mouth to say something else before her phone rang. “You have a good one honey, we’ll see you next week.” Valentina picked it up, another call to another room for another sick kid.

With as many times as Indiana had made the walk, she was pretty sure she could do it with her eyes closed. Straight, past the forest murals, press the button on the left to open the doors. Then it was the ocean hallway on the left- the blues were peaceful, little sea turtles and fish floating on the walls. At the end, by the jellyfish, was the last door of the pediatric wing. Somehow, it always felt colder past that point, inside the ‘real hospital’. The nurse’s scrubs were plain blue there, the walls taupe and bland with paintings of trees and lakes instead of Winnie the Pooh and Dory. Indiana’s shoes squeaked against the polished floor on her way to the elevator, picking up her pace. She didn’t like this part. It was too familiar, too many memories of walking down the same hallway for much different reasons. Past that it was down two floors, out and to the right to get to the front doors.

As soon as she walked out into the New York city street, it was a breath of fresh air; if you could ever consider city air fresh. Still, she always preferred the smell of exhaust and cigarettes over the bleach that stung her nose inside the hospital. And if she sniffed hard enough and the wind was right, she swore she could smell Jet’s Coffee all the way from the small store that resided three blocks down the road.

Want anything from Jet’s? She texted Charlie, hoping for a quick response from her sister as she hurried down the sidewalk, pulling her shirt sleeves down over her hands in a bid to ward off the brisk late September air.

Nah, Devin’s making dinner. Should be done by the time you get here.

Also, where tf is your strainer?

Bottom cabinet by the oven, she answered, shaking her head.

It wasn’t that she didn’t love her sister. She did, with her whole heart. The same went for her sweet almost-brother-in-law Devin- they were both supportive pillars in her life, always there with a listening ear, a warm hug, or life advice.

But god damn did she miss having her apartment to herself sometimes. The peace that came over her when she walked into her cozy apartment, saw the rest of Chelsea through the high windows, her view over the river? Unmatched. It was still there - the fog over the river in the cool autumn mornings, the bustling streets of people wrapped up in their coats - but now, her sister was there too, catching her at the door with the latest story of the day before she could even let out a breath. Charlie could never understand how her younger sister wanted to live alone in college, wanted a place to herself ever since she even knew it was an option. Indiana was the opposite of her in a lot of ways- the older of the two was a social butterfly of sorts who always surrounded herself with people, with loud voices and louder personalities that could keep up with her. She was wild - dropped out of college after her first semester, spent her last dime on a camera so she could grow a photography business from the ground up.

Their mom always said that Indiana was the calm to Charlie’s storm, her little angel who hardly ever cried, who just fit into the family like a perfect final puzzle piece, completing the picture. The puzzle was long forgotten now, disassembled in a box in the attic somewhere collecting dust over the last five years. She didn’t have to wonder if it would make her mom sad - she knew that it would be devastating for her if she were still there to see what had become of the Cross clan.

“There she is, the myth, the legend, thee Indiana Jamie Cross!”

Caught up in her mind, Indiana didn’t even realize that her autopilot route home had taken her all the way into the door of Jet’s, and she found herself in the familiar lobby when she came to. The walls were charcoal gray, with the delicate little single-line white flowers painted on them that she remembered them putting up a few years ago, back when she worked there. Her old manager, Patrick, beamed at her from behind the counter, wide smile framed out by his ever growing hair.

“What’s she gonna get today, wait don’t tell me, don’t tell me. Today is a… caramel macchiato with one less pump of vanilla? Hot?” He mused, raising his eyebrows in question.

“Oatmilk, then yes, you got it.”

“Of course I was gonna give you oatmilk, what do I look like, an amateur?” He scoffed, shaking his head as she went to reach for her wallet. “It’s on the house today.”

“You can’t give me my coffee on the house every time Patrick, it’s bad for business.”

“It’s my business, so shush and go wait at the end of the bar like a good customer,” he rolled his eyes, sending the scribbled cup down the line. She rolled her eyes and dropped a few one’s in the tip jar before she went over to her favorite chair, the big blue one by the windows where she could people watch while she waited. She always wondered what people did in small towns while they waited for things, without the bustling streets outside full of people in their own little worlds.

Her phone buzzed in her lap. Marty.

Hey girlie, are you busy tomorrow? We’ve got a new orientee who needs the run down, and nobody does it better than you!

Marty’s speciality was buttering people up. Which explained why Buddies had over 200 volunteers like Indiana - with Marty in charge, it was hard to say no, even if she had planned on spending a chilled out day tomorrow with her sister and Devin.

Fine by me, just let me know what time

Awesome. He didn’t give me a specific time so I’ll just give him your number if you’re good with that.

She sent back a thumbs up as her name was called at the counter, got her coffee and headed out the door. It was another block to get to her apartment, and when she got there the elevator ride up to the 18th floor was almost as long as the walk. She didn’t mind though. It was her own little welcome home ritual that she’d grown fond of over the last few years of living there.

As she predicted earlier, when she opened the door, her usually peaceful space was in a bit of chaos. There were four bowls out on the counter, measuring cups everywhere, two pans out in addition to whatever smelled so good in the oven.

“Don’t start Indy, I’m gonna clean it, I promise.” Charlie appeared around the corner, already on the defense of the look she knew she was going to get. It felt a lot like Indiana was the older sister despite the three years that Charlie had on her.

“I didn’t say anything,” Indiana mumbled under her breath, clearing a small spot on the counter and hopping up.

“It’s all in your face,” Devin teased from in front of the oven. “Scootch, unless you want me to burn you with this casserole dish.”

She grumbled and hopped down from her much too temporary spot so that he could open the oven, deciding it was probably best to leave the kitchen until everything was done.

Her kitchen was the only ‘small’ part of her apartment. The rest was plenty big, and she was proud of all she had done over the years to make it her own. The living room was cozy, with a dark gray couch and a reasonable (Charlie would say excessive) amount of decorative pillows and blankets. The shelves on the wall had a few house plants - fake ones, of course, and picture frames that had moved with her each time she called a new place home. The white frame that contained an old picture of her and Charlie as babies, white-blonde hair wispy as they played on the swings in their backyard. The most recent addition was the rose gold frame, a picture of her, Devin and Charlie at their engagement last July in Zion National Park - she could practically feel the heat of the sun every time she looked at it. The last frame stood alone on the smaller shelf, a wooden frame with a small heart carved in the corner. Inside, a black and white picture of her and her mom. She was about one in it, in a little crewneck sweatshirt and tennis shoes, holding onto her mom’s hands as she walked, both of them beaming. She’d been told by so many people over the years that she had “Nicole’s smile”, and she tried her hardest to not cry nowadays if anyone ever mentioned it.

“You know, our parents weren’t glassmakers, I can’t see through you,” Charlie grumbled from her spot on the couch, gesturing to the TV that her sister was blocking.

“You know, this is my house, you could just leave,” she countered, offering her fakest of smiles.

“You know, Dad pays the rent so it’s not technically yours.”

“Alright, dinner is ready, dinner is ready,” Devin called out, knowing that Charlie had already stepped one toe over the line, desperately trying to keep her from throwing herself fully over the edge.

Charlie popped up to her feet, unfazed by the glare that followed her all the way to the island as she went on to scoop out her pasta.

Indiana didn’t have the energy to even think about her dad, much less talk about him. Kenneth Cross was a good father when she was little. He was attentive, taught her how to play basketball, how to ride her bike without training wheels. On a paper list, he checked off most of the dad boxes. And then his wife died, and he decided the time was nigh to abandon ship with very little regard for his 16 and 19 year old daughters. But if you asked him, he’d be sure to let you know that he took very good care of his kids, even put up his youngest in a nice New York apartment so she could go to school and not have to work a job. Taking care of things meant throwing money at them, whether it was at work or at home. His best, and only, sign of affection was the direct deposit that hit Indiana’s bank account on the 31st of every month.

Needless to say, he was a sensitive subject.

She bit back the words she really wanted to spit out and made her way into the kitchen, grabbing her bowl a bit more aggressively than she needed to. As soon as she found her spot back on the counter she stabbed into the soft noodles and shoved them in her mouth, proceeding to burn the shit out of her tongue.

Lovely.

Devin made small talk as best he could around the awkward tension - he was an only child, and anytime the two sisters fought he tried to fill in the void with anything he could. It always baffled him how the two of them could be pissed one moment, and then back to normal a few seconds later.

“Wanna go shopping tomorrow? And don’t say you have school shit, it’s a Sunday.” Charlie asked.

“A, I always have school shit, and B, I can’t anyways, I’ve got an orientation to do for Buddies.”

“There’s no way you actually have that much school work to do, I think you’re just trying to avoid us,” she countered.

“CJ she’s gonna be a doctor, that shit ain’t easy,” Devin piped up, eager to boost his almost sister-in-law up. Indy tried to ignore the little pang of jealousy she always felt when he called her sister that. Charlie Jo. CJ. She’d had her own fair share of nicknames over the years, shortened little versions of her name that everyone liked to use. But Devin was the only one who was allowed to call Charlie CJ, and there was something about the intimacy of it that had Indiana wishing someone was there to give her a cute nickname, just for them.

She held out until Charlie started in on the dishes that she promised to do and then she was headed to her room, social battery depleted. Despite her sister’s doubts, she did always have some form of school work that she could be working on, slowly chipping away at the constant stream of assignments and notes. She liked to break it down into sections, tackling a certain class each night of the week. Saturdays were her ‘easy’ nights, reserved for reviewing her medical terminology notes and quizzing herself on new terms.

As nerdy as it seemed to anyone else, she actually found it fun. 10 year old her would have thought it was the coolest thing that she actually knew what choleodechojunostomy meant, though she was pretty sure she was never going to actually need to know.

She was halfway through the abbreviations portion, stuck on the ‘G’ of esophagogastroduodenoscopy when her phone buzzed against her leg. She expected to see a text from Charlie asking her to join in on whatever movie they were watching in the living room, but instead she was met with a new number and an unfamiliar area code - 818.

Probably spam. She left it alone, moving back to her cards, flipping between as she mumbled them quietly to herself.

“PRN. Pro re nata.”

Buzz

“EEG. Electroencephalography. TIA”

Buzz

“TIA. Transient-”

Buzz

“Jesus,” she huffed, grabbing her phone and swiping it open to her texts, all from that same 818 number.

Hey, Marty gave me your number, I’m your new orientee :)

My name is Grayson btw, probably should have started with that

She told me to figure out a time with you but I’m p flexible so just let me know

And idk how to get to the pediatric part of the hosp so if you could meet me somewhere else and show me how to get there that would be awesome

Why he couldn’t have sent it all in one text she had no idea, but at least he was nice. She typed back quickly.

Hey! I’m Indiana. We can meet by the front doors if that’s easier, how about 9:30?

She didn’t even have time to pick up her next flashcard before the typing bubble popped back up.

Early riser, I like it. 9:30 is chill, I’ll see you then. Have a good night :)

You too :), she answered, quickly saving his contact as ‘Grayson’ before putting her phone back down on her comforter and diving back into her flashcards. She had 200 more to get through by the end of the night, and all she really wanted to do was get under her covers and go to sleep. By the time she reached the end of the stack, the definitions were just as hard to understand as their latin based counterparts. As soon as she flipped over arthralgia to reveal joint pain, she was moving the pile to her desk, pulling on a t-shirt and curling up in bed.

..............................................................................................................................

Indiana had never been a breakfast eater. She was always too eager to get to school, occasionally running out the door with a granola bar in hand at most at her mom’s request. The trend continued as she got older, though now she used her morning coffee as sustenance for the first few hours of the day. Which was why she found herself walking right back through the glass doors of Jet’s again, a mere 12 hours after her last visit. It smelled like fresh beans and vanilla soy as soon as she made in over the threshold - a comforting smell, familiar and warm. Patrick beamed at her from behind the espresso bar. She couldn’t remember the last time he’d taken a day off.

“I’m paying today, no arguing,” she called out, giving him a serious look until he mouthed ‘fine’ at her over the bar. Satisfied, she pulled out her phone, surprised to see a text. Grayson.

I’m by the front doors on the left. I know im early so no rush :)

She checked the time at the top of her phone. 9:10.

I’m getting coffee and then I’ll be there

Her thumbs hovered over the keyboard, contemplating. Was it weird to buy coffee for someone you’d never met? She sent another text anyway.

Want anything?

The bubbles popped back up as she stepped up in line.

Biggest cup of the strongest stuff they’ve got please. I’ll shoot you a Venmo for it

She liked his response and slid her phone back in her pocket before she stepped up to the counter. The barista was a new face, someone that had been hired after she had left.

“What can I get started for you?”

“Can I do a 16 ounce vanilla oat milk latte and a 20 ounce dark roast please?”

“Absolutely, that’ll be-”

“Give her the drip for free,” Patrick interjected. “We don’t charge past employees for drip coffee.”

The barista looked a bit flustered but took the dark roast off anyways, quickly spouting off the total and taking the cash that Indiana handed her. She turned around and poured the dark roast, passing it over with a smile. An older man was sitting in the blue chair when Indiana made her way to the other end of the store, so she settled by the bar instead, watching Patrick pump syrup and steam milk in a bit of a sequenced dance. She missed being behind the bar sometimes, but not enough to justify going back and getting talked down to by shitty customers.

He finished her latte in record time, only having a spare moment to blow her a kiss before he was right back to the next drink. She didn’t mind - the thought of Grayson waiting on her made her nervous. She tried to remind herself that she wasn’t running late. It wasn’t her fault that he liked to show up twenty minutes early to things and she only liked to show up ten minutes early. Ten minutes was reasonable and showed dedication - twenty was a bit excessive.

The cups kept her hands warm for the three blocks to the hospital, her pace a bit quicker than usual. She kept her eyes peeled for someone who looked like a Grayson once she made it. A tall, lanky man passed by her, headed towards the doors, but he didn’t seem like he was looking for anyone. She remembered the text. Front doors, to the left.

Sure enough, there was someone sitting alone.

He took up about half of the bench, his shoulders broad under a charcoal gray sweater that went well with the olive green of his pants. He looked well put together - a bit intimidating, but nice enough to send someone a have a good night text. He looked like he could be a Grayson. He must have felt her watching him, because he lifted his eyes from his phone and looked directly at her, taking in the two coffee cups in her hands with a smile.

“Indiana?”

His voice was deep, a bit commanding. It made her hesitate for some reason, panic just barely. “Uh yeah, that’s me.” Stupid.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Grayson.”

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