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#I realized recently all my parallels are sad
eerna · 2 days
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after a tfota reread and the suren duology, im totally obsessed with taryn. i recently read the lost sisters tfota novella and there is suchhhhhh juicy stuff in there. locke targets taryn dead to rights, playing on every insecurity, and taryn’s insecurities are so interesting, especially her thinking about her vulnerabilities!! taryn thinks that jude has her place in faerie secured and so taryn is the weak link here and she’s trying to barter her way into a good position. (i also loved her analysis of vivi’s state of mind and that once vivi leaves, she and jude are even more vulnerable.) i love how her and locke’s bargain is a parallel to jude and dain’s. even after just fifty pages can i see how taryn was driven to straight up murder. the more page time locke gets the more sinister he is at how very competent he is at manipulating feelings and what seems like almost psychological torment. taryn makes a lot of mistakes but it really only makes her character so much interesting!!! another taryn novel/la for me please!!!!
YAASSS TARYN FANCLUB!!!!! I love the novella for the exact reasons you mentioned. It is a short retelling of the first part of TCP, but from Taryn's POV, and it gives us SO many interesting parallels. I especially like how while Jude's TCP arc is realizing she is cold-blooded and violent and wondering if that makes her a monster, throughout the novella Taryn is like "oh I am not violent, oh I am so prim and proper" but the more people test her, the more she finds it may not be so true. My personal fave is when Locke shows up beneath her window after ghosting her for weeks and she's like "Hehe what if this time Madoc caught him sneaking around the property and killed him, that would be sooooo cool he totally deserves it- WAIT NO WHAT AM I THINKING THAT IS HORRIBLE???". People always forget that she was always just like the rest of her family. She IS vicious and vengeful, as evident in how she treated Jude for putting a target on both their backs and "stealing" Locke, but like Cardan said, she doesn't want it to be true. She refuses to accept that part of herself, even though she is aware, she chooses to pretend she is all softness and kindness so that's the thing everyone sees her as. She wants to be better than the Folk, and be rewarded for it. It shames her that Jude abandoned that idea and decided to be worse, because now she is the only one cowed and scared. ANOTHER cool narrative is Taryn's relationship with food, how she is a comfort eater and keeps consuming more and more the worse her mental state gets, but is still always hungry. Then there's the metaphorical role of food that Locke presents, where a life she might want is a banquet, all the various experiences of love spices, and she is "refusing to eat" because she is scared of Faerie. But by the end of the book she is "gagging food down" through the Jude trial to prove that Faerie food or no she can take it, even though she hates the taste. She is trying to drown her sadness and guilt in the belief that staying true to Locke will finally make her feel full and satisfied. Where ELSE did I see that greedy streak huh I wonder!
Anyway. The Lost Sisters ily what a 10/10 addition I need a sequel except HB gave up on Taryn years ago
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not2menotifitsyou · 2 years
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Sometimes I’m happy and I wanna live forever
Phoebe Bridgers// @boykeats //Ocean Vuong//Albert Camus//unknown source// @8-bitfiction //Mary Oliver//Charles Bukowski
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dent-de-leon · 9 months
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I could be wrong, but--just thinking about how the twins assumed it was obvious Mollymauk was heading to a brothel. How he clearly knows that, lets them believe that--"I know what the others think, but..." And all this time when he sneaks out in the dead of night, he's really playing the hero, running off to protect someone in need.
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And just, I don't know. I think about how Mollymauk was so devoted to Lestera, and we never see him actually indulge in a relationship with anyone else in the comic. How he's still so lonely, and tells Yasha so in a moment of vulnerability--when she catches him in the midst of Choir Practice, this side of him he doesn't let anyone else see. He admits to her that, "The world is harsh and cruel, and I don't seem to be able to just walk on by. You see a wrong? You fix it."
And then when Yasha says she'll stay with him, help him, that's when Molly lets a bit more of his true feelings bleed through. "Suppose I could use the company. I am recently out of a relationship the hard way..." He lets it play off like a joke, but it's incredibly sad and personal. I've lost someone too, he says. I'm lonely too. He doesn't quite know what Yasha's been through, but he can feel the kind of grief and pain she carries. Knows enough to know she's also been dealt a harsh loss, that they both know what it means to feel Empty and lonely.
Thinking about. Molly being a tease and a flirt, but never seeming to commit. Jester listening in on his antics in the Pillow Trove, and Taliesin saying, "It's mostly ridiculous conversation through this whole thing."
Thinking about Caleb and Fjord watching Molly flirt in Hupperdook, both of them assuming he'll run off to have some fun for the night.
Travis: "I turn to Caleb and go, 'I think I may be regretting my roommate choice for the night. It's just a hunch. I think he's in his element.'"
Liam: "Well, the odds are that you're not even going to see him in your room tonight, so I wouldn't worry about it so much."
Travis: "You think? He'll just like, tear off into the night and not come back until the sun comes up?"
Liam: "He's like a coyote. You know what that is?...Yeah, they like to fuck a lot, is my point--"
And they're being ridiculous and half joking, and Molly happily encourages it, but--it still feels like how Mollymauk lets the twins make assumptions. Like the most he does is a bit of playful teasing and some charming words. At the end of the night, he's still back in his room with Fjord--carrying Fjord to their room, because the poor guy's passed out drunk.
Thinking about how Lucien's personality was another facet of Molly's, how they can both be so silver-tongued and disarmingly charming. How Lucien cared for his late lover so much, and how he never found another partner. (He still flirts with Caleb though. Molly's still a part of him, so of course he does. But that is something Lucien also tries to keep his distance from, to keep fun and teasing. Trying so hard not to think about how the forehead kiss Molly gave his wizard feels far too much like his own goodbye to his fallen partner--)
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And Mollymauk absolutely having those feelings for his magician. Those feelings ever enduring, even after Lucien, even after another death and rebirth. "Oh, you're cute, Magic Man--" And even then, Molly never actually gets to take that chance. To tell Caleb how he feels. It means something, I think, that he becomes bolder and more forward with his wizard when he wakes as Kingsley. No longer carrying his past lives' loss and grief and painful memories.
I think that's where Molly was always headed, honestly. There's so many parallels to how both Molly and Yasha lost their partner before the campaign, how they each try to cope with that in their own way. And, like how Yasha eventually opened up to Beau, eventually healed to the point where she was willing to start another relationship--I think Molly was gradually warming to that point with Caleb.
Realizing there was someone else he wanted to let into his heart, that he could find happiness again and it would be what Lestera would have wanted. It also seems like Molly was holding himself back from that a bit because he felt Caleb wasn't ready; still so withdrawn and closed off, not yet ready for the pain and vulnerability of another relationship. But, he wants to wait. For Caleb, he's willing to wait. For lifetime after lifetime. And that to me is the proof that Lestera and Caleb were Molly's only true loves, I think. Aside from dear Yasha, of course--his kindred spirit, platonic soulmate--
But romantically, I don't think he ever gave his whole heart to anyone the way he did for them. It speaks volumes to me, that when King wakes with little to no memories, it's still Lestera and Caleb his heart longs for. When he dreams of the circus, he immediately starts asking about her, over and over, "There was a--oh. There was a circus. And a...a beautiful woman, in a red coat. She was telling me secrets, showing me how to keep secrets. Show secrets--I...Where's the woman? No, not her...where's the woman--"
Thinking about how Kingsley still woke with feelings for Caleb too. Immediately told him he was cute, started biting his lip. Can't help flirting even in their last scene together, "Magic Man. Looking good." How Caleb was someone Molly ached for even when Lucien had his soul caged and tormented, "Caleb. Softness and light."
Like, I could be wrong, but. I don't know. I just don't think Molly had quite as much relationship experience that everyone imagined. And instead of having a string of lovers, it feels more like he just liked to give the illusion of it. A romantic who loved with his whole heart, and only really gave it to a close few--
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rockalillygirl · 3 months
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Mamma mia here we go again…
So I have more thoughts because apparently there’s no bottom to the murderbot mindhole I’ve fallen down.
(Spoiler warning- minor stuff from several of the books, pls check tags etc.)
I’ve been reading a lot of things recently exploring Murderbot as an unreliable narrator, which I think is a cool result of System Collapse (because we all know our beloved MB is going through it in this one). There’s also been some interesting related discussion of MB’s distrust of and sometimes biased assessment/treatment of other constructs and bots.
And I’ve been reading a lot about CombatUnits! And I want to talk about them!!
Main thoughts can be summarized as follows:
We don’t see a lot about CombatUnits in the books, and I think what we do see from MB’s pov encourages the reader to view them as less sympathetic than other constructs.
I’m very skeptical of this portrayal for reasons.
The existence of CombatUnits makes me fucking sad and I have a lot of feelings about them!
I got introduced to the idea of MB as an unreliable narrator in a post by onironic It analyzes how in SC, MB seems to distrust Three to a somewhat unreasonable degree, and how it sometimes infantilizes Three or treats it the way human clients have treated it in the past. The post is Amazing and goes into way more detail, so pls go read it (link below):
https://www.tumblr.com/onironic/736245031246135296?source=share
So these ideas were floating around in my brain when I read an article Martha Wells recently published in f(r)iction magazine titled “Bodily Autonomy in the Murderbot Diaries”. I’ll link the article here:
(Rn the only way to access the article is to subscribe to the magazine or buy an e-copy of the specific issue which is $12)
In the article, Wells states that MB displaced its fear of being forced to have sex with humans onto the ComfortUnit in Artificial Condition. I think it’s reasonable to assume that MB also does this with other constructs. With Three, I think it’s more that MB is afraid if what it knows Three is capable of, or (as onironic suggests in their post and I agree with) some jealousy that Three seems more like what humans want/expect a rogue SecUnit to be.
But I want to explore how this can be applied to CombatUnits, specifically.
We don’t learn a lot about them in the books. One appears for a single scene in Exit Strategy, and that’s it. What little else we know comes from MB’s thoughts on them sprinkled throughout the series. To my knowledge, no other character even mentions them (which raises interesting questions about how widely-known their existence is outside of high-level corporate military circles).
When MB does talk about CombatUnits in the early books, it’s as a kind of boogeyman figure (the real “murderbots” that even Murderbot is afraid of). And then when one does show up in ES, it’s fucking terrifying! There’s a collective “oh shit” moment as both MB and the reader realize what it’s up against. Very quickly what we expect to be a normal battle turns into MB running for its life, desperately throwing up hacks as the CombatUnit slices through them just as fast. We and MB know that it wouldn’t have survived the encounter if its humans hadn’t helped it escape. So the CombatUnit really feels like a cut above the other enemies in the series.
And what struck me reading that scene was how the CombatUnit acts like the caricature of an “evil robot” that MB has taught us to question. It seems single-mindedly focused on violence and achieving its objective, and it speaks in what I’d call a “Terminator-esque” manner: telling MB to “Surrender” (like that’s ever worked) and responds to MB’s offer to hack its governor module with “I want to kill you” (ES, pp 99-100).
(Big tangent: Am I the only one who sees parallels between this and how Tlacey forces the ComfortUnit to speak to MB in AC? She makes it suggest they “kill all the humans” because that’s how she thinks constructs talk to each other (AC, pp 132-4). And MB picks up on it immediately. So why is that kind of talk inherently less suspicious coming from a CombatUnit than a ComfortUnit? My headcanon is that I’m not convinced the CombatUnit was speaking for itself. What if a human controller was making it say things they thought would be intimidating? Idk maybe I’ve been reading too many fics where CombatUnits are usually deployed with a human handler. There could be plenty of reasons why the CombatUnit would’ve talked like that. I’m just suspicious.)
(Also, disclaimer: I want to clarify before I go on that I firmly believe that even though MB seems to be afraid of CombatUnits and thinks they’re assholes, it would still advocate for them to have autonomy. I’m not trying to say that either MB or Wells sees CombatUnits as less worthy of personhood or freedom- because I feel the concept that “everything deserves autonomy” is very much at the heart of the series.)
So it’s clear from all of this that MB is scared of CombatUnits and distrusts them for a lot of reasons. I read another breathtaking post by @grammarpedant that gives a ton of examples of this throughout the books and has some great theories on why MB might feel this way. I’ll summarize the ones here that inspired me the most, but pls go read the original post for the full context:
https://www.tumblr.com/grammarpedant/703920247856562177?source=share
OP explains that SecUnits and CombatUnits are pretty much diametrically opposed because of their conflicting functions: Security safeguards humans, while Combat kills them. Of course these functions aren’t rigid- MB has implied that it’s been forced to be violent towards humans before, and I’m sure that extracting/guarding important assets could be a part of a CombatUnit's function. But it makes sense that MB would try to distance itself from being considered a CombatUnit, using its ideas about them to validate the parts of its own function that it likes (protecting people). OP gives what I think is the clearest example of this, which is the moment in Fugitive Telemetry when MB contrasts its plan to sneak aboard a hostile ship and rescue some refugees with what it calls a “CombatUnit” plan, which would presumably involve a lot more murder (FT, p 92).
This reminds me again of what Wells said in the f(r)iction article, that on some level MB is frightened by the idea that it could have been made a ComfortUnit (friction, p 44). I think the idea that it could’ve been a CombatUnit scares it too, and that’s why it keeps distinguishing itself and its function from them. But I think it’s important to point out, that in the above example from FT, even MB admits that the murder-y plan it contrasts with its own would be one made by humans for CombatUnits. So again we see that we just can’t know much about the authentic nature of CombatUnits, or any constructs with intact governor modules, because they don’t have freedom of expression. MB does suggest that CombatUnits may have some more autonomy when it comes to things like hacking and combat which are a part of their normal function. But how free can those choices be when the threat of the governor module still hangs over them?
I think it could be easy to fall into the trap of seeing CombatUnits as somehow more complicit in the systems of violence in the mbd universe. But I think that’s because we often make a false association between violence and empowerment, when even in our world that’s not always the case. But, critically, this can’t be the case for CombatUnits because they’re enslaved in the same way SecUnits and ComfortUnits are (though the intricacies are different).
There was another moment in the f(r)iction article that I found really chilling. Wells states that there’s a correlation between SecUnits that are forced to kill humans and ones that go rogue (friction, p 45). It’s a disturbing thought on its own, but I couldn’t help wondering then how many CombatUnits try to hack their governor modules? And what horrible lengths would humans go to to stop them? I refuse to believe that a CombatUnit’s core programming would make it less effected by the harm its forced to perpetrate. That might be because I’m very anti-deterministic on all fronts, but I just don’t buy it.
I’m not entirely sure why I feel so strongly about this. Of course, I find the situation of all constructs in mbd deeply upsetting. But the more I think about CombatUnits, the more heartbreaking their existence seems to me. There’s a very poignant moment in AC when MB compares ART’s function to its own to explain why there are things it doesn’t like about being a SecUnit (AC, p 33). In that scene, MB is able to identify some parts of its function that it does like, but I have a hard time believing a CombatUnit would be able to do the same. I’m not trying to say that SecUnits have it better (they don’t) (the situation of each type of construct is horrible in it’s own unique way). It’s just that I find the idea of construct made only for violence and killing really fucking depressing. I can’t even begin to imagine the horror of their day-to-day existence.
@grammarpedant made another point in their post that I think raises a TON of important questions not only about CombatUnits, but about how to approach the idea of “function” when it comes to machine intelligence in general. They explain that, in a perfect version of the mbd universe, there wouldn’t be an obvious place for CombatUnits the way there could be for SecUnits and ComfortUnits who wanted to retain their original functions. A better world would inherently be a less violent one, so where does that leave CombatUnits? Would they abandon their function entirely, or would they find a way to change it into something new?
I’ve been having a lot of fun imagining what a free CombatUnit would be like. But in some ways it’s been more difficult than I expected. I’ve heard Wells say in multiple interviews that one of her goals in writing Murderbot was to challenge people to empathize with someone they normally wouldn’t, and I find CombatUnits challenging in exactly that way. Sometimes I wonder if I would’ve felt differently about these books if MB had been a CombatUnit instead of a SecUnit. Would I have felt such an immediate connection to MB if its primary function before hacking its governor module had been killing humans, or if it didn’t have relatable hobbies like watching media? Or if it didn’t have a human face for the explicit purpose of making people like me more comfortable? I’m not sure that I would have.
Reading SC has got me interested in exploring the types of people that humans (or even MB itself) would struggle to accept. So CombatUnits are one of these and possible alien-intelligences are another. All this is merely a small sampling of the thoughts that have been swirling around in my brain-soup! So if anyone is interested in watching me fumble my way through these concepts in more detail, I may be posting “something” in the very near future!
Would really appreciate anyone else’s thoughts about all of THIS^^^^ It’s been my obsession over the holidays and helping me cope with family stress and flying anxiety.
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So I just finished Good Omens recently and I have a couple things to say and my family and friends are so done with my rants about different movies and TV shows.
1: Holy shit that was a good show! I honestly didn't expect much from the show but holy shit it blew me away with how good it was. It was comedic and I found myself laughing so much and it was so beautifully written the characters are just top tier amazing and wow what I'd give to just continuously rewatch it as if it's my first time watching it.
2: I watched supernatural and I thought wow never gonna find another show like this. One that brings me joy and sadness then I found this fucking wonderful amazing show! AND it made me even more sad like what the fuck how do I keep coming across shows that cause me so much fucking pain. Also can we talk about the parallels between the two shows. Oh look two characters working together to stop the end of the world one a demon and one's an angel, counting Dean a demon solely for this post plus demon Dean did exist, both are oh so obviously in love with each other but neither will admit it, most of the angels are dicks and we all hate metatron, there's a demon named Crowley and many more. I mean look at the similarities between Dean and Crowley. Both are in love with their angel best friend, both are absolutely in love with their car, love classic rock, both are some sassy bitches, both don't want to show their emotions but are big softies, and are both the better looking person in the couple (in my opinion). Then look at the similarities between Aziraphale and Crowley. Both are angels in trench coats who are in love with their best friend, they are manipulated, complicated, traumatized, beautiful angels, both have trouble understanding (some) human expressions, and both struggle with their loyalty to heaven. Also, is it just me or does the first like 10 seconds of End Titles- the one that got left in the car from Good Omens kinda sound like it could be a beginning to a Supernatural opening credits or is it just me?
3: My God David Tennant is FINE like I've seen his face sometimes haven't really seen him in much and was like ok yeah he's attractive and moved on. But then I saw him in this and I'm like wow now I get what everyone's talking about. Like just ahhh this man is fucking attractive! I'm honestly ashamed of myself for taking so long to realize.
4: So TikTok in all its wonderfulness blessed/cursed me with a bunch of Good Omens content the day after I finished watching good Omens. Including a looooooooot of people cosplaying as Crowley. And may I just say the people who cosplay him are fine as fuck! I mean it's really hard to dress up as Crowley and not look attractive I mean Crowley is a style icon. But holy shit the people are so fucking good looking like I just can't. My sexuality does a nose dive off the empire state building when looking at them. I was talking to a friend about it and she said it's a case of wanting to be with them or be them and I disagree. I want to be with them all. Just holy shit you want to look good dress like Crowley you'll look fantastic.
5: The effect this show has had on my life is insane. I have been obsessed with listening to Queen since I finished the show. Which I'm not complaining about at all they were my favorite and still are my favorite band before I even watched the show. I have barely listened to something that wasn't Queen or songs from the show since I binge watched the show. I'm listening to another one bites the dust while typing this. Once again not complaining. Also, did anyone else want to dye their hair like Crowley's when they finished the show? Cause I do. I have been blonde my whole life and never wanted to change it and now I want it red. And I need to know if I'm alone in this or not to determine how alarmed I should be.
6: They had no right making the relationship of Crowley and Aziraphale they way they did. First they made them friends who obviously were in love with each other but hid it then they give us them acting basically as a married couple being so fucking adorable and me just wanting the type of love they have for them to give us that ending of season two! I'm not gonna lie if my dad wasn't up and calmed me down I either would've spontaneously combusted from my literally shaking anger or went on a spree. Not sure what type of spree but a spree of some kind.
7: How all of you wonderful people didn't riot or harm Neil Gaiman is beyond me. First when season 1 ended y'all had to wait 2 years to even get a green light that there was gonna be a season 2 and then another 2 for it to finally come out. And then for the season final of season 2 to happen where then you had to wait even longer for season 3 to be greenlight is just you all have a greater will power than me. I'm coming into this with two seasons and a third confirmed so a round of applause to y'all. And now I completely understand why I kept hearing people say they hated Neil Gaiman and stuff like that.
And finally on a somewhat unrelated note I'm planning to watch Doctor who since I'm about to finish another show where can I find it and what order do I watch it in? I've heard many different answers on the order.
Thanks everyone for coming to my rant y'all are wonderful and everyone have a wonderful day!<3
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duquesah · 4 months
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I've started re-watching the Venom movies recently
It got me thinking about Kayn and Rhaast's relationship in canon, and how for some odd reason Kayn is the only darkin host that wasn't corrupted immediately upon holding the weapon for the first time, and is still fighting against the corruption. Is it true that Kayn is just THAT powerful and Rhaast is the current weakest darkin? Or perhaps there's more to them than we realize?
What I think might be the case is a combination of factors mentioned previously and something else, which I'll talk about in this post so pls stay with me 🙏
Okok so, in Venom (2018) we see how Venom and Eddie meet, how at first they're really just parasite and host, but then after seeing how much they're alike Venom gives everything up. Venom was a nobody amongst the others, just like Eddie, who has lost everything previously. They achieved symbiosis because they are the same, pretty much, and they are so goddamn special that not even Riot (ha) could take them down (with some help of course, love my girl Anne).
THAT got me thinking about Hwei's voice line, the one in which he says "If you just allowed yourselves to BLEND". It's a very interesting line, we can think about some possibilities but first we discuss exactly why Kayn hasn't been corrupted yet (I know I'm rambling a bit, sorry lol)
So, it could be that he really is that powerful, he has been training since childhood (he had a pretty rough one, too). At some point Zed took him in and Kayn became a powerful weapon/tool (parallels!! Kayn being used as a weapon and Rhaast being one, literally) and with his tragic backstory and some other voice lines (this time from Swain, I believe) we know that Kayn, after all he's been through, mistakes hatred for affection, since all he knows is negative, bad things.
So Kayn is traumatized, who isn't? Well, I know for sure the darkin have a very sad past too so let's talk about them (and Rhaast, of course) next
The darkin, once ascended, fought against The Void and each other for some time. The things they've seen and been through cost them their minds, with the years they became less of who they once were, some corrupted beyond redemption and the only way to stop this war was with imprisonment, so that's what happened. Many died, with the remaining ones being sealed away in weapons. Inside their prison they cannot breathe (that's why they sound very out of breath, I was happier before knowing about that) or scream, or do anything really, it's another void, much like the first they fought.
So imagine, after years of being trapped inside a tiny space, some guy finds you and, unlike the others, there's a barrier blocking your way inside their mind. This one is different, that's for sure, but Rhaast is a darkin, he will break this host one day...
But this day seems further and further away, the barrier still strong. Could it be that Rhaast is weaker than the others, or perhaps their tactic of corrupting minds away just doesn't work on Kayn? Well, like I previously talked about, both Kayn and Rhaast have a tragic backstory. my guess is that Rhaast and the other darkin use negative emotions/memories in order to break the host's mind, the pain unbearable to them. But Kayn? Negative emotions/memories is ALL he has, all he ever had, so this method couldn't possibly be the most effective to use, right?
Kayn is stronger than most, sure, but he wasn't immediately corrupted because he is barely affected by Rhaaat's tactics, which consist of breaking the mind with bad memories and emotions, which unfortunately for him is all Kayn knows. It DOES affect him a bit, for all we know, but we can't exactly expect him to be 100% immune, he's still human 🤷‍♀️
We don't know how things are going for them currently, if anyone's winning yet. I actually don't think that's ever happening, because 1. They would break the fucking champion; 2. Is it truly a win if they're just gonna miss each other's company after? (Rhaast presumably doesn't care but that can change, I mean just look at Varus). They would be more powerful, sure, but they only have each other, and with time I think they can be stronger together, they can find a way to get what they both want AND stay together.
ANYWAY what do y'all think? I know I started talking about Venom and Eddie and ended up somewhere else entirely but I just needed to ramble about them, get some ideas in order. Also correct me if I said anything wrong lore-wise, been awhile since I've read about them
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a-very-zilly-gooze · 4 months
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hello! it’s lesbian storytime with me, zilly gooze!
so i physically can’t listen to we fell in love in october by girl in red because it reminds me of my last relationship which was… not optimal, to say the least. she was my best friend, which is already just not great. she wanted a girlfriend, not me as her girlfriend, and so i felt undervalued and like she didn’t actually like me romantically (turns out i was right lol).
but anyways, i realized i had a crush on her in october of one year, we officially began dating in october of the next year. we fell in love in october became the song i thought was ours, ya kno?
ever since she dumped me during one of the worst points of my life (which yeah, thanks for bein a good friend there bucko), i have hated that song with a passion and will not, under any circumstances, listen to it.
well, sapphics are to girl in red as moths are to a flame, and so i recently started listening to her again because she’s good ya kno?
i was not prepared for the absolute gut punch that October Passed Me By was.
see, in wfilio, the speaker keeps repeating “you will be my girl… you will be my world.” she is super super into this girl and wants to be her girlfriend so bad. it’s romantic, its slow, it’s sweet, it’s filled with longing, it’s everything you want a girl to say to you.
but OPMB is the sequel to wfilio. it tells the story of the fallout of the relationship that wfilio set up. it’s faster , it’s melancholic, it’s utterly mournful. she’s trying to move on, but, as she says in the last verse, her ex is “always in the back of [her] mind.”
most devastatingly, though, is that she repeats lyrics from wfilio- she mentions being busy looking at the stars, alluding to the line “looking at the stars / admiring them from afar,” with ‘stars’ meaning this girl she wanted to date. she repeats “i made you my whole world,” referencing the line “you will be my world” in wfilio. finally, she says, “screaming at the top of my lungs, i love you, my girl” and ends the song with “you will be my girl,” with both lines being references to wfilio’s line “you will be my girl.”
this mirroring, this pining that resulted in sadness and breakup, is literally a replica of my relationship. i fell in love in october, and i thought that my girl was fantastic and lovely. but then she started distancing herself from me, and as OPMB says, “i got bitter when you got cold / and could you really blame me though?”
“it wasn’t all good, yeah, it wasn’t all pretty.” omfg. i cannot count the number of times i told myself that my relationship was fine, it was good, it was all going great. and it wasn’t. i was lying. my ex was lying. i was just hoping that i could will a good relationship into existence (turns out you can’t, which kinda sucks imo :p).
the parallels are absolutely insane from these songs to my life. and when i heard October Passed Me By yesterday for the first time, it literally shattered me. i love it so much.
lastly, i will leave you with the cover art for each single.
we fell in love in october (2018)
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October Passed Me By (2022)
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oh. my. fucking. god.
THIS IS ART
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avatarmerida · 3 months
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How could Trolls 3 have been better?
Thank you for genuinely asking anon 💖💖
(spoilers for Trolls 3/Band Together below obvi)
SO
First of all: I ended up loving Viva and her story/explanation of how she got separated and how she retained her similarities to Poppy while having a very Branch like quality at the same time. I wish somehow that her reveal could have been a surprise but I get we have to let everyone know Camila Cabello is in the movie. So Poppy’s desire for a sister/sibling totally fits her character but her saying it the way she did just felt soooo lazy. I think it would’ve made so much more sense to reveal that Bridget had sister who were coming in for the wedding and that gets Poppy a little jealous. Especially if they had like stepsister vibes since in Trolls 1 Bridget had big Cinderella parallels so it would’ve been cool to see that continue. And they’ll have inside jokes and things sisters have and yeah Poppy is maid of honor but she’s still a little jealous and it sparks this conversation of having a family. Because when she said not having a sister is something she had been coming to terms with recently I’m like show not tell bruh.
Also the lack of World Tour peeps was sad
The movie should have opened with the wedding and have us learn more about the band through flashbacks because it felt very long and repetitive but maybe it’s because the trailers all had the same opening clip. I think it would’ve made John showing up at the wedding a bigger surprise and also he should have waited until the reception because wtf was up with everyone watching him just crash the wedding for 5 minutes????
The songs. Sooooo many missed opportunities. I knew this film was gonna have “We are family” but it was way too early on and felt totally out of place without having any “sisters” at the moment. Also “Crazy in Love” is the most Bridget/Gristle song out there and describes a wedding way more.
Not having “ME!” by Taylor Swift felt criminal because it is the most Broppy song. We could’ve had this and the boy band tributes but we kept getting robbed.
I feel like we needed more build up for Branch’s relationship with his brothers like it would’ve been cool to see it from Poppy’s perspective like seeing Poppy at a concert almost too little to understand what’s happening (because I think it’s established that she’s a tad bit younger than Branch but I’m still confused about if Branch escaped with the other Trolls from the tree or if he went straight to the village from wherever his family was). Because also Viva remembers Poppy so she’s obviously fairly older so it would’ve been sweet to see like Poppy piecing together a memory realizing that so much that she loves is stuff Viva introduced her too especially since on of Branch’s brothers is working with her to help her little village.
But also the stakes weren’t high enough to explain why none of them checked in on their baby brother after all those years? Like he was a literal baby? I feel like the reason they broke up was mid, I think it would’ve been nice to show like there was a time that they had a reunion planned and no one showed up which increased Branch’s bitterness and then they could explain it was a misunderstanding because like I’m sorry he was a literal baby and they all just left him and never tried to go back??? They should have had them break up because they all vowed to never sing again because it attracted bergans like even when they didn’t sing the sight of them made all the trolls feral that they broke up and gave up signing for the safety of others.
Velvet and Veneer: no notes. Icons. I wanted more. But what was the purpose of Fringe if she got no closure or resolution or redemption? She was so cute, tell me more about her plsssss
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk
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uriekukistan · 18 days
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mutsurie…… and my boy aura……..
for mutsurie :3
when i started shipping it: literally on my first watch during the auction…it makes so much sense idk
my thoughts: when the two emotionally damaged characters who dont trust anyone enough to get close to them trust each other enough to get close 😖 also the fact that urie recognized that mutsuki was afab during the auction and he literally never said anything about it he was just kinda “oh okay” and never treated mutsuki any differently…it’s interesting because mutsuki really idolized sasaki for that same thing but never realized urie did the same thing for him…idk much to think about with that one
what makes me happy about them: see past comment, also they both care for each other unconditionally and i think they both need that because they both kinda care for themselves conditionally if that makes sense.
what makes me sad about them: okay maybe im too angsty rn but i dont think they have a happy ending together, or at least not for a while. like i said, they care for each other unconditionally but care for themselves conditionally, and i think before they can truly be happy together they need time apart to care for themselves…
things done in fanfic that annoys me: when they make mutsuki super emotionally and physically weak so he relies on big strong man in control of his emotions urie to put him back together…like it sometimes feels like its putting mutsuki in this traditionally feminine damsel in distress position and thats kinda ehhhh…also bold of you to assume urie is in control of his emotions or that mutsuki isnt strong or capable.
things i look for in a fanfic: im starving for content so the bar is pretty low….good spelling and grammar is nice :D
who i’d be comfortable with them ending up with, if not each other: i think they’d be better alone if not together…i’ve seem mutsaura floating around recently and while im intrigued i do think it has toxic potential which is interesting to read and think about, but i just want them to be happy 😞 healthy relationships only for my pookies
my happily ever after: they take some time apart like at the end of re where mutsuki is not even in tokyo and they learn their own value as individuals (ideally separate from their jobs) and then they reconnect after that…not that i’m saying you “have to love yourself to love someone else” and i dont think in their time apart they wouldnt still love each other, i just want them to have a happy healthy relationship 😞
who is the big spoon/little spoon: at the beginning urie is definitely big spoon and mutsuki is little spoon, but when they get more comfortable, they switch around sometimes. i think urie really likes being the little spoon…not that he would admit it
what is their favorite non-sexual activity: parallel play, like just comfortable silence and mutsuki’s reading while urie’s painting or something
tbh i dont think that much abt aura so i’ll try my best 😭🙏
how i feel about this character: i like how much i…don’t like him if that makes sense? his decisions irritate me but also they are indicative of how complex he is. interesting guy.
all the people i ship romantically with this character: as aforementioned i have seen mutsaura floating around and i have definitely found it intriguing…may i also propose him with higemaru? they kinda give that opposites black cat golden retriever couple vibe idk maybe im crazy
my non-romantic otp for this character: from the scene where he and mutsuki are trying to intercept touka and miza from extracting kaneki from the dragon, i really liked his interactions with higemaru and hsiao so i like the idea of them as like a besties group idk
my unpopular opinion about this character: im not sure i have one? idk
one thing i wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: for him to get closure from his aunt that she was okay with working with the ghouls for peace. i know he was told about it by…hsiao i think maybe it was higemaru, but it would have been nice to see him hear it from his aunt. i think he kinda needed it.
my otp: i dont think i really have one 😞
my crossover ship: again i dont really have one, but i can definitely draw parallels between him and geto from jjk…in that they both were so bothered by some tragedy that they both started to walk a very dark path. the difference being that aura’s friends were there to turn him around and (idk if you have or are planning to watch/read jjk but spoiler warning for s2 ep1-6 and jjk0) geto’s friends trusted him so much that when he said he was okay, they believed him and yeah…cutting myself off before i get too far
^could also be the long dark hair and emo vibes that makes me associate aura with geto
a headcanon fact: aura the type of guy to give scary vibes but talk to stray cats in a baby voice on the street…you see a scary man in the alley and you’re about to run away but then you hear “who’s a good kitty? you are! yes you are aweee what a cute baby” that’s him
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animit-y · 2 months
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Hi, I really love reading your blog, thanks for sharing your posts. Also, love your otps. I get what mean, I also have ships almost from any media that I love.
Do you mind if I asked why you love those couples (your otps)? You can pick at least 3 or 4 couples, if you want to write the reasons.....
Aw thanks!! Just recently decided to try Tumblr again :)
I’ve talked about Steven/Marc and I think BingYuan already, so here’s a couple of the Absolute Favorites!
//Potential Spoiler Warning for — Luca, Heartstopper, JJK, Sk8//
1. Luca & Alberto — Great time to mention that, as of 2024, THESE TWO ARE CANNON!!!!! this is a story about two young boys who go on this journey of self discovery with each other. “It’s just a kids movie about fish”… babes if you don’t get it, just say that. Luca is such a masterpiece of a movie and an honestly even better representation and allegory for Queer Youth and Queer Joy than anything I could possibly ask for.
2. Nick & Charlie from Heartstopper — On the topic of self discovery and Queer Youth. It’s not even the fact that they’re in love that makes them Soulmates. It’s Everything else. It’s how easy they talk to each other, it’s how comfortable they are with each other, it’s the pure support they give each other, and all the work that they put into each other. Heartstopper shows the beauty of Queer Youth and the love and joy of the LBGTQ+, as well as the struggle and hardships and that’s what makes this such a good show. THATS what makes Nick and Charlie soulmates, the good AND the bad.
3. Satoru Gojo & Suguru Geto from JJK — AAH I LOVE JJK AND THE ANIMATION AND THESE TWO IDIOTS ARE ALL I CANNTHINK ABOUT. Gojo “my heart and soul” Satoru. Calling each other their, “one and only”s??? The parallels with them and the colors and the animation??? There’s a whole mini Arc designated JUST FOR THESE TWO AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP?? HUH?? Right Person, Not enough Time. They’re so tragic I can’t fucking do this anymore. Even the fact that Itadori and Megumi Parallel these two… God. I’m never getting over SatoSugu.
4. Reki & Langa from Sk8 the Infinity — Don’t even get me started on these two. I went into Sk8 like, “oh a cute anime about skateboarding!” And left it feeling emotionally traumatized and WAY too related to Reki. Like.. I wasn’t expecting the pure Sadness that is these two sad gay boys on their journey of self discovery and realization of what’s important to themselves (each other). This anime and this pair, wether you view it romantic or not, have such a power over me that I don’t think I’ll ever forget. It was so real and the message of the whole anime just felt so powerful, I don’t think I’m gonna recover.
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daylighteclipsed · 2 years
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Your post is so right, truly. I recently replayed kh3 and the paopu scene was just so awkward. I don't know, Sora just looked so dejected the whole time. Why would he look like that if it was supposed to be romantic? Why does he only agree after her reassurance that it isn't meant like that. For me he looked the same way with pooh bear, just idk sadness in his eyes if that makes sense. The funniest thing is that she didn't even took a bite out of it? Like he did, but hers was still whole after they shared the fruits. Like they probably forgot, but still.
My thing is if So/kai is going to be or supposed to be canon, there’s no reason to have Sora hesitate here, obviously uncomfortable with Kairi’s romantic advance. Whether he has feelings for her, doesn’t anymore, or never exactly did — if we are supposed to take the last chunk of KH3 + ReMind as confirmation that Sora/Kairi are a couple (as many people do), there is No Reason to write Sora hesitating in the Paopu Scene before that. If Sora/Kairi are just going to get together a couple scenes later, there is no reason for Sora not to confess his feelings then or at least show any happiness or excitement over Kairi wanting to share paopu with him…
I feel like the Paopu Scene’s a moment of truth. For many, this should be (and in most any other story probably would be) the moment Sora (and us, the audience) realize he is indisputably in love with Kairi. But instead it feels like the opposite. While I do think Sora is still confused about his feelings, the sight of the paopu fruit in Kairi’s hand seems to make Sora realize he might actually not be in love with her… And sometimes that’s how it works, you know? Sometimes you get what you thought you wanted only to realize you don’t want it. You don’t feel it in your heart. Sora’s heart is just not in it, and it’s written all over his little frowny face. In the stiffness of his body. In his uncharacteristic, total silence.
And in the sadness in his eyes that reminds you of when he’s with Pooh Bear… Sora recognizes that he doesn’t quite feel the same as when he added the paopu to their cave drawing years ago. I think much the way he feels that his connection with Pooh is weaker even as he’s reassuring Pooh that they’ll always remain close… Sora loves Kairi, and he cherishes their friendship. But as odd and painful as it is to admit, a lot has changed… and he’s just not sure if he wants to be with Kairi the way that she wants to be with him. Again, much the way Sora doesn’t ever promise to stay with Pooh in the 100 Acre Woods forever like Pooh wants him to.
There are honestly a lot of parallels between Pooh and Kairi and their relationships with Sora — not just in KH3 but the other games as well… Maybe I’ll make a separate post about that later because I do find them very poignant and interesting. But for the sake of this post, let’s not get too off topic.
Now, one could counter-argue, if the Paopu Scene is a rejection, why doesn’t Sora verbally reject Kairi then? Why not make it an indisputable romantic rejection? To which I have several possibilities:
As I said before, Sora is still confused about his feelings. He’s not sure what being in love is supposed to feel like, and he sure hasn’t had much time to think about it or figure it out in the last two years. He doesn’t say yes or no because he doesn’t know. He doesn’t have an answer… But we can see that he’s not happy. He doesn’t want this, and that makes a legitimate Sora/Kairi romance unlikely. Actions speak louder than words, after all.
Blatantly removing Kairi as a love interest detracts from her being a red herring after Riku’s sacrifice. As much as I loathe that she’s in this position. The audience has to be unsure, has to be reasonably convinced, and… well it would be pretty absurd if Sora went from saying ‘Sorry, Kairi, I don’t want to be your boyfriend’ to, you know, holding her hand and looking like he might be in love with her after he thinks that she saved him. It would be too obvious that something’s up. ‘But, Gi, why would Kairi be a red herring in the Keyblade Graveyard/Tunnel of light?’ You tell me. Why IS Kairi mistaken as Sora’s savior/light in the darkness here? It’s clearly Riku. There are plenty of visual and audio cues suggesting it is Riku. We literally see Riku’s act of true love. Why WOULDN’T Sora say it’s Riku? Why WOULDN’T the game indisputably confirm Riku is Sora’s savior/light in the darkness here? Why would Nomura choose to mask this using Sora and Kairi’s relationship… I mean, if this act of true love is so platonic — if Sora and Riku’s feelings are so platonic and familial. After all, there’s nothing controversial about love between brothers.
Which leads to my next point. Kairi is Sora’s only hetero romantic option atp, so completely, blatantly taking that off the table when more games are still in the works would… probably not sit very well with some people.
There’s also the fact that when it comes to the non-Disney characters, this series has always been lowkey when it comes to romance. Addressing what these feelings are, in any romantic context, may not ever be in the cards. (But with Sora beginning to wonder about romance in KH3, it’s not outside the realm of possibility.)
The Paopu Scene is so maddening. I’ve never come across a scene like this that thousands of people can walk away from with completely opposite interpretations. It’s wild. But I hope this drama doesn’t go on for too much longer. I hope we get some answers soon, one way or another.
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puppyluver256 · 11 months
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[Image Description: Strong Sad, Strong Bad, and Strong Mad from the Homestar Runner internet series dressed as the Nailmasters from Hollow Knight. Strong Sad is dressed as Sheo, Strong Bad is dressed as Mato, and Strong Mad is dressed as Oro, the distinctions only indicated via Strong Sad wearing Sheo's paint-stained apron and each brother having an emblem resembling the menu icon for each Nailmaster's respective Nail Art on the clasp of their cloak. Strong Bad and Strong Mad are both holding a nail, with Strong Bad resting his confidently over his shoulder as his free hand is on his hip and Strong Mad holding his by his side, while Strong Sad is holding up a paint brush. The background consists of abstractly streaked grey and white with a brown "floor". End ID.]
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I've been meaning to do some more Homestar Runner art for a while anyways, and with my recent fixation I figured I could combine the two because both properties have a trio of prominent brothers. Of course there are distinct differences between the two families--namely the Brothers Strong looking so wildly different from one another and often being physically if not always emotionally close, whereas the Nailmasters would be completely identical if not for Sheo's added apron and are located at considerable distance from one another especially in Oro's case, but there's enough similarity on an individual level for me to have made it work.
Strong Sad is Sheo here, as he seems to be the most outwardly sensitive and creative of the three Strongs (though tbh they're all creative, Strong Sad just has the highest combo of both skill and sincerity). Strong Bad is Mato because they both seem to be the most enthusiastic about their narrative purpose--Mato is proud to be a Nailmaster and wants to pass that teaching onto a student, while Strong Bad is both a troublemaker and always tries to come off as "bad" in the "cool" sense, a badass if you will, in desire if not in full execution. And of course, Strong Mad is Oro, not because they were both the last ones to get matched, but because they're both outwardly tough while inwardly soft (Oro's reluctant acceptance of the Delicate Flower paralleling with Strong Mad's deep friendship with The Cheat and genuine love for his younger brothers). And something that I didn't realize while working on this that makes this even more fitting: the Godhome fight where Oro and Mato finally come together and, even if only in a dream, make amends and fight side by side as the brothers they are. In one of the earliest HSR toons that is now apparently taken off the site, Marshmallow's Last Stand, the whole plot was Strong Bad and Strong Mad challenging Homestar and Pom Pom to a tag-team fight. :3
💖🐶 Check out my pinned post for ways to support my artwork, among other things! 🐶💖
~Likes are appreciated, but reblogs are preferred as they let more people see my artwork! If you have something to say, feel free to give feedback in tags/comments/replies as well!~
The Brothers Strong and other Homestar Runner concepts © Mike and Matt Chapman The Nailmasters and other Hollow Knight concepts © Team Cherry Artwork © PuppyLuver Studios
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fierce-little-miana · 6 months
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I have recently watched Mulan: Rise of a Warrior (2009), the Chinese movie about the ballad of Hua Mulan. It was a good a movie, I had a nice time watching it (even if I have my issues with parts of it) but what fascinated was how the final tragedy unfolded.
For a moment I really believed Mulan was going to die, and maybe even lose militarily, or at the very least her love interest was the one who was going to die. None of them did. They won the war, defeated the evil warlord and survived. And yet their end felt deeply tragic. At first I wondered why.
Mulan goes home to live with her father. She has no life, her childhood friend is dead, she has been fighting for 12 years. No one and nothing waits for her besides an aging sick father that probably won't live long and a life of domesticity for which she doesn't seem really eager (when she was a child her father said in her presence that he had failed raising her because she went beyond this domesticity to protect her friend). Her love interest becomes the heir of the emperor and marries for the good of the people. They both decide to part way after having spend years together, to live the role they were supposed to have at birth (that the war took away from them but which did not make them happy to begin with).
It is a sad ending, but not the saddest possible. So why did it nag me so?
And then I realized that the ending of Mulan: Rise of a Warrior asked the exact parallel question of Electra's ending by Jean Giraudoux.
In Giraudoux's Electra, the play ends after Oreste has killed his mother and uncle and this murder, in addition to avenging his father's murder, leads to the fall and sack of the city of Argos by Corinth. This is how a character resumes the situation:
"How do we call it? When the sun rises, like it does today, and everything is ruined, everything is wrecked, and yet the air has become breathable, and we have lost everything, the city burns, innocents kill each other, but the guilty people are dying in a corner of this very rising sun?"
(Translation mine)
In a way seeing our two main leads in Mulan so wretchedly unhappy at the end of this movie, after having done everything for their country and making sure everyone can live in peace and harmony, asks the exact opposite question:
"How do we call it? When the sun rises, like it does today, and everything is in order, everything is fixed, and yet air has become unbreathable, and we have gained everything, the city stands, innocent are safe, but the heroes are dying in a corner of this very rising sun?"
The answer to this question is given by the choir/god-like figure of the play in Electra. He says:
"It has a very beautiful name, […], it is called dawn."
(Translation mine)
You can read this line a myriad of ways of course. Personally I have always read it two ways. First it represents the mundanity of it all. How is it called when the sun rises? It is dawn. The fact that the guilties are agonizing, that innocents are punished too is mundane, not a thing really worth commenting on. The other meaning is tied to what dawn is. Dawn is the beginning of a new day, the symbolization of a new beginning. This great waste, this great moment of truth is a new beginning.
I have always made the synthesis of the two significations in my head: that all new beginnings, all great moment of truth, are born of colossal waste, always. That it is this connexion between the two that is as mundane as the sun rise being called dawn.
The ending of Mulan: Rise of a Warrior fits this perfectly. This new beginning for the collective is born of a colossal personal waste (while in Electra the colossal waste is public and the new beginning is personal).
From that I gather that you cannot get some worthwhile change without someone getting massively hurt in the process (someone who did not really deserve to be hurt like this). In this way the two stories answer each other.
That is why this ending keeps nagging. It looks at me asking "was it worth it?" and the answer is both yes and no.
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beevean · 1 year
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I've been kinda following the reaction to recent IDW, Frontiers and now Prime's story stuff and after reading enough threads and comments I started wondering: is the mainstream fandom really this easily emotionally manipulated?
I mean it like, you have IDW, you got Surge being painted as this badass and a portion of fandom claiming her as the new girlboss, but suddenly one panel of her looking sad and scared and people go "o no poor babby she has the feelies 🥺". Or the Prime clip with Sonic and Tails that's making rounds right now. Apparently the pretty standard parallel/alternate universe plot of "a character meets a slightly different version of a character they are familiar with so interaction is going to be a little awkward" is enough to make some go into crying all over the keyboard mode because muh feels and muh angst.
Concepts like these sound emotional on paper and they can be executed well, of course, but like, is the bare minimum drama really enough to illicit this strong of a reaction from people these days? Or do fans just... imagine this high intensity of feelings because there are none in the actual source material and then run purely on that?
I don't know. I really don't. I've been feeling so alienated, and I don't want to think that everyone else is stupid and I'm the smart one to not fall for these obvious emotional manipulations.
It's like I'm seeing something different. I don't see Surge having a panic attack: I see her behaving in a wildly OOC way, because this behavior comes out of nowhere - since when does Surge, whose personality has been since page 1 "fuck yeah I wanna fight!", care about "being hurt"?. I don't see Sonic being horrified at the discovery about the true origins of Surge and Kit: I see an asshole who immediately brushed it aside and went to fight a traumatized girl with a grin on his face.
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Do you seriously interpret this as HORROR? He doesn't care! He doesn't! What are you guys seeing?!
I've already talked about Frontiers in length. I see the game as empty. There is nothing there. I can't feel bad for Sonic if he gets better 1 minute later. I can't feel bad for Sage's death if she spent most of her time on screen being stubborn (for sensible in-game reasons, but still). I can't feel bad for Eggman being all sad because THAT IS OUT OF CHARACTER. "oh but bowser can be evil and a dad" "oh but muh humanization" it's out of character, sorry. 31 years, and Eggman not once displayed any characteristic that would lead him to feel genuine affection for anyone, let alone an AI. No, Eggman saving Sonic from lava to preserve a Chaos Emerald doesn't count as a good action of his. Sure, Eggman saving Tails from Orbot in Colors was uncharacterisically nice... but you're not going to use an example from a game written by Pontaff, the people you consider on par with the 11th plague of Egypt, as source of good writing, right? You would be consistent, right? :)
I don't even care about Prime. I really don't. It slides off my brain. Oh, Tails became edgy because Sonic wasn't there, okay, sure, there are at least a dozen fanfictions like that.
(the fact that I watched Netflixvania right before Frontiers, and I went through a similar feeling of "why can I only feel rage at this poorly written mess?", doesn't help my mood. I genuinely felt like I lost all my ability to enjoy things)
But I know what's going on with Sonic. The idea that everything from 2010 to 2019 was horrible, flat, OOC and nothing but Cringe permeated the fanbase. So now, any kind of emotional moment, no matter how shallow and try hard, gets praised to high heavens. Add a good dose of Adventure nostalgia (because muh Meta Era if the games reference the Classics, but thank you Lord Flynn for saving the franchise if the games reference the Adventure era), and there you go. (meanwhile I'm still here getting my heartstrings pulled by that one scene of Sonic realizing that he's all alone on Lost Hex and it's all his fault...)
I'm being bitter. I also realize that I'm sounding like an arrogant cock, and I don't like it. I wish I could see what everyone else is seeing. I wish I could love Surge and think of her as the best villain the franchise has to offer. I wish I could gush about how deep Frontiers is. I wish I could be interested in Prime and have something to look forward to. This is not fun. I don't feel oh so smart bitching about stuff that others like, I feel like a thief of joy and not a nice person to be around.
And yet, something as simple as hearing Maria say to Shadow "you used to run so quickly on these slopes", implying that edgy anti hero Shadow used to play on the ARK like a normal child with her best friend before tragedy struck, makes me feel more awful than anything else I've mentioned. So it's not that there is something wrong with me.
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girl4music · 9 days
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CARINA: “How long are you going to angry-chop at me?”
MAYA: “I’m just chopping.”
CARINA: “You know, my Dad has bipolar I?”
MAYA: “You said that.”
CARINA: “And my sweet baby brother has inherited it.”
MAYA: “Are you talking about you, or are you trying to draw some kind of parallel? ‘Cause if it’s you, I’m all in. But there is no mental illness in my family.”
CARINA: “With or without mental illness, the-the human brain is brilliant, and it is devious, and it walls off what it doesn’t want to know.”
MAYA: “Got it. So you’re talking about me.”
CARINA: “What I’m trying to say, Maya, is that your mind is brilliant, and maybe you think you’re too smart to be in denial. Maybe you think you’re too smart to have been abused?”
MAYA:
*thumps cutting knife on table*
“Okay, I’m not interested in talking.”
CARINA: “I’m just trying to help.”
MAYA: “He never hit me.”
CARINA: “That’s not the only way to abuse somebody, Maya. My Dad has never hit me, either. He has never hit my brother, but that doesn’t mean that we were not abused. Psychological abuse, verbal abuse. They-they are real.”
MAYA:
*breathes deeply*
“I don’t want to fight with you.”
CARINA: “I don’t want to fight, either.”
MAYA: “Then I think you should go.”
CARINA: “What? This is not how you handle a fight. Maya I-I’m here for you. I’m not leaving.”
MAYA: “Okay, okay. I’m-I’m-I’m gonna… I need-I need to run. So I’m gonna-I’m gonna go on a run.”
Yeah, it’s not happening. Nothing is clicking. There’s just constant cognitive dissonance every time someone tries to get through to Maya and explain that she was abused, and still is, by the looks of it. The chemistry in her brain has been so throughly warped that she genuinely thinks that her father’s treatment of her is something that was good. That’s helped her. Even Andy, who is actually grieving her own father’s recent death, has discovered information that makes her think that there’s a possibility that her Dad wasn’t always the greatest guy to her mother, and Maya is even defending him, even though it’s Andy’s business.
This really is going to be a deeply complex and difficult arc for Maya and she’s pushing the only person away that will actually help her make a breakthrough on it and likely heal her trauma. It’s upsetting to see Maya react this way to her girlfriend. And the fact she’s already cheated on her because she doesn’t want to face her own emotions is very sad.
I want to say the way she’s acting is not okay but because I completely understand why she is, I can’t blame her for her actions and her hurtful words. I’ve been there. Hell, I’ve been worse. I’ve hurt people in ways where their broken relationship with me will never be fixed no matter how much they may love me. So I totally get it. Abuse is a beast - a real monster - but the worst kind is psychological abuse because you can never really free yourself from its clutches and you do just as much damage to others as was done to you.
Carina won’t leave Maya but I think for her own safety, - at least this early in their relationship - she should because this is something Maya will not listen to until she makes that breakthrough in acknowledging that it can be true even though she loves her Dad. She’s just in so deep with the conditioning that I don’t really know how the writers are going to get her to do that because, like I said, I was never as deep in as she is. I always knew that it was abuse the way me and my mom were treated by my Dad because of outside influence. Maya never had that outside influence so she’s grew up believing that that treatment was okay. It’s only now with her mom coming back into her life and apologizing that she never protected her and her girlfriend sharing similar experiences with her and even Andy possibly realizing it about her own Dad that that outside influence comes in to knock all the defensive walls in her throughly warped brain down.
She’s realized she’s broken.
That’s at least a small step in the right direction.
I just hope it doesn’t go the other way and she starts blaming and punishing herself. Internalizing her pain. I personally think the best thing she can do is to get professional therapy. Talk to that Dr. Diane Lewis because she has a knack for triggering the switch in a way that’s not harmful but gets inside people’s heads enough to make them think about how their past trauma has affected them and still continues to.
I predict that’s going to be how to reach Maya. The switch needs to be triggered. The click has to happen. And only somebody professionally trained should attempt to do it with a person as in denial as Maya is. Carina obviously cares enough to help Maya through this incredibly complex and difficult journey and I’m sure she’ll help her heal. But she needs to back off as of right now because she’s going to get hurt. A lot. Maya will continue to push Carina away and be mean and take out her own frustration with all of this on her the more she tries to push a perspective that doesn’t make sense for Maya because she can’t see it herself.
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etfrin · 18 days
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Hey pookie, long time no see but exams have been kicking my ass 😭😭. But it’s almost spring break so fuck it we ball 💪🏻
Anyways, I just got caught up on all your new fics and girl you have done it again, constantly raising the bar and doing it flawlessly. I’m so glad that you’re writing for Spencer, love me my socially awkward men. And with souls to crush, Is it bad that I was kind of sad that MC didn’t really care for Sejanus ??😭😭. Like I know she was just trying to get close to Coryo but I figured she cared for him even a little, idk maybe it’s my love for Sejanus talking. The recent chapters have been so good omg
But how have you been??
-🌺Anon
HEYYY SWEETHEART! i missed you!
i hope your exams are going well, i only have two left before my break soon. I just want them to end already 😭 i hope you're doing well in all of your exams!
thank you! i recently started writing for Spencer but I haven't been able to focus in him due to school :(( which makes me sad, he deserves more attention! he's awesome, i love him, heck i have a prompt board that I created to write fics about him! I recently started season four of CM!
As for Souls To Crush, it's safe to say she was friends with Sejanus just because of his status, and then even further bonded with him when she realized that Coryo was her soulmate. Honestly, reader wanted Coryo to be hers' out of pure stubbornness (because Coryo didn't want her). But she still cares deeply for him, she liked Sejanus too, she grieves for him just a little bit in her heart but dismisses thinking it's because she let go of a pawn. She's very similar to Coryo.
Unlike Coryo who wasn't as close with Sejanus in this au, reader was, and since this was Coriolanus pov I can't show her going through that, because she wants Coriolanus to completely rely on her which won't be possible if she makes him feel guilty for his actions (does that make sense?)
In the end, more than Sejanus, all that matters to her is Coryo. What happened had to be done, she knew exactly what she was doing when she confirmed Dr. Gauls' suspicion. In this au, she's the reason Sejanus is dead, and it's because of her own selfish reasons of getting Coryo back in the capitol.
In this she's a parallel of Coryo that's in tbosas, i hope I was able to convey that. Coriolanus and reader are extremely similar yet reader is much more cruel and smarter yet the most caring for people she loves(Coryo). Hence why she also said Lucy Gray has to die :// to her there was no way around it
And uhh i am suffering through cramps rn, besides that I am fine!
This kinda went long and I hope I made sense because I simply went into ranting mode sorry 😭
I hope you're doing well, pookie, ly ❤️
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