I have about 8 hours to finish this project I’m working on for work and then I’m freeeeee for the weekend! (my weekend, at least lol)

My plans are to:

Clear out some of my drafts & set it all up into a queue.

Continue scanning/editing family photos my aunt sent me so I can hopefully upload most of them for the family finally.

Catch up on reading all my beautiful mutuals fics because I am SOOOO behind. 😭

tmi probably bc my health is trash

head hurts, tummy aches, digestive system is big mad at me for some unknown reason (bloated, gassy, constant trips to the bathroom), and i am so tired bc i haven’t really slept bc of the discomfort

After sleeping (or not sleeping) terribly for over a month or so, I finally took that pill last night that should help me sleep better (thanks to a friend of mine who encouraged me to do so over the phone <3).

So I took half a pill around 10 pm last night like prescribed, and I fell asleep after an hour or so.

Today, I woke up around 4:30 pm, and I felt so thirsty and dizzy whilst coffee-making that I had to sit down, press my head into my knees, and hope I don't throw up.

It's 5:58 pm now, and my eyes still feel kinda bleary, like I still haven't properly woken up. 😵

So, I don't know if this is only the beginning—I haven't taken that pill in a long while, so I don't remember what the last time was like—or if taking that half a pill as described was too much after all. Should I cut it down even smaller and try if it works better?

Oh well. At least I got to sleep some. 😅 I've slept around 4-6hrs for the past couple of weeks or so and eaten horribly. One way or another, I've been living like a zombie anyway.

toji is the synonym of “daddy” and “dilf”. you say dilf and i know it has to do something with toji.

anyway here’s what makes me sleep at night. so i got registered in two libraries a few weeks ago because i’m a nerd who likes reading books... so the idea of someone railing me in the library because it’s the only place someone can see me just makes me go 💦😖 legit will cry because it’s not gonna happen... so the best solution is imagining stuff with my 2D men... the main idea was getting railed by hot lecturers toji or gojo or groupmates ran and haruchiyo (you successfully made me their whore and honestly i have no complaints)

thanks to all of you for coming to my ted talk, now gotta delete myself

this is the best way to get out of a 6hrs class, and * cough * * cough * why not talk about haruchiyo & ran since I feel sad that my fellow haruchiyo fuckers are starving with no content of mine being written with him in a while </3

anyway, let's go

cw: public sex, breeding!kink, cockwarming, exhibitionism.

groupmates!haruran are so cute, while ran would try to be very helpful, haruchiyo would not be so compromising and it's not even because he doesn't care about his own grades — because he does, but why pay attention to you going over the study script when he can just pay attention to the way your skirt hangs too much when you try to smooth one thigh over the other so as not to let him or ran have a peek at the color of your panties.

it would be a matter of very little time before he slid a hand to your knee with the excuse that he was trying to get some dirt off; his hand going up, up, up, until it brushed against the inside of your thighs and you tried to move away frustrated, nervous and feeling humiliated for not being able to control when or where the bottom of your panties got wet — and it would be a great attempt to escape from sanzu if ran wasn't sitting across from you at the round table surrounded by high shelves in the library.

"it's time to take a break from all that studying, otherwise your cute little brain will fry and you won't be able to think straight anymore", ran would speak using one hand to lift your panties completely and let haruchiyo continue the process of reaching for your pussy.

to which sanzu would reply: "she's such a diligent 'n hard working student, I think she deserves a reward for being like this" and ran agreed with a slurred "mhm" that lasted until he hooked his lips around your neck to nibble and kiss it and, consequently, try to make you relax and forget that you were in a library, a completely public and silent place.

and you tried to keep it that way, silent, even though haruchiyo's idea of "reward" was to make you cockwarm him while one of your pretty-fingered hands was wrapped around ran's dick pumping it slowly for fear of making too many wet noises.

sanzu would instruct you to try to keep writing your college resumes, but every time ran's cock throbbed against your fingers, you'd gasp and out of the blue tighten yourself around haruchiyo's shaft, who would — maybe unwillingly, maybe wanting to — thrust himself a little deeper inside your tight pussy and moan against your shoulder as he tightened his grip on your waist a little more.

if you could finish at least one full page of your summary, they might take turns breeding you in the middle of the college library using your wet panties stuffed in your mouth to muffle the sounds, since the library is a silent place.

it is very funny to me when my boss complains about not getting enough sleep bc i regularly show up on like 3-4hrs of sleep bc of our bonkers operating hours and my body’s inability to Go The Fuck To Sleep on time,,

like uwu you baby i’m sorry you only got 6hrs of sleep, i saw god in my bedroom ceiling last night and he told me to go fuck myself

The night shift nurse just told me I don't get enough sleep as though they don't come in at 11 to do obs then 5 to do obs again or if something was wrong with obs at 11 come in sporadically all night to check on you like on a normal night that's only 6 hours of peace but who falls asleep instantly after being poked and prodded??? Nobody does then sometimes nature calls and you need to use the toilet on the night bc that's just how it is sometimes which cuts into your sleep more also the sun's up by 5 and there's a really white brick wall outside my window so obv the room is fully lit by then so ofc I don't get enough sleep I mean fuck last night was the best sleep ice gotten in a while bc even though my temp was 99 it wasn't concerning enough (pretty sure my baseline is like 96-7 I run cold) so I wasn't bothered all night long like I was the night before when my oxygen read low turns out it was prob bc I was laying back and my mass was doing it's thing but they woke me up so many times I gave up on sleep and a few nights prior I was stressed about moms flights making sure she made it or not and there's a 6hr time difference between where I am atm and where we live so her first flight didn't leave until like 7pm for me and the second was at like midnight but the first was delayed on both takeoff and landing which left her with a 30 min window to get to the next one like joy and she couldn't contact anyone for a while bc there were problems with that on the flight but eventually she got word out to my brother and he relayed to us she made it which was a relief but was at like 2am also for me bc of the mass going to and from the toilet is still a strain my heart rate goes through the roof and breathing feels difficult my oxygen levels don't drop but my heart rate will jump by 20 at least and it takes a while for me to calm back down so if I have to go in the middle of the damn night I lose like an hour of sleep for something that takes less than 5 minutes I'm just annoyed this morning today's the last day mom is here and I'm nervous I have a fever when I'm supposed to have chemo tomorrow and then leave on Friday but if I have a fever then that'll fuck with things I want out of here but I want to be well enough to be out y'know

sorry tumblr mobile has no RM lol

i am... surprisingly low on spoons today. idk if it has to do with not sleeping great last night or maybe even doing more than usual last weekend? idk. i'm just exhausted and seriously considering taking a nap soon

Tagged by the wonderful @frogeye-pierce to share my answers to some questions! Thanks for the tag B!

Nickname(s): Lizard, Fruitbat, munkchin

Zodiac: Sagittarius

Height: 5ft (5ft 1 if I want to seem taller, but I'm really only 5ft)

Last Movie: Unaccompanied Minors! I was in a weird mood yesterday after my travel fiasco I needed to feel something so I watched other people have travel fiascos

Last thing I Googled: Chinese restaurant syndrome (gross I know, I'm sorry)

Fav musician: im coping out and saying I have too many (which is very true)

Song Stuck in my head: Fancy Like

Other blogs: I've reblogged from it to my main but it's my-life-in-wordz

Blogs following: 113

Amount of sleep: I got like 6hrs last night

Lucky number: 3, it was my school number in elementary school and it's just lucky for me

What I'm wearing: Reebok black shorts, a blue Roots Canada shirt, and yellow converse (quite the look, but I've been in the car all day so it's fine)

Dream job: working at Paramount Pictures

Dream trip: driving Route 66 and going to California

Fav food: PASTA

Play an instrument: I played (terribly) the clarinet in middle and high school but I play nothing now

Languages: I took German in high school and retained ✨nothing✨ and I'm a Greek school ✨dropout✨ but know very little (my grandparents wish i knew more and tbh so do I)

Fav songs: Cottonfields by CCR, Waiting on a Sunny Day by Bruce Springsteen

Random fact about me: I didn't learn how to talk until I was 3 and they thought I was going to be deaf so they made me learn sign language (which I haven't retained)

Describe yourself by aesthetic things: record players, vinyls, journals with barely any empty pages, disposable cameras, cameras, empty coffee cups, colorful converse

Thanks for the tag! I'm going to tag: @queer-cheer @yaroantheo @mashseason4 @fieryphrazes @msculper and anyone else who wants to do it!

in the past 2 weeks i

> got diagnosed w eds and pots

> also unrelated found out I have tourettes

> been on 2 planes

> did a family reunion

> helped my whole extended family b like "oh yeah i should probably get screened for eds and pots" which they have all had huge trouble w but never knew what was goin on w them (thank u friends w eds for helping me figure out that my body is a loose conglomeration of wet noodles and tachycardia)

> ran around on sand and hard floors and gravel without good arch support and usually without shoes period and fukt both my plantar fasciae again (NOICE)

> got only one very slight sunburn (he'll yea)

> got hives that i woke up scratching several nights which (tw skin related body horror) looked and felt like peanut m&ms under my skin

> carried my baby nephew around for long periods of time (BIG BABY......STRONG BABY....................heavy baby)

> for 7 days straight every day played games like the run and jump over waves game and the "throw a paper ball down the stairs and then chase it down and run back up and do it again" w my 4yo niece (i taught her the jumping over waves thing which makes them crash into her less hard bc she was scared of the ocean, which i didnt think was a game, but she definitely thought it was a game, i genuinely love kids :') ) (i was then inexorably trapped in every day playing the wave jump game w her) (it was fun but my body is a garbage fire) (stairs and jumping are so fucking awful for my heart/dysautonomia)

> for 7 days straight every day was helping w duties as a nurse aide for my grandfather (I'm certified) and spent a huge amount of time talking w him and helping him get exercise (he's 94)

> had brutal and intense conversations to facilitate repairing relationships between my aunts and uncles and grandfather

> powered thru on like 6hrs of sleep per night waking up at 9 or earlier every morning after months of waking up after 1p or much later

> drank starting at 11a for lots of the last 7 days

> took my adhd meds only 3x (a needed tolerance break and a break for my bod but a v hard willpower move)

> only ever had a chance to lie down while sleeping, no lying down during the day

> ate a flour tortilla I thought was GF right before getting on a plane bc this shitty restaurant didn't read my ticket (they look the same but I have celiac disease so they don't feel the same :) )

> barely checked my heart monitor (HUGELY difficult for me)

> carried 60+lbs of luggage while walking a few miles

> FUCKED up every joint lmfao im like in a full body cast made of bruises and braces and ice packs

> like half of my ribs are out of joint and I broke my wrist brace and strained my shoulders to fuck and maybe got a little whiplash from an almost collision on the highway while my roommate was driving me home from the airport (NOT their fault at ALL, ohio drivers are 100% willing and ready to die and take you with them to avoid extremely minorly inconveniencing themselves)

> my neck is crackling more than usual and the PPPD is STRONG baybey

> got! the! job! done!

tomorrow I've gotta start an extremely intense 2 days of moving bc my roommate wasnt able to get much done while i was away. then a couple days later im gonna start a job and then start nursing school in abt a month if the social security administration doesn't fucking destroy my life yet again (noice) so im just gonna try to pop some of these ribs back in and get some sleep. sorry this is incoherent I've been awake and exercising and running around and up and down stairs and traveling for 23 hours. chronic illness WHO???

fuck i need six weeks in bed

anyways goodnight

Tag game: A LIST OF STUFF

I was tagged by the ever creative & hilarious @tortoisesshells! Thank you!

Nicknames: Aside from the baby one my dad still embarassing uses and a high school one that re-emerges once a year with our annual get-together, surprisingly none. Or actually, my sisters and their kids calls me Gradi (French-sounding, GRA- like “grass”-DEE) because that’s how my name came out of my first niece’s toddler mouth a dozen+ years ago, and everybody thought it was hilarious and adopted it. No Matante title for me!

Zodiac sign: Gemini / Cancer hybrid. Never checked which one it was on my birthyear because that’s how much stock my STEM brain puts in astrology.

Height: 5′7″

Hogwarts House: I’ve gotten both Ravenclaw and Slytherin, which totally tracks and is apparently pretty on par for INTJs.

Last thing I googled:  The right spelling of Slytherin. Hey, it’s been a while.

Before that, “Légende de la Corriveau”, because my son learned about it in school, and my partner and I were arguing about how many husbands she really had, and whether she was hanged first or died in the infamous cage. Confused? Read the original Québec witch story Here, brought to you by the Treaty of Paris and the British takeover of New France.

Song stuck in my head: Toxic, Britney Spears. It’s been everywhere, this week. 

Fav musicians: Sounds blasphemous but... I’m not a big music person? So... whatever’s upbeat and fun and singable on my commute, like... ABBA? Cheesy 90s bands? Barenaked Ladies? Whatever Princess Poppy the Pop Troll is into.  Just nothing country or too experimental jazzy. 

Following: 52. Hmm. I need to branch out. Any fun blog recs?

Followers: 70. Huh. I’m really surprised that number is larger than the previous. You lovely people are quiet; I thought there was only a dozen of you :)

Do you get asks: Rarely, and pretty much only when I ask for prompts. 

Amount of sleep: 6-7hr most nights, 8 on the weekend, and they are FINALLY, after almost a decade of young kids with terrible sleep patterns, mostly uninterrupted. So 6hr straight totally beats 8hr in bits&pieces.

Lucky number: I’ll pick 21 if the options go that high. If not, probably 3.

What are you wearing: Fridays are Blue Checkered Shirt Day at work, and it’s a Team Tradition that I will never break for as long as I work here (and will probably institute wherever I work next). So flannel edition because Winter and jeans, because Friday.

Dream jobs: 1920s egyptologist, forensic anthropologist, The Thirsty Traveler, retired grandma who plays golf, hikes, writes, bakes and spends the worst of winter someplace warmer.

Dream trip: A few weeks with loved ones in a comfortable rented house some place near the sea, old historical cities and natural sites, with a rental car to drive around and visit at our own pace during the day, and nearby shops full of local produce, coffee, drinks, cheese and bread for relaxed evenings talking away on the starlit patio with a home-cooked meal and plenty of good wine.

Instruments you play: Does -badly- teaching myself rudimentary guitar in HS and going through Simply Piano last year count? ... yeah, didn’t think so. So, none. I’m more a Sports & Books type.

Languages you speak: Fluent French (first) and English (since childhood), above tourist level Spanish and German, but for no rational reason because they are the least similar languages ever, the two get mixed up like crazy when I speak either (both must be stored in the “Languages I Suck At” portion of my brain). And I never spoke as good Spanish as when I tried to speak Portuguese, which I can read decently enough, but understand when spoken? Not at all.

Fav song: Again with the music... ugh. I don’t know. Creep by Radiohead? Anything but Helter Skelter from The Beatles? Let’s Groove from Earth, Wind and Fire? Some Bryan Adams power ballad? Hopefully also something from the last 20 years... 

Random fact: My dad got the inspiration for my first name from a guy he met at a disco nightclub... who he later found out to be a male exotic dancer. Yup, I was apparently named after a Magic Mike disco dude. 

My mom found out at the same time I did. She was considerably less amused than I was.

Cats or dogs: Cats, 200%. Black ones all the better, although I relented and we adopted one of our foster babies, a tabby. He’s the devil but he’s also super sweet and cuddly. We named him Fofos, which is Portuguese for sweet / cute/ cuddly / fluffy (it is also wrongly plural but hey, it was always plural on the boxes of buns and cakes we bought in Portugal, and I already mentionned how abysmal my Portuguese is).

Aesthetic: Puzzles, books and movies in a cozy cabin with a fireplace in a snowy Laurentian forest; late summer nights at the ballpark, days by the pool and vegetable patch, the smell of BBQ in the air; flour-dusted vintage aprons, new recipes, planning meals & drink pairings; periodic tables, Erlenmeyer flasks, just being a nerd.

Tagging anyone interested!

It's 11pm so I'm starting to get ready to sleep, but I don't think I actually will sleep for a while. I've been so tired all day and fell asleep for a bit earlier.

I didn't manage to do anything today really. It's been my least productive day for a while. I've just watched YouTube and...idk. I really haven't done much at all.

I didn't eat loads, but some of it was unhealthy stuff. Again. I never quite know what to make of it when I have a day of eating like small amounts of junk food. I used to often do things like just eat a couple of small chocolate bars a day so my calorie count would be low, but I wouldn't have eaten much in volume and basically nothing in nutrition. This year and last I've been trying to eat higher volumes of more nutritious lower calorie foods, so it ends up being more food for the same calorie cost, but more importantly more nutrition. I try to make myself eat vegetables first to fill up on it, stuff like that.

So today it's not that my calorie count is high, and I haven't eaten in a few hours so my eating window today was only 6hrs. But it wasn't all healthy foods. Some was packaged snack foods, some was heavy carbs. By my old rules from when I was 16, it's fine because calories are what counts. But by current rules it's not going to work as well. I don't know which is correct. Some people say you can technically eat whatever you want as long as you're in a calorie deficit, it's just healthier to eat stuff like fruit and veg; some people say the food you eat affects your organs and metabolism etc and affects weight loss like that. I'm not really sure. Right now I don't know what works for me in terms of food. Maybe nothing will.

I was 157.8 last night and then 156 today, and it did flash at 155.8 first. So the 2lb rule may be back in effect. A little while ago I weighed myself and was 158 - that's not good. I was 157 before that so I'm hoping it'll go back down to that. I want to be more like 155 tomorrow. I've had my 6 sachets of lax so that should sort itself out by tomorrow I guess. That's what I'm hoping is happening...I'm hoping that if my weight doesn't go down it's because I had a lower lax dose yesterday and the day before.

I'm also hoping to sleep better tonight. So many things kept me awake last night and I've just been out of it today as a result. My head hurts. I'll set my alarm a bit later tomorrow just in case I need extra sleep. I don't want to get up too late but it's more important that I get enough sleep to actually be functional when I'm awake.

I keep wanting to drink. Its a really annoying craving. It's not strong enough to ruin things, so it's not so bad that I have to satiate it, but it's still there. I last drank on Sunday, so I want a week before I drink again. I'm not sure whether that means 7 alcohol free days, so I drink on Monday, or just drink once a week, so I can drink on Sunday. But I guess it doesn't matter too much right now since it's only Wednesday night. I know alcohol is to blame for a lot of the weight I've gained the past few years and I know it'll fuck up losing it, so I should go as long as I can without. I haven't drank a large amount in one day since November so that's something.

I wonder if I could have drinking as a reward for weight loss. Like every 3lbs I can have a drinking day and have a couple of glasses of wine. I wonder if I'd just be stuck at a plateau getting annoyed that I can't lose weight or drink, or if it would help me drink less and lose weight more. I think I would if I felt more certain about my ability to lose weight. But I've been in the vicinity of 156 since early November I think. I keep having setbacks. And even before that there was a long plateau - I remember being frustrated at that plateau was one reason I was so upset and drank so much that day and got really ill. I can't get into the habit of drinking loads again. I've got to a point where I can just about get by drinking reasonable amounts. I need it as low as possible so I can work out etc and lose weight.

I need to go check my evening weight

How did you know which major to choose in college?

TL;DR

Basically my advice is this:

Follow your gut. Find what feels right.

Keep your options as open as possible, but don't be afraid to dive deep into something.

Changing your mind is 100% OKAY. So many people take time off from school to figure themselves out. And maybe technical school is a better fit for you if working with your hands is your thing?? Or do a year of something and switch programs! Your courses might just count as electives in another degree.

You will be scared. Life is like that. But never make a decision out of fear. Never choose not to do something because of how you fear it may turn out. Decide based on what good could happen from each of your options.

Work hard, play hard. Join clubs, join groups, meet people. Your classes are only half of school. What you learn out of fun will stick with you way longer and be so much more helpful.

Finally, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. You can't pour from an empty cup. After you graduate no one will care about your grades. A degree is a degree. And you can't work if you are drained. Your mind and body is a machine. It needs fuel, it need maintenance, and it needs appropriate rest. Keep yourself running well, and your life will become so much easier.

Haaaaaa...

Honestly? I didn't. Still don't really. But that’s okay.

See, the way it went was in Grade 11 (Where I live, high-school ends after Grade 12), so in grade 11 I started going to info fairs and stuff and hearing people's sales pitches for their programs, and universities and colleges. My grades were always best in Maths and Science courses, and I enjoyed those the most so I knew I was gonna go for something in STEM (Science Technology Engineering Mathematics). I'd had a few people say I'd be good at Engineering, and I'd taken like 30 online quizzes to find out what career would be best for me. I got things like "Custom Boat Builder" (What?? I mean, cool! But what?? Dude, I live in the prairies. Not many boats around here.), and "School Counsellor" (I felt my INFJ coming out in that one), and "Tour Guide", but Engineering of some type was usually somewhere on most of those lists, and it seemed most reasonable and attainable for me. My social skills aren't the best, and while I don't suck at talking to people it drains me a lot, so I really wasn't sure I wanted to make a career out of anything like that. Engineering held esteem, and good prospects for yearly salary, the stereotype around here is that Engineers can't communicate (mostly true) so expectations wouldn't be high for that... It was a good, safe choice, and presented a challenge for me. Everyone told me it would be hard. The hardest thing I'd ever done. I wanted to prove I could do it. So I did. Grade 12 I went to four or five engineering info sessions for local colleges and universities, and I researched any place I could possibly afford to go to in Canada. The list wasn't big.

Many universities were much more competitive than the one I chose, but mine was known for a very.. intimate? Student population? Small, but not too small, and students were known to join up and work together to get through things while some Universities had stories of students sabotaging other's work to gain a higher standing in their classes. The University was one of the cheapest ones (I really didn't have much money saved up. Student loans are definitely a thing), but it wasn't the cheapest on the list. It was one I felt would be of good quality. It wasn't too far from home, that I couldn't travel back in a day, but it was far enough it felt like I was starting something new on my own. I applied within the first four months of grade 12, about 8 months before the time I'd start classes there. I got accepted, found a place to live and completed my first year of General Engineering. After the first year in Uni we were able to request our discipline (what type of Engineering, e.g. Civil, Chemical, Mechanical, etc.) And we had had some opportunities through the year to hear what each discipline was about. I thought I would be going into Chem Eng when I started first year, but decided that was definitely not for me after I took my first university chemistry class, and heard what most chemical engineers did. I decided instead on Engineering Physics despite not really enjoying physics as much as the other sciences in High-school. There was just so many cool things to learn!! And they also told me Eng Phys was "the hardest discipline". It included an extra calculus course above the other disciplines and many other physics courses generally considered very difficult. Again, I wanted to prove I could do it. I went HARD. Studied hard. Took two classes per term above what the university recommended because that was the program. Honestly I think I burnt out. I worked too hard for too many years without taking proper care of myself. Averaging 4-6hrs of sleep a night and eating about 1 meal a day for two years.

***Seriously, take my advice: school is great and important, but TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Go out and make friends. Don't neglect your work to party, but don't neglect your social life to study. AND PLEASE eat and sleep at least close to the recommended amounts***

Anyway, I did some planning and altered my course load, changed some habits, started going to the gym regularly, and I'm doing better now. But you want to hear about major's right?

Basically I didn't choose. In my second year, I took my first ever coding course. I spent the least amount of time on that course and received my highest grade ever in university (still nowhere as high as my high-school grades, but it's uni.) Many of my classmates registered in a program that offered a computer science bachelor's degree alongside your engineering degree for 12 additional courses, which for engineering is about 1 year - 2 terms. I signed up immediately. Those classes have been a great confidence boost, average boost, brain break, and bonding experience with classmates also in the program.

So to tally this up, I'm then registered in

- BEng in Eng Phys, and

- BSc in Comp Sci.

Then, third year. We took the mandatory communications class (remember everyone says engineers can't communicate). I loved it. Decent grades. Not as great as my Comp Sci, but better than my Physics. The classes are in rhetorical theory and persuasion because when you do the math and actually know how something works, it's important you be able to tell people what you know and have them believe you. My professor was the incoming dean for a 'school of professional development' that had recently opened in the college. They were offering a certificate (6 courses, a.k.a. 1 term, half a year) in rhetorical theory and professional communication. Guess who also signed up for that?

So if you've been keeping track, that's a 4yr BEng, 3yr BSc (done in one yr due to double counting courses) and a 0.5yr certificate. That's 5.5yrs of undergrad I've suddenly racked up. And remember how I burnt out just a while back because my BEng program wants be to take 7 courses a term instead of 5? Well I made it 6yrs and smushed some courses over to fill that last year so I don't have toooo many more mental breakdowns or go completely insane.

And I mean hey, what's an education if you can't use it right? So I've been looking for summer student jobs to I can learn about the industry. Last summer I got one of those jobs. Hated it. Worst job of my life. I'm still hoping that experience wasn't representative of the entire industry, but we'll see. So I'm 4yrs done my 6yrs of undergrad, I've racked up an almost unimaginable amount of student debt, and I'm sitting in my bed wrapped in a blanket thinking I should have gone into psychology. I wanna help people. Everything I do is so cold. So calculated. I wanna exist where feelings are more than something to be smothered and exterminated. But hey. I can't stop now. So I'm gonna finish it all off. The great thing about EP is that the variation of jobs for this degree could be anything from Pixar animation studios to a technician at Nasa or JPL or SpaceX to Uranium mining. So my options are still open, I just gotta carve myself out a path. Nowhere to go but forward, right? And I have a full 180 degrees of forward to choose from! :)

So that's my story. Sorry for the length, but hey, you asked. Basically my advice is this:

Follow your gut. Find what feels right.

Keep your options as open as possible, but don't be afraid to dive deep into something.

Changing your mind is 100% OKAY. So many people take time off from school to figure themselves out. And maybe technical school is a better fit for you if working with your hands is your thing??

You will be scared. Life is like that. But never make a decision out of fear. Never choose not to do something because of how you fear it may turn out. Decide based on what good could happen from each of your options.

Work hard, play hard. Join clubs, join groups, meet people. Your classes are only half of school. What you learn out of fun will stick with you way longer and be so much more helpful.

Finally, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. You can't pour from an empty cup. After you graduate no one will care about your grades. A degree is a degree. And you can't work if you are drained. Your mind and body is a machine. It needs fuel, it need maintenance, and it needs appropriate rest. Keep yourself running well, and your life will become so much easier.

thank u @mafaldinablabla for tagging me!

Name: mari

Nickname: berry. but! only online cause its easier and its cute and a literal translation of my name. ppl irl dont rly call me anything other than my name (tho one of my brothers will occasionally call me mannu or mammu)

Zodiac: im a cap, babeyy!

Height: 170

Languages: estonian & english. while i have studied multiple lgs i can only, and to varying degrees, kinda (if i concentrate VERY hard) understand/speak russian, german, korean. and in a professional setting i might be able to communicate in Very Broken finnish but it’s been a while since ive had to so who knows

Nationality: estonian

Favourite season: used to be a fan of winter, actually, but it’s been a long while since the seasons were actually distinguishable from one another. nowadays its summer cause thats the only time that it gets warm, m a y b e.

Favourite flower: lily of the incas, irises

Favourite scent: pine forest (esp on a sunny day), bonfire smoke, sea air, mowed grass

Favourite animal: cats!!

Favourite fictional character: oh wow, uh. those change but.. currently? maybe in a way its gilear faeth from fantasy high (a dnd5e actual-play) cause he is a Sad Sack and every interaction with him in the story is just a+++  but if i were to be more serious then maybe.. Lup from TAZ balance and my boy Christophe from YOI?

Coffee, tea or hot cocoa? coffee, mostly 

Average amount of sleep: tends to be like 9 or so hrs, altho recently ive taken to watching dimension 20 till 2am so that would make it an average of like 5-6hrs

Favourite colour: i dooont knooooow. i dont think i have one anymore. i used to be into orange and then purple for a while but.. rn i have no idea

Dog or cat person: cat person. i like and appreciate dogs but i feel like i cant interact with them for shit cause im so much more used to the body lg of cats

Number of blankets: one, usually. for winter (aka, through mid-sept to mid-april lmao) i have a warmer one and a lighter one for the rest of the year. altho in my familys summer cottage it can still get cold so i will sometimes pile like 4 of those old very flimsy but somehow still heavy blankets on top.

Dream trip: i wanna go back to nyc for far more than just like a 2 week thing. i also wanna go to prague cause it has always seemed so fkn cool. i also wanna go to seoul.

Blog established: uhhhhh, it’s been abt 8 years i think, maybe? i think i had just turned 20 or 21 or sth?

Follower count: 801, it turns out? i mean i assume at least an eighth of those are bots and a fourth are no longer active so i think its probably closer to 500 blogs that are actually active? no wait that still sounds preposterous?

Random fact about me: when i was 9yrs old i fell face-down a flight of stairs and i swear to god i saw it happen from the side and just watched myself fall in the darkness with just me, the stairs, and like a spotlight-looking light over the scene. i was taken to the er and got 2 stitches on the inside of my upper lip and to this day the right side is bigger than the left because of the scar tissue.

Gender: woman (cis)

Sexuality: turns out im ace (looking back i shouldve realised sooner) but at the same time im also into women so its a horrible combination and ive fully given up on even approaching ppl i might like because i feel like i wont ever be able to offer what they deserve. its only sad when i think about it for too long so i try not to

Hogwarts house: hufflepuff

Where are you from: estoniaaaa

Why did you start this blog: i was a huge The Killers fan at the time and my bff and i were already going to tumblr blogs for pics and interviews and etc and then i just finally decided to join

Most recently played album: nonadaptaion by se so neon (just listened to it last night)

im not gonna tag too many ppl but @cap-mars @yurka-on-ice @the-asexual-detective @blu7711 @rentakaya @auroraisgay @black-jean-grey @discoveryinthedark

..oops i still ended up tagging so many ppl. welp.

I've been tagged 😘

By @fist-it-out 💖 thank you darling!

Nickname(s)– Brook (courtesy of the wonderful @unusual-ly!) But I've also been nicknamed Ariel in real life. Also Idiot/Muppet; that's not a nickname persay, but my friends do call me that a lot 😂😅

Zodiac sign- Libra ⚖ (I do not get astrology, so I have no clue what sun/moon signs are. All I know is my birth month and that apparently means I've got an opal birthstone and I'm a set of scales. So there you go!)

Last thing I googled- train timetables and the weather in my area; clearly a thrilling life I lead here folks

Height- 5’ 0” 😂

Hogwarts House- Gryffindor

Song stuck in my head– Toss up between Ex-Wives from Six (x) (x - this is a mash up with another song, but still so good!) and Apex Predator from Mean Girls the Musical (x)

Following– 197 😘

Followers– 23 (and I appreciate all of you! You're all incredible!) 😊😘

Amount of sleep– It can vary; anywhere fro. 2 to 10 hours depending on how the night before was. We'll average it out and call it 6hrs a night!

Lucky number– 7

Dream job – don't really have one; there are so many things I'm interested in, as long as I get to surround myself with good people and have fun experiences, I'm already living the dream 😊 (cop out, I know, but sue me, it's true!)

Wearing – black and white striped jumpsuit with fun van Gogh socks

Favorite song(s) - don't have one, but I listen to a ton of musical theatre and classical atm; Tchaikovsky's Four Seasons is a frequent play atm, along with the Heathers Soundtrack, and sometimes P!atD gets thrown in too, particularly Death of a Bachelor

Instruments – Like what do I like or what do I play? I like tons, but I've only ever learnt violin and guitar. And taking singing lessons, if that counts.

Random fact – I feel like you guys know everything about me already 😂 erm...I used to be a ballroom dancer, and have recently been looking to get back into both that and ballet 😊

Aesthetic – no specific one. I like a bold red lip and black dress, also soft pastels and sweet flowers, rainbow colours, bright smiles...thunderstorms and adventures, dark gothic houses and unexplored catacombs...fields of flowers, warm log fires, starry nights...a quiet library or gentle afternoon in a coffee shop, but also a get together with friends or a fun party with balloons and dancing, rollercoasters and sky dives and bungee jumps...I'm a hodgepodge of mismatched styles, I am 😂 life's too short to restrict yourself. When there's so much to feel and see, learn and experience, why not try it all? 😊

Tagging...@geekgirl268 @grumpy-tea-enthusiast @kokinu09

And all followers who want to try it! I'd love to hear more about you 💖

Day 50 (1st day shift + cheat day)

Woke up at 4 (6hrs sleep)

It wasn't 6 hours sleep more like 6hrs of trying to sleep

Cycled to work (15mins)

Snack - grenade white chocolate protien bar

Breakfast - 3 boiled eggs and 2 slices of toast

Lunch - turkey salad

Cycled home (15mins)

Dinner - protien pizza and chips

Dessert - chocolate cake and custard

So today I have throughout the day with toothache. My filling fell out a couple of months ago and since last night it is has been agony. This is why I couldn't sleep. The dentist isn't doing anything cause they're not opened and told me if I want seen then I need to go to the hospital and they are only doing extractions. So if I want to try and safe it I need to grin and bare it till the dentist is back open. I've took so many pain killers today. The pain finally subdued around 16:00 and when I got home my mum gave me tramadol to keep me going. The pain is still here but it's not agony it's just ongoing. I've never experienced pain like this. Imagine the pain you get when you bite into an ice cream and have sensitive teeth, it's like that but doesnt go away, just keeps going and going. I thought about ripping the bloody thing out myself this morning. I could of cried.

Anyway going to try and get some sleep

Good night everyone