#I mean one girl in a school full of guys is a huge red flag for him lol
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Crewel: remember, no boyfriends until you graduate. Actually, don't even look or think about a boy
Yuu/MC: but this is an all boys school!
Crewel: did I stutter?
#twisted wonderland#disney twisted wonderland#twst#twst x reader#twst mc#divus crewel#riddle rosehearts#leona kingscholar#azul ashengrotto#kalim al asim#vil schoenheit#idia shroud#malleus draconia#I always see mc as a female so crewel is her overprotective dad#I mean one girl in a school full of guys is a huge red flag for him lol
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Ok 😅sorry . It's my fault . So rarely used word the taboo , i wrote wrongly . So , the Hogwarts Legacy now lot artists favorite now , painters/writers and i love it . Im reading a lot on AO3 and i dont understand why they why missing from every fanfiction the the "consequence of free love" . Realist , i know but would be huge turn in one story . Only Tamayula drawed Sebastian and Ominis as fathers . One guy shocked on me bec "they're minors" as he said.....yeah 😄they are who's kills , they do threesome or just traditionally (with MC) . They already wrote alrernative universes , same way they do everything...and there is the unspoken baby shield . The MC is a strong wich , only she can use anchient magic . Sebastian and Ominis too camed from strong / talented family . Their child could be more special , stronger bloodline . With the pregnancy whould came the interesting questions : Which one the father , when , how she'll hide from everyone in the 6th year, with illusion charm ? So thatswhy i asked ,why taboo the pregnancy subject for every artist if the "very detailed lovemaking" not shame ? 🥲
I never knew I couldn’t put community label on a ask… so… Warning: NSFW (talking smutty stuff)
You are perfectly fine! Thank you for more context, I think I understand your question more clearly now and oh boy— this is gonna be a long response
Now I wanna point out that I haven’t really read any actual full blown fanfics, at least ones that include underage smut as you’ve mentioned. The closet I’ve ever gotten was one shots and that’s it. I’m not a fanfic writer myself, I’ve only written some random head canons.
BUT! I have drawn somewhat naughty things, although not as smutty as what I’ve seen other artists do 👀 I do have a couple of… some… I guess you could call “teasing” artworks and I will do more but anyways that’s besides the point—
What I get from your ask is: Why don’t artists ever talk about the consequences after these smutty scenes? (Please correct me if I’m wrong)
Which is a fair question! You know if we are talking canon, this is late 1800’s we are talking about. They didn’t have a plan B or a healthy way to abort a pregnancy. But also there is the factor that there’s only a CHANCE you get pregnant. Now unless they’ve written in there fic like 6 smut scenes then yeah— it is a bit unrealistic unless the character is someone who actually can’t conceive any children (which would be so sad and angsty ngl)
Back then having intercourse before marriage was considered a sin, they believed that sex was gate kept by married people only. So… why not have one of the boys ask MC to marry her? Well you see… back then it was very common for young women and in this case girls to marry… but the man had to be 21 or older legally if they wanted to marry someone younger. So the boys can’t marry MC while they’re still in school.
Now, back to the question. Why don’t artists talk about the pregnancy? The truth is, it would probably impact the story in a negative way. Meaning that if MC has a child at 16, then she basically has a ball and chain on her ankle because she was seen as a widow (and many other words) which was seen as a HUGE red flag to others way back then. And the boys can’t do anything about her reputation… they basically just ruined it by making her pregnant before marriage.
““No sex before marriage!””
The thing is that back then it was taboo to talk about pregnancy and even sex for that matter. Specially when they’re young and not married. Those conversations were reserved for when they want to procreate.
Personally for me, I don’t think MC should be having a sex life at the age of 15 or 16. I mean don’t get me wrong, it can STILL happen, just because it wasn’t excepted back then doesn’t mean it never happened. I just don’t think teen mom really fits well with MC (or at least mine). Plus babies, although are cute, can be a huge pain in the ass while you are studying at Hogwarts while beating up poachers and killing trolls with the imperius curse
Now I do over analyze things you can thank my AP teach in hs for that. And this is only an opinion with a hint of research I did. You do not have to agree with me. As an artist I’m not ready to make that kind of content and this is just my way of thinking. I don’t speak for other artists, so if you want to write underage smut, and even a teen mom MC you do you! Don’t let my words dictate what’s right or wrong because in reality of it all, there is no right or wrong.
There can be other factors like:
Artists not feeling comfortable writing about pregnancy
Just wanting to write smut because they can
There might be hidden context that the artist is keeping secret until the right moment
They are literally writing in a AU where pregnancy can be avoided (modern AU for example)
We are talking about an AU where there are witches and wizards, there could easily be something that could prevent a pregnancy if you just make a HC
But I think it just all comes down to artists comfort level. I mean I’m comfortable with adults having kids because it makes sense… but at 15??? Unless they were married which is was very common for young females in the Victorian era, I don’t think MC having a child while still in school would be realistic in that time period. Honestly women going to school is unrealistic too but this is a different AU… things aren’t going to be realistic.
Just some random research I did because I love analyzing things: (this is based off of England)
A woman can get married at a very young age… BUT— the man has to be 21 or older if he wants to marry someone under the age of 21. Because in England of 1823, it was legal for a man and women to marry at the age of 21. Although it seems after 23 men could easily marry a female from 12 and up without parents consent (I know, sickening)
In the Victorian era, although it was common to see young women with older men, the average age a women would have a child is around the age 21-23
Females who got pregnant in their teens were actually punished for their “sins” and were actually forced to put their child up for adoption in some cases
It wasn’t common for people to have premarital sex until 1920
#I really hope this makes sense#I wrote most of this at 2am so my thoughts were a bit all over the place#I will probably edit this as time continues because opinions change… but also I’m not 100% sure if my research is accurate#hogwarts legacy#hphl#hphl mc#hogwarts legacy mc#sebastian sallow#ominis gaunt#sebastian x mc#ominis x mc#sebastian x mc x ominis#I can tag this right?#hogwarts legacy fanfic#hogwarts fanfiction#asks#personal
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Six-Word Starter Prompts (part I)
Watching quietly from every door frame.
Catholic school backfired. Sin is in!
Savior complex makes for many disappointments.
Nobody cared, then they did. Why?
Some cross-eyed kid, forgotten then found.
Born in the desert. Still thirsty.
I asked. They answered. I wrote.
No future, no past. Not lost.
Joined army. Came out. Got booted.
Almost a victim of my family.
The psychic said I'd be richer.
Painful nerd kid, happy nerd adult.
Fourteen years old, story untold.
One long train ride to darkness.
Wolf! She cried. No one listened.
I'm my mother and I'm fine.
All day I dream about sex.
I still make coffee for two.
I like girls. Girls like boys.
Never should have bought that ring.
Stranded by ten-thousand-mile crush.
Time heals all wounds? Not quite.
Made a mess. Cleaned it up.
Says deaf boyfriend: You're too quiet.
My family is overflowing with therapists.
Boy, if I had a hammer.
Followed white rabbit, became black sheep.
Followed Yellow Brick Road. Disappointment ensued.
Nerdy girl smutmonger. Now, baby fever.
Recent doctorate means overeducated and underemployed.
Taking a lifetime to grow up.
Bad breaks discovered at high speed.
In the office. It smells here.
I am trying, in every regard.
Happiest when ignoring huge financial debt.
Not pretty enough, so now unemployed.
Mistakes were made, but smarter now.
Likes everything too much to choose.
Curly haired sad kid chose fun.
Now I blog and drink wine.
Egomaniac with inferiority complex defies odds.
I thought I was someone else.
Dancing for now, one day farming.
I grew and grew and grew.
Starving artist. Lucky break. Life downhill.
The Hustle: turn champion into sucker.
I was born 'some assembly required.'
I drank to much last night.
Took scenic route, got a date.
I like big butts, can't lie.
I'm enjoying even this downward dance.
Without ideas, intelligence could not exist!
I hope I outlive my regrets.
All night phone calls complete me.
Tragic childhood can lead to wisdom.
Which comes first: tequila or accident?
A sundress will solve life's woes.
I recognize red flags faster, now.
I sucked even the lobster legs.
Nothing profound, I just sat around.
Others left early: he continued cooking.
Quiet guy; please pay closer attention.
I sell hamburgers and french fries.
the shit invariably hits the fan
and he nerded as never before
tow truck drivers are my psychiatrists
should have used condom that time
infinite calm beset with emotional architecture
won the fight; lost the girl
slightly psychotic, in a good way
found true love after nine months
Afraid of everything. Did it anyway.
I wrote it all down somewhere
lost and found, rescued by dog
afraid of becoming like my mother
What the hell. Might as well.
Hexed: curse of the happy childhood.
Can't tonight, watching Law & Order
my life's a bunch of almosts
It's not you. It's me. Honest.
Thought I would have more impact
this is aggression in pink, bitch
oh, to have just one puff!
at the end of Normal Street
found great happiness in insignificant details
spent life looking for dead people
enjoying my fuck ups too much
an unusual turn of gender circumstances
hiding in apartment knitting against depression
they kissed me and said yes!
always dreamt of kissing pretty girls
everyone who loved me is dead
it was embarrassing, don't ask
Verbal hemophilia. Why can't I clot?
the car accident changed my life
burned my bridges and my britches
Batteries are cheap. Who needs men?
Clueless meets Ophelia, without the suicide.
anything possible--but I was tired
I ate, drank, and was hairy
still have not learned to swim
glass half full; pockets half empty
you are all in my imagination
school geek married a luscious cheerleader
I couldn't protect me from myself
aspiring lady pirate, disillusioned, sells boat
I was and now I'm not.
oh sweet nectar of life, coffee
no shit I'm critical--you're flawed
It's pretty high. You go first.
Wasn't noticed so I painted trains.
running away: best decision I made
when she proposed, I said yes
Nobody knows how I have suffered.
Dweeb, pussy...stronger than anyone knows.
too many lovers--too little time
couldn't cope so I wrote songs
long lost girl recently found, unharmed
born a twin, died a loner
It was worth it, I think.
Dorothy Gale had the right idea
take a left turn, then fly
I was never the pretty one
born at 23, childhood doesn't count
memory was my drug of choice
gay physician designed life-saving AIDS drugs
never lived up to my potential
never really finished anything, except cake
cursed with cancer; blessed with friends
crappy parents killed my self esteem
lonely artist turned waitress in love
my life is just like yours
lucky in everything else except love
I'm just here for the beer
With three cats I'm never unloved
came, saw, conquered, had second thoughts
the weather up here is better
baby dyke now raising two babies
Stoned. Boned. Where am I now?
town car, tailored suit, dirty nails
I fell far from the tree
the image was large with silence
after you jump, the net appears
I colored outside the lines
should not have eaten those mushrooms
Wanked furiously. Married. Furious no more.
even the quietest sounds make noise
many hands have kept me afloat
all of my students hate me
I managed not to destroy anything.
#source: not quite what I was planning: six-word memoirs by famous and obscure writers#writing prompts#sentence starters#GIMME#boom! comics power rangers#power rangers in general
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Day 3 - Rainbows
They were everywhere. Plastered in shop windows, strung up across the street, at every booth and stall. It seemed like everyone they passed was rainbow-coloured in some kind of way. Clothing, bags, hair, even beards. Flags waved proudly above and around them. People were smiling, laughing, kissing, holding hands. Like Dean. He clenched on so tightly to Cas’ hand that he almost felt the bones grind beneath skin. He expected Cas to say something, but he didn’t, so Dean held on.
It was his first pride. At forty-one years old he was at an event that was full of young people who’d already figured themselves out. Sam (with glitter on his face) looked down at him with a soft expression.
“We can go, if it’s too much.” he said quietly. Whatever was showing on Dean’s face was apparently so pathetic that Sam didn’t have the heart to mock him.
It was too much, and Dean wanted to go. He wanted the quiet of the bunker, of the Dean-cave, where he understood how everything worked. There, neither Sam, Cas or Jack cared that he was broken. They loved him regardless, and Cas let Dean love him too, in a way that he hadn’t thought he was allowed to.
Jack, immediately distracted by the colours and sounds, rushed off towards the nearest stall, chatting animatedly with the… guy, girl? Person, person behind it, who had a multicoloured mohawk and a yellow, white, purple and black striped shirt. They looked briefly taken-aback at Jack’s overly-forward approach (and probably thousand questions), but responded just as eagerly. Jack was beaming. Eileen (with her own glittered face) followed him after a moment and Sam turned to look with a soft smile before turning back to Dean, his ‘whatever Dean needs’ face replacing it.
“I’m fine.” Dean lied, hoping that his shirt was thick enough to hide the sweat he could feel building down his back and under his arms. “Besides, Jody’s brood will be here soon, it’ll be good to see them.”
Sam paused for a moment but nodded. “Let me know if you need anything.”
“That’s what Cas is for.” Dean muttered.
Sam’s smile was fleeting but warm. Eileen called his name and Sam turned to see his fiancee wink at him, holding a free string of condoms. Sam flushed red and went to join her, pressing a kiss to her glittery cheek and signing something back which made her laugh.
Jack was darting from stall to stall, apparently interrogating everyone, but in such a disarming, truly curious way that nobody seemed to be taking any offence.
Cas remained by Dean, letting him crush his hand, standing stock-still barely inside the cordoned off entrance.
His mouth felt dry and he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t belong here. Everyone else looked so comfortable. There were couples everywhere, of all kinds, thruples too. There was even a string of six that all kept trading kisses and fond looks to each other. Even those on their own looked relaxed. Either waiting for friends or making new ones.
There were drag queens in the most flamboyant, ridiculous and amazing costumes. Huge feather boas, sequined everything and more glitter that Dean had ever owned (which was, admittedly, not much) on every exposed inch of skin.
“How about we go get a burger?” Cas said after a while, pointing at a food truck that looked a little quieter than most of the other, closer, places.
Realising that he’d spent a good long while lost in his own panic, not moving, he figured he should do something other than loiter by the entrance. This was Cas’ day too and he probably wanted to go enjoy himself with everyone else.
“Yeah,” he said, so, his feet feeling like lead, they made their way over to the truck and got a burger and bottle of water each. There were a couple of park benches set up nearby, so they sat there, next to each other, and ate. Letting go of Cas’ hand was more difficult than he’d expected. It had taken him months to get comfortable with the idea of holding Cas’ hand in public, weeks more to get comfortable with the practice. Cas winced as the pressure was finally released. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay.” Cas shook his hand out before digging into his burger. Between mouthfuls, he went on, “We all convinced you to come here because we thought it would be good for you to break down some of the stigmas you’ve held for years about why you can’t be like one of these people,” he gestured around them, “but I don’t think any of us ever thought to ask if you were ready. This is clearly difficult for you. I’m sorry we pressured you into it. If you want to just sit here and wait for Claire and everyone to come before heading back to the bunker for dinner, that’s perfectly okay. None of us are going to judge you. This is a big experience and we’ll take it at your pace.”
“I love you.” Dean said immediately. That was his gut reaction to a lot of things Cas said, and if Dean had learned anything over the past year, it was that Cas always appreciated hearing it. Even now Cas’ eyes crinkled warm, and the edge of his mouth curled up.
“I love you too.”
They finished their burgers in silence and Dean, bolstered a little by Cas’ reassurance, began to really look around at what few booths he could see from where they sat. One of them was for struggles with high school, another was selling flags, another was about the history of Pride. He was curious about that one, he admitted. He didn’t know much about this community he was supposedly a part of. The kind of community that was so vastly different from the one he’d been raised in. A community that John had scoffed at, disrespected, with only Dean to hear him most of the time. But shifting his gaze from the stalls to the people, he had to admit that it was less overwhelmingly rainbow than he’d first thought. There were people in biker jackets and boots, people his age looking similarly nervous, without an angel of humanity to hold their hand. A teenager who looked close to tears carefully glanced around before darting into the high school booth. There were people on their own, some with an air of defiance, others completely comfortable, still others with a cloud of sadness over their heads; here, but with no family who could, or would, join them.
It was an odd thing to take comfort in, the pain of others in this place of joy and self-love, but this more than anything reminded him that they were all just people. People with their own struggles and burdens. People came to Pride anyway, either in defiance of everything that tried to tell them to disappear, or to find comfort in those with similar stories. He wondered how many people out there had fathers who forced them away from their family to try and ‘fix’ them; he wondered how many were in their forties and only just now ready to admit that maybe they weren’t the person their father had wanted them to be, that that person actually went against the values they’d been taught, and the ones they’d figured out for themselves. He was so used to feeling alone in this aspect of his life that it hadn’t even occurred to him that there would be others. He saw a man who must have been in his eighties holding his partner’s hand and brandishing a sign with fervour. Never too old to come out, and he couldn’t help but smile. He nudged Cas and pointed. “Guess that applies to you too, huh? And I think I’m slow. It took you millennia.”
Cas smiled at the men and then shook his head. “It took me millennia to find you,” he said pointedly. “Gender and sexuality was not something I ever thought about before. They don’t mean much to me. And it’s fascinating to see a celebration that both says ‘these things don’t define us’ and ‘these things are important’. It’s all about being comfortable with yourself and fighting for the world to learn to be comfortable with you too.”
“Kind of the meaning of pride, I suppose.”
“Whoever said that was a sin was sorely mistaken.”
“I mean, Pride of the seven deadly was a huge asshole.”
“Hubris is not the same as pride. I’ve always thought that sin should be renamed.”
“Take it up with Chuck,” Dean said with a grin which Cas returned.
“Thankfully, he has no more say in it than I do.”
“Let’s go look in that history booth.” Dean said suddenly, already standing and holding his hand out for Cas to take. Research was always the best first step after all. And if it was right next to the stall selling pink, purple and blue pins, then that was just pure coincidence.
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Tried to make a brief summary of the issues of Mass Effect Andromeda’s handling of queer men and how it relates to why we’re (broad use here) upset with the Legendary Edition failing to provide better representation than the originals, and it kinda turned in to what amounts to an open letter for BioWare.
So, what the heck, here it is.
A little personal background. I spent my high school life completely in the closet. After graduating, I had a new computer and the opportunity to play a new game. The game chosen was BioWare’s Jade Empire. Still a fairly recent release, and I was a big fan of Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic, also by BioWare. So, being a young gay man, still uncomfortable and uncertain of who I was, I was very excited when I got to play this game that would allow me to play a gay romance, a romance that featured two men. I burned through two playthroughs of the game within less than a week, enjoying that rush of acknowledgement that yes, gay guys could be the hero. It was a massive affirmation for me at the time, something that said that my sexuality was not going to prevent me from being the hero, which legitimately was a message that I felt like most media was giving me to that point, because gay men barely appeared in anything other than guest roles for an episode or two on a TV show, but certainly not in video games. That game, that experience... I’ve said for years that it had cemented me as a BioWare fan for life.
If I say that now, it is a statement with a few caveats.
The history of the failure of Mass Effect 1 and Mass Effect 2 to provide any male/male romances is well documented. I was excited, very eager to romance Kaidan Alenko in Mass Effect 3. But even then, I noticed that there were things that were lacking in the romance. It was noticeable, for instance, that the basic dialogue between male Shepard and female Shepard was unchanged, if either was starting a new romance with Kaidan. The thing that always felt... WRONG about that was that if I’d had the option to begin a romance with him in the first game, I would have. Yet there’s not even a bit of dialogue that even references that inability, no comment of “I didn’t think you were available,” or anything of the sort, nothing to say that, say, Shepard was interested in Kaidan at the time, but didn’t believe he’d be receptive, didn’t want to damage their friendship, something of the sort. There was even a cut in the romance scene, where female Shepard will sit in Kaidan’s lap before being lifted up and carried to the bed, but with male Shepard and Kaidan, just fades to black. And then in the Citadel DLC, while all the other pairings walked in to the casino arm in arm, male Shepard and Kaidan are leaving plenty of room between them. There’s also the absence of any cuddling as they return to the Normandy.
To say nothing of the lack of Steve Cortez during the story segments of Citadel – he is not part of the big team entrance to the apartment, just spontaneously appears in the lounge room. He doesn’t participate in the briefings, and he is not a casino date, despite being part of the assembled team. Cortez also suffers from the fact that his romance spends so much time on how he needs to move on from the death of his husband, Shepard can come across as predatory towards him, trying to push him out of his grief and his pants. Due to the lateness of his arrival in the story, in game three, as opposed to game one or two, there is significantly less time to establish him as a person – beyond his past as a pilot and the death of his husband, we gain almost no concept of his personality or personal history.
I bring all of this up to help set the stage of what was expected when Mass Effect Andromeda was nearing release. Mass Effect had been full of problems of representation of queer men specifically (not that they were perfect on the count of female/female relationships either, because there’s plenty to talk about there, but as I’m not a lesbian or bisexual woman, I don’t feel comfortable talking about their experiences for them). While there were flaws, Dragon Age, what is often considered Mass Effect’s sister franchise, HAD managed to provide male/male romances in every iteration of that franchise.
In fact, considering that Dragon Age’s most recent installment, Dragon Age Inquisition, had been put out with a lot of fanfare about the first gay male companion, who was considered rather popular in the fandom, and the game itself receiving the Game of the Year award that year, indicating that, if there was any risk in the business sense of providing representation of queer men, it was negligible at most in the bottom line of that game, the attitude of a lot of gay men in the lead up to Andromeda’s release was some variation of “okay, Mass Effect has been flawed, but BioWare’s learned from their past mistakes, and they’re coming off the heels of a hugely successful game that had a gay character whose gayness was front and center in his storyline... We can expect that things will be fine, and we don’t have to worry.” That was the dominant attitude I found in a lot of my queer-oriented spaces.
But we started getting uncomfortable as the developers remained cagey about romance options in Andromeda – there were Twitter responses to “we’re concerned about Mass Effect’s history of gay representation, we would like to know about the options” that came out as “we checked and yep! They’re there!” These responses came across as flippant and even tone-deaf – the reason that the question was being asked was because of prior failures to be included, and not simply a desire to get all the details before launch.
As the trailers started coming out, the questions continued from the fans, and the response from the developers... continued to be uncomfortable. When asked directly for a listing of romances prior to release, the response was that the developers wanted players to learn as they played, that “the fun is in experiencing it!” This was a specific response when it was learned that the romance options could be flirted with regardless of orientation, but they would shut it down. Despite the fact that the trailers DID include content from certain romances – specifically, the male Ryder/Cora and male Ryder/Peebee romances.
This was uncomfortable for a lot of queer players like myself because it spoke to a lack of consideration of what it is like to be queer. In many places, it is a serious question of safety to even put yourself out there to find a partner, to flirt with someone openly unless you are already certain that there is a chance for a positive response. There are places where a queer person flirting with the wrong person can get them harassed, assaulted, even killed for doing so. Even in the safety of a virtual construct of video games, these are honed instincts that queer people have developed. And no matter how many times we would say this to the developers, no one seemed to understand. Likewise, the fact that the trailers felt free to show off heterosexual romances, but not queer ones felt... questionable.
Then, finally, firm details started coming out, and... There were problems. Early data-mining said that there was an even split of romances between orientations. But there was a bit of discomfort around the reveal that the gay characters, Suvi and Gil, were limited to the ship, rather than being companions who would accompany Ryder on missions. There is a history of companions being given more involved storylines and involvement than secondary characters. It also didn’t help the disappointment from queer people who’d been eager for Cora or Liam as romances, who were firmly established as straight (Cora herself had a popular lesbian following).
That discomfort increased when it came out further that, ACTUALLY, Jaal would not be available for Male Ryder. This caused a lot of upset. Now it was a case where there was NO M/M squadmate romance option. This on top of the group of fans who were uncomfortable with the idea that, in a sci-fi series, gay men couldn’t romance an alien, while this had become a staple of the series, considering Liara, the character from a species described as equivalent to Star Trek green-skinned Orion girls, had been available for straight men and lesbian/bi women from ME1, and straight women got in on the act with Garrus and Thane in ME2, on top of straight men also getting Tali.
This got worse when the achievement listing for the game was released and there was an achievement for “romancing three different characters.” Meaning that it was absolutely impossible for a gay man to play the game and get this achievement without playing a sexuality other than his own.
This is why I led with my experience with Jade Empire, why it was so affirming to me. Because to hear all this, ten years later, to see what had been so affirming to me a decade prior be functionally dismissed, be shown to take a secondary position at best... It hurt.
And the game proper did not help that feeling at all.
So first we meet Gil Brodie. Engineer of the Tempest. One of the first things we learn about him is that he has a close friendship with a woman named Jill. And then he immediately tells us that one) she is a fertility specialist, and two) she “says [he’s] part of the problem” because he won’t have kids the natural way. This is immediately setting off red flags to me – I can think of plenty of my friendships where we give one another grief for various things, but I would never think of introducing any of them to someone else with that fact. So my reflexive thought in this situation is “what kind of a friend is this really?”
And then, as the game goes on... This is the only thing that Gil’s conversations involve, the prospect of having kids. We do not learn much more about him, just have him talking about considering the idea. The lock-in for his romance requires Ryder to meet Jill, who Gil again says that she will talk his ear off about his “civic duty” to reproduce, a fact that makes those earlier red flags wave higher and more furiously, because who DOES that to a total stranger? And this is passed off as being “charming.” This leads to the culmination of the romance, where Gil says that Jill has decided she wants to get pregnant and she wants Gil to be the dad.
There’s... A LOT going on here, so let me work through this. First, one of the few things Gil says as a bit of establishing his character is that he is impulsive, that he joined the Andromeda Initiative, the journey from the Milky Way galaxy to the Andromeda galaxy without really thinking through what it would mean, that it was a one-way journey with no way to back out once he’d gotten there. So this is already saying to me that this is not a person who really SHOULD be a parent, at least at this point in his life.
We also get a couple of emails from him in-game that paint him as putting in thirty-six hour workdays into the engines on the Tempest, that he cares about and puts a lot of time into those engines. So when I think about him as a father, I see him having to give up something he’s deeply passionate about to do it, because the Tempest is certainly no place to raise a child – they can’t exactly put a playpen in the cargo hold, for example.
This would be one of the first things that I would think of as a discussion element, but... it’s not there. All that we get is a couple of casual comments about how Gil should know that bringing a child into the world is a big thing, something that shouldn’t be done lightly. But this is framed as Ryder questioning Gil’s fitness to be a parent at all, rather than questioning if he’s thinking this through and having considered this enough to be ready to take on this responsibility, or if it’s even something that he even wants.
Because that’s the other big thing here – this is not Gil’s idea. This is not something that he makes clear is his desire. No, it’s Jill who has decided that she wants to get pregnant and use Gil’s sperm. For all that he matters in this whole thing, he might as well be a turkey baster. He’s basically an accessory in his own story, because he goes in to this with all the passion of a math equation: “The Andromeda Initiative is a colonization effort. Therefore, the idea is to have babies. Therefore, I should find some way to reproduce.” This isn’t him having a passion or desire to have kids, just it being “something you do.”
This is, genuinely, a failure to understand the character who was being written. Gil’s writing reeks of having been written by someone who does not know what they are talking about. There is an element to the gay experience that is not innate but learned. When we realize that having children is not a thing that will just happen, that if we want this to happen, it will require a lot of additional steps, there are many who will simply say “this isn’t for me, this is more work than I’m willing to put in to for this.”
Now, Gil could have been someone who had decided it was worth it, but that butts up against the idea of him being impulsive, that he doesn’t think things through. There is no time given to focusing on the reason he decides this is the right choice for him, to the point that many players felt that this was not Gil’s decision but something that Jill was pushing, that she expected him to jump on her command. Because we have so little of Gil, as a character and an individual, but plenty of him talking up her, this “friendship” feels toxic to many.
Just about everyone I have ever spoken with about Gil is deeply uncomfortable that literally, the only way that he will not have a child at this point is if a romanced Ryder stops him – if I am playing a game where I don’t romance him, I actively just stop interacting with him at a certain point so that this never comes up, because this does not come across as happy. It comes across as forcing a gay man into a heteronormative experience to satisfy some traditional idea of “man and woman, raising kids.”
And, as the cherry on top, if you do tell Gil that you’re not comfortable having kids – a very real thing, whether gay or straight – then, unlike other romances, Gil and Ryder do not share a kiss at the finale of the game. And, during the last conversations on Meridian, the only thing Gil even brings up is Jill being pregnant, whether or not it’s his child.
This is what “representation of gay men” amounted to in Mass Effect Andromeda. A homophobic story that was about a gay experience written by someone who is not a part of this community and does not know or understand the experience personally, going through the motions of development when really, all that is cared about is the end result. To say that most of the gay men I know who have played this game find this homophobic is to undersell the point.
It doesn’t help that, of all the Tempest romances, Gil also clocks in with the least amount of romance exclusive material – a few flirts, the romance lock in and scene, and being able to stop Gil from having kids. Other than that, his friendship and his romance are virtually identical.
Speaking of, the romance scene consists of a make out session that fades to black, before coming back in with Ryder and Gil, shot from about shoulders up, briefly wrapping up their conversation that preceded the fade to black. This is noteworthy when the heterosexual romances between Ryder and their human love interests, as well as Peebee and Jaal, the former having a similar body model to naked human women, just blue, and Jaal, who is naked at other points in the game, have much more involved romance scenes – Cora’s in specific received special attention.
All of this, individually, may have just been reflective of time crunch and other external pressures – we all understand the realities of game development, that for all the ambitions that go in, when the deadlines are nearing, something has to give. But taken collectively... The kindest question is to ask why all of the “give” happened in regards to the gay man?
The end result with Gil honestly feels like he was written in response to the bad faith arguments that had come up in the period after the name for the game was revealed and it was made clear that the game would follow a colonization effort. There were a contingent of people who said that “there shouldn’t be gay people coming along, a colonization effort needs to reproduce.” This is a bad faith argument from homophobes, trying to justify why they don’t want gay people in “their” games. In answering their question, the question they only “ask” in order to explain why they don’t want to have gay people in the game without saying that, it comes across as catering the gay content for a heterosexual audience. It should go without saying that this is a bad position to take.
So, that’s Gil. What about Reyes? Well, Reyes himself is bound to a single planet, which, again, points to a minimizing of how much content he will even get, since his content can only be accessed on this single planet. Likewise, Reyes, as a character, is someone who falls in to several old, tired tropes with regards to bisexual men – he is a shady, untrustworthy character, in this instance literally a criminal, meant to be evocative of the “dashing rogue” archetype. This is a characterization that has often been BioWare’s go-to with regards to bisexual men, because we see this archetype drawn on in Jade Empire’s Sky, Dragon Age Origins’ Zevran, Dragon Age 2’s Anders, and even elements exist in Dragon Age Inquisition’s Dorian (even if he is a gay man). It’s a well that BioWare has frequently tapped when it comes to a romance option for queer men, to the point that it starts to feel like BioWare in general believes that this IS what queer men are.
There’s also the questionable portrayal of Reyes that leads to a description of the trope “the depraved bisexual,” an explicitly bisexual character who uses sex and sexuality as a manipulative tool, that they treat others as simply there to be their toys. Over in Dragon Age Inquisition, one of the romance options was specifically NOT made bisexual in order to avoid this trope, but Reyes himself seems to be a candidate for that trope all the same.
All this, and, again, the romance options for gay men were unequal to those for everyone else. This prompted the campaign #MakeJaalBi – Jaal was, notably, the character initially assumed to be the bisexual male companion, and on release, his romance was heterosexual exclusive. But datamining revealed that there was code for him to be romanced by male Ryder. Indeed, on release, it was noteworthy that Jaal could not even be flirted with by male Ryder. Liam had a distinct turndown for male Ryder, a couple of them, depending on when Ryder flirts with him. Jaal had no such turndown.
And this worked. BioWare released the patch for Andromeda that gave Jaal a bisexual romance. However, this was the only change that Mass Effect Andromeda received in regards to the issues of the romances before support for the game ended. While it was seen as an improvement, it was also questioned why this was the only change, when... Well, I spent the better part of two pages outlining the problems of Gil’s portrayal.
(I feel I would be remiss to not mention there was also a character, Hainley Abrams, who would, upon interacting with her, proceed to deadname herself to Ryder, as if that is the only way to establish that a transgender person is trans. This was also changed in a patch after the trans community complained, and, in conjunction with the above, led more than a few people to wonder if the Andromeda script had been looked over by any queer sensitivity readers, given the earlier issues with Gil. This does go out of the scope of everything else in this discussion, but it is worth mentioning.)
When Mac Walters says players will talk about how Shepard is each of theirs, that every individual player approaches Shepard as being “their” Shepard, he isn’t wrong. He says the characters, and the relationships we have with the characters is the heart and soul of the series, he isn’t wrong. And yet... When I play the trilogy, my heart and soul are being torn apart, because I do not get to see myself in the trilogy. I am not there in this story, at least for two thirds of the way. And in that third that I am there, I feel like I am cared about less than my counterparts who are heterosexual.
The idea that “making” characters available for same sex romance changes them is like saying that there is some inherent difference in a person because of their sexualities. While it’s true that the experiences of queer people does offer different perspectives on matters, it does not fundamentally alter the person, the individual that we are. It does not change our heart and soul. Restoring the bisexuality of characters like Jack, Jacob, Ashley, Thane, or Tali is not changing who they are. Making Kaidan bisexual in ME3 did not change who he was, and restoring a romance between him and male Shepard in ME1 would not change him either.
Every game has some cut content surrounding queer content specifically, and a great deal of that content is specifically for gay players like myself. I said at the beginning that I once thought of myself as a BioWare fan for life, but that now comes with caveats. The caveats are pretty simple – while the games produced by BioWare once felt affirming, now they feel like they’re only grudgingly allowing me to be there. That if I must be there, I should just take the scraps I’m given and be content with that, rather than being treated as an equal.
I like to think that this is not the message that the people at BioWare wish to impart to their players. I like to believe BioWare’s statements of wanting to be an inclusive and welcoming environment for their players, regardless of gender, race, sexuality, orientation, whatever identity and label one chooses. But based on the experience of the last four games, of the Legendary Edition perpetuating the homophobia of over a decade ago... I have a hard time believing that.
BioWare games once made me feel like I was equal to the straight heroes across my media. Unfortunately, I don’t feel that way about their games anymore. Not when, after having the opportunity to restore the bisexuality of Kaidan – of multiple characters, really – in the Legendary Edition, I am still being told that offering representation for people like me is something that only comes grudgingly.
And if that’s what I see now... What does it say about what the future of the franchise will offer? If every game in this series involves fighting for content that, in particular, heterosexual players will see offered as the rule, what motivates me to want to continue to be invested and involved in this franchise?
#bioware critical#dg rants#another angry queer rant#make mass effect inclusive#make mele inclusive#makemeleinclusive
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What-if for Season 4
So at the end of season 3’s episode “Ladybug” we see that Adrien "asking” Lila to get Marinette back in school and what not. Words are spoken and wow just look at how they’re spoken:
That line right there! Okay so I watched this episode in English and in [Latin American] Spanish and wow the way that line is spoken. Both voice actors really conveyed how Adrien would channel his anger. It’s not an emotion we really got to see in Adrien before but in both languages the barely contained anger is something I feel is in line with what we know about Adrien who controls and is conscious of his emotions. It got me thinking about how passive aggressive this boy really is and man oh man how I wish that it get’s worked into season 4. Passive aggressive Adrien Agreste vs. resident liar/manipulator Lila Rossi. Yaaaas sign me up.
Hopefully, this side of him is explored next season and we can finally give Adrien some rivals who can help us explore his character a little more. This ending suggests that Lila is completely in Adrien’s danger radar and he’ll be in Protect Marinette Mode (similar to his Protect Ladybug Mode). In fact, the scene pictured above aligns with his self-sacrificial tendencies that he has as Chat Noir. Lots of people have mentioned that agreeing to the photoshoot is him selling his soul, but he also establishes that he won’t ever have a genuine friendship with Lila. Bring on the war!
I personally think that Adrien, who we know isn’t too confrontational, will take a subtle approach. And how can he do that? Well, he could channel his inner actor where he can certainly play the part of “friend” while simultaneously working to discredit Lila.
Like you can not tell me that Adrien, who’s enrolled in a bunch of activities, was not enrolled in acting classes at some point in his homeschooled life. His mom was an actress, so it’s not like his parents would be against the idea of acting lessons. He was even the VA for his own superhero persona in canon’s LB+CN movie lmaoooo. Yes, he’s a model and very much loved by the people of Paris so perhaps being chosen for the role isn’t too surprising, but that also doesn’t mean he has no talent or training for it. Let’s be real, modeling could be the compromise to his parents wanting their son to follow in their footsteps. Modeling is the fashion from his dad and the art of perfecting his facial expressions from his mom.
And like even if acting lessons were never a thing, his mom was around in his life. We know basically nothing about the woman, so really we can speculate that she showed Adrien a thing or two about acting. Let’s say it was through her that Adrien learned to be expressive, to be not expressive, and to be anywhere in between. His mom could have taught him to roll with what life has to offer through ad libs and improv. Adrien we’ve seen to have a dramatic flair as both Adrien and Chat Noir, and he honestly controls his temper waaaay better than we give him credit. Sure he makes mistakes, but really he’s human and he does learn from them (now if only the writing could keep character development for its characters but yeeaaaah).
Here’s a scenario where Adrien can start his stop Lila campaign:
Adrien and Lila are interviewed about the recent shoot and you know questions roll around about how was it working with together, they’re classmates right, are the two dating, yada yada
Adrien answering and not even trying to let Lila get the first word in because the boy is on high alert and knows this girl will try to spin it in her favor
“Oh, it was surprising my father even thought of letting one of my classmates model with me. In fact, I didn’t even know Lila was interested in modeling. Still, it was interesting to work with someone new to the field.”
Which on the surface seems like an ordinary, polite response; appropriate of Adrien but it’s also everything Adrien needs to corner Lila.
In all of three sentences Adrien says he played no part in making the photoshoot happen, effectively shuts down the possibility of dating Lila, and establishes to the public that Lila is nothing more than a classmate, one he doesn’t even know well.
Lila is annoyed but she’s not giving up because she’s under the impression that Adrien is far too agreeable and spineless therefore she writes him off as Not a Threat
Hahahaha jokes, Adrien plays on people underestimating him
“Well, I didn’t want you to think that I wanted to make it seem like I was using you because we’re friends and friends don’t do that.”
Or something along those lines I dunno
“That’s the great thing about our class everyone is so nice that we can all be friends. Lots of us are so creative and I love getting to know everyone. Nathaniel, Lila’s desk mate, is a great artist; sketching, painting, he’s your guy. He’s currently working on a superhero comic with Marc from the other class and I can’t wait for what else they come up with for the sequel. Ivan, who sits in front of Nathaniel, he’s a rockin’ drummer, and Rose, she’s another one of our classmates, killer voice and awesome lyrics. Her best friend, Juleka plays bass and I’ve actually modeled with her before. Nothing official, but since I know Juleka wants to be a model I honestly thought she was going to be the one I was modeling with for this shoot. Sure it wasn’t a huge shoot, but Juleka did such a great job. And the clothes we modeled were made by our everyday Ladybug, Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Marinette, she’s also our class rep by the way, is such a brilliant designer! Did you know that she actually won one of my father’s contests? Her hat was adored by Audrey Bourgeois AND she was offered the chance to move to New York. And you know…”
Basically, Adrien ends up spending the rest of the interview talking about how much he knows about his friends and “gee it’s such a shame I don’t really know much about you Lila.”
Read: you aren’t special, I have more friends, and I actually pay attention to them.
Bonus point: Alec is the one who interviews them and he picks up on Lila becoming more and more frustrated with Adrien.
Pretty in character for him to poke the bear *cough* Stormy Weather *cough* so for him to let Adrien take the reins of the interview for the sake of drama isn’t that much of a stretch.
Alec: What about Lila?
Adrien: I don’t know, I really don’t want to get anything wrong so she can answer
The next day, the interview is the only thing anyone can talk about
Adrien’s classmates gushing about how sweet Adrien is because he literally showed them that he really cares about them.
Adrien remembering all this information about all of them and hyping everyone up on TV!!
Friends know each other’s dreams and likes and dislikes and Adrien isn’t known to have lots of free time, but him making the effort to remember all that about each person is flattering to the class
Let Adrien show how much he appreciates and admires his friends pleeeeeeease
Lila can be in the background plotting how to paint Adrien in a bad light
But uhhh the class is going full Protect This Precious Boy at this point so your plan has to be fool-proof Lila
Bonus point: the class is now more sus of Lila after the whole Marinette-got-expelled-and-then-unexpelled (which is still fresh in their minds).
No one get’s an expulsion reversed unless they’re innocent
And dude Lila was in the middle of that whole mess.
Whatever Lila did shows she has the power to get any of them expelled.
If the kids aren’t at least wary of Lila in season 4, then the writers really be tripping because too many red flags around Lila for people to just wave them off.
In other news, Marinette starts to trend after enough of Adrien’s fans connect the dots that she’s the same girl who they chased around that time she and Adrien went to the movies
If the majority of Parisians weren’t convinced they were dating back then, oh boy they at least ship it by this point hahahaha
#miraculous ladybug and chat noir#adrien agreste#what if scenario#ml theory#marinette dupain cheng#lila rossi gets a new rival#let other characters have rivals that arent romace based you cowards!!#adrien gets a new rival#my one wish is character development#oops this got long#ml spoilers#maybe?#my headcanons
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Scotrospective: Scott Pilgrim Vs the World (The Comic)
Hello, Hello, Hello scottaholics! And what a beautiful day it is: After decades lost in the lost woods, at least it had that catchy tune to keep it company, Scott Pilgrim Vs the World: The Game is FINALLY back and performing for you on all platforms!
Even Stadia, the platform most likely to disappear like this game did for a while! Cheap shots at the stadia aside as a huge fan of the franchise as a whole and of this game who played it back on the 360, and had since sold said 360 so I had no way to get it back or ever play the dlc packs. Seriously who didn’t want to play wallace but never got to? Everyone, everyone is the answer. But with those the entirety of what I consider to be the main cast is playable, it has online so you can beat up hipsters, guys in costumes and robots with your friends, it’s a good damn feeling.
And since i’m in a celebratory mood, naturally i’m also feeling like a review. And since it just so happens the next volume up in my look at the comics is Vs the World, seriously I planned this review for this month without thinking to have it come out on the same day as the game until a week or two in, I felt there was no better way to celebrate the biggest day for Scott Pilgrim fans in some time.. and for Brian Lee O Malley as he’ll stop getting twitter asks about it. So with all the exposition taken care of LAST TIME, and the link right there if your curious, we can jump right in. On with the show!
After our opening titles, and yes this comic has opening titles, with Ramona sitting solmely in the rain.
And Scott caught in the title. The rain shot is real pretty by the way. But yeah once we get past those we’re taken back 7 years ago. Finn found out his father was an asshole, and voiced by Stephen Root so hey you take the good with the bad, Steven just learned the horrifying truth about Gem Monsters, Guardians of the Galaxy saved the MCU and I was trying to find work after college.. wait... sorry sorry that was 7 years ago from THIS year. The comic came out in 2005, though the comic takes place on a sliding timescale where only like 2 years pass so I dunno when this is. Let’s just say 98.
Okay so 1998: Bill Cllinton’s sex scandal breaks, and puts way too much of hte blame on the young intern whose life came to be defined by one stupid mistake she made with a man who was way older and should’ve known better, the tide of the Monday Night War turned in favor of the WWF as Stone Cold Steve Austin became a household name, and it was an utterly standup year for video game relaases with Ocarina of Time, Banjo-Kazooie, Crash Bandicoot: Warped, StarCraft, Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, WWF: War Zone, Pokemon Stadium, Spyro The Dragon, Pokemon Yellow, WarioLand 2, Oddworld: Abe’s Exodus, Star Wars: Rogue Squadron, Pokemon: Trading Card Game and Sonic Adventure. It’s like someone took a good chunk of my childhood and squeezed it into one year holy shit, I did not expect this when looking up what came out in 98.
And while the movie pool wasn't’ quite this amazing, we still had The Wedding Singer, The Big Lebowski, the dude abides, Batman and Mr Freeze: SubZero, The Truman Show, Mulan, the good one not the one made near concetration camps that makes her into a demigod, Saving Private Ryan, Blade, Simon Birch, Scooby Doo on Zombie Island, Rushmore, Bride of Chucky, HalloweenTown, Plesantville, and the Prince of Egypt. And in music Weird Al changed from his first signature look to his second, getting Lasik and growing out his hair. Seirously had no idea that was this year. Good to know. Also Elton John got his knighthood. Super shooters. I could go on with 1998 triva for days but I cannot go on for 8 weeks so let’s get to the point here.. during alllla this Scott Pilgrim, age 16, was starting St. John’s Catholic School and a couple of guys who were up to no good started making trouble. . by threatning to beat him up for no real reason. A fight insues and we cut to the principal’s office as Scott’s still a minor and not allowed to get into death fights just yet under the people’s freedom of choices and voices act.
It’s here he meets Lisa Miler, a peppy and sarcastic blonde, who’s intrigued by the fact Scott somehow got beat up after being here just 15 minutes and wants to be friends. Naturally for scott next we see him he’s busy playing video games, and annoyed someone else is around and wondering who this person whose now in his basement is. God no wonder teenage me related to him.
So for the next few pages we see their friendship in time lapse: Lisa joins him at lunch, then geninely wonders since Scott’s Untentionally a dick if he hates her.. it’s part of why I think Scott has some form of autisim. And not just because I tend to belivie a character is on the spectrum all the damn time, it’s because of the way he acts: while he is nice and charming at times.. he also clearly has trouble relating to people or realizing how his actions effect them and as seen here in a younger form can often be compeltely distanced from normal social queues, not getting how his actions might be seen until Lisa outright talks to him about it. I mean.. it’s not a huge stretch, and it dosen’t mean he’s nto responsible for his own actions, but it does EXPLAIN a lot of them better: why he just sorta forgets about Knives post-ramona but at the same time still cares enough he dosen’t want to hurt her despite you know, that ship sailing just by having moved on.
But now the two are friends and his parents, who we meet for the first time and sister inquire about her being his girlfirned.. and by next jumpcut his parents apparently don’t want him hanging out with girls? What exactly the fuck? Also they mention Laurence, Scott’s brother whose missing for most of the books and has no real payoff for not being around. Next cut we get KIM!
Thank you Prissy. And she’s.. not all that different, assuming, correctly that their partner project, how she meets scott will just result in her doing all the work.. which not only is how these things usually went when I was in high school a decade later, but reminds me of the time me and my friends curtis and justin were put on a project and when asked who the alied powers were, guessed “Germany?”.... you can understand my fear. And also Curtis punching him for getting nothing done.. and not hard or brutally mind you just once quick in the gut and with full warning. Ah... the adaquate old days.
So back to Lisa as, since Scott’s Mom has a guitar.. a fact I.. never honestly thought about. Seriously I never realized her children, since the Bass Scott has for most of the books is Laurence’s, getting into music was probably due to her. Also Lisa makes her case for WHY be a band: the school has a regular event called Lunchapalooza, where everyone goes to and since by teen logic, just being in a band is automiacally cool, she figures they can jump from not QUITE being in any cliques to being super cool. Which honestly yeah... while I didn’t know any bands in high school, the fact one of my friends, ironically named Scott, was a DJ automatically made him pretty damn cool once he got past his awkard phase. I never got past mine but somehow was loved by all except that one douchey kid in our group who mocked me for naming my Luxray kim, assuming it was based on Kim possible and not Kim Pine... though frankly how that’s an insult when Kim Possible was a fucking awesome show and character is beyond me but he was just 17 and also a douchebag, it didn’t have to make since it just had to piss off the easily pissed off kid with aspergers. So Scott poses how they can be a band with just their guitars and Lisa concedes drums WOULD help.. I mean it’s what MADE Shallow Gravy.
So while Kim wonders if Scott is dating Lisa, because teenagers don’t really get girls and boys can be friends without wanting to be together, though not often as teenage boy brains can be rather stupid and horny... can confrim from personal experince. So it becomes clear Scott has a thing for Kim, and when Scott tries broaching it with Lisa she dosen’t take it well and he backpedals to asking her to be her drummer and plans to monday, proving Scott has somehow not gotten better at reading women, or anyone after 7 years. Can relate.
So yeah he decides to ask Monday, same day as their presentation.. and thankfully missed the bus as he arrives to find the Benvy Tech boys came in, took everyone out and abducted Kim. Because yeah, just in case you were wondering Scott’s life was always like this.. or was it? Questions for later. So one Canadian Version of River City Ransom later, Scott’s made his way to simon... who, since most of you have probably seen the movie or art of the movie.. looks an AWFUL lot like Gideon. Hrmmm. Simon is naturally the final boss here and wonders if this is the best St. Joels can muster. Scott quips back as only Scott can.
So cue an unsuprisingly awesome actoin sequence. IT’s part of why I love these color editions: While they already LOOKED thoroughly fantastic the added colors really help the series shonen manga meets old school video game vibe REALLY fucking pop. So Simon pleads mercy which like Scott delivering a good quip.. should’ve really been a red flag to younger me and is foreshadowing for later in case I was too subtle. He then does what any noble hero would do.. kicks simon into the sunset, tells Kim how he feels and asks her to play drums. They then make out. Awwww.
Lisa suprisingly takes it well as the next montage shows.. granted we’ll learn in Feburary she wasn’t QUITE as over scott as it seemed, but the three, along with a friend of Lisa’s whose name I forgot and who DOSEN’T come back so I’m not going to bother learning, form their own friend group, Scott and Kim get an A, and Scott, Kim and Lisa’s band is dubbed sonic and knuckles, which is an objectively awesome band name. Something the series really does great: Video Game Based Band Names. Crash and the Boys, Sex Bomb-Omb, Clash at the Demonhead... we need more bands like this in the real world dammit. So then they play their big game, the two loose their vrigniity.. and then Kim asks scott “your moving to tornoto?” And.. for now.. that’s that.
While the framing of that will be VERY important in the last volume, as notice how KIM’S the one who brings it up and it’s not explicitly stated scott actually told her, this flasback is great. While it does contribute to the volume’s drifty pacing, more on that as we go, it brilliantly sets up a LOT of stuff for later, paticuarlly Lisa who I assumed wouldn’t be back and younger me’s jaw fucking DROPPED when she popped up in Volume 4. Granted i’m spoiling that suprise for you now but odds are most of you reading this have either alreaddy read these or were probably wondering if the girl from the animated short ever had any actual relevance in the books. So yes, yes she does. She’s also the pink haired girl you see pop up in the game in the background, as a nod to O’Malley’s comic strip style which had her and Kim as the leads.
Also yeah for fans of the game or movie or even the comics who were unaware.. this prologue got an animated adaption on adult swim to promote the movie. Naturally Micheal Cera and Allison Pill reprised their roles as Scott and Kim, with Mae Whitman voicing lisa.. and honestly being perfect for the roll, and Jason Schrwartzman voicing Simon naturally. While the animation is slightly limited, it still looks decent and expertly translates O’Malley’s art, while sliming things down slightly where needed to fit a short, and the anmation takes a huge bump for the fight scene which like the comic is short but awesome. While it has no real bearing on the film as Kim’s former relationship with Scott never really comes up or has any impact, as the Film while good was based primarily on volumes 1-3 with small pieces of 4 (paticuarlly the iconic “Lesbians gag”), with Wright working off outlines and drafts of 5 and 6, so the last half hour or so is mostly Wright’s invention.
Not a bad thing as it’s still awesome and not o’malley’s fault but it means kim dosen’t get to do much, and is a big reason why I want an adaptation on netflix or hbo max. While i’d still want changes both because there’s no sense doing an adaptation if your not going to make some tweaks of your own and because it’d be intresting to update the series to modern day, both in societal conventions and so everyone stops saying the r word. Seirously the most telling sign of the series age is that word showing up quite a bit during the first half of the series. Point is there is merit in doing another remix of the story and doing a longer form one so we can get more of the characters, as well as flesh out ones like Steven, Neil (Who was done WAY better in the movie adaptation thanks to the wonderful Johnny Simmons), and Stacey who got the shaft in the books. Again, not slagging off the movie, it’s really great. Just saying there’s always room for more Scott Pilgrim content and we all know it.
We’ll get back to the comic proper, and the present day of 2005, after the cut.
So the story proper opens with Scott dreaming of playing video games... because of course he is with Ramona walking in. and finding it charmingly pathetic but wanting her boyfriend to you know, get out of bed. It’s 11:30.
So with Scott’s ass out of bed, we find Scott, Age 23 idiot with a heart of gold and Wallace, 25 king of all gays, on the bus as they talk it getting warmer and Lucas Lee, movie star and jason lee stand in coming to town to film a movie.. and Scott being Scott gets him confused for Luke WIlson. He’s also seen Bottle Rocket which.. good on him. Seriously while not wes anderson’s best film, those were made long afte this comic was published, it’s still a damn good one.. where was his career at this point... looking it up life aquatic was his most recent films and is still one of my favorites. So yeah he was in a good place career wise.
Scott proudly talks about having Ramona over in a couple days so she can see his place and meet Wallace. But as explained by Wallace for those of us just tuning in, he already met her last volume. You know during that time Stacey thought she could magically make her date not be attracted to someone else.. and yes even almost a month later not letting that one go. Stacey should know better. Not saying i’ts right Wallace keeps poaching her boyfriends, but she still shoudlnt’ try and force a relationship with a guy or even finish a date with one who makes out with someone else, regardless of gender, mid date. She deserves better. In general not just in this one scenario but we’ll get to that.
Point is while Scott, as usual, is a bit pissy about this Wallace.. has no time for that and issues an ultimatium
And he’s not bluffing, as he fully intends to tell Ramona the minute she walks in the door if he dosen’t break up with Knives. It really shows Wallace off at his best and why he’s Scott’s closest friend: Kim and Stephen do care about him but Kim both has a LOT of unresolved issues and sexual tension with him and keeps eveyrbody including Scott at arm’s length. And Stephen.. while he will OCASIONALLY call Scott out mostly just enables him, either ignoring his college buddy’s shittier behavior or playing along with it and backing him up when Kim rightfully calls him on being a dickhead. While both love their friend they just aren’t the best at dealing with his shit or getting why he does the things he does good and bad.
Wallace on the other hand geninely likes Scott. He’ll lock him out of the house and tell him to sleep elsewhere so he can bang one out, he’ll not wear pants if he dosen’t have to and he’ll certainly hit on Scott just to get a rise out of him, phrasing.. but he also genuinely cares for the guy’s well being. He lets him sleep in their house basically rent free since scott has no money, buys most of their stuff, and is, as we’ll see in this one, the ONLY one of his friends to take an active part in the fight against the exes, training Scott and researching his opponents when he can get info. He won’t baby Scott as seen here, but he will help him, and he will be the harsh voice of reason his friend needs.
And he did TRY doing a softer approach last time, simply telling scott to break up with his fake high school girlfriend. Scott had every chance to dump Knives during the last third of the first book.. it’s just a combination of both Knives and Ramona being in the same place and Scott getting panicky meant he balked. He NEEDS to be pushed into leaving Knives or he’s not gonna. And he also gets it’s not just Scott being a shifty coward: Scott DOES like Knives.. he just found someone who actually challenges him, intrests him and connects with him on his level, versus someone who worships and adores him like a puppy who just happens to be skilled with knives. The relationship with Knives. was an ego boost, an unequal paring that gave Scott the illusion of moving on from Envy. Ramona is him ACTUALLY moving on and given how badly Envy fucked him up, which comes into play in this book and the next, Wallace recognizes that Scott does need her... but this relationship can’t go anywhere if Scott is seeing someone else, and they both know it. Wallace is just the one who’s willing to do something about it to force scott to do something about it. He’s doing this for Knives too: it’s very clear he cares about the girl, was against this from the start, and knew this was going to end in pain and the faster Scott rips off the Band-Aid the faster she can move on to someone closer to her age and far more equal to her. Scott.. takes this about how you’d expect, even calling Double Standard, as Wallace does sleep around.. and while Wallace will be a homewrecker to Stacey.. otherwise it’s not remotley the same. Wallace does his sleeping around either casually or when he does get a partner, with their consent from what we can tell. He never cheats or anything, he just likes to bone. So yeah Scott doesn’t have a leg to stand on and acts accordingly.
One of my faviorite gags in the series and one that’s etched in my head for keeps. So with a justified Ultimatium over his head Scott calls knives to hang out. Knives.. shows off that as adorable and trusting as she is.. she’s also kind of creepy and shows up just outside the phone booth he’s calling her from.
So the two go to a record store and Knives tries to get Scott into Clash at the Demonhead, her faviorite band. But since i’ts you know, headlined by Scott’s ex as we’ll find out, he’s not into it. But before that can get awkward.. it gets awkward in another way as Knives invites Scott to dinner at her parents place. Which is an objectively bad idea even before you get into the fact Scott wants a way out and as Volume 4 will show us her dad is both not happy with the idea of her dating a white guy and willing to use a katana to prevent it so he dodged a bullet there. Scott TRIES weasling out of it, but his “I’m too old for you” thing falsls on deaf ears.. and actually explains why she thinks this is normal: her parents are 9 years apart. of course obviously two consenting adults with a decade between them is a mite bit diffrent than 5 years between a teenager whose taking this way too seriously and a grown man whose taking this not seroiusly at all and dosen’t get how effed up this is. But Knives is too naive to get that, and papers over any possible concerns about her parents not wanting her to date a white guy with i’m in love.
Seeing that he has no EASY way out of this, as he shouldn’t, Scott just rips off the band aid and bluntly breaks up with her, saying it’s not going to work out. Knives.. is clealry devistatd. To her this was a serious relationship.. and Scott realized that too late.. and thankfully while he didn’t break up with her in the best way, at all, simply syaing i’ts not going to work out and confirming to her he means it, it’s clear from his face this hurts to do and he knows he’s REALLY hurting her and REALLY shoudlnt’ of dated her to begin with. IT’s why Scott dating a teenager dosen’t make him a morally rephrenisvie monster: because he was genuinely intrested, didn’t use her sexually, and there are tangible consequences for his actions. Knives just dosen’t disappear neatly into the sunset so he can be with ramona. The rest of the series covers her emotoinal recovery from being with Scott, and how she very horribly handles it and that’s why this plotline works at all: she’s not some act one contrivance to be thrown away, sh’es a human being, and more than that a young woman who got hurt REALLY bad and got way too in over her head with someone who just..wasn’t the one fo rher no matter how much she can’t admit that.
We also get one of my faviorite sets of pages as Scott relfects on things and the sheer devistation on Knives face, which credit to a series that even at this early point loves it’s big bold facial expressions.. her’s being more subded just makes it sting MORE.
This bit to me is vital to keeping Scott sympathetic and to his character. We see he really does regret what happened, dosen’t know how to process it and genuinely feels awful. As I said instead of some exgerated face that would still hurt him.. her face is quiet, clearly unable to process this and clealry lost and hurt.. and that hurts more than any fuck your or sobs he was probably expecting. Just her clearly not getting WHY he’s doing this or why he hurt her, and he KNOWS why he just knows telling her the truth would hurt her even more. But.. as he thinks.. his thoughts move to something else.. and the WHY of why he did this.
He did it for Ramona. Wallace was as harsh as he was right: he needed a clean slate to actually give this relationship a shot and the smile comes off less as him being a calous dick whose just happy to move on, I mean he is a little, but more jus tsomeone READY to finally move on. He found the right person, he let the wrong one go if clumsily.. he has a future to look forward to and he can smile about that.
Granted he’s still his usual unteitonally callous self and his way of telling his friends he and knives broke up is to casually say so and say “dont’ worry you’ll meet my new girlfriend soon.” Their reaction.. is my own.
Look just because Scott is a nuanced douchebag dosne’t stop him from being a Douchebag. It just means he isn’t intolerable to watch and you actually care about him growing as a human being is all.
So with that out of the way, it’s date night and Ramona is coming over.. also Scott is considering calling her Ramy which no. I'm genuinely in favor of a pet name that’s just a variant on someone’s name but a bit cute, as it’s just the right level of obnoxious, but no, just no Scott. No.
Ramona enters, meets Wallace again and sits down while Scott tries to shoo him out.. because turnabout is fair play bitch. They also see Ramona’s new hair as she dyes it something new for the first time, in this case a very lovely two tone, the purple from last volume but with a darker purple bellow it. I honestly wish she went for multiple colors in her hair again, but likely didn’t since the book was originally in black and white... which still dosent’ make sense as it would’ve been EASIER that way. Regardless Wallace makes himself scarce proving that he’s more than willing to be equal in terms of one of them spending the ngiht elsewhere. What a guy.
Ramona finds out a few things about Scott: That his apartment is VERY small, just one room with a bed, a cabinet, a small kitchen and a bathroom, which despite what scott says I REALLY dont’ count as another room. Just common sense. She also learns that he can COOK. Yeah while you’d expect Scott to just get a wad of “I did the ultimatum thing okay now gimme” money and buy dinner but no.. he made the whole thing himself from his own recipe.
And once we cut to them eating on the floor.. turns out yeah he not only can cook but is REALLY good at it. She wishes there was a table which, small as the place is.. fair point. I mean at least get some tv trays. You have chairs. Or at least the easy chair. You can get nice padded folding chairs so you have a second chair guys. I know your poor but come on. Also Scott leanrs bread makes you fat. Good stuff. Also Scott freaks out when , while making out with Ramona in bed later, she mentions his hair’s getting kinda long and could use a cut... which turns out to be a thing for him. He isn’t an ass about it he just panics a bit because he’s partially convinced his last relationship’s nightmarish breakup was because of a bad haircut he got. As we’ll see next week, that’s a no but as someone whose a touch neroutic myself I get blaming a larger issue on something trivial.
So we then get to the next chapter where it’s KIM’S turn to have a dream.. and the only time we see someone else's dreams. Honestly.. I really would’ve liked if it was a recurring device, even have Ramona pop into other people’s Not used ALL the time but I could easily see it being used with Knives to convey her obsession with Scott and her pain or kim again to help move her plots along or Wallace because I want to know what’s going on in his head. It must be a maze of male gentalia and fine liquor the likes of which has never been seen. It’s scotts funeral as Simon killed him and Scott’s corpse wonders if she dreams about this a lot.
So we see her get ready and wake up her roomate Sarah whose a bitch. And as we’ll see in one of the backups, so’s the rest of her roommates. So drifting into work. Hollie is a character I really liked... the past tense will be explained later. And the first scene is probably why as her and Kim banter effortlessly, with Kim suggesting maybe she was a happy kid... only to admit quickly no she wasn’t, she was pretty withdrawn and then pretty angsty over someasshole who will be named Scott. “Your a holy terror kim, and i’m glad your on your side”> It’s a short scene but the kind this series excells at: just realistic, fun little exchanges bursting with character. I also GENUINELY wish we got more of this kind of thing, as only Knives really gets these kind of scenes to herself for the most part. There ARE scenes without Scott, but not enough like this that just give us as look into what his friends lives are like during the moments they aren’t putting up with his dumbassery or watching him engage in mortal combat. It’s why i’ve been hoping a spinoff will happen even though it likely won’t SOON. I’m sure O’Malley will return to this world some day, but between Snotgirl and Wicked World, which will come out when it’s ready but should be good.. he’s just really busy. But i’d love to see more of Kim.. or Wallace or Knives. The latter two are a no brainer: Knives is the tritagonist of the books, and it’d be intresting to see what she’d be like 5 years at the book, at the same age and stage in life as Scott. And with Wallace it’s because we really DON’T see his friend circle, life or what goes on with him. We hear him talk about a new boyfriend, who we don’t meet until near the end of the series, though you can see him in stage 3 of hte game if your curious, we see him with some random friends in volume 4, but we really don’t KNOW what hyjinks and lojinks wallace gets up to. He’s pretty isoalted from the rest of the main cast, something I hope an adaptation could fix as while realistic i’td be curious to see what his relationship with Kim or Steven would be like. Just food for thought.
Point is this was a good scene. But as is typical for Kim’s life just when she has some serenity her ex crashes back in. In this case Scott needs to rent some movies, kim works at a rental store and god teenage me really wanted a clerks style spinoff.. but enough spinoff talk. Scott asks kim to bororw them, of course and explains he’s training for his fight with Lucas.. which Kim reacts to finding out her second best friend is in a series of death matches.
She has understandable questions such as how the hell doe she know that and is he stalking Lucas and just hoping he’s an ex.. which let’s face it would be a very scott move. But nope Wallace told him, likely learning in an interview he dated Ramona or is coming for scott because he knows everything. We also get one of my faviorite exchanges when Kim wonders why Wallace and Scott are roomates.. a valid question he deflects by saying i’ts a long story.
Also yeah, as much as casting Micheal Cera backfired for the movie.. that panel there proves there wasn’t another choice at the time. When you want a loveable, somewhat douchey, but also somewhat innocent and oblivious slacker.. who you gonna call. Also before we move on.. Kim.. how are you this suprised. You were there for the fight with Matthew. And Ramona giving out the exposition on why he’s there.. and you even did that whole weird space channel 5 thing no one ever did agian and to this day I will never understand what O’Malley was going for and only know the refrence by hearing that’s what it was. Point is you shouldn’t be this suprised.
Anyways we next cut to Ramona and Stacey, as Ramona enters her workplace, second cup, and they talk and Scott’s spider sense goes off...
I mean it’s just a bad feeling but still.. weird. WE’ll get back to that later. Scott is in the middle of his training.. and I love the mentor side of Wallace and feel it didn’t get used enough as the series went on. As said before he cares about Scott, so he serves as his Shounen Mentor and a great one: he’s stern and makes Scott work, but he also gets his student and what Scott needs to work. I just wish he’d taught Scott some actual combat, but as we see Wallace’s combat skills boil down to yelling useless info from the sidelines.. I mean he can be useful, we’ll see that next week, it’s just he’s not an action guy. But spirtually he’s the guy scott needs to kick his ass into shape. That being said his “training” consists of watching Lucas’ movies, playing tony hawk and when Scott wants to play more Tony Hawk, having Scott do pushups while Wallace plays Tony Hawk.
Before we turn... there is an elephant in the room I just gotta shoo out: Lucas.. is easily the worst setup of the 6 exes. Patel SEEMINGLY comes out of nowhere but his letter and email hint SOMETHING is coming up, and his flashy dynamic entry intro is damn cool and is what turns the series on it’s head, from an indie comic about a guy getting it together.. to that but with huge shonen dustups with epic visuals. Todd is introduced masterfully here, and is a presence from the start of volume 3 as a result, Roxie gets a slight tease in the free comic book day issue, and her not attacking for two months not only sets up tension but allowed for a red herring.. im’ not only hiding that the fourth ex is a she because anyone whose seen the movie or played the game knows the fourth ex is a woman. The cat’s out of the bag, no sense hiding it. The Kentangis show up pretty early on and Gideon is hinted at and built up, as this towering, mysterious figure, his relationship with Ramona, who he is, why he set up the league, and just how fucking strong he is is all obscured, with his only four apperances simply teasing the big final showdown and giving him that much more mysitque.
Lucas.. is just sorta intorduced like “Hey I gotta fight this guy”. There’s just.. nothing. Scott’s just gotta fight him because he’s next up and Wallace knows that because plot convience. It’s VERY lackluster given what comes before.. and frankly while I like Lucas, he’s the weakest plot and character wise. HE’s not even really EVIL, just a sellout and is more doing this because he has to I guess, and likely because of stuff we find out in Book 6 but sssssshhhhh. We’ll get more into that when the fight happens but it’s one of the books weakest points. The evil ex.. just feels like an afterthrought again despite there being no reason to. Thankfully this would never happen again as I said, but it dosen’t make this any less frustrating.
So we cut to Sex Bomb-Omb practice, and after that we get more tease for Clash at Demonhead. And Stephen.. is cool with them and entirely happy one of them made it, while Scott is understandably pisssed off about it and not happy one of his best friends is you know, promoting the band of his ex who broke his heart and as we’ll get more into next time, said rising career is what tore them apart. So yeah Stephen’s a dickhead, and I was wrong last time that he got better. He really.. dosen’t. He gets less CREEPY.. but out of the main 6 characters he’s the weakest: he dosen’t have much of an arc, does some very questionable shit in the second half, and his being around means we have to suffer through Julie. I’ll tear into him more on a case by case basis but for once Scott’s not overreacting. While Kim does nothing she also has no idea just HOW bad things were and Scott won’t tell her. Stephen was there the whole fucking time. He just saw Scott’s rebound with a teenager. He knows he was kind of messed up after this. Dosen’t justfiy knives but still he looses the moral high ground he tries to have at times.
So while Scott shops a song for Ramona to her, Knives calls Scott’s place clearly setting up another suprise apperance. Wallace.. figures out what sh’es doing quick and simply gives her a stern “You have to go” And to me it’s not him being a dick.. he’s both trying to save her from seeing Scott with Ramona and fucking her up worse... and is looking out for her. She needs to move on and moving up to stalking Scott’s not going to help that. Scott dosen’t WANT her anymore, and while he handled it bad, Wallace gets she needs to see that. Granted he could’ve you know explained it to her and tried talking, but as i’ve said he’s not a perfect person and he was also on a time table to get her out of there in case Scott you know, showed up with his new girlfriend and made things a billion times worse. And the two are indeed headed to his place to watch one of Lucas’ movies, and part of that weak setup is that Ramona.. just has no connection with him. It was high school. Scott also pretends he dosent’ remember his. You are a lying liar sir stop that.
So they watch the film together hanging out, and it’s.. really bad. The good one was rented out. I miss rental stores.. a magical time. I mean i’ts better now, streaming means 80% of movies are avaliable if you have a bunch of services and even if you just have netflix or hulu or hbo max, you still get a pretty decent selection each month. Plus digital rentals are super easy. Do miss redbox though. I mean it’s still there I’m just warry of something that relies so heavily on touching things in a state with a lot of trump morons. You CAN get Covid twice and I don’t wanna. Also we get some dated Dialouge as Scott commenting on Lucas being hot, he is good taste Scott, is given a “good job convincing me your not gay”. He and ramona end up having sex though so .. yay? I dunno. The series has a really weird thing about not getting bisexuals exist and as someone whose bi, and really against bi errasure it bothers me, it bothers me a lot. Though given O’Malley apparently has not only far more queer rep in snotgirl but a bisexual lead, he’s clearly learned so i’m not going to drag him too hard on this. It was the early 2000′s. People were pretty damn stupid about this. Creators have gottten MUCH more important issues much worse.
So the next morning, Scott gets a call from his well meaning but ditzy mom, and reacts like you’d expect. His parents are in Europe to keep them out of the action and what not. Though apparently according to the last book his mom did read volume 3 at least. Or Wallace told her about the relevant bit. You make the call.
So i’ts Ramona’s turn to meet Sex Bomb-Omb. The group hang out and discuss Gordon Downie.
Look I don’t know indie bands. I have no idea who the tragically hip are I just know the name is really hipstery. We also get the recipe for Vegan Shepards Pie. None of them are vegan they just wanted to try it and I.. really want to make this some time. Just to see if it’s any good. But yeah it’s in general a fun casual scene, as Kim reveals she and Scott dated, just to break the tension, and Scott tries out Rammy but quickly backpedals. Just fun slice of life stuff. Oh and Knives is watching them from the window and takes Scott dating someone else as well as you’d expect.
So she gets some hair bleach to do some highlights and calls her friend Tamara over. We met her last volume as she dragged her along to the show, but it’s here we really get to know what she’s like.. i.e. the sane one in the duo, rightfully pointing out Scott’s not that great. Also Knive’s points out ramona’s “fat”, which is thankfully portrayed as petty sniping as while Ramona does have some curves it’s you know.. not remotely a bad thing and the kind of thing a teenage girl would harp on. Still she’s just in STEPS from this happening.
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But yeah.. it’s clear here Knives has some underlying issues to address and really needs therapy not to go after her ex’s current girlfriend with knives. I mean it’s in the name but still. Then again volume 4 has her dad going around with a katana or something like it wanting to murder her daughter’s older ex boyfriend he dosen’t realize is ex so it’s clear her whole FAMILY needs some therapy. But this does round her out and show there’s more to her.. a pretty violent and obessive side sure, but it shows she wasn’t just some one dimensional ego boost for scott but a person. One whose just as flawed as the rest of the cast.. but more sympatheic because they’ve all got about 6 or 7 years on her and at this age that’s a lifetime. And while Scott DID set this off by dating her which was objecitvely a bad idea... the rest of this isn’t remotely on him. He handled things BAD.... but all he wanted was for both of them to move on. Knives.. simply can’t admit Scott is not a nice person, was probably two timing her as Tamara points out, which as we know he 100% was, and is not some perfect guy she can’t replace: like Knives.. he’s just a person with faults and she’s too blind to see that.
So before we can get to the crazy stalker ninja fight, let’s instead get to Scott and Ramona hanging out where we meet Gideon, Ramona’s Cat who i’ll call Cat Gideon, both because I love steven unvierse and because it’s less confusing. This is a pretty slight scene as Ramona admits not a lot happened with Lucas and Scott’s apartment is a hole.. which yeah, yeah it is. Also she DEFINTLY dind’t cheat on him with any cocky pretty boys. Which would come off worse if it wasn’t for the pact Ramona was clearly doing it out of regret and Scott just liked like 50 pages ago about rembering his exes when one of them is his second best friend.. which neither would admit but you know it’s true. Stephen is third where he belongs.
So next morning it’s fight time, and Scott is glad wallace is going with him. It’s awkard going to fights alone. Which leaves me to wonder if before this comic Scott just.. fought random guys letterkenny style. Like they’d call up, schedule it and then he and one or more of his friends would go beat up a guy. It’s just.. hilarious knowing that this kind of thing is common in canda minus the ki attacks , flash effects, wizards, vegan psycics, ninjas, and roboticists. But damn I now want a scott pilgrimized letterkenny now more than ever. You know you do too don’t deny it. I”d love to see the hard right jay fight but iwth a loud “KO!” when he gets his ass knocked out. Also Casa Loma is a very real, very cool Toronto location, as I never realized as a kid, to the point that the lucas fight was filmed there for the movie.
So Scott approaches Lucas a bit star struck and upon finding out scott is.. punches him out as seen in the header image and throws him into a tower. When Scott regains conciousness, Kim and Neil have arrived and Lucas calls a time out. And it’s here we get to, while being the weakest of the 7, why I like Lucas.. he’s actually a pretty nice guy. At WORST he sold out. But the two have a pretty nice conversation over ritz and baby carrots, with it turning out, unsuprisingly Ramona did cheat on him with a cocky pretty boy, and while like Ramona he’s clearly moved on, it still hurts a bit and understandably so. He also warns scott while she might seem nice i’ts an act.
I mean it isn’t ALL an act, but she does have a tedency to put up walls and act pretty badly as we’re slowly finding out.. though given Scott does the exact same it only means.. she’s human. She’s not MUCH higher above him in terms of morality and this is where we get our first peaks into the fact the series isn’t just about Scott’s development but hers. But it’s understandably absent from volumes 1 and 2 since we need to know her first, and this volume is about getting to know her a bit and get a feel for who she is, something I ddin’t really get a grip on as a teen, but do now. We see more of who she is good and bad as the walls go down. She’s more SURFACE LEVEL functional than scott, but beneath it has a lot of the same exact issues.
Lucas and Scott continue to GENUINELY bond, as Scott genuinely thinks the guy is talented and Lucas want’s an Oscar this year.. maybe not for the current film which is a romantic comedy with a teen star but hey, stars have done far worse in their Oscar years. I mean at least he’s not making a comedy about himself in a fat suit domestically abusing himself in a wig while he also plays an asian sterotype. He explains he almost didn’t get into the league but felt too important to ramona’s past.. plus he looks cool. Plus they let Patel in despite barely being in a relationship with her and being kind of a tool so they kinda had to let the handsome affiable movie star in. Scott wonders “wait league” and Lucas is understandably frustrated to find out Patel just sent a letter Scott didn’t read.. and at Matthew let’s be clear. I mean.. Gideon has to have known Scott wouldn’t read that since he’s been in his head. We’ll get to that in part 6. Point is they formed a league, hence why their organized enough to come after him like this and Scott understandably glares at Wallace for you know, having him play tony hawk and watch movies yet missing the fucking obvious clue they were all working together and they were only coming at him one at a time by choice.
Lucas offers to just.. take a bribe and SAY Scott beat him, Scott calls him a sellout jokingly and Lucas proves that while not AS bad as the rest of the League, he’s still a dick by telling him to kiss ramona’s sweet ass goodbye pilgrim. Okay either he’s seen her since high school or he’s fondly remembering a high schooler’s ass. Neither one is nice to think about. But Scott gets out of his ass beating by pointing out a ramp, real thing too used for the movie, and asking him to skate down it. Lucas says i’ts impossible, and Scott just whistles. So Lucas tries skating the impossible and dies via velocity. Yes really. Scott collects his change and gets a gift, a mytryil skateboard he.. can’t use because he dosen’t have a proficency for it and bemoans not picking it up in 5th grade. Also he didn’t get his autograph. He does get some coins though so neat.
Yeah I mentioend Lucas was the least of the exes and I stand by it: He’s an intresting character, not a GREAT person but clearly a charming and nice enough guy who likely offered the bribe not because he’sd a sell out but because he genuinely liked scott, and is easily the best adjusted of the exes. But obviously a near non existant setup and a really hilarious and unsastifying finish just.. don’t really feel sastsifying. I mean i’t slampshaded, but after all the build up of her having 7 evil exes, the next one is just..filler. Not BAD, but not really anything special and giving Scott a an early pokemon victory, but unlike ash having done nothing to really DESERVE it.
Thankfully both adaptations so far VASTLY improved on this. While Lucas is still affiable in the movie he’s also smarmy, if on better terms with Ramona, saying “he seems nice” after the tower throw and throwing in some stunt doubles. His fight goes from one of the least satisfying and weakst of the series, to easily one of the best of the movie. We’ll talk about that more there but obvious Chris Evans version is far superior, keeping the good traits while giving us an intresting fight.. and still keeping the skateboard death because it’s fucking hilarious and the movie improves on THAT too by having scott give flat wows as he slowly dies. The game likewise keeps teh skateboard death, if shortening it, and the skateboard, and while not changing his apperance does make him a hell of a tough boss. Took three tries and some online grinding to take him out. Still a hell of a fight. Point is while I genuinely like Lucas story wise.. this just dosen’t work for me and is pretty damn weak, even if it gives us some godo character insight we could’ve got that, and a fight and still had the finish we did.
That being said.. we DO get a fight instead, likely why the Lucas fight was so truncated. Next chapter and that evening or the next day or whatever, we pan over the real life tornto refrence library. It is a VERY nice touch thatt the comic and it’s adpations use either real places in toronto or reasonable subsittues. While not canadian myself I love the place and hope to visit Tornoto some day when the world isn’t a living nightmare and it’s really nice that like New York for Marvel, Brian Lee O malley really makes the city feel integral to the comic, like it’s own character. But Knives is ominously perched above.
At second cup Scott is horrified to find Julie. Seconded. Julie takes the moment to give out to scott about him dating Ramona despite telling him no. Okay...
Yeah as you can probably guess I don’t like Julie. She’s not a good character. The movie did her better, with the bleeping gag and aubrey plaza’s performance, but in the comic.. she’s just the worst. She sucks bad. If she were an ice cream flavor she’d be pralines and dick. While she’s fine on OCCASION, and actually works in the next volume, outside of that she just gets more unplesant, more unlikeable, more bitchy, more unfathomabbly assholish every. damn. volume. I”ll give out about that a bit then too but I have to put up with her for the entire damn comic. Now her being bitchy to Scott is fair to a point: Scott is a mess, and she’s loyal to Envy in the breakup, and Scott’s own friends drag him on a daily basis.
The problems are that she’s like that to EVERYONE, even Knives who isn’t about to stab her much as i’d like that. She’s unberable to Stephen whose tolerance for her is unfathomable, though the ending bits of volume 6 show maybe he just has terrble taste. She’s just a throughly unplesant, social climbing bitch who thinks she’s better than everyone. And it sticks out badly against the main cast; Scott is very bad with women and relating to people, but is also nice, charming and most of the damage he does is not intetional. Ramona puts up walls to keep others out but is also a responsible adult and often cuts through Scott, and at times others, internal bullshit. Wallace is an alcholic, but still a very responsible, very loveable guy who clearly cares about scott and supports him finacially and emotionally. Kim is VERY emotionally distant, very misntrhopic.. but also a good person who as we see as the series goes, has an inner light to her and often drags on Scott because she’s been putting up with his shit the longest and WANTS him to be better. Knives is an obessive and violent stalker.. who was also deeply hurt by an older man, dosen’t GET that her realtionship with scott was wrong and uneven, and is clearly not emtoinallyr eady for the deep feelings she’s having. And Stephen.. well he’s a talented guitarist but also enables scott and julie. Especially him enabling Julie.
Point is their all pretty well rounded, llikeable characters with flaws. Julie.. is just an ass. And this scene demonstrates that with flying colors. While Scott does ignore her because he’s too worried about his sister and girlfriend becoming friends, understandably given Stacey knows all his dark secrets, Julie spends two pages giving out and treating scott like some bad guy for persuing Ramona against her orders.
And i’m going to break down why.. this dosen’t work.. on any level for her.
1) Ramona is not Julie’s property. She’s a big girl with her own free will. They aren’t even remotely close: Julie met her only barely before Scott, and given the dream thing probably not even that. And you could say Julie is just looking out for her... she dosen’t know Ramona well enough to KNOW if Ramona is still smarting over Gideon. She probably was.. but she readily, once the awkwardness passed, went out with scott and dove right into the relationship. While there’s still some scars as we’ll see.. she CHOOSE to move on and that’s her choice. If she wasn’t ready, she woudl’ve turned him down or broke it off by now realizing it was a mistake.
2) Scott has no reason to listen to her. She hates his ass, somewhat justifably but still, she hates him and has been against him since fucking colllege. She took his exes side in the breakup despite Envy still being partly in the wrong but paints him as some abusive dickhead and not just an insesntive dickhead. To him he’s just some villian she needs to reign in for her cool friend who wants nothing to do with her and grows to justifably hate her over time. Scott and Julie TOLERATE each other. They are not friend,s they do not like each other and never will. They are around each other because of Stephen. That is it. If Kim , Wallace or Stephen had asked, or at least made him wait for kinves. he probablyw ould’ve or at least considered it since while they take the piss out of him, they genuinely care about him and actually have shown they care about something other than themselves! Speaking of which the cou de gras
3) She’s a selifsh bitch: She is NEVER not in any volume seen as out for anyone but herself, and thus scott has no reason to trust her judgement. She berates Stephen, him and anyone who will listen, is only so loyal to envy because she’s famous, and as I said treats EVERYONE like dogshit.
And given Scott is still a very flawed guy.. it takes a LOT for him to be so right and he runs out screaming when Julie mentions her.
So back at the library, Ramona brought Stacey along because the place is a maze. Scott calls Stephen and calls julie evil.. which given the last two paragrahs. Yeah. She is. She really is. But that goes nowhere as he dosen’t have Stacey’s number. He also thinks Julie was responsible for this which while she’s very much not.. would it REALLY be that suprising that if Julie were there she would’ve introdcued the two and set up their little hangout just to piss scott off? God I’m so sick of talking about her.
So the two after dropping off Ramona’s package decide to hang out a bit.. not long as Ramona’s got shit to do, but hey I agree with her logic i’m curious about this palce too. But before they can go up an elevator Ramona spots incoming.. and thus we get the fight of the volume. Though given the next one has two climatctic fights and one or two before that, they easily could’ve had both.. this is still the highlight of the volume.
So Ramona snaps off a railing and before Stacey can give out about that she finds out WHY as Knives attacks with a pair of sais. And O’Malley did his homework as while you’d THINK it was just another dumb white person mistake.. O’Malley is asian, thoughw ether he’s candaian korean or canadian chineses, as his last name is korean but he has a large chinese cast in this very comic that might come from experince, I do not know and if you do know tell me. I’d like to refer to him properly as I don’t LIKE lumping all asian cultures into one basket. But not only that he did his home work, as Sai’s, while popularized in Okinawa Japan, were also used in other countries. I bring this up since I assumed it was just a simple mistake even knowing Brian was mixed-race, and was plesantly suprised to fine that know, I was the moron. And i’m fine with admitting that.
So we get a damn good fight.. and Knives figures out Scott WAS cheating on her. Granted she assumes so due to seeing Ramona at the refrence Library, before he actually cheated and clearly blames Ramona for it, but still, it fucking hurts. Plus while her attacking Ramona, who initally assumes she’s gideon’s doing, which.. yeah sending a teenage assasian just to mess with her head does sound like him. So while Stacey does complain “ramona you can’t just tear out art objects” to which I say... yeah high, Stacey? NOT THE POINT RIGHT NOW SCOTT’S EX IS TRYING TO KILL HER. SHE’S DEFENDING HERSELF.
So we get one hell of a fight. It not only shows off that Ramona is one hell of a fighter herself, as is knives, but just how immature knives is, resorting to constnat fat jokes and taunts showing just how immature she is.. and unlike volume one where it was endearing and we just saw how sweet she was here it just comes off as mean, bitter, and uncomfortable. But again part of the series biggest charm is the main cast are all well fleshed out and throughly human. She’s doint this because she dosen’t know better and was raised in a house where, again as volume 4 will bear out, finding out her dad is going after scott with a samurai sword just warrants a “dad’s are so weird aren’t they” my point is her frame of refrence is a mite skewed. Plus this is a world where everyone but Stacey just calmly accepts big shonen fights break out, so it’s not that unsuaul to want to settle things with a fight and while i’ve joked about her killing Ramona we genuinely don’t know that was the goal> Could’ve been, easily given murder is peachy in this setting and just leads to a respawn according to O’Malley and would’ve just sent ramona back to her apartment. But I genuinely don’t think she has it in her to do it and while she could’ve planend to, she never would’ve. Plus Ramona easily leads the fight as while Knives uses hit and run tactics and tries make her follow.. Ramona is more annoyed than anything as she has shit to do. Knives only gets one hit in and while i’ts a pretty nasty scratch on the cheek, if thankfully not scarring.. Ramona shrugs it off when she brags about it and easily takes knives down with a potted tree. Knives runs and while she tells herself it’s to fight another day.. its really because her opponent was WAY stronger and way more ready for something like this than she probably planned on. She did defintely want a fight, she just wasn’t prepared to be outmatched so handily. It’s also a nice parallel to last book’s fight: Like with Scott and Matthew, while the fight SEEMS pretty even, in reality our hero/heroine was alwasy teh one in control and easily took care of the less experinced and less ready upstart, who likely wasn’t expecting a fair fight much less to loose.
So Ramona and Stacey wisely get out while Stacey explains Knives is indeed Scott’s ex, though is unaware of the cheating thing. Speaking of Scott he’s playing sonic and knuckles, and in fact kept wallace on the line before just to get advice because of course he did hence why stacey didn’t get through to him, but gets a call... from Envy.
This is easily the second best sequence in the boook, which was lovingly and wonderfully adapted to film and as a result I cannot read it without hearing Brie Larson’s voice for Envy , a nice mixture of seduction and condescension. It’s CLEARLY painful fo rhim, and we do get some things established as Envy toys with him, that it’s been about a year and that she left him for a cocky pretty boy, familiar.. and while Scott claims to not know what he looks like.. given Todd is clearly on her band cover... it’s not exactly hard to put two and two together. So after some awkard catchup and Scott telling her about ramona against his will, we get to the reason she’s here with Scott understanndbly being supscious and calling her a user.. which while Envy denys.. she ends up admitting to. She’s coming to town as estalbished and her opening act backed out, and since Scott has a band, and one that 2/3 of which she knows, she wants them to open for her. Scott naturally isn’t too intrested and thinks it’s just pity. The sequence. is masterful, using a watchmen style 9 by 9 panel layout and intercutting scott’s pained reactions and clear lack of comfort with flashes of envy on her side.. never showing her proper, but showing his memories or what he’s seen in magazines. It’s really striking and really sells the sheer discomfort Scott’s going through.
So soon after Wallace gets home.. and finds Scott, drained and miserable on the floor, not even responsive. And this really is the scene that shows me that Wallace cares for the guy and cements that asshole he may be, he loves his buddy. He goes through possible scenarios that fit scott: Food poisoning, finding out Wallace saved over his final fantasy save (though he rules it out as last time that happened he was crying), that ramona dumped him.. before Scott let’s out a pathetic and miserable “Ennnnnvvv”. Wallace , who was at ground zero for that relationship as we’ll find out, realizes this and lets out a little shit, unsure how to help and pissed off at that bitch for once again hurting him like this. As I said it shows how Wallace knows scott in and out and loves him dearly.. and how he knwos about this paticuarly heartbreak better than anyone but Scott and Envy themselves. IT’s just a really tearjerking scene, as we get a sense of WHY scott spiraled into an ego boost of a relationship: His last one REALLY tore him in half, and he’s still not completely healed from the emtional bisection.
So Scott gets more bad news next chapter as Stacey tells him about the fight and he’s worried he’s going to loose ramona on top of this. I mean he desrves it.. .but it’s clear she’s the best thing to happen to him after a really rough year of denial and poor decisionss and loosing her will likely only make him WORSE. He also breaks the bad news, to him at least to the band about the gig. Stephen, being kind of a dick who while understandbly excited about a big gig fails to see his friend REALLY isn’t happy about this nor remembers you know, that the person offering this tore his heart out indiana jones style and while they should take the gig despite the risks, it’s too big an opportunity not to, he should be fucking senstive about this. Kim however... has a suprising and heartbreaking reactoin to this. Which is spread over a few panels but i’m gonna string into one image for convince sake.
Just.. DAMN. I honeslty missed this both as a teenager and as an adult when I read through the books last time but holy shit is this a heartbreaking little moment, even more with the development she gets in later books. Keep in mind, over two books so far, Kim.. really hasn’t shown a lot of emtion. The most upset she’s gotten was getting a bit pissed about another a girl drummer. The only other time we’ve seen her sad was at 17 when Scott left. Her only emotions that we could see were angry and surly. But here? She’s genuinely upset and we see her walls break down for the very first time.. and it’s with the clear indication she NEVER really got over Scott. She never got proper closure and while she hasn’t let it so.. it’s been VERY clear she's been grossly uncomfortable with how he just likes to brush off their history, something that very clearly still bothers her and understandably so: 6 years , while a lot of time, still really isn’t long enough to just .. FORGET your first boyfriend , how he made you feel or the fact he took your virginity and you took his. Stuff like that sticks with you.. I’m ony assuming on the virginity thing but my point remains: To Scott it’s SEEMINGLY nothing, when really he’s probably just trying to brush it off because he dosen’t like dealing with things and given how Kim is wrongly assumed she can’t feel pain. I mean to anyone else i’d be a fair assumption and even i’m not convinced if she touched a hot stove she’d burn, but that’s phsysical this is emotional. DIffrent playing fields. Point is Scott’s kind of a dick and not having ANY closure for anything, Kim is still smarting from him leaving as much as Scott is smarting from Envy dumping him.
And it somehow gets MORE painful.... which should’ve been the tagline for Bojack Horseman now I think about it but yeah: her line is what cuts me up the most “I saw her on the cover of Now. She’s pretty”. It’s a little line, it’s easy to see why I missed it .. but the subtext really stings. It’s that despite being VERY pretty, I had a crush on her as a kid and I still do now.. Kim just can’t help but compare herself to someone whose now a glamrous rock star. Their equally attractive but all Kim can see is ANOTHER person who Scott cared about more than her. Which seems petty but again he just.. abnadoned her. His moving wasn’t his choice but his not telling her as was framed earlier sure as hell was. And then just.. look at the next people he dates: A glamorous rock star (She wasn’t at the time but that’s for next week), a much younger girl who can’t possible challenge him, and an ultra cool american. To her.. it must feel like he just looks right through her to every other person intersted in him and never even consdered her as a person anymore. I mean.. jesus christ that hurts.. and makes me hate Stephen more since you know he dosen’t notice any of this.. though at least unlike with Scott it’s a bit more understandable because Kim’s so unflappable and he’s already ignoring very obvious and transparent emotional pain why shouldn’t this be any diffrent.
So yeah no one’s happy about this, and that ends up including Stephen as he’s so insecure about his band’s talent he’s pretty sure they suck when their probably at least adaquate.
So while Scott dosen’t say anything, it’s clear he’s at least consdiering the offer as when we next see him he and ramona are heading to Envy’s show. And honestly it’s just a really sweet scene as Ramona asks about envy and the two banter and hold hands. A really nice palletee clensar since hte last few pages were like I was the one lucas socked in the gut. Also she assures him she dosen’t hate him, and asks about how the breakup happened, turning down any offers to hear the good times.
It was new years eve one year ago, and he mentions it was over her leaving to meet some guy named Todd.. and Ramona finds the story familiar but brushes off Scott wondering if her todd and Envy’s todd wer ethe same guy as a douchey joke. When prying about what happened otherwise, Scott admits it was all a blur.. Ramona isn’t ahppy with the answer.. but it’s nto like it’s that unresonable: he was in deep with Envy, and the breakup was damn bad to the point it took a year for him to recover and end up in the relationship he is now and the one before this was clearly a cry for help. It also helps reinfroce just how much Wallace was there for him and probably WHY Wallace hates Envy so much. They probably live together simply because Scott needed a place after college, was in zero condition to get a job or do anything given his zombie like state.. and Wallace just had him move into his bed, platonically and into his place. It’s probably why while Wallace will complain ocasoinally he isn’t that on scott to find a job. He dosen’t need a paying roomate, they do fine just on his sallary and he has a steady, secure job in some sort of calling office, probably working in medical stuff like my mom. He needs his friend to be safe and happy, then he can get on his ass about being functional, as he is in present day. If nothing else this volume made me realize just how good a person Wallace is.
The one thing he CAN remember, to Ramona’s disbelif is a restraunt opening up, the job story he hinted at last volume: basically it was a fancy tex mex place called, and this is one of the best restraunt naems in the history of fiction brace yourself: The Gilded Palace of Flying Burritos. Naturally, as would I as I love tex mex and that name, Scott loved the place, ate there most of the week and like me with some places I liked waited impatietly to get a job. He did and they were even super generous as the food was FREE. Which is a euphoric feeling I relate to, though I also liked any discounts I got. seriously when I worked at Bagel and Bagel a good chunk of my paycheck was eating there for dirt cheap every shift. I miss that place so much. Like even after I left there I still like a good bagel sandwitch. And it wasn’t covid or anything it was just low staffed and slowly coming apart due to a lack of a solid manager after Crystal, the manager who hired me, transfered to a store closer to her home, which I do not blame her for.
Point is I get it even if Ramona thinks this is all made up. Anyways at Lee’s Place, based on the real life Leo’s place, everyone’s gussied up: Steven got an awful haircut and Kim...
But no time to dwell on how great kim’s..everything is.. who DID Neil bring to the concert?
While Kim is VERY much enjoying this, everyone else is a bit freaked with Ramona getting assurance her and Scott dated breifly, with Kim quipping her and neil will probably date even breiflyer, and Stephen.. freaking out, wondering if she seduced him, and asking if they should take him out back and kick his ass..
Just..... that’s a lot of douche to unpack and this review has been VERY long and suprisingly hard already.. but fuck it, we don’t have much left to go let’s do this. Okay one did she seduce him.. I mean I GUESS, but really let’s be clear here: Neil is a horny, lonely, monosolobic 19 year old who lives with his sister’s college friend and whose life revovles around said guys band. Knives is adorable. She likely barely had to flirt with him to get him to say yes .As someone who was a lonely 19 year old doofus, I guarantee no matter the red flags I probably woudl’ve said yes provided she was 18 instead of 17, despite the abudant red flags such as neil vaugely looking like scott, neil being the one single man within scott’s circle to get her way back in, as Knives hasn’t realized she’s bi yet or given how much she looked up to Kim, she probably WOULD’VE gone for it. As would any sane person, which neither knives nor I entirley are. So she didnt’ so much seduce him as offer him a girlfriend he didn’t have and him being too intrested in having a sweet, caring girl on his arm to see the giant army of adrestian soldiers needed to carry all the red flags this presents.
And as for “do we need to kick his ass. “ Stephen.. did you kick SCOTT’S ass? No, you fucking abetted him and only stepped in for the good girl thing. You did NOTHING to stop his relationship with knives or tell him he was screwing up or look out for that girl’s well being. This will bite him in the ass even harder in volume 5, but even now it just makes him look REALLY fucking bad that, even if he probably dosen’t mean it, that’s at all on the table. Also.. Neil, unlike scott is doing slightly less wrong. While he is 20 to her 17, three years.. it’s HALF of what Scott and her’s age diffrence is, and far more equal in power structure. It’s still not.. GREAT, but my point is you did NOTHING when Scott did this, for far flimiser and less forgiavble reasons.. but when NEIL, whose been nothing but weirdly loyal to you dates her, you want to kick someone’s ass. I mean yes he’s being stupid: in a clear role reversal of the Scott and Knives situation, it’s obvious just from her expression that KNVIES is the one in control here, and the one using someone to ease her own pain. Granted it’s wrong, if not as wrong as Scott should techincally know better and Knives very clearly dosen’t, as well as get into a show of her faviorite band. Is what she’s doing wrong.. yeah... while she can’t see it again it’s what Scott did just not QUITE as fucked up due to not being AS embalanced. Should neil probably be dating her after scott did ? No. But should you be threatning him and not scott for you know, setting all this in motion? No. Jesus christ you suck Steven.
Thankfully while Scott presumibly calms Stephen down, Kim spots Hollie and her roomate Joseph, who will be suprisingly important. He’s very gay, very quite, very bearded and is only hear because the bass player is hot and when prodded on it....
Well said. Also I read that with John Heder’s voice fo rsome reason.. don’t know why, his career ended as quickly as it began because he REALLY did not pick his films well. He saw that he was going to be in a film with David Spade and Rob Schinder and didn’t fire his agent for suggesting it. Meanwhile Scott and Ramona run into Sandra and Monique, Scott’s old classmates who just sorta.. show up every so oftne, often backing up Julie because every Alpha Bitch needs a posse. As Boscha has proven once you loose your posse you loose your bitchy powers. They also ask if Scott and Ramona are an item which leads to a fantagious visual gag.
Also Stephen awkardly talks to the new couple, about how much Knives loves the band, and because why start reading the room now just sorta.. CASUALLY slips in the fact he knows her is because she and scott dated.
Granted Knives action this book really EARNED her that curveball.. but still, it’s transparently clear she’s both not over Scott and Neil’s a placebo, and that she loves the band... how the fuck did you get through college, much less get two loyalish friends Steve.
Kim tries to hide when she runs into Sarah whose with.. someon O Malley does not know, literally captioning it “I don’t know htis girl”. Fucking love that gag even if SOMEHOW kim is the roomate they all hate. Despite hte fact as the side story will bare out, her roommates are all pretty obnoxious, so i’ts probably because she’s the only sane person in that group and their VERY lucky kim just dind’t set the place on fire on her way out and let god do what he should’ve a long time ago. Also we meet Lynette, the band’s drummer who smokes “She must be evil” “Still hot though”... both accurate. Also Luke wilson is there.. no really. Just holy shit that’s awesome.
Okay so with all of that out of the way, it’s time for the show. So after a full volume’s build up , and a really cool build up in the page before we finally properly meet clash at the demonhead, and miss envy adams.
Heck of a reveal and not the only one as ramona realized what the audience probably already guessed....
Dun dun dun! And since I don’t like leaving a cliffhanger dangling lest I have to... we’ll be getting to this next week.. what you thought i’d say right now or tommorow? This was a lot. But no i’m not leaving you too long. Next week, Evil Ex Crossover! Ramona and Wallace become BFF’s! We learn what the deal with Scott and Envy is! Scott faces the Ken to his Ryu! And Wallace gets a boyfriend. All this and more next week. for now...
Final Thoughts:
This one.. was a VERY rough one to review and it ties back to this volume’s biggest problem: it is not paced very well. Like the series as a whole it has a pretty easy going, slice of life pace. The only ones without this kind of easy pacing are 3 and 6, and even 3 has some slice of life bits, their just both more focused due to the events going on. This one... well....
Pretty much. While this one has very important stuff going on, Scott and ramona getting closer, ramona getting more fleshed out, Wallace showing how deep his character is, Kim also getting fleshed out quite a bit, Knives showing off her crazy side, setting up the next volume, the second ex fight.. it’s all just kinda.. jumbled together. It’s not really until the knives fight onward the book takes on some really solid pacing and really gets going.It’s not a BAD book: ther’es some REALLY good character stuff as I dug into.. but the pacing is just really loose and without the Evil Ex fight as an anchor and with ramona and scott just sorta.. getting to know one another, in both biblical and non biblical senses, it dosen’t have either of the series main narrative thrusts. Even the knvies subplot really amoutns to nothing for now, as Ramona dosen’t find out Scott’s a cheater, and only distrusts knives now. That’s about it. It does improve on book one in characterization, with eveyrone being MUCH cleearer in terms of who they are and settling into their iconic selves nicely. Wallace’s more selfless and protective side pops up, Ramona starts to show mroe of her personality good and bad, Scott’s better traits are mixed a bit mor eeven with the douche ones, Knive’s far more unstable and violet stalker side emerges, and Stephen.. well fuck him, point is things are coming together.. but O’Malley still isn’t quite at peak power yet. Not bad and still worth a read like last time, just a bit uneeven is all. That being said... if you want O’Malley at his peak.. well then come back next week. Until then i’ll be doing my usual buisness of reviewing birds, refrencing simpsons and letterkenny, and putting my eyes back in after kim’s look up there. For now the sun’s setting and i’m out of here.
#scott pilgrim#scott pilgrim vs the world#ramona flowers#kim pine#stephen stiles#wallace wells#envy adams#lucas lee#oni press#Brian Lee O'malley#knives chau#neil nordgraf
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Care Taker ~ J.M.
A/n: Ah yes, the boy. Here’s that request anon.
Request: “...could I request a jack Morton x male reader where he’s the kind of guy that takes care of everyone and doesn’t care about himself but jack is like I’ll take care of you.” by anon
Word Count: 4800+
Masterlist
"Hey hey hey," Y/n soothed, his smile soft but nothing compared to the tone of voice. The girl's eyes found his and he gave a small smile to show he was friendly, as much as possible. "You okay?" All he had done was walk into the room and she had started flailing and panicking. "I didn't mean to startle you, I was just looking for a place to hide. It's loud outside."
She swallowed. "I- I'm okay."
Well that was bullshit. He nodded as if he believed her anyway. "Okay. Can I help you stand up?" She hesitated then nodded. He kept his hands where she could see them as he approached her before offering a hand. She took it and he pulled her to her feet. "What's your name?" He asked after she stabilized once in her feet.
"Um, Mirane. My friends call me Rain."
"Well would you prefer me to call you that?" She hesitated before nodding. "Okay Rain. Do you need help getting home?" She shook her head, but when he rose an eyebrow she sighed before nodding. "Do you have any friends that you came with."
"I don't know," she admitted.
"Okay." He hesitated to leave the room. He'd gone to a stupid party that his roommate had bugged him about hours before he caved, and it had been overwhelming for his anxiety as usual. Too many people. Too much noise. Too much chaos. It was dangerous, and all his red flags were clouding every other thought. Thankfully he'd been here he thought though. Now he could help this girl. "Come on let's try and find them." They did just that. They searched for about twenty minutes before Rain finally found her friends. Y/n didn't know what she said to them, but it was out of ear shot of him and they seemed to nod in understanding, heading for home instantly. He waved as they went, parting ways.
Paying attention to see the group until they were outside of side to see them safely as far as they'd let him, he wasn't looking to who was moving around him. He figured he could trust people to watch where they were going if he was standing still, at the very least. Perhaps it was foolish, considering how drunk everyone here was. The end result was that someone rammed into his back so hard he almost face planted off of the porch. At least he caught himself on the banister. He flipped around, eyes landing on a blonde boy about his age. "Are you okay?" He asked, trying to keep his own fear out of his voice. People don't usually run into you for no reason, especially that hard. Had he been pushed? Was he THAT drunk?
The boy seemed surprise. "I... yeah. Are you?"
Y/n nodded, chuckling shakily. "You sure gave me a scare though."
"Sorry," The boy apologized, his neck turning red, spreading up his face as he cringed sheepishly. "I was kind of arguing with my friend and-" Y/n's eyes slid from him to the slightly taller boy behind him, who had dark curly hair and a huge smile on his face. It wasn't the face of someone who had shoved his friend angrily into someone else. There wasn't that shyness or dodging Y/n's look or even any shame. This lead Y/n to believe they were either dating and he was abusive, or the blonde in front of him was lying. With how the dark haired boy seemed to blend into the crowd rather than command attention, Y/n was pretty sure it was the latter.
"I bet," he said slowly. A smile was tugging at his lips. When his eyes returned to the blonde, he noticed the line of his jaw and the light in his light colored eyes. Of course he's just noticing how attractive the boy is now of all times. Good going, Y/n. "Well, stay safe." He nodded in a sort of fair well and went to turn away to leave.
The boy caught his arm. He seemed to let go immediately, as if worried Y/n would be mad at him for doing it, but he wasn't. He just turned back to see what the other wanted. "I'm Jack," he rushed, stepping closer. Y/n swallowed, stepping back awkwardly. "I- You didn't say your name."
Despite the awkwardness slipping around under his skin, Y/n managed a smile. "Uh, Y/n." He held his hand out to shake. "Nice to meet you, Jack."
Jack shook it. "Nice to meet you too."
There was a pause before they dropped hands. Jack kept staring at Y/n in a way that made the boy shift. "I... have to go. There's nothing else for me here, so-" He left it open ended in case Jack wanted to change that. He seemed interested, at least.
"Yeah for sure." Y/n internally sighed, his shoulders dropping a little in disappointment. "Well, see you around."
"See you around." Then he really did leave Jack there, standing on the porch looking after him and feeling like a total idiot.
-
The second Y/n heard someone scream, he was running. He had been on a little late night walk to clear his head but he definitely wasn't now.
His quick speed got him onto the scene just in time to see a woman on the ground. She seemed sort of familiar, but her skin was burning away so it was hard to make out anything too much past the immediate urge to throw up. Y/n froze mid step, almost tripping and falling. He caught movement in the corner of his vision that made him look up and lock eyes with the only other person immediately around. The man had been looking at the burning woman too, but his face was twisted by a victorious smile. Obviously the perpetrator. Y/n ran to the woman and then gasped as her eyes found him. The fire had gone out and.... was she still alive? He kneeled down. "Miss?" His brain raced with some way to help her. Some way to make her passing easier. No way would she make it- he could see her bone.
And then suddenly he saw less bone. And less. Like the skin was... very slowly healing itself. Not human slow, but more like someone creating a mud sculpture over the top of a skeleton. Like it was in some sort of fast play heal session... and yet it still seemed to move so slowly, even though it was impossibly fast. Even though he could SEE it.
"HEY!" Y/n looked up to see the man who had attacked the woman next to him approaching. "You see what she's doing?" Y/n nodded wordlessly. "That's magic." Y/n looked back at her and then at him. She couldn't stop healing to hide from me, but she was trying to crawl away now. "Would you like to know more?"
If... that was magic. No, it had to be magic. What else could it be? She was burnt to a crisp- he had SEEN her on fire, and now she was hyper healing like it was nothing. She was saving her own life. How many people could he save with a power like that? How much of a difference could he make? "No." The words were cracked and raw and Y/n jumped back from the woman on the ground, reaching a desperate hand out to him. No?
"You're using magic," Y/n accused. "What do you mean no?"
"She wants to keep her magic for herself," the man explained. Now that he was closer Y/n had the distinct feeling of familiarity, like maybe they'd run into each other before, or at least seen each other from afar. Y/n couldn't place when or where that might have happened though. "She's part of a huge hidden society of magic users, and they keep it all to themselves and don't share it with anyone. They're selfish, and inconsiderate. My people- we use our magic to help others."
Well, that sounded good to Y/n. "Teach me."
-
"Y/n." The boy looked over to see Salvador approaching him. He smiled and she returned it, her hand guiding his eyes from her to another woman walking at her side. The unnamed girl had short blonde hair, and blue eyes warring between look of determination and hesitation. "We have a new member. Meet Alyssa Drake."
Y/n quirked an eyebrow. "You got to my school."
That seemed to take her back. "I do?"
"Yeah," Y/n confirmed. "We had like a ton of class together, and you lead the tour I was apart of at the beginning of the year. You were kind of distracted by..." He fought to remember a name or face. He shrugged, letting her know he couldn't come up with one. She seemed amused at the memory. "Anyway, I'm not surprised you don't remember me."
She held her hand and they shook. "Nice to meet you." Y/n smiled wider.
His eyes drifted back to Salvador though. "We've had plenty of members and you haven't introduced them yourself to me before. What's up?"
The woman chuckled. "Ever perceptive and straight forward," she praised. Y/n shrugged, but he was obviously proud. "Alyssa is from the Order." Y/n's smile wavered and then dropped and suddenly he couldn't look over at her. "She isn't anymore- she's here to be one of us. She's seen the truth of our ways. I brought her to you because I know you had a lot of questions about them, and since Alyssa just came from it all herself, I thought you should hear from someone who would know."
Finally his gaze slid back over to Alyssa, slow and skeptical. She took the expression in full force, chest puffed and ready for a fight. Not necessarily because Y/n would argue with her and she would have to defend them, but because she seemed plenty ready to tear down the organization. It was the only thing Y/n needed to know really... but he wanted confirmation. "Are they really that bad?"
"They are," she answered immediately. "They're selfish and manipulative- every single one of them. They only care about themselves. My-" She cut off, swallowing. "My girlfriend disappeared recently, and... there hasn't been much of an effort or a care in the world to get her back." She looked upset so Y/n stepped forward, resting his hand on her shoulder.
"I'm sorry to hear that."
Alyssa let a breath go, accepting the comfort. "It's fine. I'm going to find her myself."
Y/n nodded, then hesitated before asking, "What was she like?"
That seemed to pull a smile back out of the blonde. "She's annoying." They both laughed. "No, that was a joke. She's... kind of closed off, for the most part. Defensive and hesitant to put herself into a situation where she's vulnerable. We... we were actually together a while ago, but then the Order kicked her out and erased her memories."
Y/n jerked. "They erased her memories?"
"And then they did it to her again recently. We actually met through a..." she paused, searching for a word. "Mutual friend." The way she said it made it sound like this person was less a friend and more a tag along, or just someone that kind of annoyed her. "We reconnected and I thought we were finally hitting it off, but then they made me wipe her memory again." Her face seemed twisted with pain. "If I didn't, they would have kicked me out and made me forget everything too. Magic. Her. And they would have killed her." She winced. "I had to watch her fall for someone else for six months. Thankfully Nicole is really cool and kept coming to me for advice on how to get her to back off because I know her best and she wanted to make it clear that she respected my feelings." She chuckled. "The funny this is, with Lilith flirting with her, they fell for each other. And then with her continued consideration for how I felt despite how she felt, we fell for each other too? And now we're kind of all dating and-" she cut off, just as she was reaching what seemed to be her favorite part of the story. "She got her memories back and we all worked it out. But, uh, she kind of got pulled into Hell."
"I'm so sorry for your loss," Y/n whispered softly.
Alyssa shook her head. "She's not dead. Just in the literal demon dimension. We're trying to get her back."
"Oh." Y/n's eyes widened and Alyssa chuckled.
"Yeah it was kind of crazy. It's complicated, but it seemed the best course of action was to leave the Order, and the only way I could do that was to join Praxis. Salvador protected my memory when they tried to take my memories away. I'm lucky I ran into her."
This seemed to be hard for Y/n. "And Nicole?"
That wiped Alyssa's smile all the way. "She's looking for Lilith her way, I'm looking mine. One of us will figure it out." Responding to Y/n's unasked question, she added, "I can't sacrifice myself for my girlfriend. Nicole wouldn't want me to. Maybe what I'm doing is wrong to her, but I can't work with people who only work for themselves. And their misguided followers," she added, seeming to be thinking of her girlfriends.
Y/n nodded. "I understand." Alyssa shot her an appreciative glance. Y/n stepped forward, his hand resting on her arm. "If you need any help looking for her, let me know. I'm new to magic but I'l do whatever I can to reunite you guys."
"Thank you." She seemed to be bursting with happiness and it made Y/n's heart swell.
"Anytime."
-
"Alyssa."
Y/n turned, his eyebrows coming together. "I think you're mistaken."
And there, to Y/n's surprise, stood Jack. The same boy from the party, except now his hair was brown. Jack seemed just as surprised. "Oh I'm sorry I thought you were someone else."
"You thought I was a girl?" Y/n asked. He was the kind of person you didn't make that mistake with. He wasn't just a guy, but he liked to think he at least had the body type to look like one too.
Jack chuckled awkwardly. "I- she gets the same pizza." He flinched.
It was then that something clicked in Y/n's mind. With his hair brown, Y/n could place his face in that tour what seemed ages ago but could only have been a little over a year. He thought about the face Alyssa had made when he mentioned the incident, and how she had seemed to mirror that half amusement half annoyance when she mentioned the mutual friend who had reunited her with Lilith. She never named him, but every time she mentioned that friend, she had the same look and Y/n had long since tied them together as the same person. But if that person was Jack, then that meant... "You're in the Order."
He hadn't meant to say it out loud, but he knew he did when Jack's face went slack, his lips parting and his eyes widening. Y/n panicked, grabbing the pizza Alyssa had asked him to get for her so she wouldn't be caught and then trying to run away. Jack wasn't letting that slide though. "Wait!" He caught Y/n's arm, pulling him to a stop. "How do you know about-" Then understanding dawned on his face too and his eyes fell to the pizza in Y/n's hands. "It's for her, isn't it?" Y/n hesitated before nodding. "You're apart of Praxis?" It was accusing, mixed with shock and hurt.
Y/n ripped away, feeling his own angers rise. "You're part of the Order?" He shot back.
Jack scoffed. "You don't know what mess you're getting yourself into."
"I'm not an idiot," Y/n snapped back. "I've heard what Salvador has to say about you people and your-"
"Salvador doesn't know anything about the Order," Jack snapped, defending them immediately. "There have been a lot of mistakes made, but most people have good intentions. It's just that no one takes the time to really understand others and what's happening. They keep too many secrets and jump to too many conclusions."
"There aren't any secrets in Praxis," Y/n pointed out proudly. "We all now what everyone's intention is, and we use our powers to help others rather than walk over everyone for self gain."
Jack looked like Y/n had slapped him. "You have no idea what we're like."
"Is that so?" Y/n demanded, stepping closer. "Because Alyssa sure had a lot of stories to share."
That seemed to shut Jack up for a second. Y/n didn't bolt the moment he had the upper hand though. He stood there and waited for Jack to explain, and the brunette really appreciated that. Thus far every single problem had boiled down to trust issues and miscommunications, so the willingness to truly understand and hear everyone out that Y/n was displaying was a relief. Maybe Jack could save him, if he couldn't do the same for Alyssa. "That's only Alyssa's side of the story. Have they told you about the sacrifices you need to make when you do magic?"
"Yes," Y/n answered immediately. "We teach the importance as much as you do. We use magic to help others, not to help ourselves and let others take the consequences like you and Gabrielle did."
Jack flinched. "I didn't know about sacrifices back then," he defended. Y/n nodded, relaxing. He seemed relieved and Jack felt himself get excited by the fact he was listening and internalizing everything Jack said. He trusted Jack. "Not everyone does them. Have you seen the explosions and the way its warping people?" Y/n swallowed and they both knew he knew exactly what Jack was talking about. "Praxis is going to get people killed."
"But people of the Order do the same," Y/n pointed out. Jack went to argue but then remembered the memory of Gabrielle Y/n had just dug up again. He hesitated and Y/n took his chance while he was down. "What's so different between us?"
That answer was easy for him. "We know what we're doing. We have much more experienced mages and werewolves to keep those mages in check." Y/n rose an eyebrow and Jack sighed. "We're new to this. The wolves. I- We didn't know it was out job until a few days ago. Honestly we're trying our best."
It was Y/n's turn to sigh. "You wouldn't even be talking to me about this if Praxis hadn't told me about magic. We never would have been friends then either. Then, you chose to ignore me, and now I chose to ignore you." He stepped around Jack, and the brunette didn't stop him. Y/n paused though. "Last time I saw you, you had brunette hair."
"It's a long story," Jack shrugged. "I'm naturally a brunette. I dyed it back again."
Y/n considered that. "Do you like it?"
Jack turned and they locked eyes. The pizza was to Y/n's side instead of between them, and where Y/n had paused in passing Jack had left the two boys rather close together for just strangers running into each other in a pizzaria, which is what they were. "Then I'm glad you dyed it back." Jack actually smiled, a small little thing that seemed to be struggling to stick under the pressure of his other negative emotions. Y/n stepped closer, his hand resting on Jack's shoulder. "I just want to help people, Jack. I want to heal people, like I have been, and make lives easier. Isn't that what magic should be for?"
"You want to protect people," Jack voiced. Y/n nodded, earnestly trying to get him to understand. "But you're putting them in danger with the way you guys do magic. Haven't you been asking anything about the Tartarus Blasts?" Y/n hesitated and Jack rose an eyebrow. "Or have they just not been telling you?"
"We don't keep secrets in Praxis," Y/n answered immediately. "They told us what they are."
Jack stepped forward. "Then you have to understand how dangerous this is. Not just for you, but for all of your friends and the people you're trying to help. I know you want to save everyone Y/n, but you can't. Sometimes you're going to fail. I just want to protect you from that. Even if you weren't part of the Order before, you could be now. We need more good people to help the few of us already in here have more power. More numbers. We could make a difference with your help. Let me protect you, Y/n."
They were extremely close. Maybe an inch between their bodies. Y.n swallowed. "Why would you care about me?" His words seemed to stun both of them out of whatever weird feeling in the air that had been pullng them closer this entire time. Y/n stepped away and Jack's face fell. "You don't even know me." His face hardened. "What you realized I have some kind of crush on you and are using it to manipulate me to do what you want?"
Jack seemed stunned. "You-?"
"Shut up," Y/n snapped. "Alyssa was right. You guys are selfish." And then he turned and booked it out, and Jack watched after him with shock and confusion. How had this conversation suddenly gone so wrong?
-
"She's... dead?" Y/n's voice was small, matching the shattered look on Alyssa's face. "Alyssa... I know you were closer to her than anyone. I'm sorry."
Alyssa solidified, her face setting with anger and determination. "She wouldn't want us to wallow. She would want us to hold our heads high and continue the mission until it's finished. We have a spell to complete, and a wolf fur to find the new owner of." Something seemed to dawn on her. "Maybe this is what I was meant to do. I was meant to be the leader of Praxis. Alpha."
Y/n gave a small smile. "I hope so. You deserve it."
"Come with me to try it out?" She asked him. He nodded and they moved to the back of where they were now, where they kept the third of the Order's things that were most important. Like the last pelt locker, which was all that was left after Alyssa had been convinced to give the others back in an effort to help Lilith return. Now Y/n and her stood in front of Alpha's locker, hands hovering over the lid.
It opened. Alyssa stood tall as it turned on its side, ready for the fur to engulf her and make her stronger. A real leader.
The locker turned to Y/n.
The boy's eyes widened and he screamed as something thick and furry wrapped around him until he was being suffocated with darkness. He woke up in the woods outside of the school, naked and covered in blood.
WHOSE BLOOD WAS HE COVERED IN?
"Y/n?" He looked over, scared until he saw Alyssa. Her shoulders sagged in relief upon seeing him. She came over, offering a shirt and shorts. He took them gratefully. It was awkward and quiet and he quickly dressed and then she lead him back to what he assumed was her car. "I'm not mad it chose you." Instantly Y/n let out a breath he'd been holding. She smiled. "I think it's fitting. Just like the Order but better. A magician in charge, and a werewolf by her side to back her up when it's needed. Y/n grinned back. "We're going to do great things together Y/n." She turned to him. "After we get home and you get cleaned up, we're coming back and getting that spell. Are you ready?"
Standing as tall as he could, Y/n nodded solidly. "Anywhere you lead, I'll follow."
Her expression shone with pride. "We're going to change the world. I know it."
-
"The spell does WHAT?" Y/n snapped.
"Shut up," Alyssa snarled back. Y/n's face scrunched together in confusion and anger and he stepped away from the blonde who he'd considered his best friend until a second ago.
"Lys we can't do this." She spun on him, face twisted with betrayal. "This is going to hurt so many people. You want to trade cutting your palm a few times for magic cancer? Seriously?"
Alyssa seemed to actually consider for a moment. Then she shook her head. "This is what we've been aiming for since the beginning. This is what Salvador wanted. This is what she was working for up until the second of her death. What she died for."
Y/n stepped back again. "This is wrong, Alyssa. This is going to hurt people. Do you think Lilith would approve of this?"
"LILITH IS GONE!" Alyssa screamed, storming over to get in Y/n's face. "She's been in the Demon Realm. I couldn't get to her no matter how hard I tried. She's dead, Y/n!"
The door burst open just then, slamming closed again as none other than Jack Morton raced to the pair with an earnest expression on his face. "Lilith's back." The room stopped for a second.
Y/n grabbed Alyssa by the shoulders, looking into her eyes. "Let this die, Alyssa. End the Apocalypse Blast and go to her. Your girlfriends are waiting for you. After everything that's kept you apart, let this not be one of them." Something in the girl's face changed. She stiffly moved to Vera's side, casting the spell and killing the Blast. Vera looked at Y/n with awe. He shrugged in response. "Kindness is always the better answer."
Just then Alyssa seemed to snap out of it and she turned to the door, jogging. Her face was alight with life and excitement and joy. She was finally going to see Lilith again. Nicole, who she missed just as much. But when those doors opened, a blockage stood in her way that would hold her back from her happy ending. A wolf, huge and daunting, with teeth barred and claws out. Claws that ripped in her throat as it grabbed her, yanked her back and forth a few times, then threw her out of sight.
The scream that left Y/n's mouth was animalistic. The wolf - Midnight - looked at the man who was bonded to Alpha and cowered. Y/n hadn't even wolfed out yet but Midnight turned tail and ran like he was facing his worst nightmare. An angry Alpha. Even Jack flinched back, taking a few steps and clearing the way for Y/n to race toward the door and outside. But he didn't run after Midnight. He made his way to Alyssa's side, his eyes watering and his heart breaking.
She dies in his arms, Vera, Jack, and even Y/n helpless to do anything to save her.
Vera pulled the body away from Y/n, with help from Jack to pulled the boy to his chest, hiding him from the dead blonde. Jack and Alyssa had long since broke off their budding friendship after they'd almost died with the Sons of Prometheus. She had come back different, pulling even further away from him and then was gone altogether. They'd been good friends for a while though. A lot like she and Y/n were now. After she'd turned him down and gotten with Lilith, they'd become best friends. That had been lost, but if anyone knew how Y/n felt it was Jack. They'd both had to watch her die and do nothing to stop it.
For the first time in Y/n's life, not even magic could save the one person he cared about the most.
"I couldn't help her," he sobbed into Jack's chest.
Jack held tighter. "I know. We can't save everyone every time, Y/n. It's not your fault. Magic makes us stronger, but not matter how solid a wall something will always find a way to knock it down. Sand is going to fall between the cracks of your fingers. It's not your fault." It was actually something Y/n had told Alyssa. Something Alyssa had then relayed to Jack in return.
Y/n recognized his own words and began to cry. "What's the point if I can't save everyone?"
"You protect those who matter." They stayed quiet while Y/n grieved, letting his tears fall and his body shake in the protective embrace of Jack Morton's arms. When he calmed, Jack caught his chin, pulling their gazes to see each other. "You can't save everyone, but you can save lots of other people. You've already done so much Y/n. And it's only up from here. Join us. Let us teach you the true powerful potential of magic. I'll be right there the whole time."
"Why do you care?" Y/n asked softly.
Jack touched their foreheads, both of their eyes closing. "Because at some point, I formed a little crush on you too. And now you matter to me, and there's nothing either of us can do about it. You want to protect people, I get it. But you're putting yourself in danger to do so and it's had me stressed out for you since I realized you were apart of Praxis. Please Y/n. Just... let me protect YOU."
Y/n was quiet for a long time. Then he buried his head in the crook of Jack's neck. "Okay." The boy smelled good and he was warm. It was something Y/n could get lost in. He thought about the night they'd first met and the seconds they'd shared since then. Little moments that meant so much for no reason. Little moments that had showed them the kindness in each other. The little moments that had delivered exactly what the other needed to develop feelings. And now here they were, trying to piece together the nonsense of the world they were apart of.
At least they had each other.
#jack morton#the order#knights of saint christopher#jack morton x reader#male reader#the order x reader#knights of saint christopher x reader#knights of saint christopher imagine#jack morton imagine#the order imagine
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Dean Ambrose x Reader
Rated M
Warnings: Smut, some bullying.
Requested by: Anonymous
A/N: Yes, this was meant for Valentine’s day, but I got busy and now all this stuff with Corona. It has been crazy. I hope you are all staying safe. I love you.
From my love 💞💋: Hey, I know this is coming at an odd time with Valentine’s Day coming up, but things just aren't working out between us. I need time for myself. I hope you understand.
A day before Valentine's day. This fuckin prick. I slammed my locker closed. Tears already in my eyes. I willed myself not to cry. I was in the makeup area surrounded by other females that would be nosy about why I was crying. I also hadn't exactly been honest either. Craig and I have been dating for six months secretly. He always said that someday he would tell everyone about us. We had met when I had some makeup looks at ESPN for Becky. He was one of the new sportscasters there. It seemed like love at first sight. Or so I thought. Maybe I should have known with all his secret-keeping that he had no interest in me. He just was looking for someone to mess around with. I felt so dumb. I just let him use me like that. I wanted someone like that to want me so bad I didn’t care about all the red flags that were flapping in my face.
I slammed my hands hard against the table just ready to run, scream and lose control. I heard two chuckles from behind me. “Awe, is (Y/N) angry?” Dolph said in a teasing manner.
“Don’t antagonize her, Dolph, “ Baron chuckled. “You might get the hulk to come out. HULK SMASH. It will be the first Earthquake in Florida history.”
I rolled my eyes, “Do you have anything better than juvenile insults to throw my way?” I really wasn’t in the mood for them. They were always giving some stupid fat jokes. It was why I had to request HR, so they no longer were on my list to do makeup for. Luckily, I got them off, but that didn’t mean that they still didn’t come back and bug me from time to time. It was hard enough to work in a place surrounded by supermodels and not feel insecure. They never helped it at all.
“Aw, if it’s so juvenile, why did you have to run to HR and have us reported?” Baron asked his head tilting to the side. “Did we hurt your feelings? Good, because you don’t belong in our world.” Baron sneered.
“Even our hair and make-up people need to meet the right standards and let's face it.” He looked me up and down. “You don’t make the cut.”
“There are tons of people like me here,” I said. My voice was so small that you could barely hear it.
"Oh, but they are built like a steam engine while you are built like a dumpster full of trash." Dolph laughed. He high fived Baron so proud of his pun. I felt hot tears burn my eyelids. I begged them not to fall, but they did anyway. I could hear their laughter roar louder. I covered my face. I was a god damn adult and I was crying over something a high school bully would say. Why was I so upset? It didn’t help that I had just gotten dumped over the phone two minutes ago.
"Hey!" A voice boomed from the other side of the hallway. All three of us snapped our heads towards where the voice had come from. It was to my shock, Dean Ambrose. Dean Ambrose and I have barely ever spoken a word to each other much less enough for him to feel the need to stick up for me. "Why don't you idiots go back to high school if you want to bully people? Or at least pick a fight with someone who can fight back." He said as he got inches from Baron's face. "You must have a tiny ass dick, Corbin."
Baron glared at Dean. His eyes never left him. Dean held up his fingers with barely an inch between them. "Is this what it looks like?" He asked. Baron grumbled and pushed passed Dean, Dolph following quickly behind. I returned to my station trying to busy myself. I had still been crying a bit when I felt his hand on my shoulder. It was strong and solid. I felt so weak underneath it. The truth was, though we never had much communication, I desperately wanted to. I wanted it so bad that it held me back from it. I didn't want to sound stupid to him or trip over my own feet making me sound like a huge idiot to him.
"Don't listen to those fools. He doesn't know how to talk to actual humans, just airheads with no substance, but appearance." Dean told me as he rubbed my back. I nodded his touch, melting me. "Hey, (Y/N), don’t let those idiots get it for you. They wouldn’t know what a good looking woman was unless it came wrapped in plastic. You are beautiful no matter what those idiots say.”
“You are just saying that to make me feel better,” I said, still unable to look him in the eye.
“Why would I just say something like that if I didn’t mean it? I mean it. I don’t go around trying to butter everyone up.” He said as he turned me towards him to face him. He put his finger under my chin causing me to look into his clear blue eyes. I was lost the second that our eyes met. I bit my lip as he moved a piece of my hair behind my ear. "You are so beautiful, they don't know how to handle it." I blushed deeply. This was definitely something I would have expected from the lunatic fringe. He was smooth, but not normally sweet like this. It felt genuine coming from him. He leaned in and his lips touched mine. I was surprised by how soft they were compared to his hands. His hands were always rough and calloused, but his lips were soft and warm. I was happy when his hands landed on my waist cause I was melting where I stood. He pressed my back against the cold wall as the kiss deepened. This kiss was never anything like when I kissed Craig or any guys for that matter. It was gentle, but at the same time rough. His hands moved up and down, as he felt every single curve.
He broke the kiss as he moved his lips to my ear. “Come to my dressing room in a few minutes.” He whispered in my ear. His voice was deep and husky. I could feel him push his hard-on against me before he pulled off. He turned walking back towards where his dressing room was. My mind raced as he vanished out of sight. He shares his room with Seth and Roman...They might need to come in. But, what if he knew they wouldn’t be. The show didn’t start for another half an hour and I had most of my clients done which is why I had taken to my phone. The rest of my clients started after the start, so I had free time. Would this make Dean a rebound if I did this? I didn’t want to be that type of girl. Everything ran through my head, but my body was on autopilot. It went straight to the shield’s dressing room. I hadn't even finished playing out every single scenario in my head when my hand was already knocking on the door.
Dean opened the door with a smile on his face. He pulled me in before he locked the door behind him. I bit my lip looking down. My heart was racing, it felt like my heart was going to fly out of my chest. I was close to aborting this whole thing. What was my body thinking when it took me here?
I felt a finger go under my chin as he pushed up my face to look at me. “Everything okay, kitten?” He asked.
“Yeah...I mean..I guess. I don’t generally do stuff like this.” I sputtered out. A blush deepened on my face.
“Oh, I know. I wouldn’t have asked you otherwise.” His hand traveled down to my waist. “Truth is, I had my eye on you for some time now. Becky had warned me about your boyfriend, but-”
“We broke up,” I said quickly, stopping him before he could speak anymore. His smile grew on his face as soon as the words left my mouth.
“I figured something had to have happened. I saw you upset and was going to stop to talk to you until the two idiots got to you before me.”
“Why did you kiss me if you didn’t know we broke up till now?” I asked him.
He shrugged. “I took a chance. Honestly, I don’t care about some pretty boy reporter. You deserve better anyway.” I noticed as he got closer to my body, he was pushing me back towards the wall.
“Like who?” I said rolling my eyes. I didn’t mean for it to come out rudely. I just want to make sure this wasn’t all a dream. There was no way Dean Ambrose could really like me, but every time I caught a glimpse of his eyes, I could see nothing, but softness.
“Like me.” He said before pressing his lips back down on me. He pushed himself against me, closing the space between us and pressing my back hard against the wall. He grabbed my wrists and put my arms above my head. He held them there with one hand. “You got to stop doubting how amazing you are. I am going to prove it to you.” He said as he pushed my hair away from my neck. He turned his head as his lips went on my neck. His kisses were gentle at first, but as he got closer to my collarbone, he started to sink his teeth into my skin as he left little bites behind. I jumped once he hit my sweet spot, letting out a quiet moan. I could feel his grin against me. He opened his mouth and began to suck on that part of my neck. My knees felt weak. I tried to move my hands down, but he kept a firm grip on them. He used his other hand to go under my shirt. He moved over my skin. His fingertips felt like fire on. His hands moved to my breast as he cupped it roughly. He reached around and unsnapped my bra. I was surprised at how easily he did it. My mind was starting to fog as he pinched my nipple twisting it between his fingers. I moaned as my head flew back exposing more of my neck. He took advantage of it and began to kiss down my exposed cleavage. He pulled my shirt down further exposing more till they fell out. His lips moved down to my nipples as he wrapped his lips around the right one sucking on it. I could feel wetness start to build between my thighs. I rubbed them together trying to feel something. Dean Ambrose was going to be the death of me if he kept on teasing. I felt his hand finally let go of my wrists as he moved it between my legs rubbing it. I whimpered softly against his hand. His grin got bigger as he felt how wet I was. He took me off the wall and let me to the couch they had. He moved me against the arm bending me over. He pulled off my pants with one quick tug as he pulled them down. I felt nervous as he looked at my exposed backside. I knew I wasn’t perfect back there. I had stretch marks and cellulite back there. I was scared that might make him back out. It didn’t. He gave a quick smack to my ass before he grabbed it with his hand. “Fuck you are gorgeous.” He said as he pushed his finger through my folds before he got down on his knees. His tongue brushed on my thighs. He kissed up to my heated core. He laid his tongue flat as he licked up and down. I moaned loudly as I gripped onto the couch. He pushed my folds apart as he pushed his tongue inside exploring every inch. I moaned loudly. I was almost unable to contain myself. I knew these rooms weren’t soundproof though. I could easily be heard. Soon, I could care less about who heard, as I ground myself against his face and felt the prickle of his beard. That mixed with his tongue was sending me over the edge. I couldn’t help but want more. I wanted him inside me. I wanted to feel him stretching me. I looked back at him. His face soaked with my wetness. He pulled back, licking his lips. Lust clouding his blue eyes as he looked at me. He knew what I wanted. He didn’t have to ask. He got up from his knees and undid his jeans. I watched him the whole time as he pulled his pants and boxers down. His eyes never left mine as he stroked his already hard cock. I licked my lips when I saw how thick he was. He pushed the tip between my lips rubbing it up and down. He made sure it was well lubricated before he pushed it inside me. I closed my eyes as I stretched around him, hugging his cock tightly. I moaned as he started off at a slow pace. Once he could tell I was used to it, he pushed himself in and out. He smacked my ass as he went deeper with every thrust. It felt amazing. It wasn’t long until my pussy clenched tightly around him. I was milking his cock as my high came to life. He gripped onto my hair as he pulled it back causing my back to arch so he could push himself as deep as it could possibly go. I could feel the tip of his dick rubbing against my g-spot as I came around him. My toes curled as my juices spilled around him. He wasn’t fair behind me as he pulled out a spilled all over my back. I felt the warm ooze of him all over my back. He walked towards his gym bag as he grabbed a towel whipping me off.
“So, tomorrow is Valentine's day, how does a date sound?” He said once he had cleaned my back off and I was sitting on the couch.
I was still trying to catch my breath, but I nodded. “That sounds amazing.”
#dean ambrose smut#dean ambrose fanfiction#dean ambrose imagine#dean ambrose x reader#wwe#wwe smut#wwe x reader#wwe imagine#wwe fanfiction#jon moxley fanfiction#jon moxley#jon moxley smut
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Jason
hey, you guys remember jason from the movie? the one gretchen hooked up with but he didn't actually care about her? yeah :) ALSO REGINA POV?!?!?
tw: bullying, suffocation, manipulation, shane omen mention
g/t mean girls
I wasn't controlling.
Well- let me rephrase that.
There were rules for being plastic. I made sure Karen and Gretchen followed those rules. That wasn't controlling. Just, guidelines. They're rules in place to help the other plastics. Dress codes, what clubs you can and can't join, you can't buy a dress without the others approval, don't date your friend's exes-
but totally new boys were fair game.
So before you ask, no, that's not why I'm against Gretchen dating Jason.
On surface level, Jason seemed like a nice guy.
But he constantly blew off Gretchen, he flirted with other girls, and overall was totally using her.
And that's not even getting into how he treats tinies.
That's right.
Jason is a two-faced fucking asshole.
And none of the giants can see it.
I mean- I'm sure they're suspicious. I know Damian notices when Janis stiffens the second Jason walks in the room. And, Cady has probably picked up on the way Aaron gets quiet. If Gretchen has caught on to anything, she totally ignores it. I mean- Janis, Aaron, and I tried telling our friends in the begging. Gretchen didn't want to hear it. She's got a huge crush on the guy and totally ignores all red flags.
So we gave up getting through to her.
Besides, who would believe us? Jason was so sweet whenever our giants were around.
I guess when we collectively decided we couldn't get through to Gretchen- all the other giants were a lost cause too. And that was months ago. We're in too deep now.
"Allow me to take it back to the drawing board and suggest the best idea we've had since day one," Janis huffed. We were in an empty hallway after school for 'english help'. We've been staying after a lot more recently.
It's been getting worse.
Jason isn't trying to be sneaky anymore. He'll pick up Aaron without asking, conveniently drop his textbook on the cafeteria table right next to Janis, wrap his arm around Gretchen when I'm on her shoulder.
Yet nobody has caught on.
Janis continued. "Why don't we just tell our giants what he's doing?"
"Because Gretchen won't listen to me."
"Good thing there's three other friends." Janis points out.
I rolled my eyes, waving my hand dismissively. Of course, Janis didn't understand how it felt not to have her giant listen to her. Her and Damian practically share a mind, if anything it's a shock he hasn't started asking questions. "Fine, if you know what's best for everyone, go talk to Damian. I'm sure you two will solve everything with your buddy buddy perfect communication skills. Janis has a giant who actually listens to her! Wow! You don't have to rub it in." I cross my arms over my chest, leaning back against the wall.
Aaron blinks, his gaze bouncing between both of us nervously.
"I wasn't-" Janis pauses, letting her hands fold in her lap. "I wasn't rubbing anything in. Listen- Regina, I'm sorry Gretchen won't listen. Truly. I'm being genuine right now. But don't make me feel guilty for trying to come up with a solution to something affecting all three of us."
"Right," I mumble, guilt rising in my stomach. "Sorry. I just-"
My voice trails off but neither Janis nor Aaron push for me to continue talking. Gretchen was somebody I could always trust to be there and listen to me. Now she didn’t. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to make her listen. We're silent for a while while I regroup my emotions, not wanting to snap for no reason again.
"I have tried talking to Gretchen recently."
"And how did it go?" Aaron prompted.
"Well, it fucking went." I shrug. "Gretchen isn't used to having boys like her. I love her but crushes directed to her don't happen often. So of course she accused me of being jealous a boy finally liked her and not me."
"Maybe it had to do with how you worded it?" Janis suggests.
"Well, how else do I word 'hey maybe you should break up with the boy you're not even officially dating yet because he's toxic, a cheater, not actually in love with you, also harassing your tiny friends'?"
"Literally any way but that." Janis mumbled.
I shrug again, pulling out my phone. "Well, I did my best. You know emotions aren't my thing." I want to cry a little just thinking about the talk last week. But I don't. Crying won't fix anything.
"Regina, why can't you be happy that a boy likes me for once?! I know you're used to all the boys falling head over heels for you, but this is the first time a cute boy has put in the effort to care and call back and-"
"But he doesn't, Gretchen! He doesn't call back. He. Doesn't. Care! I'm doing this for you because nobody else is gonna tell you. Jason is bad news. He doesn't care about you, or Karen, or Cady, or Damian, and he really doesn't give a shit about Janis, Aaron, or I!"
"Just let me be happy, Regina." Gretchen says dismissively, ignoring everything I just said.
There's a hand on my shoulder, jolting me out of my thoughts. Aaron looks at me worriedly but retreats his arm. "Gina, you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just-" I wipe away a strand of hair that's been matted to my face by tears. Wait-
-tears?
I use my sleeve to dry my face quickly. I didn't even realize I started crying. I was just so tired. I was supposed to feel safe around my friends. Even when the rest of the school sees me as an emotionless bitch I should be able to turn to my friends and be okay. I couldn't do what when my current number one source of fear has intruded into our group.
"So," Janis says awkwardly. "We don't tell our giants directly. How do we get them to see the side of Jason we're seeing?"
"We catch him in the act." Aaron suggests.
Janis shakes her head with a sigh. "I am tired and quite frankly sick. I don't want our plan 'a' to be; lets put ourselves in danger in hopes that our friends stop by to witness. Let's make that plan 'y' or 'z'."
"Well, we already have plans 'b' through 'z'. We need and 'a', I'm just spouting ideas." Aaron points out.
Janis sighs, shaking her head. "I should have stuck with Damian. I need a nap and maybe an Advil."
I chuckled dryly at the girl sitting across from me. "Always have your priorities sorted, huh Janis?"
"If my priorities include being sick and not wanting to deal with Jason ever again then yeah."
"It's getting harder and harder 'not to deal with Jason ever again'," Aaron pointed out. "Remember lunch last week?"
"Don't remind me." Janis huffed.
Last week Jason decided to be a lot more careless with how he treated us around our giant friends.
I cringe just thinking of the memory.
"All I'm saying is the tiny soccer team is so underfunded. We're even better than the giant soccer team but you wouldn't know it because we've set up to fail."
I raise my eyebrow as Aaron sits next to me, passionately explaining how he swears the tiny soccer team is not a total failure.
I sat in front of Gretchen and across from Janis, who was flopped against Damian's forearm clearly struggling to stay awake.
I grin as she yawns.
"Am I boring you, Janis?" Aaron teases.
"A little," Janis says with full honesty.
Before Aaron can remark, a stack of textbooks is dropped in between him and I, narrowly missing me as I push myself backward.
Jason.
Janis's eyes widen and I instantly rush around the textbook to make sure Aaron is okay. He is, just looks equally as shaken up as I do.
Jason sits in the seat between Damian and Gretchen without bothering to great the tinies he just nearly crushed. It's where Cady normally sits, but she isn't here today.
"Jason!" Gretchen grins, pecking him on the cheek like I didn't just almost die.
I throw and exasperated look to Janis who laughs at my expense.
She wasn't the one almost fucking crushed.
Janis pushes off Damian's arm, making her way over to Aaron and I.
Or tries to.
She doesn't make it very far before shes intercepted by a hand scooping her up.
Janis makes a noise of surprise as Jason lifts her off the table without asking.
I push myself closer to Gretchen as Janis instantly tries to get back down to the table. Jason's thumb knocks her down and I cringe because- that looked like it hurt.
Damian eyes Jason wearily but doesn't vocally say anything. But neither does Janis so why would anyone worry? It's just Jason. Sweet Jason. The boy who's probably gonna ask Gretchen to spring fling. Innocent Jason.
Janis sits up again, clearly uncomfortable, as Damian speaks. "Maybe I should hold Janis?"
"No," Jason says simply before Janis can even open her mouth. "She's fine."
"Janis," Damian ignores the boy next to him. "Do you want Jason holding you?"
Janis is silent for a while, and I don't blame her.
She's in Jason's hands.
One wrong more and shes getting hurt-
badly.
"I- I uh, kinda want to be with Damian right now? If that's okay?" Janis speaks slowly, picking her words wisely.
"That's okay!" Jason reassures her sweetly, passing the girl to her giant. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable." Aaron and Janis make an identical face of discussed at the sickly sweet tone and I can only assume my face is similar.
"It's okay." Janis says softly, visibly more relaxed in Damain's hands.
Jason forces a frown. "Well- I'll go give you space. Gretchen, I'll see you next period."
He gets up, walking away but I don't feel very bad for him. If anything, I feel safer. And if the collective breath of relief from Janis and Aaron was an indicator- they felt the same.
As soon as Jason was out of earshot, Gretchen turned to Janis. "Jason was just trying to be nice, Janis. You need to be willing to welcome him into our friend group."
Janis' jaw slacked. The 'are you kidding me' went unsaid. Instead, Janis forced out an "Of course, it's my fault."
"I'm serious, Janis. Be nice."
"I'm serious too." Janis shot back.
Aaron and I shared a look of helplessness. We couldn't just tell them. Our giants would never believe us.
To them, Jason could do no wrong.
"The only solution is to never go to lunch again." Janis speaks up, bringing me out of my thoughts.
"Mhmm, sure. That's a reasonable solution." Aaron teases.
"You got something better, soccer boy?" Janis raises her eyebrow.
Aaron shakes his head. "We've reached a dead end. Gina? You got any ideas?"
I shake my head with defeat. "Unfortunately, no. All I know is Jason hates us and his goal is to make our friends hate us too through lying and manipulation."
"Go girl, give us nothing." Janis rolls her eyes. "We already knew that Regina."
"Okay, I get your sick and cranky, Janis, but I don't need you-"
"Okay!" Aaron interrupts me. "The three of us are stressed! We're worried. We're scared. But we're also all on the same page. Let's not go at each other's throats right now. We're the only ones who understand each other's struggles. Please stop fighting."
Janis and I both mumble a weak sorry.
Aaron was right. We were all scared. Can you blame us? Jason was doing everything in his power to isolate us from our friends. For no other reason other then we're tinies and see-through his act. Why he wants Gretchen so bad is beyond me. But hell am I gonna let his toxic ass have her.
"Do you guys remember that scarf Gretchen wore last week?" I ask.
Janis tilts her head. "Yeah?"
"I don't pay enough attention." Aaron shrugs.
I grin. "Well, it was a baggy infinity scarf to refresh your memory. There was enough fabric that I could sit on Gretchen's shoulder next to her neck and not be seen. So I obviously skipped my boring history lecture. But also- Gretchen talked to Jason. He didn't know I was there."
"You're like a spy!" Janis grinned, invested in the story. "What happened?!"
"Hey, Gretchen!" Jason smiles, slipping his hand into Gretchen's as they walked down the hall.
I sunk lower into the pool of fabric, hopping Grethen didn't point out I was here.
"Hey, Jason!"
I let out a breath of relief when she doesn't.
"I have to ask you something," Jason asked.
My ears perk up as I wait for him to continue.
"Is that Janis girl always so- unfriendly? I get the feeling she doesn't like me. I just don't know why. Like Regina clearly doesn't like me very much but she might just be jealous you've got a boy and she doesn't-"
So that's where the seed of jealously in Gretchen's head was planted from. It takes all of me not the stand-up and call Jason out on his bullshit.
He continues.
"But I don't understand why Janis or Aaron wouldn't like me. Aaron just gets quiet and hey- maybe he's shy. But Janis lashes out every time I try and talk to her."
"Janis can be like that sometimes." Gretchen says, nodding in agreement.
Jason could tell her the earth is fucking flat and this bitch would nod in agreement.
I wouldn't be surprised if Gretchen is even really listening to what Jason is saying.
All she's thinking is 'hot boy's lips are moving'.
Ugh.
"At least he's caught onto the fact that I don't fucking like him." Janis crossed her arms.
"Janis, he's painting you to be the bad guy. He's trying to turn Gretchen against you, what don't you understand about that?" Aaron asked.
"Oh no, I understood. I just don't care. I hate Jason and I'm glad he's caught on."
"He hates you more." I point out.
"Impossible." Janis shook her head.
We go back and forth about who hates who more before settling on the fact that our collective hate for him outweighs anything he feels for us.
"Let's go meet our giants, it's getting late." Aaron said standing up. He holds out his hand, helping Janis up first, then me.
Janis groans holding her head. "Still feel sick as fuck and standing up so fast did not help."
"Woe is you." I roll my eyes. "Let's go."
We walk through the school, making our way to the tiny pick up zone. We're halfway there as Aarons phone dings.
Its a text from Cady.
Aaron reads allowed: "Gretchen went home early so Karen is driving Regina home. Damian and Karen are still in after school help and I might be a bit late to pick you three up. Wait there for me, I swear I didn't forget about you guys."
I laugh. "Cady could never forget about us."
"I mean-" Janis starts. "There was the one ti-"
"Shut up." I cut her off. "Cady would never forget about her tiny friends."
We make it to the tiny pick up zone and sit against a wall to wait. It's no surprise that the hallway is empty. It's late after school on a Monday. Who would willingly still be in school?
There's footsteps down the hall and we all look up, expecting Cady.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Janis groans.
"Ever the pleasant one, Sarkisian." Jason jeers.
"I'm tired, and sick, and will literally cry if you even touch me. I will bawl. And maybe bite. Don't come the fuck near me." Janis threatens, holding up a sharpened pencil like its a knife.
Jason doesn't seem intimidated by this action. "Whatcha gonna do? Nibble my finger?"
"Fuck off!" Janis whines, throwing her head back. "Literally any day but today."
"Listen whiney and friends. I just hear to pick you up for your friends. So stop being such a bitch Janis."
The friends that told us to 'wait here for Cady'?
Riiight.
I share a knowing look with Aaron while Janis gets up, making her way back into the tiny halls.
"Not fucking dealing with this. Good day asshole."
"Nope." Jason reaches forward, picking Janis off the platform. "You're coming with me bitch."
"This is kidnapping," Janis says flatly. She doesn't fight Jason or thrash. She looks tired, like death is appealing at this point. "I'm being abducted."
Jason's fingers tighten around her. "Thought you were the fisty one? Huh? Shane said you put up a pretty good fight. Where's the fight, Sarkisian?"
"You talked to Shane?" I gawk. I don't know why I'm surprised. They definitely seem like best friends.
"Can you put me the fuck down?" Janis huffs. "Kinda hard to breath."
"Oh, is it?" Jason said with feigned worry. "Shame."
Janis cried out as the hand around her tightened, and Jason grinned at the first real signs of fear Janis has shown yet.
"Put me down- asshole!" Janis wheezed.
"Let go of her!" Aaron yelled.
It was moments like these when you really realize how helpless you were as a tiny.
All I could do was sit and watch as Aaron yelled and Janis squirmed. All I could do was pray Cady or really anybody would walk past and see what's happening.
Yeah, we've been threatened with death before.
Every tiny in Northshore has at least once.
And yeah, we've been pushed around before.
But I've never legitimately feared for my life of a friend's life.
I know maybe that's just a perk of being Regina Geroge, but this was new territory. And scary as fuck territory at that.
Jason seems pretty fucking pleased with himself and it makes my stomach twist. It's never gone this far before.
Somebody is going to get really hurt.
And I can't do anything.
I can almost feel my heart stop as Janis goes limp. I can't see her face.
But she's not fucking moving.
"Oh whoops." Jason shugs. "You tinies really are weak."
Aaron looks like if he could he'd fucking kill Jason.
Wouldn't we all.
"Put her down!" I yell, snapping out of my helpless funk.
Jason loosens his grip on Janis but she doesn't move. My breath feels caught in my throat.
My eyes were trained on Janis and I didn't see Jasons another hand till his finger flicked into my side, sending me falling backward.
I felt like I was living through one of those dramatic fight scenes in the movies.
Expect isn't it the villains who are supposed to be defeated?
I'm curled into myself on the floor, Janis is knocked out in the literal hands of the enemy and Aaron looks ready to kill or cry, whichever is possible first.
Never thought I'd die in high school.
"Hey, Jason, is that you?" A voice calls from down the hall.
"Cady!" Aaron runs to the egde of the platform.
Jasons condescending nature and snarl disappear. "Hello, Heron!"
"Is Janis asleep?" Cady asks as her eyes fall to Jason's hand. "She only ever falls asleep with Damian, either shes exhausted or really trust you."
The bitter laugh is out of my mouth before I can stop it.
Cady looks at me and tilts her head. "Regina, why do you look like you've been crying on the floor?" She pauses, her eyes trailing back between the four of us. I can almost see the doubt set in her mind. Yes! "What's really going on here?" She asks. "And uh, I'm gonna take Janis-"
Jason shakes his head. "She's fine, it won't be necessary."
"No, I wasn't offering." Cady's voice is an unfamiliar cold. "I'll take Janis."
I stand up and make my way closer to Aaron as Cady takes Janis away from Jason. "Now, what the fuck is going on.
"Literally nothing, we're just talking and-"
"No! He's a fucking asshole and he-"
"Regina, what did I ever do to you?!"
"Are you kidding me?!"
Cady looks between us nervously. "Uh, Aaron? Wanna tell me what's going on?"
"Gladly."
Cady steps over, picking both Aaron and I up. My mouth is still open from shock.
What did I ever do to you?!
Fucking bitch, want me to list it?
"So uh," Aaron starts nervously. Cady cups her hands so I'm next to Janis who looks like she's beginning to stir but uh- I've never been suffocated before, maybe she's just sleeping at this point.
But she's breathing. It's reassuring enough for me.
"It started a couple months ago." Aaron continues. "Jason actually isnt very nice? To the tinies at least." He laughs nervously, leaning closer into Cady's hand and away from Jason, who isn't bothering to keep the nice facade up anymore. "He's actually like- Shane Omen but worse?"
"Worse?" Cady's jaw drops slightly in disbelief.
"I mean- he held Janis so tight that she passed out so I'd fucking say so." I snark.
Aaron nods. "Yeah, heh- like, I dunno. Just- not nice? He uh, flicked Regina, which is why she was laying down when you walked over. And like its not the first time he's done this? Especially when we're alone."
There's an unreadable look on Cady's face as she looks up to Jason.
It almost scares me.
"I'm gonna walk away. Just-" Cady gives a low laugh. "Jesus, I almost feel sorry for you, Jason. You deserve everything coming to you. Starting with Gretchen and Damian when they find out."
Despite everything, I can't help but smile at the way Jason's face falls with realization.
It's not a big secret that Gretchen loves an excuse to slap someone.
And this is hell of an excuse.
I look at Janis who is still laying next to me, breathing shallowly.
We might have to bail Damian out of fucking jail.
Cady turns on her heels without saying another word to Jason and walks down the halls. Once he is out of earshot she looks down at us. "How long?!"
Aaron shrugs. "Since Gretchen first met Jason."
"That's like three months guys!" Cady looks genuinely heartbroken. "I can't believe we didn't notice."
Janis stirs next to me, weakly propping herself up. "Huh?"
There are tears in Cady's eyes as she stops walking. "You guy have been enduring this for three months?"
"No," I say. "Well- yes but not really. It was a build-up. He didn't just start attacking us to the point of death one random day. It started with little things. Like pushing us around and knocking us over."
"That shouldn't happen anyway!" Cady says sadly.
"But it did," Janis mumbled. She seems to have caught onto whats going on. "My chest hurts."
"I'm so sorry you guys," Cady whispers sadly. "I- how did we not notice?"
"Not notice what?"
I turn around to see Karen and Damian walking over. For a second my eyes trail behind them in search of Gretchen but- she went home. Of course.
"Cady, are you crying?" Damian asks, instantly worried. "Is everything okay? Where's Janis?"
"Right here, dude." Janis mumbles. She's looking down at her lap, her arms wrapped loosely around herself. She's still wheezing slightly and tears threaten to spill over her eyes. I don't blame her. That was almost death.
Janis almost died.
My breath hitches at the realization.
As a tiny, you almost die a lot. But- it's accidental. It's falling or almost being crushed. Never malicious actions of bigger peers.
Cady offers her hands out and I step backward, letting Damian gently scoop up Janis.
"What happened?" Karen asks, peering over Damian's shoulder at Janis.
I look back to Cady trying to figure out if she's gonna talk or if Aaron and I have to explain. She's staring at Karen with a crestfallen gaze, tear tracks down her face. "Guys-" She starts.
I know this is hard for her because she's taking it personally and blaming herself, but we really don't need the fanfare.
Not that I'm gonna step up and tell the story.
Karen steps towards picking up me and Aaron. Cady doesn't fight it, she just lets her hands fall to her side. "Y'know, Jason?"
"Yeah of course. Smile emoji." Karen says from above me.
I look over to Janis, who has her arm around Damain's finger. She's doing pretty well for passing out. God knows I'd be sobbing if that were me. Hell, the ache in my side is enough to make me want to cry right now.
"Not smiley face emoji, Karen," Cady explains softly. "I don't know the full thing, you're gonna have to ask the tinies but-"
Cady explains what she walked over to see and the minimal information she got out of us earlier. She left out a lot, but she didn't know a lot to be fair. The look of utter horror on our friend's faces almost made me feel bad. We barely scraped the top layer.
Damian is looking down at the girl in his hands who at some point in the bad retelling started crying again. Karen had held Aaron and I even closer and Cady looked ready to sit down and cry. Me too, Cady.
"Three months?" Damian whispers weakly. "Why didn't you tell us?"
"Why would you believe us? Jason's fucking great." Janis said bitterly, still clinging to his finger.
"Of course we would believe you, Jan."
"Gretchen didn't." I say softly.
I didn't really think about what I was saying. I was just mumbling to myself. But Karen heard.
"You told her?"
I shrug. "Tried to. She didn't listen."
"Well, she's gonna listen when we tell her tomorrow," Cady says. "I can't believe you didn't tell us."
I shrug dismissively, not wanting to talk about it. "It's not a big deal."
I didn't mean it. Of course, it's a big deal. But I said it wasn't anyway.
"You're telling me Janis almost died today and it's not the first time you guys have been through something like that, but don't worry it's not a big deal?!"
I pause, looking at the three giants. This was Aaron, Janis and I's normal. It's what we went through every day. Yeah, it's shitty but we're used to it. I forget sometimes the giants don't understand the fact not getting shoved around is normal for us. Being threatened and made fun of for our size is just part of an average day.
"Can we continue this with Gretchen at lunch tomorrow? I don't want this conversation twice. I feel even crappier than I already did before and I just want to sleep." Janis speaks up from where Damian held her protectively close.
"You all better tell us everything tomorrow." Cady says.
"Cady are you taking Aaron or should I get these two home?" Karen asks.
-
"This was a really funny joke guys." Gretchen says from above me. Despite her words, her voice is void of all amusement.
"Yes, because we're the type to make jokes about our tiny friends almost dying." Damian deadpans. Janis is sitting on the table in front of him looking like she'd rather talk about anything other than this.
I don't blame her.
But this could finally be my chance to get Gretchen to listen and believe me.
"Gretchen." I turn around to look up at her, but I'm on the table I need to crane my neck. "I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you have to believe us. Cady witnessed it with her own eyes if you don't believe me. Janis sure as hell can vouch since she nearly fucking died yesterday."
Gretchen doesn't respond for a long time. I feel like I can see the seed of doubt settle in on the situation. She reaches forward, scooping me up and bringing me to her shoulder.
"I- I'm not sure what to believe," She admits. "but I'll listen. I'm sorry I didn't do that before."
That one sentence felt like so much weight being lifted. Jason had Gretchen around her finger. His word was law and everyone else could fuck themself.
But not anymore.
I open my mouth to speak but get cut off by a familiar and unwelcoming voice.
"Hello everyone!"
Cady's eyes widen in disbelief. "You aren't actually stupid enough to think about sitting with us today, right Jason?"
"Aw, why not?" He asks, sitting next to Gretchen and slinging his arm over her shoulder.
I gasp as I'm knocked forward, gripping onto Gretchen's shirt underneath me as I try to stay on.
Gretchen bats Jason's arm away and scoops me up. "Jason we were talking about something private maybe it's better you join us again later."
Jason's eyes narrowed, as he looked across the table. I sunk lower in Gretchen's hand as his eyes landed on me but he moved on without trying anything. I mean- obviously, Gretchen was right here but still.
Cady's hand was resting wearily by Aaron if Jason tried something and Janis had been transported to Damian's pocket when I wasn't looking. How could Gretchen not pick up on how stressed we all are?
"What's wrong?" Jason asked, turning to Gretchen.
"It's nothing for you to worry about. I just-"
"Did I do something wrong?" Jason's face fell and I almost felt bad for him. Almost. He should pursue an acting career.
Gretchen looked at loss for what to say for a second before speaking up. "Where were you yesterday after school?"
Jason scoffed. "Whatever Cady said was a lie, Gretch."
"I-" Gretchen froze. "I didn't mention Cady."
Jason's eyes widened as he began to backtrack but- it was too late.
"Jason I need you to leave, please." Gretchen's hand was shaking as she placed me gently on the table. "There are some things I need to rethink."
"You really believe those tinies?" Jason's face morphed into utter disgust.
The mask was off, the act was over. Karen reached over, tugging me away from Gretchen and Jason and closer to her.
"I should have believed them a while ago, apparently." Gretchen snapped.
Jason rolled his eyes. "Please. They're just tinies. What makes them so trustworthy? Actually- what makes them worthy?"
Karen lets out a legitimate gasp from above me. Gretchen looks to me with an expression I can't read. My breath feels caught in my throat. I can't shake the feeling that this may be where I lose my best friend.
But she looks back at Jason. "I can't believe you really just asked that. Did you think that would help your point? What made you think- oh this will totally get Gretchen on my side? What is wrong with you?"
Jason looks dumbfounded at Gretchen's outburst. "Gretchen-"
I knew it was coming, so it was no surprise as Gretchen raises her arm, and a loud smack echos through the cafeteria over all the oblivious conversations. Jason gasps, his hand shooting up to his cheek. "You fucking bitch-"
"You have treated my friends awfully for too long. Go fuck off and find somewhere else to sit for lunch." Gretchen says simply, turning away from Jason.
Jason doesn't say anything as he looks across the table one last time. Aaron was still on the table but Cady had her hand cupped around him defensively, Damian's hand rested over his chest pocket and Janis gripped onto his finger. Karen had pulled against her arm where I sat pushed away as far away from Jason as possible. It was pretty clear he wasn't wanted here.
"Whatever." He bitterly admits defeat, pushing away from the table and walking away. Gretchen watched him leave before turning to me, wide-eyed.
"I can't believe I didn't believe you." She said sadly. "I can't believe I didn't believe any of you." I hold my arms out and Gretche complies, reaching over to scoop me up. "Regina, I'm so sorry."
I don't try and stop the tears that burn in my eyes as Gretchen holds me close to her.
We still have a lot to talk about after this but-
I've finally won after a long and painful battle. All our giants are awake and no longer oblivious to the suffering.
I'm safe.
I cling to Gretchens's shirt as the tears poor over my eyes. Gretchen shakes and I realize- she's crying too.
I wouldn't be surprised if I turned around and the whole table was.
Jason was an asshole. He manipulated his way into the friend group and made my life miserable. Plus Janis and Aaron too, I guess. But he's gone now.
We don't have to worry anymore.
We're okay.
It will be okay.
2.5/10
not my best work but fun to write
@realmisspolarbear @smallsoysauce @musicallygt
#yes#shane omen mention is an official trigger warning now#hes a very triggering guy smh#g/t mean girls#tiny regina#giant gretchen#giant jason#ooo#tiny janis#giant damian#tiny aaron#giant cady#giant karen
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Girl I had a crush on in middle school bullied and mocked me for SIX YEARS. A decade later, VENGEANCE.
TL;DR at the end!
When I was in seventh grade, I moved to a new town. My father was killed in a military accident, and my mom wanted to start fresh in a new place. We came from a small town and our new apartment was in a huge city. My mom grieved my dad for over two years, but after that got back into dating and eventually married my now-stepdad, with whom she is still happily married. He's always treated us well, and I love and respect him. They have their own daughter together, my half-sister.
I didn't adjust very well. I was active and happy in my old town, but in my new town I was depressed and a loner. I entered school in the middle of the year when all the friend groups were already formed. I missed my dad a lot so just stayed home and ate and played video games.
I got fat.
Never obese, but I was chunky and out of shape compared to how I used to be.
I liked this one girl who was in a few of my classes. I'll call her "Lindsay." Lindsay was pretty and popular and she was the first girl I really had a crush on. Being shy, I never tried to talk to her.
As time went on, I made what I thought were friends with these two boys, who I will call Allan and Joey. All of us, including Lindsay, were in the seventh grade. I didn't hang out with Allan and Joey outside of school, but they'd let me hang out with them on campus. At least I didn't have to sit alone anymore.
Allan and Joey were talking about which girls were cute, and who they had a crush on. I eventually admitted that I liked Lindsay, but told them not to tell her.
Later that day, in math class which I shared with Lindsay, a note was passed to me.
It was from Lindsay!
My heart leapt, although I was nervous: did Allan and Joey tell her I liked her?
When I opened the note, my heart fell to my feet.
I get red when I'm nervous or sad.
I was never more red than that day.
Inside the note, Lindsay had written in block capital letters:
I DON'T LIKE YOU, OP
There was a little bit of giggling in the room.
I was so embarrassed I asked the teacher if I could go to the nurse.
There was loud laughter as I left.
The nurse let me stay in her office until the end of the day, which was good since my mom couldn't leave work unless I was dying, and I wasn't allowed at that point to walk home the three quarters mile to our apartment, due to a recent spate of kidnapping stories in the news. I took the school bus home as usual.
Kids laughed at me on the bus, too.
Not two days later I get called into the principal's office and get lectured by the principal how a student complained that I was stalking her.
I of course had no idea what happened but eventually I figured out that Allan and Joey told Lindsay, and Lindsay decided to make a big production about getting me into trouble.
Soon everyone on campus started to call me the creepy stalker, the hillbilly, the White trash redneck, things like that. Lindsay got all sorts of positive attention for being brave enough to tell adults about kids who harassed her.
Thing was, I was never officially reprimanded and my mom was never actually called in to talk to any adults about what I supposedly did. The principal just told me that stalking was bad and to leave Lindsay alone. I didn't really know what more I could do to leave her alone. I never even said one thing to her or tried to send any notes to her or stare at her. All I did was tell someone I thought was a friend that I liked her, and please don't tell her.
I didn't tell my mom about it.
But after Allan and Joey's betrayal, it was back to sitting by myself.
In eighth grade I still went to the same school and it was more of the same. I was still known as the uneducated redneck creeper. Lindsay was still really popular and went out with the cool guys from our class. Allan and Joey were never in the cool kid group and I suspect that they both liked Lindsay too, and were trying to suck up to her.
On Valentine's Day, I got one of those candygrams that students send to one another that they buy from student leadership at their school during holidays. Like, two dollars will get you a card and a candy bar, and a student aide will deliver it to the intended recipient, along with a sealed message.
I at least got a candy bar out of it.
The message wasn't so nice. It said,
STOP STALKING ME, FREAK
Thanks, Lindsay.
By high school, I really hit my growth spurt and eventually grew to be 6'5." I eventually got quite skinny so I began pumping a lot of iron starting in tenth grade. I became really ripped.
Allan grew up to be a b*tchy little runt and he never messed with me again. Especially after Allan, the one who asked me who I had a crush on in seventh grade, was whispering something to someone in a class we had together in eleventh grade, and looking at me and laughing.
I said really loud, "Yo, Allan you little ****, you have something to say you say it to my face like a man, don't go whispering like a little ****."
Everyone laughed and even the teacher didn't call me out or send me to the office. I think she was sick of the little punk, too.
I didn't really care to date in high school because, even though I was big and strong now, I was still awkward around girls.
Joey actually came around, though.
In eleventh grade he approached me and apologized for how he treated me in middle school. He said that Allan was the one who told Lindsay that I liked her. He told me that Allan had a crush on Lindsay, too, and was trying to score points with her. I thanked him, and although we were never really friends after that in school, I wasn't mean to him, and he wasn't mean to me.
We were "fist bump" acquaintances.
Lindsay was still really popular in high school. Not quite as popular as in middle school, because in high school there was more "hot girl" competition. But she still held her own.
I didn't lack for attention from other girls, but more often than not the girl would tell me that Lindsay told them I was a stalker, and harassed her in middle school.
Lots of girl accused me of that in high school, especially the ones I rejected.
Eventually, since I was rejecting a lot of girls, some of whom were in the popular group (and Lindsay was still in the cool kid group at this time) people spread rumors saying I was homosexual.
I don't happen to be gay.
Nothing wrong with being gay, but the way these people were throwing it around, it was as if being gay was an insult. Really disappointing, considering this was a huge, progressive city. I might have thought such attitudes were common in my old home town, but it was surprising, here.
I'd sometimes find notes in my locker calling me [homophobic expletive]. Of course, no one, especially any guys would own up to it, because by this time I was huge, not just in height but I was also really jacked. Side note about that. I asked the custodian, a really chill dude especially if you slip him a twenty, if I could look at the surveillance videos of the halls that he had on his office computer. It actually pinpointed who was putting notes in my locker.
It wasn't Allan.
I would have loved if it was Allan because I would cave his face in.
It was actually this wannabe gangbanger who walked around in sunglasses and baggy pants and flannel shirts buttoned to the top. Looked like a total toolbag.
So I caught him in the parking lot one day with his girlfriend and said he forgot something.
Then I showed him six or seven notes that he had put in my locker.
He tried to act like he didn't know what I was talking about but I slapped him in front of his girlfriend and said next time I find a note in my locker I'm going to make you look like a weak **** in front of the whole school, not just your ****.
I never got a note from him after that.
But before he drove off like a deflated White cholo balloon, he admitted that Lindsay and her crew were behind it.
Nowadays, and especially if my kid were the victim, I'd want him or her to tell an adult, but back then I had this "snitches get stiches" mentality, and decided to just suck it up.
Right around this time, social media was really starting to take off, especially that website where you had your own personal space, and could have a "top five friend" row, could use HTLM to switch out music, and have personalized wallpaper. Looking back, I think I preferred this space of mine to that boring book of faces.
Most of my online friends were older than me and from all over the place. I liked having online friends because at least you could delete them, just like that, if you decided they suck.
Unlike high school, where people you've mentally cancelled were still on campus every day.
Joey was my online friend (still is) and he pointed me to a page he found on that website.
It was a bogus one, that had stolen pictures from my real account, and was using my whole name.
It was full of hateful, homophobic slurs and accusing me of being a stalker.
By tracing this fake profile's "friends," I could tell it had originated from the Lindsay group.
I flagged the account and it was soon taken down.
To this day, I don't get why Lindsay found it so necessary to hate me so much that she had to try to ruin my middle and high school years, just because I happened to like her a little bit in seventh grade.
Anyway, in high school, I wasn't a loner anymore. I was on the basketball team and track team and swim team, so I had friends, but I was never in the very top-tier popularity group. Lindsay was in that top group, though she was mostly one of the hangers-on of the most popular girls in school. Like, she was in that group, but was never Beyonce.
And though I had my share of fun with girls in high school (never dated, just hooked up), I could never shake the reputation that I had "stalked" Lindsay.
Well, I graduated and moved on.
I went to college for accounting, and eventually became a CPA. I still work out every day, and so I stayed in really good shape. I also continued to play sports in college, though I never had the desire (or talent, really) to make it my profession. With the help of my awesome stepdad, who's an accountant, too, we opened our own small financial service with a dozen employees.
We're doing alright!
Eventually, a man comes in, looking for a job as an accountant.
Lo and behold, it's Joey!
Haven't seen him in years. Still looks the same, maybe a little balder but otherwise pretty good. We catch up, and since he's gone to school for accounting himself and has a good resume, we hire him.
He does fine for a couple of years, and we've actually become good friends. We've put the past behind us. I went to his wedding. He went to mine. I went to his son's baptism, and he went to my daughter's.
We're friends on social media, and neither of us keep in touch with people from middle and high school.
Bygones are bygones.
And time passes.
One day Joey asks me if I got a letter in the mail inviting us to our ten year high school reunion. I tell him no, and remember that the school doesn't have any of my updated addresses, since my mom and stepdad moved a couple of times since I graduated, and anyway I don't live with them anymore. Joey is taking care of his sick mother, so his wife and child moved in with his mom in his childhood home.
He shows me the letter. Typical stuff, except hey now! Lindsay is on the reunion committee.
It has her email address and everything.
I haven't thought about her in years.
Since I'm in front of my computer, I look up her email address on Face-libro, and it leads right to her since her privacy settings are minimal.
Her current photos don't do her any favors.
She's aged badly.
It looks like she had a couple of kids and was married once, but is now a single mom, and sharing custody with her ex husband.
She gained a lot of weight and doesn't look like she used to.
Really, I wonder if it's even her. But the name matches up, and the school history matches up.
I was thinking how LOL it would be if her ex husband was Allan, but it wasn't.
Allan WAS on her friends list, though.
Clicking on him, it doesn't look like he amounted to anything. Never attended college, but that's okay if he does other productive things. But he doesn't. It seems he washed out of the army, and has worked a series of menial jobs and now lives in another state far away. Seems like he's obsessed with just smoking weed and trying to date teenagers these days.
Per Lindsay, from her updates it looks like she is big on the dating scene, but hasn't found Mr. Right, and it's frustrating her because she has "so much to offer."
Like her crushing student debt that she complains about in one post, for her super cool and useful almost-degree in fashion design, that she never quite earned because she "fell in love" and got married with some loser from high school.
Or how her children don't respect her in another post.
Or how she has several go-gimme-funds just to raise the rent on her crap studio apartment.
Or her amazing, exciting career as a junior shift supervisor at that popular coffee shop, Galacticbucks.
Holy cow.
I think life got my revenge on her, for me.
But I think this b*tch needs a little nudge.
I tell Joey no, I'm not going to the reunion, are you?
He says he will, because he wants to see if any of his favorite teachers are still around.
And he tells me, "don't you want to show off to people how successful you are now?"
LoL. We're boring accountants, not Navy SEALS or hedgefunders over here.
So, I tell him no, but if you're going, say hi to people for me.
Will do!
The reunion is still a couple of months away.
For what I'm going to do, I need my wife's permission.
After I explain how Lindsay treated me in middle and high school, about all the stalker and anti-gay stuff, my wife tells me, mid breast-feed, to destroy, with prejudice, and in detail.
Thanks, dear.
I look completely different in the face compared to high school.
Still, I don't want to use my own photos.
So, instead, I gather lots of stock photos of a particular male model.
Sorry dude, I hope you don't mind! Anyway I'm sure lots of catfish use you as their hook, Mr. Inoffensive, Conventionally Handsome Buff German Guy.
And then I make a profile on that awesome dating site, AcceptableCupid, after I learn on the Libro de Face that Lindsay is on there.
The idiot actually doxes her own username, she's that thirsty for attention.
Right when I launch my profile I get a few spam emails and desperate cat calls from lonely women.
I ignore those and go right for the kill.
I send a message to Lindsay telling her how amazing and interesting she is.
Since she's such an unattractive person in every way, I don't think there's a long line of suitors vying for her attention, and I'm right.
Within minutes, I get her reply.
We begin a message-exchange on the site, and I gradually gain her confidence, mostly by flattering her.
She doesn't tell me she's a mom, even after several days of messaging, which is odd. She implies strongly that she's a career person and artist. Haha okay, relax there, Lindsay.
Eventually I share a pic with her, and she fawns over how gorgeous I am (thanks, innocent German model!)
I am glad she can't hear me laughing when I type that she is beautiful.
As days pass, she begs me to give her permission to share my photos to her book of the face, where she is bragging about me.
I tell her that there is a time for that. Soon she can share my pic and I will share hers.
I lull her into thinking I'm respectful and want to take time in figuring out "us."
Throughout this whole time, I keep giving her opportunities to tell me she's a mom.
I get her to say that "for the right guy, I'll make my existence only about him and me. Everything else is second place."
I also get her to say that she "can't stand" kids.
This is already a long story, so I'll try to at least shorten it a little here.
Eventually, she invites me to her high school reunion.
I tell her how much I'd love to go, but that I live in another state and can't get time off from my highly paid executive job (LOL) until a date a few days after. But I promise her that we will have a date at a VERY expensive restaurant.
She's bragging all over her social media that she has a new hot guy online, and has a date with him. Of course her friends are begging her to share his pics, but she doesn't, to her credit.
She does brag about how this will teach her ex a lesson, that she can still pull the hottest dudes.
Everyone online in her friend group (I was not shocked to see that most of her friends were other losers from school, and how she never seemed to grow up) was cheerleading her, telling her how much she deserved this.
You sure do, Lindsay!
I don't tell Joey what I'm doing a few desks away from him at work. Every spare moment I have from my job, I devote to messing with Lindsay. Sending her messages about how beautiful she is, how I will take her on trips. Eventually I learn her phone number.
I hit the convenience store, let's call it "seven hundred and eleven," and buy a cheap cellphone with minutes-card. I begin texting Lindsay about how I think she's so amazing, refreshing, so real.
Just to see if she's still a hateful B-word, I tell her about how during my online dating, sometimes guys will try to chat with me. She immediately laments how [homophobic expletives] need to stay away from straights.
Okay, Lindsay, you're trash.
I text her back that I don't mind when guys message me because I have my acceptable cupid account set for "friends" in addition to romantic partners.
She immediately backpedals when she sees that gay guys don't offend me.
Whatever, Lindsay, I know what you are.
Anyway Joey goes to the reunion with his wife. His mother is ill, but well enough to watch his son for a few hours.
The high school is about twenty miles from our place of business.
Joey tells me that all the expected people were there.
He was sad to learn that one of the popular teachers had passed away, but most of the others were still working there.
He saw a lot of the former popular kids.
He texted me some of their selfies together.
Too bad Allan didn't make it. Probably still chasing a statutory charge in his new home state.
With few exceptions, most of our former classmates looked like they peaked in high school.
Sad, considering we're all still under thirty.
I didn't ask him about her or try to coach him on anything to say, but Joey told me that Lindsay, one of the officers in charge of the reunion committee, was bragging to everyone about this hot guy she was messaging online, and how she had a date with him.
According to Joey, people were marveling about how unbelievably handsome the guy was, "like a model!"
I'm glad that Lindsay was never the sharpest tool in the shed, otherwise a simple reverse image search would reveal that the photos were of a very famous European model.
Joey told me that Lindsay was bragging about how the guy online was in love with her, and how they had a date next week, and how he was a rich CEO of some mysterious, never named company.
Joey told me that a lot of the girls were encouraging Lindsay to "marry him and his money!"
Although I appreciated Joey's updates, they weren't actually necessary since Lindsay flooded her book of the face with tons of photos from that night, as did her crappy friends.
Eventually I spoke to Lindsay on the phone.
Amazing.
In middle school and high school, I never once really talked to her.
I only told one d*ckbag in seventh grade that I liked Lindsay, and after that, it was all just gossip and rumors that she started.
This was the first time I really heard her voice, and I wasn't even me, I was "Herr Deutsche Model."
She told me how "sexy" my voice was.
Really, Lindsay? Because I was pinching my nose and trying to sound different, not that she knew what I sounded like for real anyway.
I told her I couldn't wait for our date, and told her which restaurant it would be. I also told her I was staying at a certain five star hotel. I said that we could go there after dinner, which is of course polite talk for "we will f*ck on date number one."
I made sure this particular exchange was on the acceptable cupid site.
I could tell she was falling hard for me, especially the way she plastered her social media with updates on her dreamboat.
Hey, Lindsay, you've got two kids and you never post ANYTHING about them on social media.
Are you ashamed of your children?
Meanwhile she's telling the world she's going to f*ck some stranger she's never met.
Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay...
A truly trash human.
Over the following few days she never did own up to having kids, but she did admit she worked at Spacebucks Coffee as a "side thing," for fun in addition to all of the art she said she did, and having her own business. I assume she's talking about her online store at 3tsy that she brags about on the book of mugshots where she sells really crappy beaded jewelry that only drunk ravers might find appealing.
By this time she's given me her full name and I've given her my made up name.
She says that her job at LunarBucks is a total joke, her coworkers are idiots, her manager is mentally deficient, and that she often takes home pastries at the end of the night, supposedly to give to the poor (nah, Lindsay. I've seen your pics. You clearly be eating them scones personally). According to Lindsay, she's supposed to "mark out" expired pastries and dispose of them for various city code reasons.
But she goes all SJW with me and tells me that "why should all that perfectly good food go to waste? It's truly an evil company."
Yeah, whatever Lindsay, you racist, elitist homophobe.
Anyway, fast forward to our date.
The restaurant is only a couple of miles from my business, and I scheduled our date for shortly after we closed for the evening.
I scheduled everything in such a way that I wouldn't miss my wife's famous lasagna later for dinner.
I parked not far from the window, in a parking lot adjacent from the restaurant. I couldn't park at the restaurant itself, as it was an extremely expensive place that had valet parking only.
As scheduled, I see Lindsay waddle into the front door, coming out of her rideshare. I had instructed her to give her name to the host, and be seated at a specific table.
I happen to know, because she said so on the libro of the face, that she was ashamed of her beat up 2001 Chevy Cavalier.
I assume she expected her hot date to drive her home after an amazing night of what I can only assume is--with her--vomit-inducing, and malodorous love-making. I told her I would be arriving in a Maserati.
I see her sit at the table I arranged earlier. I see her playing with her phone. Probably bragging about our date to whoever.
After twenty minutes of stringing her along, I see my courrier arrive on a red Vespa, just as he told me he would. The courrier I scheduled to arrive at a certain time, twenty minutes after Lindsay's arrival. He wouldn't bring the item unless I texted the go-ahead, which I did. He texted me, "here!"
And I saw him take the bear out of his backpack.
His task was to ride to a certain gift store I never really frequented, and pick up a small, stuffed bear whose arms could surround anything from a bouquet of roses to a box of candy to an envelope with a million dollar check in it. The courrier was then supposed to bring the bear to the restaurant host. The host would then of course bring the bear to Lindsay.
The courrier handed the bear to the host. I didn't see the handoff because that part of the restaurant was out of my vision, but I did see the courrier ride away after I received a text saying "done!"
I DID see the host give the bear to Lindsay, which was the important part.
I was parked close enough to see her face as she read the note I had typed and placed inside the envelope I had the bear holding, next to a fancy chocolate bar.
I DON'T LIKE YOU, LINDSAY
Her face.
HER FACE!
OMG.
She looked like she was going to die, right there.
I received a WTF? Text from her.
I started driving home.
Text after confused text.
Twenty or more.
She never knows when to drop it.
Finally, I pull into my driveway.
Wife and daughter at home.
I hear their laughter.
The good kind.
I smell the lasagna, and my wife kisses me.
She asks me if I had a good day.
I tell her yes, most definitely!
And then, before I take the phone's battery out and break the cellphone into a hundred pieces before throwing it in the garbage, I send Lindsay one more text:
STOP STALKING ME, FREAK
The next day, I couldn't help it.
I looked at Lindsay's social media.
Set to private!
I'm wondering if her narcissistic ass knew that it was ME that played her. Especially since the mascot for our middle and high schools was a bear, that didn't look too different from the stuffed one I had given her.
I don't really care.
All I know, is that now I have closure.
Especially after I sent the screen captures of our alrighty-cupid messages (my own user name and fake photo blocked out) to CPS, where Lindsay bragged about hating kids and told me what she thought about being a mom. And said she was going to be screwing a strange man on the first day meeting him.
Maybe ex-hubby will get full custody, and give those children the attention they deserve.
Her boss at Galaxybucks was certainly interested in my recording of her calling him "a retard" and that she stole pastries that she was supposed to mark out at the end of the night and that her company was an evil corporation and that they were a "joke."
Random call to her store a few weeks later.
"Is Lindsay there?"
"Oh, she no longer works here."
Damn right she doesn't, LMAO!
Go to Hell, Lindsay.
Hey, at least you got a candy bar out of it.
Thanks for reading!
PS: A few days ago, my wife asked me whatever happened to that revenge I had planned on that mean girl from middle school. I told her I've moved on, that it was too long ago, and that I needn't be petty. She told me how much she admired me for my restraint. "If it were me, I would have cut a b*tch."
One day, I think I'll confess. Maybe one of those deathbed things. About how I kicked a loser when she was already down and laughed while doing so. Oh well.
TL;DR: Girl wrongfully accused me of stalking when we were in middle school, and bullied me in middle and high school. Years later, fat, alone, and defeated by life, time had given me revenge. Still, I felt like beating a dead horse.
(source) story by (/u/OpenFaceClubSammich)
#prorevenge#by /u/OpenFaceClubSammich#pro revenge#revenge stories#pro revenge stories#pro#revenge#last10
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TEASER! Available Sunday ...
***
Taylor had been Josh's best friend since third grade.
Growing up, Taylor had been more sensitive and cried more than any other kid they knew, but Josh had always been there to shove any kid who made fun.
Josh might have been taller, but Taylor had been the one to fill out first, a full year before Josh’s scrawny frame caught up.
He knew what Taylor’s hair felt like and his skin, too. They’d been icing and wrapping each other’s sports injuries for ages.
Josh had all this knowledge because they were best friends. Best friends knew everything about each other, right?
Josh startled when Taylor whispered, “What’s the matter with you?”
“Huh?”
He furrowed his brow, fully revealed since his black hair was still in the bun Josh had perfected earlier. “You’re staring at me. Why are you staring at me?”
Taylor really was unfairly attractive: the perfect mix of his Italian mother and tall, silver fox dad. With the hair, huge eyes, and big bottom lip, it was no wonder girls had chased him through elementary school. It was no surprise the guy at that basketball party—
Nope, Josh wasn’t going there.
Which was a huge red flag, wasn’t it?
Even thinking about Amanda Empie in eighth grade still made Josh mad, which made zero sense if Taylor was only his “best friend.” Best friends were allowed to be with and date other people. Josh had dated several girls over the years, so why did he literally feel sick at the thought of someone dating Taylor?
Taylor, who’d been single their entire high school career.
Taylor, who was handsome and talented and sensitive.
Taylor, who watched stupid TV shows in Josh’s bed and unconsciously clung to him in the night.
“Seriously, what is the matter with you right now?”
“Go to prom with me,” Josh blurted.
Taylor froze. “We all go to prom together every year.”
Josh shook his head. “No, not like that. I mean … with me.”
Taylor squinted across the table, trying to see if Josh had been replaced by an alien specimen in gym class or something. Results apparently inconclusive, Taylor stood and shoved his things into his bag before vacating the area. Josh turned to watch him go. Gone was the usual bouncing gait, exchanged for a walk of singular, hurried focus—one foot in front of the other.
Josh folded his arms on the table, buried his face, and said, “Shit.”
***
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A Midsummer Night’s Dream
Cherry Tree: Chapter One: A Midsummer Night’s Dream
1,505 words
masterlist | extras | << prologue | chap. 2 >>
It was a warm summer night, the night after the girls’ high school graduation, and they were in the tree house, sitting in comfortable silence until Ashley blurted, “We’ve gotta do something wild this summer.”
Lilac raised an eyebrow. “Like what?”
Ashley grinned. “Petty crime.”
Lilac laughed, shaking her head. “That fancy college of yours can still reject you, you know…” Ashley pursed her lips. “I dunno about that, Lila. I’m pretty set. And anyway - we’d only, like, vandalize something or… something.”
There was a beat of silence, and then Lilac said, “Maybe we could do something wild, but, uh… legal.” Ashley rolled her eyes. “Nothing’s wild and legal, Li, that’s a contradiction at its most basic roots.”
“Oh, please,” Lilac laughed. “You’re too dramatic. We could, like… go to the amusement park or something. Or - oh! Does your dad still have the campfire thing? We’ve been meaning to do something with that for ages!” Ashley groaned. “All that’s so boring!”
Lilac bit her lip. “What about the boardwalk? We haven’t been down in months.”
“It’s so far away,” Ashley whined.
Lilac smiled. “It’ll be fun, Ash, I promise.”
***
Ashley groaned dramatically as her ring bounced onto a bottle and off again for the sixth time in a row. “This is rigged,” she grumbled, crossing her arms across her chest petulantly and storming away in a huff.
Lilac shrugged at the guy behind the booth and handed over her ticket. She threw the rings one after another, landing each of them perfectly on the bottle heads. One prize later, Lilac tapped Ashley on the shoulder and handed her a huge pink teddy bear.
Ashley squealed, grabbing the bear and wrapping Lilac in a hug.
Lilac flushed, hugging her back with a wry smile.
“You must be magic!” Ashley declared, inspecting the teddy bear happily. “God, I love him!” she exclaimed. “How’d you even manage to do that game thing? Swear it was rigged, Li, I’m not that bad at anything.”
Lilac shrugged, throwing her arm around Ashley’s shoulder as they ambled towards the beach. “Well,” she said, “you said it yourself.” She grinned down at Ashley and winked. “I’m magic.”
The two strolled down the boardwalk, breathing in the ocean air as they walked against the seemingly endless amount of boards, stretching into the distant sunset. Lilac glanced down, watching Ashley fiddling with her fingers, and debated holding her hand to make her go still before deciding against it and shoving her hands in her pockets.
“So!” Ashley chirped. “Here we are.”
“Here we are,” Lilac echoed, a bit warily.
“What’s next?”
Lilac hummed, shrugging slightly. “Oh! We can go back to your place and light up a fire!”
Ashley raised an eyebrow. “While I would not be opposed in the slightest bit to lighting my house on fire,” she said dryly, “that’s also arson and very much illegal. I somehow doubt that’s what you mean.”
Lilac rolled her eyes, nudging Ashley’s shoulder with a smile. “No, no, I mean, like, a bonfire. Remember? We were gonna use your dad’s old campfire thingy.” Ashley groaned. “That’s so boring, though!”
Lilac bit her lip and looked at the ground, thinking hard. Then she grinned, pointing down at the boardwalk beneath her feet. “Let’s go underneath the boardwalk! I’ve always wanted to do that!”
Ashley blinked. “That’s even worse than your last one.”
“Well, what else could we do?” Lilac asked, regretting it immediately.
“Petty crime!” Ashley exclaimed with a grin.
Lilac sighed, already shaking her head, but Ashley went on excitedly, “Come on, Lila, please? And - and look!” She stopped walking, grabbing Lilac’s hand and sending shivers down her spine, and pointed to a little decal store they’d so conveniently stopped in front of.
“Absolutely not,” Lilac deadpanned.
Ashley pouted. “Oh, Li, please? It’s right there!” She pointed through the glass to an entire aisle full of spray paint. “Look, see all that? It’s just… it’s calling to me, Li! You can’t deny it!” She grinned. “Me and that paint? We’ve got chemistry, Lilac. It’d be crime in itself to keep us separated.” Lilac paused a beat, and then groaned, putting her head in her hands.
“I hate you,” she mumbled.
Ashley raised an eyebrow. “Is that a yes?”
“No,” Lilac replied, peeking through her fingers, “it’s an I hate you.”
Ashley giggled, grabbing her hand, again, and sending shivers through her spine, again, and exclaimed, “That’s a yes!” as she pulled her into the shop. Lilac rolled her eyes, biting back a smile, and let Ashley lead her through the aisles.
“It’s too hot for this,” Lilac grumbled, wincing as a can of spray paint slid from one of her hoodie sleeves and onto the floor with a clang. Ashley giggled, apparently unfazed by the noise, and kicked the paint can in front of her as she replied, “You’ve spent half your life with me, Li - you should be used to the heat by now.”
Lilac rolled her eyes but bit back a smile, which faded away all too quickly as she saw an employee walking through the aisles. “Shit,” she whispered, prodding Ashley in a fruitless attempt to make her walk faster.
“We’re gonna get caught,” Lilac hissed as Ashley kept her leisurely pace.
“We’ll only get caught if we look suspicious,” Ashley whispered back, walking all too slowly towards the door. Thankfully, as soon as the door swung shut behind them, Ashley grinned and grabbed Lilac’s hand - almost making her drop the paint cans in her sleeve - as she ran around the corner and towards a wall they’d found a little earlier.
It was built of brick, the perfect height, and freshly painted with a coat of white paint. It had been sitting unused for months - it was supposed to be painted soon since the building it was on was supposed to be renovated, but the developers had given up a while back, leaving it open, unused, and - at least in Ashley’s not so humble opinion - practically begging for vandalization.
“We have to be good about this,” Lilac panted as soon as they stopped running, a little out of breath. “It’s gonna be here forever, you know? So we have to make sure it’s not something we… you know, regret.”
Ashley raised an eyebrow. “Like what?”
“How about… Treat people the way you want to be treated?” Lilac suggested.
Ashley shook her head. “Too long.”
“Okay, be nice.”
“That’s just… not even… no,” Ashley replied, looking disgusted by the mere idea.
Lilac bit her lip. “Do good?”
Ashley sighed. “These are just horri -” She paused, thinking, and then schooled her expression into something that suggested innocent agreement (which, looking back, Lilac thinks really should have been a red flag). “Yeah,” Ashley said cheerfully. “Do…” She cleared her throat. “Good. Do good.”
“Perfect!” Lilac exclaimed,
Ashley nodded. “Okay - you right the do part, and I’ll do the, uh - the other part.”
Lilac raised an eyebrow. “Your handwriting sucks. Why do you get the longer word?”
“Because… my handwriting doesn’t suck, it has… character?” Ashley said hesitantly.
“Okay,” Lilac laughed, shaking her head. “You can do the first part with your very personalitied handwriting, and I’ll do good.” Ashley pouted, giving her puppy dog eyes. “How ‘bout because I’m leaving and I don’t want people to forget how I write my gs?”
“Oh, fine,” Lilac sighed, shaking her can of paint as Ashley grinned.
Lilac wrote out do in her fanciest, most legible, and least identifiable handwriting as carefully as she could. She gave the d a little flourish and connected it just barely to the o, putting all her concentration on making everything perfect.
And then she looked up with a smile, satisfied with her work, and stepped back to look at the whole wall… Only to find that Ashley hadn’t written good. Lilac’s mouth fell open as she looked at Ashley’s loopy handwriting, covering half the wall in a horrific contrast to Lilac’s careful script, reading something that was most definitely not good or anything else close to it.
There, with one word in neat, legible, tediously written, carefully chosen white spray paint and the other scrawled in giant, bold, bright pink paint, the once pristine brick wall now read a scandalizing -
DO CRIME.
Lilac gasped in horror, convinced her entire future would disappear down the drain once somebody inevitably found the wall and realized it was her, and turned to Ashley with a murderous look on her face.
“I am going,” she declared slowly, “to kill you. We could go to jail for up to -”
She stopped as Ashley began to laugh.
Ashley laughed, bright and lilting and hard - so hard she put her arms around her stomach because it was physically painful how much her genius stunt had amused her. And Lilac felt herself smile, because this was Ashley, because it really was a genius stunt, because this was Ashley. And maybe, just maybe, it was because she was pitifully in love with this bright, bold, lovely menace to society.
***
🍒 la fin 🍒
And there she is! The first chapter!!!! We hope you enjoyed, and if you wanna be a ✨bright, bold, menace to society✨ give us some feedback! We love hearing from you guys!
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***
<< prologue | chap. 2 >>
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Abuse I’ve just had to sit with forever
Right now I can’t look anywhere without seeing people speaking up about abusive monsters in various positions of power and it’s really triggering a lot of PTSD for me about all the times I’ve been in positions like that where nobody has ever listened or tried to help so... I’m just going to rattle off all the ones that come to my head, anonymously, and I don’t know, if anyone who knows me wants to ask me about any of these and/or try to really do something to help, maybe come talk to me about it through whatever private channel we talk in sometimes.
Family stuff. There’s a lot, and there’s no real way to talk about any of it anonymously because I mean being members of my family it’s already narrowed down way too much.
Someone once put me in the temporary care of a woman who savagely beat me because her own children were making too much noise when they should have been asleep. Bad enough that when I went back to school I was almost ripped out of my home by child protective services on the assumption that’s where it happened. Oh and she also force-fed me rotten food with maggots in it. I ended up pretty sick as a result, lost a whole lot of weight, and ended up with a serious eating disorder that’s plagued me since. I did eventually get out of there but I don’t know that I’ve ever really conveyed the full extend of it.
One of that woman’s children had some sort of torture kink, very nearly killed me, did put me in the hospital from injuries, and might have raped me. Hard to say because I was like... 7? Hard to translate those memories now that I have the context and vocabulary. I tried to explain that to anyone who’d listen at the time but, again, I didn’t have the vocabulary and I don’t think it came across that like... ropes and tools were involved, not just fists. Never got into that with therapists, because the first one I had really loved playing gatekeeper with trans stuff and liked the “maybe you just think you’re a girl because of abuse as a child” line of thinking too much already. I think I heard he eventually landed in prison though, so that’s something?
The first job I ever had. Games website. I was too young to be working but nobody ever thought to ask about it, and my family needed the extra income to avoid homelessness besides. The owner of the site... was really into open sexual roleplay in workplace text chats. I was so young and weirdly sheltered that I didn’t even process that that was even a thing, and 90% of it went straight over my head, plus I was in a weird state at the time with the whole trans thing where oh yeah, if anyone’s doing any roleplaying stuff on the internet, I’ll be in the character of me-but-a-girl but everything is pretend here right? So... there was a whole lot of mounting and thrusting being described and it took a few years to sink in that that was not in fact about him pretending to be a knight with me as a horse or something. And there was also a lot of... failing to pay me for years of backbreaking work, outright stealing from me, and I mean, I was up until like 4 AM every night working while still in high school. So, yeah. that was a lot. Never told anybody about any of this. So far as I know he still runs the site and nobody’s ever confronted him about anything.
Used to try to play various RPGs with some people in this extra niche-y game space. Sort of the first place I was ever read as a woman without offering anyone “corrections.” And... there was just this one guy who whenever he was GMing had some weird creative excuse for my character (usually the only woman in the party) to... be raped and/or impregnated just all of the sudden and totally out of left field. Which everyone was OK with somehow. And when he wasn’t GMing he was all over my character of course. Never really spoke up to anyone. I just left one day.
Ended up... in the inner circle of someone very famous. Mostly famous for being a victim of abuse. Which is why I ignored... every single red flag there is that someone is an abusive person and taking advantage of everyone around them. They controlled every aspect of my life for years. Had me do a whole lot of work for them, place myself in real physical and psychological danger, regularly. Directly asked me to severe ties with most people in my life. Install kill-switch sortware on my laptop for their piece of mind that none of our conversations would ever be seen by anyone, while also making me talk only in privately managed chat services where they logged everything and my screen wiped at regular intervals, and insisting I use an untraceable alias in it. All of this I was constantly assured was for my own safety as much as theirs, somehow, and that I was their most valued friend who they would keep safe, start paying a huge salary to soon, as well as help secure me a safe place to live and get properly started on medical transition stuff that I was unable to do in the increasingly unsafe place I was living at the time. I could keep going with this, but again, I don’t want anyone playing guessing games. Eventually, as serial abusers do, this person got sick of me, cast me out, and said presumably unspeakable things about me to everyone in that social circle, because everyone quite promptly cut all ties to me without a word. I once mentioned some small fraction of this publicly in defense of... multiple people attempting suicide as a result of this person’s abuse, and it was made very, very clear to me that this is not someone I will ever be able to safely speak about in public.
Another person who is very famous, with ties to abuse prevention stuff, added me to a blacklist to kill my career prospects and then kinda put a hit out on me on a neo-nazi website, but I’ve written about that incident. Nothing happened as a result of speaking out aside from the violence I was already being subjected to ramping up and more people cutting ties with me. Oh and those who didn’t are still quite friendly with her.
Several women with ties to... dangerous people randomly got it into their heads several years ago that I posed some sort of threat to someone I am told they “feel very protective towards” and... unleashed a hell on me unlike anything I have ever seen. I have spent the past 6 years now dealing with death threats from far right terrorist organizations who in some cases have very sizeable body counts, and those groups don’t scare me anywhere near as much as these people. Anyone else I have seen them paint a target on completely withdrew from the internet their careers and any sort of public life to try and stay off their radar. I have had multiple people privately confide in me that they had been threatened never to speak to me again before proceeding to make good on that. I have individually thrown myself at the mercy of every single one of them, explained that I have absolutely no ill will towards any of them, and had never even heard of this person they’re “protecting” before they started coming after me. Nothing has worked. They’ve never stopped. I’m legitimately afraid someone connected to them is going to murder me some day, and I don’t know what to do. I’ve confided in all of maybe 3 people about this. One might be dead, one is a total hermit, the third briefly tried supporting me, received threats, and promptly retracted everything, replacing it with a fire and brimstone speech about how I am an evil monster who tricked them. I have regular nightmares about this, and collapse into a shivering heap just seeing any of their names mentioned.
I... spent a good deal of time in social contact with a person I have been told I need to be friends with to advance in a career I would like to pursue. While doing so, he sabotaged a project that was fairly important to me, and I saw some him mistreat someone else in ways I find quite disturbing, but that’s her story to tell and not mine. I don’t feel comfortable around him, and have no real choice but to give up on those dreams. Haven’t really discussed this anywhere. The sort of work I can get would definitely vanish completely if I did.
The sort of work I can get also involves working for a variety of companies with people very high up the ranks who have seriously harmed a number of people I consider to be very good friends, in ways that in some cases include sexual abuse, and I... really would prefer not to ever work for anyone employing such people now that I am aware of this.
Yet another famous person, but one who I feel perfectly comfortable naming, Graham Linehan, used to follow me on social media with a level of enthusiasm that could arguably be better referred to as stalking. Then later he joined some extremist anti-trans hate group and rose to the top pretty quickly. And some years after that, it finally sank in that worshiping a trans woman while also leading a group of people bent on killing us all, so he has been very loudly and very publicly rambling about his hatred for me specifically. I don’t really have to speak up about this one because he’s doing plenty of that on his end, but I do have to note that while this famous person terrorizing me hasn’t really earned me any sort of public defense or sympathy, it has encouraged a whole lot of people to invent an alternate timeline of events where I am directly responsible for him being a bigot, leading to me getting dangerous threats from both horrible bigots and people who claim to hate horrible bigots but have suspiciously poor aim.
Hey speaking of celebrities, one of the stars of Firefly used to regularly send me photos of violently distended testicles. One of the stars of Star Trek once posted something encouraging millions of social media followers to attack me and left it up for a weekend. One of the producers of World of WarCraft once threatened to sue me for libel and went on a big PR tour about it, speaking on podcasts and such, and so many fascists pretending to be journalists have dumped so much crap on me...
And not to long ago in something of a wacky mixup, someone ELSE rather famous, who does diversity consulting no less, confused me for someone else and cut loose with a horrific bit of hate and gossip and throwing me under the bus, and misgendering me, saying random harassers baselessly calling me a pedophile were probably onto something. Privately told a handful of people about that, because I thought she was a friend and that was so heartbreaking, but anyone I told is just pretending not to have seen it.
Someone was once offering me help because I was in a dangerous situation, financially. I explained that things had been extra hard since coming out as trans. Suddenly he goes from helpful and concerned to just... violent. Screaming a me, openly trying to chase me out of the space we were both in. I reported this to the proper people. They tried talking, he left. The whole community mourned the loss and wondered who could have driven him off. Still doesn’t feel like a safe place for me.
I don’t really know why I’m bothering with all of this. Nobody is actually going to help. I’d say nobody is actually going to read this, but I’m sure plenty of people who hate me will to see if I’m talking about them and use it as justification to make things worse. Plus some people I’m not talking about I’m sure. I get plenty of that all the time.
Nothing ever helps and you can’t ever win. If you try to keep the abusers appeased by not outing them, the abuse never stops. If you try to speak up, their fans and friends treat it like declarations of war and pile on. If you just try to be there for other people when they’re being abused, you get singled out as a “troublemaker” and added to hit lists and black lists and... nothing works.
I don’t want a lot out of life. I want to know I have enough food, and have a place to live where I’m not at risk of dying from either temperature extreme, a bathroom, enough room for my book shelves, a bed, a couch, a dinner table, and a yoga mat. Maybe a space where my cats can run around a little enclosed semi-outdoor area for the fresh air and sun. I want to be able to deal with my medical problems. I want to see and talk to friends sometimes. If I’m really greedy, I’d like to have all that for a particular friend too who I’m constantly worrying about dying of poverty. And I’d like to be able to work on games. Maybe play them sometimes. Maybe watch things.
And that’s the really messed up part. Because abusive people and people supporting the structures of abuse always say they just want to focus on getting work done, or having fun, and it’s a lie. What’s most important for them is perpetuating abuse. They could just stop, or get rid of the people doing it, and the rest of us could live our lives and everything would be fine. But no instead we have to drop everything and make sure no woman anywhere feels safe enough to even breath.
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I mentioned this in my reblog on the Byleth Recruits Everyone! AU but thought about more. Beyond how Hubert and Edelgard react I wonder if, with them essentially having private lessons with the non-Byleth professors, someone would possibly notice her malcontent and maybe even her plans to start the war???
That’s actually a really interesting idea and definitely something I could see happening. Idk if you’ve ever worked in large groups or done tutoring, but there’s a HUGE difference between tutoring one or two kids and teaching a whole group at a time.
Now, I default to Blue Lion Route being canon in my metas, because that was my unexpected favorite (I legit thought it was going to be my least favorite when I started the game, but look at me now), so Manuela would be the professor in charge of Edelgard and Hubert in this AU.
I want to set the record straight before I start this one. I played Black Eagles Route first. I thought full stop that Edelgard was the “Main Girl” so to speak and that Black Eagles was most likely the Route written to be the canon route. Don’t think too badly of me guys, I was dumb, Three Houses blew me away faster than I could imagine and exceeded my expectations and is now one of my all time favorite games. Don’t @ me. Why am I telling you all this though? Well…my experience with the game is important for context. I was totally unspoiled when I was playing Edelgard’s Route. I had no idea SHE was going to be the one to start the war. I honestly thought either Those Who Slither caused the issues, or Dimitri, or something. IDK, but not Edelgard. I actually went in knowing nothing because I wanted to be surprised.
I noticed a lot of red flags right away.
Maybe it’s because I intended to romance Edelgard, so I was paying special attention to her, but she had a lot of red flags that I think the Byleth in my playthrough either over looked, or was too busy to put much stock in. But the thing that got me the most were her words before the Mock Battle and her words to you after your father dies (It had been one day Edelgard! Give me time to grieve before you tell me to pick myself back up!). She had a lot of red flags that I thought was me just not liking her, because I totally thought she was supposed to be the “hero” of the game, Chrom/Lucia style, and ignored.
Manuela wouldn’t have that issue.
Manuela, despite how she acts, is a very smart woman. Not only is she a healer, which I suspect requires some high intellect, but she was the first one to put together a solid lead on Flayn’s location after she was kidnapped. She’s a smart cookie, a walking disaster and a messy bitch, but a smart cookie who deserves respect. Not only that, but she’s a people person. As in she knows people very well. She may be willfully blind to a lot of things, especially when self-evaluating, but I think she nails other people in some of her supports.
Not only that, but one of the earliest missions in game shows that the church provides “calming herbs” for students with anxiety and depression, meaning that they have some idea of medication. Who would probably have a thorough knowledge of medications and thus psychological issues? The school nurse, Manuela. Now, this is all just speculation, but it’s speculations I’m considering for this answer.
With private, one on one, tutoring and no other kids to distract her from what’s going on, I think Manuela would notice Edelgard’s and Hubert’s red flags right away. Now, Manuela is a responsible adult, so she would probably share this with the other staff (I assume they have staff meetings because what school doesn’t?), specifically Seteth who seems to work as what is basically the principle of the school (I’m not giving that to you, Rhea, Seteth does all the fucking work and you know it).
This could go several ways depending on whether or not they have evidence/reasonable suspicion Edelgard will move against the church. Either Rhea, as tight-fisted as she is, would move to arrest Edelgard for treason and jump-start this shit early, or Manuela would make it a priority to curve her psychological issues.
As for Edelgard’s and Hubert’s reaction to all their classmates going over to the Blue Lions (including the Golden Deer students right down to Claude), I think that they would be even colder than in the game. Edelgard now has no personal friends that will stick by her until death as far as she’s concerned, because if they’re so willing to leave to better themselves than they’re hardly loyal vassals to HER cause. Hubert would be along the same line, but with the disgust that they “betrayed” Lady Edelgard despite being mostly nobles or citizens of the Empire. Sure, Petra asked for permission, but that just proves she’s loyal to her own self improvement above Edelgard.
The thing about Edelgard’s plan is that you have to absolutely trust HER and be ready to die for her cause. Them leaving shows they value something other than loyalty to her more. She doesn’t resent that, but it does show that they’re not fit for her plans.
As for the Golden Deer students joining the Blue Lions, that’s even more concerning. It means Faerghus and the Alliance will be more likely to be united, and what’s more, it means that Professor Byleth is one of the biggest threats to her with their charisma and usefulness.
#fe3h#edelgard von fresberg#hubert von vestra#Byleth Recruits Everyone AU#Maneula#Black Eagles#Golden Deer#Blue Lions#asks
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The Right Side of Wrong- Ch 1: W-I-C-K-E-D
Words: 2,435
Warnings: nightmares, mentions of gang activity, mentions of death and trauma, stress
A/N: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FINALLY!! I’m not sure how many of you were dying for me to start posting again, but frankly, I was. I missed getting feedback from you guys! I’m so very glad to finally be back and able to post actual writing for you guys. As you know, I spent quite a bit of time trying to perfect this story so I really hope you guys enjoy it like you did the first one!
(If this is the first time you’ve seen one of my stories: Hi! Welcome! Feel free to check out my first rewrite, “Call Me A Freak”, for a better grasp on what is going on in this one!)
Call Me A Freak- Ch 1 | Preview | Ch 2
~ ~ ~
I blinked, attempting to register my surroundings. It was just too dark. I could make out the low fog settled around my feet as I stumbled forward. It almost glowed, a light blue-ish, green-ish color.
There were murmurs up ahead. People.
In my hazy determination to find them, I ran directly into something. The top half of my body fell forward, catching myself on the edges of the cauldron.
The steam that emanated from it blurred my vision as I pushed myself away from it. The water inside bubbled and boiled, the same sickly color as the fog around me. As I rubbed my eyes, I approached once more, getting a better look inside.
Bobbing across the top, were dozens of ripe, red apples.
“W-” I could hear someone whisper in the distance. “I-C-”
I turned on my heel, but the sound came from everywhere, surrounding me.
“K-”
I tried to run away from the cauldron, but the minute I was around one, I ran into another.
“E-D.”
I kept running, doing my best to dodge cauldrons and skip over the fallen apples that littered the floor. In a blink, I found myself running through the halls of Auradon Prep.
They were empty. Along the way, a few apples were discarded on the ground, all with single bites in them.
Across the lockers that lined the school, in large purple letters, were the words: LONG LIVE EVIL.
That was my work. It had to be. And my paint.
“Mother always knows best,” the quiet voice came back.
I dashed out of the hallway and down the stairs towards the front of the school.
It was too empty. Too quiet. And too messy.
“Show her. Pass every test.”
The entrance to the school was a mess. Apples and papers everywhere. The Beast statue was defaced with spray paint.
“Hear her voice in your head.”
And flying high over the school was a new flag. An old design which I had long since discarded. A silhouette of my mother, the words ‘Long Live Evil’ in green on a purple background.
“Evil is the only real way to win,” the voice beckoned me.
~ ~ ~
My hands were holding me up, pressed against the Beast statue at the front of Auradon Prep.
I noticed multiple familiar faces within the crowd of paparazzi. Hadn’t they learned their lesson? Hadn’t any of them?
I had been known to shriek, break down, and run off while on camera. A result of sensory overload most often, but it could also be triggered by… uncomfortable questions.
All of my friends had become experts in the art of avoiding paparazzi specifically for this reason. They knew I was still healing and god was it hard to heal when you were also the girlfriend of the king.
So, sometimes, when I needed to be by myself, I wandered alone and that’s almost always where they found me. Photographers and interviewers all desperately looking for a brief word right when I needed space.
They weren’t the best on timing.
“Only three days to the Royal Cotillion!” a young woman exclaimed, shoving a mic at my face. I wasn’t exactly sure what she wanted me to say in response to that, so I nodded, smiling tightly.
“Ever think that a girl like you would be a Lady of the Court?”
I blinked, temporarily blinded by a particularly close shot at my face.
“How do you feel being the most envied girl in Auradon?”
I scoffed, but was bombarded with more questions.
“Okay! All right!” I could hear Ben exclaim, pushing his way through the crowd towards me. I sighed in relief, glad to know that someone would be able to get me out of there. “Excuse me.”
He held a half eaten apple in his hand, which looked suspiciously similar to the ones in my dream. That had been a common occurrence recently: deja vu.
He wrapped an arm around me the minute he reached me. He had on one of his signature blue suits with a gold handkerchief. I quickly turned into his shoulder to regain my composure while the crowd turned on him.
“Did you ever think you’d be with a Villain Kid?”
Ben and I both whipped around to look at the woman who had asked. I bit down tightly on the inside of my cheek as Ben chuckled next to me. Multiple people had gone silent, waving mics in Ben’s face to pick up his answer.
“We’re done here,” he responded politely, grabbing me from the opposite shoulder and leading me away from the cameras.
In a whirl, with perfect timing, as always, Fairy Godmother took command of the cameras, preventing them from following the two of us as we left and asking them to make their exit.
“You feeling alright?” he automatically asked, running a hand over my back.
“Fine,” I said, quickly. “A little overwhelmed, but I’ll be alright.”
“You sure?”
I nodded. “It gets frustrating at times. Sometimes I wonder if they say some of those things just to get a reaction out of me. They want to watch me break and be the villain my mother was.”
“Don’t pay any attention to them.”
“Well, that’s a lot easier said than done, right?”
“I know, I know,” he sighed. “You know, maybe we should do something. We should go somewhere. Get away.”
While I appreciated the suggestion, I was so tired that when I thought of getting away, that included getting away from Ben. I wanted to just have some time to myself again. Some privacy again. I hadn’t seen a moment alone practically since I had gotten off the island.
“Yeah,” I replied halfheartedly, but he didn’t even seem to notice, distracted by his own watch.
“I have a council meeting. I’m so late!” His face pinched in stress. I knew he didn’t want to leave me here, especially after just promising some time to ourselves, but he had responsibilities.
“That’s okay,” I told him. I had gotten really good at pretending like things were totally fine, the Auradon way. On the Isle, if I was upset, I would hide it underneath my anger, but here I had to smile and act like a feather when bricks were weighing me down.
“We’ll do it sometime!” He promised, leaning down to kiss my cheek, but he hadn’t made contact before someone else was dragging me away.
“If we don’t do a fitting for your gown right this minute, you’ll be dancing in your bathrobe, okay?” Evie insisted.
Turns out everyone was stressed, because Evie was never so forward unless something needed to be done. In fact, she was rather efficient nowadays, but all that meant was piling on more work than she needed because she could power through it.
“Hi!” She smiled at Ben, sort of an apology for stealing me away, but if I knew Evie, she was well aware that Ben had stuff to do anyways. “Let’s go. Let’s go!” she sang to me, dragging me towards the dorms.
“Bye, Ben!” I called.
“Bye.”
I stumbled after her, trying to keep up in my heels. Evie was so well adapted to the formal, princess life (mostly because her mother had been teaching her she was royalty since she was a girl) that I looked like peasantry in her presence.
Once we had made it to the dorm rooms, she pulled down the pieces she had made of my dress and had me start fitting sections on.
It was yellow, with blue sequins and accents across the top and down the skirt. Evie had chosen it so that I would match Ben and fit the “Beauty and the Beast” aesthetic of all the events.
Evie began the process of pinning and marking the edges of the dress to be hemmed, where she would close up the back of the dress and tighten the waist. I stood still, my thoughts drifting, as they normally did when Evie forced me up onto her dress stand.
The dress was huge. I couldn’t imagine getting out the door, much less dancing for hours in it. Evie was fairly accommodating to my needs when it came to her designs, but there was also a certain standard that my outfits were expected to meet. I couldn’t just wear anything to a ball like this. Eyes would be on me at all times and I had to look traditional. I had to fit in. The people of Auradon were just jumping for an excuse to make me look bad.
Evie pulled me from my thoughts as she forced my shoulders back, so that the dress would fit me correctly.
I squealed a moment, in shock, but I was cut off when Evie pulled the corset together in back and pinned it there, squeezing my rib cage uncomfortably.
“Okay, Evie? I cannot breathe.”
She stepped around me, going back to her work table. “Well then, you can breathe after Cotillion.” I glared at her and she shrugged. “It won’t stay up unless it’s tight, M.”
“I sincerely doubt that I’ll ever be allowed to breathe again,” I grumbled. “I have at least twenty events directly behind it and I can’t remember what a single one of them is.”
Evie walked around me, pulling out the bottom of the dress to get a good look at it in full.
“Impeccable,” she smiled to herself.
I was glad Evie was getting some sort of satisfaction for her work. I mean, she was constantly designing and sewing dresses now and they always turned out amazing. Everyone was thrilled with her efforts and she was getting paid.
Not to mention, despite all the stress it caused her, especially right now, with the Cotillion so close, she was happy. She loved making dresses for others. It brought her peace and made her feel like she was doing some good for others. And she got to hang out with her new boyfriend, Doug, as she worked.
My eyes drifted away and I noticed my old leather jacket on the coat rack by the door.
I’m not sure why I kept it. I didn’t wear it anymore. Frankly, I couldn’t. My outfits nowadays were kind of expected to reach a level of sophistication. But the two green dragons, twisted into a heart, left a familiar sense of calm.
“Evie?”
“Hm?”
“Do you ever think about what we’d be doing if we were back on the Isle right now?”
I regretted the words the minute they left my mouth.
These dreams I’d been having were unsettling to me. I had read up on reoccuring dreams and how it’s believed they are predicting something. And that terrified me. Not just the empty school and the vandalism and apples, but the fact that my mother was somehow involved in all of it.
“Why do you ask?” she said, seriously.
It was upsetting. Sometimes I felt like everything was going too fast and no one was giving me space. And then the minute I admitted this, I was being babied. My mother had died almost a year ago and still, no one dared mention her name around me.
I just wish I had some time to truly find myself. Once we had abandoned the Isle, the four of us had basically lost any sense of identity we previously had. We were no longer the leader, the thief, the flirt, and the snake.
Evie and Jay had truly found their calling. Evie could practically make a living for herself at this point and Jay was looking into universities to continue playing Tourney at. And Carlos wasn’t completely set yet, but he was relaxed, still messing around with different types of tech and looking after Dude.
I was just trying to survive.
“I’m fine,” I replied, stepping down from the pedestal.
Evie didn’t say anything, turning back towards her work table. I figured she was done at this point and was about to ask her to help me get the dress off when I saw a book on my nightstand, titled The Lady’s Manners.
I gasped rushing over to grab it. I was supposed to run through all of this a week ago, but it had completely slipped my mind. Ben had given it to me to prepare for the Cotillion, seeing as it would be a massively covered event and his parents would be present.
Luckily, my spellbook was also on hand and I had the precise spell for this already marked. “Read it fast, at lightning speed. Remember everything I need,” I recited.
Quickly, I transferred the spell on to the book of manners and began flipping through the pages, running my eyes down the lines to grab any information I could.
“I know Mal’s secret to fitting in and Ben wouldn’t like it one bit,” Evie scolded beside me.
I sent a quick glare in her direction, then continued my skimming.
“Haven’t you guys had enough secrets between the two of you already?”
I rolled my eyes. “What’s the harm, E? These girls around school have had their whole lives to study and learn the ways of a ‘lady’. I’ve had a couple of months. You saw how I was before I started to use magic and it wasn’t good. I was a disaster. I was a shame to Ben and everything his family stands for.”
“You were recovering,” she insisted. “But now, you’ve been talking to therapists, you’re getting your head back on your shoulders, and personally, I strongly believe that this spellbook-” she reached into my lap and took it from me, “-belongs in the museum along with my mirror.”
“Well, it’s hard to act like a person when no one treats you like one,” I grumbled.
“What do you mean?”
I shrugged off the question, changing to subject. “You don’t ever miss running wild?”
“Stealing, and lying, and fighting?”
“Yeah,” I sighed. “Don’t you miss the freedom of it all?”
“No!” she exclaimed. “M, why would we? Look at us! We’re happy! We’re in Auradon! Where is all of this coming from?”
I shook my head. “Nowhere. Just… wondering.”
“If that’s true,” she answered, briefly squeezing my hand, “then can we please just leave the past in the past?”
I looked into Evie’s eyes as she said that and deeply felt sorry for saying anything. Evie was doing her best to comfort me and make sure that I was alright, but she had some deep scars from the Isle herself. She didn’t want to talk about it unless she had to.
So, I just nodded solemnly.
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