A Comparrison between Az’s Chapter and Cassian’s Chapters in Acofas

Today I found myself inspired by @thereaderspeaks ‘s post and what I had to add about it, to write this long-ass post comparing Az’s chapter in Acosf to Cassian’s three chapters in Acofas.

@rhyssescups does an amazing job in this post (and @psychee92 in this one) of comparing Az’s chapter to Cassian’s POV in Wings and Embers. I’ll also attach @psychee92 ‘s comparison of both batboys’ attitudes after their respective solstices. But I’m going to concentrate on Az’s POV and Acofas rather than Wings and Embers.

There are a LOT of things in common, so when you add the posts linked above to this one, you’ll see how Azriel’s emotions and his interaction with Gwyn mirror those of Cassian. Everyday I find more peace of mind regarding Elriel.

Before I begin, I want to clarify that Emerie is not in Wings and Embers, but on Cassian’s perspective in Acofas. I had seen many people on Tumblr and on Twitter saying (by mistake) that she’s in W&E, so I wanted to point that out. It is Mor who is mentioned in W&E. How Cassian does not want to tell her about Nesta, etc. For more on that, check out the links I attached above.

There are many elements that Cassian and Azriel share in their chapters and I decided to divide them into categories. I’ll support them with quotes so that we have the receipts. With that said…

Let’s get started!

1. Distance

In both instances there was something that separated the couples and caused distance. 

In Cassian’s case it was post-war-Nesta and even Cassian himself (it was pride that kept him ignoring her all through the party until he couldn’t take it anymore and ran after her, simple as that): 

In Azriel’s case it was his understanding of what he feels for Elain and the fact that she has a mate. But also, let’s add Rhys’s order as a new element that will cause distance.

2. Emotions

Cassian did not allow himself to think about Nesta because of the feelings that stirred up in him.

Anger, passion, confusion.

And Azriel… 

Well, well, well... What do we have here? 

Anger, passion, confusion. 

He was ready to spar it out of his system, too, like Cassian.

3. Something the batboys associate with their mate Archeron sister

I noticed that in both cases, Cass and Az had given their girls something that they associated with them, be it material or other.

For example, Cassian’s was names for Nesta’s poses.

He saw Nesta stand in any particular way and if it was something she repeated he gave that pose a name. It is something he associates with her.

In Azriel’s case, we know he gives Elain a rose necklace. 

Roses signify Elain because of what she does: gardening; But also, it could simply represent them. Their way of spending time together (here’s a post of different refences of Elriel in the garden by @silver-flames​) and their relationship that has been slowly blooming in secret, like how that charm shines with colors when it’s in the light, but looks ordinary in the dark.

4. The batboys hurting the sisters

In both POVs the Illyrians hurt the Archerons. 

Cassian does it out of anger. Because Nesta kept rejecting him. Instead of holding his tongue, like any mature person should, he tells her something that destroys her (we know by her reaction).

See how her eyes go empty? 

Well, in his chapter, Azriel hurts Elain, too, though it pains him as much as it pains her because he did not do it intentionally. 

5. The sisters rejecting/returning the gifts

Nesta rejects Cassian’s gift, though I wouldn’t have taken it either after what he told her. This quote comes from before his insult, but my point is that she left without taking the gift.

Also, notice how Cassian hadn’t wanted to give Nesta her present in front of the others, something that Azriel does, too, though for different reasons. Cassian had feared rejection and had been waiting for her to approach him.

Azriel had not given Elain her present because Lucien, her mate, was there.

And of course, Elain returns her gift after Azriel left her standing in the hall with the words “this was a mistake.” I wouldn’t have stayed with that necklace either, not when it reminded me of that moment.

6. Regifting/Comparing

Something particular that happens in both characters’ PoV is the regifting of the objects the batboys used to relate to their girls. I do not think they are necessarily wrong, just that it happens.

Cassian uses the name of one of Nesta’s poses to describe Emerie.

He also compares her way of speaking and the look in her eyes to that of Nesta.

Azriel regifts the necklace that represents Elain to Gwyn (though he doesn’t give it to her personally, just hands it to Clotho for her to do it), and describes her with the same quote he used on the necklace (Elriel). 

I have my own theory on why the thought of her smile makes him smile. Soon I will explain.

7. Getting rid of the gifts (decisions made in haste)

Cassian being all impulsive and throwing the very expensive and extremely unique gift to the Sidra:

Gotta love our hotheaded overgrown bat. (My baby!! <3)

Then, we have Az making the dumb decision of regifting the present because somehow he couldn’t get rid of it (symbolism but not the post for it).

He was in a bad place when he made the decision, and even Clotho points out that his eyes are sad. 

The quote in purple is important to note. The theory about Clotho not giving Gwyn the necklace? That line is good for it. The fact that he told Clotho to give the necklace to anyone as long as he didn’t have it and the sadness she gleaned in his eyes is enough for her to know there is more to it than what he tells her.  

I also want to point out that we know for a fact that Cassian regretted getting rid of the present and that he knows he had been foolish that night. So, considering how parallel to each other these chapters are, I’m sure that Azriel will, too.

8. Distraction/Consolation (Aftermath)

I think it is important to highlight how Cassian got to the Townhouse late and was followed by a worried Mor, who most likely consoled him after his disastrous evening with Nesta...

...and compare it to how Azriel had needed to release unspent energy and was successfully distracted from his bad juju by the short lesson he gave to Gwyn:

He straight up says he’s thankful for the distraction. That was what the whole convo had been for him -in a good sense. 

It also aligns super well with @silverlinedeyes​ ‘s theory of Gwyn being a lightsinger in how they appear to people when they are lost. Gwyn was there when Azriel needed someone (even just to distract him), be it coincidence or not, and that cannot be ignored. 

If Gwyn does take on a role in Acotar 5, I think it will have a lot to do with being his friend and confidant (and trainee), someone who will help him figure out what to do about his situation, just like how she unknowingly helped him on solstice.

9. Empathy towards the Valkyries

Another parallel that I found in the chapter is how Cassian felt empathy for Emerie’s situation upon looking at her...

...and how Azriel’s interaction with Gwyn brought about the same reaction:

This is what I was talking about earlier. Notice how he sees her pain and grief and prefers when she’s happy to when she’s sad? Who wouldn’t want that? That is the same mentality I apply to his smile at the thought of her smiling. That he is glad that something would make her happy after what she has been through. Especially after remembering her past (within the last three pages). 

10. Emerie and Gwyn’s attitudes

This was super curious for me! Look at how both girls say goodbye to the batboys:

Emerie being a whole independent female, and Gwyn… 

All business. 

Literally got the same energy from them. 

Gwyn finished the convo and continued her practice like the badass warrior that she is. There was no demure glance or cloy blush anywhere. The interaction was not romantic, purely platonic. Just like Emerie’s with Cassian.

11. This interesting parallel:

These two moments that are almost identical:

Cassian tells Emerie to give the Illyrians the clothes he just bought and to tell them it was the High Lord’s gift. He does it because he knows the Illyrians would not accept them if they knew they came from Cassian.

Azriel:

Another one (DJ khaled voice). 

“Just tell her it was a gift from Rhys.” 

Why does he do that? Because it wasn’t romantic and if Gwyn had known she’d have brought it up in conversation. He just wanted to be rid of it, so he gave it to her, perhaps as a way of thanking her for the distraction yesterday, but nothing more. 

“If there’s another priestess here who might appreciate it, give it to them.” He didn’t care who’d have it as long as it wasn’t him. 

Conclusion: 

(Wings and Embers + Acofas) Cassian = Acosf bonus chapter Azriel

That’s the real formula bestie SJM used and the receipts are here. 

Azriel mirrors Cassian in emotions, actions and interactions. 

Remember how Nesta Antis began shipping Cass with Emerie after their interaction in Acofas simply because they hated Nesta? Their scene had zero romantic energy, but Nesta Antis still did it. 

Well, history repeats itself with Elain.

Regarding Gwyn: So far, I see no build-up to something more than a friendship. Like we explored, Az’s scene with her was similar to Cassian’s with Emerie. The differences lie in that Gwyn is more energetic than Emerie and that Az’s shadows reacted to her power (she has powers, read about it in the lighsinger theory). 

There is literally nothing more I can add. 

Peace out.

Okay so this was a passion project that I really wanted to write, I probably won’t do another and I still don’t feel comfortable writing smut for other people so please do not request it!

Minors please do not read or engage with this post as it is for 18+ only!

Also a big thank you to @erin-bo-berin for helping and encouraging me to continue this project!

Feedback is always welcome! ✨💕

“Alpha-Male Bullshit”

Part 1

Azriel x Female Reader - Part 1

Fandom - ACOTAR

Warnings - Violence, sexual themes, 18+ only, minor spoilers for ACOSF, angst and fluff! 💞☁️

———————————————————————

Lucien Vanserra was a terrible flirt; not because he wasn’t good at it, but because he was constantly flirting with me.

In the beginning I went along with it; I was bored and felt lonely. Cassian had Nesta, everyone knew Rhys had Feyre and Nyx their sweet baby boy, Elain kept busy with her garden and I barely saw our spymaster.

I split my time between training and reading in my chambers.

So, what harm could a bit of flirty banter do between friends?

I didn’t think it would do anything, but Lucien is certainly consistent.

I had a rare free day and found myself in a quiet corner of the library ran by the High Priestess ,Clotho.

It was one of my favourite places to be. The noise in my head stopped, all the pressure and responsibility’s for the court just faded away. I am transported to a land far away.

I was halfway through a steamy romance that Nesta had given me a couple of days ago. We stayed up most nights talking about books and how Cassian had made it his mission to try each technique in the book for Nesta’s pleasure. It wasn’t as if he didn’t know what he was doing, Nesta made that very clear but it was certainly good fun. It made me laugh but it also flushed my body with an incredible sadness. These books were about as close of a love life that I had.

I was lost in my head and the fictional visions that I created with the words on the page when I heard a familiar voice. It made me jump slightly and I heard his deep laugh.

“I knew Nesta loved smut, but I didn’t think your innocent little mind liked it...but then again, I’m sure that pretty little mouth isn’t all that innocent is it?”

I resist the urge to roll my eyes and turn to face him.

“Wouldn’t you like to know, my dear”

I smirk and snap my book back open.

“Are you hoping to live out some of those scenes in those books of Nesta’s like she now is?”

I don’t give him the satisfaction of an answer. A moment passed and I feel his breath on my neck.

“If so, you know where to find me.” He whispers in my ear, before pressing a nimble kiss on my neck and spinning on his heel to walk away.

I released a breath I didn’t even know I was holding and groaned in frustration.

Placing my bookmark back in between the pages, I rose from the chair and left the comforting walls of the library, waving goodbye to the passing priestesses.

I wander aimlessly around the property, taking in the cool atmosphere. The training ring was empty, or so I thought. As I approached it, I spotted a familiar stature. His shadows swirling around his figure as he went through his training exercises.

I sat on the rocks beside the ring as he comes to a stand-still.

“Are you okay Y/N?” He asks softly.

I smile and rub my eyes.

“Yes, I’m just hiding from Lucien. He’s definitely spending way too much time with Rhys and Cassian. He sounds exactly like them.

But , maybe flirting with him could be fun. No one else pays much attention around here to me anyway”

Wherever Azriel goes in his head, my remark seemed to snap him away from his flyaway thoughts.

His eyes blazed and he took a warrior stance. He chest puffed and looked ready to fly at a moments notice.

“Do you need me to have a word with him?”

I couldn’t help but giggle at his overprotective response.

“No Az, it’s okay. I don’t think he fancies losing his other eye. Thank you anyway”

He just nods and returns back to his exercises.

I take this as my cue to leave.

————————————

Nesta finds me in my room later that evening and informs me that Rhys has planned a family dinner and I am required to attend.

She then prances off to her own chambers.

I rummage through my closet and pick out a gown that had fallen down the back.

It was a deep blue, that sparkled in the correct light. It plunged, exposing more of my breasts than usual and the slit started just passed my thigh, with the material of the dress hugging my body tightly.

Mor had gifted it to me last winter solstice but I hadn’t had a chance to wear it yet. No time like the present, I suppose.

I didn’t have time to style my hair dramatically, so I let my long light brown curls fall loosely down my back.

I fiddled around to find a matching bag and heels before slowly descending down the glass staircase.

All eyes were on me as I entered the dining room. The room was eerily silent.

Panic slowly begins to envelope me.

“It’s not too much is it?” I squeak.

Lucien stands and almost knocks down his chair.

“Absolutely not! My god Y/N I thought the wine would be what loosened my tongue tonight, but it looks like that dress is what’s gonna do it instead.

Unbeknown to me, Azriel’s shadows swamped around, doing their best to keep my modesty protected from Lucien’s lewd comments.

“All bark, no bite Lucien. What a shame” I shoot back and take my place beside Elain.

Azriel was seated across from Elain and did his best to contain his rage against Lucien.

I noticed this sudden shift of tension in the room between the two males but decided that now was not the time to bring it up. Especially not in front of the family.

Elain however didn’t seem to have this incentive and piped up.

“Are you okay, Az?” She asks sweetly. She attempts to take his hand. Azriel lets her hold his hand for a millisecond, before quickly pulling away.

I knew he was insecure about his hands and how they have seen years of battle, yet that wasn’t what bothered me most.

What bothered me most, was hearing my nickname for Azriel fall out of Elain’s mouth so casually.

It wasn’t that I disliked Elain, in fact I was happy for her. She is happy and healthy, was quick to adapt to the ways of Fae and everyone in the court had watched her confidence grow tremendously.

Yes, I was happy for her. Yet every time I caught her talking with Azriel, a wave of jealousy would come over me.

Elain didn’t want Lucien and Azriel didn’t want me, not in that way at least.

Everyone was on their way to a happy ending... everyone but me.

I let out a small cough and continue with the evening. Lucien kept up with his filthy ways and I kept up my responses. Cassian laughed with Rhys and Feyre discussed baby clothes with Nesta.

It felt as time had stopped, as I drunk in moment.

Eventually everyone slid off one by one. Amren and Varian first and soon the rest followed.

Mor invited me to her room so that we could spend some time together. I respectfully declined, desperate to climb into my bed.

——————————

Azriel couldn’t sleep. He stood on the balcony and stared into the distance. It was a clear night, the stars shined brightly above him.

As trained as Azriel was, he was still no match for his High Lord’s stealth.

Not that he would admit it to anymore, but his heart missed a beat when he suddenly heard Rhysand’s voice boom behind him.

“Okay Az, what the hell is going on around here? Seriously I have Elain basically drooling over you, Lucien Vanserra flirting with y/n and she’s flirting BACK, and you’re strung tighter than an Illyrian bow”

Azriel wasn’t ready to admit the truth but if he didn’t soon then he had no idea how the hell he would cope, especially after seeing you at dinner earlier. It took all of his strength to remain seated and not knock Lucien from his seat. His cock had strained against his pants so much that it had become painful. He felt Ferrell and you didn’t have a clue.

So Azriel turned around, folded his wings, and stood straight.

“Y/N is my mate”

It took Rhysand a moment to adjust to what he had just heard.

He clapped his brother on the shoulder and cheered, but his celebration was short lived when he saw the sour look on Azriel’s face.

“Okay ... so why do look like you’ve just been slapped in the face with a fish?”

“Because she’s absolutely oblivious! You’ve seen it yourself, the way she is around Lucien. Just because his mate doesn’t want him doesn’t mean he is entitled to mine!” Azriel explodes and doesn’t give Rhys a chance to respond before he launches himself into the night sky.

He spends the night flying around the city before returning at early dawn.

He is surprised to find Y/N stood outside his bedroom door.

She spins around before he could call her name.

You flash a smile that could bring him to his knees.

“I felt your shadows behind me.” You giggle.

“Anyway, I am only here to tell you that Rhys and Feyre are heading down to the cabin for the night. I said we would look after baby Nyx. Is that okay?”

Azriel tried to focus on what you were saying and not your scent. He just nods in response and as you hop towards him. You fling your arms around him and hug.

Azriel just prayed to the saints that you couldn’t feel his member begging to be released beneath his trousers.

————————————————

Nyx was certainly a handful, he was growing quickly and wanted to explore the world. It didn’t take him long to figure out how to crawl which meant keeping him away from pretty much everything in the house. I was just glad he hadn’t learnt how to use his wings yet.

Eventually he powered down and settled in my lap, he was fed, clean and happy. Meanwhile I learnt that I definitely wasn’t ready for children yet.

“How is he?” Azriel yawned as Nyx’s eyes slowly dropped shut, his thumb in his mouth.

I cradled the small boy in my arms as Azriel sat beside me.

“I will go put him to bed in a moment, he just looks so peaceful” I whispered.

Az just laughed.

“You weren’t saying that before when he was destroying the place”

I roll my eyes and gently lift my body up from the sofa before walking to the nursery.

When I entered the living quarters again, I found Az with a bottle of wine and two glasses.

“Want one?” He asks.

I shrug. “Sure, why not”

We sat in a comfortable silence before I was brave enough to speak up.

“So, are you going to tell me why you have been so uptight lately? Is it work?”

Azriel’s comfortable posture, stiffens and he is back on high alert.

Seeing this, I couldn’t help but feel guilty.

I shouldn’t force him to talk, it’s not like he’d want to open up to me anyway.

I decide to change the subject.

“Is it true that the bigger a wingspan, the bigger the dick?”

I watch as Azriel splutters and does his best not to leak his drink over the cream coloured carpet.

“I erm... what?!”

I laugh at the reaction and start to inch closer to him.

I’m high on liquid courage, no way would I ever do this sober.

“Feyre told me that fae wings are super sensitive”

I wrap my legs over each side and place myself down on his lap. He grips me in place and grunts slightly but doesn’t say anything.

I delicately run two fingers down his right wing, they are soft, almost like velvet, yet they shine when the light is right.

“Nesta even said that some men cum from a single touch... if in the right place” I whisper in his ear, placing small light kisses down his neck as my fingers continue to dance over every individual feather. His hips buck upwards involuntarily, and I smirk.

“Well it was something like that anyways”

I remove myself from his lap to drink from my wine glass. Azriel sat grinding his teeth, showing incredible restraint.

I head over to the kitchen and place the empty dishes and glasses in the sink, staying in just the right places so Az still got a full view.

He suddenly springs up from his own seat and follows me into the kitchen. He corners me and I try to remain stoic.

He picks me up like I weigh nothing and rests his body in between my legs.

He uses one hand to brush my hair out of my face and the other to casually trace patterns on my thigh.

His voice was low, and his shadows danced behind him.

“Rumour has it, the bigger the wingspan the bigger dick, right? Well Rhys likes to claim he has the biggest but one drunken night we measured... I’m forbidden to tell anyone this but… I won” he winks and suddenly pulls away acting so very nonchalant.

“The wing thing, I personally don’t know because apparently I haven’t had the right bed mate for that”

There was no stopping me after that. I hook my feet around his knees and use all my strength to pull his body back to mine.

Our faces crash together as we kiss and our tongues battle for dominance. My hands roam his body as I slip them under his shirt. His hands copy my actions and I couldn’t help but groan into him as he gets familiar.

Eventually we pull away for air and our eyes lock for what felt like forever and a day. This unfamiliar feeling of euphoria rushed over my body, attacking my senses. It attacked every inch of me. It felt as if my soul would burst open for the world to see.

The sudden panic that came straight after snapped me back into reality. I broke away from the male in front of me as I gasped for air. Silent tears ran down my face.

I pushed Azriel away with force and ran from the room.

“I’m sorry, I am so sorry I can’t-“

I ran to my room and collapsed down the back of the door.

What was happening?

———————————————————

PART 2 is on its way!!

Snippet (3)

Cassian stood in front of her apartment door, practically breathing on the surface. He was already tired, and he’d only walked up the stairs. Perhaps he was out of shape, but no... it was that the mere idea of this that made his body ache and his stomach turn uncomfortably.  

He might have laid his forehead there, on the wood, if he was sure, it would not make a sound. Cassian did not want to make a sound. He wanted to be invisible, to float through the walls, to be in her presence without having to beg for it... but in truth, he would have settled for Nesta knowing he was already there. To her opening the door to her apartment as if he was welcome. Even if he was not.  

He took a breath, eased himself out of his thoughts, before lifting his fist where it lied on the green peeling paint.  

Just knock.  

Cassian lowered his hand.  

No, he couldn’t do this. Couldn’t make himself reveal what he already knew—that she would not open the door and even if she did, she would not be happy to see him. She’d slam the door on his face, and he’d run away with that confirmation and with a new bruise and a terrible ache in his chest.  

Cassian walked away. He had to walk away, or he’d never recover...  

He began walking down to the bottom of those five flights of stairs. A whole other world beyond them. One that didn’t seem to include her, or... recognize her or... want her to be a part of it. She didn’t want to be a part of it and Cassian ached at that too. 

But a thought entered his mind...

What if she did want to be included? What if she wanted to experience it all and didn’t have the opportunity, the hand out held out for her, because she was too scared, and by the time she got the nerve, she’d be left behind? The world--this world--was safe. He would make sure she was safe, and she’d be able to explore and experience it all. What he felt, what he saw, what he breathed. She didn’t have to be scared. 

Cassian didn’t have to be frightened. 

And maybe... 

Nesta could sense him there. Was perhaps waiting for him to knock, because she’d wanted this as much as him. Because she’d cared for him. He knew she did... or just because she wanted the company. He’d take that too. Anything she gave him.  

The thought made him want to run back up there. Try once more. So, he did, his feet pounding on the steps until he stood in front of green. A color that made him nauseous. He tried to breath, to imagine fresh air and the wind on his face.  

His hand was poised to knock...  

Just knock.  

But, no...

He should have brought food.  

The last time Cassian had seen her, she was thin. Nesta had always been on the small side, but she’d been smaller and thinner lately. She could use some muffins... or... or... What was her favorite food?  

Cassian didn’t know, but he’d ask Feyre or Elain, and come back with food and... tea. She liked tea; he knew. She’d always gotten peppermint at the townhouse. Always drank it when she was at the House of Wind.  

Tea and food, he could do that. It was early now anyway, Nesta could be asleep for all he knew. She did always have late nights. He’d get food and tea, and when he came back Nesta would surely be awake.

Cassian lowered his hand. A mission on his mind as his feet pounded along the stairs with the smell of baked bread in his nose, the feel of hot tea on his palms...

Cassian paused, halting near the last step.  

But what if he lost his nerve? What if she wasn’t even there when he came back? She could have something to do during the day, he didn’t know. He didn’t know anything about her. He didn���t even know what she liked to eat!

No, Cassian decided, he had to do it now.  

So, he ran up the stairs once more. The clinking of metal and concrete and the sound of his steps filling his ears. He’d knock. He wouldn’t lose his nerve.  

He was almost at the last step, and then he'd knock. He’d knock this time.  

“Would you stop that racket?” A fae yelled from beneath the stairs. Cassian peered over the railing. A stout male carried a broom stick like brandishing a sword, and the male hunkered back at the sight of him.  

Cassian couldn’t help the way he stepped along each foot as if the nervous movement might somehow make him seem smaller. He never liked being so tall... And the height of the stairs didn’t make him seem less intimidating. On a battlefield and in the bedroom, his physique had come in handy—advantageous even. To trapezing through the city and to Nesta’s tiny apartment building, his size had made him no friends.  

“Oh, it’s you again.”  

Cassian chose to ignore those words, didn’t let them hit him like a door to the face. Because he had been there, hadn’t he? Too many times. Too many pep-talks that went unrecognized for he could never find the nerve to knock—to be what she needed.  

The fae male lowered the broom, sweeping casually, moving back and forth as if the interaction—Cassian being there—wasn't odd at all... or perhaps was too odd, and he couldn’t fathom not doing anything while the minutes passed by.  

The male started to whistle. A tune that reminded Cassian of old days, though he couldn’t remember which. There’d been so many, too many that Cassian wanted to forget. The melody drifted past his ears until he could only hear shouts... screams... war tunes... and drums. There’d been too many who whistled that tune until they could whistle no more. Cassian couldn’t remember them all.

He could only think of one--who’s voice had quieted so much that he would have taken any shout, any cruel word to hear her again. To see her awake, alive, and fighting. Because she had stopped fighting, hadn’t she? 

He watched as the male paused, looked at him, and began the sweet tune once more.  

Cassian turned back to the door, raising his fist to the wood.  

Just one knock.  

“She’s not here, you know.”  

Cassian knew that was a lie.

He felt her there. A string pulled taut and tight to where she lied in that room of hers. He wanted to grasp it, tug on it and see if she’d answer... Cassian couldn’t bring himself to wonder what he would have done if she’d ignored it, if she tore it apart like the rest of her. 

And it was that thought that made him lower his fist...  

He’d try again another day.  

~

Same fic as yesterdays. Post ACOFAS, Pre-ACOSF. One day it will be done and titled. I love nervous wreck Cassian btw. Maybe I’ll keep him this way. 

I have a list of people who are tagged, but do y’all want to be tagged on snippets??? I never know. I’m only tagging these people for now. 

@arinbelle, @thewhelk, @ladynestaarcheron, @regolithheart 

ACOSF: very long, very spoilery review

No one asked me to do this, but I need to talk, discuss and get it all out there.I am still very much feeling the high of this book, but I thought I would share some of my opinions. These of course might change as time passes and I reread the series and the book. But as of now here is where I stand.

If you did not like the book or had many issues with it, maybe this isn’t the post for you.

For reading purposes I will divide this in different sections that I hope can effectively tackle what I want to talk about. 

When I say it’s a long post... I mean it’s long. 

II. Side Characters // III. Future Books.

I. Plot:

From the get go it became obvious that we would face an ACOMAF type of book, in which the development and advancement of the plot would stem largely from the characters. Where MAF created a more equal ratio between action and character, even if it prioritized character, SF really created a 70-30 ration, 70 would be character and 30 action. 

I’ve been seeing a few reviews where people say that there was no plot just sex and Nesta. I disagree. Nesta’s development was the plot. And it makes a lot of sense, to me, why we did not experience a lot of “action plot”: She is not a working member of the Night Court, at least not in the way the IC is in this book, so therefore she will not get full access into the different things that are at play.  Since Nesta is not a working member it makes sense that she is detached from what is happening, apart from the “please help us find these things”. The most action we get comes from Cassian who is more involved in the politic side of things and even then it was explained that he was needed for #InternationalRelationshipsWithEris, because he is a working member of the court. You can tell that they chose him for that because they literally had no one else: Feyre couldn’t risk people finding out she was pregnant, Mor had her own task and is not going to meet regularly with her abuser, Az and Rhys are fucking overworked and Amren is not a people’s person. I would have loved to see more of his work as a general when they are not at war -that we saw more in WAR- we get mentions of what he does but I wished we had gotten more on that front.

 Nesta: I have never hated Nesta, I simply could not see the logic behind her actions and her behavior. I now do. I understand why she came to be and I value her so much more now. Nesta showed another face mental illness can take, how a deep sense of failure can affect you, the darkest thoughts that you are afraid to voice, she voiced. She moved forward and then made mistakes, showing how healing is not linear. Her journey made a lot of sense to me. Her rage made sense to me, her sexuality made a lot of sense to me. I could empathize with her and for that I will be forever grateful, because sometimes rage that comes from a sense of failure is what you will also find in me. 

Her insecurities concerning Cassian, her feelings of unworthiness regarding Feyre, the guilt she felt when she thought of her father, her lack of control regarding the trauma she went. Nesta took all that and made it rage. And I could hardly judge her for that.

Thanks to the way she talked about the mating bond when Cassian was like “we’re mates” I could understand better why Feyre got so upset that Rhys didn’t tell her. The argument of it being tied to their humanity was very interesting.

Also the way that she relates to her power, having lack of control and understanding of what it is (and according to Amren, respect) and having that power being death. You cannot control death, you cannot fully understand it, and yet you have to walk each day with that presence. She has been marked by so much death and grief that I thought it was very appropriate that her journey is marked by her own fear of death and of that which she cannot control: death that now lives in her. There is so much to unpack in that aspect alone.

I loved that final sequence when she gives up her cauldron based powers because those came from rage. She took them when she was raging (and rightfully so) but those nurtured the fury and death she carried with her. So to have her literally give up her death (rage) powers to give live to the sister that literally gave it all for her was a beautiful poignant crystal clear moment –and hella intense too–. There is a sense of gratitud that I feel having read her story. 

Cassian: He was always God Tier for me. His warmth, openness, support and strength spoke to me on a personal level. He is truly the person you want in your life. And I love that we got to see him flawed and make mistakes and be aware of the role he has been playing (regarding Mor and Az, which I think is quite important to the development of that situation). 

As the person closest to Nesta in her recovery, I think it is very important that he knows the deep failure that Nesta is feeling and the sense of not being useful when they should have been. It makes it more clear why he was the one that could actually help her overcome those feelings and the storm they create in her. Now, the way he was supportive of her seems so realistic to me, the frustration, the anger, the wanting to shake the person: all of it happens in real life. You can have a lot of patience and want what’s best for them but some times to yourself and those who are not the person you are trying to help, you can show the frustration of wanting to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped, but needs to. 

Finally I LOVED that there was acknowledgement of how observant and intelligent he is. Being a good general is not an easy task and I’m glad they explicitly said it, because Cass being understood as the dumb jock is done at this point. 

The sex: To me sex in SJM’s books are always more than just the wink wink nudge nudge-read it with a glass of wine-moment. They have always been a mechanism for us to get to know more about the characters and where they are in their journey. Even when they were just having sex, the way Nesta describes how open she is with Cassian is a pretty big tell of the groundwork that is being laid for her to start to understand what she feels for him. I think it is interesting to also see it as a reclaiming of her body and an exploration of her body with someone she trusts, as opposed to the way she was using sex to forget and to try to feel. Also, and I’ve said this before the fuck buddies -> lovers is an interesting dynamic, specially specially when every time they are together you know they both want more but they think the other doesn’t! That’s just *chef’s kiss*

The wider conflict: I think this book in the action-political plot was the ACOTAR of the problems we will face in the next ones. In the next one it will be like “shit what did we unleash” and start a political-spying plot. The characters that we all hope we will explore are more connected to the larger schemes that are taking place so we will see an expansion of that. Because this book was very self-contained. Think Guardians in the MCU, but here we have the clues and the basic groundwork for where the “action” part of the story will take is. I do not think it was lacking because from the get go it was shown that the main focus would be Nesta’s personal journey.

Sins of Hewn City

Summary: Cassian and Nesta are friends-with-benefits. When Cassian is gone for a business trip, Nesta isn’t patient enough to wait until he returns. She ventures to a scandalous nightclub, Hewn City, to find a suitable one-night stand. That is, until Cassian comes home early... 

Note: This is my first PWP and the smuttiest thing I’ve ever written so please be kind! Constructive criticism is always welcome. Let me know what y’all think! This fic includes some kinky stuff, a jealous Cassian, and (kind of) public sex. I’m going to post the second part soon!

The heavy bass thrummed in Nesta’s ears, rendering her nearly deaf as she flirted with an attractive man at the bar. Red LED lights cast an alluring glow in the crowded room, giving a sense of anonymity to those bold enough to enter the nightclub’s door.

On a typical Friday night, Nesta would be at Rita’s with her friends. That, or writing smutty fanfiction. But she was bored of that routine. She was sick of the mediocre drinks Rita’s provided, sick of spending the entire evening on the sofa. More than that, she resented the fact that she hadn’t gone out once since Cassian had left for his trip. She felt like a puppy waiting for him to come home. She hadn’t gotten herself off since the night Cassian left. Which was more than a week ago. So, she decided to venture to a new club that night.

It was called Hewn City, notorious for its nudity and voyeurism. Dozens of people were on the dance floor grinding against one another and making out.  If you were looking somewhere to have meaningless, lustful sex, Hewn City was just the place. There was a room dedicated to explore erotic fantasies in the basement of the club. They called it the Court of Nightmares. From what Nesta had heard, there was little to no privacy down there. A place full of sins.

Though Nesta would never admit it outright, there was something… enticing about the concept. Perhaps it was the idea of being caught, the adrenaline rush of fucking someone in a room full of people.

Nesta had been alone the entire week. Cassian was at a business meeting a state over, and he would be back tomorrow. After trying to distract herself with television shows that evening, Nesta decided to go to Hewn City to find herself a one-night stand. Cassian and her were technically exclusive, but how exclusive could friends-with-benefits be?

Not very exclusive, she’d decided. That’s why she was letting the man in front of her buy her drinks and whisper sweet nothings in her ear. 

She had no idea what he said, but she giggled nonetheless. He seemed satisfied with her response, his hand travelling past her lower back to grab onto her ass. Nesta arched her body closer to him. She wasn’t here for pleasantries. No, she was here to bring a nameless man home – a man she’d never see again. A man to distract her from the fact that Nesta missed Cassian.

That’s when she felt someone staring at her, their gaze searing into her. Nesta turned her head to find the all too familiar hazel eyes – eyes that were narrowed with anger. Looking directly at her.

Fuck.

He said he was returning on Saturday. It was Friday night.

She had no idea how he’d found her. The only person she told was…

I’m going to kill Amren.

Cassian stood on the other side of the bar. He was wearing a business suit as if he’d come straight here from the airport. The sleeves of his dress shirt were rolled up to his elbows, his tight muscles stretching the white fabric. He had popped the collar, his tie loosened around his neck. Nesta noticed his unkempt hair that begged for her to run her fingers through it. Cassian was a smoldering mess. 

Ignoring the way her thighs clenched together at the mere sight of him, Nesta flashed Cassian a smirk. His jaw was clenched with anger, a storm brewing in those amorous eyes. Nesta had spent the week dreaming of his hard body against hers. He’d made her suffer through endless wet dreams, waking up to no one to give her reprieve. Nesta was done waiting for him, and she certainly wasn’t in the mood to deal with his dramatics.

She resumed her conversation with the man – his name forgotten the minute it left his lips – his leering hands brushing against her breasts, which were swelling thanks to Cassian’s heated gaze. She reached a manicured hand to grab the drink the man held. She took a large gulp, letting some whiskey dribble past her chin and down her bare chest. The man watched every movement as Nesta licked her glistening lips and leaned in to kiss him.

She was pulled away before she could get any further. She stumbled over her heels as a dark figure led her far away from the man. Nesta looked down at the strong hand that held her close, the veins in his arms bulging with strain. She tilted her chin up to look at Cassian.

Gods, she forgot how large he was.

Cassian stood several inches taller than her, his chest wide enough to swallow her entire body. Nesta inhaled the familiar scent of his cologne mixed with a musky undertone. She had once told him that she couldn’t control herself when he wore that cologne. He had worn it every day since.

Cassian looked down at her with a possessive glare. His teeth were bared, and Nesta watched as he swallowed deeply, his Adam’s apple bobbing with the movement. 

He was pure male.

“Who the fuck,” Cassian snarled, “is that?” His eyes ran down her scantily clad body so, so slowly. “And what the hell are you wearing?”

Nesta rolled her eyes. “He’s a friend.” She looked down at the wine red mini dress she wore, its deep V dipping all the way to her navel. It barely covered her ass, and she controlled the urge to smirk up at him with triumph. “And this is called a dress.”

She tried to walk away, but Cassian gripped her waist and swung her around to face him again. 

“Did you forget about my rules, sweetheart?” he seethed in her face.

 Of course, Nesta hadn’t forgot them. He had made them clear the day they fucked for the first time.

1. There must be clear consent along with an agreed upon safe word.

2. Cassian was the only man who could touch her. Neither of them were to see anyone else during their arrangement. Flirting was off limits.

3. Nesta was to accompany him to business events when he requested. 

4. No cuddling. No sleeping over. No feelings. 

Nesta let out a sigh and crossed her arms, which only accentuated her voluminous curves. Cassian watched, and something like hunger flashed in his eyes. “I was horny, and you were out of town. I’m not going to apologize for wanting to fuck someone else.”

Nesta was just baiting him at this point, but Cassian was so blinded with jealousy that he didn’t notice.

“You’re mine.” A shiver ran down Nesta’s spine at the statement. 

“I beg to differ,” she retorted. Nesta couldn’t help playing with him, pretending she was anything but his. Cassian was easy to tease. All Nesta had to do was flirt with another man or defy Cassian’s rules. If she did one of the two, Cassian was taking her roughly from behind and whispering in her ear that she was his.

“Oh?” he asked, taking a menacing step closer until their bodies were flush against each other. “You seem to be forgetting about those filthy texts you sent me the other night.”

She inwardly cursed. Nesta knew exactly what he was referring to. She had sent a picture of her naked body tangled in her sheets at two in the morning with a text accompanying it:

You should come home and fuck me.

His response had been instantaneous.

I was just going to text you. I’ve been thinking about you for the past hour. I’m so fucking hard for you, sweetheart.

She replied with two words. 

Show me.

The picture came through a minute later. He hadn’t been lying. Nesta moaned at the image and texted back:

When you get home, do whatever you please with me. I’m all yours.

 “You’re such a naughty girl, aren’t you, sweetheart?” He backed Nesta into a wall, trapping her with his body. People danced and touched each other around them. Nesta’s legs wobbled. 

Once Cassian had discovered that Nesta lost control when he talked dirty to her, he used that to his advantage. He had been able to make her come with just his hand and words. Cassian’s language had never been too explicit, though. Nesta hadn’t told him yet, but she wanted more. She wanted him to whisper the filthiest things in her ears until she could barely stand. 

Cassian took his hand and slid it up her bare thigh. Nesta couldn’t help the whimper that escaped her. He chuckled against her hair. “Gods, I love when you’re helpless.”

Nesta’s head fell back against the wall, giving him access to her bare neck. “Cass...”

He pressed his growing hardness against her stomach. “What is it, sweetheart?”

“I...” her mouth was dry as Cassian dragged his tongue over her exposed neck, leaving a path of wetness in his wake. “I want you to talk dirty to me.”

He bit the soft skin of her shoulder lightly, pulling back to look in her eyes. “I already do that, Nesta,” he murmured to her. “Tell me what you really want.”

“More,” she gasped against his touch. “I want more. Don’t hold back.”

Cassian pushed her against the wall roughly when the words left her lips. His hard chest was pushed up against her tits, putting pressure on her hardened nipples. He smirked down at her. “I’m going to enjoy punishing you, sweetheart. I’m going to make you wish you never laid a hand on that man.”

“Take me to your apartment,” Nesta pleaded with him. 

Cassian laughed quietly at her begging. His hand found her panties under the thin fabric of her dress - panties that were already soaking wet. Nesta’s core pooled with heat as his fingers travelled to the place that throbbed for him.

“I can’t wait that long,” Cassian murmured to her. Nesta wanted to cry out in protest. She needed him now - 

Cassian pulled her off the wall, gripping her upper arm tightly. Before Nesta could ask what he was doing, Cassian was leading her to stairs that led to the basement A sign was hung directly above the stairs.

Court of Nightmares.

Then, they descended into the dark room.

--------------------------------------------

I hope you guys enjoyed this! The second part will be posted shortly. Let me know if you want to be tagged in this/in any of my writing I publish. Thank you for reading! :)

READ PART TWO HERE

Chapter Four

Notes - more spoilers, so don’t read this if you’ve not done ACOSF. Mostly from Az’s POV. Isn’t it about time we talked about Az and Elaine?! In case you missed the beginning Chapter One

Azriel avoided Elain. He spoke business to Rhys and he tried to smile with Feyre, if only because he didn’t know for how long he would be able to do that. It was lucky that he spent his whole life in subterfuge and was able to speak little to steer clear of topics that had been swept under the rug. Feyre didn’t notice. They had always had an easy if not intimate relationship. Elain on the other hand…

It had been weeks since Solstice and that near mistake. It was even more glaringly a mistake as he sidestepped any invitations to the River House and more so from ever being alone with Elain. She was often in the garden so he without fail arrived at the front door. When he met with Rhys it was in his office and Azriel knew that Elain rarely frequented that area of the house. Rhys was silently pleased and encouraged Az in all of his spying and chaperoning of Nesta and Cassian (now that was a title that held no responsibilities!). They found themselves able to work around Azriel’s crushing need to try to get eyes and ears on Briallyn, and Rhys’s absolute no on that endeavour.

When Az flew toward the River House that day, he was high. As in emotionally high. The three longest term trainees had cut the ribbon, all three in the one day. Valkyries indeed. Gwyn had made the break through first and he knew without question that the impromptu lesson during Solstice had given her the tools and the courage to be first. Her success radiated through him as she let Nesta tie the ribbon around her forehead. She’d lifted her chin in his direction and winked. She winked at him! Yes, yes, of course it was a student teacher type interaction, it was not wreathed in innuendo nor suggestive in any way. He saw the person beneath peeking out from the robes and the trauma and he was knocked backwards by her grace.

It truly did not help that the glass rose swung free of her neckline and glimmered in the sun. Her hair was tearing free from it’s braid around her cheeks and the thrill of the conquest, the blush on her cheeks turned her into the most glorious creature. Az was used to this now. Every few days he’d catch a look or a moment of pure beauty from her and he’d file it away. He was not masturbating to his images of her and he thought of that as a good sign. The Sidra Salvation was becoming a regular stop during his week so the tightness and the angst were distant needs. The loneliness was a constant companion, but it was smothered often by his friends, his family their court and it’s demands.

So wrapped up was he in thoughts of training success, he did not see Elain standing by the lavender path leading to the front door. She was engrossed in her work but immediately he landed she stood and walked directly to him.

“Elain….. um hello” he stammered out

“You won’t talk to me and you never see me when you are here. What was so bad?” She dropped her gaze as if all the courage that it took to say those words had left her empty

Azriel pulled himself together and guided Elain to the bench seat alongside the house. It was out of sight of most of the windows and he could tell that Elain did not want anyone to see her like this. His past-self strained to take her in his arms, but the stronger better male was in charge now and he knew to support without overture was his job.

“I’m sorry Elain” Her name on his lips brought a sob to her mouth and she covered it with a shaking hand.

“I hoped to let you sort out these feelings without getting in your way, without making your decisions more difficult” He was finding this really difficult, her bottom lip was tight as she held tears

“But, you saved me. You were the only one who saw me. The only one who has seen me since I became this” She indicated her perfect fae form from toes to pointed ears.

“I promised Rhys” As soon as the words left his mouth AZ knew the hurt they would cause, the trouble.

Elain shook her head once, gritting her teeth “The mighty High Lord forbade you from what, being friends with me, from pursuing me? He enjoyed seeing the steel will under the stunning exterior. So rarely seen, so alluring.

Azriel did not extract himself from her tight grip but he knew that for himself, for Elain to get past this point, she needed the truth and nothing less. Even if it wounded him, wounded her. No good could come from mincing around these basic fae instincts, the mating bond, the trouble between courts.

“Elain you have to listen and you have to know that I do not say this to hurt you, even though I know it might. This is important”

She nodded, but her eyes cast down, tears leaking from each.

“There is no law that says that every party involved must accept the mating bond..”

“Oh, THIS again” Elain went to stand. Azriel clutched her hands tighter

“Yes Elain, THIS again. Because it will not go away. Not ever. No matter how far you go or how much you avoid it. You will feel it. He will feel it and it will never go away”

She sobbed into his hands, hers tightening and releasing. “I know. I know”

Az blew out a breath and stroked her hair. She stiffened and he smiled

“Just supporting, not seducing” he stared at her and she lifted the corners of her mouth.

“I am just so sick of life doing things to me. Without me. Losing Feyre, becoming rich again, being betrothed to Graysen” (she said quietly) “Being kidnapped and then the cauldron, losing Graysen and my father” She drew a shaky breath.

“I wanted something else, something mine and my choice. I thought that you were my choice, and I might be yours” The last had been mumbled out of her mouth – a truth that she didn’t want to give up. Azriel’s chest cracked a little and he pulled her toward him.

He breathed into her hair “You would be, you could be - except for the bond”

Elain gasped and pulled away, nearly stood up.

“People keep telling me that it’s up to me if I accept it or not, I don’t have to like Lucien. I don’t have to be with him. I have no interest in being with him. Why won’t you fight for me?” She squared her shoulders and glared at him with what was decidedly a Nesta I will slay my enemies look. Exactly the conversation that Az had been trying to avoid for a month, since that stupid night, that ridiculous present that was all about wanting to be a part of something bigger than himself. And he had dragged her into this web, knowing full well the fall out would be massive.

“Please, wait and …and listen” Elain stalled her stomp off as he composed himself and spoke

“Everyone has been so careful around you, well not just you, we coset Feyre and we hide scary truths from each other (he thought of Mor) and we do it thinking that we’re doing right, helping. We are not helping you Elain. The truth of your life is that Lucien is in it. You have decisions to make, but I cannot offer you myself, I cannot create a civil war between our court and at least two others if I fight for you. I cannot disobey my high Lord” He nodded in truth and stroked her hand “No matter what our circumstances may have led us to do in the past. I like you Elain, I probably even love you as my High Lady’s sister, but to accept any relationship with you is a war starter and you know, it won’t even work for you to release the bond this way.”

“But Why, why Azriel” How many times had he thought about his name spoken by her, not with this edge of grief, but with joy like the night she’d given him the headache powder. He steeled his soul

“Because you need to explore the mating bond and not just by ignoring it and Lucien. I’m not one to extol his finer points but he does have them. Feyre might tell you some. Rhys and Mor might tell you others. You have to know that even I know, he was not a part of your kidnapping and definitely not a part of your being made Fae. Even before he knew you were his mate, he has never contributed to harm coming your way.”

If only for the fact that Elain had never heard Azriel speak so many words together, she believed him. She knew that her idealistic gardening, helping Velarisians, and ignoring the part of her life that needed growth itself, was over. Her consolation was Nesta and Feyre and their journeys through the dark to the light. She might be able to get there, to that immersion in life. The great, the sad, the truth of it. She knew they’d help. But she would have to tell them what she needed, not just avoid what she didn’t want.

They were both standing and she wrapped her arms around Azriel’s middle linking her fingers to cage him in for a little while

“Thank you. For telling me the truth, I don’t want it, but I probably needed it” She glanced up at him – Gods he was a fine figure even for a fae. She giggled to herself.

“How much trouble are you in if Rhys finds us?”

More Chapters? Try the Chapter Link

“I will wear it if you promise this is the beginning of our totally platonic, sister/brother hugs are allowed everything else is out of bounds relationship” He smiled a world lighting lifting of his usually neutral face and she nodded but held him tighter.

Nesta,Her Father, And Cassian (Also Bryce and Hunt)

I've touches base on this subject before, but I feel like I've never done a full exploration of it, So let's talk about why Nesta's father's death is hitting her the hardest. And why it's easier for Feyre and Elain to accept it than for Nesta. I’ll also be exploring Nesta and Cassian’s relationship especially the moment during the battle and I’ll also be using reference from Crescent City, The Orignials, and Legacies to help prove a few points. And yes there will be major spoilers for all 4 so proceed with caution.

The answer itself is that Nesta blames herself for her father's death. It's as clear as day to anyone who pays attention.

Now for everyone who read ACOWAR, we know what happened. Nesta in an attempt to kill the King of Hybern and to distract him long enough for Feyre to get to the cauldron, Nesta volunteered herself as bait. She didn't think about the fact that the king had other plans in mind.

Now wwhen we're at Nesta and the kings final showdown, we see him look towards something and winnow What we didn't expect was for him to have a human shield. Nesta's father.

Now a lot may speculate how exactly the king knew he was Nesta's father to begin with and I firmly believe it was because he saw the ships. Saw the names on them. And saw that the ship he came in on was the Nesta. Therefore in that he found the perfect revenge for the girl he had been hunting. The girl he wanted to make suffer for taking the cauldrons power and putting a thaw in all of his plans.

He never had any intention of letting their father live, he just wanted to make Nesta suffer before he killed her. (killing her father in front of her, threatening to cut her magic out of her when she begged for her father's life, injuring Cassian to the point of near death) every move was set to break Nesta. I also had a theory that he may have been trying to take her a s a weapon for his own using. But that’s just a theory.

Then the kind despite Nesta saying she would do whatever he wanted to keep her father safe. kills him. And what hits her harder is that her father admits that he’s always loved her ever since he first held her in his arms. (Which I find emotionally manipulative but that’s just my perception.)

And that was hard for her to hear. Hard for her to process, Because now she had hope. She had hope that they could repair their broken relationship. She had validation of her father’s love for the first time in her life, but that still didn’t excuse his neglect of her. Still didn’t excuse what he did to her and her sisters. she still wanted explanations, but she was willing to try not specifically for his sake, but for hers.

Another thing to note here is after losing her father, she nearly lost Cassian as well. I couldn’t imagine the heartbreak Nesta must have felt after losing her father because the king was trying to exact his revenge on her, to nearly killing Cassian so he could do the same thing, The king was observant. He ever asked Nesta if Cassian was the bastard that was crawling towards her that day in Hybern. And that was when Nesta got pissed. It was the time she fought back. She already had her motivation to kill the king before but now it was kill or be killed. She knew he wouldn’t listen to reason. That there was no way he would just kill her.

Truthfully I love the scene where she tells him that she’s going to kill him after seeing the state Cassian is in. (Especially his wings since Nesta knows that losing his wings would physically kill Cassian.)

But I want to focus more on the scene where Cassian professes his love for Nesta. Because this one is extremely important. He tells her his only regret is that he didn’t have time with her. That he’ll find her again in the next life. He promises her that. (Keep in mind Nesta is huge on people keeping their word) (I also have a theory that Bryce and Hunt are reincarnation of Nesta and Cassian, mostly because of the phone call conversation Bryce and Hunt had in Crescent City and the similarities I see between Nesta and Bryce and Hunt and Cassian) Maybe I’ll do a post on that later of how they have a lot of similarities.

But it’s also important to note that he made such a big proclamation after the one she heard her dad make. And she was also unaware of how deep Cassian’s love ran for her. She was aware of the attraction. Aware there was something stronger between them. Aware of her own feelings. But she wasn’t aware that he felt the same way. A lot of his actions didn’t prove that to her and of course she would have mixed feelings just like Cassian does. (It also reminds me a lot of when Bryce tells Hunt she loves him when he’s nearly dead and then he gets pissed when she’s about to die and tells her to come back and say it to his face. Same concept)

Then after that and making a proclamation of her own she shields Cassian’s body with her own, she refuses to leave Cassian behind, because she knows that Cassian has felt like he’s been walking alone his entire life. And she wants to show him that someone will be there for him. Even though it’s shown from Cassian’s POV that she was terrified, Him wrapping his arms around her in that moment in a gesture of comfort and showing that she also wasn’t alone was one of the best moments this realtionship has had (I love Nessian. There’s a reason they’re such a huge ship)

But then Elain comes and stabs the king of Hybern. And Nesta finishes the job and kills him. ( I love when the sisters work together. No one should discredit Nesta or Elain for this. They both took out public enemy number one and neither got the recognition they deserved. (Another reason why the IC pissss me off. I can still like them and admit that they have problems.)

And I’ve already touched base on how killing the king affected Nesta because it was her first time taking a life. (Nesta values life and she hates playing God. She even says as much in Wings and Embers).

Also during this scene, we see Nesta fully consumed by her rage. In Feyre’s words, Nesta became brutal. She became consumed in her anger, in her rage and hatred. It was the moment she let herself become death itself. And she was so lost in it that it took both Cassian and Elain to pull her back.

That’s an important scene because it was the moment her old self died. The moment where she lost a part of herself that she valued. And killing the king was self defense. He was evil, and she may be conflicted in killing him because at that moment she didn’t feel sorry for taking his life. Because she knew so many lives would be lost if he lived, but it doesn’t mean that doing that doesn’t leave a mark on her soul (a reference to this is when Elena Gilbert kills the vampire hunter in season 4 of Vampire Diaries, Nesta feels the same way Elena did in that moment.)

She may also be keeping her distance from Elain and Cassian, because of this moment, because of the fear that may have shown in their eyes when she looked back at them. She may have also felt like she was a monster in this moment. (Nesta has her morals just like everyone else and she went back on her morals to save others lives) Also Cassian was pretty severely injured. There’s a lot of case scenarios that may have happened. From Cassian maybe dying and Nesta having to heal him and bring him back to life therefore making the bond between them nearly unbreakable and stronger. To Nesta realizing the mating bond than and their because weren’t they also looking at each other wide eyed when Feyre was pulled away?? To Nesta feeling the cauldron breaking which would have the most severe effects on her because she’s bound to it. To seeing the grief their fathers death caused Elain. (She was crying over his body when Feyre got pulled away) Imagine the guilt Nesta felt in that moment. Because she felt as if she failed all the people she loved the most. She also probably got no thanks or reasssurance that she did what she has to do to make sure they all survived, she also got no thanks for what she did nor did they tell her that her fathers death wasn’t her fault (remember Feyre also struggled with similar problems in ACOMAF, but this is Nesta’s flesh and blood. it’s different by a fair margin) More in part 2

acowar reread thread

so i think i’ll update this post every few chapters unless anything super major happens that i want to immediately react to, that way you get my commentary but i’m not totally flooding and flooding and flooding your feed with a super super long post. i think i’m going to edit it under the cut and reblog it every time it gets updated and i’ll also number every update so it’s easy to find where i left off. if you guys prefer the other way i’ll transition back to the other way for acofas.) this is super fun i’ll start doing this for more books if you’re interested, including books i read for the first time. (after acofas, crescent city is next and it’ll be my first time reading it!)

UPDATES UNDER THE CUT.

1) chapters 1-5 I’ve read up through chapter five and so far my favorite thing is just how DONE feyre is with literally everyone in the spring court. the amount of times she’s had to like look away and not roll her eyes is just hilarious, her dry inner monologue, she just made a comment about having to remind herself to laugh and not strangle tamlin while they were dancing at the summer solstice and it just is so funny to me. 

i miss rhys. but the few times they’ve spoken through the bond is enough to tide me over. he told her he loved her once and i sighed out loud. i’m such trash for this bitch. 

feyre hijacking the summer solstice ceremony is COMEDIC GOLD. like you kNOW ianthe was fuming and furious and trying to save face the best she could but like hats off to feyre man. her character development from book one to where we’re at in book three is fantastic. she’s not a simpering little girl anymore, she’s a bad bitch and she kNOWS she’s a bad bitch and it’s just.. fucking great. 

i also, as much as i don’t want to, feel for lucien A LOT. i think a lot of his behavior is heavily influenced by how he’s been treated by tamlin for most of his life and i feel genuine remorse from him and the fact that he can like tell something is up but isn’t saying anything just shows, to me anyway, how much remorse he’s genuinely feeling. 

also alis knowing that something is up is just a testament to how attentive she is as a faerie and a friend and i really love that about her.

“I was the nightmare” YAS BITCH. FUCKIN YAASSS.

2) chapters 6-10 feyre is so goddamn clever. the entire time she’s bringing down the spring court she’s witty and fierce and clever and really just iS THAT BITCH, HUH? 

i don’t like jurian but the fact that he still has compassion within himself for his kind despite being literally insane for being just AWAKE and aware for like 500 years is... nice and pleasantly surprising because i feel like you wouldn’t think that of him being that he’s siding with hybern so that he thanked feyre when she tried to get the children of the blessed out of there... i don’t know why i’m bringing this up, it’s just something that stuck out to me and that jurian also vouches (to feyre) about rhysand’s character and how decent of a person he found him to be. it’s just very interesting and i feel like speaks leaps and bounds about rhysand as a person. 

feyre pushing tamlin to explode again... just CHEF KISS. like she really thought of everything. she thought of everything to internally make his sentries doubt him and then completely hate them by orchestrating the ianthe vs sentry debacle. she made herself seem very compassionate and kind and and showed tamlin and ianthe for what they were by doing genuinely so little. like all she did was make them show their true colors on their own and it didn’t take tOO much manipulation. idk feyre is just incredible in the spring court. 

forcing ianthe to hurt herself and molding her mind to make her think she’s always afraid is so much better than just outright killing her.. (if i remember from my last read, it doesn’t hold up, but the thought is there and it’s genius) I also think that this shows a lot about feyre and her character because despite everything she couldn’t just leave lucien alone with ianthe and the unwanted advances. she stayed and fought for her friend (and by extension her mate) even when lucien wouldn’t really fight for her and so feyre is just a fuckin real one like... she’s the kind of friend that you want in your corner. 

killing the hybern twins: glorious. such badassery from lucien and feyre both. 

and i think it’s nice that she let lucien come along with her on her journey back to the night court despite maybe not wanting to but i also think that she knew if she left him behind he could get in serious trouble or wind up dead and so again, i think it says a lot about her character as a person. 

3) chapters 11-15 i’m kind of reading and recapping every 50 pages or so which typically ends up being 4-5 chapters and it’s a good system so far so we’re gonna keep it up! 

the first thing of like, real substance to comment on is lucien saying his father will kill feyre for wielding his power but feyre just responding with “he can get in line.” like her sass is sO GOOD In this book, especially in the spring court chapters.

uhhh big fuck you to eris, i don’t know why people want him to have a redemption arc, he is literally a fat sack of shit that deserves to burn and i’m not sorry for saying so. he’s abusive and cruel and doesn’t deserve like, anything at all. although i will say good on him for balking a bit when feyre revealed she’s high lady. 

CASSIAN AND AZRIEL SUPERHERO LANDING ON THE ICE AND KICKING ASS!! I remember vividly the relief i felt when cassian showed up and was able to fly and i still felt so much victory when it happened again. it’s one of my favorite moments of the book so far and just really gets me. also feyre just dropping the “I’m high lady of the night court” bomb is DELICIOUS and i can’t get enough. i read it like six times. because you know as soon as the illyrians yielded to her that the autumn bitches were like “shit.”

“My love.” kILLS ME. you guys, i’ve only read this book once but i’ve reread their reuniting multiple times because it’s just so soft. rhys is so goddamn soft. he loves her so fucking much. i want rhys to call me my love and lick my tears away. goddamn. 

something i think about a lot is how in acotar when tamlin had feyre alone after months of torture he just tried to fuck her despite knowing things weren’t safe. however, knowing she was home and safe, rhys didn’t try for that immediately. like yes, they kissed, but there was so much conversation before they fucked that it just, says a lot about their relationship. tamlin also always demanded to know everything about feyre’s visits as soon as she was back, not even bothering to kiss her hello but rhys was like ‘that shit can wait’ AND THEY’RE ABOUT TO GO TO WAR. rhys loves her so wholly that he wanted to make sure she was okay before he ever bothered to ask about the spring court and how everything unfolded the last few weeks. idk i’m trash for rhysand, y’all. let’s make that a shirt.

the way that rhys threatens lucien, “i won’t bother to explain it again, and i will rip out your fucking throat.” is so sexy. like how casual it was, so sexy.#ripmythroatoutrhysand

amren being a bedtime story but irl is just a cranky aunt lmao.

nesta’s ferocity is, yes, frustrating, but also so heartbreaking to me. for a very long time i had a really rough relationship with my sister and i can see my own sister in nesta (who, by the way, would murder me if she found out i said this so, kara, if u see this, i love u endlessly and i love nesta with my whole heart) especially nesta’s behavior more so in acofas which i’ll talk more about when we get there. but i just, i feel for her man. she’s been traumatized and life as she knows it has been ripped away from her and some people respond to trauma with bite. and i know it doesn’t make it right or okay but it still just makes me feel for her.

cassian and nesta’s banter just gODDAMMIT SLAYS ME. i cannot wait for an entire fucking book of this shit and an entire book of their back and forth. i think nesta loves him and doesn’t know what to do with it because she’s scared so she’s acting like a cornered animal. like nesta is a snake that will strike when cornered and threatened and i just god i can’t wait for their book. 

elain... broke my heart a lot more than i remembered. as someone in the midst of my worst depression i find myself able to relate to that hollow and empty feeling like...all too well and it struck a cord and i almost cried at how empty she was. 

4) chapters 16-29 there is the whole meeting at amren’s apartment and cassian defends nesta, saying that he understands her actions, her snark, why she is the way she is, and it just honestly reinforces my love for cassian. i don’t have much to say about it but that i just really love the respect that he has for others. more cassian things: feyre brings up again how even broken and literally bleeding out and on the ground with his wings completely shredded he was still crawling toward nesta and reaching for her and trying to get to her. “because i can’t stay away.” fucking cracks my heart open every time. 

i love everything about the first family dinner back together. i love all the banter, i love that nesta sat in and even contributed to dinner conversation a little bit. lucien being so uncertain of the dynamic is hilarious. amren like opening herself up in a way to nesta and telling her that they’re the same, and to make sure her eruption is felt across worlds, i love it. i’m marking a lot more from amren than i thought i would. cassian at one point, he points to az and says “don’t try to blend into the shadows” and it actually made me chuckle to myself because hE DOES THAT. and it’s funny that cassian calls him on it. 

i don’t think nesta gets enough credit (for like anything, we all been knew i’m a slut for her and stan her with my life) but even as broken and angry as she was she did still offer to help explore magic that she doesn’t want and got as a result of trauma so that she can try to help. she isn’t completely useless. and i like that she has backbone and isn’t just a pushover little bitch. (that isn’t directed toward elain. like i previously mentioned, i’m finding that i relate a lot to her in her current state.) i just mean that i’m glad she sticks up for herself and doesn’t just like, do what people tell her to do. ya know?

rhys being so open to feyre pushing back on him about things like, again man. tamlin erupted and got angry, rhys is like “hell, i deserved it.” just, the differences in their relationships and the toxicity that comes from tamlin and the devotion rhys has for feyre is (say it with me) DELICIOUS.

i also like that just because feyre is high lady that the IC doesn’t just like flop over and bend down and take shit (i’m looking at you, spring court.) like cassian isn’t afraid to be like “you pissed me off by sacrificing yourself.” because he cares. LIKE, AGAIN WITH HIS DEVOTION. his loyalty is just so pure. it isn’t blind but it is pure and i just, god i love it. 

also everyone forgets that azriel has a dry ass sense of humor and i don’t see any of y’all writing it into your fics. “In order to fly, you’ll need wings” he said drily. IT’S DELICIOUS. dry humor is some of the best. and i like that feyre is learning more and getting to spend more time with him. 

5) chapter 20-27 this one will be a bit of a dump because i accidentally read too much today so far to try to catch up from my lack of reading yesterday so... oops. 

“Let’s see what names you call me when my head is between your legs, Feyre darling.” ugh. i wish a mans would say that to me. not really. i wish rhys would say that to me and only rhys. maybe rowan. or aaron warner. or cassian. or -- you get it. 

amren is SO FUCKING FUNNY without doing it on purpose. like genuinely hilarious. “she’s fine. stubborn as an ass, but as you’re related, i’m not surprised.” rOAST THEM. also amren makes nesta almost smile and she makes her laugh all in the span of like ten seconds AND nesta almost smiles when amren brings up cassian. coincidencE? i tHINK NOT.

again with rhys soothing her nightmares. like god it’s so good i dont even have to say anything else abt it.

feyre realizing that the bone carver is her and rhysand’s son. SO GOOD. like SERIOUSLY SO GOOD. and this doesn’t matter at all rn but i think that rhysand’s son has the potential to be more powerful than even him but that’s a thing to get into for another time.

EVERYTHING THE BONE CARVER SAYS ABOUT NESTA. also that it’s directed at cassian is very interesting and i think the bone carver knows they’re mates. like i wonder if cassian is seeing what feyre sees: his own son. WOULDN’T THAT BE INTERESTING. “How she calls to you.” also the comment about “what did you wake that day in hybern, prince of bastards?” what did cassian wake. the wording here is interesting and i have... a lot of questions. does anyone else just also really fucking enjoy the bone carver as a character? like he’s excellent i’ve never read anything quite like him.

“nothing about nesta could frighten me” UGH MY NESSIAN HEART CAN’T FUCKING TAKE IT.

also cassian stepping it later when nesta is furious with rhysand about the flying. like, one when he sighs and says she’ll never fly again is just... funny and adorable but how nesta was charging for rhys and he casually stepped in front of her and he talked her down. “It was amren’s fault, of course, but no one believed me. and no on dare banish her.” like just babbling a bit to bring her back down to earth. absolutely fascinating and delicious that it worked, wouldn’t you agree? ;)

court of nightmares is always a pleasure. fuck eris. 

also later at the town house when amren and mor and rhys are kinda going at it a bit and cassian gets nesta’s attention and nesta sidles over to him without questioning it... like. god if they aren’t endgame i’ll never read an SJM book ever again and i wholeheartedly mean that.

so i’ve seen the posts about amren being an angel i’m not sure if you guys have but yeah i think that’s a really solid theory. i think she very well could be a biblical angel because she mentioned that according to some they were perfect, that they laid waste to twin cities (sodom & gamorrah if this theory is correct) and she also mentioned yielding her grace and that she would fall. she also says she was a messenger and soldier assassin for a wrathful god ruling a young world and all of that, in my opinion, lines up with a lot of what is in the bible and what christians believe to be true. so i really really like this theory, i doubt it will ever be outright confirmed, but i think this is going to be my canon tbh. 

elain is.... out of her mind. it’s fucking weird everything she says is so cryptic and odd. like it’s just weird. i don’t think she’s insane and i can’t remember exactly where elain’s storyline goes in this book but like... rn it’s just weird and cryptic and a little unsettling and also interesting that she only really responds directly to azriel because everyone else she kinda ignores but she talks to him. interesting. 

6) chapters 28-49 clearly i accidentally read A LOT so we have a lOT Of ground to cover. 

NESTA WAS TOTALLY CHECKING CASSIAN OUT AND THAT’S ALL I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT.

azriel has fucking jokes, man. page 303 (hardcover us edition)  “That pine tree wasn’t there a moment ago.” “Judging by its size, i’d say it’s been there for ... two hundred years at least.” feyre even notes that he has a dry sense of humor and it comes out more when they’re alone. i can’t get enough of it. i wish he talked more. 

“Cassian finished the muffin, licking his fingers. I could have sworn nesta watched the entire thing with a sidelong glance. He grinned at her as if he knew it too.” i just love nessian so much i’m going to point out all of their cute reactions this is turning more into a nessian reaction thread SUE ME.

I think that nesta has a lot of regret and guilt over her life.over how she treated feyre because it comes out when nesta brings up to feyre that she didn’t know she couldn’t read (and again at the high lords meeting when she says they would have starved if it wasn’t for her.) i think she feels deeply and just doesn’t know what to do with it, doesn’t know how to express it. 

When they almost get taken in the library, and cassian gets there and nesta “launches herself at him.” my heart. she was scared and she didn’t care she was just so relieved. like fuck me up that’s the shit i like.

nesta asking where cassian is the moment they get back from the battle in adriata and she was worried and scared for him. later when she does see him i think this is when the mating bond clicks into place. it’s page 398 and she says “You didn’t come to -” and then cuts herself off. they have a really fucking intense moment. cassian takes her hand and laces their fingers and they don’t really say anything for a beat until he says “Next time, emissary, i’ll come say hello.” but his voice is low and rough when he says it. “The world seemed to go utterly still at that interrupted sentence, nothing and no one more so than cassian.” i think this is when it clicks for him. maybe not for nesta but definitely for cassian. 

RHYSAND RIPPING TAMLIN’S ABILITY TO SPEAK AWAY LIKE YES WE STAN A MOTHERFUCKING KING. fuck tamlin. fuck eris. and fuck beron. also nesta defending cassian in the high lords meeting (page 438, because beron calls him a bastard.) again, i’m just saying, she’s defending her fucking mate i can’t deal. feyre also exploding in the meeting and rhys just being like “You’ve proved your point, my love.” SO DELICIOUS. “I made her high lady because i love her. her power was the last thing i considered.” like fucking hELL that is how you treat your woman.

after the meeting, helion being like “You handing eris’s ass to him will be my new fantasy at night, by the way.” DELICIOUS. fucking hilarious. 10/10 recommend helion as a high lord and a mans we love to see it. 

also cassian being so concerned when nesta starts to have that feeling about the cauldron being used before the wall gets shattered.he didn’t doubt her feelings for a second, i mean no one did, but he was completely unyielding when he sensed her fear and immediately looked for any sign of an immediate threat.

nesta saying she’s never worn pants and cassian saying “i have no doubt you’d start a riot if you did.” he’s thinking bout that ass. also cassian giving her a quick lesson in defense before they yeet off to the human lands to see graysen and his family. IDK I REALLY LOVE NESSIAN OKAY?!

7) chapter 50-the end. i accidentally finished the book. oops. 

super intersted in nesta’s powers and if she is a witch. i can’t remember acofas at all and if nesta’s powers manifest in that book but i’m eager to see if the fracturing of the cauldron didn’t effect whatever powers she took from it. i think that could also be part of what ultimately is wrong with her on top of all the trauma. 

nesta helping cassian after that first battle when his wrist is hurt. she didn’t take no for an answer and helped him and it was just really soft until mor showed up and cassian pulled his hand away. i’m conflicted about what it means to be totally honest. what it means for his feelings for nesta and what it means where mor is concerned. i don’t love how morrigan treats nesta and cassian’s... relationship? but i don’t dislike mor. i think she’s dealing and coping and has her reasons that we will likely find out about. 

“Only you can decide what breaks you” is something i’d like to get tattooed. i dont really have anything else to add to it. 

i was sobbing during rhys’s battle speech to everyone. i dont rlly have anything else to say about it other than i’m emo. 

nesta saving cassian. again i don’t have shit to say about it other than like it makes me so emotional.  she just started blinding screaming, hoping that he would come. i can’t even begin to think what his death would have done to her.

the bone carver smiling at feyre before he did hits a very specific piece of my heart and i’m not sure why or what but i had chills all over my body. 

cassian telling rhys to let him return the favor/repay the debt. HURT. another thing i cried over. like shut the fuck cassian AIN’T NOBODY DYIN TODAY. 

tHE Nessian moment to end all nessian moments when they would die together. like big fucking wow. you can’t tell me they’re not mates. that they don’t love each other despite how complicated all of it is. like cassian is so soft in the most unique way for her because he knows she bites and he lets her and he bites back and i just think it’s what he needs.

“tell the high lord to leave out a cup for me” AMREN SHUT UP. like fucking christ i teared up then too because i really really love her character. she’s unique and funny and dry and cranky and i just love her so much. 

i’m tired of rhys sacrificing himself. there, i said it. i cried like a fucking baby and of course he woke up being a snarky little shit.

i love the end of this book. i don’t know what i’ll do with myself until january when the next one comes out. i’ll probably go back to the other format for my next read through because it’s easier and less longwinded and i think you guys liked the other way better. anywho, thank you for coming along on this lil journey!!

Speaking of the rain... I really liked the feysand apocalyptic au and i would looove a follow up...i know u said u dont plan on updating it but maybe talk about it a little where you wanted it to go? Or like a time jump further into the future hehe

If not that's fine just thought I'd drop by❤

Ooooooh Nonnie thank you so much for this ask!!! First of all because it made me realize that I never put this fic in my masterlist, so that reminded me to add it there ^^ But also because I loved writing this AU so i’m so glad you’re interested!!!

Indeed, I don’t plan on updating it because it would require actually doing some world-building, and deciding what I want to do with the other characters apart from Rhys and Feyre. I have a lot of original projects in mind (that I also don’t mind talking about, by the way ^^), plus I also plan on finishing Staying Afloat, so I don’t think I would find the time to develop this fic the way I would like to. But it was really fun to write. I’m honestly rather happy with the way the one-shot turned out in any case! I do think it was easier to write for me because one of my most developed originals is a post apocalyptic story, so I’m more familiar with the genre, which made it easier to write than other styles.

Anyway!! I’m gonna put my thoughts under a cut because I have no idea how long it’s going to get hahaha

So the idea I had would be for the two groups (the Archeron sister on one side, Rhys, Cassian and Rhys’ little sister (who would be like, 11 or 12 at the time, also her name is Lyra because it’s what i called her in I made you a promise)) to join and travel together.

For what happens directly after the scene I published, I figured it would be Feyre convincing her sisters to follow Rhys to where his group is hiding. It would be harder to convince Nesta to follow Rhys (I figured she would finally relent because Feyre would be like “I’m going there and if you don’t come you’ll starve to death” ladjflkajlfaj just some sister shit, you know xD), but Elain would be willing to go because in this universe she’s a nurse so she wouldn’t want to imagine a little girl suffering if she could help.

Then they would reach Cassian and Lyra, and what follows would be basically Elain doing some gross medic stuff, a LOT of pain and of crying little girl x) I had this idea in my head of Feyre and Rhys talking, like, she can see he’s distraught so she tries to reassure him by saying something like “your sister is strong. She’ll make it.” and he answers like “she shouldn’t have to be that strong” you know, some classic apocalyptic stuff hahahahaha

So anyway, after this they would all head out to try and get to Velaris together, because of course they would be stronger as a group than separately (plus maybe Lyra would still need medical attention at first) and what follows would be all of them growing closer and Feysand falling in love, as well as Nesta and Feyre starting to have a better relationship, and the sisters growing close to Lyra, too, somehow in a “older sister” kind of way! And obviously, Cassian and Feyre being buddies immediately because their friendship gives me life, okay.

I honestly don’t have a lot of ideas as to what I wanted to do with characters other than Feysand apart from these largely underdeveloped ideas.

The big question I had to and didn’t solve, was whether or not it was true that Velaris was a safe haven. I like both possibilities of this, because both could create tension for the story. So it’s basically Schrödinger's plotpoint lmaoooo is Velaris just a pointless dream? Is it an actual safe haven they can hope to reach? Who knows? I certainly don’t lmao

So anyway, here below I just put all the notes I had for random scenes between Feysand (again, they were the center of the ideas I had so that’s why I have much more for them than any other characters). Those ideas are mostly in chronological order as to when it would have happened in the story. I literally copy-pasted this from my document, so it gives you a pretty clear idea of the complete mess that are my outlines in general  ( @staticpetrichor​ loves my outlines cause they make her laugh lmao they really are a true reflection of the mess going on in my mind at any given time)

They're on the road, one of them is standing guard and the other comes to see them, cliché (but cute so who cares) post-ap dialogue ensues: "you should be sleeping." "I couldn't, so I figured I'd keep you company." Then they talk quietly about their life and what they did before. Feyre tells him about how she loved painting. Maybe she thinks again about how his eyes remind her of the sky (but she doesn’t say anything because we love some good emotional unavailability lmao)

They find a small lake or a river or something and everybody goes in to bathe and have fun, Rhys looks at Feyre stripping down to her t-shirt, bra, panties, and he's like "fuck me up she's so gorgeous” ajldkfjladjlfa he’s so smitten already

This one is a weird idea but lmao I don't care, also this would be an actual problem in a post ap world sooooo I’m valid: Feyre has like the worst bra, it's really old and it's not a sports bra, it's like a classic one that doesn't really fit her anymore (she probably lost like a size because of hunger). And Rhys knows this because she's complained to him a couple of times about her back hurting (big boobs problem lmao can relate). And at one point they're in another city and he finds this sports shop and he finds a sports bar that should fit her, so he gifts it to her. And like at first she's acting as if he's being weird (like she's teasing him about staring at her breasts so much) but really she's glad. And then she's like "okay I'm gonna try it on but don't look" so she does, but then she looks up and watches him, his back turned away, and she's like overwhelmed with feelings (AS YOU ARE) so she tells him to turn around and she's showing off the sports bra, like they tease and flirt and stuff, and they almost kiss then but someone interrupts them lmao

They start having sex at some point, it's like raw and hot like "without feelings" *looks at the camera*, they convince themselves that they don't care about the other that way, and it's just physical. But really it's only because this world is so brutal and dangerous that they're both scared of caring too much and losing the other.

This goes on for a while, they grow closer without realizing it, they're always standing close together and talking at night and touching each other casually. They think they're being very subtle, but really everybody around them know what's going on lmao

Later on, they all settle in an abandoned building for a few days (because Reasons lmao it’s not important I just love this idea) and Rhys spends a lot of time alone and Feyre wonders where he is. And then like the second or third night, Feyre is still awake when Rhys comes in and he's like "follow me, I want to show you something" in a very excited voice, like his leg is fidgeting with anticipation and he looks like a little kid and Feyre smiles, she's really puzzled as to what's going on but she follows him. It turns out he found like a good mattress on their first night when he was exploring, and then he spent the next days cleaning the room and looking for pretty blankets (that one was hard and he's embarrassed that they're all so mismatched), and he lit up some candles. And he's like all embarrassed and blushing because he tells her he doesn't want to assume anything is gonna happen, he just wanted to do something nice for her. But Feyre is like "shut up" and she kisses him and then they make love in the makeshift bed and its romantic as hell. ALSO I need this quote to happen: "When I'm with you I forget to be scared."

Far From the Shallow - Chapter 7 [Nessian Fic]

TITLE: Far From the Shallow SYNOPSIS: Post-ACOFAS. As part of a deal with Feyre, Nesta has agreed to live with Cassian in the Illyrian Mountains. However, shortly after her arrival, she receives the startling news that she’s pregnant from one of her one-night stands. While she tries to quickly get a grip on her life, Cassian’s determined to make her see that she’s not facing this alone.

FIC LENGTH: Multi-chapter (Total Chapter Estimate: 14)

PREVIOUS CHAPTERS: Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 TAGGING: @trash-for-nessian @dreaming-of-bohemian-nights @queenofillea1 @nestaarcheronwillkillme @my-fan-side @strangeenemy @maastrash @cageddovepoetry @bybooksanddreams @lilbat90 @ritamordio19 @mastercommandercaptain @feysand-dot-acotar @archeron-queen @welcometothespeaknowworldtour @empress-ofbloodshed @there-is-warmth-in-winter @mybbyfeyre @saltydreamcollector @justlikethecheshirecat @mis-lil-red @supebowlere @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @everything-that-i-love

*This chapter is also posted on AO3 and FF ________________________________________________________________

CHAPTER 7: February

As Cassian flew back from Velaris to his cabin, his body seemed to sing at the fact that he was getting closer and closer to Nesta. A couple of weeks ago, he felt something snap between them, and he knew it must have been the mating bond. And since then, it felt as if there was some kind of tether between them that was always wanting to pull them together. His body seemed to be in a state of unrest when he wasn’t near her.

But when they were together, he only found some contentment...because there was the fact that he always detected another male’s scent on her.

He knew that scent was coming from the baby she had created with another male, and it sent his blood pulsing with jealousy, leaving him feeling a little on edge when he was around her.

As far as he knew, Nesta knew nothing about this bond between them.

When he felt the bond snap into place, he nearly fell off of her bed in shock. But Nesta had no reaction as she continued to relish in the feeling of her baby kicking inside her stomach. And over the course of the few weeks since then, she made no mention of feeling anything different between them nor sensing the snap.

So Cassian said nothing to her...and still had said nothing about it to her.

Because how do you tell someone who feels that she’s lost control of every aspect of her life that something outside of themselves determined she should be bonded to him for life?

He certainly didn’t want her to feel forced to be with him.

 After being alive for over 500 years, the bond felt so strange and foreign. To be experiencing this after all this time…

He had thought that the potential for a powerful, strong and loving mating bond was a myth, considering he had seen so many poor matches over the centuries. But then Rhys and Feyre’s bond was superior to any relationship he had ever seen.

And he longed to experience such a love.

Knowing Nesta was his mate brought him both excitement and trepidation. He knew he was falling for her - had been falling for her for a long time. He already loved her as an ally, a confidant and a friend, but knew those feelings were on the brink of going deeper.

But he had no idea if she was close to feeling the same way. Hell, he didn’t even know if she even considered him a friend. And the mating bond wouldn’t matter if she didn’t feel anything for him. He would never allow her to accept the bond unless she reciprocated his feelings.

So he resolved to wait to tell her until he knew she cared for him.

(If that ever happened.)

Once he landed, he strode across the snow and through the door of his cabin, eager to find Nesta to discuss his morning visit with Rhys. After shaking the snow out of his hair upon entering the cabin, he headed in the direction of Nesta’s room when he didn’t see her in the living room.

But something felt off...he was not able to sense her presence.

She wasn’t in the cabin.

He tried to remind himself that were plenty of instances where he had come home to find Nesta was out somewhere. She was rather fond of walking and exploring.

But now the mating bond had made Cassian overprotective, he couldn’t help but feel extremely frustrated that he didn’t know where she was.

That frustration didn’t last long, however. As he stood in her room pondering where she could be, he heard the front door of the cabin open and close, and his heart seemed to pump with excitement at the nearness of his mate.

He stalked over to the living room and found her hanging up her coat and removing her boots.

“Where have you been?” he asked more roughly than he intended. The bond made him more edgy than normal.

“There’s no need to be such a possessive brute,” Nesta reprimanded him. “I was visiting the healer,” she revealed as she walked past him, heading toward her room.

Cassian followed after her. “You visited the healer? You should’ve told me. I could’ve gone with you.”

“I am perfectly capable of going to see the healer on my own,” Nesta said with a bit of sharpness to her voice. “Just as I have done the past few times.”

Cassian signed. “I know, but we’re getting closer to the baby’s birth. You shouldn’t be -”

“Being possessive and controlling does not look good on you, Cassian,” Nesta interrupted him as she turned around to face him and crossed her arms above her pregnant stomach.

“I don’t mean to sound that way. I -”

Nesta frowned as she interrupted him again. “Usually after such a comment, you would say something ridiculous like ‘Then tell me what does look good on me, sweetheart? Would nothing be more suitable?’ and you didn’t. What’s going on with you? What’s wrong?”

Cassian opened his mouth to speak but paused as he stared back at Nesta. She had evidently been trying to bait him back into acting like his usual self, like making comments that would typically make her roll her eyes. She had used it as a test to see if he was acting normally, and she admitted it. The old Nesta - the Nesta of a few months ago - would have never said nor admitted such a thing.

In the couple of weeks since he felt the snap of the bond - which occurred during a week where they had also expressed some of their deeper feelings to one another - their relationship had begun to feel more at ease. They certainly still bickered and tossed insults at one another, but now it was more out of fun rather than spite.

Cassian ran a hand through his long hair. “I’m sorry. Nothing’s wrong. I’m just more worried about the baby the closer we get to the birth.”

He truly was concerned and growing extra cautious about Nesta and the baby, but the bond perhaps amplified those worries.

“Please stop worrying. I am fine and the healer said that as far as she can tell, the baby is also fine,” Nesta said as she went over to the side of her bed and began pulling back the covers. “How was your meeting?”

“Good,” he answered, keeping it short upon the realization that Nesta was trying to get ready for an afternoon nap.

“Good?” she questioned as she turned her head back at him, giving him an unimpressed look. “That’s it?”

“I can tell you more after your nap.”

“Tell me now,” she calmly requested as she sat in her bed with her back leaning against the headboard.

“We don’t need to right now,” he replied. “You need to rest.”

“Cassian,” she said with exasperation as she patted the spot on the bed next to her, gesturing for him to lay beside her. “Tell me.”

“Are you inviting me to into your bed?” he asked charmingly with a devilish grin as he sat next to her.

“There’s the Cassian I know,” she remarked with a smirk.

“And find completely irresistible,” Cassian finished for her as his eyes glimmered with amusement.

Nesta huffed, but the smirk didn’t leave her face. “So the meeting…?” she began.

Cassian nodded. “Rhys wants me to visit with some of the other camps. He’s heard some camps have been having meetings with each other, so we need to make sure it’s not the beginning of some civil war.”

“Hmm,” Nesta said as she stared thoughtfully at the wall and slid her body down so her head was propped against her pillow.

“What are you thoughts on this?” Cassian inquired.

“Should you really be imposing yourself on the other camps?” she wondered. “They’d be forced to host you, plus you run the risk of them poisoning you again.”

“Do you have another suggestion?”

Nesta remained silent for a moment before answering. “Invite the camp leaders here. All of them.”

“Hmm.” Cassian rubbed his hand against his chin as he contemplated her suggestion. “Maybe for something like a dinner party?”

Nesta nodded. “You can talk to them all at once.”

“And possibly gauge their alliances.” Cassian remarked thoughtfully.

“And you could cook for them too,” Nesta added with a devious smile. “They’d love that.”

Cassian chuckled, knowing the idea of a male - let alone a bastard - cooking for them would drive them mad. “Indeed.”

“Plus, I’d actually be able to watch your back if you met with them here,” Nesta added with a smug grin.  “I think we’re getting close to the point where I probably shouldn’t be flying around too much.”

She started to rub her stomach as she closed her eyes. A genuine smile graced her face as she did so. As he stared at her, he thought about how he probably would be at a loss without her if he had to visit the other camps without her.

Plus, he would likely lose his mind with anxiety over wondering how Nesta was doing.

“I’ll consider it and discuss with Rhys,” he answered. Later, he would have to use his magical parchment to get a quick message to him. “But whatever we choose to do, will you help me write my letters to the camps?”

“Well, you certainly can’t be trusted to write a quality letter on your own,” she answered with her eyes still closed. “You’d be at a loss without me.”

“That’s true,” Cassian revealed softly and genuinely. Nesta’s eyes fluttered open to look up at him in surprise.

He loved this. These moments where they casually talked to each other, came up with ideas together, joked around with each other, and had honest moments together. These days, it felt so easy-going and natural. He wished he could lay beside her all day and talk like this.

...as well as stare into her mesmerizing eyes like this.

Cassian simply reached down and swept a stray strand of hair out of her face, letting his fingers linger on the side of her face as he stared back at her.

“We’ll talk more after your nap,” he announced quietly. A content smile came across Nesta’s face. “I’ll have dinner ready for you when you wake up.”

When she closed her eyes again, he removed his hand and got up off the bed.

 _______________________________________________________________

Three Weeks Later

When Nesta was stirred awake by a fluttery movement in her stomach, she couldn’t help but recall when she felt the baby kick for the first time last month.

It completely took her by surprise. The feeling of something within her - moving - was a strange sensation.

And yet, it was one that instantly brought her so much joy. Because the baby finally felt real to her. Her baby.

Without even thinking about it, she had instantly smiled and giggled with glee from the feeling. Despite the anxiety, the stress and the fear of becoming a parent, she was overcome with the realization that she hadn’t been alone these past several months. Her baby was with her as she was forced to go to the Illyrian Mountains and tried to find purpose in her life again.

This baby had made her want to live again.

Her elation from feeling the kick was so strong that she longed to share it. And when she had looked up, she found Cassian staring back at her and instantly took his hand to press it against her belly so he could feel the kicking too.

And he laughed boisterously with her, enlivening her even more.

It was the first time in a long time she had felt so tremendously happy. After feeling like an outsider and feeling so alone for so long, to have someone there to share her excitement made the moment all the more euphoric.

Especially after the emotionally intimate moment they had just shared, revealing their misconceptions, pains, and sufferings because of the war and because of the other.

Since that day, her relationship with Cassian had felt deeper and stronger than ever before. Being around him made her feel at ease. And over the past few weeks, they had organized a dinner gathering together for the Illyrian camp leaders, mailing out the letters to invite them about two weeks ago.

Her and Cassian operated as a team in the planning it. He always sought her opinion and considered her ideas, making her feel important and valued.

It was so unlike how her father and Tomas made her feel. When her father lost their family’s fortune, she felt discarded and unworthy of love. With Tomas, he made it clear that all she would be good for was pleasuring him whenever he wanted.

But Cassian made her feel like his equal, always asking for her help or opinion.

The dinner gathering was set to be tomorrow evening, and he asked her to be there.

(As if she wouldn’t demand to be there.)

But to be invited made her feel wanted.

It had been a long time since she felt that way.

As she laid in her bed, the baby gave another kick. Suddenly craving a midnight snack, she decided to get up off the bed and head to the kitchen, carrying her lamp for light as she went.

As she grabbed a piece of fruit from the kitchen and started eating it, she heard some kind of talking and groaning.

Feeling alarmed, she dropped her unfinished apple on the table and walked out of the kitchen. Following the sound, she ended up at the bottom of the staircase and realized the noise was coming from Cassian’s bedroom.

Slowly, she began making her way up the stairs. As she went, she suddenly started hearing cries and shouts of “No!” over and over again. They made her want to run up the remaining steps, but with her large belly, that was impossible.

She moved as quick as she was able and when she reached the top, she rushed to Cassian’s bedroom. When she pushed the door open, she found Cassian writhing on the bed, still shouting, with his cries growing louder and louder.

“Cassian!” Nesta exclaimed as she went to his bedside and put down her lamp on his night stand, but he didn’t seem to hear her.

“CASSIAN!” she shouted again as she crawled into his bed, reaching her hand out to grasp his upper arm and shake him.

But he was so large and muscular, she had to use two hands as she leaned over him and shook him. “CASSIAN, WAKE UP!”

His cries died on his lips as he opened his eyes to find her looking over him. He took a few deep, heavy breaths before answering. “Nesta?”

Nesta nodded and put her hand against his cheek. “Whatever you saw, it was just a nightmare.”

He hadn’t lied to her when he told her months ago, after hearing her scream his name during a nightmare, that he had nightmares about the war too.

Cassian brought up his hand to cover hers on his cheek and squeezed. Probably checking to make sure she was real.

She understood the need to make sure the world around you was real. That you were no longer in the midst of the war, the pain, the suffering, or the warped memories.

She watched him as he gradually remembered where he was.

“You came up the stairs?” he asked groggily. “You’re over six months pregnant! You could’ve fallen!” he stated, clearly aghast. 

“Stop acting like I can’t walk around while I’m pregnant,” she reprimanded him. “Besides, someone’s shouts was disturbing my sleep. I had to put an end to it,” she added in a lighter tone.

A soft smile appeared on Cassian’s face, and he squeezed Nesta’s hand again. “I’m sorry,” he whispered as he released her hand.

“You don’t need to be,” she answered softly as she laid down beside him and removed her hand from his cheek. “What were you dreaming about?”

He sighed. “The day when so many of my men died from that blast of light from the Cauldron,” he stated solemnly. “Except this time, I was forced to watch as the blast killed each of them, one by one. It was...horrifying.”

She couldn’t comfort him by telling him the dream wasn’t real. The events were indeed real. And with the meeting with some of the Illyrian camp leaders happening tomorrow, it was not a complete surprise he was having a nightmare about the death of his men.

In her own nightmares and sufferings resulting from the war, she was not alone. Just as he had said...but to actually witness it...the realization sunk deeper within her.

And she didn’t want him to feel alone either. Comforting him in the only way she could think to, she laid her head upon his shoulder and hesitantly rested her hand across his chest. At the motion, Cassian lifted up his hand to wrap it around her shoulders, bringing her closer.

 “I’m sorry,” she breathed, still feeling awful for being the one who called him away from the Cauldron’s blast, leaving him to deal with this guilt.

“As I’ve told you before, you don’t need to be,” he murmured before gently placing a kiss on her forehead. “Thanks for being here.”

There was a stirring within her stomach. “I think the baby wants you to know it’s here too,” she said with a slight smile before picking up Cassian’s free hand and leading it to her stomach.

While he pressed his hand against her belly, he beamed. “Thank you, baby Archeron.”

“Are you all right?” Nesta asked him, being familiar with the difficulties of recovering from a terrible reminder of the events of the war.

Cassian rubbed her stomach. “I will be,” he said after his chest heaved with a sigh. “Distract me. Tell me, do you think the baby will be a boy or a girl?”

Nesta took a moment to think. “A girl.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I just...have this feeling.”

“I think it’s a boy,” Cassian piped in.

“Why?”

“Just a feeling,” he said with a smirk.

Nesta rolled her eyes. “Well, I guess we’ll find out who’s right in a couple of months.”

“We should probably go shopping soon to buy clothes and toys for the baby,” he offered.

“As long as it’s a shop nowhere near Feyre’s art studio,” Nesta sternly said.

“Understood.” Cassian nodded. “Any ideas for a name yet?”

“In a book I was reading the other day, a character was named Cordelia. I rather liked that name. For a boy...maybe Theo?”

“Hmm.”

“Do you have any better ideas?” she asked him sarcastically.

“Well I still stand by Cassian for a boy, and then Cassandra if it’s a girl.”

Nesta rolled her eyes. “I am not naming this baby after you. I already have too many cocky Cassians in my life.”

“You mean you have just the right amount of Cassians in your life,” Cassian corrected her.

After a pause, she spoke. “I have just the right amount,” she was willing to admit as she looked up at him.

And he was staring right back at her, giving her the infamous look. That look that the shopkeeper in Velaris pointed out. That one that he sported during their sleigh ride at the Solstice fair. The look that sent her heart racing with desire yet terrified her all at the same time.

And that urge to close the distance bubbled up again.

But she gave into her fear. “Goodnight, Cassian,” she said as she abruptly sat up with the intention of heading back to her room.

“Nesta,” Cassian suddenly pleaded as she shifted her legs to hang off the side of the bed. “Please stay...and keep the nightmares away.”

His words made her stop.

Most people considered her to be a living nightmare.

Was he implying that her presence would stop the nightmares from coming for the rest of the night?

That was something she could not deny him.

Ever so slowly she turned around and returned to her former spot on the bed, nuzzled at Cassian’s side. He wrapped his arm tightly around her again. “Thank you, Nes.”

And they fell asleep peacefully beside each other, remaining embraced until dawn.

________________________________________________________________

“Nes, are you ready?” Cassian exclaimed loudly as he went between the kitchen and the living room to place dishes of food on the table set for eleven. He had temporarily cleared out the living room couch to make space for his dinner gathering with the Illyrian camp leaders.

“Almost,” Nesta called back.

Cassian looked up at the clock that hung in his living room above the fireplace. It was almost time for the camp leaders to arrive.

“I’ll be outside to greet them,” he hollered back.

Illyrian protocol required him to be outside his residence before fellow Illyrians arrived, or else it would be a sign of disrespect and offense. Stepping outside the door, he walked across the wooden platform and stepped down onto the snowy ground to stand and wait.

His body was tense with anxiousness over the meeting. Over the past few weeks, he and Nesta had gone over ideas and topics to discuss to improve life for Illyrians females and children. While he passionately believed in the reforms, he was nervous over how the Illyrian leaders would react…

Well, he certainly knew they would not react well to them, but he just wasn’t sure how badly they would react to them and what he would have to do to convince them to make the changes…

He heard the crunch of boots against the ground, causing him to abruptly lift his head. Devlon was approaching.

When he reached him, Cassian held out his hand to shake in greeting. “Good evening, Devlon,” Cassian forced himself to say kindly.

Devlon simply nodded in greeting as he returned the handshake. “I suppose a congratulations are in order,” he remarked sarcastically as he eyed Cassian suspiciously. “I saw your witch walking around the camp recently. It appears you’re going to be a father soon.”

“Indeed,” Cassian said seriously without even thinking about it.

But as soon as the word slipped out, he realized his mistake. And yet...ever since his poor choice of words with Mor, he had started wondering about his relationship to Nesta’s child. Wasn’t he taking on the role of a father for this child? He’d been determined to help Nesta through this pregnancy and intended to help her raise the child if she needed it. He didn’t want her to feel like she was alone in this...and if there was no other male figure in the child or Nesta’s life, wouldn’t it be only natural that he’d be seen as the father figure?

The thought of another male stepping in to be a father to Nesta’s child sent his heart pounding with jealousy, on top of territoriality the bond brought him.

But...he knew he should really ask Nesta to see how she views his relationship with her child.

“But Nesta is the one you should be congratulating,” Cassian added to Devlon, despite knowing that he wouldn’t listen to his suggestion of offering good wishes to a female. “You may head to the table inside.”

Devlon gave him a curt nod before stepping up on the platform and going inside the cabin. Cassian’s eyes followed him, but his body froze when he saw him walking past Nesta, who evidently had been leaning against the doorway.

Nesta and Devlon shared a cold look with each other, even as she curtsied (with slight difficulty due to her stomach) out of respect to his status. After he passed her by, Nesta turned her gaze to Cassian.

Cassian couldn’t breathe.

Nesta was wearing the elegant black dress he requested she try on and buy when they were in Velaris...and she looked more stunning in the dress than he remembered. Perhaps it was because she had her hair up and twisted in a special braid atop her head this time or the way she had done her makeup or the way the silky dress accentuated her larger breasts.

Nesta brought her hand up to her stomach and smiled.

Or perhaps the stunning beauty was because Nesta was glowing.

Ever since the baby first kicked, she’d been glowing with joy, and now she was looking back at him with happiness shining in her eyes.

“You look…” Cassian paused. “You look...so beautiful,” he managed to get out in his state of awe.

“Thank you,” Nesta replied with a slight blush as she returned to leaning against the doorway. It suddenly dawned on him what he had just said to Devlon, which meant...she probably heard him say it.

“Did you overhear…?” Cassian trailed off as he grimaced.

Nesta nodded.

“I hope...you aren’t upset that I said that,” he stated tentatively.

“I’m not,” she replied coolly.

Cassian let out a deep breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

But the fact that she wasn’t upset...he couldn’t help but wonder if this meant something.

The sight of her in that dress fueled his desire to kiss her. But did she share that desire? Last night, she had cuddled next to him and slept beside him. And now she was blushing as he gave her compliments, telling him it was fine that he allowed Devlon to think he was the father of her child, and she was staring back at him with a look that wasn’t a glare. Was he too blinded by his own care for her that he thought she seemed to be looking at him with admiration?

He stepped up the platform and walked toward her. Her eyes widened a bit as he approached, and she straightened her body. “I came to ask you if you needed help with anything else?” she asked.

Cassian grabbed hold of both of her hands in his. “Your presence is enough,” he whispered.

For a moment they stared into each other’s eyes, but suddenly Nesta pulled away from him and removed her hands from his grasp. “Someone’s coming,” she explained.

Flustered from the loss of touching her, Cassian clumsily turned around to find Orion from camp Dunclare strolling toward them. Upon realizing it was him, both Cassian and Nesta straightened themselves. Nesta crossed her arms across her chest.

Cassian grinned with amusement when he noticed Orion eye Nesta warily while cautiously approaching them.

“I see you managed to get yourself up off the ground,” Nesta coldly stated when Orion stood before them. “But I suppose dogs like you have a knack for getting up when there’s hope of getting scraps from the table.”

Orion narrowed his eyes at her, while Cassian beamed with pride at her.

“And what might those scraps be?” Orion asked her, trying to play the fool.

“The power you hope to reclaim by being with your fellow camp leaders,” Nesta answered sternly. “But I trust you remember my words to you the last time we met and will think before you dare to bite.” Nesta made a show of tapping her fingers while her arms remained crossed above her pregnant belly.

They may have not yet discovered how Nesta could activate her powers, but that didn’t stop her from reminding him of what she was potentially capable of doing again.

“You certainly know how to leave a lasting impression, Nesta Archeron,” he whispered roughly. “You’re very fortunate to have such a wicked creature as your bodyguard, Cassian,” he added without even looking as Cassian. His eyes never left Nesta’s arms.

“I am very lucky to have her at my side,” Cassian remarked sincerely as his eyes flitted to meet Nesta’s gaze.

Nesta’s current facial expression was one he could not yet figure out and one he did not yet have a name for. It was new to him.

“And in your bed, evidently,” Orion added in a disgruntled tone with a glance to Nesta’s stomach.

Cassian narrowed his eyes at him, frustrated with the implication that Nesta was his whore. Before he could even think of a response, Nesta threw him a look that told him to keep silent.

“Allow me to lead you inside,” Nesta told Orion, gesturing for him to follow her as she walked inside the cabin.

From a distance, Orion followed her inside, while Cassian turned around, prepared to greet another war-lord.

 _______________________________________________________________

The room was quiet.

It appeared everyone had chosen to seethe in silence as Cassian, Nesta, and the camp leaders sat around the table.

Upon learning that Cassian prepared and cooked their meal and set the table, the leaders wanted nothing to do with the meal. The imbeciles were still so caught up in their male-dominated ways and certainly didn’t take Cassian’s first topic of discussion lightly.

“I’d like to establish a monthly council meeting between all of the camp leaders to discuss grievances, reforms, and solutions,” Cassian announced. “And my first request is that you each select a female from your camp to also serve on the council.”

They immediately all cried out in protest and outrage:

“This is ridiculous!”

“What would they know about this?”

“They shouldn’t have a say. They don’t need a say!”

“And what female will you pick? Your whore right there?”

Up until that moment, Cassian managed to remain calm. But that comment set him off, sending him to his feet in rage. He slammed his palms on the ends of the table.

“Her name is Nesta,” Cassian said in a deathly quiet tone. “She is not a whore, and I certainly do not own her. If you ever refer to as a whore again, I will blast you into pieces with my siphons. Is that understood?”

He received a stiff and stern nod from each of them. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Nesta to his right with a stoic look on her face as she stared at them all.

Cassian sat back down in his chair at the end of the table. As soon as he did so, he felt Nesta grab hold of his hand under the table and give it a squeeze.

 “As for the female council member, I’ve decided to let you all pick one for me,” Cassian explained more calmly. 

Cassian originally wanted Nesta to be on the council with him, but she declined, citing the fact that she wasn’t Illyrian and how that would be even more offensive to them. Instead, she recommended that he ask the other leaders pick one for him to let them have more power as an act of goodwill.

He still wished it could be Nesta though, but she insisted she would continue to help him without being on the council.

“Before you go making changes, Cassian…” Andor of the Emberhale camp spoke up, still not giving Cassian respect in referring to him by his title. “There is still a score to settle.”

Cassian and Nesta turned to look at him. “And what score is that?” Cassian inquired.

“Many of our camps...” Andor began as he gestured to rest of the leaders. “...are still bitter and resentful of the fact that you lost so many of our men in the last war. They demand atonement.”

The other leaders mumbled with agreement.

“And how would they like me to atone for this?” Cassian asked carefully, not sure where this was going.

“All of us leaders here are challenging you to a special Blood Rite. The same Blood Rite rules apply, except for this one, you will be the only trying to reach the top of Ramiel by the end of the seven days. The others in the Rite will be relatives of the Illyrians who died, and their intention will be to kill you.”

Cassian’s heart started pounding fast. “So, if I make it to the top of Ramiel by the end of week, then what?”

“You will have atoned for the deaths of our people, and the camps will accept you as the General Commander and will be more inclined to obey you.”

“More inclined?” Cassian asked incredulously. Their offer didn’t even guarantee anything.

“If you don’t follow through with this Rite, a war will certainly break out, demanding you be replaced as our General Commander since you have not looked out for the interests of the camps.”

Anger raged through his body. “But we are part of the Night Court. We -”

His voice was drowned out by the words of affirmation among the other leaders about what Andor had said.

Nesta released Cassian’s hand.

“So, what you’re saying is I have no choice but to undergo this special Blood Rite?”

“You also have the option of stepping away from your position,” Vitus from camp Erwood piped in. “And avoid all of this.”

Cassian took a deep breath and resisted the urge to snarl from frustration. He turned his face toward Nesta, looking to her for answers as to what he should do. “Nesta…”

She returned his gaze. “You should go through with the Rite,” she stated, then quickly shifted her eyes to look down at the table.

The quickness and lack of emotion in her response startled him and burned him. His chances of surviving the Rite were not high. He may have survived it once, but he had the help of his friends and didn’t have pissed-off Illyrians deliberately out to kill him then.

Several months ago, he remembered musing to himself that he wished to do the Blood Rite again to break the tension among the camps. If he were asked to do this back then, he would have boldly accepted the challenge without any hesitation. That was when he had no one to look out for and care for.

But now…

He stared at Nesta, dazzling in her silky, black dress, and his eyes drifted from her face down to her stomach.

And yet, Nesta’s reply made it seem like she didn’t care if he was around to look after them and take care of them.

Well, if she didn’t need him…

“I will go through with the Rite,” he sternly announced.

Andor smiled at him. “The Rite will commence in a week’s time.” ________________________________________________________________

A/N: And "in a week's time," it'll be March! :) Prepare yourself for March - it'll be a doozy! (It's currently set to get 3 chapters.) Thank you (as always) for all of the support! I love reading all of your comments! <3 ---> CHAPTER 8

The Fox and the Fawn, part II

The smut-tastic second part to my Elucien fic (part one) is now up, by popular demand! I had so much fun (and wine) writing this, enjoy! warnings: NSFW (Smut) / 18+ ONLY Tagging: @highladyoferilea @court-of-abs @midnightbluhm @femshepfit @its-anita @firestardragon @breath-of-sindragosa

Please message me if you would like to be tagged in any future fics I post ✨

THE FOX AND THE FAWN, pt II

That night had felt like a dream. They had stood there for so long, just holding onto one another, pressed up in that corner of his bedchamber. He had kissed her over and over, the relief splashing across their bond, in a more tangible way than Elain had expected. She had always felt the bond, buried deep within, but it had sprung forth like a fiery ember that night, connecting their every thought like a tether to the heavens.

“Elain,” Lucien had whispered in her ear, as his hands smoothed over the surface of her hips, her torso, her ribs. She knew he wanted her, and she’d never wanted something as much as she wanted him in that moment. But she had stilled, a breathless smile on her face, and lowered her hands to her sides.

“Goodnight, Lucien,” she said between his relentless kisses, smoothing down the skirt of her nightgown and dipping away from his mouth. It was a chaining, on both her desire and his. She wanted him, oh she wanted him, but she suddenly felt scared again, that blazing resolve from before winking out like a candle.

“Where are you going, dove,” he pleaded as she gently lowered herself from his arms, still propping her up against the wall.

“Don’t worry, my mate,” she said, testing the words on her tongue and liking the way they sent shivers through him, and set their want aflame. “We will still have time for…this,” “You can’t leave now,” he groaned in her ear.

“Until tomorrow,” she smiled a bit deviously, knowing the torture she was causing him, and left a whisper of a kiss on his jaw. They had time, she knew. And she needed more time…to revel in this newness. In this newfound connection. Before they solidified it.

His expression told her he was about to protest again, but she just straightened and twirled away out the door, leaving him speechless behind her. “Sleep well, Lucien Vanserra,” She caught a glance of him as she closed the door behind her, his red hair askew, panting in the wake of their yearning.

As Elain walked lightly back to her room, she couldn’t help but hesitate for a moment. Yes, she had wanted to yield to that desire, just as much as Lucien, if not more…but the other part of her wanted to delay, to cherish the newness of the bond. Feyre had explained to her the way the bond was truly…accepted. And she had suddenly felt a flurry of nerves stifle her confidence.

The next day, she had planned to go back to him, spend the day together, and see...where it took them. But the Cauldron had other plans, it seemed. Lucien had been summoned to the Court of Nightmares that next morning, to negotiate with his awful brothers over some territory dispute with the Autumn Court. And as Rhysand’s emissary, duty called. Elain couldn’t help but feel frustrated when he told her over breakfast. She had planned on taking him riding through the upper crawls of the plateau and then a picnic on the beach at the west end of Velaris. She had yet to explore the outer rim of the city and its landscape, and knew some time alone with her mate was needed.

Indeed she had wanted nothing more to touch him as soon as she saw him gliding into the dining room, and that desire increased tenfold when she was told it would have to wait. But neither of them had told anyone of their bond acceptance, and she wasn’t sure when the right time would be, so she acted demure and as uninterested as she could as he ate quickly in silence. Nesta and Cassian, thankfully had been absent from breakfast, doing Cauldron-knew what, but Azriel waited at the door to fly Lucien into Keir’s realm. She frowned into her plate and let him give her a chaste but lingering kiss on the cheek before he rose to depart. He bent over and squeezed her hand gently, below the table and away from any curious eyes.

“I owe you a ride,” she whispered in his ear, and he instantly froze, his mouth twitching. She, of course, was just referring to her original plan for the day, but she nearly barked in laughter at the way Lucien restrained his expression, his throat bobbing dryly, and straightened up, his golden eye whirring.

“I will be back soon, dove,” He gave her one last apologetic glance, his golden eye gleaming in the morning light, before they were gone.

She spent the next three days mostly in the warmly lit sitting rooms of the House, trying not to dwell in her disappointment. She tried reading, but the romance books she favored paled in comparison to the feelings swirling in her mind. She tried tending to the delicate potted plants on the windowsills, but they were already so healthy and pruned that it hardly passed any time at all. Nesta showed up on the second day, windswept and flushed after a flight with Cassian and barely stopped to chat before they left to explore the city. They invited her, that ever-present concern shadowing her oldest sister’s face, but Elain insisted she would rather stay home and read.

On the fourth day, they had a dinner planned for the grand, more formal dining room of the House. Still casual, with only the family being invited, but Feyre and Rhysand showed up dressed to the nines as per usual. Followed by Mor and Amren, fresh in from an evening concert Elain had also politely declined an invitation to. Cassian and Nesta later joined in for dessert, and they broke open two bottles of wine over a roaring fire. The summer had begun its surrender to the crisp evenings of early autumn and Elain seated herself under a plush blanket on a chaise in the corner of the room.

“Feyre, can I ask you something?” Elain asked after awhile when her youngest sister had come over to offer her another glass of wine. The steel of grey her eyes met the brown of her own in something between curiosity and concern.

“Of course,” Feyre answered gently, sitting down beside her.

“When you and Rhys…bonded. Were you…nervous?” Elain’s voice sounded smaller than usual, and she could barely meet her sisters eyes.

“Yes,” Feyre admitted, edging a glance at Rhysand, who was at the opposite end of the room, deep in conversation with Mor. “But I was also…resolved. And so happy I thought I’d burst into flame. And very nearly did, come to think of it,” She laughed at the memory, but Elain pressed on. “But I mean…the actual bonding…” she trailed off, a scarlet flush overtaking her cheeks. She felt so stupid and naïve. She was the older sister, why must she be asking her youngest sister for such advice?

Realization crossed Feyre’s face. “Oh, right. Well…” Feyre crossed her hands in her lap. “I had…experience. So I knew what to expect. So in that regard, I wasn’t nervous,”

Elain pursued her lips. Of course. She had forgotten. Feyre had been with Isaac and the Lord of Spring and Cauldron knew who else. Why should she have felt nervous in the same way?

“Right,” was all Elain could think to say, now feeling foolish at having brought it up.

“But what I wasn’t prepared for,” Feyre continued. “Was the depth of how I felt. How much…love and power can overcome you in that moment of bonding,” Elain felt a stab of envy at the way her sister glanced back at her mate, such unending joy and admiration on her face.

“Elain…are you and Lucien…?” Feyre whispered as she turned back to her, excitement and a certain kind of apprehension lighting her eyes.

“Perhaps,” Elain replied curtly, lifting her chin. Feyre looked surprised but pleased.

“So you have made your decision,” Feyre said. It was not exactly a question.

Elain nodded, turning her head towards Nesta. “But don’t tell Nesta. Not just yet,”

Feyre gave her an incredulous look. “If she finds out I know before her…I’ll be as good as carrion,”

Elain scoffed. “Not without my permission, you won’t,”

Feyre looked far from convinced as she leaned in to grasp Elain’s hand. “Just, be careful. Lucien is…” she trailed off. “He will be wonderful for you. And I am so thrilled for the both of you. But Nesta may have trouble sharing the sentiment,” They both watched their oldest sister, who had now joined Rhysand at the window, laughing merrily to some shared joke.

“I’m not sure, she hated Rhysand and look at them now,” Elain pointed out and smiled knowingly.

Feyre sighed and grasped her sister tightly. “Just…tread carefully, that’s all,”

“I can take care of myself,” Elain replied shortly. “I’m not some shivering fawn. Not anymore,”

Something like pride shown in Feyre’s face as she nodded, and stood to rejoin her mate.  “I can see that,”

Elain turned to stare out the window again, past the glittering rooftops of the city, past the red-stone hills that sat beneath  the far off snow-capped mountains, as if she could see all the way to where Lucien was. She felt a stab of something foreign in her stomach. A void. Like she was missing something she hadn’t realized she needed with every fiber of her being.

After the dinner that night, as she lay sleepless in her too-large bed, her thoughts strayed only to him. She could picture him clear as day, tall and lean in his usual green tunic, his strong jaw always set in some kind of combination of annoyance and amusement. How she had fallen for such a sardonic male, she would never know. But all she knew was that he was just what she wanted, despite it all.

She tried not to regret her stemming of their touching those few nights ago, tried to remind herself that it had been the sensible thing to do. The responsible thing, to draw out their bonding, to give them time to adjust to one another.

Yes, so very sensible.

She tried not to imagine what it might have been like if she had stayed, if she had let him carry on pushing up her gown, kissing her neck. She tried not to imagine how they might have proceeded from there, how they might have fallen together on the bed after it had become too much, how they might have slowly removed every last shred of fabric from one another, how they might have run their hands upon each other’s skin…reveling in the feeling of another. How he might have used those strong arms to lift her up above him, how she might have straddled him and bent down to run her tongue over his throat. How she might have let him squeeze her and bring his hips in line with hers. How his groan might have sounded in her ears at the touch, how it might have reverberated down her body and pooled in her–

Elain’s breath caught and she sat straight up in bed, trying to ignore the throbbing heat that threatened to drive her mad.

Sensible, she reminded herself. It was the sensible thing to do. With some difficulty, she managed to distract herself and fall asleep, wondering how she would get through the next few days. The tales Feyre had warned her about, the frenzy of newly mated pairs that she had rolled her eyes at now didn’t seem too far-fetched. If this was what it felt like, without having fully bonded, she could not imagine the depth of desire it would turn to.

The next morning, something felt different. The House, the room, felt less empty somehow. Like a piece of…something…had been put back in place.

Not daring to hope, but mad with curiosity, she dressed quickly, and nearly bolted down the corridor to the living spaces, eyes scanning every corner of the room.

And there he was, talking with Azriel, evidently having just gotten in, from the look of their windswept clothes. He stood tall but by the slight slouch of his shoulders, he was exhausted from what had undoubtedly been days of arguing and placating the arrogant heads of the courts.

As soon as Elain entered, Lucien stilled and whipped his head around.

“Elain,” he said, nearly dropping the black-ribboned scroll he held in his hands.

“It is good to see you,” Elain bowed her head, praying the smile on her face appeared as virtuous and unassuming as she was attempting it to appear. “And you Azriel,”

The Shadowsinger just lowered his head respectfully, glancing briefly between the two of them, and exited the room with a bow.

“You were gone..awhile,” Elain said breathlessly, taking a hesitant step toward him.

“Three days and eighteen hours,” He replied smoothly. “But who’s counting,”

Elain’s face broke into a smile, and for a moment she thought they might have run to each other and embraced right there and then, the tension hanging between them more taught than a sailor’s rope.

But she only tuned her face up with a polite smile and said, “Shall we join the rest of the House for breakfast, then?”

Something flickered in his face, as he saw her little game. She wouldn’t be giving him what he wanted so easily, no matter how much she wanted it too. “Yes, let’s,” he nodded and held out his arm, to escort her. “How very proper you are,” Elain remarked, taking his arm and trying not to dwell on the warm strength she felt there. “I am nothing if not proper,” Lucien replied dryly. “Or at least, I am only improper when it counts,” Elain’s breath hitched as she saws the deviant look cross his face. “I’m...” she started, unsure how to continue. “I’m sorry for leaving, the other night,” “That’s alright,” he said as they rounded a corner. “It was the sensible thing to do,”

Elain stopped dead and stared at him, agape. “I felt you last night,” Lucien admitted.

“Oh?” Elain asked innocently, knotting her hands together on top of the thick layers of the gown she had chosen. “Just...felt?”

“I couldn’t see you but…I felt you, and heard bits and pieces of your thoughts...somehow,”

Elain’s cheeks flushed and he bit her lip. “I may have been…regretting my choice to leave your chambers the other night. I may have been finding a need for someone to…occupy my time,”

Satisfaction spread across his face and he smirked, “Oh, were you?” they turned the corner and began to descend the polished red stairs, their steps echoing up the cavernous arched ceiling where a decadently-appointed crystal chandelier sparkled in the skylight above.

“And did you find anyone to occupy your time while I was gone?” his smile turned mischievous again.

Elain’s mouth dropped in outrage, but she laughed. “I am more dutiful than that, Vanserra,”

“Oh, are you dutiful?” Lucien edged her a glance with his green eye.

“When it counts,” she answered slyly, echoing his words. They approached an entrance to another sitting room. There were so many unused ones sprinkled throughout the House, it was a wonder Rhysand’s family had found enough furniture to fill them.

She indeed glanced inside as they passed, to find it utterly empty. She turned back to Lucien and paused. She found herself liking the way his eyes traced the contours of her gown as they stopped, noting the way he stared at the lowcut style of her bodice, probably noting the way it had shifted above her chest as she walked. She knew he’d be at her mercy the moment she so much as rolled down her stockings. “Did you miss me?” she wondered aloud innocently. “Or was I the only one pining?”

Before she had time to take another step, Lucien had whisked her inside that sitting room and latched the door behind them. She gasped in astonishment and found herself pressed against him behind the door, as she had done to him that first night.

Elain’s mouth was agape, in surprise and delight as she was rendered breathless above him. He pressed her into him, taking her mouth with his own, and ran his tongue along her lips.

“I did miss you, dove,” he growled in her ear, the warmth of his breath sending thrills through her body.

She watched as his gaze became searing with want as he leaned back into the wall, spreading her thighs slightly. She let him grab her rear and prop her up on his torso, so she could grab his neck and bring his lips to hers again and again. She wished she could taste all of him at once, and there was scarcely time to breath in between their kisses.

“Lucien,” she whispered his name against his neck as he made fast work of unfastening her corset. “I wanted you..so much, last night, and the night before, and before...”

Delight lit through him as he replied easily, “I know,”

“Arrogant fox,” Elain jabbed, but she was beaming all the same.  Lucien walked them the few feet to the nearest settee and let her gently plummet onto it, her corset falling away. He bunched the fabric of her gown underneath, poised to lift it over her head. But his eyes met hers, questioning still, even now.

Elain did the work for him, taking the skirts in her own hands and throwing them off, so that only her undergarments and stockings remained, made from delicate ivory satin and lace.

“Elain,” he breathed reverently as he looked down at her, as one of her straps fell and she didn’t stop it. He stepped closer, standing above her, the lust in his face matching the same in hers. Elain could have died from want, as she imagined all the ways he could touch her, would be touching her soon.  

He kneeled before her where she sat on that sofa, running his hands along her shoulders, leaving goosebumps in their wake. One thumb traveled inward, meeting the swollen flesh of her breast, flicking over the peaked redness. Slowly, as if he had all the time in the world, he leaned in and captured her breast in his mouth, tasting and sucking gently. Elain gasped and arched her back, letting her eyes close in ecstasy, wondering if she might too burst into embers.

“You like that, dove?” he asked in a growled whisper, his breath tickling her skin as he gazed up at her from where he kneeled.

She nodded, eyes still closed as his mouth played upon her skin like a minstrel, roaming until she had shed her undergarment top entirely.

Panting, chest heaving, she took him in her arms and moved them both back to standing, forgetting that they were in the middle of a sunny sitting room, a mere two rooms away from where her family gathered for a meal. But none of that mattered then, only the feel of her mate against her and the growing want in her core.

“Lucien, please,” she urged his hands faster, wanting to catch this want like a beast in a net, tired of the chase. She frantically unbuttoned his tunic and peeled away the fabrics. So many layers, so formal, these damned fae.

When he was shirtless and she could finally feel the warmth of his dark golden skin beneath her eager fingertips, she let her mouth find his again. She gasped into his mouth when his own fingtertips traveled up beneath what was left of her undergarments, to swirl around the edge of her. Testing the slickness, the place she knew he so desperately wanted to know. Circling it, but never quite meeting the center.

“Please,” she whined again, and he smirked, his hair now askew and his forehead shining, but she didn’t care. She had never thought him more handsome, more desirable than that moment.

“Anything for my dutiful, sensible dove,” he said, the sarcasm dripping in his voice.

She didn’t have time to give a pointed reply before she found herself nearly collapsed into him, as his fingers angled inward, finally feeling the center of her. His eyes were trained on her the entire time, and they seemed to relish in her loss of control. Just as quick as they had entered, he pulled away, smirking as she let out a whimper of protest.

He turned her around so her rear pressed into him from behind, clutching her, one hand between her legs and one gently caressing her chest. She shook, not in fear but in the overwhelming want that had turned to need. Need for him to touch and take her. Need for her to know every inch of his body.

“More?” he asked in his silvery tongue, just as his fingers found purchase within her folds. She nodded obediently, gasping at the newfound pleasure, wondering if it could ever be any better than this.

“Show me how dutiful you can be, my darling,” he growled, as he bent her over so she was belly-down on the pillows of the settee, spreading her legs slightly. He did not push himself on her fully. There was time to play, yet.

“Lucien,” she pleaded. And when it felt like it had become too much to bear, when she thought the building heat would not wait another moment, she felt him rest above, feeling the soft weight of him crush into her. And carefully, she felt him slip aside her underwear with his fingers. She gasped again as his fingers entered her once, and then twice, before pulling out again.

“Please,” she tried not to beg, tired to retain any amount of dignity. But it was no use, as he teased her again and again.

“Yes, my dove,” he whispered as he replaced those fingers with his mouth, and it took everything in her not to cry out. She buried her face in one of the plush pillows beneath her as her body shook. She thought she was falling and flying and dying all at once, and she let out a strangled cry.

She felt the rumble of his laughter behind her as he grasped her legs, shushing her lightly. “We don’t want an audience,” he softly clutched the undergarments still sitting askew on her hips and pulled them down, letting his hands graze along her legs as he did.

Elain twisted slightly when she was free of them so she could look up at his face and smirked, “They can listen, for all I care,”

“Oh, really?” he laughed quietly and threw the strip of fabric behind him, fire blazing in his face.

“I don’t care,” she pulled him over her, kissing him deeply.

“Such a devious little dove you are,” he said against her lips. Without waiting another moment, Elain turned to face him fully where he kneeled, and grabbed tight on his trousers. Licking her lips, she pulled them down, wanting them both to be bared, wanting to seize back the upper hand. And Lucien let her, kicking them and his boots off and raising them both up to a standing position again. She felt herself flush as she took in the sight of him, of all of him, but she was not afraid. Not anymore. Only the need for him consumed her, there was no place for nerves.

Lucien let out a long sigh as she took him in her grasp, the warmth of her hand alone enough to set him ablaze. He watched as she bit her lower lip in concentration, wanting so badly to capture that mouth with his own and take her, every inch of her. But he resisted somehow, content to see her relish in his shudders. She slowly ran her hand across the tip of him. So so tortuously slow. He was utterly bent to her will in that moment, but he did not mind. So long as she would do this to him for the rest of their days.

She could almost feel his pleasure through the bond alongside hers as they touched and explored one another. And they stood there, grasping one another until Elain stopped, gently moving back to lay down on that sofa.

For a brief moment, Lucien looked as if he thought she was changing her mind. But that was soon remedied by the sight of her carefully spreading her legs as she laid back, staring him down with an intensity that stripped him to the bone.

He hovered over her, gently stroked her wetness, feeling the want within himself ratchet up alongside hers.

Elain’s mind might have gone blank, for she could think only of his touch, of the growing ache in her core, of the need to have him closer as he worked her core with those nimble fingers. The feel of him there, as they lingered at the threshold of their mating was enough to ruin her. She felt the tether pulse alongside them, calling them further into that bond.

“Lucien, I want you,” she said, parting her lips to let his tongue roam within, tasting him again and again. “Now,”

“Not later?” he asked in jest and he pressed her nails into his back for emphasis. He growled in approval and aligned himself to her.

And suddenly no words were needed, no words could fully convey what lay between them as they fell together. She widened herself to accommodate him, as he entered her fully. She gasped, suddenly unsure of what to do, but trying to focus on the way he felt within her. The rightness of that moment.

She was too afraid to move first, and he too was still for a moment, until she felt one of his hands gently support the back of her head, while the other clutched her thigh. His gaze was trained on her, and they trembled together, on that precipice between worlds.

“I love you,” she whispered, leaning up to kiss him, this time sweetly and with purpose. Something passed across his face, like a sorrow and a joy rolled into one.

“And I love you,” he replied as he finally began to move. And they were joined. Bound, like an unbroken link, a tied thread, an eternal chain.

Elain felt like she had been set ablaze with want as they moved and learned of each other, and she clutched him tighter and tighter on that small sofa as he slid in and out.  Her eyes bore into his, huffing out a sharp sigh as he moved, filling her up so completely. They kissed fervently and she could think of nothing but his body on hers, see nothing but the sharp angles of his jaw, the elegant slopes of his cheekbones, the way his brows furrowed in a mixture of pleasure and concentration. She lifted one hand to grasp the falling tendrils of his sleek red hair and braced the other against his back, urging him farther, deeper, faster. And he obliged.

“You like that, my darling?” he gasped.

“Yes,” she whimpered in response, squeezing her thighs around his and digging her nails into his back, hoping it wasn’t hurting him. But he seemed to thrill at the contact as it urged him on.

Soon, her repeated gasps filled the room, matched only by his groans as they moved. Her lips, swollen with the heat of kissing, parted again and again until he captured them with his own in an intensity she had never before known. She needed more, it wasn’t enough…so she ran her fingers down the pane of his abdomen to the apex of her thighs, until she found her center. Lucien’s eyes followed the movement and he gave a loud groan, before cupping her thighs and smoothly rolling them over so he was sitting on the sofa and she was hoisted above him, her legs bent around him, giving her more pleasure. And Elain thought she might combust then and there. Head back and eyes closed, she could think of nothing but his body, of her desire to fuse with him. As if they were two rivers joining into an expansive ocean.

When the pleasure had ratcheted up, when she thought she couldn’t handle any more but still wanted more, she felt herself shatter around him, felt the intense relief and pleasure barrel through her. She cried out, knowing she was probably waking up half the city, her entire body damp with sweat. And Lucien followed, and she could feel his relief through their bond.

After, once their sighs broke and their breathing slowed, they stayed joined together, still clutching one another. She held him, running her hands slowly over his back; savoring every point in which their bodies still met.

“Well,” Lucien asked for a moment as Elain stood, parting their bodies at last. “Was it worth the wait?

“I suppose,” Elain said with a devious grin, standing before him. She pushed back the stray hair that had become stuck to his forehead, caressing the scar that shot down the side of his brow as she did. She kissed him deeply, pushing him back onto the sofa. “But can we do it again?”

Surprise! (Elain x Azriel short story)

Word count: 5,972 (This is my first fic I'm posting on here so hopefully you guys like it and if you do I'll be posting more for the many different ships from the ACOTAR series.) *A few months after the war* Fall was coming to an end and that meant that Feyre’s birthday was right around the corner. Rhysand had said that he only planned on having dinner at Hallie’s, which had quickly become Elain’s favorite place to eat in Velaris. She knew that her younger sister had never been big on birthdays even before their father’s downfall. However it was the first birthday they would be spending in their new life and a party seemed like a good way to release some of that tension still lingering from the war. Feyre had lost her mate and was still healing from the loss of that bond in those five minutes, something their group of friends knew she wasn’t ever going to forget, just like Rhys hadn’t forgotten the snap of her neck after beating Amarantha. Plus the youngest of the Acheron sisters was turning 21, which if they were all still mortal would’ve been a big deal. So Elain decided it was time for some fun and a surprise party sounded like the best solution. Rhys would take his mate out for the day and keep her distracted while the rest of them prepared the town house for the evening events. Nesta and Mor would be in charge of getting the decorations while Amren keep the males, specifically Cassian, in line. The two Illyrians and Lucien were going to be arranging the house and putting things in place since they were both strong and tall enough to do all the heavy lifting. Elain was going to prepare the food with help from Hallie who she had asked to prepare dinner and teach her to make various desserts. Currently Elain was pouring over a cooking book that Hallie had given her yesterday, she was trying to find the perfect cake to make for Feyre, which was harder than it seemed. She didn't really know what her sister liked and when she asked Rhys he told her to go for anything made of chocolate. What he didn’t understand and she was partly at fault for not mentioning it was that the whole cookbook was full of chocolate desserts, all of which she thought Feyre would love. She groaned and decided to take a break, setting the book in her nightstand so Feyre wouldn’t see it she got up and headed downstairs where she heard her sister Nesta and Cassian entering the threshold. Since the end of the war her older sister and the general at set aside the usual coldness and replaced it with their competitive natures. Elain was happy to see her sister finally happy, something she had always wanted for her and she knew when she met Cassian he would be the male to fill that hole. Elain smiled at them as Cassian was laughing and trying to convince Nesta he was sorry for some remark he made before they entered the house, but she kept pushing him away though Elain saw that smirk that spread across her face, full of teasing. “He apparently said she too loose, in more than just fighting I’m guessing.” Azriel commented sneaking up on her like he always did not that she cared, she seemed to be the only one able to sense his presence even when he was covered by shadows. He said it probably was due to her seeing ability but she just shrugged it off and told him she didn’t mind, it would let her know she always had him to watch over her. “Seems odd to think of Nesta that way with how cold she always was.” Elain was still getting used to this new side of her sister just like the rest of the circle. She remembered how utterly speechless they all were when she agreed to testing out her powers with Rhys and Feyre but they were all baffled when she asked Cassian to train her in combat, the Illyrian even stumbled. Since that day the dynamic between Nesta and Cassian started to shift and Elain could see that not only was the general in love with her older sister, but Nesta was starting to return the feeling. She had a feeling from the moment Nesta shielded Cassian from the King of Hybern with her body that she was starting to feel more than hatred for him. Seeing that made Elain decide to get to know her own mate, Lucien though she still hadn’t accepted the bond and didn’t know if she would especially with the way she started to feel about the shadowsinger behind her. Elain had felt a drawn to Azriel before she was even Fae maybe it was the way he seemed so kind even with a hint of those shadows though he had tried to hide them that first meeting. She had always seen them and likely always would, just like Feyre had seen the real side of Rhysand before they were ever mated. Elain would sometimes wish that it was Azriel that was her mate maybe it would have made things easier for her in those months after turning. She could still see the image of him laying in the foyer of the town house unconscious and being healed, she wasn’t present but she saw it through the gifts the Cauldron had given her. “Have you chosen a cake yet?” Azriel asked pulling her away from her thoughts and away from the sight of Nesta running out the back to get away from Cassian, who was trying to kiss her. She laughed at the two acting like teenagers in love before she turned to face the shadows that felt warm to her and cold to everyone else. “Sadly no, and Rhys isn’t helping as everything I suggest he says Feyre would love.” She shrugged her slim shoulders as she headed for the kitchen and poured herself a glass of cider. “He does that because you haven’t found the perfect cake yet.” The shadowsinger responded as he leaned against the doorway, hiding his scarred hands under his crossed arms. Elain looked at the anyways like she could see the beautiful scarring through the leathers and flesh. “How do you know?” She curiously as she took a seat on a bar stool and began to sip from her glass. “I know Rhys,” he shrugged like it was the simplest explanation and moved to take the seat next to her. “And he knows Feyre, he’ll tell you when you’ve found the right cake and you’ll know it.” She was thankful that he hadn’t said the High Lord knew her younger sister better than anyone, though she knew it was true. In all her years she never knew her sister until she came over the wall and saw the warrior that was always hiding under the surface. Rhys, he was the one that had gotten Feyre to shed her skin, the one who let her be herself and she was grateful to him for that. “Maybe I’ll just let him look through the cookbooks instead.” Elain sighed as she set her half empty glass down on the wooden counter. “He would do it.” Azriel laughed and that small laugh caused her to smile at him and made even show a slight blush. Elain knew he wasn’t lying she had seen all Rhys had sacrificed not just for his people and friends but also his mate. He had died at the end of the war for Feyre and knew the High Lord would do it all over again if it meant they all got to live. Feyre would do it too, she had already once for another High Lord and knew that if she had to die for Rhys and the others to live she wouldn’t hesitate like she had Under the Mountain. Elain wondered if she would ever get that, that undying love and sacrifice her younger sister had found and her older sister was only now exploring. There was no doubt she would have that with Lucien if she gave into that tug she rarely felt, but she wanted it with Azriel yet he still seemed to be in love with the blonde beauty that was Mor, not she could blame him. Mor was everything she wasn’t, free and careless and infinitely beautiful. She was independent and a warrior, whereas Elain still relied on Nesta to protect her sometimes and though she had stabbed the king she doubt she would win in a fight. “What would Rhys do?” Cassian’s deep voice seeped in from the doorway catching both her and Azriel’s attention. The Illyrian general stood in the doorway with Nesta in his arms. He had traded his usual leather for casual wear that Elain only ever seemed to see Rhysand wear. The shadowsinger even surprised when he showed up early and his jacket was the only piece of leather he had on him. Nesta was still in a dress like always but it wasn’t as tight fitting and was more of a sundress than anything. She was smiling up at Cassian as her hands rested on the strong arms circled around her waist, utterly happy and content with herself. “If he would pick the cake for Feyre’s party rather than giving me a headache.” Elain responded to his question as rubbed her forehead as if she could feel a hint of that headache again. “You know it’s likely she already knows and the reason he keeps saying no is because Feyre is.” Cassian pointed out and Elain realized he was referring to that dreadful mating bond between them. Honestly she was happy that it was there so none of them had to hear what the two were actually saying, but she didn’t like it for her. Though she was able to keep Lucien from seeing her thoughts about Azriel due to the fact that Fayre had helped her build her shield until even Rhys could barely make it through. “If that’s the case than he might not have any heirs.” Elain said something she wouldn’t have said when she was mortal and fragile, but since the war she had loosened up as well, though not in the ways Nesta had. “Don’t worry my mate simply thinks I’m choosing the dessert for a dinner I’m taking her on for her birthday,” Rhys said as he entered the front and made his way to the open doorway. “I happen to want heirs.” He commented with a wink before disappearring, Elaim got up and followed after him just before he went up the stairs. He was probably on his way to the roof where he would then fly to the House of Wind to meet her sister and Mor. “Would at least look at the cookbook and tell me what to make?” She asked as she stood at the bottom of the staircase. “Sure, I look tomorrow while she’s training with Cassian.” He shrugged and sipped from a glass of water he had summoned. Elain thanked him and said she would give him the book after breakfast, then he was gone on a boom of wings told her he was on his way to meet his mate and cousin. She felt some pressure lift from her shoulders as she headed back into the kitchen, only to find Cassian and Nesta had taken her seat. “One of these days you guys are going to break a piece of furniture in this house.” She scolded them as she looked at her sister sitting in the lap of her lover. “Too late for that.” Cassian smirked causing Nesta to blush furiously and Elain knew what that meant. She rolled her eyes as he walked away, heading for her small garden out back and mumbled something about odd places or sex. It seemed Cassian and Nesta weren’t the only pair that didn’t like using a bed to fulfil their needs. She had once heard a brief story about a table in a cabin in the mountains and a wall from Feyre, granted Elain had asked about her mating with Rhysand. That was a month ago when she thought of accepting her bond with Lucien, mostly because she thought she would never have a chance with Azriel. Then he had help tend to her blisters after she forgot to wear gloves one day while working in her garden and she almost felt like her heart would burst out of her chest. Elain took a seat in one of the iron chairs that looked over the little market place of Velaris, it was one of her favorite views of the city. She loved watching the people move throughout the city, always looking so happy. The children playing with each other as they ran through the streets, their parents smiling and talking as they walked behind them. She hoped one day she would have that. One day she would be able to smile and laugh as she watched her children having fun and playing with other children, nothing but happiness. “You seem to be thinking a lot lately.” Azriel commented as he took the seat next to her once again, his spreading out to get some sun. She could’ve sworn she saw some of the red and gold intertwined with the gray and black shades, the little glimpses Feyre always managed to capture when she painted one of them. She managed to smile at him softly as she watched his movements, though her ached a bit at the thought of never being able to touch those wings the way Rhys and Feyre did to each other when they thought no one was looking. “Well I do have a surprise party to plan.” Elain excused mostly because she didn’t want to tell him what she was actually thinking of. Didn’t want him to know how she longed for him because she was afraid he would push her away and she would lose him forever. An eternity without the shadowsinger was what might very well kill her, she had always hated watching him go on missions and hated even more the hole it left behind. “That’s not what you’re thinking about though.” He said as he leaned back and folded his arms together once again, his arms hardly ever seemed to be uncrossed. She knew he had gone silent because he was waiting to see if she would tell him, or if she wanted to keep it to herself which he would of course respect as well. “It’s this whole mating thing,” Elain finally answered and she could’ve sworn he had sucked in a breath as if he was afraid what she would say. “Do you want to accept it?” Azriel asked very carefully as he was afraid he would strike a nerve. Her heart seemed to leap at the prospect he might wish her not to accept it. “I don’t know,” she said honestly as there had been a few times she came close to but then Azriel would do something and she would change her mind all over again. “I’ve considered it but there’s always something tugging at me harder than that bond, sometimes I can barely even feel it.” She knew he was listening to every word as she met his hazel and her beating heart caught speed as she saw a bit of a twinkle in his eyes almost like one of the stars above. “If I don’t accept it what will it do?” Azriel released a heavy breath before he settled on a suitable answer for her, “it’s always unclear what can happen. The female finds it easier to ignore the bond though there is always a little tug.” “And the male?” she decide to push as he paused. “It’s harder for them,” he answered. “That tug never goes away for them some go after the female even after she’s made her choice.” A shiver went down Elain’s spin at the words though she doubted Lucien would be that possessive, and if he was none of her friends would let him get close to her, especially Nesta. That still didn’t help lessen her fear as she didn’t want to hurt Lucien but if she rejected him, it could destroy him. Maybe she could accept it and just to avoid hurting him but then she may no longer be able to stay away like she could now, she would no longer want Azriel and she wasn’t ready for those feelings to fade. Elain turned her gaze out in front of her and watched the sun go down and Velaris come alive along with the moon and the billions of stars that sparkled like the eyes of the male sitting next to her. They sat there silently, watching the streets though it was more like he was monitoring them. Her eyes became heavy and she could’ve sworn she felt strong arms pick her up and carry back into the house and up to her bedroom on a phantom wind. There were soft sheets that met Elain’s soft skin as Azriel laid her down, careful not to wake her and covered her body that was chilled from the night air. The next part could’ve been her imagination but Elain thought she felt the heat of soft lips pressing against her forehead before the door closed on silent hinges. ___ A few days later it was Feyre’s birthday and Elain had made sure Rhysand had taken his mate out and into the city almost immediately after breakfast. Without realizing what their breakfast was exactly Elain had made the mistake on almost walking into their bedroom, before she heard the soft moans of her sister. She immediately walked away with a blush on her cheeks. When Rhys and Feyre did come down however, they were already dressed and heading out for the day, she kept her face hidden afraid of what they might say to her if they had indeed heard her at their door that morning. Once they were gone and she could no longer hear their voices with her Fae hearing she smiled and got to work. Nesta and Cassian had been sent to get the decorations from where Mor had hidden them while the blonde went to help Hallie bring the food over to the house, of course without being seen. Amren had come down later than the others but was soon sent out to follow Mor and help there. Lucien had arrived early this morning after he had been helping Vassa, the last of the mortal queens, settle back into her palace the curse on her finally broken. He had told her silently later that Vassa would send her present for Feyre later as she had some things that needed her attention since she had been gone so long. Mor was upset when she heard this but she said after helping Hallie she would go accept the gift personally from the queen. That left Lucien and Azriel with helping to rearrange the foyer and sitting room of the house and then to help Elain in the kitchen with the cake, Rhys finally having told her what one would be perfect for her sister and his mate. The first load of food arrived with Amren who mentioned something about Mor going to see Vassa an hour ago, and had still not return. Elain knew that was too. She was baking the cake when the blonde finally came back, a present in hand and a smile lighting up her face. She could smell the queen’s scent on the female the moment she had winnowed into the city. “Cassian you are to ruin that, and I worked hard on it!” “All you had to do was cut the dotted line I hardly call that working hard, Nes.” Elain laughed as she heard her older sister bickering with Illyrian lover, a warmth filling into her veins. “Anything you need help with?” Her blood warmed even more at the voice of the shadowsinger, and she looked over her shoulder to see him peering in the doorway. She sent him a smile and he walked the rest of the distance between them, looking over her shoulder as she began frosting the cake. “That looks really good Elain,” he commented causing her cheeks to turn pink with a light blush, a different shade from the red this morning but she knew he could cause an even deeper red if he knew the right words to say. “Thank you,” she said as she set the knife aside and began to work on the decorating of the cake, carefully she placed the strawberries on the edge and then the few candles in the middle. Looking satisfied with her work she turned to face Azriel who was still standing close behind her. “You could carry the cake out to where the rest of the food is,” she asked sweetly to which he only nodded and did just that. Elain followed him out just as Mor rushed down and said that Rhys and Feyre were on their way back now. Cassian tucked his wings around Nesta and used them to hide her as they stood behind a wall. Lucien crouched behind the chair the sitting room while Amren and Mor squatted behind the couch. Azriel grabbed Elain’s elbow and tugged into a corner where the shadows encompassed them, becoming their quiet hiding place. Then Elain felt that deeper shade of red rise onto her cheeks. She was reluctant to move away from him when she heard the soft steps of Rhysand and Feyre coming up the steps and through the front door of the house. Mor was the first to jump out and yell “surprise!” while the rest of them just stood and didn’t yell. Elain smiled at her sister as she hugged Mor, who had jumped over the couch to greet her friend. Rhys was smiling lovingly down at his mate like he always did even after a year. “I thought I said no parties,” Feyre said as soon as Mor let go of her but she wasn’t scolding any of them for ignoring her previous wish. “Blame Elain it was her idea,” Cassian replied which didn’t surprise Elain in the slightest she had expected him to be the one to out her. She faced her sister with a shrug as she finally brought herself to pull away from Azriel’s warmth. “You are 21 now and I figured we all needed a little fun after...everything,” she waved her hand around as if the gesture explained everything she wanted to get out. As if it explained that she wanted to make her new found family happy but also wanted an excuse to drown out her own problems. “21 is a small number for what we are you know,” Feyre said as she came over and hugged Elain tightly, she squeezed her sister’s arms as she pulled away. “But thank you anyways,” and the Feyre pressed a soft kiss to her still rosy cheek. “Hopefully you like your cake because I did make it,” Elain said once her younger sister noticed the food sitting on the tables behind her. “I think I did everything right though so it should be fine.” “I’m sure it’s great especially if my mate picked the flavor,” Feyre smiled as she looked over her shoulder at the High Lord leaning in the doorway. He was watching her with a grin like he always did, only further showing their small group exactly how proud of his mate he was. “Well can we stop talking and eat I’m starving,” Cassian groaned causing Nesta to elbow him in his ribs. “What was that for?” “For fun,” she shrugged though Elain could tell she had reason behind the action, especially when she noticed Cassian’s face change into one of annoyance. Soon enough however they were all done talking and digging into the wonderful food Hallie had provided for them, who had out done herself again. They had all decided to sit up on the roof as they watched the sun go down and the stars come out, the real fun about to begin. Feyre was leaning against Rhys in his lap, like always. Nesta was tucked in close to Cassian’s side, his wing only closing her in more. Mor and Amren sat on the ground around them and Lucien had taken up the chair next to Elain, Azriel stood behind her. She knew he wasn’t the type of person that liked sitting on his ass no matter the occasion so she didn’t bother to offer him a seat. She smiled at him even as she felt the searing eyes of Lucien on her she was almost afraid he could she how her heart raced for the shadowsinger rather than her mate. After they all finished eating and the stars had finally come out, Rhys started playing the music from the Rainbow of Velaris in their ears, the music that had once saved Feyre two years ago. She smiled as she watched the High Lord take the hand of his High Lady and spin her around until her back pressed against his chest. He spun out again causing a laugh to escape from Feyre’s lips. Even Cassian had managed to pull Nesta out into the open and started to playfully spin her around as she sent glare after glare to him, though it soon vanished to form a smile. “Would you like to dance too?” Elain was pulled from her trance of watching her sisters as Lucien’s voice seeped into her ears. Startled a little bit she looked at him shyly but managed to nod in answer. She ever so slowly took his hand before he pulled her from her chair just as the song changed. Elain noticed that Feyre was happily dancing with Mor, both girls trying to convince the small dark haired Fae to join them, Amren’s only response was a roll of her eyes. She smiled at them but it soon faded as she noticed Azriel had disappeared and she didn’t feel a linger of his shadows on the rooftop. “You okay?” Her mate asked, pulling her from her search. “Yeah, I’m fine,” It was a lie, the whole scene of her and Lucien dancing together was a lie. She didn’t want this and the male she truly desired had gone without a trace. Elain wouldn’t let her mate know this though, still fearing what her rejection would do to the red haired male. “I was thinking,” Lucien started but Elain didn’t let him get finish the sentence before she made a comment she never thought would fall from her lips. “Isn’t that dangerous, for a male to think,” he only saw it as a tease and Elain figured it was a good thing he didn’t hear the bite she had put into those words. Thankful he couldn’t tell why she was really burning at his touch, not because she wanted more of him but because it hurt for her to touch him in whatever small way. "Since its been awhile since we have talked I was wondering if maybe we could do lunch tomorrow, granted not what we usually go for but I thought maybe would try something new,” her blood had gone cold. He wanted to go out in public and if he wasn’t her mate she would be fine with it but under these circumstances going out in public seemed too, official. It made her feel like he already claimed her as if she wasn’t debating how to reject him and had accepted that ghost of a bond between them. Elain knew he was still talking but his words had downed out until she finally found herself pushing away from him. “I’m sorry, I can’t,” she said quietly Lucien staring at her confused by what she meant but she didn’t waste another second being the center of awkwardness that had fallen over them. “I have to go.” Elain had no idea where she was going to go, she still barely knew the city she now resided in. She was already running down the stairs though and could have sworn she heard one of her sisters call after her, most likely Nesta. Her feet raced down the wooden steps, almost jumping over them until she was on the front porch. “Elain,” that voice that she loved so much halted her before she could turn and blend in with the business of the city. Azriel was leaning against the walls of the house, encompassed in those familiar shadows the same ones she had been hidden in earlier. How she already felt the longing for those shadows and that darkness and bliss that came with it just by staring at the shadowsinger. Elain’s heart was pounding and not due to the running but rather the fact that he was looking at her so intently as if he longed for her in the same way she did. “I thought you were with Lucien.” She shivered at his name and she knew Azriel had seen it because he had taken a small step closer to her. “I was, but then he started saying things and I ran.” Elain didn’t realize how breathless she actually was until the words came out in almost gasps. “What kind of things?” Azriel asked, coldness laced in his voice as if he would tear the male apart if he truly hurt her. There wasn’t a part of her that didn’t believe he wouldn’t and maybe a part of her wish he would just so the pressure of the mating bond would be lifted from her shoulders. “He wanted to go out to lunch tomorrow and I know it sounds harmless but something about the suggestion of it seems so-” she trailed off but he seemed to see the words in her brown eyes, so different from those of her sisters. “You don’t want to go?” He said in the most careful way with the most kind voice she had ever heard him use. “I’m done trying Az,” Elain sighed and paused letting her shoulders relax just before everything she had been holding in so long flowed out and off her tongue. “There’s nothing there, I don’t feel that bond like he does and I don’t know why that is. Maybe the Cauldron or whoever decides these things made a mistake, maybe Lucien isn’t my true mate.” “The Cauldron nor the Mother have ever made a mistake like that, it’s never happened and isn’t likely. Do you want someone else as your mate?” He asked tenderly though she knew he already knew her answer, or half of it. “Yes. Yes, I want anyone but him because I don’t feel the same things I do for y-... someone else.” Elain caught herself barely in time but maybe Azriel already knew what she was about to say in the way he loosened his shoulders. “Who do you want Elain?” Such a dangerous question and he knew it too. The answer could damn them both and likely would, but something in her made her forget the consequences. If he accepted her they would figure out the rest along the way. “I want you Azriel,” she loosed a breath she didn’t know she had been holding and maybe the moment was so clique that’s what caused it, but she doubted that reason. “I want you and I know who probably don’t want me because of Mor and I don’t blame you. Mor is everything I’m not and everything you need and she-” Azriel cut her off, not wanting her to finish what she was about to say and her gaze finally met his. “Damnit Elain,” his fingers combed through that dark hair as he paced back and forth a few times before he stopped and looked at her, taking in every inch of her with those eyes she never wanted to forget. “Damnit.” He didn’t say anything else and wouldn’t let her either as his warm and scarred hands cupped her face and his lips met her soft ones. Elain had forgotten how good kissing someone felt she hadn’t kissed anyone since Graysen but even that was the different from the way the shadowsinger was currently kissing her. He was being gentle but not and wasn’t bothering with asking before entering his tongue into her mouth like Graysen had done that first time. There was a heat to the way he felt against her different from the fire that flowed in Lucien’s and Feyre’s veins. She almost whined when he broke the contact of their lips, was about to go back for more before he started speaking quietly to her. “You are enough, you will always be enough and anyone would be blind to not see that. You are kind and beautiful and strong characteristics no one ever seems to give you credit for Elain. If I could be your mate I would consider myself the luckiest male in all of Prythian.” Azriel said with a faint smile on his mouth, that mouth she wanted against hers once again. He brushed away a strand of hair that had fallen down behind her ear, a soft blush warmed her cheeks at the gesture. “I wish you were my mate,” Elain said in such a soft whisper that it was almost inaudible and would have been if they weren’t so close. “I wanted it to be you since I saw you at the House of Wind that first time. There was always something that made me feel...whole when I was around you.” “I claim you Elain, if you will let me,” he said almost as quietly as she had been speaking, moving her chin so he could look into her eyes better. “I thought only mates were allowed to say that?” It was what she believed from all that Amren had told her about mating bonds since she was too afraid to ask Feyre or Rhys for information. “The female and male alike can claim whoever they want to if they don’t return the feelings for their mate.” Elain savored the way those words had sounded on his lips, and how she wanted to hear the words again so badly. There was that soft smile on her face again as she looked deeply into the depths of the hazel pools called eyes and said, “I claim you too, Azriel.” With those words the shadowsinger pulled her closer, which she had already thought an impossible task, and kissed her once again more deeply than before. Her arms went around his neck as his on arms encircled her waist and his hands rested on the lower portion of her back. He entered her mouth once again and she made a small sound that was likely a moan as she felt the pleasurable contact. All those feelings she had felt in her heart for the past months she poured into that kiss, into the way she gently moved her hands on his chest. Those scarred hands entangled in her soft golden hair as he grazed his teeth along her bottom lip, she craved the feel of it and almost begged for him to do it again. Then he pulled away however reluctantly, pressing his forehead to hers before murmuring that they should head inside. They didn’t go back up to the roof though, instead they settled in a chair in the foyer, curled up to his broad chest Elain felt content. She felt everything falling into place however slowly she knew that the feel of him beneath her hand was real, knew the press of his chin against her head was real. All of it was real and she couldn’t have wished for anything better. A surprise party ending with a surprise kiss.