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#I knew they both died but besties stop I didn't even cry when my family member dies why am I like this
reijixia13 · 2 years
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Who Made Me A Princess x Reader Scenerio
“First Meeting” p1
Characters include Ijiekiel Alpheus, Claude De Alger Obelia, And Lucas.
Extra characters: Athanasia, Lily, Felix, Maids, Random parents.
Next part will include other boys hihi
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Ijiekiel Alpheus
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Let's just say you know Athanasia from the past, You both work together at anything and everywhere just to pay up taxes. Unlike her, You Still had the chance to grow up with a Guardian but as you reach adulthood, they died from a sickness.
As time past by, You were growing weak and had to check it out on the doctor, Finding out something's tryna kill you (ok this is trash, i absolutely don't know any sickness that can kill you).
So to summarize, Yes it did kill you.
Now for some random reason, You wake up to a new world with Athanasia by yourside.
You both are looking at one another like (๑ŐдŐ)b d(ŐдŐ๑) <-------
“WHAT HAPPEND TO YOU?!” by telepathy
Yours and Athanasia's nanny Lilian York has explain everything about this one shit history book
Now that we summarize that, Lets get how you knew a white puppy
Now Don't get me wrong- You and Athy we're 7 at the time, Extremely new to the Palace environment of the person Athanasia said that's gonna kill her in her 18 year old teenage life
Athanasia didn't agree to have a Playmate when Duke Alpheus asked if the two of you we're lonely but she was reasing she has Claude a killing Tryant, Felix her favorite and ofcourse You♡
But you, Damn you are hellaa ✨diffrent✨
I mean for 7 years Athy was trying to explain to you how to survive but you- You love ✨trouble✨ so Despite Claude disagreeing and Athy chocking on cakes after you announced you wanna play with Duke Alpheus Son and Niece, Being a Daddy's girl such like claude can get you a way better playmate than a barking dog
Anyways
You met a walking puppy at the Alpheus manor while being lost- You we're so close to telling this to Claude, cause who the hell leaves you? Absolutely no one should. Your ✨Important✨
When you met the puppy, You called out “Puppy!” with actual beams around you, a halo even
He was quite confused so he came to aid you, Only to be shock on how you acted
“Puppy, Paw” with a hand for a shake, He can only embarrassly obey before he heard his father.
“Ha, Your Highness you shouldn't run off-”
“Please stop barking, Im talking to a puppy so shoo”
Yeah you slay💅
Lucas
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This is my second attempt, the other one wasn't saved and it was gone lol im crying-
Anyways
Im gonna summarize everything cause im lazy now
Your Anathancius Daughter from his made, Your mother is the Daughter of the Marquise, Anathancius was killed without him knowing your existance, Your mother begging Claude to take care of you in the future and not to kill you, Claude fell inlove when you were birthed and when your mother died he took you in as his own.
You were 2 at the time when a love between Dianna and Claude occured
You guys look like family ngl so im jealous
When things gone hill, after Athy was born you had to beg Claude not to kill Athy with Lily
At some point he was gonna point a sword at you but you had something in you so you took a larger sword
Yeah ngl you were ready to fight him so Felix has to stop you
Time skip you were 7 when you met a 5 year old Athy and became actual besties💅
So when she went into coma, You were the one who keep everything in place from the place to her manas
Then this guy showed up saying his a powerful wizard and saying he knows how to cure Athy
He was almost killed by Claude because he disturb your tea time together to have peace from worrying
He told claude something and Claude went to kill out Athy's pet which you know she'll be upset if she heard it died lol
When Athy woke up, She keep ranting to you about this random dud and you can't help but agree
The next day Lucas showed up and was declared to be their playmate
Ofcourse Athy has to irritate him saying Ijiekiel is better than him making him send her right where Athy wants to be (Athy didn't want to)
You smacked his head
“OW WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!”
“FOR BEING AN IDIOT, HOW COULD YOU SENT ATHY THERE- YOU KNOW WHAT IM OUT TO HAVE A MEETING WITH ALPHEUS ANYWAYS BYE”
It was love at ✨first smack✨ from ✨stupidity✨
Claude De Alger Obelia
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Ngl his hot af
Anyways
Let's just say you were falling off the sky because i wanna isekai you
He was having one peaceful afternoon in his gold palace while you were in the sky praying for life
He just happend to see a shadow at the ground so alert, He look up before down, I feel like he saw something- But still he tried to catch you which he did
You had a stare with him
‘OMFG A GOD JSJDKEJJEORHDJWI IS THIS HEAVEN OR HELL? CAUSE IM SURE ILL BE SLIDING FROM UP TO DOWN’
His just looking at you and your weird clothes
You are containing yourself from having a nosebleed
In the end you just did
For some unknown reason Claude is a gentleman for you hihi
He asked the maids to prepare a room, Ask a physician to heal you
And that's all for now lol
Hope u guys like it, i know its short I have longer thoughts but lazy to even write it. And beside on Lucas part it was supposed to be longer and funnier but i keep forgetting this aint wattpad this is some new app im new on and i almost cry for lucas part ngl next part for other character btw
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nmyaunheard · 1 year
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Chapter 1
It was 8:30 in the night and I was walking down the alley,trying my best to reach home as soon as possible . The alley was dark, with not a single trace of life and a single street lamp which was flickering making the atmosphere eerie..What was even bizarre was that I was being followed by someone. I was about to reach my apartment when it stopped......the footsteps that were trailing behind me had stopped.......I took a breather and continued to walk.I reached my apartment, took my keys out from my purse and opened the door. I kept my bag on the counter near my door and went to freshen up. Even while taking a bath this thing of being followed couldn't be kept out of my mind.I had been stalked for some three months or so, due to which I had to move to a new town where I made sure no one knew me. It stopped for couple of weeks but then again......I was again being followed and it creeped the hell out of me.
I came out of my bathroom and wore my pyjamas and hoodies when I heard a sweet voice calling me ...."Aunt Jenna" ....my 4 year old niece, Isabell called me from behind...."yes, pumpkin",I replied..............."I am hungry", Bell said.
"Well,.....I am going to make pasta. Is there anything that you want with that and who dropped you from school?"
"Benjamin's brother did and i want hot chocolate with pasta",Bell replied
"You mean,Matthew did..wasn't he supposed to be in Red Hills " I asked her.
"Hmmm..he has moved here with Ben and Ben has joined our school now.",she said with excitement in her eyes. Ben was her only friend and she had some trouble adjusting with new kids here.I decided to call and thank him and ask him the reason for the shift but I had to prepare dinner.I fed her pasta and she had her hot chocolate and after that I put her to sleep on our bed . Bell's parents,my brother Max and my best friend Isha who was pregnant that time died in an accident last year.........Max and Isha went to the doctor for an ultrasound but in return a truck hit their car and most unfortunate thing happened and at that time I was babysitting Isabell....I lost my bestie and brother and Isabell lost her parents . Max named her after our late mother Isabell jane who died after giving birth to me.
Maxwell was a year elder than me and Isha, Matt and I were besties. Isha came to Red Hills from California,she was an orphan with brilliant mind and came to our college on scholarship. Matt and I knew each other since we were kids. After the death of my father who was a well known scientist, Matt's parents were our guardians and our father's best friend . Isha and I bonded instantly and when she first came to our house her eyes fell on Max and vice versa and they both started dating ,hanging out until we graduated High school and Max told us he was going to propose Isha . We all were really happy for them n supported him; so did Matt's parents . Isha said yes, and they got married and had Bell their first child .... .We moved out of Matt's house and shifted to ours.
Bell misses them but she is trying her best to forget painful memories. First few months she couldn't stop crying saying she wants her mother back,she wants her dad....but I guess she understood that they were gone but I made sure she didn't feel alone and that I would always be by her side. She is a really understanding child. Usually I never get late but my boss called all of us in an important meeting. I don't have my office on weekends so I take her either to camp or to watch a movie so that I can spend time with her. On weekdays she goes to a daycare .
Back to the story.....
Bell is asleep and I went to the balcony to have a little chitchat with Matt ....
The conversation:
Jenna: Hey, How have you been? I heard you moved here.........to The Risings.
Matt: Yes, mom and dad were worried sick about you and Bell so the whole family decided. It is actually a really good place and we really missed both of you. Ben also wanted to be with Bell ..
Jenna: You didn't have to.....anyways thanks for everything you and your family did for us........So, when are you and your whole family going to come and meet us...
Matt: In the morning .
Jenna: I'll be waiting but atleast tell me where do you live..
Matt: You will know everything.
Jenna: Ok, and thanks for dropping Bell home today .
Matt: You don't have to thank me....
Jenna:Yes, whatever! I am going to sleep now,today was a hectic day.. Goodnight!
Matt: Goodnight and take care. Bye!
I went to my room and layed beside Bell and drifted to sleep.
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doesephs · 3 years
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‘perhaps it is the greatest grief, after all, to be left on earth when another is gone’
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twoidiotwriters1 · 2 years
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Written In The Stars CLXXXV (Harry Potter xF!Oc)
A/N: People on Ao3 have the audacity to be rude and I’m like bestie why are you forcing you to read stuff u don’t enjoy?? Get a life -Danny
Words: 3,042
Series’ Masterlist
Previous Chapter // Next Chapter
Listen to: ‘With or Without You’ -By U2
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Chapter Nineteen: Catching Up.
Mel and Ron caught up with the news overwhelmingly fast. Piles of newspapers welcomed them into the kitchen where Emily had prepared food for them.
"While you're here, it'd be nice if one of you can help me with the cooking or the potions, I do seem to have my hands full," She said brightly. "I spend most of my time looking after Reggie, but I get to help others from time to time... have you heard anything from your uncle, Mel? Erick can't get any information about him, werewolves aren't really a jolly theme of conversation in the Ministry..."
Ron got up and said he was going to the restroom, but Mel knew he was trying to avoid witnessing a fight between them.
"Last I heard from him, he was expecting a baby," She responded tensely.
Emily dropped her cup of tea. "What! I can't believe I missed the news!"
"Believe me, it's better this way," Mel frowned. "He showed up at Grimmauld Place and asked if he could join us..."
She told the whole story to her mother, who didn't look surprised at all.
"Rem always struggled with his worth," She sighed. "I thought that marrying Tonks would fix that... but my love didn't fix Matthew nor Sirius, if anything it added more pressure to them, made them feel like they had an obligation to be perfect all the time..."
"All he had to do was the bare minimum," Mel argued. "All he had to do was stay. My dad did it, Sirius did—"
Emily closed her eyes and shook her head slowly.
"Sirius left, love," She replied. "I asked him to stay, that the Order could do without him. He chose not to listen. I would've done the same but I had just given birth to Leon..."
"He... he left?" Mel asked, collapsing on her seat.
"I think that the thought of losing James's kid drove him to act rashly. He adored Harry with every fibre of his heart, Mel. As much as he loved me... he couldn't turn his back on him."
"But... but you asked him to stay..." She whispered.
"I shouldn't have done that, I got scared and all I could think..." Her voice broke but she kept going, "I kept thinking of when Matt told me that he would've stayed had I asked him... but he would've been miserable, living while his friends perished one by one... when I asked Sirius all I could see was my chance of a happy life slipping through my fingers... I hate to think that Sirius died despising himself for abandoning me."
Both sat in silence, overwhelmed by the horrible thought of watching the men in their lives perish thanks to the war.
"You think I shouldn't have told Remus I wouldn't speak to him again?" Mel asked softly.
"I think you were too harsh, yes," Emily said carefully. "He thinks I'm dead. I was his only family for a whole decade... now he's married to a girl that's about to have his baby— He's afraid of doing what Sirius and Matthew did to me. He saw how much it affected me both times... He doesn't want to inflict that pain on Tonks, perhaps thinks it's better if she hates him, that she won't suffer if he dies... but he's wrong, she could never hate him."
"How d'you know?"
"Because even though I cursed Matthew for leaving me, even when I resented the way Sirius would cope with his isolation, I never stopped loving them to pieces," She reached out and held Mel's hand. "And when it was your time to leave, I knew I would continue to love you my whole life as well."
"God, you're making me cry," Mel complained, hastily drying her tears. "Mothers shouldn't make their children cry, you know?"
"It's not my fault you're such a softy," She replied, also wiping her tears.
Mel hesitated for a second before asking what she hadn't been able to in front of Ron.
"...You think Harry will despise us for abandoning him?"
"No," Emily responded at once. "He must be dead worried, though, it's a good thing you have that connection, isn't it? At least that way he knows you're still alive..."
Mel's heart skipped a beat. How could she forget about the lifeline?
"You're right we're connected," She stood up. "Maybe I do have a way to find them!"
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"Finished the work two days earlier!" Erick yelled from the entrance, leaving his cloak on the hanger. The young man walked into the kitchen to find Mel. "What's up?"
"I can't reach him," She pushed away the broken pieces of glass. "I have to be in genuine danger for the lifeline to work. It's so useless!"
"What did you do?" He rushed over to her side and grabbed her hand, which was bleeding profusely. "Why would you do this?"
"I thought that if I injured myself Harry would be able to see I'm fine," She hissed when Erick pressed on the cut. "It didn't work."
"Where's your mum? And Ron?" He asked, quickly drawing out his wand and healing her. "And why did they leave you unsupervised?"
"I'm not a child," She scoffed. "Ron's helping her with the potions, he really needed something like this, you know? He'd been feeling worthless, I'm glad he found something to do while we're here."
"What about you?" Erick questioned, he pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket and gave it to her. "Have you found something to do besides mutilating your body?"
"Yes," She replied, quickly cleaning the blood from her hand and the table's surface. "Follow me."
Mel guided him to the dining room, she'd placed her Pensieve on the table, three vials standing in line next to it.
"What's that?"
"Dumbledore left me a Pensieve," She explained. "I hadn't used it before because I didn't know where to start... I still don't know, but I could review some of my memories, see if I can find anything I've been missing."
"Need help?"
Mel looked at him reluctantly. "The more you get involved the more I'll have to erase from your memory..."
"About that," He started, fingers lightly touching the Pensieve's surface. "What if instead of erasing my memory, you teach me Occlumency?"
"I don't know," She looked down in contemplation. "I told you I could only stay for a week..."
"Yeah, that if you had to erase my memory, but you can stay longer if you teach me how to hide my memories," He insisted, walking closer to make the conversation more private. "You don't have to go, Mel."
She hesitated. "Why do you want me to stay?"
Erick noticed her change of attitude and stepped back. "Calm down, I'm not trying to convince you to abandon your beloved Harry."
"Then what are you doing?"
"The world's a vicious place right now, Mel. I rather have you and Ron in here and risk my well being instead of kicking you out and throw you in Greyback's direction."
"I can fend for myself."
"I know you can, but you can focus on more important things, safe under my roof," He pointed towards the Pensieve. "And it looks like you have some extensive research ahead."
She hated whenever Erick had a valid point, and right now he was making a really good one. She could either stay here for just one week and leave her search unfinished, be on the run for weeks, maybe months without being able to sit and retrace her steps... or she could stay and take some time to figure out what they had to do, what clues they were missing.
That without mentioning she could teach Erick how to protect himself better and therefore make sure her family would remain safe.
"Alright," She groaned. "We'll start tonight before dinner. I think we should bring Ron, he could learn too..."
"Excellent," Erick replied, then he pulled back a chair and sat in front of her, Mel followed. "So what's in the vials?"
"Memories," She said. "One of them is Harry's, the other two are mine."
"What about?"
"Grindelwald," She frowned. "I feel that they could be connected, I just don't know how."
"How come Harry has a memory about Grindelwald?"
"You-Know-Who has been thinking about him lately."
"That's... normal?"
"Sort of," Mel shrugged. "He doesn't know that's Grindelwald. He's been tracking down something, we don't know what but we think it has to be related to wandmaking."
"Wandmaking?" Erick frowned. "Why would he be interested in that?"
"Harry's wand destroyed the one he used last time they fought," She explained. "He's trying to find out how it happened. That's what we need to figure out as well."
"Your memories... Are those from the times you spoke with Dumbledore? Did he tell you about his friendship with Grindelwald?"
Mel froze at his question, she stared at him. "How do you know about that?"
"Skeeter's book! Half of it centres on that part of his life, haven't you read it?"
"The book's already been published?"
Erick's eyes shone with amusement. "You guys have been away for ages, I'm amazed you still remember how to interact with other people."
"Yeah, yeah, you can tease me later," She brushed his comment aside. "Do you have the book?"
"It's in the library," He pointed over his shoulder. "You want me to bring it?"
"Later," She shook her head. "I should focus on the memories first."
"Alright, if you need any help let me know, I'll tell Ron about our Occlumency lessons."
"Cool."
"The search was a success, by the way," He added as he made his way out. "Dean and the others are safe now— told them to stay in one of the London properties for a while."
"Excellent," She smiled at him, standing up and seizing the memories. "I hope they listen to you."
"The men did, but I have a feeling the Goblins will leave soon, they don't enjoy depending on wizards, let alone wizards like me..."
"You mean disgustingly rich?" She grinned.
"Exactly."
"Pity," Mel sighed. "At least they can fend for themselves just fine. Now get out, I have some research to do and you're distracting me."
"Don't be rude, you're a guest in my house! Show some respect!"
Erick walked to the hall, once there he stopped and added one last thing.
"I almost forgot," He smiled. "I talked to Anne. Okay, see you!"
"WHAT?"
Mel turned around abruptly, but Erick was already gone, he'd run out of sight successfully annoying her.
"Not fair, Prince!"
However, she was incapable of hiding her smile. It was amazing to have Erick again.
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"Nothing?" Ron questioned when she walked out of the dining room holding her Pensieve, irritation clear on her face.
"Not a thing," She murmured. "I don't know what to look for at all."
"Well, you have time," He shrugged, then he discreetly added: "Erick told me you're planning to stay a bit longer here... is that true?"
"You don't want to stay?"
"That depends on what you mean by that."
"Didn't Erick tell you the plan?"
"You'll teach us Occlumency," He responded. "But who knows how long that'll take."
"You guys are clever," She shrugged, placing the Pensieve on the coffee table. "Can't take more than a few weeks. Maybe a month..."
"What about Harry and Hermione?"
"If we find out where they are, I promise we'll leave right away," She walked up to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "We're not ditching them, Ron."
"They don't know that," He grimaced. "Hermione thinks I gave up..."
"If we forgave Erick, they can forgive us."
"Sorry I'm late," Flint walked into the room. "I was changing Leon's diaper. Emily's been trying to teach him to leave it but he's not an expert and I don't fancy the smell of pee on my rug..."
"Everything that comes out of your mouth is so annoying to me," Ron frowned, "and hilarious at the same time."
"He has that effect on people," Mel said, she looked at the book Erick was holding. "That's Rita's book?"
"Yup," He handed it to her. "Bit of a light reading for your sleepless nights... though I warn you, it'll make you angry."
"At this point in life I'm always angry," She replied. "Rumours about Dumbledore slip off me easier than your knickers when you see Anne."
"Ah yes, thank you for reminding me why I hadn't missed you at all."
"Keep telling that to yourself..." She skimmed through the pages, her eyes landing on the picture of a juvenile Dumbledore hugging Grindelwald. "Thank you for this. I'll read it later... Ready for your lesson?"
"Go easy on me, please, this is my first time," Erick replied, rolling up his sleeves.
"I'll be gentle," Mel chuckled.
"Easy there," Ron warned. "Before you try any funny business, Flint, you should know Harry's been shagging her for ages."
"What!"
"Ronald!" Mel blushed. "Can you shut up about my sex life?"
Erick chortled. "You guys were so annoying, I'm just glad you finally found a room!"
"Oh, shut up," She groaned over the boys' laughter. "Well, since you know about Harry and me, it's only fair you tell me about Anne!"
"Wasn't that the muggle girl?" Ron raised his eyebrows. "Hadn't you lost contact with her?"
"For a while, yeah," Erick sat down, pleasantly falling back on his armchair. "But I figured, if I was going to die then there was no harm on paying her a visit."
"This was before or after you talked to Snape?"
"Before, of course! The night after Dumbledore's funeral I went back to my old town. Threw a few rocks at her window, she opened it and saw me there..."
"Was she mad?"
"As soon as she saw me she climbed out of her window! Can you believe her?" He beamed. "She's so cool..."
He told them Anne wasn't mad at all, she knew his parents had kicked him out because their neighbours had seen him walking on the streets with his trunk and looking awfully beaten, he said the girl was so happy to see he was okay that she even hugged him. That was a big deal for Erick.
"She asked me what I'd been doing for the last three years."
"And?"
"I told her I was a wizard."
"No way!" Ron gaped.
"She believed you?" Mel asked in shock.
"Not at first," Erick admitted. "Then I showed her my Patronus— Merlin, you should've seen her face!"
"You couldn't do those before!" She exclaimed. "That's great!"
"Turns out I didn't have enough happy memories," He tilted his head, a healthy blush on his cheeks. "But I was alone with the girl I couldn't stop thinking about since I was eleven... it came to me naturally."
"You've always been such a helpless romantic," Mel smiled. "So? What form does your Patronus take?"
"Oh," Erick came back from his reverie, he frowned a little. "A Raven."
"Really?" She grinned. "Makes perfect sense."
"Yeah well, she loved it, said it was beautiful— then I kissed her," Erick stood up. "Anyway, we should start our lesson—"
"YOU WHAT—"
"Congrats, mate!"
"Guys, guys!" Erick laughed, pleased with the reaction he'd caused but deciding it was time to stop their chatter. "I'll be happy to tell you all about it during dinner, but we have to start studying now."
"He's right," Mel sighed. "You're annoying, Flint. C'mon Ron, get your wand!"
"Can't wait," Ron replied sarcastically.
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Someone knocked on her door around half an hour after curfew.
"Come in?"
Ron's hair was dishevelled as if he'd spent all that time tossing around on his bed.
"What's wrong?"
"I... er..." He entered the room and closed the door behind him. "I can't sleep. Mind it if I stay here today?"
Mel closed Skeeter's book and frowned.
"You want to sleep here? This house has about ten empty bedrooms!"
"Exactly," He made a face. "I'm not used to sleeping in a huge, empty manor, it's weird."
"Why don't you sleep in Erick's room, then?"
"Are you mad? I've never shared a room with him!"
"That makes you more uncomfortable than sharing a bed with your best friend's girlfriend?"
"Don't be stupid," Ron rolled his eyes, walking over to her. "I don't think about you that way, you're one of my best friends too! Besides, we've slept in the same bed before, haven't we?"
"When we were twelve."
"C'mon, Mel, just for a few nights?" He pouted. "If you're going to teach us Occlumency we need to have a clear head, right?"
She gave in, the girl pulled down her bedsheets and moved closer to the right, lightly patting the left side of the mattress.
"Get in," She rolled her eyes. "But don't complain if I cuddle you in my sleep..."
"That's alright, I do that too," He grinned. "Were you reading Skeeter's book? Are you trying to have nightmares?"
"I was curious to see if she'd discovered anything I hadn't," She opened the book and handed it to him. "She added a letter— See the way he signed?"
"Yeah?"
"Krum almost killed Luna's dad because of that symbol," Mel frowned. "Said it was Grindelwald's... but it can't be his when Dumbledore used to sign with it as well?"
"Maybe they came up with it together?" Ron offered.
"I don't see why Mr Lovegood would carry it around so proudly if that were the case..."
"Well, he's a strong advocate of your uncle, isn't he? Perhaps he uses it to support you..."
"I don't think so," Mel pondered for a moment, she had the feeling she'd seen that symbol somewhere else. "I'll need to start from scratch, every single conversation I've had with Dumbledore since I was eleven... Merlin, this is going to take years."
"Let's hope it takes you less than that," Ron frowned. "I like helping Emily, but I want to go back to Hermione and Harry, they need us."
"I know," She took the book and put it on her nightstand. "We'll go back to them, I promise. You wait and see."
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lovinlikeloki · 3 years
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The Lone Wolf
Masterlist // 05
Warnings: Swearing
Word Count: 4.2k
I was in my wolf form when my cage was being opened, I looked to the twins' cells, Wanda nodded to me ever so subtly, flickered her hands slightly and I knew. It was time. The guard opened the barred door and I took my chance, I dug my claws into his chest, he began bleeding and I pushed harshly past him. I turned back to my human form and knocked him over the head hard enough to knock him out.
I took the keys to the twins' cells from his unconscious body and swung them around my left index finger. I smiled to the twins and they smiled back.
"So..." I smirked at them, "Who wants to escape from some science Nazis?"
I shoved the key into the lock of Wanda's cell and turned it, opening the door and she smiled at me, she ruffled my hair as she left the cell and we moved onto my beloved's cell. I put the key in and turned it impatiently, wanting to see him free. When the door opened he spared no time running over to me and engulfing me in his arms.
"I knew you could do it mi prințesa," he said into my hair and I pulled back from the hug.
(My princess)
"Of course, mo chroí, have I ever failed you yet?" I quirked an eyebrow at him.
(My heart)
"Enough," Wanda interrupted his answer, "You'll have time for all that when we are gone."
"She makes a point, a stór," I looked in my love's eyes before turning away.
(Darling)
"Wanda, you got the cameras in here, you have to do that before every room we enter, even then they probably know that we're escaping. Piet, I need you to get me a gun, as quick as you can, without getting caught. I'm busting us out of here and I don't care how many people's blood I spill as long as we get out alive," I order, I may be younger than them, but our escape was mostly my plan and they don't have any less respect for me because of my slight age difference.
"Got it," they replied before doing as asked. Wanda fucked with the camera in the next room and we took down the guards, Pietro picked up a gun and threw it to me, I caught it and felt the adrenaline coursing through my veins as I fiddled with the trigger.
I nodded to them and we began moving through the base. We made quick work of the guards that tried to capture us, a bullet shot here, some telekinetic intervention there, all in all it there didn't seem to be any problems.
We made it to the back exit and began leaving. That was when it happened. When we failed. When we were split up. We were running as fast as we could, leaving the god forsaken place when I turned around, just for a second, and saw Wanda missing.
"Mo ghrá, I said, "Where's Wanda?"
Pietro looked behind him and saw her gone as well, "I will find her," he told me before giving me a kiss on my forehead.
"Be quick," I told him, "Be safe. Come back to me."
"Always, malen'kaya Volchitsa."
And with that he turned and ran back to find his sister while I kept running away.
I jolt awake, sitting up and gasping for air, eyes wide. It was just a nightmare... no, not a nightmare, a memory. That day was the last I saw of them. The last I saw of him. I didn't even get to say a real goodbye. Now he's gone.
My panting and shaking awakens Wanda, she sits up slowly before taking my hands in hers. She smiles sadly at me as tears stream down my face.
"Este în regulă draga mea, ești bine, totul este în regulă," she comforts me.
(It's okay my dear, you're okay, everything's fine)
"Níl sé, níl gach rud i gceart. Tá achan rud ag titim as a chéile arís. Ní thig liom thú a fhágáil. Fuair duine againn bás an uair deirneach," I sob to her.
(It's not, everything's not okay. Everything's falling apart again. I can't leave you. One of us died last time)
"Nu, nu este. Ultima data a fost diferită. De data aceasta vom rămâne în legătură. Mi voi fi niciodată mai mult decât un telefon depart."
(No, it's not. Last time was different. This time we will stay in touch. I will never be more than a phone call away)
Phone call. Phone call. My mind sobers as I realise what must've happened back home and I haven't even taken the time for a phone call.
"I- I have to go," I say, slipping out of my mother tongue and into English, stepping out of bed and grabbing my phone.
"Where are you-" I cut Wanda off.
"I need to make a phone call."
"Fianna, it's late."
"I have to."
With that I leave the room, I don't know where to go and so I just kinda linger in the hallway, pacing back and forth. I unlock my phone and go to my contacts, I scroll until I hit it, 'Eo' it's my contact for Eoghan. It's not what I would want my father figure's number as, but I try to keep it professional so...
I hit call and wait as the phone rings. Once. Twice. And on the third he picks up. I let out a breath as he greets me.
"Hello? Fianna? Are you okay?" he asks me.
"Ye-yeah I am," I say before biting the drawstring of my hoodie, "That's a lie. I'm, I'm not okay Eoghan," I confess to him.
"Talk t' me. What's wrong?"
"I uh, I had a nightmare," I tell him, shoving my spare hand into the pocket of the hoodie.
"Okay, nightmare," he repeats and I can practically see him nodding in understanding, "Do you want to talk about it Fi, or do you just want someone to talk to?"
I shake my head, knowing he can't see it, "Talk to someone. I actually called you to, um, to apologise. I know that you probably got dragged into my mess and I wanna make sure that you and Orlaith and the rest of you are doing alright."
There's a slight hesitation before Eoghan speaks again, "What are you talking about?"
"I mean when the feds showed up... right after I busted out of the Raft," I say slowly, confused by his confusion.
"No one showed up here Mactíre," Eoghan assures me, slipping in my merc name. "I haven't a clue what you're on about. What do ye mean busted out?"
"Okay, look, when Wanda called me I was gonna fight a couple of her friends, yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Well basically it all went down in this airport runway. To be honest with ye there was like twelve of us all together and it looked more like a scrap between a few chavs in a Tesco car park than a fricken civil war between the Avengers."
"Okay," Eoghan laughs at that, which was my intention, because he won't be laughing in a second.
"Basically there was this thing called the Sokovia Accords, it basically bans the Avengers from fighting without their ma and da, a bunch of governments, saying they can. Mister America and his old bestie broke that rule and so they became criminals, I and some others helped and that made us all criminals."
"Heh, I'm sorry, what the fuck?" Eoghan asks in a slightly higher octave than usual, yeah, he's pissed at me.
"Yeah... and so we were sent to this superhero jail that was in the middle of the fuckin' ocean. After a couple o' days Stars and Stripes teamed up with some Emo Hello Kitty looking fella and the freakin' Black Widow to bust us out. We're staying in Wakanda right now."
"Okay... let me get this straight," Eoghan says, exasperatedly. "You, and some of America's little mascots, fought the other half of America's mascots. Then you were thrown into a jail cruise ship-"
"It wasn't quite that luxurious Eo, I had a shock collar on," I interrupt with a deadpan tone.
"You fucking what?! Let me continue, you were thrown into a submarine jail, with a shock collar on. Couple o' days later you get broken out of said submarine jail. And now you're staying in a third world country?" Eoghan questions, clearly regretting emotionally adopting me. I don't blame him either, I'm a real problem child.
"I- technically yes. But I'm not coming home is the main point here."
"Why? Why not? Fianna this place is your home, we're you family."
"You are," I agree, fiddling with the zipper of my hoodie nervously. "But if I show up back home then word will get out where I am. I don't want to endanger my family and their jobs. Trust me. Besides, I have a place to stay."
"Where? Where the hell are you staying that would be safer than here?"
"Listen, I hate it as much as you do... probably more. I'm going to New York to stay with... Stark," I sigh, stopping my fiddling.
"Stark? Why would you do that?" Eoghan asks incredulously.
"Because it'll keep us all safe. Me away from that floating ocean pokey and the feds away from you. Trust me, it's for the best."
"But Fianna, you hate him. What about what he did? Don't you remember the pain it caused you? The pain that you caused? Mactíre," he says dangerously.
"Eoghan," I say in a low voice, laced with anger, "Don't go there. I don't want to do this, but it's for the best, if it were up to me I'd be going home... or Madripoor."
"Jesus Christ," he whispers, "Right, well you'll stay in touch, that's for sure. And you'll call Orlaith in the morning, she's worried about you... Tommy too."
I perk up at that, "Tommy? How is he? Is he okay? Have they done anything to him? I swear I'll kill them if they touched a hair on his head," I fire question after question.
"Tommy's fine, he just wants to know how you are, what you're doing etc. They haven't done anything to him, not that I know of at least. Look, I'll get Orlaith to call you in the morning, she'll have Tommy with her and you can talk to them both, okay? It's getting late."
I sigh and look to the ground, "Alright, I have to go back to sleep anyways."
"Oíche mhaith, m'iníon. Go mbeadh aisling aláinn agat."
(Goodnight, my daughter. Have sweet dreams.)
"Oíche mhaith daidí, go raibh míle maith agat."
(Goodnight dad, thanks a million.)
And with that I hang up. My eyes fog over with tears and I simply let them fall. I've been crying a lot more lately; I feel like a fricken crybaby. A lot of emotions have been stirring up and I hate it, I hate the weakness that's overcoming me. I can't let myself feel so deeply, especially negatively... not after last time.
I go back into the bedroom and get into bed. I hug myself and shrink into the hoodie as best I can. It used to be Eoghan's, this hoodie, he gave it to me when I first moved into St. Marie's. I barely had anything and he just gave me the hoodie, it's definitely not perfect, it has burns around the cuffs and the zipper always gets a bit stuck halfway up, but I wouldn't give it up for anything. It's like a safety blanket for me, it makes me think of him and feel safe. After a few minutes I eventually drift off to sleep.
° ∆ -------- ••• ------- ∆ ° ∆ -------- ••• ------- ∆°
I stayed in the bedroom most of the morning, on my phone messaging a tumblr mutual. Her URL is FriendlessGhost17, mine is Coilean07. We met last year, round abouts when a week into me living at St. Marie's. She lives in NYC and so it might be a good idea to talk to her in case we end up running into each other. We've facetimed and called many times but we've never actually met in person.
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I say my goodbyes and sigh. Life just sucks a lot at the moment, but what can I say? That's what happens when you go down the road of off-the-books illegal experimentation, I guess.
I hear a knock on the door, "Come in," I say, not looking up from my scrolling.
"You gonna join the land of the livin' today?" I look up and see Sam, arms crossed, leaning in the doorway.
"Uh, yeah, I just- I was messaging a friend," I tell him.
"Nothing revealing though, right?" he raises an eyebrow.
"Of course not," I dismiss, "I'm not an amateur. I told her I was with my sister but have to leave her again. I don't always tell the truth, but I'm always honest. It's a fine line to walk but a good loophole to have."
Sam ventures further into the room, "So you're good at what you do, that's reassuring... I think. Look I know this isn't gonna be fun for you, staying with Stark, but sometimes that's just how it is, that's how life is."
"Not gonna be fun? You really don't know me, do you?" I laugh humourlessly.
"No, no I don't," Sam admits, shaking his head and sitting on the edge of the bed next to me.
"Well, essentially Stark has hurt everyone I love and, I can hold a grudge like nobody's business. It's not just gonna be 'not fun' it's gonna feel like a betrayal. But I don't wanna focus on that, I wanna enjoy my time before I go to that stuck-up, narcissistic ass."
Sam smiles for a second, "You know, Steve would be disappointed if he heard that kinda language out of you."
I raise an eyebrow, "He was in the army and from the 40s, I'm sure he has no room to talk. I bet people make assumptions and he just doesn't dispute them. I bet his birthday isn't even the fourth of July, someone assumed it was and now he lives in fear of anyone finding his birth certificate."
Sam laughed out loud at that and I had to join him, I've been on tumblr long enough to have to many thoughts about America's favourite boy scout. Sam and I talk for a while, about Steve, about Wanda, I even get some stories about his old days in the army. He tells me about the missions he flew and I learn more about his wings. Then he tells me how he met Steve and Natasha.
"So he, he lapped you how many times?" I ask incredulously.
"Thirteen. He lapped me thirteen times! And he kept saying 'on your left' to like warn me he was lapping me, like it felt like he was doing it on purpose," Sam scowls.
"He probably was, I mean I read about him a bit in school and apparently he was always a little shit, he just got away with it since he was a stick and had like every illness to ever exist in the 30s," I tell him.
"Maybe," Sam says, "But yeah, that's how we met. And then a few days later he shows up at my house with Natasha and tells me 'everyone we know is tryna kill us' like no hellos, no 'how are you's, just straight to the point."
"And you just let them in?" I cock an eyebrow.
"Well yeah, Captain America shows up at your door, what are you not gonna let him in?"
"It would make a pretty funny story don't you think? 'Captain America and Black Widow showed up at my house and I turned them down.' I think that'd be hilarious. But naw, I'd let them in surely."
Then there's a vibration from my phone. I look at the screen as it lights up and see that Orlaith sent me a snap.
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I look back up to continue the conversation with Sam but he shakes his head.
"You can talk to your friends, don't worry. I just talked your ear off for the last hour or so, you can get back to your friend now," he tells me.
I smile at him softly, "Thanks Sam. And this talk was good, by the way, you didn't talk my ear off. You distracted me and I appreciate it."
He gets off the bed and turns to me, "That used to be my job you know, helping other Vets with PTSD. I thought you'd prefer to be distracted than reminded of what's happening and so I just catered to that rather than pushing you."
"Really Sam, thank you. But now I gotta have a difficult conversation about what's happening so... I guess I can't put it off any longer," I sigh.
"Good luck, Fianna, you can do this," Sam tells me before leaving and closing the door.
I open the message from Orlaith.
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I find Orlaith's number in my contact list and hit call.
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It only takes one ring and she picks up, "Hiiii, how did it go?"
"It went good Orlaith," I tell her, a smile already on my face from hearing her voice. "And I got to see Wands again which has done me wonders, really."
"That's great to hear, oh and you're on speaker," Orlaith tells me.
"Hey Fi," I hear Tommy's voice and I nearly start crying.
"Mo dearthair bheag Tommy, ta sé ar dóigh le do guth a cloisteáil arís. Cad é mar atá tú, coiléan bheag?" I ask, slipping into my first language after hearing my baby brother's voice for the first time in a couple weeks.
(My little brother Tommy, how amazing it is to hear your voice again. How are you, little pup?"
"Táim I gceart, Mactíre," he mocks, "Agus an miste leat gan ag cuir sin orm? Ní páiste mé níos mó!"
(I'm fine, Mactíre. And do you mind not calling me that? I'm not a kid anymore!)
"Ach is páiste thú dom. Bheul, ar a laghad is dearthair bheag s'agam thú. Má chuireann sé isteach ort an méid sin, stadfaidh mé."
(But you're a kid to me. Well, you're my little brother at least. If it annoys you that much I'll stop.)
"Hey! Is grá liom go bhfuil sibh in ann labhairt le chéile ach tá mise anseo fostaaa!" Orlaith butts in.
(Hey! I love that you're able to talk but I'm here toooo!)
"Ceart go leor, sionnach," Tommy says, "Cad é ar mhaith leat a labhairt faoi?"
(Fine, Fox. What would you like to talk about?)
"First of all, that nickname is so old, like first year old. And that was like four years ago. Anyway, let's start with where your big sis is? Huh, how about that?" Orlaith begins, slipping back into English.
"Well... I may or may not be in the palace of Wakanda," I reveal. I can trust them, they won't tell.
"You're where?" Tommy questions.
"Wakanda."
"Get de fuck!" he exclaims.
"I'm not messing Tom. And I'm not staying here much longer either."
"You're coming back home again?" Orlaith asks.
"Not- not exactly, Orls," I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to figure out a way to tell them, to tell Tommy that I'm not coming home. "I'm going to New York, I'm going to New York, a thaisce, and I have to stay with Stark."
(Love {term of endearment})
"With- With Stark as in Tony Stark?" Orlaith asks.
"As in the one who you despise with a burning passion?" Tommy adds on.
"Yeah, that's, that would be him," I sigh.
"How are you- How will he survive that?" Tommy asks.
"Why do you have to go to that cunt?" Orlaith questions at the same time.
"Orlaith!" I hear Eoghan scolding her in the background, they must be at St. Marie's.
"Sorry Eoghan, sorry Tommy," Orlaith apologises.
"Hey Eoghan," I say into the phone.
"Hey Fia, I'm just making sure these two got through de ye. I still think ye should be here, but never mind me, keep yer chin up, I'll talk de ye later," he tells me, his parental feelings slipping through the professional mask he tries to wear.
"Of course Eo, we'll talk later," I reassure.
"I have de leave now, Liam's looking another pint," he tells me.
"Bye Eoghannnn," I sing.
"Goodbye Fianna."
"Well, back to our conversation," Tommy says, "Why are you going de Stark of all people?"
"Essentially I might have accidentally made myself an international criminal when helping Wands," I say, my voice raising octaves as I speak.
"Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the wee donkey they rode in on. How did ye manage that Fianna?" Tommy asks incredulously.
"Tomás Ronan McConnell!" I reprimand. "What have I tol' you about blasphemy?"
"Not to," he grumbles.
"Exactly, so would you like to rephrase that?" I raise an eyebrow and I know he can feel it through the phone.
"How did you manage de be a criminal helping your sister?" he rephrases the question.
I smile at Tommy calling Wanda my sister, he might never have met her but he still considers her my sister, and even his in a way.
"Look, it was just a job gone wrong. It's not even... it's not my choice, I have de go t' Stark because he can protect me from the Feds. But... I won't be with him for long," I lie. I don't want to lie, but I need to protect them, if they think I'm coming back then they won't take it so hard.
"Right, well ye better get back soon okay? I miss my bitch of a big sister!" Tommy tells me and tears prick my eyes.
"Yeah, yeah I'll be back soon," I nod, tears falling as I keep my voice steady, "And when I get back we're spending the whole day together, I don't care what Erin and Shéa have to say about it."
"All three of us," Orlaith adds, "And we're gonna have the best time, right? We'll go to The Amusements and we'll go de the cinema and we'll go to Foyleside and just spend the whole day together.
"We will," the tears falling with ease but I keep my voice level, "God, I can't wait to see you two again. When I get back yous'll be sick of me, clinging de yous like a wane."
There's a beat of silence as we think about that day... the day that won't come for a long time. Not that they know that. It still hurts though; I miss my brother and my best friend. But no more tears, I wipe them away and clear my throat.
"We have to go," Orlaith says guiltily. "Mam is looking me back in ten minutes and Tommy needs to get back before they realise how long he's been gone."
"Okay, okay," I inhale sharply "Slán Tommy, slán Orlaith. Is grá liom sibh béirt le mo chroí iomlán. Feicfidh mé sibh gan mhoill, yeah?"
"Slán Fianna, is grá liom thú. Feicfidh mé thú níos moille," Orlaith says.
"Slán Fianna, chonaic mé thú níos moille. Is grá liom thú," Tommy says and I laugh a little.
"Bye," I say and I hang up.
I hear a knock at the door and wipe my tears quickly, erasing any evidence of my crying. I tell them to come in and it's Bucky. We haven't really spoken much, between not knowing each other and wanting to stay close to the ones we're leaving we haven't had the time to bond, I guess.
"Hey," he says timidly, staying in the doorway.
"Hey," I reply, just as timid.
"The others are discussing their plans, I think everyone's moving out tomorrow," he informs me.
"Okay, thanks for letting me know," I say, putting my phone in my hoodie pocket before standing and making my way to leave the room.
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Grace & Janis
Grace: Did you even tell anyone you were staying out?? 🤔🤔 Janis: Did YOU warn the fam you were inviting the devil inside? 🤔🤔 Grace: Rude! Grace: Someone woke up on the wrong side of the barista's bed Grace: OMG is he that bad? How shaming Janis: Wouldn't you all love to know Grace: Like you would anyway, you don't have anything to compare him too Janis: Again, you wish you knew Janis: but yes, I text them Janis: that it? Grace: Oh honey, we ALL knew you were a virgin Grace: Did he? Grace: Before you made it obvious, I mean Grace: You should have come home first, me & the girls could have helped you out Janis: It's cute Janis: all the things you THINK you know Janis: yeah, that'd be fun Janis: Mia must've dropped the invite on her way out Janis: with the story, likw Grace: 🙄🙄 Grace: girl please Grace: Mia'll get over it Grace: Unlike ME! You could've told me! Janis: Get over herself? Janis: Unlikely Janis: Told you what? Grace: OMG how hungover are you!? Don't be dense Grace: THE GOSSIP obvs Grace: I have to hear it from Mia Grace: so UNACCEPTABLE Janis: It's gossip 'cos she made it Janis: as if I had a chance to tell you or anyone, even if I wanted, when she went live with it Grace: There's always time to give me the real story Grace: You've got a phone Grace: Look how quick you answered this morning 🙄 Janis: 'Cos I thought you might have some real concern Janis: shoulda known better Grace: I AM concerned bitch Grace: you could be in a ditch Janis: Yeah, new boy's a serial killer Janis: this ain't the CW Grace: I didn't even know you were with HIM, did I? Grace: You never tell me anything Janis: Now who's being dense Janis: 1+1=2 Grace: Excuse me for having a nun for a sister Grace: Usually Janis: Again Janis: get a clue Grace: OMG Grace: I'm trying Janis: Bless 💕 Grace: Are you coming home TODAY? Janis: Are the coven gone Grace: I wouldn't bother asking if they hadn't Grace: I'm not stupid Janis: Probably then Janis: I got stuff to do Grace: One of them better be 🚿 Grace: Whelan's is soooooooo gross Janis: Not like you've ever got inside to know Grace: It's not like I want to Grace: like I said, ew Janis: Not with that baby face 😂 Grace: Shut up Janis: Like I said, bless Grace: I hate you so much Grace: This is what I get for being nice Janis: Nice Janis: Where? Grace: This WHOLE convo Grace: From the moment I checked you were still alive Grace: & I defended you last night GOD KNOWS why Janis: Shouldn't have to Janis: if your friends weren't cunts you wouldn't be in such a mood Grace: You're the only one being a bitch to me, Janis Grace: Newsflash Janis: Nah Janis: I'd have to be interested for that Grace: Yeah we KNOW you're only into barista boy Janis: Why would I be interested in anything you're doing Janis: it's them with the fucked priorities for giving a shit Grace: OMG get over yourself Grace: getting one boy to sleep with you doesn't make you God's gift Grace: 🙄🙄 Grace: Like I told you before, he'll get bored Janis: You first Janis: Like I told you before, get a hobby Janis: pass it on Grace: Whatever Grace: Don't come crying to me when he realises how much of a bitch you are Janis: 😰 Janis: Don't come to me when you grow a backbone and/or personality of your own Janis: still won't be interested Grace: I already have both thanks Janis: 👌 Grace: 👋 Janis: Cute 😂 Grace: At least one of us is Janis: Sick burn Janis: If only someone that weren't Mia thought so, eh babe? Janis: Sad times 💔 Grace: Take your own advice and get a clue Janis: 😂 #exposed Janis: get some self-esteem Grace: You need it more Grace: Letting that boy use you like this....tragic Janis: I'm God's gift, remember Janis: Can't have it both ways baby Grace: I said you think you are Grace: Not that he does Janis: SELF-esteem, Gracie Janis: not 'this boy would chuck it up me from behind' esteem Janis: poor thing Grace: Faking having it doesn't mean you really do, hun Grace: We can all flex on the snap Grace: You're honestly so embarrassing Janis: I don't need facetune to flex Janis: no filters gonna fix all...that 💋 Grace: You DO need it, you just don't USE it Janis: Nah, I don't though Janis: tragedy Grace: Sure Jan Grace: Keep telling yourself that, babes Janis: You keep telling yourself Janis: can't talk someone into feeling as bad as you do Janis: let your bestie in on the secret and maybe you'll both stop being such poisonous little trolls 💕 Grace: 😂😂😂 Grace: You wish Grace: Can't be bullied without a bully, but you're not that important to Mia 💔 Janis: Oh no Janis: not queen Mia Janis: suck her dick a lil better and she might love you back Janis: story of your life though, that 🤷 Grace: You're actually disgusting Grace: Save it for your boyfriend, I'm sure it makes him really 😍😍😍 Janis: Yeah, and I'm the Nun Janis: the swings and roundabouts you have to go on to make me the bad guy Janis: no wonder you're braindead 😵 Grace: Yeah sure 🙄 Grace: I don't have to say things to cover up the fact I don't know what I'm doing Grace: You sound 12 Janis: Lie of the year goes to Janis: that's all that comes out your mouth Janis: fuck what's going in it 😂 Janis: I'm glad I don't like you, it'd be exhausting having to pity you as hard as is needed Grace: Again, you wish Grace: You tell me to get a hobby, you make the same 'argument' over and over again Janis: it ain't an argument Janis: irrefutable facts Janis: don't like it, change it up Janis: we all got bored a long time ago Grace: Exactly, it isn't, it's you trying to throw shade TERRIBLY Grace: You don't know a single fact about me, babe Grace: Clearly you don't like THAT if you have to keep pretending you do Grace: Hm? Sounds like me with his convo Grace: Don't you have a boy getting bored rn? You might wanna focus on that Janis: Nothing to know Janis: Shadow of a shadow Janis: Literally how are you the blandest granola ass bitch outta the lot and they're all white as hell Janis: not even earning them mixed points, it's a real talent how uninteresting you are, truly Janis: tutorial on that, please Grace: 😂😂😂😂 Grace: But you're STILL talking to me instead of him Grace: What's the matter? Not everything you hoped it'd be? So sad Janis: I got more than one braincell Janis: can talk about put mascara on Janis: though the memes of you failing in your last vid have been amusing, tah for that Grace: You should try doing it Grace: Obvs you need more that mascara but every little helps Janis: Not with a face like that Janis: but you know, more is more and it almost constitutes a mask at this point Grace: 👏👏👏 Janis: There you go, now when you cry like a little bitch about it, you've got reason beyond your victim complex Janis: welcome ✌ Grace: MINE? You're the one who thinks that we're so invested in your little love story that we're all out for sabotage Grace: Please Janis: You know you can see when people watch your stories, yeah? Janis: she was like, the first view Janis: so much for not being important, don't worry, I won't steal your girl Grace: She's mad 'cause you outshined her coffee date moment Grace: Like I said, she'll get over it Janis: Should stop making herself vom Janis: wreaks havoc on your natural glow, but that's neither here nor there Grace: And she's the evil one Grace: That's not funny or true Janis: Cry me a river Janis: not gonna if she kills herself making herself look even worse than her personality Grace: OMG STOP Grace: You're as bad as she is Grace: Obsessed with each other 🙄 Grace: Get a room or something Janis: Awh, wanna be BFFs then?! Janis: 😏 Grace: Shut up Grace: I'd rather be the one who dies Janis: Didn't think so Grace: The first thing you've got right this whole time Grace: Well done, babes Janis: I ain't the one in remedials with the rest of the thickos Grace: Stop calling me stupid Janis: Any time you fancy stopping Janis: be my guest Grace: And what? Be more like you? 😂 Janis: You wish Janis: Be less braindead, would be a start Grace: YOU wish Grace: Caring about what I look like doesn't make me braindead Grace: It makes you a judgey bitch Janis: Yeah, that's the issue Janis: look like Sephora threw up on your face all you want Janis: at least be a person with it, not a painted fuckdoll Grace: So sorry I can't get top marks in maths or whatever OMG Janis: 🔬 Grace: I don't even know what you're talking about now Janis: Just trying to find your last surviving braincell Grace: Find it with the last place you cared about anything Janis: 🔭 Janis: Nope Janis: no signs of life Janis: soz Grace: So glad I could make you feel better about your crap shag by insulting me Grace: But I'm the idiot 👌 Janis: Awh, don't do yourself down Janis: never let it be said you don't have your uses Grace: I'm not here to be used by you, hun Grace: Deal with that Janis: Just a cumdump and Mia's personal bitch Janis: coolio 👍 Grace: Says you Grace: You've known that boy for like a day Grace: & Mia's more concerned with you right now, like I said Janis: 😱 Janis: Are you SLUT SHAMING me Janis: dundundun Janis: know you're 💔 but babes, girl code Grace: I'm stating a fact Grace: You think you're better than me, you aren't Janis: You think I am Janis: I just don't disagree, that's all Grace: I think you're the worst person this family has so far produced Grace: But whatever you need to tell yourself Janis: A dagger through my heart Janis: good thing you've got no place then init Grace: Yeah Grace: Bad enough I have to have the same last name as you all Janis: Marry the first boring white boy who will settle for you and no one ever need know Grace: And follow in your footsteps? No thanks Janis: You couldn't fill these shoes, figuratively and literally Grace: I don't want to Grace: You dress worse than your boyfriend Grace: At least he gets paid to look like that some of the time Janis: as much as I'd LOVE to look like topshop's sale rack Janis: you rinse 'em every time, what's a girl to do Grace: Obvs Grace: It's all my fault you look a state Janis: I don't, so don't trouble yourself Grace: You do, but I won't Janis: Mia don't seem to think so 😘 Grace: She hates you, that's her obsession Grace: Keep looking like that, it fuels her Janis: What, the body she's actually killing herself for? Janis: Will do and it's so effortless Grace: 🙄🙄 Grace: I'm the one who needs a hobby and is soooo uninteresting but you keep talking about Mia cos that's really not Grace: Go into her inbox, please Janis: Like I said, get a personality and we might stand a chance Janis: surgically remove yourself or are you less of a Siamese and more parasite? Grace: Sure, I'll turn myself into her so you can be obsessed with me Grace: You two are ridiculous Janis: 😂😂 Janis: Oh honey Janis: you clearly can't, been trying for years Grace: You wish Grace: Does your boyfriend know you're in love with my best friend? Grace: You might wanna share before he catches feelings Janis: Do you know your best friend kinda hates you? Janis: 😬 too late for you, awkies Grace: Rn the feeling is mutual Grace: Get over it Jan-Jan Janis: 💔 Janis: You'll get over it Janis: well, she'll walk over you, doormat Grace: Like you care Grace: either way Janis: What's the point Janis: You're never going to Grace: I care bitch Janis: You're never going to stand up to her Janis: Why should I be waiting on it with baited breath Grace: You've never waited on me Grace: Don't act like it's Mia's fault Janis: It ain't, it's yours Janis: she's a decent scapegoat though Grace: Again, you wish Grace: Nothing's all my fault, sorry about it Janis: Trust, no part of me wishes for you as my sister Janis: especially what you've become Grace: That makes two of us Janis: You said Janis: with all the care and concern you're claiming Grace: I do care, I just wish I didn't Grace: and that you weren't my sister Janis: Get over it Grace: You can try and tell me what to do as much as you like Grace: Not gonna happen Janis: I know, you're hopelessly pathetic Janis: like I said, no baited breath here Grace: Me? Oh babes Grace: Like I said, tragic Janis: Yeah, you Grace: 😂 Janis: 😥
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terrablaze514 · 5 years
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Being Black + R. Kelly, Living With Secrets, and Writing Catatonic Fanfics
Hey everyone.
I'm up extra early, because this is bugging my mind and heart right now. The words might leave if I don't voice (write) it.
In a few hours, I'll be going to church again. Christian, yes. Predominantly Black, you've guessed it. Both of these cancel each other out. Why?
Despite my suspicions growing up, the vast majority of Black people I knew (family, friends, acquaintances, etc.) were still jamming to R. Kelly's music. It makes all the more sense why he's known as, "The Pied Piper", and that's scary as buck if you stop to think about it.
I've never understood why he was permitted to keep making music. Why the buck does Wendy Williams still have an audience? Why did 2Pac and Michael Jackson get destroyed by false allegations (until their sunset), while R. Kelly is still a free man in the music industry with proof of sexual deviance in multiple court cases?
I was 7 when I was molested by a grown woman. I couldn't approach my parents about it, because she became a close friend to my mother, got closer to other notable family friends, and I was already misunderstood at school and church (Grade 2 was a horrible year). My parents were also coming to terms with their breakup, so it didn't help (because what if they had another physical altercation?). Top that with the ongoing belief that men were innately predators...
October 2018, I've had a nightmare of her stalking me while visiting my hometown (the 514) - woke up in a sweat, purchased Black Panther on Google Play Movies, and watched the movie until my eyes shut again... Because mentally, I needed to feel safe. I wanted Wakanda's protection. And I ended up getting it in my dreams (occasionally). M'Baku and The Jabari Tribe are the best!
Back on topic... So, while I'm happy that justice is happening, I'm also disappointed. Deeply disappointed in The Black Community for sweeping this issue under the rug.👏🏾Every.👏🏾 Single.👏🏾Time.👏🏾 I understand firsthand why it's hard to come forward. Allow me to explain (and these are some of the reasons why going to church is a farce in my book).
I've shared with a few Gundam Wing fans (via Discord) that I've sung in three choirs (four if school curriculum counts). To this day, I still jam to my favourite songs and sing as a secret means to calm down when times are too stressful (and if I have no access to a pen and notebook). So why bring this up? Simply put, during my tenure in the third choir, I was spanked and grabbed on the buttocks for holding the door open for an elderly man. [This isn't funny, so if you're laughing, check yourself or leave my blog ASAP]. Not only did this trigger my fear and cripple my confidence as a young adult, but I wasn't able to focus. I've felt scared... Moreso when I've relayed the incident to a few choir members. They've laughed it off, because it sounded funny to them.
It didn't help that this also happened a week after one of my closest friends had died from cancer (and I couldn't make it to his funeral). So being forced to laugh it off, take it with a grain of salt, and keeping it moving wasn't easy. Also, being Black means you don't cry. "Stay strong," is all people would ever say.
I've also been approached and stalked by some strange men, around my age (no older than 27). I'd be waiting at the bus stop so I can commute to work. Strange man shows up, and requests (to the point of begging) that I take the taxi with him. One week later, he begs me to skip work and come over to his place. For what, only God knows. I didn't go, but I've sent text messages to friends. The majority of them found it funny - except one, who also called to check up on me. If it were up to him, he'd drive across town and set the stalker straight.
That was then.
There was a fellow co-worker (cisgender woman) who used to touch, or feel up my inner thighs and buttocks without my consent, and in the presence of customers. How many times have I reported her, yet supervisors promoted her, and would say, "That's her way of giving people props."
What the heck?
Then, by the time I was 25, I've reached my breaking point despite graduating from college and acquiring two careers to call my own. My physical appearance (gaining weight), marital status ("let's find a boyfriend for you on WhatsApp Messenger"), and popularity were the only things that mattered. Damn it all to the grave.
Dating prospects were more like, groomers. And they were all Christian Churchians.💯 I've never given up the V-card, but I've tried to fit in to the point of mental starvation and social exhaustion. In the worst case scenario, I've heard adults (including a parent) poke rape jokes. What's so funny about that?
We sure as hell did not deserve Aaliyah, because the ignorance is real.
I've ended up writing a fanfic project that deals with the music industry, and emphasizes deep comparisons between a good rep team versus an evil rep team, by pulling bits and pieces of experiences by real artists, as well as my "inability to be more transparent/speak up/get out of my shell", and conceptions of what could go wrong if there was no access to a healthy outlet... Combined them into the realities of the characters I'm borrowing. It's still in progress; I'm a perfectionist, yet, the story needs to be told.
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There's a second project where two cousins grow up together in the kingdom, get separated after the death of a family member, and the elder cousin searches for his bestie in America. Friendships are formed, but there's also a rampant rape culture against girls in the community where his cousin took residence... Pedophiles will get killed after witnessing the dismissal of reports by police. Go figure.
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Writing these types of things, is an outlet. I don't condone abuse, murder, things of that dark nature, but honestly. I grew up in a rape culture. I need a healthy way to deal with (process) that.
Talking about it to people is only safe enough in therapy sessions. Outside of that, get laughed at. Mocked. Told that You deserve it (or did something to deserve it).
I've contemplated suicide last month. Resurfaced memories do more harm than good... And even if I followed through on December 29th (I'm glad I didn't), everything in this post, especially the woman predator who was a babysitter, is the secret I would've taken to my grave. Who could I talk to without feeling unsafe or unwelcome? Without laughing it off in a dismissive manner? Without assuming that I've done something to deserve it, like forgetting to pull on my panties first?
No one.
I've been taught that my big butt, juicy thighs, bust... Yet fat belly, rolls on my back, and somewhat bouncy arms, are something to be ashamed of. From 14 to 23, I used to sport Beyoncé's figure (used to be slimmer)... Yet I still had to feel guilty for embracing that, because if I didn't cover up... If I walked out late... If I didn't keep up with trends... if I didn't turn up for what... If I didn't drop it like it's hot, turn around and bump bump bump, my body too bootylicious for 'em, 'cause if it's worth it lemme work it... And whenever I did these things...
I am guilty.
Now that I'm older, and I don't do these things as often...
I am still guilty.
Because I grew up in a community and a society that hates rapists and pedophiles while making excuses for rapists and pedophiles if I spoke up. If other girls and women spoke up. If boys and men came forward with their true accounts without receiving homophobic comments, or the overused, "You became a real man, congratulations!" Canada's Supreme Court will not keep a sex predator behind bars for more than ten years. That's all the additional proof you need.
The hypocrisy was real, and it still is.
There was an incident where a little girl complained about a church elder touching her... No one believed her.
Later on in my teens, a teenage boy was falsely accused of sexual harassment, and everyone believed the lie (except his closest friends, whom told her to stop following them around).
Another church elder (and a Bible thumper), fondled my breasts out of spite - and my mother blamed me! The next time I've seen that elder, I've set her straight, but who the hell am I for talking? She's still the most respected because she knows every scripture passage, from Genesis to Revelation, and also knows every volume, word for word, from The Spirit of Prophecy. So she has no sin...
THE LIES!
I was nervous shaky the entire time.
So growing up Black, in a church community, as a girl (now a woman) had many catastrophes. I'm not crazy for putting this out there, just keeping it real. I'll be in church in approximately less than three hours from now, and if anyone cracks jokes or makes demeaning comments about R. Kelly's current and former victims, talking about how they're fast, and how they should've come forward... Nah, Hollywood gets away with sexual deviance against minors. A large percentage of them have bought R. Kelly's music, at music stores and on iTunes/Google Play Music. No surprise, huh? As much as I love my church family, I cannot accommodate the ignorance that's gone on for my whole life so far. *Sigh* This has blackened my heart, I just... I am at a loss, not only for R. Kelly's victims, but every child and youth who will be targeted by men and women who cannot be trusted.
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I will always support Black Empowerment, Black Lives Matter and Black History... But I have zero tolerance for the enabling of pedophiles and rapists. Even the jokes. It's distasteful.
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If you are a supporter/apologist of R. Kelly, Sparkle, Marques Houston, and any other person who'd used/subjected minors to assault and/or grooming, get off my page. And stop pretending to be a huge Aaliyah fan... We've lost her because the adults in her life had failed in exchange for her fame. We also owe Michael Jackson's family an apology for destroying his character and career under false allegations, while R. Kelly was still a free man, preying on girls and grooming boys to become like him... And all the evidence of his crimes were readily available on the archives while I was in Junior High. While we're at it, Kitti Jones and Drea Kelly need to take several seats. They've had every opportunity to approach the police. They've known what R. Kelly did to all those girls and how it's destroyed their youth. They are the poorest examples of how to put sex offenders in their place, just so they can get money now that #MeToo (who never gave a damn about half of your experiences, unless you were penetrated by a man)... Nuh-uh! The lives that were destroyed by rape, molestation, grooming and exploitation matter more than the money anyone might make from a case that should've been dealt with decades ago! My heart is very heavy throughout this post. I know it's Sabbath hours, but I'm currently listening to "Don't Stay" by Linkin Park, because it truly reflects my thoughts and memories, in the wake of #SurvivingRKelly.
Everyone (especially Black people) who put on R. Kelly during weddings and birthday celebrations, I've taken notes. You will not be trusted around my future children (if it's meant to be). I've never healed, yet. The community does not offer a safe space to heal from the damage that's been done. So when I hear about Chester Bennington (Linkin Park -I hope I spelled his name right), AJ and Nick (Backstreet Boys - their parents stood up for their sons), B2K (especially Raz-B), IMx, Sammy, O'Ryan, the victim of Brock Turner, a few victims of Bill Cosby and that actor from 7th Heaven, the young girl who was sexually assaulted and exploited by that loser who was granted a chance to finish up his studies at UofC (University of Calgary), Natasha McKenna who was stripped, dehumanized and tasered in her last moments by eight men, the former victims of Eddie Long who were forcibly silenced, the girl who was raped, hospitalized and raped again in the hospital by her father and brother... This is real ish. I have no more words. Leave my page if you support R. Kelly... Special shoutout to John Legend for keeping it real. Another special shoutout to Terry Crews who spoke up. To the victims of Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey, you also need to get your voices heard, because you also matter. To the victims of Ryan Seacrest, the same also applies. May Corey Haim Rest in Power, because Charlie Sheen is getting his just reward for what he did decades ago. Although I'm glad B2K is reuniting for tour, I've been conflicted with how R. Kelly wrote your popular hits. That wasn't your fault, though. Your former manager (Chris Stokes - another pedophile) had that set up for your grooming - good thing y'all left TUG behind when you did. Other artists and notable faces in the entertainment industry - you don't have to comment, but I beseech you to STOP collaborating with R. Kelly. What he did to those girls is beyond me. If you keep enabling him, you're now guilty for proving that rape is okay.
It is not.💯
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