#I honestly dont know if any of that even comes through anymore lmao but well. what are we gonna do huh
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you are so cool and non judgemental to chat with, so thanks very much once again! yeah I think the whole hysteria abojt idols fs in away its intruiging from a non obsessive point of view but for those who do obsess about idols fs are going to be in for a shock whenber idols are revealed to be dating and shock horror, its not themselves.
honestly I regret not really going for it and learning a genuine skill that I could then use later on but sometimes its just matter of having opportunities or being in the right situations to actually gain those skills, for example you could go to a really shitty school and learn something amazing or you can go to a better school but have shitty classmates or teachers that are of no real use to you or courses that arent available and so on and so forth, whilst idols have to go through a lot I do think what they get to do is super cool cause when they pass on they have a legacy to be proud of.
Sadly I think it just comes down to them being in the right areas or theyre from the right families who can invest so much into idols gaining their skills and talents. I have yet to really see someone from my country denut in kpop group sooooo it kind of says a lot of where kpop is heading and that they were going to smerica come what may. its just sometimes our situations are very limiting and we cant always win at everything in life either or say you might want to do something but realistically you know its slim to none chances and i think at some point it has an age limit of when you can succeed at it. So even if i wanted to do what i originslly wanted it would take many more years just to get to a good skill and even then you might not be the best at it
I also think sometimes social media makes things neither great nor bad cause people can upload their skills and really empahsis on what they want nowadahs whereas when I was a kid we were doing fuck all with our free time yaknow? kids nowadays shouldnt waste their younger years is what im saying. sometimes i think that i dont fit in with my generation cause of how screen obsessed we all have become and then i dont fit in with newer generations cause they have so many more ways of making success for themselves, im just like what can i offer? honestly not much.
thats also why i lowkey wouldnt mind passing on early just to get out of this screen world that we are in and yet older generations were never bothered with taking selfies then they wouldnt habe been able to get social validation via online, so they were probs happier and things were at least affordable back then. i kinda envy the older generations in that respect, we only got to experience a small handful of years without the pressures of social media and ever since idfk 00s or earlier it kinda went to shit really.
everyone was expected to be online and idk how i really feel about it anymore im sort of over it and modern society generally sucks. so many idols get backlash for no good reason, youtubers who dont do anything wrong get gossiped about and snark pages are endless so even if someone wants to do something amazing with their lives they cant avoid scrutiny of any sorts. its just got way out of hand and its past the point of saying well just dont use it then cause we technically need these devices constantly so ergo its not hard to not be delulu about celebs and the likes either cause its literally everywhere.
Sorry for the late response, been caught up in some important stuff recently (it's not bad stuff LMAO)!! Anyways, thank you so much! I try my best to remain open-minded of any/all perspectives before forming an opinion of my own and even so, I'm very open to hearing others opinions on these matters. Debating issues is something I genuinely enjoy, as long as it is a polite and healthy debate ofc.
It is quite interesting, I'd say it has something to do with the "loneliness epidemic" (as I like to call it) of these times. We're in a time where technology is increasing rapidly and human interaction isn't as common, we're more attached to our screens than actual people and that becomes an issue when it places you out of touch with reality! The obsessions over being an FS and whatnot is genuinely awful, like fans hating on idols and their relationships have led to some couples even splitting; look at Lee Jae Wook and Karina from Aespa as our most recent example.
It's never too late to try, really. You can learn any skill no matter your age as long as you can put enough effort in, remain disciplined and dedicate time to it! I think your point there is quite valid, but since technology has advanced so rapidly, you can realistically learn most skills online now by a few quick google searches, taking notes, learning and applying them practically. I think it is quite cool how idols have a legacy that'll be remembered for a while. It's something I'd want to achieve before passing on, as even though making an impact, being remembered, etc isn't a neccessity it does in a way lessen the anxiety about passing on? It makes you feel like there is a chance that people will still mention you, bring you up, that what you did could be studied or researched by other people, that your story could motivate others into getting their shit together, etc.
A lot of idols aren't in the right areas or families, though. I'll use BTS as an example here; some members had extremely poor families and were from a run-down agency that could never compete with the big 3. Look at where they are now? They single-handedly built up their label, going from Bighit to HYBE. Practice makes perfect, the more you practice, the more work you put in, the better you will get at that skill! Obviously, blind optimism isn't helpful but if you take the realistic steps in place to where you want to be in the next few years now; it will happen and you will succeed.
I completely agree that we, as a society, have all become too screen obsessed and I'm also guilty of this, but it is an issue. It's caused a lot of parents to just let the screen teach their kids, too. I'm sure you have a lot to offer to the world, even if you might not think so. You can do it, though! I believe in you and I'm proud of what you have done so far :] !! I had a discussion with a friend about a similar topic to this, but a lot of trends now are fueled by "nostalgia" where things looked happier and less daunting to live in. I think after 2015 is when things started to spiral, but that's my personal take. You're more than free to disagree with anything I've said!!
I don't think you should force yourself to be online, stick to the trends, etc. Do what makes you happy and you'll see yourself shine brilliantly! And yeah, a lot of delusional ideals are fueled by big companies nowadays, too, since fans will obviously put more money into those celebs if they feel like they might get "noticed" - which could also be why concert tickets are getting higher and higher even for newly debuted groups.
That's my take on all this, though, feel free to respond and add on, agree, disagree, etc! <33
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i share your thoughts completely! the sambecca and the tedbecca, oof. just, why? why do this? i am kinda okay with none of it being truly canonized at the end but not within this type of context they presented.
and jamie... oh, our poor jamie. i refuse to accept that last part as canon, i do not care, it just does not fit into anything else they've set up for him as a person. i am closing my eyes and covering my ears, i do not take input from the ted lasso creators on jamie any longer. also, when roy saw jamie and keeley talk and hug, and then he immediately invited jamie to out to get drinks, jamie so happy they're friends (!), only to then ambush him with this dumbass demand to stay out of his [roy's] way... and then the video mention... like they put so much time into building this royjamie friendship, and keeley has always been an aspect of that due to their past. but they've resolved respectfully ages ago! it just felt shitty to the characters and their friendships, honestly.
i understand your feelings on roykeeley <3 somehow the execution of their breakup and aftermath fell so flat to me that i somehow lost interest in it immediately at the start of s3?? i know it was hinted at the end of season 2, but i thought we would actually get to see them have problems and at least try to work things out for a bit? their talks have been so strong in the previous seasons... simply the fact that it was not even really explained why they broke up until much later threw me off emotionally. and how keeley did the same thing with roy that she did with jamie – break up, sorta move on from him to somebody else, have one last one-night-stand, and then remain friends. idk. especially how she talked to rebecca afterwards, about how you have to feel really low to get back to an ex who treated you badly etc, and it was all set up to say that this is essentially what keeley was doing with roy? because she was down about her company. not sure if i'm making sense but it did not feel hopeful or emotional and deep anymore, and i was so disappointed... when shandy was first introduced as one of the many friends who married football players, i legit thought that the season would end with a roykeeley marriage LMAO. oh, how wrong i was.
sorry for rambling sksksksks i also had no chance to really let out my thoughts, pls ignore this if it's too long! i send a hug and blindfolds for everybody who is in the ignoring canon era <3
again i totally agree with you! i did ship tedbecca a little but i dont care that much that they don't end up together. i feel like they're good as friends or partners. it doesn't really matter to me which cause they work well together and have a good relationship between them. kinda annoyed the writers faked us out with it though.
i thought more was going to come of shandy tbh. i liked her and thought we were going to get more of her and maybe a whole revenge thing that went through the season but apparently not.
really in my head roy and keeley never broke up and roy was already going to therapy, jamie doesn't forgive his dad cause fucking hell why should he (another thing the writers did jamie wrong on), and the team won the league. but that's too boring i guess.
dont be afraid to keep talking to me more about the show if you want to id love to chat about it too :) xx
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are you really not gonna talk more about handler / hound ( will i ever rmb the actual au name ) aito , leah & alison ?? are you really ???
( lemme ramble about a muse; not accepting! )
WELL!!! since you insist — yes i will absolutely ramble about aito, leah, and alison in hound/handler verse aka spy verse aka crime verse aka — you know, i’ve never really pinned down a good genre for this verse because there’s just so many layers to it, but we’ll settle with spy verse since everyone im about to talk about are technically considered trained agents and spy verse is a more general term that more people can get behind than handler/hound ( though i think handler/hound sounds pretty badass anYWAY — )
can i just say i adore alison in this verse just because of how much power she actually has??? like, maybe it’s a little mary sue for me to give her so much power and make her so perfect but i honestly dont give a shit lmAO this is a rare verse in which alison isn’t traumatized by events that happened in canon ( though, i can’t say her mental health is really any better considering all the shit’s she’s seen as an agent and how the agency treats her overall ), so her personality is drastically different, and you bet your ass i’m gonna make my best girl into a badass. like, why would i not??? alison is so put together, elegant, and strong in this verse, and pushing her to her limits in this verse is always exciting to do because it really challenges her. she’s considered a veteran agent due to how long she’s been with the agency, and considering how she’s basically signed her soul away to her work for at least a few more years until she can retire and finally get married, she’s really been worked to the bone and has become so jaded over time.
i really love the canon relationship she has with her fiancé, eden, as well. it’s taken so much development to reach the point in which their relationship is at canonically for this verse, so i’d really love for more chances for alison to gush about her hubby to be since really, she’s so ready to fall in love and start a new life with her boo and away from soma. like, her job gives her such a sense of purpose but jfc soma is so corrupt as an agency that there’s only so much more alison can deal with before she burns out. really walking a thin line each and every day she comes into office, and with every mission she gets dispatched out for, there’s always some sort of risk. not to mention all the strings she has to pull to carry out her assignments. it’s tough being a badass bitch!!!
leah and aito are new additions to this verse in comparison to alison, but i feel like they’ve caught up in terms of development since i’ve been able to flesh out aito and leah’s dynamic through some interactions with mutuals ( mwah <3 ) leah and aito very much have a sibling dynamic, and leah really is ride or die for aito. because of leah’s rough upbringing ( which is classified to most within the agency ), it’s difficult for her to form healthy attachments, but her bond with aito is something really special and it compels her to do her best for him each and every day ( even if she does get herself into some stupid shit sometimes ). leah is also very powerful, but she’s also not exactly human anymore so ,,, a different level of comparison when it comes to alison, who is indeed still human.
i think what i love about leah as a hound is the fact that she really will literally do anything to win a fight, which makes her incredibly terrifying since that means she’s willing to destroy herself first before backing down. it’s a big pride thing, but also the fact she’s an experiment makes her feel like she’s invincible, or close to invincible. i really feel like the only reason leah has any ounce of self control is because of aito; if aito was in danger, all bets are off. she’s gonna save him no matter what, because aito was the one who saved leah in the first place. so she already feels like she owes him her life.
aito plays a pretty background role in comparison to leah and alison since he doesn’t really get in on any field action by choice, but his connection with leah really does make him a respected figure within soma since aito is probably one of two people ( the other being alison ) who can keep leah on a tight leash and keep her from acting out worse than she normal. of course, leah’s still trying to have fun, so sometimes even aito cant keep her from finding random boyfriends and flirting, but so long as leah’s not getting hurt or about to fight someone else for no reason, there’s no harm, right?
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oh god all that sounds rough.. im so sorry for ur loss. i hope ure taking the time u need to grieve and let the pain take its course :/ also, i flunked an econs final last semester and had to retake the mod so... Cs and Ds get degrees!!! 🫠 sending you all my love (not that it would help at all but.. just wishing u well :( )
if it's any consolation.. i love your new fic ideas <3 and i get really excited reading your stuff, even if i dont always come on ur asks to tell u. absolutely adore your imagination and creativity and am considering turning on notifs for ur blog 👀 i would have interacted with u more when u posted ur renjun ones (which i really enjoyed but 1. i rarely read renjun fics since he isn't one of my ults 2. i was preparing for finals and shouldnt have been on tumblr in the first place lmao 💔) (also the fact that u got me reading hrj stuff,, ?? when i dont usually ?? hello ?? i deadass see him in a different light now and it's ur fault 💔 i literally dont have space in my brain to get bias wrecked anymore) ANYWAY i really enjoyed reading privacy, i kinda j fell into it.. all the pining and the banter and how sweet they are to one another and PLEASE the goddamn could-haves / would-haves leading up to them finally running into each other and REALISING THAT THEYVE BEEN UNDER EACH OTHERS' NOSES ALL ALONG good god YES i dont even watch bridgerton but the way u set everything up was chef's kiss
i know u love to talk abt ur stuff so i'll talk abt it with u <3 that new jeno fic ure working on... sign me tf up ✅✅✅ u only wrote one scene but i am HOOKED like i cant wait for the plot... istg the wet dream thing is so??????? UGH the way just one dream is going to absolutely change EVERYTHING
and ALSO my heart yearns for new axis 💔💔 I HAVENT FORGOTTEN ABOUT IT 💔💔
sorry, I'm just seeing this.
I'm processing stuff; I'm in therapy (I constantly make posts about it). It's horrible but also good at the same time. Cs and Ds get degrees but not letters of recommendations 🙃
tbh, most times I feel like I come up with lazy story ideas, like, I kind of just merge various tropes and plots into one fic, but the product is just ... lazy. idk. you're also 100% not obligated to come into my ask box every time that I'm online or anything; you do not owe me anything, and I'm not entitled to your thoughts about my stuff. Like, you definitely do not have to read my stupid ideas about renjun ._. honestly, my fics can probably be superimposed onto different members if you think about it; it's just arbitrary that I see a certain member in the light of the fic.
And you should take time away from social media if you have other things to do; it's really not important to talk to me anyways. I'm just here, hanging out, 'cause I don't have anywhere else to post or talk about nct, and it's not really important. it's just a hobby, nothing special here.
but I'm glad you liked privacy. I've been thinking about it for awhile, since season 2 episode 6 The Choice, but I just didn't write it ... until i did. Tbh, people keep saying that they don't watch bridgerton (I literally do not know more than one other person who has seen through season 2), and I was on the fence about it too, but Jaemin mentioned that he liked season 1 so I tried it out again and s2 is a lot better than s1. But in terms of the fic, idk ... I kinda saw someone else do a bridgerton inspired fic, and I got irritated at, like, the western-specific history, which is dumb because everyone is entitled to their own writing, but I just feel like there's not enough Asian art or Asian history. Like, everything has to be set in America, in an American context, in American English, etc., and it gets a bit tiring, but I also recognize how pretentious that sounds, so I just write my own fics set in Korea, in a Korean/ish context, in the Seoul dialect.
The jeno fic (Married) is out now!!! I hope it doesn't disappoint. I spent like two weeks writing this, rewriting every intro paragraph like 5 times over so that everything flows.
Yeah, I'm thinking about new axis and I'm periodically writing it. I just ... don't really see people being interested in that series, sorry. I'm going to write it though. I'm just a little ... traumatized ... from posting the baseball au stuff because that was when people kept telling me that my writing sucks and that my fics are a disappointment
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well. since we’re all model citizens for the whole weekend I can now present u dragon type gym leader/hammerlocke!piers as well
#pokemon#swsh#gym leader piers#type swap#I was actually building this design mentally for the entirety of yesterday lmao#the fam went fishing and I was like well that was too much sunlight for me#so. this#tbh raihan's original design is like. really convenient to typeswap for piers#I didn't do a perfect job lol but a lot of elements are there already#the uniform pattern already looks halfway like harnesses#and piers doesnt have the fangs but I figured his hair already looks kinda spine-like#so. thagomizer style it is#skjfhdks when I did the flat colors for this for a while before adding the patters he looks like. vegeta#I hated it so much. it was horrible#but it turned out? okay? so that's fine#the base concept of this is like. mechanical animals era marilyn manson + dragon claws/fangs + cyclist uniform#I honestly dont know if any of that even comes through anymore lmao but well. what are we gonna do huh#redo this design? no fucking way. I still havent finished inking the damn comic#I'm gonna get dinner. dont even think about another typeswap until august#have a good night guys! gold is edible and good to eat
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— ☕︎ JJK'S BIG TIDDIE COMMITTEE
synopsis: you get the idea, you and jjk's big tiddie men
a/n: i have no explanation for this but i hope you enjoy
— haikyuu version
includes: fushiguro toji, kamo choso, nanami kento, ryomen sukuna
genre: ... idefk anymore, suggestive, crack, fluff!!
twc: 873
❥︎ one swear word, manga spoilers (BIG spoilers on nanami's), -16 shoooooo do not touch this post >:(
FUSHIGURO TOJI — wc: 214
can i just start with, wow
no clue how often he works out but he kept his man tiddies big (as bm would say)
anyways toji the big tiddie man would adore to tease you when he realizes you loved his muscular chest
((i also feel he would lowkey make jokes like he had bigger one than you aklfjlskdjfldskjg))
dont quote me on that idk where that came from
anyways even though he loves teasing you about he cant help but let you indulge in it too
he especially likes it when you two kiss and then both of your hands mutually roam around your bodies but yours kinda like,,, stay on his chest lmao
not that he’s complaining
he holds a lot of pride on the fact that you like his tiddies
omg he really likes it when you’re sitting on his lap and then your chest is pressing up against him, doesnt matter if you dont have as much meat as him aljalkdjfgh
‘cause let’s be honest, toji is an extremely well built man and even though he always has a shit eating grin on his face he likes the intimacy
also probably loves it when you mindlessly massage his tiddies, reassures him that you subconsciously think about them or something AHAHAH
KAMO CHOSO — wc: 250
even though he just wears whatever outfit he’s wearing and it’s fairly lose i know that choso has big tiddies bc that man is a well built man
and he’s just so :( <3 about it
his favorite thing ever is literally just cuddling and having you rest on his tiddies like a pillow
bonus points when you turn to face him but you’re kinda lying on him on your stomach so when you try to face him your face is still kinda buried on his tiddies and when you try to talk it a little muffled
… he’ll sometimes pump a little extra blood into his tiddies so its swells a little more so you can have a slightly more comfortable human(ish) pillow of him
will 120% melt whenever you two are like hugging and stuff that his large build makes you feel safe *screams into a pillow* and you’d joke how majority of it is thanks to his tiddies JHAJHF
omg please shower his tiddies with lots of love he will pass out from how much he loves you right that moment
pepper his chest with kisses, give him massages, tell him how peaceful and safe you feel when you’re hugging him, just :( <3
im yearning sorry
but yea <3 as you bury your face onto his chest, his heart swells as he brings his large and slightly rough hands and give you headpats while he openly gushes how much he loves spending time with you like that
NANAMI KENTO — wc: 209
at first he’ll be so confused as to why you were so into his chested area like, everyone has meat and muscle in the chest area, some more than others etc etc
though he quickly got used to your extra attention towards that region
he isn’t the type to initiate any physical of intimate touch so he kinda appreciates it when he comes home from work and you just launch yourself towards him and of course, his tiddies
on that note, he also surprisingly appreciates when you offer him to massage his tiddies lol
of course you would massage him shoulder and other muscles too as his job as a sorcerer is pretty physically demanding, but you would sneakily pay more attention to his tiddies, and he really doesn’t mind anymore, it’s you after all
if he actually pulled through with his like kinda retirement plan in malaysia, you two would spend so much time cuddling somewhere outside your little secluded house on the beach, listening to the waves crashing on the shore as he reads a book in peace
the fresh smell of the ocean is relaxing, the warm sun, and laying on nanami’s tiddies is honestly a dream come true
unfortunately it cant happen obvious unsaid reasons :((
RYOMEN SUKUNA — wc: 200
im not talking about 1-4 fingers sukuna that yuji consumed no no no
im talking about sukuna’s true form
although yes it is very intimidating and scary, god were his tiddies big
well i guess it comes with having like four arms and just like more raw power as a curse, but DAMN his tiddies in his true form are so big ALKFDKSLJF
ok but this man is SO sadistic he’ll literally make you beg to even touch his tiddies
like im talking about the deepest bow and show utmost respect and then he’ll maybe consider
but when he DOES budge and let you enjoy his true form’s large build, let’s just say you’re in for a ride
lmao i wanna be funny and say his tiddies are actually very bouncy so when you play with them they just boing JAHAJSKFH
ok sorry the real juicy part is when he forces your face in between his chest and he kinda suffocates you a little but it’s not enough to actually put you in any danger he just like pushing you on the edge of your seat
… though you probably dont complain so i guess it’s a win win lmaoalfjdh
taglist (form here) : @nvritoshi @i-eren @michiyonakamura @katsulovee
#jjkmag#hanimehub#jjk#jujutusu kaisen#jjk x reader#fushiguro toji#choso#nanami kento#ryomen sukuna#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk headcanons#jujustu kaisen headcanons#fushiguro toji x reader#toji#kamo choso#choso x reader#kamo choso x reader#nanami kento x reader#ryomen sukuna x reader#toji headcanons#choso headcanons#nanami kento headcanons#sukuna headcanons#jjk scenraios#jjk imagines#jujukai#sorecery fight#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#— hot-drink
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Heyy!!
I dont think there's such think as semen donors in aot cannon?
BUT WHAT IF Captain Levi agrees to be the donor to squad leader (or just cadet) reader in a platonic relationship/eventual romance?
Just cute ackerbabies!
Lmao you’re probably right, no semen donors in canonverse. But I honestly love this idea so much, I feel like it would be hard for Levi to make that romantic connection so I could see him making that choice, and maybe it developing into something more!
Summary: Levi can’t wait any longer to start a family, and you are willing to take that step with him.
Word Count: 1.7K
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You choked on the small sip of tea that you had taken. Catching the small drops of liquid that had escaped your lips.
“Come again now?” You managed to form words after a moment, Levi seemed uninterested as always, those charcoal grey eyes dull and apathetic.
“You heard me just fine, you know that I hate repeating myself.” He scoffed as he shifted so that his leg was crossed over his opposite knee,
“Yes I heard you but....marriage?” You were shocked to say the least. Levi had never shown any prior interest in any long term relationship with anyone, although the two of you had hooked up a handful of times.
“I don’t see why not. We already share a room, not to mention that we-”
“Okay I get it, just...it’s a big commitment and I’m not sure that I’m-”
“Oh please, what else do we have to look forward to anymore? No more fighting, no more political issues to deal with might as well settle down and...” He trailed off, his gaze cast downwards into his cup of tea, which was probably cold by now. You sighed deeply, placing your cup down gently and leaning back into the sofa that the two of you were seated on. His arm was slung casually across the back of the sofa, his finger tips ghosting over your shoulder.
“I know but Levi...marriage?” you were a bit disappointed. He had said it so casually, as if he was asking you if you wanted to run to the market to grab apples.
“If you don’t want to then just say no.” He snapped, clearly getting frustrated, he rose to his feet and began to march towards his desk. You chased after him, catching his wrist. You knew it was difficult for him to express himself, to put things lightly or being considerate to your feelings.
“It’s not that...I’m just a little caught off guard.” You admitted as you held his wrist gently. He let out a breath that he had seemed to have been holding in, he turned and laced his fingers through yours, his other hand diving into his pant pocket. You waited patiently for him to say something, but he only pulled out a small black box. Your heart skipped a beat, this was more how you had pictured being proposed to. He fell onto his knee and opened the box slowly, revealing a modest silver ring with a small diamond embedded in the ring.
“Oh Levi...” Your fingers were still laced with his as he knelt down, you squeezed his hand affectionately.
“I already bought the damn ring, just say yes.” He grunted, averting his gaze as his thumb glided over your knuckle.
“You have a point there.” You chuckled as you gave him a small nod, which was enough of a yes for him.
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You were married by the end of the month, a simple court house wedding with Armin and Mikasa as your witnesses. Afterwards you had gone home and eaten dinner as usual. Just another week, except now the sex that you and Levi occasionally had, became a hell of a lot more regular. You had no complaints, or at least that was until you were hunched over the kitchen sink puking your guts out. You had missed your period as well, and it didn’t take a genius to know what that meant. You decided to wait until you were certain to tell anyone this however, seeing how difficult pregnancy could be, and the unlikeliness of carrying to full term seemed high.
So you made sure to go to the doctor twice before telling Levi that you were pregnant. He’d had a very similar reaction that you’d had when he had asked to marry you.
He choked on his tea, his hand flying to his chin to catch the liquid.
“Pregnant?” He repeated, and you nodded, leaning against the table where he was sitting.
“H-How long until...”
“Give or take seven months.” You shrugged, trying to put on a brave face, after seeing how frazzled he was you wanted to make this as casual as the rest of your relationship.
“So...we should probably start cleaning out that spare room and-” You cut him off by kneeling down and placing a chaste kiss to his lips.
“We’ve got plenty of time for that, for now let’s just...enjoy not being responsible for a helpless shitty baby.” You said softly as you slowly sank onto his lap. He hummed his approval, but still seemed rightfully on edge.
“We can start cleaning the room in few weeks, there’s no rush.” You assured him as you scattered kisses across his sour face.
“I’ll start tomorrow.” Levi hummed as he tilted his head to the side.
__
Turned out that you were both in way over your head. Around 12 weeks into your pregnancy Hange was pressing her stethoscope to your rapidly swelling belly when she froze. Levi tensed when he noticed this, and you frowned.
“What is it?” Levi asked as he gripped the back of the exam table.
“Nothing’s wrong...just-”
“Doesn’t seem like nothing.” Levi scowled as he watched Hange continue to feel around your stomach.
“That’s cause it isn’t nothing, I’m hearing two heart beats.” Hange told you as she stood to her full height.
“Two heart beats?” You felt feint at the news, you had known that twins ran in your family but you had never expected to have them yourself.
“Yes, it appears that you are having twins” Hange said with a wide smile as she folded up the stethoscope. Your vision blurred, the worry that you had been experiencing prior to the appointment had doubled along with the number of children you were having.
“No shit.” Levi replied breathily as he held your shoulder firmly.
“If I were you guys I’d go clean out that room now.” Hange advised as she cleaned up the space that you had been using as a makeshift exam room in her office.
“I’ll get right on that.” Levi said, shooting you a concerned look as he helped you up onto your feet.
__
The twins were born premature, the labor itself wasn’t nearly as bad as you had expected. But you realized that it wasn’t that bad because of how small they were. The only reason that they both survived was thanks to the Marleyan medical equipment that had been shipped over courtesy of Zeke and Yelena. You and Levi spent countless hours in the hospital as you awaited for the twins to be discharged. In that window of time you decided on names, it was difficult but you decided on Harrison and Harper. You weren’t surprised to find that they both took after their father, dark bluish grey eyes with a full head of black hair. The one thing they seemed to have gotten from you was your facial structure and your complexion.
It was a massive relief to bring them home, now instead of staying up until the wee hours in the hospital you could do it in the comfort of your own home.
One particular evening you were walking laps with Harrison, gently patting his back as you bounced off of your heels as he cried. On your third lap around the entire cottage, you peeked into the nursery to see Levi reclined on the rocker with Harper fast asleep. His eyes were closed, his naked chest rising and falling evenly as he slept. You envied him as you rubbed circles on Harrison’s back once more. His cries slowly died out and you managed to drag yourself to your bed and place Harrison down gently. Using the extra pillows, you managed to make a small barrier between him and yourself as well as the edge of the bed. It wasn’t often that you got to do this, seeing as you usually slept with Levi. But Harrison seemed content with laying in his dad’s spot for the night. His big blue eyes were watching your hair sway over his face as you adjusted the pillows. He cooed and babbled for a few minutes before falling silent, his tiny breaths putting you at ease.
It couldn’t have been but an hour later when the sound of Harper crying woke you once more. Levi was pacing around the same way that you had been earlier before he finally managed to put her at ease. He returned to your room to see you sitting up, Harrison fast asleep at your side.
“Care to join us?” You asked, voice gruff with sleep, or rather the lack there of.
“Would I ever.” Levi groaned as he placed Harper in the pillow barrier with Harrison who was still fast asleep. He managed to squeeze onto the bed, laying on his side like you were as the two of you watched Harper sooth herself into sleep. His gaze left the small baby in favor of studying your features.
“What would you have done if I had never asked you to marry me?” The question caught you off guard, your fingers were tracing the soft features of your babies. You hummed in thought but the answer was already on the tip of your tongue.
“I’d have asked you to marry me.” You said with a wry smile and Levi rolled his eyes at your cheesy reply.
“That’s not what I meant...well not really.” Levi grumbled, you paused again in thought. What would you have done? Certainly no more military work, that chapter was over for you.
“Maybe I’d open a bakery. My grandmother left me all of her recipes. What would you do?” You asked, finger running along the soft dark locks of hair that were growing from Harrison’s head.
“I’d open a tea shop.” Levi answered quickly, his own gaze back on the babies, his hand resting on Harper’s stomach, rising and falling with her breathing.
“Why don’t we just say fuck it and do it?” You asked, not sure if you were serious or if it was the lack of sleep talking.
“There was that space for lease last time we went into town...” Levi offered thoughtfully.
“Yeah, we could fix it up and open a cafe.” You said excitedly as you leaned over the sleeping babies in hopes of coaxing a kiss from Levi. He nodded in agreement before leaning over and planting a kiss to your lips.
“We’ll talk about it in the morning. Go to sleep.” Levi sighed as he stretched out on his side, and closing his eyes. You smiled and mirrored him, your hand resting on Harrison’s stomach now as well, your fingertips brushing his.
You knew that you’d made the right choice. Marrying Levi was the best decision that you’d made in a long time. It may not look like the typical love story, but you knew that it was real, realer than most relationships. And you wouldn’t want to have it with anyone else.
#hange zoe#levi ackerman#levi aot#aot fanfiction#levi x reader#armin arlert#eren jeager#eren mikasa armin#erwin smith#mikasa ackerman#levi fanfiction#levi is a dad#levi x y/n#levi x pregnant reader#levi x reader insert#levi/reader#levi x fem!reader
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ur post abt Beefy lwj is so true and in my personal opinion wwx totally thought nmj was hot. he's already an unreliable narrator u cant tell me him saying nmj had a build men envied or however it went wasnt him subconsciously being like 👁👁😳 wwx just wants to be carried in his big strong husbands arms and it's what he deserves!!!
look nhs and wwx can't be best friend if they don't have the whole 'oh shit your older brother is so hot and i kinda have crush on him/ew no dont you dare' thing going on. it's the rules. the law even. nhs may not like it but wwx is very much enjoying it (it being the view lmao).
so 15 y/o nhs really thought he hit the jackpot when he befriended wwx. like the guy was cheerful, clever, talented, (had really good taste in books), and didn't really force nhs to,,, perform. sure he drags nhs around and makes him do stuff, pushes him out of his comfort zone sometimes, and kinda expected nhs not to be a complete dud (nvm that it was only ever in areas where nhs wasn't actually a dud),, but wwx never made nhs do any of the things the rest of the cultivation world tried to make him do,, wwx never tried to force him to fight more or to develop his cultivation or to be more useful. and nhs loved that about him, wwx was The Greatest Friend Ever,,,,, at least until nmj came over.
why do nhs and wwx see nmj? idk,, does it matter? whatever the reason, nhs sees his brother stomping through cloud recesses one day and immediately whirls wwx around to face his brother while ducking behind him. safely hidden, he whispers to wwx to tell him when nmj is gone. wwx just makes a strange noise in response. given that his friend isn't exactly bad with words, nhs leans over to glance up at his friend and sees that wwx has gone bright red. oh no, nhs thinks to himself.
he'd known that wwx ahem "admired the male form in its peak physical state" or whatever the fuck he used to justify the way he blushed at the sight of lwj doing push ups but nhs hadn't realise that would extend to nmj. his brother isn't flexing or fighting or doing anything to show off his muscles but wwx has a weakness and nmj's strength is,, his strength,,, he doesn't need to flex to have the perfect male form. his brother simply embodies wwx's taste in men far too well to be allowed to continue,,, and, given that wwx probably won't stop being attracted to buff dudes and nmj won't stop being buff, the only choice is to keep them far away from each other.
and like the strategy works really well!! wwx is mostly too distracted with lwj, who is also starting to get buffer for some random reason, and nmj just assumes that nhs is avoiding him bc he did something wrong or just doesn't want another lecture on,,, something. there are a few times when wwx comes over to nhs and says stuff like hey nie-xiong do you know what your brother's work out routine is? and nhs is just squinting at him because he's not sure whether wwx is still convinced that his interest in buff dudes is because he wants to be buff and is just admiring 'what any man would nie-xiong really' because he's 'not a coward who can't respect another man's form bc beauty comes in all forms so don't be so close-minded' or whether he finally figured out that it wasn't a friendly admiration/academic interest/????? and just wants to watch his brother train sometime. tentatively, he tells wwx that he'll ask (which he won't because he knows that nmj admires wwx as a cultivator already and will want to spar with him sometime if he mentions wwx and nhs does not want that to happen). he does however end up extending an invitation to come visit him in qinghe before wwx is unceremoniously booted from the lectures, deciding that his friendship with wwx is more important than his fear of wwx's crush on nmj.
but then the ssc happens and wwx doesn't really manage to come visit for fun and by the time nhs sees him again his reputation has been torn apart and reconstructed into something wholly unpleasant. he's no longer wwx the talented head disciple of the yunmeng jiang sect, instead their terrifying weapon and a loose cannon on the best of days. he's using demonic cultivation and even when he isn't stalking around the camps like a caged tiger, glaring at anyone who stares at him for too long and arrogantly disregarding lwj's attentions like he's no one important, the very air around wwx is seeped with that sense of wrongness and danger that he's covered himself with. being nhs, he makes sure to keep a distance from the war efforts so he only sees wwx every once in a while, and every time he does it seems as if the man is getting more terrifying and wrong.
and when the war ends and peace theoretically settles back into the cultivation world, nhs still doesn't see wwx much - wwx is busy with his duties in yunmeng, nmj doesn't seem particularly endeared by wwx anymore and nhs isn't sure whether he'd even be seeing his friend if he asked wwx to hang out. he's simply changed too much. at least that's what nhs thinks until there's a sect meeting and he sees wwx walk into a door because nmj was asked to help lift a table.
(and then lwj sees that wwx is in the room and makes sure to step in to lift the rest of the tables and wwx is off like a shot to his side to,,,, nhs honestly doesn't even know what he's doing but he's doing it)
#modao zushi#mdzs#wei wuxian#nie huaisang#nie mingjue#lan wangji#wangxian#look i couldnt fit more wangxian in here bc this was a nhs&wwx post but it's there#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#and then nhs brings wwx back despite his well-founded fears that wwx will like see his brother's torso and be like hot damn#(which he does bc it's wwx /: )#also! i feel like we don't give enough attention to the fact that the first time nhs sees wwx when he comes back he's being carried into#the room in lwj's arms like that right there is enough of an indication that it's wwx#and honestly after that time lwj barely ever sets wwx back onto the ground and yeah its kinda gross bc wwx is constantly staring at lwj#like he hung the moon but also wwx is finally happy and nhs is happy bc wwx has finally noticed that straight dudes dont look at other#guys' muscles like that and also lwj's body building has finally paid off and he can in fact make wwx swoon by flexing#so sometimes nhs decides to be a Real Bro and invite wangxian over to qinghe to do some uh friendly competitions which are just an excuse#for lwj to show off how strong he is while wwx and nhs gossip (at least when wwx isn't staring at lwj)#asks
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life's hecticness has finally kinda caught up to me and im just feeling super worn down and im seeking comfort in the old guard and because your blog always sparks joy ive come to you. on the subject of comfort do you have any thoughts on coping mechanisms/ways to comfort themselves the members of the old guard have? and similarly, ways they help comfort the others too? i would love to hear any and all thoughts you might have on the matter <3 - 2ta
in terms of comforting others:
nicky: words. i think its kind of interesting, but every time in the movie we see as character in emotional distress nicky speaks up (its okay nile, tell us, sono qui, everything happens for a reason boss) the only time he breaks this habit is when booker talks about grief in the lab.
booker: we dont rlly see booker explicitly comfort people much but he does seem to tend towards expressions of solidarity or subtle check-ins/expressions of concern (for the former he tells nile about his family, he tells nile big wounds take longer to heal, he reminds andy that ‘this is what you wanted’ and for the latter he asks andy post-stab if shes alright, he tells andy he wont see her again, etc)
hes also quick to (rightfully lmao) accept blame (after the kill floor, when he wont get up when the squad escapes, and the scene where he and andy get captured)
joe: he doesnt do a whole lot of comforting to the non-nicky’s out there interestingly enough. he encourages andy like the others do just after the baklava scene (i know you needed a break but its been over a year boss) he also tends to make little light hearted jokes/comments to lighten the mood sometimes (this plus 'faster than the elevator', etc)
and i suppose one could say him answering nile’s questions during the dinner scene are a type of comfort in itself, tho .. .... his answers arent exactly reassuring lmao
nile: So are you good guys or bad guys?
joe: Depends on the century
(j o s e p h you could have given her a more reassuring answer than that!! altho depending on the person, straight honesty can be very comforting in of itself, and joe prolly knew that andy would dance around nile’s questions and be generally unhelpful)
but additionally joe is a pretty strong protector and worrier about his friends’ well-being. he advocates for finding nile in the train scene and tells the others to ‘cover andy’ when they find out shes mortal
(plus the little touch he does to andy’s back!)
andy: andy’s mileage varies when it comes to comforting (primarily nile of course bc shes the Distressed One in the movie) but a lot of the time she tends towards offering stability and loyalty (me and those three men in there will keep you safe, you’re one of us now we would do the same for you, [to nicky] this changes nothing) which of course makes sense for her. stability and loyalty obviously probably mean so much to andy and as Team Leader shes probably very used to offering those things
nile: nile is more the comfortee than the comforter in the movie for all the obvious reasons, tho i think its interesting that at the end she tells andy ‘youre gonna [spend the time you have left] with us, andy’ not only bc shes delivering that stability/loyalty right back at andy but also bc shes also a leader (in the marines) so she might have a similar situation as andy with offering stability & loyalty as a Leader
being comforted:
nicky: the most notable instance of nicky being upset and getting comforted is obviously the van speech, tho like ive said i doubt joe’s go-to method of comforting nicky is a Speech. tho also (obviously & as ive talked abt a lot) i think he takes a lot of comfort from the idea of destiny/fate and the idea that he and The Lads were all destined to be together. he lomves his friends and hes happy when theyre happy
booker: alcohol.
honestly im not even sure how booker would really like to be comforted/comfort himself besides his given Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms. i think he does take a lot of comfort in his Solidarity with andy tho. considering his ‘that way madness lies’ comment about the immortality and his comment in the comic about ‘whats the purpose of an uncertain immortality?’ and his tendency towards tech, i think he’s the kind of person who likes when things are explainable and logical (and u could say thats a way he foils with nicky i suppose)
joe: him touchy
ive been meaning to make a gifset thats just Joe + Reassurance Through Touch but i keep forgetting about it. hes a very tactile boyo. in the comic while theyre having the nile nightmare joe reaches out and physically grabs nicky’s arm/shoulder in his sleep, like hes subconsciously checking hes still there. he worries So Much about the others (nicky in the armored van, nile in the train scene, andy post-mortality) and their well-being that i think he takes a lot of comfort in knowing all the lads are okay and safe (esp nicky)
andy: like i mentioned i think she likes loyalty and stability, which is obvs something shes had a serious lacking of throughout her life. ik u arent super into the comics but the recent tales through time story about andy went over how she takes comfort in the idea that her axe belonged to her mother once, even if her modern-day axe has had all its parts and pieces replaced so many times its not the axe her mother gave her 7000 yrs ago anymore. however andy still clings to this idea of her axe being her mother’s axe (‘this is the labyrs she held in her hands’). the memory of her family/mother and the stability of having the same axe with her through her history obvs comforts her a lot.
nile: again similarly to andy i feel like loyalty/family comforts nile a lot. she followed her father’s footsteps into the marines and worries about her loyalties to them through the first half of the movie, and tries to go home & thinks about her mom and brother through the whole thing.
(plus, music obvs means a lot to her)
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[The Pack Next Door] Wooyoung: Sorry Not Sorry (Part One)
(photo edit courtesy of @songmingki)
Characters: Wooyoung x female reader
Genre/warnings: werewolf au, brother’s best friend au, not really fluffy but there’s no angst until the very end
Word count: 1,788
Summary: Everyone knows that werewolves can’t control who they imprint on, no matter what they think their preferences might be. But despite that, Jongho can’t help but absolutely loathe Wooyoung because the older boy went and imprinted on his older sister.
a/n: reader is obviously written to be older than jongho so if you dont like that bc it doesn’t apply to you, im sorry but oh well. also i don’t have any sort of update schedule so updates are gonna be way slower than they were for mingi’s lmao
Next | Sorry Not Sorry Masterlist
For a long time, Wooyoung was just your younger brother’s annoying friend. You were three years older than Jongho, so while you weren’t too far apart in age, you were just far enough that while growing up, you found your younger brother and his best friend absolutely annoying and obnoxious. And it seemed to be one of Wooyoung’s favorite activities was annoying you or pranking you with your brother.
Eventually, the three of you were grown-up enough that Jongho and Wooyoung didn’t bother you as often. You both were still in school -- you in high school while the pair was just starting middle since Wooyoung ended up staying back a year in grade school -- and while you did often see Wooyoung around your house during afternoons and weekends, his presence didn’t annoying you nearly as much as it used to.
It wasn’t until Jongho was 15 and Wooyoung was 16 that you realized just how accustomed you’d gotten to having Wooyoung around, because you stopped seeing him. He was no longer on the couch with your brother, yelling at the video games they’d play on the TV after school. You no longer walked into the kitchen to see him rummaging through your fridge like he was in his own house. Wooyoung just...stopped coming around.
And Jongho was noticeably sadder, too.
“What happened to Jung Wooyoung?” you had asked him after about a week of no sign of your brother’s best friend.
Jongho sighed, looking more depressed than ever after hearing you mention his best friend since childhood, “He was sent away.”
“Sent away?” you repeated with furrowed brows. “Where? Why?”
“His parents said they sent him away to an all-boys school because he was acting out,” he explained.
Maybe Wooyoung acted differently at his own home than he did at your house, but you didn’t think the younger boy acted out at all. Maybe when he was a child, but he’d been fine the last 5-ish years. It didn’t make sense to you, but then again, you didn’t know Wooyoung very well.
However, you didn’t know it, but you were right. Wooyoung hadn’t been acting out at all. His parents wouldn’t tell anybody, but they’d actually kicked Wooyoung out of their home and sent him away to live with his uncle whom they’d disowned from their family because he was a werewolf.
And so was Wooyoung.
Wooyoung had gone missing for about three of those days that he wasn’t around your house. It was something most teenagers who first shifted would do, unsure what else to do after becoming a giant wolf. His parents had a feeling what had happened since his father had seen it happen with his brother. When Wooyoung had eventually returned, his parents confronted him about what happened, and the poor boy was immediately shunned and sent away. But when Jongho went to ask, they lied and said he went to a different school far away now.
Jongho was sure without any type of contact with his best friend, he’d never see Wooyoung again.
But you never thought much of him again. Jongho did eventually make new friends, and while he didn’t talk about him often anymore, he did think of Wooyoung every now and then, recalling the good times they had and wondering what he was doing with his new life. But you carried on with your life, eventually going off to college and only seeing Jongho when you went back home to visit.
There was one instance where Jongho had come to you at your apartment, though. He was sweaty and out of breath, seeming panicked. His eyes were a scary crimson that had you gasping and stepping back from him, unsure why they looked like that. But he kept saying he didn’t know where to go or what to do.
That was when you found out Jongho was a werewolf. You weren’t sure what to do with that information, either, but you helped him go to your parents with the information. Your mother had said her great grandfather was one, but they weren’t sure if anyone else in their family would get what they expected to be the werewolf gene. But thankfully, they were accepting and went to your grandmother for some help and advice.
During his time in college, Jongho had found some new friends that he started living off campus with. They seemed to make him happy, and he spoke about them like they were family. He had confirmed they were his pack, and you were happy that he managed to find them. You thought it was sweet that your brother had new friends in college that he cared about and who seemed to care about him, as well.
“Oh, and hey, do you remember Jung Wooyoung?” Jongho asked while he was first gushing about his friends.
“That little twerp you were friends with since forever?” you chuckled.
“Yeah,” he laughed. “Well, he's in it too! He lives with them!”
Your eyebrows raised in surprised, “Wow. It’s been years since you’ve seen him.”
“I know!”
“It’s like you two were meant to be brothers this whole time,” you told him with a laugh. “That’s kind of crazy. Fate’s really amazing, huh...”
“You should come visit sometime. I think you’ll really like the guys. Hongjoong’s really cool, and Yunho’s pretty goofy but he’s sweet. San’s kinda flirty but he’s really nice and stuff when you get to know him. I think you’ll get along well with Seonghwa and Yeosang, honestly.”
“Oh yeah? Why’s that?”
“Because you were always no fun growing up,” he teased.
But you did eventually go visit your brother. It had been a little while since you’d seen him anyway, so you figured why not. Besides, he seemed really excited about his pack and especially getting to reconnect with his childhood best friend. Honestly, you were a little bit curious to see how Wooyoung grew up.
What you didn’t expect when you arrived was to see Jung Wooyoung for the first time since you were in high school, and see him as so much more than just your little brother’s annoying friend.
Jung Wooyoung had grown up to be more handsome than you could’ve even imagined if you’d ever bothered to remember him. As soon as your eyes landed on him as he walked out the door to catch up with the pack while your brother excitedly greeted you from the driveway, you felt a massive crush on him hit you. And if this was what your grandmother had told you, Jongho, and your parents about, this was something more serious than just a human crush.
For Wooyoung, his entire world stopped. All he saw was you in his vision, everyone and everything else falling away. His heart was beating out of his chest, his palms suddenly felt clammy, and he had the strong urge to run right up to you and just wrap you up in his arms.
He had imprinted on his childhood best friend’s sister.
Thankfully, with Jongho’s excitement to introduce you to the pack, he hadn’t picked up on that. However, the same couldn’t be said for the pack. Seonghwa easily noticed, Hongjoong had a very strong suspicion, and Yeosang thought it was so painfully obvious that he couldn’t believe that Jongho didn’t realize when he had re-introduced the two of you and you finally had to properly acknowledge each other.
Yunho was the only one who didn’t notice, thinking that was just how Wooyoung was. He was very flirty with, well, just about anybody. So the older boy didn’t have reason to think anything of it.
But it was silently decided that nobody would tell Jongho about it. Neither you nor Wooyoung knew how to tell him. Jongho had become very protective of you ever since becoming a werewolf, so not only were you afraid of possibly upsetting him, but Wooyoung definitely was. Not only was Jongho his brother now, but they had been best friends since they could remember, and they had finally reuinted. He didn’t want to ruin their relationship, and neither did you. And since neither of you ever said anything, the rest of the pack knew it wasn’t their place.
Eventually, another werewolf came into the picture: Song Mingi. He was tall, a little awkward, but very sweet and funny. He had imprinted on his best friend, Aera, who he hadn’t told yet and insisted everyone associated with the pack never speak of it to her -- that included you. You weren’t at the pack house often -- Wooyoung would simply sneak out to visit you at your apartment because that was way easier -- but you were glad that Mingi’s situation overshadowed your own. The less attention on you and Wooyoung, the better.
Until Mingi ended up telling Aera, and then someone had to go and open their big, stupid mouth and ruin everything for you.
Jongho had invited you over for dinner to sort of ‘celebrate’ Mingi finally telling Aera after however many years that she was his mate. They, like Jongho and Wooyoung, had grown up together and were best friends throughout their whole lives. You were shocked Mingi managed to keep his secret for so long, but you were happy for him that he finally told her. Besides, Aera was always so laid back and relaxed. You figured she’d be fine with the whole situation.
“I still can’t believe you made a mistake that stupid,” you chuckled as the pack launched joke after joke toward Mingi’s lapse of thought which caused Aera to find out. “Even I know to be more careful than that.”
“Yeah, but you have family that’ve been telling you about werewolves since Jongho was in high school,” Mingi pouted. “My parents still don’t even know.”
“Guess they’re next on the list of people to tell,” Yeosang joked lightly, knowing Mingi was getting a little grumpy from all the teasing.
Yunho snorted before laughing, “Where are Wooyoung and _____ on that list?”
However, the joke that was meant to lighten the mood only made it worse. The air seemed to thicken almost immediately as everyone but the oblivious werewolf froze, eyes unsure if they wanted to look at you, Wooyoung, Jongho, or just continue staring at the table. It was so silent after Yunho’s laughter turned awkward and then quickly died down that even you could’ve heard a pin drop from outside. But after what felt like an eternity of just dead silence, something finally broke it that made you wish you’d continued to just sit in the quiet.
“What?” Jongho asked sharply.
From the end of the table, you heard Mingi mumble, “What was that about stupid mistakes?”
#ateez#wooyoung#ateez au#ateez imagine#ateez scenario#ateez oneshot#ateez fanfic#ateez series#werewolf!ateez#ateez x reader#wooyoung au#wooyoung imagine#wooyoung oneshot#wooyoung scenario#wooyoung fanfic#wooyoung series#werewolf!wooyoung#wooyoung x reader#ateez aus#ateez imagines#ateez scenarios#ateez oneshots#ateez fanfics#wooyoung aus#wooyoung imagines#wooyoung scenarios#wooyoung oneshots#wooyoung fanfics
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lmao im actually so desperate to die im considering swallowing two peach pits just to see if i will choke to death because nothing else ive tried has worked so far . you know what my life doesnt fucking matter ill do it. with my luck it wont work i feel im being punished and thats why i cant die. ill do it. if i dont get back to you something happened but i doubt it. im tired like you said i deserve peace. we do. bye maybe i hope this works this is pathetic but im desperate to die
hey, i'm really sorry to hear you're feeling this way. it seems like you're totally overwhelmed right now and i completely understand how debilitating that can be. i know there's nothing i can do or say that will really change how awful it feels, and you're probably not in the headspace to read all this. but if you ever want to come back to it, it'll be here. maybe you could try some of these grounding exercises, here / here and here beforehand to get you in a place where you can focus a little. it's alright, there's no rush or pressure. i just wanted to say first of all that this is not pathetic in the slightest. sometimes the world gets on top of you and you go througn so much trauma and hurt that it really does feel like giving up is the only option. people can only take so much, and i get it. that's the trick of the suicidal brain though, i think. it uses life's suffering and your own past experiences to convince you that it is always going to be this way. to romanticize death and make it into something it isn't in your head. it is actually very hard to die, as i'm sure you know. and it's not the peaceful option or escape you're looking for, either. and the most paramount thing i want to say is that your life 100% does matter. this was never up for debate. you were born with an inherent worth and it hasn't went away just because you can no longer see it. you honestly can't fathom how you've impacted peoples lives, directly and indirectly, and even just the world itself. you don't have to be anybody but who you are, i promise, the whole point is just having the human experience you're having. you're fulfilling your purpose by existing, no matter how hard it is at times. i think it's a good sign that you reached out to me, i honestly think it shows that you have a lot of self awareness regarding what's going on and that you're truly capable of asking for the help that you need. you're not in a place right now where you can trust your thoughts and feelings, so it's good to seek an objective perspective from somebody else. this state of mind is so transient, it's so intense that it's not built to last. i'm not trying to downplay how unbelievably hard to live with, of course, but it can be freeing to acknowledge that this is not all there is, no matter how difficult it is to endure currently. you deserve to be here and to exist in a way that heals you, no matter what your mind is telling you. there can be a variety of underlying causes for suicidal feelings, and obviously they're very serious issues that need real medical attention in order to begin to overcome. but with that and with time, it is totally possible to learn to live a full live along side all you've been through. even though right now i'm sure that's the lastthhing on earth you want to do.
are you currently working with a mental health professional of any sort? your doctor, a therapist, a support group, even a hotline? if not, i would really urge you to get in touch with them as soon as possible. and if you already are, let them know where your thoughts are at lately so they can focus on upping your level of care. if you're worried about money, there are cost-effective choics available, like finding a therapist who offers a sliding scale price, or looking into mental health resources within your community. i know your brain is probably screaming at you to do the opposite, but i promise any baby step in the right direction is going to pay off. the prospect of reaching out and being honest is a daunting one, and i'm only bringing it up as something to consider at the moment (or when you feel able to) so please don't write it off all together. you don't have to do anything right now, just know you have options. you honestly do. and talking to someone really is not as bad as your brain is probably building it up to be. just like with physical illness, mental illness can be confronted and treated. it's all about learning how to manage your unique mind, and even if it takes a lifetime, it is so possible to lessen the frequency of episodes like this. or to become more prepared for them so they feel less erratic when they do occur. discussing about what you've been through, pinpointing root causes of your suicidal thoughts, learnng how to implement healthy coping mechanisms into your daily routine, building a support system, finding the medication for you if needed - all of this is going to make a tangible difference. it is not going to fix everything, obviously, but it is going to lighten the weight and broaden your perspective on yourself and on living. you deserve to be supported without judgement and with genuine care, you deserve to be listened to. there are a lot of people, professionals or otherwise, even just strangers like me, who are willing to filling that role for you.
idk how it is for you and i won't pretend to, but sometimes suicidal people don't want to lose their lives, they just want to stop living the way they are. with so much chaos and unresolved pain and exhaustion. you don't have to hurt yourself in order to get there. i know when you're in this mindset, any even slightly positive piece of advice just feels impossible to believe. but even if you can't seriously take it on board at the moment, i hope when you're in a more grounded place, you can at least consider as an alternative to absolute hopelessness. you may as well, because you are alive and that is not always going to feel like a curse. it is so hard to believe it, i get that, but it is a fundamental truth. you are in an extremely difficult moment but that is not your whole existence. the future is ever changing, and you've already made it through the past, so the only thing that really matters is this moment. focus on what you need, not what you want, but what you need to do right now to truly self - prioritize. even if that feels like the last thing on earth you want do. if self destruction and self harm was gonna make you feel better, it would've by now. welcome the idea of trying something new, maybe just the notion of attempting to guide yourself through this with a bit of self-compassion. please, if you feel like you are an immediate danger to yourself, please exercise any sense of self preservation/ survival instinct and call the authorities, a hotline or a friend/family member right away. no matter what bullshit your brain is telling you, no matter how heavy your heart is right now . everything is always always always changing and things are going to change beyond recognition, it's the one thing you can count on. you deserve to stick around to see it all, and once you've made the decision to do so, you won't feel so stuck and conflicted anymore. i'm going to leave some links that i think might help a little in this moment, but like i said, please call someone if you feel you can't be alone right now. i'm rooting for u a lot and i really hope you are able do the right thing for yourself. if it's all too hard, focus on getting through the next hour. if that's too much, the next minute. and if that's too much, the next second. break it down into what you can handle and let yourself live. and then just go from there. sending you all my love.
list of hotlines
coping with depression
coping with suicidal thoughts
so you feel like shit?
template for creating a safety plan
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alright alright, do yall want my dreamSMP headcanons?? keep in mind that i only watch a few of them
/dsmp
Possible TW's: trauma, manipulation, death, suicide, overdose; the basic dreamSMP stuff, unfortunately.
ok here we go:
Dream - a separate entity from DreamXD, though they are related; perhaps XD is from another universe? anyways, Dream was possessed by a 'Dreamon' at a young age, making him think that things like manipulation are ok simply because he didn't know any better. he says he's trying to get better, but is he? no. this is just another trick to make Tommy think he can change. Jacob Sheep horns are slowly growing (sheep-hybrid thanks to his mother, Cpt. Puffy). Him becoming family with George and Sapnap made him realize that he can make his own family, an idea which he twisted and turned into manipulation. In his words, paraphrased, he "did a bad thing but for good reasons" which were "bringing the server together"; he wanted to be a family with him in control, a dictatorship, a hivemind.
Drista - Dream's sister, more related to XD than Dream is. somewhat OP but has morals unlike her brother.
George - Mooshroom hybrid!! Has a little mushroom crown and cape because he thinks of himself as royalty (he isn't) - has little horns and a little tail. Misses Dream the most out of the Dream Team, but somewhat afraid of him. Wants 'the old dream' back, which was partly a persona and partly Dream learning about found family. He tries not to get involved with politics or the server after the events of the first wars, because he's scared. Sleeps through things as an excuse. Awesamdude's kid - doesn't tell anyone.
Sapnap - Dragon hybrid - has small horns and a tail, with burn marks at the base of them. His hands and feet are clawed and burnt. He also wants their Dream back, but understands that he was always corrupt and has mostly gotten over it. Wants to help with the Egg but, like George, doesn't like getting involved with big things on the server. He's ashamed of his dragon heritage, covering up his head burns with a headband and covering his horns with his hair; he hides his tail under a cape and wears gloves as well. Sapnap has unnaturally orange eyes, which he would change with contacts, if they didn't melt anytime he tried. Battle-scarred and hungry to start fights and sever friendships out of boredom. Badboyhalo's child.
Callahan - Cervitaur (deer-centaur). Distantly related to Puffy, Captain Sparklez, and Schlatt. I will admit, I have never watched him, and I don't think he's ever been too involved in server politics? Just a simple deer man trying to live his life.
Awesamdude - Creeper centaur thing (he and Callahan are... cousins? i guess?). Incredibly insecure about his morality and the fact that George doesn't talk to him much. Thinks he's a bad person. He becomes a father figure to Tommy through his Sam Nook persona - slowly gaining his confidence back through his real estate and his (illegal) adoption of the gremlin. Badass. Runs the prison by himself because he feels the need to prove himself, and he doesn't know anyone that would be up to the job.
Alyssa - inactive :[ probably human
Ponk - Human!! One of the few humans on this server, actually! He quite likes building and terraforming; he makes very aesthetic builds (see; war campsite). He and Sam are close friends. Ponk is also a parental figure to Tommy, but is closer to the fun uncle. The three of them steal together and then Ponk and Sam cover for Tommy because who could accuse them of lying?? Hesitant to join in with politics.
BadBoyHalo - Demon. Very, very tall demon. Large. Pretty wholesome. I honestly don't know what else to say about him lmao I haven't been paying attention to the Egg much. He and Skeppy are a thing though. Wishes his son would stop killing people's pets to start wars.
TommyInnit - He doesn't know what kind of hybrid he his, but he isn't human. His eyes change color with mood, going from a light grey to an extremely vibrant cobalt blue. He believes he may be part raccoon, or part bird(?) on Philza's side. Phil wasn't around during his childhood; Tommy only knew him as the hero from the strories that his older brother Wilbur told him. Philza killing Villain!Bur cemented his heroship, which is why Tommy sees him as a father figure. Wilbur never told him that he (Phil) was their father. Tommy is actually part siren, but his gills and fins haven't appeared yet. His PTSD is triggered by Dream, blackstone, tnt, people asking for his armor, and a few other things. An extremely traumatized kid. Best friends with Tubbo.
Tubbo - Sheep hybrid. His horns started coming in during Schlatt's presidentship, making him think he was a goat and following in his footsteps. In reality, he's Captain Sparklez's son; related to Schlatt yes, but not at all like him. He likes headbutting the people he loves, including his best friend Tommy. Wholesome, but still a chaotic being of destruction. He and Ranboo are also very good friends!
Fundy - Fox shifter; unlike most of the other hybrids on this server (other than Techno), he can turn into an anthro fox. Canonically transgender! Son to WilburSoot and Sally the Salmon (another shifter). Wilbur was an amazing father while Fundy was small, but started neglecting him during the Presidency, when he really needed a father. The two grew apart further during Pogtopia, and Fundy still tries to refuse his father's attempts at redemption. Despite this, Fundy and Ghostbur, even though they've had arguments, have a better relationship. Fundy is even one of the people who are attempting to bring back Wilbur. He sees Phil as a somewhat father figure despite him trying to be bitter towards him. Very involved with L'manburg and DreamSMP poilitics, but has taken a step back since his dad's death. Fundy also canonically misses Schlatt and wants him to be proud of him. He picked up smoking from him.
Punz - gonna be honest, I have never watched Punz.
Purpled - Enderdragon hybrid. Like Sapnap, but purple lol. Use to have a healthy rivalry with Technoblade, but doesn't talk to him anymore. A bit reserved. I don't watch him either idk if you could tell.
Wilbur - Bird hybrid, like Philza; his wings were clipped by Dream when he first began fighting for independence. Good friends with Technoblade. Wilbur was an idealistic person, and he was probably the most loyal member of L'manburg. He was so upset about the betrayals, he thought of them not as betrayals to the country, but to himself. When Schlatt took over, he began to panic. His perfect nation was being ruined, his nation, HIS nation. He thought of it as his and his alone; all those other people? They were side characters. L'manburg his unfinished symphony wasn't his anymore. It scared him. He began planning to take the country out because, well, if he can't have him, then no one can. He manipulated Tommy, making him go along with his plan, slowly becoming more insane and destructive. Deep down, Wil still loved his family, and his country, and his lost lover, but that didn't matter to him anymore. After blowing up L'manburg (the first explosion), Wilbur broke down. He realized what he had done, he'd become a bad guy; he'd worked with Dream. He asked his father to kill him. And so Philza did.
Ghostbur - Wings work again. Ghostbur pretends not to remember, he pretends that he's changed in death, but he remembers all of it. The bad memories hurt him now, more than ever, and he just can't deal with it; so he doesn't. Water makes him melt, and that includes tears. He's trying so hard to be a good person, he's trying so hard to be a good father, a good brother, a good friend. But it isn't working. He's still, though unintentionally, hurting people, and he feels so bad about it.
Schlatt - Ram hybrid. Brother to Puffy and Jordan (Sparklez). Schlatt is a smoker and an alcoholic, and a power hungry dictator. Or well, that's the persona he puts on. Schlatt, in reality (still /dsmp) genuinely does not give a fuck. He didn't care what happened, because he knew that people disliked him. He knew for a fact that he would be killed. This is why I believe he offed himself. He planned his stroke, or heart attack, the fandom doesn't seem to know which. He probably ingested some bad protein powder or poison or something, maybe he drank himself to death, maybe he OD'd and then drank, we don't know. But it seems unlikely that someone like him would let his body give out like that without a reason. Oh yeah, and he and Quackity were married at some point, but it was too short to really mean anything.
Ghlatt - Ghlatt, though still addicted to alcohol and various drugs, feels bad about being a bad person in his life. He thinks that it's a good thing he died, that the server benefited from his death, and that he shouldn't have become a ghost. He's right, of course, but I like to think that he's regained morality. Maybe now, in the afterlife, he can work on himself. Ghlatt isn't strong enough to take a physical form, so he borrows Ghostbur's occasionally.
Skeppy - Some sort of Diamond Ore man?? I think he's human. He and BBH have a thing. I don't think I've ever watched a Skeppy DreamSMP stream. Uhh Egg?? Egg. Badlands boys woo.
Eret - Herobrine is his cousin. Like. Yeah. That Herobrine. Anyways, they're a king, and they're more of an Awesomedude morally grey type character. Her only interest is survival, and I respect that. I haven't really paid much attention to him though. Their crown has bi flag colored gems on it :]
Jack Manifold - Jack Manifol! Jack Manifall~~ Jack Manifall.. off bridge!! Jack Manidrown :} OH SHIT- (i dont watch him)
Niki - Human. Wears Wilbur's old coat. Though she did go through a tough spot after Wilbur's death, she now runs a flower shop with Puffy. Dyes her hair often. I don't watch her either.
Quackity - Duck hybrid; wings were clipped upon his joining the server. His face scar was canonized :] Alex genuinely liked Schlatt, but realized he was being mistreated so he joined Pogtopia. He felt bad about it though. I don't have many headcanons for him to be honest.
Mexican Dream - ok am i the only one that wasn't into this arc?? i didn't even watch any of it. i saw him like once and was like "oh this is just a bit" and left wtf. was he important???
Karl Jacobs - Time Traveler man; human. Karl is slowly losing his memory due to his travel between timelines. The more he does it, the more he loses. I look forward to seeing this progress. Are he, Sapnap, and uhhh someone else actually engaged?? I like that headcanons :] I don't remember who the other person is though.
HBomb - Cat maid.
Technoblade - Piglin shifter. Techno is softer than he seems, and he genuinely enjoys the company of Ranboo and his friend Philza. Technoblade met Phil after saving him from wither skeletons in the Nether, making short visits to the Overworld until he built up an immunity. He likes the cold because it's the opposite of his terrible home dimension. Techno really did want to help Tommy, but their ideals clashed too much for it to work out. Very destructive anarchist. Though, he is pretty chill nowadays.
Antfrost - Cat shifter. So I lied, there are three. Uhh wizard!! I like that HC!! Wizard catboy go brrrr. In reality, I don't watch the Badland Boys often and I haven't seen any of the Egg plot so idk what's up with him lol. I like to think that before the Egg, he and Fundy were friends.
Philza - Wings were beat up during the explosion; he tried to protect Wilbur with them, but still ended up failing. He's the father to Wilbur and Tommy, with Techno being an old friend of his. He canonically really likes cobblestone. Phil tries his best to be the dad, but his morals are all over the place. Lately, he's unofficially adopted Ranboo, helping him with his uh. Issues.
Connor - Human in a Sonic onesie idk i dont watch him
Puffy - Sheep Hybrid. Sister to Schlatt and Jordan, mother to Dream. I really don't know tbh; she's everyone's adoptive mom. She's what Philza and Awesamdude wish they could be.
Vikkstar - Human. Has he?? Done anything?? Ever??
Lazarbeam - Isn't he a gingerbread man or something.
Ranboo - Half Enderman Half [REDACTED]. I dont have headcanons for him tbh I just accept his canon. May be related to XD?
Foolish Gamers - A literal god. He can revive people, but it takes one of his lives. Uhhh he's really good at building what.
Hannahxxrose - I don't watch her :[ I should though
Slimecicle - CHARLIE SLIMECICLE. Slime hybrid obviously. New to the server, very scared [/j] and confused. Doesn't know what's going on and that's ok because he's funny I like him
I got really tired of this towards the end oops
#/dsmp#/rp#tw#tw death#tw manipulation#tw suicide#tw overdose#dreamsmp#dream smp#headcanons#head canon#dream#dreamxd#drista#georgenotfound#sapnap#callahan#awesamdude#alyssa#ponk#dropsbyponk#badboyhalo#bbh#tommyinnit#tubbo#fundy#punz#purpled#wilbursoot#beet's rambles
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Can you link me some of your favorite anti-Delena / pro-Stelena posts that you’ve done? I’ve read your master list so many times lol but I really want to know if you have any favorites that you often think back to and you’re like “damn. I was really going off that day.”
honestly they're all my favourites in different ways but to play along with this ask, i'll talk about the few that come to my mind first:
this one because i was TIRED of the DE theory that elena chose stefan because she was scared and the kiss made her change her mind because it was a stupid theory
https://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/155965695700/in-3x22-elena-talks-to-matt-about-stefan-and
this one because i'd HAD it with this argument
https://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/144416987705/what-would-u-say-to-de-fans-who-say-that-elena
this one because this was like the one millionth time someone came up with this argument and again, i'd had it:
https://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/186239567565/stefan-fell-for-elena-because-she-was-everything
this one because i thought i really articulated the difference between sc and se
http://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/156761337415/so-scrs-have-a-post-comparing-3x07-with-8x10-and
this one because i thought i broke down what was wrong with sc well
https://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/620868430378172416/i-know-you-dont-like-sc-anymore-but-discrediting
and then this one when someone said that the holes in the sc relationship are inconsistent and i was like, ok but are they?
https://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/645295866258784256/steroline-anon-long-rant-first-stelena-are
this one because i explained the problems with both sc and de well and again i'd just had it
http://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/160487885690/is-messy-and-develops-over-time-and-rooted-in
this one because of the context around the ask, initiumseries and i were being accused of being anti-black because we didn't ship a few bw/wm ships and one of them was bonenzo and this anon kept coming back about bonenzo and how bonnie did for enzo what elena did for stefan and i kept saying it was different because the writing for stelena was there and then i got this ask about ok so what exactly does stefan like about elena and i was like don't worry, i have receipts
https://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/181840625050/can-you-explain-what-was-it-about-elena-that
and then this one because it was a follow-up
https://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/613718719334580224/what-things-do-you-think-elena-loves-about-stefan
this one because i was like, LMAO THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK
https://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/186643949021/whatever-you-think-de-did-more-couple-things-than
same with this
https://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/183294650300/stefan-loved-the-good-one-and-not-the-monster
these ones because i was like, honestly, i find that a lot of se shippers underestimate what se was
https://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/622478215537131520/its-honestly-sad-that-stelena-never-even-got
https://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/616044573397057536/this-is-what-a-der-said-about-elena-saying-stefan
https://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/164460388145/have-you-noticed-that-when-elena-is-going-through
in the same vein, this one because i was like people don’t understand elena’s point
https://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/616045554276941824/ders-are-so-fucking-dumb-do-they-lack-critical
this one because it broke down the sire bond
https://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/156287220175/i-really-liked-your-toxic-relationship-post-but
this one -- and basically all of my "SE aren't unhealthy" posts because every time I was like try again.
https://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/162678807080/stelena-wasnt-healthy-their-problems-are-worse
https://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/616437013238939648/stefan-manipulated-elena-into-opening-up-about-her
https://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/190417664885/stefan-followed-elena-to-the-graveyard-went-to
https://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/155817763005/oh-and-damon-is-always-saying-how-he-doesnt
https://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/628937210528415744/you-say-stefan-nevwr-outright-told-elena
https://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/172526589260/damon-called-elena-out-on-her-suicidal-tendencies
https://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/623920001404059648/how-would-you-respond-if-someone-said-stefan
https://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/616676648195129344/stefan-made-elena-drink-animal-blood-when-she
same with this one
https://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/156759616750/lmao-stefan-challenges-her-you-say-ders-have-no
this one because i was tired of people bringing up stefan choosing to save matt as a flaw
https://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/648426560999800832/hey-i-like-your-tvd-posts-they-are-legit
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So heard you want Haikyuu request! So when I get mad at someone (VERY rare) I just look at them like 😠. And just kinda shun them like “dont talk to me 😠. That was rude 😠” so i just scoot away from them. I wont walk away from them, ill just go to the other side of the couch or whatever and if they try to console me im like “no! You spoiled my show 😠” and only kinda yell at them if they keep pursuing like “im mad at you” and if they touch me im like “NO! IM MAD AT YOU” is all lmao UHHH PART 2
hc: how Kageyama and Nishinoya react when their S/O gets angry
tw: none (i think?)
tags: angry!reader, haikyuu, eventual comfort/fluff, slight nsfw with noya
notes: ahsgshahajsh i’m the same way when i get angry but i CRY so much, so i kinda felt this one? but i did hc’s for this because i wanted to do it NOW. i love my boys, especially noya. ty for the request, i love you, and my inbox is still open for asks ❥
» i feel like kageyama is just permanently unaware of everything going on around him, like all this boy has on his mind is fuckin’ volleyball and you, ofc
» i also feel like this is a big reason why doesn’t have a filter sometimes... which gets him in trouble.
» you two are just chilling on the couch, all cuddled up together, watching a show you’ve been trying to catch up to him on (because he’s impatient and apparently can’t wait for you to come home smh)
» you’re halfway through a super suspenseful episode, and there’s a huge lead up to a plot twist but it’s just dragging on forEVER
» “ugh, why can’t they just show who dies, already?” you grumble under your breath, beyond irritated, huffing for good measure
» kageyama just
» nonchalantly fuckin’ spoils it
» “oh F/C/N dies, happens next episode.”
» the speed in which your head turns his way is inhuman LMAO
» you’re so angry you can’t even form words, your blood boils as it rushes to your face and your brow is furrowed so deep
» not only did your boyfriend ruin the rest of the episode but YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER DIES??
» of course kageyama doesn’t notice your death glare until a couple seconds later, looking at you with the most dumbfounded expression
» “...what?”
» you don’t even say anything, just get up, take a deep breath, and walk as calm as possible to the bedroom, slamming the door behind you
» meanwhile kags is still just ?? nani ??
» he leaps into action and tries talking to you through the door but once he hears the tub’s faucet running from your bathroom, he knows it’s your me time and he shouldn’t interfere
» so while you’re soaking up in a hot bath with your favorite scented candle burning at the edge of the tub, listening to your favorite playlist at a comfortable volume,
» kageyama literally sits on the couch and thinks SO HARD about what he could have possibly done wrong ahsgsgshaja this boy
» you were fine before you started watching the show, even after the show started you were quite literally all over him, so where did he go wrong?
» it finally dawns on him that your sudden mood change happened after he spilled the beans on your favorite character’s death
» insert kageyama slamming a palm to his face
» THIS DUDE FEELS SO FUCKIN’ BAD NOW
» he waits at least another 15-20 mins before creeping into the master bath to check up on you, a warm mug of your favorite tea in hand and the sweetest look on his face
» how could you still be mad at him when he’s literally doing the 🥺 face ???
» he crouches at the edge of the tub and leans forward to press a gentle kiss into your temple before setting the mug on the ledge, situating himself so his chin is laying over his folded arms, facing you
» “I’m sorry I’m an idiot... and about F/C/N. I know you liked them a lot.”
» you can’t help but giggle at how precious the moment (or the look on his face) is and you raise a hand to his cheek, rubbing the soft skin over his cheekbone with your damp thumb
» “It’s okay, Tobio, at least I didn’t have to see it. But next time... try not to spoil anything, okay?”
» nishinoya might seem like an air headed tornado to most, but he’s actually pretty perceptive !!
» so he’s always aware of when you’re angry, very in tune with your emotions, constantly tries his best to avoid hurting you or your feelings in anyway
» but uh... he fucks up sometimes.
» you were at your shared home, waiting for him wearing nothing but his old volleyball jersey and his favorite pair of your panties (y’know the ones, with a cute lil’ bow on the front and less fabric in the back ;0)
» there wasn’t really any special occasion but you both made it very clear during a suggestive text conversation earlier in the day that you were going to jump each other’s bones as soon as you got home
» he did let you know he needed to stop by tanaka’s after work to pick something up, but you figured that wouldn’t take long at all, right?
» wrong
» you’ve been nestled in the same spot on the couch for hours, the sun no longer shining into the living room, and you were absolutely steaming from the ears in wait for your boyfriend
» you honestly weren’t even in the mood anymore the longer time dragged on, the show you put on doing nothing to distract you from your aggravation
» eventually you hear the familiar jiggle of your front door and the clanking of keys being hung on the rack before footsteps head your way
» you keep the blanket in your lap wrapped around your waist and sit up, arms crossed, bottom lip jutted out ever so slightly with narrowed eyes
» “Hey, baby! I missed you all da-“
» he tried leaning down for a kiss but you pressed your hand against his lips before they got close enough
» noya is confused for a split second before he notices you’re wearing the one piece of clothing you know will get you laid when you wear it
» “...fuck.”
» “Actually, no, not anymore.”
» you get up from the couch and side step around him, ignoring the way his fingertips brush against your wrist in a failed attempt to grab it
» once you make it to your bedroom you lock yourself in the bathroom to change clothes, wash your face, let your hair down, etc.
» the running water lets noya know you’re starting your nightly routine, and there’s no way you’re doing anything after that
» he’s very aware that you just need to cool off, you got your point across and all that remained was the recovery process
» so he decides to use this time to get himself in his sleep clothes as well and situate the bed in the most comfortable set up possible, the way he knows you like it
» also grabs a snack or two from the kitchen and sets it on your nightstand in case you do decide to talk it out instead of going straight to bed
» he patiently waits for you to emerge from the bathroom as he holds onto the stuffed koala he won for you at some fair years ago HE’S SO CUTE I CAN’T ALDJSHSJAK
» when you finally do come out, donning an old pair of his sweats and an oversized t-shirt, hair brushed and face clean, his face instantly softens
» bc he can’t help but admire how beautiful you look in moments like this 🥺
» once you see the look in his eyes and the stuffed toy in his arms, it’s all over, my guy - you don’t even remember why you were upset in the first place
» you climb on the bed and settle on top of him, head tucked under his chin and arms wrapped underneath his shoulders while he runs his hands up and down your spine, koala bear long forgotten
» “I’m sorry I was out so late, babygirl, I lost track of time... I’ll make it up to you whenever you want, okay? and I’ll hold you like this if you just wanna go to bed.” He finally says after a comfortable silence, kissing the top of your head as he finishes.
» your heart practically melts and suddenly you want to be the one comforting him
» “It’s okay, Yuu. I love you so much.” you lift your head from his chest to give him a sweet kiss as he reciprocates the phrase against your lips
» the kiss lasts much longer than intended and grows in intensity - next thing you know, he’s got you flipped over with his hands sneaking under your shirt to explore your soft skin, mouth latched onto your neck
» his hands wander to the waistband of the sweats resting over your hips and when his fingertips brush over the familiar texture of lace, he looks up at you with the MOST excited look
» “You kept them on?? FOR ME??”
#i went a lil overboard with noya’s but i cant help it#i just love him sm#kageyama tobio#kageyama x reader#tobio kageyama x reader#tobio kageyama fic#nishinoya yuu#nishinoya x reader#nishinoya yu x reader#nishinoya headcanons#kageyama headcanons#haikyuu!!#haikyuu headcanons#hofortendou hc’s
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me shitting on my shithead ex
TWs: abuse, domestic violence, manipulation, panic attacks, probably others... so if this doesn't sound like something you wanna read, feel free to skip.
it’s literally just me bitching about my shithead ex. Mum is not “Mum” here. I’m a cold, bitter person in this. I let my rage out, and truly channel a bitch here.
Alright listen up mama has a lot of ✨trauma✨
Sooooo…. My life is one big trauma and I love that for me lmao
My family life was shit for a while, and I was a whole shitshow in myself until… well I’m still a shitshow honestly, but uh, we can dive into that another time if you want lmao I have enough baggage to share with this story right here. My family situation is a whole other story lmaoooooooooo
Well, senior year I meet this boy. And he was real sweet (this is shithead ex).
We dated for 2 1/2 years. 2 1/2 very long years. I wore rose tinted glasses for the first year and a half. Like I said, he was sweet.
Well, for the first 9 months that we dated, he didn’t have a job. He ended up getting a job at a local deli… only to lose said job 2 months later. For the next however long we dated, mans went through 5 other jobs… dick’s sporting goods, a waitress at a local restaurant, real estate agent, caretaker of dogs, and finally working with his father who said if he wasn’t his son he would have fired him too.
Mans also “went to college” for a semester, failed, and told me that he didn’t know why he wasn’t getting his grades… man didn’t attend classes, didn’t pay for said classes and failed… that’s why.
I was able to overlook this for a while. 1 1/2 years actually.
Well, rose tinted glasses came off on my 19th birthday. My friends wanted to hang out, and he literally stopped me from going. I wasn’t allowed to see my friends because “I don’t like your friends” okay well I didn’t fucking ask… “You’re gonna fuck them” … no I’m not??? They’re like my brothers, and I was in love with him… not them??
All we did was fight from then on… things like “you’re not allowed to wear that… other boys will look at you…” “why would you wear that out? you look like a whore” “why do you insist on eating healthy can’t we just get a burger and be done” “you shouldn’t drink all of that coffee it's bad for you” “why cant you ever stay awake?” “you’re letting yourself go.” “are you fucking kidding me”
Manipulation was strong. I tried to leave so many times but couldn’t. It was the “I can’t live without you babe” and “No one would ever love someone as broken as you”
I was abused for the last year of that relationship because I was so scared that I wasn’t good enough and I would never be capable of being loved again. Because well, he loved me, right? If I left… I don’t really know. (LMAO I really am Jane in this way… and he truly was my HenRat)
And then it got physical. I was going to school full-time, working crazy amounts of hours at my job, and really only had time to see him late at night after work. We would settle in on his couch, and I would either do homework or we would watch television. He didn’t like when I did homework. Oftentimes when we would watch tv, I would fall asleep. I was EXHAUSTED. 18 credits worth of school and babysitting and working at a gym almost full time is a hard feat, let me tell you. He didn’t like that. He would shake me awake. Now, I don’t bruise. I just have a skin complexion where I dont bruise. I would fucking bruise… and he knew it. I would tell him it hurt me. He would do the usual “oh baby I’m so sorry it won’t happen again” only for it to happen again. This led to panic attacks... terrible anxiety.
And then it was the “come on babe we never do anything anymore” to which I would reply with “can we please just not? I’m tired and I just want to relax”… and he wouldn’t take it for an answer. Rough nights for me… physically, mentally, emotionally.
It took me a year to get out of that relationship. Now, for being as young as I am… that’s a long time. Covid hit, we were all quarantined, and I stopped seeing him (even though I was working in public) because “my dad is high risk”. Best two weeks of my life, not having to see him. I didn’t FaceTime him, I barely even talked to him other than “morning” and “goodnight” texts. I drove to his house one day after work and literally said “we can’t keep doing this. We’re both miserable, and I can’t do this anymore. We have to break up.” And I drove away and never looked back. And I don’t regret it one bit. I do regret not getting out of that relationship sooner.
That being said, it has left me royally fucked. I see every red flag, every hint of any red flag, and I refuse to put myself in that situation again.
I’m genuinely content with the progress I’ve made on myself, and I refuse to let anyone ruin the progress I’ve made.
So, thank you shithead ex for more trauma to add onto my already extensive list of traumatic things that have happened to me. You truly deserve to get wrecked, and I am so much better off without you. I’m better than I ever thought I could be. truly, get fucked.
Despite all of the absolute SHIT I’ve been put through in this very short time I’ve been alive, I still do my best to come out of it stronger, better, and with as much love in my heart as I can (although I guess it’s pretty ironic i say this considering this is just one big rant about how I fucking hate someone)
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Birds Of A Feather- Part 10 Hawks Fic
Summary: Finch is finally returning to work where she’s faced with a series of struggles, one being the infamous winged hero himself.
A/N: Here you go readers. Hope you enjoy
Warnings: Just angst lmao
Finch slid on her heels with a sigh. Today was the day, she had talked herself up over coffee all morning but, as she swung her purse up onto her shoulder she honestly wasn’t feeling any better. She was nervous, nervous to return to her job, nervous to see everyone again... Nervous to see him.
That was what it really was, but she wouldn’t admit it. She was terrified to face him again after the blatant betrayal. She knew he didn’t see it that way or he would never do what he did. Or maybe he did and just didn’t care, maybe this was his way to get her off his back. She didn’t have the guts to ask him even if she did see him, which she would. It was inevitable.
And so she locked her apartment door before heading off to work, walking a little slower into the building when she got there. Her wings bristled as she looked up to where his office would be. The windows gleamed in the light, the very top one open wide, as usual. It was getting warmer now, the air giving the feel of a new beginning.
The elevator music was a little sickening but she endured it, walking into the office and setting her things down before heading to briefing. Her throat was tight with anxiety. She knew this would be when he saw her. Her wings brand new, not crippled anymore.
She stood next to the boss, looking out at all the other workers there. Everyone was waiting for Hawks to show up but after a few more minutes of silence the boss cleared his throat. As he began talking Finch jotted down notes and grimaced. No sign of Hawks anywhere. Was he avoiding her?
When she got back to the office she looked around and noticed Hawks’ seat was still pushed in, meaning he still hadn’t gotten here. So much for his schedule, she grumbled in her head. She clicked through his schedule on her computer, thankfully there were only a few things astray from her stand in. Beginning to take calls and fill in times she was beginning to worry. He still wasn’t here. It was going on an hour into the work day.
She sighed, pulling out her phone to find his phone number, calling from the office phone so that maybe he’d actually answer. It rung twice before going to voicemail. He had done that, he had declined her call. She huffed angrily, calling again. After the third time, someone finally picked up, but it wasn’t the voice she wanted to hear.
“Can I help you?”
A grumpy voice came over the line. Finch felt her stomach drop before she cleared her voice and put on her service voice.
“Hi, this is Mr. Hawks secretary calling from his office, may I ask who I’m talking to this fine morning?”
“U-uh, it’s Amika...”
“Hello, Ms. Amika, pray tell, is Mr. Hawks available?”
“Y-ya, let me wake him up for you.”
There was rustling on the other end of the phone and Finch felt absolutely sick. This was ridiculous. If he could make her first day back any worse she would be surprised. There was a grumble from the other side before his voice rang through.
“Hello?”
“Mr. Hawks, this is your secretary calling, it seems you’re late to work by- let me see- an hour and 20 minutes now.”
She gave in a grumpy tone. He gave a rushed reply.
“Oh uh- fuck, Finch, I’ll be there in 10, I am so, so sorry-”
She hung up on him. He looked at his phone with surprise, running a hand through his bed head. She was livid, he already knew it.
Back at the office, Finch fixed her makeup in a compact, accidentally letting a few tears run, stress and a tiny bit of heartbreak finally squeezing it out of her. She was so tired of this. The dancing around her feelings, dealing with his bullshit.
She was just pressing powder into her under eye, trying to rid the mascara, as he came in the window. She glanced at the time. 5 minutes, instead of 10, color her impressed.
“Looks like someone finally decided to show up...”
She grumbled, he started to come towards her but she stopped him.
“You have a meeting in 3 minutes with the chief, try not to be late this time.”
“H-have you been crying?”
“Can’t you find anything else to worry about?”
She snapped, closing the compact and stowing it away in her purse right as there was a knock on the door. It was the chief of commission, probably coming to save her ass by stealing him away.
“Hawks! I didn’t see you this morning, I was almost worried.”
“Haha, just taking an early morning fly to stretch my wings!”
Finch couldn’t help but roll her eyes dramatically. What a lame excuse. It seemed to have worked though, the chief laughing with him and throwing an arm around his shoulder as he lead Hawks off to the meeting room. Finch sighed.
Today was going to be full of trial and tribulation, she already knew it. So far, not much was going to plan. While he was gone she answered phone calls and sent the usual emails, stretching and working out her fixed wing all the while. The PT didn’t end when she didn’t have anymore appointments sadly. She worked on it whenever she had time, wanting to fly more than anything and as fast as possible.
It was maybe 30 minutes later and the door to the office busted open, catching Finch’s attention quickly. It was Hawks, sighing loudly as he brushed back his hair with his hand. She busied herself with another email, keeping her eyes glued to her computer screen. Her attempt at making herself invisible through sheer willpower seemed to not work though.
“I’m glad you’re back...”
He started, looking at her from across the room. She ignored him, continuing to type quickly.
“Are you mad at me?”
Her face was getting red with frustration. She wanted more than anything to tell him off but, she reminded herself that her feelings didn’t matter in the situation. He advanced, sitting on the edge of her desk. She grumpily pried a paper out from under his leg.
“Why were you crying earlier?”
“I wasn’t.”
“Yes you were, you still have mascara on your jaw-”
He reached out to rub it away from her face but she jerked away from him quickly, turning to look at him.
“Don’t you have hero stuff to do?”
“Why are you acting like that?”
He confronted her, looking at her sharply. She looked away from him, his gaze penetrating.
“I-uh-”
“You were crying this morning, you were pissy on the phone and now, what is going on with you, you’re never like this.”
“I just don’t want to talk about it ok?”
“Is everything going ok with your recovery?”
She blushed hard and fanned her wings in reaction to him mentioning them.
“Ya, they’re fine...”
He paused for a moment, looking them over.
“Wow, birdie, your wings might just be bigger than mine.”
“N-no they aren’t!”
She stuttered, blushing even harder, the red contrasting with her freckles. He pulled her up and spread his wings out to their full size.
“Spread your wings I wanna see.”
“H-hawks-”
“Aw come on dove, let me see them!”
She crossed her arms as she spread her wings. They just barely came short of his.
“Wow...”
He trailed off, looking them over. He circled her, like a shark, taking in his prey. She cleared her throat as he came behind her, running a delicate hand over her feathers making her shiver.
“D-dont t-”
He ran his hand along the edge of them, feeling the silky brown feathers and the light speckles that adorned them. Her face reddened even more if it was possible, her body betraying her as she let out a small pant at the feeling.
“Doesn’t it feel good to stretch them out? Have you tried flying yet?”
Her wings bristled with the stimulation and she gave a small squeak in reply.
“N-no.”
“Really? I figured that would be the first thing on your mind-”
His fingers buried themselves into the tiny downy feathers where her wings connected with her back and she couldn’t help herself, moaning lowly at the feeling, electricity being sent all the way through her body, making her roll her eyes, her cheeks blazing.
He chuckled as he pulled away from her wings, walking across the room and side eyeing her coyly. He knew exactly what he was doing, his wings were just as sensitive.
“Someone’s a little worked up..”
She panted as she came back down from her slight high, looking over to him with her pupils resembling the head of a pin.
“Take a breather birdie. Maybe in an hour or two we’ll try flying.”
She blinked away the rest of the fogginess and gave him a look.
“That was absolutely not fair Hawks.”
“Aw come on lovebird-”
“Stop calling me stupid nicknames, you have a girlfriend!”
She snapped, hugging herself to try and make herself seem smaller. She didn’t feel right with him acting like nothing happened.
“What are you talking about?”
He asked lowly, furrowing his eyebrows.
“The red head Hawks! Amika? It was all over!”
He ran a hand through his hair and sighed.
“Oh you saw that?”
She was getting increasingly angry.
“She isn’t really my girlfriend, more like an old friend of mine that came to visit...”
Finch snorted, trying to hold back laughter.
“Are you kidding me? She literally answered your phone this morning.”
“Finch, she’s been staying in town is all, she’s an old friend of mine from back when I was in school-”
“Look I don’t care, have fun with her, I’m going to lunch.”
She grabbed her purse, storming off, and closing the elevator doors as Hawks tried to board it with her. She knew if he really wanted to he would just fly down but she almost wished he wouldn’t. As if the stubborn man wouldn’t.
“Why’d you close the doors on me?”
He asked as she walked out the front doors of the building. She ignored him as she made her way down to the line of booths selling street food. She got an order of roasted sweet potato before Hawks caught up to her again.
“Finch you can’t seriously be mad-”
“Why did you stop coming to see me? You ignored all my calls.”
“Well I-”
She threw a hand up.
“Save it. You were with her. Asami didn’t even have the guts to tell me. You know its bad when she of all people hides something from you.”
He didn’t have a reply and Finch walked off, making her way back to the office as she ate silently. How ridiculous could he be?
It was silent for the rest of the day until they were about to get off, Finch shutting down her computer and grabbing her purse.
“H-hey uh.. did you still want to go flying?”
Finch rolled her eyes silently.
“I’m sure Amika is waiting for you at home.”
She replied, giving a sarcastic, tight lipped smile. She made her way out, the elevator dinging before she started on her way home. What a first day...
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