The meme of Cas from Supernatural tearfully admitting he loves Dean before being dragged to super hell.

The meme is subverted by a smiling image of Dean dressed as an FBI agent announcing that Donald Trump's Mar-a-Lago home is being raided by the FBI. /end ID.

Posting this separate from the other post to continue the tradition of finding things out via SPN memes.

*clears throat*

Anyway…

Things I liked about this chapter in no particular order:

The flashback with Niki and Quackity

Quakcity warning Wilbur about the bandits indirectly, doubles as foreshadowing and a hint that he’s behind it (though let’s be honest, it was probably Schlatt’s idea)

Oh and you should have seen my face when I realised [“Hand him over!”] I swear puzzle pieces have never snapped into place faster in my brain. I literally went “OH FUCK QAUACKITY WHAT DID YOU DO?”

Niki might think that Wilbur is lying again but I don’t have the mental energy to think about that right now for obvious reasons.

I cannot stress enough how much I’m here for this.

The l’manburg backstory. I was trying to put it together and analyse which character’s would be narrative parallels only the realise that it was literal based off of actually canon pogtopia and c!Wilbur and c!Tommy. I love it. Also made me think of Niki when she does not get the throne.

Wilbur saving Tommy’s life (twice? Attempted at least). Nothing says bonding like life or death situations.

Also at first I thought it might be something meant to be part of it or a plan by Phil and then the foreshadowing hit me like a truck.

Put Quackity and Schlatt on the most likely to be executed list right now. Not because I think Wilbur is smart enough to figure it out but because the person who was trailing him might.

Also, I love the consistent pov and the way you write it, but I would pay actual money to know how everyone reacts. I want my sand duo angst of Phil sending his son away against his will only to learn that might have killed him. I want to watch them turn the country upside down. I want to see Quackity in shambles because he might have killed his friends and the man he loves (? Is it mutual?) I want to see Niki’ reaction. But alas, we get Tommy and Wilbur in a SITUATION. Instead.

I do fully believe people will come looking for them, but now I’m worried we will get a chapter of snowstorm in the wilderness first.

Again I better get a sand duo hug after this is done. I need Wilbur to know that his dad loves him.

Also, at first I was like, “I wonder why Jack isn’t here?” Then the guards started getting sliced and I was like “oh that!s why.” Nobody gets plot armour in here. Jack’s cranckyness just saved his life.

Also, Tomys copying the way Wilbur eats his food tells us he looks up to him and trust his judgement. Maybe he did something right with his paranoia expenation.

Also, the consequences for this are going to be so good whether Wilbur figures out it was Quackity or not.

Anyway, I’m going to bed now. So good night! And a good day to you!!! What a great chapter I did not see that coming at all but I love it.

P.s. AO3 is being mean and Wouldn’t let me comment “BEE, WHAT THE FUCK!” but that genuinely was my first reaction.

-🌲

lol thank you, a lot of the flashback bit regarding wilbur and niki changed from what it was originally planned to be. I don't know how it happened but I got really into the flow of the scene and I'm very happy with how it turned out

HA the puzzle pieces falling into place about the bandits right at that moment. just "what's going on- OH"

I'm very glad you picked up on the l'manberg story not only being c!crime but also the parallels it could hold to rose!niki

life or death situations are the best for bonding!

don't be so sure we're only staying in wilbur's POV this time around spruce :)

LMAO yeah literally while I was writing about them leaving the palace in the morning I was like "shit wait I can't have jack here but I need to come up with an explanation for why he's not here" and jack's morning crankiness came about. he would've been killed so quickly by those bandits and I don't want this story to lose The Manifold so soon

wilbur and tommy eating their lunch is like that meme of miles morales and peter b parker in the first spiderverse movie you know the one

imo it's fascinating that there's such deep consideration for how the dteam might move forward with their content (as in, both from the fans & how the ccs themselves must approach the concept). obviously these are their careers we're talking about, and they're all so young to have 'made it' with such monumental success

the thing is, internet content creation is such a notoriously transient form of media in that the trends wax and wane in the blink of an eye, and what works for the algorithm during one 'era' (so to speak) could be rapidly undone due to corporate choices, advertiser demands, and the general taste of the population. i feel that's why so many popular youtubers in particular can be a bit flash in the pan, with their heydays becoming shorter and shorter as we see content saturation in the ever-broadening internet sphere. someone who was mega popular even three years ago could now be pulling fractions of their old view counts, regardless of whether they stuck to their old formula or tried something new. there's no guaranteed tactic that will keep your head above water, unless you're just very lucky

obviously there are plenty of ccs from 'old' youtube that are still on the platform, but i have to wonder who is effectively grandfathered in to the youtuber zeitgeist (in comparison to newer stars, who may or may not have that same longevity - it's impossible to say right now). it's reminiscent of meme culture, in a way; there are old jokes that are still prevalent on the internet because they were the few juggernauts of memetic humour back then, whereas now there's a new meme every couple weeks. the result of this saturation is that the jokes burn brighter, die faster, and vanish from the cultural consciousness in short order. there's no saying this is the case for newly relevant ccs, but you have to wonder if they're going to struggle with a similar level of pressure to remain relevant in a sea of other popular creators

(it's part of why controversy is such a useful marketing strategy for certain ccs, because it boosts them back into relevancy - and any attention is good attention for some. of course, there's a fine line to walk with that one. too mild, and no one will really care. too intense, and you could get functionally deplatformed. i don't think this is remotely on the dteam's radar tho, so i'm hoping that never becomes part of their mandate lmao)

in any case, my hope is that the dteam doesn't burn themselves out trying to appease the algorithm, despite that very much being their kicking off point. i hope they can allow themselves to try out the content creation that makes them happy (on both youtube and twitch) without getting too bent out of shape over numbers and view counts. realistically they're all already set for life if they're wise with their finances, so they could probably afford to enjoy themselves with what they create and put into the world. sure, it might not retain the whole audience, but there will always be people there to support them through whatever content they choose to explore

tl;dr ride or die for dteam <3

how to appease your asian aunties ch. 2 - new year

description: in the immortal words of blood-related aunts and aunts you’re not even related to but forced to call your aunt at reunion parties, “do you have a boyfriend?”  member: jisung / han  genre: fluff, fake dating au, implied rich kids au, eventual childhood / best friends to lovers au, college au, implied fem reader (but i still used they/them pronouns) word count: 7.8k  chapter warning: food, drinking, explicit language note: this isn’t sponsored by mumuso i just miss mumuso + this is the part heavily insp by the meme!!!! lowkey my fave thing on the internet rn + what do u think should happen on the third part lmao

ch. 1 // ch. 3 // series masterlist

Though your mom always tells you that all of her sorority batchmates are her closest friends, you’ve observed over the years that there are particular people in such group who are simply a little extra special in her heart. No one can genuinely call each and every one of their friends as their best friends, after all. For different reasons, some people just weigh a little more than the rest in one’s heart. 

It’s like how you would differentiate Jisung and Ryujin as your best friends; the former is your annoying childhood best friend while the latter is your college support best friend. 

You’ve come to this conclusion through the ‘auntie activities’ as you would call it that your mom would participate in without fault with certain people. Said activities are usually one on one and with the purpose of either gossiping about one of their friends’ family life like when your mom and Mrs. Hwang would have your families go on a Saturday brunch once a month or discussing how their respective businesses are going like when your mom and Mrs. Kim would meet up either at either of your family’s nearest restaurant or bakery. 

For your mom and Mrs. Han, their unique ‘auntie activity’ together is going to the mall together.

Of course, they still go on individual trips on regular shopping days but mall sales are specifically reserved for a joint trip. For some ten years or so now, they’ve never gone to a sale without the other and although that’s a genuine friendship goal in your book, you’re always on the suffering end of these trips, possibly even more than their black cards, because Jisung and his older brother usually bail on you to help carry the shopping bags. 

Fortunately this year, however, as you (and you later find out, his dad as well) had made him promise last year, Jisung joins you on your respective moms’ first shopping spree together on the day after the New Year. It’s especially fortunate because it’s right after the first holiday of the year and as usual, your mom and Mrs. Han have an endless list to go through for the entire day. 

“I’m telling you, we’re going to go through all the shops in the mall.” You exaggerate to him for the second time as the two of you walk behind your mom and his, your hands unclasped now that they’re not looking in favor of simply walking next to each other with your hands in your respective coat pockets. “The New Year’s Sale is no joke.”

After years of Jisung often running away from shopping duty, you feel like you have ten years worth of exaggerating this whole trip to taunt him. 

But Jisung shakes his head, still unconvinced, “Nah, you’re messing with me, my mom doesn’t bring home that much bags after this.” 

“But you were in Malaysia for a year,” You counter. “so your opinion’s quite outdated to a degree.”

Walking a little faster now that a crowd has formed in the large distance between you and your moms, Jisung walks closer and links his arms to yours. It’s not a show for other people this time; rather, it’s his natural response to being in crowds and public spaces, so you naturally pull him closer to your side in response which he sends you a genuinely grateful smile for.

“I still don’t think we’re going to have that much of a hard time.” He repeats unfazed, leaning down next to your ear so you can hear him clearly against the loud chatter of the people around you. When he almost trips from not looking ahead, you catch him with a chuckle. “Anyway, yeah, that!”

You only shake your head at him at him, prompting him to walk faster with you now as you see your moms walking in a shop ahead of you. “Tell that to me again when we end up in a furniture shop later.”

If your exaggerations weren’t enough a while ago to convince him, your nonchalant comment quickly made up for it as you see him looking at you in disbelief from the corner of your eye. “Seriously?” He asks after a moment, blinking twice and slowly.

But you only pull him in the same retail store you find your mom and his in, dragging him to the empty seats and making him sit. “We’ll see later.” You smile tauntingly at him this time before joining your moms to do some shopping yourself. Turning around before you disappear into a nearby clothes rack, you manage a wink at Jisung and conclude, “I hope you worked out well while in Malaysia, Sung.” 

Your lunch ends up getting pushed back to some time around 3:30 PM fourteen shops later, much to Jisung’s displeasure as he hauls his mom’s shopping bags inside the mall’s branch of your family’s restaurant chain with difficulty. You carry your own mom’s shopping bags which are relatively the same in amount and weight as well but without any complains, showing the clear difference between you and your best friend who’s only done this for a total amount of twenty sporadic times in the span of ten years. 

“Sungie, put them under the table not on the chair!” Mrs. Han scolds her son when she notices some of her shopping bags on your table’s extra chair to Jisung’s left. She sits across him and next to your mom on the rectangular table while you sit on Jisung’s right, receiving the menus for the whole table when a waiter approaches. 

With a pout, Jisung quietly obliges, pushing his chair back and transferring all the shopping bags under the table (where your mom’s shopping bags have already been placed) and pushing them to the glass pane so they’re out of everyone’s way. Though this makes you chuckle, you pass the menus in your hands to your mom anyway and proceed to help Jisung, briefly seating yourself on the now empty chair and helping him arrange the bags so they don’t mix. 

“Are you still good, baby?” You tease Jisung with a nudge as you finish your task, moving back to your original seat after. Your mom then hands you a menu for you and Jisung to share, having slyly returned the fourth menu book while you had your attention elsewhere. 

“Please tell me we’re not going to more shops after this.” Jisung pleads, taking the other end of the menu and holding it up to your faces, obstructing your respective moms’ views of the two of you. You’re forced to hold up your end of the menu because of this, beating him to turning the pages in return. “My arms are going to fall off.” 

You glance over to his now exposed arms, teasingly much like he did checking you out last Christmas. As long-time best friends do, you briefly relish in the fact that it’s your turn teasing him now. “They look fine.” You half-shrug nonchalantly, chuckling when he doesn’t stop whining in protest. “Anyway, I think my mom’s too tired to go to another shop already. Surprisingly, that might just be all for today.”

“I’m so tired, I don’t think I can even walk back to the parking lot.” Jisung leans back in the soft cushions lining his wooden chair with a sigh, skimming through the menu while you patiently have your hand bookmarked to the next page. “Can I order the entire menu?” 

“Only if you pay, of course.” You answer, flipping to the next page when you’ve sensed that he’s finished. 

“What should I get?” Jisung hums next to you, scooting his chair closer now and leaning his head on your shoulder when his hand holding the menu starts cramping and he’s forced to set his half of the menu down on the table. “After buying fries with you a while back, I don’t think I’m in the mood for anything savory right now.” 

You push him away with a finger to his forehead until your mom looks pointedly at you, making Jisung chuckle on your shoulder after as he puts your hand down. Sighing, you suggest, “Our pastry chef that you like so much, Chef Moon, relocated here from the branch on our subdivision, so—how about blueberry cheesecake?” 

“Ah, okay.” Tilting your head to him, you see him nod with a smile before lifting his head up from your shoulder and leaning over the table to tell his mom that he’ll get cheesecake and iced Americano, not passing up an opportunity to eat a slice of your family business’ infamous cheesecake recipe. With your shoulder now free once again, you flip to a few more pages before telling your own order to your mom, settling on ordering Cola and pizza good for two in case Jisung changes his mind. 

“You’re not ordering dessert, Y/N?” Your mom asks curiously when the waiter approaches for the second time, pen and paper in hand this time to take your orders. 

You shake your head but Jisung contradicts you by saying, “We’ll just share.” which only makes your mom and Mrs. Han giggle. 

“Okay!” Your mom grins at Jisung before turning to the waiter and reciting back everyone’s orders. She specifically makes sure to request having Jisung’s cheesecake plate to have two slices instead of one, winking up at the waiter. 

Hearing that, Jisung initiates playing footsies under the table and you purposely step on his favorite black boots in response. “You’re getting one less pizza slice because of that.” You scold at him, briefly placing a hand on his knee after to stop his leg from moving. 

“Then you get only half of the second cheesecake slice.” He shoots back, nudging your thigh with his knee before stopping completely. “Come on, I’m trying to get on your mom’s good graces here.” 

“It’s not like you haven’t been this entire time.” You mumble under your breath as the waiter finishes taking your orders and leaves. 

It’s a relatively known fact that best friend or fake boyfriend, Jisung is your mom’s favorite friend of yours. You don’t want to admit it in front of his face but he really has that kind of aura as he’s always claimed—the one moms like for their children. 

“I know but we’re ‘dating’ now so I need to earn extra points here and there.” He points out cheekily, grinning wider when he catches his mom trying to eavesdrop on the two of you while pretending to browse through your mom’s phone with her. “You don’t have to do the same for my mom, though, she actually likes you better than me.” 

The last comment makes you sigh in relief and relax in your seat.  

After a moment, the waiter then briefly returns for the second time and serves glasses of water to your whole table this time, informing your mom after that Chef Moon in the kitchen has approved of her special request regarding Jisung’s cheesecake. 

“Your order will be served in 15 to 20 minutes.” The waiter concludes, eyes darting between your mom and Mrs Han. “Would that be okay, Mrs. Y/L/N?”

“Yes, definitely.” Your mom smiles, the waiter bowing respectfully before leaving.

Once the waiter is out of earshot, your mom and Mrs. Han turn to you and Jisung across the table with an all-too familiar look on their faces—the same look they gave Chan and Miyoung the first time they attended the Christmas reunion party together which is definitely not good. 

Now that there’s no menu acting as a shield between the four on you on the table, you mentally prepare yourself for the next natural topic that would follow: questions on ‘who confessed?’, ‘what do you like about each other?’, and some invasive and probably even NSFW questions you’re not sure if you can handle hearing firsthand from your mom in front of Jisung right now.

You seriously hope you don’t tackle the last part.

“So, Jisung, Y/N.” Your mom starts, clasping her hands on top of the table intimidatingly. “You two have been seeing each other for a month now, right?”

You cough awkwardly, as if signalling Jisung to follow along, “Almost a month now, I think.”

Next to you, Jisung hurriedly nods in agreement, “We just started going out a week before I came home.”

Mrs. Han hums in thought, crossing her arms in front of her chest as she alternates glancing between you and Jisung. Eventually, she lands her eyes last to her son, asking, “Sungie, dear, you know your mom really gets confused about these kinds of modern things, right? And Mrs. Y/L/N too! Can you tell us again how the you two actually started dating in long-distance? It just baffles us, really!”

Now, it’s Jisung’s turn to cough and shuffle in his seat awkwardly. “Oh, um...” His arm behind your chair naturally falls on your shoulder as he sits up, his hands squeezing your shoulder nervously once that convinces you to refrain from swatting his hand away. “You know, texts and calls. We FaceTimed a lot like what you, me, and dad used to do after my classes.”

“And you confessed first?” Your mom asks next, an endearing smile on her face as she to the table in anticipation.

“N—“ Jisung stammers before you nudge his leg, making him change his answer, “Y-Yeah! It just...it just happened, like that, Mrs. Y/L/N.”

You purse your lips nervously, glancing to Jisung as you do so. Luckily, your worries quickly fade when, instead of asking you for more specifics, your mom only gushes to Mrs. Han, “Time’s really changing a lot, don’t you think, Mrs. Han? In our days, men would court women and everything!”

You relax under Jisung’s touch and he instinctively rubs circles on your shoulder blades, sighing in relief.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Han twists her body to the side so she’s facing your mom more now, “I know right, sis! We used to have pagers and send letters and go to payphones in our time too! The only time you’d see your date would be when you go on actual dates!”

“Right, dates!” Your mom exclaims, turning to you and Jisung. “I’m sure you guys haven’t gone on a physical date yet since we went to Japan for Christmas, right?”

You nod slowly, carefully processing this entire conversation. “Well, yeah, but we’re not—we’re just taking things slow now.” You clarify sheepishly, cringing internally at referring to you and Jisung as a couple. “We did start this—dating, I mean!—while...apart, so—“

“—Oh, but you should go on dates soon!” Your mom interjects, waving her hand frantically in the air now. Mrs. Han nods along. “Call me and Jisung’s mom old-fashioned but quality time is very important, especially with you kids always dependent on talking through your phones and gadgets now! What if you liked going on dates through your phones but you don’t enjoy each other’s company? That’d be really troublesome!”

“And besides, you only have a few weeks of classes before you get another break, that’s a lot of time to actually date!” Mrs. Han adds. “You two can hang out at one of our hotels or here on your restaurants.”

Though the offer is tempting (the Han family’s hotels do have great facilities), Jisung grins bashfully and declines the offer. “It’s fine, mom. Y/N and I are chill, seriously. We see each other at campus, anyway.” He assures. 

“He drives me home too,” You add, just to be a little helpful. “you know, pre-Malaysia.” 

Jisung nods at this, making sure to discreetly send a grateful smile your way. 

“Think about it, anyway.” Mrs. Han insists, just as you see the waiter from a distance approaching with two trays of your meals. “Dating in college is really the sweetest time but if you two ever get bored of snacking at kiosks and going to the smaller cafes, just call me or Mrs. Y/L/N and we can definitely make arrangements anywhere!”

You then see your mom’s eyes widen before you can even speak, turning to Mrs. Han and asking, “Right, Mrs. Han, don’t you have a new hotel in Jeju?” which makes you choke on your spit and Jisung to sit up straighter in his seat, his free hand going up to his neck awkwardly. “That would be a cute Spring break getaway, don’t you think?”

“Right, right!” Mrs. Han agrees enthusiastically, momentarily stopping when the waiter now arrives and arranges your meals on the table. “We just opened last summer and our Sungie hasn’t been there yet.”

“That’s perfect!” Your mom clasps her hands again in satisfaction. “My husband and I haven’t been there yet too but sending Y/N in for us for a Spring break trip sounds good to me!”

“Oh my God, mom.” You place a hand to your forehead in embarrassment, begrudgingly sliding yours and Jisung’s plates towards you with your free hand Next to you, Jisung dramatically whines to his mom about how embarrassing she’s making him feel.

The two of you unconsciously agree that your respective moms are being a little too much.

“Ay, what are you two being so dramatic about?” Mrs. Han dismisses with a laugh. “Your grandparents were the same when your mom and I were dating other people in college, too. We’re just a little excited like them!”

“Yes, plus, Jisung’s the first guy you’ve dated that you’ve introduced to me and your dad!” Your mom points out.

“It’s not like I’ve seriously dated anyone else.” You grumble, making Jisung chuckle. You then smack his arm, now back to his side as he digs in his cheesecake, in response.

“Still, Mrs. Han and I are just more than happy that it’s the two of you dating.” Your mom concludes as she prepares to eat. “You two are just so adorable!”

“Very, very adorable.” Mrs. Han emphasizes before taking a bite of her own meal. “Now, let’s eat before the food gets cold!”

You sigh, carefully dividing the pizza slices for you and Jisung. “Thank you for the food.” Next to you, Jisung cuts you a spoonful of cheesecake, holding it up to your lips and mumbling, “Take this one. Congrats on surviving your first interrogation, I guess.”

You can’t help but chuckle, relaxing your shoulders. This time, you let him feed you cheesecake.

Your half a day spent walking around the mall and shopping mostly for clothes finally catches up to your mom and Mrs. Han towards the end of your meal, enough to keep them seated longer than usual but not enough to stop them from talking. Checking the time on your phone, you see that it’s almost 5 PM but neither your mom nor Mrs. Han make any initiative to part ways and call it a day, endlessly chatting along across from you about the most trivial of things you’re quite sure they’ve talked about at least three times this whole break already. 

It doesn’t bother you nor Jisung, of course (him especially since he immediately leaned all of his body weight onto you and took a quick nap after eating), but from what you can remember, your parents have scheduled the yearly New Year’s company party at home for later at 7 PM. 

“Mom,” You call for your mom’s attention after a while, your Twitter and Instagram feeds getting boring now after almost twenty minutes of mindless scrolling. Next to you, Jisung has long awakened from his nap and has settled to passing the time on his phone as well, albeit spamming a groupchat that seems to have Seungmin and Hyunjin in it. “Sorry, but, um, it’s almost five. I told the helpers that we’d be home by 6:30 to help prepare for the party later.” 

Your mom and Mrs. Han briefly exchange knowing looks to each other before your mom turns to you again and smiles, “Oh, of course, dear, we won’t take long now. I already texted the driver too.” 

“Oh,” You muse in relief, leaning back in your seat. “okay, then.” 

Jisung, having closed his phone now, then turns to you and suggests, “How about we walk outside?” 

You immediately turn to him, “Hm?” 

He pouts, frowning. “Let’s take a walk, it’s getting boring sitting around.”

Your mom, upon hearing this, quickly backs Jisung up, “You two can walk around for now, we’ll just be here. You spent most of the day following us, anyway.”

You look back across the table to your mom as you remove your coat from behind you on the chair and gather your pouch from the hooks under the table, “Are you sure?”

She nods reassuringly, shooing you with her free hand, “Yes, go! I’ll text you when the driver gets here.”

Jisung stands up after you, taking his own coat from his chair then joining you in bidding your mom and his own goodbye. With that, the two of you then head to the exit, reemerging into the mall’s main corridors whose crowd has reduced significantly now.

“Okay, so, where do you want to go?” You ask as the two of you put on your coats and randomly agree on turning right. You offer your arm in between the two of you as you walk, out of concern for him just like when you were walking a while back, and he links his arms with yours in response, pulling you closer as you walk.

You look up to him after to see him quickly scanning the shops ahead of you, head turning around in different directions until they land back to you. “I don’t really have any shop in mind.” He shrugs. “You?”

You shrug back, concluding, “Let’s just walk around?” which he nods in agreement to.

With that, the two of you then walk mindlessly with the flow of the crowd, occasionally stopping by a couple of windows to look at displays of products you don’t actually need right now. Jisung stands close to you the entire time as he always naturally does whenever the two of you are together but without much pressure of your moms looking this time and you let him without teasing or complains, leading the two of you and navigating around the mall.

Eventually, you reach a branch of Mumuso on the rightmost end of the main building’s second floor, deciding on entering the shop when you spot a hamster stuff toy inside.

“I don’t look like that!” Jisung puffs his cheeks out as you pull him inside by the wrist, the gesture completely unhelpful to his case when you glance back at him from your shoulder and laugh which only makes him groan. “You’re so mean!”

“But you do!” You insist, carefully weaving in through the aisles, display shelves, and other people until you reach the other side of the glass pane you were observing the stuff toys from a while ago. Picking up a hamster stuff toy and holding it up to his pouting face, you chuckle, “Look, hamster one and hamster two!”

He gently swats the stuffed toy away, whining, “Y/N!”

“What?” You whine back teasingly, hugging the stuff toy to your chest. “It really looks like you! So cute.”

“I thought we agreed before that quokkas are better?” He points out before attempting to return the stuffed toy back on the shelves but to no avail.

“But they don’t sell quokka stuffed toys, not even Tickles sells those.” You pout teasingly this time, twisting your upper body away so the hamster’s out of Jisung’s reach. When he easily gives up trying to steal the hamster from you, you then then to the shelves behind you. “Anyway, what should we get with this little guy?”

Behind you, Jisung’s eyes widen and his mouth falls slightly agape, “You’re seriously buying?”

Glancing back to him again as he follows you scanning the shelves, you reply, “Mom and auntie let us walk around the mall before we go—they never do that, even when you’d tag along before, remember? I’m sure they’re expecting us to buy something.”

“I doubt it.” He dismisses, humoring you by picking up a stuff bear anyway. “Besides, stuff toys are too expensive when you can get quality hugs from me.”

You scoff, gently shoving him away when he takes a step forward to you and holds the stuff bear in front of his face. This only makes the two of you laugh, holding your respective stuff toys in front of your laughing faces.

“But it’s on sale.” You point out when you catch your breath, showing him the tags on the toys you picked up. “Buy 1 take 1.” 

Jisung hums in thought, squishing the bear in his hands before sighing in defeat, “Okay, fine—but you buy and I take.”

You scowl up at him but he only holds the bear up to his face in an attempt to look cute. “What?” He continues with a smug smile. “You suggested we buy stuff toys, so stop scowling, ugly.” 

You groan, frowning down at your hamster stuff toy that seems to plead you with its beady eyes. “Okay, okay.” You surrender quite easily, hugging the stuff toy again much to Jisung’s amusement, the toys undeniably too cute to pass up. 

Jisung grins happily, grabbing hold of your wrist this time and leading you to check out, “Let’s go, then, before you change your mind!” 

You roll your eyes but let him pull you along behind him, anyway, taking you to the fairly long line of customers at check-out. 

“We’ll be back in your restaurant just in time.” Jisung assures, taking your plush hamster courteously. “Here, let me take that.” 

“Thanks.” You smile appreciatively, replacing the plush toy with your phone now as the two of you wait. 

A few people behind you, you initially fail to notice Mrs. Park on the adjacent check-out’s lane with her two daughters and one of her nephews, , immediately recognizing you and Jisung. Having missed the opportunity to talk to the two of you during the reunion party, she approaches the two of you, calling your names just as you and Jisung conclude your last conversation, “Jisung! Y/N! Hello!” 

You instinctively freeze while Jisung turns around curiously, eyes widening at seeing Mrs. Park. “Mrs. Park! Hi!” He greets with an equally awkward bow to her, turning you to face your mom’s best friend in setting you up on blind dates after when he sees how tense you’ve become. Looking behind her shoulders, he catches Mrs. Park’s three companions and waves politely at them. “Happy New Year!” 

Mrs. Park smiles sweetly, “Happy New Year to the two of you too!” She then adjusts her shawl on her shoulders, gesturing over to her daughters and nephew, especially to Jaemin who waves at you with a warm smile. “Soyeon, Soojung, Jaemin, and I were just finished shopping around as well when I saw you so I thought I’d come and say hi. How are you two?” 

“We’re, uh, we’re good!” Jisung grins, showing her your plush toys. “We were just shopping too.” 

“Was I interrupting a date here?” She asks curiously, dramatically gesturing to you and Jisung. “Are your moms around? Mrs. Han? Mrs. Y/L/N?” 

“T-They’re at our restaurant.” You stammer out this time, eyes glancing over to Jaemin just a few feet away. He doesn’t look back at you, having gone back to scrolling through his phone, but your eyes unconsciously drift over to him while Mrs. Park’s not looking, anyway, suddenly feeling awkward. “We’re leaving after this, actually for my parents’ company dinner.” 

After bumping into your mom, Mrs. Han, and Mrs. Hwang together at the reunion party, your next natural fear is seeing Mrs. Park and your most recent almost blind date from last year, her nephew Jaemin—though he’s the only nice one among everyone who’s been set up with you, you eventually ended up evading him and his offer of free movie tickets to any movie house in Seoul until his aunt stopped asking you for updates because you just didn’t feel like seeing him romantically. 

You didn’t think it’d be this soon, especially since Jisung practically missed this entire mini drama in person last year, only hearing a few mentions of it in your personal chat.  

Meanwhile, Mrs. Park’s eyes widen at your previous statement, moving along with you when your line moves forward. “Really? We had lunch there at 11! Pity we didn’t bump into you.” She gestures a lot with her hands and sighs before glancing over her shoulder to her children and Jaemin. “Anyway, you should say hello to Jaemin. He’s been asking about you and he couldn’t believe that you and Jisung are dating!” 

“Oh, um,” Your eyes glance back and forth between Mrs. Park and Jisung now, the latter looking back at you with a raised eyebrow in clear confusion. “It’s okay, we’re—”

But, as if your last comment flew past Mrs. Park, she hurriedly gestures for Jaemin to approach you. With her back momentarily turned to you, Jisung shakes your upper arm once and asks, “Hey, didn’t you message me before that—”

“Yeah, Jaemin was Mrs. Park’s last blind date offer.” Simultaneously, you hurriedly explain to him just before Mrs. Park returns her gaze to you once again and Jaemin joins your group, waving hello to you and Jisung. “Hi, J-Jaemin!” 

Next to you, realization dawns on Jisung and he slowly mimics your greeting, “Hi...Jaemin, long time no see, bro.” 

“Hey, how are you?” Jaemin asks with a small smile, more to you than Jisung whose offer for a high-five he unintentionally misses. “Y/N, you stopped messaging me last summer before we could go on that movie; then the next thing I hear you’re dating Han Jisung!” 

You smile back, equally as awkward as Jisung putting his free hand back to his side. “I got really busy last summer working at one of our restaurants so I couldn’t take you up on that movie offer.” You explain, chuckling along when Mrs. Park laughs. “Jisung and I just started dating last month, though, so it’s not because of him.” 

“Oh,” Jaemin muses, finally acknowledging Jisung after by turning to him. “Weren’t you in Malaysia the entirety of last year though, Jisung?” 

This time, it’s Jisung nodding. “Yeah but we started dating long distance.” He explains almost proudly, slinging an arm over your shoulder now. 

You feel Jisung’s grip on your shoulder blades too tightly, making you nudge him with the same shoulder once for him to loosen up a bit but he doesn’t hold his guard down one bit. 

In front of you, Jaemin nods, completely oblivious to the way he’s making Jisung react. “Yeah, so I’ve heard! Anyway, congrats to you two, you both look cute together!” He grins in genuine happiness while Mrs. Park nods along, making you sigh in relief and Jisung to finally loosen up next to you. “Jisung, my movie tickets offer to Y/N still stands but you can totally use it together now, it’s cool.” 

“Thank you but—” You begin to kindly reject until Jisung butts in. 

“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind!” Your best friend beams back with a contrasting tensed figure next to you before glancing over your shoulders and shifting the conversation, “Oh, Y/N, babe, we’re next in line.” 

You follow his line of vision and, indeed, the man at check-out is already motioning for you to approach the counter. “Right...right.” You mumble in agreement before turning to Mrs. Park. “Um, I’m sorry Mrs. Park, Jaemin, we have to go now.”

“Well, we can’t keep this long line waiting now, right?” Mrs. Park concludes while Jaemin nods along sheepishly. “We’ll be on our way now, then! It was nice seeing you.” 

“Yeah, it was nice seeing you.” Jaemin repeats to you and Jisung, waving goodbye this time. “See you around, okay?”

“See you!” Jisung replies courteously for the two of you. “Happy New Year again!” 

“Happy New Year, too, dears! See you around!” Mrs. Park then concludes your conversation. 

With that, your small crowd then parts ways with Jaemin and Mrs. Park going back in their lane while Jisung gently directs you to the check-out counter with his hand on your shoulder, the other handing your plush toys to the check-out once you’ve reached it. 

“Cash or card?” The man at check-out asks politely, swiping your purchase across the scanner. The lady next to him then carefully places your plush toys inside decorative paper bags for New Year’s before returning it to Jisung. 

“Card, please.” You cough awkwardly before giving your card to the man with slightly shaky hands, Jisung’s arm on your shoulder not leaving your side even when he reaches over the counter to get your plush toys.  

Looking up at Jisung, you find him looking back at you with a curious expression after. “What now?” He asks with a pout, as if expecting you to react similarly to last Christmas. “What did I say this time?”   

“What?” You shoot the question back at him as your card is returned to you and the two of you now leave the store. “I just looked at you.” 

You actually wanted to ask him why he was holding you in front of Jaemin like that a while ago but quickly dismissed the thought, cringing internally. 

Walking outside Mumuso now and out of Mrs. Park’s sight, Jisung only pulls you closer to him as you now walk back to your restaurant, swinging your paper bag on his other side. “You’re thinking of something.” He points out, leaning close to your ear once again when you find yourself in the middle of a big crowd. “Did Jaemin do something you didn’t mention to me on chat last year?”   

"I’m not? And no, he didn’t do anything” You snicker in amusement, elbowing him gently. “It’s nothing, I swear. You’re delusional, dummy.” 

“So why didn’t you go to the movies with him?” He smoothly changes the topic after a moment, glancing at you expectantly as you walk. “Jaemin’s nice, unlike Mrs. Park’s other nephews, and his parents invest in really cool stuff so you can always get movie tickets and backstage passes from him.” 

“I really was busy last summer.” You reason out, leading the two of you carefully at noticing how Jisung’s only paying half attention to your path ahead. 

“Ya, but not busy enough to stop bothering me on chat while I was touring.” He points out. “You know, with or without Mrs. Park, you can still go out with him as friends, you know, the movie ticket’s still going to be free, anyway.”  

“Yeah, but,” You sigh, hesitantly sharing after a moment, “it just...it felt weird since he asked me under the impression of his aunt setting us up—and I’ve always known he liked Lee Jeno.”

Jisung hums in thought before a thought crosses his mind, “So, if he asked you on his own, as a serious date and without thinking about Jeno, would you have said yes?” 

 You think about this for a moment, just as you arrive back in the restaurant where your mom is now parting ways with Mrs. Han. 

“Y/N!” Your mom calls for you as you and Jisung approach and thus initially preventing you from answering Jisung’s question, some of your shared shopping bags in her arms. Only then do you notice the presence of your driver, Mr. Yoon, who carries the others for her. “Say goodbye to Jisung and Mrs. Han now, dear, we’re going home.” 

“And, Jisung, we’re stopping by the tailor to get the jeans I left there a while back.” Mrs. Han reminds her son before turning to you and extending her arms out for a hug. “Come here, dear, let me say goodbye to you properly!” 

You look at Jisung who only rubs the nape of his neck sheepishly, wordlessly gesturing for you to accept his mom’s hug with a tilt of his head. With that, you then take a step forward, turning your back to him briefly to give Mrs. Han a hug. 

“Thank you for today, Mrs. Han.” You hug her briefly, until she pulls away to affectionately smile up at you. “See you again soon!” 

“You have fun at your company dinner tonight, okay? And please, just call me auntie!” Mrs. Han pats your hair delightfully before letting you go, turning to Jisung after. “Okay, Sungie, let’s go so we can go home quickly too.” 

Over your shoulder, you see Jisung nod at his mom before gesturing over to you. “Yeah, let me just give Y/N something.” He says, holding up the paper bag he holds in one hand and making his mom gush. 

“Okay, then!” Mrs. Han says, taking a step back now to help your mom and Mrs. Yoon to collect your things. “How adorable!” 

Only then do you turn back around to Jisung, receiving your stuff hamster from him. “Thanks.” You smile at him, squeezing the plush toy once in your hand before looking up at him again. “And about a while ago—”

Jisung’s eyes immediately perk up in curiosity, “Yeah?” 

“I doubt Jaemin would ask as a serious date but either way,” You shrug nonchalantly, “I’d probably turn him down, still. We’re not that close, anyway, and I’m dating you so it’d be weird.” 

The last statement catches Jisung off-guard, even though you said it with no underlying meaning or whatsoever, too long that by the time he’s already gathered his thoughts, you, your mom, and Mr. Yoon are already on your way out of the restaurant. 

“See you on campus, ugly.” You playfully elbow him by his side as you pass by him on your way out, mumbling the nickname so only the two of you can hear. 

“Y-Yeah,” Jisung blinks twice in a daze, watching you until you disappear outside. “see you on campus...huh.”

You find yourself at your first party of the year hours later as scheduled, this time in your own house with extended family and key people in your family’s company. Instinctively, you cling onto your cousins Jeongin and Lia as the three of you try your best evading your actual blood relative aunts and uncles while they’re still sober and can still ask invasive questions. 

As the time on your phone nears 9 PM, the three of you take refuge in your bedroom with two liters of Cola and snacks you stole from the buffet table and random YouTube videos playing from your laptop that serves more as background noise while you gossip than actual entertainment. 

“I can’t believe you just went along with Han Jisung telling your mom and his that you’re dating.” Jeongin shakes his head in disbelief as he sips on his Cola. “That’s crazy, so unlike you, cousin.” 

“It was that or Mrs. Park’s nephews, I’m telling you!” You insist for the third time, chewing on gummy worms. “Anyway, at least it’s him and not someone I’m not that close too so I don’t have to adjust much. Don’t you like Jisung?” 

In front of you, Lia shrugs hesitantly, “I mean I like him, I guess: he’s your other other best friend and he’s cool with everyone.” 

“So why do you two sound like you don’t like him?” You point accusingly, leaning back nervously on your bed frame. 

“It’s not him! We’re just processing this whole fake dating thing since it’s not really something you’d most likely be into doing willingly.” Lia answers honestly. “Personally, I didn’t know that the sorority aunties bothered you this bad to agree with such a thing.” 

“You’re not going to be so showy and affectionate with it, right?” Jeongin asks. “‘Cause that would be weird and gross.” 

You roll your eyes, kicking him by his crossed legs in annoyance, “Of course not, just when necessary; by that, I mean until everyone lays of all the blind dates for a long while or when there’s another event then naturally we have to be seen together.”

Jeongin smacks your foot with a pillow in response. “So when are you breaking up? Are you two going to Chan’s wedding together as dates?” 

“I don’t know yet,” You shrug at the first question, taking a sip of your own Cola before continuing, “and either way, we’re going to Chan’s wedding together.” 

“Hm,” Lia muses this time, reaching in between the two of you for a packet of chocolate candies. “Then don’t break up before, during, or a little while after the wedding because it’d be weird for everyone, especially us as your mutual friends.” 

“Definitely not.” You agree with a nod. “So, how about you, Jeongin? Are you and Seungmin going together?” 

Looking up at Jeongin, you see him pouting, “Probably but I haven’t asked him about that yet.” 

“Why do you need to ask him? It’s not like you haven’t gone to other events together before.” 

“Yeah but Seungmin started seeing someone lately so I don’t know if I can still tag along with him on the wedding.” Jeongin pouts at you as he opens a small candy for himself. “And I don’t want to go with you and Jisung this time since you’re ‘dating.’“ 

“Then go with Hyunjin and Minho if you don’t want to hang out with me.” You pout. “You know Yeji, Lia, and Ryujin are going to stick together the whole time and, hopefully, Ryujin finally asks out that girl from one of our lab classes so just stick with Hyunjin and Minho—unless, of course, you want to hang out with your brothers or the younger kids at the wedding.” 

You see Jeongin silently contemplating on this idea for a moment, chewing on his candy then taking a sip of his Cola once he manages to break it with his teeth. “Hm, I guess that’s okay now—Hyunjin and Minho, I mean: chaotic but better than third wheeling the whole ceremony and reception.” He muses out loud. “I think I’ll pass hanging out with the sort of adults group my older brother and Jisung’s older brother have unofficially formed and I’m definitely not joining the younger kids!” 

“Perks of having close-knit families, I guess.” You chuckle between more sips of Cola. “How come your mom allows you and your brothers to skip the sorority reunion parties whenever you want to, by the way? It’s not like you’re studying abroad or something.”

At that, Jeongin grins mischievously at you before taking a longer sip of his Cola. “Unlike auntie, my mom’s a cool mom.” He giggles. “She understands that my brothers and I prioritize finishing video games at home over having to face her college friends and endure really weird questions.” 

The last thought makes you sigh, “I’m seriously jealous, I want to stay at home whenever the reunion parties come up, too. It’s not like I have anything much to show off to the sorority aunties, anyway.”

But Lia waves her hand dismissively at you in disagreement this time, “Yeah but you met and grew closer with your best friend over the years because of such parties, right? He might be your ‘annoying best friend’ as you always call him by but I can see you enjoy his company the most.”

You don’t respond immediately this time, getting caught off guard by the thought. 

When you don’t speak, Lia chews her sour worms quickly and adds, “Maybe you’ve just been blinded by being annoyed over the toxic questions the aunties would ask that you don’t appreciate much the fact that you met most of your closest friends now—not to mention your ‘boyfriend,’ too—because your mom is so strict with you attending these parties.”

“So you’re saying I should just put up with the invasive aunties because I met good friends through them?” You feign a scowl, though you know that’s not what he means. “That’s not really a healthy mindset.”

And as expected, your cousin quickly shakes her head. “No, I mean it’s better that you focus more on the friends aspect than on the aunties aspect.” She explains more clearer now. “especially now that almost everyone in your group’s graduating this semester and you guys are probably going to be busy with your respective businesses after. Not to mention, Chan’s getting married and will probably take over their family business soon! That’s soon serious adulting stuff!” 

“...huh,” You trail of contemplatively after a while, sipping your Cola once. “I never thought of it that way.” 

Jeongin grins cheekily, “That’s because you don’t think at all.” 

“Ya!” You smack him again playfully with a pillow, making him laugh. “Shut up.” 

The three of you laugh lightheartedly over his witty comeback anyway, catching your breath only when you hear your mom’s footsteps nearing the hallway, probably trying to find you. 

“Shit.” You mutter under your breath, a hand to your mouth as you stifle in your laughs and carefully watch your mom’s shadow pass over your door. “Do you think she’s looking for us?” 

“For what? Another one of the non-family partners trying to meet you and Lia and set you up on a date with one of their children again like my older brother?” Jeongin teases, moving in between you and Lia nervously when your mom’s shadow hovers by the door from your view of its gaps. 

You silently smack his arm with your hand this time, exhaling in relief when your mom finally leaves, most likely to pick something up from her room. “What are you talking about? You heard my mom bragging about Jisung a while back.” You retort. “If anything, maybe she’s looking for you and Lia and setting you up.”  

Jeongin sits up straighter now, transferring your laptop where he sat a while back then leaning against your bed frame too. “But you know how they can be, always on our tails and getting on the parents’ good graces.” He shrugs. “That’s just business, I guess.” 

“Right, because you’re minoring in business.” You roll your eyes with a chuckle, twisting your upper body so you’re facing Jeongin on your left. “But that’s not my problem right now since I’m dating. I’d look out for you, if you ask me.” 

“Yes but you’re ‘fake dating’ not actually dating.” He points out teasingly. “You eventually have to ‘break up’ like most relationships, too. What will you do then?” 

Deep inside, you answer the question with a ‘no.’ Outwards, you shrug, seemingly unconvinced, “Still, not my problem right now.” 

Then, as if on dramatic cue, your mom knocks on the door. “Y/N, Jeongin, Lia are you in there? Some of the new investors and partners want to meet you!” She yells from the other side, her voice coming out muffled from where you sit. “And Grandma and Grandpa just arrived so say hello to them!”  

You groan and Jeongin laughs while Lia only sighs, Jeongin downing what remains of his Cola. “That’s our cue.” He says, standing up first before helping Lia up then you. “Told you.” 

“I’m going to laugh if you end up getting trapped by any of our moms.” You hiss at him, picking up your trash and taking it with you as the three of you leave the room. 

“We’ll see,” Lia shrugs. “I’m sticking straight to Grandma!” 

ch. 1 // ch. 3 // series masterlist

tags: @t-toodumbtocare​ @sandaigdigan-reads​ @pwarkhans​ @ruellelix​ @malai-barfi​ @mahalau​ @milkywayfelix @qweens-stuff @tenclouds​ @crscendoforsung​ @verobibble

video games and questions. | p. seonghwa

a/n: thank you anon for requesting this! ngl this was p difficult even if it sounded easier it my head so i’m sorry this is short fdfjf i hope you enjoyed this! ✨💖 also lemme tag @hwanami hehe lov u 

word count: 2.5k.

warning(s): i don’t think there’s any, just some multiple times of a video game character dying!

“hey guys, welcome back to my channel!” you beamed, waving into the camera as soon as you started your stream, then adjusted your gaming headphones. 

you weren’t a popular streamer nor were you unknown as well, just somewhere in the middle of it. honestly, you never really cared about the attention you received. merely, you enjoyed what you did whether it was for a vlog, a reaction video, an occasional mukbang, and more often nowadays, gaming. you aren’t a huge gamer yourself due to work life but somehow, you’ve grown really hooked to this game even if it came out a few years ago. 

“so, today i’m gonna play this roleplaying based game from before, and continue where we left off!” you grinned, excitedly wiggling in your chair as you waited for your computer to load the game. 

while doing so, you read the comments left by the viewers, some were words of encouragement and support, and some were interesting questions that would either make you think deeply to yourself (not at how the viewers would take a screenshot of your confused expressions and use them as a meme). suddenly, as soon as you started the game, fingers quick to control your character in the game, a particular question caught your eye.

“ah, seonghwa? he’s in the other room, saying he needed to practice a cover he’s about to do.” you chuckled, gazing into the camera before cupping your lips as if you were whispering to someone yet purposely making your voice loud.

“we all know he sings well, damn angels must have blessed his voice.” an amused laugh bubbled out of your lips upon hearing the muffled ‘i heard that!’ from the other room by a certain male. 

park seonghwa, your boyfriend, was who everyone adored. just like you, he has his own channel, though he would mostly do singing covers or even dance covers. sometimes, you would even ask yourself how the two of you got together due to having differences when it came to your contents in your channels but if it weren’t for a convention the both of you were invited to a couple of years ago where the two of you first met, maybe the two of you wouldn’t be where you are right now. though it was rather awkward at first, you slowly came to realise you had a pleasant time with the male during the time at the convention, which led to you exchanging numbers and social media. 

“woah, a dragon! i wonder if i could ride i- oh, oh..” your jaw dropped as you watched as how your character laid lifeless on the ground after a minor accident. 

your eyes stared into the camera, eyes wide yet somehow they looked so defeated while your jaw was open, pulling a round of laughing emojis along with keyboard smashes in the comment section of your stream. as your character respawned, you buried your face into your hands as soon as you realised that you forgot to save before deciding to… ‘befriend’ the dragon in the game. 

“hey guys, remind me to save every time BEFORE i do anything dumb in this game.” you laughed frustratedly, starting to go over the quests yet again, mimicking the npc’s voice every time. you were too busy playing the game while occasionally engaging with your audience between loading screens, and telling your character to quickly escape from the enemies, that you failed to notice your boyfriend peeking his head through the door to watch you, an amused smile playing over his plump lips. 

‘y/n, who is that behind you?’

“ha-ha very funny, guys. there’s no one behind me, see?” you deadpanned after reading the comment, turning around to face the door. 

but instead of seeing only the door, your eyes were met with seonghwa’s head. due to half of his body was outside of the door, it looked as if his head was floating, effectively making you scream out of surprise, which made seonghwa yell along with you. once you calmed down, you pressed a hand on your chest, then glared over at your lover. 

“you could have knocked?” 

seonghwa merely sent you a straight, unamused expression with his hand on his own chest, before parting his lips to retort. “if you weren’t too busy yelling at your character to run faster, you would’ve heard me knocking.” 

“no! i would have heard you, yelling or not.” you protested. 

seonghwa merely rolled his eyes then smiled out of defeat, he couldn’t stay mad at you. walking further into the room, he wrapped his arms around your neck from behind and leaned down to press his lips against the top of your head as he whispered a small ‘hi’ to you. grinning from the sudden affection, you reached a hand up, and pulled his face a little closer so you could plant a tiny peck on his lips. turning to look at the camera, you gently nudged seonghwa to properly get into the frame so the viewers could see him a little better, now pulling up his own chair from his desk in the room to sit next to you.

“say hi, babe. i’m sure the viewers would love for you to join us.” you patted his thigh, laughing at how most of the viewers in the comment section were gushing at how good looking seonghwa is. 

with a bow of his head along with a gentle wave of his hand, seonghwa introduced himself to your audience. “hello everyone, i’m park seonghwa. y/n’s unexpected guest.” 

he laughed towards the end of his introduction after seeing you roll your eyes in a playful manner at him, knowing full well at this point he’s an expected guest from the amount of times he spent peeking in your livestreams or purposely creating a random reason just so he could join you in your videos. and in return, you would sometimes even appear in his videos to sing a duet with him.

the introduction managed to pull another round of gushing from your viewers while some even gave a casual ‘hi!’. you only gave him a small nudge with your elbow, your boyfriend feigning a pained expression as if you punched him in the guts. deadpanning, you turned towards the camera.

“somebody come and pick up this dork, he’s acting up today.” you said, earning a laugh from the male who then ruffled your hair.

despite being annoyed at his teasings, you can’t help but smile to yourself at how seonghwa was finally warming and opening up the more he joined your streaming while he interacted with some questions left by the viewers, whether you invited him or the latter merely inviting himself in occasionally. 

believe it or not, he was rather shy in front of the camera when you first collaborated with seonghwa for a mukbang video despite him having his own singing and dancing channel. though you finally understood why after he explained how he was.. in his own world whenever he did covers. it was no wonder seonghwa has  a lot of fans due to how well he expressed his emotions through them.

“babe, you’re not gonna make it in that jump!” you exclaimed as seonghwa took control of the game now.

“what are you saying? there’s a river underneath, your character will survive!” seonghwa protested before pressing the key, much to your protests.

“seonghwa wait!”

silence filled the both of you as you watched your character who is now laying motionlessly in the waters due to the miscalculation of the jump, courtesy to your boyfriend. the both of you stared into the screen.

then at each other.

then at the camera, both wearing a poker face on your features before groaning at the same time. you grabbed onto his arm so you could shake him while scolding him at how he should have known better, seonghwa letting you do as you please with a guilty smile played over his lips. standing up from his chair, he bowed his head.

“i’m sorry, i should have known before jumping straight into things. or in this case, off of random cliffs in the game.” 

his last sentence made you burst out laughing, yet again making your viewers cut the certain scene as a highlight for the day’s livestream. feigning annoyance, you gave out a sigh as you took over the controls once again while seonghwa read through the comments being left. 

“ooh, this is an interesting question, babe! what are your sleeping habits?” seonghwa said, eyes still glued to the comment section with the corners of his lips quirking up due to some comments that were hilarious to him.

“sleeping habits?” you hummed, leaning your back against your chair with lips pursed in thought. crossing your arms, you looked over at seonghwa and hummed, turning to the camera afterwards.

“i don’t think it’s that serious but sometimes he talks in his sleep.” you said, snickering underneath your breath when seonghwa lightly swatted at your thigh.

“hey, i don’t do that!”

“oh? then tell me why you think that i was san or wooyoung to stop teasing you, huh?” you raised an eyebrow, a huge grin threatening to curl itself over your brims from the flustered expression of your boyfriend.

“at least i didn’t almost fall out of bed from the amount of times i toss and turn.” he pouted.

“that was one time!” you whined, a red tint covering your cheeks as you remembered the said moment, promptly giving your boyfriend’s chest a light slap in retaliation as he teased you more and more. cooing, seonghwa pulled you into his arms and pressed a couple of kisses on the top of your head.

‘omg the two of you will be the death of me!’

‘you two should do more livestreams togetherrrr’ 

‘still can’t get over how seonghwa just pouted lmao’

the both of you giggled at the amount of comments as you shook your head, then went back to your game. the room was now filled with the sounds of fingers rapidly clicking onto the keys of your keyboard, your occasional groans and laughs from the various moments you encountered throughout the game, and seonghwa’s praise whenever you defeated an enemy, along with the occasional questions being answered by either you, seonghwa, or both. 

you’ve been playing the game for quite a while now and soon enough, you’ve finally grown tired of the game. totally not because of the fact that you kept dying in the game. with the remaining few minutes you had to spend, you decided to interact more with the fans this time now that you are more focused. 

‘y/n think fast, forehead kisses or hand kisses?’ one person asked. without a heartbeat, you immediately answered with a huge grin. 

“forehead kisses, definitely! something about them seems more… intimate in a way? as if someone is making you forget the things around you momentarily even without the need to say anything. just one forehead kiss is enough to erase the bad thoughts away, i guess?” 

next to you, seonghwa couldn’t help but to smile at how awed you looked answering the question as he listened intently and arms crossed in front of his chest, the certain dazed look in your eyes never fails to make him want to gather your frame in his arms and just give you all the forehead kisses you needed. suddenly, your laughter rang in his ears, making the male look at what you were laughing at, eyes widening slightly in the process.

‘in that case, let me be the one kissing your forehead lmao’

scoffing underneath his breath, seonghwa wrapped his arms around your waist and playfully glared at the screen, making a gesture with his hand as if saying that he had his eyes on the commenter.

“no, no, only i can kiss the little bun’s forehead.” seonghwa mused, a playful jealousy tone in his voice, wagging a finger in front of him as he hugged you close against him. 

“that’s a no-no, okay?” he spoke, causing you to coo softly underneath your breath from how the tone of his voice was slightly high pitched as he spoke out the sentence, somehow going a tad higher from the ‘okay’ he did. 

“sorry, guys. i guess seonghwa can only give me forehead kisses.” you laughed, shutting your eyes briefly upon feeling a pair of plump lips pressing against your forehead.

wondering how long you have spent playing the game, you opened your eyes and looked at the time. you had noticed that you spent almost two hours of just playing video games that you finally noticed that you felt hungry. before you could even say anything, a low rumble that came from your stomach made the words you were about to utter suddenly disappear. seonghwa, who also heard the low grumbling noise, laughed at you with a hand over his lips.

“i think that’s our cue to finally get lunch, huh little bun?” he grinned down at your flushed cheeks, dainty hands over your stomach. 

“oh yeah, definitely. so i’m gonna have to stop the streaming right here guys. see you in my next video, bye guys!” 

“byeee!” 

the both of you waved into the camera for a few seconds, then you reached out to end the stream. you then proceeded to stand up from your chair and stretched your arms out, the little dinosaur-like noise leaving your lips upon feeling your tense muscles relax, seonghwa doing the same. 

“thank you for being in my livestream today, i had fun. even though you made my character die after that jump from the cliff.” you laughed once seonghwa deadpanned at you.

however, the unamused expression slowly melted away into a look of fondness. he then placed his hand against the back of your head as an attempt to pull you closer so that he could press his lips against your forehead. 

“i had fun too, maybe next time you should collab with me again the next time i film.” he suggested.

“we can talk about that later but for now..” you trailed off, patting your stomach.

“we need to find something to eat.” you continued, seonghwa playfully giving a light poke against your stomach, then made his way to your small kitchen with you happily trailing from behind, your hand clinging onto the back of his shirt as you do so.

“ramen sounds good to you, little bun?” he inquired, checking the cabinets for said food. 

hopping on the counter top, you nodded your head in agreement. your stomach suddenly growled once again at the mention of food that it made you hug your arms close to your stomach in surprise, seonghwa laughing at the noise and prepared the utensils. while waiting for the water to boil, your lover leaned in to steal a little kiss on your lips. smiling sheepishly, you hopped off of the counter and helped him in cutting up the vegetables.

needless to say, the both of you spent most of the time in the kitchen just enjoying each other’s company along with playful hip bumps every time the two of you stood next to each other as you waited for the food to finish cooking. you couldn’t ask for anything more than this.

I had this from an ask meme from like 2 months ago or so and deleted the og post, I dunno why -_-  anyway it was in my google docs so I’m reposting it

🔥

How did they first meet? What was their first impression of each other?

You know… fun Zion Canyon trip!! (credit for this one goes to Dany cause I don’t have good ideas but the whole ordeal would actually happen pre-game, because that’s when the courier would most likely sign up for a caravan I think) 

Audrey thought Follows-Chalk was just messing with her when he said who they were gonna meet, no way this guy is still alive. Needless to say she hates him, she’s heard enough horrendous things about him in her NCR days to form her opinion. He didn’t like her much either aaaghhh how can you see through my fake atonement thing where I’m basically doing the same as before. (she doesn’t really see through it initially, she’s just too stubborn to buy the whole redemption arc thing from the beginning and ends up realizing that she just happened to be right). Understanding why she doesn’t trust him but also resenting that. 

Who felt romantic feelings first?

fjjhdsjhd he does probably, vaguely. She has a much harder time accepting it considering his background and all that, so that came later.

Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

YEAH! Both actually, enemies to vaguely friends to lovers and all that but like I said, Audrey has a much harder time coming to terms with this, she feels a little stupid about it because she knows what this guy has done!!! ( and he knows that, hence why he’s pushing it all down in favor of his stupid little revenge thing) He’s so weird and just looks like a mummy, what is there to like objectively. But she does. What thematic parallels do to a mfer 😔

Who initiated the relationship?

She did… Canyon visit nr 2, she technically fucking hates it there but for some reason she wants to go back (well. you know why), perhaps just a little vacation. And well there was clearly something there so why act on it. The most embarrassing moment of her life but it’s worth it I suppose. 

Who said “I love you” first?

Also her… Sorry queen you have to do all the work

Who gets jealous easily?

I think him but not in a way where he’d say anything, he’s just like 😐 but you can’t see it because. bandages. And Audrey has no competition lol so. 

Who is more protective?

Also him, she gets into more stupid shit and isn’t as crazy. 

Who remembers the little things?

She does :)

Who uses the cheesier pickup lines?

God neither. They’re too weird for pickup lines. If anything Audrey would list a few bad ones she overheard on the strip as a joke.

What does a first date look like for them?

They don’t go on dates lmao. What is there to do in a canyon, they’d just go to some random place where there are no other people and talk about whatever.

What do they like to do together?

Just mundane things, doing random shit while one is talking about whatever. A lot of times it’s just Audrey chatting about something funny or weird that happened to her on her travels while she puts on one of her favorite holotapes and does something, her stories are more light-hearted after all :/

Other than that… nothing too insane, they’re too weird to have proper hobbies. Her making him read his stupid mormon bible out loud so she can hear his sexy grandpa voice 😍

Do they like PDA?

No -_- maybe hand holding when no one’s looking, if anything. 

What are their big spoon / little spoon arrangements?

God he’s probably gonna die if she tries to spoon.

Does one like the cuddle more than the other?

She does but it’s not really possible sometimes. Leans against him until he's like aha. okay that’s enough :/

Who hogs the blankets?

Audrey does. She never sleeps much when she’s travelling so when she finally does get a proper night’s rest it’s limbs thrown around. Taking the entire blanket for herself. Sleeping for 20 years.

Do either of them like to cook?

I can’t imagine either, she just does it out of necessity. She can’t cook though, it’s blamco mac and cheese every mf day.

If they get married, who proposes first?

Godddd realistically he would at least think about it but they don’t get married lol. The mental image of it makes me cringe too much.

What kind of wedding do they have?

:/

Did any of their friends or family want them to get together? Does anyone object to their relationship? 

NO LMAOOOOO no one wanted them to get together and pretty much everyone would object to it if they knew. She probably doesn’t tell her family but if they knew they’d be against it, for obvious reasons. She doesn’t tell her friends either except Callisto lol, who thinks it’s epic somehow. Great Khan past and all that, not that she agrees with the legion in any way but 🤷‍♀️

Do they have any kids?

Maybe they do… maybe not. Who knows, I don’t control them.

(I made up two but Idek if they exist. a son named Ben and a daughter, Rachel. they’re weird and that’s all you need to know)

Do they have any pets?

I was gonna say no but she still has Rex who she forgot to return to the King 💔

DIANA/KING

How did they first meet? What was their first impression of each other?

In the followers' camp, not long after she moved to Freeside :) iirc the King tells a story about how he went to the Followers Camp to seek help regarding Rex and ended up yelling at them and even knocking out a few doctors.. something similar, one of his guys got their ass beat and the King got impatient and asked why tf this is taking so long. And Diana told him to sit his ass down and wait, which resulted in an argument 🙄 As for the first impression. Diana thought he was just your typical annoying man, maybe sexy and in a cooler suit than the guys on the strip, but annoying nonetheless. And the King thought she was being rude and had a big mouth. But again, kind of in a sexy way.

Who felt romantic feelings first?

THE KING… pretty quickly actually. A few months after the argument they had at the old mormon fort. For Diana on the hand it took a little bit longer :/

Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

Hm not really, but like I said Diana didn’t really fall that fast for him. She met him shortly after she left the Gomorrah (she was a dancer, not a prostitute but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t seen and experienced some shit) so she’s not really thinking about men and pretty much ignores him flirting with her (also he stops once he finds out about her past lol). She figures she likes him because they do have the same principles and something about being good people in a shitty world and all that so there’s a lot of admiration there, also their shared love for music and stuff. Elvis things. But she’s trying to heal from the shit she witnessed at the strip so no thanks!! Until… until...

Who initiated the relationship?

Well… technically him, he was the first one to flirt with her probably but she never really paid any attention to it. The actual relationship though.. her.

Who said “I love you” first?

Diana but I think he would have said it too… she was just faster 😌

Who gets jealous easily?

Both do. She’s sexy so nasty old men will flirt with her while she’s doing her job but the King doesn’t have to know that because he would be MAD. Diana on the hand will act like she’s mad at him when random people are being a little too friendly with him -_-

Who is more protective?

HE IS… that one text post about saying “that’s my wife” and punching someone. Yeah.

Who remembers the little things?

He does :) Little things she likes, her favorite song or stupid little things she finds funny… sigh

Who uses the cheesier pickup lines?

THE KING but unironically. Some Elvis shit, telling her she got him “all shook up” or something and she’s into it!!!

What does a first date look like for them?

He wouldn’t say this counts (she would) but technically that one time she was doing some random music thing with her freeside kids for fun and he showed up to talk to her and Diana was like. Hey wait, why don’t you stay and sing something for these kids :-) it was stupid but fun I guess and they hung out after, her saying how impressed she was because her kids were having a good time and so was she :)

What do they like to do together?

Like on the (unofficial) first date, doing random performances together. I guess he can sing (I think?? all Elvis impersonators can sing in my mind) and she’s a dancer so.. fun!! Other than that, watching random Kings member #58 perform on their little stage, going to ugly Freeside Casinos and leaving immediately after they lose 3 caps, just fun things!! Also he likes to listen to her talking about random stuff she read in her magazines. 

Do they like PDA?

Fuck yeah… Diana constantly having her legs in his lap whenever possible, him having his arm around her shoulders or on her waist all the time. Physical contact but in a cool way. 

What are their big spoon / little spoon arrangements?

They wouldn’t spoon I think but she’d sleep on his arm :) wakes up and it’s numb but that’s okay

Does one like the cuddle more than the other?

Like I said. constant physical contact (but in a cool way) but actual cuddling WOULD be a thing in private.

Who hogs the blankets?

Diana -_-

Do either of them like to cook?

l can’t imagine him being able to cook but she can. Yes I do the cooking yes I do the cleaning. 

If they get married, who proposes first?

There’s no real proposal probably, It would just come up in a conversation and they’d decide to have one of these quick Las Vegas weddings.

What kind of wedding do they have?

Again. One of these quick Las Vegas weddings… people get married by the King but who marries HIM 😔 (probably one of the other kings). It’s not much but it fits them, I don’t think huge wasteland weddings are much of a thing anyway (or weddings in general) sooo...

Did any of their friends or family want them to get together? Does anyone object to their relationship? 

No one objected, except maybe annoying ass Pacer for literally no reason and some random followers :/ As for Pippa and Isabel (Diana’s besties), they didn’t meet before she started dating the king so they obviously weren’t rooting for them to get together but they wouldn’t object to it either, I think. Isabel certainly doesn’t, she likes the King and thinks they fit. Idk what Pippa thinks she’s not my oc, but I don’t think she’d object to it either.

Do they have any kids?

NO lmao. No biological ones at least, Diana has her Freeside orphans though that she takes care of (kinda), they’re basically her kids. She even refers to them as such :-)

Do they have any pets?

Heh… Rex :-)

GEORGIE/C*RVO

How did they first meet? What was their first impression of each other?

In the distillery district 😳 On the first mission, Georgie prob caught him sneaking around her clinic (by accident) and was like. WTF get out with your creepy mask… wait ACTUALLY since you’re good at sneaking can you get me [random thing for her medical research that she has tried to get her hands on for ages] and i can give you a discount on health potions and free leeches 😏 NPC behavior… 

Georgie thought the mask looked fucked up and he seemed mysterious but well. She meets strange people every day so 🤷‍♀️ Also she thinks it’s kind of sexy. He thought she was a bit strange, but ig he liked her. She’s funny. 

Who felt romantic feelings first?

GEORGIE. relatively quickly actually, she really likes him early on but she doesn’t really say anything with Jess’ death being so recent :/ He does… later on, about two or three years after dh1, probably when she’s on official business in dunwall tower (YES underqualified royal physician Georgie is a thing now 💕) and she remarks a random cut he has on his cheek & turns his face to get a closer look and he’s like 😳😳😳😳 why do I like that she just did that. Love Wins.

Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

Her kind of, again with the whole Jessamine thing because it was so recent and she’s like aaagh i'm not gonna hit on a guy in mourning so she tries to ignore it 😐 

Who initiated the relationship?

GOD technically Georgie, she didn’t say anything of course because she’s too weird but she does kiss him first... and makes him leave right after :/

Who said “I love you” first?

He does… Georgie would NEVER say it first and doesn’t say it right back immediately but. He knows she’s weird about things so it’s okay.

Who gets jealous easily?

Her. That is a thing. 

Who is more protective?

Both :-) 

Who remembers the little things?

Also both but mostly him. Remembering the weird little things she offhandedly mentioned she likes. Or her little plague research things. 

Who uses the cheesier pickup lines?

Both but they’d just whisper them to each other for funsies when they’re somewhere. In public.

What does a first date look like for them?

They wouldn’t have a proper official first date but it’d likely be some random event they’d both be at when she’s the royal physician (I don’t think she’d get invited to anything but well. Maybe the Boyles run out of crazy things to do at their parties and invite her) Or taking a walk at Dunwall’s somewhat nicer-looking docks. Something boring. 

What do they like to do together?

Also boring things. They’re old, nothing too crazy. Chatting about random stuff whenever she’s over at Dunwall tower, taking walks in the gardens together and watching ships or something, talking shit about aristocrats that they find annoying or just about weird hobbies, maybe she can bring him along to meet her friends (who he already knows) to look at rats in alleyways but he eats them idk. Summons a whole swarm of rats but they end up trying to kill them 

Do they like PDA?

NO. I don’t think she’d be too much into the whole ~aristocrat life~ after becoming the royal physician and just does business-related things but neither would want people talking about this. Semi-secret relationship for no reason and they’re both more private sooo

What are their big spoon / little spoon arrangements?

She’s the little spoon.. likes being held :)

Who hogs the blankets?

He does -_-

Do either of them like to cook?

No lol

Did any of their friends or family want them to get together? Does anyone object to their relationship? 

I think the only person really knowing of this is Marzanna (AGAIN. by dany… Georgie is also besties with Slackjaw… the Rat Smackers. but she wouldn’t tell him about this lol), who would probably not object to it?? but I don’t think anyone else would be rooting for them. I guess Emily likes her as her cool doctor but NO WAY that’s gonna be her stepmom :/

Do they have any kids?

No :/

Do they have any pets?

Georgie has a cat. Not together though, Pluto is hers.

5 8 and 12 for fic writing meme!

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

ooh this is a tough one um probably there’s nothing i’m running from because i researched the shit out of it and wrote it in like a week which is faster than i’ve ever written anything in my life

but also a mile away because ive gotten comments from (presumably white) people who said my writing made them examine their privilege and institutionalised racism in ways they never had before and that’s like. astonishing that my fic was able to do that??

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write?

lmao literally just. the characters i project onto the most tbh. aka courfeyrac, nursey and sokka. we’re all just a bunch of bi brown disasters with a flair for the poetic and dramatic trying our best.

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about.

oh god in heaven i have So Many, there’s the courferre fwb fic, the bahorel/feuilly fic i’ve been working on for like, fuckin years, the [redacted] zukka au, the [redacted but i posted a snippet of zuko losing brain cells over sokka in a suit] zukka au, and the [redacted but sokka is a drummer] zukka au all of which own my ass and i can’t wait to have them ready enough to start posting

Eve and the Performance of Morality

The "descent into darkness" as a format for a character arc is relatively common these days, especially in prestige television, and while it's more often played out with men than women, it's not unheard of as a trajectory for female characters. What's so interesting about Eve's development is how FAST it is happening. On a poorly-written show, this would be because the writers were rushing, too caught up in Point B to plot a satisfying journey there from Point A. But Killing Eve is basically a masterclass in good screenwriting, and it leaves us with the unshakeable feeling that this is the only way it COULD happen for Eve.

Other "descending" characters are so often ordinary, but transformed by their remarkable circumstances. They are pushed by the people around them and unfortunate events into compromising on their ideals and values, slowly shifting inch by inch until they've lost sight of who they were. And often, this is where they're killed off, or a redemption begins.

But even though she changes, Eve isn't transformed. She's REVEALED. And not just to us, but to herself. She isn't surrounded by people pushing her to darkness -- in fact, Elena, Hugo, Kenny, Jess and Niko are all trying to hold her back from it. Instead, she chases darkness. She follows Villanelle further and further, around a dozen corners in the gloom, and when the light's gone entirely, Eve realises that she can still SEE. Eve is made for the darkness, and Villanelle knows it from the beginning, but Eve is still working it out.

While I don't think Eve has the same compulsion towards violence that Villanelle does, I do believe they are an example of the nature/nurture conflict. Eve was raised by good people in a good place and got a good education, then married a good man and got a good job. "Nice and normal". At every turn, she was socialised and conditioned to mimic morality and empathy, and while Villanelle often acts this out as well, for Eve, the acting is still subconscious. She believes it comes from an innate impulse, rather than years of being told what to do and how to react. Neither Villanelle nor Eve really connect with people effortlessly on an emotional level, but Villanelle accepts that about herself, while Eve can almost pretend it's been bred out of her.

Eve's stable life and her moral framework are dependent on one another, so they implode at the same time. Staying in the realm of 'normal' with Niko necessitates a certain performance of conventional morality, but when Villanelle not only doesn't demand that performance but actually demonstrates an existence without it, Eve finds it harder and harder to maintain her home life.

Once the door has been opened, it can't be closed again. Eve is realising who she is, and more importantly, who she ISN'T. In 205, Martin says, "Don't add. Take away." And this is how we're experiencing Eve's arc. We take away outside pressure to be normal. We take away moral influences. We take away the expectation of goodness. And this leaves Eve looking a lot more similar to Villanelle than she's perhaps ready to admit yet to herself.

It's worth noting how Niko has identified Eve as self-obsessed, because she definitely is. But a lot of that self-obsession manifests in her fascination with Villanelle -- not only because Eve really likes Villanelle and stops caring about what distracts her from wholeheartedly pursuing her, but because Eve RECOGNISES some part of herself in Villanelle, and almost uses her as a mechanism for self-discovery. She watches what Villanelle does, and enjoys it, while being able to maintain the distance that comes from not having physically done it herself.

As I mentioned earlier, we've seen the "descent" arc before in modern television. One that springs to mind in Piper on OITNB. In S1, Piper commits increasingly selfish acts, but still considers herself a good person -- indeed, nothing she does can be really that bad, because she's a Good Person. Over S2 and S3, she continues downwards, until by S4, she's no longer able to reconcile the two versions of herself, so she decides she must be a Bad Person. Because of her pathological need to be liked, this doesn't work for her either, and ultimately, Piper ends up trying to do good things to become a genuinely Good Person.

Eve, I think, originally believed that she would hit some point like this, and bounce up from the bottom. But she won't. Why? Because at first, Eve thinks she needs people to like her, but she actually doesn't. She fires Kenny -- the last of their original team, the last person who knew Old Eve (not counting Carolyn, who has layers I won't get into here) -- and doesn't really miss him, or notice he's gone (eg. calling Hugo "Kenny"; they're interchangeable and missable). She wants Villanelle's attention, but Villanelle 'liking' her is different to the way other people might -- Villanelle wants her, is attracted to the best of the worst in her, is enjoying Eve's emergence from her crucible (or cocoon, depending on how you want to frame it). Eve's primary drive is Villanelle's interest in her, and that's certainly not holding her back in her journey.

Secondly, Eve doesn't actually care about being good. She's had numerous potential "wake-up call" moments -- stabbing Villanelle, facilitating the torture of the Ghost, nearly pushing the guy at the train station, Niko leaving, Villanelle killing someone right in front of her, etc. Yes, she had a minor breakdown over knifing Villanelle, but that was more the idea of Villanelle being gone than the stabbing itself, because the way Eve later says she thinks of it "all the time" doesn't sound as black and white as regretting it in its entirety; like Villanelle, she views it as a point of significsnt connection between them and I don't believe she'd let that go. Regardless, the point is that if she had a real gut connection to her moral compass, she would've bailed. Because really, her original mission is over. She caught Villanelle. She chased her and drew level and she's done.

But Eve's not done, because she's chasing not just Villanelle, but the Eve who can keep pace with her. She's chasing what Villanelle represents -- freedom from a system that doesn't fit Eve, not really.

What we have to remember, though, is that Eve has been socially and ideologically programmed for forty-five years. Most sociopaths lead typical lives and have long-term relationships and never really dig too deep into their psychology. It's doable. This is why Eve is slipping fast but not faster -- she's had a taste of liberation from her constraints, but her skin has long since grown over those shackles, so it's hard not to see them as a part of herself, and difficult to get them off.

But they'll come off, because Eve isn't a quiet woman with an average husband and a respectable government job. Eve is a chameleon, the way Villanelle is, only she's less deliberate and has been playing her character for far longer.

Which leads me to Villanelle's speech on life being boring and why it was so important for Eve to hear it. If we look at classic "chaotic" characters like Eve and Villanelle, they're often motivated by boredom, or rather, the desire to escape it. Villanelle and Eve are stuck in a world designed for other people.

The fact is, Eve has been bored forever. Eve was bored long before the pilot, when she was stuck in a holding pattern with Niko and imagining how she'd kill him, not because she wanted him gone but because it was INTERESTING. When she started keeping track of a female assassin but not even trying to report her, because she wasn't aiming for justice but ENTERTAINMENT.

Another fascinating element of their dynamic is that we as an audience are usually positioned to root for a redemption, but with Eve, we can't imagine anything more disappointing. We don't need her to turn it all around, we need her to dive in. Not only because it makes for a fresh storyline, but because great arcs are about characters finding who they are, and we have already grasped who Eve is. Along with Villanelle, we're waiting on her to realise it and act on it. Eve returning to her normal life would be a wolf among sheep, and I think Eve has gone too far. Not in that she's committed serious crimes she'd always be guilty of -- although she's getting close -- but because Eve is coming to understand she's not who she imagined she was, and any performance after this will be a conscious one. A decision to pretend. And guess what? That'll get boring, too. We root for a darkening Eve because we want her and Villanelle to escape that boredom, and escape it together, and forgetting this ever happened is not a way to do that.

I've smashed this out on my phone because I had a lot of thoughts and I'm not going to proofread because no one will actually read this. But essentially, I think we can expect Eve to continue using Villanelle as a proxy for a little while longer, until she's ready to cut loose her parachute. She hasn't committed to this yet because she doesn't want to forfeit the possibility of her old life to go back to (which is why she was upset over splitting from Niko even though she couldn't care less when he's actually around), but once she is reminded how horribly BORING it was, there'll be nothing to hold her back anymore. Because better to flame and implode than be smothered in a kitschy kitchen with a man you imagine blending up and pouring into a thermos. Better to be true and horrible than be nothing.

If you did read this thank you and I promise I'll stop writing mini essays and go back to regularly scheduled memes in a moment. I don't really do these because they don't interest anybody, but lmao, these two always get me thinking. hmu if you wanna trade theories lol.

atwq book four thoughts

guess who somehow got a lot of free time yesterday and made the bold decision to finish reading the last atwq book? me!

guees who feels like they jinxed qwerty’s fate from the previous book of being arrested, but alive, even though i bet daniel handler planned it from the start? still me!

guess who is rather upset netflix accidentally gave a clue/spoiler on the identity of hangfire?

also me.

okay, so first off, to get something out of the way. i love this book. i really do. it had me on suspense every chapter.

theodora figured out qwerty was in vfd (...when did she figure out? not long after sharon reveal herself as a fake vfd member? or during the period she and lemony weren’t speaking to each other?), and god she really was willing to take the blame on being qwerty’s killer. did she think maybe she once again screw up, but this time there was no going back because the screw up got someone killed? after all she seem to selfishly went to break qwerty out for a good evaluation. maybe she thought if things went different, he would still be alive. and given the schism happened, vfd while not divided yet, this is like a sign on how another librarian’s death in the long, long future, will be blame on an innocent party and things go to hell again in the pursuit of justice and truth.

also, ghede and gifford also knew of the coup as well? or at least knew the sbg was doing something and they’re like let them do this shit and we can watch it’s gonna benefit us in the long run’. also, holy shit olaf name drop take two with beatrice herself! i didn’t think while knowing each other young mean they actually hanged out with one another to think they’re possibility friends. this puts the opera night even worse. beatrice must have knew olaf’s parents. with my headcanon of olaf parents being caring parents to olaf and used their connections to get their son back earlier than others, this is just awful.

getting back on track from the mess that is vfd there’s a murder on a train (agatha christie ahoy!). i admit several weeks ago i made the decision to watch snowpiercer and train to busan so i couldn’t really take the murder on the orient express shout out clearly and kept on thinking of the wild willy wonka and the chocolate factory/snow piercer theory. and zombies in south korea. 

all the damn sbts kids just thought it great to share the one brain cell to be on the same train (pip and squeak just follow in their taxi; cleo and jake had to travel through time in the dilemma to catch up with them). ornette got her time to shine with her artistic/sculpting skills and there’s some light on the subject of the lost family (of course it’s a fire that took ornette’s mom life. fires seems to be a way to kill a lot of parents). i was right to call her gung-ho working with lemony, she just agreed to make fake bb statues for moxie and kellar and was like ‘oh shit the two are sharing a brain cell. hangfire could figure something is up what have i done’ and had to make something else to give to lemony. i uh..wonder if seth has a reason to draw her baseball cap all...fuzzy. just a weird question.

kellar’s sister lizzie shows up. i’m going to be honest. she has the bad luck of appearing last and under two disguises that went over my head (she sure fooled me!). i do have some thoughts that surround her and the haines family, but that needs me to re-read the last two books to make sure i’m not imagining something . will say lizzie is much younger and shorter than i thought given her first illustration. i hope maybe a re-read will make me get some new insight on her. also, hi sally murphy. i’m glad lizzie got out with maybe your help (i mean, why else would she want to high tail it out of there).

the identity of qwerty’s killer was something i should have seen coming due to how the mitchum parents are more subdue. i want to slap stew’s parents. they spend all their time bickering they only got their shit together to see how their ‘precious’ son is really a bully and killer and working with the villian under their damn noses. i almost feel sorry for them because shit stew more or less blackmail his parents into covering the crime but at the same time...this call could have been avoid if you pay attention to how your son isn’t the angel you think he is..and you two are still fighting with one another please get your priorities straight i beg you. i admit i almost want to slap stew but i don’t slap kids, and i think if i exist in the snicket world i would get murder first by him.

qwerty’s death and the fact he’s a vfd member just hurt me so bad and i’m still kind of grieving over him. for one, i felt like i should have seen qwerty being part of vfd coming. he’s a sub-librarian. while not a sub-sub-librarian, the fact is qwerty is such so damn helpful to lemony i should have seen he was just doing his best to help lemony because theodora wasn’t honestly...wasn’t doing a good job at a chaperone. but he couldn’t blow away his cover because he wasn’t supposed to interfere in the apprenticeship and honestly he was just happy to be a sub-librarian helping children find what they would love reading.

but qwerty isn’t the only death in this book. i got to copy-paste something from an old atwq post in feburary 8, something i made as a joke, because oh boy, this part is the one negative i have honestly.

he tried to pretend to be her father! i know his voice mimicry is basically akin to juni cortez’s mimicry, but this is just cruel had ellington been there.

about a week later, i made the decision to rewatch netflix asoue. now, the first time i watch season two [edit lmao i actually don’t remember if it was season two i think i hated season two so much i could have blur two and three together i got to rewatch the show again definitely. edit two: okay, i’m certain it was season two i’m 98% certain it was was a pause and read easter egg that’s why i couldn’t remember what season exactly damn easter eggs] i honestly was like ‘so they gave nero a last name. coolio. feint isn’t a surname i was expecting but this is the netflix show this probably isn’t canon to the books’.

on the rewatch, after the austere academy part two ended, i realized something is...off, with nero now. he’s mocking people. and his voice, while not mimicking them, is like...it’s like nero could have inherit mimicry from someone but it never went through. or maybe he did got it but it’s not at its full potential without the proper teaching of someone with the skill...like a father, perhaps?

so the kronk meme is playing in my mind, but it’s the edit of him saying ‘oh no, it’s all coming together’. and given patrick warburton also voice kronk, it felt more like lemony snicket decided to materialize right behind me, be an asshole, and thought it funny to do a commentary on my possible realization hangfire, in the netflix show at least, couldn’t keep his dick in his pants and bore a bastard son in an adulterous affair and ellington has a half brother in the world she doesn’t know about and i hope she never learns about.

(given barrymore feint is just a cameo of barry sonnenfeld, i guess the bullshit gene i talked about in another post regarding a theory who netflix!h is should be renamed the feint gene.)

so reading the third book, and especially this book, i kept a close eye on any mentions to ellington’s dad and hangfire’s behavior. i kept on saying in my mind ‘please don’t be who i think you are’. and bam. armstrong feint is hangfire. i feel like if netflix didn’t have the need to make an atwq reference in nero’s surname, and if i was smart enough to have the book clues smack me in the face (i feel there are clues somewhere, and hangfire dropped all pretenses and just being ‘himself’ in book two was one), i wouldn’t be so angry and upset by this reveal. i more or less got spoil and put the pieces together due to an adaptation, and i should have known better than to do a re-watch while reading atwq. i should have consider the possibility of easter eggs to atwq.

anyway, lemony snicket thought it great to kill hangfire by feeding him to a copy bombinating beast (the tadpoles!!). with ellington right freaking there. with most of his sbts friends there to witness. moxie can’t even look lemony in the eye anymore (no more best friends anymore). everything happened just like that and after finishing the book and taking a walk around the living room, i have to say hangfire is a good villain. he achieved his goal of getting the bombinating beast, even if it’s a copy. he’s a very competent villain who succeed in almost every book in some way or form. he played everyone like a puppet and was a threat that is more akin to tmwabbnh and twwhbnb’s level of villainy. kudos to you hangfire i’m impressed. 

hangfire totally got it coming too. however, i do feel...hurt in his death, if only for ellington’s sake. during the walk because i realize ellington reminded me of a character from a different fandom i’m in. there’s some differences that i won’t get into (it’s...complicated for the other fandom), but they’re cut from almost the same cloth: teenage girls with shitty fathers who are using them for their own selfish goals. thoughts for ellington and her future formed faster for me than for the other atwq kids as a result:

post-canon!ellington (a few days later when she finally gets her stuff figure out), has a simple list. 1: avoiding anyone with a vfd tattoo or give shady lemon vibes -ellington split asap after she and kit broke out and have 100% certainly no one is after them, but not before stealing some things from kit, one being notes of vfd volunteers (she thinks). 2: find a new place to live. 3: figure out a new name that isn’t an anagram, because the inhumane society once they heard the news, is probably going to try to get her if they get wind she is hangfire’s daughter and possible ‘successor’. ellington wants nothing to do with the bombinating beast. she never wants to see the statue or anything similar, or hear the words again.

adult!ellington (under a fake name of course), while accepting all that happened, hasn’t forgive lemony snicket. yes, her dad was a villain. yes, she finally understand her dad isn’t the kind naturalist and man, and used her for the biggest ‘what’ event of her life that is also a very selfish goal. many times in the past though, ellington wonders if she missed any signs of her dad’s descend to who he eventually became, or if he hid it very well to where he was wearing two masks all this time, one hiding his true nature. ellington even wonders at one point, dad was going convince her to willingly work with him without the fake kidnapping and had to change his plans to something crueler.

ellington will never know for sure. this is why ellington can’t forgive lemony and will say it to face if they ever meet again. what ellington hates the most out of her father’s death is that she can never tell dad all of her feelings about his wrong doings. she can ask all the questions burning at the back of her mind, or yell her frustrations how terrible a father he is for faking his kidnapping and getting her to do his dirty work, getting her to use her loyalty of family to do things she would never do under normal circumstances. she ask questions and yells at the only photo left of armstrong feint...

and in the end, she knows he’ll never answer, and it hurts to deal with the unknown. adult!ellington doesn’t do the yelling and questioning to the photo as much. partly because she did ‘settle’ on what might be an possible answer, but mostly because the photo is pretty faded to where it’s less ‘armstrong feint’ and more ‘hangfire’. once in awhile though, she slips up like old times.

adult!ellington with her new life (she travels a lot, pays in cash most of the time, and has no set resident; she still love coffee) tends to think of the past, especially when it came to what she had with lemony snicket. did lemony like her? was she just a question in need of solving? ellington admits to possibly liking him, but it was so long ago maybe she just thinks she liked him to have a ‘positive’ memory of the boy she haven’t seen in years that she kind of wants to see again, if only to yell at him for robbing her of something important. his name lands on her radar a lot, twice from the daily punctilio. the first one was learning of lemony snicket’s crimes, and it was an accident.

the second time, she learn of his death, though she read the daily punctilio on purpose in hopes of a name drop. adult!ellington ended up finding some children’s book, and made the mistake of going to the back of it and find a photo of lemony snicket. not really though. lemony is hiding his face (ellington hates it) and she buys it to know what it’s about. it spiral to where she bought the next two books because she wants to know if the baudelaires orphans are real (and because lemony doesn’t seem the same anymore from his writings). ellington settles on real when she pulls out kit snicket’s notes she stolen and cross references names, and even travels to the locations to them to make sure. after the third book publication, the series goes on ‘hiatus’ due to the daily punctilio and their announcement. ellington doubts he’s dead, but couldn’t help attend the funeral. ellington is certain lemony snicket is alive, because she convinced she saw him at his own funeral.

swang my way (m)

pairing: wong yukhei+ reader genre: smut word count: 2k summary: yukhei held his phone with one hand and a dumb look on his face. he had been looking at that picture since the moment you sent it, only stopping to reply to it. of all the things he was expecting you to reply to the vine compilation he had sent you with, a nude was the last one in the list

one of the certainty you have in your life is that if you asked someone to describe your personality in a few words, spontaneous would not be one of them. every action you made always involved a lot of thought and previous considerations. you hate changes and doing things out of nowhere, maybe because you are afraid of dealing with unknown situations or because you are just a creature of habit.

that’s why you think you are absolutely going crazy when you stand in front of a mirror, with nothing but the cutest pair of lingerie you own, ready to take a picture for you boyfriend.

it’s maybe not that big of a deal to some people, sure. but you, the virgin that sometimes blushed when her boyfriend touched her ass, had never done anything like this before. and yukhei hadn’t even ask sfor a sexy picture or anything, the last thing he texted you five minutes ago was about how good vine compilations were.

a wave of both excitement and anxiety hits your body when you kneel on the floor in front on the mirror, doing your best to mimic the pose from the pinterest picture you found. it’s not a bad view, you think to yourself, with the way your baby pink bralete makes your boobs look and how they match the soft red lipstick you applied.

you take a lot of pics with all the poses you could think of and, after laughing at how weird some of them look, you decide that looks good and natural enough.

your heart feels like it will jump out of your chest when you lay in bed and open your chat with yukhei. your minds goes through all the reasons you shouldn’t do this while you type and delete ten different texts.

after half an hour you decide on sending something that resembles a meme, because yukhei would like that.

you:

open for a surprise

you:

*attached picture*

you feel your heartbeat get faster and you have to put your phone away to try and make the dreading feeling in your stomach go away. you weren’t worried that yukhei would react badly, he was always sweet and made you feel special. no, you were more worried you were making a fool of yourself, that your attempts of looking sexy were a complete fail.

your thoughts are interrupted by the notification sound of your phone and if your heart wasn’t this fast already you are it would burst out of your chest. the sound doesn’t stop until you pick up your phone to see the notifications from your boyfriend.

yukhei:

assdffjsjjahdoaksskk

yukhei:

oooooooooh mY GOD

yukhei:

holy umfuckkkkkkk

yukhei:

damn baby u are so hot what did i do to deserve thisss

yukhei:

i feel like im about to die fuckk

knowing yukhei you fully expected him to overreact, so the blush that takes over your face is not that extreme. you still giggle at your phone, excited over how excited he seemed about the picture.

you:

stop

you:

im ao embarrassed

so*

yukhei:

noo u shouldnt be

yukhei:

i liked it a lot

you:

im glad u did

❤️

yukhei:

😍❤️😍❤️😍❤️😍❤️😍

yukhei held his phone with one hand and a dumb look on his face. he had been looking at that picture since the moment you sent it, only stopping to reply to it. of all the things he was expecting you to reply to the vine compilation he had sent you with, a nude was the last one in the list. it wasn’t even a nude, just a picture of you looking cute in matching underwear  but that was enough to get him in his feelings.

did he overreact? yes, maybe. but it was a surprise, he never thought you would ever send him something like that. you were usually shy and every time kisses between the two of you would get a little more heated, you would back off leaving him most of the time with a fully hard on and only his imagination.

it didn’t upset him, of course. he understood and respected that you weren’t ready for it. but sometimes his mind would be too much and he would wish so desperately for you to finally let, and want, him to do all the things his imagination came up with.

maybe, just maybe, this was a small step for you that was meant to show him you were ready for things to move a little forward. his heart raced at the thought of that.

yukhei:

so was this like an invitation to sext?

you:

no omg

i never even did that

yukhei:

oh lmao

okay

i mean i would be down to that if u wanted

like super down

😉

you:

lmao of course u would

but really i have no idea how to even do that

yukhei:

it’s pretty simple

like

what r u doing rn?

you:

glad u didnt ask what i would be doing if u were here rn

yukhei:

lmao

cmon im not that cliche

you:

so, right now im just laying in bed and texting u

wbu?

yukhei:

same... and thinking about what i would be doing if i was there with u

🤪🤪

you:

jfjffndvkkgdjj stfuuuuu

yukhei:

but fr

tell me

are u still wearing that lingerie or did u just put it on for the picture

you:

i am

*image attached*

his heart is not beating as much anymore but he can still hear it in the silence of the room. the other photo you sent was raunchier than the other, more spontaneous, it shows only your torso and it’s sinful how the baby pink lingerie makes you look almost angelic. like you came down to this earth to ruin him.

he doesn’t know if it’s just the picture or the whole thing of you doing this for him, but he can feel himself getting hard. still, he doesn’t touch himself just yet, hand wandering and stopping just above his waistband.

yukhei:

oooooooh god

u look so hot baby

u drive me crazy

im not even kidding i really wish i was there with u right now

you:

what would you want to do if u were?

yukhei:

fuck so many things

u have no idea how many fantasies i have with u

you:

tell me

ur favorite

it’s hard to pick a favorite. even more so now that he’s got something to upgrade his visual material. he likes imagining you riding him on the small he and mark got for their dorm when they moved in, a hand on your neck because ever since you told him it was sensitive, he couldn’t stop imagining what it would be like to choke you. sometimes he imagines fucking you in a bathroom at a party because you just couldn’t wait until you got home, and everyone knows how well he’s doing it because you can’t keep quiet.

but the best one will always be the one you are on your knees, eyes staring up at him like you’re begging for him to fuck your mouth. it’s not the most scandalous thing but it gets him going like nothing else. just thinking about it has his dick twitching in his pants.

yukhei:

i like imagining u on ur knees

looking all obedient and pretty for me

you:

oh my god

yukhei:

and u let me fuck ur pretty mouth

like the good girl u are

you:

i

i would like to do that

“fuck” yukhei mutters and his hand automatically slides inside the pants and just a touch on his dick has him shivering. you said you wanted it, you wanted to make one of his fantasies come true.

slowly sliding his fist up and down his dick a couple time he decides it’s too much and not enough at the same time so he makes a bold move. clicking on his phone with one hand he goes to his contact list and clicks on your phone number.

the continuous wait sound makes him slightly nervous. the anticipation of hearing your voice right now, like this, making his insides warm.

“h-hi” is what you say after picking up and maybe it’s his mind playing tricks on him but your voice sounds a little breathless.

“hey, baby.” he says “i’m sorry i called i just really wanted to hear your voice.”

lame, that’s what he is.

“it’s okay, i’m glad you did.” he can’t help but giggle at your words.

“you’re perfect.” his hand is still moving lazily and he feels a bit ashamed for doing this when you sound so innocent. “and you drive me crazy, you have no idea.”

he wants to ask you for another picture, a video even, anything that shows him exactly what you are doing right now, but he assumes that would be too much. so he contents with the way your sounds are making him feel, the little moans that you let out are still shy even though you’re alone in your dorm room.

“tell me what u are doing, angel.” he almost begs and it takes a few heartbeats for you to finally reply.

“i’m... i’m touching myself.” is your reply and even if he suspected it, hearing it from you has him tightening h

is fist just a bit.

“how do you like to do it, huh? do you do it slow?”

“uhmm, i like to start slow and pick up the pace when it gets too much.” your voice is shy and it definitely sounds breathless right now. he moves his hand and up down, biting his lips with so much force that he’s sure it’ll be bruised tomorrow.

“do you like fingering yourself?” he asks and imagines what you would like with your legs spread open and two of your fingers inside of your tight cunt. he lets out a breathy moan.

“yeah, i do.” a moan just as loud as his leaves your mouth. “but i can barely fit two fingers inside, it’s to much.”

“fuck, fuck.” the speed of his hand just goes faster and faster, his whole body feeling electric. “i bet you are going to feel so tight around me, and so fucking good.”

the words just start coming out of his mouth and he can’t control it. doesn’t want to with the way you’re moaning for him, begging for something you can get just now. pleads of his name that make him feel on cloud nine.

he spreads the pre-cum that gathered around the tip of his cock and starts pumping faster, imaging he’s fucking your pussy instead. “i can’t to finally fuck you, babe. i wanna feel you around me so fucking bad, make you come all over my dick.”

“oh my god, holy shit i’m about to-“ and then you are coming with a long whine that sounds a lot like his name. he imagines what your face would look like right now, all blissed out and your body shaking from your orgasm.

he comes a heartbeat later, hand speeding up only to slow down again. he comes so hard that not only does he see stars, but he also feels them sparkling all over his body. “fuck” is all he manages to say.

you’re both trying to catch your breath and for a while it’s quiet besides that. he feels content and assumes you do too if the giggle you let out is any indication.

“i can’t believe we did this.”

“me neither.” he replies “i’m so glad you sent that photo.”

“me too” you say, your voice sounding like it does when you’re smiling. he desperately wishes he could kiss you right now.

“feel free to like send more anytime you want.”

you hum, like the idea pleases you. “we’ll see about that.” and then you’re hanging up.

yukhei:

not even a sleep well my baby thank u for the mind blowing orgasm?

im offended

you:

lmao u are so lame

goodnight my baby thank u for the average orgasm 😘

yukhei:

AVERAGE???

didnt sound like that to meee

...

baby

BABY

was it really not mind blowing

?

you:

go to sleep yukhei

yukhei:

ugh ok

goodnight sleep well my angel from above

😘😍❤️😍😘

Home

summary: idol! boyfriend minho forgets about you? idk i suck at summaries,, just read it,, please ùwú

warnings: nothing really just a bottle of wine and a whole lot of angst because there’s not enough minho angst on here

words: 1.7k ,, I think

also,, not edited but

anyways, letsgetit

having an idol boyfriend was not easy

especially when his life moved way faster than yours did and you’re just stuck there waiting for him to have time for you

everything was great before, your relationship with minho was one that everyone was envious of

you guys were the “it” couple, the one where everyone looked at and wished that they had their person

because that was what you and minho are

you are his person and he is yours

and you thought that it was going to stay like that forever

but of course happiness is a temporary state and nothing lasts forever

you see, there’s always a balance, a person can’t stay happy for too long, the day will come where that scale will fluctuate

and that’s exactly what started happening

things started changing

minhos career has rocketed and you being the supportive partner that you are, cheered him on through it all

eventually minho had to move out of your guys’ shared apartment and in the dorms with the rest of the boys

which was completely okay with you, because he still came home to you when his career wasn’t calling him

the first few months of change was fine, you guys were killing it, people were still envious

but life continues to move

minho became busier

the fun filled texts that were usually packed with memes and countless of i love you’s were replaced by “I won’t be home tonight”

the daily FaceTime calls turned into weeks then months and eventually just whenever he had the time

you were okay with it, you understood that his schedule was busy especially with the tour going on and the new comeback that his group was preparing

you loved him and didn’t want to ever hold him back from reaching his dreams

but god, it was tiring to always be last on his list when he was always first on yours

maybe it was your fault, maybe you had to learn to be like him and start prioritizing new things...new people

maybe it was time to move on

but every time you look back to the times that you had with minho, the more you couldn’t bring yourself to say goodbye

so you endure the pain

you made up excuses for him

it wasn’t until he forgot your 3rd year anniversary and you’re sitting there in the apartment that you guys shared, waiting for the boy that you loved for the umpteenth time that you finally notice the emptiness that surrounds you

the apartment that used to be filled with the sound of his laughter mixing into yours as you guys danced to whatever was playing on the tv was no longer there

you checked your phone for anything, even a small “happy anniversary babe” would suffice

but you were left looking at your lock screen that contained no new messages

instead you were faced with a picture of the two of you looking into each other, eyes full of love

it felt so long ago but you remembered every detail of that day

it was the first time you guys moved in the apartment, you guys have just finished placing the little to no things you have around the space that you guys would call your home

really all that was there was a mattress, a microwave, and a couple of framed pictures but you both were content

the thrill of what’s to come next excited the two of you

you can already imagine the space being filled around you

“one day we’ll have enough money to make this place beautiful and really call it our home”

“dummy it’s not about the place,” minho retorted

“what do you mean?”

“i mean we could be living in a 5 story mansion or we could be living in a box and it’ll still be home as long as im with you”

you guys have been together for two years during this time yet he still found a way to make your heart flutter more and more

“god, you’re so cheesy”

“you love me”

“i do”

“now lets take pictures”

a hundred selfies later, as you guys lay down on the mattress, your head in his chest, his arms loosely hung around yours you realize that he was right

it doesn’t matter where you were as long as you had him

“i hope we don’t end up living in a box”

as you smile back to that memory, the sound of the clock ticking brought you back to reality

every single tick felt like a gunshot to your heart

when it finally reached 11pm, you accepted defeat

the boy will not be showing up

again

and so you grabbed the wine that you bought to be enjoyed for two and sat yourself in front of the tv

the dinner on the table was abandoned as you put on a romantic movie

classic right? god, you just loved to torture yourself

not even bothering to grab a glass, you take a swig right out of the fresh new bottle

“happy fucking anniversary,” you sighed as the tears finally made its way down your face and the liquid burned your throat

eventually you fell into a deep slumber that caused you to not notice the creaking of the door opening

at exactly 2pm minho steps into the room, his eyes first landing on the table filled with his favorite foods, clearly untouched

as his eyes continued to wander he finally spots you on the couch, the bottle of wine empty and hugged to your chest

the smudged lipstick and remnants of your mascara were enough to prove that you were crying

and damn, he felt so guilty

it’s not that he forgot it was your anniversary, he’s just been so busy that he lost track of the days

but even that wasn’t a good enough excuse, as busy as he is, he has never missed an important day before so why now

scolding himself in his head, he makes a mental note to make it up to you the next day

grabbing the empty bottle of wine and placing it on the coffee table, he picks you up and heads towards your shared bedroom

“aish, why did you get so drunk” he quietly asks even though he already knew the answer

it wasn’t until you were in his arms that he realized how much he truly missed you

he gently places you on the bed, making sure you were in a comfortable position before he headed to the bathroom to grab your makeup wipes

by the time he was wiping your lipstick off, you finally awoken

“minho?”

“hi princess” he replied as he shot you one of his signature smiles

you were about to return the expression until you realized why he was taking your makeup off in the first place and now you were just filled with rage

“you forgot. ”

knowing exactly what you were talking about he quickly shot back an “im sorry I just lost track of the day i promise it won’t happen again”

“that’s the thing minho”

at this point you were sitting upright, looking straight at him

“you keep on promising that it won’t happen again but it happens again. every. time. ”

“i-“

“no, okay. it’s my turn to talk. minho, i love you and you know that i would drop anything if it means that it would make you happy. but shit minho, i didn’t expect that i would have to be giving up respecting myself in order to love you,,, look at me, i’m a fucking mess”

“im sorry”

“and you, you just live your life traveling with your best buds, with absolutely no care in the world -“

“don’t say that”

“you don’t care minho! you don’t care that someone is waiting at home for you!”

“y/n I said I was busy!, why can’t you just understand that!”

he didn’t mean to raise his voice but he was just so frustrated

yes, he did miss your anniversary but he didn’t forget

and he came home to you as soon as he figured out his mistake

and maybe you are right, he doesn’t care

he didn’t care about the trouble he was about to be in for sneaking out of the dorms, he didn’t care that he left 8 of his brothers with no explanation just so he could make his way home to you

he didn’t care, because at that time all he cared about was you

but you didn’t know that

and you didn’t give him any chance to explain his self

but why should you? when you’ve already heard everything before

“i think we should stop”

“what?”

“lets end this”

at this point you were crying

and so was he

“y/n please, you’re drunk, you don’t know what you’re saying, let’s talk about this tomorrow”

“it’s been almost four hours and i only drank wine, i know what I’m saying”

“y/n-“

he reaches out for your hands but you pulled them back quickly, knowing that one little thing from him will cause you to just fall straight into his arms..and right now, you have to be strong

“you once told me that it doesn’t matter where we are, as long as we have each other then we’re home, but minho i don’t have you anymore”

“i promise I’ll try harder, i’ll text you everyday if I have to! anything to get the old us back!”

you scoff at this

“i don’t want you to force yourself to interact with me because you have to, i want you to do it because you want to. lets face it, i-i don’t have room in your life anymore”

you hated the fact that you stuttered but give yourself a break okAy your heart is being ripped into pieces

“but i-i love you”

as much as you wanted to just crawl into bed with his arms around you, you knew that this needed to stop

and so for the first time in a long time, you’ve decided that it was time to put yourself first

“if you love me then don’t make this harder,, please, just...go”

(A/N): i ran out of data so i decided to be a writer for the day and wrote this in my notes lmao can y’all believe i actually wrote something with my one brain cell ,,,, also is it ok to cry over something you wrote yourself



Survey #254

“i hate that it seems you were never enough; we were broken and bleeding, but never gave up.”

What’s the best gift you’ve ever gotten? My late dog Teddy. Well technically, it was a container of puppy chow behind the tree, but in essence, him. Has there ever been a person you regret ever being friends with? I don't think so? Do you think you have a good understanding of love? Yes. What do you want to do on your honeymoon? Relax and enjoy quality time w/ my spouse somewhere great. Do you think Medical Marijuana should be legalized? Yes. If you were forced to dye your hair another color, what color would you get? At this current time, silver. What do you think of your parent(s)? I love them, a lot. Who do you talk to on the phone most often? Actually talk, Mom. But I text Sara more. What’s a song that makes you feel happy? Uhhh "</code>" by MIW came to me first. What celebrity would you like to meet? M-M-M-mARk What is your favorite clothing store? I can't really say. I like Hot Topic's content most, but they're really not all that broad in size range, so it seems unfair to say them. What’s a good idea you’ve had recently? Hell if I know, I don't make those. Do you like to wear high heels? No. What are you most excited about right now? Nothing. Would you like to live in a different country? If so which one? Honestly, if it didn't mean leaving Mom behind, I'd go to Canada by now. Recent events have me fucking livid with America's healthcare system. What’s your favorite song from a movie? Like, it was made for the movie? Man, I dunno. Probably something off Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron, though. The soundtrack is magical. Where would you like to volunteer? Realistically, I don't know. A zoo would be incredible, but I handle heat incredibly poorly and also canfuckingnot pick up feces or touch vomit. So, that takes a big chunk out of what volunteers can do there. What’s the last song you listened to? "Another Life" by MIW is on repeat right now and I need to turn it the fuck off because I'm in a bad PTSD episode. Do you like being alone? Sometimes, yes, but not for too long. How do you find new music? YouTube recommendations, usually. What’s your favorite city? I don't have a favorite. I've only ever once been to an even remotely impressive one: Chicago. What’s the last YouTube video you watched? Some tarantula one. I'm fucking addicted to tarantulas now and need a Mexican red knee like now. Once we (hopefully) move, I'm gonna at least try talking Mom into it. Where are you going on your next trip? I don't know. If you had to make a six-hour cross-country journey, would you rather take the train, fly or drive? How come? Fly, if I had the window seat. It's relaxing. How long do your earphones tend to last before the connection goes and you have to replace them? Considering I'm like, constantly using them, Mom says they die fast, judging by how frequently I let her know I need a new pair. She got me a big box of them for Christmas, even. I've got one extra pair left. If you could dye your hair any color in the world, assuming it would look perfect with your coloring, what would you pick and why? Pastel pink bc aesthetic. Are you a fan of musicals? If you are, what ones have you seen live and which ones would you like to see? No. Have you ever had to give up something you were addicted to? Did you actually succeed? Yes. Have you ever had to work (or study) with someone that you really didn’t get along with? How did you deal with it (ignoring them, being nice, etc.)? Maybe at some point, idk. Have you ever had any problems with your wisdom teeth, or have they been taken out already? No. Which one of your senses would you miss the most if you lost it? Hearing, probably. That'd feel so lonely. Do you find your mood changes when you’re hungry or tired? Does eating or sleeping automatically cure you of a bad mood? I can definitely become irritable if I'm extremely hungry and/or tired. Sleeping helps me with a lot of problems, lmao. What’s the stupidest fight you’ve ever gotten into? Did you make up with that person or did you end up losing them over it? Oh idk. Probably something RP-related as a kid. Have you ever gotten really bad travel sickness? Has this put you off travelling or going by certain modes of transport in case it happens again? No, thankfully. What’s your opinion on prostitution? Should it be legal and regulated, or is it something that needs to be gotten rid of completely? I don't support it. Just leaving it at that. If it was a case of prostitution or being evicted from your home, which option would you pick (assuming you’d tried everything else to make money first)? Evict me. Morally, prostituting would kill me. I have family who thankfully I know would let me stay with them. Are you into piercings and tattoos? If not, do you judge people who are, and vice versa? Hell yeah, so I obviously don't judge people who are. What’s your opinion on places like Seaworld? Do you think keeping whales and dolphins in such small enclosures is cruel or a necessary evil? First: I'm not very educated on how similar *all* Seaworlds are. But in regards to keeping whales, it's inhumane as all fuck. They are WAY too big to be held in such a small space for our goddamn amusement. I support zoos who do what they do for conservation and educational purposes, but from my memory of Seaworld, that's not their primary concern. Who is one person that you no longer hang out with? Why did that association end? My former best friend. There's a novel on why I don't associate with her anymore, but the top reason would be she's just a drama magnet that does no wrong. Wonders why her life is so insane and tumultuous while never looking into herself as the potential reason. What was the last item you put into your pants pocket? I don't really wear pants with pockets, but I'm sure in the last case, it woulda been my phone or money. Who was the last person to endanger your life, whether it was accidentally or intentionally? Well I'm certain it was accidental, but idk what the most recent situation would be. What was the last thing you started over on? Job searching, I guess. What was the last task that you completed? Does eating breakfast count? Esp. when you really didn't want it but needed it? Have you ever failed at something extremely important to you? If yes, what? Ah, what a timely question. I dropped out of school for the third fucking time a few days back. When was the last time that you wanted time to move faster? Last night in my regular routine of waking up in the middle of the night twice/thrice. I sleep so poorly that I just want the morning to come at some point so it's "normal" for me to be up. ^Slower? Hm. I dunno. I don't have much reason to want time to slow lately. When was the last time you felt impatient with someone? Currently w/ Mom, but it's at a low level and probably isn't fair feeling impatient in the first place. Who was the last person that you called a “bitch”? I don't know. Probably playfully, anyway. ^Who, if anyone, was the last person to address you by that term? I also don't know. When was the last time you questioned whether or not you were making the right decision? Every time I make one lmao. Has a boy-/girlfriend ever suggested that you might want to lose some weight, or that it might make you look better? lol wow no. What is your idea of “too big” when it comes to weight? Once it comes to a point of infringing on your ability to function normally. ^How about “too thin”? Same as ^, really, it just goes in the opposite direction. Have you ever experienced an overly clinging boy-/girlfriend? Yeah, we lasted two weeks lmao. What is the most annoying thing your family members do on a daily basis, if anything? I only live with Mom, and she doesn't regularly do annoying stuff. With which family member do you get along with the least? The best? Least, my grandma. We've gotten kinda better though now that she's dying. Best, Mom. ^Why do you think that you don’t get along well with that family member? We have very, very averse beliefs and standards. Who is someone that you wish would be there for you more often? My sisters, honestly. Shit's going on with them, I always reach out to let them know I'm here. Something's wrong with me, I never hear a word. Have you ever felt like someone abandoned you? If yes, explain? BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH- How often do you find that you are bored? Daily, nearly at all times. This is gonna sound pathetic, but I tend to be so bored so regularly that I experience passively suicidal thoughts now and again because I just feel being dead would almost be more exciting. That's something I'll never act on, but yeah. I have mega bad anhedonia. What activity has the best chance of holding your attention for a long period of time? Hm. Playing a game, maybe. Or if I'm watching a really good video on YT. Have you ever decided that you like/dislike someone based on their survey answers? Yup. What previews did you see at the last movie you saw in theaters? Hell if I remember. How many things are you a fan of on Facebook? Wow, a fucking lot. Back in the day I would "like" lots of those pages that just had funny/relatable names, and man does it pay off (usually) now. I Got The Memes. Do you have more friends on Myspace or Facebook? Probably Facebook? I don't really remember the friending process on MySpace besides the "top 8" thing that destroyed friendships, lmao. Have you ever been to a movie that sold out? Maybe? Idk. Have you ever been to a midnight movie? One. What’s your state’s weather usually like this time of year? Too fucking hot. Do you get those leg cramps in the middle of the night? No. What movie last made you too scared to go to sleep? *shrug* Is your cell phone a qwerty (full keyboard) or no? Yeah. What was the last website you logged onto (besides the one you’re on)? PetSmart to apply for a position as pet trainer. I hate chain pet stores, but whatever, I'm desperate. What’s your home page? Google. Do you have split ends? No. When you’re on a laptop, do you hook up a mouse or use the touchpad? I prefer to have a mouse. If you’re learning a language, what year are you in? I'm not anymore. Do you think you’re done growing or will you grow a couple more inches? I'm sure I'm done. What’s your mom’s mom’s name? Cecelia. Have you ever encountered a creepy neighbor? OKAY at my old place where I used to ride my bike all the time, there was this old man way down the road that liked to talk to me but he creeped me out so much that I started turning back before I got in sight of his place. Do you like the foam soap or the liquidy soap? Foam. Do you tend to lean towards bright colors or more subtle colors? Bright. Do you use British spelling even though you’re not British? No; I even change it in surveys a lot, lol. When was the last time you attended a barbecue? I don't have a clue. I don't like them. Can you handle movies involving lots of bugs and insects? Yeah. Are you borrowing books from anybody at the moment? No. What is one similarity between your parents? Christ... they seem incomparable by this point. Do you keep scissors in your kitchen? If so, where? Yes, in the drawer beside the fridge. When was the last time you used a payphone and who were you calling? I've never used one. Have you met everyone who lives on your street? No. Do you have a boyfriend? No. When did you last write out your name? Recently for something at school. Do you like being kissed on the neck? Yeah. What friend can you tell everything to? Sara. Would you be shocked if the last person you had feelings for texted you? No. What if you had a baby with the last person you texted? We're both cis females so physically can't. And neither of us want kids. Who knows your biggest secrets? Mom, Sara, Jason. Do you have any hickeys on you? No. Is there anyone you wish you could fix things with? Yeah. Who is someone that puts up with you no matter what? My mom. When was the last time you cried? Two days ago I sobbed for a good while. Can you honestly say you’re okay right now? Not really. Is there a girl you would do anything for? Anything? No. Is there a boy you would do anything for? No. Who IMed you on Facebook last? My friend Ian, but I haven't read it yet. What color was the last swimsuit you wore? Black. Have you ever been to an auto show? Yooo I remember as a kid, my family went with our friends to a monster truck show, I think it was? I was so not digging it and wanted to go home the whole time. What was the last thing you cooked for dinner? I had one of those Banquet microwavable dinners last night. Spicy chicken and mac 'n cheese. It's fuckin GOOD and really filling. Do you live in the city/town you were born in? No. Have you slept for longer than usual today? No, I slept terrible. Have you ever smoked a cigarette? No. Have you consumed alcohol today? If so, what? No. What’s your go-to website when you’re really bored? YouTube is my general go-to. Who was the main cook of your Thanksgiving meal last year? My sister. Do you have a passport? If so, how many stamps do you have in it? No. Have you ever been dumped really harshly? WHEEZE Have you ever taken classes for a musical instrument? Yes. Have you ever been on vacation with someone other than your family? Yeah. Do you live with your parents? With my mom. Can you do a blackflip, or anything else of that sort? No. What moment in your life have you been most scared? The night of the breakup, particularly when Mom dragged me back inside and I just literally melted. Do you have any exes you can’t stand anymore? What happened to cause you to feel that way about them? No. Do you ever make your own surveys, or just take them? I just take them. Have you ever actually thought you were pregnant? Were you? Yes, but it was entirely illogical, so I obviously wasn't. Anxiety and being terrified of pregnancy is fun. Are you more of a phone or a computer person? Computer. Do you like to cook, or do you prefer when other people cook for you? I don't cook. How old do you think you’ll be when you move out on your own? Who the fuck knows anymore. Do you have a job? If so, where do you work? If not, do you want one? No; yes. Have you ever ripped your pants in public? I don't think so? Do movies such as Saw and The Grudge scare you easily? No. How many best friends do you have? What are their names? One; Sara. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever been dared to do? Did you do it? No clue. Can you drive? I mean I can, but I'm terrified of it, and my permit is expired anyway. What do you consider to be a good grade? What do you consider to be a bad grade? B; C and below. Have you ever had a teacher who hated you? No. Can you remember who your grade 5 teacher was? Did you like them? Yes, I adored them both. Do you know anybody that has severe allergies? Multiple people. Who was the last person you slow danced with? laskdjflka;jwe What’s your favourite song at the moment? Ah shit man idk. Do you prefer headphones or earbuds? Earbuds. Headphones aggravate my ears. Do you ever ride the city bus? How much does it cost you? We don't even have one here. How do you get to school? N/A What is the last book you read? Did you enjoy it? The first Wings of Fire book, and yes, very much. Do you scream out the answers while watching game shows on TV? Scream, no. I'll say them sometimes, though. Who in your life do you care about more than yourself? Mom, Sara. Jason, probably, as much as I hate to admit that. Would you ever consider adopting a child with a severe mental illness? HYPOTHETICALLY, if I even wanted kids, yes. I'm very empathetic and care a shitload about mental health, so I think I'd be a very good cheerleader for them. Which wild animal would you most like to have as a pet? Again hypothetically, a meerkat, but I DO NOT support them as pets and get very upset when I see them as such. What bill do you hate paying the most? I don't have any. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on a bar? Never. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you, who and where would it be? Sara to the mountains of NC. Favorite non-sexual thing to do with girl/boy? Play games together. Who from high school would you like to run in to? A handful of people.

( ooc note about why i am the absolute worst ! )

this is such a random note i know, and admittedly i’ve spent the entire day composing this. so if it’s a little disjointed or illogical, i want to apologise in advance ! however i have included this nice gif of luke - it doesn’t have anything to do with the post, just thought it would make it more appealing dkjfgdf. admittedly this is going to be a bit of a Long Boi™, but it is kinda.... relevant if you’ve ever tried to write/plot with me, or are wondering what’s going on with nate. behold, all your answers are below ! i’ll put a tldr at the bottom plus a nifty little vine compilation for anyone that reads this but, please don’t feel pressured to do so ! ya girl is just a Mess dkfjgd. 

the first thing i want to address is the elephant in the room; nathaniel ballantyne. i know a lot of people are curious about his fate, his place in the plot drop, why he vanished so much earlier than everyone else. is he actually guilty ? is he a martyr ? is he a red herring ? well, here’s the tea on mr nathaniel ballantyne: 

he is on indefinite hiatus. 

a lot of people probably wonder why. i will get into the specifics of the why in a little bit (when i said this was a Long Boi i was not kidding lmfao), but basically... he’s a very difficult character to write. i am not a veteran rper, and in all honesty, i can count on my hands the amount of rps i’ve been in. and there are only 5 characters i’ve ever written about and cared enough to remember. one of those is nate. for those of you that know him, he is a strange and eccentric character. entirely up his own ass at times, pretentious as hell. but he, to me, was a character i grew attached to. he was different from people i normally write, and despite how abstract he was, he was.... realistic to me. my deep rooted attachment to him is why it took me so long to see how hard it was for me to write replies with him, to understand the guilt i felt any time i plotted or wrote with him, and the fact he was so mentally taxing it would take five times as much time to write a reply for him than it would any other character. but the sad truth is, even though i only felt guilt related to him, even though i haven’t had muse for him honestly for months now, i kept him. because i love him, even if he isn’t loved by many others. and so part of the reason he is now where he is is the simple fact that i know he didn’t mesh with the group, and that’s okay ! he was a very difficult character to reply to, and now that he is gone, i feel that burden of guilt lifting already.

as for his plot related departure, the truth is i didn’t have the heart to kill him off, hence why he kinda is just out there in a weird in between space dkjfgdf. and ( as i’ll explain below ) if my life ever does even out at any point, i really want to bring him back should there be space for him. so this indefinite hiatus was made for many reasons, and it absolutely broke my heart to have to get to this point. i love nate, and i am going to miss him. and i hope that in due time, i will have the capacity to bring him back soon ! but in case i don’t, i just want everyone to know that i appreciate every second i spent writing with you all on nate, and that the time and effort people poured into him means the world to me. and i’m so, so sorry to the people who are disappointed in me for this, because i know there are probably a few. i have let so many of you down, and honestly this is a burden i am going to carry for a very long time. i am going to message people tomorrow when i am more Coherent so, i promise to do my best to atone for this kgdf.

but to segue into that a little more ( oh look, another elephant in the room ! what is this, dumbo 2: electric boogaloo ), as an admin, i know there are expectations we are supposed to meet. examples we should set. precedents we have to lay down. 

and i know i have disappointed every single one of you in this rp. 

from my slow ( to non-existent ) dash activity, for the anxiety that has left me unable to reply to dms or reply in the main group chat, to even the fear of godmodding in ask memes on a thursday. i know this seems perfectly illogical to most, and again, i completely understand the disappointment that so many of you feel towards me. and it’s that very disappointment which djkgdf ironically has made it harder for me to get on and be the admin that you all deserve. 

the real difficult thing about all of this is, i love veritas. and for those of you who were in veritas 1, would know that this is not who i usually am. this experience is not representative of the person i want to be, nor the rper that i usually present myself as. but as to avoid going into too triggering content and bothering you all with tmi details about my life problems lmfao, please rest assured that these past few months have been. absolutely brutal for me. from almost losing my opa to illness, from ongoing family issues and expectations, being kicked out of home among a list of other shit, my mental health has been as low as gfkdgdf it has ever been in my life tbh, and it’s been the hardest thing in the world to get on. all my attentions with veritas has been in the main, as the main is a very taxing job ( as you know, we are very plot centric ! ) and i would more often than not get so worn out with being an admin, my characters fell by the wayside. not to mention, as sort of dkfgjdf touched on before, i have massive anxiety when it comes to messaging people. why ? i don’t know. especially as i have wanted to plot with all of you extensively and deeply since we opened, and reading every single app made my heart beat a little faster with joy. i am so honoured to be an admin here, and each and every one of you are such an incredible writer and person that i can’t help but feel overwhelmed and guitlty about how much i have let you all down. especially for those who sent me dms that i either forgot about or never replied to because i got so anxious, i feel so guilty every day about it all and i just wish i could go back in time and change it. 

and the reality is, if i wasn’t an admin and co-creator of this group, i probably would have dropped out a long time ago, give the space to someone worthy, and i wouldn’t be filled with so much guilt. but the truth is, i am a selfish person dgdgdf. veritas has been that sort of dkfgjdf good, steady thing in my life that i looked forward to, and i couldn’t bear the thought of losing that. each and every one of you create the fabric that is this amazing atmosphere, and even though i’m less seen and heard compared to most others in this group, being part of veritas gives me a sense of belonging. and in a strange sense, a home. yes, i know i was selfish, and yes, i should have handled things much better than i did. but you all need to know from the bottom of my heart how sorry i am for everything that has transpired. ):

but i think the worst part of it all is that, my beautiful co-admin maaria, and my best friend. among letting you all down, i know i have let her down the most. and i just want to take my soapbox moment for a second here and really put light into how much maaria has done for this group. especially when my own life has been in shambles, and knowing she’s going through her own problems, she always provides for you all. she is always here, always online, always around to make you laugh or smile. she provides for all of us, and is honestly a miracle worker. i don’t think i will ever deserve her forgiveness for everything, but i hope she knows how loved she is, and i hope you all show her your sentiments too ! she is the heart of veritas, and fdjg she means the world to me, and i just really want her to know that.

but that was. a lot of emotions and obviously i haven’t talked about everything in my life ( i do not want to bore you and honestly i don’t wanna make y’all sad dkfjghdkfjgdfgdf ) none of this really means anything if things aren’t going to change. so get ready for some Bullet Point Action because here is my proposal: 

nEw SkElEtOn: although nate is on hiatus and sorta just gonna, float out there in the void of time, and even though i really want to bring him back soon i don’t know if/when i will, i have felt immense guilt for hoarding his spot in this rp for someone who could be more active. hence, a solution: a new skeleton ! as i am not comfortable with nate’s skeleton being open, we have created a new skeleton with connections to all nate’s old connections, which should hit the main very soon ! 

new discord: this is probably unnecessary but dfkgjdfg i have a lot of anxiety about discord. when i get a new message i’m always like ??? AAH A GHOST. idk why. and because of that, i skip a message once, and now there are so many unanswered messages i have a heart attack every time i open my app. so, to prevent that, i am going to make a new discord account ! ( lilacrps #i forgot the number lmao ). i will be adding everyone as Friends and if you’ve ever sent me something i never responded to, or for some odd reason you wanna talk to me, a human mess, please know now that with a fresh slate i will ensure i can reply to you. i am not gonna let my anxiety win this time. 

schedule: part of my issue is that i dfkjgdf always felt pressure to do everything all the time and then when i couldn’t, i fell under pressure. so dkfgjdf i am now having designated plotting and reply days ! so even though i hope to be far more active in both regards, i just need people to understand things won’t be instant, but i am holding myself accountable not only for myself, but for the rp - as that is what an admin should do.

this got super long and i highly doubt anyone is actually gonna read this lmao BUT. the main point is - i love every single one of you all so much, and i can’t apologise enough for how much i have let you all down. i know we all feel it, and i’m more than happy to accept my flaws and how blatant they’ve been in the past few months. so this is my pledge to every single one of you that i promise to do better (and if i don’t, you can kick me out dkjfgdf). 

TLDR: I have been a terrible admin and friend, and I’m here to say sorry. With a new discord and personal plotting schedule, things are going to change. 

If I can’t cure my depression, maybe I can cure yours.

Look at that, I’m doing replies after...more than a month? I don’t know. I didn’t check. I also won’t reply to every single thing because 1) my activity feed doesn’t show it all, as always and 2) it’s too late to reply to some things, it would be pointless now. However, thank you all for commenting from time to time, it makes my day. And well, I was against it at first, but I might start replying directly under the posts, I’ll only do replies posts for things I want to talk about more.

Life updates? I’m doing good. My life, surprisingly, didn’t turn upside down when I started uni. My social life also didn’t change too much. But I have a few friends that I talk to in the classes we have together. It’s not a friendship friendship if you know what I mean, but hey. It’s only the beginning, things might change. I’m not losing faith that I’ll walk out of this school with at least one friend.

Played Roses a bit in the past three days. The random gameplay part was boring, I didn’t know what to do, my heart really wasn’t in it, most of the time I just left the game running and interfered only when it was needed, so I cut down on that and went straight to the storyline. I’m not discontinuing this legacy before Regan gets a happy ending. Once Regan is happy, it’s Golden Days time...which means even more intense storytelling. Yay. I’m already exhausted just thinking about it but also, it’s exciting. I love that story so much and I can’t wait to bring it to life.

So yeah. Here are some replies from the past month!

dandylion240 replied to your post “Also apparently on this day one year ago I started creating my ts3...”

I sometimes feel guilty too. I seldom open my ts3 game. But I don’t want to remake my ts3 sims into ts4 because then I know I’d never open the game again

elisabettasims replied to your post “Also apparently on this day one year ago I started creating my ts3...”

I don't play TS3 anymore because it often took up to an hour for my game to even decide it was going to open.

And that was with a GOOD computer.

berrybbbies replied to your post “Also apparently on this day one year ago I started creating my ts3...”

yeah its just a trade off i guess lol but having not played sims 3 for a long time makes me miss it and actually enjoy playing it instead of go in to take pics only! plus loading times are not that bad if you merge everything (but thats a problem on its own haha)

Yeah, creating your ts3 sims in ts4 can definitely lead to not wanting to open ts3 because hey, you have them in this other game that loads a lot faster! And I mean, I do love ts3, but...I’m not going to spend an hour or something just on trying to get into the game to do a random photoshoot.

I have a lot of my stuff merged, but I should probably do it again because I got a lot of stuff since then. Right now, it takes about an hour to load my legacy saves...and that’s quite a long time because by the time it loads, I start working on something else and I don’t feel like playing anymore. I’m usually writing while waiting for it to load and of course, when it loads, I’m in the middle of something I can’t put off - a good dialogue, a fun scene or just something important that I was dying to write and now I finally got to it.

elisabettasims replied to your photoset “Sunset: “Dad! Let’s take a selfie!” Ross: *contemplating the meaning...”

Hey, Ross? Remember that time you took a selfie flexing your non-existent muscles?

Never forget

what an icon

elisabettasims replied to your photoset “Yeah, she’s cooking in your house. Don’t be so upset.”

I bet she doesn't have the "always welcome" trait. It's the first thing I buy, it's only 500 points, LOL

Thank you for reminding me these bonus traits exist! I totally forgot about them.

fataleromeo replied to your post “The character ask meme thing for Ross please ❤”

"This post has so many opportunities to be ruined by tumblr" OMG I feel that so hard ��������

Sometimes I’m surprised by all the ways tumblr can go wrong...and then I’m surprised that tumblr can still surprise me.

elisabettasims replied to your photoset “Oh look, your stepfather still has moodswings of a teenager. That...”

Half the vampires in young adult fiction behave this way. :D Growing old is inevitable. Growing up is optional. LOL

fataleromeo replied to your photoset “Oh look, your stepfather still has moodswings of a teenager. That...”

Lmao Edward oops I mean Caleb.....

I’d pick Caleb over Edward any day but yeah you’re not wrong lmao

elisabettasims replied to your photoset “Sooo…I don’t know what happened (actually I think I might have an idea...”

One of my sims was an elder and her hair kept going between grey and her natural color when she was younger. Sometimes in the same sitting. She'd come visit, I"d look and it would be grey. I'd look again a few minutes later and it would be red.

Interesting...I think this happened because I had a separate recolour for his red hair, it had only that swatch and no other. When he got older, I switched to a WMS file with all the colours, but I think the game left the original file for his other outfit.

dandylion240 replied to your photoset “Sooo…I don’t know what happened (actually I think I might have an idea...”

I miss his vibrant red hair

Then I might have a pleasant surprise for you in...the distant future. 👀

poisonfireleafs replied to your post “Yup, looks like the German class is destined to always be my biggest...”

Ooh, learning German can be so hard. Good luck!

I found that I actually don’t have trouble with the grammar. The grammar seems quite easy to me, everything has its place. When I’m reading something, I often understand what’s in the text. The problem comes when I hear someone speak German lol. I understand very little. It was fine in high school, my teacher spoke slowly, but my teacher here speaks so fast...it’s fun. D:

Also my vocabulary sucks to be honest...I need to work on a lot of things.

toxoplasmajuice replied to your photoset “Okay so you guys might remember that Eliza is a vampire in this save....”

can i just say that the way you wrote this post's caption is perhaps THE funniest way to phrase this

That was my intention, thank you for appreciating it!

desira-sims replied to your post “spoiler”

We don't accept death. They must all live forever. ��

I wish I could promise that...but hey, I’ve turned one of my heirs into a vampire, I could give in with every generation and they could all be immortal...hmm...it’s tempting.

dandylion240 replied to your photo “So I opened the Rose Legacy save for the first time in four months...”

I saw this and thought he'd been abducted by aliens lol

I thought aliens were involved too and it scared me haha. They’re a big part of this legacy (or of this blog in general) but their time to shine is over. We can’t make everything about them, can we?

fataleromeo replied to your photoset “Lucian: “They’re doing it again, aren’t they? They’re kissing. Dang it...”

Haha! Ross, in fact, probably CAN'T control himself, being a rose gen ��

You are absolutely correct haha.

Actually, they used to be able to control themselves. Back when Sunset was a child, they made sure to not have woohoo until they were sure she was away haha. But I guess times have changed and they care less now lol

alright im about to watch 5.03 of merlin for the 2nd time ever

because if i dont do it now i may NEVER GET ANOTHER CHANCE

but first i wanna get out of the way that i thought merlin convincing arthur to keep the ban on magic in 5.05 because he was trying to thwart ~*~destiny~*~ or whatever is the laziest writing ever, it’s unsatisfying for the audience, it renders the rest of the last season utterly pointless, it’s unfair to merlin and arthur, and the tonal shift of the show from farting trolls in season 2 to full greek tragedy in season 5 was completely unwarranted and i feel TRICKED as a human person because i expected the end to be bittersweet and make me sad, not table-flipping angry, and i do not at all have high hopes for the finale

but i can ignore something having a “bad last five minutes” i did it for life is strange and final fantasy 13-2 i will do it for merlin but honestly 

speaking on 5.03, after it was over the first time i was like “i can never write my fanfic now because nothing i ever do will be as good as that” but i’m really relieved in that way that that was apparently the last good episode of merlin because now i can continue my work in peace and maybe hopefully even actually finish it

okay commence the liveblog:

love that arthur and merlin are down to just jump off their horses whenever random women start screaming in the distance. season 5 could have been so good, they’re so much more grown up and in sync with one another, i absolutely LOVE their #vibe

it was interesting to me also that arthur DEMANDED a fair trial for this woman despite her being accused of sorcery. god, he was SO CLOSE?? that hatred of magic just can’t really take root in him especially with uther gone...arthur may be an asshole in the early seasons, and he may be quick to anger and quick to lash out in that anger, but it’s just not in him to be cruel, especially needlessly

EVEN THIS LADY IS LIKE “u showed kindness and compassion” arthur is a Good Boy deep down he is he IS he didn’t care a bit about that horn she gave him but still politely said it was beautiful

although lmao the way his face changed when she said it was magic...that’s the STUFF

lowkey losing it at athony head in the credits. i was looking to see if he’d be in the s5 ones since he’s dead and didn’t see him in 5.01 or 5.02 so when i DID see him in 5.03 i was like haha no way did they pay to put him in here i guess i just missed him the first couple of times BUT I WAS WRONG

like, in buffy, they spend an entire episode trying to decide whether or not to necromance their mom or whatever and she doesnt actually APPEAR IN THE EP they never SEE her i thought this would be an episode ABOUT uther i didn’t think uther would be IN it

love that from the get-go arthur’s face screams “i am thinking about making a terrible mistake” and merlin’s face is like “he is thinking about making a terrible mistake”

i’m quite proud of merlin in s5 actually. bad writing aside he uses multiple braincells many times per episode. it’s a vast improvement. same energy as clary from shadowhunters right down to getting shafted in his final season

ive said it before and ill say it again gwen looks SOOO GOOOOD as queen

if this is the anniversary of uther’s death then (if you go by 1 season = 1 year) arthur just turned 30...it’s been nine years and change since merlin met him, and by the end of season 5 it will have been an entire decade

in an otherwise increddibly heavy episode arthur panicking and throwing all the apples out of the bowl so he could cover the horn with it is absolutely priceless. season 5 if nothing else has really hammered home for me what a TERRIBLE liar arthur is - merlin got good at it fast out of necessity but arthur can’t hold a poker face to save his LIFE. “leave it.” “why??” “because i’m telling you to and i’m the king of camelot” buddy......

we were ROBBED. if there had ever been a day where arthur came to accept merlin’s magic but still had to help merlin hide it there could have been an entire episode of arthur nearly blowing merlin’s cover because he’s a nervous nelly and at the end he goes “i cant believe you have had to do this 24/7 for YEARS without a single friend to help you” and merlin goes “well now i have you” anyway.

i love also that repeatedly when arthur goes to do something scary by himself he also brings merlin. they LITERALLY are two halves of a whole

“you’re threatening me with a spoon??” i can’t tell you about the unfortunate fanfics i have seen involving The Spoon. i shall also not mention the ones involving The Glove. we will not speak of it

I CANNOT BELIEVE STONEHENGE IS IIN MERLIN. i got so agitated i did not pay one bit of attention to the conversation following its reveal and me and cathy and had to rewind so i could listen properly

my hate-on for stonehenge goes thusly: stonehenge apocalypse, starring misha collins, is @callowyn‘s favorite movie. i have seen it 45 times. i hate it nearly as much as she loves it. it’s an age-old battle

merlin is so intense when he looks for signs in arthur that he DOESN’T totally hate magic...arthur using magic to see his dad again is one of those signs. he’s willing to turn to it in desperation - maybe he’d be willing in less desperate times too

“my father was taken from me before his time” i mean...he was practically in a coma. so like. he wasn’t

love that when arthur mentions merlins dad ONCE he immediately looks like he’s about to cry. mood. i also want to cry every time i think about merlins dad

up until the moment i laid eyes on uther i was SURE they werent actually gonna do it. i came into this thinking it was a FLASHBACK EP

for the record (and believe me i NEVER thought i’d say this) even though i waited and waited for his demise and cheered when he was gona for good...i really missed uther in season 4. at least with uther you know what you’re getting. agravaine (his replacement as “evil guy who keeps us from being able to solve our problems too easily”) was a slimy cowardly CREEP. and in season 5 i WISH things were as simple as “work around uther’s pigheaded unreasonableness”

for a hot second i really thought uther and arthur would have a nice conversation where they reconciled or said something heartwarming. i was worried about an uther redemption arc - this guy is responsible for the genocide of magic users, he doesn’t deserve redemption - but this show said NOT TODAY and they said it QUICK

WE

ARE

SO

BLESSED

i have A LOT of issues with season 5 but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THIS WAS DADDY ISSUES 2.0 BROUGHT BACK FROM THE DEAD

repressed trauma returns: harder better faster stronger!! that’s the STUFF

was i not just speaking the other day on my fanfic ask meme about how i love emotionally intense stuff? this is IT babey

uther’s such a bad father! he’s with his only child again for the last time in ever and all he does is tear him a new one! this is why arthur’s such a fucked-up human being (morgana too) 

i’m THRILLED we got to revisit this. his eyes get bigger and bigger and he starts fucking stammering and by the time uther’s done calling him weak and a failure he looks ready to CRY. i was HOLLERING. i still couldnt believe uther was even HERE and not only is he HERE he’s a WRECKING BALL

“this CAN’T be the last time i’ll ever see you” oh buddy you’re gonna wish it was

and he looks back, as he leaves. of COURSE he does. just like lot’s wife. so it goes.

you know how at the end of every supernatural episode sam and dean debrief and talk about their feelings in the car? for merlin and arthur it’s almost always done around a campfire at night - sometimes in arthur’s chambers or other places, but usually out here in the wilderness where it’s just the two of them. i’m...really going to miss it, when it’s gone.

“my father doesn’t approve of the way i’ve chosen to rule his kingdom” “you mean YOUR kingdom”

you know i don’t think i really got...like, fundamentally, on a deep level...that merlin fucking HATES uther

i’ve seen him save uther’s miserable life so many fucking times that i thought for merlin it was kind of the way it was with gwen - he feels nothing for him, but he looks after him for arthur’s sake (or as i came to understand later because he’s professor x about the whole thing)

but the way his expression got SO UGLY when arthur revealed that uther just shit-talked him the entire time...holy fuck

between that & some other stuff that happens later it really paints a clearer picture of like...uther’s dead so merlin doesn't have to hold back anymore and he FUCKING HATES HIM?? like obviously he SHOULD bu i just never SAW it before this. merlin LOATHES him. it’s INCREDIBLE to witness when he bore it so silently for so long. maybe even merlin didn’t realize just how much he hated him until now

and not to get too real here but if youve ever been friends with someone who had an abusive/toxic parent or was in an abusive/toxic relationship and you watch them feeling like shit after and they start making excuses for that asshole like “oh yeah he’s right about x” and you just want to find this horrible person and THROTTLE THEM that emotion is like ALL OVER merlin’s face rn. i didn’t actually seriously "”ship”” merlin and arthur until late season 4/early season 5 (i didnt like dislike it i just wasnt actively bothered by a lack of it) and what changed was this vibe. merlin wants to kill uther all over again just because he made arthur feel this way. he’s so fuckijng PROTECTIVE

and he still almost manages to drag a smile out of him via roasting, god bless these 2

ok so i didnt believe this show would actually DO THAT re: putting uther himself in this ep but i was doubly shocked by the fact that he HITCHED A RIDE AND GOT OUT

me shrieking during this entire poltergeist sequence: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD IT’S REALLY HIM?? HOLY FUCK HE IS LITERALLY HAUNTING ARTHUR I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY’RE DOING THIS I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY’RE GIVING US THIS etc etc etc

actually most of that was probably muffled nonsense because i was yelling with both hands over my mouth

percival’s the realest motherfucker on this whole show. dude survives a murder attempt in which he got an AXE lobbed at him by the fucking GHOST of a power-mad genocidal king and he’s like: yeah idk i guess it fell

there was thunder in the bg for this WHOLE ep and i’m Big into it

absolutely CACKLING at the bit where merlin has to ask arthur if he looked back at uther’s spirit. it’s one of those nice big heavy questions - so heavy, in fact, that arthur can’t answer, can’t even LOOK at merlin, either because he’s ashamed or because he’s bugging out or both. you thought this shit was over? it’s never over! daddy issues are a lifelong ride, pal! arthur’s just get to haunt him literally this time. god it’s so fucking good

can i just say? merlin reads that damning silence reeeal well. and it’s a big, heavy thing to know about arthur - but then again he knows all the big heavy things about arthur

the score for this episode is really good too...very suspenseful and good, adds a lot to the atmosphere, keeps it from getting too slow

there’s a hint of merlin’s absolute HATRED of uther in this conversation again - the way his face tightens when he says “uther would do anything to protect his legacy and that makes him dangerous, who knows what he’s capable of now”

and arthur dismisses him because he can’t hear this but merlin almost refuses to leave - and when he DOES leave, he doesn’t take his eyes off arthur for one fucking second. he stares him down all the way out of the room. i don’t think it’s because he’s angry with arthur, per se - he’s angry with uther, and he knows uther in a way arthur never can or will, as someone ruthless who will kill without warning or remorse. he’s afraid of uther and he’s trying to get arthur to be afraid of uther too before it’s too late and LSDKFJGHSLDFJH

if you’re thinking “thats a lot to interpret from one look” yes it is but i’m right. IT’S A BIG, HEAVY LOOK. NICE AND LOADED. love unpacking all of that

i cant believe this dude tried to KILL GWEN like he really is coming after everything that makes arthur happy. im so glad it was merlin that saved her. i really do think merlin is her best friend

multiple times in this serious arthur fidgets when he’s nervous or thinking, usually with his hands near his mouth. i am endeared to him. my poor boy

“i always knew my father could be cruel but why would he do this to gwen when he knows i love her” BECAUSE HE’S CRUEL

merlin knows. merlin knows his cruelty much better than arthur. boy does he know. i’m dying. it’s fine

love that at this part of the ep we slide seamlessly into the “merlin and arthur are both scared shitless” section which was truly one of my favorite things about the s4 opener. they’re both so fucking jumpy and giving each other shit about being frightened and continuing to be frightened anyway. the DELICIOUS IRONY of arthur finally being scared of uther in the way merlin has been scared of uther for Y E A R S oh my god it’s so GOOD

do also love the entire silent conversation they have when deciding what to do about the door. this is what i mean by their upgraded vibe.l in the early seasons merlin wouldn’t have understood and his lack of understanding would have been played for laughs. now they’re totally in sync

here’s the thing, gaius could have made this magic “able to see uther’s ghost” potion for just arthur and he didn’t. he made it for both of them. everything arthur does merlin does. they’re partners in all things. they’re COMPANIONS. and this is why i finally now Ship It. tragic.

you know this is a kind of weird comparison but late seasons arthur reminds me JUST a bit of gwaine. he complains so much less that he sort of has that same “roll with whatever” vibe to him. pretend to faint so you can steal some guy’s dagger? why not. take this foul potion that may kill us? sure, let’s do it. come what may he’s not really fussed. much more unflappable

until he starts getting spooked again LMFAO 

we do love a good pair of spooked dumbasses. this is charming and entertaining.

leon HAD to know they were lying about poetry. he probably thought they were having.......a tryst,

love also that even in this very dire moment merlin does NOT miss the chance to have some fun at arthur’s expense. that’s true friendship

i got jumpscared three separate times during this ep and one of them was when uther was glaring down merlin and arthur in the hallway after leon left

arthur didn’t jump but he did go hunting after him and to his credit he does not look scared. he looks like a man who is trying to deal with his business and get his shit together

merlin made that FACE again when arthur expressed sadness at hunting his own father because all he ever wanted to DO was make him proud

honestly it’s like since he can’t shit-talk uther he just sings arthur’s praises instead like this here is a guy who is just barely holding his tongue about how fuckin pissed he is. i cant believe it

splitting up was the WORST idea. have they not seen scooby doo??

love that when merlin gets cornered by uther’s ghost and gets scared he yells for arthur and when arthur gets scared because his torch blows out he yells for merlin. you fools, why did you SPLIT UP

uther locks arthur in the room with him, which is already some top tier content, but doubly good? it’s the same room in which arthur nearly ran him through in 2.08. don’t think i didn’t notice. i did notice. i was shrieking into my hands.

seriously this is a pretty calm liveblog but the first time i watched this ep my face was like this the whole time: O O

just kept going “HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK OH MY GOD” over and over. it was greeat

“arthur your fatal flaw is that you put too much trust in other people” do you think arthur, who now has a complex about people betraying him, ever forgot that for one second in his entire life afterward? me neither

speaking of 2.08 arthur dropped some FACTS “your hatred comes from fear” i'm sure they didn’t do it on purpose but #throwbacks

i’m fully experiencing human emotion. “i’m not you, i can’t rule like you did” he’s trying SO HARD to fight his way out of that bullshit

also lmao arthur like “then you’ll have to kill me” and uther like “yeah okay” arthur didn’t KNOW how this man was this could have been SUCH a good awakening

AND NOW IT’S TIME

FOR MY FAVORITE PART OF THIS EPISODE

when i say merlin hates uther. WHEN I SAY MERLIN H A T E S UTHER

HIS LINE HERE. ok. “get away from him, uther. you’ve caused enough harm” he’s furious! he’s GROWLING! 

“you are just a serving boy” “i am much more than that” listen. human words cannot express the emotion that ran through me. when they said “we’re gonna bring back anthony head as uther” i doubted. when they said “he’s gonna be the bad guy and reopen all of arthur’s old wounds” i doubted. when they said “he’s still here LITERALLY haunting arthur who now has to HUNT HIM” I DOUBTED. i didn’t believe they’d do any of it until it was happening on my screen. but ONE LOOK at merlins face made a MOTHERFUCKING BELIEVER out of me. i knew exactly what he was about to do. pretty sure i gasped “NO” in astonishment

AND HE DID THAT

HE👏

DID👏

THAT👏

NOT ONLY. DID I SHRIEK ALOUD. FULL SCREAM. WHEN IT HAPPENED THE FIRST TIME. BUT JUST NOW. WHEN I WATCHED HIM DO IT AGAIN. MORE SCREAMING.

how LONG do you think merlin had ACHED to do that

to show himself to uther for what he was, what he REALLY WAS, someone to be reckoned with instead of someone to be overlookedd, without fear of consequences

i can’t even like

like just imagine the triple rush of 1. satisfaction 2. rage 3. lingering habitual terror

i think at this moment merlin was closer to and more like morgana than he had ever been and maybe ever will be again. because the two of them have so much in common but one thing i didn’t really clock until now is how much they both hate uther

it’s so good. uther is SHOCKED and DISMAYED and this is like merlin’s old fear come back from death too (getting found out by uther) while at the same time being a dream come true (getting to tell uther what he really thinks, who he really is - “i was BORN with it!”) he’s so ANGRY! he is LIVID!)

he’s also really SATISFIED like “even while you were king there was magic at the heart of camelot” GOD how long has he been WAITING for this and not even realized it

and like then uther starts spewing his hateful bullshit and stalking forward with the intent to kill and my guy merlin who should be terrified STANDS HIS MOTHERFUCKING GROUND and says right over him “you’re wrong, you’re wrong” for thirty beautiful seconds merlin really got to be free. i know i will keep comparing things to 2.08 until i die but it’s just like when arthur was almost ready to kill uther in cold blood because for one perfect, brilliant moment he really and truly saw clearly the world as it was. i really love these moments...the strength of their respective convictions is so gratifying

merlin yeeting uther through a door is also gratifying although i have no idea what he hoped to accomplish by following without waking arthur first

i. LOVE. that the camera lingered a little on the spears or whatever after merlin walked by them. nice little foreshadowing moment

THOSE SPEARS GOT AWFULLY CLOSE BUT IM PRETTY SURE UTHER MISSED ON PURPOSE BECAUSE HE WANTED TO TAKE HIS TIME. HIS MISTAKE

okay merlin spent the better part of a lifetime dreading uther’s death sentence and here’s uther stalking down a hallway sword pointed at his chest and certain death is IMMINENT and what does merlin’s face look like?

arthur comes in with the rescue and INSTANTLY his expression changes to?

IT’S BETTER IN MOTION BUT HE LOOKS READY TO CRY

my immediate thought: oh jesus what if uther outs him

i knew he wouldnt bc of spoilers but i would bet a benjamin that that was merlin’s first thought too

tbh. i wish he had.

i kind of wonder if merlin doesn’t wish the same thing. like yes being outed like that is terribly violating and he’s terrified of telling arthur obviously or he would have already but at the same time there would be so much relief once it was finally out. no more secret-keeping. no more burden

i mean, if you go back and watch it, dude’s straight up shaking. he’s trembling all over. he’s losing it. that last teary glance they exchanged.......

uther was two SYLLABLES away from blowing the whole thing

and in a better happier canon where arthur knows and was waiting for merlin to tell him this is like double angst because uther wouldve ben blowing something for them both

i like arthurs followup of realizing that he’ll never be able to please uther (step 1 of breaking away from the cycle of abuse) but for the LIFE OF ME

i will NEVER be able to understand why they segued into this GLOVE THING

i’m not talking about the glove thing

i will say however that by the end of this episode i was so hysterical i had to get up and get water and pace around my kitchen for ten minutes fanning my own face

and that’s it. that’s the second-best episode of merlin and the last good episode there ever was