Stalemate, Part 2 | MYG
Stalemate (Mini-series)
Definition: (1) Chess. a position of the pieces in which a player cannot move any piece except the king and cannot move the king without putting it in check.
(2) any position or situation in which no action can be taken or progress made; deadlock
Pairing: Woodworker!Yoongi x Fem!Reader
Rating: M 🔞; NSFW
Genre: breakup!AU; toxic relationships; angst; fluff; smut; heavy drama
Summary: "The truth is, I'm not afraid to take that gamble anymore...in the off-chance that I get lucky again and feel the way I felt when I was with you. I'd happily make that bet over and over."
Word count: 8K+ words
Warnings (more written in individual chapters): ANGST; problematic exes; relationship insecurities; alcohol consumption; cussing; miscommunication; past infidelity (reader had an affair with a married man but not detailed); vulnerable confessions; jealousy; verbal confrontation; lots of crying; it just gets really dramatic
A/N: Okay so...now this final installment is just...ANGST...but with payoff (I think)??? Anyway, this is un-beta'd so I hope the story makes sense!
Now…
“You think he’s still butthurt about the whole thing?” Hyejin asks.
“I don’t know what to think.” You shrugged and took a sip of your drink. “I thought we had a clean break.”
She rolled her eyes. “That’s what you think. Is this the first time you two have seen each other since things ended?”
Narrowing your lips into a thin line, you nodded. Her eyebrows lift in disbelief. “Wow…really?”
“Yep,” you say, popping the ‘p.’
“But how is that possible? He still hangs out with Namjoon and with the gallery’s construction–”
You shrugged. “I don’t know, Hye…somehow, our meetings with you guys never overlapped.” You figured part of it was due to Namjoon’s very meticulous planning.
Hyejin’s eyes widened. “Damn. And is it true that you both unfollowed each other on your socials?”
You let out an exasperated breath. “Come on, Hyejin. Isn’t that just sort of a natural thing to do after you break up? How many of your exes do you have on your socials?”
She grimaced. “Uhm…a few of them?”
Now it was your turn to bulge your eyes at her. “What?”
“Yeah. They’re still on my list.”
Your mouth falls open. “Do you ever view their profile, lurk, and see what they’re up to?”
“No, not like that,” she says. “They pop up because they’re on my feed but not because I actively seek them. They’re just there…it’s like a useless appendage or something.”
“But why even keep them there in the first place if they serve no purpose?”
“I don’t know. It’s just not a huge deal to me. I don’t bear any ill will toward them and I hope they think the same of me.”
“What does Namjoon think about all that?”
“It’s whatever. His ex is still on his list but it’s not something that keeps me up at night,” she explains. Then she gasps, looks at you, and remembers something. “Shit, I'm sorry. No offense, babe.” She reaches across to squeeze your hand assuringly.
You smile and appreciate her consideration. “None taken, babe.”
Hyejin smiles back. “Anyway, Joon and I have an understanding that all of those relationships are done. It’s about us now.”
You sigh in frustration, recalling how things went down with Yoongi. “I guess I wish everyone was in the same mindset as you both are.”
“Put it this way—I’m not bothered by it and neither is Namjoon. But if one day, he suddenly asks me to delete them off my list then I would do it, no question.”
“Really?” You did your best to hide your skepticism. Hyejin normally didn’t allow her man to dictate what she could and couldn’t do in her life.
“I would do it out of love and respect for him. If I asked him to do the same, he would too. It’s not about trying to prove a point or compromising your beliefs to please your partner. This person, whom you love, is setting clear boundaries. The question is whether you love that person enough to set a new boundary so you can honor theirs. It all depends on the situation!”
“I don’t know, Hye–you’re always so headstrong, though.”
“And so are you, YN. It’s why we’re besties,” she giggles. “But you know, when you find the right person,” she looks off into the distance and catches Namjoon’s eye, making her smile fondly, “…You wouldn’t mind loosening the reins a bit.”
You took a long swig of your drink. “Wow…you’ve changed Ms. Ahn.”
“Yeah, sometimes we need to embrace change. Although, I do miss my hoe-ing days every now and then,” she winked at you.
Truthfully, you envied her. When you and Yoongi were together, she would tease you about monogamy, yet she was always so supportive of your relationship.
You shook your head. “Well…personally, I feel like cleaning out your social media timeline is a way to move on.”
“That’s just part of it, babe. If a person wants to move on, they can and will…with or without social media.” Just then, she looks past your shoulder as something new catches her eye.
You turn your head in curiosity to find Yoongi craning his neck through the crowd as if searching for someone, until his eyes land on you. You locked gazes for a few seconds before he started moving toward you. You quickly turn away.
“Looks like he wants to talk,” Hyejin remarks. As Yoongi closes in, you see him from your peripheral vision.
“I’m gonna go check on Namjoonie,” she says with a small smile at you. Before she walks away, she gives Yoongi a quick nod.
Then…
After a marathon of morning calls and virtual meetings, you took advantage of the lull to stretch your legs and maybe attempt to have lunch with Yoongi. He’s been insanely busy with projects as well and though you stayed over at each other’s places often, you barely spent quality time together in the last week.
You emerge from the room and hear anxious mumbling by his workshop.
“Hey,” you poked your head from the corner to see him in the middle of a tense conversation with Namjoon.
“Hey, YN!”
“Joon! Yoongi didn’t mention that you were stopping by!” You walked over to give him a hug.
“Oh, it was just a pit stop for me, among other things I'm supposed to do today,” he smiled.
“Why don't you stay for lunch? I’m making–”
“That won’t be necessary,” Yoongi says curtly, making you recoil. Yoongi sees the worried expression on your face and tries to remedy it. “What I mean to say is, Namjoon was on his way out anyway and he just told me that he’s got a full afternoon ahead.”
You turn to Namjoon, who grimaces. “I…appreciate the offer, YN but Yoongi’s right. I’ve got a lot of errands to run. Maybe next time, huh?”
“Sure, of course!” You look at him and back at Yoongi and decide not to push any further. You already knew that one of Yoongi’s clients has been extra demanding so you were on a need-to-know basis.
You leave the workshop and walk into the kitchen to check the pantry. He hadn’t gone grocery shopping in a while so instead of trying to make something, you just pull up the food delivery app on your phone to order something more convenient.
“Jagi, is there anything in particular that you’re craving for?”
“No, baby. Surprise me,” he answers distantly, continuing his conversation with Namjoon.
While placing the order, you couldn’t help but eavesdrop on their argument through the divider.
“Bro, I don’t know how you could have just let the deadline pass. Jiwon placed the order months ago and I get here and you’ve got other orders getting picked up for shipment. Orders that were placed after hers. You said that it was totally doable–”
“I know what I said, Namjoonah!” He lets out a frustrated groan. “Look, just tell Jiwon that we ran into a supplier issue. I’ll fucking fix it, okay?”
“What the fuck do you expect me to tell her?”
“Can’t you figure that part out? Isn’t this why you’re the client relations half of this business?”
You hear footsteps approach in your direction so you retreat back into the bedroom and pretend that this was just a regular business squabble between friends.
Namjoon lets out a grunt of annoyance.
“Okay, look,” Yoongi relents. “Just stop stressing out. I’ll call Jiwon myself later to let her know that her shit will get done. Alright?”
Namjoon nods. “Thanks, man. She’s in a pissy mood. Better you than me.”
******
The weekend finally arrives and you and Yoongi have plans.
You were such a nervous wreck that you start to flap your elbows as if they were wings to cool your sweaty armpits. You were meeting Yoongi’s mom tonight for dinner. She lives a few hours away and rarely visits. She was looking forward to getting to know the new woman in her son’s life.
You make your way in front of the mirror, fluffing your hair and doing some final checks on your makeup. You lean in closer and flash your teeth, making sure that you didn’t have any lipstick stains on them.
“How much longer do you need?” Yoongi asks while he leans against the doorframe. Looking at his reflection, he was handsome as ever with his hair pulled back in a ponytail and a casual look. As much as you enjoyed him dressed in his coveralls while he worked, you always considered his date-night looks a treat.
“Two minutes.” You smooth your dress one more time and turn around to make sure that your skirt didn’t have any creases on it.
“We’re just meeting my mom for dinner, not the queen.”
“I know that. I just want to make a good impression,” you rationalized. “How do I look?” You turn to him and put your hands to the sides, presenting yourself.
“Beautiful,” he says with a soft smile.
******
Your laughs ring through the restaurant after Yoongi’s mom make a cheeky joke at her son’s expense.
“Eomma…” He warns.
“Lighten up, adeul! It’s just a little joke.”
“Sure, ma,” he responds dryly.
She sipped on her wine and turns her attention to you. “You know, YN, I really like you! You’re just so…gah…the word is escaping me right now!”
You tensed up in anticipation of the next word that would come out of her mouth.
“Refreshing! That’s what I meant to say. You’re such a breath of fresh air!” She exclaims.
Your shoulders visibly relax at the compliment.
“Thank you, Mrs. Min–”
“Please, call me eomma,” she smiled warmly. “Let’s skip the formalities! Even better, we should get together for drinks sometime–” then she puts her hand up to the side of her mouth as if to whisper in an exaggerated manner to you, “You know, without Mr. Grumpy Cat here,” she mumbled.
You both giggle like close girlfriends while Yoongi rolls his eyes.
“I’d love that, eomma! Why don’t we exchange numbers after this and we can get something on our calendars?” You proposed.
His mom beamed. “Excellent! The sooner, the better!”
You smiled excitedly at how well you were warming up to Yoongi’s mom. You had a very different idea of how this night was going to turn out. The server comes by to check in, asking if there was anything else that they can get you. You picked up your wineglass and polished off whatever was left in it.
“Can I please get another glass of cabernet?” You ask him.
“Of course, miss.” He asks the rest of the table, to which his mom requests that her glass be topped off as well. Yoongi declines.
“You know, I should say–I’m shocked that Yoongi let you order that second glass of wine.”
Your brows creased in confusion. You cleared your throat, “I…beg your pardon?” You ask slowly.
“Well, back then, Jiwon–Yoongi’s ex–she didn’t drink much. On the rare occasion that she did, Yoongi made sure to cap it at a glass. She was always uptight, that one. Nice girl, very formal, comes from a good family. But oof…so uptight. Unfortunately, that’s Yoongi’s type though…” she remarks flippantly.
Yoongi shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “Eomoni…please!”
“Was there something wrong with what I said? Are we not supposed to talk about Jiwon? We’re just having a conversation here.”
You shift your attention to Yoongi’s direction, where he keeps his eyes low. Yoongi himself had never mentioned her name to you, but you knew of their history.
You’d heard that name before…it was the same name of the person that he and Namjoon were arguing about recently.
Deep down, you sincerely hoped that those were two different Jiwons.
******
The rest of dinner goes on without any further awkward conversations about certain ex-fiancees. You bid his mom farewell and promise to give her a call to schedule a girls’ night when she’s back in town.
Yoongi, on the other hand, looks exhausted when you get in the car. “I can drive if you’re too–”
“Nah, it’s fine. You had a couple glasses. Besides, it’s a short ride, I can manage.”
After a few minutes of silence, you break the tension on the drive back to his place.
“Your mom is so adorable. I love her!” You beamed excitedly.
“Yeah, seems like you two really hit it off. I didn’t realize you had a lot in common,” he says wryly.
You laughed. “What’s the matter with you? Aren’t you glad that your mom and I are getting along well?”
“Of course I am,” he replies, still looking straight ahead down the road, his expression unreadable.
“If you’re happy then why do you look like someone just kicked your puppy? Was it because she mentioned Jiwon?”
He lets out a frustrated groan. “Please! Can we not bring that up again?”
“Is it because she’s a princess who doesn’t drink and obeys everything that you ask her to do?”
“YN, please!” He smacks his hand on the steering wheel. “Please…just…let’s not hash that out, okay?”
You hold your tongue and cross your arms over your chest, seething the rest of the way back.
When he pulls into the driveway, he turns off the engine, then steps out of the car while you remain in the passenger seat.
“Are you throwing a tantrum?”
“No,” you say shortly.
He gets back in the car and coaxes the information out of you. “Come on, what’s going through your mind?”
“I was just thinking–maybe I shouldn’t have ordered that second glass of wine.”
He lets out a sound of exasperation and grips his forehead. “Are we still on that?”
“No, really though…maybe…” you shrug, “I don’t know, maybe I should be more like Jiwon? You know, a good girl.”
“What is your point, YN?”
“My point, Yoongi, is…why are you with me?”
“Why am I with you? W-what do you mean?”
“Why do you love me?” You press him.
He stares at you, taken aback by your interrogation. “Why do I love you?” He repeats. “What kind of a question is that?”
“A legitimate one!”
He scoffs angrily. “I don’t have time to deal with this shit right now, YN…I’m stressed, and I’m–”
“Okay. I get it,” you huff. You grab your coat and purse and step out of the car.
“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” He barked.
“I’m calling a rideshare to take me back home!” You spat over your shoulder, pulling up your app to summon a car.
“YN, you’re being ridiculous!”
“Just leave me alone. It seems like you need a little bit of space. So I will give you that!”
At half past 1AM, your phone buzzes while you lie awake in bed. You picked it up off the nightstand to see Yoongi’s name and face flashing on your screen.
You second-guess answering…but you were the idiot who picked a fight with him. You press the green button and hold the phone to your ear, saying nothing.
“Baby…come home, please,” he begs you.
“I don’t know…I just need some time,” was all you say before you both hang up.
After another half an hour of pathetically staring up at your ceiling, you sat up and swing your legs over the edge of the bed. Like a lovesick puppy, you put on your sweats, call another rideshare to take you back to his house, where you crawl to bed and into his waiting arms.
Now…
“Hey,” Yoongi says awkwardly as he approaches you.
“Hi,” you say icily. You couldn’t forget the comments he made to Namjoon about you while you were in the bathroom.
“Uh, listen…I just wanted to apologize.”
“Apologize? What for?”
“Y-you know,” he stutters. “I didn’t mean what I said.”
“Which part exactly?” You ask him. “That I’m loud and bring too much drama with me? Or that I’m a bad cook?” You scoffed. “I used to cook for you all those nights when you had no time to make yourself a meal because you were so busy with work. You used to say that you loved my cooking!”
“You weren’t a terrible cook,” you counters. “I just…I was being stupid.”
“Oh, I know,” you tell him and laughed softly.
Moments of uncomfortable silence later, he asks, “So uh…how’ve you been?”
“I’m good,” you answer sincerely. “You?”
“Great,” he replies. “Are you…here with anyone?”
You chuckled at his forwardness. “No, but I’m supposed to meet someone in an hour.”
His lips parted slightly, “Ah, I see,” he smiled tightly. “Like…a date or…a boyfriend?”
“What’s it to you?” You smiled enigmatically.
“Just trying to make conversation...and I was just curious.” He looked like he wanted to say more after that but he looks away and takes a swig of his drink.
“What about you? Did you bring a date?”
He shook his head. “I haven’t spent enough time with anyone to bring them to things like this.”
“I see,” you answer. “So, just casually dating, huh?”
“What’s it to you?” He returns your question.
“Touche!” You both chuckled.
“I thought you were going to start mouthing off to me and Namjoon earlier by the bathrooms,” he laughs.
You swat the air. “Old YN may have but…I’m a changed woman now.”
“Oh, really?” He asks.
“Yeah. You know, it’s been a while and I’ve changed my ways. I try to watch what I say these days.”
Yoongi smiles guiltily.
“Besides, I used to talk shit about you all the time so…I think we’re even now.”
“Oh you have, haven’t you?”
“Oh yeah…many times! A bitch was bitter back then,” you laughed.
“I’d love to hear this!” He leans in excitedly.
“Hear what?”
“Tell me what you used to say about me.”
Chuckling, you eventually relent. “Hmm…okay, let’s see.” While you try to recall all of the angst that you used to spew at Hyejin, you are briefly distracted by his fingers, drumming lazily on the bar’s surface.
You blink away memories of his hands and other things that they were capable of. “Well, my biggest issue with you was that you had trouble letting go of the past.”
“Interesting,” he remarks.
“That, plus you were a pushover,” you added.
He doubles over in laughter. When he calms down, he says, “So…I get too hung on up on the past and I’m a pushover. That’s why you left me?”
You cock your head to the side and turn serious. “C’mon. You know exactly why I left you.”
Then…
You drive down Yoongi’s street to find a sleek SUV blocking his driveway. You didn’t recognize it but figured it may have been a client trying to meet with him to oversee their order’s progress. Not a huge deal, you thought. You parked a block away instead.
You walk through the door with a box of pastries that you picked up on the way from your place. Yoongi loved their almond croissants so you grabbed a couple extra as a treat.
You caught sight of him standing in the workshop, deep in conversation with some unseen guests who were obscured by the divider.
With a big smile, you walk toward him to greet him. He sees you out of the corner of his eyes and a look of panic mars his features. “YN…hey.” He was surprised to see you.
You turn your attention to the two other people in the room–Namjoon and an unknown female who was crouched down, closely inspecting the legs on these accent chairs that Yoongi had tirelessly worked on for weeks.
“Hey, YN,” Namjoon greets you, while you are yet to be acknowledged by this persnickety client dressed in a designer shift dress and equally expensive heels. Her hair was pulled back in a neat ponytail...not a strand out of place.
A chill ran down your spine, making you wrap your arms protectively around your chest.
“Why are the legs uneven?” Were the first words you hear out of her mouth. “And it looks like a few of them don’t even have any finishing coats yet.”
Her voice was small, but firm in tone. It sounded like the type that was used in professional settings or presentations. It was also the type that turned shrill when provoked.
She looks at Yoongi pointedly, awaiting his answer.
“Uh, by the way, this is Jiwon, my client. Jiwon, this is YN.”
You arched an eyebrow in realization. “Oh…hi there,” you say a little too loudly. You stuck your hand out to her, offering a handshake. Her eyes flicked down to your hand while her face remained stiff. There was a slight wince in her nose, as if she smelled something bad.
Before you withdraw your hand in embarrassment, she clasps her hand in yours to shake it gently. “Hi. Nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you, too. I’m Yoongi’s girlfriend,” you add.
She smiles tightly and proceeds with her inspection on the products.
Namjoon stands there, breaking a sweat, seemingly stuck in limbo. The tension in the room was so thick, you could cut it with a knife.
“I brought some pastries, by the way. I got you your favorite, ja–”
“That’s great. Uhm, could you just put in the kitchen? We’re a little busy here,” Yoongi says, while closely following Jiwon’s every move.
“Oh.” The shortness of his tone stung you, but you soldier on, marking your territory.
“Anyone want anything to drink? Coffee, maybe?”
“I-I’ll take one,” Namjoon says.
“What about you, Jiwon?”
“She doesn’t drink coffee,” Yoongi answers for her.
Jiwon turns her head toward you. "I'm good, thanks for the offer," she says, before continuing her inspection.
Your chest feels tight all of a sudden but you don’t make it obvious. Instead, you smile politely and leave them to do their business.
You move into the kitchen to set your box of pastries aside then set up the single-brew machine to make some coffee for Namjoon.
Distantly, you hear their conversation through the wall.
“I don’t know. I’m really disappointed in the quality. Even the upholstering is mediocre. They look and feel rushed." She narrows her eyes at him. "What’s going on?”
Yoongi nervously clears his throat. “Nothing. All that stuff's fixable,” he says evenly. "All I need is a couple more days to do it.”
“If I give you an extension, can you actually deliver on the quality this time?”
“Of course! You don’t need to worry about a thing,” he answers confidently.
“Alright," she says with a hint of reluctance. "How much time do you need? And is this going to cost me extra?”
“I’ll, uh…I’ll eat up the cost since it was an issue on my end. And regarding timing–”
“How are you gonna get this all done? Are you sure that you can do this?”
“Yes, I told you–there’s nothing to worry about. I’ll hire more guys and pay overtime. We’ll get this done for you.”
You notice how he doesn't mind calmly and patiently reassuring her multiple times, no matter how many times she asks the same question to him in different forms and verbiage. Meanwhile, he starts getting annoyed when you ask him what he wants for dinner multiple times, after deferring to you to decide.
She's seemingly satisfied with his affirmations, she relents. “Okay. I guess Namjoon and I can just circle back?” She turns to Namjoon, who nods in agreement.
All three of them walk toward the front door.
“Yeah, just call him. Or you can call me directly to follow up, too.” Yoongi offers.
“I’ll just reach out to both of you, I guess,” she answers dryly
You peek from the kitchen just in time to see her give Yoongi a lingering hug. “Thanks again, Yoongi. I really appreciate this.”
“Of course…anything for you, Jiwon.”
With that, your heart sinks to your stomach and you suddenly have the urge to vomit. You retreat into the bathroom and hurl but nothing comes out.
******
Later that evening, you were working late on the restaurant revamp contract. You had to place a call to your other supplier to make sure that their quote was still good since the client had asked for it to be adjusted, for the fifth time.
It was a good thing you’d work with this supplier for nearly a decade now. You pretty much had the owner on speed-dial.
Unfortunately, Yoongi was planning on pulling an all-nighter so he could finish one project to make fixes to the other project that he messed up.
“Jagiii!” You yell out from his bedroom, hoping he’d hear from all the loud banging he was making.
“Yeah?” he bellowed from his workshop.
“Could I just have five minutes for a phone call?”
“Can’t you just take your call outside?” He responds.
That was weird, you thought. You could, technically, take the call outside but you needed your laptop and documents in front of you in order to make changes in real-time.
You walked out of the bedroom and into his workshop. “Please? It’s only for a few minutes. I just really need to sweet-talk this supplier so I can get this contract sealed.”
“No!" he bristles. "I’m so behind on this project already. Every minute counts!”
You scoffed. “Seriously? What’s five minutes? This project’s already delayed. Not to mention that your backlog is nuts–”
He looked up at you and snapped, “Exactly! Do you think my work is easy? Do you think any of this–” he waved his arm at the room, “...is easy?”
You chuckled at his abrupt change in tone. “What the hell crawled up your ass?”
He huffed out a breath. “I’m saying, that I hate how you think that I can just chill every time and pull me away from my work–”
“Woah-woah,” you stop him right then. “I never said anything like that. I’m literally asking for five minutes and you’re here getting your panties in a twist.”
He tosses the mallet and piece of metal sheeting haphazardly on his work table. He raked his fingers through his hair in exasperation. “See, this is why I can’t get this damned thing done–”
“You can’t or won’t?”
“What?” He asks, utterly confused.
“You can’t get it done or you don’t want to get it done because you want to delay it further? Because getting it done means the end of your contract with her.” You walk away from the workshop and into the living room.
“Are we really going to argue about this again?” He asks, still standing in his workshop.
“Yes!” You say loudly from the other room.
Seconds later, you see him round the corner and join you. “Why? Why do we need to argue about this? What’s the point?”
You let out a sharp breath scowled at him. “I heard the way you talked to her! Going out of your way to pay your guys overtime, moving your whole schedule around to deliver her shit…and that goodbye hug?” You let out a pained, mocking laugh.
You held off for as long as you could but you were already deep into a jealous rage. The way he spoke so gently to her, trying to assure her that she didn’t need to stress off her order. Offering to cover the extra expenses, was too much.
“She’s a client and we just happen to have a history. So?”
His flippant comment further incensed you.
"That's the point! You have history!"
He groaned. “You're getting pissed at this? When it was pretty much the same situation from when we ran into your married guy.”
“My married g—" You scoff at him. "Now you’re turning this conversation about me? My past?”
“Well, yeah! You acted all weird when we saw what’s-his-face!” He retorts.
“Right, but in my case, that was the first time I’d seen him in a while. Have I seen him again since then? No. But you? You are working with Jiwon, day in and out!” You exclaim angrily.
“‘Call me directly…’” You say mockingly. “‘Anything for you...'”
“We have a professional relationship, okay? She is my client.”
“Couldn’t you get different clients? It’s not like you have a shortage in your backlog.” You countered.
“Jiwon has been my longtime client. I’ve made many connections because of her.”
You clenched your jaw and seethed.
“You go out to dinners and have drinks with your clients all the time! You come home late after partying all night,” he scolds.
“I am not partying!” You argue.
“Sure,” he says sarcastically.
“At least I was never engaged to any of my clients,” you countered bitterly.
He glared at you. “So she’s my ex-fiancee, big fucking deal! The operative term, being ‘ex,’ okay? What is your point here, exactly? Why are you getting all worked up about this?”
You stood up from the couch and angrily stomped toward him. “Because it hurts my feelings! And I can’t help but think that you still want her.”
“But I don’t! I love you!” He insists.
“Why do you love me?” You asked in a sudden, calmer tone.
“What?” He’s taken aback by how unreasonable and ridiculous you were sounding.
“I’m asking--Why. Do you. Love me.” You punctuate each phrase. “Why are you with me? Are you with me just to prove to yourself, or to her that you’ve moved on?”
“Why are you being like this? We’re arguing in circles here!” He yells out in frustration.
“Okay, fine. I’ll make it easier for you then. Let me ask you this–are you really over her? Because if you’re not…fuck…just tell me and we can put a stop to this craziness right now.”
“I’m with you, aren’t I? What else do you want from me?”
Heat prickled at your forehead and you start to taste bile in the back of your throat. What else do you want from me? Like he was doing you a fucking favor?
“What I really want to know from you is–why is it that my ex is a problem for you? So I ran into the guy. A guy whom I haven’t had any contact with at all since I ended things and still haven’t had contact after the fact? And yet, you expect me to be completely fine with you communicating regularly with your ex? ”
The silence is deafening as he’s despondent for a minute. At this point, the tears flow freely down your cheeks.
“Don’t you think there’s anything wrong with that?” You ask him pointedly.
“I don’t see it that way.”
It wasn’t the answer that you were expecting so you drive your point home. “And you wouldn’t consider breaking off a working relationship with your ex-fiancee even after I’ve told you that the amount of access that she has to you makes me feel insecure and uncomfortable?”
Yoongi shook his head slowly. “I just can’t drop a longtime client like that.”
“You mean you won’t drop her.”
“Please, just listen–”
“You know how I feel right now?” You interrupt him. “I feel like a shiny new thing that you’re just using to prove to yourself that you’re over her. It makes me feel like a piece of shit.”
He squeezes his eyes shut, a pained expression on his face. “You think I’m using you as a rebound? Is that it?”
“Aren’t I? Maybe you only liked me because I’m the complete opposite of her! You know, I’m loud, I like to go out…I drink…I’m fun…” You swipe at the tears that spilled out of your eyes. “I’m not the type you bring home to mom. Not the type you’d marry, right?”
“For fuck’s sake…can you stop thinking that everyone’s out to hurt you?”
“Do you really love me?” You ask him point blank.
He returns your gaze and held it there for a minute before answering. “Yes, of course I do.”
“More than you love her?”
He is dumbfounded by your question. It was unexpected but you needed to know…desperately. You needed to know to help put your fears aside. Unable to meet your gaze, he looks away.
His reticence told you that you were at an impasse. Locked in a stalemate, without any moves left.
Swallowing what felt like glass shards down your throat, you say, “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” You turn on your heel and walk off.
The next morning, you packed up your things and left.
Now…
“So who did you love more, me or Jiwon?”
Growing flustered by your invasive question, he panics. “What is this, an interrogation?”
“Oh, come on…” you say in jest. “We’re just two people having an open conversation here.”
“Are you serious?” He laughs, his gummy smile in full display. “So I really have to answer that?”
“Do I look like I’m kidding? It’s not like we have ties to each other anymore. We’ve had enough time apart, time to think things through.”
“Why do you need to know so badly?”
“Because! I feel like I’m entitled to that information,” you say in a light, joking tone. Then, you turn a bit more serious. “Also…we used to care about each other at one point in our lives. I feel that I’ve earned the right to ask.”
He shifts his weight between his feet, taking a sip of his drink–you hoped–would help give him the extra push to answer. Except, he doesn’t and instead grins shyly.
“Still no answer, Mr. Min? Alright, fine!” You raise your hands in defeat. “I’ll give you easier one.” You cleared your throat. “Are you still scared?”
He finds your question humorous. “Scared of what?” He clarifies.
“Repeating the whole process. To start from scratch again–the whole getting to know one another…falling in love…only to be faced with the possibility of it not working out. We talked about that a long time ago, remember?”
His face visibly relaxed. “I do…very clearly, in fact, now that you mention it.”
“And?”
He moistened his lips and stared straight at you. “The truth is, I'm not afraid to take that gamble anymore...in the off-chance that I get lucky again and feel the way I felt when I was with you. I'd happily make that bet over and over.”
You feel your throat tighten in an instant. Your mouth opens to suck in a sharp breath. “Damn.” You start to fan yourself…now you were all flustered.
He kept his eyes on you. They wordlessly profess everything he’s been feeling all those years that you spent apart.
“And I agree that you’re entitled to know that I loved you more.”
You were at a loss. All that pomp and confidence that you felt had shriveled up at his confession.
“Well, you asked. So there you go.”
You laughed. “I know…I deserved that,” you say uncomfortably.
Your speechlessness makes him smirk triumphantly, making you both chuckle and effectively breaking the tension.
From a distance, the music fades under the chatter while Namjoon’s voice booms through the microphone. “Good evening, everybody!”
You and Yoongi turn your attention to the middle of the room, where Namjoon stood along with Hyejin.
“I just wanted to thank you all for coming out tonight. I’m so happy that I have great friends and partners who are huge supporters of local art. We have so much talent here that we need to foster and grow. I’m glad that we have a space to promote this art so that other people can familarize themselves with it and appreciate it as well. I’d like to thank my friends who have enabled me and listen to me whine about this concept for years–it’s finally happening! And of course, my fiancee–Hyejin…baby, thank you for being patient with me and supporting my dream. I love you so much!” The crowd gushes as he pulls her in for a sweet kiss.
“And with that, let’s keep this party going, huh?” Namjoon hands the microphone back to the DJ and the music swells once more.
Yoongi turns to you suddenly. “Do you want to dance?”
You laugh, “Seriously?”
“Why not? It’s the least you can do for me after I bared my soul to you,” he says.
You roll your eyes playfully at him. “Alright! Just one song,” you say to him.
You both make your way to the makeshift dancefloor and start bobbing your head to the beat. You sway your hips to the music while you both sing along to a song familiar to both of you.
As the music plays on, the crowd gathers around you, pushing you closer together.
Although you are hyper-aware of his presence and proximity, you continue to dance to the beat. You vaguely feel his hand on the small of your back, in a sort of protective stance while the crowd closes in. At a certain point, your hips were nearly fused together, and your faces were mere inches away.
And there it was, that familiar scent of pine and citrus. The memories you had locked away years ago had resurfaced once more–coming at you in a flash while you stared into his eyes. You felt yourself fall deeper into them. The inches between you decreased…and soon enough, the tips of your noses brushed against each other.
Then, you unexpectedly jump, startled at the sound and feel of your phone blaring from your pocket. You fish it out to see the name ‘Wooyoung’ flashing on the screen.
You decline the call but send a text message, saying that it was a little loud and that you’d call back.
You back away from Yoongi, suddenly desperate to enforce some distance between you two lest you completely lose the last shred of self-control that you were clinging onto.
Once you were finally away from the crowd and into a more open, quiet space, you say to him apologetically, “I have to go.”
He pursed his lips as if trying to hold himself back from saying something. You stand there, waiting and wondering if he would change his mind and just come out with it.
After a few beats of silence, he forces his mouth into a smile, then nods. “Alright,” he says simply.
You blinked slowly. It was a pathetic effort at a reality check for you. He said the right words and gave you the absolute closure that you needed for your relationship. A small part of you wondered what would have happened if Wooyoung hadn’t tried to call you. Would you have gone in all the way to kiss him?
Sadly, it didn’t work out that way so you’ll never know. “It was good to see you.” Your smile didn’t reach your eyes.
“Yeah…” he breathed out. “It was good to see you, too.”
“Well…I guess this is goodbye.”
You don’t wait for him to respond and instead, you turn on your heel and walk toward the exit. You tried to search around for Hyejin and Namjoon to say your ‘goodbyes’ but they looked like they were deep in conversation with another patron. You decide to shoot her a text when you got to your car instead.
Once you step out and the cool air hits you, you release one, big breath that you felt that you were onto for so long.
******
You sat alone in your car, contemplating the events that just unfolded minutes ago. You never thought you’d see him again–never. But, as fate would have it, your best friends managed to link up. How fucked up was that?
Your phone pinged, signaling a text. You lift the screen to your line of vision, seeing a name that was suddenly unfamiliar to you, with a text that said, ‘Headed to the restaurant now. Can’t wait to see you.’
You face falters at the promise. You sighed and leaned against your car’s headrest and closed your eyes.
What was he trying to pull back there? Making you yearn with all that talk about risking it all just to get a chance with you again. Who talks like that in real life?
Two knocks to your driver-side window startle you back into reality. You glanced over and see his cat-like features peeking through the glass.
You roll your window down and try to sound as casual as possible. “Hey! What’s up?”
He smiles shyly. “I…walked around the parking lot out back then down the block, hoping to still catch you.”
“Oh?” Your voice goes up slightly. “Haven’t had enough of me yet?” You tease him.
He chuckled at your cheekiness. “Yeah,” he sighed heavily, “I... didn’t like how we left things back there. You just ran off.”
You were incredulous. “Really? I thought we were good. I didn’t see anything wrong about the whole exchange. I said goodbye–”
“Yeah, exactly that,” he cuts you off. “You said ‘goodbye’.”
You chuckle awkwardly, confused by his remark. “Isn’t that what you’re supposed to say when you leave?”
“I know that but…I didn’t want you to leave.”
Your stomach does somersaults. You close your eyes for a second to internally smack yourself in an effort to keep it together. “Uhm…I…I don’t…I d–” You stutter.
“I didn’t want you leave.” He repeats firmly. “I can’t let you walk away from me again.”
“Y-Yoongi–”
“I fucked up. I should have gone after you that day.”
You feel your nose start to sting so you swallow thickly and grip your steering wheel tightly. Yes, you wished that he had called you or stopped you from leaving. But after enough time had past, you just thought that whatever he believed then was stronger than how he felt for you. Thinking about it more, you didn’t reach out to call him either to talk things through. At the end of the day, you just thought that it wasn’t meant to be.
“We weren’t good for each other then.”
“Because it wasn’t the right time for us then. We both had shit to work though–I know I did. And I realized that I’d rather do this with you than anybody else.”
You inhale sharply, trying to choke back the tears while hanging onto your last shred of self-preservation. “You hurt me,” you barely whisper.
At this point, he crouches by the driver-side door. “I know. And I’m truly sorry for what I did. I can’t change my actions or my words from that day and that’s something that I’ll never live down. But I promise to make it up to you this time…if you’ll let me.”
You rubbed your eyes in annoyance. You were incredibly frustrated with him and frustrated at the thought that was another man who was excitedly awaiting your arrival at a restaurant a few miles away. You even jokingly imposed a stupid 5-date rule before sleeping with him, but he respected your decision and you liked that about him.
Tonight was the fifth date. The night he was expected to seal the deal with you–and yet, here you were with your ex, seemingly at a stand-off.
You look straight into his eyes. “I don’t think it’s fair that you would back me into a corner like this. That’s just not–”
“I’m…I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to lose my chance again. For the longest time, I kept telling myself that if the opportunity presented itself, I would take it. And tonight…I…I just didn’t expect tonight to happen. And I know that you have plans but…I just knew that if I let this moment pass again, then I’m no better for it.”
You pursed your lips, unsure of what to say to him even though a thousand thoughts were running through your head.
“What do you want me to do? What are you asking from me?” It was all you could manage to cobble up. You were a mixture of confusion and irritation. You just wanted him to be straight with you.
“I want another chance. I want to give us another shot because…I still love you.”
At that point, his admission pushes your tears off the brim.
“Please don’t cry. I don’t mean to make you sad. I just wanted to tell you the truth. I’ve been miserable without you.”
You waited so long to hear him say those words. For a while, you agonized at the thought, wondering if he actually ever loved you. If you were even someone worth choosing.
“Why tell me now after all this time has passed?”
“I couldn’t love you as the old me then. The old me who let you down and made half-ass promises. I had to get myself together.”
“Oh, so now you’re ready?” You ask sarcastically, swiping at your cheeks.
He stares at you earnestly. “Yes,” he says firmly. “It took me some time to realize that I was being stubborn. I thought that I didn’t need to change anything because I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong. And it took me that whole time to really get what you were trying to say to me….what you asked me to do for you.”
You let out a chuckle. “I’ve had plenty of time to think about that, too and realized that I was being unreasonable back then.”
“Maybe. But…the more I thought about it, I realized that you were asking me for assurance and I refused give it to you…when I really should have.”
“Look, I shouldn’t have questioned the way you ran your business,” you demurred. “I crossed a line—���
“But that wasn’t it, though,” He insists. “In reality, there was no other logical reason as to why I kept a longstanding contract with Jiwon. I was trying to torture myself because I believed that I could totally look past that history and keep it strictly professional.”
Years ago, you would have pointed and laughed at him, and done a victory lap on your vindication.
“I was completely delusional back then and I needed time to figure the rest of my shit out.”
“And have you?” You ask him.
“Yeah, I have…and I found out that I still very much have trouble letting go of the past,” he concluded wryly.
You both chuckle at his honesty. Minutes ago, you had your hand on the ignition, ready to leave him…again.
“Yoongi…”
“I know, I know…I have the worst timing,” he says ironically.
It was the understatement of the century. When you walked out of your door earlier tonight, you had no idea that you’d run into Yoongi, much less receive a proposition from him.
You couldn’t argue against the fact that he hurt you badly last time. You wanted him to go after you when you walked out on him…But just the same, you had to work through your own issues, too. The time apart was necessary to do some growing.
Truth be told, you were perfectly fine at the start of the evening. You were having fun, taking trips down memory lane.
But there was always something about him. Something that no amount of time or distance would fully make you understand the hold that he had on you.
You had moved on from past lovers without incident. But you fell for Yoongi so deeply in the shortest amount of time. When it all ended, you wondered every now and then, whether the untapped potential of your relationship was what made that ache linger…or perhaps it was just him.
The tension is broken when your phone rings again. You glance at the screen and it was what-his-face’s name flashing.
You look up at Yoongi, whose face falters slightly but he relaxed his shoulders and stood up from his crouched position. He still bends down a little, leaning on the window frame.
“I know you have somewhere to be so…I guess I’ll just leave it at that. You can call me…or whatever. I just didn’t want to let this moment pass without getting that off my chest.”
You sighed heavily at the option he’s left you with. You glance at the missed call notification that flashed on your screen.
“Please get home safely, okay?” He taps his palm on the roof of your car softly and with a soft nod, he begins to walk back to the venue.
You were torn–torn by the sound of the unheard message alert that sat in your voice mailbox and Yoongi’s fading footfalls.
But deep down, you already knew what you wanted. Your mind and heart had already decided for you the second that you saw him from across the room this evening.
Now, all you had to do was propel your body to physically execute that decision.
You swipe at your phone screen to make the notification disappear then push your car door open.
“Yoongi, wait!”#
◤Part 1 | Main Fic Masterlist
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