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#I guess I know what my main insecurity is and writing some long convoluted thing to avoid just acknowledging my fear is illogical
neon-rope · 1 year
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I love when I write a really long thing that’s extremely hard to articulate and pour my heart out and tumblr glitches and deletes the whole fucking thing
#now I’m crying for a different reason 😞#ughhh I’m so frustrated#I just wanted some very specific validation and reassurance but I don’t have it in me to attempt to write that a second time 😓#i guess I need to just stick to the notes app and stop seeking external validation in the first place#because I feel wholly inadequate to articulate what it is I even want to hear#I guess I know what my main insecurity is and writing some long convoluted thing to avoid just acknowledging my fear is illogical#but I’m too anxious and self conscious to admit to it now#i just have some vague sense of what I want to be told#it’s stupid I feel self conscious about the whole endeavor now#I’ll just table this here cause it’s pointless and I feel burdensome for being needy lately#but tomorrow will be a good day at least#I’m possibly going to bake weed edibles with the bestie Aaron all day tomorrow#I’m really excited 🥺 he’s been an absolute angel to me I missed him so much#I gave him some of that greek salad I made and he always compliments my food in the nicest way 🥰🥰#and the other day I was stoned and rambling at him and he is always such a good listener even when in#even when I’m literally high af and giving a Ted talk on random subjects a mike a minute#and then he reassures me he likes listening and that I’m smart & he learns things & that my random soapboxes are informative & valuable 🥺#I’m so happy I have y’all and him#he really is the best listener 🥺#and I love him so much
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extorchic · 3 years
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TOP 5 SK8 Episodes
So I got tagged by @akira-cr to make this list, it took some time but I think I've sorted out my mind, thank you for considering me 😊. Now here comes the list, sorry if it's supposd to be objective, but I'm gonna let my heart out over here (It's gonna be a long post and I'm not gonna cut it ):
NUMBER 5 - Episode 6 - Steamy Mystery Skating?! (A.K.A. The beach episode 🏊‍♂️)
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Well this is supposed to be "breather" episode, and it's basically the one that sold the series to me. I like how fun and chill this episode is, although it does (further) foreshadow Reki's insecurity issues. The music is of course SUBLIME! "Seize the Moment" is probably my favorite insert song of all time! (it's been present in Reki's beefs as well, but here it really reflects the fun nature of his character and the show overall). And of coruse, FANSERVICE, not so much in how the boys were in swimsuits (though I gotta admit Reki does look good in them), but on the RENGA interactions!
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That hug gave me life! How Langa was worried 24/7 about Reki being injured, at the end when they skated together to escape from the Bantu! I gotta admit that I have some mixed feelings about the implications of Reki being attracted to the faceless girl (I mean, Bi rep is very important too), but I guess my shipping side was just as jelaous as Langa was supposed to be (according to the fans LOL).
NUMBER 4 - Episode 11 - King vs. Nobody (A.K.A. Reki rising! ✨🌺🌞⚙️)
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Reki is, without a doubt, my favorite character. He doesn't need to win, he doesn't need to be super flashy while skating, he just needs to be himself. He's been through a lot, many people (including me) have felt tremendously related to him, and seeing him in this episode is just satisfying. With his issues behind, with a promise to skate with Langa after he wins and no longer fearful, Reki rematches against Adam; and the way he does is fantastic! Taking advantage of his creativity, observative skills and mechanical knowledge on skateboarding, he faces up against the main boss and manages to not only endure his violent ways (which were gruelling to see, TBH), but also SOUNDLY HUMILIATE HIM in front of the whole S Community!
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Yes, Adam, the "God of S", in the ground covered in mud by a boy almost everyone dissmissed! It was really sunshine through rainfall! I must also add how much I liked to see his renewed relationship with Langa, how much they treasure their company after patching up. I want to elaborate on this in its own post but I personally see that their interactions from this point on are more, I don't know, tender, caring, still playful but not in an entirely comedic way. The way they see each other is also deeper, anyway, it's just what I see.
NUMBER 3 - A DRAW: Episode 8 - The Fated Tournament! and Episode 9 - We Were Special Back Then (A.K.A. The month in which I was in an emotional crisis because of anime sk8t3r b0is 🍎🐍😭🛹❄🍵🌸 )
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This is the point in which I got into the show, and the fandom (Yeah, haven't been around for too long). At this point the show wasn't the same, and I realized it when I caught up. Though there were some cool skating scenes in these episodes, the events that caught my attention were outside the road (Yeah, this was no longer just a skateboard anime, it's a whole lot more). Though I had been mainly focusing on Reki and Langa, I really liked having more backstory related to Joe, Cherry, Adam and Tadashi. Seeing how Adam went through a terrible childhood, convoluted teeange years to culminate in an adult with too much power for his own good and a twisted sense of "love", along with some extremely serious psychological issues was very interesting.
I acknowldge him as a complex villain, but that DOES NOT justify what he did to Cherry. This only proves that just because we know his backstory, we don't have to sympathize with him (Adam's just such a terrible person). On the RENGA side, we see Reki avoiding Langa after their rift, and how this affected both. We have Langa's sadness increase scene after scene, as well as his passion for skating dwindling as progressively. Reki on the other hand, just falls deeper and deeper in his depression, but also being unable to stop thinking about Langa, and he ends up going to S to see the latter's match against Joe. It's hard to see whether there's envy, jelaousness, frustration, admiration, pining or fear of being left behind in his mind. It must have been hard for a 17 y/o.
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Reki also defends Langa from people speaking behind his back and shouting his name during the race boosts Langa's performance tremendously. This culminates on Reki realizing that the thing he actually wanted was to skate alongside Langa, not on the side, not as support, but together, he just couldn't. There's also the scene which may or may not confirm that Langa's feelings for Reki are more than just friendship! (Felt represented, for reals).
NUMBER 2 - Episode 7 - We Don't Balance Out (A.K.A. This was supposed to be a fun show!😭⛈️💔️)
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I wrote a lot about the episodes in the previous spot, but this is the one that flipped the tables, the game-changer, and the one that hit closer home. It is a sad episode, no races there, it's just here for us to see how the circumstances affect the characters. It was hard to see how Reki, who at this point had been nothing but supportive and proud of Langa, starts to see him flying farther from him. Is it jealousness? Dissatisfaction? Is it fear of loneliness? Adbandoment issues? Is it feeling inferior? Frustration? Not being able to improve? Admiration? Care?
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And on top of that a broken promise. I just can't imagine how hard is it for a 17 y/o to deal with all of those conflicting issues in his head, as well as the toxic competitive environment on the "S Community". This just came to show that he wasn't just the excitable, goofy sidekick character, he goes deeper than that, and makes him relatable. We also see a deconstruction of the cool, aloof prodigious character in Langa, as he just can't comprehend what's going on with Reki, and he's hurt by it, but still needs to figure out his own ambitions and desries. This leads to the emotional conclusion of the episode (which in turn left me in the aforementioned 4-week-long emotional crisis, thank you)
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Episode 12 - Our Infinity! - The race was cool, the Renga hug gave me life and everyone had a happy ending
Episode 5 - Passionate Dancing Night! - Despite the beef between Langa and Adam being cool, we start to see Reki worrying about Langa and opening up to him, further deepening their bond.
Episode 2 - Awesome for the First Time! - There's just something special about sharing something you're passionate about with someone else. Watching Reki teaching Langa the basics of skateboarding was heartwarming
NUMBER 1 - Episode 10 - DAP Not Needing Words
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After 4 weeks waiting, the anticipation for this episode was gargantuan. Reki's depression was hitting its lowest point, bordering in self-harm, and hurting others as well. Langa continues to look for Reki after seeing him briefly at the hospital while visiting Shadow and we get to see this loving scene where he watches videos of Reki learining how to skate. After confronting Tadashi and realizing that he loves skating because it's fun, he returns home to find out that Langa had been waiting for him but left shortly before he arrived.
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This leads to a heartful reunion, where words can't express their feelings, so they resort to do their thing, to skate, and that's where the feelings flow. This is when Langa tells Reki how he admires him tremendously and Reki understands that Langa'll be there by his side, and leaves his fears behind. With a mutual desire to skate together infinetely and a new dap, they rekindle their bond. People watched this show for different reasons, and though I like the skateboarding aspect because it looks cool, my interest leans more on the relationship aspect, and Reki and Langa's is so deep and intimate, and I liked seeing it grow from zero through different hardships (in other words, in all of the years I've been in a fandom, I had never shipped any other pair like these two, I needed to say that).
So I guess it's time to tag some people:
@pico-sour, @sleebycryptid, @elizabethslee, @itsamole, @kaorucherry, @blueflame97, @trieizieme, @tardiskitten, @lady-pendragon-9
So, if you've read until this point, thank you very much (I know it's not supposed to, but this post is yet again a very long "I love Renga" one, but it's what my heart wanted me to write 😅). I'd love to see people other than the ones I tagged showing their lists 😃
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anneapocalypse · 6 years
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RvB 16.04
Episodes continue to be right in the ten minute range, about the same as last season, so if Joe’s journal still holds true, we can probably expect some pretty long eps in the back half of the season.
I really enjoyed this one. I’m especially thrilled that I was right about Tucker and Kaikaina and the stable time loop! :D My extra-convoluted sub-theory didn’t pan out, but Tucker did indeed cockblock himself and I’ll take it.
Joe’s Tucker writing has been hit or miss, but his Kaikaina writing has been about 95% slam dunk, and I am absolutely loving her presence this season, with so much personality and even character development. It was very cool to hear why she decided to take a break from the music festival business for a while, and to see her and Tucker share a relatable moment of wishing things could just be simple again. I really loved that.
I also couldn’t be happier that everything between Tucker and Kai this episode supports the way I have long seen Tucker in Blood Gulch: young and a little insecure, a little overeager to prove himself and be liked, and underneath all his swagger, a little nervous. I love that he says, “I’m basically the new Church.” Tucker thought Church was cool! He saw Church as someone to aspire to!
And he bungled what was possibly his first attempt at having sex, because he got nervous that he was being watched! “Thanks for the... tip” might be the greatest pun in RvB history. Also, “You wanted a slice!” because slice... pizza... heh... get it... both of the Grifs want a slice... yep.
We also learned that Tucker’s mother is dead, which gave me a sad.
And Tucker is now also a teamkiller, which is about par for the course for Blue Team and time travel.
(Incidentally, it’s not RT’s fault but god the shoulder emblems are ugly. At least present!Tucker actually looks teal again in Blood Gulch.)
Sarge’s cavernous lack of self-awareness is alive and well, as it should be. This episode seems to confirm that the battle of Broken Ridge was in fact a Red vs. Blue battle, not a Human vs. Covenant battle. So Sarge managed to get himself a demotion in a sim trooper battle. That’s... fairly impressive.
I’m liking the Grif and Doc interactions a lot. Poor Grif deserves all the pizza. And hey, Doc managed to save Grif from his own grenade, meaning that Doc has technically saved another life!
Which brings me to... have Grif and Doc just traveled in time, or have they hopped universes? Because for pizza to never exist in their universe, someone would’ve had to go back and change the past, and everything points to that being impossible due to the Law of Stable Time Loops. So the only explanation is they accidentally jumped to another universe where pizza was never invented. Which certainly does complicate this storyline further!
Oh, and we’ve now learned that Grif was in college and dropped out right before he enlisted. There’s Word of God from Geoff that Grif was drafted, though I’m not sure if that’s ever confirmed in canon material (the word “draft” doesn’t show up at all in a roostertooths search, and it’s not in the book either; I checked). It’s not necessarily incompatible with this new information, though. Being enrolled in college can get you a deferment from the draft in some cases, so it’s possible Grif dropped out knowing he would have to enlist if he quit school. Maybe he had a reason to think the military couldn’t be worse than his final exams. 
And well, thanks Doc for lampshading the problem with a time travel plot I guess. You all know how I feel about that lampshading thing when it’s to the effect of just highlighting narrative issues instead of solving them. At least Grif’s response is in-character for him. It’s other characters I have questions about.
Speaking of which, remember Tucker’s mom? His exact words were: “Before she died, my mama always said, ‘You can’t unwind the clock.’ Wait ‘til she sees my time machine!” What if Tucker’s planning on going back to see his mother? What if he’s planning to try and save his mother?
Ouch.
And therein, I think, we’ve found the real reason Joe felt it necessary to get Carolina offscreen. There is no character on this show with more personal regrets, more things she wishes she had done differently, more people she feels personally responsible for not saving. (And don’t tell me “Wash.” Wash might have the same number of dead friends but Wash has never felt the kind of personal responsibility and shouldered the kind of blame for his past that Carolina does.) You hand a time machine with seemingly unlimited power to Carolina and what will she do? Go back and try to save the rest of the Freelancers? Try to warn the ones Temple killed? Try to save her mother, for crying out loud? You can’t tell me none of that would at least occur to her.
With the Blood Gulch characters, and even with Wash, it’s much easier to play off the serious implications of things for laughs. With Carolina it’s always more difficult to do that. 
But damn it, she’s part of the main cast now and she has been for years and I wish the writers would do the work of finding a way to integrate her into their stories successfully from the start, rather than just writing her out for half the plot because it’s too much work and they can’t be bothered.
That part really burns my bacon, to be honest.
Nevertheless, I did enjoy this episode and I look forward to seeing where we go next.
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larksinging · 6 years
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@nerdramblings101 replied to your post “diaz is a terrible villain and it’s a shame they’re using laurel being...”
What makes Diaz a terrible villain?
okay, so. diaz is just badly written. i think it comes down to two major points: he is badly set up, and he isn’t memorable enough 
up until cayden james dies, which is about halfway through the season, diaz is just kind of... nobody? he had that one episode with a plotline about drugs and diggle, though that doesn’t read as “setting up the main villain” as much as “here’s a throwaway villain for an episode developing diggs more!”. like what if you’re watching s2 and it turns out the clock guy from the episode about felicity feeling insecure ended up being the big bad? yeah
and even after his first introduction, before he usurps cayden james, he doesn’t really... do anything? he’s just kind of in james’ little villain group and has an occasional comment. it’s not that hard to figure out that he’s the one that framed oliver, since black siren makes no sense and it’s more likely than anatoly. either way, he goes from “idk random guy” to “oh that’s the season’s big bad” 
that never happens? or at least, you never get bait and switch villains in this season. in s1, you don’t really figure it out until a ways in, but you know there’s something tying the list together and malcolm’s being established as a character early on. in s2, slade is established in flashbacks before he shows up, and his sub-villains do stuff earlier on that build him up. s3 is a bit convoluted, but ra’s is already a figure we know and the league is built up as a threat for a long time. s4 it’s clear early on, s5 you know prometheus is a problem early on even if you don’t know who. but s6 goes “the villain is cayden james-- jk, it’s this guy.” what? especially because cayden james doesn’t built to diaz in any way. he’s not a similar type of villain. nothing that happens with cayden james really matters to diaz and his plan, except getting oliver arrested i guess? 
let me talk about cayden james. he’s established as a character in s5, so we know already he exists. his motivations are clear, if kind of generic: he wants revenge on oliver for his son’s death! he is calm and kind of pretentious in a way that’s a little different from past villains. he’s a hacker, which is a different skillset than previous villains, and they have a couple ways to show off that being dangerous. they have a good actor for him who sells it. he’s nothing amazing but he’s a solid enough villain. 
and then there’s.... diaz. his motivation is ??? idk power i guess? he had a rough life and was bullied as a kid and now he has to do macho posturing. he shows up pretty much out of nowhere. he’s kind of a typical “acts calm but really unstable” criminal villain character. his skills are ??? crime, and being extremely violent. his actor is.... well, i hate to knock on the actors, and i don’t know if it’s the acting or directing, but he doesn’t match up to the raw screen presence that other villains had. 
his villain episode was decent at showing just how extreme he is, but it’s so late in the season that it feels weird. imagine, establishing your villain and setting him up as scary in the 19th of 23 episodes. and then they have a lot of characters be a mouthpeice to how scary and strong he is without... really showing it. before it happened mostly with the cop characters, but now anatoly and laurel are being used for that. 
also i don’t want to get into it too much, but there’s nothing really sympathetic about diaz, at least imo. dude’s a complete monster. he’s toxic masculinity embodied, and maybe they could’ve worked with that, but they only occasionally bring up that take by having laurel be like “yikes”. the comparisons to zoom are actually kind of apt, because like zoom he’s an abusive monster, but unlike zoom he’s... just some dude? he some money, i guess. 
we keep being told he’s “not just a thug”, but why isn’t he? what makes him so special? i can suspend my disbelief to believe that a hacker could pose a problem for team arrow, or someone psychological like chase could cause problems. but some crime lord is grinding team arrow, who beat the league of assassins, who beat literally magic damien darhk, to a halt? uh. i think this is a big part of the problem, and seeing people be skeptical that he’s a legit threat is a common take in the fandom rn. generally, when there’s an issue of people feeling it doesn’t make sense for a character to be beaten by another character, that’s a suspension of disbelief problem. s6 hasn’t established reasonable suspension of disbelief with diaz 
this problem could stem from a lot of place, and it’s not the only problem with s6, but honestly if i had to take a wild guess i’d point to: maybe things are kind of chaotic behind the scenes, with how many things have changed or will change, OR that being the first season without flashbacks, the show is kind of at a loss on how to write itself without them. 
tl;dr diaz basically burst in halfway through the season and said “hello i have toxic masculinity, i’m you’re new villain” and everyone went “uh”. his powers include “manipulating black siren to work for him” and “twisting the writing for plot’s sake” 
(though that being said, that doesn’t make laurel suddenly “weak” for being afraid of him. she’s being used as a bit of a mouthpeice, but that doesn’t excuse gross rhetoric that can be really harmful against abuse victims. in the situation she’s in, her reaction makes sense. it’s just that the larger situation is bad writing, and so this all is a mess)
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