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#I don't miss that job but sometimes I miss the Wacky Hijinks
hannahwashington · 19 days
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Ok here is an official Ice Age ranking
Rankings + Explanations under the cut, starting from best going to worst. As always, this is all my own opinion, and you are free to disagree.
1. Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
This is heavily biased but also I think Ice Age 3 has the perfect balance between completely wacky and actual heartfelt moments in an Ice Age movie. It didn't go totally overboard, and Buck is a wonderful addition to the series. Who can forget the story about how he lost his eye? Simon Pegg absolutely chewed this role up, and he really makes the movie what it is.
Ellie isn't sidelined because she's pregnant, she's allowed to be badass, and Manny learns some important lessons about not always being the protector. One thing that sticks with me is that Manny misses the moment Peaches is born (only Diego is there). I know that can be, like, a huge thing for some people, but even so, he sees his kid and feels nothing but love and relief. He doesn't feel emasculated by having his best friend there instead of him or resentment for missing that moment or some other petty bullshit. It didn't matter to him, what mattered was that his family was safe. That fucking gets me, y'know? I think that's the perfect encapsulation of what he had to learn - like I said, that he can't always be the protector, but also that he can rely on others when the going gets tough and he can't be there or can't do anything. It's important to show that, I think. D'you get me? You get me.
As much as Scratte's existence is, like, a meme, her and Scrat's sideplot was great, too. The tango? The fucking tango? Hello? I love the tango. The tango is great. And so is the "Alone Again" sequence, it leaves me in stitches. Having the acorn be like an actual character was a great choice in this case.
Finally, it's very visually distinct to the other movies thanks to its new setting, and it actually goes out of its way to give us really cool shots sometimes (see Buck's story). It really sets itself apart from the other movies. Also, how can you beat fucking dinosaurs!? Living under the ice!? Still the coolest shit. AND, the cover of Walk the Dinosaur is STILL the best credits song in the series.
2. Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
This one is simply a treat. It's an amazing follow-up to the first movie - it's got higher stakes, more energy, and more funny moments, and rounds out the herd with Ellie and the possums. Queen Latifah does her job voicing Ellie perfectly, and she's a GREAT character. Beyond that, it absolutely nails the emotional moments, too. Goodnight Sweet Possums is just... it's such a great scene, scored wonderfully. Hell, this is probably the most iconic Ice Age movie. Food Glorious Food? Sid's Sing-A-Long? Hell yeah. And... God, that scene at the end, with all the mammoths? Chills. Chills every time. Even so, I feel like it doesn't quite hit that line of greatness 3 did. I'm blaming Crash and Eddie. I don't really like Crash and Eddie. Also, this a total aside, but the ending sequence with Scrat in heaven haunts me to this day. It's the worst I feel for him. Anyway.
3. Ice Age
I could never hate this movie. It's unique in the series for being the most serious of them all. And, it gave Blue Sky its big break (RIP, hope Disney dies now and forever). Really, its biggest crime is that it's just boring in comparison to the sequels. There are gags and hijinks and the whole dodo sequence, but everyone is way more serious. The plot is way more serious. I mean, the saber-tooth tigers wanted to kill the baby! That's fucked up! And it's different to the monsters in 2 and the dinos in 3 because they were thinking, plotting, all of that jazz. Also, it gives very solid foundations for all of the characters, which I think helps make the next couple of sequels so strong. Overall, not that much to say! It's Ice Age 1. The opening travel music is a total bop, and, of course, everyone knows Send Me On My Way. It's just a solid movie.
4. Ice Age 5: Collision Course
I went into this one expecting it to be absolute dogshit, given it's the last numbered sequel in the series. But it's... actually pretty good? My biggest gripe is that the feathered dinosaur side plot didn't really add anything substantial and could've been done away with. Like 3, it really embraced how ridiculous the plot was and did it pretty well, imo. Buck is back! Peaches' fiancée is GREAT, and bringing back everything to focus heavily on the actual herd and its dynamics was a very smart move. The pop culture references date the movie, though. Also there is a Jessie J sloth. Who is also a GILF. Scrat's plot turns into straight up hody horror at some moments. The song at the end of the movie is pretty good, though. Anyway, sure, it's obviously not the best movie ever, and it's totally ridiculous, but I'm glad I gave it shot.
5. Ice Age 4: Continental Drift
I just... ugh. I'm gonna be honest, when I was younger I watched this one over and over, and I don't know if I made myself sick of it, or if I wisened up when I got older, but this just... sucks. Separating the herd was a horrible choice. The plot on the mainland with Ellie and Peaches is TERRIBLE, which sucks because you go in excited to meet Peaches properly. Sidelining Ellie to begin with was a horrible idea, since we KNOW she's a badass, and having her in on the pirate plot could've ruled. Also, jumping from baby Peaches in 3 to teenage Peaches in 4 was a bad move. I think an adventure with a younger Peaches could've worked better. Generally, separating the mammoth family was really not a good idea.
Well, I can give this movie one thing. It gave us Diego and Sid kissing. And they LIKED IT.
Speaking of mammoths! Every single mammoth celebrity voice actor seemed to be chosen exclusively for the song at the end of the movie. Which would've been fine if the song didn't suck with all of them included, it's like a cacophany of chaos. The version with just Keke Palmer is so much better. That's just me though. Also Josh Gad was a fucking rat and I hated his incel ass, so glad he wasn't in 5. AND, the plotline involving the other mammoths sucked sucked sucked sucked SUUUUCKED. I don't know how exactly we'd do a plotline about Peaches wanting to fit in (then realising she and her wacky family is fine just the way it is), but this was NOT it. This would have been a better story to do after a movie has been made with a younger Peaches, after we become very familiar with her dynamic with everyone in the herd, especially Manny and Ellie. Generally having a movie like that between 3 and 4 would have prevented a lot of the issues - such as separating the mammoth family.
Overall, the pirate plotline should have been the main focus, especially because that way we could have gotten more Peter Dinklage. The pirates were sorely underutilised, which is such a shame, because they were a very interesting addition to the story.
If you'e gotten this far, thanks for reading my ramblings on this series!
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