Stalkeyes’ Esoteric Gravity Falls Headcanons

I know this seems like an odd post for Xmas times, but this is something I’ve wanted to write for a while. I noticed a lot of my headcanons are kinda at-odds with what is often assumed in other people’s writing - sometimes by design, other times not - so I’mma just list a bunch. (And some of these might not be that uncommon, but we shall see) :V

Dipper & Pacifica break off their relationship in their teens after realizing it lacks the same spark it used to, and their ambitions are too different. Dip & Paz are amicable exes. She moves on to Wendy later.

Soos & Melody don’t get married until years after the show.

Mabel is aroace. She never gets married or has kids. Her love-crazy phase in the show was mostly brought on by her outside perception of romance, as seen in age-inappropriate romance novels and 80s animated high school flicks.

As an adult, Mabel is taller than basically everyone except Wendy, and is also built like a brick house (and quite chubby, to boot). Dipper is certainly no stringbean, either. ‘Skinny’ and ‘slender’ do not exist in the Pines family.

Dip & Mabs’ Pines parent is their mother, not their father.

On that note, their parents are just as weird as the rest of the Pineses, they just tend not to show it in public. Their kids and their college friends are the only ones who know the true extent of their weird side. They’re a bit more open about it after the show, though.

Dipper used up all his puberty on his voice, which means it barely changes when he gets older. I mean, it is pretty close to Jason Ritter’s natural voice, I would say.

Wendy is trans. When she was barely old enough to talk, she told her parents ‘I wanna be a girl!’ and then her mom was like ‘okay then!’ and from that day forward she was a girl. She dreaded going out to the logging camp because it was in a less-tolerant part of the state.

As an adult, Dipper introduces himself as ‘Mason’ when meeting new people; only after they’ve known him for a while do they earn the privilege to call him ‘Dipper’. Or ‘Diprivileges’ as Mabel calls them.

Both Filbrick Pines and Preston Northwest aren’t as tough as they like to appear. Filbrick was easily annoyed by basically anything, in direct opposition to his stoic image, yet was intimidated by his wife’s family. Caryn and Shermie both made it their mission to stop him from getting himself beat up or killed later in life by saying/doing something stupid. As for Preston, his wealth and influence were on the decline years before Weirdmageddon thanks to a string of bad investments, and he avoids his fellow rich people because they make fun of him. He regularly has breakdowns about how ‘destitute’ the Northwests are now because they can only afford one luxury yacht, and were recently disqualified from being part of 1%. Still in the 2%, though.