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jimlingss · 4 years

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The Colour of Our Voices [1]

Chapter 1 - Chapter 1.5 OR Chapter 2

➜ Words: 3.3k

➜ Genres: 98% Fluff, 2% Angst, Slice of Life, Broadway!AU

➜ Summary: He wasn’t supposed to hear. He wasn't supposed to know. But the instant Jimin came into your life and pulled the curtains back, you couldn't hide backstage anymore. You were no longer merely a phantom of the opera.

➜ Notes: I’m so excited to finally share this series. I’m pretty satisfied with how it turned out, so get ready for a rollercoaster, y’all.

cr.

The moving truck wakes you. It’s deafening. You can hear the slow ‘beep, beep, beep’ of the vehicle backing up. With one eye open, you grab your phone to check the time. It’s ten minutes before your alarm.

You begrudgingly rise, getting ready for the day and humming while you brush your teeth to warm up your throat. You change your clothes, then eat cereal in silence at your kitchen counter. Once you’re ready, you leave. But not two steps out your door are you clumsily tripping over a cardboard box. You make sure not to scream too loudly in case you draw attention. So with a muffled sound and your ankle throbbing at how it was twisted, you stand again. Someone’s moving in next door. There are messy boxes littering the hall, the door wide open, and from what you can see inside, the living space is empty. But you don’t dwell, making your own way down the hall to the stairwell. The timing is poor. By mere seconds, you miss the brunette boy sticking his head out the door with pouty lips and cute eyes, peeking down the hall to catch your retreating form. You limp to the station and as your shitty luck would have it, the train becomes delayed while you’re squished in the middle cart that’s packed like sweaty sardines. It halts suddenly, everyone jolting and you flinch when someone stomps on your right foot by accident. There’s no apology. “Hey, watch it,” the man beside you grumbles and you’re pushed again, at least with your foot free this time and throbbing inside of your worn shoe. “S-sorry.” The delay makes you late by the time you arrive in Time Square. You run through the street, shouting more apologies as you dive through the busy crowds and tourist groups. Once you make it to New 42nd Street Studios, you sprint down the stairs to the basement of the building. You nearly trip and tumble downwards to your death, but you catch yourself on the sticky railing. It’s three minutes past nine o’clock. “You’re late.” “I’m sorry.” “Sorry doesn’t make you earlier.” The director sighs and rolls his eyes. He turns away from you and claps his hands together, scanning the rest of the bustling crew. “Today’s the day folks! We have dress rehearsal and then the show begins at six sharp! It’s showtime! So let’s get moving. You there, intern, go get coffee. And try not to be late this time.” “Y-yes, sir.” Up the stairs you go again. It seems like you’re always running, whether it’s for this job or to this job. But you quickly remind yourself that it’s a privilege to be here. Years ago, you would’ve cried tears of happiness if you knew you’d be on the production team of Phantom of the Opera. Of course, you would’ve assumed you were performing. But being an intern was good enough. Everyone had to start somewhere. “Hi, can I get ten americanos, six iced and four hot, three chai tea lattes, four vanilla lattes, three espressos, seven cappuccinos, and a green tea?” The barista runs the company card into the side of her screen and then her eyes flicker up at you. “Sorry, it keeps saying declined. Do you have another method of payment?” “O-oh. Sorry about that.” You end up paying out of your own pocket for the drinks. There’s no point in telling the director the company card failed — he’ll find some excuse to pin the blame on you, and it’s a small problem not worth the trouble. You run back while balancing the plastic bags and cup holders in your hands, trying not to spill any of them. Once arrived, you hand them out to the crew members, actors, and actresses. “Intern! What’s this?!” The director approaches and sighs. You prepare yourself, already reading that expression on his face. “I said six hot and four iced americanos. You got the order wrong!” You bow your head. “S-sorry, my apologies.” “You and your apologies!” His teeth are gritted, face reddened in anger. “Apologies doesn’t make my americano hot does it?!” “I can go get another one if you need—” “Don’t waste my time more than you already have.” He waves you off, sighing, and you’re left to drown in the humiliation as the others around you snicker underneath their breaths. You release the air held in your throat and you narrow your eyes sharply into his backside as he walks away from you. You hold your tongue, reminding yourself that being here is a privilege. // The curtains draw. There’s bated breath held in the audience, a certain sense of anticipation that builds the suspense until everyone’s on the edge of their seats. The lair is shown, mist spiraling on the floor, candles all around. The phantom with his cloak and half-mask sits at the organ. Christine is enchanted, walking closer towards him slowly like she’s been bewitched by a spell. The actor recites his lines, and then the music begins. “Night time sharpens, heightens each sensation.” It’s a baritone voice, rich and seductive, but still sweet. “Darkness wakes and stirs imagination. Silently the senses abandon their defenses.” The violin strings pull as if echoing after the voice. You hold the microphone to your lips, singing and pulling the notes from deep in your stomach. The mic has been moved down several pitches to match the baritone vocal range that you wouldn’t be able to reach on your own, but the tone is rich and believable to be of the actor’s. After all, one of the biggest efforts the director made was to be able to pull this off. “.....the darkness of the music of the night.” Your eyes are shut, headphones on and you press the left side closer down to your ear, drowning in the lovely instrumental. “Let your mind start a journey to a strange new world. Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before. Let your soul take you where you long to be.” The note is belted out, streaming out from your lips like silk. And when it’s over, you grin. It’s thrilling, a kind of pride blooming inside your chest that’s rare for you to experience. Even if you’ve done it so many times, it never fails to bring you delight — you’re unable to believe that you actually did it. Once the song is complete, there’s thunderous applause. A smile spreads into your cheeks, one that’s infectious but no one sees when you’re hidden behind the curtain. And had you been standing on the stage in the spotlight, you might’ve noticed the brunette boy with pouty lips and cute eyes amidst the crowd. He’s become enraptured by your voice. He’s enchanted, heart stuttering, speechless beyond words. This was the voice he was waiting for. This was it. The show eventually comes to a close and everyone holds hands to bow to the audience. You peek out from backstage to watch the curtains being brought down. “Good job everyone. Nice job crew. Taeyeon, beautiful job as Christine once again. You were lovely, darling. Your sound is like melted caramel.” The director continues with his praises, and the other girls playing more minor roles flock to Taeyeon’s side to also shower her with compliments. The whole gathering parade themselves into the dressing room, brushing right past you. “Oh, yes, there’s the star of our show! Kim Seokjin, you never cease to amaze me! Beautiful job as Phantom!” “Of course.” Seokjin grins, charismatic and charming as always. “You shouldn’t expect any less of me. With a face like this, how could I ever fail?!” There’s bellowing laughter that rings and pierces your eardrums. “You’re right!” You wait as they come closer. Your breath is held. Maybe today, you did a good enough job that he’ll acknowledge you— But then the director walks past you like you’re a plant. Wallpaper. A backstage prop. “I loved that emotion you expressed in the final piece. Almost moved me to tears.” “I tried to do a different interpretation of it this time…” Their voices fade off and you sigh. You’re envious. Kim Seokjin has a good face. He can act. He can dance. He has stage presence. He’s magnetizing and charming. But he just can’t sing. The man can’t hold a steady note for the life of him. You suspect he’s tone-deaf. Understandably, the director couldn’t give up on his godly face, so you became his voice. A ghost singer. It actually works out well. You don't have to be on stage in the spotlight where every single person can scrutinize you, but your voice can be heard. In a way, it’s like you’re performing. But you can still be comfortable. You just wish you were acknowledged. Even if it’s just a little. You’re suddenly shocked out of your thoughts when one of the crew members hands you a stick, clearing his throat obnoxiously. “Start sweeping.” You carry the broom and dustpan, beginning to brush away at the confetti that exploded, clearing the floor of dust and dirt. And you end up missing the boy who sneaks himself backstage, who looks around and slips into the shadows. He walks down the corridor, luckily finding the dressing rooms and he follows the nameplates until he discovers the one that reads ‘Kim Seokjin’. The boy knocks three times in rapid succession. He puts on his best smile and tries to push the wrinkles out of his suit jacket that’s too small and worn. The door opens. The laughter tapers off. Jin’s makeup and fake burnt skin have been removed. What’s left is pure godlike genes, and he’s blinded by the older man’s handsomeness, having to resist the urge to shield his eyes. “Who are you?” “M-My name is Park Jimin. I’m a fan, I-I absolutely loved your voice on the show.” “You want an autograph? Of course you do.” “Who’s that?” the director calls out, lounging on the sofa and drinking a glass of red wine. “A fan,” Seokjin turns his head to say, and then he grabs a piece of paper. He makes an enormous signature with permanent marker and several loops in his name. Once finished, he slaps it to Jimin’s chest before the younger can even breathe. “Thanks for your support.” “Wait. Mr. Kim.” Jimin puts his foot between the door before he can shut it. The actor raises his brow and looks at him. “My dream is to be on Broadway. I know this is a lot to ask of you, but can you please mentor me?” Jin stares at him and then frowns in annoyance. “Mentor you?” Jimin quickly adds, “I promise I’ll try my best. I am willing to give up anything and learn and you seem to be the best of the best. I haven’t heard such a great baritone voice like yours in so long. Please accept me as your student.” There’s an extended silence. “Sorry. I don’t accept students.” “W-wait. Please!” “Security!” Seokjin shouts outside the door. “Get him out of here!” Jimin’s shell-shocked, unable to move when his feet are rooted in the ground. His bones have been frozen. The precious image of his idol that he’s created in his own mind for the past two hours has shattered. He’s left in utter shame and disappointment. “Hey...you’re not allowed to be here!” One of the crew members suddenly points to him. And then a hand plops down onto his shoulder, a grip firm and intimidating. Jimin looks up to find a stocky security guard, and he sighs. He drags his own legs, shoulders slumped, escorted out. // It takes an hour to help the crew clean up. You assist them in sweeping and putting away the props, all while waiting patiently with your eyes pinned on the entrance of the corridor. You dust your hands off, and you’re lucky with your timing. The director is walking out with his bag slung over his shoulder, jacket over his arm, busy sipping on some warm tea. “Director Kang!” You stop right in front of him and he looks at you in boredom. “Why haven’t you gone home yet, intern?” You’ve been cleaning up the entire time, but you don’t bother telling him in case he tells you that you’re too slow to complete tasks. You’re too preoccupied anyways, catching your breath. It’s the moment you’ve been waiting for. “D-Director. I know we’ve talked about this before, b-but I really hope you’ll reconsider the referral.” He sighs, rolls his eyes, and continues walking. You follow beside him frantically while he pulls out his phone to message someone. “I think I’ve been trying my hardest at this job and I've been putting in a lot of hours. I’ve thought about what you said and your advice and I feel like I’ve improved in my singing, s-so….please give me a referral to an agent.” All you need is a referral. One measly call and you can be in touch with someone who could expand their hands and help you. You could finally make a break in the industry, make a debut on Broadway. It’s what you’ve been trying to achieve your entire life. It’s your dream. Your goal. The reason you left everything back and home and came all the way here. But he’s not paying any attention to your desperate pleas. “Director?” He’s irritated — you can tell with the way he huffs out. It makes you flinch, but he at least stops. “Intern, don’t make me repeat myself. You need to focus on what you’re doing now. Frankly, you’re not even good at this insignificant job. How are you supposed to achieve big things?” “B-But…” “You can’t take big leaps when you can’t even take small steps yet. You’re not ready. Not yet. If I happen to notice that you’re finally putting in some real effort and some hard grind, then I’ll think about it again. But now’s just not the time.” “I…” You’re at a loss, on the verge of sobbing. “Now if you’re finished, I have a call to make.” He presses his phone to his ear, a universal sign that he’s not continuing the conversation. You watch him get into his car, driving away, and you’re left there on the street in a cloud of his gas exhaust.

Jimin is at a loss. He paces around in his empty apartment room with still taped boxes scattered everywhere. He doesn’t feel like unpacking and putting away his belongings. Not when his mind was stuck on something else. He came all the way here to look for a mentor — having followed his community theater director’s instructions to work on his singing. But without a teacher he can’t make his big break. “What am I going to do now?” he sighs. Maybe he jumped the gun a little too soon. It was pretty intense of him to go to a show right on the day when he moved in when he probably should’ve gotten settled. But there’s no time to waste when time is of the essence! Maybe he could somehow convince Seokjin to take him as a student. He is pretty insistent and not one to give up just after a single rejection…. Jimin sits on his couch, the only piece of furniture intact in his home, and he folds his hands together. His brows are furrowed, in deep contemplation onto the next step. But then suddenly, he hears a voice. “—your eyes and surrender to your darkest dreams.” It’s coming from the window. Sweet and melodic. Jimin’s captivated and stands on his feet, following the sound as if he was being gently tugged by a red string tied around his finger. “Purge your thoughts of the life you knew before.” He steps out barefoot onto his chilly balcony. His eyes are fixed on the balcony beside him, the tiny flower beds that are wilting, the warm lights that pour out from inside the home, how the doors are slightly open to welcome a breeze. “Close your eyes, let your spirit start to soar!” He hangs onto the note, relishes in how it stirs his very soul, and then rushes out. “And you'll live as you've never lived before....” Jimin throws his front door open and then pounds onto the door next to his with his fist. Three beats. One — two — three. And it opens. He smiles. Then it falls. His line of sight comes a little lower than expected. He was anticipating a man singing, perhaps someone alike to Seokjin, lean and handsome. But instead, it’s a timid girl in pajamas — you. “H-hello?” you squeak, nervous. “H-Hi. I...I just….” He taps his ear, trying to explain himself. “I thought I heard…heard....never mind.” Jimin hitches his thumb over his shoulder and awkwardly tilts his body. “I just moved in.” “Y-Yeah. I saw this morning.” “So…it’s-uh-nice to meet you, I guess. I mean I don’t guess because it is great to meet you. I swear I’m not usually like this. What I mean is usually I’m not so direct. And, um, bad at speaking. We’ll be neighbors from now on. So I wanted to say hello, since usually, that’s the polite thing to do. Or at least what my mom tells me. She’s great. My mom. But right, I didn’t even tell you my name. My bad. I’m Park Jimin.” He extends and opens his hand. Then he realizes it’s idiotic for him to shake hands with you. It wasn’t like this was some sort of business transaction. So Jimin lowers his arm….right when you’re opening your palm. It’s a missed handshake, and he’s cringing so hard, he’s tempted to jump off the balcony. But instead, he musters up stiff laughter and raises his hand to shake yours. He muses how soft your skin is, but tries not to think about it too much in case that’s a weird thought. Which it is. God, he’s usually not this nervous. It’s a fucking mess. Yet, you still offer him a polite smile. “I’m Y/N.” “Nice name. I mean all names are nice, but yours in particular. Not that I mean anything by it. Like it’s quite normal, but not normal in the sense that it’s overused. Not that overused names are a bad thing.” It’s terribly awkward. That blank stare you’re giving him doesn’t help with his perspiration either. Jimin tries to smile to show that he’s not a freak. But it might also be doing the opposite effect. “Well, I should get going now. Lots to unpack.” “Okay.” You’re about to close the door, and he steps away. But in the last second, Jimin spins around before you can seal yourself inside. “Um, were you playing music?” You’re silent and you blink at him owlishly. “Sorry, I’ll try to keep it down.” Jimin nods. It’s not exactly what he meant — he wasn’t complaining. But he doesn’t linger to tell you so. He doesn’t want to make you feel tense and he feels like a creep enough. The last thing that Jimin wants is to be kicked out before he’s even fully settled in for being a complete weirdo. Typically he’s not this socially inept. But he accepts that he’s made a horrible first impression and shuts the door. Though as he leans on the smooth surface of it, he quirks his head to one side and his brows furrow. Strange. That voice sounded so familiar. And so tangible as if it were here and not a recording. But he doesn’t dwell, going on about his night. In the meanwhile, you try to sing quieter.

#bts fanfic #bts scenario #jimin fanfic #jimin fluff #jimin scenario #I AM SO EXCITED TO PRESENT TO YOU: THE COLOUR OF OUR VOICES #deadass I feel proud of this one #was sobbing when I wrote the finale #it's like a softer version of LaLa Land #except there's a lot more trial and tribulations #anyways it's gonna be great #I can guarantee it

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altalksaboutstuff · 4 years

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Shantae and the Seven Sirens First Impressions (Insert I whip my hair back and forth joke here)

No spoilers? Well ok, I'll try. I suck at knowing what is or is not a spoiler though. I'll give it my best go.

… or should I say my best Ret-2-Go!

First some back story to frame this:

Shantae and the Seven Sirens is probably the game that I've been looking forward to playing all year and it was about a year ago now that we first got the teaser trailer/opening for this game too. I've watched that trailer over and over. on my birthday I saw the Studio Trigger movie Promare and the Shantae and the Seven Sirens trailer (also animated by Studio Trigger) was shown with the other movie trailers. Its really good, both the movie and trailer, so good that after seeing the trailer my wife asked me if the games were based off the anime (They didn't know that Shantae isn't an anime at the time.) This was also after spending pretty much the whole summer of 2019 playing Shantae Half Genie Hero again and again. I think I mentioned that on my last video game related post about that game, where I was essentially shilling for Wayforward for free.

I'm typing this out on a keyboard on a Shantae and the Pirate's Curse desk mat.

On my right by the mouse is a very enthusiastic Rotty Tops.

My current wallpaper is Shantae.

I like this series, a lot. I think about this series a lot. I hold myself back from going on tangents when talking to others except for Tumblr and perhaps one day I will make a Youtube video (previously I had made one out of my last post for Half Genie Hero but it won't render correctly. I think it is corrupted so I essentially have to make a new one, maybe at a later time)

Basically I'm a huge tool or as some others would say I’m a huge fan of the Shantae videogame franchise.

I could also write about how now how Games with Gold has Shantae and the Pirate's Curse available for download, since it is available to claim until June 30th, 2020 but I'll mostly touch on that game later. Lightly.

I pre-ordered the physical version of Shantae and the Seven Sirens for the Switch, I got the Collector's Edition with all the bells and whistles and I was going to wait for it, but I caved. I just couldn't wait for the release so I got the digital version on Xbox One back on May 28th, 2020. I paid for the same game twice. I don't do that often, I can't even think of any other time that I've done that except for maybe with remakes or re-releases, but never for a new game. I think. I justified it as the Xbox version has achievements that I can get to show off my digital e-Peen. I also have digital versions of Pirate's Curse and Half Genie Hero on Xbox One while I have physical copies of the games on Switch but those digital versions were from Games with Gold. While I did pay for the Gamepass Ultimate Service, $1 for three years, its not really the same thing.

Well the other day at around 3AM I finished my first play through of the game clocking in about 10 hours and 40 minutes and these are my first thoughts.

I think the most succinct comparison for this game to another is Tomba! For the Playstation One. There's “comparisons” between the two – like Tomba! has seven evil pigs, Shantae has Seven Sirens, both are platformers and while Shantae is a Metroidvania Tomba! is … kind of one too, I guess?

The main comparison to Tomba! that I can think of being that you get directives with spoken keywords and you go to the corresponding area on the map to complete the objective and along the way you get power ups to better help you explore and fight bosses.

Unlike the other Shantae games I've played, there isn't a real central hub. I think that the first town you go to is supposed to be the de facto hub, Arena Town, on Paradise Island but they did away with that for a teleporter room to make fast travel easier. You no longer have to talk to Sky to grab a flight on her bird but you feel like an outsider visiting these towns. And hey, that makes thematic sense since you are visiting the island on vacation but the other games had that home HUB level. That feels like a weird point to mention missing when I played the game because for one it fits the universe a lot better and two it makes actual sense to do that but what I've come to expect in a Shantae game something about it just doesn't feel right.

I think that's the best way to describe this game, its not bad it just doesn't feel right. A lot of this game just doesn't feel right to me. This is my first take of this game and is why I wanted to specifically make this a first take and not a real “review” review. I just to say that something about Shantae and the Seven Sirens feels off. I don't know how else to describe it so I don't want to imply there's some kind of quick fix rather this is an issue with the heart and soul feel. I've talked to friends when discussing media in the past – video games, movies, etc. and when dealing specifically with sequels and prequels - I think that it's really hard to make a good sequel. A game, movie, book, etc can be great on its own and sometimes even better than the original but how it fits in as a sequel can be its undoing or even a miss-step. In that way its almost easier to make a new intellectual property. You have to put enough of your IP in the game (or whatever media) so that it feels like it fits in the universe and that's the long and short of what makes this game not feel right. To be fair this is very much a Shantae game. You've got Shantae, Bolo, Risky Boots and the others, you've got familiar enemies, you have dances and genie powers, you collector heart squids to make heart containers and there's in universe references to things that happened in the previous game, heck you are there on vacation as mentioned you would at the end of Half-Genie Hero but I just don't feel that magic, that Shantae magic. Its frankly kind of unfair to describe my biggest issue as a feeling and describe it in terms of magic. How is that fair to say or any kind of constructive feedback at all? Well I will try to break down and it is what I kind of missed from what I expected going into the game.

First thing is my problem with the transformations. That Studio Trigger trailer (that I mentioned earlier) shows Shantae turning into a monkey. Shantae even mentions how she can turn into a monkey at the beginning of the game. But all those animal forms she had previously are gone. Poof.

That in and itself isn't a problem since this game does have new animal transformations that are pretty cool and satisfying to use like a Newt, a Tortoise, a Squid, a Gastro Drill (think a hermit crab that can drill through the earth/sand) and a frog but my dumb brain up until the end of the game was expecting to unlock some of her classic animal transformations. Like I was expecting to fly around as the harpie and shoot up walls as the monkey and swim around as the mermaid in addition to dashing around as the Newt or barreling into enemies as the Tortoise. These new forms sounded like they were going to be bonus: both in the sense of what Shantae says at the beginning of the game and how they are presented to you as gifts when you save the other half-genies. Same with the dances. This game has four dances that you acquire from Fusion Stones. The dances don't transform you into an animal but you get dances that do things like heal the surrounding environment and enemies or charge electrical devices. And that’s neat, but more on that later. That’s a positive. I’m in my nit pick section now.

My next issue is: What does Shantae do? I don't mean the character in the avatar sense because you need someone to control, but specifically why am I Shantae? You have your hair whip and the ability to dance but none of the power or transformations are yours. I think part of the reason my brain was like “Cool, I can't wait to get the mermaid transformation to use in tandem with the squid triple jump” is because all the powers you get are borrowed from the other half-genies but it doesn't come across like you won't be able to later use your classic abilities. Is it another being on vacation thing, like Shantae just didn't pack her harpie form? Other than Shantae being the main character of the series and possessing the ability to use magic as a half-genie, what is the reason why it is Shantae we are playing as? What in particular is important about Shantae having this adventure? I worry if I have conveyed what I mean here since it does sound a bit unclear.

I don't want to be too hard on Shantae and the Seven Sirens because this isn't just a Shantae franchise problem, to be fair, take Metroid for example. In a typical Metroid game it starts with the protagonist Samus Aran tripping and she then will lose all her powers as they roll out of her and fall down a sewer drain for example.

The idea that you were previously powerful canonically but have to start again at square one isn't always framed smoothly in video games but with Shantae and the Seven Sirens it makes it a point during a few times to tell you that your powers are all borrowed especially at the end. But to go back and contrast that with a Metroid game - I feel like the power-ups still fit Samus Aran and are hers to use (until presumably the next game), and sure someone else could use them - they generally fit to what we understand the character to use for attacks and abilities. I think that's why in this instance it sticks out so much in my mind. I feel like any of the other half-genies could have done this adventure just the same. Zapple could have gotten Fusion Stones and borrowed the other half-genies powers for example to save the day.

At the end Risky tells you that she got Shantae specifically to go along as a contingency plan in accordance to what happens during the ending but like, what happens is ultimately a mistake involving one of Shantae's non-magical friends. I assume from the towns that I visited in game that the other half-genies have non-magical friends too. It wouldn't be a stretch for them to have a similar happen stance occur.

The other big problem, and maybe this is a for me problem, was Risky Boots role in this game. Risky Boots just oozes a larger than life villainess personality - I absolutely love Risky Boots as a character. In Half-Genie Hero though, Risky wasn't really in the game. You thwart her in the beginning and she doesn't show up again until the end game. In Shantae and the Pirate's Curse, Risky Boots is there for pretty much the whole game and you develop a really good frienemy rapport with her. This was a hole that I thought that this game would fix but it doesn't … at least not really.

What you get is there is a lot more of Risky Boots on screen in this game than Half-Genie Hero (and you realize there was even more once you get further in the game) and yet it feels like there was a lot less Risky Boots in this game. You see Risky Boots time and again and you have multiple fights with her (they are set up and paced like the mini-boss) and she will tell you something about why she is there. But then run off, rinse and repeat. There are also a few other moments where she shows up and at the end of the game but its an issue of quality over quantity. Like you de facto see Risky Boots more in this game but its always in short doses to advance the plot. She also has a moment at the end of the game (which is kind of lackluster in my opinion) that feels hollow. Like she's there but not really and without spoiling too much its because she is unconscious. I haven't played this game through a 100% and I assume that maybe she has something to do with the better endings that I haven't unlocked yet but first time through she feels like an afterthought to piece together what is going on with the Sirens more than anything. Like, oh hey Risky Boots is in Shantae, remember? Much like with Shantae, I wonder why is Risky Boots in this game other than that its because it is a Shantae franchise game? It kind of breaks my man-child heart.

Also Jake Kaufman didn't do the soundtrack which kind of explains why none of the in-game tracks really got stuck in head. I liked Arena Town and the Dungeons theme, Armor Town's music is ok too. But while Half-Genie Hero and Shantae and the Pirate's Curse soundtrack really wowed me with noticeable tracks that stuck out, this was more “It's ok” with a few noticeably less meh tracks.

If I had to guess why this game feels the way it does, its this one review I saw on the Xbox Marketplace inadvertently nailed it on the head but I think what they found as a positive, I took as a negative. Shantae and The Seven Sirens mixes Pirate’s Curse with Half-Genie Hero, but I think they took what was wrong and mixed it. Its from a review by ExcitedData11 entitled Good stuff!

That is ultimately what I think lead this game to be what it is – it's trying to fix Shantae Half-Genie Hero by mixing in what it was perceived to be missing. On the one hand, I totally get it. When Shantae Half Genie-Hero came out it got some less than charitable reviews. Thankfully it was successful and overall praised by those fans who Kickstarted it. Shantae Half-Genie Hero game was coming hot off Shantae and the Pirate's Curse which is to a lot of people – the best Shantae game. And I honestly think that falls into what I was saying earlier – its hard to make a good sequel especially since the previous game in the series was the most beloved. Its really hard to capture lightning in a bottle the same way again so they did something different.

Now this is just my opinion (Duh! the whole thing is, but I want to re-iderate here especially since I'm extra talking out of my butt in this part) but to me with Half-Genie Hero they didn't put as much emphasis on the story as with the Pirate's Curse, and in a way went back to the drawing board. The in-game jokes about the game being a soft re-boot of the Shantae series specifically call this out - Shantae and the Half-Genie Hero was largely about who Shantae is and where did she come from? Who is Shantae's mother? What happened to the Genies and the Genie Realm? The games dances and transformations were all of Shantae's classic animal forms with some new things mixed in too.

When I wrote earlier about Shantae and the Seven Sirens and how its a Shantae game but why does it have to be Shantae I feel like Shantae Half-Genie Hero in stark contrast HAD to be about Shantae, its all about her. In Shantae and the Pirate's Curse I feel like it had to be about Shantae too, the real main character of that game was Risky Boots but her relation to Shantae as Shantae's rival was important to understanding Risky Boots. Shantae is important in that way. That's why in Shantae and the Seven Sirens, Shantae just being on vacation story continuity alone doesn't really do it for me. Its also why Risky Boots wanting the power of the Island and falling back on Shantae as a contingency plan doesn't do it for me either. Mixing what is wrong with Half-Genie Hero also mixed out part of what was right with the game.

But at this point, I feel like I've been way to uncharitable to this game. Its mean. I'm kind of being a big meany and misleading you. “Well why don't you just say it? This game must be terrible! -3000 out of 10!”

I feel like I'm saying this game is bad and pointing and prodding over essentially an intangible essence. This game is actually good but if I lead with just that and didn't say my other piece I feel like it would also be wrong. Its super easy (and popular?) to just lay into a game as being bad on the internet. This is the post video game review culture that we have for better or for worse from things like the Angry Video Game Nerd (the better) and Gamer Gate (the absolute worst.) Despite my earlier comments - I did like this game. Really, I enjoyed playing it and I think over time as I replay it I will like it more and more or at least I assume that I will based off of my previous gaming tastes and experiences with this franchise in particular.

Like sequels, reviews are tricky. For me I think I realized this when I was in the 5th grade and The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time got a perfect score from Gamespot. It still kind of irks me but at the time I felt like that was big mistake, a HUUUGE mistake. Especially now when looking back at the game, its faults are a lot more glaring but at the time I can now think – This was a 3D Zelda, the first grand adventure of its time. People were waiting for this forever it probably felt.

In contrast I also think of games I really like that when I first played them I didn't really care for – namely No More Heroes. I really enjoy revisiting that game and its probably in my favorite games of the 2000s decade but I first played it, meh. I didn't really like it. Now a days I could go on and on talking about it.

Tastes change, initial impressions change, where we are in the world changes things and our relation to media too. I've seen a few reviews really laying into this game and then give it a 6 or 7 out of 10. That is kind of bizarre but I also feel like maybe right? Numbers seems inherently trivial to me now. This game could be a 6/10 but it also feels like it could be an 8/10 too based off of my impression. What I can say that is more concrete is that its good. I would recommend you play this game

Ok first impression is over -

First off, though I want to say that the game mechanics are more streamlined for play. I love the animal transformations but stopping to dance pulls you out of the game play and immersion especially since that is so pivotal to playing the game especially when more than one is used in tandem. This also gives the other dances more of an ump especially since they have powerful effects on the stage/level/enemies. In Shantae Half-Genie Hero you have the destruction dance that blows up the whole stage but it takes some time to get to. With the dance function, you cycle through about 4 sets of possible dances to get to it. You are essentially just waiting to use a really powerful move, which I feel like if you need to use it, you probably want to do it right away and in the meantime you are a sitting target. You also have to wait to use the monkey transformation or harpie or mermaid transformations. That's kind of a pain when you use them just to move around. Its not long a long waiting time, its not like a load screen where you are doing nothing but still you have to wait. Its a lot of waiting. You had to wait to use anything. The game does sort of correct that with a metronome power up to speed up the time between available dance cycles but you still wait.

With only four dances total you still have to wait a beat to get to them but then all of them are available to use at once. And outside of that as previously mentioned each one of the animal transformations is used in tandem with a button press and the environment. While something like the frog requires water for use or sand for the Gastro Drill, you can also dash whenever you want as the newt or charge up and smash into things as the tortoise the same. None of the animal transformations seem out of place or missed and they flow better this way with the game play. I never once missed a platform, hit or moving around in any of the animal forms except on rare occasion which every time was from my own input. Shantae is a platformer too so ease of mobility is definitely something you want while you play.

Expanding on the point of mobility - travel between points on the map is also easier. No longer do you have to walk to Sky and ask to fly to a location. As you play you uncover warp rooms and you can warp at will to any of the open locations to fast travel around the island. As previously mentioned I do miss the HUB town from Half Genie Hero but this is markedly an improvement that also thematically makes sense too. While I miss Scuttle Town that decision was good.

I also like the characters in this game a lot. Outside of the series mainstays (Risky Boots ♥_♥ ) we meet other Half-genies (Well... more on that some other time) such as

Harmony

Plink

Vera

Zapple

and ...Fillin (or Ima Goodgirl or … hmmm?)

I also have to say that I was totally de-lighted to meet Armor Baron. Any adjective less than delighted undercuts this character and I absolutely had no idea going into this game that he was in it. My reaction was pretty close to Skys in-game reaction. Just trust me your going to love Armor Baron.

While the meetings with Risky Boots are less than my ideal, I really, really like how the fights play out similarly to how you fight Risky Boots at the end of Shantae: Half-Genie Hero. It feels like a genuine Risky Boots/Shantae battle and I really like that level of polish. Going back to my point of why is this a Shantae game and the difficulties of making a sequel this is really a tick in the good sequel feel column. I just wish I felt this more.

Lastly when talking about characters and maybe this is a spoiler or not (Sorry. Maybe sorry?) Bolo is voiced by Ross. More specifically the Newgrounds/Youtuber Ross O'Donovan also known as Rubber Ninja (formerly Rubber Ross uhm... errr, I guess that's his Gameplay channel on Youtube now? So maybe he is still Rubber Ross?) and also a former Game Grump. I don't know Ross personally but from what I do know about his personality from reading his Tweets and watching his animations and videos from when he was on Game Grumps

that is a perfect choice Wayforward. 10/10 and that's keeping up with all of the other characters voices too. Christina Vee (Valenzuela) returning portrayal of Shantae and Risky Boots (and also Harmony) is also very good. This series has always brought a lot of talent in that department.

Aesthetically this game is gorgeous, the high definition character sprites/graphics from Half-Genie Hero all return and there are new character portraits that look really nice like the next step in terms of polish. Studio Trigger did the opening animation and the other in game cutscenes put together in house look really, really good.

This game is wonderful, truly. I don't want you to take away anything else. It is absolutely worth your time and you will have a good time playing it but it just misses the mark. I would love to say that this game is Shantae perfected but its not. Not yet anyways. It is some combination of a step forward and a step back. I think I still have more to experience and definitely more to say. My first completion was way over the time limit for a notable clear time and I didn't complete the item collection 100% either. I am reasonably sure that once I finish this game with a faster time, higher completion, on new game plus and a combination of all 3 of those criteria combined I will find out more about the story. I'll get the “Good ending” -s and I'm also sure I will also get better and more efficient with playing the game. Maybe then some of my not great first takes will change too. Shantae games (and Metroidvania games in general) get better with replaying and when you learn the in and outs. I still have a pretty good memory of Half-Genie Hero even though I haven't played it in a few months.

Maybe I'm a sucker but I also want some DLC. Give me a version where you play as Risky Boots (please, I miss her) and what could also be fun is a game from the perspectives of the other half-genies in game where you switch between them all at each point before they are captured and play a sort of soft redesign of each dungeon and boss and the end can be the lead up with a particular Siren.

There's a lot that I look forward to this game and this series future. I plan to look up the achievements I missed and collect them. I also need to go back and play the original and Risky's Revenge sometime too. I would like to do a proper review of this and the other games in the future.

Now if you'll excuse me, there's a Speedrun of Shantae and the Seven Sirens that I have to go fail a few times.

(Note this post originally had pictures and GIFs for visual aid/jokes but after trying to post it about 5 times with no luck and coming back, I just deleted them all. I’ve come back and edited some things that look weird and I think I’ve gotten them all, but apologies if I missed some. WOMP)

#shantae #shantaeandthesevensirens #shantae and the seven sirens #videogames #video games #wayforward #firstimpressions #xbox #xbox one #switch #metroidvania #platformer #hashtag

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mariosgames436-blog · 5 years

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burnsthroughherbookshelf · 6 years

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So, bearing in mind that for me “years” are academic rather than calendar-this has been literally the worst year ever. Here is the highlights (or rather the low lights) and some lessons learned.

Warning-some of what I will share is a bit graphic and will be embarrassing for both of us…but much like Ilona Andrews I feel that it is important to be a little more honest and open about things in hopes that someone else gets what they need.

At the beginning of last summer my left nipple suddenly inverted. My dad’s side of the family has quite a bit of breast cancer so I am very consistent with my self checks. Since I was 35 and knew my first mammogram was coming soon anyway I called my gynecologist and had her order the test a bit earlier than was originally planned. To be honest, it wasn’t as bad as it sounds, you stand there and get your boobs squished feeling a little awkward and embarrassed and then it is done. Unfortunately for me I have very dense breasts so they couldn’t really see anything so they had to refer me for a fancier mammogram and a diagnostic ultrasound. The fancy mammogram still could not see anything, but the ultrasound showed some simple cysts and a complicated cyst in my right breast, and 8 small simple cysts in my left breast. It also found a 1.5×1.5×0.6 cm mass on my left breast that they categorized as Bi-Rads 3 which they consider probably benign…so I was recommended to have a 6 month follow-up.

While in the waiting game for this, in August Hurricane Harvey hit which completely borked everything up. Lots of stress all around. Our home made it through OK but many of our friends and loved ones were not so fortunate.

Then I tweaked my right hip/glute and gave myself a raging case of sciatica and piriformis (i.e. old lady hip) and spent the next 6 months limping around.

Then my grandmother took a turn for the worse. She died the weekend before Thanksgiving. Now I am not one to go to funerals but the cousin I am closest to called and requested my presence for emotional support. This meant that during Thanksgiving week I had to get myself, one of my sisters, and my mom from SE Texas to Illinois-flights were crazy so we ended up driving straight through for 14 hours. Not good with the raging case of old lady hip.

The funeral was the big catholic extravaganza. Enough said. Got to see family I had not seen in a while so it wasn’t all bad but definitely not the most joyous of Thanksgivings… and I picked up the plague.

SO there I am hacking, wheezing, feverish and limping and that is how December passed.

In the midst of this [redacted1] decided to divorce [redacted2], and [redacted3] decided to sue [redacted4] over [redacted5] so [redacted4] counter-sued over [redacted6]. (Family members have been redacted because I am not ready for more arguing.) Much stress and terror has ensued and [redacted1] not only closed [redacted2]’s bank accounts throwing bills into unpaid status, but apparently has a girlfriend my age now which is creepy and gross.

Meanwhile I was still limping around and trying to find my lost referral for my follow-up diagnostic breast ultrasound.

Lesson #1: When you are supposed to have a 6 month follow-up that requires referral, call the month before it is due to make sure it exists.

I got that referral straightened and finally got a referral for physical therapy for my old lady hip. Went in for my follow-up and started physical therapy right about the same time. Follow up ultrasound showed the mass had grown to 1.8×1.7×0.8 cm which then required referral for a biopsy. In the midst of sending the referral for that, the ice storms hit sending the SE Texas region into an uproar and shutting the cities down for days. Seeing as it was only 17 degrees out for days on end, the warmest we could get the house to was like 58 degrees with all the heaters on. Houses in this area, especially old ones, jsut aren’t built for that kind of cold. The first referral got lost so a second one was sent at which point in time I got frustrated and called the person I was getting referred to and they indicated that they were not in network and that they had faxed that information back to my gynecologist who somehow did not get it.

Lesson #2: Always verify the doctor you are getting referred to is in your network and save yourself some time.

So then my gynecologist sent a referral to someone in my network and it kept getting kicked back from my insurance company. Many phone calls were made between myself, my gynecologist, the doctor I was being referred to, and my insurance company to get it straightened out.

Lesson #3: Always verify WHO can make certain kinds of referrals as per your insurance company’s policies. Turns out while Texas BCBS allows gynecologists to make referrals for ultrasounds and mammograms they do not allow them to refer for biopsies, so I had to call my primary care doctor’s office and it turns out he had not been reading the reports and had no clue what was going on. Finally got that office to send a proper referral through.

So I showed up to the surgeon’s office for what I thought was for my biopsy. Fortunately I was pro-active and brought my scans with me. Unfortunately, the first question he asked me was where my biopsy results were.

Lesson #4: Always make sure they doctor you are being referred to knows EXACTLY why you are being referred.

So once we got that confusion straightened out (turns out other imaging centers often do their own biopsies, mine did not) they got me referred for an ultrasound guided biopsy. Took a bit to get that scheduled and while it wasn’t my favorite thing ever, it wasn’t that bad except for the fact I had a violent reaction to the steritape.

Here is what happens with an ultrasound core needle biopsy. You have to bring someone with you because they don’t want you driving afterward. They may let your companion sit with you through the initial talks and even the initial ultrasound, but they are very unlikely to let that person stay for the actual biopsy. There are likely to be three medical providers in the room with you; the ultrasound tech, a nurse, and the person actually performing the biopsy. They will ultrasound all over and find the best place to keep the ultrasound wand, which is usually right over the mass the closest they can get. This means that the biopsy kind of has to burrow through more tissue than you might expect. This is awkward but not necessarily a bad thing, because you want them to see what they are doing as well as possible. Then they will do a series of lidocaine shots that go deeper and deeper to numb you up. Then they put a giant hollow needle into you (DO NOT LOOK AT IT) and using the ultrasound guide it into the mass. And here is why they have the extra people in the room. They might have one person hold onto your legs and one person hold onto your arms to keep you still. Because what happens next is they slide a weird device into that hollow needle so it goes into the mass and it makes a loud weird snapping noise and it takes a piece of the mass out. They will do this at least 3 times. If you are still then the other people will stop holding you, or at least mine did. Then they put in a little titanium “clip” or BB to mark where the mass is for future imaging. Then they apply a lot of pressure to stop the bleeding and then steritape you up. Then they send you in for another mammogram to check placement of the “clip”. This may cause you to start bleeding again and you can ask for them to redo the steritape because you aren’t allowed to get it wet for the next day or so or to remove it for several days. Also, ask for a boob ice pack. One could wish for black and skulls and cross-bones, but they are the perfect size and shape for this, nothing you have at home is going to work so well…even though it looks like meemaws wallpaper.

Lesson #5: Take a second day off after a biopsy, don’t go to work the next day even if they say you can. You can’t wear a bra, you have to keep using an ice pack on and off, and if your biopsy entry site is in the side boob area, every time you move your arm you will inadvertently smack it. This is not weakness, it is self-care and it will save you time and trouble in the long run.

Also I got released from physical therapy and my hip is feeling much better.

Lesson #6: Don’t assume that pain and discomfort is normal, and if you have something in a place you can’t see on your own, like the side of your boob, have someone else look at it. And if something hurts, and you don’t want to take pain pills, push for other options.

Once the steritape came off, along with all my skin, I started feeling much better. And the result of the biopsy was benign. So one good thing down. Unfortunately, turns out the mass that they were tracking had literally nothing to do with why my nipple inverted. Yikes.

Lesson #7: Don’t ever assume what your doctors are focusing on actually has anything to do with your primary complaint. Stand up and explicitly ask whether or not the thing they are focusing on actually has anything to do with your problem.

So with that being the case they referred me for a breast MRI. I got that scheduled during spring break. Unfortunately, the day before it was supposed to happen they called me to AGAIN ask when the first day of my last menstrual cycle was.

Lesson #8: It turns out that breast MRIs must be done in a very small window, days 7-10 of your menstrual cycle. I don’t know how I could have prevented this scheduling snafu because I had no way to know about that requirement, so just consider this your PSA about breast MRIs, schedule them 7-10 days following the start of your presumed next menstrual cycle (i.e. 7-10 days after the start of your next period).

I got that rescheduled and then the next day (the day I was supposed to be having the MRI) was our 8th marriage anniversary and almost 18 years together which is half our freaking lives so we were all planned up for a fancy night out when I found out once of my best friends since we were 5 years old died.

Lesson #9: There is never as much time as you think there is. Take every chance you have to cherish the ones you love.

We hadn’t talked much the last 8 months because I knew she had a lot going wrong in her life and the last thing I wanted to do was dump on her the misery I have been just dumping on all you readers. Which was stupid, so very stupid, because I know she would have been there for me and maybe I could have been there for her.

This wake I went to of my own accord to try to perform one last service for her.

Which brings me to today. Today was the breast MRI. Let me tell you about breast MRIs. As you may know, MRI machines are uncomfortably small tubes to start with. But for a breast MRI they have this oddly contoured table you get put on which drastically reduces the amount of room in that tube. You can go here to see what that looks like. SO you have an IV in the crook of one arm while you are trying to crawl up on it with a gown that is open in the front to lay down on it. There is an open space where your breasts dangle down and a bar that goes between the breasts. Then once you are lain down and torqued into that odd position they have clamps on either side of your breasts to squish them in together into the bar between them. It isn’t super uncomfortable, mostly it is about like getting a mammogram. Then they slide you into the tube.

As I said though, small tube is made even smaller by this table. They asked me a question and I instinctively looked up hitting my head on the top of it. This made me look to the sides and all I could see was the walls of the tube…which made me try to lift up but I couldn’t because my breasts were clamped to that table. So I ended up a sobbing hysterical screaming mess and they had to pull me out so I could calm down and try again.

Lesson #10: MRIs are hard, breast MRIs are a little bit harder still (I have had both kinds so I know). SO if you have any issues with claustrophobia be, up front and don’t feel like a weeny, lots of people have this problem. Even if you think you will be ok but you sometimes have trouble with enclosed spaces, just go ahead and tell them because they know all the tricks for making this as easy as possible. What they ended up doing was taking all the blankets off me and turning a fan on me very high so I could feel the breeze. Yes it was excruciatingly cold, but it helped a lot. I also declined the headphones because they made me feel even more enclosed. My biggest take-away is close your eyes, breathe, and whatever you do-DO NOT LIFT YOUR HEAD UP. Just imagine it bigger than it really is and do nothing that might alert you to the true size and shape of what you are in.

And I say all that not to discourage anyone from following up. I just want people to know a little bit more about what the process is like. Yes it is scary, but it is less scary I think if you really know what to expect. And nothing about that process, awkward and uncomfortable as it has been, is worse than the worry and the waiting and the not knowing. So if you have been putting of your mammogram, or haven’t gone in for your follow-ups, please do, none of it is insurmountable but the worry will eat you alive.

So right now it is just more waiting. Which sucks. And I’ll admit that it all sucks. But I am putting this out here because almost half of all women aren’t getting the mammograms that they ought to be getting. And while I thus far haven’t had the very worst outcome, I have hit most of the high and low points and I can safely say it is all surmountable. 1 in 8 of us will end up with breast cancer, and your chances of a long and healthy life go up dramatically with earlier intervention.

As for cost, lots of places offer free or low cost screening mammograms, especially in October. Call all the local places and ask what their cash prices are, particularly at offsite imagining only type centers. Yes, based on my experiences you might have to be a bit more proactive with your own paperwork, but the place I went to did every day cash prices of $85. Even if you still can’t afford that, remember that 1 in 8 number, there are almost guaranteed to be people in your life who would be thrilled to pony up the money for you to get tested. And if not, there are organizations where their whole missions are to get people mammograms.

The worst year ever and lessons learned from a balky boob. So, bearing in mind that for me "years" are academic rather than calendar-this has been literally the worst year ever.

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ohwowbabee · 6 years

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wingskribes-blog · 6 years

Text

WING FIXES THE UNIVERSE! 1. STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI

The Last Jedi, is probably the most contentious of the nine Star Wars films released so far. Some seem to love it. Others say it’s undeserving to hold its place in the series. Both camps seem to span the cross-sectional gamut of casual and hardcore fandom. So too are there are those—maybe even a majority—who will work up what little enthusiasm they can find to tell you, “It was okay. Not great, but okay, I guess.”

Well let me be the first to say, ALL of you are right. Star Wars: The Last Jedi is as GOOD as it is BAD. And on the whole, it’s kind of just ‘inoffensively, meh’. But this is not a Kribes’ Review you’re reading. No, this is a Wing Fixes the Universe! No ratings here, Dear Reader. No, here we get into what Last Jedi should have done to be a truly fantastic film. Here we fix EVERYTHING. So let’s begin!

(Of course … there will be spoilers.)

The PROBLEMS

1) TONE: Star Wars has never shied from a joke (“Shut him up or shut him down!”), but the jokes, quips and gags have usually managed to hold themselves ‘in universe’. That is to say they are played to the situation, or to one character or another, not to the audience. They are not slipped in just to keep the audience laughing. And when they are, it rarely goes well. Then we get Jar Jar bumbling his way through a platoon of tanks. We get Obi wan and Anakin trapped in a force-field with saying, “How did this happen? We’re smarter than this!”

Well, perhaps The Last Jedi isn’t quite as dense as say, The Phantom Menace, with these class-clownish winks to the audience (though it’s close) but it takes them much further than the franchise has ever allowed before. We get Poe’s crank call to Hux, Luke milking that alien’s testicle-boobs, the crying-eyed porg staring up at Chewie, and so many little moments that just don’t feel like Star Wars. We will fix this.

2) PACING: Battles are great but they slow things down. Too many and they tend to blend together; they become boring. Character arcs are vital but you must move your characters through these arcs! You can’t just linger and show them banging their heads again and again against the same wall! (As we get with Rey on the island.)

3) STAKES: When every sequence is offered up like a climax, you stop caring by the third one. Build your tension so we care whether the heroes win or lose in the end.

The FIX

1) THE TONE: We’re going to have to re-script everything. I don’t mean a major overhaul here (yet), just stripping and replacing the wallpaper. No more pandering to the audience. No crank calls. No alien milking, or space-nun near misses. e.g. you can keep the porgs but they can’t just be there to be cute and silly. Give them a tiny sub-arc with Chewbacca. 1) Stepping off the Falcon he sees them immediately. They scatter at the sight of him. 2) They chirp in the night and Chewie has trouble sleeping. He covers his ears and grumbles. 3) He finds they’ve infested the Falcon and he gets legitimately angry. 4) After destroying the First Order’s air support on the crystal planet, the Falcon is forced into a crash landing (which would just be a better way for Rey to arrive) and the poison gas mentioned in Force Awakens is about to flood the ship. Chewie grabs a handful of porgs before running out then puts them down on the ground outside. Yes, it’s still corny. But corny is fine in a Star Wars. (e.g. R2 launched through the air by a swamp lizard.) But at least they have a place in the story now; they’re not just there to be cute and sell toys.

2) THE OPENING: If you’re going to start with a big battle, make it mean something. Don’t just tell me some jokes, show a few explosions and then kill a Red Shirt I’ve never seen before but am supposed to care about for some reason. What you should do is make this sequence its own miniature movie starring Rose’s sister. Poe shouldn’t even be in it (except on the communicator telling them to ignore retreat orders). Start with the sisters saying goodbye. (This grounds the one sister’s sacrifice and gives us reason to care when she dies. Simultaneously, it helps us to care about Rose later on, and makes her sudden importance as a main character much less jarring.) Now you can give all the turns and tension of the battle to this plucky, determined bombardier. There’s plenty of story and emotion to be dug up here. Find it Don’t give us the opening battle from Revenge of the Sith. Give us the first twenty minutes of UP.

And when it’s done, let’s see Rose in the background, mourning her sister as everyone else celebrates. Only Leia sees this. Then it’s Admiral Holdo who berates Poe for disobeying orders. (Moving up her introduction to reduce how jarring her sudden importance is.)

3) THE ISLAND (A): Rey’s time on the island needs to be WAY shorter. And less silly. When Luke comically chucks his lightsaber over his shoulder it undercuts Rey’s entire Episode VII story arc, reducing it to a three-second, not-terribly-funny sight-gag. Have him look at it instead, then look at her and walk past without touching it or saying a word. Then we get the short montage of her following him around as he does his day-to-days but he refuses to talk to her. NO MILKING. We see time pass in shots of her sitting outside his door at night, eating food she brought from the Falcon. Each time there’s less food in her pack. Until there’s none. Then Luke steps out, glares at her, and places a bowl of stew in front of her. As he turns away, she begs him to tell her why he won’t help and seems to have turned his back on the Force. He appears as if he’s going to answer but before he does, we cut away to…

4) THE CHASE: The First Order chasing the Resistance’s ships is so boring you only really showed it in the background of other events. So obviously, it needs to change. What if they’re hiding instead. In a nebula or something. Poe wants to take a flight of X-Wings out and see if he can cut a hole in the First Order fleet for them to escape through, but Holdo says he has to stay and protect the cruiser. Instead of mutinying, he highjacks some fighters and goes out anyway. The cruiser’s attacked and he barely makes it back on time. He expects to berated by Holdo but finds out that Leia’s woken up while he was out and that’s when she slaps him.

5) THE ISLAND (B): Rey begins communing with Kylo. We get TWO scenes of Luke showing Rey what the force is and isn’t (no more). No Dark Cave. And TWO scenes of communing. No Kylo’s version of what happened with Luke. We still get Luke’s version. Luke and Rey fight when she tells him she’s going to Kylo. She leaves him with words that are a callback to his “I must face Vader” speech in Return of the Jedi. He is left to ponder his choices.

6) SNOKE/REY/KYLO: a) Forget Rey’s parentage! If her parents weren’t important, there’s NO REASON the characters would be talking about them. Just because it’s a mystery to the audience, doesn’t mean it is to them! At least change Kylo’s line to, “I know where your parents are.” b) Give us something about Snoke’s background. I mean, who the fuck is this guy all of a sudden, anyway? Maybe he was Sidious’ rival but lost out to becoming the previous Sith Lord’s apprentice. A single line is all it would take. 3) Cut the fight with the New Imperial Guards to no more than ten seconds. It added nothing. It wasn’t exciting. And even if they’re the best fighters in the army, I just didn’t believe they’d last that long.

7) CASINO: There’s so much wrong here. Too much. Fixing it would require major structural changes more significant for a small article could fit. Let’s just say, the following issues need to be dealt with:

For starters, it just doesn’t fit. Allowing Fin and Rose to leave the chase and then come back to it without anyone noticing is an odd choice. If escape pods are so hard to track, why doesn’t everyone just get into them to get away? Even if I missed something and they gave a reasonable explanation for this, why would they call Maz? How does Fin even know how to reach her when he’s been unconscious since the last film? And then we get them walking around Casino World gawking and judging as if they’ve completely forgotten their friends are currently dying in large numbers. We’re shown more urgency in the escape of the horse-aliens than in the near-total destruction of the Resistance.

Plus Benicio Del Toro’s character, another important character who jarringly appears out of nowhere, not only adds nothing to the story, but is dull to watch too. And could Captain Phasma at least be fighting them to get to the last shuttle before the ship explodes? Instead of just because she’s a villain? And could we see Gwendoline Christie’s whole face, while she’s alive?!

8) YODA: Cut this whole scene. Yoda looked terrible and didn’t act or speak like any Yoda we’ve seen before. It added nothing to plot or character that we didn’t already get, and could as easily be accomplished the Return of the Jedi callback from Rey (as suggested above).

9) THE LAST STAND: This was actually mostly quite good. The Luke stuff was great. Just a few changes. Why are Fin and Rose flying salt-speeders? Neither of them are pilots. Find something else for them to do. And as I mentioned before, crash the Millennium Falcon. Have Rey try to take out the Battering Cannon and make it seem like she’s going to take it out. But then she gets hit by a ground turret and is forced down. It’s a much better entrance for Rey. Beyond that, the sequence is good.

10) BOY WITH BROOM: This scene is the only reason I didn’t suggest cutting the Casino Planet altogether. Having the film end with a seed of hope is both a great throw to Episode IX, and a powerful moment in its own right. That being said, it wasn’t done particularly well. The Casino Kids were a pretty small facet of the Casino Planet arc (which is kind of fucked up if you think about it). So their impact in this scene is not as strong as it should be. When you sit down and rework the Casino arc (as prescribed above), make sure the kids are more relevant to its development.

And THAT dear reader, is how you will fix this most mediocre addition to the Star Wars franchise. Follow my council and I promise, your work will be better. Your work will be everything it should be. Your work will be FIXED.

#Last Jedi #Star Wars #Fixed #Movies #Films

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