#I also checked online before sleeping that I really didn't need to examine the body (that's where I saw the tip about buying food on day 1)
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Started playing Pathologic (Classic HD) last night because I find the near certainty of my failure relaxing (no expectations). Was shocked to find that I survived day one, despite wasting so much time on bullshit such as:
Trying to figure out how THE FUCK to take a weapon out and use it after equipping it (no it's not by pressing the sheathe button, no it's not by pressing the attack button, no it's not by using the inventory, but a secret fourth thing (press tab))
Murdering some guys who were chasing and attacking some woman (every time I killed one, I heard children crying, which I assume is the sound of my reputation suffering due to me murdering people)
Trying to recall which key opens which menu. No, there is not one master menu where I can see the different menus and get to them that way.
Trying for WAY TOO LONG to climb a ladder which is most likely unclimbable.
Deciding to play a platforming game inside Baby Vlad's secret lair for absolutely no reason except curiosity and then to look into the well (also for no reason).
CHASING DOWN and talking to EVERY FUCKING CHILD to see if they've got the LETHAL DRUGS they plan to consume as part of a "GAME" after being told confiscating them is the only way to protect them (according to some kid in a dog mask) only to discover that NONE OF THEM HAD ANY (even though some did before the quest started) and in fact the only way to complete the quest is to give a single sample (found in the house) to the quest giver. This annoyed me a bit, ngl.
Trying painted on doors and being fucking confused when certain characters didn't appear in the house I was told they'd be in, only to discover that I couldn't use the doors INSIDE the houses and instead had to LEAVE and go round looking for more doors OUTSIDE to access other rooms in the house and find other characters.
Trying to fill my empty bottles at a fountain only to start DRINKING THE WATER and watching helplessly as my exhaustion increases.
Climbing up stairways into literal nothingness simply to indulge my curiosity (and hear the sweet sweet sounds of children crying, as usual).
Most fences are marked on the map. Occasionally, they aren't and you will reach a dead end where you can SEE, even TOUCH the house you're looking for but have to search for a way around to reach the door (as your time trickles away and your exhaustion steadily rises).
Just standing there WAITING for Georgiy to let me examine the body in the evening, at the time he'd said I could (eleven o'clock). I even had a dialogue choice where I told him I'd get evidence from the body so I assumed I'd need to complete the examination with Rubin that night in order to complete the day's mission (and not die). Eventually, my exhaustion levels got super high and it was past 11 so I just went to bed and it was like, "GOOD JOB!" so I guess I was wrong. Apparently, if you get there at nine and speak to Rubin, that's all that's needed, I GUESS. Okay, this annoyed me a bit.
I also do a lot of very slow walking around looking at things (and trying to activate them) in games but, in spite of all this, I did manage to complete the first day and did not DIE so perhaps this game is more forgiving than I had thought (at least at first). I was fully convinced I was going to die when Katerina told me I had to solve the murder in the next few hours (each hour is FIVE MINUTES) or be DOOMED but it was fine. It gave me the fix I needed and I had a good time.
Will I go back and finish it? Maybe I will play a bit more but if it keeps giving me times and instructions and then completely disregarding them, I might get frustrated.
#pathologic#I found the bleak setting very calming#I love the creepy old school characters. They all look horrifying.#I may have actually already screwed myself because I spent all day chasing quests and fannying about#So I didn't buy any food and I saw someone say that the price of food goes up TEN TIMES now...#I did FIND some#And I completed all the quests I encountered so I got some STUFF#But I didn't buy anything because I was doing other stuff and also have no idea of what's useful to me and what isn't...#And I didn't know the price of food would go up that much on day 2 obviously#I went into this game completely blind#but did look up some stuff (like how to take my FUCKING GUN OUT) while I was playing#I also checked online before sleeping that I really didn't need to examine the body (that's where I saw the tip about buying food on day 1)#I spent plenty of time rummaging in BINS#Is water important? Who knows? I have lots though. I found so many empty bottles.#Maybe I will keep going just to see how far I can get
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DAY 1 APRIL 29, 2021
Good Morning everyone! So many requirements this week and I can't handle it anymore. I can't manage my time and don't know what to do. I didn't have enough sleep. It's so gloomy outside and rainy. I want to sleep but I have some lessons to study.
It's so cold outside, end of school year is quite near and I'm super excited. I should do first this requirements before enjoying myself watching Netflix movies.
So many tasks to do this week and I'm preparing myself to be productive to do this tasks without being lazy. Before I do some tasks, my grandmother asked me for help to clean her room. We replace the curtains, we mop the floor, we decided to take a break and have some snacks. She made my favorite pineapple juice and I toasted the slice bread and we enjoy eating together.
This Thursday, our internet connection gone unstable. I don't know why but it will come back to normal as soon as possible. I went to my room and take a rest. I used my cellphone, surfed the net, and listen to my favorite classic songs. I turned off the lights and went asleep.
DAY 2 APRIL 30, 2021
This Friday, it was so hot in the morning. I went to the bathroom and take a bath. I saw my grandmother making our breakfast for us. It was eggs and hotdogs. We ate it and I will be the one who will wash the dishes. I went to our living room and I watched my favorite show. My favorite channel is the Cartoon Network and my favorite cartoon is We Bare Bears. They're so cute! I want to hug tight and be my companion to bed when I sleep every night.
I called mom and we talked for awhile when she's not busy. She's working abroad. I dropped the call because I have something to do. Today was my cousin's birthday. Me and my grandmother were invited to attend to his party. When we arrived in their house, we saw them preparing for the birthday party. We arrived earlier than I thought. When I enter on his room, I saw him using his new phone, it was a gift from his dad. Aww, how sweet! I wish when my birthday comes, mom will give me a new phone.
DAY 3 MAY 1, 2021
Thank God it's Saturday! I want to rest this weekends. I want to watch movies at night with my grandmother and also my siblings. I want to use my phone all night and play Mobile Legends because for me it was the most addictive game in the world. I look up in the sky and watch the sunset. Sunset is my favorite scenery because it makes me calm and I was so admired by the sun.
I directly went to my room and changed clothes. I go to the kitchen to make Chicken Adobo, that would be our dinner for tonight. After we ate, I surfed the net, watched horror movie, and felt asleep.
DAY 4 MAY 2, 2021
Sunday morning, I woke up early and I made a milk for myself. Milk is not enough so I cooked my own breakfast today. It was bacon, egg, and hotdog with rice of course. I'm so happy it wasn't overcooked. I charged my phone because I forgot to charge it last night.
It's lunch time, I ate Adobo that I made last night. I go back to my table where I usually study and focus on myself. It's so hot in the afternoon and my eyes are itchy. I don't have any glasses to protect my eyes from the radiation coming from my device. Layer that time, I felt dizzy and weak so I talked to my grandmother and she gave me some medicines, I should take this because I want to feel better as soon as possible. Then I rest and felt asleep.
DAY 5 MAY 3, 2021
I hate Mondays but I woke up early because of the noise coming from outside. I can still feel the dizziness so I take medicines to cure this. Then I lay down in my bed and take a rest. I felt asleep again and woke up in the afternoon, I skipped lunch because I don't want to eat. Feeling well, I go outside and ventilated myself with the fresh wind. I saw my friend walking by and I smile with a wink to her. She smiled back but doesn't wink back.
I checked my temperature and it goes back to normal. I pray to God and thanked Him because He did not forsake me even I'm a sinner. We should pray and have faith on Him, He is great, He loved us all.
Our subject teachers gave us activities and I answered it already because I have time for it and I don't want to fail, my mom would beat me if I fail. I am ready to pass it, but maybe tomorrow I should go to school or I will send it to my aunt and she will be the one who will pass it in the Drop-Pick Area in our school.
DAY 6 MAY 4, 2021
I woke up early to do my laundry because I don't have any clothes to wear. After doing the laundry, I rest for some 30 minutes, then I did my homeworks and some activities. I also workout for like 30 minutes. My grandmother cooked my favorite dish called chop suey for our lunch. I love it since I was a kid, this is my favorite dish.
I go outside and trim some of the bushes. Suddenly, a beggar came to our house, wearing a surgical mask and she asked me if she can obtain some of our papaya fruit. She also said that she was so hungry and she badly want to eat that papaya fruit. She also told me that she's 4 months pregnant. I think she is craving to the fruit. I gave her the perfectly ripe papaya fruit so that she can enjoy it. She was so thankful to me. And i said "Anytime, you're welcome!"
Being generous also makes us feel better about ourselves. We have to focus on what we are giving not on what we are receiving. We have to be selfless.
DAY 7 MAY 5, 2021
Today is Wednesday. Finally, we have our internet connection and was faster than the recent wifi we used. We can watch youtube without lagging, play online games, and lastly surf the net faster than ever before. This day I read books to enhance my reading skills. I also practiced to sing. My voice actually improved when I was a part of Musical Play in Grade 10.
When I was bored in our house, I usually go to Pili to buy groceries and my needs when I have money. I always buy my favorite Choco-Strawberry Milktea. I usually spend my money to buy foods because it helps me to cope and reduce stress. When I have free time, I play online games like COD, ML, Valorant and many more. It helps me to think critically on how to kill enemies, know the strategies, and many more.
DAY 8 MAY 6, 2021
Today is my favorite cousin's birthday. I'm so excited! Her name is Zchan and she is my beloved cousin and also my bestfriend. Since nursery, she's within me. We play our favorite outdoor games, we watch our favorite cartoons together, we do our schoolworks together, even if it there's an Honor List, we ranked 1st together. We are blessed with intelligence but I am more talented thank her. We always brainstorm together when we have a problem to be solved and the funny thing is that we usually had the same idea. I really love her so much. I prepared her a gift, it was a Gucci sweatshirt. My mom bought it for me so I can give her the gift that I know she wants.
I prepared myself, I went to their house, it's already 3:00 and thankfully I am not late. i helped her sister for preparing the party. It's only a small party because of the pandemic and also she didn't wish to have a big party celebration. Later that afternoon, we ate the foods in the table, and after that I also helped wash the dishes.
When I arrived home, I saw my grandma watching news. I proceed to my room, changed my clothes and fell asleep.
DAY 9 MAY 7, 2021
The Finals Examination for Second Semester is near and honestly I am not ready. I should review my lessons this week but I have so many responsibilities to do. We will have the general cleaning in our entire house tomorrow. My grandmother told me that I should prepare and be ready for tomorrow and finish my school activities. I also have to be the cashier in our store and take care of it.
Before our general cleaning, I already clean and organized my room so that tomorrow I will focus only on the other part of the house. Honestly my room is always clean hehe. I don't want other people sneak into my room without any permission from me. I don't want any dust in my room especially in my bed. My grandmother always tell me that she even asked me "Why am I so clean?" I answered her that since I was a kid, I usually get the "Most Neat and Clean Award". And also I told her that Good hygiene lowers your risk for diseases and illnesses commonly spread through viruses and bacteria. Washing yourself and staying clean can kill and remove illness-causing bacteria from your body, lowering the risk for disease. Good hygiene is key to preventing infection when wounds and skin irritation are present.
DAY 10 MAY 8, 2021
It was Saturday, I woke up late and I drink milk and ate some bread to have energy when cleaning the house. I go to the bathroom and take a shower, my grandmother said that I should take shower before doing a household chores.
I started at the front of our house, I sweep those fallen leaves and piled up in a designated area where we burn those leaves. Next that I did was Grass cutting. I used the pruning shears to cut those unwanted grass in our yard. The next that I did is to water my plants. Grandma loves her plants as much as me. I sprinkled some water to the plants to make them alive and healthy. The next thing that I do is to clean the window, I wiped them using squeegee and a cloth to make them dry fast. The last thing that I did is mop inside the house. Then after that I take some rest and eat those snacks that my grandmother prepared for me. Then it was dark and I fell asleep.
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Living with PCOS.
Warning: long post a head.
I was diagnosed with pcos last year 2nd of July. I couldn't forget that day because finally there was an explanation, a reason why I'm feeling things, why I feel different. You'll find out why.
Growing up i was the only girl in our house. Being a kid was easy, i don't really have an older sister compare what was the norms when it comes to my developing body. I thought wearing baby bra at second grade was normal until i found out all my friends just wears sando.
Then comes my third grade, another development came to my body. My first period.
At first it was just a blood spot on my undies. I grew up having UTI so i thought maybe it's from my UTI. So i decided to ignore it and went on my usual routine. Go to school and then go home. The following day was interesting though, upon coming home from school. I started feeling something different, my undies feel wet but not from pee. Immediately went to my room and when i lifted up my skirt i saw blood on my shorts. I was shocked and i told my nana what was happening. She told me that i already got my period. Of course everyone in the family was shocked. They believe i got my period too soon. I was just roughly 8-9 years old at that time.
But i always remember dealing with heavy period flow that will last for like 4-5 days. It was frustrating. I was always scared when I'm at school because I don't want to get blood stains on my uniform.
I also remember having intense breakouts on my face. Like having multiple big acnes all over my face. I tried different soaps and creams to relieve the pimples but things just got from worse to worst. Soon my whole cheeks and forehead are red from the pimples. It was disgusting. And it took toll on my 12 year old self. I began losing self confidence because of how i look. I also noticed that i have this ugly hairs on my forearms and my legs.
During my first year in highschool, i notice my period has these weird pattern. Like i would have my period for over 2 months and then the following 2 months i would have no period. And then i would have my period again but i would have these intense pain on my lower abdomen. Little did i was having dysmenorrhea at that time. I was still in highschool so ask my health teacher if what's happening to me was normal. She told me that my menstrual cycle was called as irregular cycle because normally menstruation would come after 28 days. Mine was a little bit off schedule. She told me that i should go see a doctor to correct my menstrual cycle. She also told me not to worry that much because I was still yound and probably my body was just getting used to having menstruation. And maybe overtime my menstrual cycle would become regular.
And with that in mind. I decided not to ask my mom to go to a doctor and wait till my body adjust to the regular menstrual phase. And for a while it did. Like i was regular for like few months but my acne was still there, i also have these acne on my back. My body hairs becoming even more noticeable especially on my legs. Needless to say i had endure my highschool life despite of those things.
Then come my college life. I took interest in a health care program. It was pretty busy. I had to keep up with the schedules at school that it was easy to forget my period. Sometimes i don't know i had my period for a month, I'm confused on whether my period hasn't come or if it had. Eventually when people will ask me about my period i will always say that I'm irregular and when i do, i frequently experience it with dysmenorrhea.
I knew i had to do something. But i keep putting it off because of my busy schedule at the university. (I was in five year program mind you.) I even find it very convenient when my period wouldn't come because i didn't have to worry about bringing extra set of uniform in case i had blood stains. During the first 4 years of my college life my menstrual cycle was like an irregular regular, wherein i would have my period for 5 days (heavy flow) for the consecutive 2 months. And then i would have no menstruation for the next 2 months after that. I had also gain weight during those 4 years.
I developed these bad habit of stress eating. Whenever i feel stress over school work, i would eat like a lot of food. I also stress eat whenever i hadn't got a chance to sleep due to school work. Yes it was that busy. I had to be up all night doing academic work, and then get ready for school the following day. To keep up with that lifestyle i usually eat A LOT. But it was all worth it because i usually finish being one of the top students of courses of my program, the only down side of it the irregular menstrual cycle with the much more intense dysmenorrhea and the gaining weight.
Fast forward to my 5th year, the 5th year of the program at university was a 10 month period of internship to different clinics and hospitals. If the first 4 years of my college life was toxic. The transition of that and to first few months of the internship was even more toxic. There's this medical examination, the compre exams, my research papers. Again it was easy to lose track of my period.
I was on my 4th month of internship (July 2019), when i noticed that i haven't got my period. When i check the calendar i realized i haven't got my period for the past 7 months. That was even before my pre internship period. Luckily i had a day off that month because the clinic had to close.
I immediately took the chance and went to the hospital to have and OB gyn check up. I remember getting there alone because my mom was at work that time. I also remember waiting in line and being interviewed 2 times; one when i was booking for a gynecologist, and the second one was when i was interviewed by my own gynecologist. On those both times i remember having ask the same question. "Am i sure that i was not pregnant." Of course i knew it will eventually be ask because I didn't got my period for 7 months. I answered no, sure I'm not pregnant. After being interviewed by my gynecologist. I was advised to undergo ultrasound. When the results came back, my gynecologist informed me that i was positive for having PCOS or the polycystic ovarian syndrome. There was it. The answer why i was gaining weight fast, the irregular menstrual cycle, the excessive body hairs, the intense dysmenorrhea. My gynecologist explained what was happening to my body and why I wasn't having my period for the fast few months. My doctor also explained that i need to lose weight and that there is a possibility that i would have difficulty getting pregnant. I wasn't planning on getting pregnant that time but heck i got emotional. I cried. And even for the fact that i went there alone made me even more emotional. my doctor gave me this a set of medication and i was advised to come back on the first that i got my period. I did as i was told, I took the meds for 7 days. And i did my usual routine of going to my internship duty. When my first day of period came, i went back to my genecologist and then she prescribed pills after explaining to me the mechanism of how the pills work and it's potential side effects which is gaining more weight. How fun. But since it was supposed to regulate my menstrual cycle and improves my dysmenorrhea, i decided to take the pills.
My menstrual cycle came back and now i do have a regular cycle but that was except for the fact that i was getting really light flow of dark red blood that will last for only 3 days.
Also i decided to try several changes in my diet, the only diet that was effective for me was the ketogenic diet. It's a low card diet. I did that for a few months. But i had to eventually stop it because it took toll on my studies. I find it hard to absorb information and i wasn't as sharp as i used to be prior to my keto diet. A month after stopping this diet immediately gain weight as fast as i lose weight. I lost 6 kilos during keto for 4 months. Then when i stopped keto i immediately gain 2 kilos in just one month. How freaking sad.
Currently, 9 months after being diagnosed with pcos. I'm still taking my pills despite the advice of my doctor to take it only for 6 months, because i still haven't regulate my menstrual cycle. I'm still looking for other diet that wouldn't make it hard for me to study. I also notice that as i took the pills longer. My emotional state becomes harder to control. I'm still looking ways for improvement, hopefully soon I stumble upon effective ways for me with less the troubles. My advice for now to other women out there with the same condition as mine, it's not the end. And being diagnosed with pcos doesn't mean we won't have kids in the future. We will just find it a bit hard to conceived. Also it really helps when you talk about what your feeling. There's a lot of PCOS support groups out there that has the same condition as we are. And that's when you'll know that you are not alone in this journey. You are not alone in this battle. You are a warrior and you can win this.
#PCOS, #PCOSstory, #PCOSwarrior, #MyLifeWithPCOS, #PolicysticOvarianSyndrome
#online journal, #storytime
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