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hedgefairy · 2 years

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Bridgerton Season 2, Episode 1: Here we go again (why)

After giving up on my recaps of season one because there are more fun things than thinking about this clusterfuck I thought I might as well try again with season two. I'm watching this while sewing, so we'll see how much of it will actually register in my brain. Fun!

Before I even press play I see the eldest Bridgerbro emerging from a lake with his thin white shirt clinging to his body. I'd like to have that muslin, please, but also, somebody was obviously obsessed with the 2005 Pride and Prejudice in their teens, eh (I had a friend like that, too)?

Oh, look, a recap. Let's establish again that Eloise has no manners because she's not like other girls, that Lady Whistleblower is a thing, that Daphne is the most boring sex offender ever (eugh) and that Simon is a hottie with mediocre writing. Also, the Queen is a bit of a bitch (can we have some George IV, please? He was fun!), Bridgerbro A has all the ~responsibilities~ and can't live up to his fullest fucktwit potential (he does try, however) and there was that Fake Pregnancy Tragic Jealousy Youngest Bridgerbro-Marina-Unfortunately Dressed Girl Love Triangle arc thing. I forgot almost all the names, it's gonna be great.

Let's skip the recap, it's boring and I have fabric to cut.

So we start out with Eloise emerging (beautifully, of course) from her chambers in her debut-meet the queen-be declared a diamond of the first water dress, but the maids seem really distressed. Nobody cares about the staff in this series!

The queen quips that she hasn't heard a word of Lady Whistledown since last season. Clever! She also comes to the groundbreaking conclusion that Whistleblower is probably someone from the upper class! As if the staff didn't have better things to do, even if I'd be fully satisfied with someone spilling all the tea on their superiors, I'd watch that.

We're back in the Featherington household who's in mourning, because Lord F got shivved back in Season 1. This doesn't make the dresses less un-fucking-flattering on Penny, because now there's no pattern to break up the surface, but I am spotting a nice Halloween orange-black stripe on one of her sisters, so that's nice (it would have been nicer if Penny could have had some of that, too).

The eldest Bridgerbro has had a haircut and looks far less Regency-ish now. I'm disappointed. Now he's boring as well as a horrible fuckboy. Eloise gets rescued from being introduced to the queen and deemed less of a diamond than Daffy by the newest gossip girl post Whistledown letter being carried in, and the monarch is far more into the society's dirty laundry than watching a girl squirm in a formal setting.

And this thirst for tea concludes the first episode, accompanied by a "Dearest Gentle Reader, did you miss me", which I should totally adopt for these re...

Oh, wait, there's the intro. That was only the first six minutes.

Welcome to Bridgerton, Series 2, I guess.

Dearest Gentle Reader, did you miss me? Also, can I just have a series on the adventures of the street urchin (or course, polished in disney park-esque Bridgerton fashion, no dirt anywhere, not here, no, gentlefolks) who delivers the Whistleblower Gossip Girl leaflets?

The actress of Penny gets to break out her native Irish accent - if you want more of that, give a listen to Whistle Through the Shamrocks, which she also co-wrote and co-produced - while we get to see behind the scenes of the Lady Whistledown operations. Turns out, the Irish maid of Lady Gossip Girl actually does care about the lower classes. Nice.

Back at the Bridgerbore House we see Eloise, who must be seventeen or so at this point and is played by someone of my vintage (cool, I could still play a teen, that's so reassuring!), endure dance lessons with a twelve-year-old as her partner. Aren't there enough older brothers around that seem to have nothing better to do? Then again, with Regency dances, the height doesn't matter anyway. I'm just happy to see more of the younger Bridgertons, because we don't really know them yet and they might prove interesting enough to get invested.

Followed by some exposition where Ducktail Colin is hanging out at the moment, apparently he's chilling in Albania. Eloise's hair looks so much better this season! On the other hand, Lady B's dress looks like a Seventies house coat, and not the good kind.

Antony is holding auditions for a wife. We get - pretty people pleaser who keeps adding to her potential number of children to win the guy's approval - overwhelmed 1940s time traveller - harp lesbian who doesn't read -probably not the 80s coiffed blonde who's bed he's just getting out of (he's got a nice ass but gives bad tips) - about fourteen year-old polyglot overachiever (is it problematic that she's played by an asian actress?) (you can do so much better, girl) - someone who actually has a face and prefers a quadrille over him - a girl who is pretty creative and even MAKES HER OWN HATS CAN I DATE HER WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM BRIDGERBRO? - another non-elegible badly tipped sexworker (brunette) and that's it. He seems quite anal about it and he has a list of questions. And he actually has to work to keep up the estate for once, which I find an adequate punishment for his existence as a whole. This tires him out so much that he has to have a somber trot around the park in the early morning hours (after tipping badly). This is when we see someone who obviously knows how to handle a horse gallop across the glen, but because the person is wearing a skirt our Bridgerbro instantly thinks she's having trouble with her car mount. She's obviously into the chase (and we love a hooded cape-on-horse situation) and, I admit, very fucking hot. Wait, is she that one girl from Sex Education? Makes sense, she was already super pretty there.

She's too cool for you, man.

Also, stop mansplaining.

Apparently Too Awesome For Antony (who's name seems to be Kate, but I'll keep referring to her as TAFA) is a guest of Lady Danbury's, together with her mother and younger sister. Bridgerton is a very dad-less series.

She has a corgi (negative points for Danbury for looking at him in a non-dog-adoring way). Named Newton. She's definitely too good for the fuckbro.

"Her Majesty is most... discerning, you understand" Translation: "She's a straight-up bitch, but she's fun to gossip with" - Lady Danbury

TAFA is 26, which makes her an old maid in the Bridgerverse, but she's too awesome to care, and I hereby vote on her staying single, or, if she desperately must wed the Idiot, her divorcing him shortly after and continuing being cool on her own with only casual very bisexual adventures. Yeah? Yeah.

She's also a super supportive older sister and they seem to have a really sweet bond. That's what I want to see, thank you! TAFA keeps telling Danbury off for thinking anything less than stellar of her little sister, which I think is such a boss move - Danbury is cool, don't get me wrong, but she's a bit of a meddler and not informing herself of the girls' education is a gross oversight that I feel is a bit out of character for a schemer like her?

We get some bestie time with Eloise and Penny, and while Eloise's hat is weird (what is it with the midcentury stuff this season?) I kind of enjoy playing them off each other's characteristics. Also, mourning doesn't seem to be a thing outside the Featherington house? Is it over already? How long has it been? What is Time?!

Speaking of the Featheringtons, their lady's maid still looks like a cheap copy of Downton Abbey's O'Brian. WTF is up with that.

TAFA and her sister attend the first ball of the season. There's the Vitaming String version of Material Girl playing in the background, ironically so, because just a minute ago TAFA told her sister that fortune and title are no useful pointers to a partner's qualities. Danbury, however, does the song justice and basically draws up a financial spreadsheet for all the eligible bachelors and widowers she can find.

Enter the Bridgerblerghs, I enjoy Benedict (can he get some screen time and a boyfriends, please), Eloise is okay, Antony I don't like and Lady B is embarassing him by shouting about the room that he's in need of a wife. Parents, am I right?

Apparently TAFA's and Edwina's mum has some sort of scandal attached to her because all the evil mothers (which, of course, excludes Lady B) are gossipping away at her sight. Oh gasp, she apparently married a commoner who already had a kid (TAFA, that you?) and her parents totally disowned her for that, at least mentally.

As a side quest we get Lady Featherington being not-so-subtly bitched at by the parents of the guy wooing one of her daughters, including jabs at her short mourning period (the colour of her dress is stunning for her, I have to admit). She's playing the Recently Widowed card to get out of them asking for her daughters dowry (maybe not the place for that, in a public place and all, can't you make appointments for that?) which she can't pay because she's broke because her husband gambled everything away and then got shivved for it and not she's got to wait for some unknown distant cousin or somesuch to take over the estate and the paying of things.

TAFA and Edwina get introduced to some stuck-up looking guy who's about twice the length of Edwina (there's also a dude with unruly red hair who seems to always get the shorter end of the stick, we'll see if he gets to be more than a background joke). Danbury and TAFA keep bitching at each other (well, the bitching is mostly on Danbury's part) while we get some exposition on societal rules.

Somewhere between the curtains that lavishly decorate the location Penny is casually eavesdropping on gossip for her next column. Eloise drops by, pursued not by a bear but two suitable young men who would read every wish from her eyes if she didn't rebuke them. She apparently just scribbled Lord Byron or other celebs onto every line of her dance card, which I think is funny, and I'd like to see that encounter.

All the while, TAFA is already looking kinda sadly at the guy she is TAF, and while he's outside with his frat bro fellow bachelors (the phrase "wed, bed and bred" occurs and I feel a bit sick but it would be a shame because I had really nice cheese cake for breakfast) she is, of course, also stepping out. We've all been there at parties, trying to casually stalk a guy we much later realise we're much too good for. TAFA overhears this horrible bullshit and still isn't appalled because Bridgerbro said he wants a wife with some brain and wit, and because hormornes suck she's probably thinking something along the lines of "hey, that's me!". She trips over something, he hears she's there and it's all rather uncomfortable and a bit cringe. However, she tears him a new one for being a sexist idiot and thinking that anyone who meets his standards would actually want anything to do with his sorry ass.

Nice.

She compares his character to his horsemanship (which is sufficient) and leaves him standing there like the complete idiot that he is, and of course he's intrigued now. I mean, who wouldn't be, but does it have to be that guy? I'd be okay for her to marry Benedict, even if I still have hopes for him to be queer! Just not Aaaantony.

Back inside we have some more Eloise and Penny, and while Penny wants to sneak off on Gossip Girl business Eloise tells here that she's happy to have her and with her never has to be alone. If that's not a hidden sapphic confession I don't know what is. Just let her be a lesbian? Please? Can you spare some queerness, sir? *begs in London street urchin*

Benedict is a brat to his mum and I love him for that.

The aftermath of the ball (which TAFA left in a hurry, probably because the eldest Bridgerbro is an idiot) is narrated by Lady Whistleblower, and we see said Bridgerbro burning a program of the opera singer he still dated last season who had not been mentioned again.

I'm so annoyed by the whole "diamond" business. What is this, Topmodel? Just as annoyed and bored are the youngest two Bridgertons who I hope go and run away with the circus because that's always fun and I think we could use some of that aesthetic here. Oh fuck, no, that's not the two youngest, it's Eloise and Background Joke Bloke, he just looked so nervous that I mistook him for her twelve year-old brother. Poor boy. Fittingly, he goes off to play marbles with the actual two youngest in a corner, good for him!

We also see the return of the milliner/dressmaker with the fake French accent from last season. Didn't Benedict have a thing with her? Yeah, he did, and she's not interested in rekindling that. He continues to be a brat to Antony, rightfully so. More of that, please, the guy needs roasting.

God, I hate Antony so much. "I'm looking for perfection", yeah, but Perfection isn't looking for you, so sod off.

While in the Bridgerton household people are annoying but happy, the Featheringtons continue to struggle, with Lady F even trying to sell Penny's books. The middle sister keeps pestering Penny about what she's writing and is generally insufferable, and we learn where the Whistleblower pages are hidden (it's a floornboard).

Lady Danbury is a smoker. She is also telling TAFA that she knows all about her morning rides and accuses her of an ulterior motive in coming to London. Also, yes, TAFA is the commoner's daughter. Turns out, her step-grandparents will provide for her mother and her sister's dowry, but only if the latter marries a good English lad with a title because they still have commoner trauma from their daughter. TAFA rants on how she would, if she could, marry for her families safety and how English tea is horrible if you grew up in India. Danbury seems to be able to respect that and sets out to scheme Edwina into The Diamond *da-da-daaaaaah* It certainly doesn't help that the queen apparently took the girls' mother's departure from London all those years ago as a personal insult and continues bitching at her.

Benedict continues to be a lovably sarcastic fuck as Eloise fumbles through her introduction with the queen, accidentally making a good impression. Afterwards the queen bee (Cressida!) and her cheerleaders come to her and Penny's uncool kids table to woo her into becoming one of them, but Eloise proclaims that she's rather die. Penny and her share a nice moment in a field of daffodils which I distinctly remember from my childhood as being full of ants, so that must be uncomfortable. Penny almost confesses to being Gossip Girl and Eloise talks about how being perfect Daffy's sister is no fun at all. The scene is lovely, and I get it when Penny talks about being invisible and that being fun, too. Also, that's a really cute dress on her for once, I love the stars! (Also strong roommates vibes, I approve.)

What I don't approve of is the switch back to the ballroom and the queen. And the season's diamons iiiiiiiisssss... *drumroll*

EDWINNIE! Good for her!

The look of disbelief, relief and love that the sisters share upon this announcement is so cute, they play this dynamic so well, it's a shame that Antony Bridgerton is in this show. Who can't do anything but step up and insert himself in the scene of Edwina shaking hands with the queen because of course he wants to marry ~The Diamond~ even though she looks like she's fourteen and scared. And their first fucking interaction is him asking her about her thoughts about having fucking children, what the fuck is wrong with you?! God, this all seems so wrong.

In lack of a father (again, everything is very dad-less) older Bridgerbro needs to get the blessing of Edwinas sister to marry her (five minutes after meeting her for the first time, this is some Disney princess level bullshit right there) who, as we already know, is none other than TAFA.

Some cringes later the camera switches to the Featherington home to show a pile of old shit, hat boxes and taxidermied bears which, to be honest, could be mine. The new heir has finally arrived.

He looks like a grown-up, handsome Michael Cera?

And he's funny. This is the stuff I want to see!

For once Lady Whistledown and I are of one mind when she calls out the ludacrisy of the whole diamond business. And with this rare occasion, the episode is finally over.

Good for you if you made it to this point! But beware, it's...

...to be continued

Rating: Three diamonds out of a liquor cabinet

Series I'd rather watch: - Dishing Out and Serving Tea: Downstairs Gossip Girl - The Adventures of Little Pip, distributer of scandal - Penny & Eloise - Scribble & Sleuth - something where Eloise and maybe Penny meet Lord Byron

#hedgewatch #bridgerton #recap #bridgerbore

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