#He was powerless to save Ravka. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

klbwriting · 3 years

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Unexpected Allies - Chapter 19

Fandom: Six of Crows

Pairing: Kaz/female!Reader

Summary: Just...sorry

Notes: This was just the worst

Taglist: @mcntsee @amwitherspoon @cxlpxrnia @fcvcritecrime @aysegust @sagewrites111 @spawn0fsatan @itsemy01 @thedelusionreaderbitch

It took nearly another week for the Shu army to arrive, a day after that the Frejdans arrived and Kaz felt his plan falling into place. He had told Jesper that the next morning he had to make sure that Y/N was away from the Darkling, get her out of the Little Palace. He promised chaos so that the sharpshooter would have an easier time getting her out. Kaz didn't what would happen next but he knew there was no other way to get her to save Ravka like she wanted. The Darkling would never stop, only Y/N could stop him. Inej noticed his mood getting darker as the day before the start of the war ended. She sat next to him by one of the fires and waited for him to acknowledge her. "Its going to hurt her," he said softly. Inej nodded. "You are doing something noble Kaz, it has to be the end of the world," she said. Kaz sighed and shook his head. "What have I become?" he said, leaning his head to his cane. Inej reached out and gently placed a hand on his shoulder. He noticed once again that touch wasn't bothering him much anymore. He could thank Y/N for that, but of course he couldn't. He knew she liked what he sent her, Jesper reported that she wore the necklace everyday, but that still didn't make him feel better for what happened. After tomorrow who knew if he'd ever get to apologize to her. He didn't have a contingency plan, if this didn't work it was all over. He stood finally. "Kaz, you're a good man," Inej said. He glared at her. "That look doesn't quite scare me as much as it used to." He scowled and walked away but secretly he was pleased. He could be both a ruthless killer and a good man. He hoped this would be enough.

Y/N wasn't sure when the fighting started. She was woken up by the Darkling himself coming into her room and dragging her from bed, pulling her into the hall where she heard shouting and saw Grisha running everywhere. Jesper came running and handed the Darkling a saber made of steel. "Thank you Fahey, take Y/N to the roof, I am going to take care of Mal before dealing with the rest of the resistance," he said, face full of rage. Y/N felt genuine fear as her chain was given to Jesper. Jesper was about to take off when another Fabrikator joined them. "Make sure they get there Rege." He nodded and followed them. They turned towards the roof but stopped just short of the stairs. Rege ran up a few steps before realizing they stopped. He turned, about to yell when a loud bang rang out and he collapsed, a small hole bleeding from his front. "The kefta, they're bullet proof..." Y/N said, turning to Jesper. He winked at her. "I may have been working on something fun just for the Grisha," he said. She smiled at him. He took the chain and shackles off her but wasn't able to remove the collar. "Come on, let's go, Kaz told me to get you out of here." "Jes, what if he gets killed...I can't lose Kaz..." she said as they headed through another of her tunnels towards the east side of the palace. They could flank on that side, take some of the Grisha by surprise. Jesper stopped just before the went out the door. " Y/N, I promise you that you will see Kaz again. You'll be with him by the end of the day, I swear it on my guns," he said. She nodded and hugged him again. "Now let's kill the Darkling, you know to use a machete?" He held out the weapon that was leaning on the wall, ready for her. She took it and nodded. "He remembered it was my specialty," she said and Jesper nodded as they exited and ran out. Most of the Grisha on this side of the palace were distracted by the Frejdans that were attacking so Jesper and Y/N slid into the action easily. Y/N was quite capable of handling herself without her powers but she couldn't deny that the weakness she felt from not using them was taking a toll on her fighting. She kept having to remind herself of what she was fighting for to keep going. She kept an eye on Jesper, and he on her, working together to make their way to the center of the fight where the Darkling was commanding a small group of shadow creatures, clearly trying to get to Mal. Mal was commanding the resistance fighters well, shooting his rifle and taking out anyone in his way, Matthias was using his druskelle training to keep the Grisha at bay, looking like a true warrior. Jesper caught sight of Wylan throwing bombs from behind a garden wall and he started to make his way over there. Inej had somehow climbed to the roof and was taking out Grisha along the torrents, the Inferni firing from above dropping to the ground, throats slit before they fell. The only person Y/N couldn't see was Kaz. She was trying to keep an eye out, hoping he stayed back, had planned the attack and let the others take their time to battle. She didn't want to be powerless to protect him. The Darkling was approaching Mal so Y/N fought harder than she had before, getting to her brother in arms and facing off against the creatures the Darkling made, striking them down with the Grisha made steel they held. It seemed to reflect the actual sunlight in such a way that it destroyed the shadows, making the Darkling create more instead of just making them reform. "Glad you could join us," Mal said as he shot a creature behind her. Y/N turned and sliced a Grisha before they use the wind against her friend. "Is that collar still a problem?" "Yes, I can't use my powers at all with it," she said. "And the Fabrikator disappeared before I could get him to take it off." "O we've been handling it, Kaz and Nina have figured something out with him," he said. She almost stopped but then a Grisha hit her with a water sprout and she swiped out, taking off the Grisha's arm. "Kaz is here?" she asked. Mal shook his head. "No, they're hoping you can do this yourself," he said. Suddenly the Darkling was there, swatting Mal aside, sending him off with his creatures. "Mal!" Y/N screamed before the Darkling was on her, hand around her neck. "I see that you tried to trick me puppy...but now I think you've shown how useless you really are," he said, throwing her to the ground and moving to cut her. "STOP!" she heard his voice and turned. So did the Darkling. He finished the cut and Kaz fell. Suddenly everything stopped for Y/N. "KAZ!" she screamed. She looked at the Darkling and screamed out her agony and the collar broke. She felt everything rising in her, all her pain and anger came out, darkness engulfing everyone. Only she and the Darkling were here now, facing each other. "Impossible...how did you..." She started firing fire at him, no gloves needed, the fire just appearing. She shot wind at him, knocking him back. Tears were stinging her cheeks, creatures trying to tear her apart but she felt none of it. She was shattered, her soul destroyed, what did she have holding her back now? The Darkling looked at her in awe as she squeezed her fist. He was able to send a creature to knock her off balance. He dove at her and she pushed a tide against him, throwing him to the side. "This is the power you have...you are so strong. Your love is dead, give in, this darkness is who you are. Imagine if I could teach you how to truly use this power," he said. Y/N stopped for a moment and the Darkling rose, watching her. "I am darkness, but I'm not just darkness," she said. "But you should be, Y/N, imagine what we can do together, we can take the world and make it how we want it," he said, approaching her, taking her face in his hands. Y/N slid the hidden knife from her sleeve, another gift from Kaz. She stabbed up, aiming between the ribs where he had shown her, making sure to pierce the heart. "I want Kaz in my world," she said, pushing the dagger further up, the tip poking out the other side. She yanked it out and the Darkling fell dead to the ground. She fell to her knees, the darkness still all around, it was spreading. This Fold she was creating was going to keep going unless she pulled it back. But how could she? What reason was there for light anymore? Kaz was dead, why should everyone else get to live. " Y/N, this isn't you," she heard his voice in her head. "This, this is my darkness. Well, at least, the darkness I thought was in me. You brought out the light in me." "I can't Kaz...what is the point of light if you won't be there when I bring it back?" she whispered. "The point love, is that someone has to lead the Dregs, are you going to let Jesper do that? Or Inej? God Jesper would never have money for them to eat and Inej is going to disperse them to be a diplomat now," he said. She laughed and felt some light struggling to come out. "I love you Y/N, just remember that, I love you for being the light in my life, don't let me down. Don't give up on me." "I love you too Kaz," she said to the darkness. She fell to her knees as she pulled back the dark and released the light. The fighting had stopped, no one sure what had happened. Once the light was back it took only seconds for the Second Army to see that their commander was not only dead but now they were outnumbered. They fled. The resistance stopped, looking at Y/N on the ground. She let out a strangled sob as she crawled to Kaz's body. " Y/N..." Mal said, moving to pull her away. She shoved him back. "Please...Kaz please!" she begged even though she knew there was nothing to be done. The cut had hit home. She leaned over his face, forehead to his as she sobbed on him. " Y/N...I'm so sorry," she heard Jesper say. "You promised!" she yelled at him. "I know...I...I'm just sorry." Inej came over then, putting her arms around Y/N who finally fell to sit back. Jesper joined Inej in hugging her. "I'm so sorry for this Y/N," Inej whispered, "so sorry."

#six of crows #kaz brekker x reader #kaz x reader #kazbrekker #kaz brekker #kaz #unexpected allies series

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neverfailtolive · 3 years

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Rant (Part 2): Alina + the ending

Alina Starkov is a character that many people love and many people hate, it is sort of one or the other. For me Alina is a very meh character. Her story is definitely nothing new: a girl who thought she was normal but in reality is much more. Even when the book was first published, this trope was old. Books like Percy Jackson, Harry Potter, the mortal instruments, Twilight and others (we could also add the Hunger Games but there the situation is a bit different), had already used the trope and had been very successful. So even at the time, such protagonists was not anything new, however who doesn't like a good underdog? a normal person like any of us, maybe a bit bruised and overlooked, that becomes so much more?

In the first book I really didn't mind Alina. I felt for her when Mal did not see her as anything more than a good friend, and I certainly understood her attraction to the Darkling. All the events of the first book are also understandable considering her young age. The problems start arising in the second book.

First of all, I do think that it was a mistake not letting more time pass in between the ending of the first book and the start of the second. It would have been good to let Alina mature some more and come to the realisation that she wanted to go back and save Ravka rather than being forced into it. Apart from this, and the arrival of the Darkling that is so easily defeated despite being so powerful, making the scene almost laughable, the problem with Alina is that she doesn't grow as a character she doesn’t change from the young powerless girl who follows everybody’a orders.

She is thrown in this world of responsibilities and sure it may seem like she takes them on well but she really doesn't. Bardugo wanted to develop a whole "power makes one greedy" storyline but, with the exception of her greed for the amplifiers, we never see Alina take power for herself, at least not in a significant way. The only example I could think of is taking the leadership of the Second Army, but even there once it's taken, and once she declares that all Grisha should be seated together (which although something fair, between all the problems that the grisha have to face it seems like the least important), we don't see her take strategic choices or political choices. We don't see her become the powerful and wise and knowledgeable leader that can make choices for a whole nation. All the political talks come from Nikolai. We never see her truly becoming the queen that everybody says she is. Even in the third book, she never truly realises the type of power that comes from a religious congregation and her escape from the apparat isn’t even fully her doing.

In R&R we can see some changes in the character in the sense that she does become more obsessed with the amplifiers but even there, as @darklingswhore says, she really did not have a choice in that matter. The whole plotline of power = greed = bad could have been made much stronger if she started becoming darker, like truly darker (similarly to how ti happens to the protagonist of the young elite by Marie Lu) not only saying sentences like "I will cut the tongue of whoever talks badly about my friend" (Genya). Okay she kills Mal for the greater good but he comes back so really there is no true consequence to her actions. To make the storyline more credible we should have seen her take power. A young orphan with nothing that suddenly has influence and thirst for power (which is how bardugo wanted us to see her) should want to feel the power, she should want to be at the head of nations, she should not want to run away or delegate. One of the hard choices she made was to let go of Mal and all that was ruined by the ending. and even there i would have been happy even if she didn’t turn all dark and twisty. even if she had just accepted her powers and influence it would have been better than her refusing to take power for herself and her people

and let's talk about the ending. By taking her powers away from Alina, the author is removing any sort of moral lesson that could be taken from the story. Bardugo does not teach about learning to control one's dark side, nor about moderation, both things that everybody should learn. It's like with fast food: its not about completely avoiding it, its about eating in moderation. she just teaches about taking away which i don’t love.

The fact that she goes back with Mal I think it is one of the worst parts. The moment in which she lets Mal go is a big moment of self reflection and understanding, a moment of growth. They have become too different. But by going back it is basically saying that as long as Alina is normal then the relationship can work but if she’s powerful then not. it’s completely eliminating the moment of growth which she has experienced before and i honestly did not like it. even with Alina losing her powers it would have been better if she had just learned how to ✨be special✨ on her own without mal.

This post is becoming messy so I’ll just leave it at this but all I want to say is not that I dislike Aline as a character, only that she’s too much of a ya character for the type of story that bardugo was trying to achieve. we never see her darkness and accompany her as she learns to control it and that was a poor writing choice.

#leigh bardugo #sab netflix #sab trilogy #the darkling #aleksander morozova #alina starkov #malyen oretsev #sun summoner #dark #light

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laurore-stormwitch · 3 years

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I did write a lot of words of a self indugent fic because I’m having a serious breakdown over row and these two madly in love idiots. I’m sorry I haven’t really proof read it and I don’t know what this is, I wrote it in an impulse, but I’m gonna share it for whoever needs to ease the pain of waiting another two days for row. Sending you big hugs for all the breakdowns to come. As usual i need to thank the two halves of my heart @not-just-human and @claudiarya because they're my biggest inspiration and for all the meltdowns we share ily

burning flames and raging fires

“Damn it.”

Nikolai paced the room, relentless, frantically searching for something or someone to unleash his rage on. He fisted his hands, trying to stop the violent shakes of fury that were bolting through him.

“Damn it!”

His voice came out hoarse, in a low snarl that seemed to call his demon to the surface. He slammed his hands on the table, squeezing his eyes shut. They attacked Lazlayon. The truth of what had happened was still taking root in his mind. The Fjerdans attacked Lazlayon. They attacked us. His military base, supposedly the secret one. How for all the Saints were they able to do that? How many losses had there been? Who tipped them off? All appropriate, rational questions he should have been trying to find an answer to right now, instead of walking through every corner of the sitting room of Zoya’s chamber, caught by the sheer terror of not knowing how she was. He glanced at the closed doors, barely registering the swarm of people coming and going beside him, the whirl of red keftas worn by Healers. Every time someone came in, he felt the wrenching urge of running to her, sweep her in his arms and take her to safety. Except there was nobody to protect her from right now anymore, and he had already failed at keeping her out of harm’s way. And he could do nothing but wait, sulking in his own despair and anger, while strangers tended to her.

“Your Highness.” Tolya called him as soon as he stepped in the room. The giant was still covered in sweat and dust, one of his arms badly bloodied. If the blood were his own, Nikolai could not tell. He had rarely seen his guard shaken and out of breath. He forced himself to straighten up his spine and try to focus his mind on one thought.

“Tell me.”

“We got as many as we could out, and we sealed the tunnels. We should be safe. It was a targeted attack; they knew we were there.”

Tamar growled, frustrated, holding her axes so hard her knuckles went white. As many as we could. How many? And what horrified him the most, he could not bring himself to truly care. The only person he cared about had saved their lives and was sealed behind a door he could not cross. He never hated himself as much as now. As if he could read his look, Tolya avoided his gaze, turning to his sister.

“How is the general?”

“The injuries seemed bad, but – I don’t know. Genya is inside.” Tamar answered, her eyes running to Nikolai as she spoke. “She’s going to be fine, she’s tougher than all of us put together.”

Nikolai felt it was a reassurance she was giving to herself as much as everyone else in the room. He could hear nothing but the deafening thrumming of his own heart, the panic gripping his insides and blurring his mind, the air constantly catching in his lungs. Every breath was like a painful stab in his heart, the oxygen felt like fire. His brain was torn apart; one side of it was scrabbling for solutions, making up plans and possibilities, while the other stayed gripped on the sound of her voice. The attack was all a blur, his memory was struggling to grasp strands of it. He remembered the explosions, the screaming, the utter chaos they unleashed on the Gilded Bog. It was a succession of sounds and bright flashes and the smell of blood and gunpowder. There was only one vivid image he could hold on to: Zoya with her arms stretched out to the sky and her feet planted in the ground, standing between them and the enemy, silk black hair hovering around her. As she threw her fists open, a thunderous rumbling noise had shaken the ground, the sound similar to the one that preceded an earthquake. In one split second the waters had risen from the lake, growing in a monstrous tide, swirling with Juris’ blue fire and speeding towards their opponents. Then, everything had started crumbling down on them, shattered by the force of her powers. Zoya’s diversion had saved them, providing them the time to distract the Fjerdans and run through the tunnel that connected Lazlayon to the Grand Palace. The rest, he did not want to remember. He wanted to erase from his mind Zoya toppling to the ground after being struck by the Fjerdans bullets, with the entire world crashing around her, the faint groaning she let out as she held her in his arms. Most of all, he wanted to forget her silence, or how he felt empty and powerless when someone had taken her from his hold and shut the door in his face. He knew how much his general would have scolded him if she could see him now. Pull yourself together, King Wretch, she would have said. Remember who you are. Nikolai was the king, and the king could ill afford to sulk in his anxiety and worry with his country’s safety hanging on a thread. And still, he could not bring himself to care, he could not find the strength to walk away. Not until he knew she was safe. Then you can spend the rest of the day telling me how much of an idiot I am. Please wake up and do it. He pulled the words out, tucking at the last strand of sanity he seemed to find.

“Tamar, I need you to double the security in the palace. And send scouts all over Os Alta to patrol the borders. We need to be prepared if they choose to push their attacks further.”

Tamar nodded, without leaving the grip on her weapons, her face strained. A rush of adrenaline washed over him, numbing the pain for a second.

“Tolya, no one followed us? Are we sure?”

“No one did. We blew up every entrance to the tunnels as soon as we got out.”

“Gather the other generals, tell them we’ll meet in the war room of the Grand Place to discuss how to proceed. Bring them up to the date on what happened, I’ll come as soon as I can.”

“Your Highness”, Tolya tried, gently, “it would be best if you – “.

Nikolai cut him short. “I’m not leaving here until Zoya is awake.” The twins exchanged a glance, without daring to contradict his firm and cold tone or dwell on the implications of what he had just said. He did not care about this either. He did not care about anything anymore; Ravka could burn to the ground as far as he was concerned right now. Eager Ravka, which was now trying to take from him the person he held most dear. Keeping up the façade had been already tiring enough the last few weeks, but this was utterly unbearable. The doors of her chambers slammed open, and they all snapped towards the sound. Genya took a couple of steps towards them, scrubbing her hands with a clean cloth. Her hair were damp in her face, her shoulders slumped, but she locked her eye on Nikolai’s ones with a reassuring gaze that flooded him with relief.

“She’s going to be fine.” She exhaled, closing her eye for a moment, and taking a long breath in. “Thank the Saints, it looked worse than it was. The injuries were not deep, nor vital.”

Genya explained, carefully marking every word. The reprieve sank in slowly, tearing through the curtains of desperation that plagued him. Nikolai released his breath. The whole air in the room seemed to shift, the tension flowing away. He heard Tolya faintly muttering a prayer under his breath, and for once, he understood him. As much as he had never liked the dragon, maybe Juris was the actual Saint they should thank now. Tamar let out a nervous chuckle. That was all he needed; he rushed toward her door but was stopped by Genya’s hand catching his arm in a firm hold.

“Your Highness – “She hissed, glancing at him from under her lashes and lowering her voice. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Nikolai was taken aback by the fire glinting in her amber eye, red and swollen from tears and exhaustion. She loosened her grip; he felt her hand shaking slightly, a whole tremor running through her. Her look was vengeful, enraged – and tired. His own panic was mirrored in her, but she had been the one to clean Zoya’s wounds, to watch her as she had hoped to see her eyes flutter open. Zoya hardly spoke of her affections, so Nikolai tended to forget how close the two of them were and how fiercely they protected each other.

“What do you think I’m doing?”

“Eliciting a diplomatic incident on top of an armed attack is what I think you’re doing.”

He let out a disgruntled breath, searching the room with his eyes. It was still full of people, coming and going, occasionally sneaking a glance at him. Studying his reactions. He wanted to send them all to hell, to scream to clear the way and spend the night listening to Zoya’s breathing.

“I need to see her, Genya.”

“And have you stopped to think on what she needs?” Again, he was startled. Genya’s voice cracked, her amber eye filling with new tears of frustration. She yanked his arm free, brushing them away and composing herself. “I’m sorry, Nikolai. I am not mad at you. But you are getting married in a week”, she inhaled, steadying her voice. “I can’t let you barge in there and have people witness you having a meltdown over your general. Zoya does not need this. She needs you to be the king and solve this situation, since she had already saved you once today. It’s your turn.”

Nikolai took the daring decision to ignore how truthful her words were and how they were filling him with shame. His own selfishness had a much tougher grip on him.

“I need to see that Zoya is safe. I can’t do my job if I don’t.”

“General Nazyalensky - ”, she corrected him, sending another threatening glare his way, “- is fine. I made sure of it personally.” Genya’s gaze softened, as she gently tugged him toward a more discreet corner. “Nikolai, you need to calm down. I told you it looked worse than it was. She is not even conscious right now; they have given her a sleeping tonic that is going to last for a while. You can trust me; she is safe and out of danger. Go be our king, please, and leave this to me.”

Nikolai fell silent for a moment, turning he matter over in his head and trying to bring himself to gather some composure. “I hate it when people are so reasonable”, he huffed, “I can’t even assert my authority when I’m being the irrational one.” A faint smile tugged Genya’s lips. He trusted her with Zoya’s safety and could see the clarity of her look under all the distress of the situation. If she had promised him Zoya was fine, there was no reason to doubt her. Reason. Something he was missing entirely right now. Genya spoke again, an edge to her voice.

“If I was Zoya I would have already tried to murder you or just slapped you into some sense, you know?”

“I do. Thank you for not slapping me.”

She shook her head, still trembling, and smoothed her kefta, returning to an affectionate tone. “Come back after the meeting. I will make sure everyone is gone by that time and I will wait for you. You can see her then.”

Nikolai nodded, feeling another gust of wind clearing the clouds from his mind, although he still did not much appreciate the idea of leaving. That had always been his life, pulled away by duty, failing to protect the people he held dear and then abandoning them to their fates. He slowly got back control, slipping inside his confident mask.

“Try not to be seen. You are still getting married in a week.”

Genya added. The warning was clear, on a lot of different levels. The despise he felt for his position, for the way he was conducting himself, for how coward he felt he was being, all those feelings towered over him, threatening to drown him. Nikolai shut his eyes, shoving the worry and self-deprecation aside for another time. He had the Fjerdans and his own desire for revenge to deal with now. Gesturing for Tolya to follow him they took the corridor to the palace. The king could not help but feel he had left his own heart behind and sensed a silent hollow in his chest.

***

It was well past midnight when the last of his soldiers left, and he was finally free to rush to the Little Palace. Being away from Zoya had felt like a limb was being teared away from him, the blood spilling from an open cut. His mind kept slipping to her, and he had spent the last hours trying to keep it leashed on the issues at hand. The terror never left him; he kept dreading for someone to walk through the room with dreadful news of her, kept staring at the doors waiting for this imaginary servant that never came. He would be forever grateful to Genya, who at the chime of every hour had sent him concise notes updating him on Zoya’s conditions. To be truthful, it had been the only thing that kept him sane. He felt a rush of anticipation and renewed worry as he pushed the handle of her room, the one that had previously been the Darkling’s property. Nikolai let himself be thankful for a brief moment for the Darkling’s gift for deception. He had built his rooms to be easily accessed from the palace in complete secrecy, to be protected by curious ears and prying eyes. That came in handy right now; however, he did not stop to think of how shameful this thought was, or how much he loathed having to snuck to her rooms like a hidden thief. To his relief, Tamar was on guard outside her chamber. Nikolai did not want to meet Genya’s severe and knowing gaze again, the one that seemed to peer right into his soul. Tamar got up when she sensed him arrive.

“Your Highness.”

“Is everything alright?”

“It is. Zoya is still sleeping, the tonic they gave her is strong. The Healers said she needs to rest as much as she can for the wounds to heal properly, but she should be back up on her feet in a couple of days.”

He acknowledged her words with a nod of his chin and headed inside, but Tamar stopped him clearing her throat. “Genya has asked me to tell you she’ll be back in the early morning to check on Zoya and tailor away what she can. She said it would be best for you to go back before dawn.”

“I will keep that in mind. Thank you, Tamar.”

He did not have the will to fight this now. They were all tremendously right, and he hated it. He knew he was being unfair; he should not be mad at them for trying to keep up the appearances when he clearly was ignoring how to do it. Guess the king had one true weakness after all.

He locked the door behind him, and every thought and worry he had disappeared when his eyes caught her figure. He had never seen Zoya look so frail, so human and defenceless. It tore every fibre of his being apart, snatching the hair out of his lungs. She was laying on her side, with her hair splashed and tangled around her bewitching face. Nikolai tried not to linger too much on her cuts and bruises, on the bandages that peaked over the clean shirt someone put on her. Each and every one he laid his eyes on sent a stabbing pain through him.

Why do you always have to play the hero?

He thought sourly as he came closer to her. He could almost hear her voice answering him.

Because you are my king, and I am the general. It is kind of my role.

The lamplight played on her skin with the glowing rays of the moon, making her look like a nightly creature who had emerged from a bedtime fairy-tale. Trying to be as delicate as he could, he placed a chair next to her bed and slumped in it, sighing heavily. He leaned towards her, brushing some hair away from her face, untangling them slowly with his fingers. He could imagine her getting mad at the Healers for neglecting to care for it, vain and petty as always. Even the thought of this made him smile and warmed him up. He kept his work for a little while, clearing the mess of her mane as best as he could without disturbing her too much. Zoya shifted in the covers but did not wake up. As Tamar warned him, the tonic was strong enough to keep her in her sleep. His fingers lingered on her cheeks and her lips before he pulled himself away, scorched by the improper touch he had let himself have.

Nikolai did not know how much time he spent just looking at her, taking the sight of a safe and placid Zoya. At some point, he straightened himself up, and was pulled out of his trance when his eyes caught a bandage on her arm where a bright red flower was blossoming through the linen. He was not sure if the Healer had not changed it, or the wound was opening again. He scanned the room, finding some clean strip of cloth and a bowl of cold water they left there. He took them and brought them back to his seat, pondering if and how to proceed. He could not stand the sight of blood on her; it was too gutting to take. Picking up his resolve, he rolled up his sleeves and gently tugged her arm towards him, starting to undo the previous bandage. When the last strip fell off, he dipped a clean cloth in the water and brushed the wound again until her skin was clear, feeling another rush of relief.

Every once in a while, Zoya stirred and let out a croaked breath, he saw her lashes flutter, or he felt a shiver ran through her. He stilled when she moved, terrified to wake her up and break the spell. Nikolai felt like he was stealing a precious and prohibited moment, a forbidden intimacy. Every touch of her skin felt sacred, felt like a prayer ushered in the quiet of night. He had never thought, never believed he could feel this kind of profound and pure love for someone. Even though he had long since accepted and acknowledged what he felt, it was still hard to grasp how deep it ran in his veins, how unforgiving the need of her was. It shattered everything else in its wake. It had begun like a small spark, nourished by stolen glances, gentle touches and truths whispered in the dark, fostered by forgotten secrets they had shared only to each other and simple moments that had withered away like the wind. And now the fire was blazing, the flames thriving and consuming whatever else there was. She had nestled herself in the deepest part of his heart where a storm was raging its fury. It was nothing like the tepid sentiment he had had for other people in the past. And he did not want to believe he was going to lose her, to turn his back on her. He would never be the same again, after loving her like this. After wanting her and longing for her like this. He would never, could never survive it, desire or have anyone that was not her. And for once, he just let this feeling flood, he just let himself relish in it and in the certainty that she was here, with him, by his side. Nothing else mattered right now, nothing could taint this. He wished she could hear him if he whispered in her ear.

I am in love with you.

He wished he could free his heart and let it hope. He wished she could believe him if he promised her.

Nothing will ever stop me from loving you.

Maybe she could not hear him, but he would promise anyway, against every odd and reality they were living. Whatever was bound to happen, he would hold on to this bond. Nikolai laid back her arm to rest on the bed and tucked her covers when he finished, getting up and pouring himself a glass of her favourite cordial he knew she kept hidden in one of her desk’s drawers. Another thing she would kill him for, to add to the long list of reasons he had already piled up in these years. The alcohol burned his throat but helped him ease his mind a bit more. Zoya was breathing evenly and quietly again, and he finally felt sure enough that she was past harm. The exhaustion he had hoarded and kept under control creeped up to him at this realization. Maybe he could let himself rest too. He eyed a small sofa from which he could still see her if he laid in it, that seemed like a good enough place to close his eyes for a while. It was placed on the side of her bed, near enough to her that he could feel her warmth, hear her movements if she needed him. He put the glass down on her nightstand, holding her hand up to him to leave a soft kiss on her knuckles and cupping her cheek briefly.

“Rest well, my ruthless Zoya.”

He muttered against her skin, hovering with his lips on her neck. He resisted the urge to lean closer to her mouth; he had stirred away from propriety far enough for one night. And do not ever leave me, even if I don’t deserve you, Nikolai added in his mind, as he leaned his head on the cushion and snuck a last glance at Zoya before his eyes dropped close and the familiar scent of wildflowers drifted him to sleep.

#zoya nazyalensky #nikolai lantsov #zoya and nikolai #zoyalai #grishaverse #fan fiction #my writing #rule of wolves #nikolai duology #when will you confess nikolai please #we cant wait anymore #i really dont know what this is just a self indulgent midnight writing #Grishaverse fic #king of scars #post kos

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tequilaasquared · 3 years

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Maybe it’s just me but i actually love book!Mal because he is flawed? It stops him from being your typical cookie cutter ya love interest and adds a little spice to his character. I also love that it adds some conflict to his and Alina’s relationship. I live for the teenage angst but also recognise that his behaviour makes him imperfect and obviously stems from ptsd and the fear of losing the only person that loves him. I see a stupid teenager acting out and being selfish, as teens are wont to do, not signs of a toxic abuser. And not only is his behaviour not particularly bad (imo obviously) but he completely redeems himself by book three.

(putting the rest behind a cut because this got away from me a little)

So he was scared of Alina’s powers at first. So what? Of course he would be, it was a huge change and we also have to consider that he was raised like many others to resent Grisha and the special treatment they received. He moans about it for a hot minute then grows from it and dedicates his life to helping keep Alina safe so she can use those powers to defeat evil.So he becomes jealous, communication breaks down between Alina and himself and he starts drinking heavily. And?? He’s clearly going through some shit and needs an outlet. He goes about it in all the wrong ways, but there’s no set way to do anything when you’re traumatised and in pain.When the events of Ruin and Rising comes about it’s obvious he’s in a different place and it shows. He’s more open about his feelings, he’s content with his place in life and he’s accepted that he and Alina are probably not meant to be.

Which brings me to my next point - I also love Mal (and by extension Mal’s relationship with Alina) because his purpose in life was always to die to save Ravka. He exists to serve and die for his country both as a soldier but also as a mythical martyr. His life is one big act of servitude and his personality represents that - he’s friendly and popular, he loves helping others and, most importantly, he serves Alina. Many argue that he represents Alina’s weak and powerless side, but he is one of her amplifiers? He literally exists to make her, not only a more powerful Grisha, but also a more powerful person as she has to find the strength to kill someone she dearly loves to save the world.

That being said, I do understand that some people just dislike him for those traits and that’s fine, I just wish people would stop lying to justify hating him? Book!Mal doesn’t repress Alina, he doesn’t control her, he doesn’t abuse her and she actively chooses him (almost selfishly choosing him over saving Ravka and her friends if it hadn’t been for Mal helping her literally murder himself). He can be an arsehole and overprotective, but I ultimately find him the most human and ‘real’ feeling character in the trilogy with the most natural character progression from immature teenager to self sacrificial soldier.

#my sunday ramblings obviously #i have nothing against people who dislike mal #i just think alot of people dislike him for completely fabricated reasons #like let's not say the boy acting out is toxic and abusive #when the author wrote a clear abuser into the narrative #and spoiler alert: it's not Mal #mal oretsev #malyen oretsev #malina #shadow and bone #sab #grishaverse #the grisha trilogy

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mhevarujta · 3 years

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Mal Oretsev: a take by someone who used to hate him

I first read The Grisha Trilogy when it was released (2012-2014). I initially hated Mal and felt that he did not deserve Alina. I felt that he did not accept her or her power.

I stuck with this opinion for many rereads, but after years I admit at being wrong. I feel I simply got too immersed in Alina’s ache for him and in her pain when things didn’t go well between them.

But let’s look at Mal himself.

Mal's only 'crime' was that he took Alina for granted until he knew what losing her felt like. But how many young boys are impressionable at that age and take some time to appreciate romantic attraction over mere sexual one? Does this make him a bad person or a bad character?

Also, as I already mentioned, I initially hated him for not accepting Alina's powers, but when I reread I noticed this is not the case. When she gets her powers he is initially weirded out by it. It is a big change in their lives. But slowly in SaB he accepts them. He asks about her training and he even thinks that they should track the stag KNOWING that it would increase her power. He even helps her claim the second amplifier. He accepts her power but not her need for MORE power. He accepts what’s part of her but not the aggression she sometimes exibits when talking about the Firebird or the way she looks at her wrist as if a part of her is missing when so much power wasn’t meant to be concentrated by one Grisha to begin with. He feels the potential of her corrupting herself and that was a very real danger; not something he created to control her.

Mal reacts toxically in Siege and Storm when he starts grieving the life they could have had because he sees that he has no place in the court other than being a liability.

His worst is:

1) When he participates in the fight-club, which is a reaction to Alina basically saying that Otkazat'sya are powerless in a war that involves Grisha fighting Grisha. It’s a way for him to gain respect and acceptance, to train, to gain some confidence and feel that he has some power; that he CAN fight even if the Grisha’s gifts put him at a disadvantage.

2) When he uses drinking as a coping mechanism to deal with his loneliness, his impotence and loss. It’s not pretty, but is his pain so hard to understand?

3) When he kisses back Zoya, BUT while I didn’t like that, let’s remember that this was after Alina had recently flinched while he was about to kiss her. Mal thought she didn’t even want him. He thought she had recoiled from him. Imagine what that felt to him after he had left everything behind for her. And Alina had not confided in him and explained the situation at that point.

That was his low in the series and it makes him flawed, but not bad. His coping mechanisms are unhealthy but they are still psychologically plausible and they make sense.

My personal reason for disliking Mal for YEARS was that he is not focused on helping his country. Even the Darkling faught for an ideal initially, most of the characters faught for their country... so I thought that it was very selfish of Mal to only been fighting for Alina. I found his comment about Alina being his flag and his nation distasteful, despite the fact that it was meant to show his devotion to her.

Then I realised that I liked Baghra for the same reason that I disliked Mal. Baghra stayed close to her son. She did not fight for her country. She lived for centuries and, as opposed of the Darkling who went off the rails in his attempt to shape a Ravka that would accept the Grisha, Baghra gave up on her country and didn’t deem it worth saving. Her focus is on saving her son even if he doesn’t think he needs redemption.

Similarly, Mal does not focus on helping the Grisha who look down on him as an Otkazat'sya or on fighting the war of a nobility that sees him as a peasant and who send child-soldiers to die for them. He focuses on helping the woman that he loves. In Siege and Storm he does show in the hopes that he will still have a place in her life, but in Ruin and Rising he is even past that and is ready to be by her side and to die for her even if she marries Nikolai.

Also, when it comes to his jealousy, which is not unfounded: Mal is against The Darkling because he thinks he’s intimidating but a terrible person who was using Alina, but his attitude around Nikolai comes from the fact that he thinks highly of his abilities and respects him in a way that makes him feel even more insecure. Again, he eventually deals with these feelings.

There’s nothing wrong with Mal needing some time to adjust to his new reality.

#shadow and bone #mal oretsev #malyen oretsev #siege and storm #ruin and rising

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videogamelover99 · 3 years

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how would you have liked row to end?

Right. So spoilers for Rule of Wolves, obviously.

Let me preface this by saying that I absolutely adore the Darkling’s arc in the story. The first part of the novel has him be on the backseat for most of the time, with Zoya, Nikolai, and the rest of our lovable gang figuring out how to stop the country from exploding. When Leigh does introduce him to the rest of the story, he makes a deal with Nikolai and Zoya, seemingly for sentimental reasons, only to fuck off once he gets his powers back, proving he can never be trusted and that he always has another agenda going. Something we’re already very familiar with in TGT.

Then we get is POV.

Leigh had two options when she decided to write from the Darkling’s point of view. His character had always thrived from the mystery of his true motives, whether what Alina sees as sympathetic human traits are even there at all, or whether it’s all manipulation. Bardugo could have either 1) tried to immitate the same mystery with his POV. We see his perspective, but it doesn’t actually give us that much information about what he his, what his real throughts are. Or 2) she could peel back the curtain. And she went with option 2.

He doesn’t know what he’s doing. He kept the thorn hoping it would work, and it did, but we know that he’s hardly the infallible mastermind everyone else percieves him to be. Yuri (lets appreciate for a moment how fucking hillarious it is that the guy is still there) asks the Darkling why he wanted to see Alina. Because I needed my power back, was his first reply. Then: Because she makes me feel human.

And that’s the point of the Darkling’s character. It was always this and. It was always Alina’s power, and her as a person that drew him. It was always saving the grisha and being remembered by them. With the “monk’s” POV, we get a Darkling that’s surprisingly honest and self-aware and grounded, someone who feels a lot, and hates it. He does what he can to further his goals, but he isn’t an emotionless lump of rock, he’s very, very much human. It shows from the ruthful anger he feels about seeing his Morozova’s church, to the discomfort in seeing a bunch of fantatics follow him so blindly. He gets annoyed at the shitty food and the ignorant people, and cynical about the state of the country. I think the reason why so many Darkling fans dislike his POV is because he was always a mystery before now, so people could project whatever version of the character they wished onto him. And when canon Darkling did not match that, people got annoyed. (Luckly, he fits with my interpretation of his character like a glove, so, I loved every second of it).

Throughout his weird un-redemption arc, we see him start to question what his legacy would mean and what he’s really fighting for. It culminates to him seeing the destruction Otkazat’sya weapons can bring and saving Nikolai. Then being like “bye bitch you’re on your own now I’ve fulfilled my heoric quota for the day”. Where the story falls flat is that space between him manipulating the court into accepting Zoya as their queen and Chapter 48, with the Thornwood. There is a huge logical leap from a man who is willing to let his enemy have the throne, knowing he could manipulate the situation if need-be, to a man who is willing to give all that up to save Ravka and spend an eternity in agony. Like, the entire exchange seems so out of character for him. Why not just find some other immortal to stuff into the tree? Why put his sainthood above his own life and wellbeing? There is an unwritten chapter in his POV between the scene with Zoya being called queen and Chapter 48 that could have connected those dots and made his decision make sense, but it’s just not there. Or maybe it was cut out. Where is the forbidden chapter, Leigh, I want it.

Anyway, I dislike the whole Thornwood ending in general. It’s clear that this is a sort of “well he has to pay for his crimes somehow so lets invent the most torturous way possible”, in vein of all those other redemption arcs that have been realized through suffering. Except, that’s so overdone. And so cheesy. And just. Not at all what his character needed, which is something grounding.

In part I, Zoya remarks that the Darkling could never get his powers back and could spend the rest of his mortal life living like every other man. Which, uh, sets him off. Because that is what he’s afraid of. Being someone inconsequential. If Leigh wanted him to pay for his crimes, she didn’t have to go all dramatic torture tree, she could have made it so the only way to close the gap is for him to lose his powers. And boom! He would have had to make a decision between keeping something so essential to himself, and saving Ravka. And he would have chosen Ravka, because at the end of the day, he saw that eternity surrounded by nothing but dead grey sand is no eternity at all. He would have made the real meaningful sacrifice. He would have been the same as Alina - powerless.

This ending could have also set up the interesting dynamic that was between him, Nikolai, and Zoya in the rest of the novel. He pops up when he wants to, manipulates situations in his favor, then fucks off until he wants them to find him again. He could have been a chaotic agent that could have either desided to help them in some way, guide them, or further his own agenda, how brief it would have been in his mortal life. And that’s how I wished it would have ended!

That being said, the whole tree thing could have just been Bardugo setting up the new SOC book XD. And if he’s in it, and if he doesn’t just die immediately when they pull him out of that tree, we might see more of the Darkling’ arc after all. Hell, maybe the whole death thing is a metaphor, and I was right, and he’ll die of old age a few decades from then cause he’d lose his powers. Here’s hoping.

#the grisha trilogy #rule of wolves #rule of wolves spoilers #the darkling #grishaverse #grishaverse meta #aleksander morozova

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malyen0retsev · 3 years

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Thinking about the way Darklinas miss the point when one of the themes of the books is that there's just as much value to a peaceful, quiet life as there is in the life of the rich and powerful, Alina is so much happier giving orphans like her a better life than she got but nah let's ignore that in favour of shipping her with Sexy Bad Mass Murderer Man

Precisely! It’s like people entirely miss the point that Alina loved her powers, yes, but hated all of the responsibility that came with it, and wished she could have “not one night, but thousands” with Mal and the peaceful life he represented to her. In Ruin and Rising she is constantly struggling with the expectations on her, whilst the desire to just be a girl and be in love and live quietly and happily with Mal continues to be present, stronger and stronger in that novel. It’s what Alina actually wants.

I mean, Leigh spells it out pretty clearly in Rule of Wolves for us when we see Alina again:

Alina smiled. She reached for Mal’s hand. “I am not powerless. Those stories tell us the only people that matter are kings and queens. They’re wrong.”

Alina is happy. Her life is not lesser because she is living in obscurity now. She saved Ravka, and is now giving orphans a home and a family that she wished she had had as a child. She and Mal are saving those children by doing so, and ensuring they don’t have the lonely childhood she and Mal had where their only saving grace and home was each other. It makes me want to bash my head against a wall that Leigh can write that line in Rule of Wolves and people still don’t understand the point - that Alina is not powerless or unimportant just because she isn’t a Queen or a Saint. She’s happy and helping others in a way that doesn’t have the entire weight of the world on her shoulders. That has tremendous value to it.

#asks #anon #grishaverse #alina starkov

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suki-schiffer · 3 years

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Thoughts on Rule of Wolves

A compilation of my raw initial thoughts and feelings after reading Rule of Wolves by Leigh Bardugo, sequel to King of Scars, seventh book in the Grishaverse. I just finished reading Rule of Wolves (RoW) yesterday and wanted to get some of my unaltered thoughts and feelings on paper before they become influenced by rereads and by being exposed to others’ opinions. There’s little rhyme or reason to this, it jumps all over the place, I’m not taking the time to check spellings etc. also, spoilers.

I am probably evaluating all the Grishaverse (GV) books a little too harshly because I can’t help but compare them to the Six of Crows (SoC) series which were the first books from the GV that I read. The whole reason I picked up King of Scars (KoS) last year was because I wanted more of that joy I got from SoC, only when I started reading KoS did I realize that the GV books aren’t just set in the same universe but have intertwining plots and characters at which point I realized I’d ruined the Shadow and Bone (S&B) series for myself but I did go back and read that too even though it definitely would not have been something I would have picked up if it had no connection to the other books. The S&B series wasn’t bad, it just wasn’t my cup of tea, as it truly was a YA series with characters that were pretty one dimensional being driven by pure motives down a predictable plot. Many of these characters make a reappearance in KoS and RoW and while they have a bit more dimension to them now they are still too pure, too perfect, and my feelings about them from previous series still stuck.

I don’t like Zoya. I didn’t like her when I first read about her is SoC and I really hated her after reading S&B. Those feelings were hard to cast off when she becomes a slightly better person in KoS/RoW but the entire time I couldn’t help but think she was undeserving not just of being a main character but of being a member of the Grisha Triumvirate, of being Nikolai’s love interest, of that ridiculous amount of power, and of becoming Ravka’s queen. I felt like her “backstory” was rather forced to try to make us like her more. Like oh, how sweet, she has a secret garden with a plant for everyone she’s lost. She still came off as a bitch. I honestly still don’t know what drives her. In S&B first it’s her desire for power and beauty and the Darkling’s attentions then when her aunt is killed she joins Alina maybe for revenge? But other than Alina asking for her to be part of the Triumvirate I didn’t really know why she was in that role don’t know how or why she agreed to become Nikolai’s general, because she loved him? Or perhaps it’s because she’s still just power hungry wanting to lead the Grisha, wanting to lead the army, wanting to lead the nation?

Disregarding my feelings for Zoya, her power increase in KoS and RoW is ridiculous. How is it that she is the only Grisha (save perhaps the now dead saints) who can break down matter small enough to draw power from every order? You’re telling me that this girl manages to do this after a few weeks with Juris but people like Baghra or the Darkling who are hundreds of years old and significantly stronger and were actively trying to strengthen themselves couldn’t do this? Ilya Morozova, the Darkling’s grandfather, did all kinds of experiments, dabbling in merzost, how is it the Darkling, in all the years he spent waiting for a sun summoner, not at least dabble in the other orders in attempt to summon sun himself? If you were to rank characters by power on a scale of one to ten I would have said the Darkling was a ten but Zoya blows that scale out of the water when she becomes the dragon, a character this powerful just feels wrong. Not to mention she didn’t even really work for this power, she trains with Juris for a bit in the Fold and then makes his scales into fetters, there was no years of study and practice or meditation, no struggle, just bam! Power.

So yes, still don’t like Zoya and I think her character arc, if you will, decreased the quality of the book.

Again, I’m comparing things to SoC but in comparison RoW was rather predictable. There were definitely a few twists I didn’t see coming and a few questions that were left unanswered but with SoC I was constantly guessing at what would go wrong, what the new plan was, I was constantly on my toes. That constant guessing kept me interested, by comparison I was at times bored with this book, if I put a book down (mid-chapter even!) to scroll through Tumblr or watch Youtube videos or do something else for the sake of enjoyment before finishing that book that’s a sign it isn’t all that interesting, and that’s what I was doing with RoW.

It was just too predictable. Like oh no, the Darkling tricked you into meeting Alina and Mal, got his power back, and fled, who’d’ave guessed it? What’s this? Hanne ended up getting too much attention and might be forced to marry the prince, Rasmus, of Fjerda because of it? Ehri’s guards make another attempt on her life? Nikolai weasels his way out of marrying Ehri because his true love is Zoya, no way! Joran, this young Druskelle who is for some reason being punished by having to be Rasmus’ guard is the one who killed Matthias? Oh and why is guarding Rasmus a punishment when he could be the hope of getting Fjerda to end the war? Because he’s an abusive shit who hates feeling weak so he tries to make others feel weaker, didn’t see that one coming, nope, definitely not.

Now for a few of the things that surprised or confused me that I’m still sort of confused about. Let’s start near the beginning with the Fold suddenly, not so much as expanding as just, appearing in different places all over the world with seemingly no rhyme or reason. I didn’t really get how a pocket dimension existed within the Fold in the first place or how the saints got trapped in it but apparently breaking out of it allowed the Fold to take on a will of its own whereas it had previously been stable for hundreds of years. Also the Darkling not having any powers after leaving the Fold was confusing, I shouldn’t necessarily say “any” because he seemed to have been able to make subtle changes to Yuri’s body to make it look more like his own but I didn’t understand how his power could seemingly enter his body granting him control and consciousness but then he not have any power until he gets Mal and Alina’s blood (also wasn’t clear what he did with the blood, did he just have to touch it, did he stab all three of their hands so the blood mingled?). This just sort of felt unnecessary and that it was just a means to pull Alina et al back into the story.

In KoS it was implied that the use and existence of Jurda Parem was the reason Nikolai’s monster came back and the saints now had enough power to create miracles to entice them to the Fold and draw them into the pocket world, this theory is never mentioned again. Can you tell I’m just really confused about everything related to that pocket world?

Speaking of that interaction with Alina and co I was honestly hoping Yuri might have a bit more of a role in the story. Yuri had seemed sort of willing to let the Darkling use him as a vessel and Nikolai discovering he was still in there with the “there’s something in your beard” line didn’t clue me into the fact that there could be more to this because I assumed he was still on the Darkling’s side. But then he tries to warn Alina of what he’s about to do and I thought, oh, maybe he has second thoughts, maybe there’s going to be a fight now for control of the body and Yuri might be able to stop the Darkling from doing something sinister by fighting back at the right moment. Alas, he goes back to singing the Darkling praises. I get that Yuri is a bad guy but I still kind of felt bad for him, not enough to care about his wellbeing, at least not until the very end because as far as I’m aware Yuri was still in his body with the Darkling when the Darkling decided to have a bit of a redemption arc by condemning himself to an eternity of pain to close the Fold and keep it closed. As far as I’m concerned the Darkling deserves that fate, Yuri doesn’t.

Speaking of the Darkling taking control of another’s body another thing I was left wondering about happened in one of Nina’s earlier chapters when the new Wellmother from the convent Nina and Hanne had been at arrives at the Ice Court to accuse Hanne of worshipping the Saints instead of Djel. At the end of this chapter the Wellmother’s eyes are described as slate grey, I’ve only ever heard the Darkling’s eyes be described that way. I really thought that the Darkling was just pretending to be powerless and had actually developed a new power of taking over other’s bodies and he was just biding time by gathering intel and causing chaos this way, I thought this might have also been how he was creating the mini-Folds all over the world (look I know they had a Ravkan name that roughly translated to vampire but I’m not going back into the book to find the spelling and calling them vampires just... no). I was so concerned for Nina, here this woman is claiming to actually be part of the Ravkan spy network and that Nikolai needs her to get close to Demidov Lantsov. This order made no sense because Nikolai knew he wasn’t a Lantsov and the existence of another Lantsov doesn’t mean much, as long as the people think Nikolai is the legitimate son of the former king and queen then he outranks every other individual with Lantsov blood in terms of succession. Also if this were a legitimate request it seems like there would have been much easier and safer ways to communicate this than have someone come from across the country making false claims against Hanne that could put her under suspicion thus limiting Nina’s ability to move. I thought this was therefore some sort of trap to expose Nina, and potentially Hanne, and the fact that nothing came of it left me confused. We never see this Wellmother character again, Nina does not get exposed, when we get the Darkling’s POV in the second part of the book he mentions nothing of this encounter nor is it suggested that he actually has such a power.

I then thought perhaps if the Darkling survived and was now in Yuri’s body perhaps this was his mother, Baghra, come back to life as well. Then we get thrown a random line during one of the Darkling’s chapters where he mentions the existence of a half-sister that was also declared a saint that I don’t recall hearing about before this instance, in fact I’m pretty sure Baghra said something in the Spinning Wheel about only having one child because she didn’t want a repeat of what happened to her and her sister and that she didn’t even remember who Aleksander’s father was so if the Darkling knows of this half-sister we would assume it’s Baghra’s child. Apparently though this sister was referenced in the only GV book I haven’t read being Language of Thorns (just a side note RoW is said to be the seventh book in GV but if you include The Lives of Saints and The Language of Thorns it is actually the ninth). I could be wrong, maybe Baghra never said anything about her son being her only child, or maybe this is another case of Bardugo altering things between series. She did this with Nina’s backstory because in SoC when Matthias talks about courting her properly and having dinner with her family she said that she hadn’t seen them in years since she went to the Little Palace but in KoS and RoW she’s an orphan who grew up in an orphanage and doesn’t remember her parents. Point being, after that line I thought the Wellmother might have been the Darkling’s half-sister since she had claimed to have been a spy in Fjerda for thirteen years which would mean she’d been there since before the events of S&B, if that is true then it likely couldn’t be Baghra. I’m still hung up on this character though, for all the reasons outlined, yet the KoS series is over and she only made one appearance so maybe she just was a spy with slate grey eyes.

As mentioned previously I knew Nikolai wasn’t going to marry Ehri but I didn’t realize Genya and David were going to be the ones getting married, or maybe “renewal of vows” would be a better term. I’m perfectly content to have this come out of the blue, predictable can be boring, but then it started getting weird. I had just assumed previously that Genya and David had been married sometime between the end of the S&B series and the start of KoS as that’s when they start being referred to husband and wife (same with Nadia and Tamar) and I had no reason to believe it wasn’t the wedding they wanted. Then there’s mentions of them having a hasty wedding in Ketterdam and this just felt like yet another attempt to placate and garner hope in readers by referencing SoC. As far as I know David wasn’t in Ketterdam during the SoC series, he was the only one who stayed in Ravka, even if he was there and just wasn’t “on screen” I don’t understand why they would choose to get married then and there. And if not during the events of SoC then when? What reason did they have to both be in Ketterdam outside of the events of SoC and decide they couldn’t wait to have a proper wedding in Ravka? I was angry at this point because a similar thing was done in KoS where lines about SoC kept getting dropped and getting my hopes up that the other crows would make an appearance and they didn’t.

But back to the wedding, running off to his workshop because he had an idea during his own wedding is totally in character for David. Him dying was just evil. Didn't even cross my mind that this was a possibility, one minute we go from Genya digging through the rubble in her wedding dress saying she can’t find him then we are at his funeral. I thought he might have been gravely injured, unconscious for a long period of time, and that he’d had an idea for an invention that would help them win the war and he’d save the day by waking up in time or something. But no. My favourite character from S&B was killed off, just like that. And it was impactful, it made me cry, the fact they had found him pen in hand, fingers stained with ink, in his wedding clothes, the fact that in his notebook he has notes about how to woo Genya and she wants him to have it in death. Beautifully written, definitely salty about it. At this point in time I don’t really see how his death furthered the plot but death in real life is like that to, it’s unexpected, without reason, sudden. And perhaps, like Matthias’ death in SoC, it will be used to later start a new plot for a new story.

Now two paragraphs ago I was lamenting the fact that the mention of Ketterdam felt forced and had the intent of fooling the readers into having hopes the other SoC cast would return but then they keep hinting at it, they talk about contacting Kaz, about travelling to Ketterdam and I’m sitting there thinking please, please, please actually have Kaz meet them, don’t just be letters or some other minor Dregs sent in his place. (!!!! <- there are no words for my excitement!)

I made an audible screech when Nikolai gave money to the beggar because I knew that was Kaz in disguise. I was so pleased to hear that it sounds like Pekka did not return to the Barrel and that Kaz bought the Emerald Palace and expanded the Crow Club. I was slightly disappointed that Inej wasn’t trailing Nikolai and Zoya too or that she wasn’t meeting with them in the Crow Club probably mainly because I just wanted to see her again but there was also a sadness that it sounds like she did decide to walk a different path than Kaz. The fact that Nina had, earlier in RoW, talked about how she hoped for Inej’s sake Kaz had fixed his hair cut by now, contributed to this because obviously she thinks they stayed together. Maybe they are together in a way but long distance relationships without any suggestion of communication technology must be hard, especially when Kaz could be taken out by another Barrel boss or Inej’s ship blown up by pirates (or the Kerch as was implied by Nikolai) and the other might not ever know of their fate and certainly wouldn’t be there to save them, so I feel that due to this they wouldn’t actively be in a relationship. However, I am proud that Inej put her dreams before Kaz’s she could have given up those dreams to stay at his side and continue to be his spider, after all, that’s what he had asked her to do he wanted her and he wanted her to stay, in the Dregs, with him. Wasn’t too thrilled that she’s used as a sort of damsel in distress. Help us Mister Brekker and in exchange I’ll give you a device that acts as an early warning system against the submarines I gave the Kerch (yes they have a different name that starts with an i and there’s a z and y and m in there somewhere but instead of me trying to spell it lets call them what they are, subs) because the Wraith will be blown up otherwise as she won’t be able to get away in time.

I don’t know if it was because this part of the story was written better or if it was just because I like these characters so much more (my darling baby boys!) but I felt like the story finally developed momentum here that it was lacking previously. I love that Wylan and Jesper are living together with Wylan’s mother and acting like an old married couple. I also like that Wylan is trying to keep Jesper away from illegal activities but is also clearly continuing to work on chemistry projects and likely explosives and that Jesper’s love of Barrel flash hasn’t been quashed, Zoya actually even compliments it in her head. I also love how, as soon as Wylan hears this illegal act can help Inej, all restraint is thrown out the window. Kaz was able to pull off so many tricks in such a short time too, I love it. First dressing as a beggar, then pretending the operation will be more difficult than it is in order to drive the price up, then pretending that due to changes in how the goods are being stored at the military base they couldn’t carry out the operation with such a small crew, meanwhile he knew the Suli were there and would connect with Zoya and show them the “backdoor” to the base. Now I completely understand how Ketterdam was built on slavery or, as they like to call it, indentures, so I can see how Suli would have built the place, I imagine some of the Suli are still in Ketterdam, why they returned to the military base that night I don’t know. Also the fact they were all wearing jackal masks, something Inej said is reserved only for holy men, Suli seers, and wearing one was akin to sacrilege if you were not a seer, implies that all these people were the rare seers which seemed a bit unlikely. The fact that Zoya has this encounter and an earlier one made me think that maybe the Suli would play a larger role in RoW than what they end up doing (because this is the last we see of them, they don’t come to fight the battles, they don’t impart secret knowledge to help Ravka win the war, Zoya doesn’t find her father or her uncles or decide to learn more about her Suli heritage).

I was very disappointed with how quickly we leave Ketterdam, Kaz, Wylan, and Jesper. I suppose we do the same thing with Alina and co at the sanatorium where there is no proper goodbye. In one chapter we finish the job/plot point and in the next the main characters have left. At the end of the day I suppose I was just glad we actually had a few scenes with the crows and not just hints, was definitely the most surprising part of the book.

The crows were a positive surprise Nina and Hanne getting together was more of a negative one for me. It was hinted at in KoS but Nina has also been said to have made eyes at a pair of shoes so I had hoped the relationship wouldn’t grow beyond flirting, I feel it just diminishes what Nina and Matthias had. She also doesn’t seem to feel any remorse for moving on so quickly and even though she’s still thinking about him, about her promise to save some mercy for his people and country, and trying to fulfill her promises, she’s also forsaking him by getting together with Hanne.

That being said I, like Nina, really did believe Rasmus had killed Hanne near the end of RoW and while I hadn’t wanted them to be together the damage to the relationship Nina and Matthias had was done and I was thinking “really, you’re going to do this to my girl Nina twice, take away the person she loves, twice, for no good reason?” So that was a surprise and I was glad that Hanne did survive but I really don’t see how she could live as Rasmus and even if she could pull it off I don’t see the Fjerdan people, military, or royalty permitting a prince to marry Mila, a widowed fishwife. Nina was saying something about using her power to get the answers from the dead which I thought was a very weird development for her powers in the first place. In KoS when Nina said that she was hearing the voices of the dead I thought it was more about she was sensing a mass grave and could tell that the bodies were women and the death unnatural. Near the end of KoS I thought perhaps there were some memories left in the brains that she could access, names and how they died. But in RoW Nina is able to reach out to the dead, identify the queen’s best friend and lady-in-waiting and ask her questions and get answers and implies she can do this with Rasmus as well. There are a lot of logistic fallacies with this. One, it implies that people don’t go to the Saints or to Djel or to any kind of afterlife when they die but that they stick around their corpses. It also implies that Nina can probably override their free will, the women and girls at the factory had “called” to her, I doubt Rasmus and the lady-in-waiting would want to share everything so freely. Finally, if Nina can communicate with the dead then how come Matthias’ voice that she heard in the beginning of KoS was just her imagination and not really him? This could also make Nina incredibly powerful, no need to torture or bribe secrets out of someone or try to steal top secret documents, just kill them with a bone dart and demand answers of their ghost.

In regards to Nina’s power I am disappointed with how little she used it in RoW. With the exception of speaking to the dead I believe she briefly controlled two of the newly dead Priest Guard to restrain the Apparat for all of maybe thirty seconds and that was it for the entire book. While Nina has always done undercover work or subterfuge, pretending to be native to find Grisha in hiding, sneaking into the Ice Court pretending to be part of the Menagerie, pretending to be Mila the translator for Leoni and Adrik, she has always come off as a warrior to me so to not see her fight at all in RoW seemed a bit out of character. There was opportunity but it wasn't seized and honestly it left me wondering what Nina actually really accomplished during RoW, she didn't free Nikolai's true father, she didn't free any Grisha or destroy Fjerda's parem or find labs and holding facilities, she didn't help win any battles, didn't actually manage to dissuade Rasmus from war. Zoya took her from the Leviathan, flew her all the way to the frontlines of the north where there was death aplenty, and then flew her all the way back without her ever doing more than cling to Zoya’s back. Surely she could have raised some of the dead just to drive the point home, no?

The one thing I did like about the final battle was that we finally got to see the Darkling be less than perfect, a theme that sort of carried through the book. He started off with no power, mind you his scheme to get it back went off without a hitch, but then he was pretty much on the run having to trade manual labour for food. Yet he had this plan and I had no reason to believe it wouldn’t work out for him, that he’d go to the frontlines, preform a miracle saving Nikolai and Ravka, and manage to get himself declared a saint for his troubles. Instead we see him just as affected by the disk bells as everyone else, we see him try to summon shadow, try to summon nichyvoya (I acknowledge that’s spelled incorrectly, I can’t be bothered to find the correct spelling) and he can’t. I thought it was glorious.

While the Darkling did end up doing some good in RoW, helping Nikolai’s monster stay alive long enough to destroy the disk bells, shutting up the Apparat (why isn’t he dead, his character is a harbinger of bad things to come and he’s a creep, how did Zoya not kill him?) in order to give Zoya a better chance of getting the throne, and finally sacrificing himself to the Thornwood to undo the damage he let loose on the world with the creation of the Fold, I didn’t feel as though he had redeemed himself and for this I was glad. There are all kinds of evil characters in GV and the Darkling likes to pretend that his reasons are pure, that he’s protecting and strengthening the Grisha, but he is a mass murderer seemingly without empathy, he happily manipulates people to get his way, puts Genya, who at the time could be considered a child, into the king’s path, then later mutilates her as punishment for letting Alina get away, all for the sake of his own cause. In the GV I hated Van Eck and Brum and Heleen much more than the Darkling, but I do think he’s the most evil of them all, in part because his unnaturally long life has meant he’s been committing evils for centuries. I’m glad that it sounds like this is the end for his character and that while in the next series Zoya wants to free him from his eternity of agony that freedom will come in the form of death.

Speaking of the potential plot of the next series, I can’t believe that without even doing any research they are able to come to the conclusion that a “heart strong enough” is the heart of Saint Feliks and they intend to send Kaz after this, what if they’re wrong? Also, they finally bring Inej into the story for Zoya’s coronation, don't know what reason she had for being there. But then we’re done dirty because Inej doesn’t get to meet Alina although she catches sight of her, and they are ready to send Inej back to Kaz with a message about finding this saint’s heart but she’s already left so they’re just going to use a plain old flyer instead! You could have at least sent our darling Inej, treasure of our hearts, back to do Kaz the honour of acquiring him a new heart. But no, brief meaningless appearance and she’s gone.

Unfortunately, it seems there was a lot of things I was displeased with in RoW. I think overall the main problem the RoW (and KoS) is that it just became too big, the characters became indistinct because they grew out of character, there were too many references to past stories and characters in attempt to please readers rather than for the sake of the story, there were too many characters and plots to keep track of in general, and due to all this I couldn’t remain suspended in disbelief. I approach this as someone who entered the GV through SoC, I picked up SoC because the story was interesting, I picked up KoS and S&B because they were set in the same universe as SoC not because I particularly wanted to read those series. I had thought I could be interested in KoS on its own because it is more complicated than a typical YA novel and Nina is one of the main characters but now having finished RoW I have to say that if the GV really was just a collection of stories set in the same universe but with no intersecting of series I would have never have read this one. Will I go back and read KoS and RoW again? Yes, of course. Will I sometimes pretend that it never existed when I reread SoC? Yes, of course. But I do think the wait and the hype was worth it even if just for the few chapters with the Dregs again, because let’s face it, that’s what I personally was waiting for.

So I wrote this as a Word document over the span of three days and it’s now over 5000 words long, completely unedited, no order, probably reads like chaos. I want to see if and how my opinion changes over time but I’ve decided to post this because I like reading and watching others react to things I like so maybe someone else out there is like me and will find this and get some enjoyment from this.

#rule of wolves #grishaverse #king of scars #leigh bardugo #six of crows #shadow and bone

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cowboyadjacent · 3 years

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hey, hello, sorry to bother you but i saw you and someone discuss rules of wolves and i was wondering if you could be so kind as to describe what happens with alina and mal and their interaction with the darkling? thank you so much, hope you have a good day!

oh!! hi, don’t worry you’re not bothering me at all, i love talking about rule of wolves.

i’m gonna put this under the read more because, obviously, !! major spoilers !!

most of this is just a description of the scene, but i did add some of my own reading of the events.

the darkling requests to see alina (i won’t go into plot details as to how and why), she agrees, and zoya escorts the darkling to the location of their meeting.

alina, mal, misha and oncat arrive together. Alina and mal seem more relaxed and at ease than zoya, but mal confirms that they are still terrified

The darkling’s taken to the building where they’re meeting blindfolded, the first thing alina says to him (and this is not that important it’s just my favorite tidbit) is “wipe your feet”. he obeys and alina winks at zoya over the little victory.

Mal takes off the darkling’s blindfold, and he and alina are visibly shaken at the fact that it’s actually him, especially his voice. He asks why they didn’t bring him to kerazmin, and alina replies that she didn’t want him in her home, even though he’s been there before.

Misha says they should let him kill the darkling himself (mal tells him not to threaten the darkling cause it makes him feel important, but personally I think misha’s right)

The darkling tries to insult mal by calling him an orphan and mal just laughs at him.

To me mal seems like the most at ease in this entire scene. He’s confident, and he’s not ruffled by the darkling’s taunts

The darkling says she looks different, alina replies that she’s happy, and he’s never seen her that way before. She replies to his taunts by telling him she’s living in peace instead of obscurity. that she didn’t sacrifice her power, it was taken away because she fell prey to the same greed as him, and that it doesn’t make her loss feel any less terrible but helping children heals something within her, that she’s helping people left within the wake of HIS wars (she says “the wake of your wars” specifically and for some reason that really stood out to me, that she’s not skirting around the edges of what he’s responsible for).

The darkling says he wants to make a safe place for grisha, and alina tears into him asking why it has to be him, why he’s so convinced that he’s the one that can save them, even though as she points out he’s had hundreds of opportunities to do so and has failed.

She asks again why he thinks he’s the one, and he says he’s the man best suited for the job, but zoya notes that he sounds less sure of it than he was before he took tea with the saint (of course, every one of the darkling’s reactions can be interpreted as him being manipulative and only showing the emotions he wants them to see, but personally based on his actions later in the book i think this one was genuine)

The darkling asks if she can imagine that he only wants the best for ravka and alina confirms that she believes him. She asks if he regrets any of it, and she sounds hopeful, saying that it’s not too late for him, but he says he doesn’t. She seems disgusted

The darkling asks if she thinks this is what she was meant for, to be “powerless and pathetic”, but alina smiles, and replies that she’s not powerless, and that stories often have you believe kings and queens are the only ones who matter, and that they’re wrong (this claim also felt stronger because at the beginning of the scene zoya reveals that mal and alina have turned their home into a site for gathering intelligence, so they are still involved in helping ravka in many ways)

That is the extent of their interaction. Something happens at the end of the scene, but it’s not an interaction between them, it’s some Plot Stuff, he gets his powers back, but that is as far as their “reunion” goes.

afterwards he disappears, and zoya offers to have the children from their orphanage relocated to a safe place for protection, but mal and alina refuse to be chased out of their home again. They refuse protection or armed guards, saying they don’t want to uproot the children or scare them after everything they’ve been through. They say they’re still terrified, fully understanding how the darkling deals with his enemies, but overall they no longer seem frightened or susceptible to the darkling’s manipulation.

_______

Sorry this got so long, i hope this was what you had in mind lol. I left out a lot of details, but i’m assuming you were asking more to see if their interactions centered the darkling or if there were any implications of romance or tension between them (you might’ve meant something completely different ofc but that’s what i was worried about for the scene so), hope this helped!

#rule of wolves spoilers #row spoilers #anti darklina #tagging so darklina stans don’t complain abt it being untagged-#thanks for the excuse to talk about rule of wolves!!!#asks #achinghcarts

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sheikah · 3 years

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How do u think the show will handle Alina’s character. The way I interpreted it, the whole plot of TGT was a twist on the chosen one trope. She was the chosen one but unlike other popular chosen ones, I felt like she never truly loved her power. She just wanted to be free and happy, which is totally fair. She was forced to use her power to save the world but at the end of it all she wanted was to be left alone. I think Leigh didn’t do the best job of this trope but I think that’s what she intended. I wonder if the show will do this trope better or make Alina embrace her power which IMO changes her character, or at least my interpretation of her.

This is a great question, because I think different interpretations of how Alina feels about her power really change how one views her character. Personally, I think Alina started the series just wanting to be left alone and not embracing her power. But I think that over time she did grow to embrace it. I pulled out a lot of book quotes under the cut, because I am very emotionally invested in ambitious/power-hungry Alina haha.

So I think it starts in S&S when she gets the sea whip amplifier and can feel and enjoy the way it adds to her power, but it isn’t really something she acknowledges until the end when she tricks the Darkling. When she uses his power, we’re in her head, getting her thoughts. It isn’t just about her manipulating him. Yeah, she’s doing what she needs to do, but she likes it:

This was not the way he'd touched me in my visions, when he'd come to me as shadow. This was real, and I could drown in it. Power flowed through me--the power of the stag, its strong heart beating in both our bodies, the life he'd taken, the life I tried to save. But I also felt the Darkling's power, the power of the Black Heretic, the power of the Fold.

Like calls to like. I'd sensed it when the Hummingbird entered the Unsea, but I'd been too afraid to embrace it. This time, I didn't fight. I let go of my fear, my guilt, my shame. There was darkness inside of me. He had put it there, and I would no longer deny it. The volcra, the nichevo'ya, they were my monsters, all of them. And he was my monster, too.

This was the beginning, I guess, but there are way more instances in R&R when Alina ponders on her own lust for power.

Gradually, she is willing to admit, both to herself and others, that it isn’t just about beating the Darkling, she wants the firebird and the power of the third amplifier:

I wasn't sure what was driving me, if it was my need for vengeance or something higher, if it was hunger for the firebird.

Baghra's hand shot out. With surprising accuracy, she seized my wrist.

"Put your hunger aside, Alina. Do what Morozova and my son could not and give this up."

My cheeks were wet with tears. I hurt for her. I hurt for her son. But even so, I knew what my answer would be.

"I can't."

He'd killed animals and then brought them back to life, sometimes repeatedly, delving deeper into merzost, creation, the power of life over death, trying to find a way to create amplifiers that might be used together. It was forbidden power, but I knew its temptation, and I shuddered to think that pursuing it had driven him mad.

"I won't deny it. I want the firebird. I want the amplifiers' combined power."

"It doesn't matter why I'm using the Cut, what I'm doing with the power. It always feels good."

Eventually, she realizes Mal is an amplifier, but still wants the power his death could provide:

I had the sense of a door swinging open, and all I wanted was to step through--this taste of perfect, gleaming elation was nothing compared to what lay on the other side. I forgot where I was, forgot everything but the need to cross that threshold, to claim that power ... The burn of power was almost unendurable, a dull whine that filled my head. My heart beat so hard I thought I might not survive it. I needed to walk through that door ... I wanted to blot out this knowledge, carve it from my skull, because I hungered for the power that lay beyond that golden door, desired it with a kind of pure and aching fever that made me want to tear at my skin. The price for that power would be Mal's life.

There are also the iconic scenes with the Darkling when she realizes that she’s drawn to power the same way that he is:

"You were meant to be my balance, Alina. You are the only one who might keep my power in check."

"And who will balance me?" The words emerged before I thought better of them, giving raw voice to a thought that haunted me even more than the possibility that the firebird didn't exist. "What if I'm no better than you? What if instead of stopping you, I'm just another avalanche?"

I include all these because I don’t think book!Alina wanted to be left alone and powerless at all. It’s one of the big problems I have with the ending of R&R. Alina didn’t willingly sacrifice her power. She sacrificed Mal (albeit at great personal cost and with a lot of grief) for the power of the third amplifier. But when that power went to create other Sun Summoners, it was a surprise. She didn’t anticipate it, and didn’t want it. And while the ending is a happy one and I’m sure Alina and Mal are perfectly happy at Keramzin living a normal life, there’s always this passage about Alina mourning the loss of her powers that haunts me a little bit:

“You might make me a better man.”

“And you might make me a monster.”

The boy and the girl had both known loss, and their grief did not leave them. Sometimes he would find her standing by a window, fingers playing in the beams of sunlight that streamed through the glass.

So, to finally answer your question, I actually personally interpret book!Alina as having embraced and wanted her power, but I think the show will characterize Alina in much the way you said. Alina will be the reluctant Chosen One. She will be humble and do her duty to save Ravka, but in a way befitting Sankta Alina. I don’t think we’re going to get glimpses of Alina reveling in her power or the prospect of dark!Alina. I wish we would! But we most likely won’t have a first-person POV or voiceover showing her thoughts to show us these inner conflicts, and even if we did, I anticipate a change in the writing/story that will mean a change in Alina as well.

Archie is in every episode of season one. At least, he’s credited for all of the episodes on IMDb. If that holds up when the show actually airs, it means significant changes in Mal’s inclusion in the story (because Mal is hardly in most of S&B) and thus the Mal/Alina relationship. And the biggest thing holding Alina back from embracing her powers has always been Mal. She loved him and her life at Keramzin so she suppressed her powers when the examiners came as a child because subconsciously she didn't want to leave him. Then after her powers were revealed she and Mal fought about them. Her status as the Sun Summoner was the biggest conflict in their relationship. It made Mal feel like she didn’t need him, and Alina even says that while the people wanted her to be a “Grisha queen,” “Mal wanted a commoner queen.” And there are a bunch of examples of similar sentiments from when they argue. So if the show is going to have more Mal/Alina, which I suspect it will because Leigh wants to change fandom perspective on her preferred and endgame ship (and because Leigh said in one of her instagram live sessions that she thinks Archie’s portrayal is going to win over people who aren’t fans of Mal), I imagine there will be less ambitious Alina, for better or for worse.

#alina starkov #tgt #s&b #grishaverse #answered

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looking-for-wisdom · 4 years

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hahaha what if you wrote zoyalai headcanons post kos

Ask and you shall receive, anon ;) hope you weren’t hoping for fluff,,,

The distance was intolerable, but she tried to remind herself— this was what she’d wanted, wasn’t it? He’d chosen a bride after she’d pressured him for months. He’d listened to her advice.

It wasn’t like he could be hanging around some other woman in public when he’d just announced his proposal. The country needed to get to know the person who would be their queen. And that person wasn’t her.

If it were a matter of petty envy she might have been able to suppress it, but she felt the divide between her and Nikolai in more than his romantic life.

In private, he hardly spoke to her. Attacks were coming for their home and she was his general, but it felt like he put more trust in the man who haunted their past than he trusted her.

He’d made the choice to keep the darkling alive without her, but he was the king. He wasn’t required to consult her on every decision, but it was her job to support whatever path he chose. He said the darkling would help them against foreign attackers and she was supposed to be alright with that.

Except she wasn’t. There was a reason why she and Alina and Genya and David and every person they had lost during the civil war had chosen to support Nikolai Lantsov. They chose to because they believed he would be the one to save them. She still believed that, but it wasn’t him who was pulling the strings anymore. He’d passed the crown to the man who’d once tried to destroy them.

The Darkling had killed half a city when he’d expanded the fold— her aunt and cousin included. He didn’t care about the Ravkan people then and he certainly didn’t now.

When she did get ahold of Nikolai she tried to steer him away from his misplaced trust but everything she said seemed to go in one ear and out the other.

She tried to ignore how that stung. Nikolai had been the first person aside from Lilyana to really listen to her. He had valued her opinion. For the first time in her life she hadn’t felt powerless. And now she was back to having no say at all. She was insignificant.

But she loved her country and her king and she would not give up on them. She did everything she could think of to bring back the man she’d known before their time with the saints.

It was like talking to a stone wall

She liked to think she had her temper under better control now than she did when she was young, but she wasn’t immune to rage.

Every day her patience wore away a bit more. Darkling worshipers who had no right to talk how they did when they had not seen the pain that man had caused gathered around the city. Nikolai would hang on Ehri whenever they were together, flirting so sweetly it made her sick. And most pressing of all, the Fjerdans marched closer and their alleged leader wouldn’t give her the time of day. It was too much. She snapped.

She caught Nikolai in his office long after dusk fell. He looked tired these days, but she did away with her concern. Ehri could worry about him— she was busy trying to save the country. Besides, maybe if he allowed her to share his burdens he’d be in better condition.

She didn’t ask to be let in or wait for him to be done with whatever he was working on before she got to the point. Being subtle wasn’t working— it was time to handle this her way: being as blunt as needed.

She began without him even acknowledging his presence. “You’re putting too much trust in the Darkling and its going to get us all killed. I don’t know what’s gotten into you but my patience for it is gone. We need a King who will take responsibility instead of handing the control over to a killer.”

This succeeded in getting his attention. For the first time since she’d entered, he looked up. “Excuse me?” he asked, though she was sure he’d heard her. “Zoya, I’m not sure whats come over you, but we don’t have time for it.”

“What’s come over me? I hardly recognize you! Every since we returned you’ve acted like an impulsive fool. Saints, I thought we made that journey to get you back, but now I think it was better when I had to chain you to your bed every night.”

This was an overstep. She knew that. But she was also tired of walking on eggshells, and her restraint had run out.

There was a sickening silence in the room before Nikolai spoke again. Her anger only grew as the moments passed.

“This jealousy is not becoming of you.”

“Jealousy?”

“Yes, Zoya, jealousy! It was you who insisted I choose a wife and yet you stare daggers at me whenever I’m with Ehri. Worse than that, you’ve let it cloud your judgement as a whole. We’re on the brink of war and you’re throwing a fit over not being the center of attention! You may not like it but The Darkling is the only one who can lead us to peace and that is my top priority!”

She gritted her teeth. “You don’t get it! You are the one who is supposed to lead us there. And I believe you can— or I used to.”

“This is how I do that! You’re only angry because it isn’t you I’m turning to. I have to make the best choice for the nation. Believe it or not, you aren’t the expert on everything. The Darkling is better suited for this task.”

“He’s using you!” She exclaimed. How did he not see it? The Darkling was a monster— he couldn’t bring peace even if he wanted to. Nikolai was playing right into his game and she couldn’t understand why.

“Just because you were unable to keep from being his pawn does not mean I’m the same.”

The regret on his face was immediate, but Zoya didn’t care. He may have felt guilty, but he’d meant it. That much, she could tell.

A familiar coldness replaced her rage. She should have been hurt, but she had vowed not to let other make her feel small long ago. Instead, she was only numb.

She wasn’t sure if that was for better or worse.

“You’re right,” she said, finally. “I was used before, which is why I won’t make the same mistake twice. The Darkling will strangle Ravka now like he did before, but I for one won’t let it go without a fight. You’ve chosen the wrong side of this battle, Lantsov. I wish you hadn’t.”

He might have called after her as she left, but she wasn’t listening. She felt more hollow than she had since she’d lost Lilyana, but she didn’t doubt her choice. She’d done enough horrible things for love when it had been the Darkling’s approval she was seeking.

Nikolai was not the Darkling. Deep down she knew he was good, but that was not enough. She loved him, but she would not follow him blindly into the massacre of their people.

She had wanted to stand by him in everything, but this a path she could not take. Not again. This time, he would have to make the choice. Stay in the darkness or follow her into the light.

She could only hope he found his way because, even now, she still believed what she did all those years ago. He was their future.

#i dont love this but ehh #i just feel like theres gonna be a lotttt of tension #zoyalai #zoya nazyalensky #nikolai lantsov #kos #king of scars #my writing

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mermaidsirennikita · 5 years

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February 2019 Book Roundup

February was the month that I decided to give the Shadow and Bone trilogy another shot. And it was mediocre, as were most of the books I read this month. The standout was probably Robinne Lee’s Harry Styles fanfic novel The Idea of You, but even that was a 3 star read. Wish me luck next month!

99% Mine by Sally Thorne. 2/5. Darcy has long been in love with Tom Valeska, her childhood friend. Unfortunately, Tom is equally close--if not closer--to Darcy’s twin brother, Jamie. Between her estrangement from Jamie, Tom’s engagement to another woman, and their unsaid fears of what getting together would mean for the trio as a whole, Tom and Darcy have never made it happen. But now that Tom is the contractor for the renovation project on Darcy’s grandmother’s house, they’ll have a whole summer together--without Jamie. And Darcy may just be able to make Tom entirely hers. I HATE giving this two stars. I loved Thorne’s debut, The Hating Game--and this should have been just as good. The fact is that Darcy kind of ruined it. I love an aggressive heroine, but she was... over the top. Fake. I didn’t get her damage, to be frank. And Darcy’s forwardness towards Tom, if you could call it that, not only seemed disingenuous--it also would have read VERY differently if their genders were flipped. Within seconds of finding out that she has a chance with Tom, Darcy is aggressive with him to the point of being outright pushy. It’s desperate at best and borderline predatory at worst. Never mind the issues later on, regarding the fact that these adults never acted like adults. There were some cute scenes and Thorne knows how to write sexual tension, but that couldn’t overcome the book’s problems. Still--I eagerly await her next novel. This could just be one misfire.

Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo. 3/5. In the world of the Grisha (where the titular magic users are in a class above their powerless counterparts) Alina is a mapmaker. Traveling alongside the Ravkan army, she is attempting to chart the Shadow Fold, which splits the country in two and harbors horrible monsters. When an attempt to cross the Fold goes wrong, Alina unleashes a power that she never knew she had. This leads to her catching the attention of the Darkling, a grisha and arguably the most powerful man in the kingdom. Alina’s newly discovered power could save Ravka--but as she enters in the royal court, she realizes that there’s much more to the dealings of Ravka than what meets the eye. I read this about six-ish years ago and gave it two stars. I’m giving it one more because I do think I was a stick in the mud about some things back in the day, and this is a fun book. However, you can really, REALLY tell that Bardugo has grown. I kind of wish that she’d been able to write the Darkling-Alina dynamic in a post Kaz Brekker world, with a lot more nuance and a lot, LOT less Mal, who feels like that obligatory childhood friend love interest in the kind of triangle that was expected when this book came out in 2012. (Speaking of: this book came out in 2012, and rip-offs are VERY much still actively being published, so’s interested.) There’s so much cool shit in the Grisha universe. But though I’m more okay with Alina than I was in 2012, I still find her to be kind of dull in comparison to the other leads I’ve seen Bardugo produce since. But hey, the Darkling is indeed hot. So there’s that.

Siege and Storm by Leigh Bardugo. 3/5. The sequel to Shadow and Bone has much of the same issues as the first book--but I’d still say it’s more fun. Why? We aren’t pretending that the Darkling is convincingly non-suspicious, for one thing. For another, we get Nikolai! Everyone talked about Nikolai. He lived up to expectations, and I look forward to Bardugo writing about him again. I’m honestly not sure if she’s grown so much, as I really like the world of Ravka, just as I liked the world of Ketterdam in the much better “Six of Crows”. Maybe the issue is the characters? Because Alina and Mal really are so boring. Hey, though--the Darkling is still great. I tend to wonder what Bardugo would have done with him in a post-Reylo world.

Ruin and Rising by Leigh Bardugo. 3/5. I don’t think I really cared about this series enough to be as mad as people were when this book came out. Or maybe I just was bracing myself for total disappointment--and there were things I liked about the ending? Alina remains kinda lame. Mal remains a bit annoying. Love Nikolai and the Darkling. Wish that this premise was handled in a more adult way. The end. I’m still excited about the Netflix deal--I loved Six of Crows and frankly, in different hands and under a different lens I can see myself loving this series much more.

The Idea of You by Robinne Lee. 3/5. Thirty-nine-year-old Solene is covering for her ex-husband when she takes their preteen daughter, Isabelle, to an August Moon concert. August Moon is the hottest boy band in the world, and Isabelle is smitten with the boys. What Solene doesn’t expect is her instant connection with one of the boys, twenty-year-old Hayes, during a meet and greet. What follows begins as a fling, but slowly develops into a real relationship as Hayes and Solene fall for each other. But can they overcome the age difference between them--not to mention the darker aspects of Hayes’s fame? This is, most definitely, a One Direction fanfiction turned into a novel. Hayes is Harry Styles, no doubt about it. There are the rumors about his sexuality, the crazy fans, the little catch phrases. But it’s deeper than most self-insert fanfic novels. I debated the rating on this one--the ending is abrupt, but bolder than I would have expected. The relationship is treated somewhat realistically, as unbelievable as that seems (to be honest, Harry Styles having a fling with a woman twice his age isn’t really so out of the question). But there were elements that just made me question Lee’s understanding of the issues surrounding relationships with such big age gaps. And while she seemed willing to depict the problems surrounding boy bands, the way she dealt with them was... not always the best. Still--a more nuanced romance that I expected.

The Chef’s Secret by Crystal King. 2/5. In late sixteenth century Rome, Bartolomeo Scappi is a legendary chef, serving as the pope’s personal cook. When he dies, he wills everything to his nephew, Giovanni--who also receives Bartolomeo’s secret journal. The journal reveals a long-hidden relationship between Bartolomeo and an unknown woman, leading Giovanni on a quest to uncover his uncle’s past. I really liked King’s Feast of Sorrow, another piece of historical fiction by way of crime and cooking. So why did this one suck so much? I’m really not sure. I do care more about Renaissance Italy than Ancient Rome--so maybe that biased me against it. But I also just think that every “twist” was predictable, every beat hollow. I still liked reading about the food, but this just wasn’t good. Furthermore, there’s a creepy thread to Bartolomeo’s relationship with his lost love that I really couldn’t get over. This was trying hard for an Immortal Beloved vibe, but it was a swing and a miss.

#book recs #book roundup #books

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