My dad was very against me getting a dog and then IMMEDIATELY fell in love with her. Like he absolutely adores her. He started off like 'uggh I don't want to end up having to take care of it' and now he REQUESTS to babysit her every couple weeks or so just for fun. He will just sit there petting her and chuckling and saying "She just makes me laugh :)" to himself. He calls himself her 'grandpa'. The bond between an aging father and the pet he didn't want is probably the deepest love on earth.

Waiting for Labor

So it’s been awhile since i posted something to my so called “ blog” 

How do I even start, well, I was told by my OB that I was due on May 25-30 to be exact. And of course as excited as I am, I have told my family especially my husband that was our expected date to finally see our baby boy. 

Apparently, it didn’t go as planned or calendar noted. My anxiety was rising, I could’t sleep of thinking what if my baby poop his first dirt inside me, I would lose him or myself. What would I tell my husband or to my family. I kept monitoring his movements just to make sure he was still IN there. Yes, I was getting paranoid as usual, typical Rose who overthinks alot. But this was MY baby we’re talking about, my very first boy. 

I asked/talked to every experienced mommy I know, but they all have the same answers that everything will be fine and that I had to wait for a little while. I couldn’t, I just couldn’t. I was more worried about him, what he feels inside me, what he wanted, what he needed from me. I googled and googled for answers just to ease my brain from exploding. 

June 01 2017 (06:10 am)

My bloody plug finally came out, but I knew that labor won’t start yet until 24 hours or so. I was quite relieved of seeing it, I knew he was on his way. I settled down and conserve much energy as I can. Mom my wouldnt’ quit bugging me to walk and walk, it was quite annoying really as she repeated it several times even though she knew i heard her. Well who could blame someone who’s to excited to see his grandchild. I was happy to see my husband calm and patient, he would walk with me, watch me eat my not so delish meal ( awful just awful meal at the hospital) brought me MCDONALDS, yes! I’m talking about nuggets! The funny thing about my last trimester ( a week before I delivered my boy) was I was crazily craving for cold and sweets bites and drinks non stop, I knew it wasn’t good for both of us. Knowingly I had a gestational diabetes.  Honey, it was difficult to resist the good foods that are easy to be handed on the palm of your hands. :D That night, which was actually my last night of being pregnant (that i don’t have a knowledge of) a kind nurse asked me if I wanted to take a warm shower, I said hell YES (for not washing your hair for 3 days) I badly needed it, plus the uniform that I was wearing kept giving me this weird smell on my body. I had my shower, it felt like it was my first shower for centuries, I took a little walk before heading to my room, I wondered why am I hearing babies every hour or 2 hours. Is it because I was just near the “ baby room “ where they kept the babies clean or take their long naps. But hell no, I was actually in the delivery room, rooms where mamas give birth, my eyes widened as I heard a lady and the doctor exchanging words of “ push “ and “ ugh” here goes my anxiety again, wtf why was I not told that I was already in the delivery room, all those times I was thinking it was my private room to sleep and rest while waiting for the big day and as the big day comes, I would be transferred again to another room. LOL wtf how stupid of me. Maybe I didn’t heard the DR that well where I was to be put after confirming that I needed to be admitted 3 days ago. Probably I was so overwhelmed that I was finally going to stay at the hospital and wait. Anyways, i returned to my room as fast as I can after hearing that “ push “ I was having a panic attack and went straight to bed even my hair was still wet. 

June 02 2017 (06:15 am)

My water BROKE! for the first time in my life, I felt a big push from my stomach, water started to gush all over me and on the bed, I was blackout for awhile, what to do? should I stand up and clean myself? I just showered for taco’s sake. OH there was also a heart monitor for the baby where they strap it to your belly every once in awhile for 1-2 hours that I find it so annoying and uncomfortable, especially when I had the urge to go to the bathroom. Strapped around you like your a mental patient. Quite room with no phone, alone, strapped = MENTAL (literally i would go mental) I was glad I had a roomie before I started my labor, she was having her contractions already, and since she was chinese, I would only hear small noise from her ( the ughhhhh ) but in a virgin kinda way LOL maybe because I was still calm and didn’t know that my contractions as well is approaching. I tried to stay calm as much as possible. Conserve energy I say, as I knew I would badly need it. I kept looking at the clock, waiting for 1pm for visiting hours. MY husband, he was always who I think of apart from my son. Hmmmm what food would he bring this time?

Bloody hell, 08:15 my contractions started. PAINFUL as it was I tried to keep my composure, Its going to be fine, its just labor, after that, a big push and baby would be right there in a giffy, 6 hours had passed and the contractions are getting worse, I was shouting, pushing as much as I can even if it wasn’t time to push, but it eases when I pushed. For the love of fries, it was killing me. and that stupid strap was still on me, i tried to fight the pain, fuckin hell it was just pain, it was death to me. I held so tight on the edge of my bed, it was a protection board from falling, I didn’t want anyone touching me or asking me to lay down properly. It was just to painful. Dan came at 1pm, he saw me in a different condition, sweating, cursing every word I knew, crying, screaming. He tried to comfort me, no comfort in this world would ease what I was going through. Please let this be over, I didn’t want it anymore, I wanted to go home and not feel it ever again. The hours in between, DRs would come and check on me and my V access every 30 minutes. Put 2 fingers inside me which wasn’t pleasurable, speaking in chinese which I couldn’t understand well because I was too distracted from the pain. I wanted to curse the shit out of them, but they were there to help. FINALLY, 01:45pm they decided to put me in the operation room as my son wouldn’t cooperate with the pushing, he would still go up to my stomach, damn son you really made my life a living hell at that very moment. I signed the papers, that I was very OKAY to have a C section, just to get over it. I’m still glad that it was just a 6 hours labor, more than that. I’d probably have my eyes whiten and bubbles on my mouth hahaha 

As they push my bed to the operation room, I knew what was coming. MY baby boy, all I could think of was him, nothing but him. Eager to hear his first cry, see his face, and kiss him.

The operation only took 6 minutes, I heard my son cry and I started crying too. There he was perfect and fragile. My whole universe just right beside me….