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#He doesn't like the roomba
angry-roomba-army · 1 year
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sometimes i see lmk wukong headcanons that i know are Incorrect And Do Not Fall In Line With His JTTW Characterization and i have to physically hold myself back
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honestlyvan · 2 years
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@bitegore asked: 15 and 17 for reconstruction/post-war Cybertron?
17. Day and night
Cybertronians don’t really have circadian rhythms the way we think about them -- their roomba hindbrains developed before Cybertron had settled into orbit around a star, and even then Cybertron’s rotational periods are not constant -- and traditionally more stuff got done during the dark period of the rotation becuse that is, just... more familiar to them developmentally. Fortunately, post-war so many Cybertronians were used to a yay-30 hour working cycle after being on the 24-hour Earth for so long that the yay-60 hour Cybertronian day cycle could easily be split into daylight and night time, and then have those two halves be basically an entire days worth of stuff and activity before resetting.
The funny thing is that it stuck well enough that the largely uneven rotational period of Cybertron eventually stabilised into actually being 70-and-change hours long. Before that, since mecha were active around the clock and work shifts mattered more than the length of the day, Cybertron’s rotational period would vary by about 10 hours every quarter of a year.
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godmademewithoutarms · 9 months
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There are two types of cats, the lights are on but nobody's home and secretly a human
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yandere-daydreams · 8 months
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Thinking about sex doll Scaramouche the scrapped concept and Wanderer the repurposed Sumeru line, and I bring you Kabukimono the unfinished doll. A ScaraWan model that didn't get all the code written up in him properly or completely. He has the IQ of a roomba. He has no idea what his functions or roles should be, them not being programmed in. He has no concept of how strong he is, oftentimes accidentally grabbing objects and shattering them by accident. His owner/maintenance technician is unsure if the robot even understands that it's a robot, or if it's trying to become a human. Kabukimono showing up with a freshly bleeding heart in his hand beaming like "Am I human now? :D"
tw - implied violence, unhealthy relationships, obsessive behavior, disturbing themes.
ahhhhhfdlsjdkjslsjfdlsk the current wanderer lore is that he was formerly a failed cross-over model between the harbingers and the shogunate line who was then mellowed out and released with sumeru's more academic characters, so i can absolutely believe that in the mess of his development and production, there were a few models made that just,,, weren't finished, for lack of a kinder way to put it. he's got an incomplete backstory with plot holes you could drive a plane through, clothes that don't quite fit with the harbinger's cold-war-chic aesthetic or the shogunate's refined elegance, and most of his functions were made, well, functional. you're told all that up-front when you find a badly mangled model at a warehouse sale, but you don't care. he's got that beat-up alley-cat charm, and as a veteran companion-droid technician, you wouldn't be able to live with yourself if you didn't bring him home.
he works better than you expect him to, despite everything you've heard. his base programming (things like 'humans need air to breathe and breathing is good' and 'don't burn down the kitchen when asked to pour a glass of water') is in-tact, and he still has his verbal faculties, even if he does still get tripped-up on names every now and then. he spends the first few weeks following you around like a lost puppy, watching you fix up other androids and go about your daily routines with parted lips and wide eyes, but once he settles in, he's more of a housepet than a companion droid, constantly either lingering at your side or sitting at your feet, never farther than across the room. sometimes, he tries to help around your workshop, but he doesn't exactly have the gentle touch you need to deal with something as delicate as androids. you've found him elbow-deep in the wiringof other teyvat droids before, and well he has yet to do any damage you can't repair, you'd rather not catch him staring blankly at a nearly disassembled ayato with oil soaking into the clothes him again.
the only things you're genuinely worried about are his self-awareness protocols. he doesn't seem to understand the difference between androids and humans (despite having watched you take apart and put together more than a few of the former), and some of the phrases he uses just don't align with the lines his more official counterpart would spout when given the same prompt, occasionally referring to a 'mother' or a blacksmith he can't remember the name of. you've tried to correct him, to pull out your decade-old anatomy charts and drill a few haphazard biology lessons into his metal skill, but there's only so much you can do to change the ones and zeroes that make up his consciousness. there's not much you can do, but still, you'll wish you'd done more when he comes back from a routine errand with something red and pulpy cupped in his hands, his eyes bright and a wide smile plastered across his lips - when he asks, in the sweet, oblivious tone you've never been able to hold anything against, if this is all he needs to be human, to be with you permanently.
when it becomes clear that his programming was just a little more faulty than anyone thought to tell you.
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misscinnamonroll16 · 3 months
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You want more headcanons? No? Well that's too damn bad. Some of these are from a fanfic I'm writing (I'll post it once it's done)
Floyd can tell when his brothers are upset and will pester them until they talk about
Jd has so much pent up emotions. It started when he basically took over taking care of his brothers. He felt he needed to be happy so they could be happy.
Bruce may not have cooked when they were young but he watched how their grandma cooked and kind of memorized.
John Dory is constantly tense, his muscles are so tightly wound that he feels like solid muscle. The other bros think it's just bc he's been so active all these years until he finally relaxes a little.
Once back together, branch falls into the annoying little brother role. Taking embarrassing pictures and showing them to anyone (bonus points if it's a potential partner), and telling embarrassing secrets
Branch will never let them live down leaving him (if you know, you know 😂)
Clay and Floyd scare the crap out of the others. Clay because he's been silently walking around for the past two decades and Floyd because hes just a light stepper.
Bruce is a light sleeper, having kids made that worse (or better depending on how you view it)
Floyd sleeps V quietly. The type of sleep where you think they've died bc they haven't moved and you can't tell if you're imagining them breathing
JD snores. Like super loudly. But sleeps similar to Bruce, where he could wake up at the drop of a hat. He developed that tactic when they were kids and he heard one of his bros wake up in the middle of the night.
Floyd's voice is soft and comforting, the type to talk kidnappers about their childhood and how it lead them down this path.
John Dory will use his goggles to hide his eyes when he's been crying or hasn't slept in a long time. Did this when he'd stay up all night writing one of their songs or to hide the fact that he had been crying
John is painfully independent. Will refuse help despite the fact that he needs it most.
John Dory constantly uses the excuse that he's the oldest so he "doesn't need help" and "can take care of himself" and it infuriates his brothers to no end now that they're adults and realize that it's happening
It gets to a point where they practically have to tie JD down and force him to relax
Clay walks into walls while reading bc he walks while reading. The others find it funny until it happens several times in a row. Sometimes they "redirect" him before he walks into a wall, like a roomba
Floyd and Clay are little shits.
Clay got his head stuck in one of these at one of their first concerts. Him and Floyd (and technically Branch but he was being carried) were walking along when Clay got the "bright" idea to sit his head through, convinced he wouldn't get stuck. Clay sent Floyd to get help from spruce, who had to be the mature one and not laugh at him. Spruce just pushes his ears in and he pops right out. Once they turn to walk away Clay does it again, after getting him out again Spruce just picks him up like a sleeping bag under his arm.
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Clay constantly made bets he couldn't keep. "Bet you five bucks I can do this or that." Mainly with Floyd bc Floyd wouldn't hold him to it
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roosterbruiser · 1 year
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𝐅𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐦
𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞: 𝐅𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐰𝐨: 𝐅𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐌𝐞
𝐚 𝐉𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐧 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐀𝐊𝐀 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐅𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐔𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞 𝐅𝐮𝐜𝐤: 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
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"So, what now?" You ask.
You're laying beside Jake, fingering the sheets that he has on his surprisingly comfortable bed. The sheets are nice, like really nice. Before, you would've never wondered about if he had nice sheets or not. But now that you know that he does, now that you know that he probably knows the difference between Egyptian cotton and linen and knows what thread-counts are, you think that it fits him. Of course he knows these things--he cares. Even if he pretends like he doesn't, he does. And as you've teased him about before--mainly during his movie theater snack choices of gray goose shooters and expensive beef jerky--he's kind of got bougie taste. Like all his posters are framed, he invests in velvet hangers, he has a Roomba, and he has a bidet in every bathroom in his house.
You like that about him, honestly. You like that he's so put together. You like that he lives alone, but still takes care of his things without the insistence of someone else. You like that he likes to cook and honestly makes some of the best steak you've ever had--which you did tell him and yes, it did go straight to his head.
"Give me about ten minutes and I'll be ready to rumble again," Jake teases, his fingers lazily drawing stars on the naked skin of your arm.
He sighs contentedly, a grin biting his lips when your tired laughter rings out in his bedroom. It's a sound he's grown to really, really like. And he can't help but think that it only sounds natural in this bedroom, a sweet song that could get lost between wrinkles of bedsheets and under the mahogany armoir. He isn't sure what it means that he's thinking this--surely it has something to do with the quickening of his pulse when he sees you or the glances he keeps stealing around base.
But right now, he doesn't have it in him to dissect his peculiar feelings. He just wants to lay here with you.
"Yeah, that's definitely what I meant," you sigh back, chuckling.
Not that you would necessarily mind another round, though.
Your fingers are still in his hair, albeit your grip is much softer now that he isn't throwing you into an orgasm. You're just very softly combing through his locks, scratching the clean skin of his scalp, inhaling that nice shampoo he uses.
Jake is smiling tiredly as he blinks at his ceiling fan, his arm firmly holding your naked body against his. He's tired--those Stellas are catching up with him--but he's happy. He's like really, really happy. Happier than he ever thought he could be around Wisteria Kazansky.
He thinks he knows what you're really asking. What happens between the two of you now? How do you go forward? Are you friends with benefits? Are you lovers? Are you something else entirely? He's wondering the same thing--especially since the sex tonight felt monumentally more intimate than the first time.
Honestly, it's the most intimate sex Jake can remember having in a long time. He had brought you to another orgasm with his cock buried to the hilt and his fingers circling your clit with an expert precision. His forehead pressed against yours as you repeated his name like a chant: Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake. You were very warm and soft beneath him, body ebbing where his was flowing and nipples pert against his skin. He had felt every moment of your orgasm, the warmest part of you wrapped around the hardest part of him, and had watched the lovely way your mouth parted and your eyes squeezed shut.
"So pretty when you cum, baby," he had whispered to you, continuing in the slow and steady pace that had brought you there, crashing his hips against yours. He pet your cheeks, felt the flush beneath his fingers, and kissed your face very wetly. "Love making you cum."
The sex was probably the best you'd ever had. Like you told Jake, you'd known some monsters. You'd known your fair share of men who didn't deem your orgasms necessary. And now you've fucked Jake Seresin--who you previously thought was worse than all those other monsters combined--once and had sex with him once and finished both times.
The orgasms that flooded you this time were unlike anything else you'd felt with other people--not only that, but you had given Jake more than you'd ever given anyone else. Even if any of the other people were as skilled or as precise or as in-tune as Jake, you wouldn't have been able to let go the way you did with Jake. There was something about his hand holding the middle of your chest, keeping you down, keeping you safe that made it easy to let go. There was something about his pink lips pressing open-mouthed kisses to your face and whispering that he loved making you cum that allowed that orgasm to wash over you.
"I have it in me to go again," Jake breathes, pulling your body closer to his and suppressing the groan that threatens him when he feels your bare skin pressing into his. "Think you can keep up?"
You grin, stretching your neck and laughing softly. When he presses a few lazy kisses to the crown of your head, you pretend like it doesn't ignite a little ember of adoration in your chest.
"Can't you let a lady rest?" You whisper, nuzzling your nose into his chest. You inhale softly, trying not to let your eyes water when his hand comes up to hold the back of your head, when his fingers tangle themselves in your hair.
"Sure I can," Jake sighs, basking in the warmth of your lips against his chest. "Know any?"
You are laughing, the both of you, a laughter that rumbles both of your chests. If he'd have said this to you a couple months ago, you'd have had the urge to claw his cheeks. But now the two of you can laugh at it--he's teasing you. He's chiding. And it feels good--comfortable.
When a silence settles over the two of you again, he's itching to ask you what happened that made you come here tonight. He wants to ask how your dad is and if the hospice nurses have given you any updates. He wants to ask you if your fucking Aunt Lisa said something again because he swears to God, he's gonna have a talk with her himself if she doesn't knock it off. He wants to ask you if you need anything, because he really would give you what you need: another round, a bottle of tequila, a night out of town.
The words are practically clawing at his mouth now, begging to be let out. And just as he starts to open his mouth, just as he starts to ask you what he can do for you, you smile up at him. He loves that smile; it's wide and bright, even when your eyes are swollen with exhaustion or tears. He can't help but swipe his index finger along your cheek, can't help but let his heart squeeze when you lean into his chest.
"You hungry?" You ask.
He's not that hungry--but how could he say no to you when you're leaning into his touch, biting your lip, blinking up at him so pretty?
"Yes," he answers. "What'd you have in mind?"
It must be well past two in the morning now, hours after you showed up at his door. Before you came, you felt like you were drowning in IV stands and extended cousins and rubber gloves and tears and casseroles. That was why you'd come to Jake's: you just wanted to stop feeling like your dad is dying, even if only for a little while.
You never would've pictured yourself sitting on Jake Seresin's very nice sheets in his very clean bedroom, wearing one of his old Navy sweatshirts and nothing else, eating a greasy pizza while some terrible horror movie plays on the TV. Not only would you never have pictured yourself here, especially not cuddled up beside Jake with the pizza box open over his legs, but you never would've imagined that you would be happy as you are right now.
Things just feel easy right now. The pizza is almost explicitly cheesy, the movie has more pairs of tits than jump-scares, and you don't want to go home. Like, you really don't want to go back home at all. Even though you're tired right now, even though you know that you really should drive home before it gets too late, you don't want to.
"How's the 'za?" Jake asks, watching with a fond smile as you devour a third piece.
"Incredible," you mumble, your mouth full and your eyes drooping. "Didn't know that you're the kinda guy that calls pizza 'za."
Jake laughs--so do you.
"I don't," he admits, which is true, laughing. "I don't know why I said that."
"Maybe I've bewitched you," you tease with a sigh.
"Lucky me," he breathes.
Something twitches in your chest when he says it. This is all getting dangerously close to a crush--you can feel it happening. This is the way you feel whenever you're about to start liking someone. The feeling is something you've had sparsely and you feel like you have to dust it off, but it's there. It's definitely there.
Jake feels it, too--he just isn't quite sure what to call it yet.
You don't say anything. You feel too giddy suddenly to say anything. And it's good, too, because Jake's fondly peering at you with a smile tugging at his lips--which he keeps doing.
"Want something to drink?" He asks.
You nod, yawning.
He's only gone for a few minutes. The horror movie is droning on and the pizza is sitting hot and heavy in your gut. You can't help but feel the utter domesticity of this night: you and him, greasy food, bad movies, comfortable bed. You've grown so close over the past two months, closer in a way no one on base knows about yet, and it's been sweet. It's still throwing you for a loop--just how easy it is to be around him, how easy it is to fall into this.
Downstairs, while grabbing two lemon-lime Gatorades from the fridge, Jake is thinking the same thing. This has all been so very easy. He's not someone that's regularly fallen into the position of boyfriend and he isn't precisely sure what it would look or feel like for the both of you--but he feels very affectionate towards you right now. He is almost certain you're going to spend the night and the prospect of that alone fills him with great excitement. He's excited that you're going to be there when he wakes up and that the two of you might have sex again. But he's also just excited to know if you like to sleep on your back or your belly; if you snore; how you like your eggs; if you prefer tea or coffee.
He's elated because he knows, deep down, that you're using him as some sort of release. Not using him in a big, bad way--no, maybe using isn't even the right word. You're just finding some sort of...peace in him and his house and his body. And he's okay with that, really, he's glad that you are.
So maybe this is what it feels like to be your boyfriend. He could get used to this. And it wouldn't take long at all.
"Lemon-lime?" You ask softly when he comes back into the room, sweatpants very low on his hips.
He's grinning, his hair messy and his eyes shining in the dim glow of the TV. You're sitting on the bed, pizza box on the floor, blankets pulled up to your chin. You look cute--it makes his heart squeeze.
"Only the best for my guest," he says, placing the bottle in your hands.
You hold it, inspecting it carefully. It's cold. You know that he must've grabbed it from the fridge downstairs. But it is mildly perplexing to you because you've never seen him drink one unless he's splitting it with you. But here it is now, stocked in his fridge apparently.
"You're a lemon-lime guy, then?" You ask, trying to sound casual, as he resumes his position beside you.
His arm is around you again and his body is radiating a sweet heat, one that makes you want to take his sweatshirt off your body. You lay against his chest and he makes a sound, one between a sigh and a hum.
"No," he answers honestly. His heart is sitting in his throat now and his pulse has quickened. He wonders if this is too much--if he's being too honest. "More of a Cool Blue guy."
You blink up at him, the bottle bated at your lips. He's staring straight ahead, at the TV, and there is just the slightest bit of pink on his cheeks.
You're confused. You even almost open your mouth to ask him why he seems to have an unlimited supply of lemon-lime then. But just as the words touch the back of your teeth, it clicks.
Oh.
It's for you.
That's why he always has it.
And then it dawns on you that he must keep your morning Gatorades at his house--he doesn't get them from the vending machines at all. He buys them at the store, takes up room in his fridge, and remembers to grab one for you every morning. That isn't the Jake you knew a couple months ago, the one that called you nepotism baby and told you that you had it easy. This is the Jake you know how--the one who will let you eat in his bed and make you cum twice.
There's an overwhelming urge in your gut to jump his bones. You want to straddle him and ease him into you and ride him nice and slow and look into his aspen eyes and let your body cum again beneath his fingers.
But instead, you just hold the back of his head, tangle your fingers in his hair. And he looks over at you finally, his face awash with a sleep-tinted happiness. He smiles at you, hums softly whenever you scratch his head. And then you lean in--very slowly, very carefully, leaving him ample time to retreat. But he doesn't retreat; he meets you halfway, cups your cheek, presses his lips against yours.
This kiss conveys something neither of you are brave enough to say. It is a soft and long kiss, one that is wet and kind. It is not desperate and it is not trying to propel your intimacy in any other capacity. It's just a kiss. The sole purpose of it is to just press your lips together.
That's what you both need.
When you pull away, breathing hard, Jake can taste the citrus on your tongue. He rests his forehead against yours, strokes your cheek softly with his calloused thumb.
"What was that for?" Jake whispers, a smile tugging at his lips.
He swipes a drop of Gatorade from your bottom lip the way he wanted to in the pharmacy parking lot when you were both drenched in neon light as Joni Mitchell crooned.
"I just really like lemon-lime Gatorade," you whisper back.
You both laugh--quiet and ardent little tufts of air.
You don't have to say it and he doesn't have to hear it. You both know--you both understand. Things are different now. They're going to keep being different now.
And that doesn't scare you. And it doesn't scare him, either.
So that very Monday, when you let Jake pick you up from your family's home, you can't feel anything except excited. It's an excitement that you can feel in your bones, one that settled there over the weekend that you two spent together.
Things in your life are complicated right now--and downright gloomy. But this--riding into work when it's still dark, holding hands over the center console, fiddling with the radio and settling it on an oldies station--this doesn't feel complicated or gloomy.
As soon as the two of you pull into a parking spot, you're spotted. Rooster and Phoenix spot you seemingly from a mile away--squinting and blinking rapidly to make sure they're seeing what they see.
"No fucking way," Phoenix whispers to Rooster, brushing her hair over her shoulder and putting her hands on her hips. "No way!"
"Well, I'll be," Rooster mumbles back to her, watching as Jake opens your car door and takes your hand as you hop down. Jake is grinning--so are you, even if yours is a more tentative grin. "That's not something you see everyday, is it?"
Phoenix nods dumbly, her lips parted in shock.
"Oh, fuck them," Rooster adds whenever Jake carefully tucks a strand of hair behind your ear and pats your cheek. It's the most tender he's ever seen Jake do anything ever--and he's seen Jake hold a newborn baby. "PDA already?"
In your slight defense--neither you or Jake had spotted Rooster and Phoenix by their cars on account of it being so dark outside. And the two of you weren't actively looking for spotters. Plus you're just happy--blindingly, seriously happy.
"I can't wait to tell Floyd," she whispers, a smile tugging at her lips.
Bob has been telling her since interrupting yours and Jake's little tiff on the tarmac that there's something going on between the two of you. Phoenix disbelieved him entirely at first--until you started sitting beside Hangman every morning at briefings. Then she was a little curious. Then you started inviting Hangman to things, like really every thing. Then she was suspicious. Fanboy claimed to have seen the two of you out at the movies a while ago, but no one believed him entirely.
But now Phoenix feels like she's witnessing history. Wisteria Kazansky and Jake Seresin are bumping shoulders and acting chummy as can be as they walk into base together.
"Weirdly, they're kind of like...not a bad looking couple?" Rooster says, his eyebrows knit.
Phoenix nods immediately.
"Hope he knows to keep himself in check," Phoenix mutters, adjusting her backpack as her and Rooster start for the building. "Cause Wisty's got an entire army behind her if he fucks this up."
Just as the two of you enter the building, a gust of cool air conditioning goosing your skin, Jake reaches down and takes your hand. He squeezes it softly, smiling down at you. You smile back, squeeze him.
And for the first time in two months, you feel like you can breathe.
𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭: 𝐅𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐈𝐭
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actual image of me writing this for you guys!! your response on this series has been nothing short of gorgeous!! thank you all so much!!
I think I am officially making this a series?!!?!!!! what do we think about that, how do we feel???? anything you want to see specifically??
𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲 𝐉𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐱 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲
tags:
@avaleineandafryingpaningpan
@popsycles
@thedronerangerger
@guacala
@top-hhunn
@hotch-meeeeeuppppppppp
@oliviah-255
@zalmael
@chicomonks
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sm-baby · 4 months
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Why do the others stop Jax from attacking non-sentient Pomni? is there a reason for them not to let him attack her? to their knowledge she is still non-sentient, and would necessarily "care" if she was attacked or used as a meat (or well, code) punching bag.
what happens if he were to whittle down her hitpoints? would she just respawn? does the "jester" as a tutorial npc have an invincibility shield to protect them from the player? would Jax attacking them be closer to a form of self harm in that case? if the AI doesn't respawn, and could be effectively deleted while non-sentient would the others (like Ragatha or Zooble) consider it to stop the next AI from joining their torture?
You're art is so good!! it fills me with inspiration and so many questions!! (obvs haha ^^')
It wouldn't hurt her but you would still stop a friend from doing a violent act... Like I wouldn't let a friend just break a roomba you know?
Also the ai will simply pop back into existence... Restart basically.
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hurtspideyparker · 1 month
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Hi, sorry but could you recommend any of your favourite Peter Parker fics please?
For sure !!! *cracks open ao3 bookmarks*
Thirty Hours by polaroid15 - Peter doesn't take any breaks during a lengthy fight with the Avengers. The mind-melting fever that follows really should have been expected.
Hurt Peter Parker, my favourite tag <3 I love when Spider-Man is a badass and also lacks self-preservation. He's so cool fighting alongside the Avengers and we get some sweet hurt/comfort irondad!
Fitting In (Tiny Spaces) by aloneintherain - Peter's trapped beneath a collapsed building during a mission, hurt and unable to move. Luckily, his comm still works. Unluckily, the Avengers don’t realise how bad of a state Peter is in, and Peter isn’t inclined to tell them.
This fic is an icon in the fandom and for GOOD REASON. I just can not get enough of Peter Parker hiding his injuries. More heavy whump and angst!
All good things come in threes by Bergen - Peter has three secret identities: Spider-Man, the superhero who swings around the city to save people. Parker Benjamin, who gives Tony Stark unsolicited advice on his research. And NightMonkey, the Instagrammer who keeps uploading increasingly popular but embarrassing drawings of Iron Man.
And he can juggle them all just fine, thankyouverymuch.
Okay here is the fluff!!! Peter is a genius, a menace, and a sweetheart. Tony Stark runs into him (again and again) and can't help but have a soft spot for him every time. Funny and cute and an all 'round good time!
Held Together by Spiderwebs by TunaFishChris - Steve is not coping well in the twenty-first century. At all. Three months after the Chitauri invasion, he decides he's had enough.
But just as he's about to end it all, he runs into the new hero in town.
This one focuses a lot on Steve but I really like him and Peter's relationship in it, and I think this is great Peter Parker characterization. TW for discussions of depression and suicide, it gets a bit dark!
5 Times Spider-Man Saved an Avenger's Ass (and 1 Time They Saved Him) by TunaFishChris - this fic showcases how strong and capable Peter is, he's definitely a BAMF. I really like this genre where the Avengers know Spider-Man but not Peter Parker, makes Peter feel more independent and mature like in the comics.
Five Time Faculty Members Had to Call Peter's Emergency Contact + One Time He Shows Up Anyway, Five Times Tony Stark's Fabled Intern Just Showed Up + One Time He Was Invited, and Five Times Strangers Talked About Peter and Tony + One time Someone They Know Did by kingdomfaraway - I am just gonna recommend this entire series. Super fluffy, extreme irondad and spiderson. They're just adorable from an outside perspective and I love when Peter gets to just be Tony's intern and a teenager for a while :)
research and disaster by blueh - “So, uh, Mr. Stark definitely knows Roomba-Kid,” Becket says and discreetly tilts his head in the direction of the pair.
“Oh my god,” Jess says. She almost sounds gleeful. “Oh my god, he’s not just some random kid. He’s Mr. Stark’s kid.”
or: the interns at Stark Industries have some questions about Peter Parker. The answers aren’t quite what they expect.
I just love intern Peter mk? Let him be a kid genius and have fun!!! Fluffy and humorous, again with the irondad.
Captain, Oh My- Not My Captain! by uncouth_peasant - Peter swallowed hard before firing a web to swing into the fray. “Cap’s going after civilians. I’m out of time.”
Bruised and bloody men <3. Just Peter being a badass and getting beat to a pulp. Cool fighting, lots of Peter whump, and of course the Avengers being protective.
Good publicity by Bergen - Between Peter Parker barely speaking, and Spider-Man being the ultimate chatterbox, how was Tony ever supposed to figure out that they were one and the same person?
Tony Stark is secretly a softie for cute kids, especially when they're a genius and have a sense of humour to rival his own. Peter is a foster kid who ends up finding a home with Pepper and Tony, very sweet.
The Third Option by Uncertainty_Principle - When Ben is murdered Peter goes into foster care. It takes just a tiny taste of superpowers for Peter to decide he doesn’t want to put up with his horrible foster father anymore—the streets are infinitely more appealing. All he wants is to be Spider-Man anyway.
So he leaves, simple.
Simple, that is, until Iron Man needs Spider-Man’s help.
Heavy TW for this one, mind the tags. This is a popular fic and for good reason. A very mature and realistic portrayal of the foster care system and homelessness. The Peter angst is really great and I could barely put it down, that boy needs a hug so bad.
Now here's some hydra!Peter fics cuz they're my jam:
Peter is a precious chickpea by Bergen - They attack the HYDRA safe house shortly before sunrise.
The only people defending said safe house are Peter and Leo, and Leo slams his cell door open and starts spitting out orders, but then promptly gets clobbered over the head and keels sideways.
So that just leaves Peter. And he’s not even going to try to fight a whole team of Avengers. He looks up at Iron Man filling the doorway. “I surrender.”
He’s never been captured before and he’s not sure what to do. Escape, probably.
This entire series is PERFECT. I just love how adorable Peter is, and all the relationships Peter forms with the Avengers absolutely melt my heart. Peter's characterization in this is really unique and I wish there was more. The Bucky and Peter friendship is everythingggg. I love hydra!peter and bucky fics.
Indoctrination by phoenixon - The Avengers thought they were on a typical assignment: Infiltrate the Hydra base and find the weapon. What they didn't expect was the small boy raised by Hydra that they found instead. And they definitely didn't expect him to stay at Avengers Tower or how he somehow wormed his way into their lives. As for Peter, he just wants to be good and obey what the Hydra men told him so he doesn't get in trouble.
I just really love hydra Peter changing into a sweet and intelligent boy once he's rescued and safe, and how all the Avengers take up such heart-warming parental roles around him.
out there, living in the sun by Hailfire_73 - The Avengers rescue Peter from a Hydra base ran by his father, Richard Parker, except Peter doesn't really see it as a rescue, and has trouble settling into a new life away from Hydra and his father at the Avengers compound. OR - Peter learns how to be an actual teenager, live life, and put his abusive past behind him, and Tony learns how to be a father.
Hydra Peter but he's most definitely a traumatized and moody teenager. I really enjoyed Peter's character arc and the exploration of his trauma. It felt more realistic the way his journey isn't just a straight or clear path. He's more mature in this one and it was a really compelling read, balancing the angst with some humour and fluff. Loved the ending.
Tinker, Tailor, Spider by Bergen - Tony is roped into a mission to transport a teenager to safety. But when things go south, it soon becomes more and more puzzling who the teenager is and what ‘safety’ means for him.
I really enjoy that the author doesn't water Peter being hydra down. Yes he is a highly skilled assassin and a badass who's trauma pervades his every thought and decision. Made me fall in love with the Tony, Pepper, Morgan and Peter as a family dynamic. Super domestic while still highlighting Peter's troubled past.
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straight4joekeery · 1 year
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Eddie: Aww, what's your dog's name?
Steve : Spartacus.
Eddie, yelling to Robin: TRY SPARTACUS!
Robin, on the computer: DIDN'T WORK!
Steve :
Eddie: What's your favorite number?
~~~~~~~~~
Robin: If you get in trouble, I'm gonna be like... a lawyer to you. Ok?
Eddie: Okay.
*later*
Steve : Eddie! Sit down on the chair, you're in trouble.
Robin, whispering: Deny everything.
Eddie, loudly: That isn't a chair.
~~~~~~~~~
Robin: Why is Eddie crying?
Steve : he saw a leaf on the sidewalk and-
Eddie: IT LOOKED SO CRUNCHY!
Robin: Please don’t say what I think you’re gonna say-
Eddie: AND WHEN I STEPPED ON IT THERE WAS NO CRUNCH!
Robin: NO, NOT THAT!
~~~~~~~~~~
Steve : Oh god, she texted you ‘hi.’’ punctuation only means one thing, Eddie. She’s mad at you.
Eddie: No, it's Nancy. She’s just being gramatically correct!
*meanwhile*
Nancy: And then I used a period so he’d know that I'm mad at him.
Robin: A period doesn't say 'I'm mad', it says 'you're dead to me'.
Nancy: I stand by my choice.
~~~~~~~~~
Nancy: Do you know the ABCs of first aid?
Eddie: A. Bone. Coming out of the skin is very bad.
~~~~~~~~
Robin: Words ending in 'ie' just sound so adorable. Like cutie, sweetie, cookie-
Eddie: Eyy, homie!
Steve : But then there's cootie...
Nancy: Die.
~~~~~~~~
Robin: *falls down the stairs*
Nancy: Are you okay?
Steve : Stop falling down the stairs!
Eddie: How’d the ground taste?
~~~~~~~~~
Eddie, taping a knife onto a Roomba: Be free, my child.
Steve , entering the room with a small cut on his ankle: Who the f-
~~~~~~~~~
Robin: Hey Nancy, I’ve got an idea for how to solve this.
Nancy, pulling out a shotgun: Yeah?
Robin: Wh- No! That’s not the idea, Nancy!
~~~~~~~~~
Robin: We need to open this locked door. Eddie, give me your credit card.
Eddie: Here.
Robin, pocketing it: Thanks. Steve , break down the door.
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owlafterhours · 2 months
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pot, kettle
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sir, that's my emotional support ice worm,
621 has a habit of making little critters it seems - Walter isn't sure if he got that from Carla or if he was like that before augmentation, but it has made keeping the place cleaner, so he's not sure if it's something he wants to complain about.
The sea spider's a fire alarm system+extinguisher and the helianthus are actual roombas that can do heavy duty cleaning - it can even clean carpet! The iceworm is also a roomba, but looong, and good for getting into corners and very specific cleaning. It will also come and twine around your legs if you 'call' it :)
I think by the time he's got all these critters, Walter's also taken to dressing down more on base - but he'll always have his harness on, juuust in case. He acknowledges that it's small comfort, but he'll take what security he can haha
621's eyes are pretty bad and they suspect they deteriorated during his time being frozen tuna. It doesn't impact his ability to pilot an AC so its all good! It's a part of why his clothes are the way they are; it lets him use literal plugins. That being said, they're also not great for him, so he usually gets around with a tricked out cane instead.
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Where do I think the MW2 cast live?
Headcanons on locations and what their homes look like :)
Alejandro, Gaz, Ghost, Graves, König, Price, Ruddy, Soap
A/N: I always list characters in alphabetical order because any other order makes my brain itch 🤷
~~~~~
Alejandro
He has a moderate sized house not too far outside of Las Almas
In game he didn't tell Soap where his family is to protect them so it makes sense he'd keep them distant from Las Almas for their safety
It's a big house
You two get plenty of space to keep your stuff and the spare rooms are for visiting friends and family
He fills every wall he can with photos of you, his family, and his friends
Overall his house is very cozy with soft seats and nice wooden furniture
But he also decorates with his heart, there are sentimental items throughout the house
Gaz
A small London apartment
His accent screams London and I think city life suits him
London prices are high so the apartment has only the space you need, no spares rooms except for a home office if you need one
Gaz has a driving license but doesn't have a car because he is too use to the convenience of London public transport, there's a bus stop right outside the building
His decorating style is clothes on the floor 😮‍💨
The guarantee is really good electronics
Nice TV, fancy coffe machine, roomba
This guy even owns an air fryer
Ghost
Outskirt of a village or a remote location
Simon is from Manchester but following his childhood there I don't think he'd be happy living there
I also can't imagine him enjoying bustling cities or even towns
He's a private man and he wants to keep you safe so having more than five neighbours is a no-go
His decorating skills are non existent
You have to decorate and he'll just help you assemble furniture
Has one room in the house with no windows and it's just filled with blankets and pillows, he does not explain this and you just have to accept it's there
Graves
This is entirely because I love the idea, a ranch
Or maybe if I'm being more realistic it's a decent sized house in a suburban area
But the ranch idea is more fun so let's work with that
It's about a forty minute drive from the nearest city
It's a really big place, bigger than it needs to be
On enof those where the garage is separate to the main house
The bedroom has a giant bed and en suite bathroom
His kitchen has a table that seats more people than you know
Giant TV in front of the comfiest sofa you've ever experienced
He loves you and spoils you so he wants you to live in luxury
König
Welcome to: I know a lot about Europe except for Austria!
König had a bit of trouble while looking for places to live because he's too tall for doorways
I was looking at the standard door height in most countries and the highest was 6'8". Poor guy.
Door issue aside he'd like his privacy and he has social anxiety so I think he'd be another city hater
His house is probably big but it doesn't feel like it
1) because he's massive and so everything seems small in comparison
2) he's a fan of organised mess
Something about filling a house to the brim with stuff you like and definitely need is soothing
And you can't call it a mess because according to him everything is organised
How else would he know where everything is?
Price
His home country of Herefordshire (I don't blame him, the place is nice)
I don't think we ever learn where in Herefordshire he is from so I'll presume he was from the city of Hereford and I can't see him living there still
It's a nice city but the villages are nicer but there is another reason
Price was part of the SAS (Special Air Service) which is based in Hereford. More specifically the base is just outside the village of Creden Hill.
His house has such a comforting vibe to it
The low ceilings with the wooden beams
Wooden flooring with a really soft rug
Sofas with lovely cushions and throw blankets
10/10 I love village houses (biased)
Ruddy
In Olmeda, Las Almas
I think Ruddy would be in a similar mindset of Alejandro in regards to keeping his S/O a secret and Olemda doesn't receive too much cartel activity
For reference Olemda is the town in the campaign during the mission hardpoint... The one you mostly blow up using a helicopter. Whoops
Asides from that little incident the town isn't too far from Las Almas and isn't entirely ravaged by the cartel
The most lived in room in the kitchen
You too cool together and eat together and then sit at the table and just talk for hours
Because of this the kitchen is the most loved room
Soap
One of the towns outside of Glasgow
I don't know from which part of Scotland Soap is from but I feel like he likes Glasgow
One of the few guys on this list aside from Gaz who likes living in cities
There's more shops and they're easier to get around. Oh, and more restaurants! (He can hardly take you to a restaurant for a date if there aren't any around)
He knows your neighbour's names, how many pets they have, and when they last went on holiday
He spends a lot of time on the front garden just talking to them when they bump into each other
I hate to say this but he probably has a "Man-Cave" but it's a cool room and he asks you to spend time in there with him
It has a darts board, how could you say no??
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incorrectbatfam · 1 year
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I just felt the urge to see this: Bruce and Selina just being cute to each other
They go as Gomez and Morticia Addams for Halloween.
When all the kids are asleep, they bury themselves under five blankets with the cookies they secretly stashed and watch all the movies they normally can't.
One of their dates is at an upscale burger place. They each order a different burger with fancy toppings, but Selina finds she's not a fan of the caramelized onions, so she trades it for Bruce's avocados. But wait, they gave Bruce tomatoes when he said no tomatoes so he swaps it for Selina's sauteed mushrooms. Then she realizes she'd rather have his brioche over her pretzel bun, so they switch again. They keep going until they've swapped burgers entirely.
Before Alfred goes on vacation, he buys two Roombas so Bruce won't destroy the house attempting to clean. Cue Roomba design contests and racing them down the hall.
When Bruce is on a mission without cell signal, Selina communicates with him via pizza delivery.
Bruce commissions a replica Louvre filled with pictures of Selina.
Bruce is the "LOOKIT MY WIFE" guy. Every interview, every conversation, he finds a way to make it about how great Selina is.
And similarly, Selina is like "I got me a man who can..." before going on about something absurd yet sweet Bruce does, like buying an industrial can of beans when she offhandedly mentioned wanting chili
They never knew each other as teenagers, but that doesn't stop them from acting like it. Like Bruce climbing out the window, running a lap around the Manor, and then tossing rocks at the same window so he can sneak Selina out for a late-night drive.
She makes breakfast, he does dinner. He gets evening theater tickets and she takes him to a museum in the afternoon. She gets him a new tie, he gets her a pair of shoes. He treats her like a queen and she treats him like a king, as it should be.
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mykingdomforasong · 2 years
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Broke: Modern AU R2D2 is Luke's cat or dog.
Woke: Modern AU R2D2 is Luke's bird, who chirps in something like binary code, but has also learned how to say "fuck!"
Bespoke: Modern AU R2D2 is Luke's Roomba he's irrationally pack bonded with. He doesn't even vacuum anymore, just rolls around. He might be Luke's best friend.
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yandere-daydreams · 8 months
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More on sex doll Kabukimono because he's been gnawing on my brain since I sent that ask. Would even recognize himself, I wonder? Like, his owner is a technician that fixes bots. If they got a Wanderer doll to fix up, would Kabukimono realize on some instinctual level this is what he's supposed to be like? That he's *wrong* and the other bot is *right*. Would he recognize his face?
On another note Kabukimono crying for his master because they got another bot wasn't he good enough for them and the other bot is his reflection in the mirror. Roomba IQ. I love him.
it doesn't even have to be another variation of the Wanderer, honestly. a Kaveh brought in to help with the more aesthetic parts of android repair or a Childe meant to keep up with the housework and deal with your more unruly customers would be enough to trigger the part of his brain that's supposed to stop him from wondering about the specifics of his own synthetic consciousness, from questioning if you'd love the intruder more than you love him. he's barely aware of the fact that he's an android, let alone the fact that there are likely a thousand strangers out there using his voice and wearing his face, and even a backstory as shotty as his wouldn't allow for a million coincidentally identical cousins. it's bound to fuck him up. at least a little, i mean.
you should be lucky he's as delicate as he is, that all that ever comes out of his little run-ins with self-awareness are a pair of wide eyes (he can't cry, unfortunately, tears and wiring don't mix well) and two pale hands wrapped around your arm, pleading with you not to want anyone but him, begging you not to ever switch places with one of your 'copies', whatever that's supposed to mean. he knows there should be something else, that he should have pre-programmed reactions to fill in the gaps between one feeling and another, but there's not and he's left curled against your side, sniffling quietly while you promise you're not trying to replace him. you can try to comfort him, but it's not going to do much.
he just doesn't know how not to want to be the only android in your life.
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strawberrysweater · 4 months
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i talked abt this on discord hehe so i'm rewording what i said for a post
thinking about these interactions...... from v3 chapter one before the first trial:
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kaede isn't cruel but she doesn't do disingenuous compliments or mince her words when someone or their hobbies don't interest her (and when getting to know everyone for the first time has some difficulty being engaged in stuff that's not related to music) and kiibo is so defensive with literally everyone, you get to see it a lot in his free time events with shuichi, like he's sort of uptight with him until they get to know each other better
but he and kaede just bypass all that right away it's so funny why are they best friends!!!! in the FTEs kiibo doesn't even get mad at her when she asks his opinion on roombas or any of the other silly questions you can choose. she's not like, way nicer to him than with everyone else but they have fun hanging out.. and here he's like "no i know you're not treating me different you're fine don't worry"
and she's the only person in this entire game who would tell him he sounded cool asking an investigation question. plus she is literally going through it at this part ^ she thinks she just killed a friend and failed to end the game. if she says something like this she means it 100%
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heich0e · 4 months
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suna reaction when he walks in on you crying at woowoo
"hey did you know that jupiter is twice as big as—oh."
you don't look up when suna walks into the room, but you can picture him even without turning in his direction. the way his steps had shuffled in means he's probably got the fluffy red slippers your mother bought you both on his feet, the way there's sound playing from a video that suddenly stops in the middle of a sentence means he's probably got his phone in his hand, the way his voice lilts up at the end of his sentence means his eyebrows are probably raised in that way that you always tell him is going to cause wrinkles.
"whatcha doing?" rintarou asks, drawing the words out hesitantly—as though he almost doesn't wanna know the answer.
"setting up the roomba," you reply, but your voice is unnaturally thick. you scrub the back of your hand across your eyes and it comes away wet with tears.
"are you having a hard time?" he asks next, and you can hear him shuffle a bit closer.
you're sitting cross legged on your living room floor with the little robot vacuum cradled between your pajama-clad thighs, your hands resting gently over top of it.
"no," you warble again.
"uh," rinatrou falters, "why're you crying then?"
you finally look up at him, your lower lip wobbling.
"look how cute it is," you cry, picking the little vacuum up and holding it aloft for him to see.
suna's eyes flicker from your tearstained face to the vacuum, and then back again. that wrinkle on his forehead makes itself known.
"it's... a vacuum."
"it's a ROBOT vacuum, rintarou," you correct him pointedly. "like the mars rover... or wall-e!"
"wall-e is a cartoon," he notes.
"you're so heartless," you whine, cradling the circular appliance to your chest as though to comfort it. "this is our wall-e. he's going to help us clean our house. he works hard and is so little."
"you named it, didn't you?" rintarou is making no effort to hide his amusement now, his smile plain in his voice.
"his name is... woowoo."
"woowoo?" suna repeats.
"yeah," you rub your eyes again. "my sister couldn't pronounce her Rs when she was little so she would have called it a woomba. a wobot wacuum. so... woowoo."
"you're hopeless," rintarou laughs, plopping himself down behind you on the floor, with his chest to your back and one long leg stretched out on either side of yours. he leans his head against yours, reaching up to take the vacuum from your hands and survey it.
you lean back into him slightly, even though he's being mean.
"so... woowoo, huh?" rintarou asks. "y'know, most couples would get emotional naming a dog. or a baby."
"you're not even nice to our vacuum, there's no way you're getting a baby," you mutter resentfully.
"hey," he laughs, nudging his cheek against yours. he turns the vacuum over as he examines it. "so how does it work?"
"he," you correct him firmly.
"alright, how does he work?" rintarou asks through another laugh.
you shrug. "i dunno. i started crying before i got through the instruction manual."
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