#HE LOOKS LIKE A DILFF | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

restwellsoon · 2 years

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Snack Time Slangin’ & Secretive Stares

Pairing: Dick Grayson x GN!Reader, Damian Wayne x Maps Mizoguchi

Summary: It’s with a touch of magic or just plain bad luck that you become acquainted with Dick and Damian, becoming a member of the Snacktime Slangers. As you and Dick grow close, you learn something about him that leaves you pleasantly surprised.

/ “A DILFF is a dad I’d like to fall for.”

Cw: aged down!Damian who might be OOC along with Maps, excessive DILF vibes, misunderstandings, fluff, gender-neutral pronouns

A/N: Written for Fish’s birthday last year.

You didn’t have to turn around to know who it was behind you in aisle number four, the whispered giggles of other store patrons and the loud and exasperated sighs of clerks made it obvious that it was 1:00 PM and time for Damian to peruse the store for snacks.

Thinking about it, it was odd that you knew so much about the child. You knew his name and which aisles he frequented and what snacks were his favorite. But it wasn’t like you purposely tried to learn this information. It was broadcast throughout the aisles as the small child turned the grocery store into his kingdom, his presence announced by the tired shouts of his father. Other shoppers couldn’t help but stare at their wake, either because of Damian's little tirades or his father’s incredibly good looks.

Going to the grocery at this time was pleasant -it was quiet too before the two of them showed up- because it was that sweet moment in the day where most were still at work and kids were still in school. It was already too late in the day to go shopping for the senior citizens of Bludhaven. That meant that the store was mostly reserved for stay-at-home parents, college students and workers with odd hours like you.

That was until those two came along.

Thus your quiet grocery was now obnoxiously loud and more crowded -but still not considered too busy- than before.

You reached the end of the aisle and took a quick left to head towards the produce. Damian and his dad seemed to have an affinity towards the middle section of the grocery store so shopping around the edges meant that it was easier to make your escape.

Colorful round and oblong shapes greeted you in time for you to sigh in relief in sync to the misting of the leafy vegetables. You didn’t know it then, but that would be the last time your trips to the grocery store would be peaceful.

---

You tried going to the market at the same time but on a different day, grateful that your work schedule allowed for such flexibility. To your annoyance, it seemed that Damian’s schedule also allowed for variable shopping times.

The kid was too loud to ignore, his patient caregiver doing his best to soothe his tantrum as you tried to make your way past them unnoticed. Even though the man tried to be firm with him, his disciplinary skills seemed ineffective. A few scoldings were given before he sighed, running his hands through his hair, giving in and handing the boy the snacks.

Clicking his tongue with satisfaction, Damian turned over the box of animal crackers, circus themed illustrations covering the entire surface as he named all of the creatures to his companion.

It seemed he lost his concentration though as you pushed past the duo, the squeaking wheels of the shopping cart or your mumbled list of snacks you wanted distracting him.

The two were standing in front of the cookies you wanted and you stared at the spot in-between them, hoping they would get the hint and move.

“What are you looking at, witch?”

The last word barely registered in your mind as Damian's handsome caregiver -you were surprised you didn’t know his name despite how much you knew about the two and their schedules- made an audible gasp, alternating between profusely apologizing to you and scolding Damian for his lack of manners.

“Richard, how am I being rude? Staring is rude. What if they tried to cast a spell on us with those looks? Okay, fine. Fine. I’ll be the bigger person and apologize even though I’m not sorry.”

The kid turned to you, his green eyes glaring and showing no remorse as he apologized.

You took it with grace despite that, not wanting Richard’s -it only took you about two months to learn his name and from his son no less, making you wonder how much Damian respected his father if he was calling him by his first name instead of dad- parenting skills to go wasted. You turned to leave, deciding that those chocolate chip cookies weren’t worth more insults.

Satisfied with your acceptance and making sure you stayed, Damian cleared his throat, shaking the box of animal crackers in his hand.

“Since you’re a witch, the least you can do is set these poor animals in the cookie box free.”

You smiled with amusement. Despite his impressive vocabulary, Damian was still a child with a huge imagination that tried to make sense of the world. You wondered what kind of stories he was reading in school or at home to make him think that witches -especially you of all people- could do that.

Crossing your arms, you asked him, “What makes you think that I’m a witch and not a warlock? Why should I even help you?”

He tutted and Dick glanced at Damian nervously, worried about what else he might say. He and Bruce would have to talk about his manners.

“Jason said that if someone makes googly eyes at you, they want you, that there’s magic when two eyes meet.”

“Wait, Jason said what? Why were you two even-?”

“Because I told you, Maps won’t stop staring at me during recess.”

The conversation shifted from you and Damian to him and Richard. You took it as an opportunity to leave but that perceptive child took notice of your plan. He shook the box in his hand to remind you of the task he gave you. It looked like you wouldn’t be able to leave without appeasing him and you were worried about what kind of meltdown he would have if you refused.

As you took it, you locked eyes with Dick, his eyes apologetic as he mouthed ‘sorry.’

---

“Damian, kiddo, you can’t continue to be this way,” Dick sighed as he put their snacks for the day on the conveyor belt.

He huffed in the cart, pouting and crossing his arms. Today was a bad day. Maps stared at him again during recess, those animals got stuck in that box and Richard was being mean.

“Look Little D, I love you and I think you’re great, but other people might not think so when you talk to them like that.”

“Tt. Earlier I saved you, so you’re welcome.”

“Saved me from what?”

“The witch! They were staring at you. And I know how others try to take advantage of us because of our last name. What if they put a spell on you?”

Though his observation was accurate, it saddened Dick to know that Damian knew the curse of being a Wayne. He liked this grocery store in Bludhaven because less people knew who they were compared to Gotham City. Maybe he’d have to find another store if they were attracting too much attention.

As Dick bagged the groceries and put them into the cart behind Damian, he picked up a familiar box with confusion. When did Damian sneak this in with their other snacks?

It seemed as if one of the store clerks read his mind, as they offered some clarification.

“Y’know that person that also comes here a lot,” the description was vague and didn’t narrow down who could have possibly given them the snacks. “They told me to give it to Damian.”

The worker sighed, knowing that they would have to describe you the way that you asked, “Um. The witch?”

Oh. It was you. Dick thought that you might have wiped your hands clean of them -well, namely Damian because Dick knew that he was innocent in that situation- and ignored the littlest Wayne’s request.

“Ah, I see. Are they still around so I can repay them?”

The worker shook their head no. You hightailed it out of the store about ten minutes ago, your shyness about actually going through with your act of kindness taking over.

Well, if it was already paid for and you were gone, Dick had no other choice but to accept your gift, handing Damian the animal crackers once they reached his car. He saw you frequently enough at the store where he was certain that there would be another opportunity for him to thank you.

He noticed the weight difference immediately, the box feeling heavier in his small hands as he inspected the front suspiciously. There wasn’t any indication that it was tampered with so he opened it.

To his surprise and delight, there was a small toy tiger in there with a folded piece of paper. Damian held the tiger gingerly in one hand as he tried to read what the note said. Some of it he could understand but other parts he couldn’t. He handed Dick the paper.

“I set them free like you asked but this little guy appreciated your kindness so much that he wants to stay with you forever.”

The note was signed with your name, the title of witch after it.

“Huh. That’s… Wow, that was actually really nice of them.”

And honestly really cute. Very few were able to humor his little brother’s whim and to have a complete stranger do so made their day.

Dick pulled Damian out of the cart and tucked him into his car seat, asking him what the name of his new friend would be.

“Matches,” Damian said, no providing Dick with any insight about the meaning behind his new friend’s name.

---

As you put away your groceries, you wondered why you did what you did. The kid was quite honestly a little shit and had been disrupting your peace for weeks. He didn’t deserve your kindness.

But as you closed your refrigerator door, your distorted reflection caught in the stainless steel, you were reminded of how you were as a child. You wished you had someone at his age to foster your imagination and humor you instead of shooting down your ideas as childish.

Maybe the kid wasn’t that bad the more you thought about him. His dad was trying too at least.

---

Your meetings with the two were more pleasant after the tiger incident, the duo approaching you the week after that.

“Hey,” Dick called out to you, saying your name with a smile at the end. You were taken aback that he actually remembered what it was from the note, arm in mid-air with a can of soup in your hand, eyes replaying the way his perfect mouth sounded out the syllables.

“Oh, hi Damian. Richard,” you acknowledged, still unsure of how to act around them. You set the can down in your cart with a thud.

He blanched at the formality. “Call me Dick,” he offered instead.

“Sure, Dick.”

His name felt awkward in your mouth, but perhaps it was because you weren’t associating his name with his face but a different body part instead.

“Hey, don’t you think you said that a bit too aggressively?”

“Oh, I, um. I didn’t mean it like-”

“I’m teasing you.”

You didn’t realize it was a joke because you were too busy memorizing the ingredients of your soup can, trying to will away whatever thoughts you had about the DILF. When you looked up, you saw the twinkle in his eyes and wondered what exact shade of blue they were. Probably something akin to the sea, whose playful waves sparkled in the light and sent shivers down your spine.

“We’re friends now, you know,” Dick told you. “So I hope you don’t mind that I play with you sometimes.”

Dick was most likely a guy who didn’t think before he spoke. Your thoughts warranted more than a cold shower. You needed something stronger like a dunk in the Antarctic Ocean.

“We can be like the three marketeers instead of the three musket… Oh, oh, you got it? Well, I’m glad I don’t have to explain myself.”

“I thought we were the Snacktime Slangers,” Damian added, unhappy at the abrupt name change. If anything, they would be the four marketeers anyway. Dick was forgetting about Matches.

He motioned to Damian and a familiar toy, the gesture somewhat distracting you. “Anyway Little D has been attached to this thing -ahem, sorry, his friend- since he got it so the four of us gotta stick together regardless of what we decide to call ourselves.”

Dick nudged Damian. “This is where you say thank you.”

“Thank you for freeing Matches,” Damian said. “He’s grateful too.”

The kid was pretty cute when he wasn’t being a tiny terror.

---

“Your eyes are very pretty,” you told Damian one week.

The two followed you towards the vegetable section with zero intention of eating any of the greens. It was then that you noticed how bright the child’s eyes were, a startling green like the celery he was making faces at.

“He has his mother’s eyes,” Dick said before wandering off to get fruit leather. You supposed that it was better than not eating any sort of fruit at all and at least it was organic.

“Those two don’t get along.”

It took you three blinks to register what Dick and Damian said, their offhand comments taking you by surprise. For Dick, it seemed like a normal comment a parent would say, knowing that they took the likeness of one over the other. Though he did seem off after it, quickly leaving as he said it. As for Damian, well, you really didn’t deal with children aside from him, sometimes your niece and the occasional curious toddler on the metro. Was this one of those moments that people talked about where kids overshared about their family life?

You were lost in your thoughts as the three of you queued up to check out your items.

What they said about children being observant was true and it made sense the more you thought about it. You’ve only ever seen Dick and Damian together. The kid hardly mentioned his mother too. Did Dick have sole custody?

Who’s to say that they were even married to each other? One of the first things you noticed about Dick -aside from the child throwing a tantrum in his cart and his looks- was his bandless ring finger.

The man didn’t look much older than you, though you suspected he was also blessed with good genes that could hide his age. Maybe Damian was a little accident between high school sweethearts or a drunken college coeds.

You put away your groceries for the week to silly thoughts about what Dick being single meant for you, stupid hope bubbling in your chest like a brewing love potion.

---

“We gotta stop meeting like this,” Dick joked, parking his cart next to yours. Damian was a few feet away, taking into serious consideration which kind of fruit snacks he should get.

“What?” You asked, still needing time to get used to having such a handsome grocery companion. “According to schedule?”

He smiled at your tease, pleased that you were finally feeling comfortable enough to joke around with him. It took a few weeks but it was worth it to see that slight smile on your lips and eased shoulders.

“No, as if it was fate.”

Even better than that smile and ease was the way his words would fluster you, making you stop completely in your tracks. It made you look extra cute. Not the same kind of cute that made him wanna boop your nose like one of Damian’s pets, tease you more like he would when he caught Jason off guard with a compliment or embarrass the hell out of like Tim and Duke. No, it was a kind of cute that made him want to lean his face close to yours and kiss you without care of who might see.

Except there was one person that he did care about appearances with.

Damian, his cutest little brother -and not because he was the baby of the family- held onto the cart with one hand to steady himself, his height making him go on his tippy toes to dunk a box of cereal into the cart.

Dick cleared his throat, knowing he shouldn’t get ahead of himself with the flirtations. He didn’t even know if you felt the same way or were being polite.

“I mean, it’s nice to have a familiar face.”

With your brain on the fringe of short circuiting from all of Dick’s attention, you tried to brush off his compliment, telling him that there were actually several familiar faces here. You listed them in case he forgot too: the clerks, that lady with the twins, that group of college kids and even that old grandma who always complained about the bananas not being ripe.

“You’re the only one who pays attention to Damian though,” Dick countered. “And not because you’re doing it for my sake.”

Before you could argue back, Damian confirmed his suspicions, comparing carts while you and Dick were speaking.

“No snacks,” he stated loudly enough to command yours and Dick’s attention.

You laughed. “I wish I could have snacks but it’s hard when you’re an adult.”

Damian crinkled his nose. He was fine with staying small forever then. But also, what did that make of Dick who kept his pantry full of chips and candy and his fridge nearly empty aside from hot sauce and juice?

“Nah, not really. Grocery shopping as an adult is better because you can have all the snacks you want without judgement.”

He caught you eyeing his cart, particularly two boxes with animal mascots and bright colors.

“Although those aren’t for me,” he told you. “I… I actually don’t even like cereal that much.”

Pointing to Damian, he told you who the boxes really were for. As if to prove his point, he added, “Damian loves the games on the back of the boxes and drawing the cereal mascots.”

“I can show you later,” Damian told you, always excited to show his work to new audiences. “I draw Matches a lot.”

You smiled at his enthusiasm, preferring that childlike excitement compared to his usual old man grumpiness.

“Well, I’ll be looking forward to it.”

---

“Are those your brothers?” You asked at the mention of Jason and Timothy again. It seemed like Damian was talking about them a lot lately, something about them having a family dinner this weekend.

He nodded his head with a begrudging yes, though it was obvious with the way he was speaking about them moments ago that he was fond of them.

“There’s Duke too and Cassandra. Richard’s the oldest though and he’s my favorite.”

It was Damian’s confession that made you realize that you had the wrong idea about Dick the entire time.

“Dick isn’t your father?” You confirmed, still trying to figure out where your conclusion was wrong.

The man in question didn’t look too surprised. Because Bruce had Damian at an older stage in life compared to when he raised Dick, people often thought that the eldest Wayne was the youngest’s father because of their age gap.

Dick shrugged, “Must be the DILF vibes I emit.”

“What’s that?” Damian asked, reminding Dick again that he can’t flirt with you when Damian was around unless he wanted to corrupt his sweet baby brother.

He racked his brain quickly to think of an alternative to the acronym, grinning when he did.

“A DILFF is a dad I’d like to fall for.”

Per usual when it came to matters of the heart, Damian stuck out his tongue with an exaggerated ‘yuck,’ his face scrunched up with disgust after.

Meanwhile Dick took note of the way you looked away from the pair, not meeting his eyes. It was an idiosyncrasy of yours that he picked up on over the weeks, noticing that it only happened whenever he teased you. At first he thought you looked away out of disinterest, then out of social awkwardness. But it was then, between the flowers and wine that he realized your body language for what it really was as you snuck a glance back at him, averting your eyes once more when they met his. You were interested but shy.

---

That little moment you two had gave Dick ideas. He had no qualms with making the first move but with how shy you were at his advances, he knew he had to be careful with his interest.

As the two of you tried to decide between lanes -it was an early out day for the local high school, meaning that the store was flooded with kids buying energy drinks and candy- Dick knew his plan would only work if Damian was distracted. Though he hated to do it, he gave Damian his phone, choosing a nature documentary to distract him.

“Maybe we should just do self-checkout,” you suggested, deciding that it would be easiest not to overwhelm those poor cashiers.

Dick nodded his head in agreement before smoothly adding, “Sure, but if we’re together, I don’t mind checking you out.”

Your eyes widened slightly before pushing ahead, your back to him when you replied. “I wouldn’t mind if you did either.”

Oh? Perhaps Dick wouldn’t have to be as careful as he initially thought.

---

It was full-blown spring, meaning that Melville Park was perfect for picnicking, the grassy knolls and shady trees a respite from the bright rays of sun that made Bludhaven less dreary. Its odd placement in the middle of the city and on hilly land made it a natural jewel in a place that was known for being grimy and urban.

There was magic in springtime, something about renewal and growth making even the most hardened of souls a bit softer. The hardest of them all at the moment was Damian, whose usual worry about catching cooties was halted for a moment as he played with his friend from school, the pair catching bugs amongst the flowers.

Dick was alone, a pang of sadness in heart as he realized how quickly Damian was growing. It was just a few weeks ago that the boy was upset about staring and crushes. Now he was playing with the girl he always complained about after school.

A ding from his phone let him know that you were there and he squinted from his spot under the tree, seeing a lost person a few ways away and waving. You walked over to him, plastic grocery bag in hand.

After exchanging hellos and settling on the blanket next to him, you opened the bag, pulling out juice boxes, chips, cookies and fruit. There were a few sandwiches too, cutely cut into triangles with the crusts cut off. With how well you did with Damian and the spread of snacks you brought, Dick couldn’t help but think that you would be a good parent.

“You really went all out,” he commented, picking up the fruit in the container and looking at how it was cut into star and heart shapes.

“Oh, that was actually from a street vendor by the parking lot,” you said, trying to diminish your efforts. You didn’t want to seem too eager please on your first time out with Dick.

You squinted at the playground, trying to discern Damian from the other little bodies that ran all over the place.

“Wait, is that…?”

“Maps,” he nodded. “I know, right?”

“Guess pollen isn’t the only thing in the air today.”

He gave you a side glance and coy smile before blinking, then leaning down. You wanted to back up in surprise but Dick had a way of making you stop what you were doing with his stares.

“You have a stray eyelash on your cheek,” he said, his voice low and nearly a whisper.

“Close your eyes,” he told you next. You could feel his warm breath brushing your cheek, mixing with the spring breeze.

His fingertips were brushing yours as he leaned in even closer to you, softly commanding, “Make a wish.”

It was a stupid wish, but you weren’t too sure what it was about today. You felt lucky, as if no matter how stupid and hopeless your crush was on Dick, there might be some possibility that he might feel the same.

As you repeated your wish three times in a row in your head, you felt the soft brush of something warm against the corner of your mouth before it was gone, startled away by the growing chants of two mischievous children.

You opened your eyes to see Maps running to you first, her voice breathless and shaking while Damian came after her, scolding.

“K-I-S-S-I-NG! First comes love, then comes-”

“No one makes fun of my brother,” Damian told her sharply and sternly before his green eyes turned to you both, “even if he is being gross.”

“Gross?” Dick asked incredulously. “I’ll show you gross,” he said, pulling Damian into a hug as he tried to give the kid a wet willy.

It was nice to see Dick and Damian in a more casual setting, away from the prying eyes that often followed them at the grocery store. The two rolled around on the grass outside of the blanket, wrestling. Damian broke away from Dick’s hold -he was definitely going easy on him- before clicking his tongue and standing away from his older brother in triumph, grass in his hair.

You and Maps stared at each other before you offered her some snacks, the child making the obvious choice and grabbing at a few cookies and juice.

She spoke with her mouth full and crumbs on the corner of her mouth, looking at Dick and Damian, then at you. “Matches said this would happen.”

Matches? The…

“The tiger,” she said matter-of-factly, pointing to the toy you got Damian weeks ago, poking out of his back pocket.

“Matches told us that you two would,” she looked around as if she was about to say a swear word, her voice quieter as she spelled out the last word, “K-I-S-S.”

You gave her an interested hum. She was adorable. “And what else did Matches tell you?”

“That Damian’s big bro like likes you.”

“Huh. You really think so?”

But as you asked that, you looked up, feeling watched. You caught Dick staring, locking eyes for a moment before the two of you looked away.

Maybe Jason was right, Dick thought. There truly was magic when eyes met and luckily for him, he knew how to be charming.

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