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#God bless mighty the armadillo
twentytwoarts · 2 years
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golly gee i sure do love mighty the armadillo
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dietaku · 5 years
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The Legend of Iann Stilt-Walker
For those unaware, I also run an Exalted game, and one of my PCs met an ancient hero of his tribe. To solidify this NPC, I wrote up a sort of canon version of the folk tales surrounding this guy. I thought you all may enjoy that, so here it is.
Born in the trees between the Wall of the Mountains to the East and the Plains of the ordon to the East, there lived one of the oldest heroes the Vicriuth honor; that of Iann Stilt-Walker. Even the hero's conception was legendary, for his parents meeting was pure happenstance, occurring on a rare forest flood that trapped the pair together for ten days and nights. His mother's pregnancy lasted a full year, and when born, he already had a warrior's braid and could speak, reciting his lineage to his grandparents on both lines. When three, he was given to his grandfather to train in the arts of war, and by the age of twelve summers, he killed his uncle, Oscar, for attempting treachery by way of poisoning the clan's crops with fae-magic. He was strong enough at this point to lift a great sloth and quick enough to catch a forest gazelle, meeting no end of ire from the Fae Courts that resided within the forest boughs. It is by these games that he gained the weapon most familiar to those who know him, the Spear Liathbolg, a weapon carved of a still living demonic tree which possessed the living essence of its progenitor still and would grow within those cut or stabbed with the weapon, killing them painfully and slowly. Surrounded by the Court of the Byronic Lord of the Flute, Anscylloif. Those astute in the genealogies of Faeries, such as they are, will note this is the twin of Ancsyllrie, the Sugar-Garrote Poet, although the two rarely mention the other. The Romantic Lord of Woodwinds noticed the heavy destiny within the trapped boy and his heart swelled with the opportunity to see such heroics in action. Looming over his quarry, he declared,” Child, your people are crave beasts, forced to dwell in trees to hide from My People and our hunting beasts who walk the forest floor, along with the hidden beasts of the Masters who made this place. Yet, here you are, walking along the floor like you own this place. Tell me, what drives you to such arrogance?”
“I am Iann, son of Finn the White. I am a warrior of excellent caliber! I have slain over a dozen men and even bested the Raccoon Avatar, Rohke. Of course I am proud! I see no reason to step aside to monsters like yourself who did not work for your power!” he countered, as Ancylloif tapped his chin, an evil idea forming in whatever passes for a Fae mind.
“My dear child Bedeia live in a palace upon the clouds. I will give you one week. If you are capable, bring to me a token of her's back to this spot. To flee is to break this oath I will now bestow upon you, and there is no god in this world or in Heaven who can withstand my fury. Do you understand, Boy?” the Lord of Flutes asked.
Intrigued by the notion, Iann agreed, but soon discovered he had no way of traversing to the Clouds, even as strong as he was and even after stomping on the tallest Oak Mother till she agreed to let him use her as a springboard.
“How can I get to the Clouds? He wondered, as he heard the peals of beautiful harp music. This turned out to be the work of a nearby Skald, extoling the virtues of the nearby glenn.
“Ho! Skald, what wonders do you know to sing with such power?”
The Skald rose, bowing,” Good Day to you, Lord Iann. I am Oisiin of the Horse Clan. I have been banished from my ancestor's lands for my voice is so strong that my praise of my son's borth burned down the trees we resided in. Now, I am a wanderer, who makes do with what my whispering earns me.”
“You must be a powerful magician indeed to perform such a feat. Come, join me! I am in need of a way to reach the clouds. In a week's time, I must account to a Faerie  Lord or else lose my life,” Iann explained.
“Tis a hard road you're on, indeed. Very well! I will aid you. However, let me send word to my little brother. Fergus, for he will be of great use to us,” Oisin agreed, and in a day's time, Fergus joined the pair. Fergus was a mountain of a man, a great warrior who possessed the Faerie Warbeast  Grundbachm, the Howling Grinder. Seen as a many-toothed sword, this beast would grind all it grabbed into dust, even able to slash through a mountain within minutes. Once appraised of the situation, Fergus agreed to join their quest, but Oisin brought up a new problem.
“While it would be a simple thing for me to bring us to the Clouds, we also need the permission of the Five Oaks to do so. The Skies above the forests are their domain after all.” The Five Oaks were the rulers of the Spirit Courts, and also mischief makers of the highest caliber. After their old mistress, Lively Hyacinth perished under mysterious circumstances in the days of the Falling Stars, the five took control and ran it as an active racket, extorting worship and favors from thei mortals residing nearby, even allowing Faeries to live nearby unmolested so long as they paid gifts to them. Chief among them was Mother Willow, a conniving schemer who sought to dominate the entire East as the Goddess of Trees. When approached by the band of heroes, she quickly agreed, but on one condition.
“You must take my daughter along on your errand. She is a mighty magician and a hunter of Faeries. She will surely be a boon to you,” she declared, as a white haired beauty stepped forth. This was Charming Mizzet, the daughter mentioned by Mother Willow, and therein was the trap Mother Willow set, for she desired to have such a strong warrior in her control, and if she could ensnare him into her family with her daughter, then he could be used against her enemies, like the Great Sequoia, Calphrans himself!
With the permission they needed now within their possession, Oisin used his bewitching voice to sing a song of longing and beauty. So powerful were his words that the clouds themselves drew closer to listen, and it was in this way that Iann and his allies climbed to the clouds. There, they found Ancylloif's castle, but it was also guarded by a trio of creatures; the Flame-eyed Octopus Frothou, the Stone-Skinned Armadillo Doffboi, and the Gale Mosquito Jaubronn. Fergus made short work of Deffboi, gridnign through his stone skin, while Oisiin's powerful songs drove Frothou to tears, boiling himself alive, while Mizzet's swift arrows downed Jaubronn. Inside, Iann found Bedeia as promised, a golden haired beauty wearing a gown of woven emeralds with the soft cries of happy children dancing about her garb. Ignoring her beauty and pose, Iann persisted, demanding a token from her.
“My Lord, I knew of your coming, but to possess such bravery and arrogance to march through the front gates,” she cried, as she humbly gave him her belt for his token,” My Father will recognize this, and surely grant you his pardon.”
With his prize, the quartet of heroes fled the strange lands and returned to the agreed metting place. There, Iann presented Anscylloif the belt.
“You have done as I asked, but you took two tokens from my dear child. For, although you hold her belt, she also gave you her heart. If you were to take her hand, then I would not object,” he said, as Iann agreed, for his heart of adventure had been satiated in the journey and also because Blondes were his thing. The pair were soon wed, and Anscylloif presented his new son with his greatest weapon, the spear Liathbolg. However, despite the happy future seemingly in store for the happy couple, disaster would strike. Furious at the failure of her child, Mother Willow withehled her blessing from the lands of Iann. The rain no longer fell, wild beasts fled the forests of his Clan, and the trees and plants no longer offered their bounty. Despairing for his Clan's future, Iann once more approached Mother Willow for a boon to end this hardship. Mother Willow cruelly grinned at his plea.
“Your wish is easily granted, but  nothing will come for free. I wish to take your legs, for you cut the legs out from my dear Mizzet with the marriage of yourself to that Faerie,” she sneere. Iann nodded, and with a single motion sliced off his own legs at the mid-thigh. Collapsed on the ground, bleeding, Iann looked up at Mother Willow as she clapped slowly.
“You have done as I asked, although you are a fool, to not even ask for another price. You are ruined, Hero, and now, you have your respite from your Clan's poor future, you own is ruined thanks to cleaving to that monster,” she declared, leaving  Iann to his fate. Mizzet, despairing for the Hero, dragged him back to Anscylloif, fearful for his life. Despite rejecting her advances, she still cared for him dearly, and hoped to save his life. Upon seeing his son in such a state, the Flute Lord was quick to act.
“My dear boy, to have been wounded so, you are a true Hero. I can heal your wounds, although your life will never be easy,” he offered, as Iann agreed,” Very well.”
“Once you walked upon your own legs, but now your warbeasts will propel your forward. These will be your limbs, but also a burden,” he warned, as Iann looked down at his new legs. No different from his earlier limbs, they still radiated raw power.
“Flying in Blue Sky
Claws Outstretched to Kill Mortals
I am Faubahgau.”
“Swimming in Blue Waters
Teeth Ready to snatch swimmer
I am Juubrufraq.”
And so, Iann recovered from his maiming. However, he soon discovered what his father-in-law meant. His new limbs terrorized the forests, hunting down and scaring off clan's cattle, and driving away the game of the forests. It became so bad that when Galain the Crucible Knight, a burning Faerie king approached Iann's lands, Bedeia fled with him. This in turn prompted Iann's vengence upon the invader, calling upon his allies to return his wife. After many journeys, Iann discovered his wife hiding from his rampage. Dropping to his knees before her, relieved to see her well, he pleased to her,” Why? Tel me why you left me?”
“Because you're a monster now, Iann. A man of reckless action. Your new legs only exacerbate this. I love you, but you'll spread terror around you. I'm a princess who yearns for peace, and so we'll never stay happy together. The best I can hope for is to flee, and you follow after me. That way, no one else has to suffer,” she mumbled, as he sat there, shocked by her words. In this moments she jumped through a nearby open window, flying on the morning breeze to parts unknown. Thus, this is the quest of Iann Stilt-Walker, to reunite with his beloved, no matter how far or how long she flees.
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