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#FULL CIRCLE 🥲
ronanessy · 1 year
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the raven boys // greywaren
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insectwmn · 5 months
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there’s this one obscure-yet-convoluted piece of enstars trivia i‘ve been meaning to share with the world but idk how to go about it without sounding like i’ve lost the plot
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here2bbtstrash · 1 year
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we've seen so many instances of bangtan collaborating with their heroes in chapter 2...... time to manifest IU x JK for jjk1 🕯✨
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bistdueinbaum · 8 months
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Da es heute die letzte Nacht ist, in der ich in meiner Wohnung schlafe, muss ich jetzt wohl Höhenangst hören
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donghoonie-3 · 1 year
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Gonna be changing my septum ring soon :3
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itstimetogo · 2 years
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13 years after *that* vmas incident, taylor has now become the first artist ever to win 3 video of the year awards. that’s history right there.
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crybabyboyscout · 2 years
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i don’t know why it just hit me, the relation of everyday sound sensitivity to clairaudience
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anxietylord · 2 years
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Last year in August I had my first ever live drag gig as a solo act. It was at Alan Cumming’s cabaret venu here in NYC, Club Cumming and I was so nervous. I rehearsed three or four times a day for a whole month leading up to it (I still remember it was on August 1st, that date is burned into my brain). I did my reanimator act in the open set, just for tips and no booking fee.
If you told me that just under a year later I’d be helping to produce and soon be running and hosting that show I’d never have believed you.
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modernmanblues · 10 months
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i can’t believe i finally get to see Graham Gouldman perform live like that in itself just sounds surreal. up until this point i’ve only watched videos of the young, adorable, curly haired version of him but in just a couple weeks i am literally going to be in the same room as him and breathing the same air..that’s insane. i already know i’m gonna cry the moment i lay eyes on him and i’m going the mutter the words “that’s my Gram Gram..so proud of this little bass head.”
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Oliver keeps on staring at reader and Felix notices it and gets possessed so he put on a later show for him. Like making out but don’t having full on sex. Then the next morning readers walking to breakfast with a lot of hickeys all over her and she can’t cover it up.
Mine, all Mine || Felix Catton x reader
A/n: thank u for the request ml 🫶 sorry it took me awhile to post this 🥲
Warnings: fem!reader, possesive!Felix, swearing, smoking, Oliver being sorta creepy
Wc: 864
Felix Catton Masterlist
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As Felix listened to your conversation with a few others in the circle of friends around you, his eyes caught Oliver Quick staring shamelessly at you from his window. Taking a long drag, he wrapped an arm around you, his fingers delicately tracing the necklace that bore his initials, all while looking at Oliver.
It took Oliver a few seconds to realise that Felix was staring straight at him, and when he did, he scrambled from the window which earned a soft chuckle from Felix.
For the next couple of days, Felix would often catch Oliver staring at you. It irritated him to say the least, especially since he would stare longer when you were on his lap, or when you were holding hands and walking around campus. Clearly, Oliver didn’t know better.
You were sat on Felix’s lap at a Halloween party, you were dressed up as a slutty maid while Felix was dressed as a cop. “What are you looking at?” You say in his ear, noticing that his attention was elsewhere. His hand on your hip gives you a reassuring squeeze before he smiles at you.
"Nothing," he brushes it off, planting a kiss on your collarbone, but a lingering doubt tugs at you. Your eyes roam the crowded room before locking onto Oliver.
He averts his gaze, sipping his drink briefly, while you narrow your eyes at him. “Do you know Oliver?” you redirect your attention to Felix, and his eyes snap up to meet yours.
“Hm?” He’s caught off guard by your sudden question. “Oliver? He was checking us out,” you casually shrug, not giving it much thought, just noting the observation.
“That weirdo? No. Just seen him around campus,” Felix clears his throat, putting the lollipop he was sucking on back in his mouth, catching your eye. “Stay away from him though, yeah?” His possessive tone lingers as he points his lollipop at you prompting a subtle smirk from you.
“Felix, darling, you know me,” you say in a sultry tone, taking the lollipop from his fingers and sensually popping it into your mouth. Your gaze holds his as you swirl it around your tongue, before innocently looking away, leaving an enticing allure in the air.
Felix subtly adjusts beneath you, and a self-satisfied smile crosses your lips as you sense the impact of your actions. You can feel the growing bulge beneath your skirt, and without a single word, Felix effortlessly repositions you on his lap, now straddling him.
“Have I told you how insanely hot you look in that costume?” His eyes roam down your front, pausing where your outfit leaves little to the imagination. You giggle, playfully tilting your head as if you were thinking.
“I don’t think so,” Felix tilts his head back, emitting a low whistle, his gaze intense on you. “Well, what’re you waiting for? Kiss me.” Your hands find their place on his shoulders.
Felix lets out a deep chuckle, “Yes ma’am,” You both smile before he grips the back of you hair and pulls you close to him. His lips feverishly kissing your lips as you let out a low groan at the feeling of his bulge underneath you.
You leave his lips, trailing kisses down his neck. Felix’s eyes were wide open as he stared right back at Ollie from across the room. He reviled being watched. Unfazed, Oliver didn’t bother looking away, shamelessly watching you as you leave marks on Felix’s neck.
Felix smirks at Ollie, kneading the flesh of your ass, drawing a moan from you. “Let’s get out of here,” he whispers in your ear. Eagerly nodding, you rise, and as Felix playfully slaps your ass, you stumble slightly, but his large hand steadies your waist.
Unbeknownst to you, Felix shoots Ollie a look before winking at him and leading you away. Surely now, Oliver would get the memo and back off.
~
Walking into the hall, you push your sunglasses higher up the bridge of your nose. With a slightly annoyed demeanour, you cross your arms, acutely aware of the hushed whispers and stares from fellow students.
Felix left about half a dozen hickeys along your collarbone and neck. You didn’t even try to conceal them either with makeup since they were deep hues of purple.
“Move,” You hear Farleigh say to a random beside him as he quickly scrambles and he takes his spot, giving you space to sit in between him and Felix.
Your hand meets Felix’s chest with a resounding slap as you settle into your seat with a huff, “Did you really have to make them this dark?” Felix stops chewing his toast, “Yes, yes I did,” a proud grin adorning his face while you shoot him a disapproving scowl.
“Why the sunglasses, y/n?” Farleigh nudges you, prompting you to take them off briefly. Your red eyes meet his gaze, causing him to cringe. “Put them back on, please,” he murmurs, and you respond with a casual flip-off, continuing with your breakfast.
Locking eyes with Oliver at the table across from yours, you catch him mid-sip. “He really has a staring problem,” you remark aloud. Farleigh and Felix turn towards you simultaneously, asking in sync, “Who?” Farleigh cranes his neck, attempting to look at where you were looking.
“Oliver,” You murmured. “Fucks sake, does he not get the hint,” Felix curses—clearly exasperated—leaving you confused. “What hint-“ Before you could finish your sentence, Felix takes ahold of your chin with a firm yet gentle touch, pulling you into a kiss.
“Jesus, right now?” Farleigh gags beside you, his reaction mirroring your own surprise at the suddenness of Felix’s kiss.
Your manicured nails rest on his jaw as Felix lifts his hand up to flip off Oliver who was staring through the gap of people. He pulls back as you catch your breath, “Swap with me,” He says as he moves back on his seat.
You give him an odd look, “So he doesn’t keep staring at what’s mine,” Felix’s voice was laced with possessiveness as you stand up and move across his lap to where he previously sat, his hands on your hips guiding you.
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arminsumi · 3 months
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S. Geto ★ Adult Store | 3
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★ Chapter index | Part 1 | Part 2
★ Synopsis : Sooo... his apartment. At six. Sex. No toys. Just you and him. Sound good?
★ Warnings : 18+ content, smut, semi-public m*sturbation (at work), sexting, exchanging nudes, dirty talk, creampie, cunnilingus, toys, solo male m*sturbation, squirting, multiple orgasms, wet dreams, mentions threesome with Satoru, "sl*t"
Home | Library | Geto works | Reblog for a cake slice! 🍰
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"Just like that... I'm so close."
Suguru moaned your name to himself and rolled his head back, pumping you full of his sensitive cock. He was so close to blowing inside your soft pussy.
But just before his wet dream got to the good part, he woke up. Grumbling awake, he felt sticky precum smeared on his inner thigh. So much had dribbled out his cock while dreaming of you. He nearly came in his sleep.
Hardly giving himself time to blink the sleepiness out of his eyes, he rolled over to grab his phone. Seeing your morning message made his lips curl into a smile.
📨 1 NEW
You: morningg 🥱 Suguru: morning pretty girl Suguru: i woke up a bit too excited 🙈💦 You: aw hope you dreamed of me Suguru: i did [IMG] You: needdd 🤤 the curve ahh Suguru: bet you wish it was inside you huh 🖤 You: yes pls You: so excited for tonight. i can't think about anything but you
Suguru got butterflies.
His head got foggier, and his boner was still throbbing hot against his inner thigh. Your texts got spicier, so he lazily squeezed and jerked his cock through his pants while struggling to reply with one hand.
Suguru: i'll buy extra condoms just in case You: oh... dw i'm on birth control Suguru: oh? 🙈 what are you suggesting...? You: you can cum inside me 🤍
Suguru let out a shuddery moan and accidentally came in his pants.
****
Work was slow. The adult store was quiet for most of the day. Suguru lazed around and texted you.
Suguru: this one's also a best seller atm [IMG] You: wow i wouldn't even suspect that to be a toy 😂 what is it? Suguru: it's a suction pulsation toy. you put it on your clit. You: oh? 😵‍💫 hmm sounds fun but i'd prefer your tongue Suguru: 2 more hours left of work 🥲 You: 😔💔 Suguru: glad the store is quiet tho. i'm too horny to work. You: me too. i keep squeezing my thighs together when i see your texts. you got me all sensitive and you're not even here lol Suguru: aw you should have brought a toy with to help calm you down You: yeah 😔 rlly tempted to just take a bathroom break Suguru: you could just rub yourself under your desk 👀 You: only if you guide me through it 🤍
Suguru raised his brows and felt his cheeks warm up a little. He glanced around the store. Quiet. Not a single customer had entered for over an hour.
Suguru: stroke your middle finger up and down your pussy Suguru: very gently make it almost ticklish You: okay 🤍 Suguru: cup and squeeze it too for me pretty girl Suguru: how's it feel? You: really goodd 🤤 Suguru: yeah i bet. Suguru: rub circles on your clit nice and slow. just take your time. You: okayy You: this is rlly risky 🥺 Suguru: but you're turned on aren't you? You: yess Suguru: slut 🖤
Your clit got puffier and more sensitive as you started following Suguru's instructions over text. Every now and then you had to stop for fear of someone spotting you getting off under the desk.
Your chat with him got filled with spicier messages. Suguru kept turning you on more and more, making your clit buzz.
Work? What work? It was playtime.
Suguru: good girl. don't worry about anything just get those panties wet for me. You: are you stroking yourself too 🥺 Suguru: mhm. wanna see? You: yes please Suguru: [IMG] Suguru: all for you 🖤 You: omg You: need you inside me so bad :( Suguru: uh huh bet it sucks to clench around nothing You: meanie You: go faster with me please
He'd abandoned the checkout desk and went for a "bathroom break". Suguru stroked himself faster, imagining you touching yourself with him drove him wild. And the fact you were doing it under your desk while at work?
Suguru: i'm close 🖤 You: me too please cum with me Suguru: ok pretty girl. let's cum together.
His heart fluttered at your message, and he quickly felt his orgasm build up in his cock. Suguru threw his head back and bit his lip to hold in his moan while cumming a thick load.
Suguru: oops i made a mess brb You: lol 😂 Suguru: was it good? You: really good 🤤 thank uuu Suguru: mhm. see you later 🖤
****
He was practically shaking from desire while making out with you against his apartment door; moaning into your mouth then sucking on your tongue, eagerly squeezing your hips with his veiny hands.
He was breathless, "G—good to see you." he said.
"Y—yeah. Good to see you too." you replied.
He had you pinned against his front door. Yup, immediately after having arrived at his doorstep and walking in, the two of you just lunged for each other like two pathetically horny people.
He felt delightfully dumbed by the sexual friction between you and him. His hard-on pressed flush against your body, you could feel him already leaking precum.
You kissed, he backed away playfully. You followed. Then he kept backing away to tease you.
"Are you luring me like a fish?" you chuckled.
"Yeah..."
He backed into his bedroom door and opened it swiftly.
Leaning down to kiss you, his hands cupped under your ass and felt it up while you slid your hands under his shirt.
"Take this off, please."
"Take it off yourself." he teased.
Suguru's tummy flipped when you took his shirt off. Your eyes caught on his pecs and he noticed, so he took your hand and placed it on them.
You were a little taken aback. A shyness showed on your expression as you felt how firm his body was.
"Don't be shy; touch wherever you like. Just feel my body."
"But I'm kinda..." you giggled shyly.
"Shy? It's okay, I'll fuck the shyness out of you soon enough." he said.
Yeah, you'll be too full of my dick to be able to think, let alone be shy.
****
While he rubbed his cockhead through your slit, his stomach tensed up in excitement.
Fuck, and there I was just telling her not to be shy... and now I'm so fucking nervous. What the hell... why does it feel like I'm losing my virginity all over again?
Suguru prepped you a bit more, he slid his fingers into your hole and stimulated your G-spot with ticklish circles.
Finally sinking his needy cock inside you felt like heaven. He slid in a few inches deep, and shuddered at the feeling of your shape, the ridge and texture, the little squeezes of your walls.
"It’s not too big for you, right?" he asked caringly.
"N—no."
Nah. She's gotta be lying. I can feel her cunt struggling to take me.
Yeah, you were lying — he was so thick that the stretch was all you could focus on. Your lips formed an erotic O shape, expression turning slutty even though he wasn't even bottomed out yet.
"You sure?" he smirked down at you, two veiny hands at either side of your hips, denting the bed with his weight.
Suguru inched inside until you gasped.
"Fuck! Oh that's — mmm! — big!"
Suguru groaned softly, feeling your ring of muscle constrict around him. He slid in and out slowly to get his cock soaked.
"I don't know if I can take it..." you moan.
His cock curved up into your G-spot and you let out a shuddery moan.
"Don't worry. I'll stretch you out." he purred before giving you a hard kiss. "Just hold onto my arms."
****
“Fuck! Right there!” you screamed into the pillow.
Suguru softly grunted and focused his eyes on the sight of his cock moving in and out of your pussy. You fisted your hands into the messed up bedsheets.
When he felt his orgasm start to build up, he suddenly pulled out of you.
“Nooo, put it back in!” you cried, kicking your feet.
“Just a second, baby.” he murmured sweetly.
He smirked down at you and planted a hard slap on your ass, causing you to jolt forward and groan.
Sliding back in made him momentarily close his eyes, because your walls hugged him so perfectly.
“Mmm!” you kicked your feet around again when he started up his thrusting again.
Suguru wasn’t merciless with how he fucked you into the mattress, but he really wanted to be. He was holding back so hard just to make sure you could enjoy yourself completely.
Sometimes he’d start pounding into you and then self-consciously eased off when he heard you whimpering.
“Are you okay?” he giggled into your ear.
“Y-yes! Do that again, please.”
He flipped you onto your back and pushed your legs back, splitting them wide open for him.
****
Suguru fucked you into a quick orgasm and his own followed immediately after he felt your pussy milking his cock.
“Oh my god…” he giggled into the crook of your neck, “I’m so sorry. I thought I’d last longer than that…”
You laughed with him. Suguru hovered over your back, his bangs dangling over his eye, and he kissed from your shoulder down middle of your back. His two hands roughly grabbed and pried apart your ass cheeks, thumbing into your creampied pussy. Some of his cum dribbled out.
You hummed and wiggled your ass for him.
Fuck. I think I just fell in love.
“Do you want to take a shower?” he asked softly.
“Yes please. I feel so wet and sticky.” you laughed.
He smacked your ass again and slowly slid off the bed, scouring for your panties before his boxers. He helped you slide them back on.
****
While you went off to shower, Suguru dressed up and went into the thin kitchen.
He checked his phone.
📨 3 NEW
Satoru: stop ignoring me hoe Satoru: ARE U GUYS STILL HAVING SEX OMG IT’S BEEN 3 HOURS??? Satoru: WTF KINDA STAMINA DOES SHE HAVE Suguru: lol u sound lonely Satoru: omg finally 😿 Suguru: i think i wanna marry her 😔 Satoru: WAHT WAS IT THAT GOOD???? Satoru: UR STILL MY BEST FRIEND RIGHT?? Suguru: yes Satoru: is she down for a threesome???? 👀 Suguru: wtf satoru 😂 Satoru: JOKING 🙄🙄 ask her tho Suguru: i'm blocking you Satoru: babyyy don't b like this!! sharing is caring!! 😍 Suguru: 😑
****
When you got out the shower and clothed yourself, you smelled something good cooking. Suguru wasn’t in the bedroom anymore, so you went to the kitchen.
The tiny round table by the window was dressed up with a white cloth and a single candle in the center.
“What’s this, a dinner date or something?” you asked.
“Yeah, well, I just I thought you might be, uh, hungry…” he said shyly. “… after all that exercise, you know.”
You gave him a flirty look, then sat down to eat.
****
He was giggling hard. His cheeks were hot.
“So, what’s for dessert?” that’s what you had asked to fluster him.
“What if I eat you out right here on the table?” he suggested, and you both went silent.
Suguru tilted his head at you and waited for your response.
Your response? Spreading your legs on the table for him, of course.
Suguru nuzzled his face deep between your thighs, dark hair tickling your skin.
He placed worshipping kisses on top of your pussy, then swiftly stripped your panties off. They dangled on your ankles while he nosed in your pussy, kissing and licking it like it was his dessert.
Of course, Suguru Geto was the type of boy to get hard from going down on a girl. His cock pulsed and twitched in his loose sweatpants.
You gasped when he sucked on your clit and nudged it with his tongue.
He looked up at you through his messy hair, sharp eyes observing your reactions to his skilled-tongue fucking. Your juices gushing down his chin drove him nuts.
“Oh, shit that’s good!” you cried, grabbing a fistful of hair and eliciting a moan from him that you felt vibrating on your clit.
He gasped for a breath, pulled away momentarily but then dove right back in as if he didn't need air as desperately as he needed pussy.
As soon as you started squirming around, Suguru hooked his arms around your body to keep you firmly in place.
His back muscles flexed while he ate you out. Yes, his knees hurt a bit from kneeling on the tiled kitchen floor for an hour, but it was worth it to get you squirting all over his pretty face.
Suguru withdrew from your pussy and wiped the streak of your juices off his cheek with a swipe of his thumb.
“Thanks for dessert.” he murmured, “Tasted really good.”
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★ Tags : @ackachii / @qmsvpx / @aydene / @seaweedsaiki / @sadisticmfqueen / @vanyareads / @katsukis-lilbunnywhore / @mp3playerblog / @223princess / @collectionofdolls / @chimmysoftpaws / @halloweenmedic / @roronoaslover / @cherrymoon4 / @nctstrcngencugh / @nitskilanara / @thirtykiwis / @xxbuckpoppi / @dswdo / @p1nkfluffysocks / @yooniesweetheart / @crmdlls / @grimreaqueer / @mmeerraa / @witchbybirth
Please message my inbox or comment on this fic to be added/removed to the taglist for updates.
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© arminsumi
I do not permit the copying/reposting/translation/plagiarism of my works. Do not steal what I've worked hard to create.
This is fictional work.
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gyuswhore · 11 months
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How to Win Hearts for Dummies (the answer is lattes and banana bread)
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Idol!mingyu x makeup-artist!reader
genre: fluff, angst, one sided pining
warnings: slow burn, swearing, shitty bosses, some descriptions of anxiety and breakdowns, one sided pining, reader has issues opening up (lmk if there's anything else)
13.4k words (im sorry)
plot: This apprenticeship was taking a toll on your self control in the worst possible way. Walking in 8 months ago, a resignation from your corporate job and a dream in your pocket, you made an oath to stay focused on the goal at hand and to enjoy what you did for a living for once; makeup. Except, your still stuck as an apprentice with a mentor that has no inclination for your growth.
And you’re a little bit in love with your client.
masterlist
(A/N): repost bc Tumblr wouldn’t show it in the tags!!! Thank you for clicking on this clonking my pants as I hit post ! I started working on this at the beginning of exam season and I’m posting it the night before my last exam 🥲 what a full circle moment. Also pls excuse any inconsistencies or grammatical errors, my beta reader, unlike me, actually cares ab her grades and is in the beginning of exam season and therefore will not be able to read through this monstrosity for a while lmao. Enjoy hehe
Edit: I’ve just realised how many mistakes and grammatical errors I’ve made throughout the fic, serves me right for proofreading at 3 AM after a stats exam. I’ll try to fix them all asap!!! 
The camera goes off again with a distinct click. And again. And again. And again.
The camera had gone off innumerable times since Mingyu walked out in another themed ensemble, and you were there, watching, through all of it.
You watched as he kept switching positions, rotating his body and his head. Morphing his features into more variations of dazed and serious than you thought could ever exist.
Standing there, at the portable table behind the main setup, attempting to clean a lip brush that would be needed soon when the inevitable call for-
“Makeup over here! We’re taking 5”
You note your sluggish pace as you snap out of your daze and scrubbing harder with the removal cloth. Snapping your head down, hoping nobody noticed your incessant heart eyes, you realize you were in trouble now.
‘Y/n, you’ve been cleaning that brush since I left 10 minutes ago!’ The senior makeup artist snapped.
You finish up the brush in hand and quickly hand her what she needs, not before rummaging for the tiny pot of lip product you absent-mindedly packed away.
‘Sorry, really sorry’ you choke out before she leaves in her badly concealed irritated expression. You see her make a beeline for a waiting Mingyu, who adorably squats for the woman so she has better access.
This apprenticeship was taking a toll on your self control in the worst possible way. Walking in 8 months ago, a resignation from your corporate job and a dream in your pocket, you made an oath to stay focused on the goal at hand and to enjoy what you did for a living for once; makeup. Except, your still stuck as an apprentice with a mentor that has no inclination for your growth.
And you’re a little bit in love with your client.
It's not that you were overage (your mother begs to differ), but considering you were on your second big girl job and still no sign of a potential lover, the prospect was starting to weigh on your head. The first rattling experience was when one of your closest friends announced her engagement, your thoughts still stuck in a 19 year old you considered she was too young. She was not, in fact, 19, or too young, but a perfectly acceptable age to consider marriage with someone she loved, you had soon realized. You were never one for the dating scene, but you were always one to don your Dr. Love labcoat whenever an emotionally bruised friend would come seeking help. You were good at advice, but awfully bad at applying it yourself.
Coming into this job, surrounded by a plethora of beautiful people, your heart would be of stone if it weren’t to waver.
The gong of unattainability had struck the second you laid eyes on Mingyu, laughing at something Hoshi had shown him on the phone. There he was, hair and makeup-less, looking like he had just rolled out of bed (which he had), and beautiful as ever. Beginning this new chapter with a bang, only problem was that it turned into an 8 month shoot out. Having encountered a number of gorgeous people, you’d learned to appreciate their genetic lottery pull and move on. But never had a single look left you as breathless and unbeared as that one, fateful look at Mingyu. One of the team members was busy assuring you not to worry too much about the pandemonium in the dressing room, that everyone would handle it and you were only asked to observe and help with smaller things as instructed; for now. You weren’t listening too hard though.
You were now adjusted to the chaos that comeback season and 13 men plus staff in a microscopic dressing room brought about. But you will never forget how in the midst of your first rain of hell, Mingyu had asked you to pass his phone.
‘Please?’ He had said, and you slammed your hand with a force of a woman infatuated on the table behind you and (literally) breathed out the first thing you had ever said to him.
‘Here’
He smiled and gave you a quick ‘thanks’.
There was no coming back after he flashed you those irresistible canines, and to this day, you wonder what nation you saved in a previous life to be able to have him know your name, hear it roll off his tongue in his pretty voice as he asks you to fix his smudged eyeliner.
You sigh defeatedly before your mentor slash irritated makeup artist shoves her load back in your hands and instructs you to come inside to pack up. It’s become routine for you now, as you begin to pack up the bigger palettes and tools, handing a ready-to-go-home Junhui the pack of makeup wipes he asked for, zipping up bags and closing tubs of outfits. It's an organized chaos but one everybody has grown to work around.
Mingyu is done before you, as he removes his jewelry and begins to shrug off his jacket. You scramble to find the clothes he came in and his coat, pointedly ignoring the familiar scent of wood. He thanks you and shucks off the remainder of his clothing, he might be used to stripping in front of professional staff, but you look away regardless for your own sanity.
Helping the last stylists hang the final jacket, you grab your bag and get ready to leave in your own car. Mingyu has left, not before throwing a “you did well, thank you!” over his shoulder at the remaining people in the room and leaving for the honking car outside.
***
Your mashing bananas in a bowl at 12 AM when you start thinking. Impulsive baking sessions had become a norm since you started working with Seventeen, needing to keep yourself occupied to stop spiraling. Mingyu was a recurring topic (surprise surprise), but one that quickly faded when you begin to think about what the future holds for you. You start mashing the banana harder. You consider the idea that you can’t complain, being in a position some of the most well seasoned pros had difficulty reaching. Being a single young woman and being allowed so close to some of the most unattainable men was seen as near impossible. You’d like to think it was your skill that got you here but can never seem to fully rule out a processing error.
It’s hard, being stuck in the same place. Your apprenticeship should have ended 2 months ago, but even if it had, you’d still be doing the same thing. The senior artist trusts no-one but a select few to work on the boys for photoshoots, events, music videos. People like you are left to sanitize sponges and clean the fallout.
You crack an egg on the counter and it splits open entirely, falling on the floor, yolk and all. Your inability to grow stays within the idea that you can’t really do your artistry like you want.
And how you never learn to crack your eggs on the bowl.
***
Showing up on the Going Seventeen set, you rush to the dressing room way earlier than you should. Being completely honest, you’re really only rushing because you want to maneuvere yourself to do Mingyu’s makeup before somebody else snags him. This was one of the very few engagements where you were occasionally allowed to take charge on makeup. Not that it was required for the show much at all; intensity and occasion wise. Your rare (possible) moment to (maybe) come into Mingyu’s organic notice was an opportunity never to be dropped by you.
You help setting up everything on the counters as the boys begin to (loudly) file in the rooms. You see Mingyu walk in and move to ask him to sit down once he’s done discarding his coat. He was first in line and you ‘happened’ to be the first one ready to begin working.
‘Is the eye makeup heavy? I just got a sty removed and I don’t know if I should be putting anything on at all.’ He asks as he sits down and you ready your damp sponge.
‘Not really, just smoothing things out. It should be fine.’ you say as you begin to press the compact on his cheek.
Your not really sure why, because you’ve never been able to muster anything above brief replies when in contact with him, but something in you pushes you to keep talking.
‘I’m surprised they even asked for us, they rarely ever do’ you continue, heart pounding so hard you’re afraid he might hear it.
He breathes out a laugh ‘Yeah. They even started advertising the show on youtube and subway stations and stuff, I didn’t know until I saw someone talk about it online’
You smile at his response ‘Well, all of you work so hard, it's about time they pull this to a high scale production’
‘It's never really work if your having fun, we try to be ourselves on here’ He replies, still smiling slightly.
You’re damn near close to collapsing on the floor at this point. This is the longest conversation you’ve ever had with him. You opt to smile in response as you start to concentrate on his eyebrows. The rest of his face is done far too soon as you zone out and do what you do best.
‘All done’ you announce as you pull away from his lips, trying not to have yoour gaze linger.
“Y/n! Can you start on Vernon if you're done?’, another artist calls from behind.
‘Yeah, he can come up!’ you reply as Mingyu (regretfully) walks towards hair.
Just because you sew your mouth shut with Mingyu doesn’t mean it applies for the rest of them, you’re quite friendly with all of them and Vernon does well to remind you as he sits down and quips a ‘hey bestieee’ in an elongated greeting.
You audibly laugh ‘That’s another word I’ll be hearing for the next month’
‘Regretfully so’ He feigns sympathy.
‘Be quiet and look up’ you say with a fond smile before you get started on him.
***
You sit on the floor in front of your television, trail mix on the coffee table as the movie plays as background noise for your thoughts - again.
There’s a smile on your face, but you dont notice as you think about the small talk you made with Mingyu today, wondering if it could become a regular occurrence if you learned to keep your heart and mind in check.  
You were never one to stand up and take effort to do what was right for you, which is why you were talked into choosing Business Administration by your friend in highschool, who you never speak to now because she decided to ditch you for another group who were more inclined to shuttle themselves to liver failure by partying every last weekend in your entire college career. You were talked into applying to corporate jobs by your counsellors as you started looking for make-up courses, needing to abandon your dream for the second time when you landed a decent entry level desk job. It took years before you decided to choose yourself for once and made the big leap after multiple courses you had took on the side. Life was starting to look bright after getting hired here, but you’re not sure if you overrode a high or if you went back to your old zipped mouth state after you settled in. Never sure if you expected too much or if things really were as stagnant as they felt.
***
Overmanifestation can be a thing. You're not really sure how it works but you’re reaping what you’ve sowed right about now.
You’re currently standing in an offside corridor in a hotel lobby, clad in a pretty white floral dress, and a nervous, fidgety Mingyu standing in front of you.
'I know I'm asking you to do something difficult and I know it seems pointless because I'm not doing anything wrong either that you have to lie about it'
This was supposed to be a staycation with your friends for you to relax and get your mind off things. Your ticket to relaxation has become a nightmare.
'And I understand I'm being super unreasonable but I'm really trying to keep it on the down-low as we get to know each other'
You were waiting with your friends on the couches positively stuffing your faces with the complimentary chocolate bowl placed on the coffee table as a couple other friends checked you guys into your rooms. You were laughing and talking with your group, carefree and ready to have a week of well deserved rest.
That was the plan anyway. Until you see someone across the lobby, also in line at check in. He had an unmistakable toothy smile,and was hand in hand with a concealed brunette.
Your smile abruptly falls in disbelief as you feel your world halt around you.
The same hands come up to brush the hair out of the woman's face to place a kiss on her temple, smiling wide.
The nauseating feeling of ice going down your spine is becoming more and more apparent. You attempt to swallow the lump in your throat but it's like trying to swallow a brick. You lick your lips and attempt to look away but your eyes keep feeding on the picture you painted yourself in your worst nightmares. Realizing you're on the brink of possible hyperventilation, your friend drops her head and asks you if you're okay. You look up at her, not knowing what to say as you realize that nodding furiously will convince her.
Mingyu has a girlfriend.
Of course he would. What were you thinking? This man is one of the most eligible bachelors in the country, why on earth would he be single? You’re unhinged, you decide, for thinking you may have a chance, when the woman turns around and you see her in full. She’s gorgeous.
A part of you still wants to believe that you're officially past the point of sanity and that you've begun to see Mingyu in every tall man. The universe, however, is cruel. He pushes his head up and in your general direction, and locks eyes with you in unmistakable recognition.
He stops smiling.
So here you are listening to Mingyu asking you to keep this a secret from the company, to forget the woman waiting for him in the lobby.
You can only nod in slight motions as he goes on his rant to justify his oath to secrecy, managing a tight lipped smile as you miraculously find your voice, hoarse as it may be.
'Don't worry about it, I understand' - ouch - 'it's none of my business anyway. I'll keep my lips sealed, I promise'
'Thank you, thank you, thank you I appreciate it so much, you don't even know. I'll repay you soon I promise'
'No, please, it's not-'
'No, Y/n I will. You're being really good to me right now and I'm so grateful. I'm sorry for putting you through this while you're off from work and with friends. It's worth to me that your listening and understanding'
You're tired. You want nothing but for him to stop talking. So you smile again and shake your head.
'I'm sure your friends are waiting, I won't keep you. I'll see you soon though!'
And with that he leaves. Back to the lobby where you see him take the woman by hand once again. You watch again as they walk to the elevators, stepping in and disappearing when the doors close. You watch the floor number rise.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5…
You walk back to your laughing friends before you can see where they got off.
***
Retiring to your shared hotel room with Chaeyoung, you fall back first into the crisp sheets and mattress.
'Why're you so depressed dude, did Mingyu say something to you?' She asks, a slight line forming between her brows.
'I'm fine, I've been up since 5 today it's just fatigue hitting me right now' you reassure, like always. 'I might not go to dinner with you guys, might end up with my face in the soup at some point'
Chaeyoung hums. ‘Take the night off so you can gear up for the rest of the week. I'm letting you off for now but I expect full attendance for eveything else we do', finishing with a mocking stern look.
'Yes ma'am' you feign salute from the bed, mimicking her stern tone.
You've known Chaeyoung for quite a while now, meeting her in your last year of uni. Trusting her as you do, you were never fully able to fess up about your feelings for Mingyu. Fear of judgment wasn't the problem, but more so the strange feeling of shame that overcomes you when you think about talking about it with other people. It's quite beyond you, why you act this way. You loved your friends and you knew they would support you with everything, they'd proved it when you'd made one of the most difficult decisions of your life while leaving your job. But the idea of having the audacity to love someone who could never do the same seemed like a feat of embarrassment.
Who are you, y/n? Who are you to have foolish dreams of a girl in love? With someone clearly fit for all things greater than you?
Maybe this was a good thing, you thought, the weird feeling in your stomach returning. Maybe this was the universe telling you to give up and move on, a kind of rejection that keeps your dignity. This was nothing but a reality check, a sign from whatever wants best for you, to bring your attention back to what brought you to Mingyu in the first place.
***
You didn’t see Mingyu for the rest of the trip, which you were grateful for not knowing how you’d react if you had to see him so soon after, that.
Back massaged and head clearer than it had been for weeks, you feel more in control of your feelings and thoughts regarding your life. You hope the conversation with Mingyu was the last stressful thing you’d encounter for a while.
It’s almost comeback season, you realise as you see the new concept photos while scrolling on your couch at home. This meant insanely early mornings for weeks on end, but you had to push through for your own sake. You’d come out of multiple comebacks needing a brace for a month but you wouldn’t trade it for the world. Never realising the true meaning of learning through experience, you were enlightened as you entered this new, very hands on field. The concept looked interesting, hoping the scraps of makeup you’d be allowed to do would be fun for you.
That ended up being true when you were, for the first time, asked to do Hoshi’s full makeup for their first comeback broadcast.
Your stumped silence was short lived as you hastily oblige and get the chair ready for him. You’d looked at the demo sheets and face charts too much for someone who wasn’t actually going to be asked to do much, but you see it pay off as you finish his eyes and get started on the rest of his face. It was easy for you to zone out as Soonyoung had passed out not even 5 minutes in, having someone hold his face as you worked.
You felt your chest swell with an indesipherable feeling as you watched him get up with your mastery on his face; pride, was it? You were getting emotional for no reason. Your attention, however, is moved sharply when you hear someone tell Mingyu it was his turn, finding him plopped on your chair staring straight into nothingness as he’d just been rudely awoken from his nap. He doesn’t realise it’s you for a solid minute as he tried to remember his own name.
‘Oh, hello’ he says, sort of confused. ‘Sorry, just give me minute’, he mumbles as he rubs his eyes.
He stretches back onto his seat signalling he’s ready for you to get started. You trying not to feel too much in your stomach as you begin.
You’re powdering his forehead when he says “I know I already said this but I really appreciate what you’re doing”
You know he’s talking about the conversation at the hotel, you were hoping you could avoid it.
“I told you not to worry about it, honest.” You reply, and somehow manage to choke out “It makes me happy that you’re happy”
You can see him trying to fight a smile, “Thank you for saying that”.
You wanted to stab someone. But you opt for gently brushing a base colour across his eyes.
“Do any of us know her, by any chance?” You ask cautiously.
“I dont think so. We met through mutual friends at a Christmas dinner, we didn’t start talking till she had to bring me a bunch of papers I’d left at my mom’s that day.” his face depicts someone reminiscing a fond memory.
It was cute, how it seemed like fate was trying to bring them together. It would've been cuter if you weren’t in a one sided pining with one of the two lovers.
“Well, I hope it works out for the both of you”
No you don’t.
“I hope so too”
You don’t hope that at all.
You felt guilty, feeling all of this. Hated that this was your first response to him wanting to be happy. Never would you have imagined stooping this low, hoping his happiness doesn’t work out for your sake. You’d like to owe it this being your first real infatuation, but you can’t help but wonder if this was really what you thought.
You decided to focus on the good news for today, that you’re finally allowed to do your actual job. You can only hope this wasn’t a temporary advancement, allowing time to tell.
Things remained the same the following day, much to your absolute elation. You were done doing 4 people’s makeup and was just winding down to take a break, quite satisfied with yourself. You observed as the rest of the boys got their hair done and run around, half in their outfits. You stifle a snort as you watch Jeonghan hide Minghao’s socks in his pockets as the boy tried to find them to put his shoes on, the former continuing to sip on his coffee seemingly unaware.
“Y/n, have you seen my socks? The green ones with the leaves on it?” Hao inevitable asks you.
You’re forced to feign confusion when Jeonghan pokes his head behind him signalling you to keep up the charade. He continues to look and you’re just about to have mercy on the poor boy before a to-go cup of coffee is shoved in front of your face.
You look up at the person and it’s Mingyu extending his arm at you expectantly.
“Oh, I didn’t order anything” you start, thinking you’re clearing up a confusion.
“I know you didn’t, got one for you anyway.”
There’s a record screech in your brain as you absorb his words.
“Think of it as me trying to repay the favour”
Oh. I see.
You’re a little embarrassed thinking he’d get one for you in that way, not when he had someone waiting on him. You accept the cup and mumble a thank you as he unexpectedly plants himself on the couch next to you.
“I saw you drinking lattes a lot of the times, so I just got you that. Hope that’s okay”.
Your silent for a moment before replying “Yes!” a little bit too loudly, eyes widening a little realisng your lack of volume control.
He knows your coffee order.
“Yes,” you say again in a normal tone and a slight laugh to cover up your inability to read the room, “They’re my favourite actually”
Kim Mingyu knows you like latte’s. This wasn’t good for your delusional brain.
Your conversation is cut short when the boys are called for roll call before they can prepare for the actual stage. You watch him get up and leave to file into the overstuffed elevators, not before he throws you the most adorable wave you’ve ever seen. You can’t hold back your smile as you wave back and look down at the drink he got you before taking a sip.
***
As it turns out, you did makeup for the rest of their comeback season, and Mingyu, without fail, got you an iced latte every single day before leaving to go on stage.
You tried to get him to stop, but he was rooted in his position and you didn’t have it in you to say no to his pleading eyes. It was a re-charge for you, when you’d seen him break into a happy smile, prominent canines that you’d grown to adore. He’d done more than enough to ‘repay’ you for swearing to secrecy, and you felt like you too, should  should repay him the balance.
So here you were, making banana bread in your kitchen again, careful to remember to crack your eggs on the rim of your mixing bowl instead of slamming them on the counter. You’re stirring the flour in when a classified devious thought occurs to you.
These past two weeks were pivotal for both you and Mingyu, daily coffee’s meant daily conversations, which meant getting to know one another more. You’d exchanged phone numbers in the midst of all of this, to which ensued the agenda of staying up till midnight talking to each other about the meaning of life.
Setting down the whisk, you pick up your phone and sent the text before you chickened out.
[You]: I have a surprise for you.
[You]: You wanna come over? It’s better enjoyed fresh lol
[Mingyu]: Ma’am? 👁👁
[Mingyu]: That sounds a whole lot like a booty call
[You]: *attachment*
[Mingyu]: IS THAT CAKE??
[Mingyu]: omw 😮‍💨
You send the location and set your phone down, a jittery feeling going through your entire body. There’s a spring in your step as you slide the loaf into the oven and set a timer. You turn around your kitchen island and register the pigsty that is your apartment. The girls were over the night before and you had done nothing to enlighten the aftermath, pillows strewn across the entire living room and snack wrappers in places you’re not sure how they landed.
By the time you’re done and spritzed the place with some of your nicer perfumes, your taking the loaf out of the oven and on a rack to cool.
Ever the punctual man, you hear the doorbell ring just as your taking your oven mitts off.
Hoping you’ve done enough to your apartment to save yourself from embarrassment, you collect yourself and open the door for him through your ringcam. He’s barely through when your rushing towards your doorway.
“Hi!”
“Hey,” he grunts as he tries to slip off his shoes.
“‘aight, where’s my cake?” he demands once he’s done giving you a quick hug.
You roll your eyes and usher him to the kitchen, “First of all, appreciate how excited you are to see me, and second, its banana bread not cake, sorry to burst your bubble”
He responds to your grumbling with an “Oh come on, you can't put freshly baked goods on the agenda and expect me to pay particular attention to anything else”.
He has his trademarked grin and cheesy stare out on display like its nobody’s business, you want to slap it off of him in the most loving way possible, but you settle with a tiny “shut up”.
“I brought warm coffee this time, thought it’d go better” He sets the to-go carrier on the kitchen counter, following you to where you were attempting to slice the still hot banana bread on a tray.
“Oh, that was a good idea” you say.
“Where’re your plates and forks?” he asks, pulling out the drawers and cabinets you signal to.
It all felt too domestic for your weak heart to handle. Not to say it didn’t warm you to the core how comfortable he felt in your space, you did, more than you’d care to admit. But he needed to tone it down before you required an organ transplant.
You were seated on the floor, butts parked on floor cushions, backs against the couch. The coffee table held all of your goods while you both argued on which movie to watch.
“I can’t believe you haven’t watched any of the Harry Potter movies! No, we’re watching philosopher’s stone, I don’t care!” You shout in disbelief, already typing it into the search bar on the TV.
“Philly-philo- bro I can’t even pronounce it why would I watch that?!” He yells back, snatching the remote from you.
You’re both a giggling, screaming mess on the floor as you keep trying to steal the remote from each other, not stopping until one of you bumps into the table and you almost spill hot coffee all over yourselves.
You decide to call a truce and pick another movie entirely.
Just as you’re pressing play, Mingyu takes a bite of the still (surprisingly) warm banana bread and you watch as his eyes roll to the back of his head.
“This is so good” He says, his faced furrowed as he goes in for another bite. “Did you lace this with something, why is this so good?”
You’re biting back a snarky remark but you let it rip anyway; “It’s cuz these pretty hands made it”
You splay your hands out in front of your face, like your showing him your rings, fingers wiggling and a cheeky smile on your face.
He looks unimpressed as he scoffs. He swallows before saying: “At least you didn’t call the secret ingredient love or something”
“Excuse you, I’m pretty sure I heard you say that in some Gose episode” You remark.
He turns to you, all smug: “So your saying you watch Gose? Like, regularly?”
You immediately turn away from his taunting smirk, “Sometimes, if it shows up on my home page”
You take a sip of your latte before he asks you another sweat producing question.
“Oh, but you pay attention to me the most don’t you? Don’t you?”
He’s poking fun at you, you know that. But a paranoid part of you can’t help but think he’s onto you and your feelings.
So you say something maybe a little bit below the belt.
“You sure have a knack for seeking validation from the world when you have a partner already giving that to you”
The words tumble out of your mouth before you know it. In your defence, you're doing this for a greater cause, but it's still a relief when you see him comically gasp, hand to his diaphragm.
“Just because your alone in life, doesn’t mean you need to be salty about other people receiving actual love” He spits back.
Your sputtering trying to think of a response. Deserved.
He grabs a slice of the bread and shoves into your mouth to shut you up once and for all. You’re left chewing the mouthful and staring at him in shock.
He giggles and takes a sip of coffee, satisfied with himself. When he sets it down he opens his mouth to speak. Closes it again, like he re-evaluating, and finally decides to say something. He’s serious now.
“Ji Eun and I, decided it wasn’t gonna work out between us”.
Oh.
“Oh.”
He blows a raspberry and lets out a meek laugh.
“Yeah, oh. It’s whatever, it wasn’t meant to work out. Better sooner than later.”
You’re trying to find the words to reply or comfort him.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” You ask him, being careful to not lace your voice with pity, but more neutral and open. “You don’t have to, obviously, but it might be better to talk about what’s bothering you”
He pauses for a moment before starting.
“She wasn’t sitting very well with the idea that she had to share me. Like at all. She wouldn’t say it but she’d get mildly infuriated when I’d blow the fans a kiss or something, or interacted with the staff too much. I was getting home quite late certain days during comeback season and I’d find her outside the dorm at like 11 PM. It was embarrassing when all of the other members would see her there, obviously upset and basically yelling at me for, for - for literally just doing my job.I guess all the smaller things just started piling and she couldn’t take it. I tried so hard to make sure she felt wanted and secure in the relationship but nothing felt like it was ever enough. She was evasive or confrontational all at the wrong times and it came to a point- its a horrible thought to have in a relationship - but I was terrified she’d do something rash and I’d wake up to my face on articles for some reason - again”
You recollected the past couple years when Mingyu was thrown around in the media for a new accusation seemingly everyday. You weren’t involved with anything regarding the industry back then, but you’d heard enough news to be aware of what was happening.
Your heart swelled with sadness as you heard him talk, he sounded like he was trying- trying hard to be good enough. All for a person who seemed to have their priorities set somewhere else.
“She was amazing; kind and happy and confident. She treated my parents with respect, she was best friends with my sister. I know we only lasted like 3 months but at some point I really considered that she could be the one. But then the problems started and I realized she was only becoming an added factor to stress and anxiety for me more than anything else.
“I liked her because she was so family oriented, and I thought that was what would fit me because I’m like that too. But, I guess I’m just a different kind of oriented? I don’t know. I have a job that’s both interpersonal and unpredictable. There’s days where I don’t wanna get up and do work but I still love it nonetheless. I guess she just expected me to have a predictable, stable 9 to 5. Home in time for dinner, not requiring interaction with too many people; basically everything I can’t be.”
He’s silent for a moment.
You start talking after a couple beats.
“I really hope you aren’t taking this like it’s your fault. She made a choice to put up with your work, knowing how it would be for the both you. You tried your best but she made you feel like your best wasn’t good enough. I dunno about you, but that sounds like a really problematic conclusion. If she truly cared for you and what you love, she would never have been this unsupportive or not understanding”.
He’s listening to you, his expression is blank but you can tell he’s absorbing your words.
“I’d like to think I had realized that. But being completely honest, I’m not really sure when my thoughts go back to me thinking I’m the problem all the time.”
He manages a smile, a wide one, as he looks up to make eye contact with you; “But I know it’ll take me some time to really start believing that it’s not entirely my fault. We just weren’t compatible, and that’s fine. We left on good terms, and I’m happy about that.”
You smile with him as he finishes, but your a little confused when he starts sliding closer and down the cushions.
He sets his head on your shoulder.
You may have shortcircuited right then and there.
“Is this okay?” he asks you quietly, attention finally diverted to the half played movie.
You realise he asked you a question and you have to answer.
“Yeah, this is fine” You breathe out, somehow, by the graces of God himself.
No, you weren’t fine at all. You felt like the universe had flipped a faulty switch, mixed up the scripts, lost the plot, something. But as you get used to the weight of Mingyu’s head on your shoulder, you pray it won’t come back to haunt you in another chapter.
***
Your routine became inverted in the sense that, what you once had to plan out so intricately, is unfolding with no effort from you at all.
You find that Mingyu waits for you to be done with somebody else so you can do his makeup, instead of sitting on another free chair. He’d come to you specifically to touch up his makeup instead of going to an artist he saw closer to him. He never forgot to get you a coffee whenever it was that he saw you.
Mingyu hadn’t slept over that night, instead leaving in his car despite the 1 AM drizzle and your insistence for him to stay until the pour recedes.
Maybe it was better for you that he hadn’t stayed that night. Something about how you grew so close ‘organically’ made you feel like this wasn’t all in your head, that he’s choosing to be your friend.
You’re handing him his clothes as he begins to change, using the excuse to whisper to him;
“I was gonna try a new brownie recipe tonight, if you’re free you can come over?”
“I think I have somewhere to be after this but I’m free after, How’s 6?”
So there you are, back in your kitchen folding chocolate chunks into your brownie batter while waiting for Mingyu to get here.
Your phone dings from the island and you check to see a message from Mingyu sending you what looked like a grocery list; pasta, oregano, garlic…
[Mingyu]: Tell me what you don’t have from this
[Mingyu]: I’m at the store rn hurry up
You send him a list of what you don’t have, realising he intended to have dinner with you too.
[Mingyu]: k thanks
[Mingyu]: be there in like an hour
There’s a warm feeling that’s swelling in your chest, that makes you wanna punch a wall because your so happy. You choose self control, mostly because this apartment is on a lease but also you’d probably break your knuckles trying to punch anything harder than a foam mat.
By the time Mingyu’s here, the brownies are in the oven and you’re almost done with the icing. He unpacks the groceries (and the warm lattes) he bought while you finish up, confirming that he was trying a new pasta recipe tonight. Setting the brownies and coffee down on your usual coffee table, you decide wait a couple hours before starting on making dinner, instead choosing to hear him ramble about an idol he met at an award show.
“So, we start talking before we’re ready to go up- you weren’t there you were working on wonwoo’s makeup- and he starts complimenting me and so obviously I start complimenting him back”
He’s waving his arms around, and setting positions with coasters on the table trying to explain the setting.
“He asks me if I have a sister and I’m like… yes? Which I should’ve realised where this was going because he then” - he pauses to take a deep breath - “this absolute asshat decides it’d be funny to ask me for her number because apparently ‘if you’re this hot, I’m sure any sibling you have is too’ BRO, WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU SAY THAT - how are laughing at this?!”
You calm yourself down for a second to clarify, “NO! It’s just hilarious how he thought that was okay to say”
You’re still still giggling in shock when Mingyu calms down, now also laughing incredulously.
“But actually though, please tell me you smacked him” you manage.
“I would have,” he grumbles “I got called to fix my hair cuz I ruined it or something”.
“Oh well, now you know who to avoid next time,” you say as you guide a bite of brownie into his mouth, “Forget about it now, eat sugar, it’ll help”
He chews a bit before swallowing, all while you’re watching him with an endeared smile on your face.
“Y’know, I really thought you didn’t like me when you first joined the team”
You pause mid sip of your coffee, brows furrowed, “What do you mean?”
“You never really talked me, did you? You were friendly with the rest of them but it just seemed like you never wanted to enter a room if you saw me there”
You’re looking at him in utter shock, this man was mistaking your avoidant (yet also pushy) teenage crush behaviour for dislike.
He’s looking at you expectantly, a little pout on his face.
“I never disliked you, why would you think that? I promise everything was a coincidence, it was nothing like that”
“Don’t get so defensive, kinda obvious you like me now if not before” He laughs at your panicked expression.
He meant platonic like.
“I’m sorry I made you feel like that though, I’ve been told I have a pretty serious resting bitch face, it’s gotten me in trouble before” she smile sheepishly.
“It’s fine, you made up for it with that first banana bread” He says before taking another bite of brownie, “Could use more chocolate chunks”
You snort before pushing him with a sock clad foot, “Appreciate me even giving them to you” 
You fall back to the adjacent sofa.
It’s quiet for a moment. But you feel like something’s shifted in the air.
You watch as he brings his hand to the same foot, holding onto your ankles. He’s caressing the exposed skin with his fingers, moving them back and forth. His eyes are glued to yours, looking like he’s in a trance. You’re not sure how to register this new change in mood, suddenly feeling like you need to turn the aircon on during the bleak Seoul winter. Just as you're hoping you don’t start sweating, you feel his vice grip on your ankle pull your leg over with a sharp tug. You scream as you lose support of the sofa and fall back.
You sit up in shock to find him leaning with his elbows on the floor, cackling like madman.
“Mingyu, what the fuck?”
“You-” He stops to laugh again, “You should’ve seen your face, PLEASE, it was hilarious”.
You huff before getting up shoving his shoulder with your foot again, “You’ve been playing guest a little too long, maybe it’s time you get started on that pasta”
“Will I be blessed enough to be receiving her highness’s help?” He asks.
He looks like a dream, clad in his T-shirt because he claims he doesn’t get cold. Hands behind him on the floor to give him support as he stares up at you, smiling wide. He’s looking at you with eyes full of stars and glitter.
You muster up the courage to give him a nasty glare, to which he huffs at and gets up, “Such a meanie”.
It’s hard to conceal your smile as his back his turned, sachaying towards the kitchen. You want to slap him and kiss him at the same time.
Your washing veggies in the sink when you turn around catch sight of his back as he stood at the kitchen island, sorting the rest of the ingredients. You get the same overwhelming feeling in your chest again, assuming you’re deluding yourself into thinking this is what life could be like with him. In less than 3 seconds, you’ve conjured a timeline of domestic routines, to wind down with him like this every evening.
You’re still lost in thought, still incessantly staring when he turns around and catches you in the act. He does the rude thing and snaps his fingers in front of your face to pull you out of your thoughts, “You okay?”
“Yeah” You say trying to gloss it over while busying yourself trying to find your cutting board.
“Are you sure? Do you wanna sit down at the island and watch me instead. You don’t have to help -”
“Pick a knife, and shut up dingus, it’s fine”
Once your both done eating and cleaning up, Mingyu hugs you goodbye, not before asking if you’d be free for lunch next week before he got busy the following month. You quickly agree, setting a date and time, bidding your (reluctant) farewells.
***
Once back in your apartment you realize how you can’t clean up to distract yourself because Mingyu took it upon himself to clear the space with you before he left. You sigh loudly and retire into your bedroom where you don’t have to think about how empty your living room is.
Changing into your pajamas and putting a headband on, you don’t even feel like turning your music on to do your night routine. You double cleanse, tone, serum, acid and moisturise your face with added purposefulness, taking note of the crevices of your nose and the neglected bottom of your chin. Taking extra time to make sure all of the foam is out of your skin before drying your face with a tissue.
You look at your fed skin in the mirror, and feel a weird surge of tears well in your eyes. Before they can fall you slam your bathroom cabinet to busy yourself to find your melatonin gummies, shoving them in your mouth before switching off the bathroom light and retiring to your bedroom.
Slipping the headband off and sliding into bed, you’re still chewing your gummies to a paste in your mouth. Trying not to notice how heavy you’re breathing you try to find your white noise machine, the one you found advertised for infants, and turn it on before grabbing your book to read for a few extra minutes.
Your staring at the pages like you found them to be blank. You’re phone dings next to you, signalling a notification.
Picking it up you find your mental health app sending you a daily reminder.
You’re allowed to feel your emotions.
***
Winter had run its course as you find yourself in April. You never really liked the cold, having been more sensitive to a gust of wind than the average joe, you were better suited to sitting with an aircon instead of being unable to move in the middle of Korea’s January cold rush. But alas, the cherries are blossoming and your fingers have defrosted.
That isn’t what’s on your mind right now though, as you’re standing in a Sephora, arms crossed and shoulders tense. You loved shopping for makeup, but you mostly chose to do it online unless you really had to otherwise. Parking yourself in the perfume section with the scents mixing together a cocktail of nosehair doom, you really wish you’d worn a face mask. Not to mention the migraine inducing coloured lights and mainstream pop playing in the background (you swear they’ve been playing Side to Side by Ariana Grande on loop since you got here).
These were all, however, peripheral observations for you, as you stare in absolute pneumonic shock at the number written on the price tag of the perfume you’re looking at.
Now, Mingyu is a man of class, high maintenance if you will. You’re well aware he likes to spoil himself, because he has a bank account to back it up.
Your bank account is definitely full and secure, but not enough for you to justify dropping what seems like half of its contents to something only one of the five senses can experience.
Mingyu mentioned in passing how he wanted this perfume a while ago, and knowing that he hadn’t ordered it for himself just yet, you decide to be the amazing friend that you are and surprise him for his birthday.
You may be regretting that right now, but you tentatively pick up the blue, crystalline bottle and spritz a bit on a paper strip before taking a whiff. It smelled good, that’s for sure, and it suited him too. So when the saleslady came to offer assistance, after you excused the last three, you decide you’re going to do this for him.
“Yes, could I have this in the box please?”
Walking back to your car you feel a bount of jitter run through you,
Oh, he’s gonna freak out when he sees this.
He did, in fact, freak when he saw it, and his reaction made you want to give him all of the good things in the world if you could see him like this all the time.
He’s smiling ear to ear and speaking in that high pitched voice that he gets when he’s excited. He’s thanking you over and over again, smoothing the box over in his hands repeatedly, looking at the ‘from: y/n :p’ with hearts in his eyes.
“I’m gonna save this for the rest of my life” he says, with determination and a goofy grin.
You snort at the declaration, “Sure, bud”
“I’m serious. What, you wanna bet?” he replies, taking a sip of his, latte, which you proudly credit yourself for swerving him over from Americano’s.
He insisted on going out to eat at this fancy French place a day before his actual birthday as he’d be busy on the day of, but it was risky for him to be seen eating out alone with a young woman at such a fancy place. You settled for a nicer traditional Korean restaurant, that allowed you to book a room away from possible prying eyes and one that you were both comfortable with. You decided to wait till you were back in the car with your post dinner coffee’s to give him his present.
“I’m giving you 3 months before that bottle’s dry to the dregs” You affirmed, “You smell like you empty half a bottle of something off your dresser everyday anyways”
You said it as an insult, but jokes on you because you loved the way he smelled.
“Fine, I’m gonna use this so carefully I’m not replacing it for at least a year”
“A year? What happened to the rest of your life?” you refute.
“I have you for that, don’t I”
What the fuckity fuck.
He’d turned to you, leaning on the headrest, that signature cheesy look; like he was in love or something. Voice dropping a couple octaves as he said it, laced with something defined and strong - enough for it to feel like the weight of an elephant had dropped on your chest.
You gather yourself after looking at him for a couple seconds, jaw unhinged and forgotten on the floor of his car. You chose to grab your cardigan that was neatly folded on the dash, and astral project it to his face across the seat. He’s laughing so hard there’s tears glistening in the corner of his eyes. He falls forward and you see strands of his hair fall to his face, he’d been growing them out.
“Shut up” you grumble in your seat, annoyed at how easy it was for him to send your heart through and beyond your chest.
He’s still giggling like a school girl, and you cave and give him a hint of a smile.
“There it iiiis” He announces, grabbing your face and smushing your cheeks together.
For a moment, he stops to look at you like this, like he’s contemplating. For one, brain rattling, organ exploding, microsecond, you think he might even kiss you.
Instead, he headbutts you slightly rubbing his head swiftly before letting go.
“I might need to wash my hands, I think I got your makeup on me” He mumbles, looking at his hands like a child with mud soaked palms.
“Serves you right, you buffoon,” You remark as you pull out your trusty travel pack of makeup wipes.
Yanking one out of the tab, you pull his hand over and try to wipe the remnants of foundation off, starting from the heel up to each individual finger. It’s silent as you concentrate on getting it all off both hands, he was wearing black tonight and knowing him he’d rub his hand over his pants and get beige foundation all over. You knew because you’d seen him do it one too many times.
“All done” you quip, looking up and catching his stare. He’s smooth to slowly look away and retract his open hands from your lap about 5 seconds after it became noticeable.
You busy yourself by attempting to stash away the wipes to throw out later, closing the pack of wipes and shoving them back into your bag.
He’s watching you do all of this, his stare is burning holes into the side of your head. He’s desperate to say something, but you’re not sure if you want to hear.
“Let’s go back to my place. We’ll stick a candle into a sheet brownie and call it your birthday cake. Oh, we can pick up ice cream too!”, You say, costuming your voice to sound unaffected by his vibe.
And so you did stick a candle in the fresh batch of brownies you both made at 11PM, two hours before his actual birthday. Sitting across from each other on the counter, Mingyu has his eyes closed shut, hands clasped, wearing a ridiculously coloured ‘BIRTHDAY BOY’ headband you found somewhere deep in your drawers.
“You’re gonna get wax on the brownies and they're gonna be inedible, hurry up” You groan, after everytime it seems like he’s done, he clenches his eyes shut again as he remembers another thing he has to wish for.
You’re not actually annoyed, he looks the cutest he’s ever looked, but you would appreciate non waxed brownies.
When he’s finally done, he blows out the singular candle and you clap lightly, “yay!”
You’re pulling out the candle and grabbing forks, dumping a couple scoops of ice cream on before you two start eating straight out of the pan.
Its a collection of groans as you both collapse on your couch, regretting eating all that so soon after dinner. He changed out of his dinner outfit to a T-shirt and pajama pants, he’d started keeping a set of clothes in his car when it started to become routine for him to spend regular  evenings after work at your place.
You’re in your own unicorn pajama’s, slumped over on the arm rest slightly. You feel Mingyu scooch over to put his head in your lap, claiming he was “closing his eyes for a minute”.
You knew how lightning fast he passes out, so not even 5 minutes later you start to hear his light snores. As much as you want to wake him up to move him to the bed, you know he can’t stay the night. His birthday meant he had to be with the boys, and needing to head out early tomorrow.
So you give him 10 more minutes, fingers tracing the shape of his features, in his soft hair massaging his head with your nails slightly. He had a little pout on his face as he slept. Things had been hectic for him lately, having a comeback later in the month and the plethora of music and variety shows to follow.
Mingyu had been writing lyrics on the kitchen island one day, sputtering random words as you quipped in rhymes of your own without context, stirring the pot of soup on the hob at the same time.  
One particular rhyme you spew out catches him off guard and he barks out a laugh at the ridiculous combination.
“I should put you on song credits for this”
“What do you think my producer name could be?”
He thinks for a second, “Banana bread sounds stupid, um, how’s brownie?”
“Cute, and serious enough” you agree, “I’ll be expecting to see my name on that album, sir”
Snapping out of your thoughts, you turn your attention back to the sleeping man curled up in your lap. You wonder if you could fall asleep on the couch too, keep him here with you for the night. Be a little selfish. It’d be nice, making waffles for breakfast when morning comes. But he needed to be at the dorm in the morning, the boys knew where he was but managers that’d come pouring in at 7 AM sharp, did not. And it was best kept that way. The last thing Mingyu wanted, you knew, was people getting the wrong idea. The thought stung a little bit, but you knew not to mix your hopes with what reality was giving you.
So you gather the courage to slowly reign him back from dreamland.
***
Your sitting with Mingyu and Seungkwan on the couches outside the dressing rooms, a little bit before they have to go to perform. You were done with your agenda and was waiting for them to start filing out before beginning to pack up.
“No, because why does he get to eat all the good stuff right out the oven and we don’t, that’s not fair” Seungkwan complained loudy to you, a mildly offended look on his face.
“Stop being such a complain bot, you’re never happy if I have nice things” Mingyu retorts, increasingly nasty looks being exchanged for an argument about freshly baked goods.
“Oh, I’m the hater?! Let me jog your memory, who was the one sulking and shoving me around when Y/n wouldn’t let you-”
Mingyu had jumped up and pulled Seungkwan into a headlock, his poor Americano half flying across the hall as he yells out in disarray.
“YAH!” cued with more noises of struggle and muffled threats.
You chose to embrace the violence by sitting in your seat and laughing as Vernon recorded their antics from the doorway inside eventually circing them for his supposed cinematic effect, catered for the inevitable weverse post that was to come.
Cut to them apologizing and cleaning up the mess of coffee and disregard.
You decide to be nice and attempt to make peace by reassuring Seungkwan, “Come over after you’re done promoting this week, I’ll make up for all the bread and cookies you missed out on”
“If you've finished with your escort duties Y/n, could you please come in and do your day job?”
The voice came from the doorway of the dressing room, your senior makeup artist standing there with her usual mildly inconvenienced expression. It took you a minute to fully understand what she meant by that sentence, your body completely still.
“Offended? What, like I’m wrong?”
You were no stranger to insulting behaviour in work places, but they’d always been revolving around your actual job description. People who didn’t like you knew they had to be smart on how they treated you regardles.
This was different. This felt like you were projected back in time to your solemn middle school days to mean girls taunting you about your spongebob socks, except multiply that by about a thousand.
You feel your stomach begin to churn as that nauseous feeling of shame began to settle itself into your veins.
You’re not sure how long you’ve been sitting there but when she slightly raises her voice; “Are you getting up or not?” your hands actively begin to tremble the slightest amount.
You’re making moves to get up by puting your coffee cup down, not knowing what to do except follow commands.
Your interrupted by a voice from behind; “She’s coming in, give us a minute”
Mingyu’s standing there, his expression stoic as Seungkwan and Vernon looked as stunned as you felt. You don’t register it in the moment, but the people in the hall, venue staff and those for other artists have also silenced, watching the scene unfold.
Her lips are in a tight line, her expression remaining irritated as she steps back inside the room.
You realise you need to do something to diffuse the escalated situation. Letting out a breathy laugh, you get up and tell them that you’ll be going inside, trying to keep your expression pleasant and unaffected, not waiting before turning around to spare them the burden of a response. People get yelled at everyday, and this is no different. You aren’t gonna be the one to make a scene out of a regular occurrence.
You know what's coming when you get inside, she’s waiting as she pulls you aside.
“Your behavior has been quite concerning recently, let me remind you of your place here and what you were hired to do. You've been dilly dallying with people who aren't even your friends, and its quite funny that you’d think they are. It's time to wake up from wasting your time making heart eyes at men who are way out of your league. I won't tolerate any more nonsense from you, and trust I won’t be this nice or forgiving the next time this happens”
You choose to nod your head.
“That’s another thing, use your own words. Don’t think other people are gonna be there all the time to speak for you” She spits out, her professional front slowly eroding the more she spoke.
“Yes, ma’am” You say, hoarse voice.
“Louder, next time”, she stalks out as majority of the people in the room also begin to leave for the filming downstairs.
You’re left standing awkwardly in front of the racks of clothes, trying to digest what just happened to you. Looking around the room, you try to figure out what your supposed to do.
Clothes on the couches, eyeshadow brushes on the floor. There’s a torn sponge resting underneath one of the chairs, a couple styrofoam boxes left on the tables from lunch.
There’s so much for you to do, you arent sure how you thought you had time to sit down and chat. But you’re not sure where to begin either. The room is a mess of smells and colours even without the buzzing noise of people getting ready. Tears begin to form as you try to navigate what you’re supposed to do, realising you can’t possibly find a starting point for any of this mess. Before you have time to think of anything else, a hand is holding onto your wrist, small and soft.
It’s Yoona, another one of the makeup artists.
“Y/n, I think it’s best if you go home, it’s been tiring.”
“But-”
“Don’t worry, I’ll handle her. Just trust me. Go home you’ll feel alot better”
She notices you hesitate for a second, and goes in to give you a hug.
It felt nice, to be hugged by a friend. For some reason, it didn’t feel like she was pitying you, her expression and aura reassuring you that you didn’t have to stand here alone.
“Whatever happened today shouldn't have happened, but you don’t need to think about that right now. Go home and do nice things for yourself, we’ll figure it out later. You have my number, give me a text once you get home. We can go out later if you want, when I get off work, to get your mind off things”
You’re not sure how you’re holding back the waterpark that has become of your tearducts as you hear those words from an unsuspecting friend, you nod with a smile. You feel a little more calm.
You can’t tell if you care enough to consider the consequences of your senior finding out how you’re doubling or nothing on your already posed humiliation. But the only thing you can think of right now is your bed and the ceiling you’d stare burn holes into.
So you, for the first time in a while, chose to choose yourself by picking up your satchel and leaving the chaos behind you as you walk to your car.
***
Just because you were brave where it mattered most doesn’t mean you weren’t allowed to cry.
You had come home, shot Yoona a brief text, and promptly began to sob the absolute Nile into your sheets.
You had never cried like this before, loud wracked sobs coming from a place in your chest you had locked away during a time you couldn’t even remember. You’re breathing after every choked cry is a sputtered intake of life, only to spit it back out as you let out another sob of what sounds like agony. There’s nothing in your head, nothing but the words that were spoken to you as echoes of your own mind. Hypocritical of you to hate them when the same words circled in your head like a mantra every cursed, unfortunate day. She had done you a favour, by spitting out the truth you’d stewed, chewed and kept in your mouth ever since you got here. This was a you problem, to believe that you were capable of things beyond your bracket. You were told by the universe, screamed at by the world, that this was never meant for you, and you chose to ignore it. You chose to be stubborn. You brought this misery upon yourself.
Once you’ve disposed your body weight of tears and snot and burden, you’re left to stare at your innocent sheets now stained with mascara and your sorrows. You crawl into your covers and rest your muscles for a few seconds, head empty. You aren’t sure when you drift off, but you're glad that you do.
You don’t dream for once.
***
You wake up feeling like you drank a gallon of water and went to sleep. Your eyes, nose and throat feel like they’ve been over watered yet dry at the same time. You don’t realise what’s really arising pangs of irritancy in your brain once you figure out the consistent sound is a door bell. You’re doorbell, of the house that you live in.
You’re slow to push yourself up, realising your slept in your day clothes. It’s dark out but you're not sure what time it is, and quite frankly, you can’t say you care enough to check. You need to silence your doorbell first, which can only be done by silencing whatever hell sent individual was playing drums on the button outside.
It’s a record screech in your brain as you peer through your peephole and realise who the aforementioned hell sent individual was.
Mingyu was outside your door.
You don’t realise you look like you crawled out of a sewer till it’s too late and you’ve already opened the door through muscle memory. Mingyu was always welcome in your space.
He was in casual clothes, his hair pushed back from the guessed hands that ran through it, but he was still in stage his stage makeup.  
“Oh, were you sleeping?” He asks, eyes a little wide, expression cautious.
“Yeah.”
“I’ll go then, you weren’t answering your phone for anyone and you told Yoona you were home but you weren’t opening the door, i was worried. Sorry I ringed it so much I probably should’ve assumed-”
He stops to look at you, and it’s like realizes something before he finally says; “Just wanted to make sure you were okay, I’ll see you around. I’ll leave you alone”
“Wait,” you croak out, licking your lips, conscious of your morning voice, “Can you stay? Please? If you can.”
He stops to look at you, expression changing from sheepish to defensive.
“No! I mean, yes. Yes. I’ll stay. I’ll stay for as long as you want”
You let him in as he slips off his shoes and you lead him to the living room. His presence in the familiar place seems like it last happened eras ago, when he was only here maybe a week prior.  
“You know where everything is, I’ll be back gimme like 5 minutes”
You’re scared to look at yourself in your bathroom mirror, so you don’t, and choose to scrub your face looking down at your sink. You change into a sweatshirt and trouser loungewear set, deciding to save your dignity a little bit further as you brush your hair and clip it back with a claw clip.
You take a breath before entering the living room again.
He’s sitting on the floor in your usual place, two steaming mugs on the coffee table, the tabs hanging out of the cup. He made you tea.
You sit down next to him, not really prepared for what you should be saying.
“How long has she been speaking to you like that?” He asks you quietly.
“She was always kinda itchy and uptight and stuff but, it was never like this” You say.
“Regardless, whatever that was, it was, wrong, uncalled for, all of those things” He says, sputtering a little bit.
He stops and sighs. It’s silect for a minute before he turns in his seat to face you, grabbing your folded legs and pulling you to face him too.
“Yoona heard everything she said to you after you went in, she heard it all. And she knows about some other stuff too. If you think, even for a second, that I’m not your friend, I might actually think there’s something wrong with you.
“If everything we’ve been through this past, almost a year, doesn’t amount to us at least being friends then I don’t know what it means to have one at all. You’re the first person in a while I’ve been able to be this open with. You know me better than most people, you’ve seen me at my worst and at my best. I’ve let you read me all you want, because I know I can be an open book if it’s you. I trust you more than I can trust myself sometimes, and I really wish you would trust me too.”
You’re watching him as he says all of this, you look up to make eye contact a couple times, and he’s looking at you everytime you lift your head.
“I do trust you. Probably more than anyone else. It’s myself I don’t trust. It’s hard for me to open up, I’m scared I’m gonna say something that’ll scare you away. And, I just thought maybe she was right today, that I need to realise that it can’t be that way between us, I have a job to do”
“What can’t be between us?”
“I like you, Mingyu. Like, I’m basically in love with you and have been since I fucking met you. I couldn’t believe that you could possibly be friends with someone like me, a confused, all over the place airhead who can’t tell right from left sometimes, forget you ever liking me. All that happened is that we became friends and I thought that this was as far as fate was gonna push us. All today told me was that … that was an overextension too. It was a wake up call that I can’t have everything in life. Things were going too well for us and I was letting myself think it could stay that way forever. I’m sorry for being this way, I’m sorry for making you feel uncomfortable and out of place. This is the last thing you’d want to hear from a friend and I’m sorry I’m putting you in this situation right now and that you had to go through that today-”
You don’t finish what your saying because you're interrupted. Interrupted by arms pulling you forward and into Mingyu in front of you.
Your both sitting in your living room at 3 AM, on the floor in front of your sofa like you both have so many times. Except now, Mingyu is holding you in his arms, and kissing you so delicately it hurts.
It’s warm, like getting into bed after a long day, the scent of home and security engulfing you as you begin to forget about the qualms of life.
He’s moving his lips slowly, with care and a feeling so overflowing you can’t describe.
He lets go slowly and rests his forehead against yours, his arms are around you tight, legs wrapped around your entire body so you can't escape - physically or mentally.
“You dumbass” You hear him say.
“I love you,Y/n. More than anything. And I need you to know that you don’t have to hide. If you think your thoughts are a burden then I want to carry it for you. I want you to realise you’re not alone. I want you to stop pushing me away. Everytime I want to do something nice for you, you try to push the effort to something else, everytime I try to take care of you, you have this look that makes me think you feel guilty for taking up my time or something. Everytime I think you’re about to ask me to stay the night, you remind me I have priorities and I should go, even though I know you want me to stay with you. I want you to stop caring so much for how other people feel and realise you can demand the same from the universe too. You deserve love and to be treated with care. You need to let people do that for you, love.”
Your looking at him now, your turn to have stars in your eyes.
He loves you.
And you feel it. You feel it in his words, in his eyes, in the kisses he’s leaving on your face, in his arms that are wrapped around you, ready to shield you from the world.
You don’t say anything as you fall into his chest, head on shoulder, relaxed body in the cage he’s made for you. You close your eyes as the tears are burning down your face. Except, this time they’re because your relieved.
You both got up from the uncomfortable floor and moved to your bed, still tangled within each other as you clarified everything else.
You found out that majority of the people who heard it were very upset at the situation, but didn’t know how to approach or confront her.
Seungkwan almost bust a blood vessel after he had digested what had happened, disbelief and threats on his tongue as he refused to get touched up by her during filming, apparently making a point to walk to somebody else. Seungcheol was thinking of trying to bring up the problem to management, considering how Mingyu too was distracted all the way home.
“The rest of them have gotten quite protective of you too, I think. It’s not like I shut up about you”
Apparently the only reason you were asked to start taking charge on makeup was because some of the other senior artists pressured your mentor to stop restricting you. It made you feel a little more secure that it wasn’t just you that felt pushed down.
She didn’t like that you were doing so well, considering it meant she was wrong about you and your abilities. It hurt her ego a little bit that people stopped preferring her to do their makeup or their touchups, how they wouldn’t interact with her the same way.
“Alot coming from a middle aged, married woman, attention seeking like a child” Mingyu added, scoffing with a sour face as he nuzzled into the crown of your head.
“The boys really like you by the way, they’ve been rooting for us since forever” He says, and your heart swells unimaginably so; you felt loved, so so loved.
You scooch up to plant a kiss on the underside of his chin and then one on his lips.
“That makes me happy”
“I’m happy that you’re happy. You deserve to be happy, everyday” He smooches you on the face again. “Oh, and don’t worry about that stinky face I’ll take care of her”
You laugh at the determination in his voice, but you wanted to clarify something.
“Please, let me handle her myself. I’ll ask for help if she’s stubborn but I wanna try by myself first”
“That was hot”
You push his chest away as you bark out a laugh at the random comment, hiding you face, by turning the other way.
He battles that by pull you back into his chest and continuing his atics
“What I can’t call my girlfriend hot. You’re hot. Your the sexiest motherfucker I’ve ever seen” smooch “You’re beautiful” and again  “amazing” and again “gorgeous spectacular-”
You don’t fall asleep until the sun has well made its way up the sky, taking the executive decision to sleep in till way past lunch and maybe even take a nap afterwards.
You don’t care how it goes, because your happy just being with him.
***
You met with Yoona a couple days later at a cafe.
“Seungcheol asked us if we were facing the same kind of behaviour from her too. And everyone told him she was stuck up and rude and stuff. He said he wanted to bring it up to management but it didn’t really concern him directly so they wouldn’t listen. He told us to do so ourselves and we thought about it, but we’re gonna need to tell them about that too”
You nod your head as you listen to her speak, it was making sense.
“I dont mind going up to management at all and talking about it. I get that the rest of the stuff is a little too tame to be considered, which sucks because she shouldn’t be talking to us like that at all”
“Mhm, and I was thinking we could vouch for you on how she was restraining you for almost a year. Basically not letting you do your job. That’d be a another thing for them to think about”
“Yeah. Let’s do it asap, how’s this Monday?”
“Perfect, I’ll add everyone to a group chat and let them know”
And go up to management you did, who were surprisingly understanding. Apparently having received multiple reports and even videos of the most recent incident to act as proof. It was working out for all of you, and it proved to stay that way as they responded with a promise to shift her to a different department.
You had gone home that day feeling fulfilled and relieved. Mingyu, a man with spectacular timing had also proceeded to send you a text as a distraction,
[Mingyu]: Kwan wants to come over
[Mingyu]: something about croissants
[Mingyu]: Should he text you ab it?
[You]: yeah ofc
[You]: I’ll order the butter
[You]: you tell him to text me lol
Two nights ago felt like it happened last year with all the unimaginable advances deciding to happen within the past 48 hours. Right now you were more excited for the company you were about to recieve, more concerned with making sure you made the best batch of croissants Seungkwan ever did see.
***
You were in the car with Mingyu outside the company building, waiting until the clock struck 9 to go inside.
Today was the last day you’d think about this, being called up for a face to face meeting with the staff member, so she could formally apologise. The team had planned a dinner tonight, to celebrate the end of her ‘wicked reign’ as Yoona described it.
You were finding friends everywhere, ones that were always there, pulling through for each other as you yourself navigated a new direction of thinking for yourself. You were learning to walk past your anxiety ridden desire to draw lines with everyone, as you took the first step with the dinner tonight. It would be fun for you, and a bond you’d begin to build.
You learned that you weren’t delusional anymore, and that Mingyu did love you the same. It had only been a week or so, but one of the happiest weeks of your life, despite everything. He was teaching you more lessons than he thought he was.
Mingyu squeezes your hand from the driver’s side as it was past 9, “Let’s go?”
“Lets go”
***
Mingyu’s way too enthusiastic as soon as he wakes up, indulging you in a morning (afternoon) makeout session, claiming he doesn’t care for you morning breath.
“Well I do!” you exclaim, pushing him off with a giggle “About your morning breath, stinky”
He clutches his chest in dramatic offense, “How could you? I thought you loved me”
You respond my projecting a cushion to his face.
“Do you want pancakes or eggs for breakfast?” You ask, legs hanging over the bed.
Mingyu looks up, a wicked glint in his eye, and you immediately know he’s going to say something of no help.
“I want you for breakfast” He says, grabbing you by the waist and pulling you back in bed.
“MINGYU!”
Needless to say, all was well.
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hg-aneh · 6 months
Note
Hi! I absolutely love all of your art and I’ve been fallowing you for awhile! There’s been some rumors that you ship Muriel x crowley?? Which I guess is an odd paring but nothing terrible wrong with, I was just curious if you do ship them.
Thank you for all your wonderful art <3
okay, i want to preface this by saying that I've already been harassed over this to the point of being called a lowkey pedophile and having every little move of mine scrutinized and misconstrued to sickening extents (this harassment spilled over to my partner too, and it was horrible)
so all anyone would do by doing this again would be repeating history, among other things that have to do with fucking up my already frail mental state
now.
onto the meat
yes, I ship it
no, I do not see Muriel as a child, kid, teenager, or anything of the sort and I find it personally distasteful to think of doing so because infantilizing autistic traits rubs me the wrong way (p e r s o n a l l y)
you can do it if you want to, I have worse things to worry about than a random person on the internet thinking something of a fictional character, just don't try to push your headcanon onto me just because you perceive it that way or because it's a popular dynamic that you find fun
adding onto this, i want to add that i will never and i mean fucking NEVER post anything related to that ship outside of the very specific private Xitter account i created for it
(and my personal facebook, on a friends only setting)
any Muriel & Crowley content outside of that account is all platonic and bla bla you get the gist. I can separate things, what a talent.
Now, I'm being overly paranoid and explaining myself to exhaustion over this for a very good reason and it's because last time someone found out about it ((yes we're going full circle to the beginning of this little bible)) they treated it as some sort of GOTCHA moment about me being a pedo ((and if you didn't know this already: I fucking despise children with my whole being, I'd rather be forcefed alligator shit for my whole life than be with one of those creatures for a single day))
It got to the point of that person making extremely hurtful videos about me and their little friend group comprised of goober eating toddlers joining in on the "Hater" train or whatever the hell that new cultural trend is called, as well
It was hell, that whole experience fucked me up BAD and i feel silly for saying this but it was genuinely traumatic! So- I apologize if I'm sounding confrontational here, anon, but like, this is the type of thing you have to do to keep yourself safe now, it's gone to that point and I'm in hysterics now because what the fuck
Lastly, I'd like to say this one other thing
Muriel is played by an adult actress, they are canonically the same age as Aziraphale and Crowley and are also an eldritch creature just like them
The fact that they're nice and bubbly and happen to have autistic traits doesn't suddenly make them a fetus. I have friends with the same personality type as them and I feel like it'd be dumb to treat them like zygotes knowing they're adults with body hair and debt
Again, if you see them as one, I'm literally no one to judge, I'm 1.49, you're better off taking judgement from a stupid lone penguin in the saharan desert.
But don't fuck with others for thinking otherwise, it's not a moral issue to disagree with a headcanon, please. 🥲
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jymwahuwu · 6 months
Note
Seeing the noncon filming and blackmailing reminds me of the Dan heng and blade kidnapping each other's darling situation🤭
But what if you were Dan heng's/blade's darling but they made a bet👀 who could make you cum faster and harder?
Blindfolding you, legs spread with your pussy dripping... What a tempting offer for them🤤
All I can say is if you can still walk tomorrow, you probably won't in a few hours😏
-💦anon (brain is brimming with delicious ideas but can't find time to write them🥲)
💦anon sorry I’ve been slow to respond to you, but want you to know that I love you and your thoughts. 😳🥺 want to see dan Heng and blade compete for us!! 🤭
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CW: yandere, non-con, forced overstimulation
Here Blade and Dan Heng reconciled…but just like folded paper that cannot be restored to its original state…the disputes and hatred are like the faint scars on the wound, no longer the constant pain and burning feeling. Inevitably, they still have quarrels…and what better target than you? This was originally just a subtle rivalry, just look at the traces of kisses on your neck the next day. However, the intense traces of love that Blade left on your thighs irritated him, and the jealous monster bit at his sanity in his heart. Blade sneered and crossed his arms. Dan Heng's conversation advising him to treat you gently has somehow turned into a bet-
Who can make you cum faster and harder?
A black cloth has covered your eyes, and your hands are tied behind your back. Blade is skilled at this, as he once had a job kidnapping a wealthy man on a planet in order to take Stellaron. He was more ruthless at that time, like a sword, stabbing and threatening those people accurately, so the surging pain was not so painful. "What- What are you two going to do?"
After you ask the question, you're stuffed full of dick, as if telling you to shut up. The thick and round cock head separates your upper and lower lips, opens the moist inside of your mouth, and presses against your throat. You whimpered and endured, knowing it was Blade's.
Dan Heng apologized to you while unbuttoning your buttons and pulling down your underwear. The apology was somewhat insincere. His thumb circles your clit, giving occasional vibrations and friction. He was a little eager to get your first orgasm of the day, pressing into the depths of your sweet vagina, the tight inner walls craving for his two fingers. Sometimes fast, sometimes slow. After you get used to this rhythm, he will finger you mercilessly until you bounce up and squirt.
They take the round and do it without neglecting any of your holes. The loud and wet sound has been echoing in your ears, and you can still faintly hear the sound of water that has been filled with seeds. The dragon's tail is convenient for pushing you around and holding your butt in place for reproduction. Blade folded your legs and with every push, the rich load in your butt flowed onto the sheets, and your moans and rejections were covered and drowned by kisses. Sometimes, you think this is the end, but find that those cocks that are thrusting into you have no intention of stopping, and instead hit another orgasm.
By the end of the match, you're twitching and covered in seed. The result may be a tie, so there may be another competition in the next few days...
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vanwritesfan-fiction · 6 months
Note
Half naked cuddling and slow, nasty tongue kissing w/ Trav 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲
Can't Get Enough
Travis Kelce x Curvy!Reader
Warnings: Smut, language
Requested: based on the request above and a request for smut based on the day of the ESPYs this year
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"Hey, baby?" You felt Travis' knee gently push your your thick thighs open, his quad rubbing against the thin layer of lace that was barely covering your glistening pussy. He could feel your wetness against his bare skin, his cock getting hard at the thought of you getting off so easily with just a touch. His hands were cold as they slipped under your silk camisole, his calloused fingers grazing across your perky nipples, grasping at your breasts and making you squeal.
You and Travis were in LA for the ESPY awards, and you were going to be his date to the show. Your gown was still hanging up in the closet, Travis' matching white suit jacket freshly pressed hanging next to it. The two of you hadn't made it out of bed all morning, both of you still in the clothes your wore to bed that night.
"Babe." He mumbled against your lips, trying to get your attention.
"Hmm?" You were barely listening, answering just to humor him as you pulled his bottom lip into your mouth, sucking on the plump skin, tasting a combination of the coffee he'd had this afternoon to help him stay awake and the spearmint of his toothpaste.
You moved to pepper kisses along his jawline, feeling the course hairs of his beard against your lips. Travis would never admit it, but he was ticklish, and you knew all of his sweet spots. You latched onto his neck as your hands traveled down to cup his bulge, his erection poking against his boxer shorts.
"Hey, hey!", Travis jumped as you gently squeezed his testicles.
"Sorry, I got carried away." You smirked, wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders, pulling his weight further down on top of you. You wasted no time pulling him into a hard kiss, your tongue pushing between his lips, intertwining with his. You began to grind against his pelvis, wrapping your ankles around his waist, so he had no choice but to stay still.
"Hey, baby. We really need to get ready, we're supposed to leave in like an hour." You groaned, knowing that he was right, but you didn't care, your sex drive clouding your judgement and time management skills.
"Ok, just five more minutes, please?" You pushed out your bottom lip in a pout, batting your eyelashes at him as you rubbed the back of his head.
"W-we can't be l-late baby", he grunted out. Travis was trying his hardest to be stern, but all of the blood was rushing from his brain to his cock as you pressed harder, your tits bouncing up and down as you grinded back and forth against his dick. You lifted your camisole over your head, revealing his favorite stress relievers.
"How about now?" Never breaking eye contact, you teased him, using your tongue to circle around your areola, before taking your own nipple into your mouth and sucking on it a few times before letting it pop out against your lips. Travis was practically drooling watching you while he sloppily left kisses on your chest.
"Fuck, you know what that does to me", he whispered, pushing your hand away so he could take over, dragging his tongue between your breasts. "I can never say no to you." You let your mouth hang open as Travis' mouth crashed with yours, feeling your orgasm begin to build with friction as his hips pump against you.
"I want you to fuck me." You edged out, desperate to feel the fullness of his fingers, or his cock, whichever one you could get to quicker. Travis looks down at you, thoroughly enjoying your begging. "Oh, I'm gonna fuck you, baby, don't you worry about that." He wasted no time pulling your panties down over your hips, throwing them to the side.
"Travis, please. Fuck me." Your legs splayed open for him, your wetness already pooling below you on the white hotel sheets. You punctuated your plea with a sharp breath out as he pushed two of his thick fingers into your weeping hole, your core instinctively clamping down around his hand. He hooked his fingers to press against your cushiony pleasure spot, drawing your release out of you with a come-hither motion.
You pursed your lips, trying to hold in your cries as he quickened his movements, pulling his fingers almost all the way out of your pussy before aggressively thrusting them back in, your back arching with each prod. You circled your hips, quickly reaching your peak. You squirmed, a moan escaping before you quickly clamped your hand over your mouth.
"Uh huh, baby, I want the whole floor to hear how desperately you want me to fuck you. I wanna hear all of your sounds." His voice was gruff and his eyes darkened while he shuffled down the bed, determined to make you beg for mercy as you orgasmed. He bent down to circle your sensitive clit with the tip of his tongue, your hips bucking as he lapped up your wetness. You felt the coil in your stomach tightening, the need to pee overwhelming you.
"Shit, please don't stop", you gritted out between your teeth, holding his head down so he was buried nose deep in your pussy. It was only seconds before the dam broke and you released all over Travis' face, your squirt wetting his beard as he began to hum praises against your skin. "Such a good girl, you came so good for me baby." He gave your clit two more flicks with his tongue, making you squirm as you tried to get away from him, overwhelmed by the sensitivity traveling through your body.
Travis grabbed your tank to wipe his face, but you stopped him, pulling him over to you, tracing his beard line with your tongue so you could taste yourself. "You're taste so fuckin' sweet, baby girl." You nodded in agreement, feeling your body relax after that toe curling orgasm. You were ready to get dressed, but Travis was no where near done with you.
Kneeling into the mattress, he pushed his boxer shorts down, his hardened cock springing free from the cotton, slapping against his lower stomach. He got off the bed and walked towards the headboard, throwing a leg over you to straddle your chest.
You stuck your tongue out, ready to take his impressive length in your mouth, but Travis just chuckled, pushing a stray strand of hair out of your face.
"Push those perfect tits together, babe." Travis stroked his cock as he watched you indulge him, lubing up the head with his pre-cum. His erection slid easily between your breasts pressing up against your tongue with each thrust. You tasted the saltiness of his cum on your tastebuds.
"Fuck, this feels almost as good as your pussy, babe." Travis moaned out, leaning forward to grip the headboard to steady himself as he quickened his pace. You pushed your boobs together even more, squeezing his cock with even pressure.
"Fuck baby... so fuckin' good", he pounded his fist against the wall, his face twisting with pleasure, his eyes shut tight as he felt the warmth pool in his lower stomach. You look up at him through your lashes, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth. Watching him get off this way is turning you on, your pelvic muscles slowly contracting and releasing with each snap of his hips.
"Are you gonna come all over my tits, Travis? Come all over my face?" Your voice dropped a register, your words laced with lust, making him shiver as his rhythm began to falter. "I want you to cum on me baby." You stuck out your tongue, and that's all the confirmation he needed to let go, squirting ropes of his release on your breasts, chin and tongue.
"Fuuccckkk", his voice vibrates through his chest as he finishes orgasming, his chest heaving with each breath. You collect his semen on your fingers, licking it clean, a lazy smile crawling on your face.
Travis' pupils were blown as he threw himself down on the bed next to you. He wrapped you in his arms, his biceps bulging as he pulled you into his body, your back pressed against his chest. He laid sloppy kisses on your neck, his breath hot against your skin. "Let's get you cleaned up, baby. We need to get ready now."
"You promised me, Travis" You pushed your ass against his cock, feeling that it was still rock hard. "I still want you to fuck me."
"What happened to five more minutes?" Travis chuckled against your skin, pushing your top leg toward your chest, hooking it in the crook of his arm. "Shut up and fuck me", you replied sarcastically. You reached down, gripping his length and dragging it through your folds before pressing it against your entrance.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck", you cry out. Even relaxed, the stretch is still impressive as you barely take an inch, and you let out a sharp breath as you wriggled your hips down to the base of his cock. You grip the sheets as he slowly pumps into you, the pace agonizing in your already throbbing pussy. You're already close to cumming again with a few strokes, as you reach down to tweak your bud between your fingers. "Oh my god, don't stop...don't stop."
Travis bit into his fist, trying to stave off his orgasm for as long as possible. "Fuck baby, I'm not gonna last much longer", he huffed, sounding desperate for release.
You were on the brink of your own orgasm, barely able to speak.
"I'm cumming, Travis", the pulse of your muscles as you orgasmed drew Travis' release out of him, pumping you full of his hot cum. He slowed his thrusts, fucking you through your orgasm. Finally able to catch your breath, he stops, leaning his forehead against your back. You feel his cum run down your thigh as his soft cock falls out of you.
You fall into his hold, closing your eyes, exhaustion setting in.
"Okay, we really have to get up." Travis gives your ass a sweet pat, rolling away to get off the bed. He slips his boxers back on, beginning to get dressed.
"Ok, I just need five minutes to take a nap", you said in jest, snuggling under the covers. "Oh hell no, baby. We're out of time." You hear the jingle of Travis' belt buckle.
"Just go without me." You waive him off, screeching when he pulls the covers off of you, and lifts you out of the bed.
"Get dressed, you're coming. There's no way I'm going without you." Travis gave you a kiss on the forehead before heading to the bathroom. "Its gonna be so satisfying seeing you in the audience when I accept my award, knowing I just fucked the shit out of you."
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ellecdc · 1 month
Note
im sorry for my devastating request of angst 😩 but you did them so beautifully and raw that im tearing up now thinking about vixen’s cereal bowl on the sink of their flat 🥲
🧍‍♀️ and because im nothing but a whore for sirius black … idk if ur up for steamy smutty fics (if ur not comfortable pls feel free to ignore!!!) but what about their first time together after the war and everything 👀 while i imagine it’d be fun and exciting, there’d still be some angst and tender moments after everything they’d been through, esp vix 😭 excited to see your take on this if its something you’re comfortable in writing!!
-🩷
Okay...I was like "I've read enough smut, I should be able to write it, right?" 💀 famous last words - I've never written smut before, so I apologize if it's trash. I'll know it's trash if no one ever requests smut again lmfaoooo
CBBH Sirius Black x Vix!Reader - first time after the war
⚠️CW: explicit sexual material, p in v intercourse, fingering, discussion of past non-con/sexual assault, first time having intercourse following non-con/sexual assault
Recommended 18+ // mdni
Sirius was stood up against your back with his arms around you as the two of you looked out into the Street of Grimmauld Place, swaying side-to-side to non-existent music as you watched traffic go by. 
His hands were sat on your hips while his thumbs idly dragged patterns across your skin. His face was positioned in its favourite place – the crook of your neck, as he pressed gentle kisses to the sensitive skin there.
“Sirius?” you asked quietly, interrupting the silence of your little townhouse oasis.
Sirius hummed in response, not lifting his lips from your skin.
“Do you want to have sex?”
Sirius paused all movements, standing stock-still. You turned around in his grasp, so that you were facing him but still in the safety in his arms.
“I’m sorry, can you repeat that?” He said dumbly.
“Do you want to have sex?” you repeated plainly.
Huh, so he had heard you correctly.
“With you?” Oh Godric, someone kill him.
Thankfully, you had the grace to chuckle at his idiocy rather than be offended.
“Well, yes, that’s sort of why I was asking.”
The answer was yes – of course. Always. But it was also far more complicated than that.
Neither you nor Sirius had initiated anything more than sweet kisses and embraces since you returned. Sirius was wary of triggering you or pressuring you into something you were no longer interested in or hurting you unknowingly. 
It took you a few months to regain the majority of your memories from the war, and then a few more months working with both magical and muggle mind healers to begin working through your trauma. Lily had even been able to find a squib psychiatrist for you to see, so that you could discuss the full extent of your trauma without the risk of breaking the statute of secrecy.
All this to say – sex was a major milestone you hadn’t yet made in your journey to returning to ‘normal’.
“Well, of course, love. Yes. Why do you ask?” Sirius asked carefully, understanding this conversation was very important.
You sighed and began chewing on your lips as you looked past Sirius, thoughts apparently miles away.
Sirius used his thumb to gently pull your lip from between your teeth as you gathered the words.
“Because I do, I think. Want to. Have sex, that is.”
Sirius cocked his head at you. “You think?” he asked gently.
“No, I-I do. I... it’s hard to explain.”
“That’s alright, baby. Take your time.” He said as he began to resume rocking the two of you back and forth slightly, rubbing soothing circles on your lower back with his thumbs much like he had before you’d asked the question. 
“We... we used to have fun. I used to like it, having sex with you. And I want to, again. I’m a little scared but...it feels important.”
Sirius didn’t want to diminish your feelings, but he couldn’t help the quick shake of his head as he said, “It’s not important, love. It doesn’t have to be. Especially if you’re scared.” Quite frankly, Sirius would happily become celibate and live his life as a monk if it meant he got to keep you here with him.
You shook your head right back at him. “It’s important to me...the experience it was- it was stolen from me. I want it back; I want that sense of control over that experience again. I want it to be mine – ours - again.” 
“That makes sense.” He offered. You seemed to relax at his acknowledgment, glad to be understood.
“I don’t...I don’t think it’ll be easy.” You admitted shyly.
Sirius raised his hand to brush a lock of your hair behind your ear before placing his hand along your jaw; thumb dragging across your cheek bone whilst his fingers tickled the baby hairs behind your ear.
“That’s okay, beautiful. There’s no rush or penalty, okay? Whatever you want.”
He brought his lips to your forehead and left them there, still rocking you both back and forth like a gentle ship at sea.
“Can we try? Please?” You asked shyly into his chest. 
There was no need to beg, really. As ashamed as Sirius would be to admit it, his cock had been stirring beneath his trousers ever since you brought the idea up.
“Whatever you want, my love.” He repeated as he tilted your face up towards him so that your lips could meet.
They were long, slow kisses, that grew in depth with each parting. Soon, Sirius felt the tip of your tongue brush against his bottom lip, and he tried to suppress the grin that begged to overtake his mouth as he allowed you access into his.
It had been so long; so long since Sirius felt anything like this, so long since he’d done anything remotely intimate with another person, so long since he’d experienced the taste of you. What was before simply gentle twitching and half-soft was quickly become a raging boner in his pants as he continued to kiss you while you backed up towards the bed.
But he would not rush this – he would not, could not – get too excited. This was about you, for you. 
The back of your thighs hit the bed and you slowly sat down. Your chest was heaving slightly, and your lips look so pretty and kiss bitten. Your eyes were somewhat glassy, and Sirius could see the beginnings of trepidation making itself known in your eyebrows as he lowered himself to his knees in front of you.
“Still okay, my love?”
You seemed to shake yourself from some kind of reverie as you nodded at him.
“Yeah?” He breathed, running his hands along your thighs before they migrated to your face, pulling you down towards him for more kisses.
“Can I take this off, pretty girl?” he whispered against your lips as he tugged on the hem of your shirt. You nodded your head yes.
You lifted your arms to help him ease your top over your head before you voluntarily moved to remove your trousers too.
“My beautiful girl.” He spoke in reverence at your form. You sucked in a deep breath and blew it back out, as if comforting yourself.
“Still okay?” Sirius asked.
“I’m okay.”
“You’ll tell me what’s okay? When to stop?”
“I will. Promise.” You agreed with a firm nod of your head.
“I’ve got you, my love.” He promised right back as he leaned back up to reach your face again, kissing you as you began to lay back onto the bed, Sirius following you as he stood between your knees.
Sirius started by gently rubbing his hands across your entire body, looking for signs of potential ‘no-zones’. Though his hands remained nothing but gentle, he noticed you tense when his grip moved over your neck.
Noted. 
He relished in the soft shivers and goosebumps that raised along your skin as his hands roved your body. He’d always found you so beautiful; soft skin with beautiful lightning bolts dotting various points of your body. He took an extra moment to press reverent kisses to the scar on your abdomen that ‘killed you’, the one on your thigh from saving James, and finally, the one on your arm that was used to shame, humiliate, and torture you into give the opposing side information that you refused to give.
Every line, every bruise, every mark; a symbol of your perseverance, your strength, and that you were in fact here – still alive – still his. 
Feeling emboldened by a soft moan that graced your lips as his fingers teased the space just below the waist of your panties, he moved his lips back up to yours.
“Can we take these off?” He spoke between kisses.
You lifted your hips in answer, helping him ease them off of you before he discarded them to the side.
He returned his face to yours, dotting kisses to your lips and face before trailing down the column of your throat. He kept his face there - close to yours for easy access as his fingers teased your folds.
Seemingly surprising to you both, your hips jerked forward in anticipation.
“D'you like this?” He asked into the shell of your ear as your legs opened for him and he began collecting your slick with his fingers, rubbing circles around your clit.
“Yeah.” You all but mewled in response.
“Doing so well, love. So good for me.” He praised as he continued kissing your jaw, sliding his middle finger in with little resistance on your end. 
He continued his ministrations, feeling beyond proud as your body continued to relax in his embrace – trusting him fully.
He slowly worked another finger in, crooking his fingers to find the spot you both were desperate for – he knew he was successful when your back arched to his touch.
“Sirius, there.”
“I know baby, I know.” He cooed, adding a third finger and zeroed in on your g-spot.
“I’m ready. I’m ready.” You panted after some time. “Please, Sirius, I want it – I want you.”
Sirius thought he’d come in his pants right there.
“You sure baby? I don’t want t-”
“Yes.” You moaned emphatically, and who was Sirius to argue?
“Okay, love. I’m right here, you’ve got me.” He said as he stood up to undress himself whilst you moved your body up towards the head of the bed.
Once he was fully unclothed, he slowly made his way to you, kneeling between your legs and leaning his arms down above your head, shielding you within his embrace.
“Still okay?” He whispered as he nudged your nose with his own.
You nodded. “I’m okay. I’m ready.”
Sirius pressed a searing kiss to your mouth as he brought one hand down to his cock, silently casting a quick lubrication charm – not wanting to chance any friction or pain for your first time (back) with him.
He used the tops of his thighs to push your legs up and open a little wider and pressed his tip to your entrance.
“I’ll go slow, okay baby? We’ll take it slow.” He said as he applied a little bit pressure. He ignored the sensational feeling of your heat encompassing him as he watched your face for any signs of discomfort or discontent. 
He got about a quarter of his way in before he paused and brought his arm back up to your head to join the other. He massaged your temples with his thumbs as he pressed kisses into various parts of your face before slowly inching in further. 
You were letting out little puffs of air as he continued to coo at you.
“Doin’ so well love, so good for me.”
“m’doing good.” You murmured through a sigh.
Sirius hummed in agreement as he brushed some damp baby hairs away from your forehead, moving into you slowly until he was finally fully sheathed. He paused – as much for your comfort as for his own self-control (he’d probably die of embarrassment if he came right now) – and watched your face.
“I’m okay.” You repeated in a whisper, eyes shut tight as you turned your face away from him. “I’m okay, I’m okay.”
Sirius started to get anxious – not knowing who you were trying to convince; him, or yourself?
“Baby? Baby, love, look at me. Hey,” Sirius whispered gently, rubbing soothingly at your collarbone. “Look at me love, come ‘ere.”
He gently encouraged your face back towards him as you opened up your glassy eyes to meet his gaze.
You both took some steadying breaths as you held each other’s stare.
“It’s me, baby. It’s just me. I’ve got you, okay? You’re safe.” He promised. Your eyes seemed to clear after a few more breaths.
“I’m sorry.” You whispered. He kissed each of your eyelids in response.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. Are you okay? Do you want to stop?”
“I don’t want to stop.” You said clearly – leaving Sirius no reason to doubt your conviction.
“Okay, I’m gonna move, okay? You tell me what you need, baby, I’ll give it to you.” He promised as he slowly pulled out and pushed back in again.
You both groaned in unison – voices harmonizing in the dark - which made each of you chuckle.
“Oi! Stop wiggling, or this is going to be over before it even started.” He chided which made you laugh even more.
He couldn’t even be mad, seeing you spread out below him, skin glimmering with sweat and a bashful smile on your lips. You were beautiful, ethereal. Sirius was a goner.
He pulled out and moved in again, eliciting another moan from both of you, but you moved on swiftly as he began to pick up a gentle, steady pace.
There was of course an animalistic part of Sirius that was beyond excited at having this back with you; an urge to take you over and over and over again. But somehow, this was perfect, this is exactly what you both needed.
He hated that you felt so broken, he hated that those monsters had hurt you - violated you. But this gentle, sensual reconciliation between your bodies, the open discussion, the gentle kisses that both of you were pressing to the other’s trauma was exactly what you needed.
It felt like more than Sirius entering your body, far deeper than his cock could reach within you. It was slotting puzzle pieces back together that had been ripped away from each other violently.
He’d never let it happen again. 
Sirius’ mouth met yours as your tongues danced with each other. He moved his hands to your arms and pulled them over your head, holding them there as he continued to thrust into you.
You let out a few moans before your mouth pulled away from him, “wait, wait.”
Sirius paused all movements and stayed perfectly still. You tugged on your hands, and he released his grip on your wrists before you pulled your hands down to cover your face – breathing becoming erratic – you were crying. 
“Hey.” He said gently. “I’m sorry love, talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.”
“I’m sorry.” You said from behind your hands.
“Don’t be sorry love – tell me what’s wrong. What can I do?”
“I just felt trapped, I didn’t like it.” You said, lowering your hands but keeping them away from Sirius’ reach. 
“Okay. Okay, I’m sorry – it won’t happen again.” He promised as he slowly brought his thumbs to wipe at your tears as they fell into your hair line.
You blew out a steadying breath as you closed your eyes, relishing in the feeling of Sirius’ gentle hands on your temple as you calmed yourself.
“Do you want to stop?” He asked quietly.
“No.” You assured him with a shake of your head.
“Do you think you’d feel more secure if you were on top?” He asked instead.
You seemed to think about it before making eye contact with him again. “Yeah, maybe. That might help.”
Sirius beamed down at you. “Okay baby, I’ll slide out and we’ll reposition, okay?”
He pulled himself out and you moaned almost pathetically at the loss. He moved to the head of the bed and readjusted the pillows so that he was sat up right before patting his thighs.
“I’m all ready for you, love.” He said as he smiled at you.
You crawled over, looking painfully shy all of a sudden, and Sirius couldn’t help but tease you about it.
“Don’t be going shy on me now, lovely. You were making some of the most beautiful sounds I’d ever heard just moments ago.”
“Sirius!” You whined as you gently swatted his chest.
His smile never faltered as he helped you straddle his lap before easing you back down onto his cock.
“Okay, hang on for a second.” He said as he held your hips in place once you were flush with his, not allowing any movement.
You would have tormented him for this in another life – teasing him for getting too excited, too worked up. But you just smiled down at him lovingly.
Eventually, he looked back up into your eyes and released his hold on your hips, hands supporting you as you began to move up and down on him.
“Atta girl. Fuck, you look so beautiful up there. Gods, how did I ever go without you.” He whispered in awe. His words had your face heating up, and Sirius could see the colour migrate all the way to your chest as you threw your head back. 
He looked down to the place where your bodies connected, watching as he would disappear inside of you over and over and over again. He brought his thumb to your clit and began massaging it, worshipping at the sounds emanating from your mouth.
“Yeah baby? Like that?”
You moaned what he understood as a yes as he brought his other hand to your tit, pinching the nipple there and placing your other nipple in his mouth. Then he sucked hard.
“Oh, fuck!” You keened.
He moaned back as he kept sucking, moving his mouth back and forth to give each of your breast’s equal attention.
“I- oh god. I’m – are you close?” You asked him.
Sirius wasn’t sure how to say that he was close all the way back when you asked him if he wanted to have sex, so he settled for “you have no idea, baby. Why?”
“I’m close.” You cried, moving your hands to his shoulders as you brought your face to his, kissing him passionately. He pulled you forward by the hips so that you were leaning most of your weight on him through your arms, and placed his hands on your ass as he began to thrust himself up into you.
“This okay?” He asked breathlessly.
“Yes.” You moaned.
“You gonna come with me baby? Huh? Come with me, come on beautiful, come with me.” He continued to chant between kisses as your gasps and murmuring turned into one, continuous long moan.
He felt the tell-tale signs of you clenching around him as he picked up his pace, returning pressure to your clit with his thumb.
“Fuck me, beautiful. Oh fuck, come on. Come for me. Come for me.” He begged, working overtime to ward off his own orgasm until you had yours.
He needn’t wait long, however, as his words pushed you over the edge and your careened forward, pushing your face into the crook of his neck as you cried out through your orgasm.
Your walls clenching sealed the deal and had his cock throbbing; coating your cervix with come.  
You both sat gasping, both his cock and your walls twitching with aftershocks every so often as you both came down from your highs. He kissed your shoulders and rubbed your back waiting for you to return to him when he felt a wet spot grow on his shoulder.
“Baby?” He whispered. You sobbed in response.
Fear grappled at him as he felt his heart fall out of his ass. He reared his head back and moved you from his shoulder to find tears staining your face.
“Love! Love, what’s wrong?” He whispered, completely horrified at your distress.
You smiled sadly and let out some laughs. “I’m sorry, I’m not sad.”
Sirius felt his stomach unclench and felt like he could throw up in relief.
“I did it.” You whispered mostly to yourself.
Suddenly, he understood.
This was a milestone. This was not just a small step towards normality – this was a huge accomplishment. This was bigger than accepting help, this was bigger than talking to a therapist, this was bigger than all of it.
This was you taking back control. This was you taking something that terrified you, but persevering because it was important to you that you have it. This was you being nervous but advocating for yourself the entire way through. 
Sirius felt like his soul would combust from the amount of pride he felt for you. Every time he was certain he loved you as much as any person could possibly love someone, you go and do something fucking phenomenal, and he’s left to rearrange his entire being to accommodate the amount of love coursing through his veins.
He'd happily do that for the rest of his life. 
“You did.” He agreed, pushing back pieces of your hair from your face.
“I didn’t...I didn’t think I could.” You admitted.
Sirius shook his head. “I did.”
“You did?”
“Mhm.”
“How?”
Sirius scoffed as if you said something completely ridiculous. “Because, for as long as I’ve known you, you’ve never not been able to do something you set your mind to.”
You beamed at him. “Stubborn.”
“Tenacious.” He said as he pinched your side. 
“Obstinate.” 
“Mine.”
Your teasing smile turned soft. “Yours.” You agreed which was quickly followed by a yawn.
Sirius gently massaged your sides as he slowly lifted your weight up and his softening cock slipped out of you.
“Let’s go clean up so we can go to bed.” He said as he stamped a kiss to your temple. 
You took turns lathering soap on the other’s body and enjoyed the spray of the warm water as you swayed to more nonexistent music and shared tender kisses. He was being unbelievably soft with you, but he knew if he allowed his joy, excitement, and pride to overcome him; he’d have you bent in half against the shower wall.
You’d come a long way, but he was quite sure you weren’t there yet.
That was fine by him though; you had the rest of your lives to work your way there.
...
James made his way down the hall as he carried a muggle frozen dinner in his hands, re-reading the instructions on the back.
He knocked on your and Sirius’ bedroom door but didn’t wait for a response before he opened it up.
“Hey, do you think we can cook this magically since we don’t have a mic-or-oh-wave? Lily said no, but I thought-” He paused as he saw you and Sirius, both with damp hair under the covers intertwined in each other’s embrace.
He realized then that the room smelt warm and... heady...
“Oh my gods. Did you guys have sex!?” He squealed loud enough to wake the entire house.
“PRONGS!” 
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