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jogetsobsessed · 1 day

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Not Strong Enough - Paul Lahote

This is so rushed and you can tell lol. I started this months ago, last summer. Also I hate writing dialogue and this is basically all that so yay for Jo!

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“ I know you're awake Y/n”. His voice cut through the silence of the night.

You didn't stir. You were trying to keep your breath even, praying that he would roll over and go back to sleep. He didn't need to be bothered with the late-night demons you were fighting. He had so much that he was dealing with when it came to the pack, Sam has given him more responsibility in the past few months. You knew it was weighing on him but he never complained not wanting to burden you, even when you begged him to vent to you. Seeing him bottle his emotions only caused you to feel more emotional at the thought of him being sad and feeling like he couldn't talk to you.

“Y/n you're not fooling me love”. He reached out and turned his lamp on before rolling over to face you. Still, you didn't move.

Embarrassment flushed your cheeks and tears threatened to spill as you attempted to blink them away. Rubbing at your eyes to cover up the evidence of your dejected attitude. Even though Paul was quite literally watching your every move.

“What's wrong?”.

“I don't know what you're talking about Paul, you woke me up with your booming voice”.

He opened his mouth to retort what you said but stopped. Pausing to tilt his head to the side, much like a dog does when watching in anticipation. His eyes scanned your body, up and down as he tried to figure out if something was physically wrong with you. When he couldn't find anything wrong his eyes traveled to yours, locking in place. You just blinked, not wanting to budge.

“Y/n I love you, and I have loved you since I first met you. I know you. I know everything about you. Like how you always take a gasping gulp of air right before you fall asleep or how after you have been asleep for a little while you start to snore a little bit, not too loud but enough for me to hear. It's something I love, it soothes me. So yes, I know that you weren't sleeping”.

That was enough to break the dam.

Tears came out in droves as you bawled, burying your head in your hands. Paul acted in no time, immediately shifting to sit up, pulling you into his chest cradling your head as you sobbed. Fear was pulsing through his veins as he watched your chest heave up and down, gasping to catch your breath. His hand that wasn't holding your head rubbing small circles on your arm, attempting to provide comfort.

Slowly your tears came to a sputtering stop as you were able to fill your lungs up with enough air to begin to calm down. His hand didn't stop, because he was right with what he said earlier, he knew you. His grounding touch in your moment of panic was one of, if not the only thing that could bring you back to reality.

You turn your head up. Lifting it from his chest to gaze up at him.

His face shone with pure love and admiration as he gazed down at you. The hand that had clutched your head moved to your face, his thumb wiping away the stray tears that had yet to cascade down your cheeks slightly puffy from your outburst. His lips softly pressed against your forehead, lingering as he felt you relax under his touch. You shifted again, this time turning so you could lean your head on his shoulder, your legs dangling off his lap.

“So how are you going to tell me what's going on?”.

“I'm scared”.

You felt his body tense under your words. The sudden onset of anxiety filled the dimly lit room.

“What do you have to be scared of?”. His voice was calm but the way his grip tightened around you was another indicator of his sudden mood change.

“Becoming a mom, not being strong enough”.

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You knew it was silly.

To let this fear consume you. It's not like the idea of becoming a mom was new. You have spent the past eight months preparing for your upcoming life change. Outwardly you put on a confident front. Accepting the advice your friends and random strangers alike gave you unsolicited advice. Spending hours upon hours shopping with Emily and Kim, letting some of the tribe elders teach you how to crochet different styles of blankets for your new upcoming arrival. Learning about the teas made up of all different herbs that were supposed to aid in various pregnancy symptoms like nausea and sciatic nerve pain. You took in all of it.

But inside you weren't handling everything as well.

No one wanted to talk about the fears that you were harboring. No one wanted to talk about what had happened to Emily during the birth of her and Sam’s first. About how she almost lost her life because of the blood loss, because children born from the wives of the shifters were larger than ones born to human fathers. About how Sam’s screams could be heard miles away as the healers tried to push him out of the room, away from his dying wife. About how that could happen to you.

No one wanted to talk about how you could die.

So every night for the past few weeks as your due date was nearing closer you let yourself think of the possibility, the possibility of your mortality.

Normally you were able to suppress it enough to fall asleep shortly after Paul. But tonight was different.

After a day spent in Forks going to get an ultrasound and then to the healers on the reservation, you had heard someone address the possibility of complications. The talk you got from them was different, seeing as the doctors in Forks didn't know about the lineage of your husband, and his genetic abnormalities that could and probably would affect your child's birth.

Paul had remained stoic throughout trying his best to comfort you without showing any weakness. No matter how much you tried to drill it through his thick skull showing emotion didn't make him weak he didn't budge, that was going to be a lifelong battle.

But their words had hit you hard, the fears you had been struggling with by yourself in silence were finally being brought to light, and someone wanted to talk about them. And you had gone through all the different possibilities, all the complications, and their varying outcomes.

And that was why you had remained awake tonight.

Your fears were fighting off the exhaustion you felt, as your mind was on fire. Paul hadn't brought anything up, other than commenting on how big your baby was getting and about running up north to Port Angeles this weekend to pick up the last piece of furniture for the nursery. It was typical of him not wanting to bring up the things hard to talk about. And you didn't want to fight, not after such an exhausting day so you said nothing, opting for silence.

Paul didn't know what to say, no amount of circles against your arm could provide comfort in this moment. He couldn't simply solve this problem with his touch.

“What are you talking about, my love?”.

“Oh come on Paul, you're telling me you aren't scared. After everything we talked about today. The possibility of me die…”.

“Please don't Y/n”. His voice broke as he closed his eyes pulling you impossibly tight. Normally you would stop, but not tonight. No, you couldn't bottle your emotions anymore.

“Paul, we have to talk about it. Please, I can't do this anymore. I am so scared. Paul I'm terrified about what could happen, what if I can't do this. What if I'm not strong enough to go through labor”. Part of you was proud of yourself for fighting back your tears.

His silence was concerning. But it didn't last long.

“My sweet girl I want to tell you that there's nothing for you to be afraid of but I think we both know that unfortunately, that's not true. However, you're stressing yourself out over something that has a very small chance of happening -”.

“But it happened to Emily!”, you cried out cutting him off.

That hit him hard.

The pack had to experience the pain that Sam had felt years ago. Feeling what was causing their Alpha to crumble to pieces, to be reduced to tears as he begged someone, anyone, to help his imprint.

And Paul had never forgotten that feeling, the look on Sam’s face. So when you had broken the news to him, told him that he was going to be a dad he panicked. He had felt the same feelings that you were feeling now but as the months went on he pushed them down. Choosing to focus on the happier things in your pregnancy, accidentally ignoring everything that was bothering you.

Though hearing you now he had realized he messed up.

“Y/n what happened to Emily…it was horrible. But look at her now, she is a wonderful mother to three beautiful children. Her second and third deliveries went off without a hitch, you know this”.

“But I'm not like Emily, she's survived so much. She's invincible”, your lip was wobbling now.

“You are the strongest woman I have ever met, Y/N. I have complete and total faith in you. I know that you can do it”. His hands were resting on your bump, your child seeming to sense their dad's presence kicking against his palm.

“Really?”, you sniffled, a small weight lifting off your shoulders. It felt good to have this hard conversation. You knew there was so much you needed to talk about, but the bulk of it could be had in the morning, once daylight was streaming through the sheer curtains. “You are strong enough”

#edward cullen #fanfic #imprint #paul lahote #paul lahote x reader #twilight #x reader #fem reader #sam uley #seth clearwater #the twilight saga #twilight x reader #paul lahote x pregnant!reader #jogetsobsessed

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iveleftitwithyou · 20 hours

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casual | paul lahote x reader smut

NSFW | 18+ | minors DNI | word count: 2.38k

warnings: smut, dom!paul, slight angst, mention of fighting, i think that's it?

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i asked you guys if i should post this now or incorporate it into ruderal, and the result was overwhelmingly to post it now, so here it is with some plot adjustments! i've been OBSESSED with this song by chappell roan and knew i needed to make it into an imagine, although this song is probably about a woman lol. highly recommend listening to the song as you read this. this is my first time EVER writing smut so i hope its not too bad - as always, let me know what you think :)

ALSO this is in an alternate timeline where the guys are all like 21+ and so is y/n :)

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Paul’s hand lingered on your thigh as he drove the winding road back to Forks, his thumb rubbing small circles on your outer leg. the radio hummed with a song you couldn’t manage to pay attention to, instead focusing your gaze on the motion of his finger on your bare thigh. while you assumed the gesture was meant to comfort you, it did a lot more than that. you hoped that the darkness would obscure Paul’s peripheral vision enough for him to not realize you were ogling his muscular arms and unusually large hands. his veins protruded in a way that drove you crazy for some reason, and as much as you were still upset with him, you couldn’t help the rush of hormones that flooded at the sight.

Embry had made some stupid joke about you at the bonfire at Emily's that night, a common occurrence when you hung out with the pack. he didn’t mean anything by it, you joked around with each other like that all the time, but Paul had been extra sensitive for the last few weeks as he spent more hours on patrol. Victoria’s looming presence and the mystery murders happening around Washington meant the reservation needed increased protection, and the men in the pack had to step up. Embry’s comment led to a fight where the pair both phased, snarling and snapping until they both came to their senses and things went back to normal. you hated when Paul shifted because of you, even if it was just indirectly your fault like it was tonight.

you two were meant to be casual, despite Paul having imprinted on you, as you had just gotten out of a long-term relationship and weren’t ready to commit to someone again. you’d been seeing each other casually for months, hanging out, and getting to know each other better. as much as you were hesitant to let him into your life completely, you couldn’t deny your attraction to Paul. he’d been nothing but a gentleman thus far, bringing you flowers on dates, opening doors for you, and following your boundaries to a T, terrified to mess anything up with you. of course, his physical form was unlike anything you’d ever seen - you were lucky that he preferred to hang out without a shirt on. things had gotten hot and heavy between you two a few times but hadn’t gone farther than some very intense making out. though, the way Paul’s hand touched you now was enough for you to throw those boundaries out the window; you wanted him - no, needed him.

you focused your eyes back on the road in front of you, only being able to see as far as the truck’s dim headlights illuminated. breathe in, breathe out, you reminded yourself, trying to calm down the butterflies in your stomach. you were unsuccessful, and it didn’t help that Paul’s hand was inching closer and closer to your hips.

suddenly, his hand snaked further inward and his grip tightened, engulfing your inner thigh. your breath hitched, and you unsuccessfully tried to mask it as a cough. you saw Paul smirk out of the corner of your eye, but he didn’t look over at you.

you once again reminded yourself to breathe as the ache between your legs became more apparent. his hand loosened its grip and continued its journey towards your core. half of you thought about stopping him purely as punishment for fighting with Embry, but the much louder other half wouldn’t dream of it right now.

you couldn’t help but let out a small groan as his hand finally reached your jean shorts, his fingers tracing the seam that ran between your legs. the slight pressure he applied drove you absolutely crazy as you wished for more friction.

the sound that escaped your lips seemed to do something to Paul as he let out a breathy groan of his own. “alright, that’s it,” he mumbled, turning the wheel toward the side of the road. he must have known exactly where you were because he easily pulled the truck behind a set of bushes that obscured most of it from the road. any passerbys, which were few and far between at this time of night anyway, wouldn’t notice the vehicle.

almost as soon as he slammed the gear shift into park, his lips were on yours. he kissed you with a passion you’d never felt before. you melted into his lips, reminding yourself for the third time that night that if you didn’t start breathing, you would pass out. he gripped the back of your head, tangling his fingers in your hair as you continued to make out. his other hand traveled down your arm, to your hip, and unbuckled the seatbelt you’d been wearing. in one swift, but slightly awkward motion, he disconnected your lips for a brief moment and grabbed each side of your hips, pulling you across the center console onto his lap. you were careful not to lean too far and hit the horn with your back as you settled onto him, silently thanking Paul for owning such a spacious truck. your knees settled on either side of his legs.

as you sat down on his lap, you brushed his hardening length with the same seam of your shorts his hand was just on, eliciting a quiet moan from both of you. impatient, Paul once again gripped your scalp and slammed your lips together. you allowed your hands to slip underneath the hem of his shirt, feeling the outline of the muscles on his bare abdomen. this feeling, combined with the warmth radiating from his bare skin, drove you insane.

“take- it- off-” you mumbled in between kisses, tugging the hem upwards. you were unsure of where the forwardness came from, but you didn’t stop long enough to be embarrassed.

“you don’t get to tell me what to do,” he snarked half-jokingly but obliged.

the moonlight streaming in from the windshield was just enough for you to be able to see the outline of his pecs and abs, and you really couldn’t help but stare.

“like what you see?” he chuckled, noticing your eyes widening at his physique.

you nodded, unable to form words, instead opting to smash your lips back together with all of the strength you could muster. you’d had enough of looking flustered - you wanted to take initiative.

you raised your hips again, pushing your abdomen against Paul's and lowering yourself onto his member. you rocked your hips back and forth as he moved his lips down your cheek, then your jaw, and eventually to your neck. the friction as you continued to grind against him elicited a low growl against your neck as his lips attached to your skin. you moaned embarrassingly loudly as he sucked at the delicate skin, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to be sheepish. in fact, the only emotion surging through your body right now was pure desire for the god-like man leaving a series of hickeys on your neck.

“Paul, that’s gonna leave a mark,” you whined. you knew you’d regret letting him do it in the morning but right now you wanted nothing more than for him to mark you as his. you wanted to be his.

“don’t want anyone else getting any ideas. you’re all mine,” he retorted, lifting his head up to look you in the eyes. his were almost completely black with lust. “say it.” he commanded, holding your jaw tightly in his hand. “say you’re mine.”

“i’m all yours, Paul” you panted, your hips continuing to move back and forth on Paul’s lap as you stared into his dark eyes. despite your relationship still being undefined, truer words had never been spoken.

“good girl. now shut the fuck up and get back in the passenger seat.” his harsh words did nothing to discourage you from obeying as you scrambled to sit back where you were a few minutes prior. this was a side of Paul you had only seen when he was angry: dark, commanding, dominating. usually, you would have to try to calm him down when he got like this, but right now, you were very much enjoying him telling you what to do. you already missed the warmth of his body on yours as you climbed back over to the other seat, but you instinctually knew better than to voice your complaints right now.

Paul leaned across the console, reaching his hand between your knees and under the seat to move it back as far as it would go. once he was satisfied with that, he reached across your lap and pulled the reclining handle, his other hand helping to lower the seat back slowly so you weren’t sent flying backward.

“scooch back” he ordered again, and you moved your hips backward on the seat, supporting yourself with your elbows on the very edge of the seat near the headrest.

you were confused as he opened the driver-side door and hopped out of the truck. you watched as he opened the passenger-side door, it becoming clear now what his plan was. you pulled your knees towards your chest as he climbed back in, kneeling on the floor mat in front of you. god damn, this truck was spacious, and you were incredibly grateful for that right now.

his large hands fumbled to unbutton your shorts. he pulled the zipper down and you lifted your hips, followed by your legs, so he could slide them off. not wanting to wait another second, he pulled your underwear to the side and connected his thumb to your clit. you let out a loud gasp at the sensation and he chuckled proudly, knowing how good he was making you feel. Paul rubbed small, tight circles on the sensitive nub for a few seconds before you felt a finger dip into your wet folds. a guttural moan escaped your throat as you finally got the sensation you had been waiting for since his hand had rested on your thigh earlier in the night.

he added a second finger shortly after and continued to pump in and out of your heat, his thumb continuing its circular motions on your clit. you could feel your orgasm building inside of your core, and it was almost euphoric knowing it was Paul making you feel like this.

“Paul, i’m gonna-” you moaned, getting close to the edge. “what the fuck?” he’d removed his fingers altogether upon hearing this and you were not happy about it.

“patience, princess.” he chuckled, making eye contact with you once again as he raised his fingers to his mouth to taste you on them. you were still pissed at him for teasing you like that, but the sound he made as he licked your wetness off himself almost made it worth it. almost.

“let’s take these off, shall we? or should i rip them off?” his fingers slipped under the waistband of your underwear.

“don’t you dare,” the one rational brain cell you had left replied, lifting your hips for him to slide them off like he did the shorts. you liked this pair. Paul held your hips back down as he spread your legs open, leaning his torso over the seat until you could feel his breath between your legs, amplified by the wetness that had come with the teasing.

“god, you look so fucking good” he took a second to admire the sight before him before he groaned lustfully and connected his tongue to your cunt. he made quick work of finding all the right spots to hit, causing your legs to tremble and your eyes to roll back in your head. at this rate, you wouldn’t last long, but you never wanted this moment to end.

“oh, fuck,” you moaned as he continued to circle the sensitive nub with his tongue. you had never felt this connected to someone before, not any of your exes. no one had ever made you feel as good as Paul was in this moment. as he continued the motions of his tongue, you realized Paul was perfect for you in every way, including this one. it was like pre-nut clarity.

you felt the pressure building up again, somehow even stronger than last time, unable to contain your moans. “fuck, Paul, i’m gonna cum” you groaned, arching your back against the seat as Paul continued to hold your hips down harshly against it. you figured there would be bruises there tomorrow, and the thought of him marking you up even more only exacerbated your growing orgasm.

“cum for me, princess” Paul mumbled against your clit, giving you permission to let go. it only took a couple more swipes for you to come completely unglued against his mouth.

Paul gradually slowed down his motions, guiding you through your orgasm as your hips attempted to buck against his face, craving the stimulation. eventually, your brain started to function again, and the first thing you thought was that that was definitely the best orgasm you’d ever had. you couldn’t tell Paul that, though - it would boost his ego way too much, and he already had a huge one to begin with. the second thought that went through your head was that you were ready for Paul to be your boyfriend. no man could eat you out that good and get away from you.

he admired his work as you panted in front of him, a smirk of pride on his face. he loved knowing he was the one who made you feel so good. he raised himself up on his knees to hover over you, one arm resting on the seat to support himself as the other snaked behind your back to pull you to his chest. you wrapped your arms around his back, settling your face in the crook of his neck. your breaths were soon in time with each other, basking in the body heat radiating from the both of you.

you could have stayed like that forever, but after a few minutes, Paul pulled back slightly to look you in the eyes. he seemed deep in thought before he smiled and opened his mouth to ask you a simple question: “is it casual now?”

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