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chocopvffz · 4 years

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My Problems with Fandom

It’s been a while since I’ve kinda just let out my thoughts and feelings on this stale hell site. It’s just now more than ever I’m having the weirdest realizations while I’m participating in any Fanbase. This topic may piss ppl off. But to that, I say fuck it, I’m gonna do it.

Around 2 years ago I took a backseat to actively participating in fandom. So I’d be more of an onlooker rather than someone who contributed. Just reblogging stuff rather than making my own content. Usually in fandom, things are said in the heat of the moment, with little thought and more emotions. Taking a step back I started to realize that while that’s fine in and of itself, You’re entitled to what you like and what’s interesting to you, but I’ve realized that people kinda settle for the bare minimum. Especially now that representation for marginalized groups is becoming the norm. Which is great, but there are still problems that plague us as a community.

I just finished watching Unicorn of War’s video on RWBY, and they delved into the absolutely garbage writing that surrounded The White Fang subplot. I highly recommend you watch the video, it’s about the bad representation of minority oppression and how it relates to RWBY as a whole. While this post doesn’t stem from that in particular. what did was though is how UoW confessed that they were guilty of completely ignoring how harmful the writing was for pocs, as well as downright silencing and downplaying poc that had a problem with the writing. Unicorn of War is not racist, the fact that they realized the type of systemic racism they’ve been inadvertently spreading is so harmful is a a step in the right direction. Here is where the problem lies. UoW said that they were a perpetrator of this because they were to focused on the representation the show did give the fans. They said that they lumped all of the genuine criticism of the problems with homophobes and bigots because they didn’t want to hear any of the criticism at all. RWBY has some pretty shit representation in ever field. UoW said that they were settling for the stuff they did get because they get so little, and their whiteness blinded them to listening and trying to understand why so man poc had an issue with the show.

Basically what I’m trying to say is that, a lot of the time In Fandom, ppl would rather settle for what they do have and what caters to them, rather than criticize a product of its faults and ask for more.

I’ve been scared to talk about She-Ra because the fandom is pretty scary. I liked the show. To me it wasn’t anything special. But it was a fine show, and I can’t wait for what the crew does next. But here’s where a lot of the issues come from for me. There are some problems both w/ the show, and the representation. Catra and Adora have been queercoded up until the very end where it does get revealed that they are in fact lesbians. Which is great and all but at the end of the day. They kiss at the very end of the last episode, nothing was explicit before then. But the thing is that Catra is an abusive manipulative person, that kinda just gets a pat on the back, and all is forgiven when she realizes she’s alone(both in the fandom and the show). I mean glimmer got more hate than Catra. The point I’m trying to make is that I’ve seen way to many ppl ignore the fact that they side stepped the development of Catra and Adora, and kinda get mad at the ppl that criticize that we could have gotten better rep. For a lot of the fans, at least from what I’ve seen, yall are okay with the problems the show has as long as you get some form of rep. Which is valid, but when that complacency spills over into silencing ppl with criticisms. This usually happens when someone has had another experience with the show where the thing that represents them isnt done as well. it rubs me the wrong way. Someone could see Catra’s behavior, liken her to a toxic person they knew, criticize how the show kinda ignores that. I can bet that some ppl would tell this person that they’re wrong, because she ended up where she did at the end.

This brings me to my last example, during my watch of Infinity Train, I started getting a little bit more involved in the fandom; reblogging, commenting. During the show I noticed a small amount (larger than I would have liked) making passive aggressive remarks toward Grace (the only black girl and protagonist of the season). They were all in regard to her having a redmeption arc. At first I was kinda in denial. Like most ppl are immediately after suffering an injustice, cuz despite her being an awful person at first. She gets better. And there are so little black women that are protagonists. I felt represented. But then I’d see ppl demeaning her in order to make her friend Simon (basically the antagonist) more sympathetic. Mind you he’s white. And after the show ended I had a weird encounter. There were many posts about how enthralling it was that Grace, a black women, telling Simon, a white man, that his problems were his own, and she doesn’t have to be the one to fix them. Most of the ppl that made these posts were woc. The show isn’t about race, but the fact that the character is black resonated with a lot of ppl.

Under ever single one of these posts, I saw multiple people, getting weirdly angry at them. Like “this has nothing to do with race, why are you bringing it up here.” Which I guess is fair, but no one says it as much to ppl when the post is about sexuality. So getting fed up, I responded to one of these ppl explaining how odd it is that the characters that get really popular are always of the same archetype. White Sad Boys, it’s the same with ships. Instead of critiquing the show or anything I wanted to call attention to subconscious biases in fandom. The person accuses me of calling them racist, tells me that race isn’t an issue in fandom, and tried to gaslight me into thinking that what I was talking about doesnt apply to how ppl choose who their favorite character is.

This issue here isn’t about the race, or the actual content in the show. It was about the person telling me that the empowerment I and other woc experienced while watching infinity train s3, doesn’t exist and we shouldn’t criticize ppl putting her down in order to uplift the antagonist.

Which leads back to the point I’m trying to make. So many ppl in fandom settle for whats there instead of trying to make things more representative of everyone. Representation can always get better, we just have to stop fighting ppl that give constructive criticism to the things we like.

And I’m completely guilty of this too, that’s why I took a step back. I don’t like silencing ppl when they try to criticize something that resonates with me. So I try to sit back and let them tell me what can be done better based on their experiences. I’m still struggling. I’m pretty sure I was ultra defensive with the person telling me that race doesn’t matter.

This happens a lot more with white ppl than it does with people of color. And this isn’t a dig on any white person at all. It’s just that white have a vastly different experience than a poc. A white LGBT person is going to have a completely different experience than a black lgbt person. Just like a cishet white person is going to have from a poc cishet person. And since we have different experiences, there are aspects of my life you won’t understand and vice versa. An abuse survivor is going to be more equip to tell us what works better than other things in a story that tackles those subjects. You see what I mean.

I just want everyone to take a step back and consider the criticism that is being made. And try to understand why this person may see it that way.

TLDR; We need to stop silencing marginalized ppl just because they criticize things we relate to, especially when it pertains to their experiences. It’s settling for the bare minimum when we deserve better. Just because we’ve got a gay character doesnt mean the show is perfect. It happens way more than we think. Especially now more than ever.

Sorry this is so long, and full of typos. I just needed to rant.

#she ra spop #spop spoilers #she ra princess of power #infinity train #infinty train spoilers #rwby v7 #rwby volume 8 #rwby #queen of typos #just getting my thoughts out

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earwaxinggibbous · 5 years

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Eminem - Worst to Best

So I was watching theneedledrop and thinking I could do this too. That’s all the prefacing you’re gonna get.

I know it’s hard to believe I can judge Eminem from an objective standpoint considering I’m such a big fan that I ranked Kamikaze as my favorite hit song of 2018 (my actual favorite song was probably When You Die by MGMT or Stop Smoking by Car Seat Headrest for the record) but I am able, physically, to have negative opinions even about the rap god himself.

My only rule is that this only includes his full-length studio albums. Infinite won’t be here due to my lack of knowledge regarding it, but everything else is fair game. This will be heavily opinion-based.

Let’s go and start from the worst!

9. Revival (2017)

Initially I was gonna put Encore below this one. After all, in my opinion, there’s nothing egregiously awful about Revival in my mind. It just sort of existed to me, like that dead roach that stayed in my high school’s gym for over a month before disappearing without a word about it.

It wasn’t until I gave a few of the tracks a re-listen that I realized Revival has nothing going for it. This is Em’s sellout album, the one where he collabs with Beyonce, Ed Sheeran and goddamn X Ambassadors in the vague hopes that it’d get him a hit. Songs that don’t bother having clever writing because all they need to do is slap a semi-important pop singer on the hook.

It’s easily Em’s most ballsless album. In a universe where Kill You and Same Song & Dance exist, there is no need for Framed, Em’s almost saddening attempt to return to his Slim Shady roots even though, let’s be honest, the years of Shady are long behind us.

I’m not saying I need Em yelling slurs and talking about murder every five seconds, I just want him to be, for lack of a better word, the most authentic version of himself he can be. And this really isn’t it to me. No amount of politics or wordplay can hide that this is a sham of what an Eminem album should sound like. I don’t need diss tracks, or songs about serial killing, I just want him to say what he wants and not hold back.

Everything about the album is weak and tired. Every song melds into one another, without thought or purpose, only broken up by the celebrity hooks that define them. It’s the blackest mark on Em’s discography, and easily his worst album to date. Not even worth sneezing at.

8. Encore (2004)

I guess we shouldn’t let Em do whatever he wants...

Encore has the opposite problem that Revival does, and it’s a problem I empathize with. Encore is essentially word vomit in album form. It’s the musical equivalent of Jack Kerouac’s spontaneous prose, loud and incoherent and kind of gross. It’s what happens when ambition goes unchecked, and Em just leans a little too far into what the media says about him.

This was also deep in the throes of Em’s drug abuse problem, and it shows. This album feels like a bad drug trip, sludgy and gross and heavy, in a way that makes it hard to move your arms and legs. With these absolutely god-awful sung choruses on songs like My First Single, Eminem dares you to make less sense than him as he rambles like a crazy person through song after song, only taking breaks from his half-attempts at comedy on tracks like Mosh, Like Toy Soldiers and Mockingbird, which try to be serious. But it’s hard to be serious when you’re essentially getting choked in a soup of valium and regret.

I don’t hate Encore like I do Revival, because in some ways I can understand where it comes from. It’s trying to do the same sort of thing its predecessors did, with silly songs and serious ones. But the funny songs are so weird and frankly gross that it quashes any attempt of seriousness. It’s like Eminem thought the only way to make his songs better were to take what his detractors hated about him and turn it up to 11. Songs like My First Single are complete nonsense complete with gut-churning sound effects and a shitty beat, whereas Just Lose It, a song I’m ashamed to admit I enjoy, fills itself with baseless offensiveness and weird reference humor to function. And that was the big hit single off of this album.

Really I think Just Lose It was the best way to sell this album. What says Encore more than a song insisting that Eminem diddles little boys? FACK would’ve been in place on this album, which is not a compliment.

7. Recovery (2010)

Recovery shares a lot of problems with Revival, a lot of radio-bait songs featuring pop artists that have no business being within ten feet of Eminem. But I’ll admit its singles were far superior to that of Revival. No Love was far superior to anything Revival spat out.

I just kinda don’t care about this album. Other than how Love The Way You Lie was permanently ingrained in the cultural consciousness around 2010, I have very few thoughts about it. I remember hearing most of the singles when I was in elementary school, and they were all just kinda fine. Space Bound was okay (other than that coked up line about love being ‘evil’ spelt backwards) and Not Afraid was sincerely underwhelming considering what it was going for.

It’d been diminishing returns for Em for years, so I’m not shocked he needed some time to get back on his feet. But there’s just not much to say about Recovery. I feel like Em was a lot prouder of it than anyone else.

6. Kamikaze (2018)

At some level, I feel like Kamikaze set itself up to fail. And it did pretty well in spite of that.

The album’s main selling point was that it was dissing everyone. Shady’s gonna name names, I remember hearing, as this album dropped right the fuck out of nowhere in the late summer of 2018. Diss track drama has never really been for me, since oftentimes it pits artists I like against one another over petty bullshit. And hearing that Em slammed people simply for disliking Revival only made me more nervous about what Kamikaze’s outcome would look like.

I’m glad to say it was not nearly as bad as I was expecting.

I’m sort of on the fence about this album. While I think it is punchy, and pretty fun lyrics-wise, it definitely doesn’t hold a candle to any of his older stuff. It doesn’t even really hold up against MMLP2. It’s less that I enjoy this album, and more that I enjoy the possibility of Eminem managing to pick himself up after Revival and move into the new age while still being himself.

Easily the worst moment on this album is Eminem calling Tyler the Creator the f-slur and even implying he’s pretending to be gay, which he has since apologized for. However, the scariest thing to me that the line represents is the possibility that Eminem’s personality is too anachronistic. That in an era of young-adult trap rappers with very experimental homemade beats, there’s no longer room for a famous, albeit angry man in his 40′s being backed by a studio. It’s the years of Soundcloud, where anyone can be a rapper, and someone as old and frankly polarizing as Eminem may never truly have the limelight again.

Em’s style has simply fallen behind the times and he will never be content with updating himself, because that isn’t who he is. And while I love that about him, I think it might speak disaster for his career.

I like the songs though.

5. The Marshall Mathers LP 2 (2013)

Now we’re getting into the good shit. The Marshall Mathers LP 2 starts off with a bang, the first song being Bad Guy, a direct sequel to Stan and an incredibly powerful sequel at that. Eminem asks questions about his fame, his identity, and most notably, he fucking gets murdered at the beginning of this album.

MMLP2 strips off all but one skit. No Paul Rosenberg cameo on this one. This was him getting serious after the relative failure of Encore and Relapse. This was, frankly, what Recovery should’ve sound like. With Berzerk being a fun sort of party hit, Rap God is what really got him back on the map. The song asserts his lyrical dominance. It is a brag track, and it earns that right.

Despite it being of incredibly high quality, this is nowhere near Em’s best work, which speaks highly for his track record. The fact that something this well-made is comparatively mediocre when put next to the top four is incredible to me. This album is more of a revival than Revival was. It’s Eminem reaching out of the dirt after being buried and yelling “Hey, I’m not dead yet!” It’s the hearbeat running through a comatose body as they return to consciousness.

But when it comes down to it, I love what this album represents to me more than its content. Aside from Berzerk, Bad Guy and Rap God, none of the songs really stand out either way. It’s all good, of course, but none of it can match up to his older work. Regardless, this album means a lot to me on a spiritual level. Whenever I listen to this I feel like a proud parent, and Em is my son who just completely crushed his elementary school talent show.

It’s a good feeling.

4. Relapse (2009)

At this point it was sort of like picking my favorite child. My number one is obvious, but deciding how to order these three was trouble.

People will probably argue with me saying that Relapse is one of Em’s best, but fuck that. This album is severely underrated among the fanbase, and is an incredibly powerful listen. This album is an auditory representation of rock bottom, in the best way possible.

This is one of the only albums to really define a split between Marshall and Slim Shady, with Slim being a deep-voiced demon and Marshall being a fucked-up middle-aged man who just came staggering out of a rehab center. The way the characters play off of one another is beautiful, Slim trying to manipulate Marshall into his ways and wiles. This also easily has the most horrorcore-type sound and content out of any Eminem album, with Slim occasionally playing the role of a serial killer, such as on 3 am or one of the standout tracks, Same Song & Dance. Insane tells a story possibly regarding Slim’s father, or maybe representative of something else entirely.

One of my few issues with this album, aside from We Made You of all things being one of the singles, is that one of the best tracks is only on the deluxe edition. My Darling ties off the Slim and Marshall story in a nice little bow, plus Careful What You Wish For sweeping up all the themes and putting them in one place.

This album is beautiful, it’s cinematic in a way. It’s deep and powerful and incredibly, incredibly scary, with Em at his lowest point in his life and career. Sadly, it was not well-received critically, which I think is a shame. Clearly they weren’t seeing what I see.

3. The Eminem Show (2002)

Screw Revival, this is easily Em’s most politically powerful album yet. I listened to this whole thing on a boombox I got at Best Buy for 20 dollars and I felt like I had fucking transcended.

This album pulls out all the stops, immediately starting out on White America, a song so goddamn strong that every time little me heard it on the radio I immediately got down and lost my shit. I didn’t even understand what it was about, all I knew was that it was big and important. And it is.

While his first two big albums tried to be weird and threatening, The Eminem Show just wanted to be big, and talk about big things. Eminem fearlessly tears into heavily-charged concepts in White America, Say Goodbye Hollywood and Square Dance. Then on the flipside he aims the gun at himself on tracks like My Dad’s Gone Crazy, Cleanin’ Out My Closet and even Hailie’s Song. It’s a gut-punch of an album, this is where Eminem is truly fearless.

I’ll also say I feel this album is a little bit more accessible, weirdly enough, than Em’s earlier stuff. It’s much less crude and aggressive, but still carries his trademark style. It’s got the skits, he yells a lot still, but the topics are easier to swallow than his earlier albums. I’d say it’s a good entry-level Eminem album if you’re threatened by rape jokes and Em yelling the f-slur constantly. And unlike what Teens of Denial was for Car Seat Headrest, I feel like The Eminem Show manages to be that entry-level album without completely castrating Eminem’s lyrical content.

But even longtime fans can gain enjoyment from this album and how loud and proud it is, how fearless Eminem really is on this album. This one, more than anything, is the unfiltered Marshall Mathers experience. No filters, no jokes, just him and his daughter and Dr. Dre.

But easily the best part of this album is the DVD extras thing where you get a free episode of the Slim Shady Show. Fuck yeah.

2. The Slim Shady LP (1999)

The Slim Shady LP was Eminem’s first really successful work. It was also the first thing he ever put on a CD. Yeah, Infinite was on cassette only. And this album is fucking great. It’s a perfect debut for Eminem. It’s got his first big hit, My Name Is, and a myriad of other great tracks. It’s just good late 90′s rap, with fun beats and interesting lyrics. As much as I love SSLP, I don’t really like talking about it because... yeah, it’s good, I’m just never sure what else to say.

And that might make it sound like I like it less than The Eminem Show, but no, that’s not it. As much as I think political Em is great, I’ll forever prefer nasty rat boy Em any day. This is the Em that inspires me the most, the grody, crude one that reminds me of myself. Best tracks include 97 Bonnie and Clyde, Bad Meets Evil and of course My Name Is. This is also the only album where Ken Kaniff is played by Aristotle. There’s your fun fact for the day.

1. The Marshall Mathers LP (2000)

FUCK everyone else, I respect YOU!

The Marshall Mathers LP is a defining rap album. It’s lyrical perfection, the hooks are god-tier, and it is without contest the best Eminem album of all time. I doubt he’ll ever top this, and if he does it’ll probably break space-time.

MMLP ticks all the boxes an Eminem album usually should. It’s quirky, it’s comedic, it’s dark, it’s angry, it’s violent, it’s everything I could want and more. But beyond that, it’s the thing that really proved what Eminem can do. He can tell stories, he can do lyrics, he can flow, he has good beats, he can murder his ex-girlfriend, he can get his own songs censored on the uncensored version of his album, he can do it all.

The songs on this just put me in a good mood. Even though they’re horrible, and I don’t mean they’re bad songs. The content is absolutely fucked, this album is not for the faint of heart. But it makes me feel represented, not for being gay, trans, mentally ill or short, but for being a fucked-up weirdo who lived a fucked-up life and just wants to scream and lose his shit. More than anything, this feels like an album that’s there for me, for better or for worse.

The standouts on this album in my opinion are the two “named” tracks, Kim and Stan. These tracks are incredibly disturbing, but they both mean a lot to me and are incredibly written and acted. The Real Slim Shady is still an amazing single with an awesome, hopping beat. I’m Back is incredibly solid, Criminal is cleverly contradictory, every track on this album is great without any misses. If there were enough words in the English language to describe how much I love this album, I’d probably use all of them.

This album couldn’t exist today. If this came out today, it’d probably be thrown to the wayside for a myriad of reasons. It’s too late 90′s, it’s too dark, it’s “problematic”, we have like 500 white rappers now, but for the record: Anyone who writes this kind of music today owes it to Eminem, ESPECIALLY all of the white rappers who insist they’re better than him. (Looking at you, MGK.) Even if he’s not doing that great now, even if you don’t like him, it’d be foolish to not acknowledge what MMLP did for rap. And not only was it influential, but it still holds up to this very day.

So there you have it. All of Eminem’s full albums (besides Infinite oopsies) listed from worst to best. Have any differing opinions? Leave a reply. Just be polite, you filthy animal.

#worst to best #eminem #music review #music criticism #panda posts

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shockcity · 7 years

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Bagginshield #8 - falling in love

Rating: M Summary: for the 30 Day OTP Challenge - Some people ship Bilbo and Thorin. Two of them are actually Bilbo and Thorin. The world reacts. Modern Setting/Actors AU

Note: i s2g I didn't set out to write a social commentary, but I just started writing and my brain went where it went, and honestly...I'm cool with that. But if you're not then I totally get it. So warning ⚠️ this features gay people being unashamedly gay. As in people are gay, the world finds out, and Bilbo and Thorin win all the prizes (grain of salt though, this plot would never happen in RL). So if that's not your jam and you'd rather read something that doesn't mirror real life issues, that's perfectly alright and I'll see you in the next story! :) To those who stay: I hope you enjoy it

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It wasn't like they hadn't met before.

Despite what people thought, Hollywood wasn't all that big, and he and Thorin generally moved in the same circles anyway. Bilbo recalled that they'd exchanged polite hugs at the BAFTAs the previous year, and that they had once shared Graham Norton's couch, but besides being very casual acquaintances, they certainly weren't friends.

He and Thorin were not the Hollywood elite, but having a critically acclaimed franchise under each of their belts and a dedicated following had guaranteed that they weren't B actors either. Both had also gained a little more artistic autonomy; years of acting in the mainstream had given them the leeway to branch out into independent films and theater. Thorin, for example, had just finished his run of King Lear in the West End, and Bilbo was currently in the market for a similar change himself.

When Dori handed Bilbo the script for Unexpected, he knew right away that this would be his ticket out of blockbuster hell.

"The title needs work though," he mumbled distractedly, paging through the script. "Unexpected. Unexpected what?"

"Love, I suppose," Dori sighed. "Nori said it was a simple story about two people falling in love."

Bilbo looked up at Dori with his eyebrows raised. "No, I'm reading it right now and that's absolutely not what it's about," he replied. "My character is a lonely bachelor who adopts his orphaned nephew, befriends his troubled neighbor who happens to be a recovering drug addict, and in the end is hit by a car and dies."

"What."

Bilbo couldn't help but smile. "Nori made it family-friendly so you'd actually hand it to me, Dori," he laughed.

"Well he was right, because if I'd known I wouldn't have let you read it at all. I hate the depressing ones."

Bilbo looked down at the pages again, tilting his head thoughtfully. "I don't know," he said. "It's sad, sure, but...you said Nori called it a love story?"

Dori nodded and crossed his arms, seeming peeved. "That's what he said, but they're not marketing it as a gay romance, so don't get too excited."

Bilbo sighed and dropped the script back into his lap. "Great," he muttered, feeling a little hollow.

"You don't have to do it, Bilbo," Dori reminded him. "There's other scripts."

"Yes, but I like this one," he insisted. "I can see the love here...and you know Elrond Imladris is directing...and he's always been open to script changes, so, do you think–?"

Dori ran a hand across his tired eyes and sat down beside him. "Bilbo," he began, kindly but firmly. "You're a big name. This movie, while not The Avengers, is still expected to make money."

Bilbo had figured it was a long shot. He gave Dori a tiny nod. "Who's playing Richard?" he asked.

"Thorin Oakenshield."

"Oh." Bilbo frowned. "That's...actually a really good choice."

Dori hummed, checking his phone as Bilbo thought it over. Despite his agent's obvious disinterest with the script – and his own, personal, disappointment – Bilbo was still quite attracted to the characters – and Thorin's role, especially. He wanted to see how well he could play off of a character like Richard, and whether or not he could portray a man like Martin, who couldn't help but fall in love with completely the wrong person. And fall in love they did, regardless of what the studio said.

It was a good script that could have been a fantastic opportunity for some realistic representation, had the studio had any decency. That's what made him consider it, truthfully. It just felt like one time too many. Besides, he'd been waiting for a problematic script like this for awhile. He looked down at it again. Yes, this was the one.

"I'll read for them," he told Dori, who looked unsurprised. "Tell Nori I'll see him tomorrow morning."

Dori's thumbs flashed as he texted Nori on Bilbo's behalf. "Done. Do you want to meet Oakenshield? He'll be there tomorrow."

Bilbo knew very little about Thorin Oakenshield personally (though he was familiar with his work, of course) but what he did know about him he liked. The man was a professional, and quite versatile (unlike Bilbo, who was typecast as the bookish boy-next-door most days), and the few times they had met were actually quite pleasant.

"Sure," he agreed. "Why not."

----------------

"Hi. Hello," Thorin stuttered, and then loudly cleared his throat. A voice in his head that sounded a lot like Dis told him to 'chill the fuck out' which...didn't help at all. Thorin had no chill.

Not around Bilbo Baggins anyway.

"Bilbo Baggins is going to read Martin for us," Nori had told him offhandedly. "You're okay working with him, right?"

"Ofcmffwhaffk," Thorin gibbered.

Nori stared. "Wow. Dwalin told me about your crush on him but I didn't believe it," he commented idly. "And all because he returned your house keys?"

Feeling defensive, as he usually did when this story was brought up, Thorin glared at his feet and mumbled, "I was locked out of my home."

"Yeah, for like five minutes."

Thorin did not look up. "He gave me his umbrella."

"That's cute, Thorin. Bet it was just love at first sight, wasn't it?" Nori teased.

It wasn't love at first sight. He was having probably the worst day of his life that day, and here came this person that had turned it around so effortlessly and...truthfully, it was more like awe at first sight. Or gratitude at first sight. Or genuine interest at first sight. And maybe it was a little like love after he'd binged all of Bilbo's movies, but he wasn't admitting to anything.

To put it simply, Thorin was a celebrity with a celebrity crush. And now that crush was standing in front of him wearing a yellow cardigan, a pair of oversized reading glasses, and a confused expression that was rapidly turning alarmed.

"Um," Thorin managed after a long, awkward silence. "It's nice to see you again."

Bilbo tactfully moved the conversation along. "You too, Thorin." He smiled. Thorin gulped. "I hear we're going to be working together."

"You sure are," Dori said, gliding over and handing Bilbo a Manila envelope. "Standard contract. Out-of-pocket expenses, time required, remuneration, and so forth. Read it carefully. Don't sign willy-nilly. Hello, Thorin, I'm Dori, are you two going for coffee? You'll want to get to know each other, I'm sure."

"Um-guh," said Thorin.

"Splendid," said Dori the whirlwind. "I'll call. Ciao!"

Bilbo sighed and slipped the envelope underneath his arm. "Shall we?" he asked, smiling up at him.

"Um-guh."

"I'll...take that as a yes."

----

"Sorry, are these your keys?" Bilbo called out, hurrying toward a man sitting slouched on the stoop. "I saw you drop them when you left your cab. Uh, did you know you're getting all wet?"

He moved closer so that the man was sharing his umbrella.

"That's better," Bilbo said with a smile. He passed the keys over. "Here you go. Wouldn't want to be locked out too long in this deluge."

The man was looking up at him now, his mouth half-open. His eyes were very, very blue, and Bilbo couldn't help but blush a bit. He was handsome.

"I...." Handsome blinked. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Bilbo said, but then he couldn't help but frown a little at the man's appearance. "Forgive me for asking, but, are you alright? Only, you don't seem like you are, and you completely missed your keys, even though they were only just over there."

"I–" the man stared at where Bilbo pointed. "I guess I wasn't really looking. But I'm fine. Thank you. Truly."

"If you're sure," Bilbo hummed, unconvinced. "Well, I'm going to be getting a cab, so, here...."

He handed Thorin his umbrella, laughing as the rain fell into his face. "For the next time you lose your keys in the rain."

Bilbo turned around and jogged back down the block, luckily seeing a cab coming toward him. He hailed it just as he heard the man shout, "who says there'll be a next time?"

He pulled the cab door open, laughing, and shouted back, "I do! And you know, there's nothing like looking, if you want to find something!"

----

-------

"The script is already getting a lot of publicity, you know," Bofur said casually, slurping up the last clumps of his smoothie. "Smaug Trāgu went to the press about how Mirkwood was handling it."

Bilbo, who was in the middle of taking a bite of his salad, dropped his fork back onto his plate. "And Mirkwood didn't drop the script?" he asked, shocked.

"No, you're not out of a job yet, thankfully," Bofur reassured him. "Dropping Smaug now would be a PR nightmare, and I heard that Mirkwood can't take another controversy. Thranduil's already pissed off like 80% of Hollywood, he really doesn't need the public baying for his blood too."

"So what are they saying?"

Bofur shrugged one shoulder. "Interview comes out tomorrow. We'll see then."

They fell into a sullen silence. Bofur was looking as though he needed to say something else, however much he didn't want to, and Bilbo was torn between applauding Smaug and feeling sick that, in this case, they were on the same side. Before Bilbo could descend into a proper sulk, Bofur finally found his courage.

"You and Thorin are going to catch a lot of heat for this, you know that right?"

Bilbo nodded, swallowing nervously. Around him, the crowded little bistro continued on with its business while Bilbo's world narrowed down to Bofur's expectant gaze, which was simply too intense to avoid.

"Bilbo, I have to say this," he finally began, and somewhat frostily. "I'm honestly surprised at you. I thought you'd be as far away as possible from a script like this. And I know you accepted the part after the love story was scrapped. And that's....Bilbo, I just don't get it."

Bilbo bit his lip, looking away from his friend. He took a couple of deep, calming breaths.

"Right," he began anxiously. "It's like this: you and I both know that coming out means the end of your career."

Bofur waited for Bilbo to elaborate and when there was nothing else he shook his head, shrugging. "Yeeeeaaah, ok, but what does that...oh my god."

Bilbo licked his lips, his eyes a little wide. He nodded.

"Oh my god." Bofur leaned forward with shit-eating grin. "You're not!"

He shrugged one shoulder, smiling a little. "I'm...I'm thinking about it."

"Oh my god."

"Uh huh." He then waved his hands quickly before Bofur could gush more. "But I'm not completely sure yet. I mean, I'd...feel a lot more wretched about ruining the film for the crew if it weren't Mirkwood and Smaug doing it...but that doesn't mean it isn't still a shitty thing to do. And I didn't just take the part to make a point. The story really is beautiful. I mean, the fact that Smaug wrote it is a bit hard to swallow but...I'm going into this with every intention of producing the best performance of my life, and... probably the last."

Bofur shook his head, his face alight and full of mischief. "Bilbo Baggins, you crusader.”

"I'm not, not really," he denied, but then a bit of fire sparked in his eyes. "But if I'm going to out, then I'm going out with a bang."

---

----

"Can I ask you a question?" Bilbo started hesitantly. They sat across from each other having dinner, the low light from the restaurant lamps thankfully hiding the nervous sweat on his brow.

Thorin looked up from his meal. "Of course," he said.

This was their second meeting, and Bilbo still wasn't sure if Thorin was a safe person to talk candidly to, so it was time to test the waters.

"Why did you take the part?" he asked.

If Thorin understood the underlying question then Bilbo could relax. If he answered with something like "it's the role of a lifetime" or "I really liked their friendship" then this would be their last outing alone.

Thorin wiped his mouth and took a sip of his wine. "I didn't have a choice," he revealed, jaw tight.

Bilbo blinked. "But you're not really desperate for work..." he speculated. "Or, um, are you?"

"No. I'm not desperate. I owed someone a favor. A big favor."

He wasn't sure who the favor was for or why Thorin looked so downtrodden about it, but at least he knew now that Thorin wasn't happy with the script either.

"And if you did have a choice?"

He met Bilbo's eyes, and his expression was both genuine and kind.

"I'd tell them to go fuck themselves."

Bilbo barked out a surprised laugh. "Yeah," he chuckled, shaking his head. "That's...kind of why I took the part too."

Thorin raised his eyebrows, a small, open smile on his face. But Bilbo, still cautious, quickly changed the subject before he could ask.

"Do you still have my umbrella?" he inquired cheekily.

Thorin gaped. "You...you remember me?!"

He looked so shocked (and oddly flattered?) that Bilbo threw his head back and laughed. "Of course I do! Though I didn't recognize you that day, I'm terribly sorry to say. It wasn't until I saw The Desolation that I realized who I'd run into."

"...you saw my movie," mumbled Thorin, blushing.

"Yeah." Bilbo fidgeted with his napkin. "And...I kind of went home after that and streamed all your films."

Thorin was bright red. "I..." he said.

Bilbo smiled at him shyly.

"I did the same thing," he finally confessed.

And a matching blush rose high on Bilbo's cheeks as they smiled at each other bashfully.

---

----

"Alright, I have to ask."

Bilbo turned to glare at him, shoving a handful of popcorn into his mouth pointedly.

"It's okay, you listen, and I'll talk."

Bofur seemed determined to interrogate him, and Bilbo rolled his eyes and put his feet up on the coffee table.

"So, I know it's only been a month or two, but I think I've only seen you maybe three times at best. I'm your BFF, Bilbo, so I need to know...have you left me for Thorin?"

Bilbo made a face.

"Judging by your expression I'd say my position as bestie is safe. Now I just have to ask if I've been thrown over for a boy." He shook his head at Bilbo. "Don't be that person that abandons their friends when they find true love, Bilbo. Don't be that way."

"Knock it off." He threw a handful of popcorn at Bofur's face. "Thorin and I aren't together. And I've just been busy."

"Gossip mags say otherwise," Bofur argued, making Bilbo groan. "And you know you have stalkers on instagram, right? Because there's pictures of you two going on dates all over social media."

Bilbo, who was not tech-savvy, had not known about this. "They're not dates," he grumbled.

"People are even writing stories about you two. They call your relationship Bagginshield."

"What."

"I'm serious." Bofur was entirely too thrilled about all of this. "They write about you two having hot sex in like...wardrobe. Or under the craft services table."

"Oh my god." Bilbo covered his face to hide his blush.

"It's brilliant."

"Would be if it were actually true," Bilbo mumbled, too low for Bofur to hear. He sighed and sat up. "Whatever, I don't care. Because again, we aren't together."

"But you want to be. All you ever talk about is him. You're obsessed."

"I'm not obsessed!"

Bofur pointed to the television confusedly. "Then why are we watching all of his movies again?"

Bilbo only groaned and threw another handful of popcorn Bofur's way.

----

He waited outside of Thorin's apartment nervously, feeling like an idiot for just showing up unannounced. But Thorin had had such a bad day on set today, and he and Elrond had got into it, and he'd seemed so tired and worn out, and....

In any case, Bilbo was lingering outside of his door like a creep when Thorin finally walked up the stairs.

"Hi," Bilbo rushed to greet him. "I made you a cake. Well, a coffee cake. I've never made it before. It might taste awful."

Thorin stared at him.

"You don't have to eat it, of course," Bilbo babbled. "It's just that today was pretty brutal, and I wanted to see if you were alright. Only, you don't seem like you are, and – mmph."

The coffee cake was delicious. They shared it, and they shared some other things as well. Kisses, mostly.

----

---

"Bilbo!" said Gandalf, kissing both of his cheeks. "It's been too long."

Bilbo took the bouquet Gandalf handed him and ushered him into the house. "Oh thank you, and yes it has. Where on earth have you been?"

"The theater calls," Gandalf told him, his eyes twinkling. "And I answer."

"Sure you do." Bilbo rolled his eyes. "Well, come in, come in, we're all in the dining room. Dinner will be in about twenty minutes. Have Dori pour you some wine."

Bilbo's annual dinner party consisted of the few cousins he actually liked, plus Bofur, Dori (and sometimes Nori) and of course, Gandalf. This small group of people were Bilbo's family, something that he'd needed dearly after the death of his mother. He'd spent two birthdays alone before this tradition had started, but now every September the 22nd, Bilbo's chosen family descended on his house to congratulate him on surviving yet another year.

He heard Primula greet Gandalf, and Frodo's happy squeal, and he grabbed up his phone to check the time. He took a deep, nervous breath.

"Can I help with anything?" asked Drogo, hovering a bit.

Bilbo smiled and waved him off. "No, that's alright! Sit down, socialize! We're just about ready to go."

He grabbed up the last platter, which held a lovely roast turkey, and took it out to the dining room. They all oohed and awwed obediently, and Bilbo was just going to have them start sitting around at the table when the doorbell rang.

They all fell silent.

"Ah," said Gandalf. "I'd wondered who the extra place setting was for."

He saw them all exchange baffled looks (though Gandalf seemed unsurprised) before he left for the entrance hall. He understood their shock, of course – Bilbo's dinner party was exclusive to the extreme. He only invited family, after all.

"Hi," he breathed out, opening the front door.

Thorin smiled nervously. "Hi," he said.

----

Nori pulled him into the main offices with a tight hand on his arm and a tense frown on his face. The expression was so unlike him that Bilbo panicked for a moment, wondering if someone had died. He was lead to a small conference room where Nori halted him in front of a closed door.

"Thranduil's in there," he said, in that offhand way of his.

"What?" Bilbo hissed. "Why?"

Helpfully, Nori shrugged. "I think it's about the articles."

Bilbo grimaced. "Oh. Too much?"

Nori held up his index finger and thumb, and pinched them together. Bilbo sighed and went for the door, but Nori held him back again.

"It...might be personal too. I mean about you and Thorin."

"That's none of their business," Bilbo snapped, his hands clenching into fists at his sides.

"They think it is," he said, and patted Bilbo on the back. "And that's all that matters."

Bilbo walked into the conference room anxiously (though he was still somewhat angry) and when he saw Smaug as well as Thranduil sitting there, his discomfort only grew.

At least there were no niceties.

"I'll make this quick," said Thranduil. "While Mirkwood Films applauds your work in our upcoming movie, we would appreciate if all public statements and interviews went through a screening process before publication."

His jaw had dropped a bit, and Bilbo closed it and bit his lower lip. From beside Thranduil, Smaug looked amused.

"As it is, Mirkwood Films kindly asks that you take care when making comments to the press, or ideally try not to interact with them at all. I hope that's alright with you, Mr. Baggins. Mirkwood truly appreciates all of your hard work."

Thranduil finished his little speech and stood. He gathered up his business folder and his Starbucks cup and without another word – left the room.

The look on Bilbo's face must have been hilarious, because Smaug laughed loudly at him. Bilbo scowled.

"I always love how polite his threats are," Smaug said airily, his face contorted in a sickening smile. "He's right about one thing though, Bilbo. Your work on Unexpected is phenomenal."

Bilbo didn't smile back. "Thanks."

"Had the script remained in its original form I would have loved to see you and Thorin intimate on the big screen."

Bilbo blinked. "Ok," he said, standing up. "I'm leaving."

"I'm surprised at the passion you both managed to depict. Thorin, especially, was a shock. He seemed so resentful of the part when Thranduil made him take it."

Smaug was not revealing to Bilbo anything that he didn't already know, though maybe he was trying to see how much Bilbo was privy to....

If Thorin trusted Bilbo enough to tell him about his father's unpaid debt at the time of his death, and about Thranduil conscripting him into what was essentially indentured servitude (which had all happened on the day they'd first met, to be precise), then it would be painfully obvious that Thorin and Bilbo were together. Which would be the perfect blackmail for Smaug, since Hollywood didn't like behind-the-scenes romances, and behind-the-scenes gay romances they liked even less.

"Well, isn't that fascinating," Bilbo answered noncommittally. "Right. Sorry, I've got a...thing. Good to see you, Smaug."

"And you," Smaug leered. "Bilbo."

He beat a hasty retreat and descended back down to post. Nori was there with the sound editors, whom Bilbo greeted briefly before drawing Nori away.

"How'd it go?" he asked.

"Smaug was there," Bilbo said. "He was a total creep."

"So...normal."

"And they basically told me to stop talking or else."

Nori shook his head sadly. "You'd better do as they say if you still want to work."

Displeased with this answer, he huffed and put his hands on his hips. "That's the thing, I don't want to do what they say. I shouldn't have to hide like this."

Faced with his sudden rebelliousness, Nori could only smile at Bilbo in amusement.

"I gave that movie my all– my very best gay!" Bilbo insisted.

Nori choked.

"...and I made sure that people were going to walk out of that theater and say 'that was the gayest movie I have ever seen'!"

He even stomped his foot a little.

"So no, Nori, I won't do what they want. It's too late for that now."

Nori looked down at his friend with a fond smile. It soon wilted a little, though. "And what about Thorin, Bilbo?" he asked quietly. "What about his career?"

Bilbo blinked. "I...."

"He owes Thranduil a lot of money, oh don't look so shocked that I know, nothing's secret around here." He sighed and looked away. "Don't get me wrong, I want you to tell them all to go to hell, but Thorin's my friend too, Bilbo, and I-"

"No," Bilbo cut him off. "No, you're right."

"I'm not saying back down," Nori amended, resting his hand on Bilbo's shoulder. "I'm just saying be careful. You've got someone you need to protect now."

Bilbo nodded solemnly. As he left the studios and drove toward home, he thought on Thranduil's threats and Nori's warning. Thorin would suffer, should Bilbo step over the line, and his plans for the premiere went above and beyond that.

"I'm not saying back down," Nori had said, but Bilbo was beginning to realize that that was exactly what he was going to have to do.

----

---

Thorin's fingertips ran idly down his back. Bilbo turned over to face him, sinking into his embrace and nosing at the delicate skin of his neck. He smiled slowly as Thorin rumbled with pleasure.

"I don't want to ask what time it is," Bilbo whispered.

"You say as you ask what time it is," replied Thorin. He leaned over a groaning Bilbo to reach Bilbo's phone. "It's nine. We have time."

He laid back down and gathered Bilbo against his chest.

"Are you nervous about tonight?" Thorin asked.

Bilbo inhaled noisily. "I'm..." he began, but then paused. "I'd decided not to do what I had initially planned, you know."

"Do I?"

"You've been curious. I'm sorry."

Thorin nodded and rubbed Bilbo's arm gently. "I have, but I didn't mind waiting for you to be ready to tell me."

Bilbo curled closer. "I wanted this to be my last movie before I came out. Publicly."

Thorin craned his neck to look at him. "After Mirkwood spent so much time denying they straight washed?" He blinked. "That's...devious."

Bilbo couldn't help but laugh. "I just...I knew that this film would always be a problem. And it is. But it also isn't. We do fall in love Thorin, me and you, and Martin and Richard. It's just not the kind of love people expect."

He ran his hand across Thorin's chest absently. "But it still deserves to be on screen. I wanted to come out, and not only reinforce that our characters loved each other, but to tell Mirkwood and all those stupid people who want us to shut up that we won't. Not anymore."

Thorin pulled Bilbo up and hugged him, kissing his curls, his neck, his cheeks. "Why did you decide not to?" he whispered.

Bilbo scoffed, wrapping his arms around Thorin's shoulders. "You know why not, Thranduil...."

"Screw him." He suddenly sat up. "He can rot. Let's do it, Bilbo. Together."

Frowning, Bilbo sat back on his heels and stared. "Are you serious?"

"I am." He nodded. He reached out and touched Bilbo's cheeks. "I want to."

"Thorin, we'll have undermined and humiliated Thranduil and the studio," Bilbo whispered. "Publicly. We'll have attacked the business. The business we work in. No one will hire actors they can't trust to keep their mouths shut. Our careers will be over."

Thorin touched his hair gently, pushing his curls back behind his ears. "I think it's worth it, don’t you?” he said, after a moment. "I'm tired, and I know you're tired of playing this stupid game too."

Bilbo shook his head. "You'll lose everything."

"You don't know that. This could be good, Bilbo. For us. For others. It's not going change on its own. And if we don't try, we're as bad as them."

He said nothing, glancing away from Thorin's eyes-- torn. Thorin moved closer and gently coaxed Bilbo’s head up.

"There's nothing like looking," he said. "If you want to find something."

Bilbo swallowed; his chest hurt and his eyes were a little wet. Thorin was not crying, or upset at all, instead he looked at Bilbo with so much love that he couldn't help but wonder if this were real or just a dream. He leaned in and kissed Thorin, feeling weightless.

Real.

---

"Are you ready?"

Bilbo turned to him with a nervous but determined expression on his face. In the safety of the tinted limo they could not be seen, and Thorin used this advantage to kiss Bilbo thoroughly.

"Well, I am now," Bilbo said, when his lover pulled back.

He grabbed Thorin's hand, prepared to hold onto it the entire night (in sight of everyone, everything, and with no fear) and took a long, deep breath. They were ready.

With Thorin's solid presence by his side, Bilbo opened the door.

---

#30 day otp challenge #bagginshield #hobbit fic #so this happened #and yikes #first of all this is like 5050 with the writing and the social media pics #which was awful to format 0/10 would not recommend #second this would never happen in real life #third I know nothing #and finally #Forgive me friends #im so sorry

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almaasi · 7 years

Text

reaction post typed while watching SPN 12x12 “Stuck In The Middle (With You)”

well THIS is some delightfully interesting bullshit right here

06:43

frankly i am not ready and i don’t think i will ever be ready

i saw some shit on instagram and i went from being “scared but interested” to HYPED and now i’m scared again

i just want cas to come out of this okay

like that’s what i’m here for, just cas being alive and loved (by dean. but also sam and mary)

06:48

*DEEP BREATHS*

06:50

mr ketch is definitely cute, in a murderous stephen fry kind of way

06:52

cas: “cheese isn’t a carbohydrate”

i guess cas read up on the ketchup vs vegetables debate

give me a nutritionist!cas au stat

06:54

cas: “sunrise special please”

CAS IS SUNSHINE

also flustered under mandy’s attention BECAUSE HE ALREADY HAS A BOYFRIEND

RIGHT

RIGHT???

06:55

guess sam’s magic wifi hair doesn’t work any more

06:56

what i have learned here is that dean is turned on by the smell of food

give me cas bathing himself in strawberry syrup before bed

06:57

obviously there’s something else going on but right now it kind of looks like mary’s uncomfortable with either a) using mandy as part of a plan, or b) dean instructing his boyfriend to go flirt with someone else

edit: probably more like uncomfortable that they’re trying to make cas flirt and not focusing on the issue at hand

06:59

CAS SNIFFING PEOPLE

OH GOD CAS YOU’RE SO INAPPROPRIATE AND SO UNAWARE OF IT

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

sidenote, cas was the only one who didn’t get screentime when mary asked if everyone understood the plan

07:01

DEAN: “MY SHY BUT DEVASTATINGLY HANDSOME FRIEND”

OKAY THAT’S CANON

GUYS THAT JUST HAPPENED DEAN JUST DESCRIBED CAS AS DEVASTATINGLY HANDSOME

CONTEXT DOESN’T MATTER BECAUSE THOSE WORDS CAME OUT OF DEAN’S MOUTH

07:03

dean: “when do you get off?”

mandy: “whenever i can”

woooowwwww go mandy

also i’m so concerned for cas right now DID HE CONSENT TO BEING USED AS A HONEY TRAP I DON’T THINK SO

HE HASN’T SAID A WORD ON THIS

edit: mandy wasn’t even part of the plan ?? i’m ????

07:05

DID I JUST SEE A BLACK GUY DIE FIRST

///SQUINTS REALLY HARD

07:06

and then a white guy BUT THEN THE (asian? native american?) LADY

AAAND WE’RE BACK TO ZERO REPRESENTATION

WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

ARE THEY ACTUALLY KIDDING LIKE

DO THEY EVEN SEE THE ISSUE

DOES ANYONE MAKING THIS SHOW EVEN REALISE WHAT THEY’RE DOING

fuck

y’know i’m just gonna have to let this go right now because i can’t even comprehend how ferociously problematic this show is

i just wanna enjoy it for my fave characters and i can’t do that unless i bundle the problems into a box and forget about them for now

07:09

still thinking about it though

this is trump’s america, where problematic bad things happen so often and with zero time to process that you just get to the point where it’s like “oh great another social apocalypse, must be thursday”

07:12

“the wounded angel” // “earlier”

i feel like i’ve watched a movie like this (certainly a lot of tv show episodes clearly all based on the same source material)

pulp fiction or something idk

something bizarre and character-action-driven that doesn’t make a lot of sense until the end

07:14

AW MAN THAT SLOW MOTION WALKING SHOT IS GONNA MAKE A REALLY GOOD GIF

THANK YOU GABRIEL RICHARD SPEIGHT JR

07:20

IS THAT YELLOW EYES

WHAT

WHAT WHAT WHAT

07:21

nOOOOOO CAS

NOBODY HARPOONS MY BABY AND LIVES

except dean, who stabbed him first, married him later

07:21

YYYEEEEEEE MARY SAVING CAS WITH THE CAR

07:23

and while mary and sam are talking about yellow-eyes, dean is smothering cas in kisses and magic healing tears, yes? yes

07:26

WOW WAS THAT FLIRTY LOOK DEAN GAVE DIRECTED AT CAS

I THINK SO

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE THO

07:26

i watched that bit again I THINK DEAN WAS SIGNALLING TO CAS THAT MANDY’S RESPONSE WAS A POSITIVE THING

aaaah the people who subtly and automatically support autistic friends are the best

also why is dean so determined to get cas to like other people?? CAN’T YOU JUST ACCEPT THAT CAS IS ALL YOURS AND WILL FOREVER BE YOURS