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marvel-and-mischief · 3 years

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Play Me One More Time

Pairing: Marcus Pike x F!Reader Words: 3900 Warnings: FLUFF, little bit of angst but it's completely overwhelmed by the FLUFF, a swear word or two Synopsis: Marcus puts out a call for your old band to get back together again. You accept, but how long will it take before old feelings for Marcus get in the way?

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Fic Masterpost

The notification popped up on your phone during your lunch break at work. Where you sat at your classroom desk next to the window you could hear children screaming and laughing. You nearly missed the ping of your phone over the sounds.

Holding your half eaten sandwich in one hand, you curiously swiped down from the top of your phone and clicked on the notification without much thought.

Marcus Pike has sent you a message!

You lost your grip on your sandwich as it plonked down onto your lap, but that was the least of your worries. You frantically tried to exit out of the messaging app before it could open but nothing worked. The conversation opened and the word 'read' stared at you mockingly underneath his message.

You sighed, ignoring the sauce that was seeping through your cotton trousers. You had no choice but to read it now. And then you'd have to reply to whatever he had sent you or he'd think you were ignoring him.

Hey! Long time no speak! I've been in touch with Jo and Tom and was wondering if you wanted to get the old band back together? Maybe have a catch up if you're not too busy? Let me know :)

You chewed on your bottom lip as you reread the message half a dozen times, heart hammering in your chest as you realised Marcus must be back in your hometown. You'd heard through Jo that he'd moved to Washington a couple of years ago, so what had brought him back?

You haven't played in the band since your college days, and your only captive audience since then has been the pre-school kids you teach. But you couldn't pass up the opportunity to see Marcus again, the man you'd been head over heels in love with since you knew what love was.

The school bell rang throughout the building, signalling the end of recess and the beginning of afternoon lessons.

Marcus! So good to hear from you. Would love to catch up, are you free this weekend? x

By the time you cleaned up your trousers you had your reply.

This weekend is great. Want to meet at our old diner? Heard Mr Howells still owns it.

You grinned down at your phone, thinking about the afternoons you used to play hooky with Marcus and hide out at Mr Howells' diner. You were surprised Marcus remembered it.

He does! The burgers haven't changed either. Is Saturday 6pm any good?

You tapped your feet as you waited for his reply. Your children were lining up outside the door and you needed to know if you were having a date with your forever crush before continuing with your day.

When your phone pinged, you breathed out a sigh of relief.

Sounds perfect. Can't wait to see you again! :)

You sent the thumbs up emoji and put your phone away, opening the classroom door with a smile on your face and a pep in your step.

You'd been here, at Mr Howells' Diner, a week before Christmas with a couple of teacher friends you worked with but now it felt different. Now you had memories of you and Marcus giggling over overflowing chocolate milkshakes and feeling sick from gorging on too many salty fries floating through your head. You saw Marcus' baby face fading into a sharp jawline and high cheekbones, you'd seen him change from boy to man in this diner, and he'd seen you change from girl to woman.

You bounced from one foot to the other nervously as you peaked through the window of the door in search of your old friend.

"You could've waited inside," came a deep voice from behind you. You spun around and came face to face with Marcus. He glowed yellow and red under the neon sign above you, but he looked beautiful, grin plastered wide on his face as he took you in for the first time in years.

"Hey," you managed to breathe out a welcome without too much embarrassment, "I didn't know if you were already here."

"Shall we?" Marcus stepped closer to reach around you and open the door.

You blinked to readjust your eyes to the bright fluorescent lights inside the diner. You giggled when you realised Marcus was doing the same.

"You weren't lying, it's hardly changed since we were kids," Marcus laughed, eyeing the original furnishings and old menu signs hanging on the walls.

You took a seat in your old booth, the one you and Marcus would automatically flock to when you were younger. It was far enough away from the counter that you had privacy for your teenage musings, but it overlooked the car park so you could watch out for anyone you needed to hide from.

"This takes me back," Marcus mused, shaking off his coat when you did the same.

"Yeah, it brings back so many memories."

"Do they still do the Choc'o'Shock shakes?"

You laughed and pointed towards the milkshake menu above the counter.

"They do!?" Marcus gasped loudly, eyes wide in surprise, "that was my favorite, with the popping candy-"

"- and the cinnamon, yeah, we used to share because it was in the extra large glass."

"Yeah, oh man."

Your laughter died down as soon as the waitress came over and took your orders. Your nerves from earlier had completely disappeared. Even in the silence that followed the waitress leaving the table it was comfortable as you both tried to find the words to start a conversation.

"I've been in Washington for a couple of years," Marcus began.

"For work?"

"Yeah, I needed to go away for a bit. Some things happened and a fresh start was what I needed."

You nodded as you listened. You wanted to ask more but you had to remember your friendship wasn't what it used to be. There was a boundary now, an unspoken line that came with not being in each other's lives for so long.

"Are you back for good?" you asked.

"I hope so. Nothing beats home, y'know?"

"I dunno, I envied you moving to the city whilst I stayed on the outskirts. Felt like you were moving on to bigger and better things and I was staying still." You shrugged it off. You hadn't meant to be that honest but it was what you had felt at the time.

"You're still teaching aren't you?"

"Yeah," you smiled at the waitress as she brought over your drinks, you were glad for the distraction.

"You still like teaching?"

"I wouldn't want to do anything else," you smiled, thinking of the kids you taught, "it's a privilege to get to shape young minds, y'know? Even at pre-school age, they're so inquisitive, and they question everything and I'm the one that gives them the answers."

Marcus smiled as he listened. You suddenly felt shy under his intense gaze, something you'd never felt around him before. But he was listening, really listening to you and it felt so good that he wanted to get to know this different, older version of the person he'd known years ago.

"You look happy," Marcus sighed happily, though you sensed something else in his tone that you couldn't put your finger on.

"I'm happy with my job," you replied, but now there was something in your tone, a comment unspoken, 'I'm happy with my job but not in other aspects of my life'.

"And outside of work?"

Damn you Marcus and your ability to look right through me.

You gave him a smile that didn't reach your eyes, a smile that told him that things weren't as perfect as your job.

"I can't complain."

"You can to me," Marcus pushed his coffee to the side and gave you his full attention. He'd always been good at giving you his full attention, maybe that was why it was so easy to fall in love with him.

"I live on my own, have for a while. It's fine, it's what it is." You couldn't look him in the eye, instead focusing on cars pulling in and out of the parking lot.

"I get it. The older I get the harder it is to find someone special," Marcus said wistfully. You glanced over to him and he showed you a crooked smile. "It is what it is."

Your food was placed down in front of you and thankfully your conversations turned lighthearted.

The hug he gave you on the steps outside the diner was longer than normal but you weren't one to complain. You held him close, breathing in the sweet, smoky scent of his cologne and committing it to memory.

"Band practice."

You sighed dramatically as you pulled away from him.

"I sing to pre-schoolers, I'm not as good as I used to be."

"You had a voice of an angel, that doesn't just go away."

You rolled your eyes at his compliment, but you felt warm inside.

"Just don't laugh at me, okay?"

"I promise," Marcus said, and you believed him.

Band practise was at Tom's childhood home, just like the good old days. He had moved into the house when his parent's moved back to their home country of Cuba when they retired five years ago. The white, spiky outer walls reminded you of the time when you fell up the steps and smacked your head against the sharp spikes. You involuntarily cringed.

The garage was nostalgic in every way. It still housed a legless, cracking leather couch (where you used to sit way too close to Marcus on), Tom's 90's television set sat above collections of dusty VHS tapes, bicycle frames decorated the walls and a drum kit was set up on the far side of the wall.

"Please don't tell me the drums have been here since the end of college?"

Tom laughed and shook his head at you.

"Jo helped me get them down from the attic."

You raised your eyebrows at Jo who blushed and quickly looked away in response. There had been this unspoken thing between her and Tom throughout college, just as there had always been something quietly charged between you and Marcus. Except you had your suspicions that Jo and Tom had had the courage to do something about their thing at some point.

Marcus entered through the garage door, rubbing his hands together with a childlike excitement on his face.

"I don't know if it's because I'm getting old but I've been looking forward to this all week."

You laughed and before you knew it you were behind a microphone stand singing late 90's/early 2000's indie anthems with your friends playing behind you.

"Should we play some of our old songs?" Jo asked innocently.

"No."

"Fuck no."

"Absolutely not."

You all burst into fits of giggles.

You thought back to those songs you used to write and sing. "They were all so..."

"Angsty."

You turned to Marcus who had spoken. You nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, what was that about? What was going on in our lives that we had to write like that?"

You were being lighthearted but the way Marcus flashed you a sad smile had you taken aback. What did Marcus write about? You wished you still had your lyric books, maybe that would give a clue as to what teenage Marcus Pike was thinking and feeling.

"Lunch break anyone?" Tom shook you out of your thoughts and you were quick to jump at the chance to change the subject.

Over the next few months you all met up for band practice whenever you were all free, which was rare. Eventually the meet ups became less about the music and more about getting to know what was going on in your friend's lives since college.

The summer evenings were getting cooler and you took the opportunity to light a fire pit in Tom's back garden and sit around with beers in hand and Jo's phone hooked up to a small speaker playing background music to your conversations.

"So, the FBI, " Jo took a sip of her beer, "you must have some stories."

Marcus preened under the attention, goofy smile stretched wide as he picked at the label on his beer bottle.

"Yeah, none that I can tell you I'm afraid."

You joined in on the mock 'boos' that echoed around the pit. Marcus laughed.

"I'm sorry! Anyway, I specialised in art, it's not that interesting."

"Any art heists?"

"No, Jo."

"You know I saw a documentary on Netflix about these Rembrandt's..."

Tom's voice seemed to fade away as you caught Marcus' eye over the flames of the fire. You felt content under his gaze, like you'd done this a million times, like you were teenagers again listening to Tom go on about something you weren't interested in, hearing Jo pacify him absentmindedly whilst you and Marcus spoke without speaking.

It reminded you how in sync you always were, and still seemed to be. It hurt that after all these years there was still something between you, but was it enough? Marcus had come back to his hometown but you still weren't sure why.

You smiled a wobbly smile and stood from your camping chair.

"I'm just going to get some water," you announced and made your way towards the kitchen.

You didn't put the light on, instead taking to stand in the darkest corner of the room to catch your breath. You closed your eyes and leant your head back against the wall, not seeing Marcus following you in.

"You okay?"

You jumped in surprise but didn't choose to reply to him just yet. You needed to gather your thoughts together, try and have this conversation without all the emotions you felt bubbling up inside of you spilling out in front of Marcus.

"Why did you come back?"

You opened your eyes to see Marcus leaning back against the kitchen island. He was too far away to touch, but close enough that you could smell the smoke from the fire on his clothes.

"It's home. It's where I'm most comfortable. It's where all my memories are."

Were you satisfied with that answer? It seemed too vague to be completely true, but Marcus was never a liar. He seemed to sense where your head's at and sighed.

"There was someone. I wanted it to be serious. We got engaged, I promised her the world, we were going to fly out to Washington together. But it turned out I wasn't who she wanted."

You don't know what got to you the most, the fact that someone rejected this wonderful man, or that he didn't sound all that sad about it.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it made me realise I didn't want any of it either. I do want all of that, but not with her."

He whispered the last bit but in the silence of the kitchen it was hard to miss. He wanted someone else. And at that realisation you think you felt your heart crack cleanly in two.

You didn't know how to respond without admitting how you've felt for over fifteen years. You leaned away from the corner you had tried to hide yourself in and came to stand in front of Marcus.

"It's her loss. You know that, right?"

Marcus' eyes sparkled in the setting sun, and you realised it was because they were watery. You moved forward quicker than you could think and engulfed him in your arms, holding him tight to your chest as he instantly wrapped his arms around you.

You had done this hundreds of times, but this time it felt special, and you couldn't put your finger on why.

Your morning class hadn't even begun when your phone rang in your bag. Glancing at the bright red clock on the wall you had five minutes before the first bell. You frowned, trying to find your phone amongst the mess of tissues, pens and bandaids that had fallen out of their packaging before you saw Marcus' name flashing on the screen.

"Hello?"

"Hey, I'm sorry it's so early, I'm just getting into work. I was wondering if you were free tonight?"

You felt your heart jackhammer in your chest and you inwardly cursed at the way Marcus' question had sounded. Like a date. You rolled your eyes at your nonsense.

"I should be free. Why?"

"I wanted to go back to the diner if you're up for it? We didn't order the Choc'o'Shock shake, wanted to see if it tastes exactly like it used to."

You smiled at the thought of sharing a shake like you used to, and found yourself agreeing.

"Sounds good. Meet you there at seven?"

"Seven's great."

You ended the call just as the bell rang. You reminded yourself that you were just two friends, catching up like you have been for months. And you wouldn't let yourself get your hopes up. Because now that you had Marcus back in your life, you wanted to keep it that way. And you weren't going to ruin it by telling him you loved him when he didn't love you back.

You got there ten minutes early so you took a seat at yours and Marcus' favored booth and waited. There was hardly anyone in the diner, a couple of families dotted about, two teenagers on a date giggling over milkshakes. It made you smile and hope that things turned out better for them than it did for you and Marcus.

The bell over the door chimed and in walked Marcus, freshly shaved, hair perfectly ruffled. He wore a smart jacket over a casual shirt and jeans. It made you feel a little underdressed, should you have dressed up?

He spotted you, long legs striding over with a purpose before taking the seat across from you, out of breath and cheeks tinged pink.

"I thought I was going to be late. Got a new assistant in the office but he's struggling to get to grips with the way I like things."

You smiled, trying to imagine the gangly, slightly awkward boy in your memories as someone professional, and bossy. You giggled.

"I've only just got here myself."

Marcus threaded his fingers together on top of the black and white checkered table.

"I wanted to talk to you actually, about the other night."

You frowned. Did he mean the night in the kitchen where you comforted him?

"You don't have to feel bad about it. It's normal to let out your emotions."

Marcus smiled gratefully. "I know that, I just want to be honest. I've always been a man who is upfront with the people I care about."

You nodded. Marcus was an honourable, straightforward man. You knew he'd never go behind your back and say something, he was completely trustworthy in that sense. In every sense. He was just a good guy.

"I didn't have to come back here this year. I had choices but after everything that had happened, I realised some things."

You mirrored his posture, hands on the table an inch away from his and gave him your full attention. Despite feeling sick to your stomach about what he was going to say next, you knew he needed you to listen, so you did.

"D'you remember the time I got my drivers license, and I took you for a ride in my dad's old pick up truck?"

"Of course. I warned you you should have driven something smaller so soon after your test."

"Yeah but I was trying to show off and I ended up getting it stuck in mud and I had to call my dad out to free us."

You chuckled at the memory. Marcus had been so embarrassed and you'd calmed him down by holding his shaky hand and plying him with copious amounts of gum to chew on to distract him.

"And when I got my letter to say I'd been accepted into the FBI training program, you were there when I opened it. And when we shared our first sip of alcohol at thirteen, and you got me my first VHS that taught me how to play bass, you remember that?"

"I remember it all, but I don't understand where you're going with this." You weren't opposed to this trip down memory lane, but it was bringing back all these moments in your life that just reminded you that you'd always loved him.

"If I made a movie of my life, all the important parts would have you in them. All the parts that make up the man I am today are filled with you. I never want you out of my life again."

You swallowed around the lump in your throat. You grabbed a paper napkin and quickly patted at the tears falling down your cheeks as you prepared to ask the question that may change your life forever.

"What are you saying, Marcus?"

"I love you."

You let out a shaky breath. Marcus gently took your hands in his.

"I think I always have, but I know for sure I do now. And these past months have confirmed everything. I love you."

"I've loved you since the day I met you. When I grazed my knees in the park by your house and you heard me crying from your garden. And you ran over and pulled me up to my feet and played with me."

Marcus laughed loudly, disturbing the teenagers a few booths over who looked annoyed in your direction. You couldn't care less.

"I remember. My mom told me off for playing with a strange girl but we were inseparable after that."

"We've wasted so much time," you whispered sadly.

"No. How have we? We've spent most of our life together, building memories, having the time of our lives. We've been apart for a bit but has it felt like it?"

You thought about it and realised Marcus was right. You've gotten back into the rhythm of your friendship. It's not once been awkward. Since your last diner date it's like you had never been apart.

"I suppose it hasn't."

"So," Marcus began, clearing his throat and flashing you a cheeky smile, "do we count this as the first date or...?"

You let out a shuddery laugh. "Marcus, we've been here a hundred times."

"I know but, only as friends."

"Were we ever really just friends? We were in this weird, middle-ground where everyone knew we were into each other but we never went further than a kiss on the cheek."

"Ah! There was that one time."

You frowned and crossed your arms. "What are you talking about?"

"Christmas break during the first year of college, I turned too much when you leaned in for a kiss on the cheek and we ended up kissing on the lips."

You laughed, a full belly laugh that had Marcus gently shushing you, though he couldn't contain his chuckling either.

"I completely forgot!"

"That breaks my heart," Marcus said with a wink.

You eventually ordered your Choc'o'Shock shake, sharing it like you used to. Except this time everything was on the table. Your feelings were out in the open, you were happier than you'd ever been and there was hope for you and Marcus to go forward together.

“Would you like a redo on that kiss?” Marcus asked on the steps outside the diner.

You pretended to think about it before taking hold of the lapels of his jackets. “I’d like that very much.”

Permanent tag list: @autumnleaves1991-blog @bts17army @phoenixhalliwell @anu-simps @computeringturtle

#Marcus Pike #Marcus Pike x Reader #Marcus Pike x You #the mentalist #Pedro Pascal #Marcus Pike fanfic

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gracielitamargarita · 3 years

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Thoughts on Kyoru in Fruits Basket: The Final as a manga reader

(and bad metaphors about lava cake)

So with next week's impending shit storm of a Furuba episode next week, I've been doing some reflecting on our favorite Mutual Pining Idiots, Kyoru--and thinking about how the anime adaptation's choices in rearranging or removing content has impacted things, specifically with Se3E6.

And just to preface, I think the anime adaptation has been terrific overall. I also think loving something and critiquing something aren't mutually exclusive either. The goal of what I'm about to write is not to incite negativity, just to get some feelings out about my favorite pairing from my favorite manga series and provoke some deeper thought, I guess.

ALSO, I hope you don't mind metaphors--specifically ones about chocolate-raspberry lava cake, because that's what I've decided works best for explaining Kyoru. So FASTEN THOSE SEATBELTS PEOPLE

MANGA SPOILERS regarding previously omitted content as well as VAGUE ANIME SPOILERS that can be implied/inferred from the ending of Se3E7 under the cut.

I think one of the (many) reasons I find Kyoru to be such a satisfying ship is because of the slow-burn element. Come season 2 through the beach arc, their chemistry is palpable, natural, and growing stronger and stronger with each episode. When Kyo finally admits to himself that he's in love with Tohru in Se2E9, it feels like we've been rewarded with a chocolate lava cake topped with raspberry sauce--it's delicious, complex, and full of gooey and satisfying substance.

Now like many, I'm a sucker for the pining idiot trope--let alone the MUTUAL pining idiot trope--and we do get to see this through the end of season 2 as Tohru's feelings for Kyo become more apparent to everyone BUT her. It's like we're LOOKING at the chocolate-raspberry lava cake, so close that we can ALMOST touch it, but we as viewers aren't allowed to cut into it yet--which makes every little encounter between the two of them all the more exciting, because we wonder what's finally going to allow us to ravish this goddamn lava cake (sorry).

Which is why I realized I'm actually struggling more than I initially thought in the final season. As it's been widely speculated, discussed, and now officially confirmed, we're getting 13 episodes this season. And while like most everyone else, I'd be thrilled with two cours, I don't know the ins and outs of anime production, AND, while I'm bummed, I've accepted that it is what it is--and that it isn't the reason I'm writing this post.

Of course not every panel or fleeting moment can be adapted from the manga to the anime. There were small little cuts here and there over the course of the first two seasons, but nothing in my opinion that's really SO substantial that it drained the lava cake of its filling--maybe some of that raspberry topping, but generally, the good stuff is all there. (Though I do love this moment below from chapter 82, which was skipped over in Se2E19)

The final season has been different, though. As we know in the manga, the inner turmoil for Kyo--and Tohru to an extent--really starts escalating immediately after Cinderella-ish with Kyoko's backstory and Kyo's nightmare from chapters 90-93. I also understand that Cinderella-ish was Se2E23, and with only 2 episodes left in the season, it made sense from a directorial standpoint to end with the Kureno/Akito reveal versus Kyoko's backstory and Kyo realizing he needs to know his place.

But without this context, it leaves moments like the flower scene from Se3E2 less impactful--like a lava cake made by someone who skimped on the filling. To an anime-only (and even as a manga reader), it's likely still a satisfying moment to watch: we know that Tohru clearly has a lot of inner turmoil following her conversation with Kureno. Kyo's turmoil following his nightmare, however--and overall, the sentiment of him thinking he needs to stay away from Tohru, yet still finding himself drawn to her above all odds--is deeply diminished.

Which leads me to the main reason (finally, sorry) that I wrote this post--Se3E6, or the episode when Tohru finally admits to herself AND to Rin that Kyo has taken the place of her mother as the most precious person to her.

In the manga, Se3E6 is made up of chapters 107, 108, 109, AND 114, spanning the end of volume 18 through the beginning of volume 20 of the TokyoPop mangas. Volume 19 in particular is one of my all time favorite mangas in the entire series for one clear reason: just as we've seen Kyo get to do in season 2, we finally get to see Tohru slowly own her feelings for Kyo, and MY GOD, is cutting into that lava cake and enjoying that delicious filling satisfying AF. The Mutual Pining Idiots are in full swing here, both dealing with inner turmoil but also being unable to stay away from one another either. In addition, they're dealing with normal teenage awkwardness too, which feels like a bonus topping (would nuts go well, do we think? LOL) to the Kyoru lava cake.

But between the producers adapting Momiji's arc prior to episode 6 AND the producers ending episode 6 with a 2-minute horror movie essentially--AND, lest we forget, none of the Kyoko backstory at this point--we lost essentially all of that satisfying filling.

And again, I understand, only 13 episodes and the producers are trying to make shit work and I do see why they made some of these changes in the overall big picture of things, but I wish it weren't at the expense of Tohru's character development and also for Kyoru, which had been so thoughtfully and delightfully well-developed in the first two seasons.

My biggest issue BY FAR with episode 6 is Tohru's confession to Rin happening before the sheets scene. The producers combined 109 and 114 for the second half of episode 6. In the manga, Tohru is able to openly admit that Kyo is the most important person to her BECAUSE of how he accepts her after she "opens the lid" to reveal the ugly feelings she's been harboring for years about her father. And in the manga, since we have the context of Kyoko's backstory and can see how she nearly committed suicide and left Tohru alone for days, it is gut-wrenching to finally hear Tohru confront and express her trauma in her own words.

The sheets scene is arguably my favorite scene in the entire series. The anime portrayed it beautifully. Jerry and Laura ripped my heart out with their performances. It was a deeply moving scene (even with all of the changes) and the romance and pining was there--but, I hate to admit it, the feeling of cutting into that delicious lava cake to reveal that even more satisfying filling was not.

And now, come the end of Se3E7, we're approaching the climax of the series that we've been salivating for for so long now, the result of all of this inner turmoil and secrets and deep, deep longing for one another--and it almost feels now like the cake was baked too quickly, in addition to being drained of much of its filling.

I was debating waiting to write this until next week after we see how Se3E8 goes, but my thoughts have been swirling about and this clown couldn’t help herself. I'd like to end this post on a hopeful and more forward-thinking note, though, if you've made it this far into my novel LOL.

There is definitely the potential to add a little more about Kyoko's backstory in next week's episode. I also expect that we'll hear more of Tohru's inner narrative and thoughts, which I’m really looking forward to. As several others have speculated as well, I predict that we'll be getting chapters 119-122 next week. Despite it being 4 chapters, everything should happen in sequence (versus with episode 6) and there's a lot of action, so I do feel like it won't feel rushed or disjointed. And while I could see them possibly ending with 121, 122 would be my preferred ending for many reasons (manga readers know where I'm going with this ;P) and I honestly see it fitting best there.

And regardless of what happens, I'm looking forward to eating whatever variety of lava cake is served to us next week.

And at the end of the day, we'll always have the manga, which will probably always be my favorite lava cake of all.

(and now I'm hungry for an actual lava cake)

#fruits basket #fruits basket spoilers #furuba #fruits basket manga #fruits basket anime #kyoru #tohru honda #kyo sohma #fruits basket the final #let them eat lava cake #sorry in advance #i love these mutually pining idiots so much #and i have a lot of feelings #kyoru clown hours #fruits basket meta #fruits basket analysis

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closer-stars · 3 years

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Gut Feeling (9)

Member: San Genre: Fluff, Comfort Word Count: 9k Requested: Yes Content: the stuff people have been waiting for. food. boys being boys (affectionate). life being a butt. relationships are tricky. the turns have tabled. just stuff i owe you all after the pain that is called Slow Burn Note: I’m so sorry this took so long. A lot happened in between (covid scare at home if anything) in my life ahah. :( . writer’s block. trying to tie some loose strings while having something to close off for the last chapter. we’re nearly done! Proof read!. (also ehe, look forward to another fic i’ve been making maybe? ; w;)

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Part 8

Blood runs loudly in his ears that for a brief moment he thought he was hearing things.

“Can we take it slow?” It’s not really a question for you but somehow you managed to make it sound like such.

“Y-you’re really giving me a chance?” In his case, it really is a question phrased and sounding like such.

The way he looks, cheeks flushed in various warm shades, hands pinned under his thighs-- in all honesty, he looked like a nervous high school boy. It was adorable. “Why else would I ask if we can take it slow..” You point out gently, trying to chuckle a little lightly to gently rid the tension in the room.

Relationships have always been tricky.

Words stumble out of his mouth with the ease of a duckling who doesn’t know how to swim. “Yeah! I, uh, I mean, yeah, we can take it slow.” San can keep his composure together on the stage despite wardrobe malfunctions or falling microphone packs but put him face to face with someone who has his heart and he’s fumbling. “I don’t want to hurt you.” He confesses. He doesn’t want to commit the same mistake. Not again.

His words soften your features. You can’t blame him. The road the two of you walked on was a tricky one. You’re a little hopeful that this time it won’t be as troublesome as it was in the past. “I think,” you start. It’s easy to miss the hesitance the flashes behind his eyes. “I think, I trust you enough to know that you won’t hurt me intentionally.” You say carefully. There are things you’ve learned in your years without him that made you who you are, now you’re willing to learn a little more with him by your side.

His gaze on you is intense, studying your features closely as he hopes that you aren’t joking. It takes a moment for him to realize that you’re sincere. You’ve never joked about relationships with the members or with anyone. You’re taking the risk, what kind of sign was he looking for still? His lips curve upwards slowly, until his dimples show. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

It’s obvious how the weight on both your shoulders has been lifted at his answer. You can’t help but giggle at the sight of how happy he looks. The happy moment is cut by the growling of his stomach. Two pairs of eyes look at his stomach but only one pair of ears heat up upon realizing what had just happened. “Come on, let’s get you something to eat.” You say without missing a beat. “I’m not good like Wooyoung though when it comes to cooking meat.” You warn as you pull him up to bring with you to the kitchen.

“The food you cook in barbeque restaurants says otherwise though.” He points out, truthfully, he’s at the point of hunger where he’ll eat anything.

The face you make at his words makes him giggle. It was fun teasing you. “San, those meats were marinated in their sauces.. All I had to do was put it on some hot surface to make it edible.” As you go through your pantry, you ask him if he’s okay with seafood. Of course, this was met with enthusiasm.

That’s how the rest of the night goes, just San telling you how the commercial filming went. He recounts how tired he is of the drink he had to sip over the day-- not that he’ll ever get tired of the drink itself but just for today he didn’t want anything to do with it. Along with the usual discomforts of filming, he retells the antics the members do that haven’t changed over the years. It hasn’t quite set in yet that the two of you are now officially together, if anything, it still feels like the two of you are still just friends only with reciprocated feelings.

It’s not hard to notice how tired San feels now that he’s clean and full (in stomach and heart), that you can’t help the smile growing on your features as you watch him stifle a yawn. “Go get ready for bed, your mattress is already ready.” You say, shooing him to get his needed rest.

“No, I want to help clean.” He mumbles as he stands up, used utensils and dishes in hands. While you were packing away the leftovers, he already was one step ahead of you-- cleaning them already. He just knows where everything is by now. You also know how stubborn he is by now, so you let him. As thanks, you give him a quick hug. Just as you were about to pull away to let him finish, he makes an indignant sound. “Stay like this, please? I like your hugs.”

“As long as you wash them thoroughly.” You murmur.

---------

The two of you are on your own beds, until now San’s a little dismayed that Lily has to sleep in another room. It was to curb her neediness, you’ve told him in the past, but still. He didn’t mind having a little fur friend next to him while he sleeps. That is, if he could actually sleep.

It’s been an hour since his back hit the mattress to call it a day. To his right was you, sound asleep with half your face covered by the blanket. He was a little envious of how you could sleep without any sort of habit like him. Unfortunately for him, he forgot to bring something to hug to sleep so he’s left alone wide awake with his thoughts. The conversation replays in his mind, picturing how you looked at him, he wonders too how he looked earlier. This wasn’t a dream was it? He doesn’t know why he keeps doubting everything. A part of him thinks he doesn’t deserve this, knowing how he was in the past. Another part of him has to remind himself that he’s grown from it. Should he have stayed for the night? He really needs advice from his members right now. But if he didn’t stay for the night then the two of you wouldn’t have--

“Still awake?”

The soft voice startles him from his thoughts, his head whipping to the source. But, you look asleep so who’s speaking?

“Can’t sleep, huh? Did you forget to bring something to hug?” The voice was from you despite your closed eyes. He gazes at you in relief, thankful that he wasn’t being fooled by some supernatural being.

“Go back to sleep, I’ll be able to sleep soon.” He tells you softly once he catches the rasp in your sleep ridden voice.

You raise your arm, inviting him over to your bed. “Come here. I know you by now.”

Even in the dark, his eyes widen at your invitation. “I thought you wanted to take things slow.” San returns, staring at your open arms before looking at your features, your eyes now open. Who knew they could sparkle even in the dark?

“I do. I also do know that you’re very cranky when you don’t get a minimum of three hours of decent sleep.” At your words, he checks the time, blinding himself at the sudden brightness of his phone. 4AM. He shifts carefully into your arms. Good god, you’re so warm and comfortable. It takes him a while to wrap his arms around you. By the time his body melts with yours, and how his arm sinks onto your side, you’ve already fallen asleep.

Sunlight hits your eyes and you try to cover your eyes from the disruption, only to gently hit your forehead against something. That’s what gets you to open your eyes. A blue shirt? You shift in alarm to look up at who was right next to you. Oh right, you let San sleep with you on your bed. This is the first time you see him so vulnerable up close. His lashes just barely brush against his skin, his mouth slightly ajar as he snores softly. A small part of you wishes to have him like this a little longer, that even if you spoi yourself with a few moments of just gazing at his sleeping form, the day has to start. “San..” you murmur, shaking him gently.

No response. The man continues to sleep on, with no plans of letting you move out of his hold. No wonder he sleeps with a plush toy or pillow in his arms.

“San.” You say a little louder. “It’s 7AM. You have a schedule..” You remind him, patting his arm gently. His groan lets you know he’s awake much to his distaste, even going as far as covering his eyes with his forearm, to block any sunlight from forcing him up. “Get up please?” You ask him nicely, though your hand proceeds to squish his cheeks, this time you let your phone blare your alarm. “I’ll cook you some breakfast as long as you get up and get ready for your schedules.” His arms tighten just a little around you, begging for a few more minutes through a raspy whine. San, come on.” You plead gently, patting his cheek lightly to get his arms to loosen up. Eventually he does, and you catch up on the lost time to prepare food and prepare yourself up for the day.

“Only because your alarm’s Illusion.”

--------

Breakfast goes by smoothly once San wakes up, coffee and a decent meal putting him in a better mood. You wonder when did he become a little better with the mornings but that’s another story for another time. The two of you eat quietly, the TV faintly plays the morning programs.

“Ah, right..” You speak up after a moment. “Manager Yoon’s going to be the one to pick you up.” At least that means San doesn’t have to rush anymore when it comes to preparing for the day. That also means he’s the last to be made up for today’s guestings in the nightly radio.

The man stifles a yawn, his body still warming up to the mere fact he’s awake in the morning. “That’s good. What time is he coming here?” He asks as he looks at his phone. “Nevermind, half an hour.” He quickly adds as he sees the message.

This also means he would have to tell the boys and the managers of his relationship status now. “Is it alright if I tell the boys about us?” He asks, remembering the conversation he had with the members in the past. He gave it a shot now, and it was successful. “Of course, I won’t say anything if you don’t want to.” It was through the months of catching up that he realized just how private you are with your own life.

You don’t mind, so you give him the go signal. “Yeah, if you have to tell the company too that’s alright. I just don’t want to go public with the relationship at least for now.” You trust San yes, but can you trust the fans? A lot has changed between the two of you but surely more so for the fans they cater to.

He nods, a little giddy to tell the boys already that the two of you are now a thing. He sees the food that’s still on the table and feels a little bummed that he won’t be able to eat this at the end of the day.

“Go get ready, your manager’s going to be here any time now.” You stand up as you finish your own meal.

He places his own plate by the sink as a thought flashes in his mind. He wonders how nice it would be to live with you, instead of just constant sleepovers. These thoughts were better saved for another time, for now, he opts to press a quick kiss on your temple. “Thanks, babe.”

---------

The trip to the hair salon was a little rowdy to put it simply. After San dropped the news on the three members and Manager Yoon, the questions just kept going. The questions were just the same thing though, just coming from two sources: Wooyoung and Yunho. Seonghwa on the other hand was watching the entire scene unfold with relief and amusement. It was nice to see San smile this bright and giddy again.

San did tell the entire conversation to the best that he can to the three. Manager Yoon smiling to himself as well as he listens to him. “About time.” Yunho teases as he hits San’s shoulders over and over.

“As much as I’m happy for you, I’m bummed I won’t get to see Hongjoong drunk.” Wooyoung says with a snicker. San takes no offense, admittedly he also wanted to see Hongjoong drunk too. Maybe some other time.

“I’ll tell the other members in the dorm. I promised them that it would only be the members and managers.” San immediately follows it up with the promise. He trusts his members, he really does but the extra precaution was needed especially with you. As much as he wants to tell the members now, it’ll have to wait when they’re back in the privacy of their dorms. For now, they had to focus on their schedules for the next few days.

--------

The other members noticed that San was a little happier than usual even at such an early hour. Yeosang throws an inquisitive look at Wooyoung, hoping for an answer to the strange behavior. The latter says nothing but gives his friend a patient smile. Even as San tries to contain his relief for you, there’s the feeling of quiet content on his shoulders.

The cameras start rolling, and the smiles start showing. It’s nice to see the fans again after so long. New and familiar faces are in front of them, it was an odd feeling to see people this close again. The cheers that erupt after greeting them puts a rush of adrenaline into their veins. Though there was a glass wall that separates them, the djs and the fans, it wasn’t a big deal. Things were safe now. They can go out and have a small fan meeting with the fans afterwards.

The radio show goes smoothly: a few TMIs of their daily life and comeback preparations. Some skits were done for those listening in along with a short QnA with their new songs playing in between. As much as San wanted to check his phone during the break, there were fans just outside that could look at his phone just because he knows you usually message around this time. Instead, he looks out the window, greeting the fans and waving to the cameras. He’s grateful for the fans who have stayed through the thick and thin. In a sense, both sides have seen each other grow through life’s milestones. He wonders how many of them are in a relationship as well and the thought unknowingly makes him smile softly at the fans.

It’s Wooyoung’s insistent poking and tickling that gets him out of his thoughts, just in time for the show to continue. Before the show ends, they’re told to sing their latest song. In typical fashion, they sing their hearts out even if this is just a radio show, even if their dancing won’t be caught on camera, they still do the choreography in their seats.

For the ending of the show, they go to where the fans are waiting, waving to them as the curtains of the venue slowly go down. It takes a while for the curtains to go down but the boys make the most with a few finger hearts, waves, and kisses to fans who have been waiting for hours for them. Now that the radio show has ended, San was able to comfortably complain and retaliate Wooyoung’s teasing and poking earlier.

“Don’t get mad at me. You really looked like you were out of it!” Wooyoung claims as he squeaks over the tickling that he can’t escape from. Thanks Jongho.

It’s not like San can deny that he was busy in his own head but he wasn’t going to confirm it outright here.

Hongjoong’s return with their new album that they signed in the hair salon managed to break the bickering. It was their way of thanking the DJ for being invited onto his show, along with the hopes of being invited again in the future. With all the niceties and other gratitudes out of the way, it was time to head home.

---------

It’s when everyone’s finally at home that the air was buzzing with curiosity. It’s rare to have San be that warm in the mornings. Well he’s gotten better with the mornings, that was a fact but there was some sort of warmth that was oozing out of San today. He knows this too or at least, he can sense that there’s something in the air with his members.

“San, did something happen?” Hongjoong asks, now that they’re complete again for their weekly catch up. The other four were still in the dark about what had happened, the three that do know are just smiling at him. The smiles though are clearly in different stages.

Yeosang, despite his curiosity to know what happened, can’t help but feel a little bit of alarm at the sight of how different the smiles were on Seonghwa’s, Yunho’s and Wooyoung’s faces. “San did something really smart or really dumb.” He blurts out, much to Mingi’s alarm.

This makes the mentioned male wince at how true it sounds. He did do a lot of dumb stuff behind the camera so he couldn’t blame Yeosang for that. “Depends on how you guys take it though…” San speaks up now that everyone’s eyes are on him. His hand reaches behind his neck, rubbing it to ease his nerves. After a deep breath, he tells them that you and him are now dating, officially. The room bursts into celebration after it sinks in: Yunho and Mingi tackling the poor guy to the floor, Jongho and Seonghwa have bursted into song-- a popular OST from a recent drama they’re watching, Hongjoong says nothing but smiles in relief at his member. Thank god it ends on a good note. Truly, his kids are growing up.

“Wooyoung looks bummed.” Yeosang points out, though with no concern after knowing the reason. It gets everyone to look at him, everyone but San who feared the worst.

“Nah, I’m happy for our Sannie here.” Wooyoung explains, putting emphasis on his nickname the same way you would for him. “This just means, Hongjoong-hyung and I won’t be able to drink ten shots.”

It’s only then that Hongjoong bursts into cheer, going as far as to tease him much to Wooyoung’s fake annoyance.

San looks at the entire room, eyes slightly wide with shock. “So you guys are okay with it? The two of us dating?” Even to him, the mere fact he’s dating someone he’s had feelings for so long feels unreal.

Hongjoong shakes his head, bottom lip out in thought. “No? Why would we have an issue with it? You’ve been in love with them for so long and growing through it and now the two of you are together. Why would we be mad about this? San, we’re happy.” He stops for a moment. “Do you have plans of telling the company?”

San tilts his head in thought this time. “I’m still thinking if I should. I mean, they’ve given me the go signal if I want to tell the company but they’d rather I don’t go public with the dating.” He recounts the conversation. Hell, even his fellow friends in the other groups didn’t go public with their dating. For now, he’ll stick to being private about your relationship. “Give me two months before telling the company maybe?”

“Six?”

He looks at Seonghwa, a little surprised by the input. “Really?”

“Or you know,” butts in Yunho. “Just tell the company when you’re ready.”

“Can we at least meet up with them again soon?” Mingi asks now that it seems settled. “I miss seeing them too.” He admits, a dusting of embarrassment over his cheeks.

Now that Mingi mentioned it, it’s been quite a while since all of you met up again. While he did have you all to himself for the most part, their hectic schedules have made it hard for the nine of you to meet for dinner. “I can send them a message, ask their schedule then we can plan it from there.” San suggests.

Seeing the younger yawn through their words, Hongjoong decides to end the catch up session there. “I guess we can end it here then. Everyone’s tired and we got a full schedule for the next three days.”

It goes without saying that if there’s a full schedule then San won’t be able to sleep over until the end. For the most part, he manages not being able to see you on the daily. He’s used to it. It’s a little different now that the two of you are dating, he wants to see you more often but work comes first. The text messages will do for now.

---------

The last schedule finally ends and already the members can feel the buzz in his body to see you again. Seonghwa snickers at the scene in front of him. A wide eyed San that’s about to bounce on the balls of his feet. If it weren’t for it being seen as rude, he would be bouncing to leave the building. While the younger’s too busy in his own thoughts and excitement, Seonghwa sneaks a video to send to you.

[ Seonghwa to You ] excited_san.vid

[ Seonghwa to You ] be prepared for tonight

[ Seonghwa to You ] he was so exhausted the past few days.

[ Seonghwa to You ] he’s gonna be clingy

[ Seonghwa to You ] don’t say i didn’t warn you.

“Did you just send them a video of San?” asks Wooyoung under his breath to not be caught by San. All they were waiting for was the director in order to say properly bid goodbye after the long shoot. At his question, Seonghwa shows Wooyoung the video. “Send it to me, hyung. I want to have something to use for his birthday.” The younger begs.

“Just shoot him now. He’s swaying on his feet.” Seonghwa points out. True enough, San couldn’t keep still now. To others, he just seemed restless, aching to be in the comfort of his own bed. But the members know better, he’s excited to come home to you.

[ You to Seonghwa ] I’m not surprised.

[ You to Seonghwa ] I already have food ready in case he skips on dinner again.

[ You to Seonghwa ] laughing_apeach.emoji

Seonghwa keeps his phone immediately once the director comes in. Proper niceties were exchanged along with a gift of a signed album. Now that was done, San lets out a relieved exhale as they leave the premises.

“Sleeping over at their place again?” Seonghwa teases his younger member. “Don’t forget to ask for their schedule for a dinner with us too.” He reminds lightly at the sight of San’s red cheeks.

“Of course! Ah, hyung, what do you take me for?” San complains lightheartedly as they make their way to the car.

“A lovesick puppy.” Seonghwa returns without missing a beat and it’s enough to make San hide his face behind his hands. While San tries to calm down from such a straightforward answer, Seonghwa already sends San a reminder to his kakao. “There, if you still forget, you’re cleaning the bathroom for a week.”

The doorbell rings and you immediately make your way to the door. Lily following by your feet, the little one already knowing who it was by the door. By the time you unlock your door, you see San now in his casual get up, smiling warmly at you. “Hey.” San says simply, his arms slightly raised, a shy request for a hug to which you grant once he steps inside your home.

--------

The familiar scent of your shampoo and your clothes relaxes his strained body after a strenuous week. You can feel him practically melt in your arms. “Hey, hey, don’t fall asleep like this. I’m not strong enough to carry you to bed!” The way your voice rose in concern and alarm made San giggle lightly against your neck. Not wanting to scare you any further, he peels himself off you.

He spots your Lily looking up at him, tail swishing about in warm welcome to his return. Once they’re given the chance to head home for a break, he’ll get to see Byeol again. Once he sets his things down by your couch, Lily loops herself around his legs. “Nice to see you too~” he coos softly as he carefully picks her up in his arms.

As he busies himself with your feline companion, “Have you eaten?” You ask from the kitchen. At least you don’t have to worry about what he likes to eat.

“Not yet…” He confesses, a little shyly as he approaches the kitchen, gently setting Lily down on the ground. “What’s for dinner?” He asks, as he looks for how else can he help around your place.

“Beef, shrimp and some tteokbokki I cooked yesterday.” The table was already set up. You lean against the counter as you wait for the microwave to finish heating up the last of the meal you prepared for him. Silence shortly falls over the two of you, save for the microwave whirring in the background. It’s hard not to spot how hungry San looks at the sight of the food in front of him that it makes you chuckle lightly. “You can eat already, San. I’m just heating up the tteokbokki.”

The microwave beeps as it finishes heating the last meal. Already San has started to eat the beef first and you let him eat in peace, god knows how long it has been since his last meal. He notices you watching him with soft eyes and again he feels his ears heat up. He asks you a question that you can’t quite decipher with the food in his mouth. “Eat first, before you ask again.” You reassure, once he tries to rush through his food.

You had a point so he chews slowly this time, making sure to not choke in the process before speaking up again. “How was your day?” He asks, this time a little clearer, before taking another spoonful of what looked like his 2nd serving of rice.

Well, you entertain him with your day: meetings, pre-production preparations, scouting of locations. It’s the same old day for you but you don’t mind. You’re always on the move even at the odd hours of the night sometimes. He sees it in your smile, despite the dark circles under your eyes from sleepless nights, he sees how fulfilled you are with your work. It’s the same feeling he has with his. It’s through you that he learned how to be a better artist in front of the camera and with the staff. It’s also because of you that Wooyoung’s video editing skills got better but that’s another story.

So you return the question to him, wondering how he’s been for the past few days. Honestly, you tune in to his shows whenever you can, sometimes even just having it as background noise as you work on your own at home.

He takes your question as his cue to let his body digest the food he practically inhaled. He leans back against the chair, trying to recall the blur of the past few days. To a degree, he does. Truthfully, the days melt into each other when it comes to work. The only way he knows that time has passed is through the habits the members have, along with your text messages. It’s not that he doesn’t care for himself but his life as an artist is always fast paced that even someone as seasoned as him still has trouble with telling the days apart. Despite that, he’s able to remember enough to give you a bit of story, though he ends it with a bashful confession of how the days just blur into each other sometimes. Your reassurance relieves him even if it’s a bit. It’s a little worrisome that he confuses the days when he works, he admits.

When he realizes that he’s already full from the food, he lets out a content sigh. “Thank you for the meal, really.” He says, already feeling sleepy from how sated he feels.

“Hey don’t fall asleep on me!” You whine as you nudge his calf under the table. “Help me put these away first!” It takes him awhile to regain his surroundings, food coma already coming in fast for him. Fortunately, he manages to get himself out of his lazy state to help you.

Once all of that was over, the two of you lounge by the couch, letting the tv play whatever movie was playing. It’s only when the two of you are in your sleepwear that the exhaustion sets in.

Your head finds comfort leaning against his arm. The two of you weren’t really paying attention to the movie, it was just there for white noise. Both of you were just basking in each other’s presence-- even if it meant Lily pads back and forth on the couch behind you. The two of you watch the feline bolt across the room, chasing after its own toys. As Lily bounces off, running after a ball, San takes a peek at you. “I know that look.” He says softly, careful to not startle you. “Wanna talk about what’s in your head?” He offers.

Truthfully, he also had some thoughts in his head. Though, he still has trouble phrasing them out loud, he’d rather listen to you first. Maybe from there he’d get answers or relief from your thoughts as well.

Your gaze has fallen from Lily running around to your hand just brushing against his and it’s when San speaks up softly that you snap out of your daze. “Hm?” You hum in response. “Nothing serious.” You reassure. “Just thinking of how we’ve become.” You add. How do you tell San the thoughts in your tangled head? There’s a lot of thoughts in there, verbalizing these thoughts still aren’t your forte.

“Oh?” He replies, hoping to hear more of your thoughts. As much as he is talkative, taking the role of the ears was something he appreciates just as much. “Like how?” He asks, his palm upturned as an open invitation for you to hold his hand.

It takes a few moments for you to accept the invitation as you ended up just keeping your gaze on his open hand. “It’s just… I feel happy with you.” It’s not the answer he expected but he listens. “Not saying that I wasn’t happy without you, I felt happy and fulfilled on my own. I think,” You stop often, trying to find the right words. “There’s something about us now dating that makes my heart race.”

“Is it a good kind?” San asks, leaning forward and shifting to face you properly.

It’s hard to miss how intense his gaze can be despite the soft look in his eyes that it makes you look down at your hands that brush against each other. “Yeah, I like the feeling so far.” You admit. It’s a new feeling, the best way you can describe it is how you get so excited and nervous for the first day of doing something you love. Only instead of doing something, it’s knowing you have someone willing to stay by your side.

It’s such a new feeling and you’re not sure of how to treasure it properly.

like, we went from these two awkward adults making ends meet with their jobs, still trying to get used to the fact we’re both in our early twenties.” The mention of the age makes him think back to those years. It feels a little weird to have started out like that to end up becoming the man he is today. He thinks back to his members, seeing each other grow and become their own individual selves outside the group. Eventually the thoughts go to you, the one sitting next to him with their arm looped around his. “Come to think of it, San. I did a lot of stupid things too back then… in hindsight, I could’ve reacted better and done things a little differently and maybe neither of us would’ve gone through such things but…” A soft sigh leaves your lips. “That’s life. We’ve learned from it from the looks of things.”

Once you finish your thought, San’s features soften up. It’s not that he’s been wanting some kind of apology for how you acted, he’s moved past that by now. He’s been in good terms with you now but he still wonders just how vivid your thoughts are. After you spill your thoughts, he leans over to brush his lips against your temple. He doesn’t know why he does so but it just felt like he should. Having you lean into his affection was a thrill he doesn’t see himself getting tired of, it leaves such a warm feeling in his chest that he couldn’t help but pull you closer. “What has happened brought us to where we are now, so please, don’t beat yourself up for what happened.” He murmurs softly, pulling away to make you look at him in the eye.

The two of you were so close. So painfully close, that one could just reach out a little and your lips could touch. No one makes a move though. Instead, the two of you look at each other, quiet content in the air. San closes the gap between the two of you by leaning his forehead gently against yours, giggling softly.

“What?” You mumbled, slight confusion in your voice. The lack of distance now had your heart racing, the faint scent of his shampoo already had your head spinning.

“Nothing,” he just giggles and quickly presses a kiss on your forehead. “The movie’s already finished. We barely even paid attention.” Already, the screen’s rolling credits along with bloopers in between. He glances at the time. It’s a habit of his when he’s had a long day.

“Let’s go to sleep?” You offer, after he puts his phone down. He flashes a small smile. “What?”

“I don’t have anything tomorrow, so I’ll be able to catch up on sleep.” He says with pride. A small part of you tightens in pain, you have a full day tomorrow.

“Crap, I got a full day tomorrow. I can buy us fried chicken and maybe some soju to make up for it.” You explain. He looks at you and guilt shines in your eyes to which he shakes his head.

He squishes your cheeks together, producing a surprised yelp from you. “Babe,” he starts. “It’s okay, that’s work. You have to deal with me working crazy hours day in and day out, I don’t mind.” He explains. The way your lips pucker up makes him laugh. “At least bring home some mint choco ice cream too!” A thought of how your lips would feel against his passes his head.

On the other hand, you felt your heart skip as he called you ‘Babe’. Maybe you can call him something similar down the line. His words bring you reassurance, managing to smile after he lets go of your cheeks. “I’ll buy you a big serving.” You promise as you stand up, stretching your now sleeping legs. San raises his arms to you, looking like a baby asking to be carried. With your utmost strength, you pull him to his feet.

To be honest, ever since he slept with you in the same bed, it’s been a little weird to sleep on your own. He says hugging you makes him sleep better, but you can’t deny that sleeping in his arms does feel nice. Now that you’re settled under the blankets, he pulls you flush against his chest. “You sure it won’t get too hot for you like this?” You ask him once you make sure your alarm is ready for tomorrow.

“Nope. I’ll be fine. You need to get your sleep. Do I need to sing you a lullaby?”

You were thankful he couldn’t feel how hot your cheeks have become at such an offer. Maybe in the near future. Instead of saying anything, you just lace your fingers with his that were around your waist. “Go to sleep, Sannie. You got chicken, soju and ice cream waiting for you tomorrow.” Just as you were about to drift to sleep, you feel his nose nuzzle lightly against your neck. The last thing you feel before you fall asleep is his smile against your skin.

--------

You wake up to your phone buzzing to start the new day. Something in you tells you staying at home is better but you press on. As much as sleeping in with San is nice, you need to earn money.

A soft yawn slips from your lips, and you stretch just a little. It’s a little tricky to wake your body up when San’s warmth practically envelops your entire being. Regardless, you miraculously wriggle yourself free from San’s sleeping figure to get ready for the day ahead of you.

You get ready for the day quietly, making sure to not make too much noise. Carefully, you manage to make yourself something filling and quick to eat on the way. Of course, knowing how late San wakes up on off days: you put his share in the fridge. A quick note is placed on the fridge, just something to let him know there’s some food for him if he doesn’t want to order take out. You also make sure to feed Lily as she’s already pacing around expecting food for the day. “Don’t disturb Sannie okay?”

Before you leave, you press a quick kiss on his temple-- it was the only spot you could see as he practically buried himself in your blankets. How lucky. With that, you’re off to work.

--------

It’s midday by the time San wakes up. Lily’s already on his chest, meowing at him to wake up. The weight on his chest gets him to his senses quickly as he scrambles for his phone. “What time is it…” He rasps out as the screen momentarily blinds him. 2.00 PM. He’d sleep more but it’s not an option when Lily’s impatient for her lunch. Once Lily knows he isn’t falling back asleep, she hops off him. Her tail swishes about in impatience and hunger. Once he was free, he rolls off the bed with a yawn. Feed her first before doing any of his morning routine.

He’s wide awake by the time he gets out of the shower. Also, he’s hungry. He looks through his messages as he walks around your apartment.

[ You to San: 8:00 AM ] hello hello! I made some food that you might want to eat once you wake up!

[ Wooyoung to San: 9:54 AM ] When can we eat with the two of you? :>

[ Hongjoong to San: 1:45 PM ] We got a photoshoot three days from now. Don’t forget!

You usually message him around noon to remind him to eat even if he was just in your apartment. But it’s already 2.45PM, he worries for a moment but he tries to chalk it up to you just having a full day. He checks the kitchen and sees the note that you stuck onto the fridge.

You made rice balls and took some of the left over meat for your breakfast. This means that you made some for him too. He looks into the fridge once more if there’s any other food he could pair with the rice balls. He does: pickled radish, fermented anchovies and some beef with the rice balls. If he still wants more, he can go for take out while waiting for you.

He spends what’s left of his day watching tv or playing games on his phone, all while entertaining a rather clingy Lily.

[ San to You ] How are you?

It’s been a couple of hours since you’ve made any message to him. It’s become the topic on his mind, being battled out by two opposing sides of: you’re probably busy or something’s wrong. There was another possibility that he didn’t consider until now: both. For his peace of mind and hopefully yours, he writes up a message for you.

[ San to You ] Babe, don’t stress about the food! Leave it up to me, just come back into my arms okay?

[ San to You ] San_Duck.jpg

He looks at the time, he remembers you mentioning that you’ll be back by ten in the evening. That’s roughly five more hours of waiting and lounging about. He treasures the moments of silence and alone time he gets regardless of where he is: they’re a rarity in his field of work. His phone’s barely ringing from anything work related, but it rings when it comes to game invites. Who was he to turn down a match or two with his dear friends?

For the next hour or two, he manages to entertain himself with a few games, all while Lily finds entertainment in his hoodie’s zipper. The only reason he stops is because Lily was about to pull his hoodie off from her insistent pulling and tossing about. “Alright alright, you’re really just like your owner huh?” He jokes under his breath as he stands up to play with the feline this time.

In between playing with her, San manages to get some snacks in his system. With only less than three hours left before you arrive home, he orders take out for dinner for the two of you.

All that’s left now is to wait.

It’s already eleven. The food’s a little cold now, the ice cream and alcohol are in the fridge. Maybe he should heat it up again? Are you okay? He doesn’t know if he should worry or go out and look for you. Even Lily’s restlessly swishing her tail about by the door. He looks at his phone and your message comes in right on time.

[ You to San ] Sorry work ended late.

[ You to San ] I couldn’t buy your favorites too..

Something definitely happened at work but he won’t ask through text. You’ll tell him anyways.

[ San to You ] It’s fine! I’ll heat up our food ^^

When he stands up and picks up the food from the table, Lily looks up at him unblinking. “They’ll be late but they’re on their way home.” He replies, a bit of an attempt to reassure himself as well, while heating up the chicken and other meals he bought.

You arrive at home at nearly midnight. Your bag being dropped somewhere in the hallway. The drop startled both San and Lily. He immediately jumps to his feet and peeks into the hallway, you’re there against the wall, running your fingers through your hair. He notes how you’re trying to pace your breathing. “Babe…?” He calls you softly, worry obvious in his eyes as he takes a careful step forward. “What’s going--” you run into his arms, and slowly, his shirt feels a little damp. A little surprised by the turn of events, he glances at Lily. The feline says nothing but approaches you, gently butting her head against your leg. Even she was worried by the sudden burst of tears. “Hey… let’s sit down, you’ve had a long day.” San ushers gently. He doesn’t make a move until you cry out the initial frustrations.

He sits down first, letting you sit in between his legs, almost cradling you as you try your utmost best to stop crying. Lily pads over to the both of you, hopping onto the couch to keep an eye on you especially. San doesn’t say anything, letting you cry as much as you can, proving back rubs whenever your body shakes from tears you try to hold on to.

Whenever his hand’s on your back, the tears keep flowing. No matter how hard you try to use your usual methods to stop crying, it still keeps going. “Need tissue..” you mumble through your sniffles. Already your boyfriend has one in his hand and he wipes your tears first, before attending to your nose. He reassures you to take your time, that you don’t need to tell him if you don’t have the strength to talk about it. Besides the reassurances, he reminds you to eat too. That’s when you realize you’ve been on an empty stomach for a long while now. You shift in his arms just to get some food in your system.

As the two of you eat, the walls you tried to keep up earlier, come down. You tell him of a horrible meeting that set everyone a week back which could mean a longer delay down the line. It’s not your fault, you say over and over, wanting to believe your own innocence. No matter what you did to avoid this situation, it still happened because of uncooperative talents who decided not to tell anyone of their plans. Yet it fell on you, you were the point person for both sides yet because of their inability to communicate, the brunt of the chaos fell on you. All the pent up stress you kept away from San bursted today after that horrific meeting. The reason you left late was due to all the follow up meetings to rearrange the timeline of projects. The constant frustration and disappointment from everyone and yourself just broke you. As you explain, your voice breaks again that you had to put down the potato wedge. You try to control yourself again. You’ve cried too much.

San has none of your insistent need to control yourself. He whispers soft praises and words of comfort. “It’s okay.” he would say as he feeds chicken pops to you. “You did everything you can and I’m proud of you still.” He would remind you as he urges you to drink water. “Let me know who these are and I’ll give them an earful.” He threatens. While it sounds empty to the two of you, he knows just what to do should he know who these were. At one point, the tears continue again and he wonders just how much you’ve tried to keep from him no matter how many times he asks. Your lover sighs a little, pained to see you in such a position but he knows you need to let out all the things you’ve kept inside. He lets you cry it out but he also makes sure to wipe the tears that continue to run down your already tear stained cheeks. He could only imagine just how heavy you feel. “Can you look at me?” San asks gently. It takes a few heart beats but you eventually do. Eyes shining still with tears that have yet to shed, yet you manage to still have that flame in you to keep going. “Today’s one bad day. That’s okay.” he starts, cupping your cheeks because of how often you look away whenever he gets into these moods. He needs you to keep his eyes on him this time, just once. “Tomorrow’s another day. Another beginning. Your co-workers are aware now of how insufferable those talents are. They’ll come to their senses to apologize to you.” A small smile flickers in his serious visage when he hears you laugh a bit at his choice of words. “Also, it’s okay to cry. Don’t hold it in to yourself. Even if we’re both always so busy, you can talk to me or Jiwoo.” A meow comes from behind you and it makes the two of you look at Lily, pacing around the couch. “Of course, Lily’s here as well.” His thumbs run across your cheeks ever so carefully, wiping away the tear stains. “Promise me at least? Anything that bothers you, talk to anyone about it, even me.”

You lean into his touch, your hands rest over his ever so lightly. At his words, your chest tightens at how worried he is for you. Your eyes close again, breathing slowly. “I will.” You say simply. It doesn’t surprise you anymore when you feel San’s lips flutter over your eyes, your cheeks, then your nose. The ticklish yet comforting feeling causes giggles to bubble out from your lips. Yet you don’t say anything, still so shy by how close he is to you. He doesn’t pull away yet, and you can’t open your eyes just yet. You can feel his gaze on you though and it makes you squirm a little, self conscious and curious of what’s San looking at exactly. His words, barely above a whisper, makes you sit still in between his legs.

“Can I kiss you?” It didn’t take much for you to understand where he wanted to kiss you. For a moment you bite your bottom lip in thought at such a question. In your exhausted state, his question brings your brain out of the fog enough to make you nod.

The kiss isn’t like those in dramas. There’s no music that plays in the background, no fireworks. It was just silence in your room and your heart beat in your ears. It’s not like the pop songs that talk of sweet lollipops and chocolate flavored kisses. This tasted of dried tears and take out food but it was familiar. It’s not like the books where they describe just how soft their lover’s lips were. This was a little chapped and rough but it felt so right. The kiss was a little clumsy, noses bumping along the way but it was something that made your day a little better.

You never thought you could melt under someone’s affections and love. But here you are, feeling a little weak in his hold, wanting more of his lips against yours until either of you pull away for air.

It takes a moment before the two of you pull away from the kiss. It wasn’t the most ideal situation to do so but it just happened naturally. He wished he could take the pain away from you but that’s not how life works. This was the best thing he could think of to comfort you. You lean against his forehead, a smile so faint, so soft, it reminds him of pillows just before sleep takes him. “Thank you.” You say softly. “Thank you for being with me.”

You didn’t realize that your hands have slid over to loosely grip his shirt.

He wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you closer as he tilts his head just a little, just to kiss the corner of your lips. “Anything for you.” He simply says. There’s relief in his shoulders when he sees how you’ve stopped crying, how the rain clouds in your head have cleared up. Giggles bubble out of your lips, slowly the you that the two of you know comes back.

“Can I take a shower? I want to be in my pajamas.” You say, slowly regaining your surroundings. You were still rather hungry but you want the comfort of fresh new clothes.

“Go ahead. I can clean up from here. I’ll see you in bed then?” he asks as the two of you stand up, putting all the bones and other trash in one bag. You press a quick peck on his cheek as thanks, scampering off quickly before you could see the shocked look on his face. It takes him a moment to get back to reality. “Ah, what am I going to do with you..” He asks to no one in particular. He feels Lily’s eyes on him, her ears flicking in what he assumes could be amusement. “What? I’m in love with them.”

--------

The two of you are finally in bed, getting ready to wind down. “What’s your schedule tomorrow? Er, well, today.” He asks as he towel dries your hair.

“I come in at noon, they said they’ll look through the records as protocol.” You say simply. Now that your head’s clearer, you know that this won’t mean the end of your career with the production house. It could mean some reprimands but it’s not the end of the world for you.

“Okay good, at least you get some sleep.” He muses, satisfied now with how dry your hair is now. He carefully combs through your locks.

“San If you keep that up, I’ll fall asleep on you like this.” How you managed to say that through a yawn was beyond you.

“That’s okay, I can carry you.” He says without missing a beat but he stops either way, putting away the towel and comb. “Tell you what, by next week, let’s have dinner with the boys.”

It’s a good idea. You miss the boys already and you wonder how they’ve been since the shoot. “Sounds like a plan to me. I’ll send you my schedule when we wake up then we can plan it from there?”

The two of you shift a little in bed and as always, San’s arms finds their home around your waist, pulling you a little closer than usual tonight. “Sleep well, babe.” He murmurs softly against your neck. In return, you squeeze his hand just a bit.

“You too, Sannie.” Tomorrow’s a new day. As long as you can have him, you can take on anything.

Relationships might be tricky but you’ll make it work.

Part 10

#my writings #san fluff #san comfort #ateez scenarios #ateez fanfiction #ateez fluff #ateez fanfic #uhhhh what else to tag this as #this was two months overdue goddamn

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wendystales · 3 years

Text

Memories - lrh (Chapter Fourteen)

Memories (also on Wattpad)

Chapter Thirteen ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ Chapter Fifteen

We stopped in front of the new location of The Art of Taste, where a group of people were waiting to enter. The entire facade was lit with small bulbs wrapped around the bushes, which framed the outside.

My mom is the first out of the car, excited, barely expecting Luke and me. She takes the lead, going straight to security and showing us our invitations.

“She's very excited”. Hemmo comments from beside me, offering me his arm.

“You have no idea.” I open a smile.

We followed my mother as she led the way, looking for Mr. Marshall. I appreciate the decor of the place and fall in love with the small wooden bridge that leads into the restaurant, passing by a pond with koi.

"Debra! You came!” Mr. Marshall approaches as excited as my mother. “You’re stunning.” her cheeks blush.

“Oh, not that much. It's an old little dress I had in the back of the closet.” she lowers her head shyly.

"Didn't she say she bought the dress today?" Luke whispered confusedly to me, almost making me laugh. I watch the two lovebirds praising and flirting like two teenagers.

"Marnie! I'm happy for your presence too.” he hugs me. “You must be Luke! Debra talks about you a lot.” he opens a sympathetic smile.

Subtly, I widen my eyes at my mom, wanting to scold her, but she just shrugged, ignoring me. Luke smiles sympathetically and handles the situation perfectly.

Mr. Marshall takes us to a more private table and away from the window for more privacy. I sit next to Luke, having a full view of whoever enters the restaurant.

“I'm going to have the menu degustations served, and if you don't mind, I'm going to steal Debra for a while.” he smiles at my mother.

“Be my guest!” I open a tight smile, very happy for them.

"Is there something I should know?" Luke asks me after the two walk away arm in arm.

“They're in love, but they don't know what to do.” Summary, still watching the them.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me about it." Luke repeats the same thing I said yesterday. I let out a laugh, disbelieving his audacity.

“Sorry, there was no time.” I raise my eyebrows, like he does.

Yesterday was a special night with Luke. After Urban Light, we went to Santa Monica, to sit on the sand and watch the sea, illuminated by the lights from the pier. It was fun to have this time with him without anyone looking at us like fools for whatever move we made.

It was nice to meet him and know everything he likes and dislikes, as well as getting to know the band's history better. For moments like this, just the two of us, I could let him get closer, totally letting my guard down and creating a better relationship.

Of course because of this endless conversation we had and cause we got super late back home, today I woke up looking like a zombie and only managed to get out of bed by a miracle. But even tired, I would do everything exactly the same, just to be able to spend this time with him.

"Should we wait for the girls?" I question, seeing a board of small toast and various types of sauces and pates being served to us.

“I believe not!” he's the first to take the toast and dip it in a red sauce.

I follow him, quickly taking two and sinking into the same sauce. Tomato and basil. I let out an exclamation when I taste it. I start to eat more, after all, I didn't even have time to have lunch today and I didn't even want to, because I knew I would eat here.

I had invited everyone to come to the opening today, but only Luke, Leah, and Kyleen agreed right away. Calum, Ash and Noah had other commitments and Michael also tried to use this one, but Ashton soon revealed the lie, saying that he was actually going on a date, with that Sophie.

"You didn't have lunch today, did you?" I stop the toast in the air, mouth open, watching Luke look me curious.

“I didn’t have time.” I answer a little embarrassed.

“Well, if we run out of those toast, just ask for more.” he takes one more, sinking now into a green pate. I watch his face, trying to guess what that would be.

“Pesto?” I ask, looking at the pot. Luke denies it. I smell the content not identifying much.

"A bitter taste." he make a face. “No! It's a good bitter.” he adds quickly.

When I least notice, Hemmings and I are playing russian roulette with sauce and pates. We just don't know how to just eat quietly, we have to play.

"Bad?" I ask, watching him close his eyes and wrinkle his nose. Luke nodded, swallowing and eating another toast with the tuna pate, which was what we liked best.

"A taste of… I can't explain it. Eats!” he offers me the toast with the white pate and small green bits.

“No! Don't you know what it is and want to push it to me?” I drop the toast on my plate, wanting distance.

Interrupting our little discussion, Leah and Kyleen arrive.

“Sorry we’re late. There was an accident on the expressway. Have you started eating yet?” Leah glances across the table sulkily.

"M&Ms didn't have lunch." Luke hands it to me. I slap his arm.

“Great, there are two of us.” Kiki smiles, already eating some toast. "What is this one?" she points to the weird pate.

“We haven't eaten yet, but try it there.” Hemmings encourages, surprising me with his performance. I stare at him laughing.

Like Luke, Kiki grimaces, disapproving of the pate. I offer my glass of juice to her, which she drinks in one gulp.

“This is horrible. What is that?” she whispers disgustedly.

Luke steals the menu from the next table, looking for the pate. I squint at the ingredients: ricotta, gorgonzola and pickles. I understand why it's horrible.

It doesn't take long and more stuff arrives at our table. Once again, we started our russian roulette, trying everything out and grading, as if we were at MasterChef. We really don't have maturity for anything.

Looking at the restaurant entrance, I start nudging Luke, flustered, discreetly asking him and the girls to look too. Surprised and excited, we watched Michael approach our table, hand in hand with a girl shorter than him.

“Is it her?” I try to contain my excited voice.

“It's her!” Hemmo confirms.

“Okay! But who is she?” Kyleen asks, lost.

“They met at a game match and now Michael is in love.” I almost run over my words, trying to deliver the information before they arrived.

"I didn't tell you." Luke already takes his off the line.

“Hey!” Michael sighs standing next to the table.

“Hey!” aside from Luke, the girls and I were all smiles.

“This is Sophie! My friend.” Mike introduces. The girl with dark hair and two streaks white, like Narcissa in Harry Potter, smiles shyly.

“Sorry for the delay, we got lost.” her voice is low.

“Actually, I didn't want to come.” Michael doesn't even bother to lie. If it wasn't a public place, I'd throw a shoe on him.

Sophie excuses herself and heads to the bathroom as we pull another table for them. Michael sits across from Luke, leaving Sophie in mine and Leah beside her.

“Please, I'll pay you whatever you want, but don't embarrass me.” Mike begs. “I like her a lot.” he admits it quietly.

"Awn!" me and the girls hold hands, dying of love.

“I hate you.” he declares.

“To show that we are willing to help, do not eat the white pate. It’s not from this world. And not in the good way.” Leah warns him.

Sophie returns to the table, taking a seat across from me. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice how Michael's posture becomes tense. He's so into her. Without needing much, we start a conversation and Sophie slowly walks in, forming a group.

“This gaming field must be shit, right? I mean, for who is a woman, isn't it?” Kyleen asks.

“Yea! No man likes to lose to a woman. They never accept that I play better than they do. Cause of this, when Michael called me, I thought he was going to argue with me.” she gives a shy smile.

"Actually, I was going to ask for my shield back." he gives an ashamed laugh.

"And complain to me how you lost." she completes, making him laugh. The way they look at each other makes my heart melt.

The four of them get carried away on a subject as I approach Luke.

“They're really cute.” I whisper.

"I think we're both a lot cuter." he snaps, smiling. I open a smile, denying the way he's sassy.

“You were not like this.” I comment with a smile. I take my gaze to the hall, finding my mother walking with Mr. Marshall, still arm in arm. "I think they're cuter than us." Luke follows my gaze.

“All right! She's your mother, I'll give you my arm. Do you think they'll be together?”

“I hope!”

“Are you gossiping about Debra?” I am startled by Kyleen approaching me and joining in our conversation.

"What's the gossip with Debra?" Leah already turns her attention to us.

"Is there gossip about Debra?" Michael leans against the table, moving closer.

I look at the curious faces trying to identify how my mom became the subject of the table. If she knows this, she will kill me!

"Don't let her know that." I declare before I lean against the table and tell her about my mother and Mr. Marshall.

Friday

I feel terrible, not only for the cramps and indisposition, but mainly for having to cancel with Luke. I've waited so long for this date and now I'm here, lying on the couch, suffering for being born a woman.

“Here.” Leah hands me a pain killer and a hot water bottle. I lay my head on her lap, wanting to cry. “It's OK.” she repeats calmly as she cuddles me. She knows why. “You can go out next week, he won't change his mind until then.”

“I know he won’t, but…” I catch my throat, not wanting to accept that I would cry about this, but I can't control it, letting a few tears fall. Damn hormones. “I don't know if I can make it another week, I was so excited.” my voice crack it. “Stop laughing!” I scream when I feel her body move.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! But you look so funny like this. Sorry.” she hugs me, holding back her laughter.

Before I can complain, the doorbell rings and I'm grateful that Kiki has finally arrived with food and a lap where I can cry more. Leah runs to open the door and I feel my heartbeat stop for seconds when his voice reaches me. I lift my head, seeing him come in full of bags and a Petunia on a leash.

“What are you doing here?” I quickly dry my face and try to fix my hair. I look awful. Luke looks at me confused and opens his arms, as if the answer is wide open there.

“I came to take care of you, of course.” he laughs. Leah is behind him, smiling like hell.

I sink my face into the pillow, wanting to cry more. I don't deserve him. I don’t deserve. Luke lets go of Petunia, who runs off to try to climb onto the couch and lick me. Leah helps Luke empty the bags in the kitchen.

While they straighten everything out in the kitchen, I go back to tidying up my appearance, trying to look at least presentable.

"I brought some soup that Calum made. Pain killers, sweets and some facial masks, This always helps you relax and get better.” he comes closer and I just want to bury myself. I look awful.

“I can't believe you came here and still brought all this.” my heart melts at the attitude and smile he gives.

"I'm sorry if you thought you were going to get rid of me." he sits beside me with a bowl of soup, pleasant smell by the way. I move closer, almost getting under his arms and snuggling into his chest. However, I still keep a safe distance and control my urges to cling to him.

“Well, since you’re very well cared for and accompanied. I think I'm on my way.” Leah still has the smile. “Get well.” she kisses my cheek. "Anything, call me. And you, take good care of her.” she orders Luke.

“Promise!” he raises his right hand.

Leah left, leaving us alone. Petunia lying on my lap, curious about the hot water bottle. Luke beside me, holding the bowl and spoonful of broth toward me.

"You know you don't have to spoon-feed me, don't you?" I ask before opening my mouth.

"Can you let me take care of you?" he counters, falsely sulking.

“You can, just don't need…”

“Sh-sh! Eat the soup.” he advances another spoonful into my mouth. I roll my eyes, silent.

"Calum who did it?" I ask impressed, after a few spoonfuls.

“He's been taking some cooking lessons, especially now that he's turned vegetarian.”

"You should do it too, to stop making eggs in the microwave." I let a fake smile in the end.

"Worried about me?" he asks smiling.

"Shut up and give me the soup." I ignored him, taking a deep breath and not smiling under his amused gaze.

Between spoonfuls, I play with Petunia, already feeling much better. At least the urge to cry has passed.

"You said you brought candy." I knelt on the couch, watching him carry the bowl of soup to the sink. Luke laughs, grabbing some white and pink boxes from the fridge.

“Yes, I believe sugar can help.” he puts the boxes on the table and pulls Petunia onto the rug. “You don’t!” she barks. “You can’t!” she barks louder. “Hey! Come! I'll give you your food.” I watch her follow him into the kitchen.

I open the first white box seeing a generous piece of Red Velvet. I pick up the fork he brought and already steal a piece. In the second box, I find four cupcakes and four donuts. My eyes widen as I open the third box.

"Did you go to Mr. Marshall's restaurant?" I question shocked.

“Yea! You said you liked his chocolate cake. He made this one especially for you.” I look at the smaller size cake.

“I don't remember him decorating with M&Ms.” I comment, stealing a piece already.

“Oh, I asked him to do it.”

I close my eyes, letting my body react to that information any way it wants to. He asked them to put M&Ms on my cake because he knows I like it.

Luke returns to sit beside me, picking up a white chocolate cupcake. I hold the box of Red Velvet in my lap, recklessly eating the cake.

"Argh! I feel so guilty. I'm going to get fat like this.” I complain, but without stopping eating.

“You are indisposed, you can eat what you want. Tomorrow we worry about our weight.” Luke speaks with his mouth full.

"I thought you didn't like red desserts." I comment, watching him take a full fork of my cake.

“How do you know that?” he looks at me curiously. Then I realize I've been cornered.

“In an interview last year.” then I fill my mouth, making it impossible for me to continue the conversation.

"Are you still googling me?" he puts again that amused/satisfied smile on his face.

“Of course, you were my boyfriend. I need to know what kind of people I'm getting involved with.” I shrug.

“I understood. Well, I really don't like it. I don't understand the need to make it red.”

“It's to be more aesthetically beautiful. It's like wearing makeup. You use it and looks more beautiful, it enhances your beauty.” Luke stares at me, holding back his laughter. I've seen this same expression when I defended my M&M’s organizer.

“Well, I know you're crazy about this cake, so I brought it.” he shrugs, like it's no big deal. But for me it's something. If Luke still has any intentions of winning me back, he's doing great.

“Thanks.” I advance toward him, kissing his cheek in shyly. I notice Luke is ashamed too, but maintains his pose.

After we stuff ourselves with candy. Luke and I were in the bathroom, trying to put on those face masks. At first I thought he brought it just for me, but when I saw him putting it on, I understood that he would participate body and soul in that night with me.

“This isn't right.” he comments still struggling with that piece of material.

"You didn't put it upside down, did you?" I approach trying to help.

“No! The eyes are here. So why don't stay?” I see the mask slip off his face. I hold back a laugh, taking the material from his hands.

"If you take the cape off, it stays." I pull out the plastic that holds the oils and put it on his face.

“Makes more sense.” he comments, watching me massage his face. “I need to shave.” he says as I massage his cheeks.

“No!” the answer comes out faster than I can think.

Luke stares at me in surprise at the revelation. With my hands still on his face, I notice the mood and walk away, drying my hands.

“And now?” I stare at him behind me in the mirror. Luke just raises his hands and shakes his fingers, demonstrating that we're going to get our nails done. The scene itself is so funny it makes me laugh. He's the best boyfriend anyone could have. "I think we'd better wait the twenty minutes for the mask, so as not to blur our work."

“Truth. Let's get back to the series then.” he turns around, his back to me, crouching down a little. I grab his shoulders and push off, climbing on his back. And like this, we go back to the room, on piggyback.

I go back under the covers, grateful that I'm sitting down because my legs are killing me. How can something that stays in the womb fuck my entire body? I shift uncomfortably, not finding a position that would make my legs stop hurting.

“Is it everything OK?” he asks, hitting play on The Office.

“My legs.” I answer softly, lying down on the couch with my head next to him.

“Turn. Put your legs here.” he pats his lap. I roll over on the couch, leaving my legs in his lap, where within seconds Luke starts massaging my legs.

I roll my eyes, feeling my body soften. A moan wants to escape, but I hold it with all the strength in the world, along with the treacherous declaration that explodes in my chest. They were three dangerous words that could mess with him more than anything else.

“You are incredible!” I exchange the words, feeling more secure in that expression. The blonde chuckles, shaking his head as he squeezes my foot.

I can't focus for a minute on TV. The feel of him touching my skin so gently and stiffly steals all my attention. I shift my gaze between him and the screen so I don't get so in the face that I'm staring at him.

After twenty minutes of the mask, we went back to the bathroom, washing our faces and then starting to do our nails. I'm sitting, glued to Luke, my hand propped up on a pillow in his lap as he applies the black nail polish. Once again I shift my gaze between him and the new episode, but I don't care if he catches me staring in the meantime.

"Did we do that a lot?" I inquire softly. Luke doesn't answer me with words, too focused on his work, just nodding his head positively.

“Especially when you were feeling bad, or when I was really tired and stressed out.” he complements after finishing a hand. “Tv shows, candies, beauty treatments and massage. Once you wanted to invent climbing on my back, massaging me with your feet.” he starts to smile, still focused.

“I'm sorry.” I lay my head against his shoulder. Let out a low laugh, focused on him.

“It wasn't one of our best ideas. But I can't deny that it wasn't good.”

"Were you happy with me? I mean, we had a good relationship, didn't we?” I question after a while.

Luke stops and stares at the wall, maybe thinking. I analyze your profile apprehensive about the delay. Then his eyes connect to mine. It's like a screen, I don't need the answer anymore, it's there, explicit in the glow of his eyes.

“Yes. I believe we had a great relationship.” he goes back to painting my nails, putting the last coat on.

“Itn't was those weird, honeyed types, was it?” curiosity takes me more every second. Luke holds back a laugh, denying it.

“No! I tried once, but you hit me with the pillow. But that's not our style either. It's like wanting Leah to be cute.” he shrugs. "Don't let her know that." he looked at me in alarm.

“I won’t! Honestly, I'm glad it's you here.” he stops and looks at me curiously. “You know…not that she's not amazing. Even because she was taking really good care of me, but…” I swallow with his gaze so fixed on me. Oh Lord, where are the words?! “You are you!” I shrug. "Don't let her know that." I ask in an alarmed way, as well as he.

“I'm me?” he turns more to me.

“Yeah!” I take a deep breath, trying to find myself in the mess I decided to make. “You seem to know how to handle this whole situation and cause…" Why is it so hard for me to say that I enjoy his company? “You know…I like being with you.” I whisper, wanting to crumble into thin air and disappear.

I lower my gaze, not holding that moment. I've known Luke for a month. I know that he only has size and age in his identity, that inside he is as child and silly as the guys. But there's something about him, so subtle and unobtrusive, that intimidates me so much.

“I like being with you too… but something tells me you already know.” the playful tone breaks the pit of shame I was in. I open a shy smile, going back to watching him finish painting my nails.

“Can I ask you something?” I question fearfully, after he finishes. Luke nodded. "How was that day? The one from the accident.”

He just stops. His jaw locks and that glint in his eyes fades. He leans back against the sofa, snorting. I feel bad for causing this discomfort. I'm even thinking about withdrawing the question, however, Luke is already starting to speak.

“You had gone to rehearse for Vogue and then we were supposed to go to lunch cause I turned off your alarm, and then you were late and we can't have breakfast together.” he narrates quietly and with a lost look.

"Why did you turned off my alarm?" I frown, confused.

"Cause I thought that way you'd stay home with me." I pick up my lips, pressing them together so I don't laugh at his pout. “Well, I was at the restaurant when it happened. The manager came to me and told me what happened, apparently was already on the news.” he takes a deep breath before continuing. “I was the first to arrive, but you were already in attendance, so I only saw you in your room a couple hours later.”

"The nurse said you slept there." I comment quietly, letting my mind wander to that day. Your cheeks are easily pink.

"I wasn't leaving your side." he answers in the same tone.

“Sorry I got you into this. And for being stupid the first time we met…again.” I add.

“It's OK! I mean, it was kind of good.” I widen my eyes, not understanding. “By making you fall in love with me again, I also ended up falling in love with you all over again.”

My heart races. The revelation takes me by surprise, not giving me time to hide the stupid grin gaping at my face. I roll my eyes, looking at the TV, which is currently playing with Jim asking Pam on a date. Ironically, she had the same stupid smile as mine.

"I never said I'm in love with you." I try to maintain my dignity, or whatever I'm supposed to maintain at a time like this.

“It's just a matter of time.” Out of the corner of my eye, I see him shrug. “You've already admitted that you like being with me. For those who hated me in that hospital, enjoying my presence is already a big step forward.”

I bite my lip, closing my eyes. He can’t be serious.

"I never said I hated you." I look at him, who was focused on the TV.

"And you never said you're not in love with me either." he blinks, smiling in amusement.

“I hate you!” I say loud enough.

“In seventh grade, when a girl said she hated a boy, it's because she liked him.” Luke comments, leaving me speechless, my mouth hanging open. "I will take your silence as a yes."

I kneel down on the couch, taking the pillow from my lap and hitting it. Hemmings starts to laugh as he shields himself from the flurry of beatings I give him. My God, how I hate him.

I return to sit on the couch more relieved, but still with my heart pounding. It's a mixture of very random feelings. I want to hit him at the same time I want to kiss him as I sink his head into the coffee table, telling him how much I like him.

The desire to let these feelings take over me fascinates me. But that's not how I wanted everything to happen between us. Expected to be a little more romantic, with me more tidy and less messy.

"You made me smudge my nail." Finally, I accuse him, sulking.

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kamilah-is-queen · 3 years

Note

Could you do one where Kamilah and mc have a bloodkeeper daughter, so she can see her moms' memories. But after she know about Kamilah's past, their relationship become distant.

The Memories

Tagging: @queenkamilah, @wisebananapatrol, @paodequeijofeliz-blog, @fundamentalromantic, @kamilahtopme

If you wish to be added, or deleted from tag list then notify me.

Amy and Kamilah’s daughter walked in through the front door, tossing her backpack aside carelessly as she ruffled her hair with a hand. “Darling! Your back already. How was school?” Amy’s voice muffled against her daughter’s shirt, wrapping the young girl in a tight embrace, “it was great.”

Kamilah stepped out of the kitchen, holding out a wooden spoon filled with a rich tomato sauce, “Hello Alina, how was school?” She said as she raised the spoon to Amy’s lips.

“It was good, tiring, but fine.” A said with a small smile. Kamilah nodded, turning her attention to Amy. “How does it taste? Too much salt, or not enough?”

Amy chuckled, placing a gentle kiss to Kamilah’s cheek to calm her, “it’s perfect Kami.” With a curt nod, the Egyptian stalked back to the kitchen, determined to finish the meal by herself.

Later that evening…

Amy, Alina and Kamilah sat together, quietly eating through the dish Kamilah prepared. Amy gently placed a hand on Alina’s shoulder, beaming as was the Egyptian.

Without notice, their daughter was pulled into a vision. She looked around, only to see a portal. A portal in which she could see Kamilah, with another vampire. Around them, the city was burning.

People were scrambling and screaming for mercy, as Alina stepped into the portal, she was mortified. There were hundreds, perhaps even thousands of bodies sprawled across the floor. Limbs and blood coated everything in her sight, and in the middle of it all was her mother, and Gauis.

She watched with a tear streaked face, terrified at how pleasurable the couple thought it was. To take innocent lives and punish people who committed no sins in which they deserved such a horrible death.

How awful it seemed to view Kamilah in this way, daggers in her hands and fighting relentlessly as blood kept pooling from her lips. Not too far away, was Gauis, encouraging her. “That’s it, My Queen. They don’t deserve to see the light of day again. Kill them. Every single one of them.”

Just as quickly as she was pulled into the vision, she quickly returned back to the present time. Alina looked around the table, her gaze falling to Kamilah. The older vampire offered a comforting smile, oblivious to the vision her daughter had witnessed.

With a quick gust of air, she was gone, Amy and Kamilah looking at each other in confusion. “Is she alright?”

Amy simply shrugged, standing and setting the bowls in the sink before turning her attention back to Kamilah.

“Perhaps she’s got something on her mind, let her sleep on it. I’m sure she’ll be fine by morning.” Amy offered a smile, embracing Kamilah in a warm hug as they settled in for the evening.

A couple of days later….

Kamilah passed by Alina’s room, stopping at the hushed noise of quiet cries. She slowly opened the door with a creak, only to find her daughter rocking on the floor with a face full of anger.

Alina’s head snapped up at the sight of Kamilah, scrambling out the door in a hurry. “What’s going on Alina? Is something wrong?”

Kamilah wore a concerned expression, outstretching her arms only to see her daughter ignoring her completely.

She ran out of the room and down to the living room, where Amy was perched on the sofa with a book in hand. Amy looked up as the two arrived, eyebrows raised in curiosity.

“What’s going on?”

“I don’t know Amy, you tell me. Our daughter won’t talk to me, let alone look at me!” Kamilah huffed before setting herself down on the sofa, rubbing her temples.

“Alina, explain yourself.” Amy demanded, wrapping an arm around her wife and soothingly rubbing circles on her back to calm her.

“Explain myself? I’ve seen everything, everything she did.” Pointing a slender finger in Kamilah’s direction, “I saw you destroy towns and cities with that wretched prick, saw all the people killed. Innocent lives gone, at your hands!”

Kamilah’s head fell into her hands, exhaling deeply as she murmured, “my past isn’t something I’m proud of, child.”

“You have to understand that your mother was deceived, dear. She would never have done that, given a chance to relive those memories again.”

“I could never call such a monster, mother.” Replied Alina, storming out of the room before giving either of her parents a chance to respond.

Amy was quick to spring up from the sofa, grabbing her daughter’s wrist and restricting her from moving.

“I know that what you’ve seen was terrifying and shocking. I know Alina, I’ve seen it myself. But, do you realize that your mother has been repenting each minute of every day for those actions?

When I first met her, she was so isolated from the rest of the world. So lost in her own feelings, that she couldn’t feel anymore.”

Her eyes widened in shock, her gaze shifting from Kamilah to Amy as Amy continued.

“I remember the first time she held you, my child. She had tears in her eyes, smiling so wide that not even the sun could shine brighter and she told me how beautiful you looked. That day, that day was the first time I’ve ever seen her experience pure joy, Alina.”

Amy wrapped her in a warm hug, soft sobs muffled into her shirt. “I-I didn’t know, I was quick to jump to conclusions and-and..”

“I know, it’s okay my heart.” Amy spoke with a tender voice, resting her chin atop her daughter’s head. “We all make mistakes, none of us are exceptions to that. But, we’ve all learned, especially your mother, how to overcome them.”

Amy felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her, a warmth pressed against her back and a soft kiss against the back of her head. With another muffled noise, the faint words, “I’m sorry…” was a mere whisper.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about. What your mother said is absolutely right. No matter what happened in the past, we both are here with you, alright?” Kamilah said with a small grin, shifting to embrace the two in a tight hug.

#Kamilah Sayeed #Kamilah x MC #Choices #MC x Kamilah #Bloodbound

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keyofjetwolf · 4 years

Text

@silvermoon424 I’m certainly happy to try! I’m going to guess you won’t enjoy the answer too much, though. I don’t have any secret or trick, you know? I WISH I DID. All I really have to share is what you’ve probably already heard: eat better, move more.

But I can break down a few things I’ve figured out, going through this. Things that you can do without a tiny furious lesbian nipping at your heels, insisting you Not Die. THOUGH IF YOU HAVE ACCESS TO THAT I DO RECOMMEND TAKING ADVANTAGE**

1. I think the most important first step is really commit to it. It sucks a lot, and it's not always easy, but if you don't sincerely want the results, you won't be able to power through the spots where it's hard.

2. You have to hold yourself accountable. A huge part of that is making yourself take note of and record what you're eating. It's one thing to grab a chocolate bar and eat it and forget about it, but it's another when you have to pull out your notebook and find the calories and factor in the serving size and write it down where you have to see it there looking back at you. We already know we shouldn't be doing it. Making it real and tangible in a way where you can't just put it out of mind can really hold your feet to the fire.

3. Don't have it around! Seriously, this one has helped me so much. Just don't have it! You know your weak spots (and if you don't, you'll soon discover them), you know the things you just want to grab out of the fridge or the cupboard. You can't do it if it's not there, bottom line. We don't keep jars of peanut butter in the house anymore (or at least not where I see them.) Hubby and I both cut out chips entirely. That isn't to say you can't ever have those things again, you just have to plan for them, and ensure you only have what you plan for. For example, the other night we were all on our own for dinner. I was deeply craving this particular brand of pretzel stick they have up here. So I saved my calories for the day, went to the store, bought the small bag, measured out and weighed the appropriate amount (turns out it was the whole bag, which was a pleasant delight, but if it hadn't been, I would've immediately given Doc what was over), and had those with some turkey. There wasn't anything about that meal that was HEALTHY, really, but because it's not my every day, and I planned it out and didn't exceed what I was allowed, it was completely fine. So if you have just a bone-deep craving for a doughnut, budget it in your calorie allotment for that day, and go get JUST what you're allowed. If you can only buy it in a quantity over what you’re allowed, buy the smallest you can and throw out or give away the rest. IMMEDIATELY, not the "I'll do it later" thing where it hangs around the house and then oops, it’s somehow magically gone. Set yourself up for success, not failure. Don't keep around what you know is a temptation.

4. Resolve with yourself that you'll be eating some stuff you don't much like. It sucks, but then, so does diabetes. In that vein though, you may find that after you've had it a few times, and your expectations realign, you like it more than you thought. You might even come to enjoy it! You have to persevere with it, though. Still, you may never like it! OH WELL. Consider how much more you'll like multiple daily injections of very expensive insulin and an even more restrictive diet which I guarantee will be full of shit you don't like. Eat the broccoli or die, right? Suddenly, broccoli doesn't seem so bad. (I actually really like broccoli, sorry, to pick on you, broccoli.) Honestly, many vegetables are pretty great, just most people don't prepare them right. Seasoning and roasting them is the way to go, which Holligay has repeatedly proven.

5. Portion control is a big factor. WEIGH AND MEASURE EVERYTHING. Don’t eyeball that shit, your senses are weak and will lie to you. Also -- and this may seem weird, but go with me -- check the size of your plates and bowls and shit. Again, our eyes are liars. The same amount of food looks very different depending on what size plate it’s on. The bigger stuff completely skews our perception of what a serving should look like. Get smaller plates.

6. This one may be a real toughie depending on your personal habits, but eating in front of screens is a path to madness. There's study after study after study showing that eating while watching TV or being on your computer takes you out of being mindful of what and how much you're eating. Sit at a table and focus on your meal! You’ll eat more slowly, and so recognize when you’re full. And the food tastes better when it’s your main focus, so you’ll be more satisfied, too. I’M NOT MAKING IT UP TRY IT

What you may notice here is an absence on the WHAT of what you should eat. That’s important too, to be sure, but I think that’s the part that’s a bit easier to start working in. There are tons of healthy, tasty recipes out there, but it’s the behavioural stuff that is, I think, the key to change.

And you can start today! Right now! Clearing your home of your temptations is a great huge first step. And don't do the "this bag is nearly full, what a waste, I'll just finish this up" thing. The money's spent, there's no reason to continue to do damage. (Or hide a reluctance to make the change under a convenient excuse.) It's garbage calories, it's deep fried air, it's frozen sugar, it tastes good but is killing you. Get rid of it.

If you’re of the snacking/grazing bent (I’m generally not, but I get those that are), buy snap peas, baby carrots, cherry tomatoes. Get some soy sauce. Dip and eat away! I think you'll soon find that if you're not hungry enough to snack on those? You weren't really all that hungry.

And combine all this with moving, too! Get yourself a step tracker. An ACTUAL step tracker, not your smart watch, which counts every twitch of your wrist as a step you most assuredly did not take. I’m currently using and recommend the FitBit Inspire, clipped to my bra. At my worst/highest points, I sometimes wouldn’t take more than about a thousand steps a day. SERIOUSLY. Again, having something to put these abstract ideas into harsh numbers is a great motivator. And you don’t even have to go outside! ON A HOT DAY I HAVE WALKED MILES IN A CIRCLE IN MY LIVING ROOM. I don’t look cool, but I DO meet my step goal for the day.

You may notice a numbers theme here, but weigh yourself. Keep track! I use a Renpho scale, which connects to an app on my phone and automatically logs my weight, AND I can sync it with my FitBit, so all my precious precious data is in one place. Now maybe you’re not such a nerd for data as I am (YOU’D HAVE TO BE REALLY REALLY NERDY), but again, it takes something abstract and nebulous and gives it to you in a way that our monkey brains understand. Making all this real to you is a huge part of putting the consideration for it in your brain. It’s not gonna be fun. There’s a lot of numbers you’re REALLY not going to like to see. But you have to know where you’re at to know where to go. And when those numbers turn into trends, and those trends start to show you real, concrete progress? Feels good. Feels real good.

Yeah, so! It’s a lot of words, and there’s a huge chance none of them are what you were hoping for. I wish I had something more neat and easy, but it’s just this. Commitment. Accountability. DATA SUCH HATEFUL WONDERFUL DATA

Best of luck!

(**) All joking aside, I’m incredibly fortunate to have Doc. As I think I’ve said before, when she heard about the pre-diabetes, she said “Okay, we’re done with this” and THAT VERY DAY laid out changes. She’s always ready with a foot in my ass. Also, as our family chef, she’s consistently in charge of my meals, which means I’m lucky enough to not need to think about it. MUCH LIKE A PUPPY I JUST EAT WHAT GOES IN MY BOWL. So if you have help and support available to you, take it.

The most important part, though, is you. However much help I have, I have to keep up my end, too. About eighteen months ago, I was SO CLOSE to a major goal, but ignored my depression and stopped caring and everything backslid terribly. I’m still working to regain all that lost ground. My point being, the number one vital element in making real change in you is YOU. Once you’re set there, the rest is details.

#jet wolf replies #silvermoon424 #life with jet wolf #a novel by jet wolf #dear jet wolf

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swiss-army-fangirl · 3 years

Text

alright strap in motherfuckers i’m dissecting the story of ‘vessels’ as it pertains to “unbecoming”, “monster”, and “telepathic” only bc if i try to look at the album as a whole i’ll implode

here we go

so at the beginning of unbecoming we’re already starting out bad. our protag is lost, lost his sense of belonging and tried to become something he isn’t in an attempt to find himself again. cue the line of ‘no dreams in the waves only monsters, and the monsters are my only friends’. this water is his existence, his life that he’s drowning in, unable to navigate it on his own and falling apart as a result (’they’re all that i was, and could never be’). there was once someone he trusted, that he relied on (’it’s telepathic, you always knew me’) who has since turned against him (’and you laugh as i search for a harbor’). this person that once served as a guardian angel has fallen, and since he can’t save himself on his own, he falls, deeper and deeper, until he becomes a monster (’all that is left is the change, selfish fate, i think you made me this’).

NOW THE IMPORTANT THING ABOUT MONSTER IS THAT dustin has explicitly said that this is both about someone twisting you as well as you embracing the monster within yourself. as we begin, the protag is, how we say, lost in the sauce, and there is a single focal point for his rage and his blame at this situation that he’s in: our fallen angel from earlier. the first verse is him attacking the Angel, and that first chorus is accusatory (’can you change me?’ ‘will you cage me?’). HOWEVER, there’s a self-awareness in the second verse, with the usage of a lot of ‘i’ statements, as opposed to ‘you’ statements, as though our protag is now aware that while his earlier abandonment may have been the catalyst for this transformation, there was always something inside of him that lent itself to this destructive presence he’s become. and, like the fucking master mr. bates is, the bridge functions as the final revelation and also a point of no return (’i’ve lost the parts of me that make me whole, i am the darkness, i am a monster’). our protag is gone, unrecoverable from his fall.

and now we look at my favorite track on this album. i feel like, in a lot of mediums that feature a hero becoming a villain, they have a moment of lucidity, remembering how they ended up in that moment. monster kind of has that moment, but telepathic focuses on how the protag knew he was doomed from the start when he met his Angel (’you had me under spell right from the start, i don’t have a telepathic heart’). the second verse is my favorite because of the wordplay and also you get a sense that his downfall in the above two songs is because he committed to being something he isn’t to prove himself to her (’give me the words to say to make it enough’, ‘don’t leave me lost in vain, i can be what you want’). BUT, THIS ENTIRE TIME, he’s AWARE that this is a match made in hell, that it’s not going to end well for either one of them (’don’t want your star-crossed fate, you are the sun i am the full moon’). he even goes as far to say as he doesn’t want her to leave, and that he doesn’t want her to know that he’s doubting what this relationship will become, but he can’t, and she knows that. the bridge is also fun because it’s reaffirming that toxic love, that he’s dependent on her to find his way, literally and figuratively in the dark until she tells him which way to go. you could also think of this as being a flashback to the present, out of the moment of clarity, back to the present where he’s serving her again, but from the dark side that they’ve doomed themselves to (’i’m in the dark til you light the way cause i’m see through’). having this sort of fucked up love song be the end of this arc is such a Choice because it shows that after all our protag went through, not that much has changed. is it tragic? is it what he always wanted? doesn’t matter, it’s how things are now.

#if you read this entire thing. i love you.#this is so much shit only for me to find in genius lyrics that apparently there is a NOVEL for which 'vessels' functions as a soundtrack #@dustin what the FUCK IS THE NAME OF THE NOVEL #WHERE CAN I READ IT #starset #lyrics #lyrical analysis #< sure? yeah why not #our protag is lost in the sauce and so am i #tori talks

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squidprinceofwinterfell · 4 years

Text

Stick of Truth Commentary

Intro

Intro cut scene is a nice touch! The animation is nice, and it adds story and stakes to the game the boys are playing. Reminds me of “Lord of the Rings.”

I like how the boys see the stick as a golden staff, but it’s literally just…a stick.

Create your character

Fighter, Mage, Thief, Jew – which is the best and why?

Intro to New Kid and family

Dialogue between parents creates an ominous backstory. Who is looking for New Kid and why?

New Kid is a mute weirdo and I love it.

The first quest (making friends) reminds me of “The Sandlot.”

The shitting feature is awesome.

New Kid meets Butters and is brought to KKK

What exactly is the power of diabetes?

Chekov’s Clyde!

It’s cute how cool everyone is with Princess Kenny.

I like that every player is called Douchebag, but I wish every player didn’t have to play as a boy.

Elves attack

Funny how Cartman’s alarm is just Butters yelling “Alarm!”

Cartman has pretty good commentary when New Kid is fighting. I actually miss that later on.

How did the elves snag the stick? Either Clyde is a bad watchdog or Kyle is super strategic. I choose both.

New Kid must find Token, Tweek, and Craig

Token

I never knew Token was so rich that he had security! It’s probably to keep Cartman out.

I love that Token’s property is calling Dark Meadows.

Token: “The elves took the stick again?” Haha!

Tweek

Tweek is the only employee at Tweek Bros.? That’s called child labor!

I love that Mrs. McCormick thinks the meth heads in her garage are just nice renters. Is she being paid in meth?

Why would a 10-year-old boy be an undercover cop? Only in South Park.

Tweek was totally named after the word “tweeker.”

Craig

Craig is in detention for (of course) flipping off the principal. Is Principal Victoria still principal at this point?

Craig’s alias is Feldspar the Thief? I refuse to believe this isn’t a reference to Malcolm in the Middle.

On the “thief” option at the beginning, Cartman says he’s never seen a white thief before, yet Craig is a thief. Hmm…

“Heeeere they come…I’ll be outta here in ten minutes.” Smug, snarky Craig is the best Craig.

I like that Mackey seems to know he’s in a video game (by referencing the boss fight). It’s very Deadpool.

The Bard

The Inn of the Giggling Donkey is just Jimmy’s house. His living room is convincing as a bar/lounge/hangout.

Twitter = carrier raven

“There once was a maiden from Stonebury Hollow / She didn’t talk much, but boy did she swallow / I had a nice lance that she sat upon / The maiden from Stonebury who was also your mom.” I love Jimmy’s songs!

Butters: “No hurry, Douchebag. The princess is just being raped.” OMG

An elf was jumping on the bed to simulate raping Princess Kenny? The boys are really committed to this game.

Cartman: “Good job, Princess Gone Wild. Double D buddy powers.” Kenny flashing his man boobs is the best distraction tactic.

The Brown Note is Jimmy’s best attack.

“Welcome to the KKK!”

Alien abduction

Cartman’s fart lessons finally come in handy! New Kid’s ass is too strong to be probed.

I love that alien abduction is viewed as just another annoying part of living in South Park.

The guy from the recordings is the hobo hidden onboard, right?

The Nazi zombie hobo is the game’s first instance of the Nazi zombie plot. It tells us that the aliens are responsible for this when the ship crash lands to Earth and green goo gets in the sewer.

New Kid crashed an entire spaceship. He’s kind of a badass. And he gets to keep the alien probe!

The big bad government is involved now to deal with “another UFO crash.” How often does this happen??

Only South Park would try to pass off a UFO as construction of a Taco Bell. And only South Park citizens would believe it.

Recruitment (pt. 1)

All New Kid has to do to get the goth kids to join is put on black clothes. I’m glad to see they still have low standards.

New Kid finally meets Stan and Kyle! I’ve been waiting for this.

According to Kyle, Cartman lied about the stick being stolen and is hiding it. According to Cartman, Kyle is lying because New Kid can’t retrieve the stick if Kyle claims he doesn’t have it. It’s a game of “he said, she said” but I’m inclined to believe Kyle. This is Cartman we’re talking about…

PTA meeting

I’m disappointed no one yelled “Rabble, rabble!” at the PTA meeting.

Is no one else alarmed that Randy lured a young boy into the bathroom alone?

“That’s all you’ve got is a sign? At least crap on a desk or something!” Mr. Garrison is speaking highly of Cartman, I see.

She-Ogre

“Give me back my iPhone, DEMON!” This is an accurate depiction of a brother-sister relationship.

It’s adorable that Stan uses Sparky in battle.

Taco Bell

I love that the big bad government agents are such bad liars that they killed a guy asking about encharidos.

“Goddamn it! I’m so tired of Nazi zombies. It’s so…overused!” Haha!

I’m surprised the adults actually took the bombing threat seriously and weren’t bummed about no Taco Bell.

Recruitment (pt. 2)

The final goth test is DDR?? That’s so conformist.

Once you win the goth kids over, you can recruit them to either Cartman’s side or Kyle’s. I always pick Kyle’s side when I play this. I’ve been itching to betray Cartman since this game started!

South Park Elementary

The huge battle scene takes place at the school because it’s where Cartman supposedly hid the stick. South Park Elementary is busted and makes a great setting for a battle scene. More “Lord of the Rings” vibes!

New Kid’s farts help Kyle’s side get the upper hand. Take that, Cartman!

Another reason choosing Kyle’s side is better: New Kid’s battle against Butters is more impactful because he was New Kid’s first friend. If it was a face off against Stan, it wouldn’t be as emotional.

The final battle gives New Kid one last chance to pick a side. Like Stan says, “I can’t believe this is even a choice.” Kyle vs Cartman is like Chanel vs Walmart.

Yet another reason choosing Kyle’s side is better: Cartman’s farting fire at the end of this fight is one of the best scenes of the whole game.

Clyde

I love the twist where neither Kyle nor Cartman was lying. Clyde really punked the fuck out of everyone.

Kyle is the only one to acknowledge he’s aware of the green goo and how dangerous it is.

Stan: “Clyde, but why?” Cartman: “I banished him to be lost in space and time and now he’s all pissed off.” Haha!

Clyde’s fortress is so badass. I can see the appeal of the dark side.

How the hell does Clyde have control over the Nazi zombies??

I love that Clyde’s power move is keeping his friends out past their bedtimes. The stakes are higher now, but this reminds us this is still a kid’s game…or it started as one.

Underpants gnomes

Gnomes: “The kid is awake! What do we do?” “Oh, fuck, I guess we gotta kill him!” Me problem solving.

Since when do underpants gnomes have warlocks?? I thought they were all failed businessmen.

For some reason, high pitched gnome voices yelling “Oh, fuck!” is really funny to me.

New Kid fighting underneath his giant parents mid-coitus is another iconic fight scene. How many times must New Kid dodge his dad’s ballsack?? The kid is hardcore.

The girls

Kyle convinces everyone to team up against Clyde. I’m continually impressed by Kyle because of his leadership, intellect (he spent all night researching), and open mind (he doesn’t balk at teaming up with the humans or inviting girls to play). I’m totally Team Kyle, if you haven’t noticed.

I love that the girls blindfold New Kid when they bring him to their lair. That’s some Mafia shit.

Annie: “He…doesn’t really talk.” Bebe: “That’s hot!” ME

Sunshine, sparkle, glitter…I wanna talk like this all the time.

Heidi Turner was the two-faced bitch! That’s very Mrs. Cartman of her.

Abortion clinic

New Kid’s abortion doctor is named Dr. Poonlover because of course he is

The big bad government is doing Plan B at the abortion clinic. Clever joke!

Where did Randy get that blonde wig from?? The men in South Park cross-dress so much.

Khloe Kardashian’s aborted fetus as a Nazi zombie is also a legendary fight.

Canada

New Kid didn’t get that his photographer was a pedophile even when he was almost butt naked?? Also, who was that guy who jumps out from behind the boxes?

The layout of Canada is clearly a parody of Pokemon games, right? Either way, I love it. The shitty jpeg videogame look is very Canada.

“They’re like wolves, but they’re dire.”

Getting trained by Terrance and Phillip makes all this back and forth bullshit worth it.

Clyde’s fortress

Of course Cartman butts in when Kyle’s trying to give an inspirational speech. What an attention hog!

It’s funny to me how easily Craig switched to Clyde’s side. Loyalty much??

“I really found myself relating to Clyde’s views about darkness and enslaving the world.” Jesus, Craig!

Cartman’s negative reaction to electricity is a callback to the chip put in his head in Bigger, Longer & Uncut.

“It’s my favorite kid!” WOW, RANDY

“Who could it be?” I love how long New Kid lets them all wonder before he steps up.

Stan: “Dude, that’s not Taco Bell sauce.” Clyde: “Then why’d I find it at the Taco Bell?” A+ logic

How dare you, Clyde! Let Chef rest in peace!

Government interruption

“Whenever aliens are spotted, vampires run amok…” Vampires exist in this universe??

I love that the boys don’t care about the big bad government’s scheme.

So New Kid’s special power is making friends on social media! I should’ve known.

Princess Kenny’s betrayal

Princess Kenny planned to steal the stick all along! This game is full of betrayals.

Kenny makes a pretty cute anime princess. Nazi zombie? Not so much.

Princess Kenny is a badass final boss. And I never saw it coming!

I’m glad the “never fart on someone’s balls” joke meant something in the end. I can see why it was banned – it’s super deadly!

End

The boys unite to save friendship and love…by chucking a stick into a lake.

New Kid stole Cartman’s catchphrase!

Why did Al Gore appear so ominously at the end?? What are you gonna do to the kids, Al Gore??

#south park #the stick of truth #podcasa bonita

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kurowrites · 4 years

Text

Snow - Chapter 11

Entire fic. AO3.

I wrote this in between slaving over my final report today, and the final report is not yet finished but this is. I hope y'all are grateful.

A.k.a. more trauma incoming.

---

“Wangji! Wangji, wait for me! Hey! Wangji!”

Wei Ying tries to catch up with the boy, but Wangji is fast. Only when Wei Ying stumbles over a snowbank and nearly falls on his face does Wangji turn around and glare at Wei Ying.

Yes, yes, he knows. No running. No shouting. Wangji is prickly about things like that.

He finally catches up to Wangji, wrapping his arms around the sleeve of Wangji’s jacket in an effort not to slip and stumble again. His thin shoes aren’t made for ice and snow.

To his credit, Wangji doesn’t pull away, and he also doesn’t scrunch up his nose. He’s always good like that. He doesn’t really like Wei Ying, but he also doesn’t keep him at a distance, doesn’t treat him like the dirty, smelly street rat that Wei Ying really is. Wei Ying is trying to keep clean and orderly, he really is, but if you don’t have regular access to a bathroom and laundry facilities, you get smelly quick. He’s learned that by now.

But Wangji has never, ever made him feel bad about it, even when he criticises everything else. Like the shouting.

“You won’t even let me thank you for saving me from these dogs,” Wei Ying pouts. “You’ve been running away from me for days now.”

Wangji sighs, and pries Wei Ying off his arm.

“I did not do it for your thanks,” he says as he slips his school bag off his shoulders and opens it. “I do not need your gratitude. Here.”

He holds out a small, wrapped package.

By now, Wei Ying knows what’s inside. He eagerly opens it and takes in the morsels of food that Wangji has brought him. His stomach has been grumbling all day, and he hasn’t been lucky enough to find some decent leftovers in the trashcans today. He’s already been considering another heist at the little food stand that sells baozi, even though he knows that the proprietor is wise to his tricks now.

The food that Wangji gives him is better.

He doesn’t waste any time and immediately sits down on the nearest dry stone step to eat, careful not to waste the smallest drop of sauce, the tiniest bit of food.

Wangji sits next to him wordlessly and watches him eat, as he always does. Wei Ying isn’t quite sure why he keeps doing it, keeps bringing him food, since he doesn’t seem to actually like Wei Ying, but the food is good and he’s definitely hungry enough not to question Wangji’s motives.

Wangji gives him food and saves him from stray dogs, and he sometimes shows him what they’re learning in class, so that Wei Ying can learn too. Wangji might not like him, but to Wei Ying, Wangji is his best friend in the entire world. He’s also Wei Ying’s most favourite person in the entire world.

His parents don’t count, because they’re gone now.

He swallows a thank you with the last bite of the food, and hands the wrapping back to Wangji.

“Don’t you think it’s time that you tell me your real name?” he asks.

But Wangji remains quiet, still refusing to give Wei Ying his real name, as he always does.

The first time they met, they fought because Wangji caught him stealing a peach. Wei Ying demanded to know his name so he could always remember his archnemesis, the stuck-up boy that came between him and a delicious peach. And Wangji had told him that his name was “Wangji,” which was obviously fake and not even his full name! He’d never been so insulted.

Even now that Wangji brings him food, he’s still only Wangji. It’s a game by now, trying to figure out what it takes for Wangji to finally tell him his real name.

Wei Ying may not know his real name, but he does know a few things about Wangji. He knows that Wangji’s family is well off, that he goes to a good school, that he’s very conscious about being proper and orderly, and that his mother has died a short while ago. That’s not something Wangji has told him directly – he’s heard the neighbours gossip about it. They always call him and his older brother “the poor boys” in that lowered tone of voice that makes it clear they’re afraid of being overheard by someone (they don’t mind Wei Ying though, because Wei Ying is nobody). His mother had been sick for a long time, apparently, and it’s all very tragic, but Wei Ying also hears the badly hidden glee in their voices. A respectable, wealthy family like that, brought low by scandal and tragedy, yadda yadda…

At some point, Wei Ying grew disgusted of their shameless gossiping and stopped listening. Wangji is good to him, and that’s what matters. And he feels a kind of kinship with Wangji. They both lost people that they loved. Wei Ying understands what Wangji must be feeling.

And Wangji seems lonely. Wei Ying never sees Wangji with any other children his age, he never sees him playing, and he always has the same invariably serious expression on his face. If Wei Ying’s presence helps a little with the loneliness Wangji evidently endures, then that’s fine with him. They’re best friends. He will stick with Wangji for the rest of his life, if he has to.

Or at least as long as Wangji is fine with keeping a dirty street rat around.

He gives up his current attempt at finding out Wangji’s real name, and tries to think of a topic better suited for conversation.

“Wangji,” he says eventually. “Tell me about the rabbits.”

Wangji loves rabbits. He’s never been allowed to keep them when he was younger, but a short while ago, he’s finally gotten permission from his uncle to convert a small part of their garden into a rabbit pen. He’s been researching the needs of the rabbits, how to keep them properly, and has been dithering over the breed of rabbits he wants to keep. It’s both funny and adorable, to see Wangji like that. If it had been Wei Ying, he’d probably taken the first rabbit that he came across and stuck him in a cage, but that’s not how Wangji operates. He’s fully committed to creating a rabbit paradise. And Wei Ying loves listening to Wangji talking about his little paradise. It’s one of the few topics that actually make Wangji talk.

Wei Ying closes his eyes and listens to Wangji’s newest plans with a smile. The time that he spends with Wangji is one of the few periods in his day during which he feels safe. Living on the streets isn’t safe. The days are troublesome enough, but the nights are dangerous, and there are more people (and dogs) that wish him harm than he cares for. Still, it’s better than the orphanage. Even when he goes hungry more often than not.

Wangji tells him all about his current plans for the rabbit enclosure, but all too soon, he has to leave again. His uncle is really strict about the curfew. He shoulders his school bag and stands up, and Wei Ying follows him.

“Bye, Wangji,” he says a little regretfully, leaning up and giving Wangji a kiss on his left cheek.

It had been a joke, the first time he did it. It’s something he often did with his parents, kissing them goodbye before they left for work in the morning, or whenever he could, really. He misses their touch so much that he’s physically shaking some days. He was both feeling lonely and had kind of wanted to tease Wangji a little with the all-too-familiar gesture when he kissed Wangji for the first time, but for some reason, Wangji permitted it. He gave Wei Ying a shocked glare, but the glare wasn’t followed by a command to never do it again. So Wei Ying did it again. By now, he gives him a kiss every time they part.

Maybe, maybe, he thinks to himself sometimes, Wangji will come to return it one day.

Once Wei Ying manages to make Wangji like him, too.

---

Time has lost all meaning to Wei Ying by now, so he often doesn’t know what day it is, never mind what date. Today is just a terrible. Whether it’s Tuesday or Thursday doesn’t matter.

Wei Ying has been feeling sluggish all day, has barely found the energy to drag himself out of his hiding place. He managed to find some leftovers around lunchtime, but threw them up almost immediately, his stomach unable to tolerate the spicy food that he usually loves eating. He thinks he’s getting sick. He hasn’t been sick since his parents died, not really, and he feels appropriately miserable. He wants nothing more than a warm blanket, a gentle hand, and some hot tea to soothe him. Unfortunately, none of these things are achievable for him anymore.

Wangji finds him crouched close to one of the street stalls, leeching off the radiating warmth coming from the meat grill while the stall owner keeps his watchful eye on him (in case he’s getting any ideas, which he’s not). It’s cold enough that he doesn’t chase Wei Ying off, though, for which he’s grateful.

“Ying,” Wangji says as he reaches out and presses his cool hand to Wei Ying’s forehead. “You have a fever.”

“It’ll pass,” Wei Ying assures him, because that’s what fevers usually do.

“You need to rest,” Wangji says.

“I am resting. It’s warm here.”

“You’re shaking.”

“I’ll be leaving soon,” Wei Ying sighs, hoping that Wangji would just leave him alone. He doesn’t want to talk right now. Talking is exhausting.

Wangji seems to have other plans, however. Instead of leaving, he lifts Wei Ying’s arm over his shoulder and basically drags him back through the streets to Wei Ying’s hideout. He bundles Wei Ying into his ratty blankets, making sure he’s as comfortable as an old mattress in an abandoned house gets before he leaves.

Ten minutes later, he magically reappears with hot tea and soup in thermosflasks, which he carefully feeds to Wei Ying. It helps a little, but now that he’s lying down, Wei Ying realises just how terrible he’s really feeling, and how sick he really is. He wouldn’t be able to get up again if he tried.

“I don’t feel so good, Wangji,” he mumbles, his eyes half-closed. “I’m scared. Please don’t leave me.”

“I will take care of you,” Wangji promises, and strokes his sweaty hair away from his forehead.

Wei YIng dozes a little, secure in the knowledge that Wangji is nearby, looking over him. He always feels safe when Wangji is around. Slowly, evening turns into night, and the sky outside is pitch black by now. The fever prevents him from falling asleep properly. He keeps tossing around, trying to find a comfortable position, a little soothed whenever Wangji strokes his forehead, his cheeks, with cool fingers.

Once, he thinks he feels a kiss pressed against his temple, and he wants to gloat a little.

See, Wangji, he wants to say, I knew you’d come around.

But the words refuse to leave his throat.

The next moment, Wangji stands up and leaves. His careful steps echo around the empty building. Then, Wei Ying is suddenly left alone.

“Wang…ji?” he cries out in a broken voice. But only silence answers him.

He waits for Wangji to come back. Maybe he just went to get some more tea. Maybe he needed to use the toiled. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Time passes by and Wangji doesn’t return. Bit by bit, the icy cold crawls under Wei Ying’s ratty blanket, and a different kind of coldness crawls into his heart.

He doesn’t know how much time passes, but it’s enough for realisation to dawn: Wangji won’t come back. Not tonight. Maybe not ever.

Wangji left him here, alone.

He left him alone even though Wei Ying asked him not to. He left him alone even though Wangji is the only person in this world that still cares about Wei Ying.

He’s cold and he’s exhausted, but he still has the energy to spill hot, desperate tears over this betrayal. Wangji has left him, too.

Wangji has left.

He will never, ever ask anyone to stay with him again.

That’s the last thing he remembers.

---

The next thing he knows, he’s in a hospital bed.

He is later informed that the police picked him up that night and brought him to a hospital, but he has no memory of it. He has no memory of any of the events that night. He only remembers being feverish and in pain, wishing that his parents were there with him.

When he wakes up, however, he finds a man sitting at his bedside, smiling at him gently. Wei Ying has never seen this man in his entire life.

“Hello, Wei Ying,” the man greets him once he’s taken in the sterile surroundings of the hospital room. “It’s good to finally meet you.”

It takes a while for Wei Ying to understand, but Jiang Fengmian, the man at his bedside, patiently explains to him that he’s an old friend of his parents, and that he’s been looking for Wei Ying ever since the news of their death reached him. By the time he contacted the orphanage Wei Ying had been brought to, Wei Ying had already run away, and no one knew where he was. But now that he’s finally been found, Jiang Fengmian is determined to adopt him, and bring him home with him to Hubei.

It all sounds far too good to be true, the things that Jiang Fengmian is saying. He’s going to have a family. He’s going to have an older sister and a younger brother, and he will never have to worry again about food. He will be able to go back to school, get an education. He will be taken care of in Hubei.

Hubei is very far away.

But what choice is there, really? Nothing is keeping him here in Suzhou. Only the memory of his parents’ deaths remains here.

He’s been living on the streets for months, cold and hungry and alone. There is nothing for him to lose. Nothing for him to regret.

He accepts Jiang Fengmian’s offer, and closes another chapter in his life.

#kuro writes #the untamed #wei wuxian #lan wangji #wangxian #mdzs #snow fic

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