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#Bludhaven blowing the fuck up
dandeeliion · 2 years
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one thing i absolutely admire about dick grayson as a character is the battle between his perfectionism/need-to-please and intense independence because it yields the willingness to make mistakes ONLY if someone else is trying to protect him from making them
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qcomicsy · 11 months
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Convos between civilians and vigilantes that I bet that happened Part ll
Gothamite: Honey why don't you come here so I can blow your mind?
Nightwing: You're very kind lady but I have to decline, I mean you're really pretty and nothing against your job but I don't usually pay for these stuff
Gothamite: For you baby I do it for free~
Nightwing:
Batman: Nightwing.
Nightwing: Alright, alright jesus.
---
Gothamite, squinting: Wasn't you who broke that tug arm that one time?
Robin (Tim), enjoying Damian is out town: It was my evil twin (lying)
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Gothamite, who's also a stripper: You look like a guy who used to work here
Nightwing:
Red Hood (looking at him):
Red Hood: Nightwing–
Nightwing: So about the bodies found on Upper West Side–
---
Henchmen: Yo Bruce–
Henchmen: Bruce Wayne?
Henchmen: Man– he's hot!
Henchmen: Naah
Henchmen: C'mon you telling me you would't ride him until–
Henchmen: Naaaaah
Henchmen: It becomes a core memory.
Red Robin (on the top of the warehouse): I wonder if this fall will kill me.
Spoiler: I'll be right after you.
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Robin (Damian): Don't be stupid that route will take forever
Red Robin: Not if we go around Fashion District.
Robin: Yeah, dumbass and it's a turn. We should go through Fashion District.
Red Robin: I'm sorry do you really want to throw Penguin's territory Right Now?
Robin: I always knew you were a fucking coward– Yes, obviously.
Gothamite: Not to interrupt or anything, but I'm still pretty much tied up right now.
Robin and Red Robin at the same time: Shut up
Gothamite: Okay–
---
Batman: Robin call the ambulance.
Gothamite: Please no I really don't have any money.
Batman:
Gothamite bleeding out on the Batmobile in his way to the Wayne Clinic: What does this button do.
Batman: You touch, you go walking.
Gothamite: Alright.
---
Gothamite: Ask the gay one–
Red Robin: The fuck you just said to me?
Gothamite:
Gothamite: I was talking about Nightwing
Red Robin:
Nightwing:
Nightwing really trying not to laugh: I don't even have the words for this one hold on.
The other gothamite immediately turning to Red Robin: You're GAY???
---
Nightwing doing his acrobatics on stores rooftop's:
Drag Queens from Bludhaven: Heeeeere he comes, *starts snapping their fingers in rhythm* work, work, work
Nightwing *goes along with it*:
---
The same Drag Queen later: Ever tried to add vogue to your crime fighting?
Dick, seriously considering:
---
Dick after implementing vogue in his crime fighting having the time of his life:
Red Robin: This is getting ridiculous I will have to kill you
Gothamite: Oh my god he's homophobic-
---
Gothamite: Do you think that Wayne kid is on Grindr?
Gothamite: Doesn't he have like a boyfriend?
Gothamite: Like that ever stopped you–
Gothamite: Stoooop~~
Red Robin unfortunately in a stake out:
Spoiler: Well are you?
Red Robin: Shut up
Spoiler: I mean it wouldn't be the first time you–
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nerdpoe · 1 year
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Prefacing this with I haven't read the comics I just dip in and out like the canon is a pool and I'm trying to climb onto a pool floatie.
So y'all remember that weird fucked up mind game test Bruce pulled on Tim in the beginning of their bullshit? The real fucked up mindgame that made Tim quit being robin for a bit, before coming back and being all "I know I'm not gonna get an apology." And Bruce was all "good."?
What if Tim realized it for what it was.
Tim realizes the test is a test and decides to get back at Bruce in his own game.
Bruce wants to act like he doesn't care about him in an effort to protect himself from grief if another kid ends up dying? That's fine.
Bruce resorting to psychological mind games to drive Tim away from seeking any support??
Not cool.
Tim realizes, and pulls a Hamlet.
He likes Dick, doesn't want the man to go through what Bruce is about to, and goes to Bludhaven to directly tell Dick not to believe ANYTHING Batman says for a month if it relates to Tim, that he's gonna teach the old man a lesson.
Dicks like "uhhhhhhh okay? U know we can just tell him whatever he's done is wrong, right?"
And Tim's just "nah, I'm past that point. See u in like three weeks to a month. This conversation didn't happen."
He leaves a copy of Hamlet in his locker in the bat cave, the only clue he's gonna drop until all is said and done, and gets to work.
Pretends that Bruce's mind fuck has driven him mad, pretends that he's sneaking off to chase down leads, pretends to talk to people that aren't there, visits the joker just to learn how to mimic his laugh, (side bar, joker has no idea why the new robin is visiting him and disabling the cameras, or why the kid just copies what he says and when he laughs, but after like two weeks of it he may be slightly uncomfortable around the kid no lie) uses makeup to make his eye bags look worse and trashes his own house (his parents are gonna be so pissed but he's already angrier than they could ever hope to be, so they can suck it), acts so unhinged Bruce calls it off and tries to tell him the truth, only for Tim to pretend like he doesn't believe him and steal the robin uniform and run away, and then goes and sneaks away from his own house (he knew he was being watched) to a warehouse he predetermined with a conspiracy theory board and string in his room (he needs to make sure Bruce knows where Tim wants him to go) and the conspiracy theory is just an amalgamation of the bullshit Joker spews (again, joker is really confused by this strange child hero and very slightly unsettled, what the fuck Batman where the fuck did u get this robin, maybe return him to the robin store? This one's defunct), makes sure it's abandoned, and blows it to hell with the robin uniform inside
He knows Bruce will be too jarred, to lost in the major trauma buttons Tim is pushing with the warehouse explosion, to do a proper analysis. He KNOWS Bruce will want it done as quickly as possible, and try to bury Tim as quickly as he can. He knows his parents won't get any phone calls for at least a month.
Then he goes to ground for a week.
Walks back into the cave after that week, corners a grieving and broken Bruce, and asks him how he likes mind games now.
After all, it was just a TEST. There was no need to skip basic steps like DNA analysis, that's just SLOPPY Bruce.
Dick, who had been warned by Tim early on and kinda knew the kid was gonna pull a fast one of Bruce, had NO IDEA it was gonna be this depraved, and is very highly Shook. Nor did he realize Bruce had tried a mind game first, and is...disappointed but not surprised, really.
But holy shit Tim Bruce started at a 9 and you escalated to a goddamn 25.
Bruce, realizing that they may both be a bit fucked up, acquiesces to therapy. For all of them. Holy shit for all of them, because that was NOT a normal teenage response and he is beginning to sense some distinctly villainous red flags from this kid.
Next time the joker breaks out he flat out refuses to believe that Tim is a Robin, and joker is the one that starts the whole Cuckoo thing, and asks Batman if he's gonna send the kid to Arkham early or if this is a weird intervention program he's trying.
Then he tries to murder like fifty people cuz he's the motherfucking JOKER.
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zeroducks-2 · 11 months
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I was thinking of something my gf said about Under The Red Hood, about the whole "did Bruce hit Jason in the neck or shoulder" conundrum.
I hadn't really wondered about it too much previously, I just assumed Bruce is a fucking asshole because he threw a batarang at this boy who supposedly was like a son to him, after getting him back from the dead, at the very high risk of killing him. Like idgaf of the circumstances okay? Fuck off Bruce. So it's not like I really cared if that was the shoulder or the neck (even if it does look like the neck) because it's the principle that's fucked up.
But anyway, recently my gf said something and I couldn't stop thinking about it, so I went back to UTRH and looked for panels and GODDAMNIT SHE'S RIGHT-
So, the answer to the question "did Bruce aim for Jason's neck or shoulder when he threw that batarang?" can be answered with BOTH. Let me explain.
The scene is Bruce and Jason's last confrontation in UTRH, and they just started to fight. It's a brutal fight made even more desperate because chemo has just been dropped on Bludhaven and Bruce cannot physically go check on Dick because Jason is preventing him, so they're both desperate, no one is pulling the punches.
it starts out like this:
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With a batarang thrown behind Jason that bounces back from a close distance, and which allows Jason to choose his wound, because it's aimed to his shoulder and head.
Sounds familiar? Basically this blow is thrown in a way that takes away someone's balance, forcing them to move from a spot if they want to avoid a potentially fatal blow. Jason dodges of course and gets hit on the side of the shoulder, giving back with one of "his tricks", and the fight continues.
Now take a look at how the fight ends:
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with the same opening blow, a batarang thrown behind Jason, aimed at his shoulder and head. Clearly aimed to destabilize Jason and make him let go of the Joker, but Jason does not move and does not let go until after he's been hit.
The implications of this are huge. It's a known fact that Jason does not think he's going to walk out of this alive, but here he actively chose to let Bruce hit him in the neck, solid on his position until the end.
There's also a bit, a few panels prior, regarding how both Jason and Bruce wouldn't fall for the same trick twice:
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Never twice.
Bruce used the same move twice with that batarang throw, and again it implies that Jason should have seen it coming and he did. Bruce won, in the sense that he managed to not do what Jason demanded - shoot him through his face or watch the Joker die - he "managed to find a way to win" and keep his conscience relatively clean because he didn't shoot a gun, and it was Jason's decision not to move and to let that batarang hit him in the neck when he could have dodged it. And everybody still loses.
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DC writers do have a tendency to depict Jason having suicidal tendencies. I'm pretty sure at this point that it comes from this, and that whatever the fuck happens in RHATO when Bruce beats the living hell out of him, and Jason does not defend himself, is supposed to be some kind of parallel to this particular dyamic of UTRH (a bad parallel but still).
I rest my case.
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ms-nesbit · 4 months
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blue chicago (final chap. of sweet home chicago)
Chapters 1 and 2 here
Rating: 18+ (minors will be banned into the shadow realm)
Warnings: oral sex, vaginal sex, praise kink, jason is gentle ig
Summary: continuation of y/n and Jason’s first date. Jason wants to figure out where their relationship, if any, continues after his return to Gotham
Y/n ordered an uber for the couple, holding their phone in their hand and preemptively checking the plates and model of the vehicle to ensure their safety. “There’s a killer in Chicago right now, y’know. I might not be their demographic, but you probably are.”
Jason cocked his head in confusion. “I think I can manage.” he commented with a naive grin, reminiscing on the last time he caused a mob boss in Bludhaven to fall to his knees.
As they packed into the Fiat (for Jason, like a sardine, as he had to tuck his legs in order to fit even remotely comfortably), y/n began to point out different landmarks and their history.
“So you’ve been here a while I take it?”
Y/n took their eyes from the passing buildings, old and new, to look directly at Jason. Under the fleeing lights that escaped their view, y/n could make out his curiosity for them, his hazel eyes more gray than blue. “Long enough to know that there’s a killer that the CPD refuses to acknowledge, and that you always lock your doors after eight-thirty.” Y/n sighed, Jason’s gaze growing in intensity, so much that y/n had to look away. “I’ve never been to Gotham. Heard that their crime puts mine to shame.”
Jason let out a tired laugh. “Yeah, that’s about the only thing we really excel at.” he cleared his throat and glanced at the driver, whose eyes were narrowed at the traffic ahead, before he continued. “I mean, I can show you around sometime, if you ever want to take a vacation and see… I dunno, something.”
“So you don’t like it much?” Y/n moved their knees to face Jason, relaxing their shoulders on the back rest of the seat.
Jason shook his head. “To be honest, it’s home. Kinda like that weirdly toxic ex you keep coming back to, y’know?” Y/n rolled their eyes and nodded. “I’ve been to a few cities, including this one, and Gotham just feels comfortable to me. There isn’t much except the vigilantes in muscle suits, but I guess it gives the town some flavor.”
“I’ve been curious about the bat. I’m sure that’s gotta be some scary shit. Have you ever seen him?”
“Uhm,” Jason searched for an appropriate response without blowing his identity or his adoptive father’s. “Everyone who reads the newspaper or watches the news really knows what he looks like, but I can’t say for certain that I agree with his methodology.”
Y/n crept closer, scooting in their seat. “Methodology?” they repeated, running their fingers through their curls.
“Yeah, he…” Jason kissed his teeth in frustration, his visible disapproval enough to shift the mood in the compact vehicle, “he captures these guys, and some of them are really fucked up, and he just…lets them go to the police.”
Y/n rolled their eyes again, their demur matching Jason’s. “Then they get released, right? Because I’m almost certain that Gotham PD isn’t much better than Chicago’s.”
Nodding slowly, Jason’s hair mildly swayed with his head shaking. The way the strands fell out of place seemed right for him, y/n noted to themself. “There are a few places that I could take you to, if you were to, y’know, want to see a man dressed up as a flying mammal.” He interlocked his fingers, and y/n noticed a miniscule scar on the middle finger of his right hand that crawled up to the cuff of his shirt. When Jason followed y/n’s eyes, he withdrew his hands and crossed his arms. “There’s a bakery right in downtown, and a nice school there if you want to check out their law library.”
He smiled at y/n, who was still stuck on the scars - where did they come from? Why is he hesitant about them? Y/n wondered, their questions on the horizon, but not quite washed up to the shore of their tongue. “You really want me to check out this lawless town of yours, huh?”
“Well, I mean,” heat rose to Jason’s cheeks, “if you’re interested, I surely wouldn’t want you walking around alone, y’know? Some of those crooks take advantage of out-of-towners, and I think that you might-”
“Stick out like a sore thumb?” y/n finished, catching Jason in his words. “For a first date, you’re certainly charming with your words.”
Jason rubbed the back of his neck, opening his mouth to begin speaking before the uber driver abruptly announced their arrival. He wondered if the driver was used to the banter, and after y/n exited the tiny backseat, the driver muttered a quick, “You two have fun now,” to Jason, while giving him a knowing grin.
Fixing their outfit, y/n waited for Jason as they entered their key code (using their free hand to cup the dials to maintain some sort of confidentiality) and opened the door once they gained entry. “You ready?” Y/n stated as more of a precautionary word as opposed to a question. It drew Jason’s eyes from y/n’s wide hips to the building itself.
The building was…a building, and Jason was almost upset that someone like y/n could live in a building with a malfunctioning fire escape, several boarded up windows, and gaps in the brickwork that tested the integrity of the structure. He blinked back a frown. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”
Once they entered, Jason felt the hairs on his neck raise in caution. From his upbringing, he knew to take heed of whomever he passed in places like these, and he kept his lips screwed together while his eyes darted to the source of his uneasiness: first, he noticed the flickering, buzzing fluorescent light in the lobby, its cold lighting shining (but dimmed); then, the water damage along the tiled ceiling, with accompanying stains on the corners where the wall met the ceiling, and darker, deeper stains - presumably blood - that sprayed along the lower walls and onto the ground; the lobby desk was empty, devoid of life of any kind, and before y/n called his name from the shabby elevator, Jason could almost make out a tiny inscription carved on the bottommost shelf on the abandoned desk, one that nearly reminded him of…
His thoughts rummaged as he multitasked the date with detective work. He reminded himself of Dick’s warning, ‘Enjoy yourself here, man. Don’t think about work for a bit.’, but one thing Bruce taught Jason was to trust his intuition. After they stepped off from the elevator, which creaked with every shift of weight, Jason followed y/n closely behind, keeping his hand over his right hip, where he stored his trusty blade. His eyes flickered behind him suspiciously, watching over his shoulder for whatever threat may expose themselves to him, and after they entered y/n’s home, Jason still refused to shake off the anxiety he felt.
“I know it’s not the Four Seasons,” y/n began, their tone derisive and self-depreciating, “but it’s my place for right now. And it’s actually nice that I get to learn how to repair things on my own since my landlord is pretty much MIA.”
Jason motioned to his shoes, to which y/n pointed their head to the thinly-wired shoe rack. He placed them there gingerly before returning his attention to y/n. “If you feel safe, and it’s not causing you any respiratory infections with the obvious mold growing in the walls of the hall alone, then I can’t really disagree with you much there.”
The overcoat Jason wore flounced with every motion, and it drove y/n mad, wanting to see what was underneath the layers. They were torn between the slow inspection, or the rapid peeling of clothes. Instead, they sat on the loveseat, their sweater dress hiking up their thighs enough to allow Jason to see where their legs met, the cavernous… “Wanna sit next to me?” Y/n offered, satisfied with Jason’s flustered reaction.
“Yeah, yeah, that’s fine.” he scrambled awkwardly, seating himself next to y/n, and concentrating on anything other than how he wanted to feel how y/n’s skin was underneath the leggings. He placed the plastic tins of cupcakes beside them, and as he settled himself onto the fabric of the couch, he felt his heart race. “So uhm, y/n, I just wanted to say I’ve had a really good time-”
Before Jason could finish his statement, y/n reached over and pulled him into a kiss, their hands instantly wrapping around the back of his neck. Jason’s hands grabbed y/n’s cheeks, holding their face in his hands as he inhaled sharply through his nose. He felt y/n’s fingers snaking into his hair, massaging them lightly as their tongue found its way to Jason’s mouth, deepening the kiss.
Y/n moved to sit on Jason’s lap, stradling it as their legs held his hips tightly. They broke the kiss after a few moments, staring straight at Jason, whose stormy gray and green were swallowed by his pupils. “Do you want this?”
Jason only managed a nod, finding his voice. “Y-yes. Yes I do.” he swallowed, and y/n bit their lip at the way Jason’s Adam's apple bobbed. Pulling their dress over their head, Jason only caught a glimpse of y/n’s skin, soft and peaks supple, before y/n pulled him into a deeper, hungrier kiss.
Y/n felt how hard Jason was becoming under them, and they began to grind their hips down, causing both of them to moan into the kiss. Y/n broke the kiss again, this time to relish in Jason’s quiet noises as he unraveled into a desperate, starved mess. Meanwhile, Jason’s eyes couldn’t pick a place to stay, and they wandered from y/n’s wide waist, up to the maroon racerback bra that they wore, the tops of their breasts calling out to Jason to be touched.
His hands were delayed in reacting, so it took a minute before he allowed himself to cup y/n’s breasts underneath the bra. He wrapped his arms around their waist to unclip the bra, removing it and sitting up to close their mouth on one of y/n’s hardened buds.
“Jesus, I should’ve known you were good with your tongue by the way you eat.” they breathed, arching their back in desperation. Their hips continued to circle against Jason’s clothed erection, but they snuck their hand under their leggings to rub their clit, a frantic attempt to relieve their tension.
The sight drove Jason’s hips to buck up, taking his bottom lip between his teeth to stifle a groan. “Fuck, I’ll do anything.” he was disgusted by how he pled to y/n, his guard quickly relenting to the depths of desire he previously compartmentalized. Y/n moaned in response, their head falling back as they continued to rub their clit underneath their leggings.
Jason debated watching y/n come loose, but his carnal instincts spoke louder to him, and he wanted to be the one to lead y/n to their climax. Without another word, Jason picked y/n up by the hips and placed them on the loveseat, falling to his knees on the wood floor before y/n as he hooked his fingers into the sides of their leggings and pulled them from y/n’s legs in a swift motion.
“Jason, I-” y/n interrupted their own words with a moan as they felt Jason’s breath hot against their core, and they looked down at him.
“Before I continue,” he began, eyes dark with lust, “do you want this?” It was y/n’s turn to be speechless, nodding impatiently as a nervous chuckle left their throat. “Good.” Jason mumbled before dipping his head again, their tongue brushing against y/n’s heat. He watched every movement y/n made, and how their hips rose in tune with their filthy noises. In his heart, he knew this was fast, maybe too fast for him to comprehend, but his heart was quieter than a mouse, and all he searched for in his strokes was for y/n’s release.
He threw a leg over one of his broad shoulders, pressing his tongue deeper against y/n’s core as he continued, his fingers sprawled on y/n’s thighs. He groaned every time y/n cursed, the sin as sweet as a prayer. “Fuck,” y/n gasped, their peak rapidly approaching. “Keep going, Jason, please.” the pleas were dripping with masochistic torment, as he was steadily keeping y/n close to their orgasm, but not quite letting them taste bliss yet.
“With pleasure.” Jason muttered under his breath before he obeyed y/n’s wishes, eyeing them as he watched their jaw drop and profanities spill from their lips. He allowed y/n to ride his face, and while they came down from their high, Jason unbuttoned his slacks and began twisting his wrist, stroking his own cock at the sight of his date in a state of ecstasy.
After catching their breath, y/n noticed Jason’s fierce stare before their eyes moved to his cock. “What are you waiting for?” Their eyebrow cocked in jest.
Jason looked down, embarrassed to admit. “I didn’t think…I don’t have a condom, I’m sorry.”
“You clean?” Jason nodded. “Me too.”
Jason stopped stroking himself, palms resting on his thighs. “Aren’t you afraid of getting pregnant?”
Y/n shook their head. “IUD. Makes periods painful, but at least I don’t have to take a pill or anything like that.” They observed Jason’s expression soften, his anxiety lingering. “If you’re not comfortable, we don’t need to do anything tonight.”
The comment was what Jason needed to allow the remaining weariness to fall from his skin. He stood and shimmied the slacks off from himself, tossing them aside before he pulled y/n to their feet and into a kiss. Y/n immediately brought their hands back to Jason’s hair, tugging delicately to evoke a response from the tall man.
It worked. “Shit.” Jason hissed into the kiss, “Gotta have you.”
Before y/n could process the admission of desire, they felt Jason’s hands on their bare ass, lifting them up from the ground. Y/n wrapped their legs around Jason’s waist with a tight grip, and felt the cold air of the wall against their back. Jason had them pinned, and was impressed with how seamlessly he was able to carry their weight. “Fuck me, please.” Y/n knew it was the word to use if they wanted anything from Jason - at this rate, Jason would give y/n the world with the simple word.
Jason obliged, using a free hand to guide his cock into y/n, groaning at the warm, inviting velvet pulling him in. He rested his forehead against y/n’s, staring at them as he rocked his hips slowly, deeply. With y/n pinned against the wall, their legs around Jason, he was able to move a hand to their breast, thumbing their nipple as he thrusted.
He listened with keen ears to the overt sounds of pleasure that emitted from y/n. He was already so close, despite being in y/n for such little time, and it reflected in how poorly he was able to keep a steady pace, faltering each time y/n clenched around him.
“I’m gonna- y/n, I’m close.” Jason choked out, eyes still fixated on y/n’s.
Y/n interlocked their ankles behind Jason’s back, pulling him in deeper. They again tugged at Jason’s hair, harder this time, and whined, “Not yet. Please, not yet. You feel so good.”
Jason’s hands moved to y/n’s hips, gripping them tightly as he wound his hips up and thrusted harder into y/n, his positioning precisely hitting y/n at a spot that made them curse loudly.
Jason buried his head in y/n’s shoulder, unable to filter out the obscene noises that left his mouth with every move. He was in agony, such deep pleasure that it hurt, but he would be damned if he didn’t want to strip another climax from y/n.
He snaked a hand between him and y/n, lazily circling their sensitive clit, and returned his eyes to y/n’s face as their body twitched, quickly reaching their orgasm. Jason watched with intent, but continued his speed, the room filling with salacious sounds from either of them.
“Holy shit,” Jason choked out, voice lower than before, “Fuck, y/n.” his eyes finally shut, mouth falling open as he found release, letting out a strangled moan as his hips stilled.
Gently lowering y/n back onto their feet, Jason ushered to the box of tissues, pulling out a couple to clean y/n off, then himself.
Y/n hummed as he cleaned them gingerly on the loveseat, their eyes slowly blinking before finally falling to rest. After Jason disposed of the used tissues, he laid his eyes on the slumbering y/n, careful in his movements as not to wake them, and he used his coat as a blanket.
—-
Sunday evening
“Tim.” Dick admonished, repercussions sharp on his tongue. “Stop teasing your brother.”
Tim shrugged before locking his hands behind his head, resting on the armchair of the living room. “Who cares? Guy seems a bit chipper now.”
Jason was. After his date with y/n, he waited for them to wake up - which took nearly all night - and took y/n out for breakfast. They agreed to keep in touch (something Tim and Dick overheard while he was on the phone with y/n), and had his face buried in his phone since.
They were about to check out from the hotel (not quite at the time they planned, but with revisions and planning from the concierge), and Jason was slightly less threatening than usual.
Their trip back to Gotham was dreadful - their flight was delayed, and they had to land in Pennsylvania due to a rapidly approaching storm.
Yet Jason remained hopeful, even when greeted by the passive aggressive Bruce Wayne back at Wayne Manor. He caught wind of their antics and was displeased, but was hushed by a sympathetic Dick when he informed his adoptive father that Jason found someone.
“So…” Bruce lingered in the doorway of Jason’s room for long enough to stir discomfort in the young man. “Do you have any interest in bringing this person over, maybe for the holidays?”
Jason sighed on his bed, rolling his eyes. “Y/n’s coming out in a week. Don’t…tell anyone, though.”
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boyfridged · 8 months
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It bugs me a lot as to why DC seems hesitant/uninterested to explore Dick and Jason's connection more. I saw one of your posts talking about the significance of Jason dying in Dick's robin costume and seeing as Dick is like the only other person aside from Bruce (and I guess Alfred) to really be affected by Jay's death to the point he has hallucinations about jaybin, I think their reunion after Jason's resurrection was lackluster at best. Idk if this is just me holding on to bias, but I find Dick and Jay's relationship a much more interesting dynamic to explore & develop than say Dick's relationship with *** or Damian. So I'm really curious, if it'd been up to you how would you go about their first reunion (specifically after Dick finds out Red Hood's true identity) and the development of their relationship (assuming Jason takes the route of reuniting and reconnecting with his family & preferably with BFTC not existing) moving forward.
i know this was not your main question, but as to why dc seems hesitant to explore dick and jason's connection more, i reckon it would be difficult for them due to retcons to both jay's and dick's personality, which subsequently completely changes their relationship (both in the past and present). but i have already said plenty about it! (in case anyone missed it, my tag for dick & jay is #thousand incarnations of closeness and distance.)
i think post-utrh (and post bludhaven blowing up... dick once again finding himself at a very low point in his life) dick absolutely would want to find jay. there's this paradoxical distance and close proximity all at once that makes the way dick sees jason unique at this point. 80s dick does not know jay as an "angry robin" and did not even know about his breakdown closely before aditf.
of course dick mythologized him some, sure, the way we all do with our dead. the uniform, the name; they make it feel personal. but he's also the one to think "he was your son. flesh and blood. he was real." so the image he has of jay (in the 80s & even some of 90s) is most probably so simple and real. it's just a kind eager boy wearing his family colours. there's no space for fatalizing that bruce, for instance, engages with. dick is the who never allows himself to think that jason's death was an unavoidable tragedy; the one who contempts the idea of the memorial case; the one who is shocked at the lack of pictures of jason in the manor.
and i would like this version of dick to react to jason's return, i think learning about jason as the red hood would perhaps be even more shocking than it was to bruce.
so, the setting: probably either just post-utrh (when dick is also at a low point since bludhaven is gone) or even post-countdown (but with no bftc nor previous meetings between occuring).
you might ask why i'm considering going all the way post-countdown. well. first of all, it's just that i'm so taken by the idea of jason fucking shit up without a mask and canon has deprived us of it. second of all, i think it would make sense for dick not to be able to reach out to him until then, because jason would most definitely avoid him.
to jason, bruce is not only the closest family member, but he's also a figure of authority, a figure that can be rebelled against. in many ways, kids are ready (or in jason's case, trying to brace himself for) their parents' disappointment. but what about your siblings? i genuinely can't think of a sadder occurrence than your siblings giving up on you. and jason has always looked up to dick; and dick has always been so gentle with him. i don't think jason would be aware of it, but i don't think at this point much could break his heart more than seeing dick reject him. in some ways, that would be a definitive end of jay's childhood, a complete severing of his ties with it, even if those are so fragile and distant. and as much as it would be for character in jason to try to cut this remaining link, i think "countdown" shows that he subconsciously still tries to hold onto them.
so dick is searching; jason is hiding. perhaps dick is following a trail of dead bodies, the plotline focusing on his own moral dilemma and on the horror of seeing what jason is capable of. there's definitely guilt moreso that disappointment, though.
but he finds jason on accident rather than during that chase, and there's a body, and before dick can comprehend what's going on, he acts; he helps jason hide it. it's a messy job and now there's blood not only on jason's hands but also on dick's.
it's not something he would do for anyone else. dick wants to say he won't do it again, or to ask jason to never make him do it again, but he doesn't say anything.
they still argue. they have takeout and eat it in the car, and jason notices dick still listens to the same playlist. then dick gives jason his number and tells him to "stop losing it" even though they both know this is not what happened.
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mockerd3light · 7 months
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Am I gonna write fic about Jason Todd?
Yes.
Am I gonna make it 'Canon Compliant' in any way other than superficial?
No.
Jason shoots Damian? Definitely happened, but Battle of the Cowl didn't. (The general circumstances of the event can range from small assassin child ambushing him when he's trigger-happy to him not realizing the kid isn't wearing the now-standard bullet-proof costume every Gotham Vigilante wears)
Jason beats the crap out of Tim? Yep, right in Titan's Tower, except no Robin costume and 30% more lame monologue because it is CRUCIAL that Tim thinks he's cringe.
Dressed up as Nightwing to thoroughly fuck with Dick in Bludhaven? Absolutely. (minus shape-shifting vore, but including it if I want to get freaky with Creepy!Jason)
Went to Arkham? Ayup! But there was no Joker, sadge, Jason was down to retraumatize that clown.
Poisoned a bunch of inmates in Blackgate? Absolutely, but food poisoning to prove to everyone he COULD, yall bitches better not try to play with him.
Became Outlaws with Starfire and Arsenal? Yessss, with 90% less Kori being a blow-up sex doll and Roy not being a trailer-park proto incel.
Has All-Caste powers? Yup, but limited cuz Ducra repo'd his memories for leaving the order. Also not specifically keyed into 'pure evil' because that cop-out is bullshit.
Is a 'drug-lord'/mob boss? Yes, because if you want to use his early characterization for SOMETHING make it using the wheel of crime to raise up the community. (He's the lead endorsement for the Goon Union, the Goonion if you will--pandaredd doing gods work with those skits)
Is a mercenary? Only when he's doing favors for his not-mom-but-totally-his-mom Talia.
The statistics of 5 moms per son is inaccurate, All-Moms Jason is an outlier and should never be counted.
Went on a cross dimensional road trip with Donna and Kyle? Abso-fucking-lutely, he was hit over the head with his own bad coping mechanisms and the need to try some reconciliation by the trip ala Donna smacking his cringe-ass over the head and witnessing the world where Bruce did EXACTLY what he wanted.
Had a romantic relationship with Artemis? No, they were fuckbuddies and became besties. (If I'm running on Sex-neutral Ace!Jason software, then it gets much more complicated and more deeply queerplatonic).
Abusive dad? Which one? (jk...unless?) Yes, but not trauma porn abusive, actually nuanced abuse(I hate that that's a phrase I have to say, but like yall there are kinds and levels, I've experienced it), cuz technically? Catherine was abusive, even if she was trying to do her best while being an addict.
Came back to life via Super-Punch? *chefs kiss* Delightful, an utterly random event, not brought back for a purpose or because he was torn from death by his loved one's desperation. Just. Completely. Random. Happenstance. Reckon with that zombie boy.
Went to heaven after he died? Fuck yes! He was such a good boi.
Catholic(going off the alternate Thomas Wayne batman-verse where he becomes a priest? I can't remember the source at the moment)? Lapsed all to hell, but technically yes lol.
White? Nope, I take the possibility they put forth of Shiva being in candidacy for being his mom and slot him into that ambiguously ethnic category where you're features are just off enough to White people that you passing is entirely dependent on how long you've been in direct sunlight recently and you are 'white' to most POC who don't understand the conditional nature of your existence/shave down racism to nothing but shades of colorism with privilege/whiteness being awarded once you are in a range that would get you labelled as mixed-for some examples see 'model-minority' etc.(to all my ambiguously brown/conditionally white passing people iykyk).
Personal fave race/ethnicity for Jason? Lighter skinned Puerto Rican, because I like projecting.
GIVE HIM BACK HIS CURLS DC!!
Anyway this has been a PSA for anyone who reads my fics going forward. All of which are subject to change depending on what angle I am working for any individual fanfic.
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incorrectbatfam · 2 years
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I see you’re on a headcannon roll here!! I know it’s pretty classic, but please do you have any Dick and Damian headcannons to share?
I'm trying to clear out my inbox. Most of these have been sitting here for a year or more.
Anyway...
Dick drove Damian to the countryside, dropped him at a protest in front of a factory farm, went to Bludhaven, brushed Bitewing's teeth, took Babs to lunch and a museum, and came back in time to pick Damian up before he could escalate a riot
Damian inherited his father's cooking skills. Dick's biggest accomplishment thus far is teaching Damian how to boil a potato
Damian tackled Dick down the stairs because Dick suggested a baking soda volcano as a science project
Dick makes dance Tiktoks as Nightwing as Damian (as Robin) duets with a reaction
Damian isn't afraid of scorpions, but he's not a fan. When Dick asked why, Damian said his grandfather kept a scorpion pit for soldiers who stepped out of line. Cue six months later when Dick goes on a mission in Nanda Parbat and turns out there is no scorpion pit
Damian bought a working replica of Green Arrow's bow on eBay. Dick confiscated that pretty quickly
For Damian's birthday, Dick takes him to a glass art museum that included glass blowing lessons
They have the same personal best for swimming laps
Damian went on a class field trip to the aquarium and to his mortifying surprise, it was the day Dick volunteered for the mermaid show
A running joke is whenever Damian travels, regardless of where he goes, he brings Dick back an Empire State Building keychain
Sometimes, after an all-nighter, they'll grab some snacks and a picnic blanket and watch the sunrise on the roof
Damian says he's too old for stickers, but Dick still puts a gold star on his mission reports
Every time they go grocery shopping, Dick needs to make sure Damian didn't smuggle a dozen lighters into the shopping cart
Dick had a Robin water bottle from when he was younger, which then got covered up with a Nightwing sticker. When he became Batman, Damian covered it up again and when he was back to Nightwing, Damian slapped a different Nightwing sticker on it and told him to stick to one thing
In art class, Damian painted a miniature pot and planted a mystery seed. After Damian died, Dick took it upon himself to continue looking after the sprout on his windowsill
They bought every battery-powered fan at Safeway for their road trip through New Mexico
They skip carnival psychics after a tarot reader told Damian he was gonna grow up to cause pain and destruction. It took everything in Dick not to sue that person
Damian brought Dick for Show and Tell. Dick did a yo-yo routine to an ABBA song
Cases involving kids are always the hardest on Dick because he can't help but see Damian in their place
One time Dick asked Damian "what'cha reading" and Damian said it was a short story for English called The Lottery. Out of curiosity, Dick looked it up and his reaction was basically "what the fuck"
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hood-ex · 1 year
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Dick: I really should be going after Heartless rn.
Babs: But I'm tired so let's go on vacay outside of Bludhaven instead.
😒😒😒😒😒
Dick Grayson, if you don't get your fucking ass in gear and doggedly hunt down Heartless then I'm gonna blow up your next apartment myself 😤. Guilt should literally be eating you alive at this point. The thought of Heartless taking another life from right out under your nose should make you sick.
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anawrites3 · 1 year
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A super-hero takes advantage of Dick and forces him to blow him. Dick of course hides what happens but Slade knows something's up. A while later he runs into said "hero" and the two battle. The man brags about "fucking Nightslut's mouth" which allows Slade to piece the whole thing together and separate his head from his shoulders. :)
A week later Dick receives a bloodied item belonging to the man. Everyone interprets it as Deathstroke threatening Dick and basically telling him he's next. Only Dick knows that Slade is telling him he is safe now.
(Their relationship is a secret, but it is the best secret Dick has ever kept.)
I love how everyone would get scared and tried to get Dick somewhere safe and Dick would be just sighing in love, thinking about his man 😂💕 Lemme just-
"Grayson, please!" Damian begged, closing his fists on his brother's sleeve. "This is a serious matter!"
"Nothing good ever comes from a man like Deathstroke sending others things." Tim looked close to crying. They all knew that nothing could stop Deathstroke if he was set on something. "And this is a bloodied weapon of a hero who got killed just a few days ago, wrapped in a gift paper!"
"Calm down-" Dick began, though he wasn't sure what to say.
He didn't want his family to see the packet, he didn't want them to know what was going between him and Slade. He especially didn't want them to know why exactly Slade sent him a belonging of a dead man, killed brutally with Deathstroke's own hands.
But now they all think that Slade's going to kill him and are desperate to keep Dick safe. Dick knew his family, knew he would act the same if it happened to one of his siblings. Maybe... maybe he should just tell them about their relationship? What's the worst that can happen...?
"Throw this thing out." Jason suddenly growled, yanking the weapon out of Dick's hand. "This damn bastard thinks he can scare us-"
"No! Give it back!"
Jason's eyes widened in shock, the bits of green that began to show there dissapearing. Dick grabbed the weapon back. On the one hand he didn't want to have anything that reminded him of that so-called hero, didn't want to think back to what the man did to him but it was a gift from Slade, it was the sign that Slade loves him and cares for him and is ready to kill everyone who hurt him. Dick should feel bad about it, about a man dying because of him but after what he was made to do...
A small part of him was happy because of it. A small part of him felt good and safe that that bastard won't hurt him or anyone else anymore.
A bad, already corrupted part of him fell even more in love with Slade.
"I'm not throwing it out." Dick said firmly.
"Dick, think rationally." Bruce hissed, taking a step closer. Damian still didn't let go of Dick's sleeve. "Wilson sent you a weapon, still in blood, that belonged to the man he killed. There wasn't any contract over his head, Wilson murdered him just like that and you can be next-"
"Calm down, Bruce! Slade won't hurt me!"
"And how the hell can you be so sure of that?" Jason demanded.
"Because we're dating!"
Oops. He didn't mean to say this. Not like that.
A silence fell over the room, everyone taking in the meaning of Dick's words. Dick considered just turning away, maybe going back to his apartment in Bludhaven? Everything was already too much. But then Damian tugged him closer, his face twisting in a little frown.
"Well." he said slowly. "I suppose you always could choose a less suitable suitor. Wilson's at least a good fighter and is capable of protecting you. You have my approval, Grayson."
Dick breathed out in relief and ran his fingers through his brother's hair, more to calm himself than anything else.
"Thank you, Dami." he murmured. "It means a lot."
"Good." the boy scoffed, making Dick smile.
"Um? Can we go back to the part where deadly mercenary sent you some kind of a trophy?" Tim prompted. He looked confused and uncomfortable, perhaps because he was standing the closest to Bruce who was frozen in shock. Jason was stilled as well but it looked like he was at least breathing. "Is that some creepy way of asserting dominance or something?"
"I'm not telling you that." Dick pressed his lips into a thin line. He already said too much anyway.
"You are aware that we'll find out anyway, right?" Jason unfroze to snarl. He looked less furious than before but he still cracked his knuckles in a nervous habit.
"I'm pretty sure you won't. Slade won't tell you anything and the only other person is already dead."
Dick felt drained. It was a really tiring couple of days and he just wanted to curl in his bed. Maybe cry a bit too if he got any tears left.
Damian curled his arms around Dick's waist at his words. Jason's mouth fell open. Tim's knees buckled a bit underneath him.
They didn't need to hear anything else. Whatever that man did to Dick to made Slade furious enough to tear him apart...
"Dick-"
Bruce marched forward.
"What did you do?" he demanded and Dick suddenly felt very grateful for his little brother holding him.
"I'm-" he began and his voice cracked. He couldn't help but to think back to that man, to what happened just a few weeks ago- maybe if he just-
"Bruce, what the fuck!" one of his brothers hissed but he wasn't sure which one.
"I didn't- he-"
It was my fault, my fault, I should fight more, I shouldn't let it happen, then he still would be alive-
"You don't have to say anything, Dick." Jason stepped between him and Bruce, stopping the older man from coming even closer to his brother. "We won't ask."
"Jason-" Bruce began warningly.
"I didn't want him to-" Dick couldn't think, couldn't breathe-
"Shh. Let's get you somewhere comfy, Dick." Tim threw his arm over his shoulder and slowly lead him towards the door. "We can watch a movie, huh?"
"He made me- I didn't want to-"
"Shh, it's okay. We'll get some snacks too. What do you think? Maybe we can convince Alfred to let us eat some of that sugary cereal he hides from you."
"I'll go get it!"
"Slade-" Dick tried again but he didn't know how to form words anymore, he just wanted to know that he's safe and he was always safe with Slade.
"I'll call him." Jason offered, already slipping his hand into Dick's pocket to fish out his phone. "He'll be there soon, try and realx for us, alright Dickie?"
Dick noded and let his brothers lead him towards the living room. Bruce stayed behind without another word, his fists clenching by his sides.
----
Alright, this got dark pretty quickly! 😂 Im gonna stop there because I won't be able to stop myself and its so long already fsgdvs but anyway Slade came over, watched a movie together with boys and when Dick went to sleep he went to have a talk with Bruce. They fought, obviously, yelled and argued but Bruce came back to his senses and apologized to Dick for blaming him when he was a victim. Dick forgives him obviously 🙄 and Slade takes his little bird home and reminds him that he'll always keep him safe 🤗
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Honestly my biggest issue with Batgirl 2000 is its ending. Cass just kinda walks off after everything. Theres no return to Gotham or anything. The latter third of that comic really seemed to be doing its best to push Cass away from the Batfamily which is my least favorite thing. Just let her be the batgirl and Bruce’s daughter. Of course then we have the Robin appearance and it’s striking to me how suddenly she becomes a completely different character. Immediately after an entire arc about how she chooses to be better than her mother, she gets turned into a near copy of Shiva…
… man fuck Dan Didio.
Edit: oh yeah how could I fucking forget Bludhaven exploding offscreen. I actually really liked Cass in Bludhaven y’know? She was figuring herself out and making her own vigilante identity and she had her own Batcave and she was making friends and enemies but then it had to blow up. Fuck the second half of this comic man.
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batfamfixation · 1 year
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When talking about Bruce slitting Jason's throat in Batman: Under the Red Hood I think a lot of people forget that Bruce believed Jason had bombed Bludhaven and killed Dick. Bruce thought Jason had destroyed an entire city to kill Dick to hurt him.
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Bruce tried to kill the Joker multiple times for killing Jason. The Jason came back from the dead and made Bruce believe that he killed Dick and however many other people live in Bludhaven. His dead son made Bruce think he had turned into a fucking domestic terrorist. Jason also posed an actual serious threat to Tim. Bruce's dead son came back as a seemingly sociopathic (because blowing up an entire city to hurt Bruce would be a seriously sociopathic move) murder zombie who Bruce wrongly believed had killed his eldest child and posed a real, serious risk to his youngest child
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thetistaboveall · 2 years
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Batman: The Psychology Of The Dark Knight
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The moon lights up a other wise dim alley way in the systemic unraveling of what was Gotham city.
Some unknown lower level thugs race in to a alley way breathing heavy guns in hand and backs to the wall.
The Batman is hot on the trial of two thieves who are the keys to unlocking a mystery in Gotham.
“He is coming, he’s coming”
“Calm down, he can’t take us”
“Can’t I?”
“It’s the Bat shoot”
“What a rookie mistake Dark Knight walking in to a trap.”
“Who are you?”
Batman turns to face the hidden face in the dark as he steps back and his attention falls to the goons.
The race at him causing his distraction as he fought then only to feel a needle inject in to his skin.
The serum takes effect quickly sending him in to dizzy spinning fit and he falls in to his arms.
“Hurry bois! Pick him up”
“Bring him to the lab and set him up”
“Sure thing boss”
The body is off the ground in minutes he is loading on to a elevator going to the sub basement.
Bruce’s eyes groggy as ever still under the Serbian influence can only check out his surroundings.
His eyes pick up a young man on a throne with Superman at his feet kissing his hand.
Bruce is lock inside of glass pod strap to the seat under him that is until the programming began.
The white noise enters the pod along side a orderless gas permeating his mind Bruce makes his best.
Batman fails to escape the man with a tens of millions of back up plans finally fails.
I am the young man I proudly speak in to the microphone and the command the pod to begin.
The glass is covering up in a steel case, the gas overtakes the pod, and Batman falls.
The mind confirm binary sounds attach to the low pitch sounds melt his mind breaking him.
A screen rolls down to meet his face turning on I appear on the screen.
“You are probably wondering who I am and why I am doing this?”
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That same night Dick Grayson Aka Hero of Bludhaven Nightwing arrived at his old stopping ground.
“Alright show yours, who dares to call me here.”
“I dared.”
“What why? Who are you?”
“No you can’t be “
“Dad? You are dead”
“You can have him if you join me”
“Who are you?”
“I have many names, I am the ring Master for now.”
Dick can’t move a muscle standing mindless at attention feeling feel fear and excitement
The man jumps off the truck he is on in the distance landing on the ground he walks to Dick.
“What do you want from me you fiend”
“Fiend? Watch your mouth”
“Here take this bar soap”
“What bar? Stop these games”
“This one here you go”
“Nnnmmmmmmppppfff”
“Mwahahahahaha “
“You should know it would be in you best interest to join us.”
“Who’s us? Fuck you!”
“Them barf bag”
Dick is stunned to see his father figure Bruce and his idol Clark kneeling in total submission.
The Ring Master meets Dicks eyes as they glow bright blue and change Dicks eye color as well.
Dicks head is out of sorts seeing flying objects in the air and he can’t get a sense of anything anymore.
“What’s going? Why do I feel so weak?”
“You are giving in, you are embracing and you are growing.“
“No! I can’t, I won’t “
“Uuuuuuugggggghhhh”
“Take him in with you guys and prep him”
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So happy with my victory I did not expect any interruptions and yet the alarm goes off.
“God damn it! Who’s that?”
“For fucks safe”
“Oh it’s the new boy wonder”
“Yuck! Uuuuggggghhh”
“I suppose better late then never”
“Speaker on”
“Speaker on”
“Hello Boy Wonder”
“Jason Todd is it?”
“How do you know my name?”
“Bruce told me”
“He would never”
“Oh yeah! He is on my team now”
“So is Nightwing”
“Liar”
“Say that to my face”
“I’m coming for you freak”
Robin uses his grabble hook shooting up
to the roof and speeding up.
On the roof top a familiar face waits in red, yellow and blow costume.
“Superman huh?”
“I could use your help “
“Oh I will help you”
“Wait! Those eyes are like his”
“He assume control over you too”
“Smart ass I see, not as dumb as you look”
“No…..let me go”
“Mwahahahahaha “
“Let’s go flying”
“Master here is “
“Pop him in the pod”
“Sir Yes Sir”
“My collection in Gotham is complete”
The end
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dramatisperscnae · 3 months
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Clint's just going to give Dick an envelope. Inside are two fake tickets that were clearly made on a computer. "1 Free Trip" they read. Rubbing at the back of his neck, Clint shrugs. "I got us both three weeks leave. No missions," barring end-of-the-world, all-hands-on-deck scenarios, of course, "no patrols, no work--it's all taken care of. January first, we can do whatever, go wherever, you want." He cleared it with everyone. God, he really hopes that's not overstepping. "But if the date doesn't work, I'm sure we can change it..." Maybe. He'll certainly do his best.
"And I...I thought, maybe..." He takes a breath, looks Dick in the eye. "There's so much I don't tell you, and I know you get it, I know you know why and you don't push and I love you for that, but today I figured...I wanna be honest. About everything. I mean, I always do, but..." Fucking hell, just spit it out, Barton. "Basically, today you can ask me anything--classified, personal, whatever--and I'll answer honestly. I won't hold anything back. The full truth, no matter what." Consequences and his own comfort be damned.
The envelope gets a bemused smile, the tickets within a fond grin. It's cute, it really is, in a childlike kind of way. Very sweet. The words that come with them, though, have Dick staring in stunned surprise. Three weeks? For both of them? How the hell has Clint managed that? He probably has his ways, dealing with SHIELD, but to ensure Dick has three weeks free…? God, three weeks without Nightwing in Bludhaven…what kind of impact is that going to-
Jesus Christ, he's turning into Bruce. Stop. Clint said he's taken care of it. Trust that and take the damned vacation, Grayson.
It's what Clint says next, though, that really has Dick's eyes widening. That's-…holy shit. Holy shit. No holds barred, any question at all, and an honest answer guaranteed? For someone in their line of work, that's…it's huge. Dick's expression softens as he leans up to pull Clint into a gentle kiss. "…Well that blows what I got you entirely out of the water," he teases. "I guess I've got to think of things to ask about now. And the trip sounds great," he adds with a grin. "A vacation'll do us both some good."
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mzminola · 2 years
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The 2005-2006 Under the Red Hood arc is 90% Jason having a great time fucking with everyone, 10% Jason have a very bad time, and 100% everyone else having an absolutely terrible time (mostly because of Jason).
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bigskydreaming · 3 years
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Okay, so you know “Justice League meets Batman’s kids, who they’d previously been unaware existed” AUs?
So picture that.....but this time, instead of them just having no knowledge of any of these other Gotham vigilantes at all....the Batkids all migrate to various cities as they get older and become known as their protectors - Dick in Bludhaven, Tim in San Francisco, Cass in Hong Kong, etc....
Meaning they’re all established figures, the Justice League are aware of them as solo local heroes who stick to their cities and so they just don’t interact with them much if at all, or else some are members of team lineups but are particularly vague about their histories or life outside of the team’s adventures....
So the big reveal isn’t that they become aware of all these other Gotham vigilantes all at once....its that some big conflict or whatever requires a huge team up of all available heroes, and in the aftermath, they figure out that like.....despite being known as solo heroes who work alone or loners outside of their team settings, 80% of these heroes all not only seem to already know each other, they seem to be related.
And so naturally they all turn to Batman, who has profiles on every known hero and they thus figure had researched these individuals too and just never mentioned this little detail, and they’re like, “Did you know about this?”
And then Nightwing turns to him too, arms crossed and is like, “Yeah Dad, did you know about this?”
And the infamous Red Hood is all: “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I have never met any of these people before in my life. Lives? Whatever.”
And then Red Robin moodily grates out “I have no siblings.” Since he’s nursing a grudge since Dick and Jason broke into his apartment the night before and replaced all his custom Red Robin gear with Darkwing Duck merchandise and his vengeance will be swift and also totally disproportionate because things escalate quickly in this family, that’s true in every universe.
Cass meanwhile has deftly skewered Jason’s lie by walking over to him and brazenly patting down the man with many many guns with no fear whatsoever. He squawks and futilely attempts to bat her hands away as she riffles through his many pockets, but he doesn’t seem shocked, just annoyed. Eventually, she pulls away and triumphantly reveals a box of Hello Kitty themed band-aids.
“So these are yours then? Just for you?” Black Bat asks smugly. Red Hood squints at the box.
“What the fuck? How long have those been in my jacket? Why are those in my jacket? Did you freaking plant them in my jacket just on the offchance you could at some point in the distant future use them at my expense?”
Black Bat frowns, puzzled. “Yes?”
“Oh come on, Dead Hood,” Spoiler says with an exaggerated toss of her head meant to convey she’s rolling her eyes beneath her own mask. She skips her way across the room to Black Bat and then drapes herself languidly all over the smaller woman. Who in turn doesn’t so much as twitch beneath the sudden added mass as Spoiler holds out her hand towards the box of band-aids. 
“One please. I have a boo-boo,” she says with easy familiarity straight into the intimidating cowl of Black Bat. Only then does she deign to finish her train of thought with Red Hood.
“I mean seriously, are you saying you don’t have potential blackmail set-ups, pre-rigged releases of incriminating material, and a random assortment of traps, pratfalls and mortifying scenarios in place for the express purpose of being able to humiliate any and all of your siblings at any given moment, without any need for additional prep time?”
“Is this true, Little Wing?” Nightwing whirls on the larger Red Hood with a faux-scandalized gasp. The founder and leader of the Titans, formerly the Teen Titans, renowned for his stratagems and calm competence when directing squads of supers in the heat of battle while he keeps pace with nothing more than naturally acquired acrobatics and a utility belt that apparently uses the same technology as Wonder Woman’s invisible jet....now appears to be....staggering with the back of his hand pressed to his forehead, moaning about how he felt....faint? 
What is happening right now, several dozen superheroes want to know. Is this a drill? Are they supposed to be checking for signs of a mental ambush from undetected psychic saboteurs? Did they all hit their heads at the exact same time and are now experiencing some kind of shared mass concussion?
Look, that wouldn’t be the weirdest thing to ever happen on the Watchtower. 
“Have I failed you so utterly?” The veteran child hero bemoans with a dramatic twirl - that when contrasted with his stern demeanor of a mere ten minutes ago - makes the fears of telepathic infiltration seem less paranoia and more....concerningly probable. “Did you learn nothing from me? Did you learn nothing from B?”
He stops and jabs a finger up at the sky. “Quick, everyone! What is the very first rule of Living While Batty?”
As if by rote, over a half a dozen voices chime in from all over the room, causing various heroes to jump. Spooked by yet more and more vigilantes joining in some kind of mass recitation like they and they alone have some kind of clue what the hell is going on and everyone else just hadn’t been invited to the party. Which is just rude, honestly. Nobody likes feeling like they weren’t invited to the party. Not even superheroes. 
“If you’re not going to bother preparing for every possible contingency and at least six impossible ones, you might as well just stay in bed.”
Even the Red Hood joins in the Illuminati chant or Cub Scout pledge or demonic ritual or whatever the fuck that just was, though his slumped and exasperated posture gives away every hint of sulkiness his headgear otherwise would have kept safely hidden. He’s surprisingly more...expressive, than most who’d only known of him by reputation had expected him to be. The day continues to yield surprises.
“Of fucking course I do,” he growls out, snatching the box from Black Bat. She doesn’t even fight to hold onto it, just lets it go with a knowing smirk. “I wasn’t surprised by the idea of it, I was just surprised she bothered with such a weak effort. Like yeah whatever, actually those could be mine. I use those all the time at home. So what?”
He aggressively yanks one of the band-aids out of the box, fumbles with the peel-off strips with one hand and he roughly rolls up the sleeve of his jacket with the other. Then just slaps it on his forearm and raises said appendage high, showing it off this way and that. “See?”
“Oh yeah, for sure,” Signal drawls from the other side of the room, nodding his head approvingly. “Totally convincing. Nice job walking that one back, you really showed them.”
Red Hood’s head snaps in his direction with ominous intent. “Watch it, Day-Glo.”
Signal just snorts.
“Yeah, like I’m gonna take constructive criticism on my name and costume from a dude who’s spent the last several years calling himself Red HOOD while running around in a freaking HELMET.”
“Its not meant to be literal, you fucking pedant.”
“So wait, its not literally a helmet? Huh, does it at least protect your head literally, or just like...symbolically? Like if Bane were to clock you across the head, would your concussion just be a metaphor? What’s the treatment protocol for a metaphorical concussion? Fluids, bedrest and a philosophical prescription of two chapters of Chicken Soup for the Soul as needed?”
“Laugh it up, KC and the Sunshine Band,” Red Hood bats back. “You just got yourself disinvited from Thursday night’s poker game.”
Signal just grins and folds his arms over his chest cockily. “Please. You’ve been looking for an excuse to ban me for weeks, cuz you know until you can prove I’m using my ghost vision to cheat, you can’t actually bring suit against me for it in Family Court.”
“That, and also Family Court isn’t a real thing, you toddler. Stop validating Wing-a-ding-ding’s obsession with Shitty TV Nostalgia and just call it that thing where Oracle traps us all in a room until we settle our latest fight without anyone getting stabbed.”
“Yeah, but like, say that five times fast,” Spoiler pipes up. “Its just not practical. Family Court’s way easier.”
“Says the one who’s not even in our fucking family.”
“And yet I grace you all with my sublime presence anyway,” she blows a kiss at him, beatifically unbothered. “You’re welcome.”
The Red Hood scoffs and rounds on his heel, zeroing in on Batwoman in the far corner.
“Hey Auntie B, my siblings are all dead to me and I just helped stop an alien invasion so I deserve nice things like a fun Saturday night. Can you get me into Dad’s fundraiser so I can crash it? He won’t put me back on the list until I promise not to bring any C-4 with me and I won’t promise not to bring any C-4 because he should just trust me that I won’t when I say I’m not gonna and he won’t trust me that I won’t until I admit I shouldn’t have brought any to that sting last month where three tiny little yachts blew up through barely any fault of my own, and I’m just not gonna do that ever because I have convictions and I feel I shouldn’t have to be punished for that. Y’know?”
Batwoman blinks at him. “Kid, I’m not gonna lie to you. You’re my nephew and I love you, but I stopped listening three seconds into all that.”
“Ugh, fine. Can you help me crash Dad��s event tonight so I can teach him a lesson about why he should just trust me not to make a scene so I don’t have to always make a scene to make a point.”
“Tempting as you make that sound,” she says wryly, “I have a strict policy for dealing with you lot and your......everything. I only worry about tolerating one of you at a time, and there’s seven of you, and seven days in the week. You each get your own. You know perfectly well its Robin’s day today. You get me on Tuesday, just like always.”
“Auntie B, we’re not like other families, are we?” Red Robin’s delivery is sarcastically childish and his question clearly rhetorical. Most of his attention is fixated on whatever it is he’s doing with his wrist-mounted computer. 
“No sweetie, we’re all severely fucked in the head and a little bit too comfortable with that.”
“Just checking. Oh hey, Hood, I just emailed you a patch for the hole in your firewall I exploited when replacing all my shit using your accounts just now.”
“You did what?”
“Used your accounts to pay to replace all my stuff that you fucked with last night?” Red Robin says slowly. “Did you not realize that I’ve been sticking within ten feet of you for the past five minutes just so I could clone your devices and do all that while BB and Spoiler kept you distracted? I gotta say, bro, I feel like that’s on you then.”
Red Hood swivels his helmeted head in the direction of the aforementioned two. Black Bat waves. Spoiler shoots him an utterly unrepentant thumbs up.
“You’d side with your ex over me? That’s what its come to?”
“My only allegiance is to chaos,” Spoiler says brightly. Black Bat shrugs.
“Plus he bribes better.”
“Hateful,” Red Hood points at Black Bat, moving on to level the same finger at Spoiler, who curtsies in acknowledgment: “Hateful-er.”
Then the finger rounds the bases to aim judgmentally at Red Robin. “Hateful-est. And that was all Nightwing’s idea anyway, not mine.”
“Oh, I assumed as much,” he says casually. “Your idea of a prank tends to have more of a Carrie vibe. Or be a literal literary reenactment.”
“Its called an homage, 4chan.”
“Whatever, plagiarist. And anyway, I couldn’t go after ‘Wing for payback on this one. He used an Immunity card. If you didn’t want me getting back at you, you should have used one too."
Red Hood looms aggressively. Red Robin ignores willfully. Round and round they go. Superheroes who can survive excessive G-Forces are getting dizzy just watching them have a largely motionless stand-off. That shouldn’t be how that works, but whatever. All the most infamously reclusive and isolated heroes in all hero-dom are apparently part of the same one big reclusive and isolated family of fucked up weirdos and they’re all officially bonkers. Nothing makes sense anymore. Reality broke. Try another stall.
“Okay, but see, in order to have an Immunity card, I would have to participate in one of you losers’ stupid Immunity challenges,” the Red Hood drags out with exaggerated patience. “And I’m just not going to do that, on account of those all being fucking stupid. You see the problem there?”
Red Robin just shrugs. “I don’t know what to tell you, bro. You can have principles or you can have an Immunity card. You can’t have both.”
Meanwhile, on another side of....the same room.....look, its like, an octagonal room, probably. It has a lot of sides. Robin fends off questions from an aggrieved looking Superboy.
“You never told me you had a bajillion brothers and sisters!”
“Yes but I never said I didn’t either.”
Superboy rolls his eyes. “Oh yeah, so I should just assume everyone I meet has a bajillion secret brothers and sisters?”
“Well clearly it would have worked out in your favor in this instance if you had, now wouldn’t it?”
“Assuming of course that you can trust what has been said or implied here today and I am actually related to any of those numbskulls. Which I am not actually admitting to,” Robin tacks on hastily.
Superboy eyes him dubiously. “You joined in the same creepy chant all the others did and then got super self-conscious and looked around to see if anyone had noticed. Which uh. I did.”
“First off, your interpretation of body language is abyssmal. I do not get self-conscious,” Robin says with a delivery that probably could have benefited from being a little less self-conscious. “And second....that proves nothing. I guessed what they were going to say.”
“Word for word,” Superboy says super-skeptically.
“I’m very good at guessing things. You know this.”
“Okay. Guess how much I believe you right now then.”
Robin glares and folds his arms grumpily across his chest. 
“And what was that anyway? Was that like....you guys’ family motto or something like that?”
“Oh no,” Spoiler pipes up. “That’s much shorter.”
Superboy balks at that. “Wait, you guys actually have one of those for real?”
“Yup,” Steph says, counting out the words with her fingers. “He who laughs last....probably works for the Joker. So tranq him just to be safe. See? Only sixteen words. The first rule of Living While Batty is way longer, and what we said was just the abridged version. You should hear the original, before Black Bat put her foot down and refused to memorize it unless sizable edits were made.”
Superboy hovers between her and Robin now, both in mid-air and on the verge of taking Spoiler’s words as an invitation to hear just that. A low growl arises from Robin’s direction.
“Must you?” He asks the older vigilante, with a most put upon expression.
She looks at him pityingly. “Do you actually need me to answer that? Like, we’ve met, right? Hi, I’m Spoiler.”
“Wait, so Robin said that I just never specifically asked him if he had a bajillion brothers and sisters, and that’s why he didn’t tell me, so that means he wouldn’t have just lied and there’s not some code of secrecy that flat out forbids telling other people stuff, right?” Superboy realizes excitedly.
“Yes, excellent direction. Go on,” Spoiler says, steepling her fingers. Robin buries his face in the palm of one hand.
“Soooo, what other stuff could you tell me about Robin’s super top secret family that I wouldn’t think to ask about but that he would tell me about if I knew what questions to ask?”
She claps once, lightly but with emphasis. “Well done. You’ve passed the first barrier. Untold secrets await you behind just a few more.”
“I’ll get you for this,” Robin vows calmly. She waves a hand at him.
“Yeah, yeah. Just make sure you do it before January 1st, remember? You’ve promised retribution like ten times already this year and those don’t roll over, y’know. Rules are rules.”
“Enough!” Thunders a voice then, from the front of the room. Well one of the fronts anyway. Like sides, it has a lot of them, but this is the one where Batman’s standing. All eyes snap to him. Which is kinda just what eyes do when Batman says stuff like that. Its like his superpower, except he doesn’t actually have superpowers, which is what makes it scary. But where the snapping of the eyes (directional) is usually followed by Batman saying something else besides just “hey look at me,” here he pauses in the wake of his own call to attention’s waning reverberations. Uncharacteristically silent.
Not that, y’know, he’s normally Mr. Talkity Talk, but usually his silences feel like he has the words to fill them, he’s just withholding them. This though, this feels more like he doesn’t have any words at all. And he’s as confused by it as any of them, and most everyone else is confused by Batman being confused, and its this whole trickle down economy of confusion and its wrecking havoc on the value of the golden silence standard.
Of course, not everyone present is rendered spellbound with confusion.
“C’mon B,” Nightwing cajoles, leaning forward and practically radiating delight. “I think you know what you have to do now. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Its not likely to come around again.”
Red Hood snickers beneath his helmet and chimes in. “Yeah Pops, go ahead. You do this and you’ll actually have my respect for a whole twenty four hours. No, wait. Sixteen. No! Eight. Yeah, eight. Still a good deal.”
“Carpe diem, B,” Red Robin grins, leaning back as if to enjoy the show.
“Hey! Infringe on my trademark one more time, dude,” Signal throws a faux-glare at the former. Red Robin just quirks an eyebrow.
“And what, you’ll start saying Yum every time you eat a burger? Oh no. I’m hoist by my own petard.”
Signal flips him off with a grin and then redirects his attention back to Batman. “Yeah seriously though B, you kinda gotta do it now. Because if you don’t do it, then you’ll forever be the guy who didn’t do it, and you don’t want to be that guy, do you?”
“Yeah you really don’t want to be that guy,” Spoiler shouts out. “Nobody likes that guy. He’s the worst.”
“Do it, do it,” Black Bat starts chanting beside her, steadily picking up speed and volume. Several others start joining in. Even Robin appears to be slightly anticipatory, albeit trying very hard to hide it.
Batman sighs, and somehow everyone manages to hear it. Stills. Waits for....something? Nobody but them seems to have any clue what, but the air is thick and heavy with portentiousness. Something is about to happen, and all most of the heroes present could say for sure is it was something they never would have in a million years seen coming.
Finally, Batman straightens with the resigned air of a man about to have oh so many regrets. He crosses his arms, shakes his head, and in an absolute deadpan monotone, says:
“You are awful children. You know you’re killing me. You’re killing your father.”
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