#Asparamancer
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ASPARAMANCER 2024 PREDICTIONS
Regime change will take place throughout the world, on an unprecedented scale, often where least expected. People are increasingly tired of the way their leaders are treating them.
There will be separations and divorces amongst members of the royal family. Do not be surprised to hear news from Montecito!
The culture of ‘celebrity’ will be on the wane. Ordinary people will want to concentrate on their day to day battles with rising costs of living and will lose interest in the antics of the so called ‘privileged’ few.
The 2024 Olympic Games will NOT be a resounding success for Team GB.
The events in the Middle East will reach a breaking point. World opinion will change yet again.
Extremist groups within the UK will lose support. No more holding up traffic or supergluing to infrastructure!
England FA will appoint more female referees to officiate at all male team matches.
There will be a shake up within the UK education system. The onus of many responsibilities will be forced back onto parents and not teachers.
Deaths amongst world leaders will occur and the US will see their first female president.
Mental health and well being will continue to be an important factor worldwide. This will no longer carry the stigma of old. People will recognise that our next generation need our help and support.
More public figures will be outed as having abused ‘the system’ and profiting from illegal actions.
UK will see a return to active politics from a previous leader.
Climate change will become a victim of compassion overload.
A raft of very well paid TV personalities will lose their jobs.
So called influencers will lose their sway, as people realise its the real world they live in that matters
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The Asparamancer - Woman Claims to Predict the Future Using Asparagus
http://www.odditycentral.com/news/the-asparamancer-woman-claims-to-predict-the-future-using-asparagus.html
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The Asparamancer
Thursday’s Column: Captain’s Blog Carl Pollard I came across an article with this title, “Fortune Teller uses asparagus to predict the future.” Of course, I clicked on it, and here’s what I learned:
Her name is Jemima Packington and she is known as the “Asparamancer.”
She throws asparagus in the air and then reads the patterns that have landed on the ground. So far she has correctly predicted…
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#Asparamancer#Bath#British#Donald Trump#fortune teller#Jemima Packington#judgment#prediction#preparation#second coming#World Cup
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One time, a writing prompt was "write an essay on a topic you don't know about". So I learned that 'asparamancing' was a thing and wrote a fake essay about the craft of using asparagus to tell the future.
Lmaoo asparagus fortunes. I’d be down to have my future told by some asparagus. I respect it. That reminds me of my friend who was explaining noodling to me bc she was writing an essay about it. I was like ?? You’re writing about pasta?? Apparently I just suffered from a case of stupid bitch bc it’s actually a fishing method.
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Fortune teller known as ‘Mystic Veg’ reveals her predictions for 2022
Fortune teller known as ‘Mystic Veg’ reveals her predictions for 2022
Jemima Packington claims to be the world’s only Asparamancer (Picture: SWNS)
A fortune teller who predicts the future using asparagus and calls herself ‘Mystic Veg’ has revealed her top forecasts for 2022.
Jemima Packington, 65, claims to be able to divine knowledge of the future by tossing spears into the air and interpreting how they land.
Over the years she has correctly predicted Brexit,…
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Jemima Packington, from Bath, is an experienced Asparamancer (Image: SWNS)
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News of the Weird: A serial doorbell licker, inexplicable bologna, PokeWeddings, and more
News of the Weird: A serial doorbell licker, inexplicable bologna, PokeWeddings, and more
PEOPLE DIFFERENT FROM US
Asparagus is healthy and delicious. But for 63-year-old Jemima Packington of Bath, England, the columnar vegetable is much more: Packington is an asparamancer, a person who can foretell the future by tossing the spears into the air and seeing how they land. “When I cast the asparagus, it creates patterns, and it is the patterns I interpret,” Packington said. “I am…
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#doorbell licker#inexplicable bologna#Mauitime Columns#News of the Weird#notw#poke wedding#tasty doorbells#the editors at andrews mcmeel
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The World’s First (and Only) Asparamancer
So the gag is that she’s telling the future by reading the asparagus. But is that really any more or less accurate than tea leaves?
(via The Takeout)
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‘Asparagus reader’ predicts Trump will be re-elected — then get impeached again
‘Asparagus reader’ predicts Trump will be re-elected — then get impeached again
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Some people read the stars, others read tea leaves — but one woman in Bath, England, reads asparagus spears.
Jemima Packington is a self-described “asparamancer” who casts asparagus on the ground and makes predictions from the patterns they make.
Among her forecasts: Donald Trump will win re-election in November — but will also be re-impeached and “booted out of office”; a smooth Brexit,…
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Woman claims she predicted Harry and Meghan Markle splitting from royal family by reading asparagus spears
Woman claims she predicted Harry and Meghan Markle splitting from royal family by reading asparagus spears
It was written in the spears.
The royal family news that shocked the world on Wednesday apparently did not come as a surprise to one woman in England: Self-proclaimed fortune teller Jemima Packington is claiming she predicted Harry and Meghan Markle would step back from the royal family after “reading” some asparagus spears.
Jemima Packington, 64, reportedly the world’s only “asparamancer,”…
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Woman who uses asparagus to predict the future outlines life in 2019 Author: Jemima Packington, 63, is the world's only Asparamancer and claims she can peer into the future by tossing the veg.
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So, predicting the future by reading asparagus tips is a thing.
Thanks to this writing prompt from writing-prompt-s, I decided to write an essay about asparamancing.
There are several types of ways to predict the future. Tarot readers, star-gazing, and reading the tea leaves in the bottom of the cup are all common methods we know today. What if I told you there was a tasty and nutritious way to predict the future? It’s called asparamancing. Asparamancing is the act of using asparagus tips to read the future. Several factors go into selecting just the right asparagus for the job. It’s an increasingly popular trend and it’s been proven to be startlingly accurate. Some experts believe that asparamancing will have a hand in making large decisions for many executives in multi-billion dollar companies.
There are many traits that each asparagus stalk has to have in order to be the perfect candidate for reading. Each stalk has to be approximately nine inches in length and firm, yet flexible in its raw state. Each stalk must be the perfect, even, shade of green throughout. The tips must be slightly darker than the stalk and be full.
Now, to prepare the the asparagus for reading, the stalk must be severed exactly three-quarters of an inch from the tip. Getting the measurement perfect is critical due to the fact that it can massively affect the outcome of the prediction. The remaining stalks are to be boiled and salted before being eaten. Once the stalks are eaten, the asparamancer must meditate to get in the correct mindset in order to accurately be able to read the tips of asparagus. Once he/she has meditated, it is time to read the tips. Using the juice from the boiled asparagus stalks, the asparamancer dips the index finger of his/her right hand into the water before drawing a pentagram on a table of solid wood (cherry is preferred). Then, the asparamancer shakes the tips in his/her cupped hands before tossing them into the pentagram. Where they land, will predict the future.
Asparamancing is becoming an increasingly popular trend. It got its start from a wiccan farmer in England and quickly expanded across Europe and has now made its way to the United States. One in every three million people is an expert asparamancer, but expert asparagus reader Delores Haversmith says that the asparagus tips have predicted that that number will increase to one in six-hundred thousand within the next decade.
Asparamancing has already been used to make some important decisions for millionaires and entrepreneurs. It had made adult filmographer Marcus Redburr millions when he said the asparagus tips encouraged him to feature more orgies on his website and feature less upside down under water pool sex. He encourages everyone to hire an asparamancer at least once in their lifetime.
All in all, using asparagus to predict the future is a breakthrough in fortune telling. It’s a very intricate and intense process that ultimately leads to mostly-accurate predictions. Asparamancers are rare now, but the amount of asparagus-readers will increase in the future. With the rapidly growing trend, more and more wealthy business men and women are turning to asparamancing to help make their important business decisions. It’s a growing trend, so if the future seems uncertain, grab your nearest asparamancer and see what it beholds!
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