Truly I cannot win when it comes to existing. My muscles, ligaments, and joints are all fucked. I need medical assistance to see and to stop myself from choking in my sleep. I can barely digest any foods properly. I have enough psychological issues to traumatize a therapist. Girl what is even the point of trying to make it work if every system in my body is trying to kill me at all times

yeah and we also need to talk more about the edgy "jokes" to overt bigotry pipeline esp in cluster b spaces. i feel like alot of it is kinda waved away bc ppl will go "that's just how i am and i cant help it. if you disagree youre ableist." like they conflate ableism with being held accountable and non cluster b ppl that dont know better just eat it up. and those same ppl will be the ones who talk about how they had a bullying phase but they grew up. like sorry but you dont just get to usse other other kids for your growth. like its such a white mindset to objectify others like that. and kids of color and intellectually disabled kids are already subjected to enough w/o being treated like. idk almost like pets and then being told, "its just a joke" we didnt hurt you that bad, get over it etc. like no i will always be angry about that shit. and you cant hide behind symptoms either not only bc life doesn't work like that but also. the ppl they did that shit too had the same symptoms they did. they can't be like " you just don't get it you don't understand my struggle" bc we dealt with the same shit and didnt use it to abuse our peers.

Yeah that makes total sense! Also not as extreme (though it's connected imo) I noticed a lot of cluster Bs (and not always white but I'd say it's majority white) tend to fall pretty heavily into exclusionism and harassing other mentally ill people + systems and such because of that "I'm reclaiming being evil(tm) by being an asshole to everyone" phase and yeah the like. complete dismissal of their "bullying phases" as if that wasn't also intense bigotry that they need to unpack lmao. Like I feel like a lot of them go like "oh well I'm different now" and then turn around and are like "ok but I can be racist and also ableist as hell against anyone I want as long as I have a justification for it such as they're inconveniencing me <3"

And then there's the equally bad flipside that's like. The goddamn obnoxious thing white NDs do (that I very much did in the past and absolutely have to take accountability for cause it's cringe as all fuck of me/srs) where they're all like "i'm so Nice being too nice and empathetic and sweet and kind is my whole personality haha" and then when they're racist and someone points it out they're like hhow could u :((( my rsd is going off!!!! :(((((( im always so nice to everyone how dare you. And it's like please shut the fuck up if you were genuinely a kind person you wouldn't have to reassure everyone and yourself every other minute and you'd be actually listening when people are uncomfortable around you.

I guess either way it's just that white people are raised thinking that we deserve to be coddled and that the privilege we have is somehow something we earned or something we're owed when it's so very much not lmfao

And yeah!!! Like it's actually so goddamn infuriating that we're always like "well you don't know what it's like!!!!!!" as if POC aren't often neurodivergent and also like they don't go through things that we will never have any semblance of a clue about just because of the way that racism and ableism intersect. Like just? the audacity that a lot of white nds have to act like mental illness and neurodivergency is a white people thing or like it somehow cancels out their privilege and like it's not entirely our responsibility to make sure that mentally ill and neurodivergent people of color aren't being silenced/talked over in our spaces. ESPECIALLY when so much of the rights we have now we owe entirely to y'all like it's really ungrateful and cringy.

Like the state of the wider nd community and especially the cluster b community is honestly just fucking embarassing and I think a lot of that is due to racism and that's not really surprising since so many forms of bigotry are directly tied to it in the first place. Like it's just a lot and I can't even imagine what it must feel like to have to bear the brunt of that.

All that said I hope that you're able to take care of yourself/g and that you have the support that you need you deserve so much better than you've gotten from us that's for sure/srs