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leportraitducadavre · 8 months

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Ino and Sakura

It's often said that Sakura cut off her ties with Ino for more reasons than just Sasuke. For some fans, she even did it because Ino was pushing her down purposefully in order to be always on top.

In that sense, and while this post has been written in another response, the other one will soon become a monster too huge to control, so I'll leave this here for better access and to better expand their relationship for those who are interested.

A warning you should know: Many images are shown while others are linked (pay attention to the underlined-bold words, they'll guide you to the image analyzed).

Despite the claims introduced before, on the panels we were shown their previous relationship during their childhood at no point did Ino seem to downgrade Sakura -either physically or mentally-, on the contrary, she's constantly shown trying to lift her spirits, like when she complements her looks:

Let the world see that pretty face!! Strike a pose!

At no point did Ino downgrade Sakura or put herself above; telling Sakura to show confidence doesn’t automatically put her in a higher position in their friendship.

To explain myself further: providing help when someone needs it isn’t the same as putting oneself in a morally or physically superior position. Their relationship is of equals regardless of Ino supplying emotional support. The fact that Sakura inwardly elevates Ino's relevance in their dynamic isn’t Ino’s responsibility as everything Sakura thinks of Ino is never expressed (translated, Ino isn't aware of her position inside their friendship, as she's never told her relevance). Furthermore, Ino never states that she considers herself attractive or prettier than Sakura herself, every time they speak on the matter Ino tells Sakura to be more confident as she has a "pretty face".

Him! Hah! He just struts around, acting like he’s so cool.

At no moment does Ino seem upset at Sakura for liking the same boy, in fact, she chooses to lie about how she feels for Sasuke in order not to start a conflict. This is, of course, not specified in canon, but since Ino doesn't display her feelings for Sasuke and, quite the contrary, she criticizes him, it's safe to assume she lied about her feelings.

And even if Ino is upset about Sakura liking the same boy as her, something that is neither expressed nor shown, she doesn’t act around it.

Furthermore, Sakura engages in conversations with Ino about Sasuke (Hey, Ino! Sasuke seems to like girls with long hair, so I’m going to grow mine…) and it doesn’t seem as if Ino dismisses the subject out of jealousy.

Everyone says you’re after Sasuke too, Ino…

I'm aware that some fans, specifically S//S and Saku-Ino fans, claim that Sakura assumed Ino liked Sasuke and Ino, in retaliation, started to like him back to make Sakura jealous (?), however, unlike those fans who think Ino's whole character revolves around Sakura (she is, indeed, a supporting character of her, but she outgrew her role to the point where she's barely seen with Sakura after the Chünin Exams) I do believe that Ino truly liked Sasuke and that she was indeed surprised by Sakura having equal feelings for him.

[I will here say that, personally, those who diminish Ino's feelings for Sasuke to use that "lesser" type of love (there's nothing like a "lesser" type of love, there're different ways to love someone. Caring for someone romantically doesn't reflect equally on each individual), as a justification why Sakura "deserved" Sasuke are carrying a sexist view inside their reading of the manga: Cartoon or not, Ino is still a representation of a woman yet, for them, she isn't as valuable as Sakura because she loved Sasuke in a different manner she did.

They're measuring Ino, Karin, and even Sakura's value by the way they display their respective feelings for a man.

In the same manner, Karin, who shows more sexual desire for Sasuke (I will not deny her romantical feelings, but she is clearly more driven by her sexual interest in him), is not less of a woman or less deserving of being with him because of the nature of her feelings.

There's no such thing as a "suffering-meter" that determines which character suffered the most out of love and, therefore, who deserves a happy ending with the object of their affection. That not only links love's nature primarily to suffering but also measures a person's romantic value in terms of how much pain they can endure (either for their significant other or provoked by their significant other).]

Again, Ino doesn’t act around her feelings for Sasuke (in the next flashback Ino -despite knowing Sasuke likes girls with long hair, keeps her own hair short) nor around her friend's attraction.

It was Sakura the one who decided to break their friendship because someone (unspecified) told her Ino liked Sasuke in the same way she did.

This is how we learn about their breakup:

Chapter 53

If it's true... that makes us rivals!

Keep in mind that, until then, we only knew Ino was Sakura’s rival, it's Shikamaru the one that introduces the idea of Sakura and Ino being best friends once, and we have these panels to understand a little bit more about their prior relationship.

This rumor is, in fact, truthful as they do become rivals -so why would Ino allow this break-up if she truly didn't like Sasuke? It makes absolutely no sense, meaning that this theory of Ino faking her attraction to Sasuke is completely false, as she canonically is infatuated with him. Furthermore, when confronted, she chooses not to lie about her romantic interest in him to Sakura. The expression of Ino when hearing Sakura’s words is “uh-oh!”, which means she was keeping her feelings secret from her friend.

In chapter 54, we have a sneak peek at Sakura’s development as a ninja: After Naruto and Sasuke fight Orochimaru (and pass out), and Lee sacrifices his well-being in order to save her from the Oto team, Sakura cuts her hair as to free herself from Kin’s hold. Up to this point, we know this part is significant because of what Sakura thinks before doing it, but by Ino’s reaction, there’s something far deeper going on (Hey, Ino! Sasuke seems to like girls with long hair, so I’m going to grow mine…).

Her attack against Zaku isn't successful and, after barely hurting him, she has no more energy to continue (so she bites him). And here's when we have Ino’s flashback:

Chapter 54 - The flashback continues but all have been addressed previously.

The rivalry was started solely by Sakura. There’s no denying that Ino took up on that rivalry and started to act consequentially, but she wasn’t the one initiating it.

"I noticed your hair is lot longer, Ino" "What is it to you, Sakura?!!"

Let's acknowledge something, in this specific panel, it was Sakura who started their interaction (in a hostile manner, also) because she wanted to tell Ino about her position in Team 7.

She assumed Ino grew her hair long because of Sasuke -it isn't clear when was their fallout, but it must have been years prior to their graduation, so either they didn't see each other as much (or at all) since they went their separate ways, or Ino grew her hair long shortly after the beginning of the show, so there were at least a few years after their breakup when she still has her hair short.

It's safe to assume Ino did, in fact, keep her hair long for Sasuke's sake, yet it's not confirmed she did so to appeal to him, as she keeps growing it after his departure and it's shown how most people of her clan have their hair in a ponytail style, including her father.

So Ino, you'll never beat me now.

Despite some translations stating that Sakura said “I won’t lose to you anymore” (we were shown at no point in the manga how Sakura exactly lost against Ino), the official translation states otherwise -Sakura never exactly “lost” against Ino, nor Ino against Sakura.

Sakura's statement is based on Sasuke being on the same team as her, therefore, for this fact alone, Ino will never "win". Their whole rivalry is based on Sasuke. Now that Sakura is assigned to the same team as him, she has a better chance of winning his romantic reciprocation, therefore, Sakura's prospects are better than her rival's, which makes her the sole winner.

Yet, regardless of their mutual hostility, Ino still jumps to save her former friend, which means that she still has a deep connection with Sakura. Her face when remembering their childhood was a deeply troubled one, perhaps even mournful. In addition, by this point, Sasuke is unconscious: He isn’t able to see Ino’s heroic act, something Ino is aware of yet acts as if that is the sole reason why she jumped in.

After the fight, we have these panels:

To put some context: Naruto asks Sakura who “these guys are” when seeing Shikamaru, Chöji, Lee, and Ino; and after Sakura “thanks them”, Ino thinks that she’s selling herself short. Ino is shown constantly either telling Sakura or thinking of her as someone pretty and capable yet still self-conscious, even tho Sakura would have likely died had Ino and Team 10 not intervened, as Sasuke awoke after their tactic failed. Ino and Team 10 were saved by Team Gai and Sasuke, not Sakura.

During their fight in the preliminary rounds (CH 71), Sakura is particularly cruel:

First of all, she claims control and power of decision-making over a boy who has rejected her advances twice and who's not even present at the moment (he could, and honestly would, easily deny them both of the romantical reciprocation they sought). She starts their fight by trying to downgrade both Ino’s self-esteem (physically) and status in their “rivalry” (which she claims is now non-existent, as Sakura is the "winner" by being in the same team as Sasuke) -Ino’s words are a response to Sakura’s attitude.

[Kakashi saying that Sakura isn’t mean doesn’t make it automatically true -first, Kakashi doesn’t know Sakura that well as to claim she wouldn’t bully a person just because (she often displayed such an attitude towards Naruto during their first interactions, particularly when she told Sasuke that Naruto was annoying because he was parentless, Kakashi saw and knew none of that). Second, what he knows about Ino and Sakura’s relationship is what he read on a piece of paper -he knows nothing about how they actually interacted, nothing about their “power imbalance”, and, furthermore, he does nothing about Sakura’s insecurities -he hoped that Sakura would come around when the Chünin Exams came, but the whole reason she did so was because of Sasuke’s support.]

Sakura internally acknowledges Ino’s relevance in her life (1 and 2) yet none of that is actually told to Ino -who’s left in the dark. The last impression she possesses of Sakura is about her not being good enough to maintain a friendship outside their respective crushes on the same boy. Sakura, even without them being friends, still seeks Ino’s acknowledgment -the only one who is then made to do something for their relationship is Ino.

Personal opinion: Sakura hasn’t surpassed Ino. Much less at this point in the manga.

It’s Sakura the one who makes their rivalry just about Sasuke (here), while Ino states that she will not allow her to “show her up” (thus, for her, it seems to be more than just their shared crush on a boy, even during Asuma's last speech he tells her not to allow Sakura to win in "ninjutsu and love"), Sakura solely focuses on being on the same team as Sasuke as a signal of superiority; something she did absolutely nothing to gain as it was mere luck:

The teams are to be balanced and that’s why they put the dead last (Naruto) with the Rookie of the Year (Sasuke), there’s no canonical mention of Sakura’s part in the matter. The belief that she was put there because she was the “brightest” is a fanon belief (x). Furthermore, according to the Report Cards in the First Fanbook, Ino was behind Sasuke; making her the second-best overall and the best kunoichi amongst them (x).

Furthermore, Kakashi specifically visits Naruto's house alongside the Hokage who introduces him to the team he'll be leading, and at no moment do they even mention Sakura.

Meanwhile Ino, canonically speaking, would never be put on the same team as Sasuke, as she's the Yamanaka heir -her destiny was always to be with Chöji and Shikamaru.

Here

I’m not your little tag-along anymore Ino

Sakura says this in order to gain an emotional reaction -Ino is shocked by the words because she's never shown to consider Sakura to be what her former friend claims she used to be. Sakura is then painting the memories of their relationship in a negative light, downgrading it. What for Ino was a real friendship, to Sakura was a relationship of power.

[This is not a negative thing per se, Sakura needed a support system that Ino provided as she was too shy to socialize with anyone. What she's saying now is that she doesn't need Ino in order to interact with others. For Sakura is a positive thing, as she probably hated being "Ino's tag along", however, that doesn't change the negative impact that it has on Ino who never saw Sakura as a burden.]

Sakura's views of their dynamic diminish its relevance in her life and put Ino in the wrong (almost making her the abusive side of the relationship). Ino never reached for Sakura in order to make her her “tag-along”, Sakura was the one who put herself in that position.

I'm not blatantly denying Sakura's views on their former friendship, but from what we can see in canon, those views are either a lie she tells Ino to emotionally drag her during their match (stated before by Kakashi, she wants Ino to take her seriously), or a twisted version of the events transpired.

Much like with Sasuke, the fact that Sakura puts the weight of her well-being on another person’s shoulders means that she’s not responsible for the outcome or what her actions might entail: That’s why she makes Ino responsible for their fallout -hadn’t Ino liked the same boy, she wouldn’t have ended their relationship.

Sakura calling Ino a witch.

At the end of their fight, is Ino who -again, reaches out to Sakura and waits for her to wake, and, again: She gives her support.

We have a new interaction between them in CH 93 -where we see both of them visiting Sasuke in the hospital and bringing him a flower, there, we get to see them talking outside a ninja setting and inside Ino's flower shop.

1) It's established Sakura doesn't visit the flower shop until then.

2) They still bicker over Sasuke, the basis of their relationship hasn't changed after the Chünin Exams, but they seem to get along better.

3) Sakura learned the flowers' meaning in order to compete with Ino.

They even sit together in CH 99 to see the one-on-one fights of the last round of the exams, and while both Ino and Sakura are equally concerned about Sasuke, it's Ino the one who tells Sakura to cheer Naruto on during his match. How is Ino this "bad person who diminished Sakura" when she shows nothing but concern for her crush (Sasuke), her former friend (Sakura), and her rival's teammate (Naruto)? Furthermore, in CH 105, Ino realizes Sakura's change in mood when she admits (internally) to being somewhat jealous of Naruto.

After Shikamaru's match, once Sasuke appears, Ino compliments Sakura's team, praising both Sasuke and Naruto; Sakura's reaction isn't shown as the main focus is Lee -who hears Ino speaking-, but it amazes me how many people try to paint Ino's character as "shallow" and a "bully" when she has done nothing but encourage and praise those around her even when they're not close enough to hear her.

Then, after Sasuke's Retrieval Arc, Ino even goes as far as to look for Sakura once Shimamaru's team returns (x), and she even prioritizes Chöji before Sasuke (who they don't know actually left, x). How is Ino such a shallow, careless monster (who doesn't truly care for Sakura) if she goes out of her way to find her and inform her of their friends' return? Wouldn't have she taken the opportunity to visit Sasuke by herself? Wouldn't she have chosen to visit her crush first rather than Chöji if she was that obsessed with him and against Sakura?

In a way, and this is not to diminish some of the writing problems the author has, Ino is a nice representation of how Kishimoto is actually capable of writing a girl with a simple crush on a boy, who still prioritizes friends and comrades above the man she likes. Sakura's behavior, therefore, can't be attributed to Kishimoto not "knowing how to write women", but to him giving Sakura specific characteristics that just happen to be disliked by the fandom. In retaliation, her stans decide to blame such personality traits on his "incapability" to write female characters before giving them the actual relevance they have over Sakura's character.

#ino yamanaka #anti inosaku #anti sakuino #not exactly anti sakura #but you know how it is #anti sakura haruno #anti sakura #anti sakura fandom #anti sakura uchiha #naruto analysis #naruto meta #anti ss #anti sss #anti sasusaku #brief mentions of:#sasuino #sasukarin

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survey--s · 1 year

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517.

Are you bothered by your cosmic insignificance? Actually, I find it quite reassuring that my actions aren’t really that significant. I think I’d feel too much pressure otherwise.

Do you mourn for a place or person you’ve never known? No.

Do you really think there is somebody for everybody? No. It’s a nice idea but I don’t think the world works like that.

Do you place any value in gender roles? Well, it depends what you mean by gender roles. I don’t think we do ourselves any favours by trying to pretend that men and women aren’t biologically different in some ways.

Do you have to be related to be family? No.

Are your platonic relationships just as valuable as romantic or family ones? I don’t really have any platonic friendships, but theoretically yes, sure.

Are you in love? Do you want to be? Yes.

Do you think you can put love into categories (family, platonic, romantic, etc.) or is it just one general sensation? I don’t really understand why you’d want to categorise an emotion like that.

Would you be happy with a life without romance? Yeah, romance isn’t a huge deal to me.

Are you always going to be a little in love with somebody? How can anyone possibly answer that for certain?

Would you change your appearance if you could? Yeah, a few parts of it.

Do you have the feeling you’ve lost something you might have had in another life - whether it be a person, a place, a world, a language, etc.? No.

Do you believe in reincarnation? No.

Would you want to be reincarnated? If I could choose what I was reincarnated as, sure.

Do you think you’re special, or just another person amongst billions? Can you be both? I think everyone is special in that they’re unique, but we’re still just very small fish in a very, very large pond.

Do theoretical ethical debates have any value? Is it important people discuss ethical dilemmas, e.g. the trolley problem? I mean, I guess they do to an extent, but they’re not for me.

Did you have imaginary friends? Do you still have them? I did as a little kid, sure. I don’t as an adult.

Are you religious? Do you think your religion is ‘correct’? No.

If you aren’t religious, do you wish you were? Why? I mean, if I wanted to join a religion, I could. I have zero interest in it though as it makes absolutely no sense to me.

Do you want a grand adventure? Not really - it sounds like a lot of effort lol.

Do you have somebody, whether it be a friend or stranger, who you think you could have loved if the circumstances were different? It’s not really something I’ve ever thought about.

Do you think you really understand your gender and sexuality? I don’t really think that there’s anything to understand.

How fluid is your concept of gender and sexuality? I mean, I don’t understand the whole idea of people thinking they can change sex. You can’t change your biology - I know that’s a hugely unpopular view these days though so I don’t tend to talk about it real life much. I mean, I have no issues with people wanting to have surgery to remove their genitals or whatever - you do you - but getting your penis removed doesn’t make you a woman - it makes you a man without a penis, lol. In terms of sexuality, people can be attracted to whoever they like as long as they’re not causing any harm.

What’s the most life-changing choice you’ve made so far? Choosing to move up to Cumbria.

Are you afraid of growing old? Old age doesn’t scare me, but getting dementia or something does.

Would you want to live forever? How about for a billion years, a million, a millennium, a century? Not forever, but a century or so would be pretty cool.

Do you believe in some form of god/s? No.

Are your choices fated or of your own free will? Hmm, I don’t believe in fate but equally I don’t think anyone has true free will as we’re all restricted by the society we live in in some ways.

Do you have a hunch about how you’re going to die? No.

Do you believe in star signs? No.

How old do you have to be to be considered an adult? Well, in the UK you become an adult at eighteen.

Was your childhood happy? My young childhood was, yes. My teenage years were a bit of a rollercoaster though.

What are you missing from your life? Money lol.

Have you ever met someone who had a very similar personality to your own? Did you get along? Yeah, generally we got along fine.

Do opposites attract? In some ways, yes.

Is your life what you expected it would be five years ago? Nope. I had absolutely no idea this is how my life would turn out but I’m really grateful that it HAS turned out like this.

Do you know what you want out of life? I just want to be happy.

What makes a person ‘good’? Are you a ‘good person’? I don’t think there’s any one definition of being a good person.

What fundamentally matters to you? Happiness, loyalty, honesty.

Is freewill an illusion? Yes, definitely. Like, we’re hugely influenced by how we’re raised and the society that we live in - plus we can’t just do whatever we want without considering the impact - so we’re restricted by money and time and other people etc.

Do you create art? How do you define art? No.

How often do you lie? Is all lying inherently bad? Are you generally truthful? I don’t really pay attention to that kind of thing but I’m not someone who thinks lying is some kind of moral failure, necessarily.

Do you want to be remembered after your death? What for? I don’t really care about how I’m remembered - I mean, I’ll be dead, I’ll have absolutely no idea what people think or say about me.

Is true world peace ever possible? No.

Do you have to suffer to truly understand the human condition? What is the human condition? How can you really experience it? Bleh.

Are you free? Will you ever be? Can anyone be truly free? I’m as free as I feel I can be within the confines of society. I run my own business so I can pick my hours and my clients. I don’t have children so I’m not restricted in that sense either.

Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others? Sometimes.

What do you expect from a friend or partner? Honesty, loyalty, hard work, support.

What question could you ask to find out the most about a person? That depends on the person.

Do you justify all your beliefs or have you just inherited/absorbed some? I really don’t feel like I need to justify any of my beliefs.

Which beliefs do you have that is most likely to be wrong? If I felt like they were wrong, I wouldn’t believe them?

Can humans really understand the complete nature of the universe, space and time? I don’t really think anyone can.

Is a consciousness what makes someone a person? No. Otherwise you’re implying that someone in a coma is no longer a person?

What do you think about artificial intelligence? It’s really interesting to me, but I totally get why it freaks people out.

Do you thinks humans are obsessed with escapism (books, video games, movies, etc.)? Are you looking for an escape? Do you think that’s a bad thing? I don’t think we’re obsessed as such, but I can totally understand why people find it so interesting and fascinating. I think it only becomes a bad thing when it starts interfering with your relationships and your job, etc.

Are we eventually going to ‘run out’ of new combinations for music, art, language, etc.? Is there a limit to human creativity? No, I don’t think so, because society is always changing and we’re always discovering new things.

What do you think the next era of music will be like? Who knows.

What do you think the next era of fashion will be like? ....

Do we live in tumultuous times, or do they just seem so strange because we’re living in them? I still find it really weird that we’ve lived through global lockdowns and a pandemic - like, I remember learning about the plague at school and thinking how scary it must be, but in real life it just felt so normal, lol. Now it all feels like some kind of weird fever dream.

Would you want to meet a clone of yourself? Would you like them? I’d like to meet them, but I’m not sure if I’d like them.

How confident are you, really? I’m very confident on my own, but not so much around other people.

How consistent is your perception of time? I mean, consistent enough, I guess.

What age should people be allowed to vote? Should children and teenagers be allowed to vote? I think eighteen is fine.

How do you feel about the idea ‘an eye for an eye’? I don’t agree with it.

What’s the worse thing a person can be? I don’t know - probably some kind of child or animal torturer.

How do you feel about monogamy? I don’t really have an opinion - I mean, as long as everyone is happy, I don’t feel as though it’s any of my business.

Can you be in love with someone and still fall in love with someone else? Sure, I don’t see why love has to be restricted to just one person.

What’s the tragedy of your life? What a bizarre way of viewing things.

Would your life make a good play? I think it would be pretty boring lol.

Should people be prosecuted for crimes that weren’t considered crimes at the time? No. You can’t retrospectively lock people up for stuff that was legal - that’s batshittery in the extreme.

Would you fight for your country? Do you feel a sense of loyalty to your nation? No and no.

Do you believe in gender equality in every aspect? Well, it’s not possible for men and women to be truly equal - that’s just basic science.

Do we have a moral obligation to care for others? To what extent? Hmm, I think we have an obligation to be polite to people.

Do you crave approval and/or praise? I wouldn’t say I crave it, but I do enjoy it.

Is there comedy in all tragedy and tragedy in all comedy? Yeah, I suppose so.

Are you ever going to be satisfied? I am satisfied.

When you are sad, do you listen to music that conveys your emotions or music that makes you happy? It depends whether I’m in the mood to wallow or whether I need to get out of whatever funk I’m in lol.

Is your music organised by mood or sensation or do you just listen to everything at any time? It’s kind of organised by mood, I guess. Like, when I’m making playlists, I’ll pick one song then add songs that Spotify suggests and that I like.

Would you marry a friend if they needed you to (e.g. for citizenship)? Hypothetically I might do, sure.

Are you a deep person? I don’t think I’m any more/less deep than anyone else?

Given the chance to live your life on Mars, with no hope of returning to Earth but with the promise of scientific discovery and glory, would you take it? No.

Are you who people think you are? I don’t know what people think I am.

Do you think you would be happier if you had been born a different gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, nationality or religion? I have no idea. Nobody can say that for certain either way.

What’s your toxic trait? Are you trying to improve yourself and fix it? I don’t really know.

Do you anger easily? I don’t really get angry, but I am easily irritated.

Are you a jealous person? Not really.

If you lost all your memories, would you have the same personality? No.

Given the chance to reset your life (with none of the knowledge you currently have), would you take it? Nope.

Is hate as strong as love? Who do you hate? I don’t hate anyone.

Do you speak multiple languages? Which do you dream in? What language would you want to learn? I speak two, but I always dream in England. I’d love to improve my Italian.

Do you draw meaning from your dreams, or do you disregard them? No.

How would you describe yourself when you love? Do you love forcefully, unconditionally, gently, quietly, desperately? Quietly.

Is unrequited love real love? Sure.

Is your perception of yourself similar or the same to how others perceive you? I have absolutely no idea.

Are you overly analytical? I can be.

Do you ever feel that you are really a terrible person, and only act good out of societal or some other obligation? No.

Do you believe in magic? Are you superstitious? No and no.

What belief do you have that isn’t logically grounded, but you still firmly believe in? I can’t really think of anything that’s particularly illogical.

#survey #surveys

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sapphic-courtship-for-dummies · 1 year

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Sappho pls help. i really like this girl, she's super cute,into a lot of the same things i am.

i asked her friend if she thinks i have a chance and she said that the girl probably doesn't like me that way, but she does love our friendship and stuff

Should i try to make her fall for me? (and how lmao)

Hi anon. I’m sorry to hear you didn’t get the answer you were hoping for. Assuming this is a trusted and true friend of your crush, I think it would be wise to take her word for it. In your place, it might be easy to deny this disappointment, to think that “well, you don’t know for sure, and there’s always a chance that in the future she could change her mind.” And this may be true, but it also isn’t the healthiest train of thought to focus on.

When faced with rejection or disappointment, when your expectations fall short, it’s important to remember these three things:

1. You cannot “make” anyone fall in love with you. You cannot force it or manipulate it or coerce it, because that is not love. It is a natural feeling and bond that can only be cultivated on a foundation of mutual trust, care, and respect.

2. You have to respect other people’s boundaries and feelings, especially when they do not reciprocate your affection. Even if someone does return your feelings, a relationship cannot last if there is not a mutual desire and equal enthusiasm for said relationship. When you really care for someone, you learn to respect their wishes and their happiness, even if it doesn’t involve you, or involve you in the way you imagined it.

3. It is not easy to accept rejection, but it does get easier to accept yourself and understand that this doesn’t affect or change your value or worth as a person. And if it’s not mutual, then you want to find a relationship that is. Why chase after someone that doesn’t want you the way you want them? Why waste your time and energy? You deserve someone who is just as crazy about you as you are for them, so don’t just wait around hoping that your unrequited crush will suddenly wake up and change their mind. You can do better. And you can still be happy, relationship or not.

In your case, whether or not there are romantic prospects, it sounds like you still have a valuable platonic relationship! So often are friendships held in lower esteem to romantic partnerships, when in reality they are just as if not more important. So even if your relationship never grows to be something “more,” count your blessings now. You are loved, and you are still chosen--not slave to the whims of infatuation or sexual/idealistic attraction, but an active choice made by this girl who wants to hang out with you for you! And that’s a wonderful and incomparable thing.

I wish you the best of luck in love and friendship, no matter what naturally comes or doesn’t come to pass, and I hope you remember your value and the importance of the relationships in your life.

Take care,

Sappho ❤️

#asks #anons #wlw #crush advice #unrequited crush #rejection #advice #love advice #sapphic #queer #self love #boundaries

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jolyneswife-anime-reviews · 2 years

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Sailor moon manga review

Spoilers for sailor moon and tw for kissing between a child and an adult

“If a soldier’s pride means hurting one another, I don’t want it,” - Usagi Tsukino

Genre: action, romance, magical girl

Characterisation: 9/10 (The sailor guardians, as well as the villains, are all incredibly different, with a wide range of personalities, strengths and aspirations. What I love about sailor moon is that all of these women are presented as powerful- they all have their function in the team and fight side by side, growing very close in the process. From kindness, intellect, bravery, stubbornness, and diligence to determination, vulnerability and humor, this show was one of the first to successfully present femininity in so many different, yet equally valuable, ways, which is something that we’ve thankfully grown accustomed to seeing. None of the girls are perfect- Usagi herself struggles to adapt to her role at first, making mistakes and wanting to surrender, but they all persevere through their battles and grow as fighters because of it. As well as having distinct personalities, some characters also have reasonably well developed backstories, which is something others lack on an individual level.)

Setting: 8/10 (With its galactic concept, sailor moon is often all over the place when it comes to setting- this adds depth to the story and expands on sailor guardians, as well as the main themes of the anime. Even though a lot of the story is set in Juban, a regular city in Japan, the girls also go to the moon to visit the moon kingdom they used to belong to, as well as the planets they protect on one occasion, where each one has their own castle. Not all of these settings are as well developed as the main one of Juban, but not all of them are as significant either. A piece of setting I particularly enjoyed was the game centre- the girls go there in the day to relax, hanging out together and leading the life of ordinary students, which adds a nice slice of life aspect. However, it also doubles as the sailor guardians’ headquarters- it’s a control room for missions and to collect intel, which nicely shows the duplicity in the girls’ own lives.)

Art style: 9/10 (I adore both the drawings in the manga, which are very detailed and picturesque, communicating the emotions and ambience of a scene visually, and the official artwork included- the colour pallet used in the official art is bright and pleasing. The way the drawi8ngs are arranged on the page is also skillful and attractive.)

Addictiveness: 6.5/10 (Although compelling in various points, the manga loses its appeal in others, especially during some of the later battles, which move slowly and start to drag. This makes certain points less interesting and tempting to skip, but other sections are very engaging and keep you so hooked that you could read them several times without getting bored.)

Consistency: 7/10 (There are some dips in quality here and there where the manga stops being engaging, and it also starts feeling slightly monotonous after a while. However, despite this, the quality stays very constant.)

Originality: 7/10 (A magical girl show of this type is nothing new, with the saving the world, diverse girlfriend groups, and glittery transformations. However, this manga kinda paved the way for several others later. The way the space concept is explored is also very unique to the anime, with intergalactic enemies and guardians all over the galaxy, as well as different dimensions. The usage of space, time and dimensions is definitely a new one, which greatly enriches plot and setting.)

Comfort: 8/10 (Sailor moon isn’t a heavy manga to read- even if the girls argue, there are troubles with love, or an enemy seems to have won, things always take a turn for the better and the day is always saved. On top of this, there are many wholesome romantic, friendship and domestic moments, and many more slice of life skits where the girls act like a regular group of friends. These tend to be quite lighthearted and funny, as well as relatable.)

Plot: 6.5/10 (The plot is usually dynamic, engaging and varied in action, romance and comedy. There are several sub plots, some of which are, in my opinion, unnecessary and downright gross. For example, the way Chibi Usa, who is mentally and physically a child, is kissed by Helios, who looks like a grown man, and this is romanticised, felt very creepy to me- I get that they were destined too end up together when she was an adult and not then, but this did not make that particular interaction okay in my eyes, because Chibi Usa was still a child. There are a few other uncomfortable sub plots that lean towards that kind of content.)

Philosophy: 7/10 ( While it does have eloquent phrasing and some worthwhile perspectives on love, determination and friendship from the battles and from Pluto, when she protects Chibi Usa and ultimately sacrifices herself, the manga itself is not too insightful and makes for quite a light read.)

Plot

Usagi Tsukino is just a normal student, fighting with her parents, struggling to get up to go to school and gossiping with her friends. After school, she likes to go to the game centre and play the Sailor V game- a game based off of the latest famous superhero, who has been catching criminals all over the city. Her life changes forever when she meets a strange black cat called Luna who tells her she is destined to be a guardian - her task is to find and protect the princess and the “legendary silver crystal,”. Usagi is incredulous at first, and just admires her transformation brooch. However, when she receives a vision seeing that Naru, her best friend, is being attacked by enemy monsters who are using her mother’s jewels as a means to drain the life energy of the customers, she spring to action, going down there to save her friend. At first, Usagi is unsure of how to fight, and almost gets discouraged, but, upon meeting a handsome stranger called Tuxedo Mask, who motivates her, she keeps fighting and ultimately defeats the monster, saving her friend and all the people in the store, and disrupting the dark Kingdom’s plans for the first (but definitely not the last) time. This marks the start of a new double life for Usagi- she’s a normal schoolgirl like she was before, but she’s also a powerful guardian of justice who saves and protects the city. She soon starts finding her allies, or the other guardians, with Luna’s help. The group become close and face increasingly dangerous situations, but they always come out on top, saving the day. Usagi’s relationship with Tuxedo also develops, and they grow inseparable on and off of the battlefield. As the manga goes on, more, unexpected allies are found from far away, as well as distant, but very powerful, foes, who come to earth with the sole purpose of fighting the sailor guardians.

Masterlist

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sunnibits · 3 years

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Me in the theater when Katy and Shang-Chi didn’t fucking kiss and there was actually a main relationship between the main dude and a woman he cares for and it was fucking PLATONIC but still included PHYSICAL AFFECTION AND PRIORITIZING EACH OTHER-

#listen even my non marvel mutuals can appreciate my joy #IF MARVEL WAS TRYING TO IMPLY THEY LIKED EACH OTHER I DONT CARE IM SO FUCKING HAPPY WITH THIS RELATIONSHIP IM SO FUCKING PLEASED #BRO #THEY HUGGED AND LEANED ON EACH OTHER AND REFUSED TO LEAVE EACH OTHERS SIDE BECAUSE THEY ARE F R I E N D S #AND FRIENDSHIP IS AN EQUALLY VALUABLE LOVE AS ROMANTIC ATTRACTION I-#shang chi spoilers #not rlly but just in case #shang chi and the legend of the ten rings #shang chi #marvel #katy chen

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ms-hells-bells · 3 years

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potentially controversial opinion, idk, but i think the conversation and discussion of separatism in terms of romantic relationships should be left to straight women to talk about, decide, and have authority on themselves. i don’t think any of us bi or lesbian women can really ever comprehend being exclusively attracted to your oppressor and the extremely complicated dynamics and feelings that come with that. no other oppressed group has that circumstance. so, seeing bi and lesbian women talking as authorities and how “easy it is” and how “they just need to stop”, and all the top posts about it made by them is quite frustrating because clearly we can’t relate to that situation at all. we can point out the facts of heterosexual relationships, we can be pro separatism, we can create or encourage the creation of resources and rhetoric that allow for women to engage in separatism, but i don’t think on an emotional or psychological level, we should be speaking so haughtily and scornfully and jadedly when we simply just can’t ever grasp said emotional or psychological level because we can just date women, we get our cake and eat it too, separatism and political celibacy is much easier ideologically (of course, when applied to real life, you have homophobia and such, i’m not discounting that, i meant holding it as a philosophical/political belief).

straight radfems have a very wide variety of opinions on this, which is good, discussion within demographics is always good, but from what i’ve seen them write, it’s clear that they have a struggle that i cannot relate to or understand, and a complexity that i don’t really have a right to make black and white demands of. this isn’t a “stay in your own lane” identity politics stance, it’s that i rarely see major nuanced posts about this topic from straight radfems, the actual ones affected, and no one seems to want to acknowledge that perhaps they’re more capable of understanding their own situations and pros/cons than us. and when they do speak honestly about things like loneliness (no, friendships are not the same as romance. they are of equal value, but they provide very different emotional/life benefits, and pretending they fulfill the same emotional needs is disingenuous), navigating the economy as a single, wanting children, attraction, values, falling in love with someone who, as in individual, seems to be a good person, discovering radical feminism while already in a relationship, sexual desire, and many other facets, they shouldn’t be mocked or insulted, or treated like they’re weak, they’re human beings with human emotions, they’re facing something very unique to them.

i honestly don’t think there is a right right answer. i think there is one that poses less risk, one i prefer, one i encourage, and one that i think all women should have the ability to be able to do. but i also know that humans aren’t that simple, and that’s even with radfems, let alone the vast majority of straight women of the world who have no concept of these things and just go about their lives. i think my job as a bisexual woman, rather than getting angry or frustrated or jaded or blameful, is to provide information, promote options women may not have thought about, provide emotional support and personal advice no matter their demographic or situation, to be honest and blunt when need be, but also understanding and empathetic, and to know that, although we ideologically look at things on a class basis, sometimes looking at things case by case, and doing the best we can for the individual women we come across is just as valuable, if not more in terms of net benefit for women (compared to abstract class analysis talks online) in this current time where women have more access to each other than ever, but are simultaneously seemingly more isolated from each other than ever. i think that if we DO want to achieve some kind of class action via avoiding male relationships a la 4B (but on a larger scale that has outreaching effects), then first we have to build solidarity with these women, we have to allow them to have control, we have to provide a community that feels welcome to them, because we have to show that what they’re personally sacrificing (yes, there is sacrifice, despite all the go about around how bad men are at everything) is worth it for what they’ll gain.

not every radfem has to do this, if it’s not what you want to use your time and energy on, fine, there are many other things that can be focused on, but some of us are more than happy to sit in the passenger seat of this issue and give directions and suggestions while not yanking the steering wheel from them. i do also think that blunt and soft methods have their place and are both useful, i just see a lot of venting frustration that is not productive and just tends to cause more rifts while changing no one’s mind. obviously, i am not anti bluntness, i am often blunt about particular issues when i think that’s when pressure needs to be applied. but i cannot see an angle in this issue where the aggressive route increases the amount of women making the decision we personally want. a lot of the posts have a very child being spanked because the parent is angry vibe, it’s more for emotional catharsis of the poster than anything. which is fair enough, everyone vents. i’m just talking about what i personally think the best route is for practical discussion and positively influencing women around us and getting our point and information across effectively.

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ziracona · 3 years

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The ‘I don’t like love wins as a queer slogan because it doesn’t represent me’ is so god damn weird, and fool. I mean, I don’t hear it much to being with which is good, and I fully support ace and aro people, but when I do (very) occasionally do hear it from one of them it always throws me for a loop. Like. It’s sad because guys, it couldn’t fit you more. Love Wins is about all genuine love being accepted and valued as valid and equal, and that couldn’t be more revenant to or representative of your goals. Ace people are all about their relationships being as valuable and true, be it friendships, or romantic relationships without sexual attraction and/or action, or familial, as sexual and romantic relationships between people attracted to each other. For aro people, it’s about not being any less valuable or good, their relationships not being any less because the love they feel is platonic, or they have a sexual relationship with someone who they care for but not that way, and that’s just as precious. It’s still about that love being absolutely every bit just as valuable as the standard romantic heterosexual, expected relationships we’re raised to expect to have. It’s still about being people whose love wins, and deserves to.

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icykalisartblog · 3 years

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Why Bilbo Baggins/Gandalf OTP

All right, here’s my big post on why Bilbo/Gandalf is OTP. This is half-joking but should include some genuinely valuable analysis! Much of this is cribbed from a paper I wrote in about queercoding in The Hobbit.

The Hobbit tarot deck has them as the Two of Cups, usually signifying soulmates and romantic attraction so this seems like a good image to start the post with... soulmate AU, anyone? XD

Without further ado:

Bilbo Baggins Big Queer

Usually when I see queer readings of Tolkien’s works, it’s centered on The Lord of the Rings, and for good reason. But I believe the most likely character to be queer in Tolkien’s work is in fact Bilbo Baggins. When reading Tolkien’s works with this idea in mind, Bilbo, Tolkien, and the world of Middle Earth take on a new dimension, especially The Hobbit.

Bilbo Baggins is an unusual Hobbit due to going off on his adventure to win back the Misty Mountains from the Dragon Smaug, but at the beginning of The Hobbit, it would seem that he should have represented an ideal wealthy landowning Hobbit in the eyes of his neighbors and family members. The narrator of even states that the Baggineses were highly respected. However, we know from the very end of the book that Bilbo was not particularly well-liked even before he ever did anything exceptional, by the eagerness with which his family members auctioned off his belongings and presumed him to be dead. It is not just jealously over his wealth that caused the other Hobbits to dislike him—his mother was Belladonna Took, and the Took family was known for going on adventures, though the narrator explains that after marrying Bilbo’s father, she never did anything unexpected again. Interestingly, the narrator suggests that “...although he looked and behaved exactly like a second edition of his solid and comfortable father, got something a bit queer in his make-up from the Took side, something that only waited for a chance to come out.” Also from this page, we know that other families of Hobbits thought that one of the Tooks had taken a “fairy wife” and that Tooks would occasionally disappear, but that their relatives would try to quiet the rumors. If you’re going 👀 at queer make-up and a fairy being mentioned, you should. These terms were already being used as queer signifiers and pejoratives in the 30s when Tolkien wrote The Hobbit, plus Tolkien was well... a philologist.

Enter Gandalf

So Bilbo’s Tookish side is being linked to his queerness, and the other Hobbits think the strange behavior of the Tooks might have been caused by one of them taking a “fairy wife.” Now, if you are very familiar with Tolkien’s works, you’ll know that the closest thing to a fairy that exists in that world is probably what Gandalf is—a spirit known as a Maia, which all the Wizards are. Maiar (that’s the plural) are usually conceived of by critics as angelic beings because they serve the gods and Abrahamic God equivalents, but they have fairy-like qualities as well. And Gandalf is going to serve as the catalyst who brings out Bilbo’s, well, queer side.

When Gandalf arrives in The Hobbit and introduces himself, Bilbo simultaneously gushes and rants about him, and gives special importance to Gandalf’s fireworks: “They used to go up like lilies and snapdragons and laburnums of fire and hang in the twilight all evening!” he says, and then the narrator remarks, “You will notice already that Mr Baggins was not quite so prosy as he liked to believe, also that he was very fond of flowers,” as if Bilbo’s secret desire to be unique and his love of flowers were of close to equal importance. Gandalf mentions that for the sake of the Old Took and “poor Belladonna” he will take Bilbo on an adventure. The only reason we are given for Belladonna Took being unfortunate in any way is that she was somehow repressed after being married. A critique of heteronormativity?

Bilbo turns Gandalf away and denies his not-so-well-hidden desire for an adventure but invites Gandalf to come have tea with him the next day, an action Bilbo himself does not understand. In fact, the Bilbo is so shaken by the invitation he himself gave that he thought “a drink of something would do him good after his fright,” despite this scene taking place right after breakfast . Gandalf is left standing outside of Bilbo’s house, laughing. He takes the “spike of his staff” (...!) and draws a “queer sign” (...!!!) on Bilbo’s door.

I think it’s worth noting that in Tolkien’s unfinished writings, Gandalf initially didn’t want to go to Middle-Earth. He feared Sauron and thought of himself as too weak to be a proper emissary, but that’s exactly why Gandalf was the right Maia for the job of protecting Middle-Earth. Gandalf’s origin was thus very much the same as Bilbo’s... he’s been through all of this reluctance, too.

The Two Together

After Bilbo’s adventure, he is ostracized, and the beginning of The Lord of the Rings makes it clear that he had “no close friends” among Hobbits, and that the only ones who appreciated him were young children who would not understand how he was non-normative, and poor Hobbits to whom Bilbo gave money. In fact, the narrative begins with an argument between the Gaffer and Mr. Sandyman about Bilbo’s and Frodo’s “queerness,” which includes Bilbo’s adoption of an heir as opposed to having children biologically. With a queer reading in mind, Bilbo’s request that Gandalf take care of Frodo makes Bilbo and Gandalf appear to be caregivers of an adopted heir.

The text that I feel makes it hard to deny that Bilbo Baggins is queer is a version of “The Quest for Erebor,” an unfinished account from Gandalf that gives his perspective on the journey of The Hobbit. “The Quest for Erebor” was written at the same time that Tolkien was working on The Lord of the Rings, but was not ultimately included as part of the narrative (only an abridged version was included in the appendixes of The Lord of the Rings). I will quote Gandalf’s words from the unabridged version, regarding his choosing Bilbo for the quest (emphasis mine):

I learned that he had never married. I thought that odd though I guessed why it was; and the reason that I guessed was not that most of the Hobbits gave me: that he had early been left very well off and his own master. No, I guessed that he wanted to remain 'unattached' for some reason deep down which he did not understand himself - or would not acknowledge, for it alarmed him. He wanted, all the same, to be free to go when the chance came, or he had made up his courage. I remembered how he used to pester me with questions when he was a youngster about the Hobbits that had occasionally 'gone off,' as they said in the Shire.

As one can see from this passage, Gandalf, who has a very close relationship to Bilbo, does not believe what would be the obvious explanation for Bilbo’s remaining a bachelor—that he was a wealthy landowner, and thus did not need to. Rather, Gandalf believed that it was Bilbo’s latent desire for adventure that led to his never marrying. As I have pointed out, the call to adventure is connected to queerness. Gandalf also quotes other Hobbits as referring to those who had adventures as having “gone off.” To “go off” obviously indicates leaving the Shire to go somewhere else, but this phrase could also mean exploding (and fireworks, something that Bilbo remembered Gandalf for, go off), or to go bad—in the sense of food rotting or becoming moldy and inedible.

I think it’s also worth pointing out that Gandalf felt supernaturally compelled to bring Bilbo along on the quest. It’s likely that this was the Tolkien equivalent of Abrahamic God intervening in the events of Middle-Earth—something that rarely happens! The relationship between Gandalf and Bilbo is really important!

All of the points I have made signify that Bilbo Baggins’s story is applicable to the experiences of queer people, and his relationship with Gandalf suggests that Bilbo himself in fact has a queer romantic orientation—that he is queer in more than the sense of being non-normative due to going on a quest to retake Erebor. The friendship between Gandalf and Bilbo develops throughout The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, as Bilbo learns to trust and appreciate both Gandalf and his own adventurous side, and Gandalf learns more about kindness and true strength from Bilbo, Gandalf visits Bilbo many times afterward. Finally, they both care for Frodo and leave for the West together. Their friendship is heartwarming, and I would argue that this queer reading of it may be even more so—while there is an enormous age difference between these two characters (Bilbo is fifty-one at the start of The Hobbit, Gandalf is thousands of years old), Gandalf treats Bilbo like an equal and they both teach each other a lot (and Gandalf does not act like he is thousands-of-years old, he lost a lot of his innate knowledge and power when he was sent to Middle-Earth, after all).

Other Details

Close to the end of The Hobbit, after they retake Erebor from Smaug, Bilbo and Gandalf travel together, just the two of them, and the narrator doesn’t elaborate on this. This sounds like peak shipping and adventure fanfic fuel to me!

I’m not a fan of The Hobbit films, but they do contain some great shippy moments with the two characters. There’s some hilarious snarking, like this exchange:

BILBO: Are there any?

GANDALF: What?

BILBO: Other wizards?

GANDALF: There are five of us. The greatest of our order is Saruman the White. And then there are the two Blue Wizards... you know, I've quite forgotten their names.

BILBO: And the fifth?

GANDALF: Well, that would be Radagast the Brown.

BILBO: Is he a great wizard, or is he more like you?

And then Gandalf is like 😮 XD

There’s also a really heartwarming moment where Galadriel asks Gandalf why he chose Bilbo:

GALADRIEL: Mithrandir? Why the Halfling?

GANDALF: I don't know. Saruman believes that it is only great power that can hold evil in check. But that is not what I have found. I've found it is the small things, everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keeps the darkness at bay. Simple acts of kindness and love. Why Bilbo Baggins? Perhaps it is because I am afraid, and he gives me courage.

I remember there being other movie-only sweet moments too, but it’s been a long time since I’ve watched them!

#bilbo baggins #gandalf #the hobbit #the lord of the rings #queercoding #I need an analysis/meta tag

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dappercritter · 4 years

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ATOM Vol.1: Tyrantis Walks Among Us! An Honest Review

I have long waited for the chance to read William Cope’s (AKA @tyrantisterror) giant monster mash passion project, and as of last Christmas I finally had my chance. The first volume of The Atomic Time of Monsters (AKA A.T.O.M.), Tyrantis Walks Among Us! is every bit the big fun love letter to classic giant monster movies from across both sides of the Pacific that the author has touted on his blog many times. However, although there is a lot of love that evidently went into this story, and plenty of fun to be read, I would not say it’s the best kaiju story I have ever seen, in print or otherwise. Of course, to expect perfection from anything is unfair, but it’s not perfection I’m looking for: it’s consistency. Consistency, particularly of ideas and presentation, has been one of the kaiju (the ever popular Japanese name for “strange/giant monster”) genre’s biggest problems since it first began—be it keeping worldbuilding consistent with themes, or keeping the quality of one shot of the giant juxtaposed monsters consistent with another. Sadly, readers will find that Tyrantis Walks Among Us, for all it’s charms and bravado, suffers from similar inconsistencies.

The premise of the first entry in the A.T.O.M. series follows many well-worn tropes from the standard giant-size creature: set in an offshoot of postwar 50’s world, a mysterious earthquake linked to nuclear testing has revealed a subterranean lost world filled with mysterious radioactive crystals and (what else) giant monsters to the world. As the menagerie of prehistoric creatures make their way across the surface, gobbling up and/or stomping on the unlucky extras in their path, the government scrambles to gain control of the unprecedented situation, sending in scientists, men in black, and the military. The heroes of the story are the sole scientist smart enough to understand the gravity of the situation, their intrepid band of friends, and the good giant monsters who befriend the humans while fighting off the bad monsters to protect their world. Opposing them are crooked government men who refuse to listen to reason and more menacing monsters driven by hunger or simple malevolence. What follows is a mash-up of almost everything giant monster movies prior are made of: giant monster fights, quirky humans bouncing off each other while trying to stop corrupt governments from worsening the situation, discovering strange lost worlds and encountering the creatures that inhabit them, and even encounters with alien and robot monsters.

What makes the seemingly formulaic Tyrantis Walks Among Us! stand out is it’s personality. The first volume of ATOM is an affectionate homage, but it’s also a something of a send-up and evolution of the giant monster movie. Not only is every giant monster trope treated with a mix of earnest excitement and tongue-in-cheek wit, embracing both the inherent impressiveness and absurdity of the subgenre in the same breadth (including more than a few references to a selection of giant monster films past, some more subtle than others), with a heaping helping of satirical edge in it’s depiction on atomic era America. Elevating this satirical edge is the colourful human cast, whose personalities, talents, and backstories make them some of the most memorable civilians you’ll ever see in a kaiju series while also giving the story its political punch. Dr. Mina Lerna, the human protagonist and paleontologist turned local giant monster expert, who grapples with sexism and ignorance in her quest to make her voice heard—a voice which is telling everyone to stop trying to kill every monster they see and listen to reason—and come out of her shell; Henry Robertson, an African-American reporter for the United Nations News Organization (a cheeky homage to the oft-maligned American cut of the original King Kong vs. Godzilla) who, with Dr. Lerna’s help fights back against the racial bias trying to keep him quiet to offer current and true coverage of the protagonist’s quest to unlock the mysterious of the kaiju; as well as Gwen Valentine, a spunky homage to activist actresses such as Marylin Monroe in her prime, who after being rescued from certain death in a monster-inhabited cavern, offers some much-needed close friendship, good publicity, and funds to Dr. Lerna and their cause. The more villainous humans opposing them also present some amusement and self-awarness, such as the mysterious vindictive government agent J.C. Clark who prioritizes secret government agendas over transparency and honesty, or “Doctor Brick Rockwell,” a machismo meathead straight out of a camp American monster movie who barely passes for a scientist hired as a talking head to perpetuate willful ignorance—as well as sexism—for the government amidst the monster situation.

Of course, this IS a giant monster story and the kaiju side of the cast deserves special mention as well. Despite being deriving from the all-too familiar archetypes you could expect from giant monsters (i.e. dinosaurs, insects, spiders, and reptiles on a giant scale), the monsters A.T.O.M. stand out from the crowd thanks to their colourful characteristics. The majority of which are “Retrosaurs”: alternate history based dinosaurs that evolved from Loricata, a group of ancient reptiles that included the first crocodylians, as opposed to birds and more or less resemble the terrible lizards as they were depicted in older illustrations such as those created by Charles R. Knight. Chief among them is the star monster, Tyrantis, a standard giant green fire-breathing dinosaur but with an out-and-out heroic complex and a goofy side, showing compassion for his fellow monster and human companions, as well as having a tendency to greet new friends and foes by boisterously charging into battle. Joining him are Tyrantra, a even more impressive red-hued female of Tyrantis’s genus, the tyrannopyrodon (i.e. the fire-breath-enabled Retrosaur equivalent to tyrannosaurs); Gorgolisk, a gigantic frilled serpentine creature who serves as the steadfast guardian of the Earth and the mysterious inhabitants of its hollow earth; and Bobo, a big pink and blue quasi-arachnid with a soft heart and a surprisingly playful disposition. The monsters opposing them are no slouches either, such as Ahuul, a ravenous pterosaur-like Retrosaur who takes sadistic delight in swooping down on smaller prey; Myrmidants, a swarm of gigantic fire ants who fight for their colony with equal parts duty and ferocity; and The Terror, a blue-tinted rival Retro Tyrant who—without giving anything away—only becomes more of a monster as the story continues. Special mention also goes to a giant scorpion, a giant mothman-themed invader, a deadly duo of a giant wasp and mantis, and an entire island of Retrosaurs of almost every species.

However, as previously stated, for all it’s charming characters and progressive political statements, the first volume of A.T.O.M., like its forebearers, sadly falls prey to the issue of inconsistencies. Everything from the writing itself to the logic of this world suffers from occasional dips in quality to outright plot holes. The first and most noticeable is the abundance of grammatical errors, and while the majority of the novel is tightly written in very sense of the word, I couldn’t help but notice that every few pages there was incorrect punctuation or a misspelled word, which gave a somewhat rushed impression. Another oddity is the sexuality of Dr. Lerna who develops an affectionate attraction to Ms. Valentine, despite the author confirming in a post on the author’s blog made several years before the novels completion, claiming Lerna was aro-ace (found here)—this is more of a metatextual nitpick and if the author made her an asexual lesbian, it’s still quite a progressive choice in that it offers that minority some representation shows ace folk can still pursue romantic relationships—however, it still can’t help but think think it would have been just as valuable to give aro-ace people some representation as well, rather than seemingly backpedalling on a prior statement on a character’s sexuality. Another distraction is how the story seems to be at odds with itself over anthropomorphizing the monsters, where in some scenes they are written with fairly animalistic traits in mind, wherein others they treated as if they were almost cartoon characters. (e.g. Tyrantis breaks into caveman speak in a postscript picture to advertise some more other novels—relatively harmless but jarring nonetheless.) But the most bothersome inconsistencies by far are concerned with the science of the novel. Specifically, despite possessing a narrative that pushes for embracing science and learning, throughout the novel there are numerous instances where outdated biological and paleontological theories are treated as scientific truths, such as when Bobo’s inability to swim is chalked up to the old misconception that spiders breath through their skin and would drown when but in water. But the most damning example would have to be the Retrosaurs, who despite originating from a completely different evolutionary line, largely resemble past media depictions of dinosaurs more than anything else, inaccuracies at all. It could have been fascinating to explore how familiar species such as ornithopods and sauropods would appear if they were derived from ancient archosaurs (i.e. the grand group from which crocodilians originate). This discrepancies between artistic license and science makes it hard to tell just how much of the author’s intent for the origins of these alternative dinosaurs was driven more by a desire to replicate the aesthetic of prior depictions of prehistoric creatures and movie monsters than a wholly original exploration in speculative biology.

As critical as may be, I do not want to completely discount the author’s efforts. I enjoyed the first entry in the adventures of the mighty Tyrantis and the impeccable Dr. Lerna from start to finish. As a wholly affectionate parody of the great giant monster subgenre, it’s almost everything I could have wanted it to be! What’s more, I would like to see the ATOM series reach its full potential. However, due the author’s attitudes towards modern science and tendency towards error, I don’t know if this series will ever reach that potential. Tyrantis Walks Among Us! is good as a creative comical take on the classic kaiju story with a progressive sociopolitical punch, but as a scientifically conscious evolution of the genre that birthed it, it falls as flat as the tail of a Retrosaur, and it seems it will stay that way—sticking close to the ground and only occasionally swinging upwards.

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glittertimes · 4 years

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hi I hope this doesn’t come off as disrespectful, but I’ve never really understood the difference between bi and pan? I understand that you identify as pan and I just want to get your input!

To be honest I don’t really like defining the difference, I feel like it always leaves people out or misrepresents their identities!

And posts that try to explain the differences don’t really sit right with me. They always assume that all bi people prefer certain gender(s) to others. Or that all pan people experience attraction to everyone in the same way.

When the reality is that there are pan folks who have preferences, there are bi folks who don’t!

There are bi folks who don’t see a difference in their attraction for people of different genders, and there are pan folks who feel like there is a difference in their attraction.

I think that there are so many different interpretations bc there are so many people who identify as bi/pan! And that a list of differences isn’t really going to accurately cover the range of experiences in our communities!

Identifying as one or the other often just comes down to little things like feeling that one label fits better for you personally than another, or feeling more connected to a flag, community, or particular definition than another.

I started coming out as pan when I was 15, and my reasons for identifying as pan have changed so much since then. (And I’m also cool with labeling myself as both pan and bi!)

But you obviously don’t have to identify as both! They’re both equally valid, they’re both inclusive, and it’s perfectly okay to just pick one and defend it from people who try to tell you that you should identify differently!

And you might be wondering, “If they mean the same thing does that mean one or both labels should be obsolete? Or that one is inherently more valuable than the other?"

But I don’t really think that’s the conclusion we should draw at all!

These labels signify self-acceptance, community, friendship, and romantic love for so many people!

And I’d say that these experiences mean something, and that they’re valuable enough on their own, without a precise definition! If it’s meaningful to you then it matters! Your reasons for identifying as pan or bi matter! Your distinction between the two labels matters! (As long as it’s not antagonistic or trans-exclusive ofc) And you shouldn’t let me, or any other stranger on the internet tell you that it doesn’t!

And yes, there are plenty of people who continue to use harmful phrases like “hearts not parts,” and “gender blind,” or who define bi as “attraction to both genders.”

But why should our communities be defined by that when there are also plenty of bi and pan people fighting against these harmful ideas, and educating other people in their communities?

There are also plenty of trans and nonbinary people who identify as bi and pan, who love their labels and their communities, and feel hurt by those who imply that all bi/pan people are inherently transphobic and / or biphobic.

By all means, call people out when they’re being harmful and exclusive, but don’t assume that everyone who is bi/pan has harmful views!!

Sorry anon, I know you probably weren’t looking for a long philosophical answer, but constantly having to defend your identity is exhausting, and I have a lot of thoughts on this lol!

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hamitome--imagines · 5 years

Text

You, Me, and a Baby Makes Three

Thayne Jasperson x Reader

Modern rpf

Requested by @arosebloomsonbakerstreet

1-53: Guess who’s going to be a father?

Request: I have to make a request for a thayne x reader fic for the 'guess who's going to be a father?' prompt. Mostly since the thought of him finding out as a special announcement after a Hamilton performance sends my little fangirl heart into all states of squee! Bonus points if 'That Would Be Enough' is used in the announcement in some way. :D

A/N: So…I’m guessing this isn’t at all what was expected from this request. To be honest, this isn’t my initial plan for a plot. But I think this plot is fairly good. It fits with the request but in a different way. But since it goes in a unique direction, I hope this is still what you wanted from this request, even though it does stray from the request slightly. And I hope you all enjoy this imagine!

Word Count: 6,779

If someone had asked you at the start of all this, you wouldn’t say you loved Thayne. Sure, he was nice and you liked him. You found him attractive and nice and funny. But you didn’t love him. There just wasn’t that kind of connection. But sometimes alcohol makes you think that there is a connection.

The whole cast of Hamilton was going out for drinks. It was a typical night out, jokes and memories made. And alcohol was consumed. As the night came to an end, your friends were varying levels of sobriety. You were a little tipsy and had drove over to the bar anyway. You needed to call a cab. “Hey, Thayne?” The cast member in question turned to look at you. “You wanna split the cost of an Uber?” The two of you lived fairly close to each other and this method had been used before.

“Yeah, sure.” He agreed with a bright smile. The two of you were driven to your apartment, where you exited. Thayne would often walk to his house from your house.

“You sure you wanna walk home? You can crash here.” You offered. Thayne pondered it. He checked the time on his phone.

“It is kinda late. I’ll crash on your couch if you don’t mind.” He said.

“Sure, come on in.” So you opened the door a let Thayne in. Still a little tipsy, you rummaged for blankets and pillows. You found some and walked them over to the couch. Thayne was already sprawled out on the couch, laid on his back with one arm draped over his face. “Asleep already?” You asked.

“Nah.” He replied, but didn’t move. You sat on the coffee table near the couch, pile of bedding sat on the table next to you. You reached out and ran your fingers through his hair. It was golden and soft under your fingers. Thayne hummed softly, enjoying the feeling on your fingers and a smiled pulled at his lips. “If you keep doing that, I will fall asleep.” He commented. So you withdrew you hand.

“Let’s at least get you a pillow and a blanket before you fall asleep.” You said. He groaned but sat up and turned so he was facing you, you idly noted the lack of space between you two now. He rubbed his eyes that raked a hand through his hair haphazardly. The result was his hair being tousled and sticking up in crazy ways. You laughed at the sight. “What?” He asked with a smile of his own.

“Nothing.” You answered with a smile. “But let me fix your hair.” So you reached up once more and gently smoothed the stray hairs back down. You continued running your fingers through his hair after you finished. How had you never noticed how soft it was? A heavy silence settled. Part of your told you to give him the bedding and retreat to your room. But the tipsy part of you, felt a connection. (Later your rational brain would realize there wasn’t one.) Thayne was merely staring at you, studying you with. The expression he wore was one you had never received from him before. Want? Desire? You couldn’t place it. But it was a good expression.

You slowly leaned in, and Thayne seemed to automatically move in to do the same. You cautiously pressed your lips to his. Thayne leaned in closer. You still had a hand threaded in his hair and you used it to pull him even closer. You pulled back way too quick for your liking. “You know, it seems like such a hassle to get out blankets and pillows when my bed is large enough for both of us.” You commented, you hands were toying with the edges of a jacket Thayne had one. He smiled.

“By all means, lead the way.” He said with a smirk. You rolled your eyes but stood and grabbed his hand. You lead him to your room and right to the bed. It wasn’t long before your found yourself laid on your back with Thayne hovering over you. “You sure?” He asked. You grinned and nodded.

—

You were not drunk enough last night to warrant the headache you had today. You were also cold. To try and warm up, your curled up a bit more. Then you realized exactly why you were cold. You didn’t have any clothes on. Great. A one-night-stand. You silently prayed that whoever it was had left once you finished. But you couldn’t remember bringing any stranger back to your place. You shifted, pulling lightly on the covers. The resisted, meaning that someone was still here. You had your back to them. So you took a deep breath and mentally prepared yourself to see who you slept with and to ask them to leave. You sat up and turned and your brain seemed to stop working.

Thayne was laying there. He was fast sleep. The covers were draped across his stomach and his torso was bare. He obviously wasn’t wearing a shirt and you could guess what it was like under the covers as well. His hair was sticking up wildly, whether from sleep or wild sex, you weren’t sure. But you had to resist the urge to reach out and fix it. The softness of his hair was the first memory of last night to resurface. It was quickly followed by the kissing. Which lead to everything else.

You had sex with Thayne Jasperson. “Holy shit.” You said. And accidentally said it loud enough to wake up the aforementioned person. Thayne grumbled and shifted, clearly waking up. You hurried to grab the blankets and pull them up to cover your chest. Thayne opened his eyes and looked to you. His confusion was obvious. He stared at you for a minute before his eyes widened and he sat up quickly.

“Shit.” He said, being cautious about keeping the blankets firmly covering his lap. “We had sex last night.”

“Yep.” You said, equally awkwardly. Neither of you knew exactly what to say next. “Look, can you like, close your eyes for a minute? I’m going to grab clothes and go get dressed in the bathroom. While I do that, you can find your clothes from last night.”

“I mean, do I really have to close my eyes? After last night?” He asked.

“Well no, but don’t make this more awkward than it needs to be.” You pleaded.

“Fair enough, I probably would’ve closed my eyes anyway.” He said. He closed his eyes and covered them with his hands for good measures. You quickly grabbed some under garments and a tee shirt and sweatpants. You slipped out of the room and went to close the door. You paused when it was open just a sliver. “Ok, I’m out. You can get dressed.” Then shut the door.

As you got dressed you thought the night over. Why did you kiss him? You liked Thayne, but not romantically and not sexually either. At least you didn’t think so. But apparently part of you wanted him in a romantic or sexual way. He was a good friend. And you wanted him to remain that way. But that seemed unlikely now. You exited the bathroom and walked over to your bedroom door and knocked lightly. “Yeah, I’m dressed. Come on in.” He was sitting on the bed, fully clothed except for his socks which he was pulling on. “So…what now?” He asked. WIth his socks fully pulled on, he reached up and ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it to the right.

“What do you wanna do?” You asked. You wanted to forget this ever happened, but you didn’t want to offend Thayne either. You didn’t even know how he felt about this.

“Honestly? It wasn’t bad.” He commented with a smirk. It earned a tiny smile and amused eye roll from you. “But it isn’t worth fucking up our friendship. That is way more valuable to me.” He said with a small, sincere smile. You sighed in relief.

“I feel the same way. So…can we both pretend this never happened?”

“I can if you can.” He answered.

“Good. Then we tell no one and go about our lives like it never happened. What happened last night stays between the two of us.”

“Deal.” He said.

—

You and Thayne easily forgot about the whole situation. You fell back into routine and your friends were none the wiser. It was great. Until it wasn’t.

You tried to tell yourself not to freak out when your period was late. It wasn’t always on time, sometimes it was a day or two late. It happened. Then it was a week late. Now it was two weeks late. And you were so fucking worried. You left rehearsal rather quickly and went to a drug store to buy a test. Hell, you bought two just so you could be sure. After an agonizing two minute wait, the first test confirmed you were pregnant. That couldn’t be right. So you tried the other test. And after waiting another eternal two minutes, you had the same results.

You leaned back against the wall in the bathroom. Then you slid down until you were sitting on the floor. You were pregnant. And Thayne was the father. So much for forgetting it ever happened. The idea of an abortion popped into your head. But there was no way you could go through something like that and keep it from Thayne. He was your closest friend. And since he was your closest friend, he knew that you hadn’t slept with anyone else lately. At least not close enough for them to be the parent of the baby. Adoption was an option, but Thayne would have to agree to that too. And you’d be pregnant for nine months.

The show! You’d have to go on maternity leave and stop performing.

“Fuck.” You mumbled to no one in particular. This was a mess.

Thayne had a right to know. But for now, you wouldn’t tell anyone. There was no sign of you showing. The only reason you knew is because you missed your period. No one else should know that. You tossed the used tests and boxes in the plastic bag you received from the drug store and tossed them in the dumpster. If your friends came over, they didn’t need to see those in the trash.

At rehearsal the next day, you watched Thayne. Usually, you were amused by his antics and behaviors. Now you studied him and tried to see him as a dad. He was joking with Jazzy and Anthony. You knew he’d care for a kid. That was obvious. But could he raise one? Could you? Were the two of you remotely ready for the responsibility? You didn’t think so. But would Thayne be willing to give up his child? Would you?

You sighed. How were the two of you going to get through this? How were you going to tell Thayne? “You ok?” Thayne asked, walking over to you.

“Yeah.” You smiled but it didn’t reach your eyes. And Thayne, being your closest friend, noticed. He gave you a questioning stare. “I’m just thinking. That’s all.” Thayne sat down next to you.

“Need a second opinion or good listener?” He asked.

“Yeah. Are you going to point me in the right direction?” You teased with a smile.

Thayne gasped dramatically and put a hand in his chest in mock offense. “And here I was, trying to be nice and helpful.” You laughed at him. Typical Thayne. Typical concerned, friendly, funny, kind Thayne. He wasn’t a bad guy. There were worse people you could’ve slept with. After all, Thayne could be easy to love. But again, there was no connection between the two of you. Even though you kinda wished there was right now. “Seriously though.” Thayne said, pulling your attention back. “Do you need to vent or want advice?”

“No, I’m good.” You said.

“You sure? You seemed really lost in your head earlier.” He was so kind and so concerned.

“I’m ok, Thayne. I promise. But thank you.” You reached out and hugged him, and he reciprocated. He was so nice. And you were gonna end up testing the boundaries of that kindness when you told him you were pregnant. You just had to figure how when and how exactly you planned to do that.

—

Did you need to announce your pregnancy to someone if you weren’t dating or trying to have a child together? You didn’t really feel like you needed to, but you knew Thayne would like some cute announcement. But this wasn’t exactly the happy occasion that most pregnancies were. You and Thayne shouldn’t have slept together. You and Thayne weren’t trying to have a child. This whole things was a mess and an accident.

You were constantly lost in your thoughts and Thayne noticed. He was constantly asking if you were ok. And you were constantly telling him that you were. You constantly felt guilt at not telling him the truth. You were worried about this pregnancy. And Thayne needed to know about it.

Thayne found you after rehearsal one day. “Alright, you’re coming over tonight.” He announced.

“I am?”

“Yep. You’ve been moping around and lost in your thoughts for a couple weeks now. You don’t want to tell me about it, and that’s fine. You don’t have to. But I want you to come over and relax. Take your mind off of it for a night.” He instructed.

Absentmindedly, you placed your hand on your stomach. You couldn’t turn Thayne’s plans down. He would grow even more suspicious. “Alright, Thayne. Sounds like fun.” Thayne smiled brightly.

“We’ll head over to my place whenever you are ready to leave.” Thayne said happily. So you quickly packed up and followed Thayne outside. You rode the subway and were at Thayne’s house after a very short time. You immediately dropped onto Thayne’s couch. Thayne on the other hand ran to the kitchen. He emerged a few minutes later, carefully cradling and balancing a large amount of junk food and snacks in his arms. He dropped them on the coffee table in front of the couch. “Alright. Do we want beer, wine, or some mixed drinks?” He asked, starting to head back to the kitchen.

“Uhm…can we have water or soda?” You asked instead. Thayne stopped and turned to you. His expression was pure confusion. The two of you tended to at least have a few drinks when you got together. You never got drunk, but you always had something to drink. You needed to find an excuse quickly. “It’s just…last time we had drinks it didn’t end well.” You fumbled. It wasn’t the best excuse. However, you and Thayne avoided talking about that night. So you weren’t surprised when Thayne blushed and nodded before ducking back into the kitchen. He came back with some soda and water which he also deposited on the coffee table. “There we go.” He plopped down next to you. “Dumb Netflix movies?” You nodded.

So you and Thayne ate, talked, watched movies, made fun of dumb movies. At some point you wandered to Thayne’s room and retrieved a blanket. You sat back down and shared it with Thayne. When you yawned loudly, Thayne shifted so you were both lying on the couch sideways. He was behind you with an arm wrapped around your waist to keep you safely on the couch. This type of closeness wasn’t unusual for you two. However, you couldn’t help but think it was different now.

You both drifted off while you laid on the couch. At some point you both shifted. When Thayne woke up he was lying on his back on the couch You were more or less on top of him. He felt his cheeks heat and turn slightly pink, but he made no move to push you off. You were comfortable and sound asleep as well. He didn’t mind at all.

You had been so distant lately, stuck in your own mind. Thayne desperately wanted to know why. But you didn’t seem inclined to tell him, which was your right. He wouldn’t push you. However, you never kept anything significant secrets from him. It wasn’t that you told him everything, but you told him a lot of things. And anything that was this important, anything that kept you lost in thought, you shared with him. He would help you. So why not now?

Thayne absentmindedly toyed with the strands of your hair. His mind kept, unfortunately, drifting back to that night. You had been playing with his hair all night. He enjoyed it. He enjoyed it a lot. He had a crush on you for a while. But you clearly didn’t care about him that way, you were friends. So he never pushed it. But he felt damn guilty about that night. He felt like he took advantage of you. You were both drunk, or at least tipsy, so maybe both of you were to blame. But Thayne would continue to feel bad about it. And shortly after that night, you started to close off and keep something from him.

For now, he figured he better sleep. He didn’t want his thoughts to be swirling and churning like they so often ended up doing. Every time he thought to his feelings or that night, things got so confusing. So he decided to just close his eyes and sleep. He did, however, tighten his hold on you slightly, doing whatever he could to keep you close.

—

You watched from off-stage as Thayne climbed up on his literal soap box. You watched him perform with all his heart. He loved his job. You had decided that tonight you would tell him you were expecting. It’d be hard to keep it a secret much longer anyway. You performance ended, you took your final bows. Afterwards, back off-stage, you grabbed Thayne’s sleeve. “Hey, can we talk before once we’re out of costume?” You asked.

“Of course.” He said. Thayne changed quickly, and hurried to find you. Once he found you, you had already changed your clothes. You were pacing anxiously. “You ok?” Thayne asked as he walked in.

“Oh, sorta?” It sounded more like a question. “Can you shut the door behind you?” You asked.

“Sure.” Thayne replied and did just that. He went and sat on the couch in the room. “You seem really anxious, Y/N. You can tell me anything, and I know you know that. So what’s going on?” He asked.

You wanted to sit, but you had to be moving. You had too much energy to sit still. “I uh…I wanted to talk to you. I wanna start by saying that I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a while. I just, well I didn’t know how to bring this topic up.” You sighed and anxiously raked a hand through your hair. “You had every right to know what I’m about to tell you. I didn’t really mean to keep it from you, I just…”

Thayne stood up. “You just didn’t know how to tell me.” Thayne helpfully finished for you. You nodded. You were wringing your hands together now. Thayne stepped forward and held your hands in his, keeping you from wringing them. Instead you squeezed his hands. “Y/N, just tell me what’s going on. What have you been not telling me?” His voice was so kind and gentle. You mumbled out a response but Thayne couldn’t hear you. “What?” He asked.

You sighed. You fixed your eyes firmly on your shoes. “Thayne, I’m pregnant.” It was still soft, but Thayne definitely had to hear you. He took in a sharp breath. Then his grip on your hands went slack, your hands slipped out of his grip. You chanced a look up at him. He had taken a shocked step back from you and his expression was complete and utter shock. “I…I…I don’t even know what I’m trying to say. I guess, I’m sorry. For not telling you mostly. I didn’t know how and I’m sorry.” Thayne was staring at the ground now, looking like he was trying to understand what you had said to him. You on the other hand were waiting for him to say anything. He looked up at you. He looked confused, shocked, and, above all, hurt. “Fuck, I’m so fucking sorry.” You grabbed your things and hurried out of the room. Thayne didn’t even try to stop you.

—

You rushed out of the room. Thayne didn’t even know what he would stay to make you stay. He dropped back onto the couch. He knew that it was his child. You hadn’t slept with anyone else that he knew of. And with what you said, he deserved to know, it was pretty obvious what it meant.

Well, fuck. They fucked up. Thayne could handle being your friend. That was easy. But he couldn’t handle raising a kid with some strange sort of shared custody. He couldn’t possibly hope to be a father and have you be a mother but not be anything more. Then Thayne thought of something. Did you even want to keep the kid? It wasn’t up to Thayne, it was up to you what they did.

Why did they have sex? Why did you get into this mess? He wanted to raise that kid. But he wanted you to want that too. He wanted to raise the kid with you. Not alongside you. Not with shared custody or anything like that. He wanted to raise their kid with you. But what did you want?

Thayne sighed. The only way to handle this was to talk. A conversation that clearly neither of you were equipped for. Thayne only hoped he could convey exactly what he wanted. But he still had to figure out exactly what he wanted and how to explain it. He decided to walk to a nearby store and purchase chocolate. Then he got a cab and went to your house. He hesitantly knocked.

You opened the door. Your hair was wild and you eyes were red and wet. You had been crying. “Hey.” He said lamely. “Can I come in?” You hesitated. You wanted to slam the door in his face and lock him out until you calmed down. But damn, you needed to talk. You held the door open and let him in. You went to your couch and sat down, you wrapped yourself in a blanket and curled up. You tried to make yourself small and secure. Thayne reached into his bag and held out a chocolate bar with a smile.

You let out a small, surprised laugh. “Thanks. Always thoughtful.” You said with a smile.

“Of course.” He replied. He sat on the opposite side of the couch. He sat facing you, and sat with his legs criss-crossed like a child sits on the floor. “So…we gotta talk.”

“Yeah, I guess…” You toyed with the edge of the blanket. “Do you want an explanation for why I didn’t tell you or…”

Thayne dismissively waved a hand. “Nah. I understand why you waited to tell me. Why it was hard for you to tell me. But there is something I do want to know.” You stared at him, waiting for him to say exactly what that was. “What do you want to do about this?”

You blinked. You hadn’t actually expected this. You thought this would be screaming and fighting and defending your own points. But…Thayne was curious about your wants. “I…I don’t know, Thayne.”

“Ok…uhm…do you want to raise this child? Or…” He hesitated. “Do you want to put the kid up for adoption? Or…what other options are there?”

“Are we even ready to raise a child? Either of us?” You asked. Thayne hung his head. You assumed his was thinking, letting the truth of your statement sink in. However, he was dejected that this was a situation in which the two of you were separate. Neither of you were ready to raise a child, Thayne knew that. But what if you were a unified force?

“Maybe not.” Thayne agreed. “But…” Again he hesitated. “Look, if you don’t want to raise…our child, then I will.”

You stared at him with wide eyes. “You…You will?” You stuttered.

Thayne shrugged a smiled a little. “Yeah. It’s terrifying, sure. But that’s my kid. It was my actions that brought this kid into existence, so I’m partially responsible. And I’ve sorta always wanted to be a dad.” It was gonna break his heart to raise a child without you to help him, but it would have to be done.

“But…by that logic I’m also responsible too. I mean, obviously we’re both responsible. But all the duty shouldn’t fall on you.”

“I’m not saying that. I’m just will to accept that responsibility.” Thayne commented with a shrug.

“Thayne, I don’t want to get rid of this child.” You laid a hand on your stomach. “But I’m not sure I’m ready for one.”

“Me either, certainly not alone.” He said before he could stop himself. “What if we tried it together?”

“Like, shared custody?” You asked.

Thayne let out a frustrated noise and ran a hand through his hair. “Not…exactly. Something…more…” Thayne kept searching for the right way to phrase it. He didn’t want to come on too strong, but he wanted you to finally see his side of things. “Structured?” He ventured. You gave him a confused look, clearly not understanding him. “Fine, I’ll just say it then. A family.” He sighed. “You, me, and a baby makes three.” He shrugged.

“No.” You shook your head. Thayne tried not to let the way his heart shattered show. “Look, us working together might be the best solution. But we can’t be a family. I don’t want to be a family just because of this child. It will only make matters worse and end poorly in the future.”

“Oh.” Thayne squeaked out, realizing why you bluntly shot him down. “Y/N, I don’t want to…” He slowed. Well, time for the truth to come out. He took a deep breath. “I don’t want to have a family with you only because of this child. But that’s an unforeseen bonus.” He scooted closer to you. “I’ve uh, I’ve had a massive crush on you for a while. The night we slept together still bothers me. I mean, I sorta feel like I took advantage of you.”

“Thayne, we both consented to that. Albeit, we were slightly tipsy, but I think we were clear enough to know what we were getting into.”

“True, but I’ll still feel guilty.” He said with a small smile.

“Wait.” You stopped him from saying more. “You have a crush on me?”

Thayne’s smile grew. “Yeah. I know this is totally sudden. Have I really hid it that well?” He asked doubtfully. So you thought, really thought, about it.

“Wow.” You said in realization. “I’m dense.”

“Look, we got a few months here before our lives change forever. And I know that a few months isn’t enough time to know for sure whether we can make a relationship last. But it can give us a good idea of how well we work together. In the few months we have, can we maybe try dating, see how it goes? Maybe it will end horribly, then we can come up with a new plan. But, what if it ends wonderfully? Isn’t that worth trying? Give me a shot. Give us a shot at having a family.” He urged. His voice never changed from his soft and caring tone, except maybe sneaking a little pleading in there. He smirked. “That would be enough.” He sang.

You burst out laughing. You think Thayne’s smile at your laughter was the brightest smile you’d ever seen from him. “That’s better.” Thayne remarked about you laughing instead of moping. You smiled at Thayne and considered his offer. He always loved you. Did you always love him? You would’ve said no earlier. Thayne was trying not to fidget. “Look, Y/N, I don’t mean to pressure you. But I’d like to have some sort of answer.”

You smiled and leaned in and kissed him softly. It was much better than your tipsy kiss. Thayne practically melted into the kiss, and against you. His lips slipped into a smile even as you kissed. It caused a smile to pull at your lips as you pulled away. “Not that I didn’t really enjoy that, but should we slow things down?” Thayne asked.

“Thayne, we already spend time together in things that are practically dates. And we’ve also already slept together. I think kissing is just fine.” You reasoned.

“Well then, I’m not opposed to do it again.” He said with his bring smile. He captured your lips with his once more.

—

Thayne was overly ecstatic at the prospect of being a father. It wasn’t long before you started planning to announce to the cast that you were expecting. Thayne wanted it to be cute announcement. You pooled your paychecks and got a new place to live. Two bedrooms. Next you started looking into what furniture you needed for a child.

It wasn’t long before your relationship with Thayne became known among the cast. It was after a performance, the curtain fell and you gave Thayne a hug. That in itself wasn’t strange. But Thayne pulled back and kissed you soundly. You didn’t care you were at work with co-workers who were unaware of the development of your relationship. You melted into the embrace and returned the kiss willingly.

The two of you pulled apart as a low whistle sounded. You looked around Thayne and found a number of cast members (including Anthony who you suspected of whistling) staring at the two of you. There were a mix of surprised, suggestive, and questioning stares. “Uh, surprise?” You said. Luckily everyone was happy for the two of you. Shortly after was when the two of you moved into your new place together.

A few days later, Thayne found you sprawled out on the bed. “What’s wrong?” He asked. “We gotta get to work soon.”

“We need to tell the cast, Thayne.” You said, looking over at him but not sitting up on the bed.

“I know.” He said. He climbed on the bed and sat criss-cross right behind you. He re-situated both of you so your head was in his lap. “What brought this on today?” He asked, playing with your hair.

You gestured vaguely in the direction of your closet. “I have nothing to wear that doesn’t make it painfully obvious that I’m pregnant.” You complained. “I’m getting fat.”

“Oh shush.” Thayne chided lightly. “You’re beautiful.” He leaned down and pressed a light kiss to the tip of your nose. Then he got off the bed and went to the closet. The next thing you knew, a shirt landed on your face. You sat up and looked at the shirt that was tossed your way. It was one of Thayne’s. “I think that should hide the evidence.” He said. He walked forward and leaned on the bed, one hand on either side of you. He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to your lips. He pulled away after a moment, but stayed leaning in close. “Should we tell them today?” He asked.

You sighed. “Probably. I can get away with wearing your shirt for a day. But if I started doing that indefinitely it might get a little suspicious.” You quickly shed your pajama top and tossed Thayne’s shirt on. It was large enough to hide your growing stomach. The two of your headed to work, idling still trying to come up with an announcement. You hadn’t figured out how you planned to tell the crew yet. Thayne still wanted to have a big announcement but neither of you came up with one that wasn’t cliche and that would work well with the crew. So it seemed like you’d be winging it.

You walked into the theatre with a few people making comments about you wearing Thayne’s shirt. You stopped by your dressing room, depositing your things. “Lin first?” You asked Thayne.

“Sounds like a good place to start.” So the two of you went to Lin’s dressing room. It was just your luck that Chris and Jonathan happened to be in the dressing room talking to Lin. You looked at Thayne, silently asking if you should ask them to leave. He just shrugged. After all, they’d know soon enough anyway.

“So, uh, I…or I guess we having something to say.” You awkwardly started. Damn it, why hadn’t you planned something? Jonathan, damn him, was already smirking. It seemed he had already figured it out. Chris was calculating, probably figuring it out but also seeing an issue with the fact that the two of you hadn’t been together for long. Lin was merely looking at you, waiting for you to say what you needed. “Uhm…so…” You trailed off.

Thayne wrapped his arms around your torso. “Y/N is trying to say she’s pregnant.” He said bluntly.

“Uh, yeah. That.” You said, shocked at Thayne’s bluntness. Then again, he was excited about this.

“And Thayne is…?” Chris asked. You nodded.

Jonathan’s smirk never faltered. Lin’s expression grew equally as confused as Chris’s. “Wait. You guys have only been together for a few weeks…” The question hung in the air.

“Yeah…” Thayne trailed off.

“How far along are you?” Chris asked.

“Uh…more than a few weeks.” You offered hesitantly.

Lin and Chris shared a look. They looked back to Jonathan who merely shrugged. “When the hell did this happen?” Lin asked. They weren’t mad, just confused.

“Drinks night. About two months ago.” You said with a deep blush. A quick glance at Thayne showed he was also sporting a light blush as well. The three men were silent for a moment before Lin let out a surprised chuckle. The other two men let out chuckles in response then they were laughing. The tension immediately left the room and you and Thayne chuckled too.

“Told you.” Jonathan said after the laughing subsided.

“Huh?” Thayne said.

“Oh, I tried to tell these two that there was something going on between you two long before we were told.”

“Well, it wasn’t like we were dating or—” Jonathan silenced you as he held up a hand.

“You two wouldn’t have slept together if there wasn’t something there.” He said with certainty. Thayne shrugged, which you felt due to his arms still being around him.

“Do the rest of the cast know yet?” Lin asked.

“Nope.” You said.

“You guys are the first.” Thayne added. “Who’s next?” So the two of you continued through the rest of the cast. Anthony and Jasmine congratulated the two of you. Daveed and Oak drilled you like Lin, Chris, and Jonathan had. Pippa and Renee asked all sorts of questions like if you knew the gender yet. Leslie also merely offered a heartfelt congratulations. That left the ensemble members. “Should we track them down one at a time or tell them all at once?”

At this point you were ready for this announcing thing to be over. “All at once, please?” You answered.

“Of course.” Thayne pressed a kiss to your forehead as he sensed your annoyance. “Almost done.” He commented. He detoured to the snack table to get both of you a much needed chocolate fix. You found the assembled ensemble members. “We need to talk to you guys.” Thayne announced loud enough for you to gain the attention of all the members. They turned and looked at you. Thayne gave you a glance as well. You sighed, not knowing how to tell them. Thayne read your mood well. He stood behind you with his hands on your shoulders. “Basically…guess who’s going to be a father?” He asked with a smile. You shot him a look over your shoulder. “And I suppose I should add, guess who’s going to be a mother? Guess who’s going to be parents?” He amended.

The entire ensemble was excited. You had a lot of them ask you questions but eventually you and Thayne had to pull away. You hid away in your dressing room. You collapsed on the couch in the dressing room. “That was exhausting.” You said. Thayne sat down beside you. He leaned over and laid his head in your lap. You absentmindedly toyed with his hair, pleased you could freely do so now without worrying about what would happen in response to the action.

“I hate to break it to you, Y/N, but as soon as that kid is born then things will be even more exhausting.” He commented.

You sighed, that was true. “What are we gonna do when this little one gets here?” You asked rhetorically.

“Love them.” Thayne answered anyway. “We will give them all the love we can. That’s what good parents do and that’s what makes a family.”

—

-Ten Years Later-

You stared at the reception hall. Ten years. Hamilton premiered ten years ago. It was a reunion of sorts. Tomorrow there would be news reporters and performances. Today, there was a gather of former cast members. Like a class reunion, but better. Cast members and their families were all getting together today. It was shaping up to be a fun night.

You walked inside. Instantly you were greeted by noise. Then, Lin walked up to you. He was so famous now. But to you, he was still a dork who wrote a Tony Award winning musical about Alexander Hamilton. He was also still your friend. You noticed his two boys running around as well, playing with the other kids present. Lin greeted you with a hug, pointed you toward the free food being offered, and invited you to mingle around with your old friends. And that’s what you did.

Main cast and ensemble members. Nearly everyone was here. Everyone was commenting how ten years ago seemed so long, yet it passed in the blink of an eye. And you couldn’t agree more. So much had happened to you in ten years. You scanned the crowd once more for blonde hair and a blinding smile. You sighed again as you failed to see it. You knew why Thayne wasn’t here. But…you had hoped.

Instead, you focused on talking to those who showed up. After all, you hadn’t seen some of these people in ten years. You were talking to Jonathon Groff, catching up with him. Then, suddenly, “Mommy!” You spun as you saw your little girl running toward you. Riley had her dad’s hair color and his bright smile. You crouched and gave her a hug. “Hi, Jonathon.” She greeted happily. Jonathan smiled and waved in response.

“Sorry we’re so late.” Thayne said, walking in behind her. He pulled you into a kiss, you couldn’t help but smile against his lips. He pulled back with a smile of his own. “Traffic is awful. But, we made it.”

“Things went ok?” You asked.

“Yep.” He said with a smile. “Ren got his booster shots and is ready for kindergarten.” Thayne said and looked to the little boy who was holding his hand. Your son. Almost a spitting image of his father. Lin greeted Thayne and your kids both. They exchanged idle chatter for a brief moment. “Hey uh Lin, there’s free food right?” You and Lin both rolled your eyes thinking back to Thayne constantly raiding the snack table at Hamilton. But Lin pointed out the table anyway. Thayne put a hand on each of your children’s shoulders. “Come on, if we hurry then your mom can’t limit how many cookies we get.” The three of them ran off before you could say anything. You just shook your head and watched them with a fond smile.

A daughter and a son. A husband too. A family. Things with Thayne weren’t immediately perfect, and you had your fights too, every couple does. But they were perfect enough for the two of you. So yes, if you had been asked in the beginning of everything if you loved Thayne; the answer would’ve been no. But if you were asked now, if you loved Thayne; yes wouldn’t be enough to properly explain just how much you loved him.

#hamilton #hamilton imagine #thayne jasperson #thayne jasperson imagine #thayne x reader #thayne jasperson x reader

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aphrodicted · 4 years

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Hey!! I'd just like a reading on my love life, the next man coming in and what our relationship will be like? Thank you! I have a feeling I know who it is and if it is confirmed to be him, how do I open myself up to the possibility? Thank you love! 🌿🌹 TT

Hey, TT!! I used Tarot of Sexual Magic and Oracle of Angels of Love for you!!

Who’s the next man coming in to your love life? Eight of Cups, Knight of Cups, Ten of Wands.

From what my cards tell me, this boy is already in your life, TT. It is someone who is trying to conquer your heart today. However, although this man is trying to conquer you, I see him hiding his feelings. This man has a very remarkable internal war: he wants to make you fall in love with him, but he knows it will be difficult and he believes that you will not give him the opportunity if he declares himself.

The cups appear twice, so it can be a man with cancer, scorpio or pisces of solar, lunar or ascending sign.

About your relationship: Five of Wands, The Pope, Page of Swords, Queen of Pentacles, Four of Cups.

If you have had a destabilizing period, the cards warn of the coming change. Peace returns to your relationship and all inconvenience is resolved. We could also be talking about a reconciliation if there has been a separation between you two. My girls talk about the little confidence you have for this person, since you think he could fool you. I don’t think you will have anything romantic at the moment because your distrust and your indecision aren’t helping.

How do ou open yourself up to the possibility? The Magician, The Judgement, Ace of Pentacles, King of Wands.

Communication will be essential to open up to this possibility. Your love life (regardless of whether you have a partner, a romantic interest or not) will be put to test by the Universe. They want to discover what you want and what you are looking for in order to bring it into your life. In addition, the Universe puts you to test to get your self-love better.

Another important point would be to be more valuable in those issues related to your love life. The decisions you make must be firm, even if previously considered. Be brave and dare to get what you want.

Finally, the cards advise you to seek advice from your trusted people. Don’t be afraid to look for answers in your family or friends, since they can help you with everything you need. First solve all the problems you have to get what you want in your love life and, after solving them, you will see how you get everything you once dreamed of.

An advice for you: Love yourself first: By respecting yourself you become more attractive.

If you want more love, observe yourself first (with kindness and not with critical eyes). The more you appreciate yourself, the more capable you will be to feel loved by others. This implies having confidence to truly take care of yourself, which will increase your self-esteem. Don’t be afraid. Setting your limits will be equally attractive.

This may need a period of loneliness, far from any relationship. Take this time to devote yourself to introspection and understand the patterns of your love life. You can finally take responsibility for having attracted and accepted your past relationships. To heal your heart, learn from each of them and discover how they have benefited you. For example, have you become stronger, more independent and more patient thanks to your past relationships? If so, let go of the past, but keep your lessons and shared love.

This card highlights the importance of loving yourself, especially if you’re going to start a new relationship or if you want to improve your current relationship. By increasing the respect you feel for yourself, you’ll attract people who really appreciate it. You’ll discover healthier friendships and loves, based on mutual respect.

Good luck, TT!!

#tarot readings #TT

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questionairesforme · 3 years

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Are you bothered by your cosmic insignificance? i'm terribly aware of it, sometimes that can make it difficult to find the point in staying alive. i can hardly imagine anyone who's not bothered by this tbh, doesn't it make everything we do sort of pointless?

Do you mourn for a place or person you’ve never known? i definitely do. i long for something more.

Do you really think there is somebody for everybody? honestly, i don't know. i certainly dont think there is one specific person for everyone but i guess it only makes sense that everybody's got several peopple they feel comfortable with and are a perfect fit. the question is, will they ever meet one of them?

Do you place any value in gender roles? no

Do you have to be related to be family? no, family is so much more than that.

Are your platonic relationships just as valuable as romantic or family ones? definitely. some even more so.

Are you in love? Do you want to be? i am. i'm not sure if i want to be.

Do you think you can put love into categories (family, platonic, romantic, etc.) or is it just one general sensation? i find it difficult to see differences between platonic and romantic love, especially when a romantic relationship went on for a while. ig the feelings are mostly the same, you just choose to express them in different ways.

Would you be happy with a life without romance? idk i guess i'd start longing for it eventually.

Are you always going to be a little in love with somebody? yea

Would you change your appearance if you could? hell yes

Do you have the feeling you’ve lost something you might have had in another life - whether it be a person, a place, a world, a language, etc.? i have never thought of it that way but it makes total sense to me

Do you think you’re special, or just another person amongst billions? Can you be both? just another person

Did you have imaginary friends? Do you still have them? i dont think i ever had any

Are you religious? Do you think your religion is ‘correct’? no

If you aren’t religious, do you wish you were? Why? i sometimes do. i imagine its quite reassuring to believe in some greater power and it might make life seem more meaningful

Do you want a grand adventure? yes please but also i'm scared to leave the house

Do you have somebody, whether it be a friend or stranger, who you think you could have loved if the circumstances were different? yes

Is love about convenience or something more? Can it be about both? I DONT KNOW why would u ask that. ig it is mainly about convenience in the end

Do you think you really understand your gender and sexuality? nah. does anyone ever really understand?

What’s the most life-changing choice you’ve made so far? idk

Are you afraid of growing old? yea. i don't wanna do that, man

Would you want to live forever? How about for a billion years, a million, a millennium, a century? NO

Do you believe in some form of god/s? no

Are your choices fated or of your own free will? free will. however, i really cant shake the feeling that there is some greater scheme behind all of it

Do you have a hunch about how you’re going to die? oh yes

Do you believe in star signs? nah

How old do you have to be to be considered an adult? id sure like to know

Was your childhood happy? i wouldn't say i was a happy child. too much trauma to deal with.

What are you missing from your life? happiness, purpose.

Have you ever met someone who had a very similar personality to your own? Did you get along? yes. we did get along until she stopped talking to me for no apparent reason.

Do opposites attract? thats a tough one.

Is your life what you expected it would be five years ago? dude i never planned this far ahead

Do you know what you want out of life? no. to be happy, i suppose

What makes a person ‘good’? Are you a ‘good person’? caring for others, having their best interest in mind, being honest

What fundamentally matters do you? honesty, trust, friendship, family, relationships

Is freewill an illusion? dude idk

Do you create art? How do you define art? art is anything you want it to be. i used to create art but i don't anymore

How often do you lie? Is all lying inherently bad? Are you generally truthful? id say im generally truthful as i consider lying to be bad. however, i do lie to protect others (or myself in rather irrelevant situations)

Do you want to be remembered after your death? What for? of course i don't want everyone to immediately forget me, i'd love it if sometimes they thought of me when a certain song comes on

Is true world peace ever possible? not as long as humans exists

Are you free? Will you ever be? Can anyone be truly free? No. I am bound by financial, time and space constraints.

Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others? yes, sometimes i do

What do you expect from a friend or partner? honesty, loyalty, communication, being on equal footing, trust

What question could you ask to find out the most about a person? people are not truthful enough for this

Do you justify all your beliefs or have you just inherited/absorbed some? i mean... i do like to have some sort of truth and facts to back up my believes?

Which beliefs do you have that is most likely to be wrong? human beings are inherently good

Can human really understand the complete nature of the universe, space and time? no, under no circumstance

Do you thinks humans are obsessed with escapism (books, video games, movies, etc.)? Are you looking for an escape? Do you think that’s a bad thing? definitely. why wouldnt we be? what else is there to distract us from our cosmic insignificance and how pointless this life actually is? if we didnt try to escape we would have all committed suicide by now lol. that wouldnt be such a bad thing tho i guess

Are we eventually going to ‘run out’ of new combinations for music, art, language, etc.? Is there a limit to human creativity? no, there will always be partially new elements

Do we live in tumultuous times, or do they just seem so strange because we’re living in them? are times ever not strange and tumultuous

Would you want to meet a clone of yourself? Would you like them? hell nah. i even hate seeing only parts of myself in others lol

How confident are you, really? idk not very confident id say

How consistent is your perception of time? dude dont get me started

What age should people be allowed to vote? Should children and teenagers be allowed to vote? i feel like for teenagers age shouldnt matter, it would be more useful to quiz them to assess whether they understand the power they are given by voting

How do you feel about monogamy? i prefer monogamous relationships.

Can you be in love with someone and still fall in love with someone else? yes

What’s the tragedy of your life? i have been given so much but my mind wont let me appreciate any of it

Would your life make a good play? nah

Would you fight for your country? Do you feel a sense of loyalty to your nation? no

Do you believe in gender equality in every aspect? uh, of course i do?

Do we have a moral obligation to care for others? To what extent? i think we do.

Do you crave approval and/or praise? i guess i do to an extent

Are you ever going to be satisfied? dont think so

When you are sad, do you listen to music that conveys your emotions or music that makes you happy? i usually listen to aggressive music to change my mood lol

Is your music organised by mood or sensation or do you just listen to everything at any time? by mood

Would you marry a friend if they needed you to (e.g. for citizenship)? yes

Are you a deep person? i'm shallow even though i don't mean to be

Given the chance to live your life on Mars, with no hope of returning to Earth but with the promise of scientific discovery and glory, would you take it? no

Are you who people think you are? no but i am even a mystery onto myself lmao

Do you think you would be happier if you had been born a different gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, nationality or religion? no

What’s your toxic trait? Are you trying to improve yourself and fix it? i can be controlling, i'm trying to be better

Do you anger easily? yes

Are you a jealous person? yea tho usually in non-romantic relationships

If you lost all your memories, would you have the same personality? no?

Given the chance to reset your life (with none of the knowledge you currently have), would you take it? whats the point

Is hate as strong as love? Who do you hate? i guess it can be. i have never felt hate like that. only towards ppl i have never met

Do you speak multiple languages? Which do you dream in? What language would you want to learn? i speak english and german. i dream in german, during my time abroad i did start to dream in english occasionally tho lol. if it didnt take any time or effort i would love to learn alll the languages. especially spanish and russian i guess

Do you draw meaning from your dreams, or do you disregard them? usually i overthink them lol

How would you describe yourself when you love? Do you love forcefully, unconditionally, gently, quietly, desperately? unconditionally

Is unrequited love real love? sure? feelings do not become real only if they're reciprocated? lol. of course it probably cannot be as profound as the love you feel for someone you've been with for some time

Is your perception of yourself similar or the same to how others perceive you? no

Are you overly analytical? no

Do you ever feel that you are really a terrible person, and only act good out of societal or some other obligation? not really, no

Do you believe in magic? Are you superstitious? i don't believe in magic. i am a little stitious.

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