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#500 year old dork ass loser
eggsaladstain · 1 year
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so tired of people saying the crows accomplished nothing in season 1
they did not accomplish nothing, they RUINED the darkling’s day on MULTIPLE occasions in NUMEROUS ways
inej killed two of his best inferni and stabbed him in the chest
jesper gave alina a ride out of the little palace, beat his best heartrender, and inadvertently helped mal escape
kaz bamboozled the man with a smoke bomb and then stole his carriage
sure, the world needs heroes, but the world also needs the dudes who are slipping banana peels under the villain’s feet and stepping on the back of his cape so he trips
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shteffy56-blog-blog · 6 years
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My life as a bisexual male
My life story up until now and how I’ve grown
Living as something different from heterosexual is very hard, especially in the country I live in, Italy. Prejudices are a daily struggle and facing ignorance and misinformation seems impossible from time to time.
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                                    My hometown from the towers I was born 18 years ago in the North of Italy, in a city called Bologna. Looking back on my childhood, I feel like I was drastically different from any other boy out there. I was extremely feminine- and I truly mean it- but that didn’t seem to bother anyone, my parents included. They would buy me dolls and let me watch girly cartoons and that was the norm for me. I remember my dad coming all the way from Bologna to Sicily (an island in the South we used to go on vacation to) to bring me all the dolls he had found in the italian stores he had come across. I’ve never really understood why they did that, since they actually had a daughter as well. I guess they just wanted me to live life my way, without fitting in a specific labelled place; or maybe they hoped it was just a “phase”. I frankly opt for the second one, since they’re not really open-minded nor accepting towards the LGBT+ community. As I said before, I grew up free and incredibly happy. I guess this attitude towards life hasn’t changed at all. I’ve never really known what gender roles were until I entered middle school (at 11-years-old). Before then, I would not care about my behaviour.
Middle School
That’s when things started changing drastically. I still remember the first time I’ve ever been bullied. It happened during my first year of middle school, around October. It was about 7:30 am and I was walking to school, ready to meet my friends and chill before the bell rang. In a matter of seconds four very “street” boys approached me. Before even realizing it, I was surrounded and there was no way out for me. They started verbally abusing me and calling me names. I literally had no idea why they would do that. I was shocked and very confused. That’s the first time I’ve ever heard the word GAY. They claimed they knew I was by the way I used to walk and interact with others. I didn’t even know what it meant, but I knew it was nothing to be proud of. I instantly denied everything, screaming at them and promising myself that I would never be gay. That’s something to feel ashamed of. Since I’m a very pacific person, I tend not to react when people mock me or even physically beat me, but I do turn to people I trust. When I came back home, I told my mom what had happened. She said that they were jealous and that was the reason for them to mock me. Still to these days I believe that was just silliness and ignorance, not jealousy. The last 2 years in that school were not easy either. People would always criticize me for the way I walked, acted, talked and even the way I would look at my nails (apparently there’s a “heterosexual way” of doing it and I was fu*king it up).
My first crush
I don’t only necessarily have bad memories of those three years, I do remember some good times hanging out with “friends”, making fun of my dumb teachers and, of course, my first crush. She was my real first crush: blond hair, blue eyes, great sense of humour and incredibly sharp-witted. I told her, but she didn’t seem quite into it as I was (she considered me a loser, let’s be honest). She would often take advantage of my stupidity, like the time when she invited me to a Marilyn Manson’s concert. Lemme tell you, the worst experience of my entire life. I don’t even remember much, but I do recall the huge feeling of awkwardness and repugnance. One of the worst experiences ever. But I did that for her.
High School
After finishing middle school, I decided to restart my life again. I was willing to act more masculine and leave all my femininity in the past. I genuinely thought that it was possible, and I was so ready to change my behaviour completely. I wanted to be like everyone else. No more mocking, no more calling names, no more GAY. Unfortunately, my aim failed. BADLY. I personally cannot pretend, my personality eventually shines out and I can’t do anything to stop it. Thank God high school was nothing like middle school. I believe I’ve been really fortunate to choose such a school, with great people and a very welcoming environment. I’ve hardly ever gotten mocked there. I guess no one really cared.
My first “love story”
During the first year of high school, I had my first “love story”. I just fell in love with this 14-year-old shy girl. I guess what I loved the most about her was that she kinda didn’t like me back, but she kinda also did. If that makes sense. Our first date must be one of the most amazingly bizarre experiences ever. So embarrassing and childish, but so sweet as well. It was a quite warm day of spring, and we had been chatting so much on Facebook. The more we chatted, the less we actually knew about what was going on. Anyways, back to the date. We decided to meet in a park in the town she lives in. Before taking the bus, I made sure I was READY for that. I stopped at a flower shop to buy some flowers to give her. The florist gave me the most awkward look and asked me “So, are you gonna give it to a girl, honey?”. And me, being a 14-year-old stupid ass DORK, decided it was a good idea to make up an excuse. “Not at all, I’m actually part of an acting company and this year’s show will be about a couple getting married. Tonight we’re gonna have the rehearsals and so we have to throw these flowers at them”. I know, what a great excuse. Long story short, the flowers dried out but we finally kissed. It was new, but good.Our relationship was full of indecisiveness and immaturity, but quite fun as well. It was 2 years of back and forth. However, it was useful to understand my feelings better and actually realize that I really was into women. I was truly in love, but I was pretty unlucky with the timings.
First love
Two years later, I decided I would confess my really good friend I had a crush on her. Of course I had a smart plan to achieve my goal. My friends and I pretended we wanted to go out for breakfast before going to school, “all together”. We set up the appointment. Little did she know they were about to casually miss all the buses, trains, all the means of transport you can possibly think of. Again, what a great excuse, congrats. Unfortunately for me, she is so kind-hearted she decided to patiently wait for them to come. I was shocked. I kept waiting for her to arrive and it took freaking forever. I was so nervous. This time something was different. I could clearly feel the famous butterflies messing up my stomach, for the first time. I didn’t know how it would turn out, but I knew something felt different. She eventually came, and we had breakfast. I knew she knew what was going on. I couldn’t seem to find the right words, I felt a lump inside my throat. The cafe was about 500 meters away from our school, so we went on foot, desperately running (we were late thanks to my smart ass).While almost throwing our souls up, we talked. To be completely fair, I said something along the lines of “Well, let’s say… you know, I kinda… I mean, you know, right?”.
Thank God the situation was clear enough. She wisely started considering all the options, numbering them, as if we really had to choose one. Our relationship formally started that day, but it took us some time to actually be completely comfortable with each other. Partially because it was her first relationship (well, mine too basically) and also because I didn’t wanna lose her, so I wanted to take it slow. We had all the time we wanted. I didn’t know that relationship would be one of the absolute most amazing blessings I’ve ever experienced. Our love story was so unique and special, quite bizarre from the outside, but so stunning for us both. We spent the following 2 years and an half together. It was absolutely crazy. Overwhelming from time to time. The feelings she made me feel were so strong and powerful, and I found myself not being able to leave her. Not even for a few hours. I just wanted to be with her, to be a part of her. I would take the bus for hours just to be with her for 30 minutes, an hour. Just to kiss her, hug her, make her be a part of me. I was truly MADLY in love with her and I’m pretty sure she felt the same way. I remember going to her house and yelling “Home sweet home!”. She didn’t mind it honestly. That’s what I’ve always been so thankful for: I wasn’t the typical masculine boyfriend you take around like a trophy; I would act strange and “feminine” and she wouldn’t mind it. She was so kind and accepting and I’m so incredibly grateful for that.
The turning point.
There are some parts of yourself that you just have to come to terms with. Sooner or later. I remember that day so vividly. September had come around, and I decided to finally start my driving licence class. The lesson would start in 30 minutes and I was early like always. The room was empty. I sat down quietly in a lonely chair and I started scrolling on my phone, trying not to look more awkward than I normally do. After about 20 minutes the classroom started filling up as I kept on looking at every person coming in. Someone just caught my eye. Blond hair, blue eyes, confident attitude. He looked so familiar, but it was like my brain didn’t wanna pull that piece of my past out. I was trying so hard to remember who he reminded me of, but it felt impossible. I got that thought out of my mind. I didn’t want to have other problems coming my way. I didn’t wanna question it all. Luckily for me, that boy and I kept on following the same classes and my brain would always go wild. I was curious, I wanted to know but I was so scared at the same time. Then I remembered. That face suddenly became so familiar, and lots of conflicting thoughts began messing my brain up. I literally couldn’t believe what was happening. It must have been a joke. A very sad one.
I used to have a crush on him.
That truth petrified me. I felt paralyzed. All my memories from the past started appearing all over again, and they were finally clear. My brain had consciously decided to delete that part of my life as it if was nothing. But in that moment the fog cleared up. I’d never felt so free. For the first time in my entire life I was incredibly proud of myself. I loved myself and I felt this unhealthy urge to tell everybody. I liked men as well.I soon realized that before telling anyone, I had to actually think about everything and work that mess out.
Coming out
It took seconds to accept my sexuality. It all made sense to me and it felt extremely natural. Accepting the fact the most of the people I knew wouldn’t do so… well, it’s still taking some time. I decided to tell MY FIRST “LOVE STORY” and her best friend (which is mine as well) first. I felt like I could really trust them. We were on the bus on our way to school. The famous guy sat near us and I pretty much kept on hysterically staring at him. At one point I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I wanted to scream the truth, I couldn’t hide anymore. So I was like “Guys, just remember that boy. I won’t tell you why right now, but please remember him”. We got off the bus, and they started going crazy asking me so many questions about that boy. They had no idea about what I was gonna tell them. It took me ages to tell them, but I finally found the words: “I used to like him”. Their reaction was quite strange. They were shocked but they kinda knew it. I mean- pretty much everyone can tell. Our relationship didn’t change a bit-of course- and I feel like it strengthened a lot since then. I can definitely be more open about crushing on other boys as well. It took me a lot of thinking to finally come out to my girlfriend. I thought we were gonna break up for that. I was so self conscious but I couldn’t hide this part of myself anymore. We had a real serious conversation but it turned out amazingly. She was INCREDIBLY accepting, mainly because she’s so intelligent and down-to-earth. No one could ever come close to her reaction, it was so relieving.
My life now
I’m incredibly happy with who I am and how far I’ve come. Exploring one’s sexuality is not just about preferences, but it embraces every single side of your life.I guess you never stop learning new things about yourself.Unfortunately my parents are not that open-minded, so I honestly think I will never come out to them. We are just mentally far away from each other, but I don’t blame them for that. I actually feel like thanking them for the freedom they gave me, that helped me making my own choices and not be scared of anyone’s opinion.I just felt like writing my story down just to make my feelings concrete and have something to come back to when I’m older. I guess it’s gonna be interesting to see how much my view on life is gonna change in a few years.My advice for you would be to never stop questioning yourself and to actually take some time to reflect on your feelings without having anyone tell you what to do or how to behave. It’s your life, after all.I would love to know if you’ve had any similar experiences. Of course sexuality is really subjective, so everyone’s story is clearly different depending on so many factors. Saying that, I hope you enjoyed my article and thank you so much for taking the time to read this.P.S. if you know me, don’t out me. I’m gonna kill yo ass.:)
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eggsaladstain · 3 years
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the darkling: exists
every 16-19 year old in the vicinity: i’m about to end this man’s whole career
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eggsaladstain · 3 years
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i'm howling at the darkling asking mal what alina's favorite flower is so that he could then go out and get them for her
that shit was so FUNNY, he was so unsubtle, he literally went "if you know her so well tell me what her favorite flower is and what her star sign is and what her favorite color is and if she likes long walks on the beach and if she has any food allergies and if you think she likes me back"
what a fucking DORK, this man is hundreds of years old and he's still an idiot when it comes to his crush
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eggsaladstain · 3 years
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when you’re a 500-year old magic shadow man whose shit keeps getting wrecked by literal teenagers
he’s so old and tired lmao go take a nap grandpa
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