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#2000s interiors
mcmansionhell · 1 year
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hark ye oakland county
Howdy folks! Today I've decided to return to a long-neglected place of terrible vibes, Oakland County, Michigan. The house on special is, one could say, fit for a king but like maybe one of those kings that sells used cars on tv in the wee hours of the night. Anyway:
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This house, built during the ripe housing bubble era of 2002, will only cost the good sir a marginal $3.2 million. For such a pittance, one receives 4 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms, and around 5,000 square feet. Princely!
Now, you might be thinking that this house will be decked out in the cheesiest middle ages decor imaginable -- yes, Kate, surely you shall be showing us a cromulent McCastle specimen. Alas, nay, it is worse than that.
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Here is my theory: the people who live in this house do not understand what houses are nor how one behaves in them. It's like Mark Zuckerberg trying to be human. Nothing, and I mean nothing in this house matches, coordinates, flows, or makes sense. It's subtle, yes, but when you start to notice it, it becomes infuriating.
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yeah, you know what would look good in this mostly neutral room? a painting with a clown palette. good for the digestion.
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Tbh I wish they stuck with the hokey castle thing instead of making a house that looks like a bank lobby.
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There's a weird Dracula subtext going on here and it makes me uncomfortable.
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I am trying to understand the thought process here. First: tray ceiling. ok. normal mcmansion stuff. Now we need the two narrowest windows WITH a big fanlight on top. OK SO instead of doing a tray ceiling in the middle of the room, what if we did like, a double soffit with recessed lights. Ok. BUT THEN WHAT ABOUT THE WINDOW?? Well we could move the window down two feet or replace it with a more normal window shape, you know one that makes a modicum of sense. However, for some reason that is unacceptable. Hence, moldus interruptus. And yet (and yet) we still want that tray ceiling look because this is 2002. So i guess?? nail on some moldings??? but they're brown because they have to match the doors instead of the white baseboards??????
???????????????
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As a bonus, this room is the easiest for dressing up for Halloween.
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You've got to give them credit where credit is due here. They had to find some kind of use for the McMansion foyer interzone despite the fact that it is a "room" with no walls that is clearly an oversized traffic area. It's like putting lounge chairs in the middle of an airport hallway.
Finally, the back side of this house which is marginally better than the castle stuff.
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Anyway, thanks for joining me on this confounding journey. Bonus posts will be up tomorrow, and there's still time to catch me livestreaming terrible home design shows from the 90s on Thursday:
If you like this post and want more like it, support McMansion Hell on Patreon for as little as $1/month for access to great bonus content including extra posts and livestreams.
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Elf (2003)
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kvetch19 · 6 months
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mylifeinwindows · 2 months
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witchrealms · 3 months
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tinkawonka · 1 year
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my shared dorm living room 🌀
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mystic-sn0w · 30 days
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preschool2003 · 1 month
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rosy2k · 2 months
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RyuRyuインテリア 2008
if you're tired of beige interior design inspiration I've archived just the thing for you (archive)
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random-brushstrokes · 2 months
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Marie Vermeulen Breedt - Interior Scene (2007)
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zegalba · 4 months
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Karina Thomas of salt, 'Creased Totem' (2000)
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mcmansionhell · 2 years
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gatekeep, gaslight, girlboss
Howdy, folks! Today we will be heading down south to the Atlanta suburbs to view what may be the most yassified house in existence.(The quality of the photos is proportional to the quality of the estate, my apologies.) Also, special thanks to my friend Kristjan who contributed to finding the house and also some of the captions (fondue machine all was him.)
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Built smack dab in the Pimp My Ride era (2007) it's got 8 bedrooms and 8.5 bathrooms, totaling a completely reasonable and not at all absurd 17,500 square feet. $7,750,000, it's up there as one of the more expensive houses on the blog in its six (6!!) years. (Happy Birthday McMansion Hell!)
Without further ado:
Lawyer Foyer
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I know what you're thinking but we keep it PG with the chair jokes here.
Office
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Great Depression humor is back, baby. It's recession time.
Dining Room
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If this house got any more into metallic surfaces there'd be lead in the water.
Great Room
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Whole house smells like $14 body spray called something like "tempting pink."
kitchen
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"Braighlynne if you get one drop of apple juice on this rug mommy is going to need a valium."
Bedroom
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Are we finally done with mirrored furniture???? Are we?????? (Also the SIA-line is a Kristjan one.)
bonus:
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room
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(this is a top-10 joke for me. i am patting myself on the back.)
And finally, we exit our tour:
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Usually the rear exterior is less unhinged than the front, but not so this time!
Anyway that does it for this edition of McMansion Hell. Hope you enjoyed, and from sunny Ljubljana, see you next time!
If you liked this post, consider subscribing to the Patreon, where you will get access to livestreams, bonus posts, and the best lil discord community on the whole dang internet
Not into recurring payments? Tip me – because inflation is ruining my entire life.
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the start of an alien house
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digitalscape001 · 11 months
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some soothing and subtle futuristic interior design from the 2002 Ikea Catalog.
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mylifeinwindows · 2 months
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ˑ ֗ ִ ˑ ּ 𖥔 ۫ ּ ֗ ۪ ⊹ ˑ ִ ˑ ּ ּ ֗ ۪dream kitchen! ⊹ ˑ ִ ֗ ִ˖ˑ ֗ ִ ˑ ּ 𖥔 ۫ ּ ֗ ۪ ⊹ ˑ ִ ֗ ִ˖
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witchrealms · 8 months
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