loudly bitching about someone over the phone for 40 minutes straight at work while coworkers sideeye me. sorry. i have never shown this behavior before and itll be another two years before i do it again

AHHHHHH

goopster  (´︶｀ 💦

I should be doing an assignment but I got distracted by these tags on the gold teeth post

will get to all your lovely replies asap but for now let me get down the mood with my usual

fuck but i really do hate this month and everything it represents or better the fact that each single year it gets just more miserable

Hate it bc we used to have such a fun friend group and everything was great but then ppl started fighting with each other so now there's a lot of tension between some ppl and it makes me kinda sad to think about how it could have been if this all hadnt happened

double byler are so funny (this is actually not funny at all they make me sad) bc both pairs have relationships in which theyre very dependent on each other for emotional comfort so when theyre apart their relationships suffer pretty badly

both jancy and byler have been shown to have a bond based at least partially on shared trauma. w jancy murray even goes as far as to say its like the main reason they shld get together which. hmm. but yk more to my point. and byler constantly have heart to hearts because theyre each others emotional rock and this probably goes back further than UD shit bc wills been TraumaMan for his whole life (and feels mike is the only one who he can be emotionally vulnerable with without being babied or treated like hes weak-s2 kinda suggests mikes been there for him in Will Byers Trauma Times TM before). thanks lonnie😒😒

its v obvious w mike and jonathan actually bc neither of them seem to talk to anyone else about their issues. like will leaves and mike immediately devolves into isolating himself and straight up depression because clearly theres some family issues which prevent him from opening up abt his feelings (he hugs karen like 3 times in the whole show but he Never talks to her abt shit. despite her attempts to get him to open up that one time w her queer coded as fuck lil speech. anyway repressed lil emo mike only ever opens up with will. so no will=no talking abt emotions=unhealthy michael.)

and jonathan turns to weed (and argyle omg theyre bfs so true) because he wont turn to his family for support bc hes unhealthily selfless and doesnt want to burden them with his issues (likely due to the parentification. oh boy someone help him) but he and nancy understand each other bc theyve been through the same shit (which also means they dont feel like they burden each other bc like. u cant burden someone if theyre already sharing the weight yk?) but seperation=losing that support so their relationship, which relies so heavily on that mutual understanding, suffers.

nancy and will are doing a little better individually. because guess what: they have HOBBIES.(jon also does but he seems to have abandoned it. rip his i wanna take a pic era. and mike has d&d but in the between time between oh no wills gone and oh yay eddie my beloved, hes doing shit. and even w d&d his grades are still affected by his mental place and his rooms super messy so like. doing better but still not great.)

we see that wills super into art (which is known to be therapeutic so double woo points) again after doing it less in s3. and he seems to be specifically using it to deal w his sad gay feelings (channelling shit like the introspective king he is 🤩). also hes got people other than mike to offer emotional support. even with jonathan not available, he can still talk to joyce (st character with positive relationship w a parent❗holy shit how rare❗❗). also its will. if hes in his feels hes just gonna vibe with it. 'oh misery my best friend lets hang out for a bit 😍😍' (prolly bc jonathan put his whole jonussy into making sure will was okay w having emotions. as a part of his mission to spite lonnie. SLAY KING) compared to the wheelers who are like 'um what the fuck is an emotion ive never felt one i swear. wdym u saw me crying yesterday🤨?? no u literally didnt that was my evil twin😒.'

anyway that brings me to nancy. who. yk shes doing Okay. the second anyone brings up jon shes about to commit crimes against them so yk not totally good but coping. bc she kinda just full body throws herself at that school newspaper stuff so she has a distraction and its working okay. until her new friend-w-glasses-destined-to-die- horrifically, dies horrifically.

but then she has emotional support through surrounding herself w people who Get It. (woooo robins around and nancy feels comfortable for once!!!!) i mean shes also almost reverting to steve bc nancys trauma response is just 'i can only ever be emotionally vulnerable with romantic partners bc i havent had a friend since s1 and my family dont know shit abt the monster dimension (plus ted is actually just a cardboard cutout with a robotic voice box that blurts out 1 of 10 phrases on a timer). apart from mike. but idk hes busy crying over his bf and we can never open up to each other in a genuine way bc repression is the Wheeler Way To Slay' but yk shes at least partially coping.

but their relationships basically get totally fucked bc oh no if we cant have heart to hearts in physical proximity we are going to Die. also communication without magical telepathy through eye contact??? whos she??? (esp w byler. u cant have effective coded conversations over the phone. and theyve got all their other reasons for not talking: will doesnt wanna reach out first and have mike brush him off bc oh dear the 3x03 fight really fucked with him didnt it. and mikes desperately trying to call but for fuck sake how is their phone always busy. and he wont use letters bc idk hes too gay for that he keeps signing them w 'love mike. ps im in love w u in case u didnt get that😍😍😍')

and jancy. oof. jons like 'i have to appease literally everyone in my life apart from myself and i cant do that bc yay nancy means boo family and yay family means boo nancy so now i think i will have a crisis bc if im honest with her she will Hate me. yes i am so rational' and nancys like 'wtf is going on does he hate me or smthn. i am also totally rational' and they wont talk abt it bc theyre scared of pissing each other off. (and have no example of healthy relationships to follow)

basically. double byler are codependent in a way that isnt Necessarily unhealthy - in fact when around each other, they seem to do better Because of that reliance on each other. it allows them to be emotionally vulnerable in a way that they cant be w anyone else (even will who has like the most supportive family ever <3 still feels most comfortable being open w mike as evidenced by his talk w jon in s2).

BUT. seperation fucks over their relationships and their individual mental health. and thats where the unhealthy aspect comes in. bc over reliance on one person is gonna Fuck Shit Up. (it wouldnt be so bad if they still communicated regularly thru letters and phone calls but yk self hatred is a bitch and theyre all very insecure.)

✨️Brothers✨️

what are you reading lately?

just finished eros the bittersweet today & i picked up brothers karamazov again a few days ago 2 see if i can manage to finish it this time

Me: "I don't like people, I prefer being on my own and not talking"

People: "oh okay we'll leave you be then"

Me: "wait no PLEASE COME BACK I WANT LOVE-"

hhhh why are all my family members turning weird as it gets closer to my birthday?? POR QUÉ??? LET ME LIVEE LET ME LIVEEE T-T

if i do ever write jamais vu i think it's going to be my final hattytime fic. like a little goodbye, sidestepping out of the community

Hate how i got into the habit of (objectively!) criticising/pointing out flaws with my work to compensate being overpraised as The Gifted Kid TM & how it makes me sound like i'm being self deprecating

hi i'm really interested in space lesbians! where are they, who are they? how can i see them? (shows, games, books?) also what are you most excited about in s2 of ofmd?

OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY

soooooo my space lesbian enthusiasm refers to 3 separate medias!! (it used to say gay space vikings bc that was an even more specific niche buuuut im way more into tihylttw these days s o) one day i am going to make a fuckin venn diagram of my girls because they all have so many similarities. (loki/sigyn and angela/sera are basically the same characters change my mind.)

this is about to get real long bc im unhinged about them <3 10/10 would talk about them all day if the communities were there

our first space lesbians are loki + sigyn from the bifrost incident! TBI is an album by the band the mechanisms which you can find wherever you listen to music (youtube here) its a norse mythology inspired rock/steampunk-esque album and it is SO GOOD- it takes place on a train in SPACE in the format of an incident investigation. its a story so you have to listen to the tracks in order :)

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next up! this is how you lose the time war- our lesbians in this are called red + blue because we have deconstructed this trope to its most basic format at this point :') its a short book, and you may be familiar with it as it went viral from a trigun fan tweet a few months back. (my url (and sewing blog url) are actually references to a quote from this book!) you can get it wherever you get books and id recc the audiobook if youre into that i am also in possession of the pdf if you wantto try before you buy.

tihylttw is a story told through the exchange of letters between two agents on opposite sides of a war- it usually gets described as enemies to lovers but id personally use rivals as i think it describes them better. the book is known for being incredibly poetic and sometimes pretentious in its writing and i just think its the most beautiful thing ever. lesbians do it better

honestly theres nothing i could say for tihylttw better than it could say for itself, i just adore the universe theyve built and i want to KNOW MORE. i love you and i love you and i want to find out what that means together

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saving the best for last is my girls angela + sera. the most of all time. nobody compares to them for me. they consume me

angela + sera are from marvel comics and you can find my complete reading list here, but if im talking about them positively, im usually talking about one of the titular Angela comics, and more often than not queen of hel.

honestly i love the angela comics so much that im making myself speechless trying to figure out where to start. Angela falls into the asgard side of marvel comics, though she is a lot more fluid in her affiliations, her whole thing being that she deals in deals- nothing for nothing everything has its price. she is at times described as emotionless and is generally quite a stoic character, especially around strangers. the major exception to this is her wife, sera. seras one of marvels few canon trans characters and i think she is just so wonderfully written. shes witty and cheeky and doesnt take shit from anyone, even when it gets her into trouble- and oh boy does sera find herself in some predicaments! the angela comics are often just as poetic as tihylttw for me, theyll drop an 'as long as you are with me, i am not afraid' and ill need to go smother myself in a pillow for a sec. in QOH they adopt a daughter who is Also a lesbian, shes an alternate version of leah of hel and i ALSO adore her.

im desperately trying to avoid plot points but god. the main arc is 21 issues of smooching Shakespearean space angels what more could you want?

(through sera & angela we get a lot of heven lore and honestly that could be its whole own thing for me im SO fascinated.)

my girls are currently in comic hell, i am praying they will get something good soon 🙏🙏

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and what am i most excited about for season 2? can i just say izzy? can i just say anne + mary? dude im so ready for some lesbians you have no idea actually you probably have a very good idea if you made it this far down. im incredibly excited to be seeing izzy get a favourable arc this season, im really hoping to see him develop relationships with everyone else, see him grapple with feelings around ed (actually im really hoping he chooses not to forgive ed. for growth) im excited to see whats gonna go down with his leg, im excited to see wtf is going on w ed + stede because i have no idea what the continuity is at the moment, im just excited!!!!!! i honestly dont think theres anything im not excited about everything looks so good so far

whenever im the odd leo out i just remember nardo and im like man. where did my homie go, where is he

for context back then prior to the Hot Girlie Jenny era aka before i realized i like she/her, i was stubbornly going by leo and only leo or leon, but there was a double i was friends with from one of the systems we knew

who ended up going by nardo

we shared a braincell 💙

okay so i was talking with my boyfriend about this post i made and we ended up talking a lot about the different character’s routes and their interpretations and he said some really interesting stuff so im gonna summarize it for YOU dear pathologic fan because its neat

the first game feels like. okay so yknow how in some shows there’ll be a Bit where an Event happens but we dont see the Event, we just see the characters involved talking about the Event, and we get each of the characters perspectives on the Event but each are wildly different and wildly wrong in their own ways? thats the first game. discounting each of the different endings, each of the healers is remembering what happened in the town from their own perspectives and with their own biases coloring their views of events

so Daniil, of course, mostly recalls that he had to Do Everything Himself. he was all alone, artemy and clara were off doing whatever but HE was doing the hard stuff HE was getting beaten up by the kin HE was getting almost killed by soldiers. Artemy was. i dunno. making some potions or whatever. Clara was just being spooky. who cares HE WAS DOING THE HARD STUFF

Artemy, on the other hand, does truly try to see the best in everyone, and so when Daniil helps him, he remembers that, and remembers Daniil in a positive light. thats why Daniil is so prevalent in his route. Clara was, again, just kind of being spooky, and only really helped him near the end, but Artemy’s route is, arguably, the one where the three of them have the best relationships

and then Clara. Clara is so set in her way of thinking, however she developed it, that upon receiving her premonitions of Daniil razing the town and Artemy spilling blood through the streets, immediately set them both in the “dangerous and destructive” section of her mind and then never took them out. she took her first impressions of them and let everything that happened afterwards filter through those impressions, but ultimately she was so entrenched in her own responsibilities and attempts to fix things that she also relegated them to background noise. this is why they are just trying to kill each other the second half of the game (i know it was game design and her route was just really rushed and unfinished bear with me here). her view of the two of them are as demonic destroyers who she eventually helped set up as running around each other so they wouldnt bother her.

they are all unreliable narrators because no singular event is subjective in past tense. everything we remember as humans is colored by our biases and experiences. no event is truly singular. and perhaps the events truly are different, perhaps theres an element of multiverse theory in the game, but at the same time is it so hard to believe that they all just remember things differently?