it's like you're living a fanfic but it's neither fun nor romantic RIP. best of luck with the roommate situation i can tell you from experience that it sucks to have a friend fall in love with you especially when you don't reciprocate

thank you for the kinds words i'm actually attaching a story time because i can but also honestly no one feel obligated to read it because it's just me being anxious and complaining 💀💀 also this is the 4th friend of mine to admit feelings for me that i don't reciprocate and genuinely i'm starting to think either my autism has something to do with this or i'm on the aro/ace spectrum because huh (i hate being a complex ever-changing human being it's so difficult)

around the same time that I started college I started reading And They Were Roommates by WaitingForMy on Ao3 which is a college Javey au (very good fic do reccommend). Jack and Dave are roommates and end up being FWBs then start dating. so of course I would always make little in my head scenarios and I was like wow it would be crazy if that happened to me. Fast forward to this fall my roommate has a gf but im like 99% sure my roommate has a crush on me because any time they're under the influence they stare at me with this really sad look. Eventually they break up with their gf and I ask like "hey you don't like me do you?" and they say no that they've never liked me like that and we're just friends. so obviously I believe them!!! ok now fast forward to this spring we're FWBs everything's platonic we've talked about it whatever. Then this weekened: THEY START FLIRTING WITH ME this is normal we playfully banter but usually they're the one to initiate because they've had relationships and flings with way more people so it just comes naturally to them so naturally i follow their lead flirt back (again we do this as friends all the time and we had established that there were no feelings) they're like playing dress up and talking about how good they look in heels and how much taller they are than me and i'm like haha yeah! :3 and out of no where they stop and like gently push me away from them and are like "I'm sorry I have to be honest I have a crush on you and I don't think we should hook up anymore"

I don't mind that at all and I am so so glad they were honest with me but in the moment I was kind of freaking out because they had been initiating everything all day and it was just a really weird and sudden switch and it kind of spooked me also they were drunk and I was tipsy. at the time I was really freaking because of how random it was but i'm feeling better now. It's just confusing for me because me having autism it can be hard for me to tell peoples intentions and at the time I was feeling kind of betrayed that like I had trusted them to tell me the truth and now i'm like "what if they've been lying and they have liked me the whole time and I'm the one that's been leading them on and being an asshole and i didn't even realize" at the center of all of this i am just so terrified of hurting them

anyway no idea why i felt compelled to share all of this but it did make me feel better so if anyone made it this far thanks for humoring me