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i-need-entertainment · 10 months

Text

Angel

Character: Akutagawa x reader (gn)

Warnings: Angst, final goodbyes, mentions of killing and general port mafia violence

Based off of/around this song..bolded/italics = song lyrics

“Angel, oh oh oh

Knew you were special from the moment I saw you”

Akutagawa coughed into his fist, taking a moment to regain his breath as he shifted the collar of his coat to shield the lower half of his face from the bitter winter wind, gray eyes taking in the view of the setting sun from atop the Port Mafia Headquarters building.

You weren’t lying when you said the sunsets of Yokohama were something else- the vibrant orange and violet hues almost brought him a sense of peace.

Almost.

Letting you go wasn’t the hardest thing he had ever done, and it couldn’t have possibly been the most painful.

Yet who could’ve known the Black-fanged-hellhound of the Port Mafia would be so affected by your absence.

“'Cause all I see are wings

I can see your wings

But I know what I am and the life I live “

Akutagawa remembers how puzzled he had been when you came to him that afternoon- fidgety and nervous as you asked him to accompany you somewhere private to talk.

Though he was far from perfect the 20 year old him shudders now, cringing as he remembers his 16 year old self’s brash tone and condescending questioning of what you could possibly have to ask him that required privacy.

It was a miracle you went through with your confession after that, and an even greater miracle you put up with him for almost 3 years.

Three years…had it really been that long you had remained by his side?

Some part of him- the selfish part of him, hadn’t wanted to let you go at all.

Desperate to keep the one person who had truly seen him for him. Who had seen his deepest darkest flaws and loved him anyway. Given him a chance to be the human that had been buried long ago by human cruelty.

You had been the light of his life, a true gift from above.

But you didn’t belong here- in the mafia, committing acts that haunted you in your dreams and grasped at your soul when you closed your eyes, grappling and pulling you down into despair as the grip your anger had held on your conscious slowly but surely fell. The event that had pushed you into the mafia no longer held you there, and after a fateful encounter with a member of the armed detective agency, you defected.

He had wanted to hate you, tried to hate you even, but his previous despair at your constant unhappiness far outweighed his own feelings on the matter.

He was a devil, the mafia was his home.

It was no place for an angel such as yourself.

“You'll probably never take me back and I know this,”

After you defected he had looked for you.

Not due to the bosses orders to have you brought back and dealt with, nor to try and convince you to come back on your own accord. In fact he never had any intention of speaking to you at all though he wanted nothing more.

He would search when he was meant to be sleeping, spend just a little too long on missions close to the agency for the chance to catch a glimpse of you- anything to be sure you were safe, you were cared for and most importantly,

That you were happy.

He had never been a star boyfriend, and he was nothing short of clumsy when it came to anything related to feelings or romance- but he had truly tried to be the partner you deserved, loved you with all his soul even if his ways of showing it weren’t considered normal or even desirable to most.

He didn’t quite know how to show affection, he wasn’t good at accepting compliments or favors and he certainly lacked in the comfort department- but he had loved you truly and with his entire being.

He still did, and maybe the feelings would fade with time, but he knows his heart will always be yours.

Even if that meant your heart was no longer his.

“I hope you find somebody”

After almost a year he had finally found you.

He had been careful to remain unseen when he stumbled upon you, chatting and laughing with a member of the agency as you walked back to the office after what he presumed was your lunch break.

Your steps seemed lighter, your eyes were brighter and you seemed at peace.

The two of you had been a strange pair for sure- his terrifying and intimidating presence softened by your presence and his anger and hatred calmed by your gentle words and affections.

He had snapped when Chuuya had mentioned just how tightly he was wrapped around your finger- though he supposes he proved his senior’s point when his glare shifted into a pout at your laughter, grumbling and trying to save his pride as if he’d ever do anything to cease your laughter.

He sighs as he turns to return to headquarters, heart aching but content at seeing you safe and seeing you happy-

And then he sees it.

Hanging around your neck was the necklace he bought you all those years ago for your 17th birthday.

It hadn’t been sold, or thrown away.

It wasn’t sitting at the back of a drawer or strewn into a random box to be thrown away later.

It was sitting as snugly on your neck as it had the day he had given it to you, glimmering in the sun just as you had glimmered a hint of normalcy into his otherwise dark existence.

He turned away and headed hastily back towards headquarters.

As he walked he wondered if you thought he hated you.

He deeply hoped you knew otherwise.

“'Cause all I see are wings

I can see your wings

But I know what I am and the life I live”

When you defected you had left him with a letter, detailing the reasons for your departure from the mafia world.

Included in your letter had been an apology, a declaration of the love you held and would always hold for him, but your deep sorrow that the two of you had chosen different paths and after the last mission you had been given, you were left with no choice but to follow that different path.

He tried hating you.

He had tried getting Rashoumon to rip it to shreds, though he had quickly abandoned that approach and shoved the letter into his desk drawer, storming out of his room before he lost control and destroyed it.

Months later he had reclaimed the letter from his drawer, hands shaking as his anger had subsided and the reality of your departure had set in.

You were gone, and he held no hatred towards you for leaving.

In fact, as time went by, he felt relief.

“I hope you find somebody”

He brushed his hair out of his face before he returned his hand to his pocket, gray eyes continuing to take in the Yokohama skyline as his thoughts drifted back to this afternoon.

The eventual confrontation between you had been inevitable, fighting on opposite sides was bound to reunite you sooner or later, though not under the conditions either of you had hoped.

You had drops of blood running from the cut on your forehead, your right arm clutched your left as you had seemingly dislocated it- you were nowhere near up for a fight.

Your eyes shown with surprise, eyes widening as the reality of the situation sets in.

You tried to get into a fighting stance, but your injuries made that impossible. You knew of his power better than anyone else, killing you would hardly be an arduous task and you were sure he despised you for what you had done to him.

His coughing brought you back into the moment, you took a deep breath as he walked towards you, eyes closing softly as you accepted your fate. At the end of the day your reasoning didn’t matter, you had betrayed him, you had betrayed the mafia, taking your life would simply be following orders.

Yet as his footsteps stopped in front of you no new pains plagued your body, nor were you being ripped to shreds by the fibers of his cloak.

Instead you felt his cool hand gently hold your cheek, thumb lightly sweeping across your cheekbone. Your eyes snapped open, tears brimming your eyes as the unsaid and repressed emotions you shared threatened to burst from your chest.

“...Are you happy?”

You blinked before your hand came up to hold his against your cheek, relishing in the touch of the man you had never once stopped thinking of.

You took in a deep breath, using your limited strength to keep the sobs that threatened to wreak havoc on your weakened body at bay. You nodded, biting your tongue as you sighed.

“Yes.”

“...and you are doing well? You have people who care for you, yes?”

You nodded your head again, smiling through the tears that spilled past your lashes and down your cheeks, heart cracking as he softly wiped them with the handkerchief you had gifted to him all those years ago.

“Good…I’m glad..”

He paused before gently pulling your head towards his, gently touching your forehead with his as you closed your eyes once again, relishing in the feeling of having the man you loved more than anything be so close to you.

He had always been clumsy with affection, but gently touching your heads together made him feel as if he could pass along all the love and feelings he held for you and would never be able to share, he knew that’s not how it worked but it always seemed to get his point across when you were together.

He pulled away, hand gently taking yours before he gave you one last look.

“Live well, Y/n”

Though he may not have smiled, his eyes were soft with care as he turned and left, using his ability to leave quickly before his heart overpowered his logic and you found the strength to get him to stay.

“I hope you find somebody”

You sucked in a breath as you realized your hand was no longer empty, but clutching the handkerchief he had slipped gently into your hand.

His handkerchief.

His last and final goodbye.

Slumping to your knees you cried as you held it close, the small pendant of the necklace he gave you shimmering in the afternoon sun as you felt an immense weight drop off of your shoulders.

He didn’t hate you. In fact his eyes held the same affection they held for you all those years ago, when you were just two lost kids who found someone to be a little less lost with.

“I hope you find somebody to love”

He hoped he hadn’t caused you too much pain.

The sun was almost completely set, the orange and violet hues he had watched appear had melted into the deep blues and indigos that now paint the sky dark. The moon had begun to rise as the sun was nearly invisible.

He sighed as he closed his eyes, tilting his head back as the chilled evening breeze swept across his face. Being in this weather wasn’t ideal for his lungs but at this moment he didn’t care, Gin could scold him for it later.

Right now he needed to pretend he was okay with his decision to let you go for good, like after seeing you again and touching you again he didn’t still need you like he needed the air in his lungs.

Letting you go was not the hardest or most painful thing he had ever done, and will ever do for that matter.

The hardest and most painful thing he ever did was letting you stay gone, having you slip between his fingers and having to fight himself back from reaching out to grab you, to pull you back into his arms and never let go.

Letting you go a second time knowing there will be no third.

That this was the final goodbye..

Though Akutagawa knew he never would, he wanted you to move on. To find someone who loves you and who you want to love, find someone who could love you better than he ever could.

“Angel, oh oh oh

Knew you were special from the moment I saw you”

Yes there will be a pt.2, you can all thank qui for her threats💕💕

#Spotify #in almost 3 years of writing never has something i wrote made me cry but this one did HKSDHDBJDJ #akutagawa x reader #still sobbing #akutagawa ryunosuke x reader #bsd x reader #akutagawa ryuunosuke #bungo stray dogs x reader

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