#(trying some new effects and stuff)
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Spirit animal SQH
#svsss#shang qinghua#but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but#but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee#also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but#I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg#oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left#I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something#or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird#LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm#I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either#I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself#eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it...#I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up#I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa#man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong#cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk#its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment#with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig#and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down#but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀#irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living...#just the ol regulars yknow?#and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want?#I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what?#whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate?#so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it?#that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications#and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly#man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk
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LUCY WESTENRA + you're on your own, kid by taylor swift
#perioddramaedit#lucy westenra#wlwsource#usergif#katie mcgrath#dracula#*edits#(trying some new effects and stuff)
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For posterity, Tumblr’s April Fools 2023
- You can add little emoji reactions to posts!
[ID: Screenshot of the bottom of a tumblr post, to show the interactive button present. At the start of the row for the “sharing”, “reply”, “reblog”, and “like” buttons, there is a new button shaped like a simple smiley face in the monochrome tumblr style. End ID]
Complete overview with screenshots under the cut! Everything saved except moving visuals and audio elements (they’re described though!)
- There’s 7 base reactions: bug, cheese, crab, four (this one’s noisy), ghost, horse (this one’s noisy), and socks
[ID: Screenshot of the bottom of a tumblr post. The smiley face is clicked on and a small menu showing the described emojis is attached under it. End ID.]
(Hovering over them causes a small black speech bubble to appear above them, saying the words transcripted above, in lowercase. The parenthesis for horse and four are included in their respective bubbles.)
- You can add them to the post in whichever order you’d like (reblogs seem to reorganize them though, in another order than the one shown above), and they’ll appear without any number on them. Once you’ve clicked on them once, they’ll count two clicks.
[ID: Screenshot of a tumblr post by yours truly saying “test”. It shows under the row of notes and “reblog”, “like”, etc buttons a row of the described emojis in simple oval delimitations. They’re in a different order than the one used for the menu. The bubble for the bug emoji includes the number 64 and the bubble for the crab includes the number 2. End ID.]
- Clicking on a reaction multiple times in a row makes a black circle appear above it with the number of clicks written on it. The number progresses as you click more as long as there's not significant interruption and the bubble grows with each click. I can only assume it has a maximum size and it unlocks something, but i've gone up to roughly 1700 in one go and i don't want to figure out autoclickers so somebody else is gonna have to find that out.
[ID: Screenshot of a post saying “test”. Some emojis reaction are shown under it, and a black circle with the number 62 in it, large enough to reach the top of the usual buttons row, is shown above the bug emoji. End ID.]
- It also activates the effects of each reaction.
- Bug does nothing but backflips, and stops at 70 458, the amount of votes it got in the original bug race poll
- Crab dances side to side and stops at 1000
- 4 makes speech bubbles written 4 appear. Various voices saying the word four in different languages play after about a dozen clicks, all of them very whispery, except one, saying four in a very casual tone. It stops at 444
[ID: Another test post showing the emoji 4 with the number 367 in its button. Blue speech bubbles with the number 4 written in it are shown clustered all over the post interface, blocking it from view. End ID.]
- Ghost makes post go progressively transparent and stops at 666
[ID: Screenshot of a post by yours truly saying “emoji reactions” with several interrogation points, showing multiple emoji reactions at the bottom, including the ghost one with the number 272 next to it. The whole post, including the user’s icon, is lower opacity than other screenshots and looks greyed out in comparison. End ID.]
- Cheese makes melted cheese appear on the top and bottom of your post and stops at 100 000
[ID: The same post, showing multiple emoji reactions, including the cheese one with the number 132 next to it. On the top and bottom edge of the post, varying drawings of melting yellow cheese are clustered, probably around 130 though they overlap too much to count. End ID.]
- Horse makes the horsie go (circular motion as a running horse would move) and plays galloping sounds. It stops at 500
- Sock makes green stink lines appear on your post and rise up until they fade away, stops at 1000
[ID: The same post, showing reactions including the sock emoji one. Squiggly green vertical lines in various opacities are shown over the post’s interface and text. End ID.]
- Maxing out a reaction or using it a certain number of times makes bonus reactions appear. Here’s all of them in one picture, all of them maxed out (at least the humanly possible ones)
[ID: A screenshot of the used reactions interface that shows up under a post. The crab emoji shows the number 1000. The ghost emoji shows 666. The cheese emoji shows 1228. The 4 emoji shows 444. The socks emoji shows 1000. Horse shows 500. Bug shows 3334. The next emoji is a picture of a bottle of vanilla extract, and shows 999. The next emoji is a drawing that ressembles a Pikachu with somewhat human proportions and glasses, it shows 19. The next emoji is a unicorn emoji showing 7. The next emoji shows the moon in its “new” phase, darked out, with the number 223. The next emoji is a cookie, showing 999. The next emoji is a drawing of a bust wearing a business suit and having a brick for a head. It shows no number. In two similar bubbles after that, the usual “share” button and the universal “no” red sign are shown. End ID.]
- Moon appears when you max out 4 and stops at 223
- Vanilla appears when clicking a lot on the crab (over 100 times?) and stops at 999
- Pikaman appears for some mysterious reason idk, jump and loops when you hover over it, stops at 19. After further investigation, it seems to either have multiple different but very convoluted ways to summon it, or to simply be on a randomizer. I still don’t have autoclick, sue me. After further explaining from the brick himself, Pikaman allgedly appears after a certain number of bug reactions. Either this number is inconsistent or another randomized action/combination of factors is needed to activate Pikaman.
- Unicorn appears when you max out the horse reaction, jumps and loops like pikaman, and stops at 7
- Cookie appears when you click a lot (over 100?) on the vanilla and stops at 999
- Brick appears either when everything is maxed out and both bug and cheese have hit 1000 or when you combo 1000 clicks in a row (on bug or cheese likely but might be achievable on crab or sock), is unclickable
- When you hit the maximum of a reaction on a streak, a message signed by
Brick appears to tell you you can't go further
[ID: A screenshot of several popup messages on tumblr. All of them say “REACTION OVERLOAD! Unfortunately, you’re hit the max of reactions you can give. Loving the enthusiasm, though! - Brick”. End ID.]
- I have somehow gotten an error message signed by Brick. No idea how to replicate it. Editing after further testing, it seems to appear when the movement of the emoji makes clicking it impossible (the no symbol being visible) despite the maximum number not being reached.
[ID: An error popup message from tumblr, saying “Oh no. This is not working! But hey, I’m working on it! -Brick”. End ID.]
- The share button gives you a reblogging page with a generated image representing the reactions used on it and their corresponding numbers over a rainbow gradient background, as well as a little flavor text tagging @brickwhartley and two automatic tags. You’re free to modify this reblog though, and you can back out of the page.
[ID: A screenshot of a reblog by myself. Text reads: “REACT COLLECTION” in bigger letters, as a title. Next paragraph reads: “What a gorgeous flock of reactions I saw on this post! I simply have to share it with the world:”. Under it is a picture of several emojis from the available reactions of various sizes in random places of the image, floating next to numbers over a rainbow gradient background. Text under the image reads: “I am please. Thank you @brickwhartley!”. Under it, two tags are show, “#post reactions” and “#birck’s latest great idea”. End ID.]
- The no symbol only appears on your own posts and allows you to disable reactions. It will appear next to the usual “share” “reply” “reblog” “like” icons and you can click on it to reverse it.
TL;DR this was made up by manufacturers to sell more computer mouses. Hope you don’t have completionist tendencies. My hand hurts.
#post reactions#brick's latest great idea#april fools#tumblr's april fools 2023#april fools 2023#i don't know why but this thing triggered both the need to 100% it#and the archivist panic to make sure i recorded everything and nobody will miss out any information#10/10 experience i had a stressful morning and i needed to count some stuff to feel better#broadcasting my misery#sorry the image ID was a little late i thought i'd try editing it in with the new interface to make it less clunky#since the legacy editor isn't great at effects#but it doesn't work on my post so fuck it it's gonna be clunky#also put back an image i forgot
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-- Poorly Constructed Enchanted Tool --
A small tool carved from a fruit tree seed. Energy to power the enchantment has seemingly run-out long ago, and the method of recharging is unknown - but, based on the appearance, it's very likely that this was once used for detecting magic. Usually, looking through the glass center would highlight areas of higher magical energy concentration present in the viewer's environment, even if they were otherwise obscured to the naked eye. While this form of enchantment itself is highly advanced, the craftsmanship of the item is far less neat or complex than what might be typically seen in similar devices. It may have been made as part of training/practice, or as a hasty replacement for a previous tool that had broken.
#written from the perspective of some fantasy traveler who checks all of the local thrift-stores and lost & found places for every#town they visit - looking for interesting items and documenting them or something#In reality - just another one of my goofy little avocado pit carvings lol. Still working on inlaying little stones in them and stuff#I don't really have the tools to make super intricate stuff but doing little plain swirly patterns is still fine enough lol.#WORKING ON NEW POLL ADVENTURE also I know I know it's been months.. I have been Busy and struck by the evils of summer#But like I mentioned in the previous one I do want to at LEAST finish the quest with the egg lol#ANYWAY.#Things like this would plausibly exist in Nanyevimi (my fantasy world) but wouldn't be very common as - like mentioned- this would be an#extremely advanced enchantment. REALLY advanced mages could sense magic around them (to varying degrees of pinpoint accuracy of location#) without even having to use any external device. But for a majority of people there's really no way to know someone is using magic near#you unless you either see visual proof or if it's strong enough to feel effects from it (since magic is kind of like radiation in that the#higher energy/more of it youre exposed to the more it damages you/can make you sick/etc.) and even then most people would just be like#'hmm why do I feel so nauseous and bad out of nowhere?' likely wouldn't directly think to link it to magic. Thus the only really reliable w#way isto just hone your senses over like 500 years as you become an expert mage - OR use enchantments like these. But a 'sense magic' encha#ntment is not as common as a just 'magic is not allowed here' enchantment. If you wanted to prevent magic from being usedin a space#it's easier to just put up a broad barrier enchantment around that space than to have some sort of Magic Sensor to pick out if it's being#done and then handle each individual case of it . etc. etc. These sort of things can have their uses (especially for people investigating#things or trying to be secretive about detecting something etc.) but are less common - especially in this form (where visuals are used. itd#be more likely to jsut have like 'piece of metal that gets warm or cool depending on magic nearby'.) ANWAY so this is why it's a notable#object. Though a majority of the realm is not very magic literate - if you were a researcher or a mage and found this at a pawn shop you'd#definitely be like 'oohhh!! :0 inch resting... ' if not you might just be like 'oh cool necklace!' lol#also love the quick 2min ''costume'' for the image of it being used. literally just 'wrap yourself in scarves from the waist up' and slap o#a wig and ears lol#on this blog I guess since it's worldbuilding related and technically art.. maybe more like crafting? I should have a crafts tag lol.. hmm
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thank god for indie devs making like tiny little maximum 10 megabyte freeware games on itchio keeping the art of filesize optimization alive. ASSET REUSE FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#im watching a video about wario land music -> 'the bizarre music and sound design of wario land 4' by geno7#good video so far! i like this guys stuff. he talked a bit about how they did some of the sound effects for warios voice#a very like. chopped and remixed sample style of doing his vocal lines. which is very cool 1) because it saves a bit of#precious space on that gba cartridge BUT ALSO 2) it just sounds cool and interesting stylistically#and man sometimes trying to keep a file size down really does give way for some really interesting stuff#on my own personal interests in games i ADORE rpg makers rtp and how people can find creative uses for it#i love that a bunch of games can draw from the same asset pool as one install on ur computer#no bloating your hardrive with a bunch of copies of the same assets - its just already here!#and from a developers perspective i love when they reuse old assets from other games in new weird ways#some small visual novel companies will reuse backgrounds and other assets#altho i dont mind a bit of bloat with VNs since a big draw can be the big pretty images and big pretty sounds#but its still cool when people find ways to get creative with space saving. and from a players perspective its also nice#space is cheap nowadays. but its not Free. we can swallow terabytes whole with micro sds and everything#but a lot of players dont get the chance or ability to upgrade their internal memory that often. so i think being considerate of filesize i#very important. and thats not even getting into the download bandwidth limits - a lot of people all across north america can only get like#internet from 1 provider and that 1 provider often likes to upcharge and limit shit because they can#we might live in a future where a lot of powerful technology exists. but access to that tech is another story#so remember the filesize. remember the filesize.#dies in your arms
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i think i potentially ate smth just now that potentially made me sick yesterday evening so fingers crossed that i dont end up down for the count for several hours again 👍 [family guy death pose]
#mother's new food diet fixation is kefir#fermentation in general along w yogurt but kefir is the main fixation#so. i had to try some yesterday bc i couldnt come up with a way to say no dbfjfkl#also idk it was bought from the store so it shouldnt kill me sndkdl she's given me weirder stuff to eat#but man i was so dizzy and nauseous from like... 5pm to 11pm fjfkdl it was awful#i managed to eat a dinner and then i had to go lay completely still in bed for 3+ hours#just struggling to breathe normally bc i was so nauseated DBDHDKL it was so fucked up#BUT I LOOKED IT UP AND I DONT . THINK IT DOES THAT TO PPL.#but idk what else would've made me feel so sick 😭#anyways. she just gave me another little bit bc yet again i couldnt think of a way to say no and it was storebought so....#it wont kill me!#but man alive im starting to feel shaky nauseous again the same way i did yesterday in the same timespan after consuming this stuff...#but nausea and dizziness are not on the list of side effects that i was seeing so ?? 😭 maybe im just gods specialest little sufferer LMAO#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#food and drink#ask to tag
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I would really love it if maybe we could have a break from the horrors for five fucking minutes
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#this year has been one fucking thing after another and I'm burnt out and exhausted#actually it's not even one after another. they keep piling up and overlapping#like hi would you like to spend the whole year having your abandonment issues triggered and made worse constantly#would you like to go through medical trauma that leaves you with issues that cause you severe pain on a daily basis#while also making it so you literally can't go to get any of it fixed#because seeing any of the tools that would have to be used is enough of a trigger to cause issues regardless of the context you see them in#would you like to take a medication for a month that makes you constantly terrified that something's trying to kill you#and then when you stop taking it that goes away so you think it's gonna be fine but a month later you still have other side effects#and you're trying to navigate all these new symptoms and triggers while more and more stuff just piles up#so then every time it feels like you've made progress something else fucks you up and it feels like you're back to square one#and it's starting to feel like maybe you're the problem because why else would everything keep going this badly#even though so much of it is completely out of anyone's control and you're trying so hard to cope with it and get better#I'm so fucking exhausted and it feels like every attempt to fix any part of our situation goes to shit in some new unforeseen way#and every time I vent about any of it I feel like a burden for making anyone else deal with our problems even if they've said it's fine
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I just found an archive did u kno vy'keen evolved from
p r e y a n i m a l s
!??!?!?!?!?!?
i somehow completely forgot about this so this ask made me try to recall everything i ever knew about the vy'keen. THANK GOD i have like every piece of nms lore locally on my laptop. okay now to the vy'keen lore bc i've got some thoughts on this.
the vy'keen being originally prey brings another layer to their weirdly deep lore iceberg. i'm calling it weird because i think their lore is more based on implications of what is told (?) hence why people tend to overlook them.
i do think it's very interesting how fear is a major aspect of their ideology, and how largely it's connected to their aggression. You'd think that fear would be highly looked down upon in vy'keen society, but fear seems to be in fact their prime motivation, fuel and cause for being aggressive. They've made a weakness into their strength. this is rather oxymoronic, and it's not the only oxymoron related to the vy'keen. there is a second one (and you're the one who told me about this!): they're militant pacifists. now i guess you can call them fear-strengthened as well.
i remember the armorer having a raw quote related to weakness, something of: 'you can be weak, but you cannot stay weak.' For a society that's based on hostility, that is some amazing advise right there.
also i just had a WILD realization. humans are actually quite similar to the vy'keen. it's even safe to say that out of all the races, they're the most alike. hear me out: humans were once prey too in prehistoric times, and it was through cultivation of technology (or weapons!!) that they got elevated to the top of a figurative food chain. and the fact that human history is literally littered with war. Now this is making me wonder what the vy'keen exactly do with their aggression, like do they wage war the same way humans do or is there a difference in motivations? like what's their key goal for war.
all of this is proof for why the vy'keen is highly underrated. maybe one day i'll write something to spread the good word of the vy'keen.
#okay so the reason i even made the vy'keen-human connection in the first place is because i'd just read the novel version of a space odyssey#it was mostly due to the prologue#to sum up in a nutshell - it was about humans getting smarter and learning how to use weapons for hunting and protection#and can't forget the good ol violence against each other!!! (also as protection)#if you look at it this way - there is indeed some virtues to be found in aggression as an effective survival tactic#okay this is giving me some new ideas#there could come a point when the vy'keen don't need their aggression anymore - when they've been long enough at the top#and that could cause some huge society problems#this is somehow reminding me of the first spawn's situation#OKAY BEAR WITH ME HERE IN THE TAGS IM GOING SOMEWHERE WITH THIS#remember your previous ask about the first spawn?#the first spawn weeded out those that didn't agree with becoming aggressive#my point is#should the vy'keen h y p o t h e t i c a l l y reach a time when they no longer need aggression#they could be having the same situation as the first spawn - but inversed#like how the first spawn deemed docile gek useless - the vy'keen could try to get rid of the aggressive vy'keen#who would've become a (problematic) minority by then#yeah i may have read too much sci fi - though it's nice to think about stuff like this#just realized i have written a crapton in the tags i'll stop now#no man's sky#vy'keen#asks#nms lore
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Got a month’s prescription of klonopin. Wish I could find out how other people are affected by it, but all I find are posts about getting fucked up. I mean, I guess good for y’all, but not very helpful for me 🤷🏻♂️
#I’m about to take my first one in a bit#been trying to find actual reviews online that aren’t from people just partying#it suuuucks#okay first of the nurse was super sweet and nice BUT I ASKED FOR XANAX#I did NO research on klonopin so now I’m scrambling to build up the courage to take this stuff#I’m sorry. I’m not a big drug user. I’m paranoid about side effects#I just want to feel mellow and not as sad#I know this is for anxiety not depression but my new antidepressants aren’t in yet and I need SOME kind of relief#I kinda just sat and cried and freaked out in the car earlier so… wanna get on this before that hits again#I tried to go for a run this morning.. which… I can’t run. this body sucks and I have bad balance and it just feels bad#so instead I walked around the neighborhood for awhile. it was nice. so pretty.#it rained earlier so it was cool and dewy and peaceful#and I could hear the birds and felt peaceful for awhile#now I’m in this house and it’s OPPRESSIVE!#THIS WORLD IS SHIT PRISON IN ISOLATION GALAXY!#I went to Walgreens earlier and tried to see if I would be able to work in a place like that#trying to hear people talk while wearing hearing aids#it… wasn’t a hopeful trip. depressing. I want a job and to get out so bad#I need cash and I need to be around people#it’s just hard. trying to adjust. trying to see some hope. it’s rough.#I wish I could listen to music but it’s just noise now#and I can’t eat because nothing tastes good. it’s all dry and bland and I know I’m hungry#and being hungry makes my mental state worse but it’s hard to feel the need to eat#blegh whatever. gonna try some ramen and I got a Gatorade for the calories so we’ll see#sorry about the bitching#I appreciate if you actually read all of this#text
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Me as a 1st years: - I feel so bad, I need to take antidepressants and ADHD drugs nyohohouuuu
Me now: - Nevermind.
#I'm glad I always prefer to wait at least several years before trying a new fashionable medication#because yk#Thalidomide scandal and stuff#when you learn e.g. pharmacology and physiology and then realise how many side effects such drugs can cause#I'm gonna be fine without them thanks a lot#when you feel bad and you can't think properly or you're just uneducated#you believe that a magic pill will solve all your problems but it won't#i remember how 2 years ago adhd drugs were sooooo popular#and now I'm reading posts about what food you should not take when you are on your drugs#i just feel like I just dodged a huge trap#please be careful when trying new drugs especially antidepressants antipsychotics opioids etc etc#medicine#just some thoughts#at first i was like: yayy let's look at the mechanism of action of some adhd drugs#and they were like: we give Amphetamine in very low doses#I am very conservative in terms of drugs smoking and alcohol. I don't care how fashionable it is#I've seen enough of drug-addicts medication-addicts smokers and alcoholics in my life#NO AMPHETAMINE IN MY BODY thanks a lot
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Lil’ Miss Stampede
Feeling in a Trigun kinda mood again (courtesy of my Trigun pal @that-plant-tho of course) and I haven’t drawn anything of my oc Faith in a while, so here she is! I wanted to go for a kind of pseudo-punky grunge look since I've been experimenting with backgrounds lately, not sure if I got it right but it was fun to do!
Man you really can tell she’s Vash’s daughter hehe
#trigun#faith (trigun oc)#trigun oc#trigun fanart#my artwork#i just had to draw my lil half-plant gunslinger girl again#she needed it#love you half plant gunslinger girl#also trying some overlays and a couple of new effects like halftones and stuff#and the stickers were fun too ;)#also just wanted to try a kind of grunge aesthetic thing#i actually do really like this aesthetic I might use it more
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Man like... one of the weirdest things about writing is piecing together the setup for a scene.
Like, for example: I’ve written a scene for way on down the line for my story. I don’t have all the setup hammered out yet, I don’t know what all happens from the current point to that scene.
And it’s wild figuring out like... okay, the protag complains about how dark everything is, and that tells me that he loses his flashlight before getting to that scene. He doesn’t try to call for help, so I now know he’ll lose his means of communication.
And like!!! I didn’t know these things when I wrote the scene! I just wrote how it seemed like it should go! It’s like peeking into another dimension where the story is already finished and just getting a glimpse of things.
Anyway other authors already know this but if you didn’t know, most of the time the author doesn’t know what’s going to happen next until they’re writing out the sentence immediately before it.
#writing#idk#i took my adderall and its kicked in so im in babble mode#ive bee trying out a new technique with this fic#which is 'fuck transitions just write whatever scene you're feeling at the time and bridge the gaps later'#and it's working FANTASTICALLY#the side effect being im not quite certain on how long things are until ive got about 70% of the chapter written#and then i can figure out 'oh this is too long we gotta move some stuff around'
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my agenda of the angels being dilf-lovers continues <3
#original post#fic: splinters of madness#great news. we still have a lot. but! less than before. uh. in worse news#this chapter is gonna be more than 30k. sorry; i know thats a lot#my bad yall. i just. dont want to split stuff up :')#unrelated. itching a lot. trying to figure out if this is a sertraline side effect. it SAYS its uncommon but like.#i swear to fucking god man if im like allergic or some shit im going to lose it :') back to the drawing board id go and i DONT want to
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As the daughter of a history major…
… Where the hell are so many americans on tumblr going to school???
I just saw a post about how ‘it’s taught in america that the pilgrims were Good and fleeing religious intolerance but they were actually Bad’ which first off, you cannot make those distinctions bc freaking everyone was up to kill anyone who didn’t agree in those days, but also… People claiming to be american claiming that they were definitely taught exactly that??
Maybe… If you never took a history class past elementary school, I guess. Or maybe you were in Florida (oh, gods, get my mother started on people killing each other in Florida).
Bc, resident American here, albeit one in Massachusetts, and… No. We’re not taught that. You get a romanticised version in early grades maybe, but the higher you go, you get taught that the most Puritans had different religious beliefs than the standard in England, so they took the opportunity to ship off to the colonies. There’s no victimisation, it’s just straight facts. And that usually, that was the category of people shipped off to the colonies—criminals, religious differences, poor people… Like no one in their right mind wanted to go off into the ‘wilderness.’ They did it bc they hated being where they were, and England was all too happy to get rid of them. Hell, they were also completely unprepared and many of them died on the way over. Like that shot went super bad for so many reasons.
I’m not going to claim I remember every detail I was taught, and I had a bit of a deeper knowledge bc my mother is, again, a history major w/ an interest in American history bc it is whacky), and I do remember the ‘founding’ being a little simplified, but I also distinctly remember going into higher grades and having teachers outright explain ‘what you were told as kids was a very simplified version, let’s talk about it in more detail.’ We weren’t taught that there were ‘good’ or ‘bad’ guys, we were taught that these people had a difference in belief and that for that reason, they ended up shipped off to the colonies. We talked about the conflicts, the damage, the ugly bits.
I think people claiming to have been taught a sanitised version either didn’t take many history classes, didn’t pay attention, or don’t remember much of what they were taught (which no judgement here, I barely remember). Or maybe they’re just trying to sound Cool on the internet? I can’t know. But I remain baffled by certain myths about the us that alleged Americans come out of the woodwork to claim are true when… Your experiences are not universal???
Like I’m happy to criticise the education system, bc excuse me while I cry about not being able to hold a conversation in Spanish, but like. Unless you were in a very particular environment (I went to public school, btw)… No, you weren’t taught that shit. There’s parts missing, sure, but they did not, at least not beyond elementary, try to claim the ‘Pilgrims’ were blameless. I remember being taught that life was harsh and short, and people bitter and stubborn. I don’t doubt that the words ‘fleeing religious intolerance’ might’ve been used, bc technically, yes, they were. But I am also intolerant of trolls, and mosquitos. That’s a statement, it has no bearing on what kind of people either group was.
#Firebird Randomness#I find it fascinating how this site veers between shitting on England and holding it up and some noble paragon#like I'm sorry you wanna shit on the Puritans like go ahead but don't make out like they were any worse than any other religious sect#esp in England at that time#or hell Europe you wanna talk about the Spanish conquests of the Americas??#but I literally just had an exCUSE me??? reaction to that post#like our education system is BAD I wish I could speak another language properly for one#terrible at dealing w/ learning disabilities#and maybe some stuff requires a little effort#but DEF by high school my history teachers made no secret about the effects of colonisation#or the extremism of the puritan beliefs#this is one of those prove you've never been to the us w/out saying it moments#like obvi history is taught differently#per a British friend the US actually disappears from English teaching after the Puritans leave until the revolution#additionally we also get taught that many of them still considered themselves British#like they weren't 'trying to find a new world' they just hated everyone else as much as everyone hated them#but many of them still thought they were 'British' that didn't change until later#but serious geebus people here will just take anything at face value#history is bloody and colonisation and conquest may have most famously started in Europe#but that also means that you can't wash your hands of it and say 'it was them they were bad'#like I'm digressing here I'm just so baffled
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Dear god I should not be allowed to own a screwdriver let alone a house
#I'm an absolute eejit#FIRST I go on a DIY frenzy because my house doesn't feel like home and for some reason I think if I tart up my interior doors a bit#It will fill the deep and empty void in my soul#So I order the wrong door knobs#SECOND in attempting to remove the OLD door knobs I stay up WAY too late on a Saturday night when I have to be up early the next day#The backplate of the door handle is attached with stripped screws and my tiny cheap £2 flathead screwdriver can't get it off#I manage to get one side off and remove the spindle to see whether the new door knobs might work anyway#I then work away at the other screws for another hour or so before finally going to bed because I am dead on my feet#FLASH FORWARD TO POINT THE THIRD#I have been in the capital all day doing volunteering; meeting up with old friends last-minute; buying last-minute birthday presents#I have taken a bus all the way back home#I am dead on my feet by this point with like four hours sleep#And no food#I come in and wander into the guest bedroom to open windows; check stuff etc before putting on dinner#Seeing the door handle I pick up the flathead and attempt the screws again idly#I manage to get one more off and flushed with success attack another with gusto thinking it must be the right time#Too much gusto#Door pushes shut#I try the handle but no spindle so this has no effect#I am now stuck in an bedroom three floors up and with no phone#Luckily my keys were in my pocket so eventually after hanging out of the front window for ages I managed to hail a neighbour#Drop the keys down to them with the bit of string and spindle I had in the diy box which luckily was in the room with me#And they came up and let me out#At least I met a nice dog#But honestly#No phone no spindle no way out#I was half-convinced This Is The End#Anyway#The house is working out well#Earth & Stone
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not to add fuel to the “I’m a skintaker unfamiliar with the human form”, but for nearly three decades, I have not sweat. like, the common bodily function most humans use to release excess heat. Theres like, maybe a couple times a year, if that. I am very rarely overheating, despite this, I have veins on my hands close to the surface, which might be why they’re always cold, and might be how I cooled down.
anyway, the new medication (it has done good things for the depression and suicide ideation, bad bad things for the anxiety), one of its many deleterious side effects is sweating. prior to this, i would shower once a week and not suffer smelly side effects, it would take a month for me to begin to smell ripe (not a common occurence). NOW, after scrubbing my armpits with scented soap, it STILL smells of BO just out of the shower. baffling. mildly distressing.
#my meatsuit is having issues with new software#I have been riding a panic attack all day#I only noticed because when I got up to try and get supper#I was shaking#and I was like OH my whole day has been like this and I have tried to ignore it!#and then I pulled a muscle in my chest because it spasmed too hard#so thats not great!#but perhaps it means that I'm not faking it for attention!#silly brain#I knew something was wrong and I did some anxiety reducing stuff just in case#to little effect#I need to change meds#also i reread this and was like WOW I am not having a normal one#nonsensebees#I am not going to change it#I feel like I would place this in a jar to look at in later years#going wow thats wild sure glad that#END OF THOUGHT#thats always annoying#I was mid sentence >:(#so I had a bunch of dreams this morning#it kinda seemed like I was watching movies through a VR headset#it all ended when it felt like I crushed something gooey in my hand#like a bug#a large bug that wasn't hard#so maybe a fat caterpillar#anyway this was a REAL feeling instead of a DREAM feeling#so I freaked out much more#DREAM feelings are more like ideas or notifications than sensations#I ripped the VR headset off in dream causing the visuals to stop so I could look at my hand
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