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the-anxious-youth · 6 months

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Bubbles II

Pairing: Buggy x gn!Reader

Summary: Now that Buggy has agreed to help you find Nami, the two of you get closer, and shenanigans ensue.

Warnings: none, general flirting but nothing too spicy, the reader is written as gender neutral but Buggy does call them pretty, some talks of insecurity but it's more comfort than hurt

Word Count: 4.7K

Author's Note: Here's the highly anticipated part two of my Buggy fic! He's quickly become one of my comfort characters so writing about him has been fun. Also, I made some major changes to the plot in regards to rescuing Nami because I felt I couldn't do it justice since I haven't seen episode 7 yet and didn't want to mess up such an emotional scene. Thank you for being so patient and I hope you enjoy! (Up next is a Shanks fic, so keep on the lookout for that) banners by cafekitsune

Part 1

Luffy’s eyes brightened when he saw you, a cheerful aura surrounding your captain. His smile triggers your own, and you walk up to him, holding Buggy in your hands. Luffy looks down at the clown’s head, and his smile grows even wider.

“Did you give him a makeover? It looks great, Y/N!” says the enthusiastic man, always in a good mood. You chuckle and nod in response, thanking him softly. Out of everyone in the crew, Luffy had always been the most supportive and you’re glad his reaction was the polar opposite of Zoro’s.

“Good news, I got him to tell me how to get to Arlong Park so we can rescue Nami!” Your tone is cheerful, and your Captain’s face reflects how you feel.

“Really? That’s awesome! How’d you do it?” Luffy leans against the side of the boat, visibly impressed by the way you’d been able to tame the beast, considering that a few hours ago, they all thought they’d have to torture it out of him. Looking down at Buggy, you smile softly, debating on whether or not you should tell the whole story. Before you can answer, Buggy lets out a laugh and responds for you.

“Guess I just have a soft spot for them,” he says, sending a wink in your direction. By now his flirtatious confidence is fully restored. Luffy watches the two of you making eyes at each other for a few seconds, before breaking the silence.

“Well, I’m glad you worked it out.” Luffy notices how your eyes sparkle when looking at Buggy, but he decides not to comment on it, instead moving to pull out a map. Spreading it across a table, he gestures for you to come closer.

“So this is where we are right now, approximately.” Your captain points to a spot on the map, and you recognize it as part of the East Blue. You gently place the clown’s head on the table, allowing him to look at the map. “And this is where we think Nami is,” utters Luffy, pointing his finger to an area adjacent to where he said you all are.

“You’re heading in the wrong direction, pal.” Buggy chuckles as he says this, not surprised that your crew wasn’t good with directions. After all, Nami was the navigator, the impact of her absence being very visible. Not waiting to hear what Luffy has to say, the clown continues.

“Arlong Park is on the other side of the East Blue, next to Cocoyasi Village, which is along the coastline.” Since he doesn’t have hands, he tilts his head to gesture towards the location of your desired destination. Your captain nods with a smile.

“I think I know where that is. See, was that so hard?” Luffy says teasingly, looking down at Buggy with a cheeky smile. The clown just glares in return, his smile not reappearing until you gently pick him up in your hands.

“Need me to go tell the others or do you want to do it?” You ask softly. Luffy smiles at you before responding.

“I’ve got it. I am the Captain after all.” He says cockily, though you know he means no harm. You chuckle and nod, finding his happy mood contagious.

“Yes, you are.” He pats you on the shoulder before heading off to inform the rest of the crew of the new developments. You look down at Buggy, his amorous grin causing the heat to rise to your face.

“Now what, sweetness?” He says, his tone smooth. Cocking your head at him, you hum while thinking.

“How about some food? I’m getting pretty hungry and I bet you are too.” You smile at him softly, to which he admires your face.

“You have no idea,” the clown mutters, excited at the prospect of food. Carrying him in your arms, you head to the kitchen, which incidentally is where the rest of the crew seems to be chatting.

As you walk into the room, everyone turns to look at you. Luffy smiles at you gently, Zoro’s face is humorless, and it seems like he’s still irritated about earlier, Sanji’s eyebrows furrow, confused to see you so happy with the clown, and Usopp wears a look of amusement as if he’s just along for the ride. For a moment, everything is quiet, before you decide to walk over to the pantry to find something to eat. Snapping out of his daze, Sanji walks over to you, the others resuming their discussion.

“What can I get for you, dear?” says the cook, gazing at you with a suave smile.

“Just a snack please, enough for two.” Your tone is soft, and you don't miss the look of surprise on Sanji’s face when he understands what you are referring to. You don’t notice it, but Buggy’s face is smug, enjoying watching the other man squirm. Sanji is silent for a moment, his face turning concerned.

“You do know he’s a bad guy, right? Remember what he did to that town?” asks the chef, leaning closer to you, to which Buggy scoffs.

“Lighten up, blondie, you weren’t even there.” Spits out the clown. His tone reads annoyance, not wanting the chef to impact your view of him. Sanji glares down at the head, crossing his arms.

“Yes, I remember. I just figure you get further with people using kindness.” Sanji’s eyes soften at your words, internally reminding himself that this is just who you are. He sighs, before meeting your gaze.

“Just be careful, okay? I don’t want you getting taken advantage of,” he says softly, and you smile at his words in an attempt to comfort him.

“I’ll be fine, I promise.” Chuckling softly at the blonde man’s concern, he nods his head, doing his best to smile back at you. He opens one of the cupboards and pulls out some snacks, handing them to you carefully.

“Let me know if you need help, alright?” Sanji’s eyes still hold some worry, but his easy-going smile is back on his face. You nod in response, thanking him for the food before heading to the top deck, wanting to get some fresh air.

Unbeknownst to you, the rest of the crew watched your interaction with Sanji, teasing him as soon as you were out of earshot.

“Is someone a little jealous?” teases Usopp, to which Sanji shakes his head, brushing him off.

Back on the deck, you take a seat on a blanket, putting Buggy’s head down next to you. He looks up at you with a sense of wonder, admiring your features.

“So what sounds good, apples? Crackers?” You gesture to the pile of snacks in front of you, a soft smile on your face.

“Just give me whatever you don’t want,” says the clown, his smile widening at the surprised look on your face.

“I thought you were this tough guy who only cares about himself?” Your voice is gentle, with a hint of curiosity. He chuckles at your words, shaking his head softly.

“Don’t believe everything you hear, doll.” His eyes twinkle as he speaks. “Who knows, maybe I just like you.” Feeling the heat rise to your face, you look down bashfully, not sure how to respond.

“Apples it is then.” Reaching over to grab one of the apples, you pull out the knife Sanji gave you and start cutting it into smaller pieces, slipping one into your mouth every so often. The clown just watches you, taking the opportunity to admire you while he can. Secretly, he plans to charm you so that you’ll leave with him once this is all over.

After cutting the apple into enough pieces, you move to give one to Buggy, when an idea comes into your mind.

“Here comes the choo choo train!” You say teasingly, waving the apple slice around like you would for a toddler. His eyes narrow at you, and you can tell he’d be crossing his arms if they were with him.

“Very funny,” he says unamusedly, though there is still a hint of a smile on his face. Chuckling at his response, you finally give him the apple slice, and he watches you while he chews.

“I didn’t pick these apples out so if they’re bad it’s not my fault.” You smirk at him cheekily, and he just shakes his head before swallowing.

“It’s fine,” he says, still smiling at you. “Trust me, I’ve eaten much worse.” Taking an apple slice for yourself, you pop it into your mouth, taking a look at the view around you.

“The sea sure is pretty,” you comment, admiring the fluffy clouds above you.

“Not as pretty as you.” Buggy’s statement makes you turn your head toward him. Searching his eyes for insincerity, your eyebrows furrow as you find none. By now you’re sure you’re blushing, and you look down at the apple to hide the apparent flush on your face.

“You’re quite the flirt, aren’t you?” Anxiety fills your chest, wondering whether his words were truthful or just a way to lower your guard. You fiddle with your fingers, sparing glances in his direction. Almost as if he can hear your thoughts, the clown speaks up, his tone softer than before.

“I’m being serious, you’re gorgeous, babe.” His eyes scan your face, hoping you’ll believe him, the corner of his mouth upturned into a soft smile. You just shake your head softly, his cheeky smile prompting your own. Gaining some confidence, you respond in a pert tone.

“Yeah, well you’re quite the looker yourself. I bet the girls go crazy for you.” Buggy’s cocky demeanor falters for a second, used to giving compliments rather than receiving them. He laughs nervously, thankful for the makeup on his face for hiding the blush on his cheeks.

“Depends on how you define crazy,” he says, tilting his head slightly. Even though you can’t visibly see the flush on his cheeks, his demeanor tells you enough. Chuckling to yourself, you reach for an apple slice, observing the clown as you chew.

“I guess we’re both not used to compliments.” Timbre hushed, you watch as he nods, silently agreeing with your statement. The two of you exchange friendly conversation, slowly opening up to one another. Before you know it, the sun is setting on the horizon as the day comes to a close, and all the snacks you got from Sanji are gone.

“If your captain correctly follows my directions, we should arrive at Arlong Park within a day.” Buggy’s tone is kind, something unusual for him, though there’s still a hint of playfulness. Nodding in response, you move to pick him up, being careful as always. He always gets a weird look on his face when you treat him with such fragility, and you assume it’s because being treated in such a way is unfamiliar territory for him.

Walking down the stairs, you head towards your room, smiling at your crew members as you pass them. Stopping by the kitchen to get some fresh water, you run into Sanji, who seems to be writing something down in a notebook. Probably his meal plan for tomorrow, you think to yourself. The chef turns to you as you enter, surprised to see you still with the clown.

“Aren’t you getting sick of watching him? Why don’t you let one of us take a turn, you’ve been on clown watch all day.” He says with a concerned smile.

“That’s okay, I don’t mind.” Sanji looks at you as you speak, his eyes scanning over your face as if it were a puzzle to be deciphered. His eyebrows furrow, revealing his confusion. To him, watching a pretty person choose to hang out with a homicidal maniac was like watching a scientist write poetry, it made absolutely no sense. He narrows his eyes for a moment, debating on what to say.

“Well, if you’re happy I guess.” His tone indicates that he wants to say more, but is restraining so as to not upset you.

“I’ll just get some water and I’ll be out of your way,” you say mellowly, the awkward tension becoming uncomfortable. At your comment, Sanji sends a flirty smirk in your direction.

“You’re never in my way, darling.” Feeling the blush rise to your cheeks, you nod quickly and head to grab the water. You couldn’t see it, but if looks could kill, the glare Buggy was giving the chef would have knocked him dead. After finding the water, you make a beeline for your room, not wanting to deal with more problematic interactions. As Sanji watches you leave, he wonders to himself how the clown has caught your interest, clearly not understanding the appeal.

Shutting the door to your cabin, you let out a sigh, gingerly placing Buggy on your bed, and moving to sit next to him. He notices the change in your mood, already missing the smile on your face.

“Everything okay, dollface?” His tone is the gentlest it’s been in years. The last time he could recall speaking in such a manner was with Shanks, and that was quite a long time ago. Nodding slowly, you start to fidget with your fingers, signaling your uneasiness.

“There’s just something about the way he looked at me like I was doing something wrong. It just reminds me how I don’t fit in with the rest of the crew.” You bring your hand up to start picking at your lips, the anxiety in your gut triggering the habit that appears whenever you get nervous. The action does not go unnoticed by the clown, and he tries to think of a way to calm you down.

“Hey, don’t do that. You’ll get scars,” Buggy says gently, wishing he had his body with him so he could grab your hand and pull it away from your face. Pausing your movements to look at him, you notice how concerned he seems, which ignites a strange feeling in your chest, comfort perhaps. You chuckle softly before replying, watching how his eyes never leave your face.

“It’s a little too late for that, I’m afraid.” He doesn’t match your laughter, aware of your attempt at deflection. A deep pit of sorrow seeps its way through his chest, which feels strange considering it’s not currently attached to him. It’s at this moment when he realizes how much he cares for you and decides that when you find Nami and the rest of his body, you’re coming with him. He’d be damned if he let anyone make you feel anything other than happiness. For a few minutes, you just watch each other, deciding what to say. In the end, Buggy is the one to break the silence.

“I know what it’s like to not fit in, but trust me when I say you’re a treasure, and anyone who doesn’t see that is an idiot. This crew is lucky to have you, they should be making you happy, not sad.” He smiles at you, his usual teasing nature completely gone in exchange for raw sincerity.

“Look, I know we haven’t known each other long, but I meant it when I said I had a spot for you on my crew. You’d be treated like royalty, which is exactly what you deserve.” Unlike the first time he said it, you actually consider what it would be like to join him, the thought bringing a small smile to your face.

“There’s that gorgeous smile. You’re too pretty to be sad, angel.” His words may be flirty, but he means each of them wholeheartedly. You chuckle and blush breaking into a full smile.

“How are you so sure your crew will like me?” You ask softly, tilting your head at him.

“They’d be stupid not to like you. And even if they don’t, their Captain does which means they don’t really have much of a choice.” He smirks up at you, enjoying the little giggle you let out. “At the end of the day, they’re below me and you’d be beside me, so at the very least they’d respect you. Knowing my crew though, I can pretty much guarantee they’ll like you.”

You listen to him speak with a smile, and for the first time in a long time, you feel like someone actually understands you, even if that someone is technically your crew’s rival. He grins as you nod, observing you with an almost wondrous look.

“We have to find Nami first though, okay?” You declare, pointing your finger at him playfully. Buggy laughs and nods, swearing that neither of you will leave before the redhead is found. A yawn slips out as you chuckle, the fatigue from the day reappearing like a weight on your shoulders.

“It’s late, we should get some sleep. Besides, tomorrow’s the day we rescue your friend and I’d rather you didn’t fall asleep on me.” He says with a smirk, and you nod, giggling softly to yourself. Pulling back the blanket, you move to lie down, placing Buggy’s head on its side on a pillow in front of you.

“Good night, Bugs.” The clown smiles at the nickname, gazing at you fondly as you snuggle up with the blanket.

“Good night, darling.” He says softly, watching you close your eyes. He takes the opportunity to study your features, afraid that if he looks away he’ll forget them. After a while he hears your breathing even out, signaling your unconscious state. Only then he closes his eyes, hoping to dream of you.

—---

The next morning goes by quickly, everyone preparing for the rescue they’re about to attempt. Buggy’s directions were correct, and Arlong Park was visible just on the horizon. The energy is full of excitement and anticipation, with everyone looking forward to seeing Nami again. Right now, you’re sitting on the deck surrounded by the rest of the crew as they discuss the game plan.

“You know the layout of Arlong Park, don’t you, clown?” Zoro’s tone is harsh, and Buggy has to physically resist rolling his eyes. He’s placed on your lap, something that keeps catching the eyes of Sanji, perhaps with a hint of jealousy. The only person who isn’t actively glaring daggers at him is Luffy, though that doesn’t say much considering the pirate is always happy.

“Yes, but I won’t be much help as a head, so we need to find my body first. Then we can go after your navigator.” If it wasn’t for your gentle touch on the sides of his neck, he would’ve gone off by now, annoyed at being treated like a prisoner.

“I can help with that,” you pipe up, and everyone nods in agreement. The group discusses some more, everyone being assigned various roles to assist in the operation going smoothly. After that, you all gear up, your goal being to reattach Buggy’s head to his body before you can help the others. Soon, the boat is docked a little away from your destination, not wanting to signal Arlong’s men of your arrival.

Trekking through the foliage, you finally make it to the gates and split into groups, deciding that it’ll be easier to cover more ground that way. Your group consists of yourself, Buggy, and Sanji, as the chef didn’t trust the clown being alone with you. The blue-haired pirate directs you towards a hidden entrance along the side of the park, one in which you hopefully wouldn’t be spotted. Following his directions, you come across a small clearing in the trees, Sanji following right behind you.

“Where do you think your body is being kept?” You ask quietly, hoping your voice doesn’t tell Arlong or his men of your locations.

“Probably somewhere amongst the carnival games. Since he’s taken it I’ve noticed they’ve been throwing something at it, probably darts based on the sensation. Arlong likes to mess with people anyway, so it would make sense.” Nodding, you head towards that area, allowing Buggy to tell you where to go since he’s the only one who’s been here before. Not long after, you stumble upon what you’re looking for, Buggy’s body pinned up against some balloons. Breaking out into a large smile, you look down at Buggy, and he grins back up at you.

“Wow, you were actually right,” Sanji comments, his words full of surprise and bitterness, his distaste for the clown painfully obvious.

“You say that like it’s a miracle.” The clown says in rebuttal, sharing the disdain for the chef. Suddenly, Buggy’s head flies out of your hands as the various parts of his body reattach themselves. Once he’s back to being a whole person, he hops down from the wall, running towards you with joy written on his face.

“It feels better than I even remembered!” Says the clown, running his hands up and down his arms. He turns to you with a grin.

“Now let’s go find your friend.” You nod at him, his happiness triggering your own.

While searching for Nami, you run into the rest of your crew, who seem to be in a bit of a hurry.

“What’s the matter? Did you find her? Is she okay?” Right as Usopp is about to answer, a familiar voice rings into the air.

“Miss me that much?” You turn your head in the direction of the sound, and a huge smile breaks out on your face as you see Nami running towards you. She smirks at your expression before continuing. “We need to get out of here before the rest of the Arlong pirates find us, we can catch up later.” You nod quickly, picking up your pace, and start running behind the others, Buggy at your side.

Once you all are far enough away from Arlong Park, the crew stops to properly greet Nami, yourself included. You can tell she’s not much of a hugger, so you make sure your embrace is short. As you all talk amongst yourselves, Buggy stands a few feet away, not wanting to interrupt the moment. After everyone had a chance to talk to the red-haired girl, she finally notices the clown standing awkwardly a few steps away and furrows her eyebrows in confusion.

“What the hell is he doing here?” She asks shortly, starting to walk in his direction. You quickly move to stand in front of her, preventing the two from fighting.

“It’s okay, he’s okay,” you say quickly, and are met with a confused look from the girl. “He actually helped us find you. I mean, we had no idea where we were going until he showed up, considering you are our navigator.” She scoffs at the idea of Buggy willingly helping someone who isn’t part of his crew.

“Oh yeah? How’d you get him to do that? Torture him or something?” Nami looks at Buggy suspiciously, not believing that he actually did something nice for once. You shake your head, chuckling nervously, not sure how to explain the whole ‘I gave him a bath and we kinda connected’ thing. Lucky for you, Buggy speaks up.

“Your crew member here is very convincing.” He takes a step forward, gesturing to you with a cheeky smile. She just watches the two of you for a moment, finally connecting the dots between Buggy’s friendly attitude and your flustered demeanor.

“Huh. Well, that’s something I didn’t expect to see today,” says the redhead, her timbre nonchalant.

“What didn’t you expect to see, Nami?” Sanji quickly asks. Now that she’s back, Sanji is taking every opportunity he can find to speak with Nami.

“Y/N hooking up with the clown. They didn’t seem like the type but I guess we all have secrets.” She looks at you with a smirk, a deep blush blossoming on your face. The rest of the crew looks surprised, especially Usopp, now that your little fancy has been blatantly stated.

“Wait, you have a thing for the clown captain? How am I only finding out about this now?” Usopp asks with a smile on his face.

“You really haven’t noticed? Even though I can’t possibly fathom why, they’ve been spending every second together the past few days. I mean, they’re always blushing around him, and that’s a sign of only one thing.” You’re surprised that Zoro seems so calm now, especially considering the way he reacted in the beginning. There’s no smile on his face, but he doesn’t appear to be upset. “You really need to be more observant of your surroundings, Usopp.” The swordsman shakes his head, baffled at his crew member’s ignorance.

It’s Sanji who turns to you next, a mix of emotions on his face. “So you two are really a thing?” he asks hesitantly, not sure if he really wants to hear the answer. By now you’re sure your face is deeply flushed, not used to being put in the spotlight.

“Let’s just say I’m pretty fond of your crew member,” Buggy looks at you cheekily, enjoying the blush on your visage. Sanji stays silent for a moment before nodding, leaning closer to say something to you.

“Just be careful, darling, okay?” His voice is gentle, and he backs away as soon as he sees the glare the clown is giving him. Suddenly Nami walks up to Buggy with a tough look on her face.

“If you hurt them, I’ll make sure you’re just a head, permanently.” He immediately puts his hands up in surrender, knowing that she fully means the threat.

“I wouldn’t dream of it, they’re too precious.” The look on the clown’s face shows his fear of her, a sight that almost makes Nami’s lip quirk.

“Good.” She turns back to you, the smile returning to her face.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think I’ll actually miss you.” You knew this was the closest Nami got to being sappy, and you moved to give her one last hug.

“I’ll miss you too, Nami. Keep the boys in check for me, will you?” The navigator chuckles at your question, letting you go from the hug.

“Oh I will, you don’t need to worry about that.” Despite not knowing you for long, Nami secretly always liked you, finding you the most enjoyable to be around, unbeknownst to you.

Turning to the rest of your crew, you can tell they’ve already figured out your decision. You walk up to Luffy first, who’s beaming at you like a little boy.

“We’ll miss you too but I can tell this is what you want.” Your lips tug upwards at his statement, appreciating the way he values your wants and desires. “You know you’re always welcome on the straw hat crew, right?” His question makes you smile, and you nod in response. Stepping closer, you give him a tight hug which he happily reciprocates. ‘Always so touchy’ you think to yourself fondly. After pulling away, you say goodbye to the rest of the crew members, even getting a small “good luck kid” from Zoro.

“Until we meet again.” You say to all of them, nodding as a sign of respect. They wave at you as you walk away, following Buggy to go find his crew. As you’re walking, he stops abruptly and turns to you.

“Oh! I forgot something.” Raising your eyebrows, you start to open your mouth to ask him what he meant, when suddenly he carefully grabs the back of your neck, pulling your lips against his. Your eyes widen for a second out of surprise, but you quickly close them and kiss him back, moving your hand to his bicep. He grins at you after you pull away, taking pleasure in the shy look on your face.

“Cat got your tongue?” The blue-haired man says softly, referring to the conversation you had the day you first met. You giggle and shake your head, hiding your face in his chest. He laughs and wraps his arms around you.

“You’re too cute, you know that? Now come on, I’ve got some people to introduce you to.” You look up at him as you pull away, smiling as he grabs your hand to lead you to his crew.

©️the-anxious-youth, 2023

Please do not replicate/repost :)

#my writing #buggy #buggy fanfic #buggy fanfiction #buggy x reader #buggy the clown x reader #one piece x reader #one piece

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andsomemaniacgotridofthewheel · 2 months

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One of the reasons I will never be at ease with the overall "weirdness", the underwhelming pay-offs and the unfired Chekhov's guns during the plot(s) of season 2 - until season 3 arrives and we either learn that it's because of a brilliant trick they pulled on us OR because Neil & John actually did drop the ball and couldn't get the story structure right (yeah, sure 😏) - one of those reasons is that they got Aziraphale's character arc during that season so very, very right.

It is beautiful. It is subtle. It is organic. It is like a red thread running through all the episodes.

In the very first scene we learn something about Aziraphale & Crowley that we didn't know before. And it isn't that Crowley used to be such a ray of sunshine and that what led to the Fall must have been more traumatising than he always let on (that, too, but it's not the main point). It is that Aziraphale knew a version of Crowley that was deeply, unapologetically kind, and gentle, and caring; that he was everything an angel was supposed to be; and that Aziraphale himself, before the Fall even happened, was aware of some lurking inequity and oppression which presented a danger to that sweet, innocent angel. We are shown how Aziraphale could arrive at the conclusion that whatever happened to Crowley just wasn't right. And how he might think that that was something that should be fixed.

"I know the angel you were." In Job we are reminded that Aziraphale's memory of Crowley's angel persona at least that early in their story still partly informs his image of him.

"They aren't talking to him anymore", that sounds as if Aziraphale might have actually tried.

"It's nice to tell someone about the good things you've done, now that I'm not reporting to Heaven..." Aziraphale misses it. He still does good deeds, but he misses reporting them to someone.

"You really used to be awful." Gabriel is about the worst angel he has known. But once Heaven's conditioning was taken away, even he became an absolut sweetheart. Aziraphale learned this season very impressively that angels can change.

Muriel. Innocent, enthusiastic, downright good Muriel. Whose adventures as a human copper are mirrored so perfectly in Aziraphale's attempt to pass as a "newspaper man". Aziraphale learned that even now, not ALL angels are bad. And that there are some in Heaven who are just like him, and might need his help.

When Gabriel needed his help, Aziraphale gave it, with no vindictive thought or concern for his own safety. He couldn't just not help him. And when Crowley stormed off, Aziraphale simply waited for him to come back. This mirrors both their decisions at the end of season 2, though so far without Crowley changing his mind and coming back.

It has all been layed out for us from the beginning. Which is why it baffles me so much that so many people did not seem to see it - or want to see it.

Now, Crowley's character arc!

I am not really sure about that, but so far, to me, it seems to be just as all over the place as the plot setups and his sideburns, hair length, hair colour and sunglasses during the season are.

We are shown that present-day-Crowley keeps important things from Aziraphale - he still hasn't told him about Gabriel's attitude during the attempted execution, he hasn't told him that he is living in his car, and even when Aziraphale tells him that he needs to go to Heaven, he doesn't tell him about the looming second attempt at an apocalypse - which is extremely weird, since it would have been so important for Aziraphale to know and could have influenced his final decision quite a lot. At this moment the latest you also can't explain it as an attempt to protect Aziraphale anymore, since going in blind could make things actually more dangerous for him.

He did not do this during season 1, where it was Aziraphale who kept things from him for quite a while.

But after all this aggravated not-telling-him-things all he needs is a conversation with Nina & Maggie and immediately afterwards he makes the biggest, most honest confession of his life? Really?

And then all these comments casually dropped about his former rank as angel - "How do you know I didn't do it?" / "That's not actually a thing, that's just something we used to joke about to frighten the Cherubs" / "They never change their passwords" - and all these hints about his memory - he knows how it feels to "look at where the furniture isn't", he doesn't remember or claims not to remember either Furfur or Saraquael - something just doesn't add up. It actually is like looking at where the furniture isn't.

I do want to believe that when I figure it out that I will know a lot more about what's coming in season 3. Alas, I don't think I can figure it out without knowing what is coming in season 3.

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kalims · 2 years

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‎˃ ᵕ ˂ . . "what the—please put me down,, it's not a wedding nor am i ready to get married!"

bridal style but it's not a wedding,

or in which, they carry you bridal style.

characters. dorm leaders.

includes. gn reader, this is a small treat for over 4k followers :) since I still wanted to give yall one

cw. reader impied to be injured/sick.

note. I rate sumeru archon quest a solid 9.7/10 and yes, I only finished it yesterday LMAO. u wondering why malleus' is different? thats right he's just special. <3

— riddle rosehearts

"you okay there?" you stare at riddle knowingly. eyeing his red face that was neither from embarrassment nor anger. the man in question nods stiffly, adjusting his hold on you in a way that makes you fly for a second.

riddle grits out an answer. ignoring the way he was painstakingly slow on taking you to whatever destination. gods.. he's never been so mad at the fact that the infirmary was so far. "I'm doing just..—" he trips on a small pen that was just coincidentally in the middle of the hallway, nearly tumbling forward and leering you to the ground but he catched himself at the last moment.

and pretended nothing just happened but he definitely just spared a searing look towards the innocent pen. "—fine."

"it's fine. I can walk." you eventually nudge him however he seems more determined hearing your words. noticing your particular look riddle panics. "w-wait.. it's alright! I'm doing okay!"

it's not that you're light, or heavy at all. but in general riddle is far more impressive in the.. magical aspect, in terms of heavy lifting in heartslabyul. he leaves it to trey, cater and other residents who are far more competent than him.

you shake your head, he was being oddly intent with this. "if I can't even do this when you are in need of care how will i learn in the future?" riddle frustratingly sighs. sure, he can admit he was probably gonna sleep tonight and wake up with sore arms but the very least,, you'd see him as a strong person. inside and out.

that was quite suggestive, not in the way you're thinking but rather.. "oh? so.. you see a future with me?" placing a hand on your chest you smile at riddle who wastes no time dropping you. you reminisced a long lost.. experience when you fell because honestly, the pain you felt in your bottom was excruciating.

he glares at you despite the steam animatedly coming out of his ears. "is this a joke? I—" riddle paused as if just noticing your clear pain even though you wear a tight lipped smile on your face.

then he panics again, crouching down. "I'm sorry.. I was careless."

meanwhile. I can't tell if all the pain I'm feeling right now is worth it for his vision of the future and concern.

you continue to stare at the wall in a daze, completely silence as riddle is in an inner monolog regretting his life choices.

leona kingscholar

"oi. are you paying me for this, I don't give out service for free."

leona says but you merely squint at him. "since when was money something you needed?" you point a finger at him accusingly but he just shrugs, annoyingly enough. "dunno. might need it. you'll pay me back somehow. I'll make sure of it." he makes a show of trying to intimidate you with his stare.

you flail your arms around in frustration, pretending to not notice the stare he directed at you when you accidentally hit him in the face. you definitely did not want to be under leona's crazy favors again.. "but im gonna die if you don't bring me there?!"

"it's just a fractured rib. ah. right, tell me. who did this to you." leona plays it off cooly but you know full well what his words imply. now,, should you destroy someone's life or spare mercy on them? meh.. either way you probably didn't have a choice because ruggie was there and the hyena was gonna rat it out to leona anyways. "some random from diasomnia. it's not that serious."

maybe it was a bad idea mentioning diasomnia cause leona has this scary look on his face right now and you're sure he's gonna be 100x more merciless on them since they're in the dorm of someone he hates. "not that serious? look at you. you look like you're gonna die from every breath and move you take." he huffed.

how ironic. "didn't you say that it's 'just' a fractured rib?"

leona just ignores you but he's slowed down considerably, which you'd like to think for your sake when he realizes that you indeed,, are struggling whenever you move.

the silence was quite awkward so after a while you decide to speak.

"anyways. if you don't need money just tell me what you do need so I can get it over with as soon as possible."

leona doesn't look at you until you're at the very door of the infirmary itself. since when did you arrive? time flew by quite quick or he's really just that athletic.

you expect not to get an answer till he places his hand on the knob, preparing to open it and then freezing. then, he looks at you finally. "you. i need you to get better so you can come back to me."

you were about to have an inner crisis— scratch that you were having an inner crisis when there's someone clearing their throat and a seemingly long object making contact with a palm. you both turn and see crewel looking quite furious. he points at leona.

"pups and kitties don't get along. scram little one, I'll take care of them."

leona looked like he just didn't care but definitely iffed by crewel ruining the moment.

you hear something about audacity and kitties.

azul ashengrotto

"i... they'd be better off with someone else." azul trails off. looking away and clearing his throat, crewel spares him an unimpressed look. looking thoroughly bold enough to start whipping his little stick around for a spin.

crewel glares at him. "you are the only person in here ashengrotto. do you think this is a choice? would you rather them writhing on the floor then?" at his azul's lips grow thin and he's trying quite hard to avoid the man's narrowed eyes.

he points at jade; who sits at a chair right next to you. the man in question lifts his head, somehow probably feeling the finger pointed at him. jade does look like he already knew it was azul and grins. he feigns confusion. ".. what about jade then..? he's far more equipped to carry them."

azul debates, strangely intent on not being the one to carry you to the infirmary. crewel drags a hand down his face. "no. that pup is injured as well, are you blind? leech has a broken leg." the man points at the poorly done bandages around jade's leg, an indication that the one who did it wasn't exactly a professional.

you just feel like a bystander to this weird conversion going back and forth.

jade places a hand over his knee and rubs it slowly. "ah.. yes, it's quite the chore for me to walk. imagine me carrying someone else, it must be painful." you look back and forth toward the two octavinelle students.

azul looks like the mixture of bursting a nerve and embarrassment. jade looks at him knowing full well that he could have broken another limb and be able to walk just fine. but it's quite funny azul trying to hide a.. fact from you.

"no i—"

crewel shakes his head. "it is final. you carry them there or else."

to his relief crewel ushers jade to follow as he walks out the door. but his friend still had the audacity to smile at him as he passes through the door.

when I get my hands on him I'll...

"it's okay. you can't carry me, right?"

at your seeming reassurance azul flushes and looks like he's at a loss of words. before he can speak you already beat him to it. "jade told me that you can't do much heavy lifting. in your human form that is." you laugh.

azul looks down in shame and embarrassment. perhaps he could scam I mean.. gain a new client that was willing to swap strength with him?

"that's alright. just keep in mind that I'll be looking forward to see how strong you are in your mer-form."

he flushes completely.

wait how was he gonna get you to the infirmary..?

kalim al asim

jamil is in a dilemma.

he isn't usually someone to tolerate another person's presence but your annoying little self still somehow wormed your way into his heart—non consensual of course. he doesn't like worms at all by the way.

so naturally he's a little.. concerned, just a little that kalim insists on being the one to carry you to the infirmary and as far as jamil knew, kalim hasn't exactly been working on his physical stature with the exception of the painfully long, hot walks in the desert.

"jamil! it's okay. really, I got this." kalim flashes the man a bright smile which only further raises his concern or whether or not you're gonna arrive in the infirmary with more injuries than you were supposed to.

it's not that jamil doesn't trust kalim—actually he doesn't.. but the the boy can be quite clumsy and as much as kalim seems to be willing to give you about a thousand gold bars if you asked for it he just isn't convinced.

plus you're as equally stupid.

and the only thing you and kalim don't know about each other is that you're utterly whipped and jamil also didn't consent to knowing this. so he resists the urge to roll his eyes when you nod. "yeah! I'm sure you have other vice-dorm leaders stuff to do!"

"see?!"

if it meant picking between taking the risk and safety of his admittedly, close friend what would he choose?

yeah he's not dealing with this. jamil closes his eyes. "then kalim would have 'dorm leader stuff' to do as well so I trust you to go there yourself?" which is typically jamil's silent threat but totally with love.

kalim looks confused. "I... do?"

miraculously enough he turns to you and you both start acting like you didn't just sprain your knee. "I'm a dorm leader too.. doesn't that mean i have dorm leader stuff too?" your face scrunched up in distaste at the thought of even more work meanwhile kalims brightens.

he seems ecstatic and you do not. "we're the same!"

jamil tries to cut in. "guys please. can we just get (name) to the infirmary first..?" he sighs quietly. wondering what he did in this past life to receive such a troublesome one.

you both ignore him.

"YES. if they finish treating you we can do dorm leader stuff together, let's go!"

you won't be that stupid to turn face at the relevation, rig— oh nevermind you are.

in the end you thankfully did not arrive to the infirmary with an additional injury but you certainly did get a whirling headache when you did from how fast kalim's carpet moved.

jamil swears to never do this again.

vil schoenheit

you're a little worried. if there's anything you're absolutely sure of it's that vil deserves to do everything full of luxury; it lives up to his very existence! some dirt like you compared to a literal diamond? oh geez, you don't even wanna start.

sure you're no better than one of his fans that fell in love with his looks however you can't deny that it was the thing that got you entranced in the first place. though you will admit that vil had a way with words that got you reeling in the second you met.

there's about a hundred things you'd list as to why you like him a lot.

which is why you're doubtful and refuting his offer to carry you. vil must have other better things to do than deal with you just cause of a small little slip. "it's fine. I can do it go do your thing." though vil stares at you pointedly as if looking for confirmation that you actually just turned him down.

"are you looking down on me? I can do this."

in a panic you frantically shake your head. "no!"

you'd never even dream of looking down on vil. if there was anything that was on the bottom it'd be you while he's WAY up there.

vil softly drags his palm against his forehead, careful to not smudge the makeup that lays there. he resists the urge to glare at you—which he apparently could not, since you already avoided his gaze the moment he cast his eyes on you.

"then what is the problem? I do not see one. do you perhaps don't like me?" vil rolls his eyes at you and the sheer audacity in his words to assume that you don't almost has you quaking in your boots!

honestly what's there to not like about him?! sure his mindset about beauty is a little.. strange but it's definitely admirable.

this time you shake your head frivolously, so much that you were actually starting to get dizzy. "absolutely not. don't even say that, I like you the most." you say seriously and your words actually halt vil right in his movements.

he stares at you again and you realize how risky what you said is.

so you throw up your arms and attempt to change the subject. "well. not that it matters, what im saying is! you don't need to dirty yourself for me."

vil raises that judging brow. "no? if you think so highly of me then surely i should treat the one i like most the same."

me..? you think dumbly.

in your flabbergasted state vil takes advantage of you actually end up in the infirmary still stunned to silence as he casually fixes up your appearance.

idia shroud

idia can't tell if he just fell from sheer anxiety or just he couldn't really do it.

but right now all he wants is to dig out a hole, crawl into it and close it then refuse to leave it till the rest of humanity is wiped out from existence because he'll never forget about the embarrassment he's feeling right now.

right, let's rewind! it just so happens that one of the things crowley gave you as work for free residency in ramshackle is that you'd have to assist professors as an assistance of sorts. simple really.

but then no one noticed the way you deliberately freeze in the middle of walking, pretending to sight see outside when your surroundings are literally spinning and your head is pounding from it. there's the peak of the pound then it slowly calms down.

to your unfortunate it didn't mean the pain went away.

it actually hurt you to stand up. more so deal with the bundle of immature third years who aren't any better than the other lower years! you've seen many younger people be more mature than these guys and it's infuriating.

though idia noticed.

it's hard not to when he has no one to talk to, no one to occupy his attention with except you.

so with his full attention of course he noticed the concerning behavior you displayed. and idia debated whether or not to snitch but he has crippling anxiety and his head is just full of doubts. eventually he came to a conclusion that he won't because it'll 'probably be a mistake'

and he did make a mistake, which is not snitching on you. to think he used to say snitches get no bitches. his silence ended up with you passed out on the floor, and your loud thunk completely silenced the whole room.

and now he's the one being ordered to carry you because he 'understood' the lesson best compared to his classmates—and you both knew each other better.

he doesn't even wanna try at all but why the heck isn't ortho answering his comms?! this is a real life EMERGENCY!

between letting you burn up here and possibly humiliating himself idia chooses the latter. his little prophecy did turn out right since when he got you, and lifted you up he tripped immediately.

"good heavens help me..." idia mutters to himself. unable to wait to see his bed and hide in it for the span of the following weeks.

well atleast when you woke up; first thing you saw was idia grinding on your account with his phone since you graciously gave him. he flashes you a wobbly smile and you wonder why he looks exhausted.

malleus draconia

a school play.

you were picked for a school play.

WHY?!?!? was the first thing you screeched in your mind and you didn't even care that there might actually be a mind reader in the room that would hear your screaming and suffer a concussion from how loud and chaotic it is.

either vil wanted to make you better or terrorize you for beating the shit out of him in that stadium since he casted you as one of the main leads who suffers a secret love from the misunderstood villian.

which would've been okay (it's not) if malleus wasn't the misunderstood villian! seriously, who made this play script?

it's not that you hate him it's just that there's a lot of romance scenes. and your heart will absolutely not be able to take the cheesy lines and start bursting into rainbows and stuff.

and the fact that you just kind of, liked him.

wait how did vil even get him to join the play...? you're sure he would've gave up after meeting sebek.

this time the scene is running away from the mages who found out that you made contact with the misunderstood and is now chasing you to most probably imprison you.

set in a snowy plain, you don't know where vil gets all the stuff to make it so realistic cause even you're questioning if this is some hologram or actually reality.

and now you're literally being carried by malleus as the icy weather bites back at you. and of course as a natural response you just sneakily snuggle into his arms more, you hope he really just doesn't notice.

the lines you memorized grow a little hazy but you manage. "are they gone?" you peek behind malleus shoulder. how nice was it to marvel at the world from his height? you don't know how, or when but there's a warmth on your fingers that has you realizing how numb it felt from the cold.

malleus rubs your hands with his own. sharing a quarter of his warmth to you and you're not sure if the warmth should have traveled all the way up to your face. then, he answered. "yes, my love." the nickname wasn't probably meant for you, but rather your character but it still sends you to orbit.

he cradles your face—wait is this part of the script? you don't remember.. malleus runs his thumb just below your cheekbone, pressing gently and once again making you find out about a graze you never really felt till he pulled away and showed you the blood.

didn't vil say there wouldn't be any real life action involved?!

you can spot his eyes just getting a tad, bit darker. "I'll lead you to my tower, stay there and do not move. I just have to deal with.. something." he kisses your forehead.

you resist the urge to scratch your chin.

"cut, cut! all the things you both did wasn't in the script at all." vil facepalms but the blonde beside him looks far more happy. rook flashes you a grin. "encore, encore! what touching improvisation. impressive!"

you eye malleus with concern. "where are you going?"

"to deal with something of course."

but.. didn't the practice just end?

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coffee-with-mint-syrup · 2 months

Text

The case of live-action atla zutara.

First of all, the scarf scene. I won't be repeating myself, here are some main points - there was absolutely no reason for Zuko to act the way he did and for the scene to be shot this dramatically. Even if they did the shipbaiting in this scene - it means there's a ship which is much more than live-action kataang has at this point. Also I don't really think these guys are shipbaiting type but that's just the impression I got.

Then - the second obvious one - Oma and Shu's visuals. We have star-crossed lovers from two towns at war, basically the local equivalent of Romeo and Juliet (as in legendary lovers who are known above all for their love) wearing coincidentally colors that are primarily associated with two of our characters (who shared this dramatically shot scene in the previous episode).

And I know, it may seem so insignificant - but but but but! - you have to think about this. Of course there are creators, writers and showrunners that are unaware of some non-canon ships or don't care about them. But it's not the case for atla. No, creators of atla were so aware of zutara - they wrote a parody scene in a in-world trashy play to mock this fan pairing and it still proved absolutely nothing and just gave zutara more content. The creators and writers of this adaptation clearly had the discussion "what we should do with kataang" - because there is no trace of kataang in the 1st season. So it was a conscious decision to omit that - but where would the romantic subplot go? Well, I don't know, but they are showrunners, they most certainly discussed options. They are clearly very, very, very much aware of zutara. And they still do this? They still show us Oma and Shu wearing red and blue? All they had to do is to give at least one of them any different color. Any. But they didn't. (for fuck sake, it is the Earth Kingdom - yellow and green would do it)

There were zero, no, nada Kataang interactions, implications or those scenes that are filmed just a little bit too dramatically like the scarf one. I don't know, there's still a chance that they will wait for season 3 to make Aang's crush on Katara happen. I'm also not so sure what will happen to Aang failing to open seventh chakra, I mean - his love for Katara has a huge purpose in series, so it still doesn't look very good. But you can't even imagine how glad I am that they didn't do this secret tunnel thing. It was very uncomfortable.

So it was the more fact-based part of my case, let's get to the irrational, almost delusional part, tin foil hat probably needed.

Almost all the scenes Zuko and Katara shared in the first season kept reminding me of another famous enemies-to-lovers ship that actually became canon in the infamous final episode - Reylo, the way it was filmed in The Force Awakens. I mean - the first fight in the woods where she looses, the intensity of him staring at her, the final fight in snowy location where she kicks his ass and shows her mastering this superpower, him trying to talk to her during this fight and mentioning her learning/having to learn...Zuko calling Katara a peasant reminded me of this "Rey is no one" discourse. I don't know man, I haven't thought about The Force Awakens reylo for a very long time and it just kept popping in my head.

All of this - it's like a blueprint for enemies to lovers.

Also I actually think that the look they shared in the 2nd episode was also shot kinda weirdly and dramatically. It's not to the extent of the scarf scene but I do remember thinking that "why did they film it they way? it's too intense".

In the conclusion I'd like to say that as much as I like all the season 1 zutara stuff they left out in the adaptation - necklace subplot and implications, pirates and the famous "You rise with the moon, I rise with the sun" - I think I actually prefer the scarf scene. Yes, it would be so great to see those things in adaptation but in the end of the day they would still be just the things they kept from the original and probably noting more. Like the cabbages or the secret tunnel song or anything else, just things from the source material that implicate nothing. While the scarf scene, the Oma and Shu's clothes - it means they made a conscious decision to make it that way. It means they put some thought into that and some meaning. And this gives me hope there's a chance for Zutara in this adaptation.

P.S. I told about this my sister who hasn't watch the series yet and she said "I think people who made this show are just shipping zutara in secret". I do not necessarily imply she might be right - but creators of animated series (the very same people that made kataang canon, not zutara) DID leave because of some creative differences and because they couldn't control creative decision. Might as well be THAT kind of decision.

#finally got it all out of my system #this whole thing just screams: Coincidence? I think NOT!#but seriously #can we have this one?#zutara #avatar the last airbender #atla #atla spoilers #netflix atla

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becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys · 2 years

Note

Is there any chance we could have a round up of the Circus? I am so lost on how the dominoes fell over the last 40 days

Okay this is not comprehensive, because (a) my husband the politics nerd is currently on his way to a gig in west Wales somewhere and so cannot chime in and also (b) all our political journalist friends are understandably quite busy right now doing political journaling, but I seem to have an influx of new followers who are also very confused and don't understand what's going on, so I shall try.

Alright so what we're seeing here is the Second Clownfall of 2022, the hotly anticipated sequel to the Adventures of Big Dog the Clown. However it revolves around the character of Liz Truss, and will use some terminology, so

Previous Reading

Important Terminology - Required Reading

What is a Whip?

How do Whips work?

Shadow Cabinet

Front Benchers, Back Benchers and the Cabinet

What do we need to call an early General Election?

The Adventures of Big Dog the Clown - Suggested Reading

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Elanor's Guide to Liz Truss - Suggested Reading

Character-based prequel

...okay I think that's everything. On with the show!

The Premiership of Liz Truss (2022-2022)

Week One

We begin our tale on September 5th, 2022. Coincidentally, that was also the date that I personally started my new job. Let's see which of us does better!

The Daily Mail is delighted, and runs a headline proclaiming "Cometh the hour, cometh the woman". Tory rag in a frock coat the Financial Times runs an op-ed:

So the results ARE IN! She will definitely fuck us up! But that's a good thing for vague reasons! Blitz spirit everyone. Tally ho, pip pip, shoot a servant and have sex with a wall, hey what. Good old Blighty.

(That's my best impression of Tories I'm good at their accents I hope you like it)

Truss does an interview with Laura Kuenssberg, and fellow guest and comedian Joe Lycett wildly and effusively applauds her every word. Even Liz realises no one would sincerely applaud her. Bafflingly, the entire right wing press and every member of the Tory party freak out about this, because they don't understand the function of a satirist and don't know how to defend against it. It is extremely funny. Joe Lycett announces he's a right-wing comedian now, and begins a new extended career bit effusively and sarcastically praising right wing politicians. They all cry extensively and call him mean.

SO, it's been a long hard leadership campaign! But she made it. For years, Tories have been blighted by the curse of the PM/Chancellor relationship, backstabbing and cheating and lying about each other to try and get power. But not our Liz, oh no; her Chancellor is Maths Mate and BFF Kwasi Kwarteng, an insipid and poisonous gnome known for three (3) things:

He once wrote a stupid book with Liz Truss about his stupid opinions on how he thinks economics work and everyone laughed at him and stuffed him in a locker

On the night of the Brexit vote he was overheard by a journalist gleefully saying “Who cares if sterling crashes? It will come back up again“ which are of course the words of a man who knows all about economics and how they work

This fucking bullshit back in July:

But hey IT'S OKAY! Everything is fine! Because Liz and Kwasi are BFFs who certainly never had an affair and are marching in lockstep and have each other's backs and both love maths more than their own children if they had any! Maths Friends!

Multiple resignations immediately follow.

Among them is Ben Elliot, the Tory Party chair, which is a pretty big deal from a man who just lived through the Johnson years; also, shockingly, Priti Patel, the deportation-happy Home Secretary, decides that even as an animatronic goblin she cannot support this nonsense.

It's not a resignation per se, but at ten to seven in the evening it's announced that Andrew Bridgen, the Troy MP for Leicestershire North West, has been evicted from his home and ordered to pay £800,000 in legal costs, and a possible £244,000 in rent arrears. Also described as "dishonest" by a judge.

This is not directly relevant to Liz Truss but look, it was a staggeringly weird day and this was basically the topper.

Anyway.

Liz goes to the Palace and is duly sworn in by the Queen, who promptly keels over and dies the very next day. Parliament is instantly shut down for mandatory mourning. As omens go, this one was not subtle.

This triggers the circulation of some very awkward footage of Young Truss talking about how she thinks the Monarchy should be abolished for being a gross relic of horrifying social stratification. However you must understand that it's not awkward because anyone thinks she murdered the Queen. It's because Liz Truss's attempts at public speaking are like sitting through a children's Christmas play when you're the only person in the audience and they can all see your face so you have to look encouraging for four hours when inside you are shrivelling into something approximating an apricot pit travelling to the core of Jupiter.

Take a look at her acceptance speech and wither.

Anyway we're now several MPs and a queen down so she's got to get on replacing those so she can focus on her real love: the much-anticipated mini-budget that she is preparing with Kwasi to save the UK from the harrowing quagmire of crippling poverty that Big Dog managed to drive us into (all while pretending it wasn't Big Dog who did it.)

Fortunately, she does not need to replace the queen! Monarchies take care of themselves, which many people would argue is very much the problem, of course. They had a proper reunion with Meghan From Suits and Meghan From Suits' husband, both of whom were banned from visiting Balmoral, and also the Nonce flew in, who was allowed to visit Balmoral. Such heartwarming scenes.

But the Cabinet, that's another matter. That's something Liz DOES have to do, and it's important she gets it right, Tumblrs, because you see, every time a Cabinet minister is replaced it's expensive and a hassle and it weakens a government by making them look all crumbly, like a packet of biscuits that's been rammed against a wall and now someone is opening it and everyone is bracing for Crumbs.

So, step forward to the Cabinet soulless ghoul Suella Braverman, the new Home Secretary. She immediately distinguishes herself by trying to legalise torture.

And then, naturally,

YEAH THAT'S RIGHT IT'S TICK TOCK TERF O'CLOCK also FUCK the sovereignty of the Scottish Parliament amirite ladies lol Girl Power uwu

Not that she can actually do anything at this point, of course. As I say: Enforced Mourning is in process, which means Parliament is shut down for ten days. No work, no speeches, no appearances, no announcements, just taxpayer's money going on legal fees to see if she can interfere with another nation's elected government in order to strip away the human rights of queer people.

However, while we all weep over the corpse of Queen Lizzie Two and beat our breasts in grief, the already-beleaguered pound is slowly bleeding out through this inaction. And this, to the Maths Mates, is unacceptable.

Two things get quietly slid into the news cycle.

Thing the First:

BIG YIKES LADS

Thing the Second:

Fracking ban in England lifted in bid to boost UK gas supply - BBC News

For those who don't know, fracking is an energy extraction process. Water, gas and dust are pumped at high pressure into shale bedrock to crack it open, releasing pockets of natural gas that can then be harvested for fuel. It's environmentally disastrous for multiple reasons, both direct (earthquakes, groundwater pollution, social impacts) and indirect (IT'S STILL A FOSSIL FUEL YOU STUPID CUNTS ARE YOUR SKULLS FUCKING EMPTY). The Welsh and Scottish governments have both banned it outright, a straight-up "Foot down no, petal". England, though, is the Tory paradise, so the ban was less complete.

However, this is still a Huge Deal - the 2019 Tory manifesto was very clear that fracking would only be unbanned IF "the science shows categorically that it can be done safely". In fact, most Tories don't like it either. Their constituents REALLY don't. Also in March Kwasi Kwarteng literally went on record and said it wouldn't lower European gas prices anyway; but not anymore! Now he thinks it's a zippy idea. Just spiffing. Top hole, pip pip (I'm so good at their accents :))

Scientists who have been studying the environmental impacts of fracking produce their report -

And it is quietly buried, so as not to offend the corpse of Lizzie Two.

Here ends the first four days of the Reign of Liz Truss.

Second Week

Anyway, royalists have gone insane and started a REALLY BIG queue to see a box that supposedly contains the rotting cadaver of the old queen. Multiple people have to be hospitalised because they join the Queue and don't take food, water, warm clothes, or essential daily medications with them, even though the Queue is literally days long. Some die. Many take the ashes of their own loved ones so they can wave them at the box for the thirty seconds they get to be in front of it, like a sort of play date for ashes.

Prince Charles, now King Prince Charles, starts swanning about as King, demanding everyone be sad for him and clap him to cheer him up. Someone holds up a sign saying 'Not my King' and gets arrested. This triggers a whole wave of protests and arrests as free speech slides out the window, until the Met Police chief has to step in and explain to the police like they're five-year-olds that they can't do that, actually, and need to cut that shit out.

But we can't wholly blame the police, because the main pressure to clamp down on protestors actually came from...

The government.

Meanwhile the country goes bat shit fucking insane. In order not to offend the fragile sensibilities of royalists, now so brittle they need to be treated with the same delicate touch normally reserved for unstable nitroglycerin, the UK sees supermarkets lowering the volume of self-serve checkout desks, people's funerals cancelled, vital operations and other medical interventions postponed, Centre Parcs cancelling holidays, FOOD BANKS CLOSING, Nintendo Direct cancelling its live stream in Britain (but not cancelling the release of the recording onto You Tube an hour later because as we all know Queen Elizabeth II was a MASSIVE livestream fan and would have been DEVASTATED to miss it but she was very 'meh' about YouTube), cycle racks being closed, and this unhinged shrieking harridan:

Very normal, lads. Very normal.

Oh and also they cancelled Owain Glyndwr Day so as a Welsh person I am now legally allowed to forcibly ram a daffodil into the urethras of the landed English gentry.

However, the protests grow as the suppression wanes. By the time King Prince Charles comes to Wales, he is met with silent protests, this guy who learned a sentence in Welsh specially for the occasion, and a petition to abolish the Prince of Wales title.

Except government is still shut down, so the petitions are all suspended.

But not to worry! That gives the Maths Mates more time to work on their special mini-budget.

Week Three

More of the same at first, really, but she finally addresses the nation to announce that the Queen was the "rock" on which "modern Britain was built".

Also someone finally spots that the necklace she always wears is a day collar, so that was fun.

BUT THEN

The moment we have all been waiting for, with baited breath.

On the 23rd September, 2022, the mini-budget finally arrives. The golden egg of Kwasi and Liz, their beloved, beautiful child, the crowning glory, the culmination of their economic beliefs and values. They are so proud of it, so sure of it, that they do not even submit it for the approval of the Office for Budget Responsibility. Why should they? This is the moment Kwarteng can finally show the world that he was right; that this is the way to do economics after all; that he alone in his brilliance and genius has reinvented the field and will lead the country to a new era of riches and prosperity.

And the pound does this:

Yikes.

Truss goes into hiding for a day and a half, during which time her aids claim all her relatives have died so she won't have to speak to the press, which is obviously a simply fantastic quality in a Prime Minister. Finally, she resurfaces by doing a series of radio interviews for regional stations around the UK, hoping they'll be easier on her, starting with Radio Leeds. The good journalists of Yorkshire eviscerate her and strew her corpse through Adel Woods. It's downhill from there.

Week Four

One poll puts Labour 33 points ahead of the Tories.

It can be a little difficult to translate polls, because the electoral system is complex, so I asked my journalist friends. They cheerfully informed me that, if translated into a General Election, the Tories would have just 3 seats left.

Except! Of course, naturally, that is me reporting naught but the most extreme result, Tumblrs, dancing upon the bones of my enemies as I chant the rites to make the Tory party die faster. If I were to be fair about this - and I am, of course, a journalist of Integrity and Morals - I would actually give the average poll result. And I am wise and fair to all, ancient rites aside, so I shall.

The average poll result is still 19 points ahead.

Tony Blair's landslide Labour victory in 1999 was 12 points.

Rounding off the day, Labour declare that they are backing a change to a proportional representation voting system in place of the UK’s archaic first past the post system. Funny that.

Anyway, that mini-budget is going poorly. Realising unlimited borrowing rather than tax cuts for the rich is maybe Bad Actually, the Maths Mates decide to get the money for their bail-outs some other way. Can you guess, Tumblrs? Can you guess where they decide to get the money from?

Naturally.

Week Five

In a fascinating little twist, the papers claim Liz banned King Prince Charles from going to the Climate Summit in Egypt. This is interesting for about a billion reasons, not least of which is that the papers seem very angry about this and yet also that it's an unsubstantiated rumour - the phrase "it's understood that _" gets a hell of a workout.

She then does not go herself. Makes sense. They'll probably be mean to her about the fracking.

She then loses the support of the Daily Mail, a paper that five weeks before were ecstatic about her rise to power :( so sad. But why? What made them change their minds?

Well. What else from Truss, but a massive and catastrophic u-turn on the economy?

And she does! The absolute nutter!

Plans to cut the 45p tax rate for those earning upwards of £150,000 were abandoned, as were:

abolishing the planned rise in corporation tax

cutting the basic rate of income tax

the two-year energy bill support plan

scrapping the planned dividend tax hike

VAT-free shopping for international tourists

freezing alcohol duty

easing of IR25 rules for the self-employed

ALL GONE! All gone. The mini-budget is not working so lol jk we'll think of something else, that's how government works, right? The pound promptly implodes further. Of all people, Nadine Dorries is the one to criticise

WE ARE IN A TOPSY TURVEY UPSIDE DOWN WORLD

The Daily Mail still finds a way to say it's all Michael Gove's fault, though.

Anyway, the 5th October dawns bright and beautiful and YouGov polls rural voters:

THIS IS HUUUUUUUUUGE, because farmers just will not fucking stop voting Tory, AND YET. Wowsers. Not just popularity. Voting intention. She might as well have personally infected every farm in the South Downs with foot and mouth disease.

Truss realises her popularity is plummeting and she needs a new audience. She tries to appear down with the kids and declares that she's the only PM to have gone to a comprehensive school.

This is not true. Gordon Brown and Theresa May both did. However, it's certainly true that all three of them became PM by ousting a sitting PM, so there's that I guess.

Week Six

At this point I can start putting in PRECISE DATEs just call ME Robert Peston.

13th October

News reporters start speculating that she'll be done by the end of the month as the first rumoured letter of no confidence reaches us. People realise that her competition for shortest serving PM was a guy who died in office of TB at about the four month mark RIP king sorry about your lungs.

(A reminder - normally, if MPs want to oust a party leader, they must send in 54 letters of no confidence. This makes the 1922 Committee - a bunch of back benchers who preside over this shit - hold a vote of no confidence. A leader who loses gives way - this is very rare. A leader who wins is then immune to another such vote for 12 months, but they almost always crumble within a month or two anyway - this is much more common.)

This is extremely funny, because a newly-elected leader of the party has a 12 month immunity to votes of no confidence, same as people who've won such a vote. Likes charge reblogs cast apparently. MPs are getting desperate.

Pressure mounts. Chancellor Kwasi Kwarteng announces that he is "Not going anywhere."

14th October

Chancellor Kwasi Kwarteng is sacked and blamed for the entire economic mess.

Incredibly, Liz does this without first planning a replacement, so it's several hours before Jeremy Cunt suddenly reappears like the spectre at the fucking feast.

Meanwhile here's Ed Milliband on Twitter

Seven and a half years he waited to retweet that. Seven and a half long years, look, to have the last laugh.

In the end, he still went too soon.

15th October

Deputy PM and also Health Minister Therese Coffey (side note - have they always doubled up in roles like that? Or are there just not enough of them anymore?) announces that she loves antibiotic resistance and dead kids and also breaking laws:

16th October

The Sunday Times calls for Extremely Corrupt Former Grand Vizier Rishi Sunak to take over, and then a General Election so that Labour can take the reins.

The SUNDAY TIMES

Calling for LABOUR

The Sunday Mail tries to stir up support for Ben Wallace taking over, because no one has heard of Ben Wallace so he needs the boost, but then accidentally publish their front page with a different man

In another YouGov poll for the Times, not a single political group, age group, area of the country, gender, or other demographic said that Liz Truss was the right choice for PM

This is the new predicted election graph:

Yikes

17th October

The projected election results are a Labour victory so complete the opposition would be the SNP. Legend suggests Nicola Sturgeon's cackle on finding out was so powerful she accidentally resurrected a witchfinder.

18th October

Meanwhile in the Senedd, Welsh Tory leader Andrew RT Davies, a sort of humanoid boil dressed in ham, tries to accuse placid and gentle First Minister for Wales Mark Drakeford's Labour of being responsible for long ambulance waiting times.

T'was a mistake.

youtube

19th October

Oh boy.

Well, first of all, Suella Braverman sends an official email from her private email address, and then promptly leaves the Cabinet at cannonball speeds as though she's seen a brown child about to be given citizenship. Was she quietly fired by Jeremy Cunt? Did she do it deliberately to resign? On her way out, she blames the true source of our problems - the Guardian-reading, tofu-eating Wokerati.

Nigella Lawson spends the day tweeting tofu recipes.

Meanwhile, Graham Brady, the Chair of the 1922 Committee, comes to Liz Truss to inform her that he has in fact now received 54 letters of no confidence. Normally, of course, that would be considered enough to trigger a vote in her leadership; but not now.

However, these are unprecedented times. So he changes the threshold - if half of the Tories send him letters, her immunity will be revoked.

But the thing is, Tumblrs, the thing is...

It is all about to kick off in the most spectacular and catastrophic fireworks since Guy Fawkes had a dream.

Because Ed Milliband, once accused of leading the country to chaos and now riding high on the joy of his well-timed Twitter jab of Some Days Ago, wakes this morning and chooses violence.

He has spotted, of course, that no one likes fracking; even the Tories are against it.

He has also spotted that Liz Truss is very stupid.

So he goes into the House of Commons, and he digs a big pit and covers it over with twigs and leaves so it can't be seen, and he bakes a big cake and he places it in the middle of the twigs, and he sets up a net to fall as well and a big stick of ACME dynamite, and he hammers in little signs everywhere saying CAUTION - TRAP, by which I am of course being metaphorical because what he actually does is table a motion to extend the moratorium on fracking. The signs aren't necessary, really. This trap is easy to avoid.

All Liz Truss has to do, you see, is not use a three-line whip on this vote.

The three-line whip, as you'll all recall, is the highest level of coercion. MPs cannot defy a three-line whip. MPs cannot even abstain on a three-line whip. MPs have two choices on a three-line whip: to vote as they're told, or to be removed from the party. You obey or resign. That's all.

For this reason, it's sometimes called a 'confidence vote', as it is effectively a stand-in for one. The vote is not about the issue at hand - this is now a vote of confidence in your leader.

(He's also laid lesser traps. Years back when fracking was first being heavily discussed, Ed was Labour leader and one of the main figures in those discussions. During today, before it all Kicks The Fuck Off, a Tory stands and challenges him on previous statements about fracking, trying to accuse him of hypocrisy.

He was fucking ready for it.)

Graham Brady pops his head back around the door. He's changed his mind - a third of the party is all that's needed now to trigger a vote of no confidence in Liz Truss. And legend says he's only 17 off.

This is presumably the reason for what comes next.

Liz panics. Liz sees she's desperately unpopular. Liz sees that she has to do something to shore up support; and she sees that her important fracking rule, which her party hates her for, is now being challenged by a former Labour leader, and if he wins (which he will) she'll lose all credibility and maybe they'll take her nice office away and tell her she was a Bad Girl.

And so, with the inevitability of gravity on the now-leaden pound sterling, she makes it a three-line whip, and a confidence vote in her government.

INSTANT CHAOS.

There is uproar! There is rage! There is blinding fury! Tory MPs are standing up in the Commons and snarling and pissing and moaning! No one likes fracking except Jacob Rees Mogg! For TWO HOURS they shriek and scream and gnash their teeth, yelling at Liz Truss, demanding to know why this is happening.

(Legend has it chaos-deity Ed Milliband simply leaned back, put his feet up on the chair in front, and made Christian Wakeford hand-feed him grapes and fan him with a palm leaf, but this is unsubstantiated.)

And then, at 6.55, FIVE MINUTES before voting is ready to begin, the Tory Minister for Climate Graham Stewart stands up and declares that everyone should vote how they want because it's not a confidence vote.

Did I say there was chaos before?

Lol. Lmao, even. Rofl, in fact.

Now Tories leap to their feet and basically all scream one long, unending breath of WHAT-DO-YOU-MEAN-IT'S-NOT-A-CONFIDENCE-VOTE-WHAT-THE-FUCK-IS-HAPPENING-IS-IT-OR-IS-IT-NOT-A-CONFIDENCE-VOTE and so Stewart gets up again and says, right to everyone's faces, "It's not for me to say whether it's a confidence vote or not," which is an even faster and more spectacular u-turn than Truss herself could pull off given that he literally just said it wasn't and did so while being a minister.

And then the voting starts. MPs are now milling about like chickens who've sighted the hawk, clamouring to know if they're going to lose their jobs unless they vote for Satan. The Whips - specifically Chief Whip Wendy Morton and Deputy Chief Whip Craig Whittaker - descend upon them like fucking wargs on the hunt. They don't just spit vitriol and blackmail into MPs ears. They fucking bodily drag people into the right voting lobby. MPs are legitimately screaming. Grown men are crying literal tears. Labour's Chris Bryant reports holding multiple Tory MPs as they sob into his shoulder. Multiple MPs report similar scenes.

And Tories still don't know if this is even a damn confidence vote, or if they should just knock the Chief Whip's teeth out.

And then the Whips, filled with bloodlust and frenzy, suddenly realise that NO ONE IS LISTENING TO US, YOU'RE ALL SUPPOSED TO LISTEN TO US SO WE FEEL POWERFUL -

Cue sudden meeting in a locked room with Liz Truss. For over HALF AN HOUR.

So is it a confidence vote? No one is sure. Deputy PM Therese Coffey thinks so, so in the absence of the Whips she decides physical assault is her job now and is seen by David Linden MP (SNP) physically carrying someone into the voting lobby. Jacob Rees Mogg thinks not and starts yelling "It's not a confidence vote!", to which his colleagues reply, "Fuck off." Meanwhile the Whips have possibly resigned, no one is sure. It is still uncertain if this was a confidence vote.

And Ed Milliband basks in the chaos, playing the fiddle while it all burns around him.

Finally, voting concludes. The Whips reappear to lurk.

The votes are in - the government wins, and fracking will go ahead. But.

32 MPs abstained.

And one of those is Liz Truss.

Which is WILD??!? What possible benefit could she get from that??? No one knows. Everything is uproar again. Guess who else abstained? Well, riveted reader, here's a list with important names highlighted:

Nigel Adams, Gareth Bacon, Siobhan Baillie, Greg Clark, Sir Geoffrey Cox, Tracey Crouch, David Davis, Dame Caroline Dinenage, Nadine Dorries, Philip Dunne, Mark Fletcher, Vicky Ford, Paul Holmes, Alister Jack, Boris Johnson, Gillian Keegan, Kwasi Kwarteng, Robert Largan, Pauline Latham, Mark Logan, Theresa May, Priti Patel, Mark Pawsey, Angela Richardson, Andrew Rosindell, Bob Seely, Alok Sharma, Chris Skidmore, Henry Smith, Ben Wallace, Sir John Whittingdale, and William Wragg.

Kwasi still smarting about that p45, I see.

In any case it then turns out that Liz DID vote, but incompetently, because her voting card didn't read properly, which is actually fair given that she was being screamed at by angry Whips waving Graham Stewart's severed dick and balls around while they demanded power and authority. While she's clearing that up, the press are understandably waiting open-mouthed for comment, but don't worry Liz! Your old pal Jacob Rees Mogg is here to fill in for you!

And thus it is that JRM willingly chooses to go on the live news and calmly confirm to the nation that no one knows if it was a confidence vote or not.

Chaos. Chaos again. Unbridled chaos. The Whips are furious. Everyone is furious. The rebels are now in limbo, unsure if they're now out of a job. Tories are weeping, trying to work out if Rees Mogg WANTS to sink the party. Back bencher Charles Walker MP delivers a frank interview to the press absolutely SHIVERING with rage, like the drummer in a Fleetwood Mac concert. Ex-Lib Dem leader Tim Farron, a bland man known only for the time he himself willingly chose to go on the news and calmly explain that he's a homophobe without provocation, tweets that Liz Truss is a Lib Dem sleeper agent they sent in to destroy the Tories, sparking what is likely to be a whole slew of conspiracy theories by next week. No one knows what is going on. They all decide to sleep on it.

The good folks at Wikipedia ultimately decide to make three separate pages for the UK 2022 government crisis, and to label them with the month "to leave room for another by the end of the year."

Ed Milliband skips all the way home, and treats himself to a bacon sandwich.

20th October

Okay, Liz thinks, the morning after. Okay. Last night was bad. But today will be better.

So first... the vote.

Because there's bad news for Tories who like money and good news for people who like liveable planets - there are problems with the vote. For one, the vote counts are being called into question. Are the results reliable?

For another, the Speaker of the House of Commons calls for an investigation into the reports of, um, assault. So will the result stand?

It's so unclear! And so is that ongoing issue of whether or not the damn thing was a confidence vote. Angry whips say YES, JRM says NO, Downing Street refuses to pick up the phone to the BBC, but does send ITV's Robert Peston a text at 1am to say it was definitely a confidence vote and, unrelatedly, the Whips aren't resigning :)

I think we have found the price paid to keep the Whips.

Meanwhile. Let's see what this has done for Liz's leadership stability!

13 letters of no confidence are confirmed submitted by Sky, 5 of which came in overnight. The 1922 Committee reconvenes the coven to discuss matters. Simultaneously, the One Nation Conservatives reconvene their coven to discuss the same. Presumably there is much "Girl what are YOU doing at the Devil's Sacrament?"-ing and "Same cloak, how embarrassing"-ing. MPs are CLAMOURING for her head. It is VICIOUS. It's like cartoon piranhas in a supervillain's lair; which is highly appropriate, because that's exactly what Tory MPs are.

Graham Brady, head jester of the 1922 Committee, demands to see Liz Truss.

He walks into a room with her, and the doors are closed. Half an hour later, he walks back out of the room.

Ten minutes later, she calls a press conference.

45 days after being appointed, Liz Truss breaks the record, and becomes the shortest-serving British Prime Minister.

#politik #the second clownfall of 2022

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to-the-stars8 · 1 month

Text

The Waynes' Nanny

Notes: So, this is my oopsy of adding another story to my roster, but oh well. Here's my other note: Just a little side note. To make this story work, I had to de-age the majority of the characters. So, Dick is 15, Cass 10, Jason 9, Tim 7, Duke 6, and Damian 4. Just FYI. Obvi The Nanny Inspired

Bruce Wayne x Reader, Batfamily, platonically, x reader

Summary: One day, after getting fired from your job by your ex, you somehow ended up in Wayne Manor as the family's new nanny. Working with six kids is tough enough, but the handsome, rich, and emotionally confused father, billionaire Bruce Wayne, who is just too charming makes it a bit more difficult as your feelings for him confuse you. Nonetheless, you love the job and the kids, but soon enough you realize that maybe you're falling in love with the boss, too.

Pilot Pt. 1

“You have to be kidding me, fired?” You said shocked, leaning over the counter.

Your boyfriend then quickly added, “And, I’m breaking up with you.”

The words could not come off your lips. Instead, you babbled for a good thirty seconds before just turning on your heel to leave. You stopped a couple of times to say something, but the shock was still settling in. It wasn’t until you were outside, watching people on the street that your senses came back. Turning around, you sucked in a breath and threw open the store door.

You pointed at your ex and loudly announced, “You have a small dick, and I’m collecting unemployment! So, hah!”

Not feeling the victory, but glad that there were more than a dozen people to continue the rumor of your boyfriend’s supposedly small penis, you left.

Luckily, you were quick to find another gig thanks to a family friend. Granted, you hated going door to door trying to sell insurance in Gotham, but it paid you just enough not to be out on the street. This week, however, you were assigned to the other end of the city—The rich part. And, it certainly did live up to your expectations. These people had yards and gardens, and the air even smelled better. If you could only find a rich man, you think you’d be very happy in such a place.

You looked down at the list of addresses your boss had given you before looking back up at the impressive sight of the house. With a sigh, you pressed the buzzer on the gate and went over your script.

“Hello, my name is…”

Before you could finish a British accent came through the buzzer. “Are you here for the nanny position?”

Looking around, you didn’t see a reason as to why you shouldn’t say yes. Absent-mindedly, you said, “I could be.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Oh, um, yes! Yes, I am.” It couldn’t hurt

Suddenly, another buzz and the sound was clicking of the gate unlocking. Cautiously, you pushed your way through and you headed up the path to the front door. It was a near quarter mile to get to the house and up a hill. By the time you got up to the front of the house, you were winded and slightly sweaty. At the top of the stairs stood an old man in a suit, looking down at you with indifference. Slowly, you climbed the stairs to him.

“You really gotta warn a girl if she’s gonna take a hike,” You huffed.

“Most people drive,” The old man said, and you recognized the accent from the buzzer.

You snickered at the old man, following him in, and you were amazed by just how wonderful the place was. As you entered, you did a turn, and you were amazed by just how big the house—No, mansion—was.

“Would you like me to present your resume to Mr. Wayne?” Asked the man.

Luckily, you were quick on your feet, “No, I’ll do it myself. Thank you.”

The man relented, giving you a disbelieving look, and went away. You sat down in one of the chairs in the foyer, quickly pulling out some papers to write some type of passable resume. As you were going for a pen, you realized quickly that you didn’t have one. Panicked, you looked around for one.

“Ugh,” A voice said, and a boy no older than seven or eight stumbled from a doorway. On him, fake blood and a knife. He cried, “I’m dying!” before collapsing onto the floor.

“You wouldn’t happen to have a pen, would you?” You asked, but the boy didn’t respond. Defeated, you decided quickly what you said as you saw the old man and a younger, much more handsome return.

“Tim,” The younger man said. “We’ve talked about this. You can’t scare the guests.”

The boy opened his eyes, “I'm studying people's reactions to gore and pain.”

The man rolled his eyes before turning his attention back to you. He held out his hand toward you to shake, you took it and instantly liked the way his grip was strong. “I’m Bruce Wayne—”

“Oh, yeah! I’ve seen you on TV,” You said excitedly. “I loved the black suit you wore for that ceremony in the park last month.”

Mr. Wayne seemed taken aback by the compliment, but thank you anyway. “Just follow me into the kitchen. We can talk more there.” As he started to lead you away, he turned to the boy still lying on the floor. “Tim, go clean up, please.”

“I will, but only because you said please!” The boy cried out.

Mr. Wayne shook his head and asked you not to mind him for now. Smiling, you replied that it was no big deal, kids were going to be kids either way. He seemed to agree with you on that and asked you more about yourself. You told him as much as you could think of, not willing or wanting to hold anything back.

When you finally sat at the kitchen table did you stop talking to let Mr. Wayne talk, but he seemed more pleased to listen. Though, you knew better than to rattle on more than necessary. Maybe, you thought, this was why so many women thought him to be such a charming guy.

“Can I see your resume, then?” He asked.

Laughing nervously, you said, “Oh, uh, well, you see, I lost it on my way over here.”

“Is that right?” Mr. Wayne said, sounding like he didn’t entirely believe you.

“Yes! Yes, it’s the damnedest thing,” You said. “I always seem to have these bouts of terrible luck.”

“Uh-huh,” He said.

You were going to answer when a voice called out, “Dad!”

Just then, two boys, one about fifteen and the other around ten, walked in. They seemed surprised to see you when they entered, glancing at their father before telling you hello. You got up, walking over to the boys and cupping their cheeks.

“My, look how handsome!” You looked over your shoulder at Mr. Wayne. “And those pretty blue eyes! They must get them from you.”

“We’re adopted,” The younger one said. “And I’m Jason.”

You grinned and bent over to look at the boy. “It’s nice to meet you, I’m…”

“You’re the new nanny?” The older boy said.

You started to answer, but Mr. Wayne cut you off. He told the boy, named Richard, that he could be nicer to you. Richard, or Dick as he called himself unfortunately, protested that Bruce was shuffling his responsibilities on some random lady from the inner city. Bruce was quick to dismiss him to his room, stating that they would speak later, and immediately apologized to you.

“A kid makes a smart-ass comment, what’re you gonna do?” You smiled.

“Right,” Bruce cleared his throat, not paying attention to what you were saying. “Well, those two were the oldest boys, I have one girl between them. Then, it’s Tim, Duke, and Damian. My youngest is four.”

“Trying to build a basketball team, Mr. Wayne?” You couldn’t help, but laugh at your joke. He didn’t seem as amused by it, so you quickly went quiet.

“Yes, well, thank you for coming, but I don’t think I’m in the mood to hire sales girls from off the street.”

You rolled your eyes, mumbling that you could do it and that you had plenty of experience in taking care of children as you babysat a lot when you were a teenager. Mr. Wayne didn’t seem to hear anything you said, though, nor the phone ringing off the hook.

“Alfred! Will you get that,” He called, seeming a bit stressed.

“Oh, you cannot be that rich not to answer your phone,” You said, getting up and picking up the phone from the receiver. Putting it to your ear, you answered, “Wayne residence.”

“Give me that,” Mr. Wayne said and snatched the phone from your hand. “Hello?”

He went back and forth with the person on the other line, talking about how he needed a nanny. Yet, he seemed to be getting nowhere. The entire time, you laid yourself in front of him as he tried to talk to the person on the other end to get him a nanny. After a minute or two, he put the receiver down and looked at you.

You grinned, knowing that you got the job. “You’re hired—On a trial basis!”

“Oh, thank you, Mr. Wayne!” You threw yourself at him, squeezing him tight. “You won’t regret it.”

“Right,” Bruce cleared his throat. “Well, I’ll have Alfred show you to your room—”

“I get to live here?” You asked excitedly.

Bruce almost smiled, but held it back. “Yes. If you like.”

“If I like,” You laughed like he was joking. “Of course. Oh, it’s going to be great.”

Mr. Wayne nodded, acting like he believed you, but didn’t know for sure. He wondered if he made the right choice not only for his children but for himself as well. Since he only knew you for half an hour, he found himself being intrigued by you.

Despite this, how he felt didn’t matter. All that did matter was if the children liked you and if you were competent enough to look after them. After all, it wasn’t like he was going to fall in love with you.

#jason todd #red hood #bruce wayne #batfamily #clark kent #dick grayson #alfred pennyworth #damian wayne #damain al ghul #tim drake #nightwing #robin dc #robin #cassandra cain #duke thomas #bruce wayne is a good father #dc batfam #batfamily shenanigans

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flowershines · 4 months

Text

Talking Body

Enemy Heeseung x F. Reader

Summary: Character and reader do a body swap (Enemies to lovers)

Warnings: smut, mentions abortion, not getting along, Fuckboy Heeseung, unprotected sex, alcohol, being at a party, hangover, switching bodies, (really complicated/ confusing)

One foot after another you had walked into an unfamiliar building heading towards the office only to be facing a lady who had circled glasses, as she sat at her desk turning her head towards you from the noise of sudden footsteps. Her face was stern “You the new student?” you nodded at her question being nervous to talk to her from her expression that displayed along her face, “Y/n?” you nodded once more as she lowered her glasses just to reach the tip of her nose “Okay Y/n, follow me.” she told you standing up from her chair and starting to exit the office and headed down a big hallway which was filled with classrooms. She looked at the paper in her hand then opened the door “Stay here.” she walked into the unknown classroom bringing the teacher back with her to where you were standing, “You must be Y/n.” he held out his hand and waited for yours. Reaching out your hand and proceeding to shake his you nodded in response to his question, “Perfect, well it’s lovely to meet you Y/n i’m Mr. Smith and right now we are just talking about the upcoming projects. I don’t expect you to do it but you should start to get an understanding on the topic.” you nodded, while the lady from the desk told him. “Well Mr. Smith, Y/n is in more advanced classes than this so she might already have an idea on what you guys are learning.”

She turned to you with a smile on her face as she was bragging about your ability to comprehend more advanced things, meanwhile Mr. Smith looked at you with an impressed and joyful expression on his face. “That’s amazing, so I will just go over a few things with you to make sure that you know the topic well enough and if you do you can work on the project this semester.” Smiling back at him, “Okay, thank you.” The office lady walked away with a smile on her face as just a second before she wished you ‘the best of luck’, Mr. Smith walked into the classroom with you as the class behind you was very talkative even the large group of boys in the back with some girls that stood around them. He brought you over to the desk as he went over the final touches of the topic, answering all of his questions right he told you that you could work on the semester project if you want to but you wouldn’t have to if you don’t think you are ready. “Okay, I will assign the partners for the project, as of right now you can sit anywhere.” Turning around you started walking to the empty seats as someone from the top of the stairs coming down as you sat down in the empty chair you placed your bag down on the ground and placing your phone in your packet you hear shuffling next to you, facing the thing that was shuffling, you were met face to face with a guy who had one of the prettiest faces you have ever seen. “Hi I'm Sunoo and you are?” He asked, leaning towards you waiting for your answer, “Y/n.” sitting back into the chair next to you he turned the chair towards you to show his interest. “It’s so nice to meet-”

In the middle of his sentence he was interrupted as someone had sat down on the other side of you, “Ignore him, I’m Yunjin. Your name is Y/n, right? It’s such a pretty name.” she tells you with a cheerful expression rising on her face. “Well anyways as I was about to say, what are you majoring in?” He said, rolling his eyes towards the girl, “I’m majoring in Art and Agriculture, I can't really pick between the two because I like them both so I am going to go through this year and then pick just one.” “Oh you don’t have to worry about us judging you on not having just one major. I am taking two as well and was about to do three.” Yunjin stated as Sunoo laughed at her as he rocked back and forth in the chair, “Haha I know so funny, Sunoo.” The man sitting next to you continued to laugh as he brought his hand up over his mouth, continuing to laugh more.

“Okay everyone get into your seats.” Mr. Smith told everyone as shuffling around you was heard meanwhile Sunoo and Yunjin stayed in their seats next to you, “As you all know we are going to be starting our semester projects, I will give you all time to work on them in class for the semester but you guys might want to work on them outside of school as well.” Sunoo leaned in closer towards your ear and whispered, “I hope we get partnered up.” turning to him with a smile on your face and giving him a soft nod in agreement. “I will be assigning the partners just momentarily after I give the directions.”

Proceeding with talking about the project and why the project in that class was important to not just that class but to help out our futures too. “Okay now onto the partners. Karina and Julie, Beomgyu and Yunjin, Lia and Chaewon, Sunoo and Niki, Y/n and Heeseung, Yeji and Wonyoung…” The list went on and on but as the list went on, both Sunoo and Yunjin were giving you a weird face so that's when you whispered to them, “What?” They both still maintained the look on their faces. “It’s Heeseung.” “Okay, I don’t know who that is.” Sunoo turned around, poking you to turn around as well. As you were faced with a class filled with people, he pointed his finger to the crowded area and pointed to the guy who was talking to almost everyone. “Him, he’s an ass-” “Oh and not to mention his bitchy posse as well.” Sunoo looked at Yunjin with open eyes, “Right, you see that group of girls around him?” you nodded “They hate it when anybody but them is around him, so good luck.” huffing out your cheeks you think that on your first day of course this would happen. Which made you overthink the whole situation by wondering if your reputation is going to be bad from the girls, why are those girls so bad, why is he surrounded by girls…

What's so good about him?

Question after question it would repeat in your mind, while thinking about those possibilities your focus was pulled away as your teacher had been talking about you, “Heeseung and Y/n, do you mind coming to the front of the class so that way we can go over a couple of things?” getting up from your seat and walking towards Mr. Smith’s desk you were met walking side by side with the man who was previously sitting in the top corner of your class. Arriving at his desk the teacher had told Heeseung to introduce himself, “I’m Heeseung, I major in Agriculture and you?” “Y/n, I am majoring in Agriculture as well and Art.” he nodded his head as you turned back to facing the teacher. A girl had come down the stairs and placed herself right next to Heeseung as she rested her head on his arm. “Okay, so you both know the topic right?” The both of you nodded your heads in response to his question “Perfect, you will need your computers and Heeseung can tell you the rest, Y/n.”

“Hee please tell me that she is not coming with us.” The girl asked looking up at him, “She doesn't have to, I can move down there to where she sits if it’s such a big deal.” she huffed out and whined to him, “But what about me?” he looked at her “Don’t you have a partner.” she nodded slowly while he walked up stairs you followed as you felt your hair being pulled harshly she stepped in front of you. “He is mine, you hear me? Mine.” You nodded your head as she pulled your hair back further making you trip from walking backwards then falling to the ground, as you sat on the ground for the second after you fell Yunjin came up to you with a hand in your face. Grabbing her hand she helped you get up. “Just try to ignore her. She tries to live out her fantasies with him and she’s a real pain in everybody’s ass.” Nodding your head towards her, both of you started to walk to your seat, you looked up to see Heeseung waving his hand in a ‘come here’ motion as he cleared off the seat next to him. You stood up and followed to where he was sitting with your computer in hand, reaching his seat whispers and giggles were heard from the girls sitting around the group along with stares from both the girls and guys which made you extremely uncomfortable but you tried to make it seem like it didn’t bother you even though it did. “Everybody go sit next to your partners and start working.” Everybody stood up and started moving as one girl came up to Heeseung and wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered to him ‘Bye Hee don’t miss me too much.’ then walking away as he didn’t even give her a glance, you could tell that he was the heartthrob of the school already and this is just your first class. Placing your computer from your lap to now being placed on the desk table in front of you, “You know what the topic is about right?” you nodded in response as you opened your computer and pulled up the assignment “You're not that much of a talker are you.” you just ignored his question and continued reading. He just shook his head as he also read the assignment, “Okay so we have to make a poster about it, do a slideshow and an essay. No wonder we need the whole semester to do it.” “That’s just part one.” You quietly told him, he turned to you with wide eyes, “What?” you pointed to your computer scrolling down which made him sigh in defeat. “I guess we are going to be spending a lot of time together then, huh?” you could feel a large number of eyes on you as you looked up you were right, some of those eyes would look away as they laughed or theirself others just whispered to each other also laughing from god knows what. You zipped up your sweatshirt feeling self conscious about yourself, you never will understand how these girls say that they are a ‘girls girl’ around people like him but then giving those girls that aren’t them a weird look when they are near a guy. Returning your focus onto the work in front of you, scrolling through and starting to work on your point of view on the topic as you started to Heeseung has put his hand in front of your hands that were typing “What are you doing?” turning your attention to him you explained “Writing my point of view, you know like how we are supposed to.” he looked into your eyes as he poked his tongue to the middle of his cheek then biting the inside of that same cheek, “We aren’t against it.” “What are you talking about this topic in particular is saying ‘how abortion should not be legal in states’, so your saying your against abortion?” he rolled his eyes ``Yeah, aren't you?” “Coming from a woman's point of view, no. It’s that woman’s choice to choose.” looking at him shocked at his opinion. “Why don’t you work on the other topics? I can just work on this one.” “Should we just put your name on the entire project then cause i'm not putting my name on something that isn’t my honest opinion.” he said turning back to his computer. “Write your own then and we could put both of our opinions on the paper. I don't think it matters that much.” rolling his eyes he turned to you and said,

“It’s a partner project, we have to share the same opinion.” “Well we don't, I don't know what you want me to tell you.” You told him as you continued to type your thoughts on the topic “But-” “Just work on the other topics we can come back to later.” you suggested as you rolled your eyes exiting out of the website where you were getting your information on and moving onto the next one. Huffing out air you turned to the next topic and once again he had the opposite opinion than you did, which eventually turned into another argument while Heesung’s voice rose louder and louder making your eyes start to water from the sudden tone. Standing up you walked down to the teacher, “Mr. Smith I don’t think I can work with Heesung. Is there any way I can change partners?” He turned his chair to you and told you, “Y/n I chose these partners for a reason. I'm hoping you can figure out why soon enough.” turning his chair back around to face his work you walked back upstairs as you gained many eyes on you even as you sat down one girl in particular was staring at you hard with jealousy in her eyes, not in the mood and wanting to change your seat anyways you suddenly got a hint of brattiness and showed her a nasty expression which portrayed not only on your face but through you energy as well.

Which made Heeseung’s gaze turn towards you, “Don’t look at my friend that way.” you turned to him “Then get your friend in check because i’m not planning on putting up with a bunch of petty little bitches attitudes.” he opened his mouth about to say something but then shut it and pulled his attention back onto the assignment. “What did you go and ask?” keeping his attention on his computer “If i could switch partners.” “You know this isn’t a good impression of you since it is your first day here.” “Well honestly the only person's opinion I care about is mine and some other people besides that I don't care.” “Mine?” “Oh 100% not yours.” “Good.” you brought your upper lip closer to your nose giving him a disgusted look. “Why did you ask to switch partners?” “Why do you care?” “I don’t.” he said sternly “Okay then move on.” Just then the bell had rung which meant that you could go home as you only had that class for today, starting to shut your computer down and standing up you were met face to face with the girl that gave you the glare. “Ever look at me like that again and you’ll regret it.” “Oh I'm so scared.” You said in a sarcastic way, she shoved passed you and jumped into Heeseungs arms, you thought to yourself ‘what is wrong with girls in this school’ as they drooled over a man that wasn’t even kind, or caring, nothing.

Walking out from the class and to the next, you walked into the room that was filled with multiple unfamiliar faces and multiple pieces of art hung along the walls as sculptures filled the empty areas around the room. Pulling you aside the teacher gave you a run down of the assignment that the students had been working on, she had told you that she wasn’t going to have you start the project since the sculptures were almost done. “I can go get you some clay that they are working with, you can freestyle till their sculptures are done.” You nodded to her, she walked into the closet and grabbed a good amount of clay, putting it on the empty table you walked over to the station sitting down on the stool that was placed just inches away from the table. Rolling your sleeves up past your below you look up to see a guy with dark brown, slightly curly hair draped in front of his face. He ran his pinky across the face of the sculpture making sure to turn his finger moving along to the smaller areas giving it more details under its eyes. While the other students socialized he stayed in his seat with headphones on focusing on the project in front of him, he reminded you of yourself in a way. The aura surrounding him was comforting. His lips were slightly parted. You didn’t realize how long you had been staring at him till your focus was pulled away as a piece of metal fell from someone's chair, you unfocused your eyes continuing to roll up the other sleeve kneading the clay in front of you to soften it up. Sectioning the clay into parts you started to make a small representation of an eye giving it as much detail as you could, time flew by. It felt like you had just gotten there realizing that your clay was gone as the other students were starting to pack up their things, you walked over to the sink rinsing your hands off from all the leftover clay that was on your hand. Putting the sculpted eye in the cabinet then grabbing your bag you lifted your eyes up to see the brown hair boy looking at you but as soon as your eyes met, he tried to find any other area around you being nervous to look at you now. Heading to your car your eyes met the familiar boy who was surrounded by girls in his car, his eyes looking into yours. Rolling your eyes pulling your eyes away from his trance giggles and soft screams were heard from around him, it was annoying.

As weeks went on things stayed the same, more and more girls started to give you questionable looks, you met more people who were actually nice, the boy from your art class was still too nervous to talk to you, Heeseung kept annoying you every single day giving our project almost no improvement. Finally you and him decided that later today you both would get together and work on the project, giving you both time to work on it as no progress was being made.

“Y/nie don’t be boring, it will be fun I swear.” Yunjin has been begging you for the past 3 days to go to this party with her, she really wanted to go but had no one to go with. Telling her you told her that you had to work on the project with Heeseung later today anyways so you wouldn’t be able to go, you suggested that she would go with Sunoo. “I always go with him, just tell Heeseung that you have to cancel.” “Jin I have to work on this project, he keeps being an ass not letting me share my opinion on the doc. So we finally made a day to fix it.” she turned to you “Reschedule.” turning to her about to say something she interpreted before you can say anything, “Please Y/n, it can only be for a couple of hours.” “I’ll think about it.” her face lit up with joy as she hugged you from the side. Should you go? I mean it would be nice to finally let go and not worry about working 24/7. Plus you can highly doubt that Heeseung would care if you rescheduled, just then a tap was heard from your car window pulling you out of the train of thought. It was Heeseung. Rolling down your window he told you “I won’t be able to make it today, I have to babysit.” you nodded and rolled your window back up pulling your phone out texting Yunjin that you can go. Starting up your car you headed home and started to get ready while Yunjin texted you to be ready by 8 since she was going to take you home and to the party.

The top you were wearing was a red laced corset, bralette which made your small jean skirt that had ruffles on the bottom stand out. Sure it was a bit revealing but it’s a party not just some school occasion, thinking it might be cold you learned your outfit with a cropped leather jacket. When Yunjin picked you up her mouth dropped in amazement, funny, and a bit sarcastic. “You look amazing.” you twirled for her and flipped your hair “Thank you, thank you.” you told her while getting into the passenger's side of the car. She wore a black tiny dress with tights underneath, extending your feet and you see her shoes on your side.

They were boots with small heels, “What, you know I can’t drive with heels on.” you giggled to yourself while she played her playlist which she told it ‘hyped her up’. The both of you continued to scream the lyrics to your favorite songs on the way to the party, not even being a street away could tell which house it was at. Cars were everywhere, people socialized along the street and sat on the steps. Putting the car in park you were met by seeing many familiar faces as you walked into the house, “No way, is that who I think it is?!” you heard a guy say from the couch making you turn your head towards the voice. It was Sunoo sitting next to some of your other friends along with some girls that hated you for who knows what reason, “Here.” a tall guy with dark blue hair which seemed like you recognized but ignored it till he turned around and sat next to the girl who he had just previously handed a drink to. “Y/n?” Heeseung? You knew he wasn’t busy, “Didn’t know you were the type of girl to go to a party.” he said, taking a sip of the drink in his hand as he put the opposite arm around the girl placing it behind her. “Don’t act like you know me all of a sudden.” He was taken aback by your comment as his eyebrows raised and poked his tongue to the side of his cheek, “No need to be rude Y/n, we are just having a good time.” “See now if it really was a ‘good time’ you wouldn’t be here, so i’m gonna go get a drink.” you told them as you walked away and into the kitchen. Searching for something light to drink, not wanting to go home completely drunk.

You picked up a cup just to feel a hand around your waist turning around to try and see who it was. You met eye to eye with Choi Yeonjun, the school player who was just as flirtatious as Heeseung. “Hey Y/n, you look great.” He told you as his eyes trailed up and down your body “Thank you, you do too.” he took the cup out of your hand and started to fill it with hard liquor, “Here, this will get you fucked up and it’s so good.” he handed the cup back to you as he lifted an eyebrow waiting for you to take a sip. As your lips met the coldness of the drink it burned as it went down but the more you drank the easier it got, your head started to feel fuzzy. Handing the cup back to Yeonjun “Refill please.” looking up at him as your eyes glistened from the tears which rested in the corners.

He giggled and did as you insisted, then placed the cup in your hand as he took the other one and led it back to the couch where your friends had been for a bit. He sat on the couch and pulled your arm to him, signaling you to sit on his lap. Minutes started to pass by as more and more people started to enter from the door, Yeonjun had gotten closer to you each time his arms were resting on your lap as he played with the bottom of your skirt and thighs. Leaning towards you he whispered “I wish I could have you like this all the time, so sexy.” his breath tickled your ear causing you to giggle at him catching Heeseung’s attention, “Dude she’s drunk just let her be.” he said as he took his hand down from being rested on the girl beside him. “Don’t tell me what to do.” He said as Yeonjun kept whispering sweet nothings into your ears then proceeded to kiss you on the lips making your lipstick snide, Heeseung stood up from his spot on the couch as he grabbed your hand leading you up to the bathrooms. He faced you towards the mirror and started to wipe off your smeared lipstick, “No you're gonna ruin it.” you told him as you swatted his hands away. “It already is, just let me fix it.”

Putting your hands by your side you huffed in defeat letting him continue to wipe it off, “Always so mean to me.” you whispered as your words started to become slurry. “What do you mean?” He asked as he put the lid of the toilet seat down to sit on it as he pulled you in front of him continuing to fix your makeup, “You canceled, you're ‘too busy’.” you told him as you air quoted his words. “It’s not a crime to go to a party I hope you know.” You giggled as you looked down. He grabbed your cheeks and made you look up at him which caused you to blush at him, “We should get you home.” he said as he grabbed your wrist and started to leave the bathroom. Pulling the opposite way you told him “No, I wanna stay.” He had ignored every word that came out of your mouth and continued to walk out of the house as you had no choice but to leave with him. He opened the passengers side door and held the door open helping you in, as you settled in he ducked his head in while he buckled your seatbelt in for you. Not even seconds later you were passed out in his car.

Stirring in your bed you grumbled from the pounding headache that was starting to form turning over to the side to where your alarm clock usually was, wasn’t there. Sitting up you checked your surroundings as if you were in an unfamiliar room with no one else in sight, grabbing the phone on your side you realized it wasn’t even yours. 1:46am. Flipped to the camera you saw short hair that ran along your forehead, brown eyes and a hoodie that fell loosely around your body. The more your eyes focused on the camera in front of you the more you realized that the person it was showing wasn’t you, touching your face felt unfamiliar and not what you were used to seeing everyday in the mirror. Just then the phone rang, picking up the contact name read across ‘Y/n’ you tilted your head and picked up the phone. “Need to talk now, meet me at your apartment.” you were so confused “Heeseung?” a hum was heard from the screen causing you to gasp and hang up the phone immediately running outside to try and find your car. Soon enough you realized you weren’t yourself and didn’t have your car, calling the same number again “What car?” a sign was heard “The white one, please don’t crash it.” you hung up the phone once again as you walked towards the white car getting in and headed to your apartment.

Swiftly walking up the stairs you were met to see yourself waiting by the door, hearing the voice…it was yours and it said “Take any longer.” while ushering you to hurry up. Walking into your apartment you were so confused, “Am I dreaming? how fucked up did I get?” “I wish I was dreaming, I woke up and now I have tits and a pussy.” your face widened “Did you see it?!” “No but I went to the bathroom trying to pull my dick out and it wasn’t there, then looked down and saw tits and you know.” he huffed out the air as he walked over to the couch then slouched. “Wait, does that mean I have a dick?” he rolled his eyes “No, my bad I wasn’t born with a dick. Of fucking course you have a dick now.” you smirked to yourself. “I’ll be right back.” he grabbed your hand and pulled you back onto the couch. “So funny, no looking no matter what.” you nodded “Same with me, no looking. Only special people get to look, you are not one of those people.” he laughed at you “How are you not more freaked out you look so calm, is this a regular occurrence?” “No but it’s like what do you want me to do?” He shrugged.

“You think that this would be more of a problem.” you stared at him as you sat down “It is, but i’m just dreaming so when I wake up it will be all fine and I won’t have to talk to you again. Thank god.” He rolled his eyes grabbed your arm and slapped your forearm, making your eyes widen from the sudden pain “Um, ow what the fuck was that for?” “Y/n i’m being so serious, I am in your body and you are in mine. You aren’t dreaming.” He told you, scooting closer as a loud yell erupted from your throat, Heeseung was taken aback as he immediately rushed to put his hand over your mouth. When you screamed it wasn’t a high pitched girly scream it was a deep scream you forgot that you had his voice, “Shut up, I get it. I feel so lost right now.” you started to ramble on and on about what happened “Why is this happening? Can I return to my body already? Am I dying?!” he put his hand on your shoulder and told you just to breathe and calm down. “How can I calm down? We switched bodies and now I can’t even go to the bathroom in peace without seeing your dick.” He laughed as you continued to talk “I’m going through this too Y/n.” “I know but of all people why you, this is gonna suck.” he tilted his head in confusion “What do you mean, ‘me of all people’?” “Maybe you're not getting it, I don’t like you and your friends. It’s annoying how they get jealousy over everything and we never agree on things, so why wouldn’t I hate you?” He stood up and walked into your room shutting the door behind you, you walked over to the door proceeding to knock till nothing was heard anymore except him breathing you left your apartment building and started to head to his house. “Yo Heeseung.” At first you didn’t realize that he was talking to you till he pulled your shoulder making you turn around, “So how is it with you and her?” he said, nudging up on you. “Who?” he laughed “Come on man, you know. Don’t play dumb.” you shrugged as you looked at him.

It was Yeonjun.

“Y/n, last night I could barely contain myself. If you don’t even fuck her I will no doubt, so you better make a move soon.” You started to walk away as you heard him say from behind you “Don’t be mad man, by the end of the week the only thing you will be hearing is her screaming my name.” as he mimicked your moans while screaming his name then walking away giggling. What was he talking about, you continued to walk into his apartment building as you got a text it a said it was from you,

‘I know I can’t control how you feel about me but we still need to talk.’

you texted back ‘ok’ then opened the door to his apartment as the conversation between the two of you continued you realized that there was some weird feeling on his dick. You moved your phone to the side and looked down seeing the bulge of his dick in his pants starting to form, eyes widening you put your phone back in front of you and texted him ‘we have a problem’ he sent a ‘?’ back, ‘your dick is hard’ the bubbles formed at the bottom of the screen then spammed you saying. ‘Don’t’ ‘Why did you get hard?’ ‘Go take a shower.’ ‘Don’t look down’ you just respond ‘How do I get rid of it? Just come over, I don’t know what to do.’ the bubbles started to type once again but soon went away as he left you on read, not even 10 minutes later a knock was on the door you continued to walk over and open the door to reveal yourself in front of you. He walked into the apartment and into his bedroom sitting on the bed, “What do I do?” you asked, walking in behind him, “I don’t wanna look at your dick let alone touch it.” fake gagging at the words that come out of your mouth. “Fine, I'll do it. Look up, don’t look down.” Doing as he said you looked up as a buckle was heard from below you till you feel a hand on his dick causing you to moan quietly not wanting him to hear, he ran his finger along the tip of his cock just then when you shut your eyes you opened them and you were yourself again but you were face to face with his cock still in your hand.

Immediately you let go, causing him to whine from the loss of contact, “Not gonna help me?” you looked up at him “Why would I?” seeing his cock twitch from your peripheral vision he said “Stop looking at me like that, if you're not going to help.” looking away you put your hand back on him as you moved in a back and forth motion on him. His head was thrown back while his eyes rolled back along with his hips thrusted up into your hand as one of his hands held your wrist, “Please let me fuck you.” you looked up at him once more. “Make it quick.” You said as you started to undress and lay on the bed turning your head away from him, “Don’t worry, i’ve been needing you for too long I probably won’t last long anyways.” You felt a cold breeze rub along your pussy till the sudden breeze stopped as the tip of his dick was now placed at your entrance, “You 100% sure your okay with this?” you nodded and finally looked him in the eyes he looked down at you as his hips started to thrust in and out of you as your pussy started to clench around him as more and more noises fell from his lips. “Y/n, you feel so good.” He told you grunting through his teeth which was eventually put in between his lips his eyes started to roll back often, some of the times his head would roll to the side getting a good look at how his cock would move in and out of you with ease. “Tell me you love me, please.” you shook your head as you threw your head back and his thrusts became more powerful “I need to know that you don’t actually hate me.” “I do, your just going to think i’m one of your hook ups.” he started going slower making you annoyed, you had him pull out as you pushed him down onto his bed getting on top of him and bouncing on him as he thrusted up into you. “Y/n, I don’t hook up with those girls.”

You rolled your eyes and looked at him and said sarcastically “Yeah, okay.” he pulled your face to his and placed his lips onto yours “I do, don’t say that I don’t, I love the way you are so passionate about this you love…” he continued as his thrusts got stronger each time he would thrust up into you, moans and grunts fell from his lips as he continued “…How you don’t take shit from people, don’t let people get to you especially those girls, how good you look every day without even trying.” you tried to believe him and you really wanted to but you didn’t know if he just said that to all of his hook ups to make them feel special. “Your so perfect, I’m gonna cum soon. Please cum with me, need to feel you cum on my cock.” You bounced on him faster which caused him to hold your hips still and thrust up into you passionately and deeper with every thrust, not to long after you felt his cum spill into you as he pulled you forward onto you hugging your body onto his. He continued to stay into you as his cock fell softer, “Can we stay like this, I don’t want this to end.”

#smut #fluff #enha x reader #enhypen smut #heeseung smut #jay smut #jungwon smut #jake smut #sunghoon smut #sunoo smut #enhypen

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thebitchesterbrothers · 22 days

Text

„Nobody leaves this room until we’ve found my ring!“

Oh, great. Ava needs to be at the other end of the campus for her next class in fifteen minutes.

„Is he serious right now? It’s not our fault he lost his stuff.“ Doug, one of the other students dramatically rolled his eyes.

„Oh come on, have some sympathy. It’s probably antique and ridiculously expensive. Just help him find it and we can all be on our way.“

Just five minutes ago Ava was listening to Professor Gadlings lecture about early modern drama when he noticed the lack of his ring. One of the braver students had once asked him about his kind of uncharacteristically flashy ring he was sporting on his left hand.

The professor was known on campus as a very down-to-earth guy, almost suspiciously normal. Wearing cozy and practical clothes he always gave off the impression of a perfect son-in-law. In Ava’s opinion there was still a kind of mysterious aura about him but she never managed to put it into words. Not too much was known about him despite his cheery and social behavior.

It all added to his attractiveness. If one was into middle aged history professors…so basically at least half of the class had a crush on Mister Gadling and Ava surely was a leading member of the unofficial Dr. Robert Gadling fan club. For academic purposes only, of course.

That particular ring however didn’t seem like something the man would buy for himself. It was gold, beautifully carved and had a massive ruby embedded in the center of it.

It was just a touch too flamboyant for their professor that there had to be a story behind it.

But all he would give them as an answer was a sly smile and a cryptic comment about „how Shakespeare would die of jealousy if he could see him now.“

Said ring was now missing. When Gadling noticed his bare finger all hell broke loose.

Running his hands frantically through his hair, pulling it into a tight ponytail only to undo it seconds later. Crawling under his cluttered desk and painfully bumping his head in the process.

For a minute or two it was admittedly funny to watch the man sweat but now Ava just felt sorry for him. If she’d own such an obviously expensive piece of jewellery she would freak out too. Maybe it was an old family heirloom of some kind. The man owned all kinds of weird historic stuff, that much was for sure.

And apparently now they all had to help him find it if they wanted to leave this room anytime today.

So this is how Ava finds herself now on the surprisingly clean floors of lecture hall number five, looking for a shiny piece of metal along with her classmates.

Gadling seems to slowly but surely drift off into panic mode, spurring them on while turning every pocket of his trousers inside out, his hair sticking in every direction like one of the cartoon characters from her childhood. A mad scientist indeed.

“It has to be in this room! Keep looking! I can’t go home without it…and believe me when I say we’re all going to have a terrible night of disturbing dreams if we don’t manage to find it!” What is that supposed to mean, please?

Just as he’s about to flip his desk - yes, the very heavy and very antique looking desk - an unfamiliar voice breaks the chaotic atmosphere.

“Are you looking for something specific, professor? You seem quite distressed.”

And if Mister Gadling appeared ‘distressed’ before he’s outright shocked now.

In front of the old oak door leading into freedom - Ava can’t wait to finally leave this madhouse - stands the most gorgeous and posh looking goth prince she’s ever seen. Damn, those cheekbones alone are to die for, but his voice…dark, soothing, absolutely mesmerizing. The man looks regal even in a place that is anything but. That long flowing coat is a bit much though.

“Oh. You. Are here.” What happened to her eloquent professor?

“Indeed I am, Hob.” Hob? What kind of nickname is that?

“I mean why? Why exactly are you here? It’s just that you never visited before.”

Ava crawls back from under her chair to not miss a minute of whatever the hell this is.

She swears that Gadling - Hob, she remembers - starts to blush like a shy school girl. Who is that man that makes her professor lose his cool?

Meanwhile the rest of the classroom stopped the search for the ring, instead staring without shame at the play in front of them.

“My duties prevented me from visiting one of your lectures. I apologize for that. But you missed something of great value this morning. I thought you might want it back.”

And with that emo king (Ava really needs to find out that man’s name) calmly walks towards her professor, completely unaffected by his nosy audience.

Once he reaches the other man he gently takes his hand, opens it … and places a ring into his palm. Not just any ring, no.

The ring that “definitely has to be in this room”, as Ava recalls professor Gadlings voice. So much for that.

The stranger looks clearly amused at mister Gadlings obvious embarrassment.

“You left it next to the sink after washing the dishes. Then you realized how late you were and forgot to put it back on. I had to stop Matthew from hiding it under his pillow.”

Did Gadling have a cat? That man would surely get a cat and name it Matthew.

Gadling looks as relieved as he looks stressed by now.

“Thank you. I may have overreacted a bit.”

More than a few students agree on that but are too smart to make a comment.

That dark dream of a man fondly tucks a strand of hair behind their professors ear and wow, what’s happening? Ava tries to be as silent as possible to not ruin this moment. Her friends will never believe her.

Apparently Gadling finally found his voice again.

“You came all this way just to…”

“To take your wedding ring where it belongs, husband.”

And with that he places an almost chaste kiss on the other man’s lips and abruptly turns around to leave the - absolutely stunned and silent - room. Everyone is openly staring at poor mister Gadling now. Ava is pretty sure she saw one of the younger students filming or at least taking a picture of the whole thing. She’ll have to ask for evidence.

“Okay listen. None of this ever happened. You saw and heard nothing. Thank you for your help. Goodbye.”

Gadling quickly dismisses his students and almost flees the lecture hall.

Days later Ava still isn’t sure she witnessed a very elaborate fever dream

#I just love to embarrass hob #and I know Matthew isn’t a magpie but the idea of him stealing shiny stuff from dream didn’t leave me alone #he’s a little shit and I love him #hob is also the hottest prof on campus and dream is fed up with all the students dreaming about marrying HIS husband #dream of the endless #the sandman #hob gadling #dreamling fanfic #dreamling #my 2 am writing

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soupbitch-moneybitch · 6 months

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you know what's so gd impressive about ofmd? like, maybe the most impressive part of the whole already very impressive show? how well-rounded the characters are for how little time they have to be on screen

i spent many years in the fandom of another ensemble cast show that had a million seasons and hour-long episodes, and maybe like, five of the characters were worth the time of day. ofmd, tho, not only has an incredibly quality core cast, but even the characters they introduce for five seconds manage to have depth and appeal

take ned low's crew for example. we have a bunch of people who take up maybe a third of the episode's screen time, but by the end, the script and acting are so good that you're rooting for them as they unionize and sail away to greater pastures

then you have characters that are great on their own, but also enhance the main characters in the span of like six seconds

evelyn? a godsend, 11/10, want her back, and she was the impetus for mary taking control back over her life. steak "steaky" knife? rip big man, we knew you for two minutes but loved you, and you gave us slight insight into izzy's history/influence on the republic of pirates. hornigold wasn't even really hornigold and yet we /still/ managed to get backstory about him and learn things that added context to how ed turned into blackbeard

honestly, the amount of talent it takes to be able to make almost every character on the screen someone who either 1. drives the plot forward somehow, 2. is just delightful and entertaining, or 3. is a combination of both, all within a space the size of a needle tip is fucking astonishing. as a professional writer i am horny for how well these mother fuckers hone their craft, and as a fan of the show i'm just extremely well-fed

i've said it before, but this is genuinely so much more than a gay little pirate show (although it is also that, and i love that about it). it has so much artistic depth and everyone involved has talent coming out every orifice. i am so glad i have the privilege of watching it. every part of it is so refreshing, i am genuinely in constant awe

#the fandom was the walking dead btw #i was one of three people who watched it to the end #and i watched it for literally like #two characters #do not recommend #anyway #our flag means death #ofmd #ofmd s2 spoilers #ig #diz says words

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kopivie · 6 months

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trick-or-treat.

# — pairing: spidey!kazuha x gn!reader

# — characters: gender neutral reader, spider-man!kazuha

# — warnings: a little suggestive.

# — tags: fluff, kisses (bc who am i if not a madman for kisses), mild hurt/comfort, BANTER YIPPEE!!, this is zuzu's way of making up for the fact that he all but forgot kazuha's birthday, apology fic

# — notes: (PLEASE READ!!) this is... not at all what i intended to do. it's 1:30 am and i just came down from a much needed high. as my head cleared, i noticed that this fic was like, riddled with flaws, but i feel too good about this to second guess it and feel bad. anyways, this is heavily inspired by this fic that 🎻 anon sent in my asks, as well as a follow-up to this fic i wrote on @awlumii last year on kazuha's birthday. i hope you enjoy and please do let me know what you think! i could really use some feedback.

✦ — 🎃 — ✦

There's a knock on your door. You stare at the entry to your apartment and think: "How mean would it be if I ignored them right now?"

In your defense, you've been giving out candy all day. All. Day. You figured that there would at least have been a lull in the early afternoon since children had school to attend, but no — you've been giving out candy to all ages from as early as 10:30 this morning. It's a good thing you stocked up on candy late last month, otherwise you would've had to ruin the days of some very enthusiastic trick-or-treaters. So after setting aside a bucket full of your favorites and giving out the leftovers until about 10 at night, you finally thought yourself ready to curl up on your bed with your softest blanket. You were halfway to dreamland when some monster started pounding on your door.

(So maybe you're exaggerating a little. But who could blame you? You're tired and you want to sleep.)

And so, here you sit, your legs half-tangled in your weighted fleece blanket as you glare at your door and hope that your unwanted visitor is telepathic and gets the message that you want them to leave. Scram! you think. You raise your voice in your head. Get out of here. Shoo! Begone!

…They knock again. (Kind of a dick move if they can read minds.)

The groan you let out is obnoxiously loud and is most definitely heard by whoever is on the other side of the door. You hoist yourself to your feet and trudge to the door, but you don't open it quite yet. Judging by the fact that this person has yet to say anything, you figure that they're old enough to know when their presence is not welcome and left.

Wrong. You're too optimistic. They knock again.

You sigh and once again, hope that the sound carries through the door. "Who is it?" You try to make yourself sound as unfriendly as possible. Considering how cranky you are, you don't have to try very hard.

"Trick-or-treat..?" The voice on the other side is muffled by the door, but also by something else. Fabric, probably. All you know is that their voice is deep enough to be an adult's.

You click your tongue. "Trick." You almost snicker. It's a little refreshing not doling out treats for once. "Go home."

"Can I at least give you a treat?" The person asks.

You blink. They didn't leave? "Pretty sure that's not how it works," you reply. "I give you treats and you… I dunno, TP my house or something."

"Yeah, well," the person at the door chuckles, "I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to say 'trick', either. Since you're breaking the rules, it's only fair that it's my turn, right?"

Well… Shit. They have a point.

Impressed by the stranger's reasoning, you hum. "Fine. Let me find my costume." You turn to gather your costume and notice that you can't find the full thing. You were so eager to get to bed that you didn't hesitate to drop the thing in the wash. Not wanting to make the stranger wait too long, you improvise. You blindly grab the mask and the blue throw blanket you have folded up on your couch and tie it around your shoulder like a cape. It's a shitty excuse for a costume, but you reason that your exhaustion is a good excuse. You swing open the door and cross your arms over your chest. "Alright, what do you got for-- Oh."

Standing on the other side of your door is none other than Spider-Man himself. The two of you stand in silence as you take in each other's appearances. Then, after what feels like forever, he speaks. "So… a cape, huh?"

You don't hesitate — you grab your door and swing the thing shut as fast as you can, but Spider-Man is faster, catching the door in his gloved hand. You turn your back to him. The mask is obscuring his face, but you already know what expression he has underneath. "Don't say a word." You warn him.

Spider-Man pays you no mind. You can feel him lifting your 'cape' as he inspects it. "Hmm… capes are kinda aerodynamic, but considering how dirty my enemies fight, I don't think that's a very good design choice." You can hear the shit-eating grin in his voice. "I'll give it a five out of ten."

"I said shut it!" You snatch your blanket out of his hands and march further into your apartment with Spider-Man's laughter following at your back. He walks inside and the door shuts behind the two of you. "Get the fuck out, webhead," you seethe. Your voice trembles with shame. "I didn't invite you in."

Spider-Man just walks around you to look you in the eye. "Come now, lovebug," he tilts your chin up with a finger, "you look cute wearing my mask."

You grumble and push his hand away as you struggle for words. You want to say something like, "this isn't what it looks like!" to try and save face, but there's no point in trying. This is exactly what it looks like.

Because the mask you'd been wearing for Halloween -- and the mask you haphazardly thrown on moments ago -- was none other than Spider-Man's mask.

To be fair, these things were a dime a dozen. The people of this city adore the vigilante. It was only natural that kids and adults alike would want to pretend to be him for a day, even if they had no powers like him. You're not exactly one of those people — you've seen firsthand just how brutal Spider-Man's job can be. You wouldn't trade your life for his even if you were offered money. But as you stared at the costume while shopping, you couldn't help yourself. There were obviously cooler, much more interesting costumes to choose from but this one just… called to you.

Hindsight is 20/20, after all. You should've ignored that calling.

Spider-Man takes your chin in his fingers and shakes your head side to side. "I never knew you liked me so much, lovebug. I'm touched."

You scoff. "Don't be."

"Y'know, if you wanted to wear my mask so badly, you could've just asked." Spider-Man leans in and presses a clothed kiss to your cheek. You consider yourself lucky; he can't possibly feel the burn of your cheeks through all that fabric.

You stammer. "Ha-ha. Very funny."

"What? I'm sure I have a back up somewhere." He eyes you for a moment. "You'd look good in it."

Against your will, you wonder if he's saying that he wants you to wear his clothes. Would he ever actually loan you clothes that he's worn? The thought makes your face burn hotter. "Why are you here?" You ask. Anything to change the topic.

Spider-Man chuckles, but plays along. "I haven't swung by in a few days," he says, "so I figured I'd try and surprise you as a trick-or-treater." He shrugs. "I wanted to do some reverse psychology thing where I could trick you into thinking I was just some guy in a costume so you would give me candy."

You process his words for a second. "Okay, first of all, you already are a guy in a costume."

He visibly deflates and places a hand over his chest. "Ouch, lovebug. What if you hurt my feelings?"

"Second of all," you continue, "do you have any idea how many Spider-Men I've seen today?"

"...Is that a serious question?"

"Don't be a smart ass."

"I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess twelve."

You pause. You actually aren't even sure if that's the right number or not. You lost count after three hours of giving out candy to cute kids.

"Am I right?" He asks.

"Who knows?"

Spider-Man huffs. "If there's that many of us around, then what am I even here for?" You giggle at his petulant behavior, and he makes another breathy sound, reminiscent of a stifled laugh. "Did you treat them the same way you treat me?"

"What?" His question takes you off-guard for a moment. You chortle. "Oh, definitely."

"You gave them band-aids and kicked them out, too?"

"Mhm." You cross your arms. "Just slapped a few on some pretend wounds and told them to get the fuck off my property."

The two of you laugh together for a moment. Once the laughter dies down, Spider-Man tugs at your cheek for a brief second. You let him get away with it for now. "You're so cute." He sighs and you can hear something somber enter his tone. "I was worried about you. It's been a week since I've seen you."

It has been a week, hasn't it? You may have been swamped with work at the hospital, but there was never a night that you didn't find yourself waiting on your balcony like an idiot in this chilly weather. You had faith that he was okay — the Daily Bugle printed something new about the "masked menace" every day this past week — but that didn't stop you from longing for his presence. Stories can't compare to the real thing, after all. You're far more taken with the masked vigilante than you'd care to admit to yourself.

You hum. "About time someone else did the worrying for once," you mumble jokingly. "It gets tiring worrying all by myself."

Spider-Man stays quiet. "I've been okay. A little worse for the wear for the past two days, but okay otherwise."

You reach for him instinctively. "Lingering pain isn't like you," you say, already in doctor-mode, "did something happen?"

"No, not like that. I've just been… sad. I guess." His confession is soft as he takes your outstretched hands in his own. He's been more vulnerable around you lately and you're not sure if that's good or bad. "It's been a rough couple of days, that's all."

You rack your brain. What could possibly be paining him that you don't know of? He's already told you that he tells you everything (within reason), so maybe it's something that you already know of? You furrow your brows as you dive deeper into your memory. Deeper, deeper… until you happen across a memory from just about a year ago.

The kiss you shared on your balcony close to midnight.

"Oh my God." You voice your incredulity aloud. "Oh my God! I missed your birthday!"

Spider-Man straightens his posture as he inhales sharply.

How could you have forgotten? He confessed to you on his birthday last year that you were the only person he had left in his life since he hated his birthday so much. October 29th was such a painful day for him — to think that you didn't stop for a second to wonder if he was okay that day. It's not like you would've been able to contact him of course, but what if he swung by after you'd fallen asleep? You should've at least left him a note or something.

"Don't beat yourself up over it, lovebug." The confidence is starting to bleed out of him, you notice. Spider-Man walks over to your couch and sits on the floor in front of it. "I'll be okay. It's not like I was going to celebrate or anything."

You move to the couch and adjust yourself so that the vigilante is between your legs. You two often assume this position when you're finished patching him up and too tired to goof around until he leaves. You would place your hands on his head and press your fingers into the fabric of his mask. Spider-Man told you once that the action was soothing, but you have yet to admit to him that it's your way of trying to conjure up an image of what his hair must look like underneath.

Like always, he gets himself into position, draping his arms across your legs. This time, however, he's looking up at you. You're not sure what expression he might be wearing.

"I wasn't saying that we should've celebrated," you say softly. "I'm just upset that you had to be alone. Are you sure you're okay?" You ask as you massage your fingers across the crown of his head.

He hums. "I am now. I promise."

"If you're ever feeling down, you know you can come and see me." Your words surprise the both of you, but you don't regret them at all. He always seems to be around when you need his company the most, so why shouldn't you do the same for him? Who else would? your mind unhelpfully supplies. "I may not be the best company in the world, but at least you won't be alone, right?"

Spider-Man moves so that he's on his knees facing you. He's so close to your face like this; you inch backwards to preserve your sanity. "You're the only company I need." He says it with so much conviction that you shiver. "But does this mean I'm getting special treatment?"

"What--? You mean from the other Spider-Men?" When he nods, you snort. "Yeah, I guess you do get V.I.P privileges. You get extra treats unlike everyone else."

"Extra?" He tilts his head. "But you haven't given me any candy at all."

You raise a brow. "All that's left is the candy I'm hoarding for myself. And before you ask, no, I'm not sharing any. Why don't you try actually trick-or-treating? People would probably give the city hero the best of the best."

He sinks a little lower, seeming defeated. "...Would you believe me if I said I tried that already?"

"Did it work?"

He's silent.

"...It didn't work, did it?"

"...No. They thought I was just some superfan."

Peals of laughter burst out of you at his admission. "So this is how they repay you, huh?" You say between giggles. "No faith and no candy? That's rough, buddy." You get the distinct impression that he's glaring at you, but that only makes you laugh harder.

Fed up with your insistence on laughing at his misfortune, Spider-Man taps your leg. "Since I get special treatment from you, can I ask for a few wishes?"

You wipe a stray tear from your eye. "I'm dressed as a superhero, not a magic genie."

"Please?"

"Fine, fine." You finally catch your breath. "You get two wishes.

"Not three?"

"I'm not a genie. Don't push it."

Spider-Man puts his hands up in defense. "Alright, two it is. The first is… let me stay with you for the rest of the night."

You shrug. Wouldn't be the first time. He's usually gone by the time you wake up, anyhow. "Granted. Next one's your last — make it count, bug boy."

Spider-Man doesn't react to your nickname. Instead, he just stares at you. A familiar sensation tickles up your spine. He's watching you; you know that stare all too well. "I think you know what I'm going to ask for next." His voice is deeper, smoother than it was mere moments ago.

You nod and he eases himself closer to you. You feel your heart pick up an unsteady rhythm and rather than kiss him normally, you lean in close and press your masked lips to his. He makes a surprised noise before he laughs and melts into the "kiss" all the same. When you pull away, he's still laughing. A very welcome change from the bitter smile you're sure he was wearing when talking about his birthday. "Consider that a freebie," you mutter.

"You're too kind," he chuckles.

Soon, your fingers come to the base of his mask to raise it just above his lips when he suddenly stops you. He reaches for your face and you feel something tug at the base of your neck. Somehow, you completely forgot you were wearing that stupid mask. "It's kinda funny," he half-laughs, "having to unmask you for once."

"You... You can't tell anyone about my identity, okay?" You tease.

Spider-Man rolls your mask up just enough to expose your lips and you do the same to him. Neither of you are sure who leaned in first, but you meet in the middle in a kiss that has fireworks bursting behind your lids. The two of you are greedy, pouring a week's worth of longing into the kiss. The mutual yearning is palpable, so much so that you can hear his breath hitch when you sigh. He rises to the couch slowly and without breaking the kiss, doing his best not to part from you for even a second.

You missed him. Oh, how you missed him — you missed how he would wrap a strong arm around your waist and pull you closer like it was nothing; how he would whisper his adoration for you between breaths; how he would chase after your lips whenever you would tease him with barely-there kisses. You missed the exhilaration, the thrill of knowing that you were the only one Spider-Man would ever treat this way. That you were his and he was yours.

He moves from your lips to your jaw, trailing kisses up to your ear and down to your neck. His pace is unhurried, though he seems eager to pull a reaction out of you. You give him what he wants whether you intend to or not. You press yourself closer to him in a silent request for more and he indulges you; his kisses become little nips, and the nips turn to bites as he starts to leave marks on your neck. He eases you back so that you're laying on your couch and he's hovering over you. The two of you stare at each other for a moment.

"Can I use my next wish?" His voice is rough. When you nod, he leans in once more. His uncovered lips brush against your ear as he whispers. "Let me give you a treat."

Something foreign yet familiar makes you shudder as you nod.

Spider-Man attacks your neck once again. Clearly he was holding himself back earlier, because every mark he leaves stings. He makes them dark and obvious, completely disregarding any warnings you may have given him on other days. You normally would tell him to ease up, to hide the marks that he so desperately wanted to leave on you. But now you let him do as he pleases. You gave him an inch and as expected, he took the mile. He soothes each one with a kiss and muffles your whimpers with his lips.

It takes a while before he's satisfied with his handiwork. Kazuha raises himself up with a shaky breath. Your wrists are in his hands and pinned against the couch. Looking down at you now, all flushed absolutely covered in his marks, he feels something uncontrollable stir within him. He has half a mind to tell you to close your eyes so he can take his mask off, but he refrains.

That's all he ever does when it comes to you. You, the greatest test of his endurance that he will ever encounter in his lifetime. No supervillain with any amount of underground connections or otherworldly technology will ever test his patience and restraint quite like you. For years, Kazuha has weighed the pros and cons of telling you who he is. He always wonders if you would still allow this, if you would still treat him like a lover if you knew who he was — if you knew that he's been lying to you. Though your reaction may not be guaranteed, it's a risk he's more than willing to take.

But he doesn't. Not tonight. Maybe another day when the time is right.

For now, Kazuha releases your wrists and sits himself up. He fixes his mask while you take yours off. You sit up and he watches as you ghost your fingers over each of your fresh hickies. You wince a little when you brush the one on the left side of your collarbone, above your heart. The silence that hangs in the air is evident, but not uncomfortable.

Then, you mutter. "I was supposed to give you a treat."

Kazuha reaches out and touches a hickey left on your pulse point. A sensitive spot for you – you shudder in response. He admires the lingering haze in your eyss. "You did. Thank you, lovebug."

✧ my goodness. @perpetualcynicism look at what you've done. you've reawakened a monster in me.

✧ edit: btw, the dividers belong to @cafekitsune!! thanks so much for making such beautiful dividers!

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #kaedehara kazuha #kaedehara kazuha x reader #kazuha x reader #spidey!kazuha #spidey!kazuha x reader #WHEW.#tagging is a fucking nightmare i cant believe i did this all the time #but uh.. ta-da...#i feel so much better though #i had a horrible day at work so i got super high and then i read thing in my asks and then i cried and wanted to write about kazuha #i literally checked off every box #get high? ✅️ cry? ✅️ write about kazuha? ✅️✅️✅️#I FEEL SO FREE

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velvet-lounge · 7 days

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Why the TF2 Defense Trio deserve more recognition

The people have spoken, I have decided to create an essay disguised as a post on this godforsaken website because it's a free country goddammit! (I would have done it either way lmaooo, I have a lot of shit to say about these maniacs) To start this formal essay glorified very serious shitpost, why should you as a tf2 fan care about these 3 men? They're so "boring" and there's not much going on with them. If ya took a second, let's pause with what was being said. YOU MUST BE OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MIND to think such thoughts, we must shake you out of cuckoo land by giving you an in-depth look into these three so that you understand where I'm coming from. Let's start in order:

Demoman:

After being in the fandom since 2019, there's always one character I always thought wasn't given much anything in the fandom at all. Even taking ships out of the equation, there's barely any fics I've that focus on Tavish Finneagan Degroot specifically that I've seen that isn't a compilation fic (I read a lot of x readers, don't judge me). Believe me, I checked ao3. I went through Demoman's tags and I tried very hard to filter a lot of the crossover and relationship tags, yet there's less of Demoman himself, than there's him just existing as a side character of a story. Which is honestly sad, I honestly think Demo is one of the more kinder mercs compared to a lot of the team. This man made friends with the BLU soldier, despite knowing that they were supposed to be killing each other. Sure, it's unclear whether or not Demo did actually go through with it and it's just a ruse, because the voicelines in WAR! don't have a set timeline. But I do think that Demo would have tried to keep his friendship with BLU soldier. He's very chill. I've never actually seen him get violent against his friends and family, despite being a drunkard. I honestly think he's one of the sweetest people in TF2, he takes good care of his mom and haunted sword lmaoooo. Jokes aside, he seems like a genuinely good man and I barely see anything that suggests he's sadistic. He's a chaotic and loud, but not bad. Not bad at all. The fact he can still do his job well, even after drinking so much that his body created a whole distillery, is even more impressive. He is damn good at what he does and works very hard. He's had multiple jobs, even as wee little lad. Despite what people think of him, the fact he's getting paid 5 million dollars a year, is proof he knows what he's doing. He loves his job and couldn't bear the thought of not working. I feel like his backstory isn't talked about enough in the fandom either. When you think about it, it's kinda fucked up that he was put in an orphanage by his biological parents until he was in the right age to be blowing people up. Not only that, his eye socket was haunted by the Bombinomicon so that every halloween a giant eye would manifest, attacking him and his friends. Even Medic couldn't help him and instead resorting to scooping the part of Demo's brain where he remembered so he would stop asking. He most likely has a lot of stories for you, I see him as the type that has a lot to say. His past is the most fleshed out and complete out of all the mercs, which I really appreciate, you can do a lot more with him. Also another thing, during Unhappy Returns, he took the time to reassure Soldier that he wouldn't think he's a civilian. He didn't brush Soldier's worries aside and instead comforted him. I wish I had a lot more to say about Demo because I am baffled that he isn't being gushed about as a potential partner. He has the excitement and like zero baggage. A thing I also wanna point out is that he seems to be insecure of the fact he's a black scottish man with only one eye during Meet The Demoman. I may be reading into things a bit too much, but it makes me wanna be like "NOOOO don't talk about yourself like that, bro. You're so cute UGHHH" Also also he's handsome. Sure looks can be subjective, but I still think Demo has a face I would kiss hehe. He looks great with his beard and his cheeky ass smile. GOD I could gush about him all day, but I have to move on rip.

Heavy:

Honestly, I'm having a hard time just finding the words to describe this amazing man without giving him the respect he deserves. But I'll sure try. Heavy has had a difficult life and I've always admired how strong he was. Not just of his muscles, but he endured one of the toughest situations and still kept moving forward with his life even though it was traumatizing. You see why I'm even having a hard time talking about him? I can't really get down into the weeds, without getting serious for a min. I feel like the fandom doesn't give him much credit for being able to deal with so much. He's the rock for his family after his father disappeared (atp I think he's dead, which is the cherry on top this depressing sundae) and I wouldn't doubt that he would be the same for his team. He's a man of few words, but that makes him all the more intriguing. Just because this man has a lot of brawn does not mean he's dumb at all. Despite how he acts in the battlefield, Heavy is observant and clever. Although, it's implied that Spy being Scout's dad is an open secret between the mercs and Miss Pauling, the fact he figured it out without saying it directly must mean he has a lot more going on. He's also educated, getting a phD in Russian Literature. It's not a STEM program, but he actually got a doctorate and went to college, that's a lot more than half of what the mercs did lmaooo. Also he has a bit of a softie side, not just for his mom and sisters, but also other creatures as well. I respect him so much for avoiding violence against those dogs during the Showdown comic. Not only shows what an absolute sweetheart he is, but also how much he's able to think quickly on his feet. Heavy is very direct and blunt, I don't see him as the type to lie about his feelings. I appreciate that he doesn't feel the need to sugarcoat anything, he'll get the job done and he ain't playing. There's no fluff, he knows what he wants and that's to rev up Sasha and ram through sons of bitches without any worries.

I feel like I wanna point out, his story seems the most unexplored in the fandom, even though it has a lot of potential for ANGST factor. I already broke down how sad it is, but I just feel like it isn't said enough. Can I just say how cuddly he looks?! GAH, I feel like he would give the warmest hugs! The way he smiled in Unhappy Returns when he finds out his family doesn't need to live in fear anymore, just melts my heart! He's so protective over his family and friends! I wish I had a lot more to say about this guy because I just can't stop finding more things about him that go unappreciated. I had to literally edit this part so many times before moving on, he just has those little details you don't notice until you take a second and have that OH MY GOD moment

Engineer:

I was getting so hyped, when it was finally our resident southern nerd's time to shine. GOD I have so much to say about this man. It's been over 5 fucking years and I have never stopped simping for this man since 2019, I think I'm gonna go insane from how much I've been repressing, I go feral when he's around. Anyways enough stalling. I don't ever think a fictional character has ever made me swoon quite like Engineer, I really mean that. I have ask and pleaded to whatever god was listening to give me a man like Engie. To me, he is everything I ever wanted and more.

First, I wanna talk about what makes him attractive to me. His accent. His southern charm, UGH he's killing me with that smooth voice and chivalry! I swear this man could make me faint just from existing. The way he smiles is so warm, his insults are so corny I love them. That five o clock shadow GAHH! I'm getting butterflies all over again. I swear I love all three of the defense bois, but Dell Conagher has my heart wrapped around his gunslinger metal finger. All those personal reasons aside, I've always thought Dell Conagher was a very interesting character in the world of TF2. He might not have much screen time or goofy shenanigans like the other mercs, but that doesn't mean you can ignore him oh no no no. This man is important within the whole story of Mann Co and TF industries, his grandfather being the catalyst of the game's events and the comics going forward. The Conaghers are the SOLE REASON why Team Fortress 2's story exists. I find it strange that the fandom hasn't done much with this fact because you can do a lot with this idea. Engineer knows a lot of shit and would be the biggest threat to Helen, if not for the fact that his family has been helping her for years.

Like his backstory, he's not seen much in the battlefield, but he has a lot more going on behind the scenes. Imagine the possibilities. He is damn intelligent and he knows it. While Dell is very sweet and has a southern charm, this is a facade to hide his God complex and sadistic tendencies. If you think this man is just your boring gentle engineer, you've got a big storm coming. It's heavily implied that he sawed off his own arm so that he could use the gunslinger. This man works on projects with Medic and doesn't question the moral implications of putting a human brain in a pumpkin. Hell, he threatened his own employer, even if he was an old man (Granted, Blutarch dug up his grandpa's grave, so he probably should have gotten something a lot worse than just Dell telling him to fuck off). Engineer is more than the texan egghead sweetie pie, he is a mercenary for a reason and I would argue that he might be as insane, if not more than, the rest of the team. No sane man would willingly work with a bunch of war criminals if he wasn't also crazy. That's the thing I really like about him. I love playing as him in the game because it represents his character very well. He technically serves a supportive role to the team with his buildings, but he is a killer with a lot of tools in his disposal, With the right amount of training, he can absolutely dominate in the battlefield.

I feel like he's one of the people that underestimate and assume that he's an easy target, but he's a lot more than that. He has a lot of layers that makes me want to learn more about him and what he has to offer.

In Conclusion:

These guys are cool. Lmaooo okay I won't just end it there. I genuinely believe that they're not getting the recognition that they deserve, they've got a lot more going for them if you pay attention. Sure they might not always be the loudest or most prominant character in the story, but what they lack in quantity, they make up for in quality TEN FOLD. They don't have to be your favourite, but you should at least give them a chance. You never know, they may surprise you.

Okay so thats enough of that, I couldn't find a divider above this message, so you're getting this grainy ass gif. Honestly, I put way too much effort on this shitpost lmaooo, but I just wanted to get my thoughts out in a more concise manner. If you want to add more stuff about these three that I didn't mention, feel free to do so. Anyways thanks for reading

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 demoman #tf2 engineer #tf2 heavy #tf2 engie #tf2 demo #tf2 mikhail #tf2 defense #i spent way too long on this post than I should have bruh #enjoy the ramblings of a thirsty idiot #defense nation rise up

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eggroll-sama · 2 months

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Touchstarved Demo Review

Played the demo of Touchstarved and I can’t get it out of my head. Refreshing tumblr every three seconds to read people’s stances on the game so I’m going to do it myself. Here’s are my current stances on the characters.

KURAS

Rather secluded and to himself, initial reactions wise I was disappointed in not getting to know more about him in the demo. but at the same time, the demo set the stage for what exactly I could expect from his route. Slow-burn. Much like what I expect Mhin’s route to be like, but moreso focused on getting to know his past. He doesn’t voice his internal struggles because he has a firm barrier he sets between himself and other, probably hates getting too close to human’s because he is immortal and doesn’t like the idea of getting attached to things that are temporary.

Also, after listening to the Q and A on YouTube and how supposedly Kuras will do some messed up shit in his route, I’m really excited to see what’s up with this tight-lipped doctor. He is definitely not the nice, charitable doctor that he is known for in Lowtown.

On a positive note, his design is probably my favorite in the game! Very unique, gorgeous, and ethereal, so pretty that I know if he existed in real life he’d be out of my league and would be popular just because of how jaw-droppingly gorgeous he is. Mr Steal your girl, but he’s respectful so he won’t be a home wrecker.

(More reviews under the cut)

LEANDER

A character that I thought looked so suspicious and weirded out, but fell in love with when playing the game. I thought he looked like a psychopath!

Because I’m a stupid, easily manipulated dumbass, I initially didn’t really capture his red flags when playing the demo. Every time he let me touch him, my heart beat wouldn’t stop! And his blush is so adorable. He seemed like the trustworthy nice-guy that just wanted to help a poor soul out. And uh, chest. The chest really had an effect on me and his entire outfit didn’t help. Black turtle necks awaken something in me, yknow? And the belts? Hoe energy.

After replaying the demo a few times, it just stands out to me how much of a player he is. Before realizing MC was at the bar because of Kuras, he was in flirting mode and probably considering MC to be part of his escapades. The disappointment in his tone and face when he found out MC was there for business 😂😂.

We get the most information of Leander from the special conversation with the characters so I am quite pumped to know what exactly this guy is about, cuz each person has varying, colorful opinions on him. I find it so funny that Vere, the most flirtatious in the game, is weirded out by shameless Leander is. Maybe that is Leander’s flaw? The leader of the Bloodhounds, envied by many and respected by most, is the most submissive and horny bitch on the planet. Ok ok, I’m done. But I could go on and on about this man.

(Side note, Mhin and Leander definitely had a drunken one night stand. And Mhin absolutely regretted it)

Even after reading all the theories on how sus he is, his interactions were probably my favorite in the entire game. I’m just so intrigued by him.

VERE

Not the biggest fan of Vere. I’m not into animal ears and tails.

Im going to be honest in real life I would be flustered by Vere’s advances and probably feel a sort of fascination towards him echen to attraction, but he’s not really the type that I want to romance in games. Also the fact of the matter is is that sexual innuendoes just not my thing, especially when it comes to first impressions. And my first impression was getting my key stolen so nice.

Irl Vere can be acquaintances at most. I would be there just to hear the juiciest details about some drama. He would always have some snarky comment that would make me laugh. I love some dark humor. But at the same time, he’s dangerous af. I wouldn’t want to get too close to him. He has major issues and idk when he would snap, that’s the scary part! If I tease him playfully and he was not in the mood, off goes my head.

I like his relationship with Ais, adds more juiciness to the story. Love me some love triangles. Reminds me of Rime and Felix relationship in Last Legacy.

I would like the challenge of winning him over though. Because his route would probably be so unpredictable and challenging, I feel more motivated to play and invest in his story

AIS

I love his character design! Probably my second favorite in the game. Ais exudes confidence, competence, and strength. Major main character vibes from Ais. I’m guessing that’s why Leander hates him. HOW DARE YOU BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION, LITERALLY THE CENTER OF ALL THE PROMO ART YOU FUCKIN BASTAR-

I personally do not feel that much of a love connection towards Ais as much as Leander. More like, I chill with you. I could grab a drink with you and talk about life. Yes. Maybe when I play his route they’ll prove me wrong. Im still curious about him so can’t wait to play his route. But I don’t see much of a red flag in him as the others, he just seems like a chill guy that went through hell. I’m guessing he’ll show his dark sides in his route.

It’s concerning that he’s attracted to Vere cuz Vere is…Vere. Problematic. Chaotic. An Asshole. Hmmm, is Ais technically an enabler? Yes, but Ais also starts bar fights. They’re both bad. It’s also interesting how generally people would say ethically good qualities on why they are attracted to someone but no, Ais is just like “yeah he’s an asshole, you can trust him just don’t listen to anything he says.” It’s hilarious. That also contrasts with Leander’s bio how he sees Vere as a damsel in distress cuz he’s delusional and has white knight syndrome, while Ais sees people who they are because he’s the black sheep “that have the clearest view of the world.” That’s probably why Vere loves him. Ais is the only person that sees his crappiness and still likes him. What a Chad :,)

MHIN

They reminds me of a friend I have. Quiet, standoffish, takes time to open up, a MASSIVE sweet tooth. I really want to pet their heads but I know they’re going to smack it away if I even try to touch. 😭😭

Mhin, the angsty teen. Considering Mhin’s bad temperament and similar curse thing with MC, I’m going to guess it’ll have major Beauty and the Beast vibes. Tempermental Mhin and MC who would turn them into a better person and teach them how to love themselves, with or without the curse.

The friendship with Mhin and Kuras make a lot of sense. Mhin feels at peace with Kuras cuz he’s a good listener and the only introvert in the friend group. Mhin needs someone that won’t try to annoy them like Leander or Vere. But I remember listening to the stream with the developers, and they were saying how terrible Kuras is and can’t wait for people to find out about it. Will Mhin feel betrayed when they find out the truth about Kuras? Do they already know? So many questions.

#touchstarved #touchstarved leander #touchstarved mhin #touchstarved ais #touchstarved Kuras #touchstarved Vere #touchstarved game

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