mel c magdalene made me realize what was missing from my magdalene design and it's that she's not fucking jacked. it's crucial to her character

Further Complications (Part 2 of Ways & Means)

Author: Eggnogged

Year: 2010

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Tony Harrison/Saboo/Mrs.Harrison

Tony Harrison has been texting him filth all week. Saboo has done his best to ignore him, hoping he’ll get bored and forget about their ill-advised tryst/wedding, but it’s been several days now and his phone is still beeping on an hourly basis. On top of that, they have a meeting of the Shaman Council scheduled for next week. Obviously he’s going to have to deal with this... situation. No one needs to find out about Saboo’s temporary lapse in judgement; he’d never live it down. If he wants to be able to show his face at the Shaman Club again, he needs a word with Harrison. So he finally texts Tony back to ask for his address, and seconds later his phone beeps again: knew u were just playin hard 2 get u slag no1 can rsist teh H man - We need to talk. I want to resolve this situation in an amicable and mature manner. I hope that isn’t too much to ask of you. dont prtnd yr not gagging 4 it big man me & mrs h r waitin - You disgust me. I’m coming over for a chat and NOTHING ELSE. yeah well see about that sunshine *** Saboo’s first thought upon reaching his destination is that he must’ve got the directions wrong. His GPS always seems to get confused by the fact that he’s using a magic carpet, and it wouldn’t be the first time that he’s made a wrong turn somewhere. It’s already hard enough to believe that Tony actually lives on Earth, but the fact that he lives in a mansion in the countryside, with expansive manicured grounds guarded by a huge iron-wrought gate? That is just ridiculous. The place has got to be worth millions, and by the looks of it, employs a staff of at least a dozen. Meanwhile, Saboo lives in a bedsit in South London. It doesn’t seem fair. Well, there is one way to find out if he’s in the right place. Saboo presses the doorbell and waits. Seconds later, the door is opened by an ancient-looking servant, who looks like a butler straight out of the 1870s. Judging by his wrinkles, stooped back, and glaucoma, Saboo thinks that he may very well be. He gives Saboo a once over, milky eyes settling on Saboo’s hat with mild distaste. “Sir?” Saboo is nothing if not respectful of protocol, and even though he is less than impressed by this butler’s insolent manner, he remains polite. “I am Saboo, I believe I am expected.” The butler nods feebly, “Yes, sir. Mrs Harrison will be with you presently.” He motions for Saboo to follow him inside and then shuffles down the marbled hallway. Saboo removes his hat and takes a moment to straighten its long feather, and before he has time to do much else, he hears the unmistakable sound of high heels clattering up towards him. He looks up just in time to see the stiletto shoes round the corner, and he follows them up to find himself face to face with a woman. A real woman, a human, not a female version of whatever Tony is. And she is no ordinary human woman, either. Her stockinged legs seem to go on forever, culminating in curvy hips and a narrow waist, and she is sporting a massive set of tits. Inexplicably, she’s wearing bunny girl lingerie, with pink satin ears poking out of her shining blonde hair. Saboo stands there by the door and stares openly. “You must be Saboo!” she purrs, leaning in to kiss him on each cheek, and smiling at him with her perfect teeth and perfect mouth. Her perfume is intoxicating, and Saboo thinks he may have forgotten how to speak. Undeterred by his silence, she continues, “I’ve heard so much about you of course, but my husband never told me you were this handsome.” This is the biggest surprise of all. Not the house, or the grounds, or the servants, but the fact that Harrison, a disembodied testicle (and not even a particularly likeable one at that), appears to be married to this buxom blonde Amazon. It defies all logic, it seems astronomically unlikely. Surely Tony’s put some sort of spell on her. A love potion, maybe? Shaman law strictly forbids the personal use of love potions, and Saboo is definitely going to have a word with Dennis about this. “He makes me laugh,” Mrs Harrison says with an affectionate smile, as though she can read his mind. “Well, that, and he’s exceptionally talented in bed,” she adds with a saucy wink before sauntering down the hallway and gesturing for him to follow her. When she turns around, Saboo notices that there is a pink bunny tail pinned to the back of her lacy knickers. He tries not to stare at it, but it’s bouncing up and down in such a hypnotic fashion that before he knows it, he’s followed her down lavishly decorated hallways and up a massive marble staircase, into what appears to be the master bedroom. He takes one worried look at the king sized bed, which seems to take up half of the room, before his eyes wander to the giant oil painting above it. It’s a revolting tableau of pastel hues, depicting Mrs Harrison, clad in an elaborate bejewelled wedding gown and cradling Tony in her arms. The Tony in the painting is wearing a bowtie in the space where his face ends and his tentacles begin, and the two of them are gazing at each other with sickening adoration. Saboo suddenly feels like he’s going to be ill. “Mrs Harrison—“ “Please, call me Cindy.” “Erm, Cindy, I was just hoping for a quick word with Tony, maybe I’d better go wait for him in the sitting room...?” “You make yourself comfortable,” she replies, gesturing towards the bed as though she hasn’t heard him, “I’ll go get Tony, he’s just having a nice bubble bath.” She’s gone before Saboo can argue. He sits down gingerly on the edge of the bed, taking care to face away from the painting. Minutes later she returns with Tony in her arms. She’s cooing at him like he’s an infant or a particularly adorable puppy, peppering his big head with little kisses, leaving red lipstick traces all over his pink skin, and Saboo has to fight down a fresh wave of nausea at the sight. “Ooh my baby’s all clean now, but mommy’s going to get him all dirty again, won’t she?” Cindy brings Tony up to her face and they share a long, messy kiss while Saboo just stares, horrified. He wants to remind them that he’s there because it seems they’ve forgotten, but it seems rude to interrupt. When they break off, both Harrisons turn to look at him with matching seductive smirks. “We’re going to get really dirty with your cute little friend, ain’t we, baby? Really naughty,” Cindy purrs. Tony gives him a lecherous grin, “I dunno Cindy, Saboo said he’s only here to talk.” Cindy laughs at that, a clear, tinkling sound, “But didn’t you tell him that we’re all married now?” Saboo starts to think that maybe it would’ve been a better idea to have this talk over the phone. *** Soon after, Saboo finds himself divested of all his clothes except his hat and slouching against the headboard. Cindy had talked him into doing a slow strip-tease, which had been a bit exciting but mainly embarrassing due to Tony’s catcalls, but after that he’d been directed to sit there and wait, so that’s what he’s doing. It turns out that it’s really difficult not to comply with everything Cindy says. The Harrisons really seem to have forgotten about him now , because Cindy is laying flat on her back with her knees up, fondling her breasts, and Tony is settled between her legs and going down on her with unnerving enthusiasm. Neither of them is paying attention to Saboo, and the air is filled with the sounds of Cindy’s gasps and Tony’s moans. It’s a bit revolting, this whole scene, and Saboo thinks that he should definitely get up and leave. He’s not even that turned on anymore, and he could get all this, minus the freak show factor, from online porn. Any minute now, he’s going to leave. He’s going to get up, walk away, and… Oh god. “What... What’s that all about?” There’s something growing out of Tony’s body, between two of his tentacles. It’s longer, wider and darker in tone than his normal appendages, slimy and kind of horrifying, all strange angles and lumpy little barbs. “Ooooh yeah, you thought you knew all about me, but I’ve got all sorts of tricks up my sleeves!” “You haven’t got any sleeves. You don’t even have arms, you freak.” Tony opens his mouth to retort, but he’s interrupted when Cindy mewls plaintively and pushes him back between her legs, her long manicured fingers pressing into his pink flesh. Saboo can only watch as Tony expertly works his tongue on her clitoris and pushes his swollen appendage and several of his tentacles inside her body. That now familiar feeling of disgust and intense arousal returns and Saboo presses the heel of his palm firmly against his hardening erection, while Cindy curses and sings and gasps and pleads until her toes curl and she stiffens with a strangled moan. Saboo is no stranger to the female orgasm, and while his own performance with the ladies is rightly renowned, he doesn’t think he’s ever seen a woman come this hard in his life. She looks like she’s having some sort of seizure, her eyes wide and unfocused as her back arches right off the bed. Saboo can see the ripples in her stomach and the trembles in her thighs from where he’s sitting, and suddenly her marriage to Tony doesn’t seem all that unlikely. Once it’s all over and that Cindy appears to have passed out from the force of her orgasm, Tony slowly retracts his glistening tentacles and his weirdly shaped genitalia from her body, looking very pleased with himself. “Oooh baby, another job well done. She is out for the count!” “All that time I thought of you as just a pink ball sac,” Saboo says, sounding a bit strangled despite his attempts to be cool and casual, “I was wrong. You appear to be a very elaborate, sentient sex toy.” “That’s right, bow down to the prowess of the H-man!” “That wasn’t a compliment, you bean head.” “I think you’ll find it was, you sexy beast. I ain’t spent yet, I saved some of my best moves for you. I promise you, you haven’t lived until you’ve felt my multi-hexagonal penis all up inside you.” “That’s repulsive, Tony. I don’t want that thing anywhere near my person.” “Ooooh, here we go again, the old denial! Give it up, Saboo, I can see you’re aching for it!” Tony is right of course, and what’s the point of putting up a fight when he’s already naked in bed with this oversized ballbag? Saboo grits his teeth and picks up Tony, settling him on his stomach. “I wouldn’t say no to another lap dance,” he mumbles quietly, throwing a quick glance at Cindy, “but what about your wife?” Mrs Harrison appears to have partially regained consciousness, stretching languidly, but her eyes are still closed. “Our wife, you mean. She’ll join in when she’s ready, don’t worry your gorgeous little head about it,” Tony replies, licking his lips and slithering slowly down Saboo’s body. Saboo closes his eyes in anticipation, remembering the slick pulsating feeling of Harrison’s insides that time in the hotel room, but Tony seems to have something else in mind. He brushes his tentacles lightly against Saboo’s straining cock but circumvent it entirely, slowly inching his way down until he finds himself back on the bed, between Saboo’s legs. “What—That’s not what I—...” “Ooh, I know what you want, you slag. Maybe later. Right now there’s something else I want to do,” Tony says greedily, and suddenly there’s one tentacle wrapping around the base of Saboo’s cock, one gently lifting his balls and yet another sliding between his arse cheeks. Saboo jerks back, banging his head painfully against the headboard and dislodging his hat. “Woah there, Tony!” An alien bumming is not what he had in mind, but judging by the gleeful look in Tony’s eyes and the engorged state of his, er, member, that’s definitely what is going to happen unless Saboo reacts quickly. “Shit, Tony, I don’t...” “Hush, you great prude. Oh, I’ve been after your delicious pumpkin arse for years! Just lie back, relax, and let the H-man take control!” Saboo definitely means to grab Tony by his clefty bonce and toss him across the room; that is the order he sends to his muscles. But, somehow, he finds himself spreading his thighs a bit further to give Tony and his tentacles better access. “Ooh, that’s it, good man! Don’t fight it, my friend, you know you want it.” Thankfully, Cindy chooses this moment to rejoin the proceedings by crawling over the bed, sliding a hand in Saboo’s hair, and kissing him soundly on the mouth. This way he can focus on her plump lips and the feeling of her glorious breasts pressed against his ribs, and he can try to ignore Tony’s lecherous moans and gasps as he pushes one tentacle inside. It isn’t long before Saboo’s lost all sense of shame, whimpering and moaning wantonly as Cindy kisses her way down his body and Tony works his delightfully slick and wriggly tentacles. Saboo knows that Tony only has two or three tentacles at work down there, but it feels like a dozen, fluttering inside him, massaging his balls, running up and down along his shaft, rubbing against his perineum. It feels rather like the entire universe has migrated into his balls, and by the time he feels Tony’s freakishly shaped member pressing against him, he’s practically begging for it. “Shit off! You are driving me crazy, Saboo, you beautiful man. Oooh that’s it, feel my alien penis! Feel me all deep inside you!” Somewhere through the roar of pleasure, Saboo has the fleeting thought that even Kirk would be disgusted by what they are doing, but then Tony rams against his prostate and Cindy wraps her perfect lips around Saboo’s erection, and he stops thinking right away. They go at it several more times over the course of the night in various combinations and positions, like they’re posing for a fucked up version of the Kama Sutra, the Tentacle Edition. Right before he passes out from exhaustion, aching and sticky and still buzzing with pleasure, Saboo thinks that maybe he doesn’t mind this marriage so much after all. *** It’s late morning when Saboo wakes up, his legs tangled into manky sheets, crammed into a corner of the giant bed. He’s cold and uncomfortable, so he sits up and looks around blearily. The Harrisons are still sleeping; Cindy is lying on her side in the middle of the bed, her long luxurious blonde hair fanned artfully over her pillow, and she’s curled up around Tony, hugging him to her chest like he’s a particularly freakish stuffed toy. Tony’s face is wedged in between her breasts, and Saboo sleepily wonders how he can even breathe... but then, who knows how Tony breathes, or indeed if he needs oxygen at all? Before he can start thinking too much about Tony’s internal workings, Saboo extricates himself out of bed as quietly as he can to avoid waking the sleeping couple. He makes a quick grab for his discarded clothes, sticks his feathered cap back on, and tiptoes out of the room. Tomorrow. Tomorrow he’s definitely going to sort this mess out.