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#(here little me had definitely already figured out she was gay; just s and no adjectives that would be gendered)
lizardlicks · 4 months
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Nine People You'd Like To Get To Know Better
I was tagged by @blu3berrydraws, @erisenyo, and @paramouradrift lol thanks guys!
Relation Status: Married to my best friend and high school sweetheart
Favorite Color: green. any green. give me a green I will show you how beautiful it is
Sweet/Spicy/Savory: Sweet tooth is currently satisfied. Spicy is just kind of a bonus. I think savory is looking good rn.
Three ships: Zukka is the obvious current answer, but I am a habitual multishipper by nature, so here are three ships that I very much enjoy which might not be on your radars!
First is @ablueeyedarcher's fault: How/Piandao. The SS CapyPanda. Are they minor characters who only show up for two or three episodes a piece? Yes. Do I care? No. Let them smooch.
Number two is Jee/Bato. Look. Jee is a tired gay man, He has served his time. Let him get out there and get the good dick. He's not a home wrecker though, he's not gonna get between whatever Bato has going on with Hakoda... unless maybe they invited him to get between them more literally.
Third is Zuko/Kuei. I know the the post canon comics pitted these two sad bitches against each other but listen, here me out. They're both young, inexperienced leaders dropped head first into navigating attempting to deescalate their countries post a century of hostilities with minimal helpful guidance, and they were also both used and betrayed by the father figures they we supposed to trust and rely on. What if when left alone, face to face, they bonded over venting their similar frustrations? What if that bonding turned into an unlikely friendship? What if that friendship tripped and rolled down a rocky hill of something more and they ended up in a secret affair between the heads of two of the world's most powerful states? What if it all came crashing in on them, but they couldn't untangle their very real feelings from their duty as leaders? What then?
First ever ship: Oh snap this is reaching back into Ye Old memory banks here. If I'm being totally honest I think it was the pink and green (later white, much later all the rest of the damn colors) rangers from the original run of the American version of Power Rangers. The internet didn't exist as we know it today so it was just a group of a half-dozen 7-9 year olds G O S S I P I N G on the playground between rounds of pretending to be actual velociraptors.
Last Song:
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(Two Steps From Hell is my go-to writing times tune everything out music)
Last Film: Technically it was me and the rest of the adults post Thanksgiving diner keeping a running background commentary going on the worldbuilding choices in the Paw Patrol Movie that the little kids insisted on watching. Real answer, the last movie I sat down to watch with intention was Across the Spiderverse.
Last thing I Googled: solar chistmas lights. My coworker was complaining that her only outdoor outlet shares a load with an indoor one (which?? rude!) and her partner wouldn't let her put up more Christmas lights. I had to show her. The way her face lit up as she IMMEDIATELY zoomed to Amazon and started filling her cart. Apologies to her poor family and neighbors, but I definitely made her week and possibly her entire New Year.
Currently Reading: Hey did you know that @erisenyo is already releasing stuff for zukki week because she is. you should definitely go read that.
Currently Watching: Rewatching Blue Eye Samurai while spouse watches it for the first time. He's been big into old samurai and wuxia films since I can remember so I'm just sitting here anticipating his reactions to every easter egg and trope call back they've stuffed into this show and also spotting things I missed on the first round.
Currently Consuming: Peppermint mocha and a cheese, egg and sausage tornado. Don't question me.
Currently Craving: My cozy bed. Also a nice big bowl of curry.
Currently Working On: The next chapter of Learn to Carry Love. I'm so so so close to the finish aaargh!
Current Obsession(s): *Gestures at my blog*
And with that I'm gonna taaaaaaag @ablueeyedarcher @rainbowbarnacle @paintsplattere @allgremlinart @saccharineomens @thepioden @siggymcpissyface @curlicuecal and @yandereleorio! No obligation of course, just for a fun time if you wanna :D
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lilysmiles11223345 · 8 months
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AAAAA
OKAY IVE BEEN SPENDING S O LONG ON THIS-
It’s worth it tho,, I love this au- even if I don’t know everything about it yet >:D
IVE ONLY MANAGED TO DO MUTE AND ANTHEA SO FAR BUT HERE WE GO @xbeih I MADE!! OCS OF MINE INTO YOUR MUSIC AU!!
(Warning!: LONG POST!!! there’s like one dirty joke, swearing, some sad topics and also I ship characters already I’m sorry -w-)
~alt!mute~
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This is mute in the au!! I turned them emo pfft-
They would be pretty much just like how normal mute is, but maybe a liittle meaner- and also emo/goth, obviously.
So- similar to normal mute too- they don’t have a voice! In their childhood- they had an accident, that caused them to not be able to speak. but this time they have a little voice box/speaker thingy given to them by mrs.Neapolitan and they can use to speak and sing ! Which normal mute does not have ^^
I actually think they would have angst due to that, because in this version of the story instead of theatre being their complete passion, they used to love to sing.. and yeah, they can use a synthetic voice now - but.. they still can’t actually do it anymore.
depending on if noise and or noisette are still their childhood friends too- they would’ve known that too.. they probably know how horrible it is for mute- though they have another chance to speak they’ll never be able to have their normal voice back again.. and that’s all because of the accident.
Otherwise to lighten the mood alt!mute is much more gay than normal mute just because they prefer he/them instead of just they/them. And I love that.
Since I am actually bad at labelling genre’s, They were mainly inspired by artists like Jhariah, panic at the disco(minus bad person thing), some set it off songs, and also some songs from IDKHOW. :D
~lofi!Anthea~
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Moving onto the sweet childhood friend of peppino! Her genre would be lofi!! <3 thought to do the whole “opposites attract” thing with peppy and Thea in this au!
I like to think she’s still peppys childhood friend in this, and pep would probably still be as oblivious as ever she crushes on him lmao.
Just like normal Anthea, she’s peppino’s biggest fan!! And she’s more than willing to do anything just to help him out! That includes being there when the story is going on- even if she doesn’t really want to be known much as an artist herself. and simular to how Dessert Dungeon starts she’ll probably get tricked by mrs.Neapolitan into suffering! :D
In this au, I thought it was fitting to keep two things normal Anthea had but as major plot points this time- one being her piano/keyboard. (As a child, Anthea would play piano. In this au- she never grew out of it really!) and her fear of drowning/suffocation.
The instrument that Anthea would have with her at all times would be a keyboard! Since playing piano comforted her as a child, she likes to play comforting and sweet songs for others- or duet to others songs to show support.
And since metal!peppino has the fear of fire— I thought it would be okay to keep anthea’s little traumatic event with water the same! <3 though I’m unsure if it would play out differently in this au.. if not, peppino would definitely know about her fear- I wonder if she’d know of his? 👀
She mainly keeps her singing voice quiet, but she *can* sing- and it’s very pretty, she just doesn’t like to have others hear her singing voice because of - THATS RIGHT FOLKS- the guy in her normal backstory still existing in this au! I’m tweaking things, and figuring out how peppino wouldn’t have found out about him in this au.. but Anthea still has lots of trauma! <3
Anthea in this au was inspired by well— lofi songs (think of like,, songs you’d hear on Spotify to sleep or whilst watching the lofi girl stream) But also some other songs that I think would fit/inspired me were:
Sofia- clairo
Pretty girl- clairo
Rises the moon - egg cover
Can’t help falling in love with you- the or3o cover!
Morning coffee, bubble version- Chevy, nalba, luxid
That’s all I have on her right now!
I have more ideas for my other ocs! Like strawbetty (since she was inspired by sayu already) being a sentient ai! And the twincakes could be a capella duo!! But for now I’ll keep it to these two <3
Sorry if the art seems rushed also!! I wanted to get this out ASAP cause I really wanted to talk about them both!! But, my motivation to draw anything has been dwindling for some reason hhh QwQ’ Hopefully I can do the others soon if ur okay with it!! If any of you have anyone you wanna see next am happy to try to do them! :D
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moonlightsapphic · 1 year
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Y'all aren't ready for this storytime.
So in 9th grade, one of the loudest girls in our class fixated on making me her latest project. At the time, I was still learning to cope with (undiagnosed) selective mutism and was the weirdo in the class. S thought I was chill, and I just needed to socialise a little more: interact, take pictures with people, wear makeup.
As the months passed, we became really close. S was a bit of a disaster: Her family wasn't the most stable, and neither was her mental health. She was conventionally very pretty—curvy with silky waves dyed caramel, sharp facial features and confident poisture. She was a bit outspoken and active for the liking of most guys in our conservative south Asian small town, but just pretty and charismatic and elusive and ✨ deep ✨ enough (even as a teen) for men to overlook that and try to slide into her dms and such. S spent her teen years jumping from toxic relationship to toxic relationship—fortunately with people our own age only.
She was just the type to reel in my chronic empath, neurodivergent ass as well. I loved pleasing S, impressing her, hanging out with her, being vulnerable together, comforting her. She was one of the only people that could keep up with my hyperactive texting, and despite our big differences, we had enough common interests to have something to talk about nearly 24/7.
(Looking back, I can definitely see some neurodivergent traits in her as well.)
When I was deeply crushing on this dumb dude that I thought was the coolest because he played guitar, was good at math and expressed feelings™️ well, I was pretty private about it. S literally emotionally coaxed me into telling her the truth. We were up late texting; she was—unsurprisingly—pretty down and I was keeping her company. She asked, “You know, I consider you to be my closest friend, though I don‘t say it a lot ... Will you tell me the truth? Do you like him?” If I‘d read that in a book, I'd be sure there was some romantic tension between these two characters.
When I had my first weirdly-sexual gay dream at seventeen, I was alone in her room with S later that day and hyperventilating. I was already in a very monogamous (and boring, in restrospect) relationship with that same dude and very happy about it, but that moment truly was the first step in my bi awakening. (It was probably inspired by some of my favourite public figures of the time, like dodie, coming out and talking extensively about it.)
I distinctly remember this one night when my boyfriend (spoiler alert: he’s trash) had been mean and made me cry. I was scared he would break up with me in the morning over this one tiny little mistake I’d made. S stayed up with me all night, and by daybreak I felt a flicker of feelings deep inside, of possibilities.
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Unfortunately, as we neared 12th grade graduation, S began to get more conservative. She started to put her religious beliefs above any and all personal principles she once had. Ergo, queer people are sinners and also women should cover up and listen to men plus the country should become a fully "Islamic state" and get rid of all other religious minorities to achieve doubtless true utopia.
Uhhh … yeah.
Incidentally, she seemed unworried about following the same rules herself—her “faith” really shone when she was telling other people what to do, or being bigoted against a certain (religious, racial, ethnic, queer, et cetera) minority group she herself didn’t identify with. It was really just an excuse to feed her ego, perhaps a coping mechanism even, and it was hypocritical.
Let me make it clear here that the beliefs she kept citing are mainly a very specific set of interpretations of Islamic scripture that’ve come to be widely taught in our region at this moment in time. They by no means reflect the beliefs of all Muslims (and, in this case, were very informed by the bigotry of the cis-heterosexual, perverted, greedy old men who historically created these rules to maintain their power). S here absolutely is not a representation of the lifestyle and disposition of every practicing Muslim person.
ANYWAY, she began to make remarks about me posting LGBTQ+ positivity content on my social media, or feminism of the brand she didn't like. In my conflicts with shitty dudes from school, she would only support me if her ~ beliefs ~ allowed it. Additionally, she’d always been pretty emotionally volatile, but it had gotten worse since graduating school—She would get mad or upset with me now for being absent, insensitive, et cetera, asking for reassurance but in intense defensive attack mode. It was behaviour I never encountered from any other platonic friend.
As you can see, S wasn't very good at maintaining boundaries, or being open to other points of view. Her negative approach to many things in life often rubbed off on me as well.
With time and growth I found more friends who were like-minded to myself, whom I didn't have to tiptoe around lest I offend them or set them off, who were far more loyal to me. I’m a sensitive person—and I found a warmer community, much better for my mental health. So in our twenties, S and I organically drifted apart.
When I (finally!) dumped my shitty boyfriend (he’d turned extremely sour over time because he hated that I’d grown a backbone), and began happily dating a woman that I was very much in love with at the end of the year, I realised that having friends who support my queer identity is non-negotiable to me now. Just interacting with the queerphobes from grade school hugely triggered me, and I decided I no longer needed to carefully maintain niceties with them.
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And it would all have ended there, except S wasn’t having it. We had drifted apart a while ago, but as soon as she saw that I was posting a bunch of pictures with my girlfriend, she began spreading rumours trying to out the both of us.
(Mind you, we weren’t out to anyone yet at the time. S was purely speculating, but she was spot on—I just couldn’t really figure out why this was the thing she decided to fixate on.)
And then, as if she thought I would forgive her straightaway for attempting to out me, she started hitting me up in my dms every few months demanding I give her an explanation for why I abandoned her. Each time, I patiently told S it wasn’t intentional and I had had mental health troubles. (Namely, ADHD, which she herself had once convinced me was impossible.) If she truly wanted us to keep up with each other, she could just reply to my stories in good humour and ask me how I’m doing instead of repeatedly villainizing me out of the blue. (I never brought up the outing thing, or anything queer-related at all. I didn’t want to give her any more leverage than the bits and pieces of evidence she had dug up herself, conspiracy-style.) However, that would only keep her away temporarily.
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Not going to lie, the way she kept coming back to gaslight me into taking her back was an exact copy of what my ex-boyfriend had done for months. It was hilarious, and tragic.
… And (I realised later) kind of gay??
She’s been in a relationship with a really docile (*cough* ball-less) dude who agrees with all her conservative principles since 12th grade. (Honestly, good for them, they deserve each other.) I don’t think S has ever had feelings for me as much as she simply felt possessive of me. She regards it as betrayal that I am happily out and queer, and she can’t tolerate that some other girl has replaced her as my one true ✨ gal pal ✨. She's jealous, but it's hard for me to believe her jealousy is purely platonic. It's like she wanted us to be a pair of suffering queers-in-denial sacrificing ourselves for neurotypical comphet society together, hand in hand, forever. For the greater good.
How romantic.
I noticed a few weeks ago that she's finally removed me from all her social media—around the same exact time that my ex-boyfriend (whom I haven’t spoken to in years) blocked me.
Ah, two breakups that I initiated years ago coming back uninvited, for attention that I literally have zero interest in providing.
So bringing back this post:
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Reading this was like a major brain go brrr moment to me, because I was like ??? That’s a queer thing??? No way???
And then I read through the comments and saw that every single sapphic person was like “uhhh yep we never dated though good riddance,” or “ugh yes and we ended up dating and it was so toxic we broke up soon after good riddance”.
For the first time in my life, I actually considered that S might not have been a straight queerphobe, but an incredibly suppressed dumpster fire of a queer person with extreme internalized homophobia.
And … it all fits.
She's always been sultry and glamorous in a distinctly sapphic way; I just never was able to exactly put my finger on it. (In high school, sometimes I'd look her up and down and go whoa.) I can totally imagine a parallel universe in which we forget men and attempt to date each other instead. After the first few months of euphoria, she’d probably get us into an anxious-avoidant trap the same way my ex did. She’d cheat on me with a man because of her internalised homophobia, then dump me and come back crying to gaslight me a dozen times. It would take me much longer to get rid of her than it did to get rid of my dumb man ex—because ✨ shared queer trauma ✨.
I really, really dodged a bullet with that one. My girlfriend is the most wonderful, soft, and nurturing person I know, and she is my soulmate in more ways than one. I am very happy, and this is your PSA to not just date the one other queer person in your vicinity when you know you aren't good for each other. Be like me—run.
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louisisalarrie · 2 months
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Big chats here, but long story short, yes. Louis was the oldest, and most extroverted, and the strongest. He was the leader. He was proud to be gay, proud to be with Harry, and was fiercely protective of him from the very beginning.
I’m one of the never Larries and every day there is a thing i question and tries to understand, therefore I’m so glad I found your blog recently. Hope you don’t get tired of my “stupid” questions.
Regarding this about Louis/S*mon. If Louis was gay and knew when he entered X factor, how does Hannah fit into that?
I feel like to answer this, I’m gonna have to go into some Hannah Walker and Louis lore from back in the day haha.
When I say Louis was proud of being gay, I’m talking a bit further down the line (early - mid 2011) when Larry was really established, and the closeting really started with Eleanor coming into the picture. Hannah and him split in mid 2011 (is the official story) due to “not being able to make a long distance relationship work” and “for Louis to focus on his career”, buuuuuuut that isn’t exactly what happened.
Of course Louis struggled with his sexuality at the beginning, I’d put money on the idea that he knew he wasn’t straight, but he stayed with Hannah to keep up appearances until he figured that out (and figured out what the hell he felt for Harry, on top of S*mon telling him whatever it was needed to be squashed, it won’t last etc.). Hannah and Louis truly were besties, and there are some adorable pics of them together, and some adorable old tweets posted back in the day. But, there are some theories of how this all went down.
Now, the tricky thing is about this situation, was not just Harry being in the picture and immediately all heart eyes over Louis, but why would Louis and Hannah break up because of long distance, and then he gets with Eleanor like a couple months later??? Like… that’s still long distance?? Why wasn’t he flying Hannah around the world to his shows, but Eleanor was an exception??
Anyway, you could start to see the cracks between Hannah and Louis, very early on in the 1d days, where everyone used to just… tweet each other, as opposed to messaging. See below:
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BUT like a month before this tweet, in Sep 2010, these iconic tweets happened which… yeah. I’ll leave it up to you to decide what the hell happened that day that was so urgent to Niall, but the general consensus at the time was that Louis figured out his feelings for Harry, pretty early on. While he was still with Hannah.
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And then a couple weeks after that niall tweet:
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This theory stems from obviously Larry being all over each other, the above tweets, but also Hannah’s brother being wildly chaotic and homophobic towards Louis in 2012, ages after they’d broken up and he’d started dating Eleanor, but her brother was clearly still very angry about it all.
TW: use of the F word
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Also the below tweet, which was never confirmed, but take it with a grain of salt. With his behaviour at the time, I have very little doubt it’s not a real thing he said, though.
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So when Louis and Hannah broke up in 2011, they smoothed it over on Twitter. Hannah’s tweets particularly, kind of say to me that Louis had figured out his sexuality and feelings for Harry, was really upset, and so he told Hannah.
I’ll put it like this: if I was in a relationship with my straight boyfriend, and he had figured out he had feelings for a guy and it was all kind of crazy and stressful, I would be wayyyy less angry than if he was already bi, and had cheated on me. Ya know? They were just kids figuring it out. Hannah and Louis’ tweets below:
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She was very supportive of him the whole time, and super kind. But yeah. For Eleanor to be in the picture so soon after this breakup… Louis had definitely come out and S*mon saw that this probably wasn’t gonna be squashed as easy as he thought. So, bring on the stunts.
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motheatenscarf · 10 months
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I think I'm almost done with Post-Shadowbringers stuff
I just did Paglth'an, so here are some catchup thoughts.
Holy shit, Alisaie figured out the cure for Tempering and between her, G'raha, Y'shtola, and Master Matoya, they've figured out how to mass produce this shit so that Tempering is basically no longer an obstacle. Go team!! Ga Bu's! little! voice! He sounds like he's about to ask if please, sir, he can he have some more porridge. Tragic little urchin. Outright Dickensian. So cute ;_; But more importantly,
This has led to the Alliance leaders finally, F I N A L L Y, making peace with and inviting the Beast Tribes to the table. They all seemed to start moving in on it at the same time, but credit still goes to Lyse imo for being the first one to insist, no, we mean everyone gets a seat at the table with the Ala Mhigan republic they're creating. Granted, they modled that on the republic Aymeric built and he was also talking to the Vanu, so. My goodest noodles. I love them so much! I liked Merlwyb getting some character development, but also the entire time she was talking about how to make amends to the Kobolds, I just sat there going, "Land back. You can give their land back. Land back???" But she managed to get them to agree to join up anyway, so... fine :T
Estinien's back! \o/ And he's maybe staying this time? We freed Tiamat and watching Talia, Estinien, and Alphinaud try to figure out how to put a software update on a 3,000 year old phone was way funnier than it had any right to be. Buncha dingdongs. Also, holy shit, Estinien meeting Alisaie was everything I hoped it would be and more. He mistook her for Alphinaud and gave her a noogie. She fucking H A T E S him. It was clear she was envisioning a heroic knight based on Alphinaud's descriptions and then Estinien made the worst mistake of his life. Amazing restraint on her part that she only yelled at him, I thought for sure that was the end for him. But he's actually grown a lot and had a good moment with Fordola where he basically said, "There are enough assholes out there who are good at killing like you and me, but what the world NEEDS is idealists like Alphinaud who actually plan to BUILD something out of the ashes we leave behind." Out of the Scions, I think Estinien is the one who groks Talia the most for this reason alone. That mentality of, I am not good. But you are. I was mostly joking when I said Estinien is her best friend/wingman now and he doesn't get a say in this, but yeah, they would definitely be the "We still never talk sometimes" kind of friends who can just chill in comfortable silence because they're on such a similar wavelength. Which I will say, did make me start to wonder about him and Aymeric and that very gay religious art way he was carried back to Ishgard. Like, oh no, do they maybe have some history there? But then Estinien said, verbatim, "I don't want to go to the Alliance meeting, Aymeric will be there and I don't want to be lectured," so... probably not! Also, the one instance where Talia can't relate to Estinien. Keeping the people you care about at arms' length because you're scared to let anyone in after what you've lost? Tired. Recklessly devoting yourself body and soul to protecting the people you care about because you'd rather die than be alone again after what you've lost? Wired. Get on her level, Estinien, in this house we listen to the Moogles' advice that the fuel powering dark edgelord shit is love.
Anyway, with the Tempering cure in the works, a LOT is shifting in the status quo, which I like. Fandaniel is boring and continues to be just... the fucking most, and I'm tired of him. I'm so tired of him. I have thoughts, but that's for another post.
Zenos keeps making a big deal about wanting a new weapon and they keep deliberately not showing it, and I know Reaper was introduced in Endwalker, so I think that's what they're teasing there, and if he winds up going Reaper I am going to SCREAM. He's already Talia's dark mirror and I already headcanon that her dumb Dark Knight sword that's too big for her was yoinked out of his stupid golf bag. So if he just goes "uno reverse, bitch!" and is now copying her by going Reaper, they are going to be in danger of being legit frenemies and I don't know how to feel about that! That is the exact kind of escalating rivalry I've wanted out of a good nemesis for her!
But also like, Zenos' plans seem so fucking stupid. I don't know what he's got in the works with Fandaniel, he says all he wants is to fight the WoL again, but I don't get how facilitating the apocalypse accomplishes that?
Like, buddy, if you want a fight, roll up and ask her. I brought a character who started her existence as a fucking Sith into this game, you are never gonna find another WoL more eager to drop whatever she's doing just to kick your ass.
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measuringbliss · 3 months
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Remaking Peter Parker: The Romita Sr. era (2) - Softening the Edges
MASTERPOST
Interestingly, the next two issues of Romita's tenure feature Jameson's son being victimized by the narrative:
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In #41, he's kidnapped by Rhino, and in #42, he still can't catch a break and loses his clothes. I'm focused on Peter, but I feel this is quite notable; can't whump the same guy too much, after all. At least, not in this comic. And naturally, Jameson quickly puts on a space suit that heavily contrasts with his previous allure.
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He puts on his tie! And then, MJ finally shows up and makes history.
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By the time #44 rolls around, Peter appears noticeably less thin in his suits. It suits him perfectly.
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MJ is also quick to show she likes to manhandle her men. I think it might have been part of the perception that she was "wild". Along with her weird vocab and party girl persona, probably.
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This is also a weird sight: you rarely see Peter with such a specific area out of costume. It does make for good drama.
In #46...
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In this specific panel, Peter is drawn very romantically. The gaze and the thumb on May's chin are almost too suggestive. It doesn't really matter: Peter shows tenderness, when it seemed almost impossible under Ditko's hand. He's closer to a proper gentleman.
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Harry also made himself appear nonthreatening by removing his vest, if only for one panel.
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Naturally, I had to talk about Harry too (#47!). They barely started living together and already show physical proximity, and in a casual way. Peter shaves! We never see that. At least, I don't remember seeing that where I am currently (1978), aside from here. It's a rare occurence, but of course, a proper hero must look clean and handsome. Next to him, Harry doesn't look so dapper.
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Oh my, Pete, you stud! Your tie is all over the place, though. Careful about the tie!
Later in the issue, Norman get tied up by Kraven. His past (aka his gay drag queen acts) are catching up to him! Also, a position of weakness.
By #48, Romita has a much better handle on how he wants to order the pages. He doesn't imitate Ditko anymore (thankfully).
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Muscles! (#49)
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What. A. Slut. (#50)
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Peter's feet appear several times in this era, and they're very pretty, for feet.
More importantly...
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Oh wow, ASM #53! You took me by surprise, but it's a very good surprise indeed! Even with so many layers, Peter shows us part of his strained back. We also see his mask come out of his pants like a girlfriend's panties, and he puts his hands under his pants to hide them better. This is a lot! This is new, too. I love it, it's subtle, but definitely interesting.
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#54 gives us Forearms!Peter, but Romita style. Lovely.
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And Handsome!Peter with his thumb under his belt. Show that belly!
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And that right panel has interesting framing. The bike is an extension of his body.
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And some more forearms.
#57 features Ka-Zaar, who's always shirtless. Good for him! More importantly:
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Bridal carry!
Interestingly, those issues put Peter through the wringer and whump him quite a bit. Memory loss and brainwashing of your acquaintances will do that to you.
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Peter's even more of a romantic figure, look at his expressions! (#60) He's troubled, gentle, it contrasts quite a lot with Ditko's early Peter.
By then, the art is more similar to Romita's regular artstyle for the rest of his run, but the faces are still a little inconsistent.
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In #62, Peter's poses are very casually sexy of him. It's remarkable because of how unremarkable it's made to look.
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I just really love how his pants are drawn on the right.
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In #63, he wears a turtleneck! It gives him a different vibe. A bit more serious.
Issue #69 presents us with an original sight as well:
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That last panel is... interesting too.
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71: Peter is more often shirtless, and there's a lewdness added by him doing his best so that Harry doesn't see him like that. In the penultimate panel, Harry undoing his tie is pretty neat too.
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#73's cover is fun. Once again, the small view of Spidey's lower back is very enticing.
And we can finish this post with the end of the Clay Tablet arc in #75, when Silvermane drinks the formula... and starts getting younger and younger.
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His silhouette is slim, his figure extremely handsome, he has cake, strength... I'm pretty sure he was a biblical revelation to me when I first read this issue as a child.
While the issues in this post don't feature anything as outrageously horny as the first Romita Green Goblin arc, they have a lot of subtle beauty that makes Peter a constant marvel to gaze at. Thank you for your service!
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the-firebird69 · 6 months
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We have a countdown going and we think it started at 10 minutes a couple minutes ago we are waiting..... It's a huge experiment and we're waiting for the results... And they have the gun the max or the panic and they are running around squealing yelling at people the same they're saying get Dan get Dan and they mean him and they are going after him and seriously they are pursuing him and the other thing the others are saying they did not get to it the master piecing it together it's their holes. And there's more happening the max check the holes and 90% of them are Dave AKA Dan and not John ringelord, they have half in and that's the distribution. More of them are coming in, is working out to be 50% Dave AKA Dan so far 40% Trump in the next batch so overall it would be like 50% versus 15% and Trump is catching up. Trump has a smile on his face and is threatened my husband and Dan does not have a smile on his face and he is looking for a bja. No she came out seeking him out and saying he set them up. Then he says you did not it set up you accepted it willingly ran off like little school girls and set it up and I had nothing to do with it you were talking to your friend here. And the max was saying that the trumpsters are on their own and their computer say bja didn't have them do it and the max remember that my husband just told them they're running stuff through me and trying to get me to accept that I did it and then they said this he reached in there and had you test every single location going to man and why would you do that... I'm going on to say some of these tests were last week and Dave AKA Dan wants them to see him smirking. Then he says this I didn't know what I was smirking at. The max was saying it now we don't give a damn what you're smirking at cuz you're a college ways from 10 years ago we don't care you have to get the hell out of here with that gay s***. And the match of smirking them to death they say you say they're smoking back you deserve very smart you get smirk you get and they're smirking back not smoking and it's definitely not smart. The data is being compiled and they found out where and they're actually nearby the location and Dave Dan is not and is not blocking it's too concerned about screwing around with her son's cable saying it's an analogy to today or sometimes s***. They are picking it up and they are using it no but they will shortly. Half the test data is in and the rest of it's coming in now very rapidly. The map is appearing several printouts are produced already. They're being sent to people and it is encrypted and they had a meeting about it using encryption. There's more of it being done yes it's other groups. The machine is firing off 20 pages now 30 now 40 now 50. Up to 70 it's going to be a good day. We see a compiling compressing it is. We do know what it is. And it's now fitting out spitting out that is numbers and figures and locations and coordinates oh well this machine is doing that it's almost done sending 10 copies out encrypted it's supposedly dans AKA Dave supercomputer and it's sending it out now. People are intercepting yes several. The tempo is picking up. The data files moved it's been sent uploaded. There are people who are intercepted it and they're decrypting it it's an old encryption software the computer located in seconds it's coming out very clear. The max are outraged they intercepted it no and they don't see it.
It's going to happen shortly there's going to be huge huge huge APB on Trump and Dan humongous and they're threatening my husband badly and he says what's the matter little girl you piss your pants.
The max are fuming and you can see it a little and people are going after these guys they need the data and they see the max reacting and the people who intercepted it are pissed off and they're asking Dan what they should do with it and Dan says sticking up your ass cuz we don't know what they're talking about
Hera
This is what it's like these guys can hold a secret for like 20 minutes pretty soon they're going to explode
Thor Freya
Olympus
I guess my computer picked up on the assignment I assigned it to it a week ago okay
Dan
New tip s*** you probably kill this you have a good killed anyways
Trump
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mwagneto · 6 months
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Okay, I'm facing a bit of trouble with my Reverse Sherlock OCs. The ones who are middle aged women instead of men and also rivals to my pre-existing murder mystery investigator duo, although I have since decided they also work together sometimes. I hope that's enough info to remember which ones I mean. Anyway.
Because I just put them into a universe I already had, they are not in the late 1800s, it's actually modern day urban fantasy (but with public knowledge of magic and such (tho the fae are thought to be extinct but later turn out to just be in hiding cuz humans suck and waged a war on them for being "too powerful" despite them being peaceful) but magic is less convenient than technology so it's used less and less) and like. I know they're technically my OCs but I also wanna stay somewhat true to your vision. So here's my options:
1) set it in late 1800s urban fantasy instead. This is still a possibility since the plot isn't reliant on the modern setting and the most modern technology I will definitely include is a telephone and in fact some points might even make more sense if they can't just google shit or text each other. I'm also planning to have the MC's washing machine be broken so he always uses the laundromat but that's just one of the points to make him more skrunkly so I can just cut it. There's also some other more modern ideas/terms in there, eg the MC is vegan and his assistant/best friend is a she/they, but I could probably handwave that. Trouble is: I really don't like doing historical research and I know so little I'd have to do a LOT of research. So while this would probably make the most sense, it's also the least pleasant for me.
2) make modern day more 1800s. Eg I could include a lot more homophobia and possibly take away some technology (which I could easily explain with "since they had access to magic, developing technology was less of a priority") and it would possibly make sense to include more racism in that scenario as well but since I'm white I don't feel comfortable doing that and also I already made the reverse Sherlock ladies interracial so that would create an additional aspect of the dynamic that wasn't there before. Downsides would be I'd have to write in stuff that's pretty uncomfortable and also what's the point of a modern setting if it doesn't even feel like a modern setting?
3) have them be time travellers. Then the two of them would be from the late 1800s but everything else would stay the same. Could make their story too big for their narrative role tho and also then I'd have to invent new time travel logic since the one from another universe of mine (my only one that currently has time travel) only works for going to the past one-way (and trips that far wouldn't be possible anyway, long story) so it can't possibly be applied here. And then ofc there's the possible plot complications that come with having time travel exist at all. Plus, magic isn't supposed to be super powerful in this universe, not even fae magic should be that powerful. And I'm not making it sci-fi, too, that's Too Much I think.
I'm also open to other suggestions from both you and the audience, or I could just. Not do any of them. Like, they're still gonna be obsessed with each other and the investigative journalist (whom I chose to faceclaim as Yvette Nicole Brown bc I loved her in Community and I think she'd do a very good job at it) is charming, confident, brilliant at detective work, writes riveting articles full of wit and clever insight (without being condescending) etc while her assistant (whom I actually faceclaimed from a middle aged mutual of mine but don't tell her, in my defense I did it cuz she's pretty) is an incompetent herbo (I haven't figured out her drug(s) of choice yet but I will) whom she keeps around at first out of charity and then out of gay.
(Also, I'd like to note that herbo assistant (I haven't named the two of them yet, sorry) isn't obsessed with competent journalist because of her work (she's actually pretty disinterested in it when they first meet, she just "has to" (at first temporarily) work for her, I'll figure out the details of why) or even her more "conventionally attractive" qualities like being smart, funny, charismatic etc but rather because she is one of very few people to see her for the deranged, risk-taking adrenaline junkie that she is which is also why Yvette's character is so obsessed with her in return.)
So I do think I kept the spirit of them, but it's still your idea originally and I wanna pay homage to that so here I am, asking for your thoughts. Sorry for the long read! Love you <3
AHHH all of these sound really good but i think i'd go with 2), I'm always a huge fan of stories that try to explore how the supernatural elements in the world would change the way technology and society develops, i think that's the coolest shit ever... also idk i understand being uncomfortable with including/amping up racism, and like... i don't think you need to if u don't want to yknow? like idk the history of bigotry irl is very complicated and this is your world you can easily say some shit likem supernatural creatures existing meant ppl were less hateful towards each other and more hateful towards them or something, a lot of fantasy settings do that, Carnival Row comes to mind rn. or you can just not address it at all and make it a racism free au or have it be about as bad as it is rn.... i think you should write what you're comfortable with n like, i think it's fine when the social dynamics of a fantasy settings arent explained yknow like i dont think it's inherently a bad thing or a plothole
also another thing is i think nr 2) is the one that allows you the most freedom in that like. having a very different world with different technology means you can just make shit up instead of having to research the 1800s/time travel/even modern technology honestly, plus yea time travel would definitely fuck with a lot of things...bbut i dont KNOWW i think all 3 options are good im just very drawn to the second one
but also they're your little guys i'm just sitting next to your sandbox you don't need my permission dont worry jfjeifjdifjd<33
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sapphic-mauve · 3 years
Text
I love you.
i don't know who you are, or what you look like,
i know nothing about you.
you're in my dreams and nightmares,
you come back in my thoughts.
but when i see you smile i forget everything else.
I see you
You see me
it's me and you.
Us.
i'll find you.
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whirlybirbs · 3 years
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         (  chapter 6′s gif by @buckysbarnes​​ from this lovely set !  )
✪   —   VACANT MIRRORS  ;  B.B.  |  6/?
summary: gunshot wounds, panic attacks, and evil next door neighbors.
pairing: bucky barnes / f!reader
tags: set before & during tfatws, friends to lovers, therapy positive, trauma healing techniques, ptsd mentions, the normalization of anxiety disorders, and a good ol’ slow burn
word count: 5.3k, a filler before the real sexual tension.
a/n: be warned, this chapter has a diy medical procedure where bucky removes the slug from rabbit’s shoulder. it’s nothing too graphic, but keep that in mind! also, i wanted to say thank you to everyone who has rec’d, reblogged, commented, kudos, liked, looked at this fic. the response to every chapter has been so overwhelmingly kind and i’m so thankful that i have the oppurtunity to share this fic with you all. that being said, i broke this chapter up. next week has some spice. ;-)
        (   PREVIOUSLY   |    AO3    |    MASTERLIST  |   NEXT )
Bucky wakes up with a headache that feels like someone’s tapped an icepick between his eyes. A fire-bright burn radiates under his ribs.
It’s a slow creep back to reality — he just lays there and stares at the peeling wallpaper that meets the corner of the ceiling for a while, knowing deep in the back of his muddled, confused thoughts that he most likely has a nasty concussion, maybe a few broken ribs.
How? Hm. Fighting. Music? The club.
Rabbit.
He sits up fast and Bucky’s blue eyes struggle to adjust in the low-light of the scarcely furnished apartment. The searing pang of his headache is enough to make his stomach churn, but he’s had worse. So much worse. This is manageable. So, he swallows down the nausea and looks around the room like a wounded animal — and almost immediately, relief greets him at the sight of you in the armchair across from the couch.
Your hair is a mess, falling from it’s previous style that you’d proudly worn to The Glass Cannon. Your lipstick is smeared, there’s glitter on your cheeks, and your make-up has transitioned from starlet beauty to broken-hearted bombshell. Bucky notices, with a bit of dismay, that you’re even missing an earring. There’s a nasty bruise forming along the peak of your cheekbone and a gash there from when Alexei had cracked you across the face with the pistol — and even despite all this, Bucky can feel his heart clench at the sight of you. A good clench. The sort that makes his heart kick into a stutter step.
You look… well, you look like someone who’d had the shit choked out of them and then was shot.
Shot.
Your jacket, punched clean through with the single bullet hole, is hanging over the back of the chair and there’s gauze taped to your shoulder. You’re leaning your good cheek in your hand, attention turned totally to Bucky, where you’ve fallen asleep. From here, you’re a picture of exhaustion.
Anxiety flashes in his heart and he swings his legs over the edge of the couch.
Suddenly, there’s a hand on his shoulder.
“Take it easy.”
It’s the woman from before, Kiwi, and she’s got an ice pack in her hands. It’s wrapped in a ratty, green dish towel, and she hands it off to Bucky with a pitiful little look. Rounding the couch, Bucky finally gets a better look at her.
She’s older than you, maybe by a handful of years, but sharp and beautiful nonetheless. Her hair is dark as night and the tips are drenched in a lime colored dye. Her eyes are dark, too, ringed by kohl and glitter, and Bucky wonders if he’s ever seen her before.
“You heal quick,” she says quietly as she plops down into the chair across the room. On a makeshift desk, there’s a laptop, “Care to explain how you know our dear friend Rabbit here?”
Bucky shifts uncomfortably. Again, his eyes fall on your sleeping form.
He maneuvers the ice pack in his hands, then gently presses it to his ribs. He melts a bit, ignoring the evident tears in the silk shirt. He feels bad — he’d busted some of the seams in the midst of the brutal scuffle and it seems like this artifact of Jaimie’s was most likely beyond salvation.
His dog tags jingle against his chest.
“Therapy,” Bucky croaks, “We, uh, we met in therapy.”
A new voice comes into the picture now, one that’s muffled by a mouthful of food.
“That’s cute.”
It’s the other one, Climber. He’s traded in his all-black, all-polyurethane outfit for an expensive looking t-shirt. Without the strobes, without the tunnel vision, Bucky can now see the intricate buzz cut that sits beneath the mountain of blue curls on his head. There are patterns buzzed into his tight-shave. He’s got a smile, too, the glimmers a little too artificially. Bucky spies crystals inset on his incisors between bites of what looks like a bowl of cereal with no milk. Spoon and all.
“I don’t think we’ve properly met,” Climber says as he plops down next to Bucky on the couch, “What’d you say your name was?”
A hand is jutted his way. Bucky blinks. He shakes it with his vibranium hand.
“I’m Bucky.”
“Well, I’m gay and you’re gorgeous,” he says candidly, giving it a good shake, “So, if that’s of any interest—”
“Can you please shut up, Climber?” comes an irritated rasp from you in your armchair. Bucky turns to watch as you raise your head and rub your eyes, “Christ, I just fell asleep.”
“And your little supersoldier just woke up,” Kiwi chirps from her preoccupation with the laptop and contents on it, “So why don’t you stop being a little baby and let him look at that gunshot wound.”
Bucky’s face falls flat. He drops the ice pack to the coffee table with a thwunk.
You sit up, gingerly trying to maneuver yourself so as to not bother both your ribs and your shoulder. It takes a moment, but finally you’re sitting up with only a dull ache of pain throbbing beneath your skin. Now, the real sting comes from the bitter look Bucky has pinned you with.
“You haven’t cleaned it yet?”
“The shits in the kitchen,” Kiwi waves at Bucky, as if to say told you so, “She fuckin’ refused to let me take care of it.”
“You’re going to get an infection if it stays in you any longer,” he snaps, standing to his feet, “Get up.”
“Kiwi isn’t exactly the most gentle person I know,” you manage to supply as an excuse as you move through the room, “And I know that thing isn’t coming out without a fight.”
He can feel the grey hairs coming in already.
You stand slowly, and Bucky looms behind you as you weave into the small apartment’s kitchen.
It’s barely lived in, but a few years ago it most definitely had life. Now, it’s mostly abandoned save for a few necessities. Kiwi had told you, a long time ago, about this spot — it was her parent’s place before the Snap. After the Blip, they ended up moving back to Massachusetts. Now abandoned by anyone seeking to really live in the one bedroom, it sits collecting dust until Kiwi inevitably needs it.
Like now.
“Up on the counter.”
You wince at his tone, but still thankful to be away from Kiwi and Climber’s prying eyes.
For the entire time Bucky had been out, you’d been subjected to a myriad of questions — all were fair, really, since Bucky did just bust out the Avenger-level super-moves on some Russian mafiosos for your sake, vibranium arm and all. The arm was really the biggest stuck point in the conversation as you tried your best to explain the nature of your relationship with the unconscious supersoldier on the couch. It was met with plenty of looks, both curious and skeptical.
You’re slow to hop up on the dusty marble countertop. From there, you watch Bucky poke through the kit that Kiwi had pulled from under the sink.
Then, with the calculated process of a man who has pulled one too many bullets from himself, Bucky slams the kit shut and wanders into the bathroom.
He returns with a pair of large tweezers. He’s silent as the dead as he rummages for a pan, fills it with water, and sets the gas burner on. He stares, watching the pot boil, as his foot taps against the floor.
You swallow down any comments.
There’s a clean towel beside you, and Bucky casually reached into the boiling water with his vibranium hand to retrieve the tweezers — whether or not he purposely ignored the pain is lost on you. You’re too busy anxiously spiraling into silence.
(He’s trying to ground himself, to feel something other than panic. It’s a mild spike, but it’s still panic. Because you’re hurt. Because you still have a fucking casing lodged in your shoulder and he doesn’t want anything bad to happen to you. Ever. Because he saw it happen and then it was black, and now that anxiousness is creeping in.)
Rubbing alcohol, tweezers, gauze, tape, and… Jack Daniel’s.
It’s from the top of the fridge. It’s got a layer of dust on it — and it’s unopened.
Bucky unceremoniously pops the cap and hands the open bottle to you.
You take it and pause.
Bucky’s gaze is cold.
“You’re gonna want to take a few swigs, Doll.”
You almost snarl. You take a long drink then, ignoring the burn of the whiskey down your throat. It’s only when you’ve had enough to nearly gag that you hand the bottle back and then hiss:
“Don’t call me Doll.”
He takes the bottle and unceremoniously slams it down on the counter.
His movements are rough as he washes his hands — and if Bucky was a better person, maybe he’d take a second and parse through why he was feeling so damn irritable. But, no, no, he could figure out that he was angry at himself and you and Alexei Gardzov and Innessa Sidrova and fucking… everyone because he can’t have any normal relationships in his life without there being bloodshed or pain or suffering. That was enough, and he didn’t want to dig deeper into the nipping fear of losing you, not now, not when he had a job to do—
You suck in a sharp breath when his fingers brush your collarbone. He gently moves the delicate strap of your bodysuit, ignoring the soft skin beneath, and pulls the gauze away from your shoulder.
Your jacket had taken most of the impact it seems. Bucky frowns deeply at the pink fibers clinging to the entry wound. It’s a nasty puckered bit of flesh, smeared with blood, right in the soft muscle of your left shoulder. The hole is a little smaller than a quarter — Bucky recognizes it as shot from a 9mm almost immediately. He’s taken a few of these in his days. He’s glad it wasn’t close range. The burns from the muzzle flash make for nasty scars. He’d know. He has one on his back, right above his hip.
Bucky’s jaw is tight. He’s gritting his back teeth. His headache throbs angrily behind his eyes.
Bucky leans, eyeing the wound carefully. His limited reaction is enough to spark a little light of bravery in your gut, and you move to look at the hole — only to find a vibranium hand rooting your jaw in place. It’s gentle enough as it recorrects the line of your gaze straight ahead. His thumb rests on the curve of your chin as his index climbs your jaw, and the vibranium is warm and cold all at once. It’s an odd sensation. Not bad, but not flesh.
You like it.
(You find your mind quickly flashing with the thought of what that hand would feel like in other places. You ignore it.)
Your eyes are stuck on Bucky.
He’s clearly upset — the pinch between his brows and the evident scowl on his lips is enough of an indication. The bridge of his nose is busted and there’s a bruise crawling under his left eye. The shirt you’d given him is a wreck, and as he bends to snatch up a rubbing alcohol soaked pad, the feeling of shame creeps up on you. The anxiousness that’s settled in the pit of your stomach doesn’t help.
Arguably, it exacerbates the symptom.
The whiskey is slow to make an impact.
But, when Bucky finally swipes the gauze across the wound, your ankles have begun to tingle and it isn’t blinding white pain you feel — not yet. It’s sharp and it feels like he’s touching your shoulder blade when he presses his fingers into the holes to clean the immediate area. That has you grimacing tightly.
His obsidian-hued hand holds your face still through it.
So, you opt to stare.
His arm reminds you of some pottery you’d seen back at the Museum of Modern Art once, on a school trip. In a dimly lit room, spotlights lit up a row of vases that had been gilded back together with gold-dusted sap. You’d sat there for nearly an hour, staring at those things. You can’t remember the name now, not while Bucky does one more pass across the wound. It started with a ‘k’. It was beautiful. You loved that exhibit. Why can’t you — fuck — remember the name? Kinsi… kinsigumi? Gumi. Kintsi —
You grit your teeth and grip the counter tightly. He pauses. You exhale.
You inhale.
Kintsugi.
The seams of his arm remind you of Kintsugi.
It’s beautiful.
Bucky’s eyes flit to yours. He sees your stare.
Maybe it’s the pain, or the half-cocked daze, but the look in your eyes is enough to spur an immediate reaction. Bucky scowls. He yanks his hand back, retreating to the supplies on the counter. He’s pulled, hard and fast, and now he seems miles away.
Quietly, and with a bit more chill than he intended, he speaks. “If it was making you nervous, you should have said something.”
It.
Your head snaps to him.
“What?” you ask, nearly incredulously.
He’s silent. He has the tweezers in his hand now.
Your eyes narrow critically — and instead of shame and anxiety, it’s hurt that flies off your tongue. It’s drenched in enough pain that Bucky hears it in the waver of your voice.
“You think I’m afraid of you?”
It’s nearly a whisper.
He swallows.
He ignores it. He has to. He doesn’t want to know the answer. Either way that conversation goes is enough to drag him into territory he can’t handle right now. Not when he needs to do this without his hands shaking.
“This is going to hurt.”
Your mouth is open — be it shock or anger, he’s not sure. Bucky, however, makes a point of ignoring your expression and your reaction by handing over the whiskey once more. You snatch it from his hands quickly. There’s a look on your face that makes his chest ache. With one last pass over him with your eyes, you take a long swig.
You feel like crying.
You won’t, though. Not now. Not while he does this.
You deserve this.
And holy fucking hell does it hurt. It’s like someone’s taken a hot poker and punctured your skin, then rotated it around and around and around. You can feel every time the tweezers touch the bullet because the metallic little click echoes in your chest. It’s enough to make your head spin, and you grit your teeth and close your eyes and try to breathe — but even after a handful of minutes, when Bucky finally retrieves the slug, there’s no relief. Just a desperate throb.
Your hands are shaking when you reach for the whiskey once more.
You do cry, finally, when Bucky packs the hole.
He rolls the gauze up tightly into a cylinder and, as gently as he can, pushes it in.
It’s a horrible choke of pain that you smother into your palm and pant through. It reminds you to breathe, and while you stare up at the water damage on the kitchen ceiling, Bucky tapes a square piece of gauze over the bruised wound and wraps your shoulder tightly. He takes his time, but there’s a curtness to his actions.
Finally, when he begins to clean up the mess of bloodied gauze, you speak.
“If you’re mad at me, then just say it.”
He snaps almost immediately, like a kicked dog. “And say what, Rabbit? That I almost lost you?”
Your mouth slips shut.
Bucky pauses what he’s doing. He drops the gauze onto the towel and he bares both hands against the counter top. He leans and exhales and drops his own head back — then, you can see his own waves of anxiety knocking him against the shore of composure. His eyes move back and forth, he inhales, and then after a long while he speaks.
It’s calmer. Not so horribly mean.
“You should have told me about Alexei.”
You go to speak — but he stops you.
“I mean really, really told me,” he explains, “Had I known he wanted your fucking head mounted on a spike, I would have kept you far away from that place.”
“We had to—”
“No,” he says sternly, standing up full height, “No, we didn’t. We never have to do anything that’s going to put you in danger. Never. I won’t do it again. You should have fuckin’ told me.”
You’re quiet.
“A few more inches to the right,” he says, gesturing to your throat with his finger. His eyes are expressive and he’s speaking like he’s lived this experience, “You’d be dead. Cold and dead and I’d be here, carrying the fucking guilt around with me because I wouldn’t have been able to do anything.”
His voice splinters at the end — but he’s moved to throw away the gauze and dump the tweezers in the sink. He can’t look at you as he says it, and you know that. Because, just like before, people like you and him have a hard time looking the truth in the eyes.
You slide off the counter.
Your heart is sad. It’s heavy and mournful and weighed down with guilt.
“Bucky.”
It’s soft. He’s scrubbing your blood from his hands.
He doesn’t turn around. He can’t. He can feel the prick of an anxious breakdown beginning to climb into his eyes. Instead, he scrubs and scrubs and scrubs and your blood is stuck in the plating of his hand and it’s not going to come out—
Think of what could have happened if it had been a few inches to the right. The arched spray. Blood everywhere. She can’t speak through the gargle, she’s going cold, she’s gone. And, like always, you’re alone again, Bucky.
Then, your hands are on his.
The touch is enough to stop him. It’s enough for him to move aside at the large, inset kitchen sink. You exhale slowly as you run the water a little warmer and gingerly run his hands under the tap. Your hands are smaller than his, a bit more delicate, and he’s stunned into a sharp silence at the feeling of your fingertips gently washing away the crimson blood.
You grab another dish towel from a drawer beside the stove.
Then, in the dim light of the kitchen, you take both his hands and dry them.
It’s the vibranium hand that you pay special attention to, though. And Bucky feels like a fucking idiot — just standing there, just watching as you run the rag between the gilded plating and use gentle pressure to get into the harder to reach spots. You turn it over, and you dry his knuckles.
You take your time.
You don’t look up when you speak. You’re focused. Almost reverent.
He doesn’t deserve this.
“I’m not afraid of you,” you say sternly.
His mouth is dry. “Rabbit…”
Bucky shifts on his feet and takes a deep inhale. He feels lightheaded.
The whiskey, and the closeness of the two of you, makes your skin warm. His whole nervous system feels like it’s on fire.
“I didn’t mean to stare, I don’t ever mean to,” you apologize as your hands still over his arm. He watches your irises trace the plating above his wrist. The rag is forgotten, its purpose null. Your words are heavy, and Bucky can hear a little shake in them as you swallow, “I just… think it’s beautiful.”
You’re beautiful.
Even now, blood-soaked and sweat-stained. With makeup running down your cheeks and your composure in shambles. Even now, on the run and apparently wanted, you’re incredibly beautiful. Bucky hates how easy it is to admit and how hard it is to keep off his tongue. It nearly gets the better of him. He watches your eyelashes flutter. When you look up at him, the world is suddenly drowned in honey.
“I’m sorry.”
You mean it.
Your bottom lip wobbles.
Bucky, immediately, regrets being so goddamn cold.
You were just trying to help — you were just trying to do the right thing.
“Stop it. Come here.”
The hug is the first time you can remember touching him like this. You think you’ll always remember it, too. It’s sturdy and warm and gentle and honest and you bury your face into the shoulder as his arms come up around your neck. He’s careful of your own injured shoulder, and his fingers find the base of your neck. Around his waist, your fingers dig into the back of his shirt. Both of you ground yourselves in the other’s arms, and for the first time in a handful of hours, you both find peace.
Quiet, sturdy, lovely peace.
And the two of you stay like that for a while in the quiet little kitchen.
It’s not until Climber’s voice rises from the living room that you’re pulled away from Bucky — and even then, your face linger inches from one another for a moment too long. Neither of you say a word, only swallow down confessions that could have been, and move on.
“Oh, girlie, you’re gonna wanna see this.”
Bucky frowns. With your brows knotted tightly together, you weave through the kitchen and back into the living room.
Kiwi has sat up and both her and Climber have their eyes on the bulky flat screen on the dust-covered entertainment center. It’s cable news, and as Climber leans to turn the television up, a picture of you flashes across the screen.
It’s a photo from your arrest six months ago.
“Local authorities are asking that anyone with information on the whereabouts of this young woman call the FBI’s anonymous tip line—”
“Is there a reward?” Climber whispers almost excitedly, eyes on the screen.
“—Authorities are offering $100,000 dollars to the person who provides enough information to lead up to this dangerous fugitive’s capture.”
“Dangerous fugitive?” hisses Bucky.
“A hundred thousand dollars?” cries Kiwi, “Who the fuck did you piss off?”
You inhale deeply as you wave your hands. “The bigger question is who the fuck knew I was going to The Glass Cannon last night. Because they’re looking for me — not you.”
You point at Bucky and the gears are turning in your head.
The pacing is almost immediate, and Bucky crosses his arms tightly as you begin to walk back and forth behind the full length couch that Climber is currently spread out on.
It’s cut short, though, by Kiwi’s laptop chiming successfully.
“Well,” she stands quickly, “I have a feeling that someone knows you’re onto them. And the facial recognition software just got a match. A three point one, too.”
Your eyes brighten.
You’d given Kiwi the photo of the young Innessa, with all her decorated furs and blonde curls. She’s laughing and she’s young and she’s in love and it’s hard for you to imagine a woman like her to be dangerous. While you’d made sure Bucky was propped up comfortably on the couch and then finally calmed down from the adrenaline high enough to get comfortable yourself, Kiwi had dug out the hard-drive she kept on her at all times and began pulling data from the Alexandria Library files.
It had been a handful of hours, so it was clear that Innessa had hid herself well in the vast, expansive database SHIELD kept for all those years while it was in operation.
Bucky is quick to gather behind Kiwi, eyes scanning the screen.
Sure enough, when you come to look at the photos pulled up on Kiwi’s screen, there’s a hit. There’s an identification card photo of an older woman, maybe in her forties, pulled up alongside the photo Bucky had given you. Her hair is no longer blonde, but deep auburn color. She’s marked as having worked with Rumlow — a supervisor of some sort. Makes sense. You didn’t need to see a picture of Crossbones to remember Brock. Even when you’d interned, he’d been infamous.
And that was when he was one of the good guys.
There’s a handful of other photos of her — candids, professional photos, and even one where she is shaking Tony Stark’s hand.
And in all of them, you see your next door neighbor Bonnie McLayne.
“Fuck.”
Bucky blinks. Kiwi turns to look at you over her shoulder.
Again, you speak. Your eyes are wide. You can’t look away from the screen.
“Fuck, fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”
“Rabbit…?”
“Fuck.”
Bucky’s face narrows considerably, confusion melting to make room for realization.
His voice is quiet.
“Do you know her?”
“Oh my god,” you say loudly, shaking your head and blinking, “Oh my fucking god, that’s my neighbor.”
Bucky can feel his whole face go clammy.
“The neighbor who—”
“—Who I showed your fucking picture to,” you nearly shriek, “Like it was some cute little matchmaking game!”
Immediately both hands are over your face as you throw your head back. Now, the pacing has begun, and like you’re being carried on autopilot, you begin to move back and forth and back and forth and—
“You don’t think she’d hurt Poke, do you?”
“Rabbit.”
“Oh god, oh god—”
Oh.
Oh, you’re having a panic attack.
Oh, that was quick. Brutally fast. Nearly immediate.
After all, she knows where your family lives. She gets Holiday cards from mom to give to you. She’s been your closest friend for nearly six years. But she’s not Bonnie, she’s Innessa fucking Sidrova. She’s seen you with Bucky. She knows — she knows a lot and you don’t know anything and you’re miles from home, from Poke, from Mom, from Ana… Oh, god, the baby. The baby.
“The baby.”
Bucky’s voice is level. “Rabbit, you gotta calm down.”
“I have to call my mom.”
“No,” Kiwi snaps immediately, “They’re going to be watching for your cell phone pings. No calls, no texting, none of it. And god forbid this woman is one step ahead of the FBI—”
“Oh, god.”
You gasp like a fish out of water, paralyzing fear sending you to lean against the back of the couch.
You claw at your chest and try to remember what Dr. Hart said about these sorts of moments. Square breathing. In and hold and out and hold. Again and again.  
“Sit down,” Bucky says as he returns to your side, nearly sweeping you up long enough to plop you down into the armchair from before, “And do me a favor and breathe.”
The whiskey isn’t helping right now.
“I’m trying.”
Another gasped breath.
Climber and Kiwi watch.
Bucky shakes his head sternly, kneeling on one knee and snagging your hands. “Don’t try. Just do it. You can do it. Just follow my lead — you’re the sidekick, after all. Remember? C’mon. There’s the smile. Breathe.”
So you do.
In, hold. Out, hold. You draw a square with one hand on your jeans and hold onto Bucky’s with the other.
Again, in and hold. Out and hold.
And again.
And then, you just listen to Bucky’s breathing.
You’re not sure how long it takes — half an hour, ten minutes, who knows — but finally you’re able to calm the spiraling thoughts in your head. Finally, the loudness quiets down, you catch your breath, and the world isn’t falling apart. The bite of anxiety still remains in the hollow of your chest and Bucky can see that when you finally open your eyes and squeeze his hand.
There’s that look again between the two of you. The one from before, in the kitchen.
“Good?” he asks quietly, blue eyes swimming with some sort of emotion you can’t really pin down. Not now. Maybe, if you’d been a bit more collected, you would have seen it as infatuation. But, no. It’s just… nice.
You swallow and nod.
“Damn, girl,” says Climber from his spot on the couch, “Now I’m starting to get the whole therapy thing.”
“Thanks, dickhead.”
“That’s recent, isn’t it?” he asks, genuine worry crossing his face as he stands to gently pass a hand over your back, “I don’t remember it ever being this bad.”
Your face is sad. “I was just partying through it back then. Distraction was always the best method and then… When I had no more distractions and it was just me? Alone? And, psh, the accident with Jaimie? It got worse. So much worse.”
Climber’s eyes soften. “I’m sorry, bunny.”
You try to put on a brave face.
Bucky stands from in front of you and begins his own pacing. This one isn’t so much born out of anxious nature — but more of a tactical logic born out of keeping you safe.
This wasn’t exactly the turn he was expecting.
“You didn’t recognize her?” he asks after a moment, voice high and tight.
“I’m sorry,” you wave a hand, exasperated, “She doesn’t exactly look the same as she did in the 70s.”
Kiwi frowns at the screen. “Definitely botox.”
Bucky squints. He looks to you for an explanation.
You vaguely gesture to your face.
His brow lifts, he closes his eyes, and he sighs.
Kiwi is next to pipe up. “It explains why the feds are looking for you, especially if she saw you with the one man she knows is looking to hunt her down — so, I think it’s best the both of you lay low for a couple of days.”
“Not to mention,” Climber wags a finger, “Bucky the Babe over here did just piss off one the smaller Russian crime families in New York. So, there’s always that ontop of the evil Nazi-HYDRA-woman-next-door.”
You groan.
“Poke has enough food for a week,” Bucky says nearly reading your mind, “He’ll be fine.”
“So, what? We just wait here? Until something happens?”
“Sidrova is going to try and bait us out,” Bucky mutters, “She knows she can’t just disappear. She’s been settled for too long and we know too much. Engaging us in an altercation is how she’ll do it. Plus, I have a feeling she wouldn’t pass up an opportunity to shoot me in the knees after a few decades. So, we wait.”
“Few decades?” Kiwi whispers.
“How old are you?” Climber asks.
“Hundred and six.”
Both of them just blink at an unphased Bucky.
You sigh, finally standing on wobbly legs. “This feels like a bad idea. I’m just stating that for the record.”
“Better than her hunting the both of you down,” Kiwi supplies, “You can stay here. There’s cable, there’s booze, and there’s plenty of instant ramen to last you until winter.”
“Stale cereal, too.”
“Wait— where are you two going?” you ask, narrowing your eyes, “You’re leaving?”
“Keeping our hands clean,” Kiwi says, closing her laptop, “And letting you be the sidekick, bunny.”
The sadness in your heart grows a little heavier at those words, but there’s a little bit of pride in Kiwi’s tone. As she stands, she moves to wrap her arms around you in a gentle hug. Quietly, she murmurs into your hair.
“Your dad would be proud of you, y’know.”
Bucky watches.
Climber is next, and that hug is bigger, more brotherly, more like sunshine and less like autumn.
“Don’t be a stranger, Rabbit.”
“I’m sorry,” you blurt out as the two of them gather their belongings, “For dragging you both into this. But, thank you. You didn’t have to help me—”
“Yeah, we did,” Kiwi chirps as she knocks Bucky on the arm three times, “Keep her safe, aakarshak purush.”
The Hindi rolls off her tongue with ease.
Bucky laughs. “Bahut lamba.”
Kiwi pauses mid-step. She narrows her eyes. There’s a smile on her lips. “Your pronunciation isn’t bad.”
He shrugs plainly. “I get lunch almost everyday at the Indian place below my apartment, so. The owner has been teaching me some stuff on the side.”
An approving nod.
Kiwi hucks you the keys across the room.
She points at Bucky.
“I like him. Try not to fuck that up, eh?”
And then, the two of them are gone.
And it’s just you and Bucky in the empty apartment.
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argylemikewheeler · 3 years
Text
July 1st, 1985
what the first ep of (my) s3 would look like if the main concept was: both Steve and Will are gay in 1985’s Summer of Love and the town’s enemy is a little more human; loving friendships, very confused adults, and Will Byers Actually Getting Help
“Harrington!”
“Yes, sir.” Steve looked up from his desk. He dropped his crossword and looked to be at attention; the police station’s phone wasn’t ringing, though, so there wasn’t really anything he should have been doing. Hopper stepped out of his office, angling himself toward the door rather than Steve’s desk island.
“Do you think you’ll be able to-- Harrington, what are you doing?” Hopper caught sight of the pocket thesaurus sitting on his desk (the last name written on the inside cover not belonging to Steve, of course). Hopper fixed his sunglasses on the edge of his nose, looking over them and down at Steve.
“I’m just, uh, working on my vocabulary.” Steve said. Hopper blinked twice, waiting. Steve wasn’t going to say the truth: he was dating-- well seeing someone-- way smarter than him. This wasn’t for joy or boredom. He was studying to impress. “It’s college prep, sir.”
“The crossword?” The chief evened his stare. “This your old man’s suggestion?” Of all the things Steve’s father was telling him to do with himself, he  wished  some of it was simply pecking at a crossword over a twelve hour shift.  Fucking off  and  being a better piece of shit son  just wasn’t feasible to accomplish in one summer.
“He swears by it.”
“Okay, well. Uh, moving on from that,” Hopper grabbed his hat from the coat rack. The topic of Steve’s father always made Hopper stiffen up; it was definitely the main reason Hopper gave Steve his job at the station, but it still created more questions. Steve knew Hopper and his father went to high school together, but he never asked his father about those years-- beyond his baseball glory stories. “I’ve got plans tonight and I need to head out early. Can you handle things on your own for a while. At least until the night shift comes in?”
“I’ll be fine.” Steve made sure not to acknowledge the crossword on his desk as he nodded. He was really good at his job, he was. He was also just, unfortunately, still a pretty shitty boyfriend and needed all the vocab help he could get. “What’s the pressing story?”
“I have dinner.” Hopper was already trying to walk out the door. “So  don’t  call me. For the love of God.”
“Oh, don’t worry, Chief. I--” Steve was sure it was the cool July wind that slammed the door on the last half of his sentence. Not Hopper. “won’t... Have a good time, I guess.”
The police station was empty: it was another boring and wonderfully quiet Monday in Hawkins. There’d been some calls to break up disturbances at city hall in the past few days, but somehow everyone just seemed to agree that Mondays-- the longest shift of Steve's whole week-- was the day everyone went about their quietest day.
There were a few officers milling in and out of the back lounge and front door, casting a quick glance to Steve as he muttered and threatened fourteen down and six across. Nancy had been helping close the gaps of his post-high school education-- without knowing just what for-- but had been picking up most hours at the Post to try and elbow her way into their good graces; it put his tutoring on hold. So here he was, groaning at some clues about classical artists he’d never heard of.
There were other reasons Steve was sure the other officers thought he was odd-- things he was  sure  his father had passed along in spitting rants-- but Steve didn’t mind. No one said anything to his face.
“Hey Flo! Is, uh, is Steve here?” The question was asked with the answer already in mind.
Steve sat up in his chair, twisting around to see down the hall to the back entrance to the station. There weren’t many parking spots to fill, but he knew a certain someone who preferred it to street parking.
“Jonathan?”
“Oh, I hear him. Thanks-- hey!” Jonathan hurried out from the hall, his camera bumping against his stomach and bag slapping against his leg in the same rhythm. He’d gotten a new haircut recently: semi-wonky bangs and a closer cut in the back. All thanks to Steve’s peer pressure and Mrs. Byers’s kitchen shears.
“What are you doing here?”
“Sorry to stop by your work like this--” he lowered his voice as he stopped at the corner of Steve’s desk. “I know we said we wouldn’t do that, but we got an extra muffin in the lunch order and I know you’re always starving after a Monday shift so.” Jonathan produced a folded brown paper bag from his satchel. “Here.”
“Oh, thanks.” Steve wanted to say so much more, but had to settle. No more. None of what they’d decided they wouldn’t say. Not until the summer had ended. They wanted to see if they lasted longer than the convenience of loose summer schedules.
“Won’t I see you, uh, later, though?” At eight, when Steve got sent home he always drove straight to Jonathan’s. Jonathan started late on Tuesdays and Steve had off; they had the time to waste. “Or is this your way of telling me to stay home?”
“No! No we’re still... hanging out.” Jonathan had gotten really good at cooking and treated Steve to weekly dinner. It was a nice gesture at first, but Steve started growing fond of the company. They both did around mid-June. “But, I think Mike’s going to be over so. Be  cool , alright? Keep it cool.”
“Cool, got it.” Steve leaned back in his chair. He moved his papers to leave a corner of his desk for Jonathan to sit on. No one was in the main office; it was a harmless invitation.
“I have to get going...” It sounded like an excuse, a dive for safety. “And I’m sure you have, um,  puzzles  to do?” Jonathan pretended not to be endeared. He tried, he really did. He  failed , but Steve pretended he didn’t notice.
“Don’t want to sit and help me figure out the title of Mozart’s last opera?” He patted the desk, daring to be more direct.
“I really have to go.” Jonathan was genuine, looking at his watch. “The Post only let me out early today because I have to go pick up Will from his doctor’s appointment.”
“Wait.” Steve put the cap back on his pen. “Isn’t Will’s therapy on Wednesday?”
“Yeah, but with Mom’s schedule and the store being all weird-- we had to move it to today. And you know we typically have a family night after-- so he feels okay, you know-- but we  can’t  . So,  that’s why Mike’s coming over. Hopefully they’ll be idiots and tire Will out and he’ll sleep okay.” Tension rose in Jonathan’s voice quickly, explaining his day as if going over a laundry list; never rehearsing it but having it memorized.
“I can stay home if you need time, Jonathan.”
“No, really. I want you to come over.” Jonathan sighed and placed his hand on the emptied spot on Steve’s desk. “Besides, you can’t break tradition after a little over  one month , then it was just a weird habit.”
Steve Harrington did not consider his summer fling a w  eird habit . If anything, it was the most sensical thing he’d done in a very long time. Even after getting rejected from all his colleges, and never hearing the end of his father’s lectures, 1985 had been very kind to him. And that was mostly due to Jonathan’s inherent nature to be the same.
“I’ll see you after eight.” Steve smiled and reached for his hand-- but averted to grab a piece of memo paper by the phone.
“I’m sorry to leave in a rush.” Jonathan hitched his bag up, checking his watch again. “I just, I really need to get going.”
“Don’t worry. The muffin is  more  than enough.” Steve said. “And seeing you wasn’t too bad either.”
“Slow day, huh?” Jonathan said. The corner of his mouth quirked with a flattered, embarrassed smile. Steve tried to act nonchalant, like he wasn’t so goddamn relieved to see a familiar and happy face. Especially  his  familiar and happy face. “Well, good thing I have another surprise for you.”
“You can barely fit your camera in that bag, what could you possibly-- hey!” Steve missed grabbing Jonathan’s arm as he walked away, heading for the front door. “Where are you going?” Jonathan kept walking, checking his watch the whole way. “Hello?”
“Delivered right on time.” Jonathan pushed the front door open to the station-- but was nearly knocked over as a green  dash  barreled through it.
"Steve! Steve! Steve!” The dash was suddenly grabbing him by the shoulders. “You got the job!”
“Henderson! Oh my god! You’re back!” In an unlikely impulse, Steve grabbed Dustin in a hug, taking advantage of the change of height. “Holy shit, I nearly forgot! First of the month!”
“See you, Steve.” Jonathan walked across the room to the back entrance again. His hand braced the back of Steve’s chair, brushing across his shoulders.
“O-Okay! Yeah, see you!” Steve sputtered, losing his reminded  cool  in an instant. “Bye.”
Dustin pulled away slowly. “What was that?” It looked like  everyone  was too smart for Steve.
“Nothing. He brought me a surprise lunch-- which was an  obvious decoy to the main event! You! How are you, buddy? How was camp?”
“Oh, it was fantastic. Steve, I  have  to show you all my inventions! Camp was the  best  four weeks  of  my  life .” Dustin hopped up onto the corner of his desk. His heels tapped against the empty metal drawers. He was jittery, nearly uncontainable, but still so composed-- if only to be focused all on Steve.
Steve held his hands out, letting him start. “Lay it on me, Henderson! I want to hear everything. I missed you like crazy.”
“Well, first, obviously. I have to tell you about my girlfriend--”
“Whoa! Whoa!  Girlfriend  ? That fast?” Steve hadn’t been expecting any of his dating advice to work. It had been coming from such a poor and confused part of himself, Steve figured it was destined to fail. Apparently, it was just  Steve  that was-- when flirting with women at least. “Damn, there’s something in you after all!”
“She’s  super  smart, Steve. I’ve never met any girl like her. She’s a genius and she’s so pretty. God, I miss her already-- and I  just  saw her.”
Steve looked over his shoulder. He knew the feeling. “That’s great, man. I mean, I’m super happy for you. Like, that’s  crazy . That’s freaking awesome.”
“So what about you? How are the ladies? I mean, you work for the  Chief  now. All the ladies you could need and more, am I right?”
Steve used to be really good at this part of the lie, but with Dustin it felt cheap. He didn’t need to lie to him, but that was the deal; no matter how much that person was Steve’s best and most beloved friend, their secret was a dead-bolt, vaulted secret.
“Eh, not too great. Only girl my own age I see-- besides Nancy, really-- is the night-shift girl, Robin. But she’s not really-- we’re just friends. She’s alright. Leaves me weird drawings in the memo pad.”
“Ooo, she sounds cool.” Dustin raised his eyebrows. “Do you know her from school?”
“Yeah, we didn’t really run in the same crowds but-- it’s not like that, man. It’s really not.” Steve started unwrapping his lunch. “It’s so not like that with Robin.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means I’m not...  looking  at the moment.”
Steve had originally decided to not go looking for trouble. After he and Nancy split in the beginning of his senior year, he didn’t start looking for an immediate replacement. The illusion of thinking he was in love with Nancy-- capable of being in love with Nancy-- was a hard thing to have come crumbling down. Steve needed time to get his own bearings, to put his feet firmly on the ground, and have them lifted off when his father grabbed him by the lapels and--
Steve hadn’t gone looking for trouble. Hadn’t gone looking for love either. But somehow, both seemed to find him.
Jonathan was late. He usually wasn’t but Will was trying not to be worried. It was a different day than usual and he knew how awful Jonathan’s boss and co-workers were. Will tried not to be worried-- he wasn't. It was just that he had spent an hour talking about the night his father left their family; standing outside the doctor’s office was a bit nerve-wracking. It felt too familiar, even with all the talking and note-scribbling.
Finally, Jonathan’s car pulled into the lot. He was speeding, as much as his car  could  speed: he knew he was late, which made Will feel a little bit better. No one had forgotten him. It was just traffic or his bosses or maybe just hitting all the red lights. As Jonathan stopped in front of the curb and waved Will in, Will could see he was jittery-- he was  upset  that he was late. Will felt bad for counting the minutes.
Not that he did it out of impatience or anything. Will just formed the habit after getting his new watch. It matched Mike’s. Completely on accident, of course.
“Hey, buddy! Sorry I’m late. I was-- I had to run an errand really fast. How long were you waiting.” He moved his bag and threw it onto the backseat. Will would’ve held it on his lap.
“I wasn’t keeping track.” Will said, climbing into the passenger seat. Will wanted to ask if his bag had Jonathan’s camera in it. If everything was okay. He didn’t. It seemed like Jonathan had been in his therapy with Will, just as shaken up. “It’s okay. Thanks for getting me.”
Jonathan waited until Will put on his seat belt. “Of course. We’re always here to pick you up. Therapy is important; you have to go.”
Will laughed before he could stop himself. “You sound like Mom.”  Why?
“Because she’s right.” Therapy was still kind of weird to Will-- since  no one else  in his grade had to do it-- but he humored his family. It was helping, if he had to admit it. But it was still embarrassing sometimes.
His therapist, Dr. Bright--  Rose Marie, as she insisted on being called-- was a send-out from the Lab, but disguised within a private practice just outside of town. She was able to listen to Will talk about what he saw and felt during his time with the Mind Flayer without trying to commit him. Almost nothing was off limits. Almost nothing.
Will checked his watch again.
“Are you excited to see Mike tonight?” The question was pointed, but Will wasn’t sure why it made him nervous. “I mean, I feel like I haven’t seen him in a bit.”
“Oh, yeah. He’s always with El.”
Will was sure they  weren’t  dating. El was just on a year-long stint of self-discovery and, besides Max, Mike was the person she trusted the most to help make as many helpful mistakes as possible. He bought her books to read and new music to try. It was really sweet, seeing Mike take such big strides toward helping their friend. But there was also a part of Will that felt dejected:  his  sort of help had to be prescribed and couldn’t be replaced with a warm laugh from one Mike Wheeler.
Will was sick while his friends were growing.
“Is there something wrong?” Jonathan used to ask the question like Will was one trembling lip away from crying-- but this time, he asked it like Will had his hand on the door, seconds from jumping out. “Will, are you okay?”
“Yeah.” Will nodded. “I’m fine. Just-- I talked a lot today and I’m tired.”
“Do you want to cancel with Mike--”
“No.” Will had been looking forward to having time with Mike--  just  Mike-- for a whole week. He wanted to sit on his floor with his best friend and be a kid again. Just for the night-- maybe draw some of Mike’s old campaigns or sketch out an idea for his own. He just wanted to remember something good about the past four years. After his hour with Dr. Bright, it all felt painful. Like his childhood naivety had been broken and every conversation he overheard in his house dripped with venom and disdain.
Will didn’t like picturing his house that way. It was a place that loved and raised him, a place he felt safe. He didn’t like thinking the conversations he heard being screamed through the walls were trapped in the drywall.
His arms felt heavy and his chest felt like it was made of metal-- he kept tasting it in his mouth. Will leaned back against the seat and reached for the radio. Jonathan turned it down before Will had even changed the station.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I just want to see Mike.” Will said, his mouth too honest and his mind shrouded in guilt. “I just want to see my friend.”
“Okay. Okay.” Jonathan nodded somewhat somberly. “I understand. Let’s go pick him up. He’s at his house right? Not El’s-- o-or The Sinclair’s or anything?”
“No. He’s at his.” Will crossed his arms and tried to find the loose string-- the thing that could uncoil Jonathan’s still-tightening anxiety. “Are you still dating Nancy?”
Jonathan turned to look at Will, nearly crashing the car. That was the wrong string. “What?”
“Nancy? Are you still dating her?”
“I was never dating Nancy.” Jonathan laughed, shaking his head. “I’m not dating Mike’s sister, don’t worry.” The clarification was strange and felt off-topic. Like Jonathan was trying to talk about something else.
“I thought you were. You guys hung out a lot during school.” Will heard her voice through the walls too. Always gentle, never yelling. Except when she was losing at playing cards. Then she shouted.
“She was helping me pass chemistry. That’s all.” Jonathan turned the radio up a little. Will checked his watch. “And then she helped me apply to the Post internship-- she’s great at writing papers, did you know that? A real wordsmith. Is Mike a writer too?”
He was, he  really  was. Grammatically, Will ran out of red pens trying to help, but creatively? Will envied Mike’s ability. “I don’t know. We don’t really talk about that kind of stuff like you two do… Since you two are dating.”
“We’re  not .” Jonathan laughed. Will took advantage of an upcoming stop sign to lean forward and look at his brother’s crimson face. “We’re not, Will, okay? We’re really not. I’d tell you.”
“You’d tell me?”
“Of course! I’d tell you if I… I had a girlfriend. Which I don’t!” He stayed at the stop sign for a bit too long. “Do you?”
There was an option to play dumb, to make Jonathan ask more directly:  do you have a girlfriend, Will ? but it sounded far more painful than being honest, than being as lonely as he was.
“No. I don’t.”
“And you’d tell me. If you were dating someone?” Jonathan looked at Will, hopeful but scarcely so. “You’ll tell me if anything big happens in your life?”
“Yeah.” There wouldn’t be anything happening at all that summer, that was for  damn sure . “Absolutely.”
Steve had about seventy percent of his puzzle done-- fifty of which was because Dustin was an unstoppable genius with no tolerance for Steve’s careful pace. It was just about quarter past seven, and Steve’s back was getting sore from sitting in his chair all day. He only liked sitting when it was in his car, on his way to the Byers's House, careful, of course, to obey all traffic laws.
Steve was packing his crosswords and pens up in the top drawer of his desk when something clattered the back door open. Steve grabbed a pen and whipped around in his seat, as if to wield it like a weapon.
“Hello? Who’s there?”
“Hey dingus.” Luckily, Steve couldn’t even see Robin yet-- or rather, she couldn’t see him or his emphasized eye roll. She could hear him groan though. “Hey, shut up and quit whining. I’m sending you home early.”
Her head popped out from the hallway. Robin’s ponytail was high on her head, the hair flopping over and getting caught in her stringy bangs. She flung her backpack out from behind her and tossed it toward Steve. She wasn’t in her uniform yet, only wearing the buttoned up shirt-- unbuttoned and showing her torn and dyed shirt underneath. She was wearing jogging shorts, her knees torn up and covered with Band-Aids. They reminded Steve of the ones taped to his face after getting a plate smashed into his forehead. Deceivingly cheerful.
“What are you doing here early?” Steve stood and followed her, holding her backpack awkwardly in his hands. “You’re  never  early.” Eight on the dot. Every time.
“I figure you want to get out of here tonight.” She didn’t even stop to look at Steve as they walked into the back room. “Probably want to see your boyfriend.”
Her words weren’t sharp, but Steve still recoiled. He let his arms, and her bag, hang by his sides.
“Who? Jonathan?” The only way Jonathan and Robin had ever met was in the hallways of Hawkins High. She definitely never saw them interact at the station-- or on any of their nights together: they were always indoors. “He’s  not my boyfriend.”
“First off, I didn't even say a name." Shit. "Second, he came in the other day looking for you.” Robin started buttoning her shirt up, fixing the collar as she finally turned to see Steve. “He was really upset-- didn’t even know what time it was to know you weren’t working.”
“Upset?” Technically, it wasn’t Steve’s problem. It was the deal; they didn’t  have  to care about each other’s lives. It was just summer. It was just like any other summer.
“Yeah. Crying, sniffling, snot-- the whole nine, man.” Robin sounded extremely sympathetic despite beginning to change her pants. Steve whipped around, covering his face. “You should go see him. Make sure he’s okay. Be a good boyfriend... shithead.”
“He’s  not--”
“Steve, I’m the last person you should be arguing with.” Robin laughed-- and it was only momentarily threatening. Until, of course, Steve realized what she meant.
Like all good secrets kept at Hawkins PD, Steve kept his mouth shut and nodded even if she wasn’t looking.
“Yes, sir--ma'am-- Robin.”
“So, are you going to go or what, dingus?” She tapped him on the shoulder. “Get out of here-- and tell me all about it Wednesday.”
Steve blinked at her, holding out her bag. As if it was enough thanks to give her back her own property. “Are we… friends, or something?”
“No, of course not.” She winked, slapping his arm. “Just looking out for one of my own.”
After picking Mike up from his house, they drove home in uncharacteristic chatter. Jonathan was the only one speaking, humming along to the radio. Will was exhausted beyond performative small talk; the type that had to be done between two best friends when a third party was present. Mike was great at just sitting with Will in silence, but Jonathan didn’t know that. Instead, the three of them passed around quiet jokes and laughter, answering questions about their friends for Jonathan’s upkeep of information.
Once they got in the house, Jonathan let them wander off into Will’s room as he started pulling pots out of the kitchen cabinets. He wouldn’t bother or pester them about any summer work, either. They would be left alone in their own coupled silence.
Mike was sitting cross-legged on Will’s floor, twisting one of Will's crayons between his fingers. Will needed new ones but he felt funny asking for them as a near-freshman in high school. He liked the glide of wax on paper compared to the scrape of colored pencils. Well, that and the fact he ruined half of his crayons the year prior making a full map of Hawkins in a fugue state and only had two crayons able to be used normally.
“You had doctor stuff today, right?”
Will was digging under his bed for his emptier sketch book. “Yeah. Therapy.  Doctor  doctor stuff was two weeks ago.”
“How was it?” Mike let his hand still and rest in his lap. “Like, what do you do in therapy? Just start talking?”
“Yeah, but it’s more than that. You have to think about stuff too. Doctors ask you questions, sometimes.” Will pulled back and drug his old drawing supplies along the carpet. He sat back on his heels and was able to see Mike over the top of the bed. He didn’t know Will was looking. “You have to have answers.”
“What do they ask about?” Mike kept looking at his hands, unaware of Will. “Upside down stuff?”
“Sometimes.” Will shuffled back around to Mike's side of the bed. He could feel the tiniest bit of rug burn starting. “She asked me about my dad today.”
Mike looked up, almost immediately. “Can she do that?”
“Why can’t she?” Will popped the lid on the retired Tupperware, now his art bin. “I talked about it.”
“I thought you didn’t like to.” Will had never said those words which meant Mike had gathered it from just observing him. “Did you… like talking about it?”
“Not really.” Will laughed. He found a few extra crayons, but of all the wrong colors. “She had this big speech afterward about learned helplessness that I… really didn’t like.” Will tried to keep laughing.
Mike put the crayon back in the bin. “Are you okay, Will?”
“Yeah. It’s just… the same old stuff.” Will shrugged. “Sometimes it just bothers me more than other days.”
Mike bit the inside of his cheek, picking at his words carefully. “You never talk about your dad, Will.”
“Why would I?”
“Because it bothers you. You can talk about anything you want-- I… I would listen.”
“You don’t have to listen to it just because it happened to me, you know. My therapist says you don’t have to experience things with me for them to be real.”
“But I want to know.” Mike looked insulted, almost crushed and collapsed as he sat back on his hands. “That’s your dad,” he said. “And you’re my friend.”
They sat in silence for a while. Mike went back to studying a new crayon, picking at the wrapper. Will felt something forming in his throat. A bubble that was hot, thick and sticky. Not vomit, but not impending tears either.
“I don’t get why he left.” Will said. “I don’t know what happened to our family.”
“Nothing happened. Maybe he just… wasn’t good at being your dad anymore.”
“But then why? What did I do?” Will didn’t want to ask Mike, make him feel responsible for answering, but Will was desperate to ask the universe again.
“Nothing.” Mike said. “I just think he…”
“He what? My dad got tired of me? Didn’t want to raise me?”
“Maybe he actually learned how to take a hint and knew he wasn’t good enough for you and Jonathan-- or your mom.” Mike wanted to be hopeful, to be positive, so badly. He ached, his smile tight and weak. He didn't have the answers, and who was Will to put him in the position to come up with them.
“So he gave up.” Will said.
“That’s not what I meant--”
“I know. I know… That’s just how it feels.” Will shrugged. He smiled at Mike, accepting his help and his warmth. It hurt knowing that Mike was wrong, but still. Will could always pretend a little longer. Anything for Mike.
“Hey! You monsters hungry?” Steve clapped his hands together before gently tapping the door. “Jonathan’s got dinner on the table.”
The door was open. Steve didn’t have to knock. He wanted to, just to prove he wasn’t  too  comfortable, but he also knew Mike was over. And knocking would announce his entrance rather than letting it just be something that just  was  . Rather than being  cool .
Awkwardly and with a lot of weird, throat-clearing fanfare, Steve opened the Byers’s front door and poked his head inside. Jonathan called him in from the kitchen without even needing to say hello, or being surprised by his walking in:  In here, Steve! Dinner’s almost done .
Steve walked through the living room carefully, as if he’d disturb it. There was a tape playing softly-- some band Steve’s never heard of, but didn’t hate. He’d grown to like the way that every song played in the Byers house was always moody and melancholy. The music was always the opposite of how he felt stepping into the kitchen.
Jonathan was at the stove, stirring a pot of something that smelled delicious. He had what looked to be tomato sauce stains on the front of his shirt-- where he wrapped his hand up to open the sauce jar. Steve was able to hide his smile as he shouldered off his uniform jacket and toed off his shoes, claiming a chair at the kitchen table.
“How was work?” Jonathan didn’t stop stirring. He moved like the stove was turned all the way up and he was afraid of burning the food. He spoke that way too.
“It was fine. Not a whole lot.” Steve didn’t want to have anything seem bigger than whatever upset Jonathan-- and seemed to still be upsetting him now. “How was your day?”
“Fine. Will and Mike are in the other room.” He was checking things off his list. Steve stepped up to Jonathan and stood even with him at the stove. He was making one-pot pasta. It really did smell fantastic. Steve was so hungry, even after his lunch.
“How was… the other things in your day? Develop any good pictures?” Steve covered how stupid he sounded by placing his hand on Jonathan’s lower back.
Jonathan stopped stirring and looked at him. Steve tried to keep cool, tried not to show his motives-- his attempt to calm something he couldn’t believe he’d missed spinning out of control, even if he didn’t know what it was. “Nancy walked into the dark room today-- she’s actually the one who gave me the muffin-- and she exposed the photos to light too early. So no, actually.”
Steve really was a bad boyfriend. Even when he wasn’t one yet-- or at all.
“Okay… how was. Everything else?”
“You don’t have to ask about my day, Steve. It’s okay.” Jonathan sighed and spoke evenly. “I’m just a little tired. Really. We don’t have to do the whole…  thing .”
The whole thing where Steve was explicit about how much he really cared about Jonathan and admitted he was sincerely and terrifyingly in love with Jonathan.
“I was asking because I was curious. Not out of obligation.” Steve clarified. His hand slid to rest on Jonathan’s hip. He moved closer, lips aiming to place a commitment-less kiss on his cheek.
“Steve! I said to keep it  cool .” Jonathan ducked back, placing a hand on Steve’s chest. “I don’t want Will to see us.”
“Your brother?” Steve was surprised; of all people Jonathan explicitly wanted to hide from Will seemed kind and forgiving-- not that there was anything  to  forgive, but it was something Steve often checked for. Steve was sure that one of Dustin’s friends would be… like Steve. Or like Jonathan-- maybe. All of them seemed prepared to deal with any of their friends suddenly being different. Far more prepared than Steve ever was.
“Yes. My brother.” Jonathan snapped, banging the spoon against the edge of the pot. “I don’t want him to learn I’m not dating Nancy but  instead  seeing her ex-boyfriend in the same day.” he whispered.
“Wait, what? He thinks you’re with Nancy?” Steve wasn’t sure where they went wrong. They were trying to  obscure  the truth, not lead everyone to a different reality. “D-Do you think Mike does too?”
“I don’t know! I didn’t want to ask and seem weird.” Jonathan sighed again. He sounded tense again. “I told Will I’d tell him if I was seeing anyone… And he promised me the same.”
Steve knew not to press the obvious question-- well   are  you seeing someone, Jonathan?  -- but also didn’t want to touch the obvious implication that Will  needed  to share a secret with Jonathan. Instead, he placed his hands into his pockets and turned to lean against the counter.
“Dinner smells really good, Byers.” There was another name that began with “B” that Steve wasn’t allowed to use, but always wanted to. Byers Byers Byers. Baby baby baby. “Thank you, again, for cooking for me-- for us.”
“You think I’m going to let you starve?” His stirring slowed; the stove cooled down. He nudged Steve’s arm with the spoon. “You coming home late and trying to cook? You mean half-drinking a beer and falling asleep face down on your bed in your uniform, half unbuttoned.”
“You picture that often, Byers?” Steve lifted an eyebrow. “Hm?”
“Don’t flatter yourself.” Jonathan’s lips quirked into a smile again. “But, if you’d like a beer, I think there’s one in the fridge. No one in the house is going to touch it.”
“I can go ask Will if he wants it.”
“Shut up-- do you want it or not?”
“No.” Steve didn’t like drinking when they were together. He’d never really heard the full story about where Mr. Byers went, but he had a father of his own to make those blank spaces fill pretty fast. “But thanks. Don’t want the habit of needing a beer to forget how boring my job is.”
“I thought you liked your job?” Jonathan took a piece of pasta out of the pot and held it out for Steve to test.
He chewed and answered. “I do! It’s nice to have normal hours-- and I’m happy to help have replacements as Flo gets ready to retire but… I don’t know. Sometimes it feels  boring .”
“Would you rather be chasing down a four-legged monster without a face?” Jonathan let out a bubble of genuine laughter, playfully glaring at Steve.
“Frankly, yes! At least we’d all have something to do. I feel like I don’t see everyone anymore.”
“Then throw a party. Don’t wish for anything bad to happen.” Jonathan said firmly. “Let the record show my brother is a very strange magnet for all this… weird shit.”
“You’re right, I’m sorry.” Steve said solemnly. He put his hand on Jonathan’s forearm. “I wish we were all safely doing something exciting. It felt nice to be needed, even if no one knew it was us.”
Jonathan put the spoon down on the counter and pivoted to be looking only at Steve. There was something resting just on the tip of his tongue, just under the surface of their conversation. It would’ve been a digression-- Steve could tell by Jonathan’s tense and furrowed brow-- but he would’ve listened.
“Jonathan?” Steve squeezed his arm, lifting his eyebrows. “What is it?”
“I--” He clenched his jaw, trying to swallow his words. “I think--” Steve knew there was no end to Jonathan’s sentence; merely starting it meant there was trust between them. A careful admission through omission. Steve knew Jonathan was looking at his shoes and wouldn’t be seen as he took in the secret flinches of Jonathan’s face. The crinkle by his left eye, the twitch of his mouth, double blinking--
They both jumped apart as the phone started ringing, practically shaking on the wall. Jonathan stepped away from Steve and left everything unsaid. Again.
Jonathan tucked the phone between his ear and shoulder as he turned to lean against the wall.
“Hello? This is--” His face changed sharply, his eyebrows furrowing. “I told you to stop bothering us. You’re lucky she’s not here to pick up the phone-- I don’t  care !” Jonathan cleared his throat and looked at Steve in a flash of uncertainty and anxiety. “I have the police here right now and if you don’t stop calling me I will send them to your house-- it’s not a threat if you’re the one bothering us. Stop. Calling.” He slammed the phone down and braced his weight against the wall with his other hand.
“Am I considered ‘the police’ now?” Steve said lightly. It was his way of letting Jonathan know he was listening, but not asking direct questions. “I’m not even allowed to have a badge.”
“It counts.” Jonathan said, letting his arms fall down by his sides. Steve stepped over and kept stirring dinner.
“Who was that?”
“No one. Can you go get the boys in the other room? Dinner’s ready.” Jonathan pushed Steve aside to hunch over the stove again.
“Sure.” Steve nodded, knowing he wasn’t seen. “Hey! You monsters hungry? Jonathan’s got dinner on the table.”
Dinner felt weird.
Will couldn’t help but feel like he and Mike had gotten into a fight. Talking about his dad made anything feel sticky, feel like it was violent or volatile. A second from snapping or tearing off, bouncing around the walls and echoing in Will's body. A small conversation between friends-- actually a little  understanding  between  best  friends-- felt like it had been a screaming match, all because it was cut off. There was no apology from Will. He didn't have the chance to tie it all up with an  I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, forget I said anything.
His plea sat heavy on his tongue as he talked to Steve-- who had arrived without notice-- and let Mike make him laugh so hard he nearly shot water out his nose. Will let it all happen under the tremor, the ache, of an apology. And maybe, if he was the best brother and friend he should’ve been, no problems or therapy, it would be enough of an apology.
He wasn't hungry and only ate half his serving of pasta, even though it was usually his favorite of Jonathan's recipes. He did apologize for that though, and it felt right to say aloud. Even if it was misdirected and no one heard it.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm so so sorry. Please come back--
Mike wasn’t tired, Will knew, but he still wanted to go to bed right after their horror movie ended. It was clear Mike hadn't been paying attention to the movie; the entire plot was that dreams were a new horror-scape for monsters to get teenagers. It wasn't too scary to Will; it just felt familiar. The villain looked different, more human, but Will knew what it felt like to dream while wide awake. To watch and be unable to do anything but scratch at the surface--
Convincing Will to get ready for bed, Mike said they’d have all day in the morning. He said that maybe he could convince his mom to let him stay over again if they don’t get all their fun in. Will knew Mike's mom probably would, if only because she felt bad for Will. But he would take the pity. A sleepover wasn't the worst thing to get from pity.
Will could still hear Mike fidgeting in his sleeping bag. He was rubbing his feet together like a cricket and twisting his wristwatch. The plastic scratched the sheer material of his sleeping bag rhythmically: back and forth. back and forth. backandforthbackandforth. It was like Mike was counting the ticks of his silent digital watch. Will began to play with his own watch, keeping it on in bed only because he'd noticed Mike hadn't removed it when they were brushing their teeth that night; apparently the watch was too good to part with.
Time though, was something Will wished he could separate himself from. He could hear the seconds scraping by now. Every moment he kept his friend awake and bored because Will was too weak or (rather and) too  everything  to stay up late again.
Therapy hadn’t even been that bad. Not really. Maybe it could be exhausting but it didn’t count because Will sat in the same spot for an hour. It wasn’t real work. It shouldn’t have counted. Will should’ve been able to hang out with his friend until sunrise, getting in trouble with his mom for being up so late. He should’ve still been a stupid, carefree kid, not a by-gone troubled teenager.
Maybe his dad had seen that from the beginning. Will's dad was always gambling, betting on baseball games he had these incredible "feelings" on. Sometimes he was wrong, but when he was right it was an amazing prediction; having the foresight no one else had. And maybe that was what it was, leaving them when he did. Maybe he saw Will wouldn’t be the second son he wanted after all. Maybe he knew of all the damage that would be done to him, the damage he would cause. Probably saw it from miles-- years-- away. And he left without a single warning to any of it.
What if his father had known? Could've known where he was when he came back into town two years ago? Not gone forever just in the lights. Just out of reach, just through the wall, Dad. What if he had known, been able to see, able to know, but wanted to leave Will Down there being possessed and enveloped and consumed and--
Will felt a chill scurry down his back. The feeling almost had legs. Too many. He felt ice cold, his body going blank-- not numb, but  blank -- for a second. He couldn’t feel his fingers, but could still feel every inch of his body, suddenly pulsing and seizing.
"Will?" Mike asked, sitting up. He gripped the end of the bed and pulled his face closer to Will's. He squinted in the darkness, feeling for Will’s hand. Will couldn’t answer, his jaw tense and breath rattling out of him. "Will, what’s wrong?"
After a (thankfully) non-awkward dinner, Steve and Jonathan washed all the dishes and let the boys watch whatever movie they wanted. Steve didn’t pay attention to what tape he put in the VRC. He was too busy thinking about the hands hidden in the warm soapy water in the kitchen sink. Neither Mike nor Will seemed too bothered by the  disgusting  amount of blood or the scary blade man on the TV. He felt no regret letting them go to bed right after the credits rolled. Jonathan had looked exhausted after putting the last dish away, and dozed off during the climax of the movie-- even slept through the high-pitched screaming.
They waited for the sound of Will’s door closing over before they got into bed.
Jonathan flopped onto his back, a pillow resting between his chest and crossed arms. Steve laid on his side, bracing his weight on his elbow. He poked at Jonathan's furrowed eyebrow lightly.
"What's the problem, Byers?"
"Nothing."
"You are not a really great liar, you do know that right?" That and Steve could still hear Robin's blasé recounting of Jonathan's distress.  Yeah. Crying, sniffling, snot-- the whole nine, man.
Jonathan sighed and turned to look at Steve. He hated being called out. "It's about Will."
"What's wrong with Will? He seemed alright at dinner."
"Yeah, but," Another sigh. "Steve, I think my brother’s gay."
Steve's first response was swallowed and he nodded. "Okay. Okay. And, um, what's the issue with that?" He adjusted himself on the bed, hoping there was more subtlety in that.
"I can't talk to him about it. I mean," Jonathan smiled and reached to touch his face. "This is a very different thing than being fourteen and confused."
"Who says he's confused?"
"I don't mean with himself-- the rest of the world is so confusing, Steve. You see the news... I can't talk to him. I didn't grow up like that. And being with you is... Different. We dated girls before. Will... I don't know. I think he knows already."
"You think he's got feelings for--"
"Oh absolutely." Jonathan nodded, closing his eyes. "Oh, I'm so glad it's not just me who sees it."
"Hopefully Wheeler does too."
"Hey, keep your voice down, he's only a few rooms over ."
"Sorry. Sorry. Me and my big mouth " Steve rested his head on Jonathan's shoulder. "Shut me up, maybe."
"Not until my mom gets back." Jonathan said, rolling up onto his side too. "If I catch her when she comes in the door, she won't come into my room to say good night. I can't have you distracting me until then."
"Your mom is on a date. She's an adult and so are you." Steve kissed Jonathan's shoulder. "You are a working man who just finished a long day at work-- I think you can cuddle up with your boyf--" Steve choked on his own stupidity, feeling his face go red and charisma die on impact. "With me."
"I will. Once my mom is back." Jonathan kissed Steve, as if a parting promise. Only to backtrack on his words immediately. He tucked Steve’s hair back behind his ear, his hands trying not to hold his face. “No--  no . Steve, not until my mom gets back.”
“I can keep an ear out--” As Steve spoke, the power in his bedside lamp dimmed. The power hummed quietly before flickering back up. Jonathan tensed and pushed himself up in bed.
“Did you see that?”
“Yeah, it was just the light, Byers. It’s windy out tonight, maybe a tree brushed a powerline.” Steve pushed Jonathan back down to his pillow-- and back into his own skin again. “It’s  nothing  . What if I turn out the light? Your mom won’t even  see  us in here.”
“No. No, I have to wait for her.”
“What if she doesn’t come back?”
“What!” Jonathan jerked upright again.
“I  meant  what if she’s at Hopper’s or something?” Steve shrugged. “She’s an adult.”
“Steve, that’s my  mom .” Jonathan hissed, swatting at the hand resting on his shoulder.
“I  meant  because she drove there on her own. If she had some wine, maybe she stayed somewhere and is being a smart, responsible parent.” Steve soothed. “Something you don’t have to be right now. You’re not Will’s parent and you aren’t your own. Lay down, will you?”
Jonathan was reluctant, but let Steve ease him back down again. He pulled the pillow tighter to his chest and sighed, his crossed arms sinking deeper. Steve laid down beside him, nose gently touching the end of his shoulder. As he breathed, his short exhales tickled Jonathan’s skin and got him giggling. It was Steve’s secret trick; something that always worked because Jonathan didn’t know it was a pattern-- didn’t know he was ticklish.
“Sorry I was weird today.” Jonathan said suddenly. He wasn’t even grinning.
“What?” They didn’t apologize. There was no need. “You’re worried about stuff-- it’s okay.”
“No, I like our dinners. And I was so uptight. I don’t know. I’m sorry.”
“Okay.” Steve didn’t know what to do with the sentiment. “Apology accepted?”
Jonathan sighed again, blowing it out slowly between his pressed lips. “Lonnie called today.”
“L- your  dad ? Is that who was on the phone?” Steve wasn’t sure what came over him-- or his body-- as he placed an arm over Jonathan’s waist and pulled them together. There was something unspokenly intimate talking about abusive fathers while being nearly sutured together in bed, but Steve pretended he was just having problems hearing Jonathan correctly.
“Yeah.” Jonathan turned, his nose brushing Steve’s. “Said he wants custody of Will. He doesn’t trust Mom, he said.”
“How is he-- He can’t do that.”
“He’s going to try. I don't know where it came from. He still thinks he can win a case because the news says Will just  disappeared into the woods . Like he ran away from us or something.”
“Everyone knows that’s not true.”
“A court might not.” Jonathan sighed, ducking his head down. Steve resisted lifting his chin to hook it over Jonathan’s head, nestling him into his neck. He laid still, listening to his breathing and the gentle creaking of the house--
Jonathan's door was thrown open, both men sitting up quickly, ready to defend themselves and their actions. It was Mike, in his pajamas with his hair sticking out in wild curls. Will stood just behind him in the hallway looking far more awake. Stilted and untousled.
"Mike?"
"Jonathan, quick!"
"What is it?" Jonathan swung his legs around and motioned both boys to come in. "Will?" Mike pushed him into the center of the door frame, although he remained in the hallway, in the light. Will’s hand grabbed at the back of his neck. His face was blank and his eyes were distant.
"Something's wrong." Will said slowly, blinking to focus. "I feel him."
"Feel who?" Jonathan kneeled in front of Will, holding his shoulders. "Feel who, Will?"
"Dad."
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autisticandroids · 3 years
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anyway ok so lets talk about ruby SPECIFICALLY in my good s6 au. this ruby concept is almost the same as @lesbiansamwinchester‘s ruby lives au but has some key differences, mainly ruby doesn’t redeem herself in s5. lucifer raises her in sympathy for the devil because she really was the best of those sons of bitches and she deserves it but she spends all of s5 conflicted in her loyalties because while she really DOES want lucifer to win she is also In Love With Sam, Unfortunately, and gets more and more uncomfortable with sam being lucifer’s vessel and shit. and then she finally betrays lucifer in like, two minutes to midnight or swan song and he IMMEDIATELY kills her (very important: lucifer must already be possessing sam when this happens). then she’s brought back like. face down in a ditch 300 miles away. that’s how ruby ends season five.
anyway watch this video to set the mood. ruby stuff in season six:
- so at FIRST she is actually running around with a ragtag group of lucifer loyalist demons led by meg. meg kind of hates her for betraying lucifer for sam but also you know sam’s dead and ruby won’t do it again and most importantly they need EVERY pair of hands on board for this. so ruby is kissing huge amounts of ass mostly meg’s, like, meg is making her wait on her hand and foot in an apron. it’s comically villain homoerotic. you know. like ruby serves meg tea in a maid outfit for no other reason then as like. ridiculous humiliation that’s also intensely, weirdly horny. like the lucifer crowley dog stuff in s11. actually meg literally makes ruby wear a dog collar with a little tag that says like, “ruby. if found, please call 666 and return to owner (meg).” i cannot stress enough that this is just STUPID horny for NO reason. you guys know what i mean. it’s basically sorority hazing but up to eleven because demons, and also forever. also meg makes ruby kiss her hand at least once. or like no she makes her kiss her boot. i am having too much fun i’ve gotten distracted.
- ruby finds out sam is alive and immediately ditches. like she just fucks off to nowhere and they can’t figure out where she went. anyway this samruby reunion takes place like, before the first episode definitely, maybe a few months.
- i do like @lesbiansamwinchester‘s thing where ruby tries very hard to be sam’s moral compass but also imo she fucks up, very bad, and a lot. and soulless sam can’t really catch her at it so they end up doing a lot of very fucked shit actually. but she tries very hard because she cares about sam and she wants him to think well of himself y’know. and she wants to be someone who sam would think was worth following.
- re: that last point. many thoughts. head full.
- when sam and dean finally see each other again ruby is there and dean is like what the FUCK. like he did see that she betrayed lucifer for sam at the last minute but also he hates her and doesn’t trust her, and he actually kind of suspects that whatever’s wrong with sam might actually be HER fault. 
- this post is relevant.
- okay but i’ve decided that the cas/meg kiss DOES in fact happen in this au because i do kind of love it and also more importantly, with the addition of the insane meg being ruby’s shitty ex vibe that i am jamming into this au with both hands, it is just. chefkiss. ruby and dean look at each other in horror while sam is just like huh? i’m sorry but imagine being ruby and being forced to watch your horrible ex get kissed dommily by castiel. god this is funny i love this. again this is all in subtext because we are imagining cw censors and i’ve used up my one allotted gay kiss for the season by having anna make out with a random woman at an orgy to prove that all angels are degenerate pansexual hedonists, you know. (is this homophobic enough for the cw? i hope so!) also: an orgy which balthazar organized and cas refused to attend, to be clear. 
- dean is actually garbage enough about the whole ruby thing that sam and ruby fuck off by themselves for a good while like, maybe three or four episodes, leaving dean alone or sometimes with cas. during this time dean gets a little bit involved with the angel revolutionaries.
- anyway when sam gets his soul back he’s like, torn, between dean and ruby. he feels guilty for how he behaved towards and thought about dean but he would ALSO feel guilty just kicking ruby to the curb.
- HOWEVER when he gets his soulless memories back he does kick her to the curb because she has done some REALLY fucked up shit while trying to be his moral compass like she is BAD at it.
- once ruby is left all alone in the world, guess who shows up in a flutter of wings and ambiguity! it’s anna! 
- she is here to ask ruby if she wants to spy on hell for the angel revolution. ruby accepts because everyone else hates her right now. if anna wants to take her in under cas’ banner (and not tell the winchesters because they’re technically on the same side but what’s a little subterfuge between friends) ruby will take it.
- ruby and anna DO get to have some fun agent runner/agent lesbian subtext, as a treat! at least when anna isn’t busy eating food out of lisa braeden’s fridge like villanelle and other nuts things. 
- like i do wanna be clear anna just. appears in lisa braeden’s kitchen, slowly, wordlessly eats her leftovers while staring her down, and then flies away. this contributes to lisa’s impending mental breakdown. MY season six is about the madness of the suburban housewife, among many other various things.
- also i want to be clear that raphael’s side is actually like, funneling weapons to the lucifer loyalist demons to try and get them to defeat crowley but it’s all very hush hush, like, raphael would NOT want his underlings to know that he has organized this, like, they can barely stand to work with naomi. the fact that raphael had naomi organize help for DEMONS is unthinkable. anyway it’s basically celestial iran-contra.
- ruby is actually one of the last people to stick by cas even when like, anna and balthazar are betraying him, because like. whomst among us has never wanted to become god a little. and also, ruby is weak to authority figures we KNOW this she might be down to accept cas as her heavenly father a little, she’s NOT a rebel. but most importantly she sticks by him because, you know, i love sam and he’s mad at me for kinda betraying him and you [REDACTED] dean and he’s mad at you for kinda betraying him like we’re all winchester derangement syndrome patients here, and also like. i get it. sometimes they don’t know what’s good for them. sometimes in order to love you have to betray a little bit.
- ruby doesn’t turn on cas until he breaks sam’s wall. but by then it’s too late and there’s nothing she can do really.
- the parallel where it was dean who stabbed ruby in lucifer rising and it’s sam who stabs cas in the man who knew too much is actually intentional this time and WAY more aggressive. actually there are tons of cas-ruby parallels. i think meg should call ruby a whore like one episode before crowley calls cas a whore just to hammer it home. i think the thing where soulless sam runs away from dean’s judgement and is running around with ruby while dean is sulking about it but also running around with cas is super aggressively obvious. god i love that ruby’s existence makes it super obvious that cas is dean’s [REDACTED]. that’s so fun. 
- this has been an intensely hypertextual romp and it’s apparently nearly fifteen hundred words, good god. anyway, special thanks to @lesbiansamwinchester, @pietacastiel, and @seragamble, all of whom brainstormed with me
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nobodylivesson · 3 years
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Bad Boy(Pt.2)
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Fandom : Marvel
Pairing : Peter Parker x Top! Male Reader
Requested? No
-Previous/Next-
 »»————>❃<————««
The incident after that spread through the whole school like a wildfire and everyone were either dumbfounded or fascinated by this but one thing they all decided was that won’t fuck with [Y/N] or his friends.
Flash also started to avoid [Y/N] like a plague.
It was so interesting and shocking to see the all arrogant Flash Thompson to meekly reply back to [Y/N].And everyone else can definitely see how much [Y/N] enjoyed seeing this while face which didn’t seem to hide his smirk.
“You purposely greet him in the corridor every morning right?” MJ asked [Y/N] during lunch causing the male to smirk
“Well it’s so fun watching him squirm under the pressure.My father did got a call from someone trying to apologize but I told him to ignore it~ I’m sure this might have caused Flash to have a very very good talk with his parents~” [Y/N] said with a chuckle
“You are a total sadist” MJ said with an unbelievable look in her eyes but [Y/N] just chuckles before saying “It’s not being called sadist but bringing arrogant filled assholes who think they are the kings to their right place”
“That a very specific line,you have done this kind of stuff before?” Peter says with a chuckle and [Y/N] smiles a little.He really likes seeing Peter smile it just has an effect on him every since he saw it the first time
“Well it seems I’m a really good magnet for assholes but I don’t mind being a sadist just for you if you want Pete” [Y/N] says before bringing out his accent to the last part and ah,how much he enjoys seeing Peter going all red over this face,neck and ears
“WHA-WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!Don’t joke about stuff like that!!Le-let’s go Ned!!” Peter says as his face burns like fire and Ned also quickly gets up before hurriedly saying “By-bye MJ!!You to [Y/N]!!”
Both of the said people waved back while [Y/N] had a teasing grin which Peter surely saw as he seemingly picked up his pace and quickly went out the room while Ned ran after him telling him to slow down
[Y/N] chuckles as he watches this when he sees MJ looking at him with narrowed eyes so says with a confused look “What?”
“Stop teasing Peter we know what you tow are but you don’t need to tease him like that ” MJ says with a sigh to which [Y/N] with a closed eyes smile while crossing his legs and keeping his left hand on his mouth “I don’t know what you mean by knowing “what we two are” but you don’t how much I just love seeing his ears turn all red and he has this cute habit of shuttering and playing with his hands when he is very embarrassed”
[Y/N] opened his eyes and his eyes lingered towards the place where Peter once sat and he just couldn’t help but chuckle more
“Sigh,you don’t need to hide it from us and you don’t understand,Peter is to innocent unlike you” MJ said 
“What the fuck are you talking about MJ?Say it clearly cause I really don’t know what you meant by ‘tow of us’” [Y/N] says with a frown as he started to get annoyed now
MJ opens her mouth but after observing [Y/N]’s face shut it with widen eyes
“No actually forget about whatever I said” MJ says while closing his book and getting ready to go from there as she tried not to make eye contact with him
[Y/N] keeps his eyes on her before saying with a shrug “Okay then whatever the fuck that was,I’m outta here.Not in the mood to attend anymore classes today” his annoyance lacing in his voice and he then just took his stuff before going away from there without saying goodbye for MJ
MJ looks at his walking figure of [Y/N] and thinks “Oh god,don’t tell me-No way.I just hope this doesn’t bring any trouble to us” before sighing
»»————>❃<————««
[Y/N] was annoyed for sure
“What the hell is wrong with MJ?? First she asking me about something between me & Pete and then she refuses to say what it is.I know it’s kinda low to tease Peter but he isn’t even gay so what’s the harm and can’t she tell me her reason of being annoyed by it.I just find finding messing with Peter very interesting......” [Y/N] angrily mumbled before he trailed of as he watched the lights of the different buildings in New York turn on
After getting annoyed,[Y/N] decided to ditch school and after searching the city for a while(also with help of the information Peter gave him),he found out a building whose rooftop he could go into without any problems.The building also gave a very decent view of the city
So what better way to blow of some stream than than sorting your thoughts out in front of this beautiful view
So [Y/N] sits at the roof while looking at New York while he started to slowly sort his thoughts one by one
Along with Peter and MJ,[Y/N] mind has been filled with father along with..........his mother and the secret between them
“No need to wreck my brain with school problems,the old man is again eating my head about giving some thoughts to becoming his successor.But I have already told him enough times that I’m not interested in it and that he can find someone more suitable,damn it!Then those bastards had put me in their club performance again without telling me.Maybe I should really have a talk with them.And then eomma’s date is also coming..........Sigh,guess I have to l look after appa and give Mr.Sung a break” [Y/N] thinks with a frown
Mr.Sung was [Y/N] dad’s personal secretary but in the boy’s eyes he looked more like a personal babysitter
[Y/N] was so invested in his thoughts that he didn’t heard the sound of someone slinging to his spot and was really startled when a voice suddenly said “Wasn’t expecting someone here”
[Y/N] looked behind to see a very curious sight of a guy in a red and blue latex suit which also had a black spider logo in his chest.He was also wearing a red mask with white eyes
“Who is this guy?Wait is he-” [Y/N] who was confused at first suddenly realized before saying “Are you The Spider-man?” with a curious voice
“The one and only neighborhood hero at you service.You must be new here,I haven’t saw you before around the city” Spider-man says while taking a seat beside [Y/N] after making sure he was okay with it
[Y/N] chuckles before looking at the hero while leaning back as a smirk adored his face and said “I don’t think you need to know everyone who goes out and in of the town.It seems to much of a work to be added after the amount of work you do”
Spider-man chuckles like he was embarrassed as he says “But as a hero I should remember people of the city I’m trying to protect.And you seemed very familiar with the city to be able find this place.So I thought how I never saw you around as someone like you......really leave a impression”
[Y/N] blinks a little before ends up laughing and puts his index finger under the mask face of the hero making him look towards [Y/N] as he brings his face close to the hero’s
“I didn’t knew that Spider-man thought I was so impressive.I’m happy that the neighborhood hero is saying these kind of things so openly.I like people like those” [Y/N] says while licking his lips making the hero immediately pull back
[Y/N] for some reason felt that the hero would be blushing like crazy and he wanted to just rip of that mask but decided to not do something so stupid
“Y-you shouldn’t tease people like that!A-and I asked to forget but who told you about me?” Spider-man says as he tries to move the conversation to something else
[Y/N] laughs but complies “Well as you had said earlier,I’m not from here and had just moved here along with my dad.And so someone who I’m close with showed me around the city.So then he told me about this new hero who had emerged.It was also because of him that I was able to catch sight of this place.I’m very grateful of him when he showed me around the city and also being a great friend”
“He seems like a good friend” the spider hero quietly says and leans closer to the Asian boy as if expecting some kind of answer which [Y/N] noticed but decided to slid it off
“Good friend......huh?” [Y/N] mumbles as he looks towards the city before with a smile says “I guess so or maybe a little bit more”
Spider-man immediately goes back and in a shuttering voice says “I-I s-see.Al-also shouldn’t you be telling all this stuff so easily?We just meet today”
“My friend told great stuff about  you and I believe him,so there’s no need for me to be wary of you” [Y/N] casually says as he goes through his contacts to message Mr.Sung to pick him up later
“I-I see” the hero replies and a silence falls between these two
“I wanted to ask this earlier but don’t you have other important things to do than talk with a teenager?” [Y/N] finally asks with a questioning look making the hero look at him
“Well I had a break and was just looking over the city when I saw you.You looked very concerned and so just wanted to make sure you were alright” Spider-man says making [Y/N] chuckle
“Well some shit has been going on so I was just thinking on how to sort them out” [Y/N] says to which the hero quietly says “Well if you want you can talk with me about it”
“No it’s fine.It’s not that important to involve someone like you to this” [Y/N] says while closing his eyes making the hero quietly look at the boy
“Well then how about your friend?If you trust your friend,I’m sure he would be happy to talk and listen to you.That’s what friends are for” the hero says making [Y/N] look at him with an unreadable look
But before the hero could say anything [Y/N] started to laugh loudly making Spider-man surprised
“Thanks so much.I guess I need something like that.I will see if I want to tell him about it.I guess you are a hero in all sense” [Y/N] says with a grin to which Spider-man replies “Glad could help you”
But Spider-man couldn’t stay anymore as he hear loud noise from a distance making both [Y/N] and the hero look towards that direction
“Looks like duty calls” Spider-man says to which [Y/N] says “I guess I should also get going”
“Well if you ever need a shoulder to cry,a ear to listen and a mouth to talk to.I’m always there” Spider-man says making [Y/N] laugh which confused the hero
“You remind me of that friend for some reason.The way you act,your voice and also you........never mind I might be wrong as well” [Y/N] says with a shrug when he sees the hero becoming a little stiff before relaxing
“Hahaha,don’t joke like that.Well see ya” Spider-man says before saluting towards [Y/N]
The hero then jump from the roof with a flip and then slings toward the direction those noises came from as [Y/N] looked at the retreating figure of the hero
“Well,that was unbelievable.Just meet Spider-man and even though it was odd,he really reminded me of Peter.Well,eh how would be possible?Am I going out of shape these days for slacking at my practice?Guess have to start following my routine again.And talk with my friends,huh?” [Y/N] thinks before looking at the sky which was dark now
»»————>❃<————««
Peter leaned against the wall of the building as he could hear loud booming noise from inside.He just couldn’t believe he agreed to come to this kind of place all for [Y/N]
“Hey Pete!So I have a performance at this club with a bunch of people I know.Don’t worry I would make sure ya don’t drink anything unnecessary and you are safe.The only problem is that Ned and MJ won’t be able to come due to some other stuff,so you up for it?” was all [Y/N] had to say to Peter before the boy with a blush on hi face agreed
Now here he was waiting for that handsome-he meant good looking friend of his!!
Peter just couldn’t help but have a blush creep onto his face for the unknown time just from thinking about [Y/N]
He was really to deep into this thing and he just remembers the conversation he had with Ned and MJ during [Y/N]’s absence
“Dude I think you are being very obvious there” Ned says making Peter ssh him
“Quiet it down Ned!I’m sure if [Y/N] were to see my face he would make more fun of it!An-and I don’t know why I’m like this around him!!” Peter whisper shouts as they make their way towards their next class
But then he sees Ned making an are-you-serious face before saying “I couldn’t believe mate!!You don’t know why?!Me and MJ thought you knew the reason” making Peter stop in his tracks
“Y-you and MJ know my reason of being like this?!!” Peter says with widen eyes before putting his hands on Ned’s shoulder and started shake him
“Come on Ned tell me the reason why” Peter says while still shaking Ned who says “A-ah st-stop sha-shaking m-me first!” before finally breaking free from his grip
 “Mate,that was really unnecessary but I don’t know if I should tell this...” Ned didn’t continue when he sees MJ coming towards them making him jump before saying “Great!!MJ is here and [Y/N] is not with her!!Let’s hear this from her yourself!MJ comes here!!”
MJ notices how frantically Ned was calling her so she goes towards them before saying “What are you two idiots-” but couldn’t complete when Ned says “Peter doesn’t realizes what he feels towards [Y/N]”
A long pause came between them but before MJ sighs and says “To the library right now” as she starts walking while Ned drags Peter towards it,their class long forgotten
“I can’t believe both of you’re so dense” MJ immediately starts after they had gotten a area good for private talk
“Why are you scolding me??I just don’t know okay!” Peter hissed to which MJ sighs
“Have you told [Y/N] about you being bisexual?” MJ asks first making Peter widen his eyes before mumbling “No,I didn’t get the right moment to....”
But both Ned and MJ heard it loud and clear so making both just sigh more
“Oh Pete,we both thought you two already became a thing and that’s why so much flirting.We didn’t knew you two were still in the pinning stage” Ned says making Peter choke at air
“WHAT?!!” Peter shouts while standing up only to be sushed by the librarian making him sit down with an embarrassed face
“I meant,what the hell are you thinking about?!Just cause I’m Bisexual doesn’t mean I would have a crush on him!I mean yeah I find him attractive and yeah he is kinda cool when he fights of bullies like a hero.But that’s not gay just friendship.I don’t think his accented voice making me hot is strange cause like who doesn’t get tat way after hearing his voice?Btw I once saw how his veins in the hands were bulging up during gym and that was sexy.But I think his laugh is really cute and contrasting compared to his other stuff-” Peter who started to ramble about [Y/N] immediately stopped and looked at his friends to see MJ with a ‘I told ya’ look while Ned just blushed with wide eyes as if he was talking about him
“That’s actually very gay kid” the librarian who came near them to stack a self was listening to all this,says nonchalantly before walking back towards his desk
Peter’s face just burns the deepest red color possible before he buries his face in his hands as a muffled “I know that was very much gay and shows how much I have a crush on him so I hope the earth swallows me up”
But his friends heard it and MJ says “Before that don’t forget to confess your passionate love to him” making Peter groan more
“But mate isn’t it better than?You seem to have more chance with [Y/N] compared to Liz since [Y/N] flirts with you every time he can” Ned says trying to be helpful
“Ned he just does it just cause of his nature and-and someone like him won’t like a nerd like me!!” Peter says while waving his hands around in the air out of frustration
MJ scoffs at this before saying “He may be a playboy but not towards you Peter.Why do you think we thought you two were a couple.He treats you different than others,it’s quiet evident.Just that [Y/N] himself hasn’t realized it.So don’t be a coward and go with this cause we two don’t want to see this stupid unrealized pining between you two anymore”
Peter blushes and peaks between his fingers before asking “Where is [Y/N]?Wasn’t he with you?”
MJ seemed surprised and thinks a little before saying “It seemed something came up which annoyed [Y/N] so he said he would ditch the rest of the classes” deciding it was good to hide her conversation with [Y/N]
“Oh...I see” Peter getting a little worried and thought he would check on [Y/N] later
“Well leaving that aside,don’t be a fool and just go for it Peter” MJ says with an encouraging smile to which Ned nodded before smiling as well
Peter smiled as his thoughts of yesterday’s conversation but he seemed to have not noticed the boy coming towards him
“Hey Pete” a deep Asian ascent suddenly says in front of him making Peter jump back a little out of shock only to see it was [Y/N] who was chuckling at is reaction
And damn,[Y/N] just looked to hot.He was wearing a low v-cut half sleeve red shirt which gave a sneak peek of his toned chest,finger less black gloves,a black trouser and black combat boots.His neck had three necklaces with them being a cross,a razor and a wire looking one,as he could spot ‘Hell’ tattooed between his collar bones.At last he wore black round retro glasses as a cigarette was between his lips
He looked to hot to be legal to Peter and he could prove it as girls along with boys who were walking pass them definitely looked back once at [Y/N] with blush or if they were bold with lust filled eyes
Not minding them at all,[Y/N] flicked his cigarette towards the side before saying “That jump was really cute and did you wait long?” with a smile
Peter feels his cheeks already getting a little hot before saying “I-I was surprised okay?!And no I didn’t wait long but where are you coming from,dressed like that?” stressing a little bit to much at ‘that’
[Y/N] smirks before asking “Like what you see?” making Peter blush more and looks towards the side causing [Y/N] to laugh
“Ehh went out with some friends of mine on my bike before quickly came here cause didn’t wanted to make you wait long.So ready to go inside?” [Y/N] says while pointing at his cool looking bike(Peter thought was just perfect for [Y/N]) before a playful smile
“I have never been this kind of place [Y/N] so I’m kinda nervous and if Aunt May were to find out about this,I would be dead” Peter mumbles nervously to which [Y/N] chuckles
“Don’t worry Pete.You are going inside under my name,so nobody’s gonna do anything and I would make sure of it along with Aunt May not finding out about it.So just trust me” [Y/N] says with serious eyes now his ascent coming out in the ‘So just trust me’ making Peter suck in some air as his blush seemed to intensify
“Okay,I trust you” Peter finally says and the answer seems to satisfy [Y/N] who smiles before saying “Great,let’s go~”
»»————>❃<————««
True to [Y/N]’s words,nobody came near Peter,he wasn't asked if he wanted alcohol or tried to talk with him in general and Peter was give a place where the stage was totally clear
Peter nervously watched as [Y/N] performance was gonna start any minute and he didn’t knew what to expect
“I heard Foxy was going to perform today” Peter hears and see two girls whispering to which the other girl replied “Yes~Oh how I wished he would sent the night with me but too bad he is gay.I also heard today he came here with another boy!”
“They couldn’t be talking about-” Peter couldn’t finish his thoughts when the lights of the room dimmed before all focused on a the stage as a man came to the stage
“I know you all already heard it but without any further wait let’s welcome today’s special appearance of Foxy with his collab performance with our favorite group Leviathan!!And today they are gonna perform their original ‘Take me to cruch’” the man said and the whole crowd cheered loudly
The curtains of the stage raised and Peter widened his eyes to see [Y/N] sitting behind a drum set which a fox logo drawn in it as some other people with instruments stand on both his sides
My lover's got humor He's the giggle at a funeral Knows everybody's disapproval
“Ehh,Foxy was [Y/N]’s stage name?B-but leaving that aside [Y/N] can sing so nicely along with being able to play the drums?!How much more perfect can he be??” Peter thought as he heard [Y/N]’s accented english through this speaker with a blush on his face.He tuned out all the other’s voices so he can give all his attention towards [Y/N]
I should've worshiped him sooner If the heavens ever did speak He's the last true mouthpiece Every Sunday's getting more bleak A fresh poison each week "We were born sick" You heard them say it My church offers no absolutes He tells me "Worship in the bedroom" The only Heaven I'll be sent to Is when I'm alone with you I was born sick, but I love it Command me to be well
[Y/N] finally started to play the drum and people just swayed like it was a concert with this phone flashlight on
  Aaa, Amen, Amen, Amen
[Y/N] looked towards the crowd and immediately his eyes made contact with Peter who just felt his body on fire under his gaze
Take me to church I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife Offer me that deathless death Good God, let me give you my life Take me to church I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife Offer me that deathless death Good God, let me give you my life
[Y/N] kept his gaze on Peter and Peter felt as though the song was being dedicated to him.He thought that was a very stupid imagination,making Peter break his contact with [Y/N] as he looked towards the ground
Yet when he again looked up and saw [Y/N] still looking towards him,he felt a tiny bit of himself believing that maybe it could be dedicated to him.”I mean it isn’t a crime to imagine stuff like that” Peter thought as he again made contact with [Y/N]’s deep black eyes
If I'm a pagan of the good times My lover's the sunlight To keep the god on my side He demands a sacrifice Drain the whole sea Get something shiny Something meaty for the main course That's a fine looking high horse What you got in the stable? We've a lot of starving faithful That looks tasty That looks plenty This is hungry work
Take me to church I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife Offer me my deathless death Good God, let me give you my life Take me to church I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife Offer me my deathless death Good God, let me give you my life
No masters or kings when the ritual begins There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene Only then I am human Only then I am clean
Oh, oh Amen, Amen, Amen
The moment [Y/N] hit the line,people went crazy and started to sing along for what seemed as the last part of the song
Take me to church I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife Offer me that deathless death Good God, let me give you my life Take me to church I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife Offer me that deathless death Good God, let me give you my life
The entire roared up in people’s shouting and screams which Peter thought was the right thing to do for the performance was crazy and awesome
He was happy he could record that whole thing
But then as he saw how [Y/N] bumped fist with the other people on stage with a smirk,he remembered what MJ told his causing a blush to form at this face
“O-okay Peter!!Y-you are going t-to do this!!You are g-going to co-confess to [Y/N]!” Peter thought inside him before he decided to look for [Y/N]
But sadly [Y/N] seemed to have gone down the stage so picking up his courage,Peter went inside the crowd to look for him
Peter looked aimlessly among the crowd and luckily nobody bothered to stop him
It was tough to go around these sea of kind of drunk bodies without gaining much attention but it was fine with some work all thanks to Peter’s senses
Peter made to near the stage and felt a smile came to his face when he started to see [Y/N] standing near the stage
But as Peter was about to reach [Y/N] felt his breathing stop at the sight in front of him
[Y/N] was leaning against the wall as another shorter boy was leaning on his chest while [Y/N]’s hands were wrapped around the shorter boy’s waist
Peter felt his heart never run as fast as he was feeling now and he definitely stopped breathing when he saw [Y/N] kissing  the shorter boy
Peter just stood there as he saw his crush smooch some unknown guy in the club and he freaking didn’t knew what to do
He just wanted to get out of the club but to his misery [Y/N] moves his eyes and low & behold,he made eye contact with Peter
“Peter?” [Y/N] says immediately stopping his kissing session and that prompt was all it took for Peter to start running from that place
“Peter!!” [Y/N]’s voice perfectly reached his ears in the loud club and he hates the fact that he could perfectly hear his voice among others
He didn’t stopped to apologize for bumping with people and made a beeline for the exit before rushing out of the club
Tears started to slowly come out of his eyes and he just bit his lower lips to make sure a sob doesn’t comes out of his mouth as he made his way towards hi apartment
“Of course,‘He has a crush on you’ that’s so stupid and dumb..” Peter thought bitterly as his walked towards his apartment
»»————>❃<————««
Eomma - mother and Appa - Father for those who didn’t knew
Hello everyone!! Finally done with the next chapter,wohoo!! It took time and I think this is longer than the last one?I totally didn’t used this chapter to put ‘Take me to church’,totally not!Nah uh!Lol,well jokes aside if you guys haven’t heard Hozier just check him out cause he is an awesome artist.Anyway the next chapter would definitely take time so please stick with me till then and hope you enjoyed this one
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hp-fanfic-archive · 3 years
Text
an introductory rec list (that nobody asked for) for some of my favorite (platonic and/or romantic) pairings: severitus [2/10]
First fic I read for the pairing: Of Potions and Phobias by tt22123 [1k,G] Severitus story with nightmares [i stumbled on this fic on accident and it was short and sweet (and a little bittersweet at the end).]
Fic that really sold me on the pairing: Leo Inter Serpentes (Series) by Aeternum [746k,E,6 works] (WIP) Just one conversation between two eleven year old boys goes slightly differently, and the world changes. Just how much will be different with Harry being sorted into Slytherin, and how much will stay the same? [i will never not recommend this series: it’s amazing, it’s well-written, it’s true to all the characters and relationships and it feels more canon than canon (of course, it’s also significantly more gay than canon but i said what i said).]
Absolute favorite fic(s) for the pairing: Nobody Cared by etherian [360k,G] Harry is 11 years old and looking forward to attending Hogwarts. Why, then, does he miss the Welcoming Feast? (warnings for: child abuse, bullying, depictions of violence) [this fic is really well done (but has a lot of angst and definitely mind the warnings above (although the author doesn’t include warnings on the fic)).] Family Means More Than Blood by WingsOfADream [422k,M] A prophecy made in 1975 drastically changes the life of the boy who should have been known as Harry Potter. [this is yet another fic with a really well-written and fascinating plot with excellent characterizations and plot lines. i definitely would recommend it to someone with a lot of time on their hands.]
Most recent fic I’ve read for the pairing: Blackberry Tart by starknjarvis [33k,G] One year after Severus Snape offered to become Harry's legal guardian, Sirius Black shows up at Hogwarts. [the fic is a part of a well-written and pragmatic series and this fic also includes the development of a remus & severus and a sirius & severus friendship so that harry can have a larger and supportive family and i’m living for it (i believe the exact tag that the author used was “coparenting with your childhood nemesis” and i am living for it).]
Favorite AU(s) I’ve read for the pairing: Alternate Sorting AU (Slytherin!Harry): Malfoy Flavor by Vorabiza [199k,E] Harry’s ready to banish the Golden Boy image and take charge of his life. Unfortunately for him, or fortunately, there are surprises in store for him. [Slytherin!Harry but it’s not an entire canon rewrite like most of the alternate sorting fics i love so much, so that’s fun. also drarry and just the right amount of painful but realistic angst. oh and it has a delightfully fluffy little sequel.]
Favorite Series for the pairing: Forgiveness & Redemption by waitingondaisies [130k,T,2 works] Severus Snape was discovered as a spy mere days before the start of the school year. Thankfully, Albus had been working on a vague contingency plan for this possibility. It had been inspired by the question, “What would it take for Severus Snape to see that he was wrong about Harry Potter?” The answer? Force Severus to go undercover as Alfonse “Eli” Hopkirk, a sixth year Gryffindor. (that’s technically the summary for the first fic but i think it serves well enough in lieu of a series summary, which the author did not provide. also warnings for child abuse.) [this series is such an interesting concept and it feels very realistic in how it played out and i’m honestly here for it.] You're a Parent, Severus by acmparker [210k,G,6 works] (WIP) When Lily got home from her first year at Hogwarts, she found a new distance between herself and Petunia. As a result Severus and Lily became even closer to each other over that summer. The next year Lily found a book in the Hogwarts Library that describe an ancient ritual for creating a blood bond that would make two unrelated people kin. She convinces Severus to undergo the ritual with her and they become brother and sister. This means that when Lily dies there is another whose blood relationship with her is recognized by the blood ward Dumbledore places on Harry. To Severus Snape's chagrin he finds himself the last line of defense between Harry and the forces of the Dark Lord. (again, no series summary but i think this works well enough.) [i love a good remus and severus friendship plus severitus so this series really works for me. and it’s a canon rewrite (love those).] Bruised Words by starknjarvis [49k,G,2 works] (WIP) After Harry blows up Aunt Marge, Dumbledore decides it's not safe for Harry to spend the rest of the summer at the Leaky Cauldron, and instead sends him to stay at Spinner’s End with Professor Snape. It's tense, awkward, and teeming with misunderstandings...but it might be the best thing that's happened to either of them. They're both been without a family for a very long time. (apparently all my favorite series aside from Leo Inter Serpentes, which i’ve already listed above, don’t have series descriptions, but the first work’s description seems to work well enough. also warnings for child abuse.) [this is the series that blackberry tart belongs to and may i just say: it’s excellent and well-written and pragmatic and i would recommend it.]
Longest fic I’ve read for the pairing: A Year Like None Other by aspeninthesunlight [789k,T] A letter from home? A letter from family? Well, Harry Potter knows he has neither, but all the same, it starts with a letter from Surrey. Whatever the Durleys have to say, it can't be anything good, so Harry's determined to ignore it. But then, his evil schoolmate rival spots the letter and his slimy excuse for a teacher intercepts it and forces him to read it. And that sends Harry down a path he'd never have walked on his own. It will be a year of big changes, a year of great pain, and a year of confronting worst fears. It will be a year of surprising discoveries, of finding true strength, of finding out that first impressions of a person's true colours do not always ring true. It will be a year of paradigm shifts. And from the most unexpected sources, Harry will have a chance to have that which he has never known: a home ... and a family. A sixth year fic, this story follows Order of the Phoenix and disregards any canon events that occur after Book 5. (warnings for: graphic depictions of violence, self-harm, severe medical trauma) [the fic has some really dark parts but the plot is so intricate and fascinating and the relationships and dynamics are excellently written and the characterizations are spot on and i would definitely recommend it to anyone with a lot of time on their hands.]
Fic(s) with some of my favorite tropes: Sickfic + Hurt/Comfort: When He Called Me Dad by MarauderChaos [31k,Not Rated] It was only however as the end of his second year did Severus collect enough evidence and enough of his own courage to step in. The boy looked as though the world was ending when Severus brought him to his private quarters to see Madam Bones, and for a moment Severus felt the world was ending when someone recommended him as guardian. But that was how it ended, with Harry Potter becoming the ward of the Potions Master. It was kept a secret from the press and the students of Hogwarts – even his own Godson didn’t know, mainly because Lucius was bound to hear of it if he did and Severus didn’t want to risk their lives. They had their ups and downs, screaming and shouting, hexes and slamming doors, crying and hugging, laughing and actually having fun. But there was one moment that Severus would always remember, with its own fair share of good and bad, was the time he called him Dad. [i’m a sucker for hurt/comfort and accidental revelation of feelings, which in this case is the strength of harry’s platonic feelings, and this fic has all that so… yeehaw.] Accidental Bonding (but make it platonic): Love is... (series) by atiaahmed [133k,G,4 works] (WIP) This series revolves around how Snape starts to care about Harry because of a charm put on him by Ron and Hermione. The first story "Love is a charm" explores how their relationship changes because of the charm and what happens when it expires at the end of the year The second story explores how their relationship develops after the events of "Love is a charm". In "Love is a haven" other paternal figures, namely Lupin and Black will threaten Severus position with Harry. [i kind of like the platonic severitus take on one of my favorite hp tropes tbh and i like the way that their relationship develops and the realistic trust issues and such.]
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ghostgothgeek · 3 years
Text
Chaos.
Another for the Phic Phight! This one kinda combines two prompts and I had so much fun writing it! In this, Danny and Tucker don’t know Sam plays video games yet. 5,063 words.
"What do you mean you don’t feel the same way? We´ve had a mutual crush on each other for years." Sam says angrily after finally confessing her love to him. But Danny´s heart was beating hard for someone else entirely. Prompt by phantomfana. 
Danny wants to ask his crush to the upcoming school dance. Prompt by Rikaleeta.
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It was another long night of ghost hunting for Danny. Technus took up the first part of the night, trying to take over the park’s new security system. Tucker was fortunately still awake to help him out with that. Then Johnny and Kitty rolled in, but they weren’t looking for trouble, they just wanted a date night and swore they wouldn’t be a problem. Apparently Fridays were their days off for “everything but each other”. Danny was a romantic, but he didn’t know if this was sweet or nauseating. Ember had put up a good fight, though. He was proud he only had one injury to tend to. He had dodged most of her attacks, but she was still a pretty advanced ghost. And, of course, Danny had caught the Box Ghost six, count them, SIX times. How did he always manage to get out?! He wasn’t difficult to take down, he was just a pest. 
Danny sighed as he sat down at his computer chair. It was only 12:30 am, and it was a Friday. He could sleep in tomorrow and he deserved at least a couple hours of fun. He logged into his online gaming account and saw Tucker was online. Figures. He pulled up the chat anyway. 
Astrohaunt: Hey Tuck. Still up?
Technopedia: You know it. Chaos signed on about a half hour ago and I’m not passing up the opportunity.
Astrohaunt: Dude is so good it’s unreal!
Technopedia: He goes to our school, I tracked one of his IP addresses and he logged in at school a few times.
Astrohaunt: Tucker wtf. That’s creepy!
Technopedia: I just want to make sure Chaos is actually a kid and not Lancer again!
Astrohaunt: I still can’t wrap my mind around Lancer playing Doomed…
Technopedia: Same. But Chaos IP is different from Lancer, so we good. Unless more teachers play Doomed.
Astrohaunt: I hate you for putting that image into my brain.
Technopedia: Sorry dude. But quick come join before someone else gets Chaos.
Danny, Tucker, and Chaos had made a great team. Whenever Chaos was around, they were actually able to progress through the game. They played several rounds until Tucker was caught by his mom and was forced to sign off, but Danny and Chaos kept playing. 
TeamChaos: Hey, what’s up?
Astrohaunt: Omg dude you’re so awesome. 
TeamChaos: Ha, thanks. Gotta blow off steam somehow. 
Astrohaunt: Tell me about it! Between Lancer’s three projects and midterms and...other stuff...this is my only time to actually chill. I’ve been so stressed!
TeamChaos: Same. I did finish one of the projects though. I’m always here if you need to talk, you know. 
Astrohaunt: Wow, I may just take you up on that offer. I’ve had a rough night.
TeamChaos: Lay it on me.
And so Danny, sparing the ghost hunting details, stayed up chatting with Chaos until 5 am. He got along really well with the guy, they had a lot of similar interests. This was just the first of many up-all-night conversations they shared. After a few months, Danny felt a special connection with Chaos, and yet, he didn’t even know his name! 
Astrohaunt: We’ve been talking all these months and I still don’t know your name. I’m Danny. 
TeamChaos: Oh, thought you knew. It’s Sam!
Astrohaunt: Hey! One of my best friends is named Sam! 
TeamChaos: You don’t say!!!
The next day at school, Danny pulled Tucker over to him, whispering, “Dude, help. I think I might be gay....” 
“What?!” Tucker shouted.
“Quiet, Tuck!” 
“Okay, well uh...why?” Tucker sent him a weird look and took a step back. 
“No, not you. Chaos. I think I have a crush on Chaos.” Danny ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know what to do! I never thought I’d be...you know. Chaos and I just have good conversations and he’s always there to listen to me when I need to vent. I thought maybe I found another best friend but...this is different. Chaos is so cool and I’m crushing and I don’t even know who he is or what he looks like! Or if he feels the same way! Maybe I’m just stupid and-”
“Dude, chill. You’re jumping too far ahead of yourself. Whichever way you, you know, swing...I’m still your best friend.” Tucker pulled out his PDA. “Let me see what I can find out. I know Chaos goes to our school.”
“Thanks, Tuck. As if being half ghost wasn’t hard enough! Oh, and he’s in our class, because he’s talked me through assignments and knows what they are and stuff. He’s almost as good as explaining things as Sam. Crap...Sam. Don’t tell her about this!” Danny started fidgeting. 
“Well,” Tucker raised his eyebrows in surprise, “I can tell you with absolute certainty that Chaos is definitely a girl.” 
“You found out who Chaos is?!” 
“What, like it’s hard?” Tucker chuckled. “I traced the IP addresses she uses. I know who she is. So do you,” Tucker smirked, “It shocked me at first, but it makes total sense! And I can totally see why you like her.” 
“Really?” Danny let out a breath in relief. “Okay that makes me feel a lot better...hey, maybe I can ask Chaos to the dance next Saturday!” 
Tucker rested a hand on Danny’s shoulder. “Go for it. Ask Sam. I’m almost positive she’ll say yes.”
“Okay, I will...wait, not Sam! Chaos!” Danny clarified. “Well, actually, I think Chaos told me her name was Sam. Ha, small world. I can’t wait to introduce Sam to Sam. I think they would really get along.” 
Tucker busted out laughing, “Oh, dude. You go ahead and do that.” He left Danny standing there in the hallway, still laughing all the way to his next class.
Danny, a bit confused by Tucker’s laughter, shook his head and smiled to himself. Okay, good. He’d had enough identity crises to fill a lifetime. Chaos was definitely a girl. Now if he just knew Chaos returned his feelings, things might actually work out for him this time and he could actually have a girlfriend.
Meanwhile, Sam was having an internal debate of her own. Sitting in a class where the teacher couldn’t give two shits about what the students were doing, she had always used this class as her thinking time. Usually her thinking-about-Danny time. She nervously clicked her pen as she thought about recent events. 
She and Danny spent so much time chatting online when they weren’t hanging out in person. Danny was a little bit more bold online, probably because he didn’t have to interact face-to-face or risk his pants falling down in public again. Online, they talked about everything. No topic was off limits. Plus, Sam felt like their friendship had only grown even stronger when they could chat online and not have to worry about blushing or getting teased by Tucker. Chatting online took away all the pressure and made it much easier to connect with Danny. 
Danny hadn’t said anything yet, of course. He was probably scared. Hell, she was scared. She was already so in love with him, and getting closer online only further solidified that fact. She had never been in love before, and even though she hunts ghosts, this was more terrifying! She was fairly certain he returned her feelings, but both were too chicken to actually make that final step. They’ve been best friends forever. She didn’t want to mess up their already great dynamic or force Tucker to be the third wheel, though he did insist he was more than okay with that and encouraged them to finally get together. 
Sam stopped clicking her pen as she suddenly remembered it was senior year. They hadn’t picked colleges yet, but whether they ended up going to the same school or not, things were going to change. Danny was very attractive, and going off to college meant girls may actually approach him when they didn’t know his parents were ghost fighters. The fact had never bothered Sam, but she did kind of like how it kept most girls at school from asking him out or giving him attention. Valerie had been a challenge, especially because she was a ghost hunter herself and probably wanted to get tips from his parents. Sam was glad that relationship ended relatively early. It was too hard on her. Joyous or not, though, she was still mad at Valerie for how she broke his heart. 
But that was 2 years ago. They had all moved on and friendships were more or less mended across the board. This made Sam glance at her favorite picture of her and Danny. Tucker had taken the candid picture and it was now her phone’s background. In it, Danny was giving Sam a piggyback ride. Her arms were lightly strung around his neck, legs looped around his waist. Danny had kept going in the opposite direction Sam told him to go, which frustrated her but also made her laugh. She had rested her chin on his shoulder, her face pressed right up against his. Danny was looking at her and Tucker had captured that rare moment when Sam had a huge grin on her face, still laughing. She smiled at the picture. They would be okay no matter what. Their friendship would survive.
Anyway, Sam also realized she had already come close to losing Danny, in more ways than one. Whether it was to other girls or a ghost, there was always that anxiety stirring in her head that she could lose him entirely some day. Life was too short. She needed to take the plunge for both of them and just get them both over this hurdle, and they could finally, finally, actually get together. 
Sam made her decision. It was now or never. She was going to tell him. Today. The trio was meeting up at Danny’s house later anyway, and if she got there early enough, she could talk to him before Tucker showed up and teased them about it. Sam firmly nodded her head to herself, a confirmation of her decision. It was finally time.
After school, Danny was pacing in his room, trying to figure out how he wanted to do this. Asking a girl to the dance wasn’t a huge deal, and yet at the same time, it was. He would rather ask in person, but he still didn’t know what Chaos looked like, so asking in person seemed to be off the table. He could look in the yearbook for all the girls named Sam at their school. He could already omit one Sam Manson from that list. How many Sams could possibly attend their school? It would be easier to ask Tucker, though. Tucker already knew who she was. Sam and Tucker were on their way over right now. When Sam wasn’t paying attention, he could ask Tucker for Sam’s full name. 
Chaos Sam, not best friend Sam. God, this was so confusing. Why were girls so hard for him? Freshman year, Paulina only liked his ghost half and wouldn’t give his human half the time of day. Sophomore year, Valerie hated his ghost half and that hatred was more important to her than her feelings for his human half. Junior year, he had been denying that he was in love with his best friend. And now that he had finally accepted that he did like his best friend as much more than a friend, a new girl entered the picture and he now found himself trying to choose between two Sams. Because it apparently wasn’t hard enough for him already to make the biggest and most important change he could possibly make in a friendship, let’s add another crush to the mix and give them the same name.
Sam. Best friend Sam - that’s who he was planning on asking originally, even if he chickened out and had to ask her as a friend instead. Plus, he and Sam had somehow gotten closer recently, and he was pretty sure she liked him. Sure, it was only because Tucker told him so, but it was a possibility. The thing was, he didn’t want to ruin things. Especially because he truly didn’t know how Sam, best friend Sam, felt about him. She was a tough and courageous girl, surely she would have said something by now if it were true. So Tucker must be pulling his leg.
But he did have another option - Chaos Sam, who may actually return his feelings. Sure, the feelings weren’t nearly as strong as what he felt for his best friend, but the feelings were still there. Plus, if he got rejected by Chaos, it would be less heartbreaking than being rejected by Sam, someone he had known for years rather than months. He could deal with losing a newer friend, but not one of his best friends. Sam was too important and he knew he needed her in his life.
Danny sighed. This was really hard, but he made a decision. It was easier to go with Chaos than risk ruining things with Sam. Danny had enough drama going on in his life already, he needed an easy win. 
He broke from his thoughts when the doorbell rang. He ran downstairs and opened it, only slightly surprised to see Sam there. She was usually early for things. He and Tuck were more prone to being late. 
“Hey, Sam. Come on in!” Danny moved so Sam could enter his house. He shut the door and followed her upstairs and back to his room as she returned his greeting. She was pacing the same path he just had, muttering quietly to herself. She looked nervous. “Something on your mind?” 
Sam was startled out of her thoughts. “Huh? Oh yeah.” She noticed his disheveled appearance, also noting he was fidgety. Was he going to do what she was about to do? “What about you, you look like you’ve been thinking a little too hard about something.” She smiled softly. 
Danny chuckled, “Yeah, but it’ll resolve itself soon. I’ll worry about it after the movies. Tuck should be here any second. Oh, but I’m glad you’re early. Can you help me with something quick?” 
“Of course.” Sam followed him to his desk, smiling and rolling her eyes when he pointed to a homework problem. “I should have known.” 
Danny gave her a lopsided smile and watched as she showed him how to do the problem in her perfect handwriting. It took no more than a couple of minutes. Now, they were just waiting for Tucker to arrive. 
Sam looked at the time. He would be here soon. She needed to do this now. She needed to tell Danny. She couldn’t wait until after the movies for him to tell her. She had already waited long enough and couldn’t bear another second.
“Danny, can I talk to you for a second?” She sat down on his bed and gestured for him to do the same. 
Danny could sense the seriousness in her voice, and nodded anxiously. He was scared when Sam was serious about things. It was usually something bad.
“Danny…” She decided to get straight to the point. “I like you. As in like-like you. More than like, and more than a friend. And we’ve been doing this dancing around for at least 4 years now and I’m sick of it. I just want to be with you already. What do you say?” Sam held her breath as she waited for Danny to answer. 
He stared at her with wide eyes before nervously rubbing the back of his neck and turning his attention to his shoes, avoiding eye contact with the goth. God, why him?! He had stupidly thought, for once, things would be easier for him this time. He had already sent an offline message to Chaos that he wanted to ask her something, and then Sam had to come along and tell him what he had wanted to hear for some time now. But he couldn’t blow Chaos off when he had already somewhat asked. Of course, his life just had to be complicated every step of the way. He really liked both girls and didn’t want to hurt his best friend. Regardless, he had to be honest. He owed Sam that much. “Well, I mean, yeah, but…” 
“But what?” Sam whispered, clearly already upset. Fuck. Fuck fuck FUCK. This was exactly what he didn’t want to happen. He decided to try going with Chaos so he could avoid heartbreak from his best friend. The very thing he had been so afraid of, he was doing to her right now. 
Danny sighed again. “But I can’t. I’m so sorry, Sam.” It was hard to choke out, but he said it, and he felt terrible. He pressed his lips together and kept staring at his shoes until Sam lifted his chin up, forcing him to look at her. 
“What do you mean you don’t feel the same way? We’ve had mutual crushes on each other for years!” Sam said angrily, feeling her heart break as her best friend and love of her life rejected her confession of love. She was so sure he returned her feelings! Especially after all the great conversations they had shared online these last few months. “Or, at least, I thought we did.” Tears swelled in her eyes. Did he lead her on? “I-I need an explanation, Danny,” she quietly stated after he didn’t continue. 
Danny frowned and his heart ached. He didn’t want to hurt his best friend like this. Hell, he really liked her! Of course their crushes were mutual! And if this had happened 6 months ago instead of now, he would have jumped at the chance. But now...now he had Chaos and already forced himself to stick with his decision. It was easy with Chaos; there was no friendship to risk, no denying of being lovebirds or brushing off kisses as fakeout makeouts. Plus, he couldn’t lie to his best friend. She would know if he was lying. And he already told himself she deserved the truth. “There’s...someone else…” 
“What?” Sam whispered before turning angry again, “Paulina? Valerie? Star?” she spat out. 
Danny shook his head, “Ew, no...it’s someone I met online...I’m so sorry, Sam. I like you a lot, I really do, but I think I’ve already come to the conclusion that I like this girl I met online, Chaos, and I have to try to see that through.” 
Many emotions crossed Sam’s face as she pieced together what he just said. At first she was upset, but as he explained himself, she felt disbelief, confusion, anger, and finally, hope. He couldn’t really be that clueless, right? “Show me.” 
“Huh? I mean, I don’t actually know what she looks like, but we message every night and she really understands me! I know it sounds ridiculous, but-” 
“Show me,” Sam repeated. “Show me her profile.” 
“You’re not going to hurt her, are you?” Danny questioned cautiously.
“No, of course not. Just shut up and show me the profile.” Sam was more calm now, and that was kind of scary. Even though Sam said she wouldn’t hurt Chaos, he didn’t want to give her the chance. But he knew how stubborn his friend was, and eventually in whatever way, she would force the information out of him. 
Danny sighed and pulled up the profile to show Sam. “I’m sorry, Sam. I’m still your best frien-” 
“Shut up.” Sam scrolled through what Danny pulled up for her and pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. Closing her eyes slowly, she took a deep breath. “Didn’t Chaos tell you her name?” 
“Uh,” Danny thought, “oh yeah! She said her name was Sam, because I thought she was a boy at first and I had an existential crisis, but then Tucker told me-” 
“Danny. I’m Sam.” 
“No I know, and sure it’ll be a little weird cause you’re Sam and she’s Sam, it’s confusing, but I-” 
Sam interrupted him once again. She could hear Tucker’s footsteps approaching. She was running out of time to not make this a spectacle. “No, Danny. Chaos. Sam. Me. I’m Sam. I am Sam,” 
Tucker only heard the tail end of the conversation as he entered the room. Never able to pass up a comedic opportunity, he smirked and added “I am Sam. Sam I am. I do not like green eggs and ham!” 
It was suddenly silent in the room as his friends seized conversation and glared at him. Oops. 
“Oh, am I interrupting something?” Tucker could see the fire in Sam’s eyes. “Uh, oh wait I forgot my...sock. I’ll be downstairs!” He raced out of the room.
Sam turned her attention back to Danny. “No, you stupid fucking MORON. I am Chaos. You’ve been talking to me the whole time. I thought you knew that!” Danny stared at her blankly until she pulled out her phone and he watched her log into her account, proving it to him. Sure enough, it was Chaos’s profile. He could see all the direct messages between them, including his offline message about wanting to ask her something.
“Wait, you? You’re Sam? I mean, Chaos? I mean Sam?” Danny looked back and forth between the profile and his best friend. 
“UGH!” Sam shouted as she threw her hands in the air. “Yes, Danny. That’s me! Did you really not notice that Chaos was the same age as me and a girl who goes to our school? We have the same name and interests! Didn’t you wonder why it was so easy to talk right off the bat? I thought you put that all together and us just pretending to not know each other was a little bit you were trying to do or something!” 
Danny stared at her as he continued to piece it all together. He was definitely embarrassed. He felt so stupid. How could he not tell that Chaos was Sam, his best friend since 7th grade? Talk about being totally clueless. 
Wait. Clueless? Well, fuck! He got the nickname now! 
His eyes flickered back and forth as he thought everything through. Eventually, he started to crack a smile. “Wait, so I’ve had a crush on you and also you? You’re the same person! This is great! Do you know what this means?!” 
Sam slapped her forehead and began walking downstairs. “I don’t even know if this is worth it anymore…” 
“Wait, how come Tuck and I never knew you played video games! We can enter team tournaments! You’re so good!” Danny chased after her. 
Tucker watched as Sam grumbled about Danny caring more about video games than her. An excited Danny was right on her tail. 
“Tucker! Sam is Chaos! I’ve been in love with Sam this whole time!” Danny explained. 
“Tucker, I need you to refrain me from slapping his stupid clueless face,” Sam started. 
“Wait, you didn’t know Sam was Chaos? Dude! I thought I was obvious about that!” Tucker began laughing at Danny. 
“I know, so did I.” Sam crossed her arms over her chest. 
“Danny, you can calculate levels of rocket fuel and figure out how to get us to Mercury or something,” Tucker started. 
“Mars, actually,” Danny corrected. 
“But you can’t figure out that your best friend and your crush are the same person? You’re more than Captain Clueless, you’re like….Lieutenant Clueless? That’s like, bigger right?” Tucker continued. 
“I don’t think that’s how it works, Tuck,” Sam chimed in. 
“Shut up Sam, this isn’t about you,” Tucker immediately stopped his train of thought when he felt Sam glaring daggers at him. “Heh, uh. Except it does. It actually has nothing to do with me. I’m sorry I told you to shut up, please don’t hurt me!” He threw his hands up in front of himself in defense. 
“Relax, Tucker. I’m more angry with this fucking dingus,” she pointed her thumb in Danny’s direction. 
The halfa was about to protest, then closed his mouth. “That’s fair, I deserve that.” 
“I can’t even look at you right now. You scared me! I poured out my emotions to you. I thought you were rejecting me and that I would have to change my name and move to a different country! Wait, are you still rejecting me?” Sam stopped her pacing to look at him. 
“Of course not, Sammy!” 
“Oh don’t you ‘Sammy’ me! I told you I love you, you stupid fucking idiot!” Sam began throwing pillows at Danny, who expertly dodged them (though as a result, Tucker got hit in the face by one). 
“Technically, you didn’t say ‘love’ you said ‘like’”, Danny offered as Tucker shook his head and slashed finger across his neck, signaling Danny to stop talking. 
“Oh, I’m sorry! This is all my fault! I’m going to go jump off a cliff now!” Sam growled and Danny let out a small “oomph” as one of the pillows finally got him. 
“I’m out. Good luck, bro!” Tucker quickly slipped out the door, leaving Danny and Sam alone. 
Sam was about to follow Tucker out when Danny stopped her, “please don’t leave!” She still had angry tears in her eyes. He frowned. This was not how he expected things to go. She watched him for a few seconds before sitting down on the couch, refusing to look at him. “Sam I’m so sorry, this is just a huge misunderstanding.”
“No, Danny. It’s not. You were going to turn me down to go out with someone else.”
“But that someone was still you!”
“Yeah, but you didn’t know that! We’ve been friends for years, and you were more interested in someone you just met a few months ago! I don’t want to be anyone’s second choice, Danny! I’ve been standing by for years as you continuously chose other girls over me. I thought we were done with that, and that you were finally choosing me first, but you won’t and you never will and I’m so stupid.” Sam put her head in her hands as she tried her hardest not to let tears fall. 
And that was when he finally figured it out. It wasn’t just the moment of rejection, it was years of rejection, and at her biggest confession, she still thought he was choosing someone over her. Not to mention, Tucker witnessed most of the conversation. Sam rarely showed her emotions. She always had her heart guarded, and he knew this. Tucker knew this. Hell, she didn’t even tell them she was rich until after a few years of friendship. It took them a while to get her to open up to them. She was a pretty private person. She was probably already hurt like this before. And now, she was probably embarrassed.
“You’re definitely not stupid. I’m stupid. I should have known it was you. That was actually what I really liked about Chaos, she reminded me of you.” 
Sam forced a small sarcastic laugh, “Yeah, right.” 
“No really,” Danny sat on the couch next to her and grabbed her hand, placing it in both of his. “Sam, you’re absolutely incredible. How dumb would I have to be to not notice?” Sam gave him a pointed look. “Okay yeah but it’s not the way you think it is. I liked Chaos because she was a lot like you. She reminded me of you. And it just seemed easier to go with her because she was basically you, but she and I didn’t have a really great friendship that could have gotten ruined if we broke up or something. I could live without her, but I can’t live without you. You’re always my number one. Always have been, always will be. Even if I did just fuck everything up. I’m so sorry, Sam. I’m ready to be with you, if you’ll still have me.” 
Sam stayed silent and stared at her lap, processing this new information. Of course she would forgive him; she always did. She just needed a little time. 
Danny was getting nervous that he really did fuck this up for good. This was so fucking important! He couldn’t risk fucking this up! Sensing her hesitation, Danny tried one more thing to get her back. One thing he hasn’t done before. One thing he just learned how to perfect.  
“Sammy, I’m sorry,” a duplicate popped up next to her on the other side of the couch, startling her. 
“Please forgive me?” Another duplicate was floating in front of her, hanging upside down, hair flopping all over the place. 
“I know I’m a dummy but,” Sam snapped her head towards a third duplicate. 
“I’m only a dummy because I’m in love. With you,” the real Danny finished. Sam looked back and forth between all the Dannys.  
“We’re sorry, Sammy,” all the duplicates said at once. 
Sam was trying really hard to hold back a smile. “You learned how to duplicate,” she stated simply. 
Original Danny grabbed her hands. “Sam. I will make this up to you. I promise.” 
She could hear the determination in his voice and sighed. “You better.” 
Danny smiled and hugged her. “Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!! I love you so much!”
Sam pushed him off of her. “I love you too, you fucking idiot.” 
“But I get to be your idiot!” Sam couldn’t hold her laughter back anymore. “Oh!” Danny shouted, “Will you go to the dance with me? Please?” 
Sam pretended to ponder the answer before saying “alright”. 
“Yay!” All 4 Dannys cheered. The duplicates on either side of her kissed her cheeks as the real Danny kissed her forehead tenderly. The final duplicate, feeling left out, squeezed his way in to give her a hug. 
Sam was now roaring with laughter before kissing the real Danny sweetly. “You know, duplicates won’t always get you out of trouble,” she warned. 
“Yeah, but they could come in handy for other things,” he wagged his eyebrows up and down suggestively before passionately kissing her, the duplicates kissing her neck and touching her in near-dangerous places. 
Sam bit back a moan, eyes lustful before smirking, “I think you just found a way to make it up to me.” She began dragging the real Danny and one of his duplicates back to his room. Fuck the movies.
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aoitrinity · 3 years
Text
The “Me Too”
DISCLAIMER: I am about to put forth further speculation about a major Destiel-related event from this season, specifically the confession scene in 15x18. This is 100% pure speculation and I do not claim to have any insider knowledge AT ALL. If you are not in a place to read such things, please go take care of yourself instead of reading this. Do not cause yourself any additional pain. 
If you are here to be an asshole and call me delusional...uh...I mean, go for it, but like I really don’t get what that’s doing to make your life better? If shitting on people’s desire for understanding a TV show brings you joy then uh...that says more about you than it does about me?
With that out of the way...read below the cut for my theory about the “me too” line.
I know I just unloaded my theory about the finale on all of you the other day, and that I should probably give you all a break in between my bouts of theory-dumping, but I had to get this out here tonight.
If you somehow haven’t seen it yet these last few (painfully exhausting) days, there is a rumor going around of a cut in episode 15x18 of a specific line--a “me too” that Jensen supposedly recorded during the 15x18 sequence, which would have given us all textual validation not only that Cas is in love with Dean, but that Dean is in love with Cas. Various people have been trying to confirm or deny this rumor since it surfaced. We all figured it would have happened during the final scene, with Dean crying, alone. It would have been there in place of the crying, and we hypothesized that Jensen had to dub it over with AMR of his sobs. It was an interesting thought, but we had no real proof it ever happened. I, for my part, started to assume it was entirely false.
But then tonight, on the Latin American CW, we apparently discovered that in the Spanish-language dub of 15x18, they had taken Dean’s last line to Cas, “Don’t do this Cas,” and dubbed it as “yo a ti”--translated to “me too,” seemingly confirming to us that the line did exist!
I watched the clip of the dub excitedly, hoping for some secret new shot that we had been robbed of in the original episode, but the “me too” was simply dubbed over Dean’s line of “Don’t do this Cas,” which is definitely something Dean very clearly said in the original recording. That wasn’t a dub, Jensen said that line.
So what gives? Where the heck did the “me too” come from?
Well, as apparently I am wont to do recently...I talked @winchester-reload‘s ear off and was eventually hit with a stroke of realization. 
I don’t think the “me too” went in the crying scene. I think Dean said it to Cas’s face, and we were robbed of it.
Before I go any further, I want to again remind you that this is PURE SPECULATION. PLEASE JUDGE FOR YOURSELF AND ALWAYS BE SKEPTICAL.
So.
The original end of the scene runs as follows:
Dean: Why does this sound like a goodbye?
Cas: Because it is. I love you.
Dean: Don’t do this, Cas.
*a longing exchange of looks, with Cas smiling through his tears even more broadly than he was earlier*
*the Empty appears and Dean starts to panic*
Cas: Goodbye Dean.
*Cas throws Dean out the way, smiles at him one last time, and is taken*
Now that always struck me as a sort of weird exchange because...I mean, Dean can tell Cas not to “do this,” but whatever he was going to do that would get his ass taken by the Empty, he had clearly already done. But I originally handwaved it as Dean begging Cas not to go and leave him again by dying, even though it was too late, because I was too entranced with the beauty of the scene and of the performances to imagine anything otherwise.
However, after this Spanish-language dub story broke this evening, I started to wonder if the exchange had initially gone a little bit differently. 
What if the “don’t do this, Cas” was pulled from earlier in the scene? 
I would have originally imagined that it actually went between the “Because it is” and the “I love you,” but in the leaked shots of script we got a few days ago, there doesn’t seem to be any line there--Cas goes straight from his “because it is” to the “I love you.” Thus I conclude one of two things: either the line it was adlibbed or added by Jensen on the spot, between the “because it is” and the “I love you,” or it was dialogue that originally came earlier in the scene.
Either way, what matters is that I think that line, “Don’t do this, Cas,” was moved to after Cas’s “I love you” in the final cut and replaced the “me too.” I think the initial episode probably followed the Latin American dub instead, and went like this (with the one line inserted where I feel it best fits, though again, it could have come from earlier):
Dean: Why does this sound like a goodbye?
Cas: Because it is.
(Dean: Don’t do this, Cas)
Cas: I love you.
Dean: ...me too.
*a longing exchange of looks, with Cas smiling through his tears even more broadly than he was earlier*
*the Empty appears and Dean starts to panic*
Cas: Goodbye Dean.
*Cas throws Dean out the way, smiles at him one last time, and is taken*
Well.
Doesn’t that all hit a bit differently now? Doesn’t it now make sense why, after Dean’s line, Cas starts smiling more broadly than he was during the entire rest of the scene? Doesn’t it make sense now that when Dean turns to look back at the Empty emerging, there are way more tears in his eyes than there were in the prior shot? Doesn’t Dean’s body language line up better between shots if we read it this way? Doesn’t it make Cas’s sacrifice hurt both more and less at the same time, because he could go to the Empty knowing he was loved in return? That he had the one thing he wanted most? 
To me, at least, it does. 
Unfortunately, I think that, similar to what I speculate happened with the finale...they were told by the network that they had to cut Dean’s reciprocation because the CW panicked about coming off as too gay at the last moment. You can read all about that in my other post.
Anyway, here’s more food for thought. Remember @oceaxe-ifdawn’s post about how she had spoken with a cast member about how the script for the finale was being frantically rewritten in March, the weekend after they finished shooting for 15x18? Why would they suddenly have to start tossing out their own ending in MARCH? TWO WEEKS before they were supposed to start filming the finale?
What if it was because that was the moment when the network started to pivot? If their contacts on set told them how very beautifully homosexually gay the scene was, and that was the moment that the CW decided that they couldn’t risk losing a very specific (conservative, heterosexual) part of their fanbase and needed to start toning down the gay before it got out of hand? And since they couldn’t obviously go back and reshoot anything for 15x18, given everyone then immediately went into quarantine for COVID, they had to remove Dean’s reciprocation from the script and replace it with another, earlier shot, that could have FEASIBLY gone in its place. But they couldn’t take Cas’s confession because it was entirely necessary to the whole plot of the season (and that, I think, was a fucking genius move by the writers to at least get us this much--god bless you, Bobo).
And this way, the CW could actually have their cake and eat it too--they could claim they were still being accepting of queer people (look, we let Cas confess his affection for Dean!) while avoiding the potential loss of their favorite cishet male audience (whom they really want to transition to Walker after all of this is over because MONEY) that they might suffer if that audience discovered that one of their two “traditionally masculine” lead characters was in love with another man this whole time.
The only reason they didn’t carry it all off is that, when they needed to send the script over to the Spanish-language dubbers for recording, there was some sort of screw-up. They somehow forgot to have the dialogue swapped out back in March and the lines were never replaced in the dub script.
And that is how we got the “me too” line from Dean in Latin America tonight, a line that we had  heard rumors existed, but had no actual evidence of... until now.
I’m sorry to have pulled you guys into this theory with me, but... It just lines up too perfectly. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, yes, but sometimes that cigar is actually a dick. A big, beautiful, gay dick that your stupid homophobic TV network executives are censoring because they are afraid of the reactions of their more conservative viewership.
On the plus side, I think that this more than ever confirms that Destiel is and was always canon. Textually. Reciprocally. 110%. 
And the CW fucking robbed us of it.
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