there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)
i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.
i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.
and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.
HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.
now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.
my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.
i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.
by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!
keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"
similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."
the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"
if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.
the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.
godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.
the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.
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━━ arms of gold .
❀ ˎˊ- prompt: how they hold you in bed
❀ ˎˊ- characters: dan feng, dan heng, luocha, blade, jing yuan
❀ ˎˊ- warnings: heavy in physical contact, dan feng gets a little possessive whoops
❀ ˎˊ- a/n: scratches head hey guys !!!!!! writing this to make myself feel better, yes i still have some requests but i'll get to them! just need to find the motivation so let me write some sillies heart eyes (also im aware that IL is not dan feng but like i need to fit my aesthetic so. heart eyes. also yall can really see who i had inspiration for LMAOOO (sorry bladie :( )
Dan Feng is, quite simply, a brat, and a brat who won't let you go the second he's behind closed doors. The second that the day is done, and he's freed from the grasp of his title, he pounces and clings onto you like a cat, forcing you to drag him around the house whenever you want to get anything done.
Personally, I can see Dan Feng being very physically affectionate, although he would rather die than ever admit it. It's not like he needs to though, since everyone can see how he always has to be touching you, whether it being with his tail around your arm or his hand clinging to your sleeve.
In bed, Dan Feng prefers to be the big spoon, regardless of height difference. Only on rare occasions will he let go of his pride and allow himself to be held. So for the most part, your nights together are spent with him embracing you from behind, his mouth pressed right on your pulse as he wraps himself around you.
Sometimes you'll feel his horns bump against your head as he nuzzles you, their luminescent glow like a gentle nightlight. They glow brighter when he has good dreams, a low purr rumbling against your back as he slumbers. Similarly, his tail, taking up a good 70% of the bed, wraps around your legs while Dan Feng's are draped over your hips. Every part of him has to touch you, hold you, and remind you that you are his, and his alone.
Contrary to his previous incarnation, Dan Heng is shy when it comes to physical contact. For the first few months in which he'd slept in the same bed as you, he'd kept himself to one side of the bed, afraid of even touching you.
When the Express was warm, he could do this easily. However, on the rare occasion that the engine can't provide as much heat as normal, Dan Heng's cold-blooded instincts take over, and his body moves to you against his will. Safe to say, when Dan Heng woke up to you, entangled in his arms, he malfunctioned and probably kicked you by accident.
Dan Heng can work with being a big spoon or small spoon, but what's important is that he sees your face. When his nightmares strike, he needs to know that you're there, still breathing and still alive in his embrace. More than once has he traced your features while you slept, your breathing lulling him back to sleep.
But on the fluffier side, he also tends to nuzzle you as you cuddle. Just rubbing his nose against yours is such an innocent act, and yet it never fails to make him melt against you. Dan Heng isn't a very verbal person, so he prefers to show his affection for you in the subtle ways - whether that be in his acts of service, or the slightest of touches.
If the time ever comes that Luocha is comfortable sleeping next to you, it means that he's finally grown to trust you. Luocha is used to the guards he dons around others, unused to letting it fall in another's presence.
He prefers to be the one holding you, rather than the other way around. Don't get him wrong, he loves you and adores your embrace, but to completely submit into your arms is asking a bit too much out of him. But Luocha makes up for it by telling you stories of his travels as a lullaby, keeping you at his side as he paints adventure after adventure with his voice.
Sometimes, he'd tease you for sleeping before his story ended, flicking your forehead gently as he lazily smirks at you. Even if you complain at him, Luocha only chuckles good-naturedly at you, cooing out an apology as he rubs where he'd flicked you.
Luocha always makes sure to fall asleep after you do. His heart warms as he watches you doze against his shoulder, and he can't help but trace your cheek before kissing your forehead, and closing his eyes himself.
And yet, he isn't as good as waking up before you can. On more than one occasion have you woken up to Luocha's peacefully slumbering face, just like that of a fairytale princess. His carefully practiced smile isn't there, but it doesn't make him any less beautiful. On the contrary, he is gorgeous, raw and natural, and graceful all the same.
The first time you woke him up, Luocha had been startled, panicked even, despite how gently you did it. He wasn't used to being waked up by another, much less waking up next to another. But as time passed on, he slowly grew to anticipate your touches, the tracing of his face drawing him from his dreams.
So now, when you welcome him back to reality, Luocha greets you with a smile - a tired, yet fond smile, devoid of any insincerity.
He'll never admit it, but Blade needs to be held when he sleeps. Never does he take the first step, so unless you pull him into you yourself, he'll stay on his side of the bed, afraid of touching you and pushing the boundary.
But the second your arms are around him, he latches onto you, practically molding himself into your chest. You are his safe haven, in your arms, he doesn't need to drive away nightmares - for they never come.
His ears are always pressed against your chest, your heartbeat lulling him to sleep each and every night. His hands grasp at the back of your shirt, squeezing and kneading at your back muscles. Seldom does he ever look up at your face, content to keep his face buried in your neck, chest, or back. Yet he adores it when you run your fingers down his body, whether they trace his scars, his spine, or simply thread through his hair.
The shuddered breathes Blade lets out when you caress him are not of fear nor of lust, but of content. His skin may goosebump, and his spine tingle, but he finds that it is with your hands that he is able to rest without his past chasing him.
Jing Yuan is somehow both the most annoying and the most comfortable cuddler here.
With Jing Yuan, there's no such thing as big spoon or little spoon. Whoever gets on the bed first is the pillow for the night, and if you're smaller than Jing Yuan, it'd be in your best interest to abstain from the mattress until the general himself decides to rest. Otherwise, you'd wake up with not one, but two lions draped over you as both Jing Yuan and Mimi keep you pinned to the bed.
But his weight isn't uncomfortable, as long as you can stick your head out to breathe (which can be difficult considering that both Mimi and Jing Yuan have a ridiculous amount of hair). On the contrary, Jing Yuan's large frame, coupled with the weight of his muscle on top of you makes you feel safe, protected.
When you're the one on top, Jing Yuan makes for one of the greatest, if not the greatest pillows on the Luofu. Whenever he breathes, his chest swells, taking you up and down with it in a rhythmic pattern. The tiniest snores he lets out rumble against you like the thunder he commands, and one arm is always around you, keeping you secured against him as he dozes in the Luofu's afternoon sun.
But be warned though, Jing Yuan is clingy, even more so than the others. His words of "5 more minutes" are really a translation for a few more hours, and it's difficult to say no to a face with his - especially if he starts pouting. You suppose it's fine, though, to be late once in a while, if it means you can see Jing Yuan's face visibly light up.
reblogs w comments are appreciated !!
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