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New Kofi fic: 4982/10

Absolutely loved and really related to Billy in this.

I'm trying to cook/bake for both my physical and financial health and it's really hard.

I've had to throw away things entirely and it fucking crushed me each time because I wasted ingredients and messed up something I worked hard on.

It's hard to not get completely discouraged and give up.

But each time I finally get something right I'm so damn proud of myself.

Love the new post. 💜💜

I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT.

Baking is super personal to me, learning how to even make box mixes was sort of a big deal and then getting to the point where I felt like I could bake from scratch and create these delicious beautiful things and SHARE them with people... like yeah, it really did feel like one of the first times in my not great life when I thought "oh i can do this. i can be normal. this is what mentally healthy people do" and I've had that same thought stuck in my head about Billy for months now.

And yeah, baking (or cooking in general, honestly) is so much work. And ingredients. And effort and then OH NO it's ruined which means you've wasted money and you've wasted time and you made a mess of your kitchen and wasted ingredients and now you have to clean up, throw it away and figure out what you're going to eat because this was your dinner/snack. It's so discouraging. It's so easy to just get up and walk away and give up on it.

But all it takes is that one time. That one first time when the cake turns out great or the bread rises perfectly or the muffins are fucking delicious. And instantly it just feels like YES I CAN DO THIS.

Baking/kitchen stuff seems like something random and maybe trivial to base our metric of "okayness" on but it worked for me?? Going from 'fuck I screwed up a box mix, i'm a failure' to 'people are paying me to make birthday cakes' was sometimes the only way I knew I was moving forward in life AT ALL and I think for Billy it would be the same way. It's one of those "cope the way you need to cope" things.

Big steps feel impossible at this point in his life, he has no way to support himself or honestly do anything without Steve's help driving him places and paying his bills, but this very tiny thing, this super small not important to anyone but HIM task of cooking something for himself, he can handle this. And every time he DOES manage to handle, he feels like he's getting better and that's all that matters.

Monty wasn't here this week so i just brainstormed more ideas for baking, on the top of my list is sugarcookies, like christmas cookies with frosting, mold cookies(not cookies made of mold but its cookies that you can mold into fun shapes), could make chocolate from scratch at some point,(i'm sure you know what chocolate is). Some other ideas are apple pie, cherry pie, wildberry pie(I don't know if that's what it's called but that's what I was told it was, it was a mix of raspberries and blackberries). On top of that, we could make a mousse. I've seen some good easy recipes for that, and just a couple ingredients. On top of that, mabe brownies, other types of cookies, like chocolate chip, red velvet, triflavor. We could also bake banana bread, pumpkin bread, or any other type. I had a good blueberry one the other month. More things would be scones of different kinds, like blueberry and maybe cranberry, though I don't like cranberry that much. We could make some cakes, maybe learn to make an ice cream cake, or cupcakes, there have been some interesting flavors i've seen around. Lemon bars are always good and i've got a recipe for them. There's also muffins, and tiramisu, apple crumble apple dumplings, which is an apple that has been cored, syrup put inside, and surrounded by pie dough and syrup hopefully monty replies soon and we can film our next video before the month is over