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#((just cleaned out the ol ask box lmao
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Alright so this request was done for the lovely @thepokemaniac, I would have responded directly to the ask but it was so long it was breaking my Tumblr lmao
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Hassel X Male Reader
____ is the sweet-and-shy chemistry teacher at the Academy. It was easy to assume he'd never battled in his life, but he's quite the dragon tamer... And Hassel's family troubles provoke him like nothing else.
Reader is not the SV protagonist. He is a teacher at the academy who specializes in dragon types. His full team is explicitly mentioned - He has a Haxorus, a Druddigon, a Tyrantrum, a Turtonator, a Duraludon and a final surprise Pokemon ;). Reader is mentioned to be younger than Hassel at one point, but their age difference is nothing too wild. Think 5-6 years.
Contains: Mentions of homophobia, reader was disowned by family, descriptions of heavy scarring and mentions of past severe injury, a lot of family drama, like a lot, mentions of arranged marriage
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Oh, the bell. The saving grace of students, and the worst enemy of teachers.
It was another normal day at the Academy - recently two new teachers had been instated, which certainly livened up the place. Nurse Miriam was finally a health teacher, much to her joy, and made a welcome addition to the humanities branch. The second addition was the new chemistry teacher, Mr. ____. He was part of the STEM track, though also did tutoring after school for anyone who wanted it.
Mr. ____ was a very cheerful man. He was patient with his students and doted on his Pokemon, even if they were massive and terrifying dragon types. He was from Hoenn, and loved to share trivia about the places he'd visited before settling down in Paldea.
And that was all anybody knew about him.
Nobody was lucky enough to unearth his mysterious past, nor was anybody fortunate enough to hear the story of how he'd lost his left eye. And ____ was quite content with that fact.
Today his class had been conducted out in the yard - the latest experiment he and his students worked on was quite... messy. He didn't want to destroy his classroom. Medusa, ____'s looming Haxorus, was his loyal lab assistant. She had a special labcoat on and everything.
"Alright, guys, the bell means class is up! Make sure to give your goggles to Medusa before you head out!" ____ began to sort his things, cleaning up a bit. Medusa plodded around the various tables that had been set up, carrying a box for the safety goggles to be dropped in.
Students milled about for a bit, mostly cleaning up their belongings before heading out - either to go to their next classes or back to their dorms. ____ was good at making sure everything got cleaned up once he was done, which was the main reason Clavell allowed him to do messier experiments.
"Mr. ____?" ____ looked up when one of his students spoke. Florian was a very soft-spoken lad who always paired up with his classmate Penny during labs - they were excellent students, even if they weren't very talkative. The look in his eyes made ____ pause a moment. He looked nervous. Was he about to ask about...?
"What can I do for you, Florian?" ____ cocked his head to the side.
"I just wanted to ask..." Oh boy, here it comes. ____ had to deflect another question about himself... He always felt so awful doing it. He didn't want to burden his students with his past. "...How did you meet Medusa? The Axew line isn't native to Hoenn, so I was really curious."
"Oh!" ____ wasn't expecting that. "Haha, it's a funny story, really... I met her as she is now, a big ol' Haxorus. She was stomping around in the Pokemon Sanctuary in Unova, causing a bit of a ruckus, so I went in with Hyacinthus to try and nab her. She was a toughie, certainly gave me a run for my money! But now she's my big baby. Aren't you?"
____ gave his Haxorus loving scratches under her tusks, careful to avoid the sharp edges. Medusa purred, lifting her head to give him more room for pets. Florian chuckled - it was quite funny to see such a menacing Pokemon melt into her trainer's hands.
"Cool. That was all I wanted to ask... Thanks!" Florian waved gleefully.
"No problem - I'll see you next class!" ____ waved him off, and was eventually left alone with his Pokemon. He didn't have any more classes today, so he might as well go see his favorite person at the Academy...
After he folded up all the tables, anyways.
Humming a soft melody, ____ plucked a love ball out of his bag, tossing it up into the air casually. In a lovely burst of light and heart-shaped confetti, his Druddigon emerged. His Rocky Helmet bounced a bit as he shook his head, stretching out his wings.
"Would you mind helping with the tables, Hyacinthus?" ____ asked, gently fixing Medusa's Muscle Band after he helped her get her coat off. Hyacinthus nodded, snorting noisily as he got to work. With a pair of hands and two pairs of claws, cleaning was a hell of a lot easier.
All was said and done in a few minutes, and both of the dragons were given a poffin and plenty of affection as thanks. ____ returned them to their balls, finally setting off to go visit the Art Classroom.
____ had met Hassel when he was at his lowest point. The chemistry teacher had no family to turn to, and was mournfully alone in life... Even his dragons couldn't dig him out of his slump. It was funny what love could do to you.
Hassel was the only man who knew why ____ had left Hoenn, and he'd sworn to keep it a secret. He was the only man who knew the origin of his lost eye, and he'd never told the tale to anyone. It was no wonder ____ was so deeply enamored with him.
He could remember it so clearly. Mother and Father telling him all about the pretty girl from some rich family, about how they'd arranged him to marry her for ther betterment of their family... And how they'd reacted to him explaining that he had no romantic interest in women. Their perfect heir was gay, and they simply couldn't understand it. So they cast him aside like rubbish.
____ had wandered so far looking for love. And he'd finally found it. In the form of a very eccentric Dragon Tamer who loved art as much as he loved Pokemon.
As ____ approached the door, he could hear Hassel jovially talking to somebody - most likely a student who'd stayed behind. He opened the door, and proved his hypothesis correct. Hassel was looking over a young woman's sketchbook, showing her how she could improve her work.
____ made himself comfortable sitting on one of the desks, admiring the new paintings on the walls.
"Overall, this is very good progress, Mela - you've improved significantly since we last spoke! Remember, there is no correct way to create art. You have great potential, never squander it." Hassel gave her a firm pat on the shoulder. Mela evidently wasn't very chatty, or didn't want to hang out much longer, because she only nodded before closing her sketchbook and hustling out. Hassel stretched out the crick in his back, wincing ever-so-slightly.
"Back still bugging you?" ____ pried sympathetically, hopping off the desk. "Do you want a massage when we get home later?"
"No, though your offer is tantalizing." Hassel chortled. "Be glad you're not old yet."
"You say that like I'm much younger than you!" The chemistry teacher laughed, tossing his arms around Hassel and pulling him into a loving hug. The other happily returned the affection, practically sinking into his partner's arms. They stood in a comforting silence, simply enjoying eachother's company.
They spent a lot of time like this. Staying in the moment for as long as they could - their careers meant they were often preoccupied, so any free time was a blessing.
"What d'you for dinner tonight?" ____ asked after a moment, playing with a tuft of Hassel's hair. Hassel had little time to answer, though, when there was a knock upon the door.
"Come in!" Hassel called, and ____ took a begrudging step back. The two were open about their relationship, yes, but it would be rather unprofessional to be all over eachother in front of students. If the person at the door even was a student.
The woman who stepped in definitely wasn't a student - she was wearing a peculiar blue-and-red outfit that reminded ____ greatly of home. Hassel's expression darkened the moment she entered, and a palpable tension filled the air. Nobody spoke for a lingering moment.
"I have told you a thousand times not to bother me at the academy." Hassel grumbled. "So why are you here?"
"I've come to request your return home, Hassel. It is your duty." The woman said, hands folded neatly behind her back. It was then that ____ noticed she has the same eyes as Hassel - she must be a relative of his.
"If we must talk about this, we will talk elsewhere." Hassel's glare softened as he turned to ____, gently taking his hands. "I'll see you at home later, alright?"
"Of course. Don't be out too late." ____ gave Hassel's hand a gentle squeeze before they parted, and quietly watched him leave the room with the mysterious woman. He couldn't help but feel disappointed. Hassel clearly hadn't wanted to speak with her, but he'd chosen to do so anyways... Family drama was unbearable.
When he got home later on, ____ hung his black labcoat on its hook by the door. He stepped out into the backyard, plucked five love balls out of his bag, and let his Pokemon out. Medusa and Hyacinthus snoozed away quietly the moment he'd let them out, worn out from a hard day's work. Charon the Tyrantrum began to stomp in circles around Argus the Duraludon, obviously urging him to play... But Argus was less than thrilled. Nemesis, his Turtonator, obviously noticed how crestfallen he seemed, because she trundled up to him and gave him a pat on the arm. Her shell bell jingled a pleasant tune as she moved, and ____ returned her affection with a loving pat on the head.
"Thanks, Nemesis. I'll be okay." ____ huffed shortly, sitting down in the grass as he thought about what he'd make for dinner tonight. He was overdue for grocery shopping, it might be easier to order out... He had time to think about it. ____'s hand found its way back into his bag, thumbing gently over the final ball - he could feel the soothing pulse of affection from the Pokemon inside, and heard the faint whisper of its roar in his mind. Boreas much preferred to stay inside their ball, finding the solitude more comforting than the clamor of the outside world.
____ was sure he would've agreed, if he could get inside a PokeBall. A chilly breeze seemed to sink deep into his skin, awakening old aches and pains that still effected him. He ran his hand up his left arm, feeling over old knotted scars and vicious gashes that hadn't quite healed right... The life of a dragon master wasn't an easy one. Especially not when their family was like ____'s. He'd found no joy in finding out his parents had died years ago, mourning the people he wished they could've been for him. If only they could've been proud of him for who he was, instead of despising him for who he wasn't.
He went back inside before long, grabbing himself a cozy jacket to wear before fishing their phone out of their pocket. ____ felt so inexplicably drained today. Perhaps it was just thinking about family that had driven him so mad. Whatever it was, he was still hungry, so he ordered seafood online (making sure to get Hassel's favorite as well) and began his usual evening routine.
The house was oddly quiet without Hassel there, and ____ didn't like it. Whoever that woman was... He'd give her a piece of his mind the next time they met.
Unfortunately, ____ never did get the chance to give her a piece of his mind. She kept coming back to poke and prod at Hassel, but never when he was around - ____ could tell days she's visited just by looking at Hassel. He always looked exhausted, frustrated. He would never talk about it, though ____ knew what was wrong without him having to say it.
____'s patience wore thin.
A few months went by before he'd finally had enough of it, and went out of his way to meet her again himself. It was out in the schoolyard that he spied her walking up to Hassel again.
____ briskly jogged up to her, grabbing her shoulder to get her attention.
"Leave him alone! His choices aren't yours to influence." He growled, the corner of his eye twitching ever so slightly. The woman gave him a haughty glare, pulling away from him.
"And who are you to make such a claim?" She pried. ____ realized at that moment the schoolyard had gone quiet - students and faculty alike had turned to face them, likely because of his shouting. And yet, he felt no need to back down. Jeopardizing his job was definitely worth giving this woman a piece of his mind.
"I am Hoenn's last dragon master, ____ of the Sky Clan. I challenge you to a battle - if I win, you leave Paldea and you DO NOT COME BACK." ____ spoke with a ferocity that hadn't been awakened in years, yanking his coat off. A wave of urgent whispers spread across the gathering crowd, some discussing his proclaimed origin. Others talked about just how scarred he was. He no longer cared. He just wanted to live in peace.
"Fine." The woman scoffed, plucking an ultra ball off her belt. "Have it your way. We battle in Mesagoza Plaza."
Excited students followed the two dragon tamers off of campus, as did several members of the faculty - Hassel felt numb from shock. Dragon master? ____? He'd never seen that fire in his eyes, never heard that vicious snarl in his voice. It was shocking.
The battlefield in Mesagoza's plaza was surrounded by the time the two duelling trainers arrived, each stepping to one end of the field. The woman sent out her first Pokemon, a Kommo-o with a mean look in it's eyes.
People fell silent as ____ took a single ball out of his bag - a master ball. Even from a distance, it was easy to see the purple shell. ____ could feel Boreas humming within, eager to deliver justice to those who had wronged the ones he loved.
____ pressed the ball against his chest, and closed his eyes. He felt the wind pick up around him, felt the air cool as the sun was blotted out by clouds... When he finally threw the ball, it didn't open immediately. It lay on the ground, shaking noisily, beams of light breaking through the widening crack as it was pried open-
"QUAAAA-ZAAAAAAAA!" The shrieking cry of Boreas rippled through the plaza as they burst forth from their PokeBall. Glistening black scales, embroidered with broad stripes of crimson, golden eyes that glowed brightly. A brilliantly shiny Rayquaza, side by side with the last Dragon Master.
____ had never felt so alive. Adrenaline coursed through his veins, a crooked grin tugging at his features when he saw the shock on the woman's face. He was aware of people in the crowd filming, and yet he didn't care.
"DRAGON ASCENT, BOREAS!" He roared over the howling wind, and Boreas was cloaked in a bright light - they mega evolved as they soared up into the sky, golden tendrils shimmering with energy that most would never witness. They came back down, striking the opposing Kommo-o with enough force to create a shockwave across the plaza.
It was no surprise that it has fainted, nor that Boreas swept through the woman's team with little trouble. As the woman returned her final Pokemon, she left, clearly frazzled. ____ could feel the exhaustion weighing over him... He'd not battled in some time. Boreas floated gently down to meet his eye level, returning to their normal form faster than he could blink.
"You fought well today, my friend." ____ smiled crookedly, reaching out to run a hand along Boreas' neck. The Sky High Pokemon closed their eyes, pressing their forehead affectionately against ____'s, before disappearing back into their ball.
The crowd erupted in excited chatter, students clamoring over eachother to try and talk to ____.... But the teacher made his way over to Hassel, who looked like he was about to cry.
"You- did this for me?" He asked, disbelieving - revealing they owned a legendary Pokemon was sure to get a lot of unwanted attention.
"I would do anything for you, Hassel. Especially if it involves getting rid of annoying family members." ____ slung his arms around Hassel, squeezing him tight. "Now let's get out of here before we both start bawling."
The two dragon tamers slipped away from the bustling crowd, and knew peace for once in their lives.
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End is kind of crappy but I am really really sick rn
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savethxm · 1 year
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General rules and the like seeing as I'm still working on this gal and she's gonna be super wip blog wise until vash is done.
First and foremost this blog is OC, Crossover, AU, Multiverse and Multimuse friendly. All kinds of muses and ideas are very welcome so feel free to just throw things my way or invade my ask box with random stuff for Rem. Let her adopt your muse because she will.
This is also a SIDEBLOG to my Vash rp blog so I will not be able to follow back directly through Rem!
This blog is using the BETA editor with the trim reblogs extension. Personally I have no idea what the deal is with the whole editor situation but I was told this was the best method for keeping posts clean so it’s what I’m using.
Selectivity and following back
I can be slightly selective with who I follow but I do generally tend to follow everyone back that follows me! If I don’t follow you back it’s either because I didn’t notice I had a new follower or I’m just not the hugest fan of your muse or the property they belong to but please be aware it will never be because of the mun unless you happen to just be a known douche bag or something idk.
18+ Muns only please but preferably over 21 would be ideal!
As I am 26 I would generally prefer to write with writers who are 18 or older and tend to not be too interested in writing with muns under this age. This rule does not apply to Muses. If your muses is a kid or a teenager I will happily write with you as long as you yourself are 18 or older.
Due to the nature of the show there will be times where things can be religious in theme as well as posts that include themes like death, violence and trauma as well as cults and experimentation on children. I will make sure to tag as much of this as possible but if I miss some things don’t be afraid to point that out and ask me to tag it!
All of my Rem icons are made by myself so please don’t take them without permission! 
I am fine writing most themes and romance is totally ok with me. I’m also fine with you reblogging ask memes from me without sending one in as I don’t want to force you into sending something you don’t want to y’know? However if you do want to send an ask my way be it a meme or just a random ask feel free to do so! I always appreciate people sending stuff my way.
If I happen to post something that triggers you please let me know what it was in an ask or IM and I will make sure to go back and tag things as needed and will keep in mind to tag stuff like that in the future! And I don’t really have any triggers myself apart from stuff relating to spiders. Tag spider related stuff if you can please!
If you want to come plot stuff with me you are more than welcome to just hop into an ask or IM and we can get the ol ball rolling! Just note I tend to be a little shy around new people sometimes so if I don’t come to you straight away after following you it’s just because I’m trying to psych myself up to interact. If I follow/follow you back I am totally down with writing with you just be patient with me.
I can reply at the speed of sound sometimes and take years other times but never feel like you have to reply as fast as me if I do reply straight away. Usually if I reply instantly it’s because I’m enjoying the thread or am excited about it. Feel free to take as much time as you need when replying back to me.
In regards to other Rem rpers I do not mind if you guys follow and interact with me as I’m not one to be too bothered by people writing the same muse as me.
Also I am British but don’t think that will mean I go offline earlier than most people. I have absolutely no sleep schedule lmao.
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iridescent-king · 3 years
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I DON’T GET WHAT’S CONFUSING ALL OF YOU, THEY’RE SORTED USING ALPHANUMERICS.
{A meta explanation of Herman’s naming conventions under the cut!}
OK SO This is probably the most asked question I’ve had on the blog and the reason why I put it off for so long is cuz it’s kind of complicated. Some of them have reasons and some I just pulled out of my ass LMAO For example, I made Feng Min’s # x11 because 1′s and x’s are common in gamer tags. Makes sense, right? 
I made David b88 because b is Brooklyn and he’s... British? I deadass was gonna make it b99 but thats a fucking TV show, so I made it 88. WHUPS now it sounds like bb-8 the star war orb. FUCK.  Dwight, d43 because it rhymes.
Claudette, k35 K for Knowledge like botany knowledge, and 35 cuz I think I headcanoned her being that old for a while??
Nea, m94 m for Mashtyx, 94 cuz I headcanon that as her birth year
Jake was e17 and I think at one point there was a reason? E for escape maybe? 17 is how old I imagined him being when he ran away lol. Meg, a14, A for Athlete, 14 cuz her it’s the number on her jersey
Laurie, L76, L for Laurie obvs and 76 cuz I mistakenly thought that was the year Halloween came out and now it’s too late to change it. Maybe she reminds me of Solider 76 from Ogrewatch?
Ace, f69, fucker sixty-nine
Tapp, 911, HES A COP anon caught me
Quentin, z21, again anon caught me Z is cuz hes sleepy and 21 was from the drama i remember erupting about ppl shipping Quen since in the movie he was a highschooler but then the devs went and confirmed hes 21 now
Jane, 411, cuz shes a talkshow host and she’s here to give you the four-one-one, dawg
Adam, j42, deadass cant remember why i called him that. Maybe J for japan?? cuz he came in with Rin?
Kate, c06, she kinda makes me think of a cowgirl so I think I named her this cuz of the Hillbilly’s cattle tags?
Jeff, t66, can’t remember where I got the T from, but 66 is almost 666 Zarina is s80 for super 8 millimeter film aaaand Yui is r66 because Route 66 and shes a motor cycle babe. 
Phew. if I missed anyone they’re either too new for me to care about OR they Have a special name, like Bill, Ash or the Stranger things kids.  Their tags are pills here, what now?, and strange kids.
OH ALSO don’t tell anyone but I totally stole the patient letter/number idea from @yautjaskitten like a million years ago, she did it first I just copied her.😂
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iwaizooming · 3 years
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➵ KARASUNO FIRST YEARS AS YOUR ROOMMATES
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characters: hinata; kageyama; tsukishima; yamaguchi    type: headcanons   genre: crack? just fun platonic roomie things~    a/n: i might make this a series let’s see (REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED) also this is a repost bc last time tumblr swallowed it from searches again
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HINATA SHOYO
leaves his shoes everywhere
you even built him his own ikea shoerack, but still, you’ll find one of his stinky volleyball shoes in the hallway and the other in the kitchen (how the-)
will ask to join you if he sees you doing those home workout videos
he’ll be perfectly fine throughout the whole workout while you’re heaving and sweating like a madman (damn you athleticism)
loves to join you if you’re cooking lunch or dinner, and he’ll repay you by washing the dishes or buying you your favorite boba drink if he passes by the shop on his way home
probably pierced his own ears one night but did it incorrectly so it bled everywhere and you wake up to him screaming bloody murder
when you rush to the source of the noise—eyes bleary and words slurred—you find him holding his ear which is gushing out blood non stop
by the time the two of you reach the ER, he looks like he’s about to pass out from blood loss lmao
he’s fine though, just really really dumb (definitely won’t be the last dumb thing he’ll do as your roommate)
KAGEYAMA TOBIO
takes up most of the fridge space with his milk and electrolyte drinks
eats hardboiled eggs for breakfast, no soy sauce no chili flakes no nothing—just plain ole’ eggs
probably orders pre-prepped food because he needs to stay healthy but almost burned down the whole apartment that one time he tried to cook chicken
showers in the morning and at night at the exact same times every day (so it’s easy for you to work around the schedule and the two of you have to fight for the bathroom)
sleeps really early (like around 9pm) because he’s baby and he needs his beauty sleep
or else his brain will cease to function
will awkwardly peek into the bathroom if you’re throwing up after a night out and ask you if you need anything
but will be VERY awkward about it he’ll literally be standing like 🧍by the door because he wants to help but he doesn’t know what to do
will indulge in greasy takeout dinners with you once in a while because he actually really enjoys spending time with you, but is too shy to initiate it
TSUKISHIMA KEI
will avoid meeting you at all costs especially in the first few months you guys became roommates
but when he finally warms up to you, he’s a pretty damn good roommate i feel like
you guys go grocery shopping together every week because it saves time
no one else really knows this but he stocks up on those animal crackers and he’ll literally buy 10 boxes of those whenever it’s on sale
you guys sometimes have movie nights together because you’re one of the few people he can actually tolerate
whenever it’s his turn to choose, he always picks the jurassic park movies or some other  dystopian film
brings you some dessert from the cafe near campus when he knows that you’re feeling extra stressed because of uni
overall i think that he’ll be a wonderful roommate because man knows hygiene + personal space, what more can you ask for?
(+ you’re slowly becoming one of his friends and he actually likes spending time with you. huh.)
YAMAGUCHI TADASHI
everyone knows that yamaguchi will be a wonderful roommate
he cleans up after himself and sometimes even washes your dishes if he sees you passed out on the couch from exhaustion
the two of you have weekly cleaning sessions together where you deep clean the apartment
the only annoying that he does as a roommate is that he forgets his keys a lot
there were times when you’re also out with your friends and all of a sudden you’d get a phone call from yamaguchi asking to be let into the apartment
the first few times you’d reluctantly go home to let him in but now you just tell him to wait until you get home
at around 10pm you’d come home to find him sitting against the front door, half-asleep
when he hears your footsteps approaching, he’ll perk up and look at you sheepishly with a blush on his face, eyes apologetic
but then he’ll make it up by grabbing you coffee the next day, so all is well :)
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OTHER WORKS
a/n: not based on personal experience because my college roommates usually suck ass >:( also i made this on a whim bc i got reminded of my previous roomie and got annoyed teehee
general taglist is in the comments! fill in the form in my navi to be added! <3
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2dmenenthusiast · 3 years
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Request: [@wnderwater ] Oh it’s a shame I was your first request I love your aizawa stuff but may I have hcs (or scenario if you feel like it) for aizawa with an s/o that has a habit of making sure everythig is clean & tidy because messy cramped places make her anxious bc as a kid she hated how her neglectful parents let their home become messy and she became claustrophobic and one day the guys only find out that she’s so badly affected by tight spaces when they get stuck in an elevator or closet and she starts to panic
Omg literally I am so sorry this took forever to get to I’ve just been hella stressed and busy and ugh. But things have calmed down now since Christmas is over (until new years) so please don’t let this deter you all from requesting lmao. Anyway, thank you bubs for requesting again and thank you for liking my Aizawa fics. I honestly love writing for that grump lol. (also sorry I couldnt make this a whole scenrio I wanted to get this out for you and im literally exhausted) Anyway let’s get on with it.
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first thing first, I’m not claustrophobic so I hope I write this well lol
but for you lovelies that might relate-
you didn’t tell Aizawa about your phobia for cramped spaces when you first started going out
you didn’t tell him at all actually
he found out for himself {the observant bastard)
he didn’t find out right away though.
He would notice times where you’d both be in the elevator at the school, and you would kinda shift and just look really uncomfortable
He always asked if you were okay, and you’d tell him you were fine (but in reality you were praying the ride up and down the floors would just end already as you fidgeted with your hands to try nd distract yourself)
You never mentioned your past to him either
sure he’d caught bits and pieces whenever you accidently let something slip or had a bit too much to drink, or during the rare occasions where you actually opened up about certain things you liked to keep to yourself.
But he only knew a few things for sure
1. your parents weren’t the greatest
2. you couldn’t stand clutter
the second one he didn’t have to pry out of you to know, he saw it with his own eyes everytime you came over and would try to discretely tidy up his place
now, aizawa was a relatively clean guy
sure he napped in a sleeping bag and looked homeless most of the time, but he kept his house clean and showered regularly, so whenever you came over and immediately started picking up his discarded things, he honestly felt kinda bad
Was he too messy? Did he digust you?
Oh god please reassure this baby
If he confronts you about it, you do let him know why you constantly tidy up
and hey dont worry, he’ll try to understand. He’s just glad it doesnt really have anything to do with him.
from then on, he’ll make sure to pick up a bit whenever he knows you’re coming over so he’s not unintentionally kinda stressing you out.
this grumpy man cares about you and will do whatever to make you feel comfortable
when you come over one day and the place is all nice and neat, he’s just kinda standing there looking at you while you look around like
“Did I do okay? Are you comfortable?”
and you just give him a big ol’ smooch. like yes baby, thank you
still he doesn’t really know you’re claustrophobic until you both are in the elevator at the school one day
of course, it’s already uncomfortble as it is
but then the lights flicker, and the elevator jostles before suddenly stopping and- oh no
you’re trapped. You’re stuck in this metal death box and you’re never getting out
so you’re like, internally freaking out, right?
and aizawa just sighs, pressing the emergency button a few times as he just stands there like this is just a daily occurrence
but this isn’t a minor inconvenience for you. Sure, you’ll look back on this later and think “Oh god, I was so ridiculous then.”
but right now?
Yeah, you feel like the metal walls are about to cave in and fucking crush you
you place a hand on the wall and feel the cool surface against your skin, trying to feel something to ground you in the reality that everything will be fine. someone will come and get you and you’ll go on with your day
but your mind is just like “Nope, sorry.”
Now aizawa’s looking at you, and you know you’re starting to show signs of how anxious you feel
you’re breathing heavy, and you duck your head down to try and calm down but nothing is working
and of course aizawa can just immediately pick up on what’s wrong because he’s attentive and perfect and oh god pls marry me sir
Ahem anyway
Mans is immediately by your side, asking you what’s wrong and what he can do to make your feel better
and he’s pissed at this point because why the fuck isn’t anyone getting you both out of here
can’t they understand that his partner is in distress?!
so he just
gently takes your face in his hands and makes you look at him like-
“Hey, I’m right here, y/n. Just focus on me, okay? just listen to my voice.”
and it’s honestly working? He’s a perfect distraction from the thoughts going wild in your head and wow have his eyes always been this beautiful?
By the time someone finally rescues the both of you, you’ve calmed down a bit now, but aizawa still rushes you out of the elevator and takes you to the teachers lounge so that you can rest and have some water
he then insists that you go home
and you’re just like “uhh I’m fine? Seriously I’ll be okay.”
but he insists of course. it’s not that he doesn’t think you can do your job, he’s just worried
after a bit of convincing, he finally relents
From then on whenever you take the elevator, he makes sure he’s with you in case something happens again, even though Nezu has assured him the issue has been fixed
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thedappleddragon · 3 years
Text
hooooo my fucking god I don't know why but recently my anxiety/sence of dread has SKYROCKETED in the last 3 days, I haven't been sleeping great and last night I had an anxiety dream about manning the register at work. idk I guess today was fine but im so fucking overstimulated I guess?? I seriously just dont fuking know. but anyway here’s a summary of some days that I may or may not remember. putting it under the cut
Wednesday I was exited to work, they didn’t need me, I hung out with my friends at their outdoor band concert and had boba and it got super cold out
Thursday I went with my dad to drop off a car, then we had breakfast together at a little restaurant I had never been to before. He told me about his childhood n stuff. Then I went to work and priced things outside and felt good about helping some people buy plants even tho I didn’t know exactly what I was doing and ended up handing them off to Becky anyway. Got off work, came home, hung out waiting to be able to go visit my friend but she took a while so dad and I made the snack he had a lot as a kid which was just handmade chocolate frosting on graham crackers. Eventually my friend got home so I grabbed one of those graham crackers in some Tupperware and some other stuff and headed out. It was a longer drive than I was expecting but eh whatever, I got there no problem with a bunch of dad’s shit in the back of the car. We had awkward hellos in her apartment and I pet her fat ass cat until she suggested we go thrifting and oh my god I had never wanted to go thrifting more in my life than right then. I had one of those moments where I realized oh I’m an adult who can go out and just DO things :D so we walked around and gossiped in goodwil and had a great time until they closed, whereupon steph frantically looked for anything that was open near us while I drove around. We settled on going to a little park nearby, where we climbed on the tube with holes on it and swung on the swings. Then we walked around a dense tree/brush like and into the middle of a field, having our main character moments as we walked to the top of a hill with a cross on it. I took a picture of the sunset and a selfie with both of us before we walked back through the field and drove back to her apartment. I gave her 2 tiny flower jars and she let me borrow her container of earring hardware and a bunch of different tiny things to make into earrings. I had a great time and I’d love to hang out again, maybe when everything isn’t closed lmao. We joked a lot about understanding why people do drugs lmao since there’s nothing else to do! everything’s closed!! Also some joke flirting mixed in for flavor. We have an excuse to hang out again so I can return her earring supplies and she can return my Tupperware lol. I thought my phone was going to die on the way home before I realized there was a charging cord in the car! Nice. Got home, watched my friend stream plasmaphobia for a bit while I finished a birthday gift, and hung out and slept when she quit streaming. 
Friend’s birthday party day!! Also dad moving day!! The first task of the day was to drive with my dad down to the nearest uhaul to pick up a big ol’ truck, and follow him home in the car while he lead the way in the truck. Then we brought his car full of shit to the apartment, got his key and paid his first month, and looked through everything to do inspection. Tbh it’s a pretty nice apartment, I’d love to spend some time there once it’s a bit more furnished. My favorite part is a Harry Potter style hidey hole closet that’s meant for storage, but it’s the perfect size for a secluded hangout spot for me. I’ll totally let him use it for storage if he wants, I just like sitting in there. I joked that I would let Emily hang out in the spare bedroom and I could get the tiny room. But we spent time cleaning and looking around and bringing in boxes before dad sent me to pick up lunch, my sister, and another car load of boxes. I left to do all 3 and came back with Mcallisters, and we all sat on the floor and ate together. A very nice way to break in a new apartment. We brought in boxes and dad sent us on a quest to pick up a car part and drop it off where the car we dropped off the day before. We got there just fine, but getting to the second location was a nightmare because of all my wrong turns and u turns and no left turns, it was awful. I mean we got there eventually but still. By then it was time for me to get home so I could wash my hair and get ready for the party!! I got everything ready, but my sister wouldn’t be home with the car on time, so I just took my mom’s van. I was on time for once!! But in exchange I didn’t realize I had forgotten Cassidy’s gift until I was like 3 minutes away. But also I found driving my moms van very easy compared to last time I tried to drive it, and I think I’m a much more confident driver now :) but I was one of the first to arrive, accidentally twinned with cass, waited for everyone to show up, met her new dog, and then we all packed up the picnic basket and walked to the top of a hill to have our little sandwiches and play cards against humanity. On the walk there we passed by a park where little kids were asking why we were all dressed up if it wasn’t Halloween, so I shouted at them that it was her birthday and handed them the branch I was carrying. We played CAH on the hill and ate little sandwiches and meatballs and drank sparkling juice and had a lovely time, and when we were done, we walked back to her house where there was pizza and we all changed out of our formal wear. My bra was sewed into my dress with 6 stitches, so I grabbed some scissors and flashed my friend’s cat as I cut my bra free of the dress because I forgot to bring an extra. I changed into my ghostbusters shirt and snake onesie and joined everyone outside for pizza and lots and lots of stories and ice cream cake and gossip and quiplash and balloons and gifts and CAH and friends leaving and new friends arriving and more quiplash and then the grass getting cold and wet and going ham on keeping the balloons up and then playing that’s what she said (basically CAH but ✨for women ✨) and by this time there was a dude I didn’t know but he was very nice and cute and already taken. Tbh I didn’t know half the people there, there was a group of 4 cool alt people I had never met and then the 4 band kids I already knew but everyone else seemed to know each other and they all had great energy so I yelled a lot and joked a ton and had an amazing time. As the crowd dwindled and the night got cooler, I helped put things away before I left so I could be a nice guest, said my goodbyes, gathered my things, and drove home past midnight. Ask walked around the house turning off lights like my mom asked, I realized that my dad wouldn’t be sleeping here anymore, and I felt bad that he had to spend the night all alone in his new apartment :( and this is going to be a huge financial burden that idk if he can afford, rent for the apartment is almost as much as my mom pays for the house. Jejdjgjt this is all a mess and I would like to go back to ignoring it all <3 Listened to a lot of two trucks by lemon demon lmao
Hoo boy howdy I did a lot of shit today. Basically as soon as I woke up I got a text from dad about us helping him move with a promise of donut holes and a fruit platter. I walked out to the garage to find our family friends the drakes helping to move boxes, so we all spent several hours loading boxes into our cars and driving back and forth from the house to the apartment, with emily and I avoiding the drakes as much as possible lmao. When we had moved as much as we could in the car, we started loading up the uhaul, shoving as much shit in there as possible so we only had to do one trip there and back. Partially through unloading the truck the drakes stopped cleaning things before we brought them in left and some randos from dad’s work came to help unload and somewhere in the middle of all this our aunt and uncle and her service dog came to visit?? Bruh idk so much stuff happened. Emily asked me to take her home so she could work on school stuff and we put things back into the garage and I went back to the apartment to help with stuff and hang out with my aunt while my dad and uncle returned the truck. We made a list of stuff I might need for college and I wrote it down on a notepad and most of the page space was taken up by ponies tbh. The men brought back burger king and eventually my aunt and uncle left. I helped my dad clean up and set up his wifi and we watched mama Mia. It was my first time seeing the film, and it was really dang fun. Then I made dad drive me ho e since emily was still gone with the silver car. I’ll spend he night over there eventually, but not yet. I’m exited to eventually invite friends over since I’ve never been able to do that before. So now I’m home trying g to go to sleep so I can work tomorrow. I keep thinking about smoking weed and making out with someone in the hidey hole in dad’s apartment............ even tho I have literally no one to do that with afsagssg I’m a CHILD. 
Had dreams last night about being stuck on the infinity train again, except there was a mechanic of switching the world between 2d and 3d and the cast of Bluey had to help bingo go through stages of grief / character moments to help her get off the train or something. I was tossing and turning for a few hours anxiously waking up thinking I was gonna be late and going back to bed so I could sleep/dream more. But then I finally got up, fed my cat, fed myself, helped clean the kitchen a little bit, got ready for work, arrived 15 minutes late on accident, worked register for 6 hours, got more comfortable with register and learned how to do stuff, lots of friendly people, lots of me struggling and my bones hurting, dad brought me food but I couldn’t get to my lunch break until everything was room temperature. The chicken sandwich reheated well but the fries did not. After work dad and I stopped by the house, I got an info card to fill out so I can be called in for jury duty eventually, dad handed me $50 for dinner for us and my sister, we laid on the floor and looked at the noodles and company menu, drove there, picked up our food, had a lovely dinner at dad’s apartment, laid around while he talked to Greg on the phone, went to target to pick up small apartment things like a clock and a trash can and some small groceries but it made me nervous because I hate spending money and watching my dad spend money he may or may not have, and by then we were tired as shit and after dropping his stuff off emily and I drove home and I tried teaching her how to crochet for a school project. Now I’m hanging out wanting to go to bed and thinking about how everybody else my age working at ACE is doing like 60 hours a week with 2 jobs and saving for college and I’m just sitting here with probably 14 hours a week and fuck. I don’t want to spiral into shit, I just want to keep busy as much as possible. Maybe I’ll ask for as many work hours as possible, maybe I’ll ask my friends to hang out, idk. Right now I jut want to be busy so I don’t have to think about anything. I’ll spend as much time as possible helping my dad set up his apartment, I don’t care.
WAAAAA TODAY AT WORK WAS SO STRESSFUL, I LEFT FELLNG SO FRAZZLED IT SUCKED. basically I worked register for 4 hours but they’re all trying to ween me off asking for help to get me more comfortable, and we were surprisingly busy, and my garden boss becky asked me to do 2 extra things and my boss boss kept asking about paperwork that I couldn't fill out because I needed my sister to text me something, and an old man got mad at me over the phone because no-one was out there to fill his propane tank and I had a lady waiting for 10 minutes for someone to help load salt into her car and a middle aged man tried to use sarcasm at me while I was in friendly cashier mode aND IM SORRY I HAVE ADHD I DONT GET IT PLEASE S T O P and I tried answering the phone more and I didnt get the things done that becky asked and I left shit there because I just wanteD OUT. afterwards I went to target to get something, idk im writing this afterwards so I not really remember 
and today, my day off. ugh god I dont remember what I did, I know I picked up a vent for my mom’s bathroom and I just went to go get Taco Bell with my sister and bought her some more about crocheting and she’s making progress :) tomorrow is my friend’s birthday and last year I made her a felt doll of her fursona, so today I started making a crochet doll for her. so far I have the body and libs, but I still need to make the muzzle, tail, ears, attach everything, and hand-sew on all the markings and glue on button eyes. or maybe felt eyes, idk. my stomach hurts and I got upset because I told my mom my cat may be sick because her pee looked suspicious so I crocheted and watched my little pony and now I have a headache and im just trying to listen to music but really I just want to watch 50 arms videos at once but it wasn't loading right and idk man I dont know what’s happening, I may be going into work tomorrow. I think now that I have a job to do 3-4 times a week, I dont feel like I can just chill and wing it anymore, it’s like I have plans forever now. and oh god I still have to sig up for college orientation night or whatever, but my mind hasn'tt been on college for like a month or longer. I think im just going to take some Advil and try to relax with my cat and my music. holy shit dude. I know none’s gonna read this but just. fuck. also I should really post these more frequently rather than let them pile up in my texts. thinking about going back and adding all the dates like I did with my early quarantine diary, but that feels like a lot of work
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gvnchvcks · 4 years
Note
A few days or maybe a week into being hired is when Fiona finds out most of the crew live in the penthouse with Geoff, at which point she immediately demands a sleepover. Nails will be painted, hair will be braided, boys will be talked about, nobody is safe
YES, SO MUCH YES, I LOVE THIS OKAY SO-
Fiona gets this idea because she wants to know more about the crew as a whole and she wants to hang with her newfound family, and what better way to get to know someone than when it's 4 am and you're all tired as hell telling secrets or something?? So she calls Geoff up and is like, "Hey dad can I have a sleepover?" (Yes she actually says that, you cant convince me otherwise) and Geoff is like ?? What? And so she explains her plan to him and he's automatically on board. They have no jobs coming up for at least a month, why not let loose? So she makes a huge group chat for the entire crew to let them know, and also she's like, wait why dont you guys have a group chat already wth
So now everyone is ready and hyped!! She shows up at the penthouse super early that morning to help Jack and Ryan prepare for having 11 people in it for one whole night. (We all know Gav isn't finna help, Geoff is asleep, and Michael and Jeremy are helping as well, but mostly with cleaning up a bit and finding entertainment) By 2 in the afternoon, things look great!! The furniture in the living room has been moved around a bit so there's enough room in the middle, where a bunch of pillows and blankets are likely gonna be placed. There's a Switch and an X-Box by the tv, ready to be played. Board and card games like Twister, Uno, and Monopoly are set to the side, ready to cause trouble. Snacks are spread throughout the room, unopened sodas, beer, candy, and chip bags. It all looks great, and Fiona is so excited!! The first one to arrive is Matt, Switch and two boxes of donuts in hand. Then, the Twins, Trevor and Alfredo. Wearing matching adult sized onesies they picked up along the way! And finally, Lindsay. She's a bit latez but nobody questions it because it's well. It's Lindsay.
Everyone is finally here!! The livingroom and kitchen are full of people chatting and playing games. (Lets say they're playing Animal Crossing bc I'm obsessed lol) and Geoff is even out of bed now too. Everyone went all out on this, and Fiona couldn't be happier. All wearing pajamas and sitting on the floor or laying on the couches and chairs, like the children they all are on the inside. Eating candy, even making a bit of a mess, but they'll just clean it up later. It's around 10 pm when Lindsay calls for everyone's attention from her spot on the floor.
"So, as you all know, I was a bit late today. BUT do you know why that is?"
A few wrong answers later, she digs into a backpack she brought with her and out comes a slew of makeup, brand new, and a ton of face paint and nail polish. Fiona squeals and is like, "You actually brought it, yesss! Who's our first victim?"
Michael and Geoff immediately nope out of there and head to the kitchen, but everyone else seems game. Especially Gavin and Alfredo, who practically jump in front of the two girls, tripping over people along the way. Gavin occasionally wears a bit of makeup or nail polish here or there, so he wants his face painted! His mistake? Asking Lindsay to do it. 30 minutes later, she's done with her masterpiece. Gavin looks in the mirror, expecting to see a mess, but he actually doesn't hate it? A gold drips painted from his forehead that go over his left eye, and a small gold heart under his right eye. He actually looks really cool! Then, he turns around to show the others, and they laugh?? Why are they laughing? He looks pristine! He looks again. Oh. That's not a heart. It's a dick. He let's out one of his signature loud squawks of shock and disappointment, with a "Lindsayyy!!" Thrown in for good measure, and jumps over the others to run to the kitchen sink.
During all of this though, Fiona and Alfredo arent laughing. Fiona is laser focused on making Fredo the hottest person in the room. And she does. She stares at her work, nearly an hour after she started, and is proud. Alfredo is loving it too, making kissy faces at the other crew members, posing and showing off his red nails while Jack takes pictures of him using a Polaroid she bought just for this occasion.
Anyways, that's all done. Nobody else wants to get their faces done, in fear they'll end up like poor ol Gav, so they move on (tho Fredo and Gav do keep their looks, Gav is just missing the "heart") Things calm down again for a bit, and everyone is telling stories. Fiona is in the middle of talking about what her life in France was like before moving to Los Santos, when she realizes she's been subconsciously braiding Matt's hair while he sits in front of her on the floor. She stops and is joking like, "aw dude wtf I've been touching Matt's hair" and then Matt is like, "Yeah but this is actually not a bad look if I'm being honest" and the others agree with him! Michael says it makes him look a bit less like an animal (I swear I love Matt lmao but you know they'd bully him during this, nobody is safe) and then Trevor is like, "you should do Ryan's next!! He has long hair too!!"
Ryan is against it at first but eventually is forced to take Matt's spot on the floor, and by the time Fiona's story is done, so is Ryan's new look, and lemme tell ya. That boy can ROCK a braid. Everyone is like, "Daaaamn, Ry, look at you GO" and "Of course he looks better than Matt, the dude was a model" and this actually makes Ryan kinda happy!! He likes his friends giving him validation, sorry I don't make the rules.
The night continues as normal. More stories are told, and they slowly start to get deeper as it gets later. Stories of their past lives, their first kills and first crimes, and romance too. They talk about their worst and best past relationships, what they're looking for in a partner, things like that.
(This is about to get a bit shippy, so I'm sorry if you dislike any of these ships, they're just the ones I personally like and wanted to write about, with my own headcanons for each character and their sexualities. If anybody is interested in me talking about my personal HC's for that, send in an ask tho cause this is already kinda long lol)
At one point, Trevor actually draws attention to himself. Things are quiet and more chill now. Everyone is being supportive, so this is good as time as any-
"Uh, actually, I kinda wanna tell you guys something since we're on the topic. I'm..bisexual."
Everyone is silent for a second, and he actually starts to get nervous, then Lindsay pipes up with
"Dude, hell yeah, bi gang! Love wins, what's up!"
Everyone smiles and laughs, and Fiona highfives Lindsay. Geoff is the next to speak up, "That's great news, Trevor. When did this realization hit you, bud? I've known you for a while now, I had no idea."
"Oh, it was actually maybe..a few months ago? A year maybe? Yeah. About half a year ago I'd say."
Michael chimes in next,
"Wait, isn't that also when you found Fredo and introduced him to Geoff?"
A few oooooh's ring out and Trevor tries to hide his face by looking down and chuckling.
"Uh, yeah. It is.. Anyways! What about you guys? Jeremy, what's your type?" He looks to the shorter male who's lounging on a beanbag near the tv, trying to divert everyone's attention from himself. Jeremy thinks for a second and takes a sip of his beer.
"Hm. Not sure. I like tough people who have a soft side usually, just like me.."
As he names off a few other things he finds attractive, Jack shoots a knowing look over to Ryan. Ryan's had a thing for Jeremy for a while now, and only she knows about it. When you're the crew mom, your kids tell ya everything.
This continues for a while longer with more almost-confessions, before people eventually start slowly passing out. (After a few games of Uno of course. The Monopoly stayed untouched, and they started a game of Twister but were to drunk to stay still and kept toppling onto each other painfully.)
This is a bit longer than I intended and I left out a LOT I wanted to put in but I don't wanna make these too long aishsijsjs I'm not good at writing lol I'm sorry, but I hope you like this!! I could elaborate on other aspects of anyone is curious, I'll be accepting these asks all day so keep em coming 💚💚💚
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makeste · 5 years
Text
BnHA Smash!! 01 and 02: Smash!!Might is a Fucking Menace
okay, so. I have about a million other things I should be doing instead, including (1) responding to asks and/or finishing in-progress metas, (2) reading Vigilantes, and last but not least, (3) actually making a dent in the ever-increasing backlog of Actual Work That I Really Should Be Doing Instead.
so naturally I’m procrastinating by taking my first stab at reading BnHA’s cute 4-panel omake spinoff series, BnHA Smash!! IT JUST MAKES SENSE. look, I have exactly one thing I felt like actually doing and not procrastinating today, so I might as well do the thing. basically it’s my attention span’s world and I’m just living in it.
anyway! so apparently this series was scanlated by good ol’ Fallen Angels. that’s right; prepare yourselves for some very creative cursing, fellas. other background info for anyone who, like me, is unfamiliar with this spin-off: this series debuted on November 9, 2015, a little over a year after the original series. said original series was currently at chapter 66, meaning the Final Exam arc was just wrapping up.
so now that we’re all properly oriented, let me go over a few disclaimers real quick and then we’ll get started!
all comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.
I’m aware that not everyone may be familiar with Smash!! even if they’ve read/watched the original series, so I’ve tried to make this recap comprehensible even if you haven’t read the spin-off. that being said, it’s probably more enjoyable if you have, so you can either purchase the first volume from Viz here, or read the chapter online (I don’t want to link directly, but the spin-off is available on most of the usual sites. literally just google “read mha” and you’ll find some good options).
this readthrough contains a handful of sorta-kinda spoilers for the BnHA manga, although there are no direct spoilers. just an indirect reference to a joke in chapter 242, as well as a reference to a theory which as of now is in no way canon. but just to be on the safe side I’m posting a heads-up.
and I think that’s it! so here we go.
so we’re opening with a brief summary of the series. people have superpowers and shit’s nuts. you know the drill
there’s also a brief description of the way that the superhero economy works, complete with Mt. Lady’s employees unionizing and demanding better pay
...what
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guys I keep staring at this and thinking that surely, SURELY it doesn’t say what I think it says. sidekick... what... manager??
you know what? Viz unfortunately doesn’t include this series as part of their subscription package (WHAT AM I PAYING YOU FOR, VIZ), but it does at least include a free preview of Smash, and I bet you that this, the first fucking page of the series, is a part of that preview. so... let’s see...
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okay, see, this actually makes sense! so did the FA scanlating team collectively all have a fucking stroke?! just, what??
this is one of the reasons why I had difficulty reading Vigilantes too, tbh. those early chapter scans were, uh. but at least Vigilantes has a Viz scanlation too. I don’t want to spend 10 bucks just to read one volume of this, but we’ll see. anyways
so now there’s a strip about baby!Izuku watching his favorite clip of All Might saving one hundred people from a bus accident or whatever
lol Inko you should not have left your shrewdly calculating four-year-old son unattended omg
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TWELVE MONTHS’ WORTH OF TEXTBOOKS HOW CAN THIS EAGER YOUNG MIND RESIST
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and this is why you don’t leave your credit card info saved on the computer when you have kids. life lessons learned today
this is the first indicator we have ever had that baby!Izuku wasn’t perfect and was, in fact, capable of being a little shit and giving his mom plenty of gray hairs in his own special way. ngl, I fucking love it
also 12,800 yen is about $118 USD, which is honestly a really good deal for a year’s worth of textbooks. he got three boxes of books! I just googled the average cost of college textbooks, and the google article said the average student spends about $1200 a year. so this is a fucking steal tbh
OH MY GOD INKO HOW MANY TIMES MUST HISTORY REPEAT ITSELF BEFORE YOU LEARN
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at least install a fucking adblocker ffs. you’re lucky quirk supplement ads are the worst of the ads he’s getting! PARENTAL CONTROLS
now we are cutting to a comic about baby!Izuku defending another boy from my problematic fave, as seen in page one of the original series!
lmaooo
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I’m not clear on how much of this spin-off can actually be considered canon. my understanding is that it is Horikoshi-reviewed and approved, even though he doesn’t actually write it. but it’s obviously a humor series, so a lot of it is just going to be jokes. that being said, I think my approach is going to be “if it’s not completely ridiculous and doesn’t contradict the actual manga, go ahead and consider it canon”
(ETA: I might change this up after reading the first two chapters. most of these strips would have terrifying implications if they were actually canon sob.)
anyhoo, this actually does contradict the manga in that we saw this encounter play out very differently. but I kind of wish it was canon regardless because looool. these cocky preschoolers and their fucking Battle Tears
the next comic is Mt. Lady accidentally stepping on a guy’s face and the guy being way too fucking happy about it (read: having a fucking nosebleed and taking an upskirt shot). we’re just going to skip this entirely. this is another problem I was having with Vigilantes too. you know, for all my complaints about Mineta and such, BnHA as a whole is so much tamer than it could be, and I need to give Horikoshi credit for that. he mostly knows where to draw the line, and to his credit he’s also much, much better about this kind of thing than he was when he first started. maybe Mineta’s standings in the character poll results are helping to clue him in
anyway, I’ll mostly just skip past the iffy stuff because I don’t have patience for it and there’s still plenty of other stuff to cover. so on to the next strip
which features a bunch of reporters fawning over Mt. Lady’s flashy quirk while Kamui Woods laments in the shadows
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and yet we know this kid will have a prominent rise within the next six months. it’s so strange to revisit the start of the series and see how much things have changed in such a short time
oh my god
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no one who dresses up as a giant mushroom could possibly have good intentions. I. just
and look at the fucking disappointment in Deku’s eyes. KAMUI WOODS HE BELIEVED IN YOU!
now some strange man is coming up to Deku and is all HEY YOU, YOU’RE A HERO OTAKU, TELL ME WHAT TO BUY MY SEVEN-YEAR-OLD SON FOR HIS BIRTHDAY. better not ask him unless you’re prepared to shell out $120 bucks for some fucking textbooks
hey, what!!
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WE DIDN’T EVEN GET TO SEE WHAT HE BOUGHT HIM? unless it’s the action figure the kid appears to be holding? but I’m just going to go ahead and assume Izuku recommended the number one best gift that any seven-year-old child would love, i.e. a giant sword
now it’s a sludge monster omake!
so Izuku is trudging home all depressed after CERTAIN INCIDENTS, and Sludgey is glooping his way out of a sewer towards him
oh no All Might
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my biggest takeaway from this is the fact that the entire second half of chapter one takes place after All Might has emerged from a fucking sewer. I forgot all about that somehow. or maybe it never fully processed until just now. but omg. this entire chapter must have smelled so fucking bad. these poor kids
wow All Might
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sure called that one wrong. ah well nobody’s perfect
looooool
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lmao, Smash!!All Might appears to be quite a bit more vain than the original. wow dude
btw, friendly reminder (and I think this is something that was actually pointed out to me after one of the recaps; that’s one of my favorite things about doing these) that All Might, after saving Deku, actually read his notebook before signing it. super-fast, I guess, because he’s the best. but yeah, so he knew exactly how smart and observant Deku was, and how much he wanted to be a hero. his decision to pick him as his successor didn’t just come out of the blue; even before the “my body moved on its own” thing, there was a lot Deku had going in his favor. this is one of those little details of which BnHA has so many, and which I love
lmao what the fuck
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ngl this version of the series would have been amazing in its own way. but yeah. so this is why we clearly can’t assume everything in Smash!! is canon lol. but I can already tell I am going to enjoy the shit out of this series
now we’re cutting to Deku running at Sludgey in order to save Kacchan, oh shit. the most dramatic part of chapter one. clearly no moment is sacred
sob what
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I don’t understand this strip at all. is this supposed to be a serious moment inserted unexpectedly among this multitude of joke strips? or did I miss the punchline? heeeeelp
(ETA: okay so. my best guess is that All Might wrote all over Deku’s life-saving advice, and so the joke is that Deku no longer knows what to do when assaulting sludge men because HIS NOTES ARE RUINED. idk. what does 25 P mean??)
now All Might has Done The Thing and saved my boys, and now Mt. Lady is helping with the cleanup. scooping up all the bits of sludge and putting it in trash bags
oh my god
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nope nevermind. nope. nope
-- shit. okay, you know what? this first chapter has been a real in-your-face reminder of the fact that the sludge monster was not made of cute sparkly 2018-trending-fad slime, but was in fact composed of RAW FUCKING SEWAGE. (ETA: to be clear, I’m pretty sure the joke in this strip is that she accidentally picked up dog-doo during her clean-up. but still, the fact that it was indistinguishable from the rest of the gunk speaks for itself.) I think I forced myself to gloss over this fact originally due to the nope factor. but just. Izuku and Katsuki were both choking to death on this shit?? and just, how the fuck did they make it out of this not traumatized
and also, like. All Might was straight up going to leave Izuku alone afterwards, just, “well enjoy your autograph, fine citizen” and blasting off out of there. and everyone fucking saw Katsuki almost suffocate to death later on, and after giving him a pat on the back they fucking let him go off on his own too? and you can’t even make the argument that this was Just Another Day In Quirk Society either, because more than a year later, Katsuki is still a bona fide fucking celebrity from the media coverage of his attack. it clearly was not something that happens every day. in conclusion, these kids are resilient as fuck, and thank god for that because people apparently just do not give a shit, holy christ
anyway. at least Mt. Lady had gloves
OH MY GOD
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I FUCKING KNEW IT OH MY GOD. THE ROIDS. MUSCLES LIKE THAT DON’T JUST GROW ON TREES, I DON’T CARE HOW MANY LBS OF GARBAGE THIS KID HAULED OFF THE BEACH. THIS BOY BEEN HITTIN THE JUICE
Smash!!Might is so fucking shady omfg. probably sells cheap counterfeit electronics on Amazon
oh shit and that’s the end of the fucking chapter lol. that’s it?? that was only eight pages. fuck it, let’s read another. but first here’s Horikoshi’s note on the spin-off
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so he really feels that Neda gets the spirit of the series and understands him. that’s very encouraging. the best spoofs and parodies are done out of love. I really think I’m going to enjoy this series
so! onward to chapter two
so here’s All Might dressed as Mr. 2 Bon Clay from One Piece, I guess??
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“you know what’s funny? dressing a man in girl’s clothes LOL.” guys can we grow the fuck up. and also acknowledge that All Might can look good in anything, so this questionable gag wouldn’t have even landed anyway. you work that tutu All Might
lmao check out the past users of OFA here
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All for One for All theory fucking confirmed lol. just look. that’s him in the back of the conga line. clearly
so Deku is all “hell yes why would I possibly say no??” but then
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HIS LIMBS. lmao. sign here
in all seriousness, given the shit this kid has been through since the part of the series, All Might probably should have gotten him to sign a liability waiver of some sort. not that it would have stood, since Deku is underage! anyways Deku you totally have grounds to sue the shit out of the Symbol of Peace should you ever choose to do so. and the trend of Smash!!Might being shady af continues yes please give me more I love it
so now All Might is giving Deku his fitness plan which has a really elaborate name
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given that this is Smash!!Might, I can’t help but wonder if this plan is in actuality some sort of MLM scheme. All Might are you trying to get Deku to do Herbalife
lol what in the fuck
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the original series skipped right over a hell of a lot, it would seem. like the time Deku traveled to Arizona and fought coyotes in a poncho
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I’m starting to suspect that Neda-sensei might be on some sort of substance. “let’s see what jokes can I make about chapter 2 of BnHA. I know, I’ll send the protagonist to a fictionalized version of the American Southwest in a sombrero, and then turn him into a 65-year-old oil tycoon.” naturally
lmao that’s really it, that’s the strip. moving right along. okay??
now Izuku is staring at the intimidating piles of Beach Trash and is all “I HAVE TO PICK ALL THIS SHIT UP?”
omg Deku no
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somebody call Marie Kondo. Deku none of this is salvageable. not even to reuse in a color page photoshoot spread four years from now
OH SHIT
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PROVED ME WRONG OH SNAP. SHOWED ME RIGHT WHERE I COULD PUT THOSE SASSY TAKES. MY BAD DEKU I’M SORRY
anyways I don’t know what Smash!!Might is so upset about. he probably wove some kind of clause into the contract Deku signed that allows him a percentage of the profits. unless Deku already spent it all on textbooks
what the fuck is this fucking series lmao
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time for a round of “what is All Might casually crushing in this panel?” is it (a) a cardboard box, or (b) like, a mini-fridge or some fucking shit. IT COULD BE EITHER. IT MAKES EQUALLY AS MUCH SENSE EITHER WAY. “HEROES THESE DAYS ARE [FLEEEEEEX] OBSESSED WITH BEING FLASHY” 
holy shit no wonder he ran away to the Sierra Nevada. it’s only a matter of time before this freak fucking kills someone
NOW WE’RE CUTTING AWAY TO KAMUI WOODS DRESSED LIKE A DAFFODIL, IN THE SAME FUCKING COMIC STRIP, BECAUSE REASONS
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my jokes about the mangaka being high as a fucking kite when he wrote this are gradually becoming less jokes and more serious inquiries??
lol so he coincidentally just stumbled across All Might and Deku at this exact moment
AND IT WAS A FUCKING REFRIGERATOR OH MY FUCKING GOD
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do you guys remember during the final exam when All Might beat the everloving shit out of Deku and Kacchan, and everyone was all “JESUS CHRIST WOULD YOU LEARN TO FUCKING HOLD BACK A LITTLE THEY ARE CHILDREN YOU MANIAC.” but now we can see plain as day that he was, in fact, holding back. anyways Smash!!Might is terrifying as shit and if this had been the main series I would have already pegged him as the final villain by this point
here he is now wearing an old-timey bathing suit but looking more like an escaped convict than anything else
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this panel is actually canon. I’ve decided. this 100% definitely happened at some point. especially the swimsuit
now two bikini babes are walking up and they’re all “IS THAT ALL MIGHT??” with excited sparkly eyes because they don’t know that he’s actually a deranged con artist who crushes refrigerators like empty soda cans. this spin-off has truly opened my eyes
LOOK AT THIS SKEEVY FUCK. JUST LOOK
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AND NOW HE’S RUNNING OFF AND LEAVING DEKU TO DROWN IN EXHAUSTION, SON OF A
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“SUDDEN BUSINESS” KSJLDKF SMASH!!MIGHT IS A FUCKING MENACE TO SOCIETY AND ALSO DOES NOT GIVE ONE SINGLE FUCK. NOT ONE!! HE’S OUT THERE FUCKLESS, AND NO ONE IS SAFE
now Deku is approaching his mom all serious and says he wants to change up his diet
and she’s looking at the menu he prepared all impressed and thinking that she might join him. as long as it’s for your health, Inko. if this manga starts making jokes about your weight, I will beat it over the head with Deku’s textbooks
OMFG
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THIS WENT IN THE EXACT OPPOSITE DIRECTION I WAS EXPECTING, AND THIS IS THE MOST AMAZING THING I’VE EVER READ WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. the whole fucking family is on the juice. and the fucking mangaka is on some special juice of his own oh my stars
now we’re cutting to Mt. Lady stomping on a car
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thank fuck no one was actually in there. also does she not wear shoes
and also, it only just occurred to me that she must be another person with a special quirk costume, because her suit shrinks and expands along with her. Hagakure and Momo are really getting shafted by the costume design team here. they need to fire some people
anyway so Mt. Lady slipped on this carelessly placed vehicle and fell down and crushed an entire building whoops
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bruh, you think you’re “ow.” let’s hope that building was empty too
and now she’s toppling another building just fucking because, I guess. and saying she can’t do urban areas
lmao and now the sidekick [CENSORED] manager from chapter one is back to guilt-trip her omg
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I need this man to show up in every freaking chapter. please. respect my wishes
and now Izuku is standing on top of his collected pile of garbage screaming in victory
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I only just realized that there’s still a big old Pile O’ Trash on this beach, though. someone needs to haul all of this junk away. or else get All Might and Mt. Lady to crush it all with a combined effort
oh shit here it comes y’all, the famous “eat my hair” scene. potential comedy gold right here omg
lol what the fuck
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this man is a fucking billionaire and he’s out here clipping coupons and deleting pictures of his son in order to make room for them smdh
okay now we’re doing the hair scene
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oh. oh no. I know where this is going sob please keep this comic rated PG for the children Neda
motherfucker they really --
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Smash!!Might is a straight-up felon. this man has no fucking scruples. that’s okay Midoriya-shounen, if you don’t want to eat my hair we could just try some REDACTED, jesus christ I am going to need some bleach for my eyes after this
OR LET’S JUST STRAIGHT UP GO THERE WHY NOT
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lmao sob. well, two chapters in and we’ve established that no territory is off-limits here. it’s a brave new world. wow
 so that’s it! our introduction to BnHA Smash!! I enjoyed it a lot and I will definitely be reading more! I’m not sure what kind of schedule I’ll keep, but this is a really good procrastination manga thus far, so knowing me I might actually work my way through this relatively quickly. especially since the Manga At Large is on break this week. anyways my deepest apologies to the many people who have been requesting for me to start Vigilantes instead. I just need something lighter right now, and this is a good fit. one of these days I’ll get my shit together with the other two spinoffs as well.
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620-622: "A Critical Situation! Punk Hazard Explodes!", "Capture Caesar! General Cannon Blasts!" and "A Touching Reunion! Momonosuke and Kinemon!"
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Watched three in a row because Doflamingo was teased. He is currently air-leaping over the sea from Dressrosa, so, to be fair, that might take some time. Meanwhile, a whole lot of stuff happened during the wind-up phase of Punk Hazard.
The biggest twist was Caesar accidentally stabbing Monet in the heart. That was brutal and a genuine shock. Doubt he’ll care unless Doflamingo chews him out for it. The second biggest twist was the whole Kaidou thing. The third biggest was Kinemon returning from the “dead” (more on that later).
There is a fair bit to unpack, so I’ll get down to it.
The Ol’ Switcheroo
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They really have to start labeling these things. Nametags, people! One of the first things you learn at school. A permanent marker. That’s all you need. Scrawl some initials on that box. Boom! There’s your protection from switcheroos. Job done.
The scene was great, though. I liked the disorientating switch between Caesar outside and Monet inside. It meant you didn’t really know what was truly happening until the action switched back to the escaping Strawhats.
At the start of 620, Caesar lay flat out, clutching that blade, fully intent on taking Smoker down with him.
Inside, Monet was still on the DDM to Doflamingo, fully prepared to sacrifice herself to clean up Punk Hazard. Her feathery appendage hovered over the Big Red Button. “The Strawhats. Trafalgar Law. G5. Those pitiable children. Everyone will disappear along with me.” Back in Dressrosa, Doflamingo perched on that window seat.
Then there was a big, confusing KABOOM and a slicing sound. Monet’s eyes widened. I had no idea what was going on. Neither did Doflamingo. He must have heard the explosion and wondered aloud why the DDM connection hadn’t cut out.
The explanation came from Law. The boom that rocked Punk Hazard came from the SAD room. 
So what had happened to Monet? She slumped to the floor, bleeding. Then the action switched back to Caesar. A vicious grin stretched his face and that shard of blade was buried deep in that heart.
Yup. Caesar stabbed Monet in the heart BY ACCIDENT. Caesar killed Monet.
How had he managed to screw up so badly?
Law played the ol’ switcheroo. In a flashback, it was revealed that Law had already returned Smoker’s heart. Smoker was puzzled because his heart had been handed to Caesar by Law as a “thoughtful gift.” How had Law clawed it back? 
To obtain Caesar’s trust in the first place, Law exchanged hearts. Law’s for Monet’s. That had been the deal. But when Law took Smoker’s heart later on, he now had two identical-looking hearts. Just before he handed over the “thoughtful gift” Law pocketed Caesar’s and handed over Monet’s instead. As Law said, “When you do something good, something good will happen to you”, right?
A genius move but a risky gamble, Law, you absolute madman. :D
Naturally, Doflamingo realised something was up. Monet did not answer. A horrific explosion had not cut the line. He grabbed his jacket. I cannot lie, he looked grim. Some little kid ran about looking for him. The Elders said Doflamingo would be in his room but the kid said she’d looked there. Oh well, the Elders said. Doflamingo had just left without taking any subordinates again. (I like that. Doflamingo is obviously confident he can take care of this mess himself.)
And sure enough, Doflamingo boosted across the sea, on the line with Baby 5 and Buffalo. Was Punk Hazard still intact? Yes. But an “Iron Security Guard” stood in their way.
“Make sure you kill him,” Doflamingo said. “I’m on my way now.”
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YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Things are hotting up again. I mean, RIP, Monet, but I won’t miss you too much. Sure, you said the children were pitiable but you went along with the blood-curdling experimentation because Doflamingo asked you to so...
Come to think of it, it was probably a good thing that Caesar screwed up.
Doflamingo just assumed Baby 5 and Buffalo would easily take care of retrieving Caesar. He didn’t contact them for an update until he was leaping across the sea. If Monet had pushed that button, everyone would have been killed in the explosion - including Caesar. (Probably. I’m assuming the gas fruit wouldn’t protect Caesar from that. If that’s wrong, then Doflamingo made a good call.)
Artists Taking the Michael Here, I Think
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While Doflamingo was in transit, Baby 5 and Buffalo were having a hard time against Franky. Got to say that Franky is lovably eccentric. He sings these theme songs for himself while he’s fighting, “I am the Iron Pirate and I don’t take care of the seeeeeeeea... I am an invincible Iron Pirate!” He’s hilarious. 
The weapons/air battle was cool. That’s why Franky is such a useful character. He can inject a bit of variety into any fight. For a while, it switched from a pirate series into an air battle mecha fest! Baby 5 transformed into revolvers, gatling guns, flame throwers, sickles and spinning tops (super lame!) But Franky held out against them all. 
It was interesting that she said, “Even a Pacifista would have taken damage from that!” Does that imply that Franky has improved upon Vegapunk’s designs?? :D
At any rate, Franky had it all under control. “I praise you for penetrating my armour but this is like a mantis going up against a warship.” That was a good line! Franky revealed the Sunny’s secret weapon: the Gaon Cannon.
It was only when the smoke cleared that Franky finally noticed Caesar lying flat out. Then Baby 5 yelled, “In the name of Joker, we will recover Caesar no matter what!”
The penny finally dropped. They weren’t after his cola.
Oh, Franky.
Punk Hazard Survivors’ Team Photo
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In the tunnel, the big explosm from the SAD Room made life difficult for the escapees. Large chunks of ceiling and boulders fell on the tracks. Luffy and Zoro took care of those. No problem. Standard procedure.
The only thing that really threatened their plan? The explosion caused the gas to leak into the tunnel. Yikes.
Law asked if there was anyone who could control wind. Loved that little moment when the G5 guys were like, “Oh yeah. And you’ll find someone with that highly specialised power here by random chance? We’re doomed!” 
And Nami stepped forward. xD
Her job was to redirect the gas cloud, blowing away the gas outside to clear a path to the ships. The G5 didn’t entirely trust Nami. I like how Sanji defended her here. “Those who don’t trust Nami, get off!” That trust was based on Strawhat solidarity and faith in Nami’s competence, not on comedic infatuation.
That unshakeable Strawhat solidarity was shown again after Nami played a blinder and the truck burst out of the tunnel to a huge victory fanfare! :D
Instead of finding more clouds of noxious gas, they found the area clear and Franky battling with Baby 5 and Buffalo. (Usopp was the only one who wondered where the outside gas was. That man always has his head screwed on.)
Before they nabbed Caesar and dashed, Baby 5 called out Law for being a traitor. She said something verrrrrry interesting too. “Are you really going against Joker? You traitor. Joker was saving the Seat of Hearts for you.”
Leaving aside the obvious card suit theme here (was Law to be promoted to a General like rank in Doflamingo’s crew?) Law told Luffy that Baby 5 and Buffalo were the enemy. When they realised they were outnumbered and outmatched, Baby 5 and Buffalo snatched Caesar and scarpered.
That triggered the Nami and Usopp dream team capture sequence.
Usopp was like, “Leave this to me.” Law attempted to step in, but Luffy had an “I’m just gonna stop you there moment”. If Usopp said he’d handle it, he’d handle it. It was said with a smile but you know Luffy meant business. Law had to learn to trust the other Strawhats just as much as Luffy already does.
Oda always plays with Nami and Usopp’s cowardice but honestly, it’s becoming more and more of a running joke rather than truth. Nami’s weather control powers are actually super destructive and she took out Baby 5, Buffalo and Caesar with no problems. Usopp finished the job by grabbing Buffalo and Baby 5. Caesar almost thought he’d get away because Usopp’s attacks phased through his logia form.
But no!
For Usopp had already thought about it. THOSE CUFFS!
That aside, let us give credit where it’s due: Luffy, your plan came good in the end. Great execution by Usopp. Now that’s what I call teamwork. :D
Nami and Usopp Come Through
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The immediate danger past, it was time to literally draw a line (lmao G5) and get back to reality. Smoker agreed to wait with the pirates until a ship came to pick up his unit.
Oda set about tying up the loose ends. Brownbeard and the minions would hand themselves over to the Marines in exchange for treatment. It’s telling that he considers prison a better alternative than being Caesar’s guinea pig. Plus, he got to see Caesar go flying thanks to Luffy, so it was worth it.
Tashigi asked Nami if she could take the kids to Vegapunk for treatment. Nami was initially distrustful. It was the Marines’ fault the kids ended up with Caesar in the first place. Vergo had handed them over! The Marines weren’t doing their job. But Tashigi apologised, said she’d take personal responsibility for the kids and that she would get them back to their parents. Most of them should be okay now Law has operated on them and removed most of the bad stuff.
(Little bit cliched that the female characters are the ones always taking ultimate responsibility for the kids but it’s entirely expected considering the genre, Japan, etc.)
At least the kids recognised Nami and Chopper as the main people who stuck up for them and helped them pull through. When Chopper told them the Marines wanted to take care of them, they protested. Where’s the orange-haired lady? They wanted to thank her. What about Robo Man? Rubber Man? Curly Brow Guy?
But it was for the best. Nami and Usopp had a little chat on deck. I love moments like that when you catch the friendly, natural moments between the crew you don’t often get to see because they’re busy fighting. Usopp asked Nami if she’d sorted things with the Marines. Nami said yeah, that it was for the best that Tashigi took the kids. They were all pirates. Keeping the kids on deck even until they got them home would put them in danger (good call, as Doflamingo is on his way).
There was a nice callback to Bellmere too. Nami admitted the other reason was she has, “a weakness for the eyes of a female Marine. They’re just reassuring to me. It’s always best to be saved by a strong, kind-hearted female Marine.”
I like it when Oda does that. He never forgets his characters’ roots and motivations.
In Two Minds About This
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While Sanji was cooking up some Newkama Kempo 99th Vital Recipe: Hormone Soup with Sea Pig (sounds horrendous but everyone was lining up for it) Brook backed into Kinemon.
I suspected Kinemon would be revived. Why else would Brook have dragged him all the way out of Punk Hazard? Plus, I felt sorry for poor Momonosuke knowing his dad was dead and having to bottle all that up because “samurai”.
The reunion was actually great. Not complaining about it in the slightest. True to the OPverse’s samurai culture, it wasn’t overly sappy. It was a worried sick dad hugging his little boy. Momonosuke did not touch a drop of food until his dad said it was okay, that they could trust these pirates, that they had saved his life. Watching little Momonosuke finally able to eat gave me a major case of HappySad. (If anyone’s curious about the ratio, it was 80% happy and 20% sad.)
This turned into straight up Happy when Luffy cheered up Momonosuke with his old chopsticks in nostrils trick. No one should be crying at a party, after all!
The only thing I was a bit meh about was that Kinemon - and all the other G5 guys - survived Caesar’s weapon. Would have preferred it if the G5 guys’ sacrifice remained that way. Not because I like edgy character death but because it was such a grave moment and a change in tone. It also obliterated most of the peril. I also don’t get how they survived if they were encased in that white substance. They would have suffocated!
Maybe if Kinemon was half frozen, it would have been more convincing to break the white casing and he was still alive underneath. But that would have ruined the reunion drama of him “rising from the dead”.
Also, what’s Caesar doing inventing weapons that don’t actually kill people?
Come on, Caesar. Step up your game! You should have stuck with Smiley, mate.
And Now For Someone Completely Different...
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Now that everyone was free to party, Law attempted to kill the buzz by reminding Luffy that new enemies would be arriving shortly and it was best to make themselves scarce. Luffy responded to this by declaring everyone should “Hurry up and party!” Lmao.
The party montage showed that Mocha would be okay, the kids enjoyed Franky’s hair transformations, that Brownbeard and the Minions are friends again, the kids trooped onto the Marine ship, Chopper brought Law a bowl of soup (he freaked out watching Law operate on the kids, haha), the Minions forced Caesar to spill the secrets of how the gas worked and that Caesar was sitting there, absolutely battered, wondering how the hell Smoker was still alive.
Smoker was also wondering something. He asked his new Pirate Pal Law why the alliance with Luffy. “What are you planning on using Strawhat to do?”
Law’s reply? “Who’s the one who’s being used?”
Then, finally, we were treated to the real conversation. The one Luffy and Law had on that clifftop in the blizzard that cut away when the real good stuff happened.
And here is the news.
The target is Kaidou the Beast.
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Kaidou? Already?
That is awesome.
It’ll be a long-term plan, though, because the Strawhats have business with Big Mom after Dressrosa (dat spoilery CR arc list).
I was right in thinking Luffy had reservations in fighting Shanks but I was totally wrong about him never wanting to go up against him. Luffy just doesn’t want to fight him first.
Luffy, you absolute madman.
(I now think someone else will take out Shanks, thus averting the friends into enemies situation. Maybe Blackbeard because he is persona non grata and he already has beef with Shanks.)
The only thing I’m worried about immediately (as in the next couple of episodes) is the imminent arrival of Doflamingo and the dude with the feather boa/fur trimmed collar who woke up on a tiny ship, said he’d slept in and... where was Punk Hazard again?
Hopefully, Luffy will take Law’s advice and scarper with Caesar on board before Doflamingo finds them.
That’ll make Doflamingo mad.
See that vein on his head? Something tells me you don’t wanna see that vein. That means he’s angry.
You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry...
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Look, up in the sky! 
It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a birdplane!
Faster than a streak of lightning. More powerful than the pounding surf. Mightier than a roaring hurricane... oh, wait. It’s Doflamingo.
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wetookanoath · 6 years
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I’m not all that sure why I was so excited for this episode, but it was SO good!
Shane’s big smile as he’s asking if Ryan will be able to surive this experience, holy shit. Aesthetic.
“I don’t... I don’t need shit”
S/O to @faequill for saying Ryan wants Shane to touch his butt, that’s why he invites him to take the bible from his back pocket.
“You sound brave, but your wide eyes betray you”, relatable.
THEY ARE SLEEPING IN THERE, YEEEESSS. It’s been a while, I’m so excited for this. 
“Ol’ demon slumber party” Shane, no.
*adorably looks at Shane* “I’m gonna come out a big boy” STOP
Good date idea: light on a candle and summon some spirits in a demonic house.
Shane lowkey irritated at the fact that Ryan just... put a candle and thought they were doing some ritual is me. Also, “let’s search some rituals on the internet” STRAIGHT OUT A FUCKING FANFIC, OH MY GOD.
Ryan sAYING THEY HAVE TO HOLD HANDS AND LOOKING AT SHANE WITH THE CUTEST BIG EYES, I’M CRYING.
AAAAH, THEY ARE HOLDING HANDS. ARE WE ALIVE STILL, FANDOM?????
Ryan cleaning his hands after dropping Shane’s, uughhh.
The fucking INTENSE stare Shane gives Ryan after he says he won’t blame the spirits if they don’t like his vibes, and while they are waiting for something to happen. Holy shit.
Shane’s respiration giving Ryan a fucking heartattack is a big mood.
Dude, Ryan is realy scared. I love him for putting himself thorugh all this for us and for what he loves. Like-- all my admiration for this man, honeslty.
Shane is having the time of his fucking life, holy shit. The big smiles he is putting, he def knows the demon in the house.
You guys better not give shit to Shane for saying he believes in what the woman is saying. Like, he can be skeptical of all this but still see when someone is being honest. I’ve seen this many times before, people who is sure of what they experienced, but it has an explanation or two that is not necessary the supernatural, but it doesn’t mean that it didn’t happen in their head. Am I making sense?
I love them validating the other’s beliefs and saying that’s the show. Because yeah, that is the heart of the show, the dynamic they build over the fact that both believe such different things and yet, they respect each other.
Shane’s nervous laugh. Oh my God I knew this will happen someday, oh god. His face, he’s so embarrassed. Holy shit.
I missed seeing them in the same bed, lmao. Also, those takes of Ryan on the bed from Shane’s camera, blessed.
“Just a couple of dreamers”
Here comes the spirit box. Oh boy. 
SPAGHETTI. APPLE TATER. 
I TOLD YOU IT WAS BULLSHIT. AHAHAHAHHAHAAH I KNEW IT WAS GODDAMN BULLSHIT, JFDNSINFWINFURIEFIR.
RYAN’S LAUGH OH MY GOD. HE’S HAVING THE TIME OF HIS LIFE, Shane is way too serious... demon Shane theory here, he’s the one fucking the spirit box to make Ryan laugh ‘cause he’s so fucking scared in that house.
Shane’s pose in that bed with his hand between his legs is giving me the chills.
The Wrong High Five.
“You know, at some point tonight, I’m gonna lock you in here...” That... doesn’t sound good, Shane. What the shit. Why did you use THAT voice for that. WHAT THE FUCK.
Gotta love Shane being all crazy on demons, he’s always so aggressive with them, it’s fucking funny.
Burrito Shane in his sleepbag. Too cute.
... They ordered a pizza. Of course they did.
That’s fucking iconic. “Sure, you’re welcome to fuck aorund with the boys but please know this, once you do, the whole world’s gonna know” + Shane looking like a whole ass fucking meal.
Shane believes they are both demon proof, fjnidsndoinifmri. 
JUST WOKE UP BOYS DO THING TO ME, OH MY GOD I’M CRYING, THEY ARE TOO HOT FOR ME, HOLY SHIT.
Good episode. I told you all the spirit box was total bullshit.
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firespirited · 5 years
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A day without tumblr
Bored so I actually documented what I did with the day.
* Woke up and realized i’d stained my face by leaving anti burn cream on overnight which left a dark tannin burn (scabbed and peeled off over 24h later). Sis thought this was hilarious and documented it. I’ll spare you the photos.
* Continued to experience the deee-light-ful side effects/withdrawal from changing meds as midodrine is back in stock (for now at least). Agitation, gastrointestinal disturbance and 24/7 goosebumps/shivers. Goosebumps are like tinnitus, ok for 30 seconds max, *very* annoying after 12 hours straight.
* Tested the needle punch pen as a reroot tool (bought for a grand total of 48 cents woop woop ebay search for “tool” under a dollar with free shipping ending soonest is a goldmine): my review: nope and NOPE. Once i’d kludged up the pen tool to actually work; it slices the yarn, doesn’t stick in the head and leaves mega holes.
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* I downloaded my original posts via tumblthree after three attempts til I remembered that you need to authenticate using your email not username. Then it was lightening fast and i’ll have a copy of some of the tutorials i havn’t copied to wordpress yet. a job for another day.
*Watched two episodes of ‘Consumed’ with my sister. Half way through the second one, I paused it as her and mum hashed out a decades old issue.
In one of our moves - when my sister was about 9-  mum warned her that she wasn’t going to be packing all my sister’s ‘treasures’ which ranged from pieces of paper, cut out catalogues to found objects to large pieces of scrap metal. Asking permission for each object would have been near impossible given how fast the move was going and how attached she was to items. So, Mum threw away her most prized possession ever, the tiny handgun she was gifted by a little boy who dug it up out back of our tower block. It was a secret that only I knew about [ I refused to let her clean the inside of the dirt packed thing as I’d heard about guns going off when being cleaned (I was 12 and I knew jack about guns OK)]. We lived in a dodgy neighbourhood so the kids downstairs also had a large collection of various knives and switchblades because they’d be dropped in the bushes whenever the police did a check of the local gang (being caught with a weapon on you is illegal here). Mum throwing away the gun and other items left sis with issues re: stuff and trust and mum felt she couldn’t speak to her about items so they’d just avoided the issue for years.
So yeah, there was a small moment of catharthis via mildly exploitative tv. =)
* Went off to check ebay as I was bored and found that my most recent custom is up for sale starting at 1€ - I don’t know how I feel about that, guess the client didn’t bond with her but still... I felt too embarrassed to bid on her myself so i got sis to bid for me LMAO. I’ll be bidding what i’d be willing to pay for the MTM body so it won’t feel like a loss if I win then i’ll make her some custom clothes put her on her original body and sell worldwide to someone who’ll appreciate an anthro monster with gradient blue hair =p
* I went though the open storage boxes and pen holders on my desk and found dust bunnies and a years worth of small post (not much just misc nail art supplies - some in duplicate! a few cabochons, some ribbons etc) and decided I really need a different storage system. I can’t see my stuff and out of sight = out of mind (might not as well exist) for this neurodivergent brain. I’m going to try and find some A4 or A5 transparent drawers. The current system just isn’t working. Might not sound like much but it’s a small breakthrough.
*Had to take a scalding bath to try and ease the pain of leg cramps due to aforementioned digestive issues causing intestinal spasms and so much trapped wind I looked 8 months preggers. I like to listen to Punch up the jam for my weekly soak but I also sometimes listen to DJ Phil, he’s this corny ol dj who does a podcast of 70s 80s 90s artists which allows you to have a quick overview of famous bands you havn’t really heard of or really listened to outside of their one major hit. Sometimes it just leaves me pondering why X artist got so famous, others have the opposite effect.
* I then binge watched Tidelands which was basically a humourless True Blood but with mermaids. I was just watching to see how it ended really and ugh, not worth the effort. Large body count, no emotional follow through, random sex for no reason and unnecessary cruelty. 1/5 stars.
*Oh, The other day I watched Dumplin’ which was very cute and feel good though I was a little concerned about drag queens getting roped into being free fairy godmothers for all those teens. The new song Dolly Parton wrote for it ‘Girl in the movies’ is very pretty.
So all in all quite a few things happened these past few days there’s so much I don’t document and probably should but it’s still hard to put myself out there on display. I think i’d feel a little less frightened if there was a viewable to friends post option of if this was a closed forum. the internet can choose to highlight and boost the randomest stuff and that makes me very uneasy.
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thestudyfeels · 6 years
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As I’m writing this, I legit have just three days left till my winter break ends. However, by the time this post goes live on my blog, I’m hella sure that this challenge will be completed on my side and I’ll be ready to slay at school. With that said, if you want to know the secret of how I get ready for school after a break, then keep on reading. Next semester? Get ready to be conquered.
I would recommend downloading and printing off the PDF file of this challenge if you want a proper checklist that you’re about to slay.
To note:
This is a challenge. Don’t simply read through this post. I dare you to get all of these things done before your break ends.
It doesn’t matter if you’re reading this while it’s your spring/summer break. Just because this post was made during my winter break doesn't mean that you gotta wait till winter to try this out. All your need for this challenge is a few days to get your shit together and a break gives you the time to do that.
I’ve purposely put a few more things than needed in this list because - a) It’ll encourage you to get your lazy ass off the couch and hustle more (I see you) and b) Long Is the New Black (ok, I stop).
Obviously, if your break ends in like two days and you legit have no time, go ahead and get those tasks done which look important to you.
I’VE  DARED YOU! Let’s do this (always remember, actions speak louder than your words).
clean the living crap out of your room
I mean it. Look around and you’ll probably find your test papers from 3 years ago. You can play the clean up song while you do this, I won’t judge you.
Change your bedding.
Do the damn laundry.
Sort out all papers - assignments, test papers, maybe even old grannie letters to your homie, all go to their places.
Dust yo’ desk, cupboards and drawers - I know you have like one inch of grime on every math book because you haven’t touched them in years, lmao.
Give! Your! Space! A! New! Look! So important. I’ll hands down say that this one is the game changer. You can go ahead and give your room an entire makeover (shift your music to Mr. Kate’s theme song now, lol) or just simply rearrange the pen stands on your desk.
Bathe in the glory of having a clean room, like, yay you.
clean the living crap out of your computer
Downloads folder. Holy heck, sort that ish.
Delete files that are not needed.
Make sure your screen isn’t full of small files. Folders were created for a reason.
Make new folders for the next semester’s classes. Go further by making sub-folders for different units too, so that the next time you gotta save something, you don’t leave it in the downloads folder next time (hasn’t that folder suffered enough?).
clean the living crap out of your online stuff
Clean your inbox down to zero.
Reply to emails, if any.
Social media accounts. Delete the unnecessary ones. You probably still have your vine account, lmao.
Reply to social media messages and delete those pesky spams while you are at it.
If you run a blog, clean out the inbox and messages too.
You just killed it! Let’s move on now.
kill your academic work
ah, the good ol’ learning.
MAKE YOUR NOTES, YOU DUMBHEAD.
Check your school’s website to see if Miss Honey sent any surprise (so annoying, I know!) assignments.
Complete your homework on time because you probably just chilled on the Friday school closed and left it for the weekend (and didn’t do it then too, lol)
If you have any exam coming up, start prepping!!
Make sure everything’s ready, whether it’s your notes, assignments, whatever. Realizing you have a mock test on the last day (also probably set by Miss Honey) is the quickest way to get a heart attack, scientifically proven. (And you thought your ex breaking up with you was bad? Oh, hun).
other stuff to try out
Try learning new things! Being off from school gives you a lot of free time (seven hrs, precisely) so instead of playing Mario Kart, use it well.
Try out projects you’ve always wanted to try out. Maybe it’s a crazy idea like starting a YouTube channel or just beating your friend at Mario Kart (I mean, a lil Mario Kart does no harm..), it’s worth a shot.
Make a badass playlist! (btw, you can also check out my soundcloud account, #plug).
Do a booty pop! You’ve conquered this challenge, and boy, you should be damn proud. Conquer your next semester and make yourself even more proud.
Well, that’s it, it’s a wrap! If you have any questions/suggestions regarding anything I said up there, feel free to send in a message! My other og posts are here and to request one, leave your question in my ask box!
I hope you all are well, stay strong and conquer life, you conqueror.
- nandini (´。• ᵕ •。`) ♡
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charliebattinson · 6 years
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BEST FRIENDS? | Best Friend! Shawn [BP] Part 2 | Shawn Mendes
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A/N: Here’s part 2 to Best Friend! Shawn. It has a storyline to it?? I just couldn’t write it in paragraph from cause i suck at those haha. Let me know what you think!! Feedback is much welcomed! Enjoy your day loves xx
Warning: little smut references (cause i know we all like that shit) & unrealistic expectations lmao
☆ Read Part 1 here ☆
Arriving to your college both so excited
“Do you smell that y/n? Its the smell of freedom!”
Visiting each other’s dorm rooms
“Shawn it’s a jungle in here jesus”
Shawn helps out with your boxes
Your dorm-mates asks how long have you and Shawn been together
You both just laugh it out
“He’s just a friend”
“Yeah she’s practically my sister”
Though there’s a bit of color in both of your cheeks and your dorm mates are just like “mhmmmmm”
Going to college parties together!
“What a stupid idea. Do it”
Being each other’s wingman at parties
“So you see that hot tall piece of Canadian bacon over there with the curly hair and the ugly shirt?”
Shawn doesn’t have much of strategy he just basically tells the person “you see that girl right there? Yeah she likes you”
Also using the “we’re a couple” title when you don’t want guys and girls making a move on you.
Shawn would go overboard with it sometimes to fuck around with you
“Hi my baby girl! my sweetie pie! Honey pie! The love of my life! I’ve been looking for you everywhere! Give your sweet handsome Prince Charming boyfriend a kiss”
Or the sibling trope.. “Shawn! Our grandma is in the hospital we need to leave right away!”
“what do you mean our grandma?”
Idiot
He passes out one time on the couch and you doodle idiot in his forehead and  sunglasses and a mustache
when you passed out he drew a dick on your cheek; he saved it as your contact photo in his phone
there was one time you filmed drunk shawn crying because he was searching on cute puppies in his phone and he said he can never have a one because he was allergic
Drunkly finding your way to your dorms and just laughing on the sidewalks and tripping a few times
During the first few months you guys would have a lot of classes together and you both would just stay in the back and Shawn would pass you a note, he wants to play tic tac toe just like the good ol’ days
He would say some funny joke that you have to clamp your mouth shut because of how funny it was
of course the professors would sometimes call your attention and everyone would just stare at the two of you 
you smack him in the head afterwards “asshole”
you flip each other off after throwing insults at each other
you would still fight like a bunch of 10 year olds
“You started it!”
“fuck you Shawn Peter Raul Mendes you are literally one letter away from being a sperm”
Going to the library together for study sessions!
quizzing each other for an exam
You guys are so comfortable with each other
“Shawn does this top make my boobs look great?”
“Yeah um yeah you know it looks great- not that I’m checking your boobs out but you know why wouldn’t anybody not check you out, not that I would”
“y/n does my ass look big in this jeans?”
You guys talk about everything together. EVERYTHING
Back in high school, you would only give each other flirting advice
Now you give each other sex advice or tell each other sex stories especially the really bad ones
Shawn is the first person you go to when you have a bad breakup or you want to bitch about boys
you would also look out for each other during dates
“pssst y/n how’s the date going?!
you see him in the table beside you with sunglasses and a hood on”
“GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE SHAWN”
Shawn has seen all of you. The ugly person in the morning with bed head or the person with poor manner tables or the moody PMS phase. HE’S SEEN IT ALL.
Time flies so fast it’s already your junior year of college
Your schedules don’t clash together as it usually does which means you rarely get to spend time with him but when you do get the chance it never feels like there’s a gap between you two; it feels like you’ve just been talking yesterday and you find comfort in that knowing nothing is going to change between the both of you. Right?
you have no fucking idea what happened to shawn
he was you tall lanky best friend but now he’s become the tall hot college guy always wearing a hoodie with a great bod that everyone swoons over who just happens to be your best friend
He bulked up and you can’t help but check him out once in a while
like that one time you asked him to help open your juice bottle and you stared at his biceps the entire time
“yohoo y/n are you alright?”
when you were dating other people they would get insecure or a bit skeptical of how close you and shawn were
There was a time where you were crying so much because of some douchebag you dated
“Fuck him. Lets get wasted”
“Why are you laughing at me Shawn?”
“I’m sorry but you’re so ugly when you cry i didn’t think it was possible”
you flip him off but it makes you feel better instantly
Things change after that
you don’t know why every time he puts his arm around the back of your seat when you sit beside each other you start to get flustered and keep moving in your seat
or when he has his hand in your lower back when he guides you to a crowd
or shawn doesn’t know why every time you try to memorize something and then curse, it brings a warm feeling to his heart
YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED WHY YOU START FEELING THIS WAY
Everyone asks if two of you are dating
While other people assume you’re dating
Then there are the people who thinks you should be dating
And then there’s the two of you wondering why you guys aren’t dating
So many questions running through your minds
The biggest question of it: what if doesn’t work?
the insecurities; do you feel this way because you’ve both been the only constant person in your lives
it’s the “we’re thinking about the same things but we’re scared to bring it up”
Shawn starts questioning things when his heart skips a beat at the sight of you drunkly singing to “I just don’t know what to do with myself” on stage during karaoke night
You start questioning things when your heart skips a beat at the sight of Shawn removing his mascot head looking for you at the bleachers waving to you in his ridiculous university mascot (he wanted to volunteer as the mascot because he said it was school spirit) and seeing him trip over the mic line
“my idiot”
You talk to Shawn about a guy in class that you’ve hooked up with and start bitching about him
He always gives you the same advice: “Guys are terrible. Don’t trust them”
You laugh to yourself and you ask him before you can’t even think “Why can’t they be all like you?”
The mood changes and it becomes serious till he catches on to it and starts joking around
“Then I wouldn’t be so special anymore duh”
things get flirty
“accidental touches”
its moved from quick hugs to kisses on the cheek
the hugs get longer
shawn swears he saw you smile at him, a smile that was never supposed to be intended for him almost like he think you’re flirting with him
turns out you were
you go home together for the break
sometimes shawn would just take his shirt off by the window and you would just stare thinking he didn’t notice
he noticed because he was also staring at you
you have a family wedding back at home and they’ve been nagging you to bring a plus one because you never bring someone home
of course that plus one would be shawn
he looks so good in a suit 
“you look beautiful y/n” but this time it just sounds way too serious
grandma doesn’t realizes it’s shawn because he looks so different 
“so you two hooked up yet?” “NANA!”
you both take advantage of the open bar 
you see shawn hanging out by the kids table talking to them and asking for advice
some girls ask him if he has a crush on anyone 
“okay i’m gonna tell you but you have to be quiet. it’s y/n”
you were not supposed to hear that
and when shawn sees you he knows he got caught
you dance at the wedding reception but it feels different you guys linger on about it too long
you start thinking about how he would be as a boyfriend
Your parents are out of town so there’s a drinking night at your house with your old high school gang
You’re talking to your old friends and you would always feel Shawn’s eyes on you and it scares you because you crave it so badly now; you enjoy it so much
You look at Shawn but he still never stops looking at you
And you’d been taking a glimpse of him while he talks to his friends and you just realized how much it he takes your breathe away
3 am and people start saying their goodbyes till it’s just you and Shawn
Shawn helps clean up just so he can stay a little longer…. you clean up in silence
It’s not uncomfortable but it’s the silence that’s saying everything; how you’re both thinking the same things but not having the guts to say it aloud
It’s saying how badly you want each other right now
He gazes at you every once in a while while cleaning up and you’re getting so flustered already; you don’t know how to move around him and you hate because it’s Shawn
Shawn clears his throat saying he should probably go and you notice how deep his voice has gotten
You lead him to your door and you both just linger by the front porch
You smile to yourself because you remember shawn telling you if a girl lingers by her front porch with a guy she wants to be kissed
“I don’t want to go”
“I don’t want you to go either”
“Can I kiss you?”
Next thing you know you’re making out in the front porch with your back against the front door
Its all a blur on how you managed to open the door and go back inside to shawn picking you up, leading you two to your bedroom and taking each others clothes off
Its vulnerable fueled by your want for each other that’s been going on for a while
There was never a hesitation to stop, you both are so into it there was never room of what it could mean after
Desire takes over
Lots of kisses: lips, neck, shoulders, his biceps, cheeks, foreheads. Lips never leaving each other’s skin
It’s passionate with a hint of roughness
Squeezing hands for reassurance and smiles between kisses
It gets desperate / needy when Shawn starts to hold onto the headboard going on a faster pace while sinking your teeth into his shoulders and biceps
“Don’t stop”
You’re the first to wake up in the morning and you instantly panic when you see shawn naked with only your sheets covering him but you can’t help but admire how pretty he looks sleeping
Your sight seeing is cut short when he wakes up
“Hi…” “…hey”
There’s hesitation in the way you both move around each other; nervous giggling and pretending it never happened (you have to deal with the giant “we had sex” elephant in the room)
The first two weeks after were okay it wasn’t awkward at all but there’s shyness with each other; shy smiles
He can’t touch you anymore without you getting flustered or having flashbacks of that night
There’s a bit of jealousy now when you see Shawn talking to other girls or him having to meet up with one his girl classmates for a project they have
Same goes with him
“wait… are you jealous?
“Y/n I think we should talk about what happened”
You’re scared of what will Shawn say if you let him talk first so you beat him to it
“It’s not going to be weird between us right? I mean it’s a mistake and we just got carried away. Right?”
You cannot deny the flicker of hurt in Shawn’s eyes
“Yeah. Totally a mistake.”
You know he’s avoiding you
You seem him in the library with his hoodie on and glasses
“Shawn why are you hiding from me?”
“How did you know it was me?”
“I’ve know you since you were 4, I bought you that jacket and besides you’re the tallest here you don’t exactly blend in with the shelves”
“Damn it”
You had your very first big fight ever. 
you’re hurt that he’s avoiding you & he’s hurt by you because you thought it was a mistake 
your pissed off because he never said anything 
“well when you hear your best friend regret a really good moment with you it’s kinda hard to say something”
you stop talking; haven’t spoken to him in days
you miss him so much 
you call him in the middle of night. “can i come over?”
when he opens his door you just blurt out “im sorry. i just really miss you”
you guys just stand there hugging each other
“i’m sorry i freaked out i didn’t know that to do but i don’t regret that night shawn. i don’t regret anything with my best friend”
Confessions are made
“i wanna try us. i wanna try going there even if it’s scary as fuck. I want to try being your boyfriend and fail miserably at it. I would rather regret going there with you than to wonder in 20 years what it would have been like”
“this is probably the most stupid plan you have ever come up with but i’m so fucking in”
“we take it slow shawn” “well we did jump into the sex part already before our first date but okay”
first few weeks of dating it’s kinda shy
going on dates is easier; you still split the bill like you used or do rock paper scissors on who gets pay
sometimes shawn would pay for it cause he wants to feel like a boyfriend
shawn would always hesitate to kiss you or he would keep asking you first if he can
make out sessions in the secluded area of library
shawn likes to put his hand on your thigh and try to feel you up while you’re taking down notes as if you can’t play the same game
kisses before heading to your respective classes
cafe dates
The second time and the other few times you have sex it’s awkward
It wasn’t like the first time where you acted on impulse and the desire took over. There’s so much awareness now because you both finally know what you want.
You guys just can’t help but laugh all throughout
laughing when he tries to take off your pants or because shawn left his socks on
You laugh when he goes down on you because you can’t imagine your best friend’s head between your thighs and it flashbacks to the time you thought kissing was gross when you were kids
“cooties huh?”
the sex gets hotter tho
you realize nothing has changed
it’s still you and him the dynamic hasn’t chaned except you get to see him naked now (a glorious sight too)
you still do the same things except now there’s a more intimate aspect to it
“if you get question 3 right, i’ll suck you off”
when you come home and tell each other’s parents about the two of you they’re completely unphased “ok. thats nice”
he still sneaks in to your bedroom tried doing another stunt and broke down the pipe again “you idiot not again”
you go to the park one late night and start riding the swings just like when you were kids
“you and me. who knew huh?” 
“i love you y/n” “i love you too idiot”
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thecatmom · 7 years
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So what's been your experience with integrating new cats? The last time I did it I followed the advice about keeping the new cats separated for a while. Um yeah that did not help one bit. And now I need to take in a fourth cat who's never been with other cats before. Any tips?
I am so sorry thatI’m late in replying to this. I didn’t want to shortchange you with ahalf-hearted reply because integrating new cats, especially into a householdthat is already multi-cat, is a complicated and complex discussion!
My cat experiences: I’ve always had cats. When I was bornthere were cats (30+ cats, small farm; everyone dumped cats off) and when I left myparents’ home there were cats (11 cats), and since I’ve moved in with my now-fiancé,well, we have somehow acquired…more cats. I’ve had both good and badexperiences with cats, but lately most of my experiences have been pretty good,so I’m happy to share what has worked for me and mine, and I hope it helps you(and perhaps others who see this), too!
Disclaimer: I am not a cat behaviorist by trade. I’ve just…hada lot of cats. And in having a lot of cats, I’ve noticed things.
Despite what dog-only people might say: cats have needs. If theydon’t have their needs met: there willbe problems, and a cat’s needs are as unique as each cat is.
Also, keep this in mind alwaysand at all times. Don’t do what works best for you, aesthetically or otherwise: do what is going to work best foryour pets. This includes but is not limited to pet furniture and litterboxes. Litterboxes are ugly, yes, but they are necessary, and if you as a pet owner are unwilling to accommodate your cat’s need to use the bathroom, then please ask yourself why you have a cat.
Part One: The First Steps in Integrating a New Cat Into a Household
There are a lot of ways to integrate a new cat into a householdthat contains other cats, but here are the things that worked for me with mylatest cat additions.
Keep them reasonably separated. Remember, New Cat(s) will be overwhelmed by smells and all of the new things, and will need time to adjust to a new place. Old Cat(s) will be unhappy to have a new addition in a space they consider theirs, but ultimately this tends to be better than just loosing a cat into the house and hoping everything will be okay and that “they will work it out on their own lol.” Don’t give your cats a reason to dislike each other right from the get-go. 
While they are separated, it helps immensely if the cats can see each other and/or smell one another. We put our new cats in the basement and let them look through a clear cat door at each other + smelling and playing under the door. The basement wasn’t ideal but it was the safest and best thing we could have done.
When the cats start interacting in the same spaces, make sure you have one litterbox for every single cat +1 litterbox. I do not have this, and never have, but if you’re paranoid about the cats getting along this is an excellent rule of thumb. We have 8 cats and four litterboxes upstairs. (During the summer we open up the basement where we have two more litterboxes and could add more if necessary.)
Make sure they have their own food and water. Most cats are happy to share dishes but it’s not worth forcing them to share one set of dishes on the off-chance that it does cause problems.
Make sure you’re continuing to meet the needs of your old cats. They will feel like they’re being edged out/phased out/replaced if you don’t, and that is Bad News.
That said, there is no perfect formula no matter what anyone says. There will be a period of adjustment of about (in my experience) three months during which you probably will be breaking up cat fights/scuffles/annoying tiffs. That said, if you get bent out of shape about these little to-dos, then multiple cats are probably not a good option in the first place. Even cats that get along most of the time will hiss and growl at each other because that is one of the ways they communicate to each other.
With our eight cats, there is growling going on several times a day from cats telling other cats to back off. 
I do believe cats adjust and figure out their own hierarchy, but it’s better if you give them time to understand that a cat will be invading their space soon…versus dumping a surprise roommate on them that they don’t know anything about and probably won’t want to get to know. Keep ‘em separated a week or two and you’re bound to find they’re a little more agreeable in sharing a space than they otherwise would be.
Part Two: Cat Needs
Please consider all of the following!
Food (make sure dishes are full/you feed them on time/there are enough dishes they don’t all share out of the same set). Think about being a new kid in school and feeling awkward about where to sit at lunch when every table is taken. That’s your new cat except instead of figuring out where to sit it’s gotta…eat another cat’s food. Maybe the cat whose dish is chosen won’t be upset by it, but again, don’t take that risk in making your new cat feel weird, especially if they’re not naturally very outgoing.
Water (make sure there are enough dishes and that those dishes are not right next to the food, but at least a few feet away). Food next to a water source usually means contamination in wild-animal-territory, and while some cats don’t mind I’ve found that my cats stopped drinking the water that was in the same room as their food. I switched things around to have two “food stations” in two different places and two “water stations” in other locations, and it’s worked out great for everyone! And yes, I do put several dishes side-by-side. The cats love it and they enjoy eating together, too.
Litterboxes (make sure there are enough and that they stay clean). If you have a cat that sprays up against the back of the box, make sure you get a high-backed box and use paper towels to wipe it down regularly. Again, some cats won’t care, but others will definitely care, and it’s not worth risking your furniture or carpet on the off-chance that a cat will suddenly start caring. If you notice things near a litterbox being peed on? The cause might be that the boxes aren’t getting cleaned often enough/the litter needs to be dumped and new put in/the box needs to be thoroughly washed. See also: if you can afford to replace your litterboxes every other year, do so. I kept my eyes peeled for sales on Petco/Petsmart’s website; sometimes the expensive litterboxes go for half the price and that’s when you can stock up or replace your older ones!
Playtime (make sure you play with your cats, especially if they are younger). Cats with extra energy and nowhere to put it will use it on something, and if it’s not in clawing the hell out of your furniture it’ll be in starting fights with your other cats. Make sure they get played with and that their energy levels are good. Playtime is also a reasonably good time to get multiple cats into the same room together. If you have someone to help you play with several cats at once, you may find that they get along surprisingly well while they are occupied by playtime!
Attention, affection (learn what this means to each cat and show it to them). Out of our eight cats we have a huge variety of affection levels and requirements. Two of our cats LOVE to be held and carried around. Several prefer lap time or just sitting quietly on a pillow/cat bed near the computer. Some cats want to sleep next to you. We have one that likes to rest his chin on the top of your head while you’re watching TV or reading. We also have a cat who isn’t very affectionate so when he comes to ask for affection, we give it to him immediately in the form he likes (head pets only, please!). Some of our cats like kisses on their little heads and some don’t. Some like belly rubs and others don’t. Some like to have their paws touched and others don’t. Do. Not. Do. Things. That. Your. Cats. Hate. Don’t do it. You will only make trouble for yourself.
As mentioned above, places to chill. Blankets, towels, pillows, cat beds: scatter these all over the place. Better yet: have a cat tree or two they can play in/watch things happening outside. A cat who is comfortable and can be engaged and allowed to climb if they want to is usually a happy cat!! I like giving them new cardboard boxes every now and then, too, ‘cause they like them. (As I’m typing this I have one cat on my lap, one curled in a bed to my right, one on a bed on the filing cabinet, one in a bed on the very top of my fiancé’s desk, and another on a folded blanket behind my fiancé’s computer. And these are not the only places available to them in just this one room!)
Part Three: Final Words
I’ve introduced cats a variety of ways, from the ol’ “dump a new cat in the house lmao let’s see what happens” to “keep one in my room until it wants to venture out to meet the others” to “separate them but make sure they know each other is there.” 
Some degree of separation has so far always worked out better for me. Like I said, though: there is still an hierarchy for the cats to figure out, and it will be 2-3 months of what feels like no peace at all until they chill. In the meantime, you can make the transition better on all of them by making sure all of their needs are met. They’ll still grumble for a while, but probably less if they feel good about their living situation otherwise.
Good luck! And if you have any specific questions regarding any of this, please feel free to ask!
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2/20/17, 6:30pm - on toaster pastries and posture and my new gf and stuff
yknow there are only a select few kinds of pop tarts that I find tolerable. Growing up my mom always tried to send me to school with the brown sugar ones I think and I hated that shit. Not sure if I associated it with the fake-meat bologna she also put in my lunch boxes back then, but it always made mefigure she was always buying me the worst fucking kind. I remember one time I told her I only liked the strawberry ones and she got me the icing-less ones. Then those like wild berry ones (read: not blueberry) came out with like the swirl on it and I thought that was the shit so I always asked for those even though they weren’t better than strawberry, but I knew my mom couldn’t fuck with them. Now the only kind I’ll really ever eat is Smores. I never toast em. Decided to try something different with these vanilla latte ones. They didn’t taste great straight out of the packaging so I toasted this one and it’s totally like alright but I would never eat them again if I didn’t have this whole fucking box of them now. Shit. Wal Mart, ya got me again.
Idk why, but I thought that was important.
Ok, so like I’m not sure where to begin as always, so I’ll just go with my last post and start from there. I was deciding to quit tinder. It seemed like it had been built to encourage me to try to date a dude, and although I did started snapping with this one guy who was like a little cute and liked video games, my heart just wasn’t into it. On a whim I decided to try to delete my tinder account, clear out all the old matches that were p much dead to me (cough cough kailey lmao hahaha), and try to start fresh. And it worked great! On my birthday. Oh shit I have to write about my birthday.... Anyway, on my birthday, I decided to start a new profile, and in between games I’d swipe a couple times and whatever. The next day I ended up getting matched with like 8 people or something. Got super liked by a real girl and by a bot (lolwut) and my faith in womenkind and tinder was at least a little restored. Plus a little self confidence boost on top of getting all those likes from dudes. Kinda nice. I basically started chatting up these two girls. This skinny blonde waitress girl and this vietnamese girl who liked me because I was also into traveling. The vietnamese girl ended up liking me a lot, I took her out for valentines, I got her flowers, we got some sweet gelato and saw the new 50 Shades movie (really not bad), got some cookout, it was great. That was like our second date. The first was like the day before so we decided to start dating on the 15th. Man talking about it in reverse is hard.
So on my birthday my voice went out. like woke up and it just sounded like I had been screaming my lungs off all night thursday which I hadn’t. iirc I had been smoking a bunch of pipe tobacco and weed but that’s it. Friday I got a fuckton of beer (I still have too much of it lol) and just played melee and some old N64 games with anybody who wanted to drop by. It was really nice. Super chill way to bring in my 25th since I was still under the impression that I Might have syphilis. (Did I say I might have syphilis? Oh yeah, ofc. Yeah the lab results didn’t come back in so I was just trying not to sweat it all weekend. Went by the tag “Dirty Birdy” the next day to commemorate it lmao.) So I chilled and drank 14 beers over the course of the 12 hours and had a chill ol time. it was great. Saturday was just a tourney, and sunday my voice was still recovering but while i was like cleaning some shit I ended up talking to some of the girls I matched with on Tinder. I ended up really hitting it off with this girl Tiffany, who’s living here now but is originally from Vietnam. Strangely had a lot of things in common, and she wanted to talk to me on the phone until 5am. it was super cute. Was gonna try to play a slow cosby and like actually do this whole pacing yourself thing and now we’re going way too fast into dating for just like a week or whatever oh man I could’ve sworn it’d already been three. wtf. but idk she’s also really serious about liking me and at the same time really self conscious about herself. So I just see myself a couple months ago and realize how off putting I kinda am lmao.
Now I’m up and down for work so totally lost my train of thought. We had a date the other day where she came over and we got some vietnamese food (she convinced me to not have pho for once, and it was still just as delicious. She was like feeding me spoonfulls of fried rice, it was too fucking cute lmao) and we watched Scott Pilgrim (which she loved) and Pitch Perfect (which I actually thought was pretty hilarious, though I’m still not convinced acapella is actually cool.)
Kinda worried that I’m on this Scott Pilgrim progression from Envy (Kailey) to Knives (Tiffany) if only because she’s asian and has a bob cut and is way too in love with me already. Really not sure what I’m gonna do here, but just playing it by ear ofc. It’s just nice. whatever it is, I just haven’t had it in a while and its nice. 
But also I think I’ve already been restored to this mental state of not needing someone in my life checking in on me lmao so that’s troublesome. Fickle as always, dude. Gonna cut this post here so it’s not a million pages long.
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