#((i'm also very proud!! this took me a few days to do but i think it turned out wonderfully :) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wongyuuu · 2 months

Text

midnight rain | lsm

pairing: seokmin x f!reader genre: angst, smut, a little bit of fluff word count: 17k summary: after seven years away, you finally return home. meeting seokmin again wasn't in your plans, but life wasn't willing to let you have it your way. warnings: minors do not interact, kissing, oral, swearing, penetrative sex, unprotected sex (don't do this) a/n: this is part of 1k event, it was requested the dearest @ressonancee. but also, it's part of svt ans songs from midnights. i just wrote two in one and something that was supposed to be short became this monster. i hope i wrote seokmin in a way you'll like it. prompt: “I don’t want anyone else. No one else can make me feel like you do." Seokmin ➝ Midnight Rain He was sunshine, I was midnight rain ↳ it was the oldest story in the world, the bright boy fell for the grumpy girl.

Letter #1

Seokmin,

You know, I've always been very proud of not being a very attached person. I've always been proud that I can put myself first and second, because I know I need to do it, because I know that no one else will do it for me. So, when I came here and dropped everything I had, I thought it would be a lot easier than it actually is.

When I turn around in bed at night, after days of trying to get used to the time zone and weeks to the weather and the people here — which are both bad and for completely different reasons, nothing is like in the movies — I always hope to find you there by my side and being able to snuggle up to you like I always did. I wake up in the morning and make enough coffee for two people and take two mugs out of the cupboard, and only then do I realize I'm alone here. I don't need two mugs and I made too much coffee. Sometimes, in the middle of the day, I find myself typing your number, which I have memorized despite the fact that no one remembers phone numbers, because phones exist for a reason.

You have no idea how much I miss you and what I would do to be able to hear your voice again. I would do anything, I swear I could. But I know I no longer have that right. I know that what I did is unforgivable and although I want your forgiveness, I hope you never forget what I did to you.

You were still good to me on the last day. You took me to the airport, you said goodbye to me, you hugged me tight like you know I like it and you did your best not to shed a tear in front of me.

Every now and then I catch myself thinking that I messed up. I could have done my master's where we graduated, I didn't need to move to the other side of the world and leave the life I knew behind. But at the same time, I accept it. Coming here was my dream, it was always what I dreamed of even when you were by my side as well. And maybe that's why I never told you about the application, about being approved. Maybe I waited until the end, until the very last second to tell you because I knew you were the only one capable of changing my mind.

When I was by your side, I started to dream of a different life, a life that had you at all times and in all aspects. But, as you may have already noticed, I chose my first dream.

I know I won't regret it. I can't afford to regret it. You’ll become who you always wanted to be and I’ll be there to give you a standing ovation. Not there, next to you, but from afar.

“That was Sunday Morning, by Hong Joshua. Ah, whenever I hear this song I remember my college days. I've said this here a few times, and I think I sound like a broken record by this point, but Joshua and I went to the same college and he was always singing this song in the hallways. Any small gathering between friends he would pull out the guitar and sing. So I'm sorry, but you're going to have to listen to this song at least once a week for the next year. Or until he releases the next one.”

Seokmin looked at the monitor to his right as a pre-recorded commercial for the next show started. The comments were going up too quickly, which made reading them an almost impossible mission.

On the other side of the glass, Chan made a sign indicating that the commercial was over. Seokmin looked at his friend as he lowered one finger after another and finally pointed at him. Chan placed a sheet of paper, which was always used, against the glass, which said “last, chat”. Indicating that he still had one more question to answer.

“We have time for one more question” Seokmin said, opening the internal chat he used with the other radio employees and read the question that Chan had sent “I ended a relationship of almost four years a few months ago, but I still can't understand what happened. I haven't even returned his things yet. How do I get in touch saying I want to return it?”

Seokmin swallowed. He knew that Chan hadn't done it on purpose, that he had no way of knowing everything that had happened between him and you, but he hated how much the question resonated in his head. It was a feeling he shared and for him it had been a little worse because you lived together during your last year of college. So when he entered the house and saw all the furniture, the decorations, your clothes still in the closet, it was like entering a time machine. In that 30 square meter space, for a few minutes, you still hadn't left.

He took a deep breath, away from the microphone so the sound wouldn't be picked, and leaned forward.

“It's a difficult question, really. If it's been a few months and he still hasn't picked his things up, it's because he doesn't need them, so I don't think you should bother contacting him. Hmmm”

He bit his lip and rested his elbows on the table, thinking if he should continue talking or if it would be better to stop there. Seokmin always thought it was better not to let personal feelings show on the radio, but he had moments when he couldn't follow his own rules.

“I can tell you from experience that sometimes silence is better. Because if you know the truth, it could hurt you even more. When I was in a similar situation, after a while I simply discarded the person's belongings. At first, it will be difficult, because you’ll see that shirt you gave as a gift, that letter you wrote and remember what it meant, the moment you gave those things to him. But little by little you will achieve it. Don't feel obligated to just move on when you're not ready. People will always tell you that it's about time, that it's been so many weeks or months. You’re the one who knows about your feelings.”

Chan knocked on the glass again, almost desperate because Seokmin's answer had been too long. It wasn't the first time he had gotten lost in what he was saying and maybe had been talking in circles. It always happened that he remembered you when he answered a question.

And in that specific question he was being a hypocrite because he knew that if he opened his closet, deep inside it, he would find at least two boxes full of your things hidden. He rarely went near those boxes, he liked to pretend they didn't exist and most days he managed to achieve that thought. But there were other days…

“So we come to the end of another Cupid's Corner with Minnie. See you again next week. Cupid’s Corner with Minnie: Unveiling Love’s Melody, One Relationship at a Time!”

Seokmin removed his headphones, stood up, and waved at the cameras he knew were pointed at him. He grabbed his phone and the bottle of water he always carried with him. The red light above the door finally went out and Seokmin left the studio.

Immediately, Chan appeared beside him. He had just gone blond, and it strangely suited him.

He knew the youngest was desperate, not that he was doing a good job of hiding it. The disheveled hair, pointing in all directions, also helped a lot.

“You’re going to have a heart attack if you continue like this” Seokmin said laughing.

Chan was the newest employee, handpicked by Seokmin a few months before. Seokmin needed someone to help him organize the broadcasts after his previous assistant quit because she had gotten a job in the field she had studied. Seokmin even talked to her and offered a higher salary that would come out of his own pocket, but nothing seemed to help. Not that he blamed her, in her place he would have done the same thing. But in the position he was in, changes made him uncomfortable so he did what he could to make sure everything stayed the same.

Maybe it was trauma.

“It’s because they yell at me, not you.”

One of the reasons Seokmin chose Chan as his new assistant was his sincerity. In the middle of the interview he “I think there are things in your program that need to change” and started listing things that he thought were dated or ideas that had been used too much and therefore didn't have the same effect on listeners. The others had found him presumptuous as if he wanted to know more than those who worked at the radio. Seokmin disagreed and that's how Chan got the job.

“They yell at you because you’re the new guy, no one yelled at Jiah”

Chan made a sound in the back of his throat, like a scoff.

“That's because everyone was afraid of her” Seokmin rolled his eyes and reached for the folder Chan was carrying “Oh, right. Tomorrow is your lecture for the communication classes, but they said it is possible that students from other courses will also be there, because it’llll be in the auditorium”

Seokmin nodded, reading the guidelines Chan had made. He needed to admit that he was organized and had absolute control over everything he did. He was sure that if he asked about Wonwoo's program, Chan would know how to answer as if he worked directly with him.

“You know how it is, I have fans” Chan pretended to vomit “If you go tomorrow, we’ll go out to dinner later, I’ll pay”

"Deal"

Seokmin always found it strange to be called to give lectures at the college where he studied. He wasn't a teacher and he didn't think he had done enough to be someone who could give advice to someone. In fact, Seokmin was sure he hadn't done anything big. His life, to put it very simply, was flat. At least, almost all of his life.

Seokmin has always been the type of guy who makes plans and follows through on those plans. When he was sixteen he got it into his head that he wanted to work in radio. It wasn't without reasons, of course. He joined the school radio and despite doing very little, because the school director had to know everything that would be done, even the nouns he would use in the sentence, he fell in love with the idea. That's why he decided he should study journalism in college, that way even if his radio career didn't work out, he would still have a profession.

But his dream was to work on a radio, to have his own program. So that's what he did.

He entered college as planned, sunk into student debt, and graduated exactly as he had planned. In his last semester, he got an internship at the biggest radio station in the country. He was on cloud nine. It was as if he had received the green light in life and everything was on the right track.

At least that's what he thought. At least that was what he had forced himself to believe. The internship became a permanent position and one day he just happened to be in the right place at the right time. That's why he never felt prepared to give anyone advice. Despite having decided on the career he wanted to pursue, he knew that he also needed to count on a little luck and help. The only words he could offer were “you work hard, study, make contacts, and throw the rest into luck’s hands”. It wasn't the kind of thing he wanted to hear when he was a student looking forward to the future, so he certainly wouldn't say it to anyone.

However, Chan convinced him that it would be a good idea to give the talk.

“You’re going to tell me how you got here, that’s all. An unknown face who quickly went on air to cover someone for one of the most beloved radio broadcasters in the country. I'm sure if you say that shit fell on your head, they'll like it” Chan had said laughing.

Overall the lecture went very well. Better than expected. He answered the questions as honestly as possible and used his best smile to get rid of the more awkward questions.

Despite the good day, he knew he didn't want to repeat the dose anytime soon.

“They want to know if you would be willing to do one of these a semester” Chan whispered because he knew the answer Seokmin would give, so it was better for the students not to hear.

“No” was all Seokmin said “But I’ll still buy you dinner”

Chan punched the air in celebration, catching the eyes of those around him, but he seemed to care very little.

"I just…"

What Seokmin was about to say, an announcement that he needed to go to the bathroom, died in his throat as he looked straight ahead.

Letter #2

Seokmin,

I thought I would be able to adapt faster here. It was very hard in the beginning with transport, getting around in general was very difficult. So I chose a weekend and went walking around the neighborhood where I live. I don't know how long I'll stay here, but I thought I should check it out. Besides, I can wake up in the middle of the night and decide that I want to eat something that I don't have at home, so it's good to know if there are any stores or markets that open in the middle of the night (in this neighborhood there aren't any, maybe that's why I won’t stay here).

I discovered that going out there, although productive, wasn't such a good idea. Nothing wrong happened, I didn't get hit on or someone was rude to me. Quite the contrary, most people pretended they weren't even seeing me. The problem was that everything made me think about you.

I walked by the store that sold a lot of random old things and decided to go in. You know I love filling the house with trinkets. I didn't find anything there that I liked, but I saw that they were selling camera films. For a moment I forgot everything that had happened and all I could think was, I think Seokmin is running out of film, I need to buy more because he will only realize when he doesn't have any left.

I bought it and brought it to the apartment. I opened the door and called your name. It was only later, when I noticed where I was, that it wasn't our apartment, that I realized what I had done.

Even without meaning to, even when I try not to, I find myself looking for you. Everywhere. I go to a restaurant and think about what you would like to eat, I see a dog on the street and I imagine you bending down to pet it. It's not on purpose, I just can't help it. I try, but it's in vain.

I wonder if it will pass. Will this feeling that I succeeded in my career but ruined my personal life disappear or will I feel like this forever — or at least for a good few years?

yn.

It was as if all the air had been ripped from your lungs and there was no way in the world to get you to breathe.

Somehow, some way, Seokmin was standing in front of you, in the middle of the college hallway.

For a moment it was as if you had been transported back in time, to when you were still 22 years old. In another moment you would have simply run up to him and thrown yourself into his arms as if you hadn't spent the whole night clinging to him, as if you hadn't seen each other before classes, as if you hadn't shared the smallest space in the world on the subway for 20 minutes. And your body seemed to remember all of this, like some kind of muscle memory, because you felt like you were being projected forward. Towards him.

You thought Seokmin would talk to you, you were sure he would. But you saw the way his gaze changed, the way it went from complete surprise to a hard look, completely different from anything you had ever seen from him.

In your memory, Seokmin was always brilliant and was always willing to welcome everyone with open arms, even when he felt more shy. You didn’t understand, that look he gave you was completely different from what you imagined could happen.

When you made the decision to return, you knew that there was a possibility of meeting Seokmin, no matter how small it was. You didn't know if he was still friends with the same people, if he still kept in touch with them. You certainly hadn't kept in touch with anyone - except for the two times you talked to Joshua. The possibility existed, but being realistic you knew it was as big as winning the lottery.

Of all the places you thought you could find Seokmin, college was the last one and maybe that was even why you accepted the job. When you were taking the last tests, the ones that would say whether you would graduate at the end of the semester or not, Seokmin was categorical in saying that he would never set foot inside college again. So you thought it was a place he would never go, but there he was. And in your first week, when you needed everything to go well. Not to show that you were ready and that you could do the job, but to reassure yourself that you had made the right choice in accepting the job.

You didn't have time to decide whether to talk to him or not. Seokmin made the decision for both of you. He continued walking as if you weren't there, talking to the boy next to him, laughing. The only indication that he knew who you were was silent once and one that only you could distinguish.

He turned around and left as if nothing had happened.

Was it possible that only you had felt that way? That just your heart had decided it didn't know how to beat, as if a storm was raging inside your body?

You didn't have time to analyze what had just happened. You just forced yourself to take a deep breath and also keep walking as if those brief seconds weren't enough to make your entire world turn completely upside down.

Seokmin dragged his feet into the room, tripping over the rug at the foot of the bed. A curse came out of his mouth, followed by a burp. When he invited Chan to dinner he had no intention of ending the night drunk, being carried home like someone who had just had his first drink.

It had been years since he had gotten that bad and it was comical that the previous occasion was also connected to you.

The memory of leaving you at the airport, on a flight in the middle of the night, was still vivid in Seokmin's mind. Worse than that memory, was the one of you telling him that you had gotten a place in a master's degree on the other side of the world, 18 hours before leaving the country.

“I need to tell you something” you said as he pulled his coat over his head and patted his pockets, making sure he had grabbed his keys, wallet, and phone. He needed to leave as quickly as possible, he was already late.

Seokmin had plans to ask you to marry him. He had rented a house where you could spend the weekend, where it would be possible to see the stars. He had prepared himself, but he needed to leave right that second so he would have enough time to go to the house, get everything ready and come back to get you. The owner of the house would help him, since Seokmin decided that he wouldn't tell any of his friends because they might just ruin the surprise.

“I'm already late” he said, quickly looking at his watch. "Did something happen?"

He asked, noticing your already somewhat desperate look. He knew that whatever had happened couldn't be good.

To be honest, he had noticed that something was wrong a few weeks before, and for a while, he decided it would be better not to get into it too much. He knew you well enough to know that you would offer the information when you felt ready to do so. But thinking back on everything, he wished he had asked before, he wished he hadn't given you space, he wished he had forced you to talk to him sooner.

“I passed my master’s degree abroad”

Seokmin’s first reaction was to be happy for you. He knew how much you wanted that, that it was your dream. So he did what any boyfriend would do, he hugged you and congratulated you, told you that you had tried so hard and that they would be idiots not to accept you. The feeling was true and his smile was genuine. He was happy for you.

Knowing what he knew, every now and then Seokmin wondered if he would have done anything differently if he knew what the next words would be out of your mouth. He could have made a fuss, he could have begged you to stay, he could have offered to go with you. But at the time he didn't do any of that.

“I’m leaving today, I need to be at the airport at 11 pm”

Seokmin's ears rang deafeningly. It was as if he had been punched and needed to brace himself against something. The sofa was the closest piece of furniture.

He thought he heard it wrong, he wished he was dreaming, but all he had to do was look at you. It was true. It was as if a puzzle was being completed in Seokmin's mind. The way you had suddenly become distant, how every time he entered the room you hurried to change or close whatever you were looking at on the computer. He didn't even know you signed up. He imagined that you must have done some kind of test, some interview and he didn't even know anything about it.

He had no idea.

Had he been a bad boyfriend, someone who was so focused on making the long-awaited proposal that he had ignored everything else? Or had you hidden it so well that he hadn't noticed?

"What? You’re leaving today?"

It was like the world was spinning too fast and he was trying to keep up with what was happening. It was like being on a roller coaster that kept on falling. He remembered well how the little box with the ring he had carefully chosen weighed in his pocket.

“I didn’t even know you had applied for a position” he whispered, almost just to himself “You didn’t tell me”

And it was at that exact moment, when he looked at you, that Seokmin realized that your relationship was over. You avoided looking at him, your hands were buried deep in the pockets of your coat, which was his. He saw your eyes fill with tears, you swallow hard, and remain silent.

It was unlike you, to stay quiet when you had too many things going through your head. He desperately wanted you to talk to him, to tell him what had been going through your head. He just wanted to understand. Did you believe he would somehow stop you from going? If there was one thing he knew about you, it was the fact that you always put your education first. It wasn't a secret and you didn't want it to be. He just didn't expect things to happen that way.

Seokmin sat in front of the closet, on the floor, and with difficulty opened the doors. Deep in the back, behind several shoe boxes, were two old boxes that he hadn't moved in years. Part of him wished the things inside the boxes were ruined, that they had mold and anything else that could ruin its content. But he had been careful, kept everything in order, taken all necessary precautions, and cleaned the closet periodically.

He ignored the first box and pulled the smaller one towards him, placing it on his bent legs. Seokmin wasn't one to revisit those memories, he liked to keep them as far away from him as possible, but on nights like those, it was impossible.

Seokmin knew what he would find and was sure how he would feel, but he still took the lid off the box, but he didn't dare take out any of the items inside it.

He knew he had reached his lowest point when he was holding on to memories he had of you and not focusing on what was actually happening in his life.

Letter #3

Seokmin,

I talked to Joshua today. Talk is a bit too strong of a word. We exchanged a few words on Instagram. He posted a photo and I liked it, he sent me a DM asking if I was ok and how things were going. I lied, of course. He said everything was fine and he was happy. He didn't talk about you and I didn't ask.

It was very hard to contain myself. I want to know how you are. The more selfish part of my brain wants you to be just as bad as I feel. You know that little demon that sits on our shoulder? He assures me you're even worse. And I hate to think that's the case, but at the same time, I'm sure you're not okay. I know you, we dated for four years, we lived together for almost two years

You were always the more emotional one of the two of us. You were never afraid to show your feelings, not for me or anyone else. You always loved so openly, without any fear. I admit that at first, it scared me a little.

I was an 18-year-old girl who came from a family that had no idea how to show affection, so I was always more reserved in that aspect. And there you were with your beautiful, bright smile, with open arms, affectionate with anyone who came along. I thought you were a crazy person who didn't have the slightest notion of the world. It took a while for me to realize that your world was brighter than mine in ways I couldn't understand.

You were always so untethered, free, showing yourself to anyone who had eyes. When I was closed and more reclusive, you were open and expansive. When I was very shy or reserved, you were more charming and brighter than usual. Not even my worst mood, which seemed endless at times, was a problem for you.

One day you just showed up and decided that you would stay by my side, no matter what. Believe me when I say, I tried to push you away. But with each passing day you were further under my skin.

A kiss at a random party turned into a date at every party, parties became meetings at the college library, which led to coffee dates. One day you decided at the end of each date you had to take me back to the dorms and you kissed me for a long time on the side of the building where no one could see — or at least I made myself believe no one did. Then that alone wasn't enough and you were always with your fingers intertwined with mine, or your arm around my waist. And kisses were no longer reserved for empty streets, of course not. You kissed me anywhere, anytime, no matter who was watching.

You were sneaky, Seokmin.

When I realized it, I was in love with you. Your arms were my refuge. You were my safe space. My home.

yn.

You hated that Seokmin’s reaction, or lack thereof, had gotten to you so much. It was like being punched, and then one more, soon the punch became a beating and to finish with a flourish, it was as if a truck had run over you.

You had plans to go out at the weekend, though alone. Everything was so different, the places you knew no longer existed and friends from the past no longer spoke to you. You would have to rediscover the city without anyone's help. Despite your plans, you couldn't bring yourself to leave the house.

When you decided to return, you knew there would be no way to escape Seokmin. He had become successful not only in his career as a broadcaster but also as a celebrity of sorts. You never imagined you would see his face in magazines or on billboards selling fried chicken. You didn't expect that when you turned on the TV you would see his face in different programs.

In fact, you knew all of that was happening, but somehow you managed to convince yourself that you wouldn't have to see any of it. You managed to make yourself believe that you would not be haunted by his images and voice.

When you were away, you always listened to his programs, more than once each one, but it was almost like a relationship between fan and celebrity. You could separate very well what was him and what was you. But being there, in the same country, in the same city, it was much more difficult to make that separation.

Because once you were back, Seokmin was no longer just the radio host with a show about relationships. Far from it. Seokmin was your college sweetheart, the guy whose heart you broke but who, even after seven years, was still in love with.

That was the reality. you were still in love with him. There was no relationship in the world, no man in the world, that would have made you forget about Seokmin. Sometimes it worked, sometimes you managed to forget about him for a few months and that feeling of loss, of emptiness, that had settled deep inside your heart became smaller and smaller. And then it would come back full on as if it had never left.

Maybe that was your curse, your punishment for leaving behind someone you could have spent the rest of your life with. And somehow you knew you would have been happy. Or at least a different kind of happiness.

After spending the weekend holed up inside your apartment, after convincing yourself that you needed to prepare for teaching classes and unpacking the move, she decided that on Tuesday night she would explore the city.

Exploring wasn't the right word. You had discovered that one of your favorite restaurants still existed, it had just changed location. And, despite being on the other side of the city and being completely aware that you would have to pay a fortune for a taxi or risk taking the subway alone almost at closing time, you decided to go anyway.

You needed to feel like one thing hadn't changed, or at least still be recognizable.

You heard your name being called a few minutes after sitting down. You raised your head, recognizing the voice, but couldn't tell who it belonged to. Directly in front of you was a woman, with short hair, in her fifties.

“It’s really you!”

You stood up and a second later you were being hugged. Maybe you had gone there for that reason, knowing that there would be someone there who would recognize you. Or at least you hoped there was. And when you were welcomed with open arms by her owner, Niah, you wanted to cry for the first time in a long time.

“Hi” was all you could offer, your voice weak.

You quickly turned your face away, trying to be discreet as you wiped away your tears. The last thing you wanted was to cry in front of someone else. Tears were reserved for dark moments in the silence of your apartment, they weren't meant to be seen by people you didn't even know in a crowded restaurant.

“Look how beautiful you look. You haven't been around for so long. Seokmin told us that you had gone abroad to study, but I thought you would come back sooner.”

You just managed to smile, even though it was embarrassing. It was strange to hear his name coming out of someone else's mouth so easily. For years, his name was just an echo in your own mind, almost as if it were a fantasy of yours.

There were days when you managed to convince yourself of this, that Seokmin was nothing more than a dream.

“Are you just visiting or are you back to stay?”

“I'm staying” you said after a second, when you managed to find your voice again “I got a job here, I have nowhere to run”

Niah laughed and hugged you once again, tighter this time.

"Great, that makes me happy. We always miss you” Niah smiled and ran her fingers down your cheeks, brushing away some tears that were stubborn to fall “What do you want to eat? Today it's on the house. Consider it a welcome gift.”

You took a deep breath, swallowing the lump in your throat and the remaining tears.

"What do you recommend?"

The amazing thing about meeting Niah again was that she still acted exactly the same way. She didn't see you as someone who had simply packed a suitcase of clothes and left the country overnight. To Niah you were still that same person from 7 years ago who ate whatever she put in front of. You and Seokmin were always guinea pigs for all the new recipes.

The food was still wonderful, if anything it had just gotten better.

You had a fork halfway to your mouth when you heard the door open, the sound of the bell indicating the entry of a new customer. You almost instinctively turned to look. You choked on your own saliva when your eyes met Seokmin's.

It was as if you were back in the hallway that day. Your heart simply stopped, and the world fell into suspension. For a moment, it was as if you had been transported to the past. You were almost certain that if you looked at the table you would see books open next to the cutlery; you knew that if you looked at Seokmin for another second or two his face would break into the most beautiful smile, he would wave and call your name.

But your illusion shattered into small pieces as his neutral expression contorted into a frown. With the same foot he entered he turned to leave.

“Seokmin!” you called him, getting up from your chair.

Part of you thought he was going to continue out the door, but he stopped. Half of his body was outside the restaurant, the other inside.

“Hurry up and close that door!” Niah said leaving the kitchen “You’re letting out all the heat”

Even with Niah's voice calling him, Seokmin remained standing at the door. You sat back down, but without taking your eyes off him. He didn't know what he expected of him, but he felt an indescribable relief when Niah pulled him by the sleeve of his coat and forced him to sit in front of you.

“The restaurant is packed, so you will have to share a table” she said as she turned her back.

Seokmin shook his head, clearly against sitting there, staying in the restaurant, but he still took off his coat and hung it on the chair before leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest.

It was clear he was working out, his shoulders had gotten broader and his arms bigger since you last saw each other. You almost laughed at the pose, remembering all the times you had seen him in a similar situation. But this wasn't the time to laugh when everything else was screaming that he was uncomfortable with the situation, that he didn't want to be there.

It didn't take a genius to know that Seokmin wanted nothing to do with you. His reaction to seeing you in the hallway the week before and the way he was looking at you in that moment were enough answers.

You felt like the walls were closing in around you and there wasn't enough air in the room.

What were you thinking when you called his name? What were you thinking when you silently watched Niah pull him inside? Why were you still sitting there?

A waiter who worked with Niah passed by your table and you called him discreetly, not wanting to attract the attention of the restaurant owner.

“Can you wrap everything to go, please?” you turned to Seokmin “You can have the table. I was already leaving”

It was a lie, but he didn't need to know that.

Seokmin laughed lowly, scornfully, his sideways smile making the hair on your arms stand on end. In general, Seokmin has always been the type of guy who didn’t lose his cool easily, who would always rather let things go than have any kind of confrontation. But when he really got stressed out or nervous, it took a while for him to calm down again.

You had seen that storm in his eyes very few times in the years you spent together. The last one was when he went to the airport to say goodbye to you. That day the storm was just confusion and pain, you knew you had done that to him. But he sat there in the restaurant, in front of you, in silence while the people around him chatted animatedly, completely oblivious to what was happening between the two of you.

"What it was?" you rolled your eyes.

“Ah, nothing” he said, waving his hand in a dismissive gesture “It’s just like you to do that”

You narrowed your eyes at the same time you felt your cheeks get hot.

"Do what?"

"Runaway"

Letter #4

Seokmin,

It took me almost a year to convince myself that it was okay for me to look at social media. I convinced myself that every woman does this, that every now and then we look at our ex-boyfriend's Instagram, just to find out if his new girlfriend is ugly. I've told you this several times, but every female experience is universal.

I wish you were one of those low profile people, who post a picture every 6 months and it's a cut mango on a pretty plate. I wish you hadn't posted so many pictures. But more than anything, I wish I hadn't spent hours and hours looking at the photos. I wish I hadn't been analyzing every photo of you, I wish I hadn't thought “that's a new mole” and wondered which others had appeared since the last time we saw each other.

I had memorized every mole of yours. On your face, on your arms, on your back. On the worst days, when I missed you in a way that almost made me give up everything and go home, I kept remembering each one of them. I tried to remember the sound of your laugh, your voice, how you stroked my hair until I fell asleep when it wasn't a good day.

I keep wondering if one day this feeling will just go away.

It's been a year since I left. I went out with other guys, and I almost dated one of them, but you're always there in the back of my mind, almost comically because even against my will I can't help but compare them to you. I can't help but think that only you know how I like my coffee, how only you know that if I'm in my worst mood, there's no joke in the world that can make me laugh.

I know it's not fair to them. I gave you the chance to get to know me, I allowed you to get closer. I wanted you to come closer to me. Now I wonder if you're doing this for someone other than me.

I like to imagine that you also compare other women to me, that even now that you're dating I stay there, in the back of your mind, making fun of you.

Unfortunately, she's not ugly, but your smile was brighter when I was next to you.

yn.

To say that Seokmin had spent the rest of the week in an envious mood was an understatement. He was stressed and everyone around him soon noticed the change. He really tried not to let his personal life get in the way of his work. It was something he never struggled with. Work was work, what happened when the lights went out and he left the radio should never cross paths with each other. That week, however, it was impossible.

Meeting you at the restaurant caught him off guard. That day in the college hallway had been difficult, but he managed to just keep walking as if nothing had happened. He liked to pretend like he hadn't gone out with Chan right after and drank like there was no tomorrow, like he hadn't opened the boxes he had kept for years and cried while looking at the photos of the two of you together.

He had gone to the restaurant that day because he needed some form of comfort and didn't want to call any of his friends because he knew he would end up telling them everything that happened and would receive advice and words he would rather not hear. The restaurant was the best idea he had. Or maybe the worst possible one.

Maybe he had done it consciously, because he wanted to see you one more time, and wanted to make sure he hadn't imagined you. It wouldn't have been the first time.

In the first few months after you left, Seokmin got into the habit of visiting places he went with you, or places you liked to go alone. It was probably a form of torture, but he liked to imagine it was a way to forget and overcome the breakup. On several of those days, he believed he saw you. He realistically knew it wasn't you, he clearly remembered seeing you get on the plane and waited until it took off to leave the airport.

The worst thing that could have happened to him was you calling for him. Seokmin couldn't help but wonder if he had always reacted that way to you, if your presence was always so great that before he even saw you he knew you were nearby. That day, as soon as he opened the door, before he even saw you sitting there with your eyes wide open, he knew. He knew you were there.

The last thing he expected from you was you saying his name, as if asking him to sit with you, that Niah, knowing how the relationship had ended, would have made him sit in front of you.

Seokmin noticed your discomfort, the way your spine had become a little straighter, the way your eyes were hard and cautious at the same time. Your reaction made him angry. What right did you have to behave that way, as if you were hurt when all the decisions regarding a relationship both of you were in had been made by you?

You were the one who signed up for a master's degree abroad. It was you who never told him about your decision. It was you who kept everything secret, making him believe that the two of you were on the same page and that despite your different goals, you would be able to pursue them together.

Turns out he was wrong, those dreams were just his and didn't include him.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Chan asked for the thousandth time.

For the first time in a long time, Seokmin was having a hard time hiding how he really felt. That polished, carefully carved mask had fallen. It was a completely atypical day and everyone was able to notice his sudden change in mood. Even Chan, who normally did a great job of ignoring all the problems around him and focusing solely on his work, seemed to be walking on eggshells around him.

“It’s really obvious, isn’t it?” Seokmin asked in a low voice and Chan just nodded "And if I pretend it's because of the new segment, will anyone believe it?"

Again, Chan nodded. Since he had started the program, 3 years before, Seokmin would receive calls and speak directly to listeners. Although there were always interactions, those were always done through live chat and email when he received questions or stories from people who were not listening to the program when it was airing.

Seokmin wasn't nervous about the idea, he was actually excited. Chan knew this and knew that whatever the problem was, it was still the same as the day of the lecture. He didn't want to ask, and he didn't want to seem invasive, but he still wanted to make sure Seokmin was okay — or at least, well enough to do the program.

“I think everyone is already thinking that” was a lie and even Seokmin knew it, but he was grateful.

“You may already know this, but today we will start a new segment. We'll call it the heart to heart helpline, at least until we find a better name at least” Seokmin's voice and laugh resonated through the taxi “We'll take your calls and some of you will be able to talk to me and ask your questions live, instead of by chat. Each person will have a maximum of 2 minutes and we will answer 6 calls today”

You had left the house completely willing to avoid anything related to Seokmin. Realistically, you knew you couldn't do anything about the billboards and his face at bus stops, but you could very well avoid his radio show. And for a few weeks you had managed to do just that.

That day at the restaurant had almost been a cathartic moment. Somehow, it was as if something had clicked and fallen into place. The Seokmin you left behind no longer existed. It had been a naive thought to think so. You didn't expect that he would still be exactly the same person, of course not. Seven years had passed and Seokmin, like you, was approaching his thirties. Obviously, many things had changed, but you still expected to see traces of that 22-year-old boy you had known and loved.

You didn't spend more than five minutes with him at that table. And it was much more than enough. He had accused you of running away, of continuing to do this for years. Of course, that could be his view on everything, but it was never your intention. The only problem was that you hadn't been able to tell him those things. You had been so lost and so completely helpless in front of him that you had forgotten that you knew how to speak and form sentences.

You had spent years of your life writing letters to him, letters that he would never read, but that was beside the point. You wrote letters as a way to appease the emptiness you felt in your heart. You never, not for a second, thought you were running away. You never wanted to run away, but Seokmin seemed to believe you did.

In a sudden burst of anger, you took your phone out of your bag and dialed the number Seokmin spoke on the radio. You didn't expect your call to go through. In fact, you didn't even know what you expected.

“Please wait a minute, we will connect your call” a non-robotic voice said as you paid for the taxi.

Seokmin was still chatting animatedly with a listener who didn't have a real question, but who “just wanted to say that I really liked your show and that I’m a fan.” It was impossible not to roll your eyes. If she, and everyone else, knew how much of a complete asshole he could be just because he had the opportunity, they would never want to see his face again.

Or maybe they would team up against you in favor of the immaculate Seokmin. God knew how easily a man could turn public opinion in his favor with a beautiful smile. And God was also a witness that Seokmin's smile was simply wonderful, one that took your breath away, one that made you smile along because it was contagious.

“Welcome to the heart to heart helpline” Seokmin’s voice sounded in your ear “What’s your question?”

You didn't really think that your call would get through to Seokmin, you didn't think the signal would be good enough inside the elevator, but none of that seemed to be a problem.

“Hello, can you hear me?” he asked.

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes. You knew you were going really crazy, but you decided to throw caution out the window and be the crazy person everyone used to believe you were.

“Yes, I’m here” you could have sworn, that even over the phone, you felt Seokmin tense up “It’s a question about an old relationship, we broke up years ago, if that’s okay”

You struggled with your keys, trying to unlock the door as quickly as possible. You needed to get to your computer or tablet, whichever was closer. It was almost a physical necessity to see Seokmin's reaction to your voice, your question.

You always knew how to tell if he was truly calm or if he was masking what he was feeling. You wanted to know if you still had any other sort of effect on him. Whatever it was, it was better than angry disdain.

“Old relationships should stay in the past, don’t you think?” he finally said.

You nodded as you ran into your room. You knew you would find the tablet under your pillow — you were sure that if your mother saw it she would say that your brain would explode due to the radiation from the device. With a few taps, you opened the stream of Seokmin's program.

“I think so. But the problem is that we keep seeing each other. I don’t think it’s something either of us want, but it seems inevitable.”

You turned the sound off, you just wanted to focus on his reactions. Seokmin swallowed hard, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes fixed on the microphone in front of him. To anyone, it just seemed like he was concentrating on the call, on what the person on the other end of the line had to say, but you knew very well that it was to hide his reactions.

"Your question?"

“Well, he called me selfish and said I ran away when we broke up, but that's not exactly what happened. I wanted to talk to him, but I don’t think he wants to listen to me.”

Seokmin took a deep breath and seemed to think about what to say next, his eyes no longer on the microphone, but on the ceiling.

“And why does he think that about you? You probably gave him reasons, don't you think? I don’t think anyone would think that about someone without anything having happened.”

“I always dreamed of studying abroad, so when the opportunity came, I went. I…"

“Did you tell him you were going?” Seokmin clenched his fists on the desk, his fingers gripped the pen in his hand tightly until his knuckles were white. “Did you give him a chance to say something or did you just walk away?”

You were speechless, eyes focused only on Seokmin. The way his hair perfectly framed his face, his sculpted thin nose. He was still exactly like he was seven years ago, just somehow different. He was the same, but he also wasn't.

You hadn't given him the chance to say anything, you had just walked away, but because you believed it was the best thing to do. You would have stayed if he had asked, I would have aborted all of your plans for him,

“Long distance relationships don’t work” you said finally, your voice lower “especially when there’s an ocean separating people”

“I'm going to guess and say that you were together for a while because I don't think anyone would care that much about a quick relationship” his voice became more sober, completely in control of his emotions, the opposite of what you felt, like you were enclosed every second that passed “I agree with you, long-distance relationships don’t work. Different cities are already complicated, I can't imagine what it would be like to be with someone who lives in another country. You didn't give many details, but I believe he had reasons to feel that way, just as you had your reasons for leaving without warning. I think the best thing for both of you is to let it fall into oblivion. It makes no sense for either of you to dwell on these feelings. Maybe your desire to talk exists because you think you've left things open with him, but he may think that what's in the past shouldn't be remembered. Maybe you're just a bad relationship he wants to forget.”

Letter #5

Seokmin

I found out by chance that you now have your own radio show. One day it was an empty slot in the schedule and the next it was your voice. To my joy and delight, it was one of those programs that also had video streaming. I say joy and delight in a very ironic way.

But I'm not lying when I say I'm happy for you. You always said it was your dream and in a way, here we are, achieving our dreams. It would have been better if we could have lived through this together, I think. Maybe if that were the case I wouldn't have this empty feeling inside my chest.

But I discovered a long time ago that I can't keep crying over spilled milk. I left and you moved on with your life. They were conscious choices, I knew what I was doing. I knew that making this choice would have hurt both of us, but I also knew that we could overcome it. It's just taking longer than expected. I honestly thought that by this point, so many years later, we would have been able to live as if the past were just that, the past.

But it's not like that for me or for you.

I may be completely crazy, but your show is about love advice and how to deal with heartbreak. Sometimes, when I hear you talk, I'm sure you've already dealt with all your feelings, after all, you've had other girlfriends. But there are other moments, when you answer a question or when you read one of the pre-written texts when I'm sure that what you said applies directly to what we both had.

I'm going crazy, aren't I?

It's been four years since I left. I already finished my master's degree and started my PhD, exactly as planned. I have a date tonight with a guy who seems genuinely nice, but here I am, writing yet another letter that will never be sent to the guy I was in love with.

What am I still doing?

Seokmin had always believed that for a relationship to truly end there must be no trace of it anywhere. When he told his listeners that they should get rid of items, it was not a lie. He was just terrible at following his own advice. The old story of do as I say, not as I do.

Finally, he decided it was time to take his own advice. With a little pain and resentment added to the mix, of course. At this point, he wondered if he could already be considered a masochist or if he still had a few boxes to tick to get the title.

Getting your address had been easier than expected. All he had to do was ask Niah, who offered the information without any resistance.

“Being thirty didn't make either of you any smarter,” she said as she leaned across the table and wrote the address on the napkin.

“Almost thirty” he felt the need to correct her, but decided he would ignore the hidden message in her words.

Seokmin never stopped going to Niah's restaurant. It was there that he had cried his sorrows over the cheapest drinks possible, he didn't have the money to pay for the good ones, while Joshua tried to console him. He had never seen Niah so stressed and angry. She hadn't said anything, but you could clearly hear the sound of her cutting the vegetables more aggressively than necessary.

Little by little she became calmer about the situation and started talking about you with the same affection as before. Seokmin always thought she had somehow kept in touch with you, or at least found a way to get your number or a way to contact you. At first, he had been angry, but somehow he believed he didn't have that right. It was only after a year that Seokmin decided to ask and the answer he received was “if I still had contact with her, I would have already screamed at her about disappearing without telling anyone”.

Asking Niah for your address was the only option he had. He refused to go to college, where you worked. He didn't know what would happen, whether you would be friendly with each other or the conversation would end in a shouting match just because. Because after years of no contact and considering the way things ended, it was pretty obvious that resentment could resurface — at least Seokmin had resentment up to his neck and knew that not releasing them all at once required almost inhuman self-control.

He looked at the building one more time before getting out of the car. It was one of those without a doorman. Seokmin knew that if he rang and asked to be let in, the probability of being sent to hell was very high. So he pulled up his cap down and covered as much of his face as he could while he balanced the boxes on his arms.

He stood there like a madman for almost twenty minutes until someone finally left the building. Seokmin felt like he was committing a crime when he slipped through the door before it closed. Even though the feeling was strange he made himself believe it was the only option he had and he really didn't have any bad intentions. He just wanted to return your things and, hopefully, arrange that if you ever met again, you’d simply pretend you don't know each other, instead of talking nonsense to each other.

Seokmin took a deep breath once before knocking on the door. He heard footsteps and a second later the door opened.

When you imagined what your Wednesday night would be like, the only option that crossed your mind was to order a pizza and watch a movie — the random option of Netflix seemed like your best friend and the only possible option because you weren't even able to choose what to watch by yourself.

Not even in your wildest daydreams could you have imagined that Seokmin would show up at your door with two boxes in his hand.

You were partially tempted to close the door on his face, but you knew that doing so would only make the whole situation worse. If Seokmin, who clearly didn't have any good feelings about you, was standing there at your door it was because he had something to say. Or more precisely to hand it over to you, considering the boxes in his arms.

Silently you stepped aside so he had enough room to enter. You wanted to slap yourself for the complete war zone that your living room was in. You were still unpacking the moving boxes, not that you had taken much with you. It was too expensive to send things from one country to another, especially furniture. You had only focused on your clothes and books and a few things you wanted to keep, and that alone was more than you were willing to spend. In addition to the boxes, you had all the things you still had to buy, but you still didn't have the mind to do it.

You had so much going through your head that cleaning the apartment was just another task you wanted to avoid. But it was one that could be left for later. In the few minutes that Seokmin spent there, you wished you had tidied it up, that he hadn't seen how that room represented your life at that moment: a complete mess.

"What are you doing here?" you finally asked when you managed to get your vocal cords to work properly.

Seokmin didn't seem to care about the mess but paid attention to everything else around him.

He placed the boxes on the counter and took off his cap, pressing the brims with his fingertips looking for what to say next. He had rehearsed an almost poetic speech in the car, something about being adults and how your relationship had ended a long time ago, so neither of you should have any regrets left. But the moment you opened the door and looked at him it was as if all the words had simply evaporated from his mind, as if he had never learned to speak in the first place.

It had always been that way with you. Sometimes when he looked at you, even when you were still together, he got lost. He was like a man adrift who had finally found solid land. It was as if he heard a click and the world started to move once again.

One of his favorite things, when you were dating and living together, was being able to come home after an exhausting day and see you sitting on the sofa in the living room, your computer on your lap, while you studied, occasionally shouting profanities at the computer. On those days, Seokmin would simply push the computer away and lay his head on your lap.

“Just five minutes” he used to say with his eyes closed.

You’d laugh, fingers immediately running through his hair, as if it was the most natural movement in the world.

“Who do you want me to insult today? You know my vocabulary is very colorful.”

How many times had he slept in that position, without meaning to, and you had to drag him to bed because “it's comfortable for you, but my legs are numb and you have to take a shower, you won't sleep dirty next to me, sir”.

It was impossible not to wonder where it all went wrong.

“I came to return your things” he pointed at the boxes.

You suppressed the urge to bend down and rummage through the boxes. You wanted to know what he had kept, what he considered important enough to keep for so many years. You knew he no longer lived in the apartment you shared. When you were looking for apartments you saw that that one was up for rent. It was necessary to restrain yourself from choosing it. It wasn't a good apartment, at least not at the time — the photos on the website said the property had undergone renovations two years earlier and had no tenants since. It wasn't big, it barely fit one person, but it was what your extremely limited budget could afford at the time. Somehow you and Seokmin turned that small space into a home full of life. Of love.

In the places where you lived, you bought all kinds of trinkets to fill the space, furniture you didn't need and never used, hoping to imitate, for even a second, the feeling you had in that little 35 square meter apartment.

You never quite managed to do that.

“Thank you” you said sincerely “I thought all my things had gone in the trash”

You laughed and Seokmin squeezed the back of his head and pointed at the boxes.

“I sold what I could, I didn't want to put it in storage because I really thought we would never see each other again. The money is in an envelope”

“Why did you keep all this?” the words came out of your mouth before you could stop yourself “You should have thrown it away or, since you sold it, you should have spent the money”

Seokmin had asked himself that question several times before, sober or not, and he never had an answer. After a while, he simply stopped questioning and accepted it as something he had to do, to have some kind of sanity. It didn’t. Knowing that those boxes were inside his wardrobe, having to go through them the two times he moved, only brought back memories that he would like to forget.

Ever since you had seen each other again for the first time, memories that Seokmin had struggled to bury came to the surface as if they had just happened. He started to dream about you, dreams that range from memories to things that never actually happened, he started to wonder if it would be okay to talk with someone. His brain always screamed NO, so he was stuck just dreaming.

“I don’t have a good enough reason. It is what it is, I guess,” he said.

The last time Seokmin felt so embarrassed around you was right when you met and even then it only lasted a few minutes. The 18 year old Seokmin was much braver than the 29 year old man in front of him.

That boy, without any guilt or remorse, would have asked every question that could cross his mind. You’d say “your mind is beautiful, it even echoes sometimes”. Seokmin wanted to still have some of that boy's strength. Maybe that was the only way to know what he wanted. He wouldn't ask and he knew you wouldn't offer the information to him without being pressured.

“I think in the end, we both got what we wanted.”

You realized you said the wrong thing when you looked at Seokmin’s hands. A second before he was clutching his cap until his knuckles turned white, the next his long fingers were still. You didn't want to see the expression on his face. You knew what you’d find. You messed up, but couldn’t take back what you said.

“You got what you wanted” Seokmin corrected you, his voice firm, his tone hard.

“You always wanted to have a radio show”

“No, I wanted you. I could adapt to everything else if it meant I would have you.”

You shook your head. You knew it wasn't true. Hell, even Seokmin knew it wasn’t true. The first time you talked, Seokmin mentioned how much he wanted to be a radio host and have his own show, of any kind. I don't have a preference, I know I can give anything my own colors. You felt envious of his certainty, of the way he knew he could do it.

“The show has always been your dream” you tried again, despite knowing it was in vain to argue with him.

“My dream was to have a life by your side. You never, not once, told me that you signed up to study abroad, you never even mentioned it. When it was time to go you just got on a plane and disappeared. You never even gave me the chance to follow you. I could have been a journalist anywhere in the world”

Seokmin hated the direction of that conversation, hated being so exposed in front of you after so many years. In the past, it wasn't a problem. Before he wanted to be exposed in front of you, he wanted to share everything he was, every aspect of himself with you. No more. The problem was that he couldn't just stop. A gate was opened and there was no way to close it.

“So, what? Would we both be living based on our dreams? Because this is a dream, and you know it very well.”

You clung to the top rail of the chair, your head lolling forward in an almost futile attempt to stop him from seeing the tears forming in your eyes. You knew you couldn't hold them.

You weren't the type of person who cried often, you did what you could to avoid it, but when the tears came it was impossible to simply stop them from falling.

“Yeah, maybe I was really dreaming, because I believed that you loved me in the same proportion, but it’s quite obvious that you didn’t”

Seven years of pent-up frustration couldn't just disappear, he should have known. He should have imagined that going there would be a problem, that being in the same space as you without any kind of interference was a mistake. But he was still there and there was no way to escape. It was better to end everything quickly than to keep those feelings for another seven years in the hopes of one day being able to say something.

Seokmin watched as you went to one of the boxes in the corner of the room and opened it forcefully, tearing the cardboard, and causing some of the contents to slide across the floor. He felt his body freeze as a roll of film stopped at his feet.

“So explain to me, why do I buy a roll of film every time I pass by a store?” you put both hands inside the box and took out several rolls of film, of different brands and models. “Explain to me, why have I followed your career all this time and never missed a damn show in the last 3 years? Why would I wake up in the middle of the night to watch the broadcast and then listen to the show again while going to work because I just wanted to hear your voice?”

You walked to another box, but you opened this one a little more carefully as if wanting to protect the contents.

“Why did I spend 7 years writing letters that would never be read to a guy I never loved?”

You threw several envelopes at Seokmin’s chest. Your face and body shook out of anger or another feeling he couldn't quite tell.

Seokmin bent down to pick up one of the envelopes from the floor. His name was written in your careful handwriting. He didn't need to look at all the other ones to know that they were also addressed to him. He didn't know how many letters were scattered on the floor, or if there were any left in the box. The only thing he was sure of was that he had no idea how to proceed.

“If that doesn’t say I loved you, if that doesn’t say I still love you, I don’t know what the fuck does.”

Seokmin saw the first tear run down your face and fell silent. He knew he should turn his back, he knew he should walk away, just like you did seven years before. Instead, he took four steps in your direction, his eyes never left your heaving chest and the tears that ran freely over your cheeks.

At that moment he knew that he only had two options: he could turn around and leave, he gave you back your things that alone made his plan a success; or he could kiss you like he had been wanting to since the moment he saw you again.

To hell with his plan.

Seokmin held your face in his hands and pulled you to him, crashing his lips on yours. It was an all too new feeling but also familiar, almost like coming to a remodeled home. It was him and it was you, if only it was just that simple.

You sighed into him, your arms wrapping around his slim waist while your hand balled a fist full of his shirt. There were so many moments where you wished you could be right in that spot, again in his arms. Dreams and daydreams, wishful thinking, whatever you could call it. Thoughts of Seokmin had always been a constant in your mind. It was impossible not to compare other people you went out with to him.

Your longest relationship had been one of almost a full year. Although the beginning had been good and easy, with you somehow managing to avoid any and all Seokmin related dreams and thoughts, it turned sour the second he crossed your mind.

“Seokmin, I…”

He shook his head and pressed his forehead to yours, eyes so intense that it was difficult to keep looking at him.

“Let’s not overthink it, okay?” was all he said.

You held his face for a couple, searching for something in his features, anything at all, that could indicate that the moment wasn’t for that. But all you saw in him was the same emotions you felt, the same need and desire.

You pulled Seokmin to you again, this time hungrier, your chest pressed to his. Your mind was loud telling you all the reasons why you shouldn’t be doing that, why having him so close to you was truly the most dangerous situation you could possibly put yourself in. But all of those voices, all of those words and thoughts were silenced the moment he kissed you again.

His lips were hungry, demanding all of you. And it was so easy to just give in to him, to his hands roaming on your body, down your back until he reached your ass. He gave it a light squeeze and ran his hand back up again, this time under your shirt. You moaned softly at the contact of his skin on yours, as he kissed your neck, bitting on the exact same spot he found years before.

He smiled over your skin.

“At least this hasn’t changed”

It was all too much but not nearly enough. Just having him that close to you was dizzying enough but him touching you and enjoying the fact that you were just as weak for him at twenty nine made you never want to let go of him again.

“Where’s your room?”

You took Seokmin by the hand, guiding him through the narrow corridor.

Your room was barely a room to begin with. You had no furniture except for the mattress lying on the floor, your clothes were either on the suitcase or on the chair on the side.

“This is unlike you” Seokmin said, his chest pressed to your back while he nibbled on the skin of your neck.

“I… hm… I” you sturred a little when he bit into a particularly sensitive spot, making him chuckle “I’m waiting on delivery”

Seokmin turned you around in his arms while lightly pushing you down on the mattress. His eyes never left yours as he ran his hand under your shirt, moving the fabric up until your chest was exposed.

It had been so long since you had been with anyone, it was almost like a reflex to want to pull your shirt back down. Since him, it had been hard to just let yourself be exposed to someone like that. You had become awfully aware of your body and things you never cared for or paid attention to before suddenly became worries. You didn't like that insecure version of yourself but when Seokmin cupped your breast in his hand his touch was almost solemn.

It was probably the worst timing in the world when you felt tears burn on the back of your eyes. You pulled his face to yours again, trying to hide your tears from him once again.

Suddenly, his touch was tender when he pushed a few strands of hair away from your face, his fingers careful.

Seokmin moved down on your body. When you saw his fingers on the waistband of shorts you lifted your hips off of the mattress to help him move the fabric down quicker.

He kissed your hips and inner thigh. You moaned in anticipation, your hand taking a fist full of his soft hair. When his lips finally found your clit it was like fireworks erupted behind your closed eyelids.

Seokmin was impossibly hard in his pants, embarrassingly so like he was a teenager having his first time.

He never thought that he would have you in his arms again and yet there you were in front of him, no reservations. Just for him. And for a moment it was like his brain was in short circuit, the small electric waves running all over his body, down to his toes.

He licked a path from your cunt to your clit. He went down on you almost in desperation, his nose brushing on your clit every now and then.

"Seokmin..." his name was barely a whisper in your lips, but it was also a chant.

Your orgasm hits you quickly, leaving you short of air and with shaky legs. You were spiraling in the most enticing way possible. It didn't stop Seokmin though as he kept sucking you frantically.

You tugged on his hair, pulling him up and to you again.

I love you, the words almost fell out of your lips. It would have been so easy to just say them, to be open about your feelings just this once.

Deep down you knew that that moment would be a one time kind of thing. It was just the kind of moment people sometimes needed to just completely let go of everything. Or in this case, nothing. It was to let go of seven years of complete nothingness and silence.

You opened the button of his jeans and pushed it down, his boxers following along. You wrapped your hand around his cock, pumping him a couple of times. Realization suddenly came over you. You never expected Seokmin to show up to your place, much less that it would lead to that moment, and there wasn't anyone else in your life, so you weren't ready for it.

"I don't have a condom" you said breathlessly.

Seokmin looked lost for a second, his brain going to his wallet, questioning whether or not he had one in him.

"I can pull out," he said "if that's okay"

All you did was nod and Seokmin aligned himself with your hole. He pushed in slowly, savoring each moment when your pussy pulled him in until there was no space between the two of you.

Seokmin kissed you again to give himself time to adjust to you squeezing him. You held his face close to yours, in your eyes a mix of emotions he didn't want to understand. Not in that moment at least.

"I don't want anyone else," you said looking into his eyes, your thumb running over his bottom lip "No one else can make me feel the way you do"

To hell with care and self-preservation. You let go of those the moment you opened the door for him, the moment you let him into your home, the moment you didn't push him away when he kissed you.

Seokmin fucks you slowly, his pace torturous as you beg and beg for more. He intertwined his fingers with yours and held one of your hands above your head while the other one held your hips in place.

"Seokmin... harder"

And it's like a switch has gone off inside his brain. His once slow pace becomes shallow. The sound of your breaths and his skin slapping against yours were the only ones heard, echoing through the empty room.

Your orgasm sneaks up on you, catching you so off guard you scream because it's too much.

You pushed Seokmin away and watched in ecstasy as he wrapped his hand around his cock, his hand working fast as your name left his lips when his release fell on the sheet by your side.

Seokmin dropped his body over yours again, his forehead on your shoulder. You closed your eyes and ran your hand over his hair.

"I love you" you allowed yourself to say, even if it meant nothing to him.

Letter #6

Seokmin,

I never thought I'd say this, but I'm coming home. Or the closest thing I still have to a home. Needless to say, my mother is happy with the news. She's been tormenting me for years, asking me to come back, but since I set foot here I decided I wasn't going back.

I wanted to, but I wouldn't go back.

Every time I thought about going back, the first thing that came into my head was the last image I had of you. Your teary eyes wishing me a safe flight, saying I love you and hope you accomplish everything you want. I regretted it the moment I gave my things away and handed my passport into the hand of the airline girl. I should have come back, I should have given up, but I couldn't. That old story of putting myself first and second, you know how it goes. In this case, my entire top 10 was just different versions of me.

I think I actually felt scared because as time went by, little by little without me realizing it right away, you became a very big part of my life. A part that could change everything. I felt like I depended on you too much. It wasn't fair to you or me.

We were only 22, Seokmin. When we were so young, we thought that life was conquered and today I know that is not the case. Far from it. At 22 I had a degree and worked part-time at a cafe to pay the bills, just like you.

You might think I'm selfish, I'm sure you do based on the things you say on your show. I was selfish and on some level, I don't regret it. I did what I always planned to do, what I always wanted to do. And now I'm coming home.

Part of me wants to run and find you, explain why I made the decisions I did, why I never told you. But I know you won't want to listen to me. I wouldn't want to listen to me either. Why would I listen to someone who left just like that? It really wouldn't make sense.

But another part, this one a little more rational, says that I shouldn't throw salt into the wound after so many years have gone by. I have the scar here, hidden enough for no one to see, but prominent enough for me to remember what I did every single day.

I think that's what I'm going to do. I think that's what I have to do. It wouldn't be fair to just show up in front of you and say “hi, I'm back” after seven years.

You have become a big “what if” for me. What if I had stayed? Would we have stayed together or would our relationship have ended years ago? What if I had told you what I was doing while I was doing it? Would you have asked me to stay? What if I had given the possibility of a long-distance relationship? Would we have worked out or would you start to resent me for leaving and end up hurting each other anyway?

The most absurd thing is that I still like you, I'm still in love with you. I've always heard that distance makes love end or something like that. I haven't seen you in seven years, I don't know what's going on in your life — you're really good at hiding everything being a celebrity now — so it doesn't make any sense that my feelings haven't changed even after all this time. This guy I see online might not be the Seokmin I fell in love with, just like I'm not the same person you remember.

Every time I hear your voice I still feel butterflies in my stomach. I sleep and dream about you. When I wake up I think about you and I wonder if you think about me too. It is not normal. It's not healthy. Life went on and I think it is our obligation to move forward together. We are not a museum to only feed on the past.

Let's continue as we are now, what do you think? We will once again be in the same country, in the same city, but I think it's best for both of us to pretend that nothing will change. It's a huge city, what are the chances of us meeting?

Before you even opened your eyes, you already knew what you would find. Or who you wouldn't find. You knew the space next to you on the mattress would be empty. You had noticed the exact moment Seokmin had gotten up, but you forced yourself to believe that he had just gone to the bathroom. You had kept your eyes closed and had somehow gone back to sleep.

You had been naive to think that the night had changed something, that the way everything seemed like it would be fine was an indication that things had finally gotten back on track. If any, the train simply ended up derailing.

When Seokmin kissed you it was magical, no matter how cliché and teenage it may sound. It was as if the world had fallen into place again, as if you had finally returned home after being away for so long. You couldn't help but wonder if that was why you'd taken the job, in the foolish, unconscious hope that there might be a chance, however slight, of being with him again.

You forced yourself to sit up and pulled the sheet up to cover your naked body. The shirt and shorts you wore the night before were next to you on the floor, but you refused to wear those clothes, opting to rummage through the boxes in the corner of the room looking for clean ones.

You didn't want to go to the living room, didn't want to be mocked by the two boxes that Seokmin had left on the counter, but you couldn't help it. It was as if your feet had a life of their own. When you realized it, you were already sitting on the living room floor with the two boxes in front of you.

You momentarily decided to ignore the smaller black box and pulled the large one closer. The first thing you saw was the envelope Seokmin mentioned the night before. Money, especially the one in the envelope, wasn't something you were going to worry about. You didn't care about it, you didn't lie when you told him that he should have spent it. That money would remain untouched.

There were also a few books you read and made annotations on, two stuffed animals, and all the picture frames you had left behind.

One of the things you regretted the most was not taking with you when you left were photos of you and Seokmin. You had only taken one, which was folded inside your wallet. It was already so old and worn out that it had almost turned to dust, but you would never get it out. It was you and Seokmin at Niah's old restaurant, he was smiling at the camera while you looked at him. It was your favorite picture.

At the bottom of the box was the camera you had given Seokmin as a birthday present a few months before you left. You had saved whatever money you could for months to buy him the camera he wanted, one that he always talked about and whenever you passed by a store you stood outside looking at it, almost as if it would magically appear in his hands.

You understood his reasons for leaving the camera there — or, at least, the reasons you could imagine—but you wished he had kept using it. Not because it was a gift from you, but because it was something he wanted. His smile was so big when you gave it to him, the tip of his nose slightly pointed down because of it.

Carefully you put everything back inside and put it aside.

The smaller box, for some reason, was scary. It was light and black, and you could hear its contents moving as you held it in your hands. You took one last deep breath and removed the lid.

Inside were photos you had never seen before. Photos of you alone, Seokmin wasn't in any of them. In none of them were you posing or smiling directly at the camera.

Most of them had been taken from a distance, without you noticing. In some you were inside the cafe where you worked, smiling at customers and serving tables, in others you were simply walking down the street, looking through window shops and pointing at something. Seokmin had taken countless photos of you without you even realizing it.

It was strange to see yourself through his eyes, even if it was a version of you that no longer existed. A much younger and more optimistic version. Did I smile that much? you couldn't help but ask. You never saw yourself as particularly optimistic or constantly smiling. You were happy, that's undeniable, but you didn't know that's how people saw you.

There were so many photos, from completely different moments, both from the beginning of your relationship with Seokmin, and from all the phases you went through together.

Behind the pictures were the post-its that you left around the apartment, reminding Seokmin of somewhere you had together or simply saying that you loved him. So many had a simple “I love you” written on them, others said “have a good day today!”.

You had no idea he had kept them. You always thought that once read, they were discarded, but there they were, intact as if you had just written them.

The very first one you had ever written, when you had just started dating, was also there. At the time, unlike Seokmin who never had a hard time expressing how he felt, it was almost impossible for you to be openly honest. So you wrote it on a post-it and stuck it inside one of his notebooks. He had shown up at the dorm a few hours after you left the library.

“Say it again, but this time looking at me”

You frowned, pretending you didn't understand.

“Your nose is beautiful”

You laughed when Seokmin wrapped his arms around you, squeezing a little, trapping your arms close to your body. His face was very close to yours.

“What you wrote in the note” he said softly, his cheek pressed against yours “Say it again, please”

The truth was that you had loved Seokmin, in a way you didn't believe was possible and maybe that was why you spent the last seven years writing letters to him.

Seokmin never left your mind, not truly. There was always a desire, even if veiled, to return home, to find out how he was, to just say “I know I messed up, I’m sorry”.

It was that desire that made your entire body go cold as you took one last item out of the box. A smaller box that fit in the palm of your hand. You knew what it was before you even opened it and opening it was the worst choice at that moment. Your heart, which was already broken, somehow managed to break even more, into a billion, shiny, new pieces.

Seokmin would have proposed if you hadn't left.

When the first sob echoed through the living room, you didn't try to hold it back, you just accepted the feeling of being absolutely lost and heartbroken.

The weather outside the building seemed to mimic the way you had felt in the last few weeks, torrential rain that had no end in sight. You watched the news hoping for an improvement, hoping that the rain would stop for at least a few hours, but it seemed like a distant dream.

All your students were already gone and there was nothing left for you to do. The handed in assignments were graded and the tests were ready to be applied the following week. You had never hated yourself so much for simply doing your job. You wanted to be, at least for that day, like other teachers who left corrections until the last possible second and left students desperate for their grades.

The hallway was in complete silence, a clear sign that everyone had left already. And you had already waited hours for the rain to stop, until the sky was completely dark, and if anything the rain had only gotten worse.

You sighed and picked up your bag from the chair. You wouldn't risk taking any books, papers, or documents home, the possibility of everything getting ruined was too big. Besides, you needed a rest, at that point it was well deserved.

Ever since you had opened the boxes Seokmin left behind, you had immersed yourself in work in every way possible. You had accepted all of the dean's requests and even offered to teach extra classes whenever there was a missing professor.

And even so, even though you had more work than you wanted, you still found time to look at all of his social media. You still listened to all his programs, even listened to the old ones before going to sleep.

It was almost like a form of elaborate torture done solely and exclusively with you in mind. And worst of all, it was self-inflicted. It was as if your brain liked it, begged for it.

The box with the engagement ring was next to your pseudo bed. It was the last thing you saw before going to sleep and the first thing you saw when you woke up. Instead of spending hours on your phone, you sat there, staring at the small box.

You hadn't dared to open it again. You had never felt so lost as you did that day, looking at that ring.

You wouldn't be a hypocrite to say that you had never imagined your life if you had married Seokmin, but before it was nothing more than a daydream. The ring made that dream an attainable reality. It had been in your hands and you just walked away.

A curse left your lips when you noticed that the umbrella you had used that morning was missing from the umbrella holder next to the door.

“Great, that’s exactly what I needed” you muttered, slamming the door shut behind you.

You were tired, exhausted to tell the truth. All you wanted was to get home, take a shower, and watch some relationship reality show, to escape the tragedy that was your own love life.

You closed your eyes and sighed as you reached the entrance. The next bus stop or subway station was at least a 15 minute walk away. That was a problem that existed when you went to school there, everything was far away. One would think that they would do something to improve that, but one would be wrong.

You thought about taking shelter in the nearest coffee shop, but you knew it was almost closing time. You wouldn't be the person who forces employees to stay late, not when you had worked at that exact coffee shop years ago.

Even with your heavy coat covering most of your body, the rain was cold on your back and it was hard to see anything ahead, even if it was just a few steps away. Even the sound of cars was muffled by the rain.

“yn?” a car was on your left, and it was moving at the same speed as you. The face of whoever was behind the wheel was blurred by the rain, but you would have recognized that voice anywhere in the world.

“Let me give you a ride”

You shook your head. The last thing you should do was get in the car with him. It was too dangerous, you were sure that if you looked at him for more than a second you’d start crying. Just by hearing his voice your eyes were burning and a lump was forming in your throat.

“It’s fine, the bus stop is right there”

“There was an accident back there, the bus won’t be here anytime soon”

You grumbled. Of course, there was an accident, of course, there wouldn't be a bus and with your luck, the subway would probably be closed too.

"If your car went through the accident, a taxi will too”

You quickened your pace, not because of the rain, but because you wanted to get away from him. You needed to get away from him.

“Jesus, yn, just get in the car. You’re going to get sick”

You pretended you didn't hear what he said and kept walking, face down – trying to escape both the rain and him. The first tear fell from your eyes. For the first time in days, you were grateful for the rain, because you could pretend it was just water and not a visual representation of your broken heart on your cheeks.

Seokmin stopped the car right there, in the middle of the street. He didn't care if someone was standing behind him honking like crazy — something that was bound to happen.

When he left your apartment that day he felt like he was 22 again, but this time he was the one leaving.

Hearing that you loved him was everything he had wanted, but the timing was strangely right and wrong, both at the same time.

Both of you screamed, shouted, and said what you wanted to say — or at least part of what you wanted to say. A weight had been lifted from his shoulders, at the same time a new one was placed on it.

After you fell asleep in his arms, the only thing Seokmin could think about were the letters scattered across the living room floor. There were so many. He couldn't believe you had spent all those years writing letters to him.

He needed to read them all. He would have done it in the living room, but he didn't know what awaited him, so he collected them all from the floor and a few more that had been left in the box and left.

He read the first one in the car, he couldn't wait until he got home.

Seokmin cried right there, the same way he cried when you left. Inconsolable. His heart broke and healed in equal measure with every word of yours he read.

Seokmin always believed that you left like that, without a single word, because you didn't like him that much, because you didn’t want to be with him anymore. Not that he thought the entire relationship had been a lie, but he thought that somehow the love had ended. It happened to everyone, the probability of it happening to him was also high.

The truth could not be different. There wasn't a letter in which you didn't say you loved him, not always in those words, but he knew you well enough to know that was what you said.

After reading all the letters, Seokmin called Joshua. He cried on the phone with his friend and then once again when he showed up at his place with bad beer and takeout food. “Since we’re going to talk about our college days, I think we should do the same thing we did back then” was all he said.

Seokmin was on his way to you when he saw you walking without an umbrella. He wanted to talk to you, to know if even after so long you still wanted to try with him one more time. It was better to try than to always wonder what could have been.

“I read your letters!” he shouted louder than the rain.

His words were enough to make you stop walking, but you still didn't turn to face him. It was too hard to breathe. Your chest rose and fell irregularly each time you tried to pull the air in.

You knew Seokmin had taken the letters. Part of you knew he would read them, but the last thing you expected was for him to want to talk about them.

“I know” you said when he approached “I saw they were gone, and you were the only person who came by”

“Do you know why I accepted to host a love advice show? Besides it being something I've always wanted, of course” he didn't give you time to answer “Because a part of me wanted you to listen, to know that I was okay, even if it was a lie. I thought that if I talked about it on a show that had used the nickname you gave me, you’d regret it. I thought that I should make you regret it because it was the only way I could still think about you without looking like a fool after so long. I thought you didn’t care, that you had left because you didn’t like me anymore, so making you regret your decision was the only option I had”

You shook your head. It wasn't true, not by a long shot.

“I'm sorry” you said softly “I should have told you what I was doing, that I had applied for the and got in. I thought it was my only option. It was so stupid. I was so stupid”

Seokmin laughed a little, fingers running under your eyes. A second later he pressed his lips over yours.

“I know, I read your letters”

Seokmin,

It's been a good few years since I wrote you a letter. After a while, I didn't think I needed it anymore because I started saying everything I wanted, everything I felt, looking at you. Of course, this new arrangement has its demerits, as the paper and pen don't look at me like a lost puppy. But paper and pen don't kiss me either, so it has its bonus.

I thought when I came home four years ago, I would never see you again. I thought you would just be the guy who has a radio show that I would listen to every now and then. I didn't expect to see you my first week back and again and, well, again.

As you probably know, I've never been a big fan of rainy days. I always preferred sunny days because those were the days I woke up ready to face the world. I felt better overall. But also because they reminded me of you. You know, when the sun appears after gray days? For me, you were always like that. Grand and brilliant.

But after that day, I started to like rainy days too because they started to be full of the two of us. Rain was no longer synonymous of an unproductive day, but rather of the memory of our fresh start.

You know this, we've talked about it a few times, but I spent a few months waiting for it to sink in. Sort of expecting that one day I would wake up and it would all be a dream. It was hard for both of us, I know. It was seven years of hurt and resentment and we had to navigate this uncertain sea without a map. Nobody teaches you how to do this, believe me, I looked. I found countless books on how to start dating, how to save a relationship, and how to get over a relationship. The problem is that none of them teach you how to rekindle a relationship after seven years apart, but during those seven years one of the parties wrote letters and the other had a program just to mourn the sorrows of the relationship.

I've read several, so you can trust what I say on this.

It really wasn't easy, but I think we came out better, stronger, in some way.

I love you and I’ll tell you that every day for the rest of our lives. Our forever begins today, in a little while. So stop crying, put ice on your eyes to help the swelling go down, and go to the aisle because I miss you already.

I love you.

taglist: @wonwooz1, @mirtaspace, @feat-sun, @belladaises, @mayashu, @immabecreepin, @miriamxsworld, @aaniag, @k-drama-adict, @maiamorrrrrrrrrrrr, @roguesthetic, @sofix-hc7, @scarlet789, @moonlightgrleric, @mixling-blog, @haowonbins, @slut4donghyuck, @shuabby1994, @anthropologymajorkpopmultistan, @plumings, @shuasdrafts, @aaasia111, @bouclesdefeu

if you enjoyed reading, please reblog or leave a comment, it really does mean the world to me and i would love to know your thoughts. thank you! 💕

if you want to be tagged in my next fics, please fill out this form

661 notes · View notes

lila-went-missing · 2 months

Note

I saw you wanted req's for Clarisse !! and I had a cute (well I thought it was cute) Hear me out !! You're Percy's older sister but you've been at camp for a few years so you and Clarisse have had more time to talk and get closer, sooo coincidentally once Percy came and after he and Clarisse had their fall out she finalized the relationship (not to be petty but just to get under his skin a little bit.. but also she didn't wanna do something to Percy and have you upset with her and ruin the progress y'all made.) But !! Percy only found out when you guys were eating at your table and Clarisse came by and didn't say anything to him, she kissed you but as she was walking away she muttered a half-assed apology to Percy. Bro's dumbfounded but you break the news to him, and as the loving brother he is and the fact you and Clarisse have known each other it's only fair he happy for you !! (You keep him safe from her.) SORRYYY this is so long but Clarisse makes me giggle, I hope you're having an amazing day !

I've been so excited to write this but I'm also such a procrastinator so sorry if this took a long time to come out. You're literally so sweet I hope you have an amazing day.

Warnings: Mentions of blood and wounds, it gets slightly suggestive once but nothing happens, cursing i think, I'm not going to lie to you this sucks especially the ending.

This took forever because I'm the medically expensive one in the family and I've been in and out of doctors offices for over a month now. This isn't proofread, I trust grammarly and move on. I love you all so much, enjoy my lovelies.

When the Waves Come In

Being a forbidden kid was anything but easy. Monsters could smell you more than others. The gods hated you. Trouble and tragedy seemed to track you down wherever you went, and there was nothing you could do to stop it. The only perks? Having a cabin to yourself and being slightly more powerful than other demigods. If you were being honest, that wasn't really a fair trade.

Not to mention, the other demigods at Camp Half-Blood either hated or praised you. There was no in between. You were claimed only seven months after arriving at camp, this made a lot of unclaimed kids unhappy with you. Like it was your fault that Poseidon was kind of proud of you once? It's not like he's bothered to reach out since then.

Over the last three years of living at camp, you've made some decent friends. You got along pretty well with most of the Hephaestus kids, Beckendorf immediately taking a liking to you for your stubbornness. The Apollo kids liked you, they even let you help lead archery classes. But there was one person that you were closer with than anyone else. Clarisse. Your Clarisse.

You weren't friends. You were so much more than that. But at the same time, you weren't quite together either. It was very complicated. However, there was one thing you were both certain of, you like being near each other, and hated being separated. Oftentimes, she would sit at your table during meals, Chiron choosing to turn a blind eye. You would sneak her dessert every time she lost her privileges. You were her girl, that much, everyone knew.

When a new kid by the name Percy Jackson showed up at camp, you didn't think much of it. New kids arrived all the time, 90% of them never being claimed and getting left to rot by their godly parents in the Hermes cabin. It was sad, but it was the truth. You learned to live with it.

You assumed the same would happen to him, until you saw it. The horn that once belonged to the Minotaur. Grover claimed he had killed it with its own horn. Everyone believed it except Clarisse. You wanted to not believe it, but how else would he have the horn?

Of course, Clarisse being Clarisse, she had to prove that he was a fraud. The first time she did this, she was blasted by water into a wall, effectively shattering a mirror with the impact. She came to you, of course, a bruise forming over her stomach and chest. You were honestly surprised that she didn’t some internal bleeding deal going on.

“I just want him to own up to being a liar!” She ranted. “Is that too much to ask? I mean, he’s 12, he’s like 4’11, he has no muscle what so ever! How am I expected to believe that he, of all people, killed the Minotaur?” She paced back and forth over the floor of your cabin for what felt like an eternity.

“I mean, this kid shows up out of literally no where, and is getting all the glory in the world. Is everyone here really that blind? There’s no way he managed to actually kill it, yet he’s getting all the praise? How does that add up?”

You stood from your place on your bed, walking towards her and placing your hands on her shoulders. Your hands squeeze gently, trying to ground her.

“Breathe,” you whisper, “I know it sounds highly unlikely. I know you’re pissed, you have every right to be.” Honestly, if the only way you could ever get your father’s attention was through glory and winning fights, even then, seldom getting any acknowledgement whatsoever. You have to admit, you’d be pretty pissed in this situation too. I mean the only thing you could do to get anything, even an admittance that you exist, is immediately taken over by this random kid no one’s heard of? Yeah, she’s rightfully pissed.

“But I need you to breathe before you have a nervous breakdown, honey.” Your hands rub up and down her arms, feeling her muscles slowly relax.

“I wouldn’t have had a nervous breakdown.” She mutters.

“I know, but I might’ve.” Knowing her, the way she is behind closed doors, she most definitely would have. But you let her believe that she would be okay.

“It’s just not fair you know? He hasn’t done anything. Even if he did kill the Minotaur, there’s no way he wasn’t running purely on adrenaline and rage. He wouldn’t be able to do that again if he tried. He’s getting all of this praise, and for what? Existing? Being, not even a man, a boy?” Her voice is much much quieter this time, barely making it to a whisper. If it wasn’t for your proximity you probably wouldn’t have heard it.

“I know, I know, love.” You can’t stop yourself from wrapping your arms around her. “Just think, in a week or two, people will probably forget all about it. He’ll go back to being a regular 12 year old, nothing special.” Realistically, you know that sounds kind of bad, but what else are you supposed to say to her.

There was a part of you, no matter how small that part may be, that knew that wasn’t going to happen. Most demigods aren’t able to do something like that and live through it. But you knew he wasn’t like most demigods.

You knew he would get claimed, soon, most likely. From the moment you laid eyes on him it’s like you could feel it. What happened in the bathrooms only confirmed your suspicions. While you didn’t say anything to the girl in front of you, you knew who he was.

He was another forbidden kid. Not just a forbidden kid though, your brother. A son of Poseidon.

***

Capture the flag was the next day. From the moment you woke up you could feel the energy surging through the air. This was one of the most anticipated events of the summer. The only thing you really won was a party and bragging rights. I guess to camp full of the competitive people you’d ever meet, that was all you needed.

It was definitely all Clarisse needed. She loved to win and hated to lose, a trait she inherited from her father. And she’d be dammed if she was going lose another game of Capture the Flag.

That’s why you’re so confused when she tells you that she’s changing the plan. She never changes the plan, finding solace in a good strategy.

You understood more when she explained what she was doing. Revenge on the new kid for blasting her with toilet water. When you put it like that, it sounds logical. But knowing Clarisse, and knowing what you know, you can’t just go along with it.

“Clar, I really don’t think this is a good idea.” You both paced around each other in your cabin, similar to last night.

“Are you seriously telling me that what he did was okay?” Her voice raises with every word.

“No! I just- I have a bad feeling! I don’t want you to get hurt!”

“I won’t! I can handle myself, you know this!”

“I know! But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to worry about you!” Your heart beats out of your chest with every step you take towards each other.

“I can’t believe this! You really don’t think I can do this!” Before you can even formulate a response, she’s grabbing her stuff and walking out the door.

You follow her of course, yelling her name, but it’s no use. She doesn’t turn around. She doesn’t even pause in her steps. You watch her disappear behind the door of cabin five.

The door to cabin three shuts as you slide down it. Your head hits the wood as you lean back, sure to give you a headache later. You can’t find it in yourself to care though. A tear slips down your cheek. Then another. Then another.

You know it’s a bad idea. She will go after revenge. And she will get hurt. But you also know that there’s literally nothing you can say to her. You want to, but it’ll only make things worse. That's the thing about Clarisse, when she gets her mind set on something, there's no changing her mind. All you can do is patch her up afterwards.

The red team has kept the flag near the water ever since you were claimed. They made sure that you were never far from it, blasting anyone in the face if they got too close for comfort. You weren't going to lie, it was potentially one of your favorite things to do.

So, as per usual, you were patrolling the edge of the water. No one had really gotten close enough, which was very disappointing. Until the new kid ran out of the woods and immediately tripped and fell on his face. Your whole body straightens immediately, muscles tensing. You pull out your sword and move towards him. He probably doesn't want a fight but it's better safe than sorry.

He had a few cuts littering his arms and cheeks. His clothes were dirty and he was now covered in wet pebbles. You could tell that he was disoriented and panicked. You were about to approach him when one of your sort of girlfriend's brothers ran out of the woods after him. Miles. One of her sisters followed suit, Trinity, you think her name was. Dear Hades they're actually going through with it.

Clarisse comes barreling out of the woods after them. Before you can even think about jumping in the sound of metal on metal fills your ears. Swords and shields clash. A spear jabbed at his chest. Her spear. You wanted to get between them, help him, protect him. Even if he didn't know it yet, he was.

But you couldn't. Everything moved so fast you didn't have time to react before they were all rolling over the ground. The water fed off of your emotions, grabbing her siblings and ripping them away from the fight. But it was too late. You saw the spark come from in between them. You heard the wood snap. Half of the spear was in her hands, the other half in his as his body rolled with the momentum.

It felt like time froze for those few seconds. The water was still. The wind stopped blowing, birds stopped chirping. The air around you seemed to disappear. You couldn't breathe. All noises cut out as her guttural scream ripped through the air, lasting for what felt like an eternity.

She ran forward, grabbing the front of his armor and jerking him forward. The conch blew, the blue team ran across the river carrying the flag. She ran off into the woods, it didn't take long for you to follow behind her, grabbing the pieces of the spear as you went.

Before you fully made it away, you saw the trident above his head. That's the moment you realized that you should've placed bets. You would've made bank, but that's not really your concern right now.

You find her in her cabin, facing away from the door, sitting on the edge of her bed. If you look close enough you can see the way her shoulders shake. You place the pieces of her spear on a table near her bed before kneeling behind her. Your arms wrap around her front, pulling her in.

Her back rests against your front, her head tucking back into your neck. You feel the way her shoulders tremble and shake in your gentle hold. For a long time, she doesn't say anything. A few tears slip down your cheeks that you don't mention. You don't push her. It's very rare she lets anything like this happen. She feels like showing these kinds of emotions would make her weak. It didn't matter how many times you assured her otherwise. Sometimes you can't change a person's thoughts when they're the only thing that person has ever known.

After what feels like forever, she speaks. Her voice comes out shaky. It's the kind of soft you only hear late in the night after sneaking into her cabin.

"That spear- it was the only-." A sob escapes her throat and you can feel the way it moves through her whole body, consuming her completely.

"I know honey.." You whisper in her ear. Your arms subconsciously tighten around her muscular frame.

"It was the only proof that he could ever love me." You swear you can feel your heart shatter. You've never liked her dad, but even so, you knew how much that spear meant to her. Her fathers traits were very prominent in her from the moment she was born. Her anger issues kept her in trouble, never getting help. Never being accepted. Her father was the only hope she would ever have until she met you. But even then she was so terrified of losing you...

"It'll be okay.. I promise." Your words a hidden promise of protection.

You're not sure what happens that night but you know something changes. Her arms wrapped around you a little tighter. Her breaths came a little deeper, more relaxed. Your finger over more of her scars, tracing them with the delicacy that was only ever seen in the hands of the greatest artists. When you thought about it though, she was the only work of her art that would ever be worthy of such care.

When you wake the light hits the two of you in a new way. As if Apollo made Helios shine it on the two of you alone so he could write the greatest love hymns that would ever be seen by mankind.

Her siblings don't question your presence. They never do. Why would they when it's so rare the children of Ares are able to find such peace. So rare they can find such a level of acceptance within another person.

For a while you sit there and watch the golden light dance across her bronze skin. The way it shines around her face, the face you've kissed so many times. The face you long to kiss right now. You don't sneak out this morning, instead staying curled into her side. The beating of her heart threatening to lull you back into a peaceful slumber.

Then the conch blows for breakfast, causing her to stir. Her eyes flutter open, turning into pools of golden honey as the light swims in the sweet waters. A small smile creeps onto her lips as her eyes meet yours.

"Hi." You whisper. Your hand strokes over her cheek.

"Hi, baby." Her voice is as soft as the way she looks at you. Before you know it she's leaning forward and placing her lips on yours. It's the first time but it doesn't feel like that. It just feels... right. Something about it is so perfect. The way your lips fit together like long lost pieces of a puzzle.

"What was that for?" Your lips remain parted when you pull away. "I just, wanted to kiss you." She mutters in reply. A blush covers the expanse of her cheeks. You never thought you'd see her so flustered. "Can you do it again? Kiss me again?" She smiles and nods at your words before leaning in and pressing her lips back against yours.

They're soft and warm as they slide against yours. It feels like coming home after a long day of training. Your favorite person right in front of you with open arms.

When she pulls away, she's smiling wider than you've ever seen her. "I really should have done that a lot sooner." You can't help but laugh at her words. "I've only been waiting for four years!"

"Why don't we make up for that?" She leans forward, resting her hand on her waist and pulling your body against hers. A chuckle leaves your throat.

"Maybe later, right now, I really want breakfast." You peck her lips once more before rolling out of bed. "Come on!"

It's not long before you're both dressed and making your way to the dining pavilion. As much as you would like to sit with her, she's already on thin ice with Chiron. You take your time getting your food and burning it, not wanting to be separated until absolutely necessary. Eventually though, you have to part ways and join your newly-claimed brother at the Poseidon table.

"I'm surprised you're not more banged up if I'm being honest." You say as you take your seat. There's not a single scratch on him.

"Annabeth kind of shoved me into the water, next thing I know everything is healed." He answers, you can tell he's nervous knowing your connection with Clarisse.

"Perks of being Poseidon's kid, that and our cabin is a lot less crowded." He laughs lightly at your words.

"You're telling me! It's nice not sleeping on the floor." The both of you go quiet for a while, eating in comfortable silence. The breeze is cool against your skin, a nice reminder of the weather barrier. When you look up, Percy is looking behind you with pure fear in his eyes. You expect to be greeted by a monster when you turn, instead you're greeted by your girlfriend.

You can't help but chuckle at the look on Percy's face. You really can't help but laugh at his face when she leans down and presses a kiss against your cheek. "I'll see in training later, right babe?"

"Wouldn't miss it." You kiss her jaw before she turns and jogs off towards the arena.

"She- you-" He looks utterly dumbfounded as what he just witnessed. "What just happened?"

"She's my girlfriend, Percy."

His mouth drops open with the most surprised look you've ever seen. "Oh."

"Is that an issue?" You don't really care if it is, but you ask anyway. "No, no I just, didn't take her as the type to really date anyone." He answers.

"Most people don't, I'll do my best to keep her from pulverizing you." A laugh escapes you before you take your leave.

Life didn't seem too bad.You had a new brother, you were dating the girl you'd been in love with for years. You might even be able to convince her to leave him alone. You'll get her spear fixed as a surprise birthday gift.

You can feel everyone's surprised eyes on you as you walk out. There's no doubt the entire camp knows by now, and there's no doubt that a billion rumors will be floating around by dinner time. But there's a part of that just, can't find it in you to care. How can you when you have everything you've wanted right there in front of you.

458 notes · View notes

wishlistcharles · 3 months

Text

finally → ln4

lando norris x plus size!fem reader

genre: best friends to lovers

cw: 18+ MDNI, smut, p in v, oral (fem receiving), slight angst, slight dom lando, slight dirty talk, pls let me know if I am forgetting anything

word count: 4.9k

sidenote: hi everyone! this is my first fanfic that I have ever written so please excuse if its not the best, I hope to get better with time. I want to take requests so if ya'll have any lmk! this is also not beta read, sorry if there are little mistakes. I also tried to not make the reader self deprecating but insecurities are a thing so it was a bit hard to find a balance.

♡♡♡♡

You and Lando had been friends for as long as you could remember. It was a crucial part of your weekends growing up hoping in the car with his family and watching his karting tournaments. You knew from a very young age Lando would be one of the greats, he would make it to f1. That always scared you, not because you didn't want him to achieve his dreams but because you were scared of losing him. But throughout your friendship he had stayed loyal to you.

Growing up, it was like Lando was your protector, he still kinda is to be honest. You were a big girl, there was no hiding it. Now that you are older, you’ve began to love and accept your body, but it took a lot of practice. So much so that even Lando has had his fair share of putting his two cents in. He was never embarrassed of you or tried to hide you away, even as he got more popular.

You remember when you were around 15, you were sitting in the stands next to his mom when you overheard some of the other drivers' friends talk about you.

“God how is he not embarrassed to be hanging out with someone who looks like her” and so on. You had felt mortified that day, you went home and cried to your mom. When the next weekend came you made up an excuse why you couldn't go and the same went on for the next couple of weekends until Lando showed up at your doorstep.

“You're ignoring me, and don't say you aren't” said a pouty 15 year old Lando. “I'm not ignoring you, Lando, just maybe it's best if I don't go to all your karting tournaments”. You immediately regret what came out of your mouth because the last thing you ever wanted was to make Lando feel like you have, less than.

“Who are you to decide what's best and what isn't?” you weren't used to this type of Lando, he never got mad at you or raised his voice. Being the emotional teenager you were, tears welled in your eyes and a few strayed away down your cheeks. Suddenly Lando grabbed you and pulled you into a hug. You have always been bigger than him but shorter as well. You felt small in his embrace. Even if in the back of your head you knew that was a lie. “What happened y/n, tell me so I can make this better”

“ I don't want to embarrass you” you said into his chest. “embarrass me how?”.

“I overheard some of the other driver's friends talking about me and my weight, and they are right, I don't want to embarrass you, racing is your life, Lando, I can’t ruin that”.

You felt his chest rise and fall. “Tell me who told you that, now” he said in a cold distant tone, Lando never got angry, except on the track. “No I'm not going to tell you, because I don’t need you getting in trouble”. He looked a bit deflated after you refused to tell him but he continued to talk.

“Y/n listen to me, you are one of the best things to happen to me, your weight has and will not ever matter to me. The fact that you think it would tells me that I haven’t been doing a good enough job at showing you how much you mean to me. Racing these past weekends without you have been hell, i need you, you are my best friend” the friend part rings in your ears. You realize that’s what you’ll only ever be to him - a friend. Even if you desperately wanted more.

Things get a lot better after that. You got to his tournaments loud and proud, and now 9 years later you are still doing the same. The problem is that you are still desperately in love with your best friend. Having to see Lando date girls who looked nothing like you made you feel a pit in your stomach. You knew you never had a chance with him, but it hurt so bad. The kind of hurt that made you want to cry and throw up. You couldn’t lose him though, so you played the role as his bigger best friend, that he just couldn’t shake off.

Lando once called you his good luck charm, saying that race weekends where you weren’t in the grandstands were ten times harder. Once he made it to formula 1 it made it harder to go to all his races, but you tried. Even when Lando would have his girlfriends you were still there, sitting right next to them. If people knew how you felt, they would pity you. That’s why you knew it was time to try and find a boyfriend, you couldn’t pine after Lando for the rest of your life, even if your heart wanted to.

As you’ve gotten older you’ve learned to love and embrace your body. You know you looked good when you put on a dress that showed your thick thighs. Every race weekend you are dressed to the nines, make up, hair, everything done. You do this for yourself but also because you want to look good for Lando even if you tell yourself that’s not the reason.

It wasn’t until this year you finally started taking dating seriously. At Silverstone this year, Lando had given you paddock tickets. You always tried to deny them by saying it was important that his family had paddock tickets but he insisted. This is when you met Mark, one of mclarens engineers. He was sweet, funny enough, tall, cute, everything a girl could want, but he wasn’t Lando. You followed him though on instagram because you told yourself you were not gonna pine over Lando this year, you were gonna find a partner who loved and supported you.

It didn’t take long before Lando had found out that you were following each other. Asking curious questions “hey how do you and mark know each other?” He questioned. “oh we met at silver stone and he asked to follow” in hindsight maybe you shouldn’t have told him that because he proceeds to tell you how Mark is a terrible person, boring, mean all of the above. A part of you knew Lando was lying but you wouldn’t jeopardize his career by dating one of his race engineers.

It’s race weekend in Austin and you were able to fly out and watch Lando race. He had an amazing race, to celebrate he wanted to go clubbing which was a rare occasion after his DJing side career. You looked in the mirror before you left your room and you looked so good. Your dress showed off all your features and your makeup looked great. You weren’t the type for one night stands but you were gonna find someone tonight.

After arriving at the club with Lando and his friends you found yourself alone at the bar. Lando was a popular person and you don't need his attention constantly. You took this opportunity to look cute and hopefully approachable. It wasn't long before a guy had offered to buy you a drink, and another one, and another one. After your third vodka cranberry you had started to feel tipsy but you were still fully aware of your surroundings so when the handsome guy in front of you pulled you on the dance floor you obliged.

You felt good and it was rare you ever let yourself go like this. The club started playing Spanish music and you found yourself grinding on this stranger. Your body felt flushed, like you needed to be touched and this random man was doing the trick. His hand gripped tightly on your hips and his head placed between the junction of your neck and shoulder placing hungry kisses. Just as you are about to suggest you guys get out of here, a pair of strong hands pulls you out of the man's grip. “Come on y/n where are leaving, the cars are here” Lando whispered in your ear, you couldn’t quite place his tone.

“It’s okay Lando, you go ahead I’ll meet you guys there” you said hoping he got the hint but of course he didn’t. “No i'm not leaving you alone with this guy, come on let’s go” he said, slightly tugging at you. The random guy, whose name you still don’t know, steps in, “dude she doesn’t want to go, let her stay with me”. You see something shift in Lando, something possessive? “Mate she’s mine so I suggest backing the fuck off”.

That sobered you up real quick. Instead of feeling happy he called you his, you were fueming. He had no right to do that, he wants to cockblock you and for what. At this point you walk past them and head towards the exit, it’s not long before Lando is at your side in the car trying to talk to you. “Y/n I’m sorry, talk to me”, you don’t, you ignore him the entire way back to the hotel. You let tears fall down your face because all you wanted was to have a random hookup, something that you could leave back in the states and forget about, someone that you didn’t have to worry about his opinion on your weight afterwards. But Lando went and did this and you don’t know why.

He followed you to your hotel room and you finally let him have it. “ How dare you do that, you had no right to do that Lando” he opens his mouth to say something but you stop him. “ No, let me talk, I just wanted one night where I could be with a guy carefree and not have to worry about what others thought, Lando I’m a grown adult I don’t need you to save me, you don’t understand what it’s like to be like me. I love you Lando but I can’t keep myself available forever hoping and waiting that you’ll finally love me ". That last part wasn’t meant to come out but you were so mad at him you didn’t care.

You see a shift in his face. “You can’t say I’m yours when I’m not, because I never have been, the girls that are yours don’t look like me Lando. And I’ve accepted that because I love you and will always support you, even if it feels like there is a knife digging in my chest every time I see you with a new girl”. Tears again are welling in your eyes but you are doing your best not to let them fall.

“I love you Lando but I can’t be your friend if you don’t let me go, you can’t keep stringing me along as your best friend who acts like your girlfriend, do you know how pathetic I look next to your past girlfriends, pining after you. I was the one who made sure you were prepared before every race, I was the one who stayed up late picking you up from clubs, I was the one who held your neck up after your first F1 race because it hurt so bad. Not once did I ever ask for something in return because you are my best friend and I love you, but Lando I’m begging you, I can’t be alone forever you need to let me try and be with someone. You mean the world to me Lando and I need you in my life, but I can’t go on like this” he looked stunned. But found the words he wanted to say.

“Can i talk now y/n” he looked angry, you nodded. “Not once have I ever forced you to be there for me, but I know you were there because you cared for me and I care for you too, even though you think I don’t. But not once have I ever wanted you to feel pity or pathetic, y/n you are the most important woman in my life besides my mom and sisters but you mean everything to me and I’m sorry it took me this long to realize it. Seeing you with that guy made me physically sick, not because of how you guys looked, god y/n you looked so good tonight but he was grabbing on you and touching you, but I knew I couldn’t be mad because he was doing what I have been wanting to do for years, he just had the balls to do it, oh my god I can’t believe you thought I would ever think of you like that, y/n I’m in love with you and I have been for years, I was just too much of a coward to show it, I want you to be mine”

In that moment everything seemed like it would be okay, you didn’t think about what the press would think or his other friends, all that mattered was him. You nodded. “Lando that’s all I’ve ever wanted was to be yours” before you knew it he was walking towards you and placing you in a firm kiss.

You have had your fair share of kisses but none of them like this, this kiss made your knees weak, it made you want to crumble to the ground. He moved his hand from your cheeks down to your waist giving them a hard squeeze, sending shocks of pleasure down your pelvic area.

You both pull away panting when he places his forehead on yours, “you don’t know how mad I got when he was touching you, the way you let him grind up on you and kiss your neck, I wanted to beat the shit out of him”. You rebuttal by saying “while now you know how I’ve felt for years seeing you with girls, even the ones who talked shit about me, I wanted to fight them all”.

This seemed to catch Lando by surprise “which ones talked shit about you?” “Babes half of them did, I chalked it up to them being jealous but it didn’t hurt any less”. “Fuck y/n I’m so sorry I never even loved any of them that’s the worst part of it, I was just trying to feel a void in my heart”. You went to hug him, placing your head on his chest.

“Y/n I’m sorry I was an idiot and it took this long for me to realize my feelings and I’m sorry you got hurt in the process” said Lando

“No don’t apologize, deep down a part of me knew that if we were ever together, it would make things harder for your career, you would get so much hate”

“Even if it did, I would walk to the ends of the earth for you, no public option would change that”

Something hot grew inside of you and you crashed your lips to his, you wanted him. He fisted his hand in your hair lightly pulling it, that made you moan into his mouth. You could feel him smirk. Your hands settled under his shirt, mostly because your hands are cold but because you want to feel him. All of a sudden Landos hands traveled their way down your back and settled on your ass, gripping hard he stopped kissing you and whispered, “this ass is mine, don’t forget that”. You gasp and nod, you want nothing more than for Lando to take you right now.

You slow down your kiss to talk “ Lando I want you so bad” “ I do to baby” with that you start to pull off his shirt showing his toned chest. It’s not like you’ve never seen him shirtless before because you have but this was different. You stare “you like what you see baby?” lando asked in a teasing tone. You bite your lip and nod.

Lando starts to take your dress off and you panic. You grab his hands, “wait can I keep my dress on”

Lando gives you a look, and you can already tell what's going to come out of his mouth. You want to stop him because he knows you are pretty and your body is pretty but being naked in front of your best friend of 17 plus years is intimate. And it's not that you don't trust him but you can't help but feel the slightest bit insecure. Let's be honest you knew deep down Lando has never been with a girl who looked like you. Lando starts to say “if you want to keep it on you can, I would never pressure you to take it off but I want you to know I think you are the prettiest girl in the world. You don’t know how hot and bothered you would get me showing up to race weekends dressed in short skirts and your tits about to pop out”. In the back of your head you want to keep hearing his vulgar mouth, it does something to you. In response, you nod, slowly taking off your dress. You were left in nothing but your bra and underwear. “Fuck” you hear Lando whisper. Suddenly he’s attacking your neck, leaving harsh kisses.

You feel his stubble, his goatee rubs against the base of your neck. “You look so fucking good y/n, can’t wait to have you wrapped around me” You feel yourself get shy, you’ve thought about this moment a lot and now that it’s finally happening you want to do so much. Lando seems to notice your timidness and asks what’s wrong. “Nothing, I’ve just played this up in my head so much I want to be good for you” you reply.

“Yeah you want to be my good girl huh? Don’t worry baby I have no doubt in my mind you are going to be amazing and listen to me” you feel yourself falling into a submissive space.

Lando continues to kiss you all while walking you both to the bed and gently laying you down. You have your hands loosely attached around his neck, so him breaking away is no surprise. “Gonna eat you out baby, can I?” Lando asks licking his lips

You nod your head furiously, it’s been forever since the last time you’ve had sex and even longer since someone has gone down on you.

As Lando kisses his way down your body, you feel a flood of wetness starting to pull at your core. Your body felt like it was on fire. “Lift your hips up” he commanded. You listen and do what is asked.

You feel the cool air make contact with your pussy, sending shivers all throughout your body. “You have such a pretty pussy, so wet just for me huh? I bet you taste so good y/n'' Lando speaks in a seductive tone.

All you can do is let out a strangled whine. Desperate to have his mouth on you. He makes you wait a bit longer, he’s a tease at heart and you knew this. He sends kisses up and down your thighs, your stomach. Finally he places a kiss directly on your clit and proceeds to blow a puff of air. “Please Lando please, I need you” you beg, who knew you would be this far gone. “Don’t worry baby, I’m gonna take care of you” and with that he attaches his lips around your clit sucking lightly. This makes you arch your back and your hands fly into his hair, gripping it tight. It’s almost too much, he notices and starts to lick around your vulva getting you more wet than you already were.

You are a moaning mess at this point, your hands keep pulling at his hair getting a moan out of him. He looks up at you and asks “gonna stick my fingers in you is that okay” you already feel so fucked out that all you can do is nod dumbly.

You feel his middle finger slowly sink into your heat. Lando didn’t have the thickest fingers but they were long, you let out a gasp when the single digit sinks in.

Lando continues to suck and lick around your clit. It’s not long before you start to feel a coil tighten in your lower stomach. If he continues to do what he’s doing you know you are going to come within the matter of minutes. It almost makes you sad because if this was a one time thing, you want to come around his cock, to be close with him. You open your mouth to voice your concern “Lando I’m going to come soon, stop, wanna come around your cock”

He looks up at you, “you can come more than once right? Want you to come all over my face then again on my cock. You can do that right? You can be a good girl for me”. You nod desperately, his words send you further over the edge. You feel his lips engulf your clit and moan sending vibrations throughout your body. He has since added another finger slowly rocking back and forth into you.

You feel your coil snap and a gush of wetness leaves you. You couldn’t even announce that you were coming but Lando got the gist. But he wanted to be a little bastard and play rough. He continued to suck and lick around your bundle of nerves, despite you being sensitive from your orgasm. You whine and try to close your legs around his head. But he only forces them open with his hand.

“Lan please, I want your cock, wanna come again” you hear yourself slur your words. You don’t care at this point because all you want is to feel his body flush against yours.

“How can I say no to you, pretty girl” when Lando comes face to face with you, you see how slick and wet his mouth and chin is. Something primal takes over you and you grab him roughly kissing and licking into his mouth. Lando moans into it and says “you like tasting yourself on me huh? You are so fucking dirty, who knew my best friend and the girl I am in love with would have such a nasty fucking mouth and like such dirty things”.

You can’t even bring yourself to reply because all you want right now is to have his cock in you. You settle for a nod and slowly bring your hands down to his boxers and begin to pull. At some point when you can’t pull them off anymore, he takes over and does it. His cock springs out and all you can do is stare at it.

You are a bit ashamed to say you had imagined what it looked like, but the real thing was 10 times better than what you could ever imagine. He was average in length, but thick and curved to the right slightly. He was well groomed just like you knew he would be. Your mouth watered at the sight, if you weren’t in such a hurry to have him in you, you could sit with him in your mouth for hours. You want to touch so you bring your hand to wrap around the base of his cock.

The first drag up there is a little resistance because he is dry, so you reach down and grab some of your wetness and lubricate him up. This makes the motion go much smoother. When he sees you do this, he moans. “Fuck y/n you are so hot, I can’t believe we waited this long to do something. I need to be with you”.

You want him to go bare but as much as you love Lando you know you both should be tested before you do it. “Condom?” You manage to croak out. He nods and hops over to his jeans and fishes one out of his wallet. You want to make fun of him for having one stashed away there but you let it slide. While he's doing this you pull off your bra, hoping to surprise him.

As he comes back to the bed his eyes are wide. “You have the prettiest tits y/n, they drive me crazy, I felt like such a perv getting hard in my fireproof seeing you in the paddock, talking away. You had no idea huh? No idea that you made me feel this way” he questioned

You shake your head no in response.

As he’s in front of you, you see him roll the condom over his shaft. This is really happening. “I want to see your face when you come, can we stay like this?” Lando questions. “Of course, I wouldn't have it any other way” you say in a soft tone.

He slowly starts to enter you. The stretch is tight, it burns in the slightest. It feels like the air is being punched out of you. It’s been a while since you’ve had anyone in you so the burn is to be expected, but it’s not unwelcome. You grab Landos arm for support, he notices your discomfort. “Do you want me to stop, baby? You are so tight, you feel so good”. You shake your head, that’s the last thing you want.

“No, just been a while since I’ve had anything in me, you are so thick just give me a minute to adjust” you say

“Of course, take your time” Lando says while kissing your neck, it helps distract you from the pain. He’s fully in now, it’s just a matter of when you are ready to let him move. You let your body adjust for about a minute when you say “you can move”.

Lando slowly starts to rock back and forth in you. The burn is still there but it’s a delicious kind of sensation. Something you feel like you could get addicted to. You look between your bodies and see your stomach. For once you like the contrast of how your bodies look together. Only Lando could ever make you feel this way, you were sure of it.

You feel Lando breathing heavily into your neck, soft moans slipping out every so often. You can’t wait to do more with him. One particular trust has you clenching around him, he lifts his head and says “fuck you feel so good around me, like you were made for me y/n, you pull me in so good”

This almost brings tears to your eyes, for so long you had been there for him, helped him through thick and thin and he’s always been grateful but his praise is making you melt, pushing you closer to the edge.

Your hands are currently at his back slightly clawing away, you know you couldn’t leave marks but you needed something to grab on to. You felt so full, you knew in a matter of minutes you were gonna come around him. “I feel like i'm gonna come soon” you say. “Same, you feel to good around me I can’t hold it off much longer”

He reaches between your bodies and starts to rub your clit, slowly in circular motions. This sends a shot of pleasure through your body as a reaction you wrap your legs around him.

Suddenly he pulls all the way out and you begin to whine but he slams all the way back in. You moan at the abrupt roughness. He moves back and forth with vigor, determined to get you both off at the same time.

“I'm gonna come” you say when you feel pleasure finally reaching its highpoint. You are clenching, you can feel it. Only seconds later Lando mumbles in your ear that he's reached his high as well. Taking a moment before he pulls out he kisses you all over, your cheeks, forehead, lips. You don't want to let him go but you know you need to go pee and he needs to take his condom off.

When you both return to bed you nestle your face into his neck, his scruff scratching the side of your head. There was no other place in this world you would rather be than in his arms, and yeah that may sound dramatic but he was everything you wanted.

He looked down at you with the warmest eyes. “You are amazing, you know that. If it wasn’t clear before, I want it all with you. You are everything y/n and it’s time for me to start showing you how much I love you and appreciate you. If you’re in, I’m in”

“Of course I’m in you muppet”

You bring your lips to his for a soft peck. For once in the 17 years of your friendship, everything seemed to finally feel like it was going to be okay, and you couldn’t wait for the wild adventure it would be to be Lando Norris’ girlfriend.

592 notes · View notes

greycaelum · 6 months

Note

Hi, Grey! Could you write some cuddling with Satoru after a long day with the Kaleidoscope series Reader? Preferably the current timeline where the Reader is pregnant with the 2 babies if that's alright ❤️ Thank you in advance!

Kaleidoscope Series—Clouds and Mochi Chapters: { Blankets }

—Gojo Satoru X Wife Reader

𑁍 Genre: fluff, pregnancy, domestic life, parenthood

𑁍 WC/CW/TW: (2.5k)—/overprotective Satoru and his love for his wife, kids, implied suggestive hints, implied negative traditional perceptions on twins—/

𑁍 A/N: I've always done angst stuff over the past Oct 31st... For the third time I'm spending this Oct 31st with him... this time it's fluff.

"They're sleeping," Satoru mumbled in a hushed tone. You sat on the recliner while he sat on the floor, his ear pressed to your growing baby bump with your hand brushing through his soft, fresh-cut hair. Which, by the way, you're very proud of because you managed to cut his hair perfectly, showing off the undercut you're obsessed with.

"Papa... I want to hold Mama, too." Saika jumped up and down, begging her father. Her hair is still like a bird's nest after waking up from her afternoon nap.

"Wait a second, Cat, Papa is still... Oh! They kicked!!! Honey, they kicked!" Satoru eyes widened. Blown out of his mind, he shot up and looked at you with a face as if he had won the lottery.

"I want to feel too!" Saika whined and hugged your arm.

"Me too! Me too!" Kouki came rushing when he heard his Papa from the kitchen.

Satoru shushed his kids as he laid his head again on your belly, waiting for more. As much as he loves his kids, he rarely catches the Little Sunshines moving around your tummy. Meanwhile, whenever he comes home, he hears the two munchkins bragging about how their little siblings kick when they are around.

You shook your head as your three cats crammed around your belly, hoping to catch the little ones' movement in your belly. But after a few more minutes, no more kicks came, and eventually, Satoru looked at you with a pout, hoping he could've felt more kicks. The two munchkins returned to what they were doing, leaving you and Satoru in the engawa watching the small inner zen garden while Satoru stayed on his knees waiting and waiting.

"You can't do this to Papa, munchkins... Don't you like my voice? You know I will be the one changing your diapers when you come out, so you have to be kind to Papa." Satoru poked your belly and smothered his face to your bump, tracing the past stretch marks and kissing them more. "Maybe I should give you a lotion massage so they'll get used to me holding you more and more, Honey." Satoru looked up to you with pleading eyes. "You know, as a father-child bonding!"

"Love, even if they don't keep kicking when you're around. I'm sure they know who you are... You are their Papa." You chuckled and pinched his nose.

"Who knows... they don't kick around much when I'm near, unlike others..." Satoru pouted. "I'm always working, so I wanna feel them kick too when I'm home."

You chuckled at his sentiment, finding his little jealousy more endearing than annoying.

"Mother and babies are connected... so I'm sure they know how much I love their Papa... Right Little Ones?" You caressed your belly and kissed Satoru's head.

With your pregnancy hitting the middle of your second trimester, your work in your cafe and the Gojo Clan dwindled even before you could ask for rest. Your parents often visit, bringing lots of food, and sometimes they take the two munchkins out so you can have a break. Your parents-in-law have also kept sending you tonics, and much to your mother-in-law's delight, she can visit almost any time of the day and see her grandchildren; your father-in-law took it upon himself to lessen Satoru's workload as the clan head, so you two could have as much time as you can knowing how sensitive your pregnancy is right now.

"I think... we should stop accepting gifts... You think so, sweetheart?" You sighed and hugged Kouki, who opened the newly arrived gifts from friends and acquaintances in congratulations for your pregnancy.

"You don't like gifts anymore, Mama?" Your son, sitting between your legs, looked up to you. You really have to convince him to cut his hair soon. It's longer than yours and Saika...

"Well... It's too much, and I doubt we can use all these gifts. Besides, it's tiring to keep opening them every day. They don't end." You sighed.

Kouki shrugged and pulled out another maternity pillow, the sixth one you received over the months.

"I can't wait for my baby brother and baby sister to come out," Kouki mumbled and looked up to you with a smile. "I'm gonna give them lots of squishmallows." He excitedly declared.

You cannot help but chuckle and pepper Kouki with kisses. The only thing he got from you is his eyes. The rest... He's just like his Papa. Mischievous yet turns to a cottony fluff around you.

"Mama... I hope my little sister and brother come out with your hair." Saika inhaled the scent of your hair and hugged you from the back. She begged to comb your hair for you in your girl's day out.

"Why? I like your hair too, sweetie~ It reminds me of Papa." You kissed his chubby cheeks, making her giggle and pepper you with her kisses.

"Mama's hair is so pretty!" She exclaimed and hugged you as you both looked at the mirror with matching bright smiles.

"Cramps?" Satoru murmured in the middle of the night as he felt you moved away from his arms. "Let me..." He immediately helped you lean on the headboard and gently eased your tensed muscles, earning you a slight whine of pain. "How long? You should've woken me up, pretty girl."

"I thought it would go away quickly... Besides, you were tired, Satoru. It's not as bad as last week." You exhaled and sighed as you watched your husband slowly massage your legs until the cramps subsided. Satoru held your ankles and played with your little toes until he saw you yawn.

"Baby... Let's go on a date tomorrow?" Satoru hummed and went back beside you so you could lay your head on his chest, and his arms wrapped around your shoulders

"If I feel better..." You nodded and quickly slipped back to sleep while Satoru was left to caress your seven-month-old belly. Sometimes, he wonders where you get the strength to hold two babies after you made him try the watermelon challenge... It made his hips cry in pain, carrying that weight around in just three hours...

"Don't give your Mama a hard time, okay?" Satoru hopes his little ones listen to him. If he's asked one thing that he's so proud to pass on to his kids, it would probably be his unconditional love for you... Whenever he sees his children surround you with love, his heart swells with pride, knowing he's doing a great job reflecting how much he loves you. It means a lot to see his children love the love of his life... "I love her so much to let her be in pain... so be good babies and behave inside your Mama, okay?" He poked your tummy.

Surely enough, the next day, Satoru brought you out to buy several maternity dresses, not that you needed them because you've had so much from Kouki and Saika. Still, knowing Satoru and his splurging tendencies, you find yourself getting dragged along the boutiques, fitting anything that catches your or his eyes.

"Let me help." He kneeled on one knee with your feet on his other knee as he fit the flat sandal in your foot. "Is it soft? Walk for a bit. If it's hard, we'll find another one." Satoru looked up to you and waited for your opinion. He switched from his blindfold into the Raybans. This time, you could easily see his eyes than usual so you don't miss the soft glint in his eyes when he subtly massaged your swollen ankles as he fitted the sandal.

At this point, the saleslady is just standing beside you, watching you and Satoru dreamily. It was as if Satoru became a professional shoe critic as he rummaged for the best sandals for pregnant women.

"Is it your first child, Madame? Sir looks so meticulous about everything." The saleslady made small talk as Satoru told you to wait while he paid.

"No, it's actually our third." You laughed, making the saleslady look at you in disbelief.

Satoru held your hand with the other sprawled protectively over your hips as he led you to the food court, knowing it was time for your orange juice.

"You know... We always get asked if it's our first child. Probably because you never seem to calm down and chill like the dads who were already done with their first baby." You sipped on your orange juice, filling your daily need for the sweet fresh juice paired with a guilty extra-large cheeseburger and fries. "I want to each purple yam milk tea..."

"Honey... You haven't even finished your food yet." Satoru opened his mouth for the fries you offered. "And we look so young, that's why. Pretty husband means pretty wife." He winked at you, making you roll your eyes.

You pursed your lips and continued eating anyway. Satoru does look younger for his age. Ijichi looks older than your husband. It's worth noting that it's Satoru's fault that his kouhai always looked so stressed.

"Have you thought of the names, Baby?" Satoru sipped on your juice, thanking whatever deities were watching over him right now that you didn't have a cranky moment when he drank from your drink. Pregnant women and their pet peeves...

"Yeah! I did!" You smiled brightly. "But don't ask. I'll surprise you when they're born." You giggled.

Satoru names Kouki and Saika. This time, it's your turn to name your babies.

Babies...

"They're not twins, Mother..." You sighed for the nth time. "And even if they are, I don't see any problem with it."

Your Mother-in-Law came over to chat. You can't blame her; despite being luxurious and vast, the Gojo Estate can be very dull to stay in.

"Yes, I know they aren't." She sighed. "But you know I just cannot help but worry for them, for you. You know how the remaining elders still hold the traditions even with the new administration. It is easy for them to label your children twins and isolate one or perhaps both."

Of course... Japan could be one of the most superstitious societies for a technologically advanced country, leaning more toward the conservative traditions passed down from the old days. It's the undercurrent Satoru has been going against for most of his life.

"Our children will be fine, Mother..." Kouki and Saika have been adjusting reasonably well between their everyday lives and those in the jujutsu society. "They don't have to join the jujutsu world if they don't want just because we are their parents."

Even Kouki doesn't have much interest in jujutsu besides his training with his Papa, which he enjoys well. Saika... She's just four. Aside from her liking to stay with Shoko and learning in the infirmary, there's nothing much to worry about.

You smiled at your Mother-in-Law. "We can't be with our children forever, but Satoru and I will ensure they will be strong enough to face their problems."

Satoru came home early. He has been so over the long run. A world where he's not the only pillar, a generation that can par his strength. He would love to lose the title of "the strongest" if it means he can also rest like this. It gets lonely on the top. And he's at the age to start worrying more if his daughter has a suitor or which boy has enough guts to face him and block any of them from snatching his little princess away rather than growing premature white hairs from staying up late because of overtime and chasing some ugly curses... not that his hair isn't already white...

He prefers chasing his wife in the bedroom...

His head pressed against your eight-month-old baby bump as you cuddled on the bed. Years ago, this simple dream of coming home as early as 5 in the evening seemed so far-fetched, but now it's a staple of his day. To lie down with you, to eat dinner with you, to take a bath together with you, and sometimes with the kids... to actually talk before one of you falls asleep first.

"When the kids are a little older, let's go on a trip..." He looked up to you. "Y'know, just the two of us..."

He could already imagine spending days in Basel, Switzerland, with you—the simplicity of the countryside, with green meadows and fresh air. Or hopping through boutiques and boutiques in France or him teaching you to surf in the wild waves at Bali...

"You're not tired of jumping from one place to another?" You chuckled.

"That's different." Satoru shrugged. "I go because it's work, and you're usually not with me. It's not like it's that fun roaming in the countryside of London to exorcise a banshee."

You laughed loudly. It's pretty accurate. Since you've birthed Saika, the times you went with Satoru on his overseas trips have dwindled from every week to twice in three months or even a little less. Having two children to look after, cute ones at that and naughty too, has drawn you to prefer the comforts of the home than hopping from one place to another.

"I'm sure their grandparents will be most happy to babysit for them while we're on a trip." You closed your eyes and stroked his head as he kissed your belly bump.

Satoru smiled at the sweet tone of your laugh as you lay your head on his chest, his arms carefully tucked you by his side, and pulled the soft quilt he bought last week after you mentioned that the previous blanket was too heavy and thick.

"Honey...?"

"Mnnn?" You opened your eyes and looked up to him.

Satoru gazed into your eyes. People who have seen his eyes often say they were breathtaking sapphires. But he begs to differ. Your eyes have always been his favorite. They were unclouded... and filled with love that his heart could not help but melt every time you looked at him with your tender gaze. He couldn't help but wish the coming little munchkins would have your eye color.

"Thank you for giving me Kouki, Saika, and these coming little munchkins." He's not the person who gets sentimental, but he has moments like this when it's only the two of you in the security of your home, in the confines of this simple bedroom.

"You are their father, Satoru, just as much as I am their mother. We couldn't have had them if not for each other." Your noses met each other, and you playfully nuzzled against his, making him laugh as well.

A hand was placed at the back of your neck, and with a gentle tug, he kissed you softly, feeling the smile on your lips as he made sure you knew how much he adored you with every fiber. of his being.

—GreyCaelum

PLAGIARISM IS A CRIME

Check out the Masterlist for more

All rights and credits of the Jujutsu Kaisen character(s) mentioned images(s) and songs(s) used, belongs to their respective owner(s)

General/Kaleidoscope Series Taglist: @ice-icebaby @aeanya @gummy-dummy @tender-rosiey @lexiene @nevermoresworld @loml-riri @pelicanpizza @emichou-chan

1K notes · View notes

ladydostoevsky · 2 years

Text

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐫𝐲𝐞𝐧 𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐞𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐧 𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐳𝐲

𝐓𝐖: 𝐕𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐬'𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐞𝐢𝐫𝐝, 𝐈𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐭?

You walked the halls of the Red Keep to see your brother, the King. He has weakened the past few years. He is seriously ill and you are very scared for him. You feel sorry for him, you really do.

You haven't heard much about Rhanyra and Daemon, your niece and older brother. You have tried to send several letters to them, but no replies.

You finally arrived at the doors of the king's bed chambers. The knights bowed on either side and opened the door. "Princess y/n Targaryen, your grace," one screamed. You entered the room. In front of the fireplace sat your sick older brother, the King, and beside him stood your sister-in-law, The Queen Alicent. She turned around and smiled happily. “Y/n” she said and hugged you.

You have very nice relationship and get along very well. You were grateful to her for taking care of Viserys. You ended the hug. "My queen" You whispered. You turned your glance to your brother, walked beside him and knelt next to him. "Brother, how are you?" You asked softly. You heard the door close and assumed that Alicent had left you alone. "Who is it?" he replied weakly. You felt tears in your throat but you held them back. "Viserys, it's me. Your sister, Y/n" "Aah Y/n. Of course. My dear sister. I feel like I'm gonna die any moment" he joked. Your eyes widened. "Don't say it like that, Viserys! What would Rhaenyra think? You are strong, brother. You are a Dragon, like Daemon, like me," You said softly sobbing now. Viserys placed his hand on top of yours which was on his planket. "The one who was promised. The long night… it's… the promised…" "Viserys? Viserys!" He turned to look at you, confused. "I think.. I need to rest a little," you nodded and stood up. "I'm gonna tell Alicent," and after saying that you left.

⎯⎯⎯⎯

The garden had always been your favorite place. The smell, the colors, the picture was just breath taking. You walked around until you saw your niece, Helaena sitting alone on one of the seats there. You walked over to her, smiling sweetly. "Helaena, how are you?" She turned her attention from her hand, where a yellow butterfly rested, to you. Her face lit up when she saw you. "Aunt! Sit, sit!" and so you did, your red dress swaying with every movement. The butterfly flew away and she took your hands to hers. "I'm fine, aunt. Today is a beautiful day, isn't it? Did you come from seeing my father?" she asked hurriedly. "Today is a very beautiful day, my darling. Yes actually I did. Your mother told me you'd be here," her face fell. You frowned and put your hand on her shoulder. "Is something wrong, me dear? Are you spending much time here?... Alone?" she looked at the floor dreamily.

"I don't have anyone to talk to most of my time. Father is sick, mother is busy with Kingdom, Aegon… does his own things, Aemond also don't care. You're the only one I have, aunt." "Don't ever say such things again," you took her head and hugged her against your chest. She hooked her arms around your waist, strongly. "Never Helaena. Your parents and brothers love you, they really do. I love you. You don't have to feel alone, never." She took her head from your arms and looked you into the eyes dreamily. "I wish you were my mother, y/n." You looked at her sadly and hugged her again.

What you didn't hear were the words she spoke to herself. "The one who can't fly can't breathe fire."

⎯⎯⎯

After that you were to search your two nephews and talk with them about Helaene. Like you expected they were on the training ground. You watched from the balcony as Aemond's and Aegon's swords clashed. A few knights and lower lords around them. You knew how proud they were. They liked to show off, especially to you. You never knew why thought.

You made your way down the stairs. The knights and lords bowed when they saw you. "Make way to Princess y/n Targaryen," this took your nephews attention. Aegon smirked. "Came to see how I beat this brat's ass and cheer me up?" he asked arrogantly. "Not today, Aegon." Aemond looked at you with narrowed eyes. He never liked how his brother talked with you. "Actually, I would like to talk about Helaena with you," Aegon groaned and rolled his eyes for that. "My lovely aunt. Can we not talk about her again. I'm about to win this battle and I would like some cheering with your beautiful voice." Next thing you knew Aegon was bleeding from his right hand. The maesters ran to him and took him to his chambers, while Aegon cried and whined dramatically.

You looked at Aemond, shocked. He had thrown his bloodied sword to the ground. He looked unbothered. "He got too close to you." You had nothing to say. What was wrong with these boys? "Aemond… I have to talk with your mother about this. This is not…" "Don't worry, he has seen worse battles," he mocked his brother. You shaked your head, turned around to walk away and said, "I need a hot bath. Now." "I will see you at the dinner, Aunt," said Aemond, watching your beautiful figure walking away.

#house of the dragon #hotd #aegon ii targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen x reader #helaena targaryen #aemond targaryen #aegon ii targaryen #alicent hightower #viserys targaryen #house of the dragon x reader #daemon targaryen #rhaneyra targaryen #yandere aemond

4K notes · View notes

the-dumpster-fire-of-life · 10 months

Note

Hey!! I absolutely love your work 🫶🏽 so I totally didn’t think about this while doing a Duolingo lesson at 3 AM 👀 -

But imagine Miles (Earth 1610 or Earth 42) coming over to his gf’s house bc he missed her and he finds her trying to learn Spanish to surprise him? 🥹🤭

(Hello! Sure I can! Enjoy!)

Reader Learning Spanish For Him

He had noticed you were being quite sneaky on your phone for a little bit

He wasn't thinking you were cheating, he knew you wouldn't that

He trusts you enough in the relationship to rule out cheating

But that didn't mean he didn't wanna know what you were doing on your phone

He was coming up with many things you were doing but always somehow ended up being wrong

He tried looking over your shoulder got always got caught

It wasn't until one day he just popped by into your house

Miles was fresh out of a job, and just felt like being around you

So him being him, Miles snuck to your window and welcomed himself inside

And mind you he is somehow so quiet

He could sneak up on you anywhere and anytime of the day and you wokld not know until he made himself known

He saw you sitting on your bed, and just on your phone

But he heard like chimes, and little phrases in another language coming out

You were even repeating some of them and checking to see if they were right

He took a moment to realize it was Spanish

He could feel a little proud and amused smirk coming onto his face as he slid by

You jumped when he wrapped his arms around you and put his chin onto your shoulder

"This what you've been hiding, hm?"

He was teasing a little and was even more amused if you jumped or started trying to give excuses

He took your phone from your hand and started scrolling through your Duolingo while ignoring your attempts to get it back

He was holding it away from you, still smiling as he waved the screen at you and went

"You needed an app? When you have me? I'm hurt, hermosa, I really am."

He was happy you were trying to learn Spanish, but was a bit like

"Why'd you hide it?"

And then you explained it was to surprise him, and he couldn't help but smile, a real smile, come across his face

He was actually really happy you cared enough to try and learn, even if it wasn't your language or you didn't speak Spanish

He very much s hugged and kissed you

But he threw out the Duolingo and became your teacher

He helped you immensely, from pronunciation to very complicated words

And soon enough you could understand and speak spanish, even maybe fast and fast Spanish speakers

He was very proud every time you got something right

He took payment in kisses don't worry

Also rewards in kisses, sneak in a few more babe

But that didn't mean you were immune to saying some dumb or dirty shit he tricked you into saying

He's an ass, yeah, but he's a very lovable ass

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist: @mushystrawberries @sweetheartlizzie07 @itstooearly-its3am @Ihavetoexist @kaorussgf @samsketchezz @yas-v @Lovelymiaablogss @the-dumpster-fire-of-fire @sussybaka10 @shisuishoe @sairavity @moonlight-rosevine

#across the spider verse x reader #spider man: across the spider verse #across the spiderverse #spiderverse x reader #into the spiderverse x reader #into the spider verse #earth 42 miles morales #miles morales x you #miles morales x y/n #miles morales #miles morales x reader #miles x reader

714 notes · View notes

giddyfatherchris · 6 days

Text

📱skz texts — how they react/comfort you (when you’re going through a rough patch with a friend)

| including. felix, han, hyunjin

warnings. none!

a/n. who am i 😮 posting two days in a row??😮 hehe sorry it took so long for the second batch to come! bang chan and lee know will be next<3 hope you enjoy babies xx tagging my sweet bubs @httpdwaekki as promised hope they measure up to your expectations 🙈

a/n. also i know these are ‘out of order’ but… whatever:)

changbin, seungmin & i.n

Felix

He was just about to get into the car when he got your text.

He hefted up the last bags in before he smiled, knowing only from your words that you would be so happy with the surprise he had prepared for you. As he drove to your school, he reminisced on the last few weeks.

His knuckles turned white from gripping the steering wheel as he remembered the first night you had arrived at the studio, crying. Your cheeks were red, and you looked so disoriented. You explained in between sobs that you fought with one of your best friends. School was easy for you, you had to put in your fair amount of work, but it did come to you easier than for other people, aka them. They let that jealousy grow and grow and had it become a nasty tumor hogging everything in its path. Until that one night when they held your success up against you, and it all exploded, leaving nothing in its wake.

He tried calming you down, but it was one of those moments in his life when he felt the most unhelpful, helpless, and worried. You seemed to be reassured by his touch, but your breathing was still labored, a constant stream of tears flowing down your cheeks. He held you closer, thanking the universe he had been alone practicing, but he knew even if the whole group had been there, he would have let everything down to be there for you.

Releasing his grip, he breathed through the memories and hung to the truth that it was now over. Yes, you still had to see that person from time to time in school, and they were still being incredibly pissy, but you no longer were hurt by their behavior and attempts at screwing you. Thanks to many, many nights spent with Felix, you talked everything through, and he helped you process the situation. He was so proud of the way you handled things, and since it had been a while since you two had the opportunity to have a special date he impulsively decided to organize this getaway. He smiled as he pulled to the curb, noticing your confused smile.

"Hey you, isn't tonight a recording night?"

"Not for me. We're going away," he answered with an enigmatic smile. He nodded for you to get in, "It's a surprise. Yes, everything is arranged. Yes, your bags are packed, and yes, I'm totally free to go."

You narrowed your eyes as he answered all your questions without you having to ask them. "And, where are we going?"

"I'm afraid I can't reveal that information yet."

You rolled your eyes, secretly delighted. "Okay then, can I ask why?"

At that, he settled and grabbed your hand. "Because I'm proud of you. I know it hasn’t been easy for you lately, but you've handled everything so well and managed to get out of it stronger. There was not much I could do to help, but I can do this. I think you deserve this little getaway for all the hard work you've been putting in."

"Lix..." your gaze softened with his kind words.

"No complaints will be accepted at this moment. You just have to sit back, relax, and let me handle it, sounds good?" He brought your hand to his lips, softly kissing it while his eyes scanned your reaction.

"Sounds very good." You smiled back.

He kissed your joined hands once more before putting the car in drive.

You let a beat of silence pass before you tried again with a pleading tone. "You really won't tell me where we're going?"

He laughed at your impatience. "No baby."

A smile wouldn't leave his face as he imagined your reaction when you would pull up in the entryway of the little cottage he had booked near the sea. He could already picture your eyes growing in size and your excited screams when you would see the blue waves and sandy beach. Felix felt his heart strain under all the love he felt for you, as he promised himself to keep doing these little things for you forever.

Han

He already knew everything about the situation happening with one of your friends. Honestly, he had a hard time understanding why they were suddenly turning against you. But then again, he always had a bad feeling about them and never thought they treated you half as well as you deserved.

Still, he hated seeing you so affected by it. He understood why, but he hated feeling so unhelpful. He listened when you needed to vent and tried supporting you as much as he could, but he always felt like it would never be enough. So, when you texted him before heading home from work, hinting at how hard today had been, guilt started gnawing at him.

You got home about 20 minutes later. He was already waiting for you at the door. As soon as he saw the tired look on your face, the dark circles slowly settling under your eyes, his heart ached, but before you could notice his sad puppy eyes, he masked them with his warmest smile.

"Hey pretty, how are you?" Immediately he took your bag from your hands and helped you take off your coat before wrapping you in a hug.

"Could be worse, but could be better too," you sighed. "They were extra petty today, I'm not sure how to deal with this anymore."

He pulled back to grab your face, staring at you lovingly as he did. You looked back at him, the sight of his plush cheeks and chestnut eyes already easing the pain in your chest. "But, I'll be okay. I just want to think of something else. If you're still up for it, a movie night would be amazing."

His face lit up with a sweet smile as he kissed the tip of your nose. "You can head up for a quick shower. I already started the heater and laid down some clothes for you. I'm taking care of everything."

As soon as you disappeared in the corridor he started creating the perfect setup. He made sure to bring all your favorite blankets, pillows, and plushies on the couch. When he heard the shower start he was already preparing hot beverages for the both of you, along with a few of your favorite snacks. He proudly looked at the final result, dimming the lights to create the perfect cozy ambiance. Han would have done anything you would have asked of him tonight. Still, as he looked at his work, a proud smile illuminated his features. As outgoing as he was, he always liked when you said you would rather stay in with him than go out.

Your soft steps on the floor snatched his attention away from his thoughts. Your hair was still wet from your shower, your face bare, and as planned, you wore the matching pajamas he had laid out for you. You were now both rocking an adorable fuzzy set. His heart tightened at the sight of you, looking so relaxed and cozy.

"Since you said you didn't know what to watch, I made a little selection."

You snuggled up next to him, listening to his suggestions before adding one of your own. "While I was in the shower I was thinking we could watch one of our comfort movies. If you want to, of course."

"Sure, what were you thinking of?" he asked as he handed you the remote and placed his arm around your shoulders to pull your body closer to his.

You quickly typed in the movie title, and he felt a smile tug at his lips as he read it. "Are you sure you want to watch Howl's Moving Castle again? I made you watch it just last week."

You nodded confidently, "It's the first movie we've ever watched together and it gives me the best comfy vibes. So if you're down for it...?"

He only pressed play in answer, made sure you were snug in your fort of blankets, kissed the side of your head as you settled against him and the familiar soundtrack started playing.

"I wish I could do more to help you with this whole thing. I hope this still lessens your burden, at least a little. I'm sorry I can't do more." He whispered a few seconds into the movie.

You turned back to look at him, his hair falling in soft curls. The worried expression on his face made you want to hug him as tight as you could. Maybe then you would be able to squeeze it out of his body.

"It's perfect. I couldn't ask for a better partner to go through all this. You do not have to apologize. It's all more than enough." you kissed his plump lips tenderly, "You will always be more than enough." You added before focusing on the movie again, not seeing the beautiful smile now visible on the young man’s face.

Hyunjin

He stared at you in disbelief as you dropped to the floor from extenuation and frustration. You had barely closed the door that you laid your head on the wall and closed your eyes. Your handbag hung limply from your hands, and your coast rustled and creased from the awkward position you were in. He knew what this was about as it wasn't the first night you had assumed that position. The first time you did, a few days ago, he had panicked, thinking you had lost consciousness or were sick. Even if it was nothing of the sort, his worry was still called for when silent tears streamed down your face. That's when you first explained what you were going through, that you had made new friends at your workplace only to discover they were associating with you to steal your ideas. Hyunjin remembers your smile and shining eyes when you first came from work telling him you had made new friends. When you discovered they stole your ideas and presented them to your boss first, that dream had cruelly shattered. You had fought back and proven the ideas were yours, but still, the situation at work was horrible as they had decided to make it hell for you as revenge. Hence the exhausted slide down the door every night.

He crouched next to you, a silent support. "I'm sorry, give me two more minutes, and then I promise to get up and get in my pajamas." You sighed heavily.

"Can I ask you a question?" he softly spoke. You looked up before nodding silently. "If the situation has been solved, if you still have your job, and if your boss is happy you spoke up about it. Why do you still feel like this? I'm not trying to judge or anything I promise. I'm only trying to understand."

You thought about his question, analyzing his features, so soft and open. "It's just so- conflicting? In a way? I mean, I feel angry at them for doing this to me, but I also feel guilty for ratting them out, even if they deserved it. And I'm angry at myself for not seeing through their schemes. It's just a lot of contradictory feelings. Plus, it hurts... I really thought they liked me at first. It hurts to know they never did, it doesn't help all the little voices telling me I'm worth dirt. I don't know, I've just been stuck in this stupid loop for a week now... I'm not sure what to do to get out of it."

Even if he wasn't touching you, Hyunjin's attentive stare felt just as intimate. You loved that about him, how present he always was. You knew his silence was no indicator of his level of care. He stared a second more before suggesting, "You know what, I don't think you should get changed. I think we should do something different tonight. What would you say to go out?"

"What are you thinking?" you cautiously asked.

"I'm thinking you need a change of scenery. I think we should go out, have a drink, go for a little exploring, or we could even go to the amusement park! I think changing it up could help you get out of this loop you say you feel stuck in."

You stared at him in silence, weighing in the pros and the cons, still a spark lit your gaze. He dropped his chin on his knees and stared at you with his attentive eyes. You knew if you said you didn't want to go he would support you, but you also knew Hyunjin had that innate sense sometimes where he knew exactly what you needed before you even did.

"What do you say angel?" he finally asked, slowly reaching out to wrap his slender fingers around yours.

You simply nodded a slow smile spreading on your lips. For the first time this week, you felt the familiar pang of excitement.

You settled on going to the amusement park as it had been the thing that sparked the most interest in you. Your skin prickled as you neared the gate, it felt so refreshing, so new. You were about to head in when you heard a few familiar voices calling your name.

You turned around to see Bang Chan, Lee Know, Changbin, Han, Felix, Seungmin, and I.N approaching you, broad smiles on their faces. You weakly waved at them as you looked at your boyfriend, a proud smile already on his face.

"I thought you needed to be reminded just how appreciated and liked you are. I'm truly sorry it turned that way with those assholes, but please do not let it make you doubt your worth. You are surrounded by people who love you and think you are the most amazing human being. Me on top of that list." He leaned in to kiss your temple while he pulled you in for a quick hug and you felt your heart overflow with joy at the gesture he had pulled and the seven excited boys joining you.

You truly were blessed with the most amazing people.

#ilya texts fics #stray kids #stray kids x reader #stray kids texts #stray kids fluff #bang chan #lee know #changbin #hyunjin #han skz #felix skz #seungmin #i.n skz #felix x reader #han x reader #hyunjin x reader

206 notes · View notes

payasita · 7 months

Note

Good job getting ADHD medication! I’m so proud of you :D

thanks so so much im very happy and so hopeful for the first time maybe ever but also it TOOK ME LIKE. A YEAR. A YEAR.

like yall for real?? for real. for real i have been diagnosed since i was like six. (funny story my teacher thought i was on the spectrum so my parents get me tested with the nodes and shit and according to mom, who loves this story, my neurologist did all that and talked to me and then just turned to my mom and went "she's not autistic. she just hates the other kids" but they DID find an adhd diagnosis in there so net win for all of us)

diagnosed since i was SIX. on stimulants until i turned 8, and you know why i got off em? my pediatrician retired. we could not find another who would take our low-income insurance. so i just had to rawdog The Rest Of My Fucking Life. diagnosed when i was six. legally neurodivergent for 20 slutty slutty angry years.

and it still took me like. a few months to get a psych appointment. a few weeks to reaffirm my diagnosis as an adult. a few more weeks for another appointment for meds. he doesnt Want to do meds first, because i must have been doing fine without them if its been two decades, right? i got a job and a car and everything. well gee fuckin shittickers Dr. Brain Guy, just WHAT was my alternative? would you prefer i be maladapted to the point of incapacitation; is that what it takes for someone to be considered? i cheated my way through school. every day after work i sit for an hour in my car because i dont have the executive function to stand up and walk the ten steps to my house. garbage just appears around me. i have three empty bags of hot chip and two cans of sprite on my desk as we speak, neither from today. at that point i hadnt had a debit card for six months because that would have required me to Drive To The Bank, a location that was new to me in this area, so i just did everything on credit. is this all normal? is this fine? am i GOOD, actually, Dr. WeirdBrain?

so we cordially agree that yes i should probably be medicated. i want to do a stimulant. he does not want to put me on a stimulant. "stimulants can mess with your heart," he says, "and you're young, you don't want heart problems." i say ok because i dont want to make him think im just looking for narcotics. even though i am. because they WORK. i agree to try some kind of antidepressant.

the antidepressant gives me tachycardia. i go to the emergency room after reading a heartbeat of, oh, 140 bpm, which is about like double what it normally is and juuuust below the You Are Having A Heart Attack threshold. i get to the ER and the doctor there is very obviously convinced i'm a local addict having some sort of episode. it is the most ironic experience i've had all year and i feel an abrupt and all consuming kinship with those birds in australia that will swoop you and peck at your face for seemingly no good reason.

so yeah, we narrow it down to the antidepressant. as it turns out, these particular meds are known to, semi-commonly, Mess With Your Heart. i have my next appointment with my psych and somehow refrain from pecking his eyes out. he puts me on a noreprinephrine inhibitor(iirc) that isnt actually FDA approved to treat ADHD specifically(i DEFINITELY rc) but it IS given to smokers to help them quit. i dont smoke. i may very well fucking start before this whole ordeal is at the point where someone listens to me

it obviously does a combined total of jack and shit, and the man waffles with this one because he has "had success" using it as treatment for other ADHD patients. he ups the dose. twice. three months on the smoker meds, which are also apparently notorious for destroying your appetite, but they didnt even do THAT. no change to the average amount of hot chip on my desk.

he wants to try quelbree after that. i finally tell him i'm tired of this shit and would like to have more than two hours of usable daylight to function before it all falls to uncontrollable youtube shorts binges and a daily experience i like to call The Weighted Nothings and i would very much like to PLEASE. TRY A STIMULANT.

he's been friendly enough with me over these past four or five or whatever months but at this he gets suddenly very very business-baseline. gives me the whole spiel about the north american shortage. gives me a spiel about how i absolutely cannot, under any circumstances, lose or sell this medication, because they will not refill it if i do. i am sitting here wondering if he he's telling the truth about having other ADHD patients at all like ever in his career, and also, am i nuts or should the "don't sell your prescription drugs" bit apply to EVERYTHING? i dont fuckin know man i just live here

he says he wants a urine test first. its scheduled for two weeks out. i take it.

"hey uh, your piss came back with cannabis in it" "well it'd be weirder if it didn't, we are in california and i am a kitchen manager" "you can't have weed if you want adderall" "fine i'll stop" "we'll schedule you another test in a month" "aight bet" it didnt go exactly like that but this is kind of what the vibe between us has devolved into by this point.

anyway i wait a month and get a good grade in piss. i get the meds prescribed. i go to fill out the prescription

all i really need to say to you are the words "prior authorization error" for most of you to get what happened next.

the psych isnt even aware. i wait another month for our next meeting, which was yesterday. i do not yell at him. he tells me to take it up with the pharmacy, and yell at them. i am going to yell at them.

so i go, and guess what, it actually went through a while ago! NO ONE TOLD ME OR DR. FEEL-BAD OVER HERE. but we can't fill it right now because its a controlled substance so come back in a few hours. hey it's ready where the hell are you? TAKE YOUR METH AND GET OUT

anyway i started it today, reorganized my pantry, and fixed the fire alarm in my hallway that's been chirping at me for a week. i no longer have to wear earplugs to bed.

and with my newfound executive function superpowers, i will be spraying my weed-free piss all over Reagan's grave.

#personal #anyway thanks for the kind words anon #i am going to go lie down #ADHD #long post

316 notes · View notes

gatitties · 3 months

Note

HELLO

Can I request an Oneshot of One Piece with a marine teen reader (14 y.o) who is the daughter of Red Hair Shanks after a one-night stand? She was taken in by Garp when she was 11 when her mom didn't wanna take care of her anymore cuz the mom was absent the rest of the reader's life and Garp was the grumpy granddad and trained her into a marine..like 6 feet 4 muscular girl (and everyone is questioning what the hell did Garp feed her with. Then Shanks comes to visit his bio daughter at the hospital after the reader saved Ace from being killed by Akaniu (that one scene where Ace saved Luffy when he leaped in the way to shield his brother from Akainu as the admiral struck cuz she felt bad and went against rules) by pushing both of them away and burning her a bit and now she has huge burn scar in her left side of the body and half her hair is gone and has to add margarine to heal her scar just for a bit and then Garp ordered her that she should not get up the bed until she is fully recovered. Shanks being the dad he is tries to have a convo and help her stand up when the doctors order her to do some exercise to get her body moving again for example:

-move your fingers a bit

-try to stand up

-when you suicide try to take a few steps

-and more margarine when you go to sleep

-do not sleep on your left side cuz will cause your skin a damage

The reader is confused after receiving affection from her own dad, cuz she doesn't know how to receive it back and is very insecure about it Shanks on the other hand doesn't bother at all and comfronts her.

(Also Ace and Luffy come to visit her more often and thank her for saving them and having a small sibling relationship alongside Sabo and Uta)

and the reader is trying her hardest not to cry and Garp is jealous

(sorry if this is long I'm just trying to make it understandable..have a nice day/night!!)

─ Shanks x daughter!reader (Platonic)

─ Summary: Your bravery helps you save a person unfairly judged, this whole incident generates a drastic change in your pace of life where it seems that your father is ready to show himself.

─ Warnings: None

You stretched your sore body, letting out a soft moan due to your recent injury, weeks had passed and you still had a hard time moving, but looking back, the pain wasn't that much in comparison to your actions, not being ashamed of your actions against everythingn that you had learned at the marine academy, you were lucky that they considered your actions something of age, since you were young, they let it go with a couple of punishments, they lowered your rank and prohibited you from being on duty for the two following years, but you didn't care much.

Garp was not so happy with that decision, but he couldn't scold you when you had saved his grandson from certain death, he was glad to have welcomed you that day, he couldn't feel anything but proud to see that despite having been strictly instructed to follow established order and law, you had your own thoughts and values.

"What do you think you're doing?!"

If it weren't for the fact that you were hurt badly, Garp probably would have hit you for finding you pacing around the room, you grimaced as you tried to smile, a little afraid of his overwhelming concern.

"The doctors told me that I couldn't stop walking, even if it was difficult, I can't stop moving while I recover, it's not like I was running a marathon tho."

He mumbled a few curses, making you return to the bed, now beginning your arm stretches, which were more painful due to the burn being on the upper part of your body.

"Why are you here? I thought you would come to visit tomorrow."

"Yes, but I have decided to go ahead to give you a surprise" all your attention went to the word 'surprise' with enthusiasm, being the teenager that you were, of course you were more than captivated by whatever the old man had for you "Ta-dah!"

He took a pair of wigs out of a bag, your expression fell slightly since you expected something else, but that didn't take away your enthusiasm, the attack that Akainu made on Ace in that battle left more wounds than you thought, and the fire spread faster than you thought, you lost some hair and sometimes you felt helpless without hair covering some parts of your face.

"Thank you… you didn't have to do it, and I could have waited until tomorrow anyway, why the rush?"

Now it was Garp's turn to sweat as he looked at you, he didn't want to admit it, but since Shanks saved you in battle and visited you more constantly, he felt a little jealous, although your father was unaware of your existence until relatively recently, proposing to take care of you and be present in your life from now on, it was Garp who raised and guided you all these years, plus he preferred not to meet Shanks at this time.

You were just confused, you always thought that your father had simply abandoned you, that he didn't want to know anything about your existence like your mother, and suddenly he is by your side showering you with affection and gifts. You took cautious steps with all that sudden affection, Garp wasn't a bad tutor, but his way of showing love was sometimes… brutal, your father's soft hugs were definitely something better than grandfather's crushing ones.

"Hey hey, grandpa is here too, Hello, Hello! We brought a lot of food to help you recover faster."

"Idiot, people don't have the same metabolism as you, besides…" Ace, who was entering through the door with Luffy, took the banana that was for you out of his hand, he was trying to devour it "What's the point of bringing food for someone if you are going to eat it?!"

"What are you two doing here? You are in one of the marine hospitals."

"We are not just two, look good old man!"

Sabo smiled at his grandfather, who remained silent for a few minutes, before bursting out with a furious scream, even though Garp was not going to tell on them, he couldn't help but give them one of his love fists, it had been a long time since he had seen the three gathered in the same place. You laughed at the scene, you never saw Ace, Luffy or Sabo, you only knew anecdotes that Garp shared with you, but you definitely didn't regret having saved Ace, being judged for being the son of the pirate king was absurd, it's not like he had chosen it, you felt even better when you found out that you were the daughter of the infamous yonko Shanks, since you would have probably been put on the gallows if you weren't part of the marines for the same reason as Ace.

The silent room soon filled with life once the trio entered, breaking into the peaceful time Garp wanted to spend with you, as if the commotion of his three grandchildren crammed into your bed while ranting about their adventures wasn't enough, the door opened suddenly, revealing the person who was missing to spill the old man's glass of patience.

"Looks like I'm a little late, sorry, I had to knock out some marines to get in."

The first thing he did was push the three idiots away from your bed, then he left the bouquet of flowers that he brought to decorate your sad room and finally he kissed your forehead as a greeting, not used to this gesture you simply looked down, squeezing your blanket that covered your legs.

"How are you feeling? Are you taking your medication? Have you put the cream on the burn? Have you done your daily stretches?"

You felt even more dizzy when he bombarded you with questions than when you were talking to the other three idiots even though they were much louder, you nodded silently, smiling slightly at him, he returned the gesture with a wider smile, although it was quickly wiped away when Luffy attacked him, climbing onto his back like a monkey while laughing almost causing them both to fall to the ground.

As much as you wanted to join their little fight, which Ace and Sabo joined in on, with your current state you would have to hold back just watching while Garp tried to silence them or he would have to kick them all out of here, if it could happen he would grow more gray hairs.

You felt warm watching everyone interact, in the short time you had spent with them, you managed to create a great bond, even with Uta, who couldn't be present most of the time but who you also considered part of the family.

Things calmed down a couple of hours later, leaving only the two adults and you in a pleasant silence after all the commotion those three had caused, it was time to leave, but before, Shanks approached you, holding your hand, making small circles with his thumb on your skin.

"I know this is a bit sudden and that maybe you don't trust me… but would you like to travel with me, discovering new horizons?"

Your eyes shone with excitement when you heard him, your heart warmed, you didn't dislike the job as a marine, but an opportunity like this… it would make you feel much freer than in headquarters, it would make you feel like you didn't need to worry about so many things at such a young age.

"Don't put stupid ideas in your daughter's head! She's a good marine and she's just a teenager, she'll go far when she's a woman!"

"Woah, calm down old man, she can choose for herself, besides, I'm not asking her to be a pirate, I have to start taking care of my responsibilities as a father and I won't be able to do it if she stays here."

"You know very well that she will sentence her destiny once they see her traveling with you, her entire future as a marine…"

Garp fumed from his ears, feeling how all the work and effort he had put into educating you and guiding you on the right path was crumbling before his eyes. Shanks only stuck out his tongue in a mocking manner, making a mark of irritation appear on Garp's forehead.

"Like I said, she chooses."

The two looked at you with different emotions reflected in their eyes, although they could already imagine what you were going to respond after seeing your look of determination and enthusiasm worthy of a child receiving Christmas gifts, without being able to hold back, you sealed a large part of your future with your decision, but you didn't care much if you were a pirate or a marine as long as you kept your beloved and unexpected family.

#op #one piece #one piece x reader #request #reader insert #platonic reader #daughter reader #marine reader #teen reader #one piece x platonic reader #shanks x platonic reader #sfw #fem reader #one piece x marine reader #one piece x teen reader

168 notes · View notes

itsjustelian · 5 days

Text

BEEFLEAF THOUGHT (Mainly He Xuan thought but fuck it he's intertwined with Shi Qingxuan and therefore all He Xuan thoughts are beefleaf thoughts)

So so so, in my readings of tgcf and the wonderful mess that is all of the internet thoughts on it I've come to the personal conclusion that to become a supreme you have to have *big* feelings. Very big and very deep feelings.

Our big-brained, obvious example of this is Hua Cheng. Man's big feeling is devotion, love. He is absolutely besotted for Xie Lian. Would do anything for his God. We're so proud of him for it too.

But He Xuan? He's the only other real supreme we have aside from Hua Cheng (Jun Wu, I'm sorry, you're wonderful but Godhood fucks with a man) and the idea that his big feeling that turned him into a supreme was rage and hatred never sat quite right with me. It's not that hatred and rage aren't powerful enough emotions to make a supreme, and those being his emotions on the surface make him a wonderful parallel to Hua Cheng. But rage isn't really what fuels him. If it was, he'd have dissipated after the Blackwater arc. Taken his revenge and called it a day.

Yet, he sticks around. He *never* dissipates. He just sits at the bottom of the ocean for all eternity. Which doesn't sound like rage or hatred. I mean, you'd assume a calamity built on hate would continue his revenge path until all of heaven is gone and no one can have godhood because he couldn't. But he doesn't. He just... waits.

This isn't to say he wasn't angry, btw. He was absolutely angry, and he had every right to be. His desire for revenge had to come from somewhere, let alone the emotional payment to actually planning and pulling it off. I just don't think that was his greatest regret/feeling/desire at death. I mean, He Xuan had his whole life taken from him. All of it. His family, his fiancee, his passions, his work. Everything he worked towards and for got stolen from him by others. And while it's clearly very rage inducing for him (I mean he has a mental breakdown and kills everyone who's ever wronged him), the underlying feeling through it all was probably despair. He probably just wanted things to go back to how they were when his whole family was around and alive.

And this despair and longing doesn't just go away when he learns the truth of what's been done to him. He's still a person. He can't just throw away those emotions because new ones have taken center stage. But rage is a way easier feeling to work with than misery, so He Xuan defers to it. He jumps on the bandwagon of revenge against the people who wronged him once again and goes with it. And it gets him through Mt. Tonglu and up into heaven and right where he says he wants to be. Right up until he can execute his revenge. And then he just stops? And decides that he's going to be best friends with Shi Qingxuan for a few hundred years first? I'm no rage expert, but that doesn't sound very revenge like to me. Which leads very neatly into the point of this post, took me a while I know.

He Xuan's reason for sticking around is he wants to be loved.

I mean, look at it. He says he hates Shi Qingxuan's guts and wants him and his brother dead more than anything, but also spends hundreds of years hanging out with this person he hates so much when revenge is right there? He could have done it whenever. There was no logical reason I could wait to wait as long as he did. Unless he was enjoying Shi Qingxuan's companionship. And Shi Qingxuan clearly loved him (even just platonically. We love our friends in this house). And He Xuan hadn't had someone care about him that much since his death. It was probably insanely overwhelming and equally as wonderful.

And then he fucks it all by actually going through with the revenge but feelings are hard and he's clearly not great with them so oops. But but but, his great famous line during the Blackwater Arc is him telling Shi Qingxuan that they've used the wrong name. He, even if it's just subconsciously, wants Shi Qingxuan to see him as He Xuan, not Ming Yi. He, in some capacity, wants Shi Qingxuan to see and love He Xuan, not the mask he had on.

But then, after the revenge, he doesn't disappear. He straight up goes out of his way to return Shi Qingxuan's fan to them. To make something right. To return something to how it was before.

Except this time, he can't blame the people around him for the change. He can't turn his rage at the rest of the world because he's the one who ruined the only thing he wanted for himself. So he finally, *finally*, has to face this sadness and longing that's been plaguing him from the start. He got his revenge, he got all the anger out, and it still wasn't what he wanted. Because from the beginning, all he wanted was to be appreciated and loved and wanted and not have that torn away from him.

And he fucked it for himself in the end because lets be honest if he had a civil fucking conversation with Shi Qingxuan and didn't literally threaten their brothers life things would have gone SO MUCH BETTER.

Anyway, I'm crying now. If you read through my jumbled 2 AM thoughts all the way, thank you. I will edit this when it's not 3 am. and post it.

---

Editing me: wtf was I on? I don't remember half of these thoughts??? I'm posting it because somewhere in this hot mess is a point I'm trying to make, and I'm not going to deny 2 AM Elian the chance to share it.

#theory #tgcf #tgcf thoughts #tgcf theory #beefleaf #he xuan #shi qingxuan #long post #this is incomprehensible

90 notes · View notes

beamiesbuddies · 4 days

Text

Part 2: A Dream of an Autumn Garden

A few more photos of Mr. Morpheus, continuing from my post here!

As I said on the other photoset, I'm very happy & proud of him! I'm happy I decided to take my time to get him just how I wanted & edit the photos I took nicely. I hope you all love him too. Sweet dreams~

I have included a bunch of Cool Facts about how I made him under the cut if you are so inclined!

Started: Late Jan 2022 / Finished: Dec 30 2022

Approx work hours- 273 hours (worked on average every 3rd day out of 274 days; averaged 3h/session)

Times I remade something because I messed it up/wasn't happy with it: Hands- 2; Feet- 2; Head- 2.5; Body- 1; Clothes: 3

Pattern: trial, error & determination

Height: 3ft tall

Materials:

stretch jersey knit (body)

polyfill (stuffing)

brushed out acrylic yarn (hair)

star sapphire x2 (eyes)

pipe cleaner (hand armature)

wooden dowels/18 gauge wire (elbow/arm skeleton that keeps snapping I may add)

acrylic paint/pastels (shading & details)

acrylic thread (body sculpting & upper eyelashes)

stretch velvet/velvet burnout, cotton (clothes)

Fun facts:

his look was inspired by his overall appearance in the comics; I particularily like the depictions done by Jill Thompson, Mike Dringenberg & Marc Hempel!

his arms and legs are jointed in the same way as many teddy bears are: you use a washer, nut & bolt to butt-up the limb against the body internally and it gives the limbs full rotation. First time I have tried the method and it's definitely something I'll try again!

I had no idea how I was going to do the inset eyes, but I was determined to have them as some sort of stone. I had to redo his first head completely because I cut too far in! Eventually I got it to work by creating a "backcushion" with clay for the stones, and then closed and sculpted the eyelids overtop to secure them in.

You can't see in most of my photos but his eyes are star sapphire: when light hits them correctly, it causes a ✨to appear just like his eyes in the comics~!

making his hand & feet were a challenge, especially thinking about where to put the needle through to sculpt tendons, nails, etc (and also deciding how detailed to get without looking strange). I think I learned a lot tho and I'm very proud of the hands

my favorite sculpted parts are the collar bone/chest, the right hand & the nose~

because the skin is white, he gets very dirty with his black clothes, so I had to line all of them in white. He also has to soak in bleach once in a while to maintain his complexion (LOL)

A signature somehwere on his person xD

Thank you all again for your nice tags & comments so far on my work. If you guys would like for me to share some behind the scenes photos of this photoshoot, or WIP photos of me making him, let me know and if there's enough interest maybe I'll make a post down the road!

#the sandman #dream of the endless #dolls #beamies buddies #thank you all so much again for viewing him with your eyeballs! i can now rest #cloth dolls #custom dolls #crafts #also if you happen to have any questions about how i made anything feel free to send an ask!

128 notes · View notes

robin-the-enby · 5 months

Note

Hello! I was wondering if you could do a Markus(DBH) x Reader where she is the S/O of Leo Manfred, but the relationship is definitely not a happy one. Like he insults her and pushes her around all the time.

If that is triggering please ignore this request! Hope you have a lovely day! :)

You can think that you're in love, when you're really just in pain...

Pairing: Marcus x f!reader

Warnings: use of Y/N and she/her pronouns, female reader (appearance is not discussed or mentioned), swearing, mentions of psychological and physical abuse, Leo is a gaslighter, I guess that' it

A/N: OMG, I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! Will you ever forgive me? 😭 But I took my time with this piece (and honestly might have gone a bit overboad) and while it did suck the soul out of me, I am very proud f it and hope you will like it. I made the reader female in the end, but the appearance of the reader is never mentioned, she is only reffered to with she/her pronouns, so I hope that's not a problem. If yes, I'll make sure to change it ;)

By now, you knew these streets by heart, that's how often you visited Carl Manfred. The old artist liked to joke that you were his in-law, given that you were his son's spouse. This wasn't the only reason however, because Carl also thought you were a kind and gentle soul and he really hoped that Leo saw that and tried to better himself in life, if not for himself, then for you at least.

Carl only talked well about his son, preferring to think about the god times instead of where exactly it went wrong and whose fault it might have been. But your presence was calming and very much enjoyable. He did have Marcus to run errands for him and take care of him, but you offering your helping hand gave him the feeling that he oh so lacked - his family taking care of him, now that he couldn't do it very well himself.

Even though you and Leo weren't married or even engaged, the old artist still considered you family. After all, you have been with Leo for a few years now, the thought of you leaving from his and Marcus' lives was strange and one Carl did not like to think about. Although...

Sometimes, when the house got quiet, when Marcus was fetching some paints or doing other errands in town, Carl would think. To be fair, he didn't know what you saw in Leo, even though he'd never admit that. He knew that opposites often attracted, and he really did hope your love would help Leo, whenever he'd ask you how his son was doing, no matter what mood you were in, it instantly changed. Something in your eyes...shifted. You looked tired, somehow older in those times, and he could see there was a heavy burden weighing you down. When it came to talking about Leo, you stuck to the basics. "He's doing fine." you'd say with a smile. But whenever Carl would ask hopefully "Has he found a job yet?" or "Is he...clean now?" you found that you could not answer. You didn't want to worry the old man, but it felt wrong to lie to him either. So you just hung your head low and admit quietly that no, he doesn't have a job and no...he isn't clean. You tried to lighten up the mood by saying he's looking for a job, which wasn't really a lie, at least, Leo insisted that he's looking for employment any time you'd bring that topic up, but you suspected Carl had stopped believing you at some point, although he never said so.

Today, you were once again visiting the old man and his android. It was strange to think that Marcus wasn't human. Every time you interacted with him, you almost forgot about it, enjoying his presence around you that much. Marcus was...serene. He wasn't loud, he wasn't crass and he was always kind. To everyone. Even if it created more trouble for him. Sometimes you wished you didn't have to leave. That you could stay with them. You were pretty sure Carl would be more than happy to let you stay, wishing for the company of his loved ones, even if he never said it, and Marcus...well...Marcus would be happy if Carl was happy. If you could call it happiness. It was strange to imagine that Marcus has never experienced any emotions at all. It made you a little sad. But the fact that he didn't know what emotions were and so he couldn't be aware of the fact he's missing something made you feel a little better. Although sometimes...sometimes it felt like Marcus was...different. Many a time have you seen him just...space out. You could see the, probably very much real, cogs in his head turn as he processed...something. But what that something was? You weren't sure.

Pulling your car into the driveway of the Manfred residence, you didn't even attempt to fight the stretch and the deep breath you took. It felt so freeing to be here, far away from...well, home. And the air was so clean and fresh, too! You could spend the whole afternoon sitting in the garden, just breathing. Carl sure did have taste when he picked out this place to live out the rest of his life at. It was calm, mostly quiet and smelled so, so good. Most people don't realise how amazing fresh air is until they taste it with their lungs, you thought to yourself. But even as you were here, your mind couldn't stop comparing everything to how it was at home. The yelling outside and inside. The constant sense of unease. The constant suffy air that wouldn't get out of your apartment, no matter how long you left the windows open. And you knew you had to come back. This place, as nice as it was, was just a break. A small oasis that would fill you up with strength until your next visit. But your reality was out there. In the downtown Detroit, in the tiny apartment you were renting.

Maybe if Leo admitted that he has issues and put his pride aside just once, you wouldn't have to take up so many shifts. You could actually like your job. You could do so much more than to just keep the both of you alive. Maybe you could have a bit of peace. But you doubted that. No matter how hard you tried, how much you did for the both of you, it seemed to never be enough. You took up extra shifts to treat the both of you to some nice meal? The apartment wasn't clean enough. You deep cleaned the apartment? You didn't cook dinner. You didn't have money to lend him? He didn't believe you, unless you showed him. And god forbid you asked him what he needed it for. Or if you complained.

Shaking yourself out of your thoughts, you made your way to the front door. Yes, reality wasn't...perfect, but you wouldn't let it ruin this moment for you. Or, at least, you would try. As you were about to raise your hand to ring the doorbell, a figure appeared from behind the corner, abruptly stopping at the sight of you. You whip your head around, startled a little at the stranger's sudden appearance. But, as your eyes focused on the person, you recognised Marcus. His intense eyes that never made you feel unsafe, his short hair, which you weren't even sure was real, you thought briefly, and his firm build...

"Oh, (Y/N)! I'm sorry, I didn't want to scare you..." Marcus apolgised with a very sincere feeling smile. You chuckled slightly at your reaction "Oh hello, Marcus. It's alright, you just startled me, that's all." Marcus was quiet for a moment, and judging by the intensity of his gaze, you assumed he was assessing your vitals to ensure you really were alright. At first, the intensity with which he looked at you sometimes unnerved you, but when he explained it was just to make sure you were physically and mentally alright, you relaxed. It was handy to have someone that could tell you something was wrong with just one look, something you yourself might not have even noticed.

"Carl noticed your car, so he instructed me to tell you that we're in the garden." Your mouth made an "o" shape in silent understandment as you nodded and followed Marcus around the house. The short walk was silent, but comfortable. Soon you could see Carl relaxing in his wheelchair in the sun, looking as content as can be. You couldn't help the smile that bloomed on your face at seeing him. You've come to learn that this place, these people, were your safe place. You felt free here, not judged, not scrutinised. Nobody expected anything from you here and everything you did for Carl or for Marcus was met with appreciation.

Carl turned around at the sight of your footsteps on the small stone path and his face lit up "(Y/N)!" he exclaimed, opening his arms for a hug. You hugged him shortly and greeted the artist. "It's so good to see you! Come, come, sit down, let's have a chat!" he urged you as he moved towards a wooden bench overlooking the various flowers and bushes in the garden. From what you knew, Marcus not only took care of the old man, but the house, and by default the garden, as well. And if that was true, then he did an amazing job. The colours of all the petals were radiant and fresh, bees buzzing around happilly. It was a lovely sight. Sitting down, you made yourself comfortable. Carl stopped in front of you in a way that he could comfortably talk to you, but let you enjoy the sight as well. Something was telling him you needed it.

"Marcus, could you get us some drinks please?" he asked his android assistant gently. You always admired how Carl treated Marcus with such respect and care, as if he was a real person. All the time, you were met with people abusing their androids, seeing them as things to care for their every need, including receiving their master's anger. And although it felt obvious that one should treat their helpers respectfully, it was still a nice change. Another perk of spending time here. Marcus nodded with a small smile, asking Carl what he would like. "Some tea would be nice." Carl replied and Marcus turned to you. For some reason, you felt your face warm up slightly and you looked away from his enchanting eyes. Your mind ran a million miles per minute, trying to come up with something that wouldn't troube him too much. "Uhm, just some lemonade, please." you stammered after a second. Marcus nodded, never mentioning your stutter or pointing out your awkward behaviour.

When the android disappeared from view, Carl looked towards you "So, how is everything?" he asked, smiling. You never liked to answer that qestion, No answer felt right unless you went into detail, but you didn't want to burden him with all that. So you did the thing people usually do, you smiled and waved your hand dismissively "Ooh, you know. Everything is the same. Nothing interesting happening in my life." Carl nodded, but you were sure that being the perceptive person he is, he could see right through you. So he nodded without pressing the issue, and instead decided to press another one. "And how's Leo?"

It was as if that protective curtain around your happy place opened and you were exposed to the harsh light of reality. As if on autopilot, you hung your head slightly, the idea of looking into the old man's eyes suddenly uncomfortable. You chuckled awkwardly and shrugged "Yea, Leo's...Leo's good." you said, but your voice was small, void of the confidence and cheeriness it once posessed. Truth was, you haven't seen Leo in two days. He has been ignoring your calls as well as your texts. On one hand, you were worried about where he was, what he was doing and with who. But on the other...You were relieved. Your home is finally quiet, you don't wake up in the middle of the night to unexpected company coming over, because Leo invited them for a red ice party. You feel bad for feeling good when your partner is missing, but at the same time you can't help but enjoy it.

Sometimes fate has a strange way of playing with our lives. And it seems that in your case, Carl chose this day to finally choose the uncomfortable topic and interrogate you. "(Y/N), what's wrong?" the artist asked softly and you wondered when exactly has this became an intervention. "Nothing's wrong, work has just been tiring." Not a lie, but not a complete truth either. For some reason, you felt ashamed to admit to Carl how has Leo been treating you. You knew it wasn't right, but you also weren't someone who'd let others just push them around, and you knew Carl knew that. And maybe that's why you didn't want to tell him. Besides, how do you tell someone that their child is a toxic abuser?

"Cut it out (Y/N), I know something's wrong. Now, I know Leo doesn't have a job and that he's still on that...thing." Carl said the word as if it left a bad taste in his mouth "But I feel like there are things you haven't been telling me." The worst thing about this conversation wasn't the fact Carl knew you were lying to him, it was the way he was so nice about it. You felt like this whole thing was wrong, for some reason you felt like he should have been mad at you, should have been asking why you were so stupid as to staying with his stupid son, who everyone knew was a scumbag. You sure felt stupid. And yet... "You know I wouldn't do that." you smiled at him while racking your brain for an exit out of this conversation. "Hey, Marcus has been gone for quite a while, huh? I'll go help him out a bit." you didn't wait for an answer, already standing up and heading to the backdoor. Carl turned around to look after you and from behind you, you could hear him call out, cheekiness masking his worry "I may be old, but I'm not senile!"

Stepping into the house was like teleporting to another world. While the garden was full of colours and bustling life, the house was quiet and the brown hues of the furniture and decorations almost made it feel sleepy. But it let a lot of light through its big windows and it didn't feel heavy or suffocating. The worst you could say about it was that it felt serious, but glancing at the life sized giraffe taxidermy in the living room disproved even that claim.

Following the soft clacking of mugs and the conistent hum of the kettle, you made your way to the kitchen. Marcus was standing at the counter, preparing Carl's tea, your lemonade already done on a small tray on the table. His broad shoulders moved uder his uniform and you found the movement...mesmerising. And while observing Marcus quietly was quite normal for you, as creepy as that sounds, this was the first time you felt as if your...affection, towards the android might not be as platonic as would be appropriate. You were taken for pete's sake, you couldn't be fantasising about another man like that! But, you reasoned for yourself what was the harm? It wasn't like Leo was here and even if he was, he'd probably pay little mind to you. You would be surprised if he could even stand still for more than half a minute.

"I know you're there, (Y/N)." you heard Marcus chuckle, successfully bringing you out of your thoughts. You realised that during your internal argument, you have leaned against the doorframe and probably was watching him like a creep the whole time. Great. "Heh. Somehow, that does not surprise me." you chuckle in return, hoping to brush off your inadequate behavior. Marcus' shoulders shake in silent giggles as he looked behind his shoulder at your drink "Your lemonade is done. Do you want to drink it outside with Carl?" he asks and you shake your head. "It's okay, I'll stay here for a while, but I'll join you two afterwards." you explain, hoping he doesn't push the matter. But it seemed that luck was not on your side that day.

"Did Carl's questions about Leo tire you out?" Marcus tried to joke, but he quickly realised he must've brought up a sensitive subject at your lack of a positive reaction. You just hung your head, as you were used to when talking about your boyfriend and smiled, although the expression held very little joy. "Yeah...sort of." you said quietly and sipped on your lemonade. Your brows scrunched together and you odded a little "Hy, this is some really good lemonade!" you commented, hoping to divert the conversation once more. Marcus thanked you and finished with Carl's tea. Then, he wordlessly picked up the tray and went outside to give it to the man.

He was gone for quite some time, that you almost thought that you would really be left alone, even though you didn't know whether that was what you wanted anymore. But it seemed that Marcus was more in tune with your emotions than you would've guessed for an android. He quietly sat down next to you and after a bit of silence, during which he probably ran through all the things he could've said, he finally spoke up. "Why Leo?" Yo had to say that it was the last question you expected, although, you didn't really know what you were expecting.

Sighing, you shrugged "I don't know...anymore." you added after a second, deciding that if you were to tell someone about your troubles, it would be Marcus. Would he tell Carl? If he asked, which you know he would, then the android would tell the artist everything. But hey, at least you didn't have to do it yourself. "Anymore?" Marcus asked quietly and you felt those gorgeous eyes trained on your face as if it was the only thing he could see. You nodded "Yeah...I guess- I guess he wasn't that bad at the start." you shrugged, the memories of him showering you with sweet words and gifts that weren't expensive, but that much more meaningful, almost gone from your brain. "And then I found out about the drugs and I thought-" you took a sharp breath in, already feeling the familiar pressure behind your eyes "I thought, he loves me, I'll be there for him and help him get through it. But he never got better. And when he blamed everything on the drugs, or on the withdrawals I believed him, because...Well, because I never thought I'd end up in that kind of situation, you know?" you chuckled, the noise laced with self deprecation.

You felt his hand land on your arm gently. A fleeting thought of how warm his hand was crossed your mind, before you heard him speak "It's not your fault." You quickly nodded "I know, I know, but it doesn't feel like it, you know? From a young age, we are warned of the signs of abuse in relationships, so how could I have ended up in one?" you sighed "I just feel...stupid." Your shoulders sagged and you slumped a little in your chair, as if a tremendous weight was lifted from your chest.

Even though Marcus was already lookng at you, you somehow felt his gaze sharpen "Is he..." he breathed out and it looked like he didn't know how to phrase what he wanted to say, which made a weird feeling spill throughout your gut, because it was strange, almost unsettling to see the lovely android, who is always so composed, at a loss for words. "Does he hurt you?" "No, no!" you were quick to assure him and you could see his shoulders droop as he relaxed his posture slightly. "He can be a bit rough, but-" you shook your ead again "it's no a big deal."

"What do you mean, rough?" Marcus presed on, his tone still as gentle as if you were a scared animal that could run away if he made one wrong move and yet, his eyes never left yours and when you looked at him, looked at those beautiful eyes that you were sure could count as a piece of art, there was...emotion behind them. You were sure of it. You've lived around androids for the better part of your life and you knew how they looked, even when they were assisting someone. Never ever have you seen such intensity behind synthetic eyes. And yet, you almost felt...relieved. You cleared your throat "Oh it' uh, it's ot a big deal..." you tried to reassure him once again (or maybe you were trying to convince yourself it hasn't gone that far, that hope and love haven't blinded you towards physical abuse as well) "Just sometimes when we fight, he grabs me a bit too roughly. It usually doesn't even leave a mark." you shrugged, but as you were saying it, you realised how horrible it sounded. So you stopped yourself before you'd dive into explaining how sometimes it was not just grabbing but shoves and pushes that you'd endure from Leo when you were too uncooperative for his liking.

You turn to face Marcus again and he looks a you with such sadness it almost feels like it was him who went through thaat. It wasn't just pity, the kind of look the pharmacist would shoot you every time you'd come for that one cream to help soothe your skin after a rough argument with Leo. But no, Marcus seemed...almost heartbroken, the kind of heartbroken a child is when their beloved pet dies.

"You don't have to put up with it you know?" Marcus asked gently, although it felt more like a reminder "You only have to say a word and I'm sure Carl would have nothing against-" you stopped Marcus' rant by putting a hand on his chest "I know, I know," you said nodding "but I don't want to bring Carl into this. He shouldn't have to put up with whatever mess Leo gets into, let alone my problems."

"It's ok to ask for help." he put his hand over yours that was on his chest, caressing yor skin lightly with his thumb. Your eyes were immediately drawn to his and on yours, the contact making your cheeks heat up as you mentally cursed yourself. "I know, but..." you trailed off "I just feel like...if I got into this mess, I have to get out of it. I don't want to-" you groan "I guess I don't want to give him the satisfaction of having that complete control over me. I know it sounds stupid-" you went to pull away, feeling the hot shame flow over you, making you want to cringe away from your robot friend. But Marcus only queezed your hand and tugged you closer to him. "It's not stupid. And there's no need to be embarassed." he reassured you and you shot him a quick smile, which he reciprocated, before you continued "So yeah, I guess that's why I never...said anything. Besides, he's not always like this. Sometimes he wakes up and is the textbook version of a doting boyfriend. I guess...I guess it made me hope that something could be done, that if I try hard enough, he'll see what he's doig and we can ge through it together." you chuckled sadly and this time, Marcus hugged you.

At first, you went stiff as a board, not expecting such a gesture from him, after all, Marcus has never been very touchy, since he wasn't programmed for that, but by now you were suspecting that Marcus could do more than what he was programmed to do, even if you didn't understand how that worked. Gradually, you relaxed into the hug, letting your arms gently wrap around his neck as his were wrapped around your waist. You let your head rest on Marcus' chest and as you breathed in, you caught the smell of his clean clothes. The warmth rdiating from his body was also something you couldn't complain about. You stayed like this for what must have been minutes, before you felt the android shift. Thining he was done with the hug, you went to let go of him, but his arms only tightened around you. You looked up at him only to find him already looking down at you, his eyes portraying some sort of inner conflict.

Just as he was about to voice whatever was on his mind, you registered hurried footsteps as well as rushed sentences beig exchanged, and not in a positive manner. Both you and Marcus let go of each other just in time before Leo rushed through the dooray, visibly seething, with a worried Carl on his heels.

"I told you dad, I just want to talk to her, so either you tell me where she is, or-" he stops mid sentence when he sees you and Marcus in the kitchen. He looks disheveled, his hair tussled, his clothes wrinkled, he looked sweaty and the whites of his eyes were very red, no to mention his pupils, which were way out of proportion. For a while, he just looked beween you and Marcus, his gaze jumping from one to the other, before he nodded and chuckled throwing up his hands "Well isn't this just great. I come home to no girlfriend, no car, no food and when I finally find her, she's all over a fucking robot." he sneers first at you, then at Marcus. Leo takes a few steps towards you, extending his hand as if to grab yours and you can't help but back away out of habit. Leo, of course, notices this and chuckles awkwardly "C'mon babe, we're going, the taxi won't pay itself." he says it as if he was lightheartedly joking, but the tension in his voice as well as his body gives away his real emotions.

And for some reason, something inside you...switches. You've had enough. Enough of not being appreciated, enough of being ordered and pushed around, when you deserved something, someone much better. Someone who would hold you tenderly, who would smell like fresh clothes, who would be warm and lovely, who could at least take care of himself.

"I'm not going anywhere." you said calmly, shaking your head. Leo looked at you like you just grew another head "Sorry?" And you gladly repeated yourself, adding "Maybe if I would've known where the hell you've been for the last two days, I would have waited for you. But I guess I'm not worth picking up the phone for. That is, if you even have it." you allowed yourslf to release the frutration that's been building up inside you for god knows how long now. Carl's eyes were wide, shocked fromhearing all this new information about your relationship with his son.

"Babe, you know I was busy-" Leo tried, but you were having one of it "Yeah, I see how busy you are. Couldn't you at least wait until you sobered up till you came here?" you scoffed. Leo narrowed his eyes at you and growled lowly "Listen, we can talk this through at home, no need to make a scene." And you actually laughed, catching all three men present slightly off guard "Cause a scene? You roled up here in a taxi, which you expect me to pay for, because no way you have any money on you after wherever you've been, you barged in like a hurricane and demanded to see me, and why? Just because I dared to drive somewhere? The ca is the only thing you have to your name, you live in my aparment, off of my and your dad's money, which you still send on useless shit. You don't help me out with anything, whatever I do is not enough, even though last time you actually put any effort into our relationship was years ago, so when I decide to take a break and visit a place I actually feel welcome at, it's still somehow my fault."

Maybe if it weren't for the fact that your soon to be ex boyfriend's face was getting redder with your every word, you could actully focus on the weight being lifted from your soul after that monologue. But Leo didn't look just mad, but insane. A small part of you started regretting your words, but feeling Marcus' and Carl's presence slightly calm you down. Still, when he took another step towards you,your body tensed up and you took an instinctive step towards Macus, trusting him to intervene if something went wrong. And given how your stomach squeezed uncomfortably, the situatio was more than likely heading that way.

But Leo, of course, noticed this "Bullshit." he spat out "I try, so fucking hard to please you, to be enough for you. Every day, all I think about is you. So sometimes, I need something to help me relax. But none of you," he turned around to direct his words not only to you, but his father as well "none of you get that. You all just bring me down." at this point, Leo was borderline yelling and you tried to stop your body from shaking, out of fear or adrealine, you didn't know. "I was worried, have you thought about that?" he focused on you again"I was worried where you were, what happened. So I looked for you. And when I finally found you, my fucking girlfriend, what do I see?"he turns his attention to Marcus now, both of the men staring deep into each other's eyes "I found you all over this fucking piee of plastic." he growled with disdain "I have no idea what you and dad see in these monstrosities-" he would continue, if it wasn't for Carl jumping in "Leo, that's enough!" the old man said sternly, even though you knew very well how much it pained him. As Leo was turning around to face is father, Marcus grabbed his shoulder firmly "Perhaps you should leave." he said, keeping his voice calm, although you knew that he was anything but calm. You never noticed how expressive Marcus' eyes were until today...

"Not without her I'm not!" Leo jerked away from the android's hold, turning to face you again, bringing you out of your thoughts. "I told you, I'm not going anywhere." you said, suddenly more tired than anything "I'll pay for your fucking taxi, but it's the last time I ever want to see you." you offered, just wanting him to be gone already. You knew you didn't have to do it and that it would probably be wiser to not do it, but you just wanted him out of everyone's hair. At least for today. Carl sure didn't need this day to be more stressful than it already was.

Surprisingly, Leo huffed "Fine." and you pulled some money out of your wallet and handed it to him. And with that, he turned on his heel, muttering "Fucking bitch..." as he walked out, making Carl almost scold him again, but you placed your hand on his shoulder as a sign to let him go.

After that exchange, the tension disappeared from the room, until Carl moved to the table and you sat next to him, Marcus standing by Carl's side. For a while, none of you said a word, until he old artist sighed "I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know it was that bad." he muttered apologetically and you shook your head "It's ok, you couldn't have known." and after that, you had a very long conversation with Carl about you, Leo and everything that has been going on with him. Some of it he knew, most of it he didn't. You went through many different emotions during that conversation. Frustration, anger, but mostly relief. It was finally over. When the tears started maing their way down your face, you felt Marcus' hand gently squeeze your shoulder and you grabbed it with a sniffle, intertwining your fingers to ground yourself. You felt Carl's eyes follow your every move during that interaction, but you didn't look at him.

Finally, after the tears had mostly dried, the old man sighed "I think...I think I need to lie down." he said quietly and you almost apologised. Almost. Mrcus let go of your shoulder to help him, leaving you alone. After they disappeared up the stairs, you stood up and went into the small bathroom on the ground floor, to wash your face, now sticky from all the tears you've shed, but also to get your mind together. You knew you would have to leave at one point, but you really didn't want to go to your apartment. And definitely not alone. After all, Leo still had the keys. Changing the locks would be a pain, as well as making sure he won't try to pull some other shit in the ext few weeks, maybe even months. You knew that there was a chance he would leave you alone, but something was telling you it would not be so easy. Not with Leo. You sighed and returned to the kitchen, only to find Marcus already there, waiting for you.

"Would you like a cup of tea? There's an herbal mix that should help you calm down." he asked you so gently you thought you would start crying again. Instead you just sniffled and ndded with a thsnkful smile "That would be lovely, thank you." As Marcus started preparing the tea, you found yourself sanding awkwardly a few steps away from him, leaning against the counter. It felt wrong to just sit down. You didn't even know what to do with your eyes, or what to say, but luckilly Marcus beat you to it "Carl said to tell you that you should stay here tonight. Unless you don't want to of course." he informed you as gently as before. "No, that would actually be very nice, thank you." you said, relieved "I'll nee to bring some take out for him as a thank you." you said, knowing very well the artist liked some junk food every once in a while, despite his doctor's protests, as a treat. "You don't have to do that." Macus turned to you, while carefully filling up your cup with the hot water. You shook your head and closing your eyes with a sigh "It's only right, after what happened today."

Suddenly, you feel a presence right in front of you and you open your eyes to fid Marcus right in front of you. He leans forward, resting his hands on the counter on either side of your body, looking deeply into your eyes "You may feel like it, but none of this is your fault. You didn't deserve the way he treated you and you're not stupid, or a failure for getting tangled up in that." he said quietly, but firmly enough to let you know you should better get it through your thick head sooner than later. You gulped as you got lost in his mesmerising eyes that told you how sure he was of what he has just told you. And suddenly, your hands found their way to his chest, catching the android slightly by surprise. His eyes seemed to pull you in, until you realised that your faces actually were getting closer, both of you leaning towards each other, none of you brave enough to clos the gap entirely.

You saw something in Marcus's eyes shift and he exhaled, lowering his head unti it was resing on your shoulder. You almost automatically wrapped your arms around his neck, holding him close. "I'm sorry, I..." he started, but agai, didn't quite know how to continue "This is all very new to me, but... something is telling me I- we should wait." he confesses, chosing to bluntly say what he was feeling, probaby figuring out you knew he gained the ability to feel and that he definitely felt something for you. He could feel you nod next to his head "Yeah, that's...that's probably for the best." you pulled away slightly, and he could sense that your body temperature rose slightly, especially in your face "But in the future...I would really like to try again...I think." you said bashfully and Marcus couldn't help the smile growing across his face.

Sure, you had a long journey of healing and finding yourself ahead of you. And inevitably, he would have to talk to Carl about his deviation, but as long as he could figure out his newly gained sentience alongside you and help you flourish again and find that spark that had almost been snuffed out of you, he could wait for eternity.

#detroit become human #detroit become human x reader #dbh #dbh markus x reader #markus x reader #markus x you #markus x y/n #hurt/comfort #tw abuse #leo manfred #carl manfred #female reader #race neutral reader #if not tell me

232 notes · View notes