Okay, one more time, Lycoris Recoil EP 13!

To be quite honest, I'm not sure how I feel about the final episode yet. There is a lot less lingering tension inside of me than I anticipated or maybe hoped for, but overall I think I'm quite happy with the season finale; there's a little bit of confusion and uncertainty as well, but not in a bad way and I'll get to that in a bit.

Majima is a fascinating character, I deeply enjoyed his overall role in the story as an instigator of change. He also - to me - is someone who in the end turned out much more similar to Chisato in character than I could have anticipated (though I think where Majima has strong ideals of how the world should work that guide him/his actions, Chisato's focus or guiding principles are much more limited to her immediate surroundings, and the people surrounding her on a daily basis).

Well, as for Shinji - I did not expect it to turn out like this. Like, sure, I somewhat expected the end result, but not the way it happened! Every time I try to put into words what happened it feels like the story changes depending on who you think is telling it. At the start of it all, it felt like: this is a story about Takina. Then, it felt like: this is a story about a suspect system. Then, when the fun facts about Chisato's heart were revealed it felt like: this is a story about Chisato. Finally, I feel like: this is a story about how Chisato affected people in one way or another and the choices they made based on that. There are still many questions that went unanswered (mostly regarding the Alan Institute and whatever it is they do in the world because honestly, this Institute confuses me the most out of every question mark moment throughout the whole season) and personally, I don't mind that. I liked that over the series there were a lot of things that were not spelled out, or implied, or left out for the viewers to ponder (aka screech theories at anyone willing to listen) and for me that is part of the fun.

Here's the thing though, while I really enjoyed the second half of the episode as well, it made me wish for a second season where I didn't really want one before; or at least some OVAs, I'd be cool with that as well. I'm still struggling a bit with that tbh because on one hand, the end was lighthearted and fun and "despite all, they are still teenagers who deserve to make their own choices about how they want to live their lives" (and not only Chisato, but Takina as well) but on the other hands there is also this niggling feeling of "not every thread is tied up neatly". I guess I still need time to process (and screech theories at anyone willing to listen), but yeah. It might also be a good thing to leave some things open like that, who knows!

Overall, I very much liked the story that was told, deeply loved the characters (oh, and the soundtrack as well!!!), can't wait to get my eyeballs on the light novel and the manga, and wouldn't be disappointed about additional content (a next season or OVA(s))!

Grateful; fucking grateful

ng Hi Sylvia, 

I know I’ve never met you, but I hope you know you’ve become what I know the universe is to me, to be. And despite you probably just being part of my imagination, you have easily transformed into one of the best parts of my day. And for that, I am so grateful.  

Dinura told me to write these things down because as I was telling him about you and how writing to you is helping me hold on to my experiences, long after they’ve turned into memories. Deep down, I think I’m starting to realize that too; These moments never last forever and soon I’m going to forget what it felt like to be 21. But right now, I’m 21. 

I met a boy during the first week of my summer here and got crazy about him, knowing fully well I’d be confused as fuck when he leaves. And I am, now that he’s gone, but I’m not going to be confused forever. Someday, either I’ll figure it out or most probably I’ll forget him and this feeling of liking a boy I will never have, altogether. I haven’t just yet though and I want to hold on to that feeling just a bit longer. My biggest worry right now in life is kickstarting my career and the stress of life hasn’t gotten to me the way it has to other people, I’m not sure if that’s because I’m doing life wrong or doing it very fucking right. Most nights, ‘m not even too worried because I spend it with some of my closest friends, just hanging out in basically any cafe that we pick that night and driving around to some cool music. And my closest friend is my ex’s girlfriend. Honestly, even writing that out sounds like I’m a fucking confused. But maaaan, is she fucking family already. 

Nights like tonight are the kind of nights you feel like you just want to cling onto, the kind that make you feel like you want you entire life to be this, or even the kind you just want to turn into an Instagram picture and maybe once in 5 years you’ll back on it and smile. The bright orange color of the JBL looks insanely aesthetic on the ocean blue covers of the bed, maybe I just appreciate contrasts of color a lot, or maybe it’s just cause it’s playing sleeping at last. Nilu’s on her phone doing her own this, and I’m hoping the sound of my keyboard tapping has just turned into white noise to her ears. 

***

One of the first long conversations I had with Nilu, was the same day I noticed how beautiful my room looked when the street light came into my room at night. The shadows of the trees would dance on the light cast on my walls and create the most beautiful ambiance. Honestly, I haven't really been that long since then, but a lot has happened and like you know, I forget fast. I do remember, however, telling Nilu about my dreams and telling her where I wanted to be in life. I remember it feeling so natural and I didn’t feel like work explaining to her how I’m not where I want to be and it may not look it, but I know exactly where I’m going. Somehow she understood. I barely knew her at that point and I hadn’t fully grasped her personality yet, so I guess everything she did felt new to me. But she sort of smiled at me and said: “When I think of you I think of you swimming through space, reaching out through galaxies, so close to touching your first planet...” and maybe someday I will. It took me by surprise and for some reason, I felt this overwhelming feeling of euphoria. I don’t know if it was because of the way she said it, because she said it about me or because even though I didn’t know at the time, I had met someone I would grow to love with soul. But now every time I turn my lights off at night I make sure to appreciate how the shadows keep me company at night.