once you start viewing jonelias as a black cat orange cat dynamic your entire worldview will change.

The Chaos Follows

One weekend before I officially quit my job I decided to have extra fun and look extra feminine tonight at Marco Disco, a faggot after all, I guess.

A multicolored polo with a bedazzled hair pin, one rhinestone in each eyelid, extra shiny face thanks to my new skincare products involving a Termal water spray and a hot, femenine pink Lip Gloss to finish the look. Of course the night had to be chaotic.

It is always people’s actions and what revolves around what usually makes the night hot anyway, so looks aside, I gotta admit waiting for Ricardo outside the club for him to give me a golden card so the staff could let me enter the avenue without paying a dime was hot as hell.

First thing I see when I enter those big rusty doors? Human, a guy who apparently likes me but we will get into that later. “PABLO!” he invited me to hang out that night but I didn’t reply his last text, we ended up in the same place apparently anyway. Chaos follows, I guess.

I say hi, looking cute as fuck, and he makes a joke about testosterone but my throat is absolutely killing me so I don’t say much. Which obviously drives the guy insane. It makes me laugh. Ricardo notices a strange thing or two… but we’ll get into that later.

Litzy was there. The amount of serotonin my brain was expulsing was insane. After dancing to good techno for a while, saying “Hiii, I’m Pablo” to 5 different people, and two gins and tonics I definitely needed some water. A boy has limits, babes.

Drinking by the bar my cup of water with my date, one girl compliments my bedazzled barrette, until I suddenly feel someone grabbing my fucking ass, I turn around and the devil of devils is there. I let out the most horrified “HEY!” I can, but he is with a girl. His girlfriend, I suppose. “Hii, I’m Pablo!” I say, I forgot the girls name honestly, shocker. I look angrily at Human and he knows I’m mad. “You can’t do that!” I bark at him. His response? “You can grab mine!” …

One thing about me… is that I’m actually very shy. I don’t know what to say or do in situations where people’s feelings are involved. I don’t want to hurt anybody that didn’t hurt me first. I also used to rely on the gorgeous haze all the time, the performance that blinded people from who I really am. People swallowed the unbelievably funny, always hot and forever joyful version of myself, but after my last relationship I just can’t seem to find any of the haze anymore. My throat’s tumor doesn’t help.

So there I am, pretending I am embarrassed and angry, but I am just confused, I tell him I won’t grab his ass because I’m not gay, exposing him in front of his girlfriend or whatever that random girl was. I also say things about me being christian and holy- is that the new haze to cover real feelings? Joking about my religion to distract my real intentions? Stay tuned for Season 3, I guess. We laugh it off at the end because I say some stuff about him being disgusting and Litzy comes to tell me to dance some more with her date, but before I leave my date I tell Human: Hey this is Ricardo, isn’t he hot? I don’t care about what he thinks so I ask the question and then run with Litzy to the dancefloor.

I am sick of everyone honestly. So I walk out of the venue and I grab Ricardo’s hand so he comes with me and Human screams my name again. “Pablo! can you take care of my girl, Im going to the restroom and I don’t want her to be alone” Ricardo and I make the girl company while he goes do his thing, we chit chat, as soon as I see him come out of the restroom I look at him with thumbs up and I walk away before he can even come close again.

It is all fun to me. Ricardo and I are outside talking about how Human and I met. He is fascinated but I take the surprise at the end. He was convinced Human was obsessed with me. Convinced. I don’t care, frankly, it’s not like I think Human is hot. What was hot, for Ricardo at least, is that he was desperately trying to get my attention! I was laughing a lot. After a year long of someone pushing guilt and shame into my actions, my new man finds them hot and innocent. I’m happy for what I have. I am thankful. Things are flowing. Flowing forward, and though chaos keeps following me everywhere, even when I walk away from it, I can control it. It’s in my hands.