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jihoonmk · 5 months

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so, this is probably the latest i've ever been with an intro post (a week? i think....) anywho! it's just me, jiwoo's mun here with a 2nd (but not really a new muse, just bring life back to a muse who has actually lived a few times before and i have a special attachment to hehehe). meet kang jihoon, my sweet boy with quite a bit of trauma (which i won't get into here much + will make sure to use tw's as needed!).

he's my black bird manipulation baby who just wants to fit in and feel like he belongs somewhere. he can also do a bit of dream walking, but he's sort of afraid to use his minor ability due to the risks of it (listed on his profile).

anyway, i'll list below a few things to know about him for plotting purposes so if you'd like to plot with this boy here feel free to like this post and i'll slide into your dm's! (i will be getting to jiwoo's stuff tomorrow, i promise i haven't forgotten anyone. it's just been a really hectic week. ;;). of course i also have a discord but that's only available upon request if it's easier for you to plot there! ^^

things to know:

jihoon is from Melbourne, Australia where he previously lived with his mother and father (who was, and still is, completely unaware of this magical world that jihoon is a part of and he would very much like to keep it as a secret from the man for as long as he possibly can).

family death tw: his mother sadly passed away when he was 17 years old, leaving behind only jihoon and his father. her death took a major toll on not only jihoon, but his father as well (taking her death extremely hard to the point where he began to change after).

jihoon isn't exactly close to his father, even more so after everything that happened when it just became the two of them. it's part of the reason why he managed to 'train himself' to be 'invisible' in others' presences and learned to keep to himself when in rooms with other people.

abuse tw/alcohol tw/family death tw: after his mother's death, jihoon's father began drinking uncontrollably. it got so bad to the point that he began drunkenly taking his sorrow/anger out on jihoon, often beating him to make himself 'feel better' while dealing with the death of his wife. jihoon learned over time to just stay still and take the beatings that he received, knowing that if he tried to stop his father, run away, or even begged him to stop then the beatings would only get worse. eventually the man fled Australia and moved to busan in order to evade any of his wife's family, running out of excuses as to why they couldn't check up on jihoon and see how he was managing after his mother's passing.

the day that an elder visited jihoon, thankfully his father was too 'out of it' and passed out on the bedroom floor to even notice any visitors. this day was the one day that gave jihoon the slightest bit of hope of even having some sort of 'happiness' in his life. a life away from the not-so-perfect life that he has at home with his father.

it took quite a bit of convincing to finally get his father to agree and let him leave busan to go to 'seoul', telling the man that he would have a better 'job' opportunity there and that he'd be able to give the man even more money. thus giving jihoon the chance to get away from the man and more or less go into hiding where he could start a new life for himself in jeju.

it's only when jihoon arrives in jeju that he realizes he had never been on his own before, making him even more nervous and aware of his own surroundings. even after starting his studies, he mainly kept to himself and would be known as that one kid in the back of the class. the kid that was always so quiet and didn't have many friends, despite others actually trying to approach him to befriend him.

even now, in his junior year, jihoon has very few friends and mostly keeps to himself. he works in order to feed himself, is one of those students that always turns his work in on time, and can even be found gazing up at the starts most nights while lost in his own thoughts. no one really knows what's going on inside that head of his, and it seems that his only 'friend' is his companion (aside from the few that managed to break through those walls he had previously built up around himself).

#mk:intro #{ let's just pretend that this isn't 100 years late? c: }

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library-graffiti · 1 year

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A couple of months ago, my therapist challenged me to try to grant grace to people who irritate me. I started with little things, like people who cut me off in traffic or someone who was rude to me in a grocery store. It's HARD let me tell you. This is advanced therapy.

I've been doing the work, though. I even granted grace to my therapist when he was 15 minutes late for our appointment!

Anyway, just now I had a fight with my mother. She was rude and demanding and accused me of things I don't do. I admit I yelled back in the moment. She's having memory issues, I reminded her. I was so angry. But I managed to pretend to be calm after she halfheartedly apologized to me. And once we ended the call, I reminded myself she's having memory issues. (Even if sometimes it feels fake.)

Let's be honest - not everyone is a good parent. Even if they try their hardest, it's sometimes not good enough. For me, we're talking 50 years of emotional and mental abuse. Also, back at the beginning of this illness, she repeatedly insulted me and called me the c word. What does that say about her that she called her child THAT word. (Important side note: she's the first person who EVER called me that word. Back when I was 16.)

The fact that it only took me about 20 minutes to calm down and grant her grace is a goddamned miracle. Even if I can't forgive her for the way she's treated me (and don't ask me to), at least I can remember not to take her fuckery into myself.

I'm sharing this here in hopes that someone else can learn from my therapist and learn from me. Granting grace to others isn't even about being kind to others, not 100% anyway. It's about being kind to yourself. I can't tell you how much I wish that for you. It's more than I can say.

#my original stuff #deeply personal #adult children of narcissistic parents

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