It's Personal

Billy Hargrove x Fem!Reader

TW: Violence against Y/N (not via Billy), farfetched for the plot, Billy is mean, angst, possible cringe idk. We're all friends here. THE VIOLENCE IS DESCRIBED IN DETAIL FOR THE MOST PART. A little bit non-canon Billy, but if you're reading his dialogue as sassily and as dry as I'm writing it, it's not quite as jarring to his personality.

Notes: I literally just learned about the "Who did this to you?" Trope and now I'm giving it an angsty go. This is not smut, womp, womp. Also, I did the gifs like a picture book so you can kinda see the expression or energy I was going for. Summary: Billy's been an ongoing bully/ nuisance in your life since you met. He's acting a little different after finding out you've been hurt.

"Can you try not to take up half the lecture dick-riding the professor?" Billy catches you as you're making your way across campus. He's always been an issue for you, ever since he moved here your junior year in high school. Now you're both freshmen in college. He'd taken a year off to pursue other outlets, but sometimes you're convinced he did it just to be able to torment you in college, seeing as he was always a grade above.

"What are you talking about, Billy?" You ask with an exasperated sigh. Already too exhausted from studying late the night before to deal with his endless harassment.

"I'm saying every time we have this course, you ask a million fucking questions the whole time," his voice is low, but filled with a palpable hate. Why does he dislike you so much? You've never known. You've never asked. "Try to save your desperation for after class, cool? It's hard to watch," He jabs, speed-walking ahead of you.

Most days, you'd say something back. A quip just as hateful, if not worse. You were his rival in every sense of the word. The two of you even shared the same genre of fashion sense. You stole his spotlight, and he doesn't like it, so he notices when your venom is running low. You're silent the entire lecture, not because of what Billy said to you, but because you're tired.

Your study session only ran so late because you and your boyfriend spent most of the day arguing. The gaslighting is constant, and his moods have become more and more unstable and harder to navigate. You tell yourself over and over that you love him. You've loved him since you were young. He's your high school sweetheart. Andy was on the basketball team in high school and while that type usually didn't take to a hair-metal gal like you, he seemed so smitten when you met.

The room is dismissed and you try to file out long before Billy can make it to the door. He laughs at your desperate attempt to get away. Like a cockroach scurrying away from a suddenly illuminated bulb. You're not fast enough and as he passes you before you reach the exit to the building, he leans over and taunts you in your ear.

"It's about time you listened," he hisses and walks away laughing. You're indifferent. Nothing he says could hurt the way Andy's words do. You tune everything out to make room for your insecure thoughts to take over. You blame yourself for Andy's rapid change in personality. What could you have done to make him feel like this toward you? Your mind is far too occupied by these untrue concerns, that you barely feel the anxiety settle in until you get back to your dorm. It was a bit more pricey on your tuition, but your scholarship allowed you to have a dorm room for yourself. Instead of another bed, it has a small "living room" area.

With a deep, grounding sigh, you reach for the door handle and step inside. Things are fine. Andy greets you with a smile and kisses you sweetly as you set your things down by the door. You're pleasantly surprised, allowing all the toxic thoughts circling your mind to melt away under his gentle touch.

"How was class?" He asks.

"It was fine. Nothing spectacular," you giggle, smiling warmly, overtly relieved that he's not still upset with you. You can barely recall what he was angry about, to begin with. You snuggle into him as you both relax on the couch. He stares straight ahead as he opens his mouth to speak.

"One of my buddies said he saw you talking to that Steve guy," Andy's voice becomes colder, and you realize it was all a trap. You're wrapped in his arms, feeling his body go rigid as you hesitate to answer. "Y/N." He finally looks down at you, meeting your anxious gaze.

"Oh, uh," your throat goes dry. "I did talk to him. He was a little late and just needed the notes from the first section. I charged him five bucks." You begin to ramble, hoping to defuse the situation before he explodes. "He's still going steady with that Debra girl, too. She's in my journalism class. I bet those cookie-cutter losers end up married, honestly."

"You know I don't like you talking to other guys without me." Andy clenches his jaw.

"I know! I completely understand, too. You know I love how possessive you are, babe. It's hot," you're desperate and hopeful that stroking his ego will put this anger to bed. "There were so many people around, so I was thinking nothing could happen." You furrow your brow at your own words. "Your friend was even there to make sure!"

Andy's grip around you tightens, nearly cutting off your ability to fill your lungs just using one arm.

"I don't ask you for a lot, Y/N." His free hand reaches up to your face, gripping your jaw and forcing you to look into his eyes, though you weren't looking away to begin with. "Don't make me look like a fool." When he loosens his grip, your lungs inflate with a loud gasp and his shift in position slides you off the couch, into the floor with a small thud. Now you're angry. The two of you have screamed at each other plenty of times, but how dare he act so bold?

"Andy," you stand, hovering over him where he remains on the couch. His arched brows frame his bright eyes with anger. "Get out." He smirks, and it fills you with unease. Standing from the couch, he takes one step forward, nearly chest to chest with you, if it weren't for the dramatic height difference. He towers over you, stealing the feeling of power you thought you were cultivating.

"What'd you just say to me?" He asks with a sociopathic smile.

"I said," You swallow hard. "Get. The fuck. Out." You barely get a chance to speak the last word of your sentence before a fast, hard open hand meets your cheek, knocking you to the ground, and almost sending you across the room, it felt like.

"Do not ever talk to me like that just because you got caught," Andy's words are full of anger. You stare at him with wide eyes, arching your brow in an expression that asks him who the fuck he thinks he is. He storms out of the dorm, but you know he'll be back. And after these events, you're scared to try and stop him. His college teammates are at every corner, it seems. It's as if ever since Jason went out of state for college, they all bend to Andy's will. Losers. Andy doesn't come home until after you've fallen asleep. You stayed up as late as your body could take, but he wasn't back in bed until 5 AM. You have no idea where he's been.

The next day, it's your misfortune that you and Billy share yet another class. This one was early in the morning rather than yesterday's afternoon lecture. You're running on very little sleep, and the trauma of Andy snapping and putting his hands on you. It's just something you could never even fathom. The way he would kiss the ground you walked on when you first met, how could he? You're more than distracted, staring directly at the floor as you walk until you run flat into someone else in the hall.

"I stood here, completely still, to see if you'd notice. I guess other people don't exist to you, huh, princess?" He mocks you. It's not long before he notices the dark bags under your lifeless eyes and the speckles of red that have risen in the hazy shape on the side of your face. Assuming it's an allergic reaction like you had back in high school, he didn't hold back. "Jesus Christ, Y/N. You look like shit."

"Still look better than you could pull, pussy," you sneer, shoving past him. "Don't fucking make me late." He steps in front of you again, knowing neither of you is late because he's on the same schedule.

"What happened to your face? It looks like your boyfriend had to tell you twice," he bursts out laughing at his distasteful joke. You can feel your blood begin to boil. You no longer wish to exchange hateful comments. Now you want to hurt him. You want to hurt Billy the way Andy hurts you. You can't swing on him, so you take your next best shot.

"Yeah? How many times did your mom have to tell you before she just gave up and left?" You boldly stare Billy in the eyes, hoping so badly that none of Andy's henchmen see the two of you going at it. Billy's jaw is rigid, and you can see it tighten as he grinds his teeth, subduing his emotions. You've never come at him like that, it wasn't expected. His taunting smirk is long gone.

"Are you trying to get your fucking ass kicked, Y/L/N?" Billy's disgusted with himself the minute he says it. Of course, he doesn't mean that. He'll drive you into an early grave, but it's never been in his moral compass to hurt a woman the way his father hurt his mom. He wants to rescind the rhetorical threat, but his ego just clamps his lips shut. Your eye twitches as you wonder what else you've got to lose. Or would Andy hit you again for letting another man kick your ass? Your thoughts are exaggerated and full to the brim with frustration. You finally explode.

"Fucking do it then, Billy! Swing! Hit me, motherfucker!" You drop your belongings and stomp toward him and he's unsure how to react now that you've called him on his bluff/ intrusive thought.

"Calm the fuck down. You look ridiculous," Billy takes a cautious step back.

"No, let's go outside. Let's see how hard you can hit someone half your fucking height, pussy!" You're nearly causing a scene, but the building is empty for the hour. Tears well in your eyes and you refuse to let up, demanding he act on his "big, scary" threat. He won't. He stares at your watery, red eyes. Your face is flushed and only your cheeks, nose, and around your eyes hold any pigment. He essentially waits until you tire yourself out.

"You've gotta do something about that shit, Y/N. You're fucking losing it," he shakes his head.

"I'm not losing any-fucking-thing, Hargrove. Don't ever mistake me for a bitch you can scare off with an empty fucking threat," you spit, grabbing your things and taking off, leaving Billy standing confused in the empty hallway.

"What the fuck was that?" He questions aloud. He has no idea you've been drained with no way to recharge. You've been hurt with no way to heal. To him, you're losing your goddamn mind. After that, he's not even angry at your comment anymore. He's just, concerned? Maybe just curious, really. After all, he's supposed to be your burden. Anything else takes the attention off of him.

The class is long and just like yesterday, you're quiet when you usually never stop engaging. Even the professor notices, and she asks you to linger behind after the lecture is over.

"Hey, Y/N. What's up? You were so quiet today," the professor's soft voice is sweet to your ears.

"I've just been, um, tired." You shake your head, barely convincing yourself.

"Is that a bruise on your cheek, honey?" The kind, older woman asks with two hands resting on her coffee mug. Just outside the open door, Billy waits for you to pass by before he realizes you're staying behind. He scoots as close to the door as he can, flat along the wall, listening.

"A bruise," he whispers to himself, recalling what he thought was a rash. His stomach almost attempts to simulate the feeling of guilt as he remembers the joke he made at you. The one that set you off.

"Oh, no. It's a reaction. New laundry detergent fucked me up," you stop yourself. "Messed me up, sorry."

"Y/N, you're an adult. I can't make you do anything you don't want to do, but it's very clearly not hives," the professor sighs, her eyes full of concern as she stares at the ever-developing bruise as it slowly takes the shape of a hand. "Is it another student at the University?"

"Ma'am, with all due respect, I'm dealing with a lot right now. I will see you on Wednesday. Goodbye." You snatch your things up and zip toward the door, holding your breath. The wind from your speed walking blows your hair back, giving Billy a perfect view of the hand-shaped bruise yellowing on the side of your face. You're too determined to get out of there to react to his eavesdropping, so the two of you just share a look, and you keep going.

Billy furrows his brow. He's unsure you even have a boyfriend, so who exactly is leaving bruises like that right, front and center on your face? After his last course of the day, Billy congregates with his friends at a nearby frat house belonging to a different college.

"Hey, Tommy," Billy calls his friend's attention. Tommy pulls himself away from the group of guys he was laughing with and sits across from Billy. "You know that Y/N girl? Lots of denim, nice ass?" It's not until the last two descriptors that Tommy recalls who you are. Figures.

"Yeah, what about her?"

"What's her deal? She dating anybody?" Billy asks, innocently enough.

"I don't know, man. Why do you always ask me about shit like that?" Tommy laughs.

"Because you gossip like a woman," Billy smirks, standing from his slouched position on the couch and grabbing a beer from the large, ice-filled cooler in the kitchen. "She's some annoying broad in a couple of classes with me. I thought I'd ask around and see if there's a reason she never shuts her goddamn mouth." Both of them laugh at his hateful remark, but it's true to him. You get on his nerves, but it's less what you say, and more so the fact that you do "him" better than him. The men drink irresponsibly and cause a ruckus until late, late at night where they then wander back to their campus/ dorms on foot.

You wake up in the morning finally feeling well-rested for the first time in a while, despite the sudden changes in your relationship. You look over to see Andy's side of the bed is empty. You assume he slept over at the frat house after getting too fucked up. You know he likes to party.

Sitting comfortably on your couch, watching an episode of your favorite show, though it's a rerun, you involuntarily flinch when you hear the door open. Andy slightly stumbles through, laughing with messy hair. His clothes seem disheveled, but you chalk it up to drunken hijinks.

"Hey, babe! Did you have fun?" You ask, smiling, beaming, really. Hoping the sound of his laughter is a sign he's in a good mood this morning.

"Huh?" He looks over at you as if he didn't notice your existence until you spoke.

"I was just asking if you had a good time. Sorry I couldn't go with you, I was just too tired," you laugh.

"Oh, no. It's cool. I like it when it's just me and the guys, actually." His confession makes you a little sad, but you try to understand.

"Got any plans for today?" You grin, letting your guard down.

"For the love of God, dude. Can I get in the door first?" He snaps.

"Okay... Sorry," you quieted yourself down at first, but then quickly realized that's not who your daddy raised. You're getting ready to confront him again despite the smack until you notice something that makes your stomach drop, a small trail of three faint hickeys along your long-term boyfriend's neck. "Babe. Where did those come from?"

"What are you talking about?" He groans, throwing himself on the couch next to you, gripping your thigh possessively.

"I'm talking about the hickeys on your neck, Andy. Where did they come from?" Your voice is low and shaky. "Just you and the guys, huh?"

"Don't start with this shit again, Y/N. I'm too hungover." He dismisses you entirely, and all the rage you'd been holding back to be the "cool girlfriend" comes pouring out.

"You knocked me to the floor for looking at Steve Harrington! You put your hands on me for some made-up story you formulated in your own head and now you're coming home with hickyes?!" The longer you scold him, the darker his expression becomes.

"I'm giving you one fucking chance to get on your fucking knees right now and apologize," Andy's unsettlingly calm. You're frozen. Too scared to be openly defiant, but too angry to fold at his command. "One... Two..." He stands, softly placing a hand on your cheek and sliding it up into your hair, gracefully scraping the tips of his fingers behind your ear. It's so soft and soothing, that the sensation causes goosebumps to rise on your skin. Your eyes flutter shut and just as they're about to open again, he closes his fist around a large portion of your hair and forces you to the ground.

"Andy!" You scream, both terrified and in pain.

"I'm so sick of this, Y/N. I'm sick of you," he growls through gritted teeth, holding you painfully at his side like a heeling dog.

"God damn it, stop! It's fucking over! Fuck whoever you want!" You cry, shifting your position against him in hopes of loosening the pull against your scalp.

"And let you whore yourself out to every other guy on campus? Fuck off. You're mine." He finally releases your hair, tossing you forward in front of him. He kneels down to get closer to your face, speaking lowly. "I heard Hargrove's been asking about you. Think you're safe with your playboy side-piece?"

"He's not my side-piece! Please, Andy. Why are you being like this?" You hold a hand up to defend yourself.

"You think I don't see you two whispering to each other? You think you're smart enough to hide anything from me?" Andy's voice is slowly rising in volume. You worry the other students will hear the commotion. You don't want to lose your solo dorm rights seeing as men aren't supposed to "live" with women in the dorms.

"He's a dick, dude! I fucking hate the guy, please stop!" Your makeup is trailing down your face as you continue to cry for mercy. He shakes his head at the scene.

"I tried warning you. I tried getting my point across to you, but you won't hear me," he sighs as he snatches your hair back into his fist in one, quick, snake-like action. You wail at the aching tug, squeezing your eyes shut from the pain. Just as you go to open them, you see his hand flying toward you. It starts with open-handed smacks, knocking the wind out of you from how bad they hurt, but he progresses until he's landing blow after blow, all over you. Anywhere he can reach as you try to block him.

Eventually, you're badly roughed up, and Andy stands to look at what he's done. The remaining alcohol seems to clear from his system as the reality of his actions sets in.

"Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck," he mumbles, tearing his shirt off as it's stained with your blood. He shoves it deep into the trashcan and disappears to wash the evidence of the horrors against you off of his hands. He returns to where you lie in the living room. He's wearing a fresh shirt and his breath heaves as he stares at your seemingly unconscious body. You're awake though, barely. Holding your breath as long as possible, only allowing the shallowest of breaths, basking in the stillness after the abhorrent beating.

Andy bolts out the door and after a few moments of silence, loud sobs of relief and pain emit from your sore chest. You roll over into a ball, holding yourself close as you process everything. You mourn who you were before the person you trusted most betrayed you. You mourn your relationship, regardless of the last few days. You mourn your own face as you imagine the recovery process will be long and draining. You lie there for a while until night falls.

Once it's dark out, you sneak to the old gym building to use the showers there, hoping to avoid running into anyone and having to answer any questions about your battered appearance. No one uses the old gym because it's full of spiders and has a terrible draft, but it's still open to the students 24/7. It's your run-of-the-mill college basketball court with a weight room and showers.

You get inside the building and listen to the silence of the empty halls. Peace. You're numb now. You've cried all you can, and the pain has become a dull hum. Now you just want to shower and try to find yourself beneath all the blood. You scale the walls of the dark hallway, searching for a light switch. You nearly jump out of your skin when you feel what you can only imagine is human flesh.

"Oh fuck!" You and the mystery person exclaim in unison, startled by each other's presence. Still on edge, you duck down, covering your face. The light flips on and you recognize the sweaty figure who stands before you. Billy. He comes to this gym for privacy in the weight room and always has. Not as confident as his demeanor would lead you to believe.

"Had to be you, didn't it?" He rolls his eyes. "Did you come here to- Oh fuck, Y/N." His uncreative insult is cut short when you lower your arms, revealing the massacre of swollen features and bloody skin that used to be your face. His mouth hangs open for a moment. "What happened to you?"

"Oh, shut the fuck up. Like you fucking care, Hargrove. Get out of my way," you're angry, and it feels like you'll be angry forever.

"Hey," he stops you from walking past him by stepping in your path. "I said what happened?" His voice sounds different. Like you've never heard before. Uncharacteristically concerned, but don't let that fool you. It's still not a lot of concern and it's quite monotoned. His eyes search yours for any kind of answer and it's the least arched his brow has ever been. He's being so... Quiet. You're silent too, stunned by his behavior.

"Thought you were gonna kick my ass too, Billy. You scared now?" Your remark is meant to be a bold taunt, but your voice cracks as you fight for your life to hold back tears.

"Y/N, I'm serious. Who did this to you?" He asks sternly, losing patience by the minute. You still can't seem to trust him enough to open up, so you look down at the ground in silence. "Fuck it. Come on." Billy's long legs float him swiftly down the hall and you hesitate to follow, ultimately deciding all these years arguing with Billy have at least felt better than the last three days with Andy. He leads you to the empty men's locker room where he retrieves an old first-aid kit and a bottle of water from the coach's office, then he makes his way to a locker and retrieves a clean shirt. It's soft and worn in and has the name of your university written across the front.

"Thanks," you mumble, taking the box and other supplies from him. You douse the shirt in water and begin to try to wipe your face clean. There's no mirror, so you can't quite tell what you're doing, causing you to scrape over your open wounds and flinch.

"Just fucking," Billy snatches the damp shirt from you. "Let me do it." He's careful and thorough as he gently works the soft, wet fabric across the new and old blood covering your identity. You can't help but stare at his eyes as they focus so intently on each section of your face that he wipes clean. Just as he's finishing up, his eyes meet yours for a moment. It's a short, little second, but it felt so drawn out. Billy breaks the eye contact when he sets the shirt to the side.

"That should be okay, for now." He reaches for the kit in your hands.

"I can do it, Billy," you remind him, yanking the box away, rejecting any more gentle touch. It doesn't feel like you deserve it right now.

"Let me help," he demands softly, popping the little tin box open and rummaging around for bandaids and antibiotic ointment. He patches you up and while he's working, you're watching his intense face. His brows are arched and his lips every so slightly pursed. You can't clock what emotion he's feeling. Obviously, he's expressing some sort of sympathy, but he hates you. He always has. So maybe he's just having a human moment.

"What's the matter with you, man? Are you fucking with me?" Your guard begins to rise again. You don't trust your own intuition anymore. You tighten your grip around a plastic pair of scissors from the first-aid kit. Billy notices and releases a laughing sigh.

"No, I'm not fucking with you." He places one final bandage. "You're insufferable as fuck, but I don't think you had this coming." He looks you up and down. That's as close as Billy can get to "comforting" anyone. "Don't stab me with those." He points to your hand and you blush, a little embarrassed by your overly-cautious behavior.

"Why do you hate me, Billy?" You ask, point blank as you release the scissors, catching him off guard.

"Because you're the worst. You're loud, you're egotistical, you're an ugly crier," he chuckles, all too quickly, being put on the spot.

"You're just describing yourself," you knit your brows, quickly wiping the tears from your eyes after his ugly cry comment. "I'm serious. You'd think we'd have so much in common. You hated me the second we met. Why?"

"I don't hate you, Y/N. I'm putting bandaids on your split fucking eyebrow. You're just fun to get a rise out of." Billy closes the kit and tosses it aside with the bloody shirt. It's not news to him that he torments you because of a mix of annoyance and attraction, but you have no idea. What started as his catty attempts to pick you up turned into an all-out rivalry when you were the first girl to tell him to shut the fuck up instead of batting your eyelashes at him. To you, he's just a mean dude. But right now, it's like he's someone else entirely. When he's acting like this, you're finally able to see what makes him so irresistible to every girl on campus. Your rivalry kept you blind to it, but now, you can see his brilliant teeth in his wide, warm smile. You can see his sunflower eyes, framed by long, thick, dark lashes. His jawline, his shoulders, everything about him seems so beautiful to you now.

"Thank you, Billy," you smile weakly. He scans your swollen features and something in him awakens. A possessiveness. Rage ensues. Every opinion of you he's ever had melts away except for his attraction to you. Your voice, your mannerisms, everything he's ever absolutely torn you to shreds for, suddenly he admits to himself that it never bothered him. In his eyes, you're his, even if you're just a target for his teasing, a bit of banter around the school, you're still his.

"You never said who did it," Billy chews his inner lip, trying to keep calm until he gets the information he needs from you.

"It doesn't matter-"

"It matters. Who was it?" His voice is stern and sharp. He's still knelt close to you even though he's done tending to your wounds.

"It just... Happened so fast..." You flinch as you recall opening your eyes to his incoming hand.

"Start from the beginning," the sternness in his voice softens. You give him the full run down. Billy's face remains stone, motionless, but his eyes twitch and flutter with each gruesome new detail dragging him further down to the point of no return.

"We've been together so long. I never thought..." You hold your hands up in confusion, dropping them hopelessly in your lap.

"A name. Now." Billy stares deep into your eyes as he makes his demands. You can almost feel a heat coming off his gaze as it bores into you. It's clear he will not relent until he gets the answer he's asking for.

"His name is Andy." That's all Billy needs before he's standing up and exiting the locker room without another word. "Billy?" You call after him, still sitting on the bench. You finally stand to follow when you don't hear a response from him. "Why do you care?" This stops him in his tracks. He turns around for a second as if he's going to explain, but he never does. He tilts his head with a small shrug and disappears. "Wait!" You call, but the exit door is already closing behind him and he stalks off into the dimly lit campus. He sparks up a cigarette on the way, exhaling a large cloud behind him. Andy better have life insurance.

Billy ponders your question as he makes his way across the courtyard. Regardless of any flirtatious feelings he has for you, this comes down to wishing he could've defended his mother in this same way. He was too small then, he's not now, and Andy's about to face the full extent of that rage extending all the way back to his childhood. For now, it's personal.

You take the time alone to have a quick shower to wash away the blood in your hair and hopefully make yourself feel a little better. You're careful not to get your face wet and ruin Billy's careful doctoring. Once your shower is finished, you grab your bag and head back to your dorm. It's still dark, so you keep close to the dim, yellow street lamps that lead to the student housing. There's a dull hum that vibrates from each light post, it's all you can hear, all you can focus on to make yourself stop thinking about Billy.

Back at your place, you lock the door as many times as possible before shakily taking a seat on the small couch. You flip the TV on, just to have something to fill the silence. Every time someone passes by your door, your heart rate leaps and you lose control of your breathing. After the third or fourth time it happens, you seem to desensitize. Billy's new demeanor he has toward you is all you can think about. The softness of his words, his touch. You didn't think he was capable of it. You curl up, pulling your legs to your chest as you snuggle into the plush cushions, nearly dozing off, trying to remember the way his shirt smelled when he was using it to clean you up.

Billy's hell-bent on getting his hands on Andy, tonight. Crossing the lot, he reaches his car and slides inside. His face is blank as he stares ahead, with only one objective in mind. He follows the sound of blaring house music to a nearby frat house and angrily tears the door open. Wasting no time, he walks right up to the first person he sees.

"Where's Andy?" He asks, yelling over the music. The first few people have no idea who he's looking for until he comes to Tommy. "Where's Andy?"

"Andy from Econ? He's upstairs. Dude's super stressed about something and took a bottle up there. Finals, man." Tommy laughs, but Billy's already walking away before he's even finished his sentence. The entire party becomes muffled beats in his ears as he climbs the stairs in pursuit of the man who made you look like a bad Halloween decoration.

First door, nothing. Second door, nothing. Third door, Billy slings it open and a stressed out, curly-haired brunette man jumps out of his skin.

"Fuck, dude! You fucking scared me!" He exclaims.

"You Andy?" Billy asks, already breathless with anticipation.

"I- yeah? Why?" Billy answers his question by crossing the room in the blink of an eye and scooping him up by his shirt. He slams Andy against the wall, eyes wide with unbound rage. "What the fuck are you doing, man?!" The commotion can't be heard over the party below. It's just the two of them.

"You know how much of a pussy you gotta be to beat up on someone half your height?" Billy strains through gritted teeth. This is a thin reference to what you said to him when he let his emotions cloud his judgment and threatened to kick your ass.

"Wait... Y/N? She's alive? Jesus Christ..." Andy's eyes nearly roll back with relief and Billy looks at him disgusted.

"What? You thought you beat her to death? Then, you just left her there and went to a party?" Billy raises his eyebrows, almost seeming to smile. "That's fucked up, man." He slams Andy against the wall again, harder, to accentuate his point.

"Come on, dude. Whatever she told you-"

"I'm not here to talk about her." Billy silences your cruel, long-time partner. "Right now, we're not gonna talk at all."

"Dude-" Billy tosses the guy to the floor, cutting off his futile begs.

"I think right now, I'm gonna beat the living shit out of you," Billy kneels at Andy's side. "And then I'm gonna go fuck your girlfriend."

Billy lands punch after punch, unintentionally mirroring the way Andy laid into you. The only difference is that Billy's got a lot more size, muscle, and strength training than Andy. He lays into him, pummeling in any way he can figure out to mimic all the bruises and blood he could see on you. Billy grips Andy's shirt by the shoulders and forcefully pulls him to his feet just to uppercut him in the stomach, over and over. Blood and saliva fly from Andy's mouth as Billy hooks his fist up against his stomach.

When he's finally done, Andy's no more than a gargling mess on the floor. Properly bloodied just like he left you. Once again, Billy kneels down to Andy, establishing dominance and reminding him who he's fucking with now.

"If you come near her again," Billy inhales and exhales a shuddering breath as adrenaline continues to surge through him. "I will hurt you. I will hurt your family. There is no hiding, I will fucking kill you." His threat is no more than a low whisper before he stands and leaves Andy to wallow in his filth.

Billy's drive back is short and sweet, but he doesn't trust Andy or his entourage of prissy jock boys, so he rolls his eyes and pulls into the lot in front of the women's dorms, and makes his way to yours. He's always known which one you stay in, though finding out was an accident while he was being snuck in by one of his one-night-stands. It was common practice, hence why Andy pretty much lived with you since he had a shared dorm on the men's side.

He raises his hand to bang on the door, but hesitates, knocking softly and even calling your name through the door so you'd know it was him.

"Y/N, it's Billy." You smile with relief, still steadying your anxiety from his initial knock.

"Billy? How did you know which dorm was mine?" You question as you pull the door open.

"I knocked on every single one. And asked for you by name. At 11 PM." He looks at you, straight-faced, annoyed that you think so little of him.

"Are you fucking serious? They'll crucify me," you sigh, unsure if you can even feel any more stress at this point.

"I'm fucking with you. I know where your dorm is because I pay attention."

"And here I thought I was so annoying," you chuckle. There's a short silence between you, something unheard of for you two. "Do you, um, wanna come in?" You step to the side, inviting him in. Nervous, but not sure why. He's never had that effect on you before.

"No, you're coming with me."

"I am?" You raise an eyebrow.

"Yeah. I just stirred up a lot of shit, probably. I don't like the idea of you sleeping here alone." His words are compassionate, but the delivery is so blank, that you'd think he didn't actually care at all.

"Oh, alright. Let me grab some stuff." You gather your things and follow Billy to his light blue Camaro. He opens the door for you, but even he's wearing an expression that says this is a foreign act of kindness for him. He closes the door and takes his spot in the driver's seat. Billy glances over at you, but you're peering out the car window, searching the shadows for movement. The copper-colored light shining from the street lamp illuminates the high points of your face, exposing your expression as he watches the anxiety dissolve into comfort. Something about being the cause of it strokes his already inflated ego.

"You know what?" You break the silence, turning to meet Billy's gaze.

"What?"

"Contrary to the way my face and body look right now, he really can't hit that hard." You raise your eyebrows and nod, reassuring him that you mean that with your whole chest.

"I wouldn't know. I didn't give him a chance to swing." His grip around the steering wheel tightens, but he grins proudly.

"Don't worry, I took enough for the both of us," you joke, earning a shocked laugh from the curly-haired man you positively loathed just a day or so ago.

"I dunno. I think you could've taken him if the circumstances were different," he smirks at you, chin up.

"Oh, absolutely. If the emotional ties weren't there, we'd at least have gone a round or two," you mimic boxing the dashboard. It's obvious to both of you that this is not the case, but making a joke of a bad situation is a lot easier than crying. Billy's relieved, as he would have zero idea how to even approach you if you were crying. He's the "tell you you're not a pretty crier and then wonder why you cry harder" type of guy.

"Matter of fact, put me back in coach," you chuckle, accidentally reopening the split on your lip. "Oh, fuck," you mumble, pressing a finger to the wound, worsening the mess.

"Shit," Billy grabs a napkin from his glove box. "Don't touch it," he snaps. You quickly pull your hand away from your face and for just a moment, your breath hitches in your chest. You don't mean to react this way, you're not scared of him, you hope he knows that. He gives a small smile and a nod, almost like a silent apology for scaring you. He holds the napkin to your lip for you as he pulls into the Men's dorm parking lot. His family, much like yours, paid the extra fees to have a large dorm room all to himself. It was sort of a necessity for Billy considering his short temper and inability to compromise.

"How's your lip?" He asks as you set your overnight bag on his small futon in the tiny living area the solo dorms come with.

"It's fine. I think the bleeding stopped and everything," you smile, keeping it small so as not to pop open another split.

"You can take my bed. I got the futon," once again, his words are so kind and generous, but his tone is flat and bare.

"Don't be stupid. I'm your guest. You've..." You sneer at yourself in disgust as you prepare your next sentence. "You've done a lot for me already."

"God," he stares at you with wide eyes.

"What?"

"It looked like you were gonna be sick from saying that out loud."

"Came pretty close, bud." You squint your eyes. It's clear to both of you that this is weird. It's awkward and even a little uncomfortable. He's done so much for you, yes, and you do feel it outweighs all the innocent hell you gave each other, but where do you go from here?

"So, now what? I sleep here. We go to tomorrow's lectures. Then, I just go back to normal?" You don't want to insinuate that you expect him to play bodyguard forever, but it would be kind of nice. You lie the futon into its flat, bed position as you ask.

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there. 'Night." Billy climbs into his bed.

"Goodnight, Billy," you say, lowering the tough-gal front you attempt to keep up, usually when you aren't dealing with shit like this. Your voice sounds different when you let your walls down. It's sweeter. And the sound of it makes Billy's chest light.

In the safety of Billy's dorm, sleep finds you swiftly. You're out like a light, but Billy can't say the same. He lies with his eyes plastered to the ceiling. His mind is incoherent, bouncing all over from the possibility of the entire college sports program jumping him to the thought of you and him going back to "normal." It all started when he saw you, thought you were hot, but learned pretty quickly how self-assured you are. You would never be the easy catch he was used to and it pissed him off, igniting a multi-year feud between you. What if that feud were to end?

Billy lies on his back, his two muscular arms propped beneath the back of his head. He glances diagonally in the direction where you sleep. You're peacefully out, features slowly healing from the damage. He could stare at you all night, and that pisses him off too. He rolls his eyes and expels an exasperated sigh before rolling over, hoping that keeping his back faced in your direction will help shield him from the ambiguous thoughts invading his mind.

The next day, you're awake long before him, and to avoid overstepping, you rush through your morning hygiene routine and begin to reset the futon. You're as quiet as possible, but the second your fingertips graze the doorknob, Billy stirs.

"No," he says, wiping a hand over his face to rub the sleep away. "Just give me a minute. We'll go together." He sounds annoyed. You shake your head, dropping yourself down onto the futon while you wait for him to wake up.

"It's really no rush. I gotta get back across campus to get ready anyways." You call to him as he brushes his teeth in the small bathroom.

"I know you do. I'll drive you, just give me a minute," he waves away your excuses to leave without him, his voice becoming a little harsh as he repeats his request for more time. You know walking across campus isn't a treacherous walk. It's long, sure, but not unmanageable. What's really at stake is you running into anyone from the basketball team. And while that's your main concern, Billy has his own selfish reasons for wanting to keep you around. She's nice to look at, he tells himself, but it's more than that.

He walks from one end of the dorm to the other, wearing nothing but a dark grey pair of boxers. He's so lean and huge with well-toned muscles. He must spend a lot of time in the old weight room. You begin to wonder if Andy's in the hospital or not. Your eyes travel from his broad shoulders down to the V shape at his waist. You're unsure if it's your newfound ability to see him as a person, or maybe a trauma bond, but this man has you feeling out of character.

"Alright, car." He points out the door, using his primitive two-word command to instruct you to get into his car. He's still waking up.

"Billy, you know I could've just come back by myself, right? You didn't have to get up so early." You're the first to break the sleepy morning silence in the car. He looks at you like you've suggested possibly the most ridiculous thing he's ever heard.

"I know that. That's stupid. You're too trusting." Billy stares straight ahead through his black sunglasses.

"I guess," you shrug, not taking anything he says too seriously. How could you after all these years? He pulls into the Women's dorm lot and the two of you approach your personally decorated dorm room door. To your horror, the doorknob opens with ease. You forgot to lock it. A wary breath falls down your chest as you squeeze your eyes shut, grounding yourself before opening the door. Billy's confused until he finally sees inside. It's just as you suspected. The entire room, top to bottom, is trashed- thoroughly.

"What the fuck?" Billy inserts himself in front of you, taking a few steps inside to further assess the damage. His eyes narrow in anger as he catalogs every broken picture frame and demolished knick-knack. You seemed to have had a lot of curiosities and oddities, all of which were destroyed on your equally ruined floor.

"Oh, Jesus fucking Christ, I'm gonna lose it," you whisper, exasperated. You place your fingers on your temples and apply gentle pressure in hopes that it'll do any fucking thing for the way you're about to break the fuck down right now. "They want me to fuckin' lose it." Your voice is nearly inaudible.

"Hey, okay. Don't... Lose it. Let's go find 'em and beat the fuck out of 'em." Billy grins, still bloodthirsty. It's as if defending you almost feels like having you.

"I'm gonna get dressed. I'm gonna fix my fucking hair and makeup. And we're gonna go to our goddamn morning classes. This afternoon, we will figure out which one of them is getting their mom's severed middle finger in the mail."

"Sure thing, Killer Klown. That's not at all an overreaction." Billy shakes his head, laughing at your misfortune, though he does feel for you. You disappear into your restroom. It's miraculously, for the most part, untouched. You do a quick version of your usual big, glamour hair and slap on your makeup. It feels good to look like you again, even with the scabs and colorful bruises threatening to peek through the foundation. When you return to the common area, looking and feeling more like yourself, you radiate a type of glow. Billy catches himself in the very initial stage of staring but quickly nips that in the bud. You hardly notice.

"I guess I'm ready. You walking me to class, big guy?" You ask, teasingly.

"I am."

"Listen, I really appreciate everything you've done for me, but this isn't nes-"

"Y/N, have you looked at your dorm? Do you see how every single thing you own is destroyed? Stop being an idiot." His harsh words carry an air of motivation with them as he scolds you.

"Fine. But you're gonna have to pick up the pace or something," you snap your fingers repeatedly, in a circle to show him it's time to leave, now. He sighs, standing and leading the way out the door.

He walks you to your first lecture and waits outside for the entire hour. You don't know, but he actually doesn't have any classes today. He just knew you'd make a big deal out of it if you knew he was going any more out of his way than he already is. All 60 minutes drag by painfully slow, but all the while, Billy notices a few familiar faces casting passing glances into the building, only to suddenly change direction when their eyes meet his. He huffs out a satisfied sigh.

"Don't even think about it," he whispers, staring out the small door window. He glances at the clock, and just a moment before the lecture hall dismisses, he steps outside and waits for the crowd. After a handful of peers pass by, he then walks inside, keeping up his ruse.

"Oh, just in time, I guess," you say, meeting him in the middle of the breezeway as if he'd come from the other end of the college.

"As always," Billy sighs, unbothered, indifferent. You don't mind. It's a peaceful shift from his usual behavior before everything went down. The two of you step out the door and immediately, your eyes meet Andy's. He is standing around his car with his goons. They're all staring, not at Billy, at you. An intimidation tactic that might've worked before, had you not been walking next to a brick wall of a man. As the two of you strut past the bitter sportsmen, you hear Andy decide to pipe up.

"Told you she was a slut. It's already happening," he laughs and his teammates join in. You are unfazed by this sort of insult. Before the trauma at the hands of Andy that you'll now have to work through, you've always been a confident, self-assured person. At least that's all you'd allow anyone to believe. You shake your head at the insult, but when you look beside you, Billy's nowhere to be seen.

"That's pretty bold Andy. How're you healing? Doctor already tell you it's safe to get your shit rocked again?" Billy smiles sadistically as he stalks up to Andy. His crew of bench warmers seems to tighten up, taking a few steps closer, surrounding Andy. Billy can't hold back his laughter.

"Are you guys gonna jump me?" He asks, taunting, grinning as he does. "You think it's gonna be easy because there are so many of you?" Billy's only getting closer by the second, and the confidence of most of the players begins to waver. "Do you think I'll stop if I get my hands on you a second time?" Billy's icy blue eyes are dark with rage, almost black in the right lighting. They bore into Andy's and the two men fall silent.

Eventually, Andy's the one to back down. As expected, of course. And from the look on his face, you'd think he'd just been mugged and told his mom died. Billy smiles, tongue between his teeth as he watches the team climb into their cars. They have a visitors game, so you won't have to deal with them for the next 48 hours at least. As Billy returns to where you wait for him on the sidewalk, he wraps a protective arm around your shoulder. You're visibly jarred by this action, but Billy just stares straight ahead, leading you back to your dorm. He's wearing a self-satisfied grin as each and every busybody on campus whispers when they see the two of you.

Billy's a known bachelor and you're a known bitch. Even his more reoccurring hookups never got the public treatment. And you, fuck you're mean sometimes. Andy liked that about you. You'd be mean to anyone but him, but you guess it just stopped being enough. Even you and Andy weren't exactly "public" with your opposing schedules. You'd only ever been seen together at parties.

You finally reach your room and Billy leans against your counter, silently smiling at you as if he expects you to say something.

"What?" You ask, already starting the clean-up process.

"Just thought a 'thank you' would be in order." He shrugs.

"Thank you, Billy. Please hand me the broom," you groan, pointing to the tiny closet in the kitchen area. He rolls his eyes and carries the broom over to you. You're picking up the larger pieces of shattered glass and placing them into a small trashcan, hoping to make sweeping easier.

"Careful," Billy says as he notices a crack in the shard you're holding. His warning didn't reach you in time though, and the piece snapped, catching the upper part of your palm, slicing it open. "Jesus fucking-" Billy drops the broom and you follow him to the counter where he tears a wad of paper towels off the roll and shoves them into your hand. He stares at you with a straight face, almost like a disappointed parent. You stare back, blinking.

"What?" You ask, daring him to give you a hard time or risk being kicked out of your domicile.

"Nothing. Just getting tired of having to play doctor for you all the time." You release a huff and he smiles, a little sweeter than before.

(Do we want a part 2? Do we still read angst or are we all into smut rn? Maybe sex next chapter. idk.)

Headcanons I love even tho they go against my main beliefs for these characters

Ace/Aro bakugou. Idk why but I just. Love it. So much. Like yes lil dude be free!!! Fuck nobody!!! You never needed bitches!!!

And especially the headcanons where he's like. Absolutely clueless about love. Like Mina will ask "so bakugou what's your type?" And he just looks confused n goes "?? You mean my blood type???"

Izuku and Katsuki being brothers. Like not literal brothers by blood but they have that brotherly bond. I actually do ship dekubaku but this headcanon is still very dear to me and I think in another universe it could work.

Like it's so funny imagining them fighting the way brothers do or being mean to each other but also having each other's backs and protecting/defending the other. I love that for them

Idk why but asexual todoroki just. Wow. I love him

I feel like he would still want a romantic relationship just without the sex part. Like he's totally cool with kissing or cuddling bc cmon there is no way in HELL this boy is not absolutely touch starved.

I feel like while Ace bakugou thinks sex is gross and is repulsed by it, ace todoroki is just indifferent to it. He doesn't rlly care or have any feelings towards it. Like ok bestie go smush your peepees together while I watch the entire Beverly Hills Chihuahua franchise

As much as I love my blorbos bakudeku together I have to admit the idea of izuku being the token straight friend in a class full of the ell gee bee tees is so fucking funny to me. Like he doesn't understand the lingo and is absolutely sweating his balls off trying not to say something offensive and it's just hilarious. He accidentally uses she/her instead of they/them once and almost commits seppuku ( a japanese style of suicide which includes disembowelment)

I'm sure he includes everyone's pronouns in their description in his notebook to make sure he remembers what to use

Nonbinary jirou just. Fits. Like idk what anyone has to say about that but look me in the eye and tell me that bitch doesn't put on a binder

They're an enby and also bisexual bc I am correct about everything.

Trans kiri just works.

If deku doesn't grow up to be tall as fuck then I will literally have a meltdown

does he not look like the tall lanky nice friend that can't even say fuck??? Look me in the eye and tell me that. Do it.

Eri grows up to be really tall

Like idk where this comes from but to me she's just. Tall. Girly doesn't get you things from the top shelf she IS the top shelf

Also I personally don't like the eri x kota ship, I think it's kinda weird to be wanting these whole ass 6 year Olds to date, idk but it makes me uncomfortable

I saw a post once that said that Ochaco would be an active memelord (back when that term wasn't cringe) and oh my god. No. This bitch wouldn't know anything.

She has a fucking flip phone I doubt she has access to motherfucking twitter

I think she'd be like Izuku where she's just absolutely clueless on the lingo and slang and feels left out when her friends reference memes she's never seen before

And even if they do take the time to send her one or two she wouldn't understand it

I also saw this in a different post but tsuyu listens to asmr

Tokoyami too

I love the black Mina headcanons but I'm filipino and so starved of representation so I'll just pretend she's half pinoy but grew up in japan so she doesn't really know much of the language (you'd be surprised how many of us don't speak our native language despite living here all our lives)

Himikos eyebags come from the many long nights she spent as a villain doing literally anything else but getting a good night's sleep. Like I know in the backstory episodes we see her with the eyebags as a child, but when I first watched the show I just assumed that that was the reason she had them, and I'll stick to that till I die

Mirio is autistic. Do not argue with me I am right.

What are your favourite things about Aleksi? 👀

uuuuhh dear get ready for an essay

it's most definitely a product of idealization but in my head it makes sense. it's gonna be kinda deep and personal and not just a list of features i deem attractive, more why he's attractive to me specifically. it's gonna be super cringe and maybe i'm simply too desperate and lonely and should download tinder again idk

to me aleksi seems sweet, kind and patient. i'm a pain in the ass to deal with when you get close but i think he'd be able to. i think he's self aware and sensitive, at least to some degree, or else he wouldn't be able to calm people down from anxiety/panic attacks. its extremely attractive to me because emotionally speaking i'm all over the place, whereas aleksi appears to be somewhat stable and emotionally mature. i like that he seems a pretty balanced person in a way, reserved just how i like, but not boring at all - in fact i like that despite all of this, even in his (at least apparent) calmness, he still takes risks (joins a band and we all know the circumstances, isn't afraid to play with his appearance and not fit in a box). i love how passionate ("nerdy") he is, he's witty and smart, yet he doesn't try to be the center of attention. i feel like his charm is very subtle, i didn't even notice him for the first two weeks i was into bc, too blinded by joel's inhumane beauty, but once i noticed him there was never a turning back. he's simply magnetic. ive never seen eyes like his before. his lips look incredible. his jawline is very sexy.

basically i think we'd be a good match. we're both on the introverted, private side - our character somehow matches, i think we're both the responsible, reliable ones, but also i think he'd be that "rock" (stability) i so desperately need in my life (listen, i'm 27, i've done many things in my life, most of them stupid, i have bpd and i'm tired. i really need calmness and serenity and that quiet happiness that only a healthy relationship could offer?? not that i've ever had anything like a healthy relationship idk). and the fact that i see an unknown intensity under that seraphic facade?? it keeps me obsessed because i feel that there's something underneath, yet aleksi never shows that side of himself to us (rightfully so, i appreciate it), so we can only imagine what it's like. i think it's what makes him so alluring to me. i wonder how intense he can be. how deep he can love. he never truly shows himself to us fully and what's more intriguing than that??

so i think it's a matter of contrasts. calm yet intense, self aware yet self conscious (HIS FUCKING POSTURE), handsome yet not loudly so (unlike, say, joel), passionate yet quiet, funny yet introverted, a rockstar yet very low-profile. soft and gentle but who knows what lies beneath??

i like joeleksi so much because i'm totally joel, literally like him only quieter on the outside, and i love writing aleksi being the only one able to make the sky in joel's mind clear up, halt the storm. i feel like he'd do that to me.

aleksi and joel are both my favorite but aleksi is a full blown crush and joel isn't, not really anymore at least. i'm attracted to joel for projection reasons mostly, im very interested in him from a psychological point of view, in him as a person and human being. i would never date him. i think we'd hurt each other a lot and as i said i crave serenity. aleksi on the other hand... in my head he's a perfect match for me. exactly what i want and need in a man and more

Avatar Character Ranking: part one

Let’s start from the bottom up!!!

Who tier

 47. Random water tribe man

Literally who is that??? Someone please tell me. I do not know him.

46. Old guy who could be from fire nation

Never seen him before. Who is he?

45. Sword guy from fire nation

Wow he can use a sword. So cool. He is from the fire nation but not really. So cool. He is an old man and besties with iroh. So cool. Made minimal impact. Sokka did not need him but whatever.

44. Idk even know this guy imma be so real

I have nothing to say WHO IS THAT??

43. Old air nomad 

He was alive and then he was dead and Aang was sad. Okay????

F tier

42. Fire Lord Flopzai

Abusive loser. World’s worst father. Genocidal maniac; what were his redeeming qualities??? Notice the silence??? That's because there was none. He literally burnt his son's face off for not wanting to kill people. Deserves nothing but the worst. He’s so cringe “I aM nOw ThE pHoeNIx KiNg” SHUT UPPPP ARE YOU TWELVE HOW IS THAT COOL OR THREATENING THE PHOENIX KING SOUNDS LIKE SOME SHITTY BOOK ABOUT A DYSTOPIAN WORLD FILLED WITH REALLY TONE DEAF, BADLY EXECUTED METAPHORS THAT ANNOYING PEOPLE PRETEND TO LIKE  ACT AS IF IT'S THE MOST GROUNDBREAKING PIECE OF LITERATURE EVER!!! But I digress. Ozai is one of THE worst people ever and one of THE best villains. The fact we don’t see his face until season three?? Amazing choice. Like they couldn’t make a better villain if they tried he is just SUCH AN EVIL PERSON AND THEY LET HIM STAY THAT AWAY!! THERE'S NO SYMPATHY AND NO JUSTIFICATION!! HE IS JUST EVIL!!!  IF THE SHOW WAS MADE TODAY THEY WOULD GIVE HIM A SHITTY REDEMPTION ARC AND MAKE HIM BESTIES WITH EVERYONE AND GIVE SOME DUMB SPEECH ABOUT BEING A BETTER PERSON NOW AND THE WAR WOULD BE FORGIVEN AND THAT WOULD BE IT. I NEED TO DO A WHOLE DECONSTRUCTION OF HIS CHARACTER I HATE THIS MAN SO MUCH AND I LOVE THAT!!!

41. Sparky Sparky Boom Man

Tried to kill the Gaang. Not cool. The laser forehead stuff however is kinda cool. What was his problem fr though Zuko told him to stop and he wouldn't listen. It’s not that deep dude chill out. He actually made me mad when he turned up at the air temple. Does he not have a job??? 

40. Admiral Zhao

I HATE THIS GUY!!!!!! He killed the moon, he was committing genocide, he was a wasteman to Zuko, he was in everyones business. Like get a life, what a useless bum. Just sucks.

39. Sandbenders

Stole Appa. Absolutely disgraceful behaviour. That's all.

38.  Hama

Evil old hag. Yeah she was damaged but why is she beefing Katara because she doesn’t feel like imprisoning innocent people. Also attempted to kill Sokka and Aang. -10000000/10. Congrats on inventing bloodbending though. She ate that one thing. 

37. Guy who betrayed Earth Kingdom

Flop. Boring. Dead trim. That’s all. 

36. Scary Bird Spirit

Actually terrifying. I had nightmares about him when I was younger. This was the start of my hatred and fear for birds. He was doing too much and also he sank the library when the Gaang was still in it. Rude.

Hi Ai👋 Can i ask your opinion about something? Do you think selfship with character is weird? Because my friend told me its weird, cringe and kinda disgusting so I feel really bad whenever I ship myself with canon characters and I don’t know what should I do or feel whenever I hear my friend’s opinion. And do you ever feel jealous when someone ship themselves with satoru or make headcanon about them? I just want to know your opinion since you are my favorite blog. Whenever you are ranting about your favs (Satoru) it makes me happy and normal for liking characters. I hope its not too long ask and hope you have a wonderful day! 💕☀️

hi beloved! i’m sorry your friend made you feel that way, that’s not very kind of them. while i might not know a single thing about them, this alone speaks volumes to me about their personality (which i already dislike quite a bit for obvious reasons. i’m sorry i rly don’t want to badmouth them but this is just so rude of them i can’t….)

you should absolutely never ever feel bad about doing things that bring you joy! and it’s not only about selfshipping really, it’s about anything — whatever it is that makes you happy, there’s absolutely no reason for you to feel bad about it. with that being said, there will always be ppl that will either be skeptical of your interests or straight up negative, rude and will even shame you (sadly). there’s nothing weird or disgusting about selfshipping with characters. in fact, it’s a very wonderful experience, very personal. there’s simply ppl who don’t quite get it, and that’s fine. it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, that’s okay, too! we’re all built to have different interests and likes anyway but not understanding the purpose of something or doing but still disliking it anyway gives you absolutely no right to shame or disrespect ppl that find joy in it. i think those who rly love you won’t ever judge you anyway, so maybe this is a sign for you to seriously reconsider your friendship with the said person. while you might not have control over their behavior (that obviously hurts you), you do over yours — you get to choose who to surround yourself with, and you deserve to be with ppl that love you and don’t ever judge you, and by “you” i mean all of you, even the parts they don’t understand or find to be quirky.

i don’t ever feel jealous seeing others selfship with my faves, i love to see it actually and even encourage it (sometimes even abuse my friends so they start liking satoru v_v). + i adore reading my moots selfship lore, the more they talk / write about my faves the better bc i get content from literal gods! (they are sooo talented pls!!!) + it always hits different interacting with ppl that are equally obsessed with satoru as i am, idk it just feels like we have a very deep and unbreakable bond between us lksajdhs it’s like blood is thicker than water but the blood in question is our love for satoru

i also hope you know i am literally sobbing into my hands rn bc you are way too sweet! being your favorite blog? making you happy? oh god it’s an honor T—T thank you for bearing with me and even loving my nonsense on here, i greatly appreciate you! sending you a big hug!!!!!!

I know, I know, but my brain didn't connect the things 😭 it never does when it comes to bts spoiling their stuff lmao 😭

Ahh I know what you mean!! It does feel like we know him better, and I will forever be grateful that he chose to show us this side as well. I'm very curious what he'll do in the future. I think he mentioned somewhere he will make brighter songs in the future? Idk I might've just imagined it. But I'm still happy he chose to talk about these things. We already knew how much the pandemic affected him (khm mots:e khm) but I feel like we know even more about what he's been through? Especially in Alone.

Yes, the promos were so good!! I still haven't watched the beat coin ep or the radio one, I only saw clips but I'm hoping to catch up on them soon!! I can't believe it's Jimin era and I'm missing stuff 😩 the music shows were so good??? I loved every performance my god and when he went on the actual shows and we could see him get his awards 🥺🥺🥺 and hobi coming and bringing him big bouquet of purple flowers 😭😭😭 pls he deserves every win he ever got and will get. I'm telling you the year end award shows are going to be crazy, we thought last year was bad when it was bts vs jimin vs hobi vs I don't even remember who was nominated 😭 and now it will be joon vs jimin vs yoongi vs hobi vs tae & jk if they release 😭 the girlies are gonna be fighting for those awards.

I have to admit I actually hated the fancalls akdjjdkska and I hate that Yoongi will do them to. Like OKAY the thought and intention behind them ARE SWEET OKAY. But I hate that 90% of them are just literal weverse army mentality of "jimin marry me". I did see very sweet ones too!! And I'm glad people were actually talking with him and congratulating him and everything but I will hate fancalls forever I'm sorry 😭 if it was up to me I would not let them do them, like I'm sorry sweetie but save yourself from the cringe 😭 Although that person who played set me free on piano was amazing, love that for them ❤️ but I did see someone dress up in a literal wedding dress, so no ❤️

I KNOW every song he put out was literal crack. The MVs were insane. I actually haven't watched the mujin one either 😭😭 what kind of Jimin biased am I 😭😭 I hate having a life

I know what you mean 🥺 with Indigo and JITB I could very clearly choose favorites, and songs I didn't like that much (all of them are really good but sadly I have to have taste and preferences 😭) but with face I really struggled 😂 Not that I was trying to dislike any song from any album!! But I think if I had to choose one, I would choose Alone. No, I would definitely choose Alone. I fucking love that song and love the lyrics and his voice and the message and how I can relate to it and everything. I'm currently obsessing over 'Mayday, get me out of here' overlapping with the 'Day and night' line. But I can definitely say that I resonate with every song. I love his album and most importantly I love HIM and I hope nothing bad ever comes to him and fuck everyone who ever wronged him and I wish him nothing but success 💜 Idk how he can be any more successful than right now but oh well 😭 - 🦋

adding read more hehe<3

Yes he did mention that. Oh and definitely. Jimin rarely ever showed us or talked to us about what he was going through during that time except during the mots on:e endingment. God that had been a punch to the gut. But seeing the jimin of today who put all that hurt and pain so beautifully into an album that I'm sure resonates with so many people in so many different ways, I've never been prouder. Him saying that he has healed from those feelings just made me so happy, you know? 🥺 also face era kind of left me feeling empty. Not in a negative way but a 'what do I do with my life now' kinda way. Empty as in we saw soooo much of Jimin during this era that I was like "Ok what now? now that i won't get to see jimin what nowhdjhdj???" which is... kind of pathetic of me tbh but i can't help it bc theyre my constant source of happiness u know? like little breaks in my otherwise dark life rip. I'm so glad we have yoongi's promotions soon otherwise idk what I would have done 😭😭😭

I've watched half of the beat coin ep and I'm waiting on the subtitles for the radio show to watch it hehe (although i HAVE read all the live translations). AND PLEASE. The way the members support each other just makes me bawl every single time. Like even after knowing so well how much they love each other, when they do these things for each other, it just makes my heart sob. Pls when bts members get nominated for and win all those awards 😎 next bts is bts 😎

Oh ngl me too. Like yeah most of what I saw were really nice and cute and they complimented him and congratulated him but the others ... the one girl who was like oh but the name of my boyfriend is park jimin. stfu pls you got one minute to talk to him and THATS WHAT YOU SAID????? corny cringey grosssss and pls don't even get me started on the wedding dress pls i will start yelling out profanities. I really fucking hope to god no one says yoongi marry me during the calls 😭😭😭😭 but obviously i just know there will be some dumbass who will do it anyway.

And its okay you can watch the content on your own time. There was a lot so don't beat yourself up for it if you haven't had the chance to watch them yet 🤍

And yeah same. I really struggled with Face too. All the songs are my taste 😭😭😭 Alone makes me cry so much lol. Sometimes when I'm listening to Face and I'm not doing anything else while listening, I open the lyrics and read them (even though I probably know them by heart by now) and I always choke up. Same, I really hope he never has to go through these feelings ever again :((( he deserves all the happiness and all the success and even more. I'll always wish nothing but the best for him <3🥺

Thoughts on Illusion

Finally getting around to watching illusion!! here we go y’all (this time longer and in more agonizing detail!):

- the way I strongly dislike Bob Roth...

- okay i have pretty mixed feelings on chloe’s character but like… does paris not remember what she did?? hello continuity?! /hj

- omg alec hiiiiii

- LMAO the “my son” slip up is wonderful

- lol plagg leave him alone the boy is quite literally traumatized and the ring isn’t helping

- i swear to god i’ll never get used to seeing this bitch in the kitchen.

- “are you sure you’re feeling okay?” no like actually tho he isn’t. run.

- a single stain warranting almost smashing the pan on the ground is kinda crazy but ok ig

- wait how did nothing fall outta the pan??

- of course he doesn’t know how long to boil an egg off the top of his head. of fricking course

- STOP WINKING AT HIM GABRIEL!! you haven’t earned the right

- oooo i like the split screen

- oh wait it took me a second to notice the thought bubbles lol

- NINO!! i missed my boy

- post graduation?? what year are they exactly? or am i missing something??

- all in favor of joining nino’s resistance say “I”

- LMAO comrade mayo?? that’s actually not too far from something i’ve said to my white friends irl lol

- rvejndjdb adrinette is so adorable bro

- nino please babe it’s just lunch

- y’know, sometimes i forget just how chaotic their group can be. then i see scenes like this and remember. it’s pretty realistic tho imo

- also nino definitely has a bruise lol

- frickin lila man.

- “Are yOu EatInG In thE cafEtERia?” tf does it look like??

- the way marinette is such a real one

- what on earth is actually wrong with lila lol i’ve never hated an animated character as much as her. aside from maybe gabriel

- wait no the yogurt/honey example was actually really good lol

- lol comrade ketchup

- also comrade beurre maître d’hôtel is so extra and for what?? love nino tho

- NO STOP SHE’S SO SICK

- also are they just letting ppl in the school?? slay ig

- adrien 😭😭

- oooooooo lila’s lil snitch ass… i mean it makes sense but jeez

- pls i forgot she was pregnant lmao

- ew he looks weird when he’s trying to be a decent person /hj

- okay i love them but they coulda been a little more discreet than pizza lol

- they’re just standing outside the window like?? 😭😭

- idk why but the piece of pepperoni stuck to gabriel’s shirt is killing me

- ADRIEN YOU COULDN’T EVEN PRETEND TO TRIP?? please be so fr

- okay no cause this time around gabriel actually reacts and adrien really seems sorry and uhhrhdhdhdh i. hate. this. man.

- pls the way alya just walks in and is like “yea no you guys already know the deal let’s just get this over with” what a queen

- nino PLEASE

- okay i’m kinda cringing rn but it’s totally fine

- again, the way adrien seems genuinely scared…

- goddamnit

- “call me father” actually go trip down the stairs

- NO STOP IT THIS MAN IS ACTUALLY A PIECE OF SHIT I CANNOT

- ok five at once is honestly extra. like i hope this asshole remember he’s a whole grown man doing all this to fight some kids. yes i know it’s more than that technically but still. weirdo.

- lol his ears look so stupid when they’re sticking off the sides of the mask

- the way marinette/ladybug is actually that girl

- see no he’s such a fake bitch cause falling wasn’t even necessary

- nino is such a detective i literally love him. i mean yea he’s wrong but still

- he looks like such a dumbass with that stain on his shirt. i hate him.

- “comrade tartar sauce” nino yes absolutely but he really doesn’t deserve it bae

- i really like the design on alya’s fanny pack but i’ve literally never noticed it before

- they’re all so cute lol

- “comrade sweet and sour” i wonder why she has that name…

Final thoughts: okay it took me a sec to realize this was out of order (i know people have been saying it. im just stupid lol) but i really enjoyed it overall. gabriel keeps getting worse yet sadly never surprises me with the depths he stoops to. adrien needs so much help rn and i really hate lila but im almost glad she’s back?? like i missed this rivalry between her and marinette in a way.

other stuff

i bought britney's memoir day 1 and read it in two days. obviously. really really good i'm so glad i got it bc her voice is captured very clearly but also its written in a captivating way that really sparks my interest like i didn't wanna put it down. it was a better reading experience than i'm glad my mom died, like that book was great and it made me cry too but something about the way all the chapters were separated made it annoying to read sometimes.

the only reason i didn't read it all at once is bc i had to sleep and i was getting into the start of the conservatorship which was really hard to read. a lot of it is actually hard to read, esp the divorce and her being institutionalized, i think bc i'm kind of a stan so reading her personal feelings on everything was really tough. but anyway i cried twice

idk people were complaining like "we already knew all this tho" but you never heard it directly from britney?? like why are you complaining? didn't you wanna know britney's perspective on everything? how are you even a fan. i knew a lot of this stuff bc there have been deep dives on her and i've read them like a lot of her early life and the stuff abt her family history have been documented and aren't really a surprise to me but i always took them w several grains of salt bc you could never confirm this stuff unless she personally confirmed it, which in this case she did.

i even saw people saying they wanted her to talk about the original doll and her music like what? i don't think this was ever a memoir that was meant to be about her music i mean this is for her for express herself in her own words for once. well she did say that part 2 is coming next year so maybe she'll cover it there.

genuinely tho i can't understand wanting to lock people up like that its actually monstrous. and the only reason is bc they wanted to use her as a cash cow. and now everyone's like she keeps posting naked pics on ig :( was ending the conservatorship a mistake? like actually shut the fuck up. first of all, in general, infantilizing someone and making them helpless is not helping them develop any sense of independence in the first place. second of all, all she does is post naked pics and dancing vids with all the emojis like what is the problem!!!!! maybe its the cctv angle but she's like 40 please give her a break. maybe she's a little cringe WHO CARES shes literally just having fun and loving her body. she's literally not harming anyone. you think ppl should be institutionalized and 'handled' just for being a little weird?

anyway whatever i'm not engaging with the morons or conspiracy theorists anymore. people on the internet are so fucking dumb and lacking in any sense of understanding or empathy. the ppl that say she should be are always so judgemental and have horrible vibes and yet i'd still never say "we should put them in a conservatorship". like you go ahead and make your stupid decisions and say your shitty opinions on your own.

kinda on topic kinda off but when my parents get old enough that they can't function i really don't wanna put them in a home or anything even resembling a conservatorship type scenario. i'd hate to see them suffer or have no freedoms and elder abuse scares me icl. they're p dogshit at emotions and i don't particularly like to talk to them about serious shit and idk how i'll come out to them if ever but i do love them and i could never imagine that for them. and even just as a basic human right i want them to make their own decisions.

ugh i made this post so long too. but its been a while since i've been on my britney stan shit so its ok. ive been really into mamamoo again lately. another other ggs too. i really like le sserafim and g-idle. i used to kinda hate idle's music but i think its gotten a lot better lately bc queencard and nxde are soooo good. tomboy is good too but the lyrics are so strange that its distracting (like its okay in their other songs but in tomboy its just too much for me for some reason). le sserafim has really good title tracks and the rest of the album is like eh but epbw and antifragile are some of the best new music i've listened to, antifragile was so addicting.

also looking forward to: the red velvet album. red velvet either releases the greatest music ever or like the worst song i've ever heard in my life. there's more good than bad though so i'm excited. seulgi's solo album was soooo good i only just listened recently but its the groups best solo concept imo.

they're making a dungeon meshi anime and i'm actually excited!! my fav part of dungeon meshi was always the beginning and middle parts like the beginning is REALLY strong. there's also gonna be the love condition anime and that i'm a little less excited for bc that series is the opposite, it gets really good as the chapters go on but the beginning is like wow hananoi you really gotta chill and the anime will only adapt that initial portion :/ will still be watching tho

can't think of anything else but it was nice to write random shit after a while of not doing that. i feel good :)

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Guest_duckydanky: ye harm: watch mitey ducks havel: mitey ducks ? havel: .. the movie ? harm: yh Guest_duckydanky: yes havel: ok Guest_duckydanky: wassup harm harm: laying harm: music harm: mite play gam e Guest_duckydanky: dbd? harm: man harm: i met some1 RELY cool frm dbd server harm: n we got on p well convo wise h added me Guest_duckydanky: did u inv em in server harm: but then i sed bf n he stopped tlkin 2 me harm: no harm: i knew tht shit wud happen Guest_duckydanky: lmaooo harm: so im traumatized frm game harm: atm harm: gna play bunnypark Guest_duckydanky: he wanted the pssy Guest_duckydanky: z harm: he wuz so cool Guest_duckydanky: but as soon as u said bf he dipped harm: if i were som1 id wait 4 me to not have a bf havel: lmao what Guest_duckydanky: i mean his reaction makes sense Guest_duckydanky: still kinda cringe harm: yea i get it Guest_duckydanky: im also annoyed when i speak to a hot girl nd they mention having a bf but like if they r cool ill still talk to them harm: jus sucks bc i dont have any close friends since john left harm: lik i have party friends harm: i tlk to occasionally harm: sum jackbox skribblio shit havel: john? harm: but i dont have substance friends Guest_duckydanky: john was cool harm: my bff for like 6 years harm: well ex now we aint friends havel: id hope that any1 thats crushing on u isnt just ur friend n waiting for u to be single havel: that would be weird like harm: if i were a person havel: praying every night bad shit happens to ur relationship harm: n i rely liked them havel: praying on its downfall harm: idk in this day i eel shit dont last harm: feel* harm: esp w all the emotionless egirls harm: brekin guys hrt so easily Guest_duckydanky: yeah i can vouch Guest_duckydanky: z harm: so id keep talkin to the person harm: just inc ase harm: but still build up a friendship harm: n care bc they cool havel: brb rq harm: friendship is a good base regardless Guest_duckydanky: i mean if u consider dating someone u met like 2 days ago is cringe anyway Guest_duckydanky: they literally a stranger harm: it aint ab tem considering dating harm: its jus harm: initial chemistry from first convo harm: sometimes harm: continuous convo tht can go for hrs harm: tht how it wuz w us havel: flirting online is so weird havel: like irl dating isnt jumping into a relationship havel: but its considered jumping into one online Guest_duckydanky: i flirt w every girl i speak to Guest_duckydanky: z harm: ive never felt tht Guest_duckydanky: except harm havel: oh for sure except harm harm: w all my online rships they were natural harm: friendship ten date harm: then* Guest_duckydanky: harm is my truest online friend harm: its the only way i go ab them too Guest_duckydanky: realest homie in da hood harm: i like bn tht close to someone first harm: before i consider harm: i ned tht trust n comfort n inside jokery etc harm: rly knowing someone n them knowing me b4 u commit to sumn srs harm: n i think bc of tht i dont regret any of my exes harm: they wuz all gud Guest_duckydanky: without john i doubt i would have got a pc Guest_duckydanky: so i salute him harm: yeah ur a dick 4 tht btw havel: damn wtf Guest_duckydanky: z harm: i told u so long harm: u get  1 dude u dont evn know modernize: purr harm: n he convinces u havel: guys this is my mute havel: they dont talk Guest_duckydanky: yeah ur right Guest_duckydanky: it wasnt cool for u modernize: who’s ur mute havel: u Guest_duckydanky: but the outcome in the end is the same modernize: im not mute Guest_duckydanky: i have a pc so it allows me to play with games w u Guest_duckydanky: sometimes havel: ok mute modernize: Im just gay Guest_duckydanky: when i want to which is rare Guest_duckydanky: but still harm: think ab how i met ur mother modernize: hazel harm: they dated each other n wet thru sm sit thruout the years harm: thts y i say keep the person u still like arnd harm: anyth can happen when u get older Guest_duckydanky: not when they block u havel: ^ harm: nott dumb ewhores obviously Guest_duckydanky: true harm: im talking b ppl actully worth it . Guest_duckydanky: especially not dumb e-whores modernize: hi harm: ppl lik me harm: hi modernize: im at work modernize: teehee harm: ok havel: i had a dumb ewhore block me yday harm: it hapens Guest_duckydanky: it happened to me like uhh modernize: that’s why u should be gay Guest_duckydanky: a few weeks harm: im used tto tht shit now it aint evn faze me anymore havel: i called out the annoying shit she did n stopped talking to her havel: n she threw a fit havel: i dodged a bullet Guest_duckydanky: honestly same Guest_duckydanky: kinda Guest_duckydanky: well thats p much what happened w me too harm: its worse when they pretty they think they privileged n ull let em do w/e havel: mhm Guest_duckydanky: right my issue is random hoes calling me daddy when i met em like 2 days ago Guest_duckydanky: z Guest_duckydanky: right now* Guest_duckydanky: so annoyin harm: ew wtf Guest_duckydanky: yeah i just ignore them harm: idm daddy but not wen it comes 2 u havel: duckydanky the daddy harm: ur too autistic to b called dat Guest_duckydanky: fr harm: lik i jus cant c it havel: daddydicky Guest_duckydanky: when someone says daddy i imagine a fat hairy guy w beer belly harm: wen it comes to hazel i cud c it Guest_duckydanky: im none of that harm: but u havel: oh true havel: beer belly harm: plus the femboyism harm: which ik shudnt influence havel: lmao harm: but i cant get over it wen ive known so long Guest_duckydanky: im too feminine to b a daddy harm: exactly Guest_duckydanky: im twink harm: xaclty harm: u need a hefty dom woman havel: yikes harm: w gud music taste Guest_AriesFire25: Hi havel: ppl dont rly have good music taste . . havel: hello Guest_duckydanky: tbh Guest_duckydanky: id rather educate someone clueless and then they progressively get gud taste havel: theyre just into w.e shit they relate to like Guest_AriesFire25: How is everyone doing? Guest_duckydanky: than someone on par with me Guest_duckydanky: music taste wise havel: music taste is more ab someones identity Guest_duckydanky: ye Guest_duckydanky: if u have good music taste to me ur like more attractive Guest_duckydanky: i dont mean necessarily ur looks but jst like Guest_duckydanky: who u are is more appealing 2 me harm: Guest_duckydanky: id rather educate someone clueless and then they progressively get gud taste harm: mebe u do have daddy trait havel: if they would even care harm: 10% Guest_duckydanky: yeah Guest_duckydanky: if they close minded then they suck Guest_duckydanky: but obvs id try showing the same interest in whatever thing theyre passionate about harm: havel: ppl dont rly have good music taste . . harm: disagree Guest_duckydanky: but tbh i havent met many passionate people harm: thrs 'objectivey' gud artists havel: i have a fucking huge music library Guest_duckydanky: what do you define has objectively good harm harm: then u more likely to have good taste harm: also Guest_duckydanky: do u mean someone succesfull harm: ppl who lisen 2 diff genre Guest_AriesFire25: Sorry to but in but what kind of music do yall listen to? harm: most of the time do too Guest_duckydanky: i have a copypasta Guest_duckydanky: of like 50 genres harm: i dont lisen 2 music havel: wb Guest_duckydanky: harm Guest_duckydanky: silence is also music havel: lmao ok Guest_duckydanky: we continuously listen to music Guest_duckydanky: and sounds modernize: ty havel: were talking about tracks dude havel: artists havel: theres ambient noise artists and lofi hiphop beats to study to havel: theres even ost background music Guest_duckydanky: i dont mean that havel: but nothing ? harm: ducky is too artistic u will b here all day ab music hazel i widnt start lul Guest_duckydanky: i mean literal silence harm: hes too pretentious Guest_duckydanky: silence doesnt exist havel: nonono this is my topic Guest_duckydanky: as in total silence, 0 sounds at all to be heard harm: okgl havel: music as in shit thats listed on spotify or some other music source Guest_duckydanky: music is more than that havel: smh havel: do u have a last.fm harm: iwillkm Guest_duckydanky: ye harm: s havel: link it Guest_duckydanky: https://www.last.fm/user/DuckyDanky havel: https://www.last.fm/user/horcrux9000 havel: ive been on lastfm for way longer but i mean u do have a lot of artists havel: scrobbled havel: i still got like a grand more Guest_duckydanky: i mean u made ur acc in 2013 Guest_duckydanky: so thats kinda to b expected havel: u do listen to a lot havel: i changed it to the last 180 days n its just 300 less artists havel: ur shits mostly hyperpop.. Guest_duckydanky: right now im on a movie phase so ive been slacking off Guest_duckydanky: my recent stuff is 96% hyperpop yeah Guest_duckydanky: thats my current music phase havel: me in 2020 harm: autism24 Guest_duckydanky: autism is cool though harm: i madeitcool Guest_duckydanky: do u use rateyourmusic havel havel: no but i should :\ Guest_duckydanky: https://rateyourmusic.com/~DuckyDanky Guest_duckydanky: feel free to check otu doe Guest_duckydanky: out* havel: i just listen to a lot of shit n find new music Guest_duckydanky: me 2 harm: im in distress ab this guy havel: youre obsessed w the smiths Guest_duckydanky: i was Guest_duckydanky: yes harm: but wont lisen 2 morrisey Guest_duckydanky: too macho for me Guest_duckydanky: i prefer femboy morrissey harm: mm Guest_duckydanky: ill listn to morrissey whn havel: i love david shawty Guest_duckydanky: i get my jangle pop phase Guest_duckydanky: david shawty so based harm: mebe staying high for a week til im over it is the play but i hate removing days of my life by spending them numb now harm: TREY888734 havel: its not the play Guest_TREY888734: Yoo harm: help me harm: TREY888734 Guest_TREY888734: You cool harm: its the play bc i have no friends to talk to and ion wna start therapy jus for tht bc i been fine otherwise harm: i jus miss my bestfriend Guest_duckydanky: huh harm: n ducky ion evn feel comfortable mentionin this shit arnd u sumtime harm: i fel lik u  cud  go tell john stuff Guest_duckydanky: oh yeah sorry again about that havel: what happened w john Guest_duckydanky: and i dont speak to john harm: ik u dont bc i told him to not talk to u Guest_duckydanky: i mean idm u telling me or not Guest_duckydanky: u do what u want harm: im js it makes me evn more sad bc i have no 1 im close to tht i can trust harm: was the point Guest_duckydanky: i understand why u reluctant to talk about that stuff w me so harm: not jus to diss u bc u betrayed me once harm: yea harm: i jus hope u understand why Guest_duckydanky: ofc Guest_duckydanky: its up to u if u wanna trust me or nah havel: o_O harm: it ainjt rely ab this guy but this guy made me think ab john n how i have no close friends now n how im prolly gna bcome codependent bc of it harm: john long story short harm: bff for 6 years, only familylike thing i eva had harm: stopped bn fren bc i wudnt date him harm: wen he tried to get w me wen i wuz into new bf harm: current bf harm: n now he wont speak to me harm: bc it hurts him too much tht i wudnt give hima nother chance harm: @hazel havel: got it havel: he was crushing harm: we dated years ago but broke up n he wudnt take me bk, been friends ever since, this desperation to b w me wen new bf came harm: wuz random n out character harm: i cud c if thr was any sign harm: thr wasnt harm: its like he bcame crazy n mid life crisesy Guest_duckydanky: ppl get more attracted to people who are harder to reach Guest_duckydanky: thats y people seem to get hit on more when theyre dating someone harm: nah, bc i dated ppl before zak harm: i ju think he always thought Guest_duckydanky: i know dat harm: id break up w em harm: but wen it came to zak he was like different and he prolly thought i cud possibly stay w him for good bc of it harm: n got scared harm: copeland is so good Guest_duckydanky: cop harm: they make me wna kill myself ina happy way bc sumn so beautiful yk harm: u evr feel tht Guest_duckydanky: no havel: yeah tbh havel: early escape the fate havel: when i was like 15 harm: cute Guest_duckydanky: the good thing out of our current friendship harm harm: ? Guest_duckydanky: is how i feel way less dependant to you, as in less clingy and less idk moody and affected by what u say harm: ya u dont like me anymore harm: its jus genuine fren meow havel: bet Guest_duckydanky: yes harm: <3 harm: ik thts wt u needed harm: the break wuz good Guest_duckydanky: yes Guest_duckydanky: tbh yeah Guest_duckydanky: it helped balance things out Guest_duckydanky: and restore order Guest_duckydanky: in my mind Guest_duckydanky: i had come to the conclusion that angels belong in heaven so there would be no purpose in trying to reach one Guest_duckydanky: xd harm: thts kina sad havel: o_o thats the most simp thing ive ever read harm: LOL harm: no its harm: ik me saying this sounds biased or wtvr Guest_duckydanky: its the opposite harm: but i rly am a hq person harm: n i get why havel: hq? harm: high qality person i dont jus mean female havel: o_o harm: like good friend as a base n likeable quality harm: quality* Guest_duckydanky: realistically speaking ur also jst too old for me Guest_duckydanky: xd havel: ur ego is massive harmony harm: this sounds like slutty but ion mean it tht way Guest_duckydanky: i mean Guest_duckydanky: i may be biased or wtvr Guest_duckydanky: but she kinda is Guest_duckydanky: xd Guest_duckydanky: shes like one of the 3 online people ive known for more than a year harm: i rely wish i cud clone myself so i can date all my friends bc ik id b the best for them n ion trust women w them Guest_duckydanky: nd still speak to harm: n ion mean it in a way i like my friends romantically harm: i mean it ina protect / wanting best for them harm: way Guest_duckydanky: see Guest_duckydanky: actual angel Guest_duckydanky: fuck harm: mebe i will go to therapy harm: jus annoying Guest_duckydanky: i wanted to say instead of praying virgin mary imma pray to virgin harm Guest_duckydanky: but it dsnt work anymore Guest_duckydanky: z havel: this is so weird to read havel: u rly have a harem of guys harm harm: ik how it sounds hazel lmao rly but u aint know me thts y harm: i dont harm: ducky is my only close friend harm: well person id consider havel: u got like 11 e-simps huh harm: closest thing to friend harm: 2day harm: closest thing toa  close friend8 harm: * Guest_duckydanky: im not a simp bro havel: ducky do u give this girl money Guest_duckydanky: z havel: ohgod harm: i make my own money harm: i dont need money evr Guest_duckydanky: she bought me nitro once Guest_duckydanky: and wanted to buy me something for my bday but she stopped talking 4 a bit before it Guest_duckydanky: z harm: 2 yrd ago lol Guest_duckydanky: yes Guest_duckydanky: we* havel: stopped talking for a bit before it havel: smh harm: like we fell out harm: completely havel: nice timing harm: ya it wuz guna b so cool too Guest_duckydanky: for real my biggest worry wasnt harm it was not getting any gifts : ( Guest_duckydanky: jk harm: i wuz gna hide thigh highs in japanese candy shit for him harm: bc his rents dint kno ab the femboy shi harm: also ruined surprise now but u aint femboy anymore apparently harm: so ig i wont ever geta chance 2 do it ! Guest_duckydanky: hope isnt lost Guest_duckydanky: its just temporary harm: phase? Guest_duckydanky: yeah Guest_duckydanky: i just dont feel comfortable calling myself a femboy w the way i look rn harm: u 2 swag Guest_duckydanky: and i dont mean it in a bad way like im ugly harm: ur in eboy phase Guest_duckydanky: just femboy label doesnt seem right Guest_duckydanky: yeah harm: ya u jus v masculine rn Guest_duckydanky: yeah i got a virgin beard growing harm: woa Guest_duckydanky: i gave up shaving Guest_duckydanky: and it gives me a cool look so idc Guest_duckydanky: i look 22 Guest_duckydanky: ill shave only if i see i grow a neckbeard harm: brb Guest_duckydanky: but thats unlikely harm: ya u do lok older harm: not ina 40 way Guest_duckydanky: yeah i look old cool Guest_duckydanky: ive never been id'ed harm: opposite 4 me harm: @id harm: happens all the time Guest_duckydanky: tru Guest_duckydanky: when we 1st met i thot u looked my age Guest_duckydanky: so thats valid Guest_duckydanky: i feel less rtarded knowing it happens all the time doe harm: ya harm: beginning of year i went to races n dude thougt i wuz 16 Guest_duckydanky: do u view it as a good thing Guest_duckydanky: that ppl think ur young Guest_duckydanky: i think thts kinda flattering harm: i used 2 feel no way ab it only wen annopying things happen lik went on vacay w fam n got talked to by employee ab bn on casino floor or sumn harm: which happens but i used to have bad anxiety tlkin to ppl irl harm: s i hated it Guest_duckydanky: u like it now? harm: after my x cheated on me w minor i think it traumatized me a bit n i feel beneficial frm it in an odd lame way harm: jus shit i gta get over but keep w me ig harm: beneficial frm lokin yunger* harm: not bn cheatd on Guest_duckydanky: what Guest_duckydanky: who cheated on u Guest_duckydanky: i nvr heard abt that harm: wuz named cameron u dont kno him harm: irrelevant rely Guest_duckydanky: oh Guest_duckydanky: nvm Guest_duckydanky: u told me about it harm: ya Guest_duckydanky: u were 22 he ws 27 Guest_duckydanky: right harm: ya harm: wait harm: no 23 harm: /28 harm: she wuz 15 iirc Guest_duckydanky: thats kinda gross Guest_duckydanky: xd harm: xd harm: shit jus made me paranoid  bc i knew him since i wuz 15 n it wuz lik wooooaaa did u only lik me wen we 1st met bc of tht or bc of age acully Guest_duckydanky: so cuz of it i guess u see comfort in looking younger harm: like 20% bc of tht yea but i realize how irrational n lame it is harm: jus nvr got ovr it ig Guest_duckydanky: where did u guys meet Guest_duckydanky: myspace? harm: vu lool Guest_duckydanky: so u were 15 in like 2007 right harm: idk wuz i Guest_duckydanky: i just did quick maths harm: duno Guest_duckydanky: well lets say yes Guest_duckydanky: dam thats a while ago Guest_duckydanky: i was Guest_duckydanky: 3 Guest_duckydanky: z havel: feels kinda nicer in here now harm: ya dis rm beter new rm trash harm: no offenze havel: this rooms old asf harm: ya but it best havel: this rooms probably 5 years old now Guest_duckydanky: looks ghetto Guest_duckydanky: is tht the carnifex logo Guest_duckydanky: z havel: yeah Guest_duckydanky: ded harm: looks eboy but ina acceptable way bc creative Guest_duckydanky: id like to make my own  imvu room Guest_duckydanky: but poor harm: uh hello Guest_duckydanky: oh tru ur my imvu sugar mom havel: harm buy out my wishlist havel: eventho i havent shopped in like a year Guest_duckydanky: dont i need vip to make a room havel: i think so ? harm: 2 much clicking but i will try 2 get a lot til im tried havel: ok =) havel: how many credits do u have anyway harm: did u private wl harm: msgs havel: huh? havel: ... u can do that? havel: what harm: it sed i aint permitted 2 buy prod on like 5 now havel: weird harm: so i figured u took it off harm: nah its bc harm: creator disabled harm: most likely havel: oh theyre from disabled creators yeah harm: or quit vip or sumn havel: yeah havel: banned maybe havel: i need to clean out my wl havel: i havent in idek how long havel: so many years Guest_duckydanky: clean ur room too havel: my rooms fine Guest_duckydanky: no theres trash havel: :0 really? where? Guest_duckydanky: no wonder u got an eviction notice Guest_duckydanky: L Guest_duckydanky: if i was a landlord id b mad too havel: this room used to be called trash pit havel: should make it that again tbh harm: i dont feel good Guest_duckydanky: trash spit havel: nice 1 Guest_duckydanky: vry clever Guest_duckydanky: wassup harm harm: meow harm: Guest_duckydanky: no wonder u got an eviction notice harm: yall know fridgebro harm: story harm: aint as bad as tht havel: fridgebro? harm: https://imgur.com/thZa3VL harm: brb havel: this is autistic Guest_duckydanky: prolly mentally ill Guest_duckydanky: for sur havel: hello AstralMiscreant: Hey all Guest_Dinossaur: https://discord.gg/vmGj7ZXy Guest_Dinossaur: https://discord.gg/vmGj7ZXy harm: hi Guest_duckydanky: yo Guest_duckydanky: i jst ate harm: im bk but guna watch yt ill check chat here n thr harm: me2 harm: n watch ratatouille Guest_duckydanky: imma shower Guest_duckydanky: but i dont wanna Guest_duckydanky: im lazy harm: iwillstay stink havel: i shower everyday havel: but i need to do laundry but im lazy Guest_duckydanky: i shower evry 2 days harm: i dont shwer Guest_duckydanky: when the last time u showered harm: shrug Guest_duckydanky: do u have grime Guest_duckydanky: on ur skin Guest_duckydanky: today i just learned something weird Guest_duckydanky: in da old day japanese women has black teeth Guest_duckydanky: looks so cursed Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: hey havel: ive seen that little floating grim reaper pet a lot Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: i've had it for a while, so i wouldn't be surprised Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: how you guys doing? havel: im just kinda bored watching twitch havel: when i should be doing chores n working out havel: todays my day off so im just being lazy Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: i can't relate watching twitch, since i do twith xD Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: i can relate to the lazy tho havel: youre a streamer?? Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: ye havel: whats your stream Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: a small one, but a streamer non the less xD Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: artsykokoro Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: i mostly do art and then stream games when i feel like playing something on a stream day Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: currently on a break, since i have too much going on irl atm Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: have a big comeback planned tho, so i just hope it goes to plan... unlike my last depbut ^^' havel: oh cool youre a vtuber Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: ye havel: nicee Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: fingers crossed that i can start streaming again at the start of november. Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: but all depends how soon the irl stuff calms down. Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: i quite like this room havel: thankss Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: and i just realised you're the room owner xD Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: god i'm blind sometimes havel: yeah i made this forever ago Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: noice Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: this room might be my new go-to Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: the last one got deleted Guest_duckydanky: im bck Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: welcome back Guest_duckydanky: whts good Guest_duckydanky: oh u a streamer Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: ye Guest_duckydanky: r u famous Guest_duckydanky: gimme a shoutout Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: and currently nothing's good really ^^' Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: i'm not that big. only a little over 300 followers Guest_duckydanky: how many viewers u gget on average Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: depends on what i stream. since i'm a variety streamer, it can be anywhere between 1-3 to 5-10 Guest_duckydanky: u do art? Guest_duckydanky: like wat Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: i do digital art. mostly humans, but trying to get better at animals and landscapes. Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: why don't you come sit Guest_duckydanky: no way Guest_duckydanky: u should draw me im like vry handsome nd cool Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: i mean that sanrio shirt is cool xD Guest_duckydanky: im hotter irl Guest_duckydanky: i mean Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: hmm... dunno, can't judge. don't know what you look like Guest_duckydanky: literally my pfp Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: i haven't looked at your profile yet. hold on Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: sent you a friend request on dc Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: i mean tbh. you are good looking, but i don't draw people for free. you can commission me tho, but my commissions are closed atm.

, i'm curious. how did you get into writing fanfiction? or what was your inspiration behind it? i have tried to get into writing fanfiction but i feel like i'm just so unexperienced and straight-forward and like not poetic at all, bc in most fanfiction i've read they describe everything so beautifully even if it's the nastiest thing ever. idk i just love your writing style

Honestly I've been writing fanfics for a really long time, and I just established my writing style this year and realized that I prefer writing in third person and using detail, grammatically incorrect dashes, commas, even some good ol fashion run on sentences (which ppl love to tell me about). A year ago I was still writing fics in second person and I realized that I hate it because I hate the way my fics sound when I overuse the word 'you' or feel like I'm stuck writing for one character and i found it difficult to describe the other characters or even the entire interaction and scene from second person, so I gave third a try and now I'm never going back to writing in 2nd person. I think the biggest thing about writing is knowing that we all start somewhere, I used to write shitty marvel fanfics about steve rogers when I was fifteen in second person and lemme tell you, they were so bad that I deleted everything before i deactivated that old blog.

I started writing because like many other fic writers, at a baseline level I'm a nerdy bitch who hyperfixates a lot. I gain a lot of my inspiration from ofc the shows/media that I write characters from, but also from music, movies, and even every day interactions I've seen or experienced. I'm like hey yk what this song kinda hits fr, but imagine an entire love story based on this song??? or when I watch a movie like 10 things I hate ab you I'm always like, a fic based on that poem or this concept would HIT and then if I wanna see it, I write it. A lot of writers write fics they'd want to read, or fics they think should've been written already and havent been, and that's the beauty of writing, your inspiration should always lie in what you enjoy and what you'd want to consume as a reader.

I think a huge misconception new writers have is that they should have an established writing style, or they should use a specific perspective (first, second, or third), or that they need to be poetic in their writing and use a ton of detail and describe every single bit of the characters appearances, actions, etc, but the truth is-you don't have to do any of that shit to write a good fic. Sure some people might appreciate it, and hell over time you're probably gonna become more comfortable doing that and exploring the realm of writing and expression through writing, but you don't need to be good at any of that off bat, nor do you need to include everything into your fics.

A lot of the popular fics you read or even the fics you see that you fall in love with on this hellsite or any other hellsite are written by writers who dont know what the fuck theyre doing half the time and anyone who denies that hasn't been writing for a long time. I literally second guess myself and my writing to the point that I don't read my entire finished fics ever, and if I do it's because I'm writing a part two or a series and I'm cringing the entire time like "bitch be fucking for real you deadass wrote this???" which is completely normal! You may not enjoy your first few fics that you've written and hell you might be incredibly insecure or even nervous about posting them, but like I always say-POST THEM. You will ALWAYS find someone who's willing to read what you've written, and you have a community of writers who are here to give you advice if you want it and if you ask for it. Not to be a broken record but everyone starts somewhere, and we all grow as writers the more we write, if you're afraid of sounding too straight forward or not poetic THATS OKAY! because this is where you're starting and the more you try different things w your writing, the more comfortable you get and then eventually you'll find your writing style. It took me YEARS to figure out mine, and even now I'm still changing some things up and trying new ways of describing things, people, actions, scenes, ect because we're constantly growing and changing as writers!

I hope this incredibly long spiel helped bby, just give it a try and don't lose faith in yourself by comparing yourself to other writers

I think there's a lot of hype on twitter and tiktok for it to have been a spicy sort of book like the vibe was Luna and Donnelly have a lot of sexual tension esp because he went down on her and then dancing scene in Jane/thatchers book so they were expecting more and the people who are reading because of tiktok aesthetic videos who make them out to be very sexual but the secret relationship or fwb thing which imo would've worked better also there's other people going out their way to hate on Luna and Donnelly for the dance scene and the cringness of like Donnelly does tiktok thirsts (idk I havent read the full book yet I got to the part where he goes down on her and I was expecting more, like there was a lack of tension and if it was Donnelly pov it would've been better because where's the internal struggle esp since she was just legal that and the reactions were putting me off plus I was already in a slump) and like other fans like raisy were like never say anything bad about them again when your girl hisses and that's a 30 year old man but there's others who looked past the cringe and bad writing and liked it and sort of have your reaction to it but tbh I was hoping for a fwb kinda plot I think Beckett and Jo are probably gonna be that kinda plot maybe like they seem to have that type of sexual tension and Beckett is being teased as kinky, I think for lunelly three books is too much even og calloway only had two book (lilo deserved their five they are *chefs kiss* but I will still mourn for coballoway hs/college years tension and raisy had so much plot in both books anyway) I think 2 is enough for the kids couples especially since they have so many kids to work through and they can always do big group books with like short stories for the couple's, I was also wondering what you thought about xander content because that's what I'm looking forward to right now lol when I get out of this slump 😭

yeah i was thinking this too! personally i don’t read these books for the smut and i honestly found it a little refreshing that it wasn’t constantly being shoved in my face for once lol but i totally see how it’s out of the norm for both kbr and the genre so it was a weird choice. there were def ways they could’ve incorporated more. however i thought that lunnelly lived up to their aesthetic way more than i expected them to! they had so many cinematic scenes that i could literally see moodboards for in my mind lol

i agree that people are being too hateful about it! like yes there’s a lot of cringe but if you’ve been reading kbr’s books up until now and somehow weren’t expecting that then maybe we haven’t been reading the same books the whole time lmao. it’s always been clear to me that kbr have a warped perception of how their characters should act and a very outdated lens of the fandom world (which makes sense because they write it how they knew it when they were young) and now it just comes off as cringey or unrealistic because they take it overboard. especially when luna’s books are the first time we’re seeing a truly fandom obsessed character basically since lily it could have been a bit of culture shock for some if they expected a more modern narration from luna. honestly i just read these books for fun and people end up taking it way too serious if you ask me. a cringey element or two does not a bad book make

i think i have to disagree about a lack of tension! there were def parts i found it lacking or written a bit strangely (which i just chalk up to this being their first time writing it so i think it’s normal for them to still be figuring out the best way to do it) but overall the mutual pining really worked for me and i think there was a great balance between them trying to hide their feelings vs who had suspicions and great scenes with loren that didn’t feel overly dragged out or too unreasonable on his end. sexual tension could be another story but i still don’t think it was completely missing, maybe you’ll change your mind if you keep reading

personally i love lunnelly so i’m not even sure three books will be enough for me 💞 but i see your point! i feel like cobaretti and kitsulletti both had stories that were dragged out way past what they needed to be and kbr kind of shoot themselves in the feet with how they keep making the books so long but then struggle with sticking to release dates and planning how they can execute an entire series for all the kids

xander is my honey!! i was so happy we got to see him in the book :) i don’t think he’s super prominent but def had way more scenes than in the other books. we got a lot of cute scenes with all the hale family / the siblings that i really appreciated <3 and i love the donnelly / xander bond so i think you have a lot to look forward to if he’s your fav

I feel like the way i’m crushing rn is so silly. I don’t know i’m like 22 and have these little crushes. Ajajsjjsnsnsna waaait i was gonna be like why can’t i have a real strong crush or why can’t the people i relate to not be my type but then i remembered Julia ¡¿ Ok i have never written about her and it’s probably going to be really cringe and funny looking back on this but do you remember tinder julia ???? She was sooooo hot and so pretty like my god her smile wowowow and she was funny smhhhh but then i got ghosted and was sad about it for a week and would continues joke and complain about it to your friends. I wonder how long i’ll keep the joke going i think i’m always gonna find it funny. It’s interesting that they take it so seriously and like ye deep down i’m probably partially not joking but for the most part i am ! But ye shes solid proof That it’s not MEEE! I guess just waiting until i get into the animation industry. Get to meet cool hot people that are super skilled and can talk about cartoons with me for hours from creating and art and writing and story. Someone to collaborate with. Lol if i don’t end up eith someone in the animation industry that’s be so funny looking back on this. But i think it’s bound to happen. I mean im kinda already like really enamored with oomfs that’s like that. Ok i can’t write too much info here lame i was going off describing my feelings but not here 😭 i do wonder how it would be like to date her. I feel like i slightly have a different perception in my head. But i think we’d work tbh. But that’s a veeerry rare chance i dunno we’re young. aaaany ways to the original point of this talkin

So This girl i was slight friends with at work got a haircut and my god now i get really nervous and almost shy when talking to her. It’s so funny how i was so casual and non chalant before. Like all she did was get a haircut but it looks soooo good. I literally climbed a tree to her a cutie. I just wanna talk to her more and know about her and like wow pretty privilege is real this is proof someone needs to study this.

And then the retail girl who sometimes covers our shifts. When i first saw her i went into the wrong building for lunch coverage. She quickly corrected me as I said i was going to leave and yelled at me sarcastically “yea ! Get out of my building! “ And it was the first time i had met her but the silly familiarity made me laugh. Then i was very interested in seeing this funny girl again and now we talk a lot and she’s pretty pretty but i really like talking to her.

Ok now i’m just making a post about my current crushes 😭 Idk if i should continue or not. Ok for future me here quickly. The restaurant / starbucks girl.

And for the grand finale. Darian! Wow ok do you remember this girl??? i don’t think y’all are gonna be friends in the future which is why i’m saying that 😭 Her humor is so special. It’s so familiar so genuinely funny without being cut rooted by the internet. It reminds me of how my family would joke as a kid. Just cleve quips. Ivan is good at those too but hers feels so easy to understand to me. I don’t know if that makes sense. She’s so beautiful. Truly i get lost when talking to her. I don’t want to stare and i shouldn’t look at her lips and i’m shy and itching to look away. Wow what a woman.

HAHA BUUUUT it’s not darian that’s interested in me nooo it’s britney her fiancé ! Like PLEASE. They give me such horny eyes like !?!!? chill. Just pure horny v much like omar. Brittney is hot too but not my type in personality. Like i was go on a date with darian sooo bad

ok ok this is a really interesting post like i think i’ve done a round up of my major crushes and relationships when i was 17/18 or so but not like current ones. Because it’s so easy to forget the small casual ones. But they still make your heart flutter remember? Maybe it will be nice to feel that again for someone your mind once forgot. Anyways anyways future me you are 22 and you fucking got this

Sunday, May 22, 2022 11:55 am

Hello it's been a while. Soooo I withdrew from school. COVID continues to get worse & school was requiring in person classes & I couldn't get myself to campus because I'm too physically disabled to consistently walk to campus while also maintaining my same work hours in order to afford to live in my apartment & feed us so...yeah. School is low on the priority list. I told my dad, he said to take care of myself so I think he understands ? Idk when and if I'll go back, it's all too stressful. Plus the in person classes followed a bit after my official autism self diagnosis & being in person was way too triggering. I have a good relationship with my siblings that I know of. They mean the most to me honestly. I just want to know they're okay & that they have a family member looking out for them. My father & his wife misgender & misname my middle sibling and it makes me feel uncomfortable because I've like tried to correctly name & gender them in front of their parents but it just goes over their parents' heads. It's also been a source of argument between their mom & I. I've talked about it on here before. I don't wanna talk about it except mention that we STILL haven't talked about that fight soooo fuck that. Work has been better! Not physically....and I could definitely be paid more but in terms of the social environment, it's better :) I'm no longer the only trans person at my job & that incited me to stand up for myself so now everyone correctly refers to me except one or two coworkers that are still working on it (though it's annoying & embarrassing for me because sometimes the customers witness it & I don't know what to like do lol). I would say I do a fair job of ensuring everyone feels respected & appreciated there, though sometimes that can be a lot of mental/emotional work to maintain thinking of literally everyone else but myself. My only selfish thing I do is i like to escape for cigs whenever I can but I'm literally on top of everything. Idk if I've ever mentioned but everyone at my job is very Neurodivergeant & we work very well together now & can pick up on each other's communication styles etc. It's really a nice work flow. But my body gets so exhausted. I haven't seen a doctor & idk if my dad takes me seriously about it. It's always "do physical therapy" or "get another job" and it's just like....you're missing the point sir....but anyway. My partner & I are doing well and I love them very very much and I'm so appreciative that they're in my life & I don't know what I'd do without them, anygay. Though father says or does some cringe shit I would say our relationship/communication is a lot better than before. I've been better at like just letting myself be awkward or quiet or to the point & just overall trying to be more myself around him. Very much related to tryna & autism, the difficulty of talking tk my father. But literally no one caught onto that....we had a therapist try to work in that with my & him when I first moved out. I didn't like her but I didn't know how to say that & i didn't want to start over. She didn't believe me about my anxiety & she listened to my father more than me. I'd lie to hear about self harm or suicidal thoughts/attempts etc. But like she never picked up that it was probably from all the missed time & trauma & masking autism (for both of us?). But my last therapist kinda picked up on it, but STILL she didn't mention autism! She picked up on my stimming & originally she didn't believe that i had BPD & she knew how I described my father (like a stereotypical white autistic man) but she never popped the seed into my brain. She encouraged other research but she didn't mention autism and idk i guess that it makes me sad that maybe she knew and maybe i could've started working in things sooner. Idk. I met her at a very tumultuous & overwhelming time. Idk if I would've had the mental capacity to take all that on at once tbh. But oh well.

Anygay, that was cathartic I guess. But now I've stayed up longer than I should :P I have to take a nap before work. Goodbye for now

GIRLS…………. ITS A CRISIS

Hi, its Grim anon! I was wondering if I could request a platonic bench trio with y/n (she/her) who is very open about her affection for the three (constantly complimenting them, saying ily, etc.), but lately she's been worried that people will take it the wrong way so she's stopped? And now they're like. Where's my Y/N validation? :(

yep yep!! here you go, grim anon! ^^ sorry if I got a bit off track? I'm not sure if I did or not!

platonic!BenchTrio x affectionate!y/n

pronouns: she/her

other information on the reader:

. minor

. very open with her affection

. minecraft streamer

. faceless streamer

. it's against her boundaries for anyone other than friends to use her real name

warnings: sexism/misogyny (ends well, the haters are addressed), idk but the "girl near streamer I like? ew wtf 😒" type of hate (also gets addressed n shut down), little angst, distancing yourself from friends, trying to change yourself, cussing, mention of "weird comments" made towards y/n *ALL OF THESE ISSUES ARE ADDRESSED AND SHUT DOWN THOUGH !!!

form: headcanons

summary: y/n is super openly affectionate with all of her friends! unfortunately, a lot of people think that's a negative thing, though Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo notice y/n's change and get to the bottom of it to fix the issue ^^

genre: platonic, little angst, fluff(?) after it gets found out, hurt to comfort type of deal ^^

abbreviations: s/n -> streamer name, y/n -> your name

note: I'm not very good at angst yet so I'm sorry if it kinda sucks !! :(

you were very in touch with your loving side and showed all your friends affection very openly and however you could

unfortunately, since y'all didn't live near each other that meant that you had to wait for visits for like hugs n stuff :(

at first you didn't think much of it, affection was a normal thing between friends, why do it differently on stream?

you would often tell the boys how much you loved them and we're genuinely happy and grateful that y'all were friends

complements and validation paired with this, naturally

the boys looked forward to streams with you, not only because you where best friends but for the serotonin that your affection brought :D

actually!! on streams with all of you together, it wouldn't be uncommon for tommy, tubbo, and ranboo to playfully fight over your affection

it would be in different ways though, like with Tommy, you would complement either ranboo or tubbo and if you didn't state a name tommy would be like "THAT WAS MENT FOR ME, (TUBBO/RANBOO)" after they thanked you

meanwhile tubbo would either go on about betrayal and how you didn't love him anymore and he's going to run away or he would do something along the lines of ":(( what about meee"

and ranboo, if the compliment wasn't aimed at him, even if you clearly added tommy or tubbo's name at the end, would always reply "thank you" or something similar

however it's different if the compliment is directed at them!

ranboo would thank you, do a small laugh that's half flustered half awkward, and then complement you back (he got less awkward and flustered as he got more used to it though!)

you could hear the smile in tubbo's voice as he loudly thanks you and gives you like 3 compliments in return

tommy, it would depend if either of y'all are streaming or not! yes? "I know" all jokingly cocky like. no? "thank you, I guess" he says it as a half joke, it's a genuine thank you, but he likes keeping it playful so the "I guess" is thrown on, it's random if he gives you a complement back or not, it's literally not even dependant on how he feels, it just at random

also I feel like you and Tommy would have like a "ily!! /p" "ew /j" bit, very often I will add 👍

like while your streaming you like "tommy!! I love you, thank you for being my friend :)" and him, completely disregarding the last bit, would reply "EWW, Y/N YOU DO KNOW IM I MINOR CORRECT??"

if him ever saying ew hurts your feelings then he won't say it, however he will say the rest, unless him deflecting your "ily" makes you feel bad as well, it's fairly easy to crack him to say it back since you're best friends

a lot of back and forth, but not too hard since he never wants to genuinely hurt you

ALSO if you complement him (on stream ofc) he will find a way to turn it around, not onto you, but just turning into something too tame to be labeled and insult but definitely something close!

"I like your sunglasses!!" "oH??? SO YOU DONT LIKE MY EYES??? THANKS S/N"

(also feel like tubbo might do this)

ofc would stop if it makes you sad/uncomfortable/etc

with ranboo though, he might occasionally do that, but it's way more often for you two to get into complementing matches (just going back and forth with complements)

you also sometimes do the "ily more" thing, just because it's funny bc it's like a cringe romance movie thing, y'all never do it on stream though because ppl might make it weird, and some friend quirks are better kept private anyway, just a you two thing :)

occasionally the "no you hang up first" too, except you both play they teen girl waving her hand and saying it the most high pitched voice she can. it's so funny hearing ranboo going so high 💀💀

as a rising streamer, of course you have Twitter, and your subtwt isn't toxic – due to your personality and stuff, the people you attract to your content are all pretty loving and chill! ofc there's a few bad eggs, but that's just what happens, you choose to ignore those few

but since you've gotten more popular, people finding you through your more popular friends, you've seen a rise of tweets mentioning you, whether it be in general or in the boy's replies

you're glad to be getting more popular, now you can find more people who seek comfort from your content, which was your goal when you started anyway! so it's all exciting! ..at first.

rise in people means rise of people in the toxic 1%, and also means rise of haters or people who just don't like you

sometimes you come across tweets like "why does y/n feel the need to be around ranboo, tubbo, and tommy? leave them alone ffs, she got her fame she wanted, she can leave now 🙄✋" and "we get it, girl streamers are less talented so you needed to leech off they boys' talent! like is she done yet or??" or occasional tweets saying something about shipping – which is against not only your boundaries but all of they boys' as well.

the replies being full of "use s/n, using her real name is breaking her boundaries! and if you have an issue, then don't watch the streams she's in, dickhead!", "you could just mute her name on here and not follow her twitch, you're being overdramatic for no reason", "hey hey, remember that s/n checks her indirects", "ew, deactivate", "aw, are you scared bc a girl is better than you at gaming? aw you gonna cry??", etc, makes you feel a bit better, but the punch from the original tweet lingers

after seeing a bit more, you saw the majority of the haters – and weird people – you saw the root of it was probably because you were so affectionate towards you friends and just being around them in general

so, it'd be best to stop, right? don't participate in as many streams, stop being so affectionate in general, to be honest you were already quite anxious that you being so "clingy" was annoying, the hate just solidified it

so you have a plan in line, the hard part is executing it :(

to start, you stopped complimenting them as much on stream, and the late phone calls lessened, and those became more and more noticeable before you "got too busy" to be in as many streams as you used to

I feel like ranboo would notice first and try talking to you before bringing it up to tommy and tubbo, but when you replied "oh! yeah I'm good dw :)" he knew it was a lie and went to the others

"what do you think is going on?" "I'm not sure" "whatever it is, do you think this is why she stopped being so affectionate? I miss it"

then it clicked for tommy while ranboo and tubbo still tried to figure it out

"do you think it's family problems?" "no, last time they has family problems they became more clingy and their phone calls were more frequent, not-" "wait wait wait"

tommy checked your social media platforms, of course they had more followers than before

"what? tommy?" "I think it's more of an online hate problem" tommy leaned back in his chair, running his hands over his face before looking over at the discord call as the two others made sounds of shock, "yeah, this started after her platform got bigger and she got more well known" "..you're right" "how- how do we fix it?" "address it on a stream?" "no, no, not yet, I think we should contact y/n first, see if she'll tell us if we're right or not" "I could try? last time I texted her she responded pretty quickly so maybe that still applies?" "yeah, tell us if we're right or not and we'll continue from there"

so ranboo texted you, making sure to form the text to get to the point but not scare you, he knows how anxiety inducing confrontation, especially from friends, can be for you

you didn't know exactly how to respond, would it be better if you lied? or would the truth be better?

after a few times of the "..." appearing and disappearing on ranboo's screen before you message of ",, yeah, that is the reason actually ;; I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I thought it'd be better to just distance myself :(" sent through

the boys on call could hear the frown in ranboo's voice when he sighed and said "oh" "were we right?" "just a second"

ranboo replied to you, reassuring you that you don't don't have to apologize for not telling them and it isn't your fault, making sure to remind you that you can come to either him, tommy, or tubbo whenever you want

"yeah, she got hate, and I guarantee that if we go through her indirects then we'll see what exactly happened, we may have to scroll a bit though" so they searched around on Twitter and found some, then tubbo spoke "do you think she would want to join call so we can figure out what to do to fix this?" "I can text her, though maybe we can more of distract and comfort her tonight? we can talk about the hate and stuff another time" "yeah yeah, I think that's a good idea"

so he texted you to see if you'd like to join the call, you accepted and ended up playing video games with them – mainly Minecraft servers – for a few hours before tommy had you and ranboo (assuming you're in the US or close) sign off to get some sleep (if you're in the UK or close, he had you and tubbo sign off and then signed off himself for some sleep)

the next day you guys hopped back on call to discuss how you guys would fix it, as well as them giving a bunch of positive comments about your affection :)

you guys decided on a serious stream from Tommy's account, it was either tommy or ranboo's account, but you guys chose tommy bc he's not anxious about turning off donos and other things

you guys discussed that the hate you were getting was uncalled for, and the weird comments were to be stopped immediately.

"I think that's everything? y/n, anything else?" "yeah I think that's about it, thank you guys so much!!" "alright, one more thing before we go- chat- chat, if you have an issue with y/n being in our streams just don't watch our streams! if you don't like y/n we don't want you here" "tommyyyy :(( (/pos)" "wait wait!! chat, if anyone asks or is being rude either spread clips on the stream or screenshots of the tweets we posted!! we want to make sure that everyone – even those not watching the stream – are informed!" "alright, bye chat, I better not see any more y/n negativity!!"

there wasn't negativity in chat when you went to check btw :)! it was in emote-only bc they thought it'd be the best thing to do and most of the chat was filled with hearts and other positive emotes! <33

now whenever hate stuff it posted the replies have screenshots of either tommy, tubbo, or ranboo's tweets, links to the VOD, or clips, stating the most important and the tweet is usually taken down within a matter of hours – days sometimes

and after that everything was back to normal!! you started complimenting them again, telling them how much you love them again, etc etc! you even got back into late calls :)

Not gonna lie, though, I kinda love how Loki with a crush is like - he's so obvious about it? He didn't even try to hide it (except when Mobius called him out, which doesn't count); from showing off his magic (fireworks in the palm of his hand, come on) to coming up with an excuse to cuddle under a blanket (he looks so enormously pleased with things asdhjdksa) to generally sticking to her like glue, he just ... he met Sylvie and decided I like that one and it is now everyone's problem.

It just strikes me so much because I never would have expected Loki to behave that way. Like, in my fic, he denied he had a thing for Valkyrie for quite awhile and then, once he did realize it, he tried to ignore it and make it go away, which he would have kept on doing forever if she hadn't let him know she returned his feelings, and like - idk, I just always felt like Loki, as a generally intensely private person, would keep those types of feelings hidden. (Not to mention the inherent self-loathing which would contribute to his desire to keep it hidden, bc there's no possible way they would ever feel the same way about me, I am worthless, better to not make a fool of myself with these inconvenient, unrequited feelings.)

(This dynamic doesn't necessarily play out with Thor, in my many Thorki headcanons that often conflict with one another, but yknow, that's different.)

So, to me, Loki being about as subtle as something that is the opposite of subtle felt very unexpected and surprising but at the same time I think that's why I liked it? Because it's so endearing to me. Like, it's kinda cringe but who isn't cringe when it comes to a crush? And just, the way he looks at her, and hangs onto her words, and really just puts himself out there? Fucking adorable. Soft. It reveals a kind of innocence that he likely doesn't possess in literally any other way; there's still this hopeful innocence inherent in his pleased little smiles and his "she needs me" proclamations and just.

It makes me, honestly, want to write some crack-taken-seriously fic that's literally just about the cringey things I now imagine Loki-with-a-crush might do, given the opportunity:

- writing her 50 poems and agonizing over them until he selects one (1) that isn't too embarrassing and that's the one he gives to her

- laying around plucking fucking petals off of a flower (she loves me, she loves me not);

- blushing a lot

- wondering if their children will look more like him or her or some evenly balanced combination

That last one may be a bit much but I don't actually know what people typically do when they have a crush lmfao. I just imagine it all culminating in a scene where Sylvie is like, "Aw, you had a crush on me when we met? That's so embarrassing" and Loki being like "Sylvie we are married" lmao.

This has been a quality post.